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Live Blog Let's Play The Adventures of Willy Freeman I mean Beamish
BlackWolfe2010-12-11 05:29:23

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Let's Escape Detention!

At this point, you can lose the game  *

by continuing to fake being sick, which gets you...

A horrible horrible pun. Bad writers! BAD!

So we tell her we feel fine now, and...

Nurse: You're going to be just fine! You can go back to class now, Willy.

Gee, thanks Nurse Gazongas. (Not her name. I think. Can't be sure, this game will stoop pretty low for a cheap joke. Kind of like me your mom.)

Back in the classroom, Ms. Glass wants us to write an essay. "How I plan to spend my summer vacation." This'll be a short one:

How I plan to spend my Summer Vacation

by Willy Beamish

This summer, I'm going to escape from Ms. Glass's detention so I can beat the mailman home. Then I'm going to fight a vampire babysitter, win the frog jumping tournament, save the town from a Corrupt Corporate Executive, and FUCKING DOMINATE the international Nintari championships.

D- sad

First, watch your language, young man! Secondly, what was that first thing?

At this point, we can take control of—

Ms. Glass: Now start writing. And I don't want to hear a peep out of anyone?

At this point, we have control of Willy. The red arrow on the screen indicates I have my mouse over a hotspot. In this case, it's Willy's desk!

Looks like Willy came prepared. That piece of wood with a ring in it sure looks like a hall pass to me.

We've also got red and white crayons - one will make a hall pass. The other will make an obvious fake. Only one way to find out which. Did I mention that Dynamix was a subsidiary of Sierra? Well it was.

Here's our inventory. We've got the crayons, the fake hall pass, a dog-tag chain with no dog-tags on it, a yo-yo, a toupee, a GameBoy, and Horny.

Since Dynamix is a Sierra company, Save Scumming is practically a requirement. We save here because I could be mistaken about what color the Hall Pass should be.

Say hello to the coach. Poor guy's stuck on hall monitor duty after school on the last day. Let's whip up a hall pass and sneak out.

Coach Beltz: Hey, Beamish! What are you doing out in the hall?

  • I was just on my way to the bathroom, Coach.
  • Mr. Frick gave me permission to be here.
  • School's out, and I'm history, Coach. Have a nice day.
  • Your wife's taking me to a motel 'cause you can't satisfy her. See ya, loser!

(All of these options are totally real. Especially that last one.)

Let's see if the white hall pass works...

  • Mr. Frick gave me permission to be here.

Coach: Let's see yuh hall pass.

Willy: [Hands over hall pass] Can I go now, Coach?

Cross your fingers, Tropers...

Coach: Why ya little gold-brickin' pile of possum puke.  BW

I oughta kick yer butt for that. This ain't nocountry club, boy. Now git with the program, Beamish, and gimme some push-ups.

Screw that noise, Coach. Save Scumming ahoy!

Coach: You little crumb! This hall pass is phonier than a three dollar bill! I'm sure Mr. Frick will be interested in discussin' the penalty for forgery in Carbuncle School with you!

Aw, shitbunnies. It was the response I'd gotten wrong earlier. Bathroom it is, then. Despite what awaits me there...

One game load and white Hall Pass later...

Coach: This hall pass looks mighty peculiar, Beamish...

Oh, screw you game, you're not fooling me with this false tension bullshit, just let me go.

Coach: I guess it's a new one.  BW

You can go now.

To... the bathroom. Joy.

Hey, did you think we had enough cliches yet? Yeah, not by a long shot, Tropers.

Meet Spider. Yes, Spider. Straight out of a 70's sitcom, all flickin' his cigarette across the room and...

Spider: Yo! Look what the cat drug in!

Urrrgh. *facepalm*

Willy: Uh, oh, I'm in trouble now!

Spider grabs Willy and lifts him up, prepared for a pounding. Time for some bribery and an okay joke!

Willy: Hey, Spider, what're you doin' here?  BW

Just my luck... If I'm not careful, this guy's gonna really bust my chops.  BW

Spider: Hey, watcha got in the backpack? Somethin' the Spiderman wants?

  • Hey, dude, smokin' ain't allowed in school.  BW
  • I don't think so, Spider.
  • None of your business.

Be nice to Spider for now, Willy, we'll blow him up later. (Seriously.) We pick option two, he says nobody told us to think, and we give him our GameBoyGameBuddy, prompting the following joke.

Note I said "okay joke," not "good joke."

Comments

Dec 11th 2010 at 7:07:03 AM
By the way, it disappoints me that at no point did anyone comment on my "spraypainting cops and running away from store windows" line. *sigh*
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