Welcome back for the second installment of my likely-to-be-more-than-sixteen-part series, "Better Know a Baccano! Episode". Tonight, episode two — the Fightin' Second!
This episode opens on platform 16, where the Flying Pussyfoot is waiting for departure. We are treated to some information by an old man I'm going to call Mr. Exposition. Most notably, the Pussyfoot is a transcontinental train linking New York and... Chicago. Oh, come on, guys, you could have at least picked someplace west of the Mississippi. What you've got now isn't even trans-radio-call-sign-prefix. Not that any of you own a radio or anything. Anyway, a similarly aged Mrs. Exposition helpfully informs us that she has a bad feeling about this train and doesn't want to get on. There are "things that aren't human" getting on board, you see! I don't see why she holds a grudge against my cat Albarn, though. All he does is play with the girls and boys in a country house...
And title: "Ignoring the Anxiety of the Old Woman, the Flying Pussyfoot Departs."
And second title: "California, 1930."
And third title — no, wait, those are just mountains. Sorry.
We join Isaac and Miria in a mine looking for gold. Isaac claims that what they're doing is essentially plundering the Earth to get rich, which sounds impressive until you realize that they're not even sending giant plumes of carcinogenic smoke into the air. You know, you two, a lot's changed since 1848. In any case, Miria lets out a cry of "sugoi!" at Isaac's words. She's got blonde hair too. I hope this amazement doesn't become a pattern.
Now, the two of them raise their pick-axes and three, two, one...
Oh, here's the third title: "5 months later."
We once again join Isaac and Miria where we last left them —
hanging from a cliff in a mine. Miria asks why they're not panning for gold in the river like everyone else. The response? "Um, uh, I tried but some guys said we were on their turf, and so um I was walking around and I saw a centipede! A centipede! In front of this hole in the mountain! And didn't you know that they're gods of gold in the Orient? Yeah!"
Thus we are treated to another "sugoi!" from Miria, this time with mountain echo. Oh, dear.
And fourth title: "4 months later." I think someone overpaid the title card department...Isaac. Miria. Mine. You get the idea, right? A letter's come from their friend Ennis in New York, who writes that she misses them and they're like a brother and sister to her and so on and so forth. Oh, wait, this letter might be serious. Hm... she mentions not being able to meet her real siblings, who existed before she was "created." Miria looks just as puzzled by Ennis' word choice as me (see Figure 1), but through the magic of not making sense, Isaac comes to the conclusion that Ennis wants a younger brother. Miria laments not being able to do anything about the situation, not being her mother and everything. Do Big Brother/Big Sister programs exist yet? You could call one of them up.
Anyway, Miriaac decide to go back to New York for a visit, but realize that they lack the money to do so. Oh, the irony. I mean, the goldy. Is that how this works? In order to raise the funds for their return trip, the two of them get themselves honest jobs and toil away for a year...
Just kidding. They decide to rob a train.
Well, if you ignore the fact that Isaac still has to get the basic idea of how a train robbery goes straight in his mind, and the fact that they've decided to steal from the Mafia, and the fact that they seem more naive than the average tricyclist, I'm sure this will go smoothly and not hilariously wrong at all.
By the way, these last five minutes have otherwise been delightfully train-free. Does anyone want to sue whoever named the episode for false advertising.
Okay, I must correct myself here, because the people here do have radios: we next cut to a scene in New York with yet another old man, who is sitting next to a radio as baseball commentary bursts forth from its speaker. He's rearing up for the pitch... and clang! that's a satisfying hit. On some random Mafia lackey's head. By Isaac, who's dressed up in what appears to be a New York Yankees uniform. Looks like Miriaac are stealing home. And several thousand dollars.
This scene makes a lot more sense in audiovisual form, I promise.
We come back to platform 16 after that little diversion, with a quite sharp-looking Miria and a bizarrely cowboy Isaac. I told you, man, it's not 1848 anymore. The pair walk past an orchestra dressed in black, who totally do not look suspicious at all, especially since their concertmaster has special permission to have his members guard the luggage room; a silent girl dressed in some manner that I can't describe adequately so here's a picture◊; Tony the conductor, who announces that he's retiring after this round trip (death flag!) and subsequently gets mugged (told you so); and a gang of motley-looking thieves who aren't too happy about guards being posted in the luggage room, though what they're looking for is apparently somewhere else anyway. We've also got the should-be-headless kid from last episode stowing away on the train, who is reassured that nothing short of explosions will disturb his hiding spot. All right, I fully expect an explosion by the end of the series, then.
And at exactly ten minutes into the episode, we meet a man and his gang clad in white...
Okay, that's all for now. I hate to leave off at such an awkward place, but I just have no more words and I'm getting hungry so I need to eat something. I hope you'll come back for Episode Two: Part One: Chapter Two, where I'll (outlandish promise that couldn't possibly be fulfilled through the internet and whose consummation would require a substantial ding to my dignity).
With thanks to the readers.