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Let's Play The Adventures of Willy Freeman I mean Beamish
By the way, it disappoints me that at no point did anyone comment on my "spraypainting cops and running away from store windows" line. *sigh*

Reproduction of comments for posterity

Endark Culi: Seems like a good LB so far. I've always been a fan of tricky adventure games (especially if I have a printed-out guide in arm's reach), and this one looks pretty fun with all of the now-cheezy 80's and 90's references. I wish tou the best of luck for future updates.

Also, kinda funny how Willy's sunglasses (which weren't even in his inventory) don't last more than seven seconds in that last video.

Trigger Loaded: Is it just me, or does Carmine look like Duke Nukem's child? Probably one of a hundred illegitimate ones he's had.

BlackWolfe: I think that's the last we've seen of Carmine and "Chubby." Spider, sadly, has one more appearance before we're through. Replaying this, I'm honestly not sure why The Adventures Of Willy Beamish has such a place in my heart. I'm just a sucker for Dynamix games. I'm pondering Rise Of The Dragon next.

Deathonabun: I find this game to be rather amusing for some reason. And I've seen a playthrough of this game before, and some of the last things look just impossible to figure out. Like the terminals in the factory. Or the tape recorder and the telephone. Jeez.

The tourists are funny, regardless of how racist they may be.

Reecer 6: Oh no! You gotta go back and get those sunglasses for some laser puzzle later in the game!

BlackWolfe: As I recall, the tape recorder was pretty easy, but the terminals were pure luck. The part that gave me the most trouble was the frog-jumping competition - it's a matter of clicking in exactly the right spot.

Anyway, I work tonight, so the next update will be tomorrow when I get home. (I've already written it out, just have to upload the videos and pictures. And see if I can reduce the number of images in the update without losing anything.
Reproduced Comments and Replies

Endark Culi: Alas, poor Gordon, who's probably the most sympathetic character in this thing so far...Then again, he probably should've had a clue about what he was getting into (at least, when it comes to his family problems) when he married Stella. Once a [CENSORED], always a [CENSORED], dood...

BlackWolfe: Gordon's a nebbish, really. Lord knows how he made it in advertising at all.

Deathonabun: Oh, I started clicking on your Nintari links.


I would later find out that Deathonabun was tired and majorly squicked by the concept of The Human Centipede. Warning: Do not click that link if you have any illusions about people not being seriously sick fucks.

BlackWolfe: Yeah, I'm... I'm sorry. The Pot Holes just got weirder and weirder and Candle Cove snuck in there at one point, and... I'm sorry.

Deathonabun: It's all good.

Just...some of those are not fun to read at night.

Reecer 6: Why is Willy Freeman going to sleep when the sky is perfectly blue outside?

BlackWolfe: He... got sent to bed early because of his grades? The designers forgot to make it night outside?

I'm leaning towards the latter. Next part was delayed due to repeatedly being called in to work on my day off. Will work on it this evening.
Here are the comments from the usual peanut gallery:

Deathonabun: I'm digging the stoner vibe Willy has when he wakes up. Must have some kind of Beamish Bong around there.

Also, I'm not getting the annotations when the video's embedded. Is this just a quirk of Youtube?

Trigger Loaded: Man, Gordon only lost his job and already the collections people are breathing down his neck? Something tells me Tiffany and Shiela have been draining the poor guy dry even before he got canned.

BlackWolfe: ^^I noticed that, but was a little more concerned with the amount of time the sleepy, topless nine-year-old was on screen. Like one of the designers is Humbert Humbert or something.

About the annotations not showing up, I have no idea. They were working for me, but I'm logged into You Tube in another tab and that may have something to do with it. They're friggin' tiny though, and I was disappointed to see there's no fullscreen button. sad Going to add links to the videos themselves.

^ *DING* THERE'S THE JOKE I COULDN'T THINK OF! I knew it was downright bizarre that collections people were already calling, but I needed more.

Note that when a green annotation shows up, it's a comment made in these posts.

Endark Culi: I'm not certain what I dislike more about that photo's background: the fact that it makes Dana's hair harder to see, or the fact that it looks nothing like a pizza joint.

All in all, I think you're doing an excellent job, dood. I can see the annotations fine, and I think that it was a good decision. Best of luck for when Update #4 rolls around!
BlackWolfe (edited by: BlackWolfe)
Deathonabun: The character portraits in this game freak me the hell out. Especially Dana.

At any rate, can't wait 'till we reach the tourists. I'd rather not spoil it for anyone, but it's...interesting.

Hmm, I wonder if this embed will work here. (No.)

BlackWolfe: The walking stereotypes tourists should be next update, IIRC.

Edit: Yep. While I work on the next update, have a bonus. Yet another Have A Nice Death sequence: There was an embedded video here.

Reecer 6:Does this mean you don't have the baseball card or the lottery card of the no smoking sign or anything?

BlackWolfe: O_o Huh? I have all three of those... Hell if I can remember who to give the lottery ticket to, though.
BlackWolfe (edited by: BlackWolfe)
At this point in the blog, Goggle Fox joined the peanut gallery. Goggle Fox's comments always help keep me sane. Let's take a look, shall we?

Goggle Fox: I only just found out this LB existed! I'm still back on Session 3. A few thoughts:

1) You cannot beat that frog. That frog just ate a fly through the TV set. It is an interdimensional frog! You haven't a chance!

2) I'm amazed Dana hasn't started plotting cruel tortures for these kids yet, after that diary incident.

3) You kids would still have a full dart set if you'd had the forethought to put the dartboard on a wall. 'grats on putting it next to your glassless windows.


Reecer 6: I thought that, since it was a dream, you had never really picked up almost ANY items, not just those 3. Sorry.  BW

Also, the music for Willy's neighborhood is awesome, and West Frumpton's is too. Also, I've only watched the first part so far.

Goggle Fox:And just watched Session 4. Sorry for the long-windedness. Lots of thoughts is all.

1) What is with all these creepy porn-stache guys in Frumpton? If they check the sex offender registry would it just say "not here" and circle the Beamish house?

2) Now you've found a way to make a frog go into slow-mo time. We need a laser grid security system puzzle, stat!

3) "Time be time, mon" is actually a Rastafarian saying, apparently (in a phonetic accent). Things happen, time moves on, you can't slow it down or turn it back, just let it flow. Why it's in the middle of this game, I have no idea.

4) Remember, the train set is Gordon's way of staying mentally stable. In a world where his wife is more concerned with her beauty appointments than with the bills, his first daughter is following suit while being a complete selfish airhead, his younger son is a similarly selfish and well-spoiled bratty kid who may be mildly schizophrenic considering the boy keeps seeing the ghost of Gordon's dad, and his youngest daughter is... well, she's young enough she has an excuse, can't say anything there. Point is, his family's driving him crazy, he's the breadwinner, and he needs to keep this whole house of cards from toppling over on itself.

I can understand him wanting to indulge a bit. Maybe a lot. And obsessive attention to detail in the model train hobby might help him deal with all the things he can't keep a solid hold on in his own life.

Countdown to a reenactment of the penultimate act of The Shining in three days.

5) A vampire? Are you serious?

6) Gordon "I'm in debt up to my eyeballs" Freeman Beamish is responsible for that kitchen, and everything else about this house. And I thought the kitchen in my apartment was awesome (minus the terrible ventilation).

7) Where did the freaking maggots come from!?


9) Okay, that does it. This boy is definitely schizophrenic.

10) No worries on confusing Elbie for Alicia. Glasses'd characters are common enough, and bats aren't that uncommon. Plus, Elbie doesn't look like a bloodsucker from Lost Boys.

11) See? Totally hallucinating. Ignore the Or Is It finisher.

Also, to Reecer 6: I thought it was fairly obvious that the bit about the babysitter being a vampire was the (possible) fever-dream part. Everything from the maggots to when he blacked out. Nothing from before that was a dream. Just to clarify.

. . . And I'll just stick Session 5 here as well so I can get these thoughts out of the way.

1) The plumbers are on strike and you don't know what's wrong with the water... Kid, were you dropped when you were younger?

2) . . . Why haven't they kicked Tiffany out of the house yet? That level of stupid is beyond belief.

3) When someone offers you a job and says they'll pay you "obscene amounts of money, " politely decline and run the fuck away.

4) But this English is different! It's English in a Japanese accent! That makes it Japanese! *starts gagging*

5) *sounds of wood striking bone*

6) Why was the grandpa carrying generic ninja equipment around what the hell

7) They know of Penn and Teller. Given, this was a '90s game, but I'm glad to see references to them here and there so few people around here know who the hell those two are. Too bad the writers didn't pick up anything from them via osmosis.

8) "How am I going to get home?" "Ninjas." I wish you were joking, but I can already tell you aren't.

9) Poor Black Wolfe, expecting the designers of this game to have the forethought and design savvy to create two images of any location in the game for a day/night transition. I mean, who would do that? It's not like there's games based on fantasy series by famous British-Australian authors that do as much.

10) *watches little Willy get his ass beat once... twice... three times...* How on Earth were you supposed to know that that was how to advance the plot and not get a Game Over?

11) Seriously, an LA gangs reference mixed with West Side Story?

12) I thought that thing was a nightstick, not a spanner. Guess I was wrong. And once again, juvenile delinquency saves the day!

13) . . . They're all ninjas. They're... *sigh* I'm not even going to get into how nonsensical this is, but suffice to say I would have been fine if they'd actually dealt with this like actual ninjas.

14) . . . Did the family just teleport him overseas!? Where did they get the traditional Japanese house ensemble? and why is the dad still wearing his shoes indoors if they are!? AGHPFTGBLRGH

15) . . . I've got nothing. I'll wait 'til you next update.

Caught up now. Again, I hope the text dump isn't too much of an issue, I know it's probably overboard. I just tend towards running commentaries.

See? Goggle Fox is awesome.

BlackWolfe Goggle Fox, you made me laugh so hard I can't breathe right now. You'll note that when the (shudder) ...ninjas... drop Willy off, they at least darken the screen to show it's nighttime. Also, they hyped up the backgrounds and characters being done by former Disney animators, WHO SHOULD KNOW BETTER.

Also, I'm glad you agree with me on Gordon's impending mental collapse. Unfortunately, we don't get to see that part of their lives, as there's only one more day in the story.

Reecer6: Goggle's got it right. Everything that happened that day up to the babysitter actually happened. The rest is fever dream. You'll note that despite him having it in every screen of that sequence, I don't currently have the hairspray.

Working on Update 6 right now, and I thought I'd run through that bit of dialogue with the tourist family again:

Willy: Help! Police! They're after me! Can't you people do anything besides take pictures?

Grandpa: What did he say?

Girl: He said the police are after him.

Grandpa: A pity. He seemed like such a nice boy.

And then the Cripes mangle you.

I have a question for you all:

I find that once Day 4 begins, it is impossible to get the custom T-shirt made. Despite supposedly not having enough, I was supposed to purchase a T-shirt on Day 2. The question is, do I try to win the contest without Gigi there, or do I roll back to Day 2 and get that shirt printed up before continuing the LP? If I'm being honest, I should do this without the Save Scumming, but this is a Sierra game, after all.

Storyyeller: Great LP. I'm confused about the Madagascar joke though. Care to explain it?

Goggle Fox: "If I'm being honest, I should do this without Save Scumming"

Ahahahahaha that's a good one! No. Do what you have to in order to complete the game as needed. This being an old adventure game, having multiple saves wasn't just a precaution, it was a requirement.

Deathonabun: Seriously, what's with all the implied pedorape in this game?

Oh, and save scum as much as you want.

I believe you mentioned that you don't know who to give the lottery ticket to. You give it to the owner of the golden bowl so you can grab some arbitrary item. Instead of, you know, keeping the ticket and go to buy the goddamn item yourself. Seriously.

BlackWolfe: Madagascar is one of the most horrible places on Earth, with Everything Trying To Kill You. So it's just my little imagined revenge against the designers of this game.

[up] & [up][up] Turns out the problem isn't that it's day 4, but that I don't have enough goddamn money. If you buy the picture you need to make the T-shirt, you can't afford the T-shirt. WHAOGRIOGHFOIJREHAAAAATE! Gonna try something.

[up] I was pretty sure it was someone at the Golden Bowl.

Anyway, coming soon to a forum near you, Session 6: The Jumping Frogs of Tootsweet County! Holy shit, it just occurred to me that how you win the competition could be a direct reference to the Mark Twain story.

Actually, at this point the thread got derailed talking about Madagascar, so if you want to read it, just go here.
Deathonabun: My thoughts...

  • Gay Parrots are the best.
  • The microphones form a penis in front of Gordon's face. And now you can't unsee it.
  • Gordon is still a moron. Really, where the hell would Shiela get a Limo?

Goggle Fox: Gordon cements his position as a complete idiot. He should probably stop carrying that ball around everywhere.

Vhere are all ov vese vees comving vromv?

Alright, I see why you kept the cola now, and it was worth it... but I still have this feeling that the one dollar you needed was sunk into that drink.

I love what you've done with the annotations in this set, by the way.

I... What... you... what... Why does that work? Why now? How would you even know to try doing this?

That parrot could not get more Disney if it tried... without upping the resolution.

Leona's plan makes absolutely no sense:

  • Destroy multi-million dollar corporation.
  • Gain made-worthless-by-contamination land grab as a result.
  • ???
  • Profit?

Willy Beamish: Professional parlor magician in training, and pixel hunter! Seriously, how were you supposed to know anything in that room was more than backdrop? (Ignoring the animation in the background ignoring ignoring)

. . . But she doesn't have a flamethrower! How could anyone see the resemblance?

. . . Oh for all the... Gordon you are a complete moron, you know that? Limo. Surprise. You just said on local television that you're going to resign tomorrow. Your wife did not send this limo, and whoever did probably doesn't have good intentions. The wife's kind of angry at you right now, but not likely to be homicidal.