Follow TV Tropes

Live Blogs Modelland: A Blind Sporking
LadyMomus2011-09-30 03:35:28

Go To


Welcome to the Sporking

Ah, fantasy. It contains everything from the expansive world-building of Tolkien, to the pun-filled fluff of Xanth, to the formulaic but awesome Belgariad, to the gritty world of the Dresden Files. I've been reading books of fantasy and mythology as long as I can remember, and I still love finding a new fantasy world to explore.

But for every fantasy epic, there are a hundred mediocre tomes. For every thrilling adventure, there is a snooze fest. For every gem, a piece of compost cleverly masquerading as a book.

Which will it be? You never know until you read them.

Or - in the case of Modelland by Tyra Banks - until you look at the title and cover.

An Introduction to the Author

I will now share everything I know about Tyra Banks.

Tyra Banks is a model. She's been on at least one TV show about modeling. She was in the Hannah Montana Movie. She recently wrote and published a book titled Modelland.

. . .

Oh, and her name is derived from the Old Norse word for "Thor."

Demographics and Me

I saw Modelland described as both teen and young adult fiction, so the target demographic is presumably 13-25 year old girls. In theory, I should be in the target demographic. In reality, I'm so far out of the target demographic, I need the Hubble to catch a glimpse of them.

What I know about fashion could fit on an index card. I wear Christmas socks year round, have no qualms about wearing purple sweatpants with an orange t-shirt, and would rather go to the dentist than go shopping for clothes.

I didn't want to be a princess or a model when I was a kid. I wanted to be a Power Ranger or a Saiyan or a member of the U.S.S. Enterprise.

I spent years rejecting all things girly while embracing media aimed at boys and men. Since then, I've learned that my knee jerk reaction to media aimed at girls and women was incredibly unfair. Recently, I've learned to enjoy media aimed at girls. I've learned that just because something is feminine, cutesy or girly doesn't mean it's bad. In light of that, I am willing to give Modelland a chance.

A snowball's chance, but a chance nonetheless.

Liveblog Rules

This is a blind liveblog. I will be liveblogging each chapter as I read it, while doing my best to avoid spoilers. I am not allowed to start a chapter until I finished the one before it. I may continue on to the next chapter before posting, but I'll at least have a draft of that chapter's post done before continuing on.

Next time, we'll start at the very beginning.

Before the Beginning

I steal furtive glances around the room. The lunch room is empty. Too early for any witnesses. Even so, I hold one arm in place to shield my Kindle from anyone who might enter and see what I am about to do.

I type the word slowly. Modelland.

My breakfast threatens to crawl up my throat. My finger strays to the "back" button. It would be so easy to turn back now. To pretend I never considered it.

But try as I must, I cannot turn away. It beckons me like a flame beckons a moth. I try to banish my desires to eviscerate it. To ignore the desire to quench the lust of my spork. But I am no longer in control. IT has me, and there is no escape.

With a trembling hand, I hit the enter key.

BUY

I pray that my family never learns of my shame.

Comments

FreezairForALimitedTime Since: Dec, 1969
Feb 21st 2012 at 6:17:41 PM
Bravo's lopsided grin snaked its way up the side of his face and right into Tookie's heart.

I... I kind of like this line. *head hang of shame*

But everything else is dumb as balls, thought. Opportunity? What's that?
DrDahm Since: Dec, 1969
Feb 21st 2012 at 8:08:25 PM
I don't blame you for liking that line, lopsided grins just seem attractive for some reason. Hell it's the closest thing to a positive character trait that Edward Cullen ever got. That said, is it just me or does it feel like these romance scenes are a really disturbing look into Tyra Bank's id? Bravo's actions seem less like typical romantic gestures and more like weird fetishes that Tyra has. That thumbsucking thing reeks of infantilism. Hell look at the detailed description she gave of the girls getting covered in gunge during the food chapter. That attention makes me wonder if Tyra has a weird messy girl thing going on.
24.91.69.130 Since: Dec, 1969
Feb 22nd 2012 at 9:25:28 AM
Thank you for your blog. It makes the fact that I've read this entire book feel almost worth it. I hope you will also respond to the acknowledgements that Tyra wrote, too. They're...well...please just read and respond to them, too. Love your commentary.
gekkolexicon Since: Dec, 1969
Feb 22nd 2012 at 11:12:46 AM
Maybe Tyra's actually insane. It would explain alot about this book. Maybe sending her to an insane asylum would be a good thing.

Also, other than the Zip Zap thing, this chapter is pointless. Bravo is a psycho as confirmed in this chapter, but the romantic arc seems irrelevant in this story.
FreezairForALimitedTime Since: Dec, 1969
Feb 22nd 2012 at 11:09:46 AM
I liked the "snaked its way up the side of his face and into her heart" bit specifically. It's a bit twee, but I like twee wordplay.

You've kinda got a point about the weird fetish, though. I don't want to put on "fetish goggles" or anything, but it does make me wonder...
psycher7 Since: Dec, 1969
Feb 23rd 2012 at 1:18:04 PM
Hmm, Bella, stalker (which is of course a sign of true love), rampant Sue-ishness while more interesting supporting characters are ignored...I feel like I've heard this before.
gekkolexicon Since: Dec, 1969
Feb 25th 2012 at 2:40:14 PM
I bet you're refering to twilight. closest thing I can think of.
Top