Hello everyone! Snickerdoodle Hamster back again to liveblog Pooh's Adventures of Sorcerers of the Magic Kingdom. Wait, WHAT?
Let me explain for those of you who don't know, Sorcerers of the Magic Kingdom is a Collectible Card Game that can be found at the Magic Kingdom in Florida. The plot of the game is that Hades wants to overthrow the Magic Kingdom, but the only thing that can stop him is Merlin and a magical crystal called The Crystal Of the Magic Kingdom. So, he sends his minions to steal it from Merlin, but it gets shattered in the process. Now Hades is recruiting some of the Disney Villains (Cruella de Vil, Dr. Facilier, Yzma, Maleficent, Ursula, Governor Ratcliffe, Scar and Jafar) to get the shards before Merlin, and it's up to the player to aid Merlin and recover the pieces of the crystal.
The game is played by finding various interactive portals scattered about the park. You're armed with special cards based off Disney characters, and by simply holding them up, you can activate the portal and use them to perform tasks. Tasks range from fighting a villain or using the back of the card to activate a spell that's needed at the time.
The game spans across every land in the Magic Kingdom except Tomorrowland. You have to physically locate the portal in the park and then activate it. Once you do, your put on a certain story track until you defeat the villain before moving onto the next villain. Defeating all the villains will put you in one final story arc wherein you go after Hades.
The game has only been around for a few months and already it's reached major heights in popularity, which makes a Pooh's Adventures Crossover seem inevitable. Except it isn't. You see, people usually make Pooh's Adventures of movies or TV shows or a video game if we get lucky. However, lazily inserting Pooh into a Tabletop Game of any sort makes no sense. It's like doing Pooh's Adventures of Magic: The Gathering of something. It's just plain stupid! Not like Pooh's Adventures was already a bad enough idea to begin with, but still! What's next? Pooh's Adventures of Adventure?
Anyway, let's break apart this video and start this baby!
The video starts with some default text from Windows Movie Maker, which reads "Pooh's Adventures of Sorcerers of the Magic Kingdom" which was apparently "created by Brerdanielmovie93 and the members of the Pooh's Adventures League".
Yeah, you heard me right. There's a whole league of people who make these godawful crossovers. Brerdanielmovie93 is just one of them.
Without the usual extensive issue, we cut to Pooh and his friends. Rabbit then asks why Zordon sent them to Merlin's house in ugly red text. Wait, they are already at Merlin's house? The bad editing just shows them on some snowy hill. Plus, you didn't even give us an exposition. Every story has an exposition, so why can't you, Daniel? Anyway, more unreadable subtitles appear as Pooh continues to ponder. Then, Rabbit suddenly knows the answer to the question, again without any explanation whatsoever. Apparently, Merlin has a special mission for them, and in an instant, they leave with Jiminy Cricket as well.
After some unseen traveling to the Main Street Firehouse at Disney World without any clues whatsoever, Merlin greets Pooh and his friends via some camcorder footage that I assume was taken at the Magic Kingdom itself. I am actually okay with that, being that this literally Pooh's Adventures of a theme park attraction.
We cut to Hades, being bored with the nothingness of the Underworld, is looking for a new summer home with Bowser, having the Magic Kingdom in mind as an ideal spot, though Merlin stands in their way. He sends Pain and Panic to Merlin's home to steal the Crystal of the Magic Kingdom, but they end up awakening Merlin in the process. In a brief scuffle, the crystal is shattered into several pieces, four of which are scattered to different locations throughout the park. Annoyed, Hades decides to ask Bowser to call upon a team of villains to help retrieve the crystal shards for him, including Cruella de Vil, Dr. Facilier, Yzma, Maleficent, Ursula, Governor Ratcliffe, Scar and Jafar). So, now it's up to Pooh and his friends to stop the Dis- I mean Bowser's minions. They must doing this by going through various portals and having "some friends from their old adventures" (aka random cartoon characters) help them. Opening the correct portal will show them the things they seek. However, they can only keep the portals open for a short amount of time before they close again. Based on how much I know Pooh's Adventures can last, I doubt that will be possible. They must use the map to locate the portals and collect the shards before Hades manages to collect them, and use the Sorcerer's Key to open the portals up, then use the cards to cast their spells. Like I said about "Paper Kirby", I don't really see the point of this tutorial, being we can't actually play the game here, rendering this entire tutorial pointless. The train whistles and background noise don't help much either. Rabbit then prepares the team, as the fate of the Magic Kingdom is now in their hands.
Now, let's move on to the real first part!
Part One out of Ten: The Lion King
So, because Pooh and the gang are on Main Street, you think they would start by checking the portals there, right? Hahaha, no. Instead, they decide to start at Adventureland, specifically at the portal themed after The Lion King. Rabbit and Tigger then start arguing over where Adventureland is, even confusing one direction for Tomorrow Land. If I recall though, Tomorrow Land is the only place where there is NOT a portal for some strange reason. Soon Pooh and his friends see a fireplace, at least, that's what Word of God says. I certainly don't see a fireplace anywhere around where they are. I just see a vast forest with a disturbing lack of other people around the area. You know, because that's totally what it's like at Disney World! Can't you at least try to edit them into a theme park setting?
The portal opens in the fireplace. However, in this mission, Merlin will not be able to help Pooh and his friends. Instead, Rafiki is the guide on this mission. Maybe Merlin just wants an excuse to not be part of this awful video. We cut to some cheap animation of Piglet (which I think might be from one of the Winnie the Pooh computer games from the late nineties), who asks Rafiki what Hades and Bowser have done to the Pridelands. Hades has revived Scar from the dead to retrieve a crystal piece in exchange for Complete Immortality. Anyone else realize how Bowser is just here as a bystander who does not do anything? This is enough for Scar to rally the Hyenas under his thumb again and they are gifted with Black Magic as well. He plots to start a massive elephant stampede to create chaos in the Pridelands. Rafiki then sends Timon, Pumbaa, and Zazu to help. Hey, it could be worse. They could send characters from random cartoons which have nothing to do with Disney. Timon, Pumbaa, and Zazu crash in, and Pooh and his pals start their quest.
They start by encountering Banzai, who calls them "dumb toys from 100 Acre Wood". Timon attempts using magic on them, but it fails quite miserably. Pooh and his friends then battle them through card games, as the player shows by proudly holding up his card. I'm guessing that player is just here to help them due to Pooh's Powerpuff-Girl Hands not being able to hold the cards. Man, I love Fridge Brilliance. Pooh then proceeds to the clock tower via the magic of iMovie's transitions. I'm confused, how could they use both Window's Movie Maker and iMovie to edit this? The person who edited this can't possibly have two operating systems to edit this on. It's like taking pictures using both a Nintendo DS and a Playstation Portable.
The player then proceeds to use his key card to open the door. Pooh and the gang battle Banzai and then manage to discredit Scar in front of the Hyenas using the Sorcerer's Crest. Pooh then exclaims that Scar has become weak and Rabbit leads the way to teach the villains their lesson at the next place.
Hades is frustrated with Scar's lack of progress and, after battling Pooh and the gang, requests Hades to give him power on par with his brother Mufasa. Pumbaa then questions the possibilities of Hades not trying to destroy them, and Hades starts imitating Mickey Mouse for no real reason. It Makes Just as Much Sense in Context, which proves this Crossover uses Padding as its' bread and butter. Timon and Pumbaa then use iMovie transitions to get back to the fireplace. Scar then gets transformed into a massive red storm cloud that is ultimately dissapated by the Pooh using the Woozles' Woozle Nightmare Spell. That actually makes sense, being that this is a Winnie the Pooh based Crossover. Pooh also uses Frozone's Ice Blast. This defeat leads Hades to Facepalm and question why Scar even wanted to be a giant cloud. Rafiki and Merlin congratulate Pooh and his friends while riding in a Jungle Cruise boat and send them on their way to another mission.
Where will Pooh go on his next adventure? Find out next time!
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