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| 3 | %% This page has been alphabetized. Please add new examples in the correct order. Thanks! |
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| 8 | %% Per Trope Talk, examples where reviewers talk about other works or characters within other works do not count: |
| 9 | %% https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/posts.php?discussion=13543987200A54420100&page=420#comment-10477 |
| 10 | %% Do not add or restore these examples. |
| 11 | %% |
| 12 | %% Also, this is an objective trope, so do not link to Awesome Moments even if the speech was awesome. |
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| 14 | |
| 15 | Examples of TheReasonYouSuckSpeech in web originals. |
| 16 | ---- |
| 17 | * One ''Website/FourChan'' [[https://i.imgur.com/TSUcJEl.png post]] depicts [[ComicBook/SpiderMan J. Jonah Jameson]] giving one to ComicBook/{{Venom}} after he tells him Spider-Man's secret identity. |
| 18 | -->'''Venom:''' JAMESON. YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE ME. PETER PARKER IS SPIDER-MAN.\ |
| 19 | '''Jameson:''' [[SecretSecretKeeper Yeah, I know...]]\ |
| 20 | ...what? You thought I didn't know? Kid walks in, baggy clothes and a bunch of posing shots he couldn't have possibly taken of anyone but himself? Of course it's him. But I'm not gonna tell him.\ |
| 21 | Men this day and age don't have the initiative and drive they used to. Girls break their heart and what do they do? Post about it on their facespaces or mytwits, or whatever. And in walks a kid trying to make a difference, and some change, and you think I'm just gonna pat the kid on the back? Hell no. Men crave competition, and an adversarial force to chase them on. I give the kid the works, so he gives the city results. [[VictoryIsBoring You tell a kid he's doing well, and he gets bored.]] A Spider-Man can't get BORED.\ |
| 22 | You, on the other hand, are what happens when everyone tells you you're gonna be great, and [[BrokenAce then it doesn't pan out.]] You had nowhere to go but down. And down you did. Is that [[TheSymbiote thing]] even sanitary? You gave up after one case and got freaky with space goo? What fabrege ego did you have?\ |
| 23 | I don't have to tell Parker I believe in him to get him to be a hero. [[AttentionWhore You need approval to keep yourself from going insane.]] Who's the real man of integrity and valor?\ |
| 24 | [[GetOut Now get the hell out of my office.]] I have tomorrow's headline to pick, and you were fired eight years ago. |
| 25 | * [[https://archive.org/details/videoplayback_20210823_2052 No dude, you said "sodium chloride"]], an upload of the memetic [[Memes/TheAdventuresOfJimmyNeutronBoyGenius "It's sodium chloride"]] redubbed to have Skeet giving one to Jimmy Neutron over his {{insufferable|Genius}} attitude. |
| 26 | -->'''Jimmy:''' Just a little sodium chloride.\ |
| 27 | '''Skeet:''' Actually, dude, it's salt.\ |
| 28 | '''Jimmy:''' That's what I said--\ |
| 29 | '''Skeet:''' No dude, you said sodium chloride. Yes, it's the same as salt but you could've just said salt instead. Everyone in town knows you're a boy genius, dude, you don't need to say [[SesquipedalianLoquaciousness overly large words]] to sound more intelligent. The fact of the matter is, that nobody cares how smart you are. If anything, calling simplistic objects by their scientific name ironically makes you seem less intelligent and more pompous. I know you're smart enough to be better than this. |
| 30 | ** [[https://youtu.be/QgQ9iQo05f0 In a later video by the same YouTuber]], Skeet points out that Jimmy's use of scientific terminology was inaccurate since edible salt is not ''pure'' sodium chloride. |
| 31 | --->'''Skeet:''' No dude, this is iodized table salt, which in addition to sodium chloride contains anti-caking agents and potassium iodide, which is added to prevent iodine deficiency. So not only are you being overly pretentious by insisting on using scientific terminology for everyday items, you are factually wrong. Your arrogance is your downfall, you annoying little [[CurseCutShort shi]]-- |
| 32 | ** [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ur9pmujkZ14 "Sodium Chloride but Skeet CLAPS BACK!!"]], in a much longer and more brutal manner, involves Skeet giving ''[[WesternAnimation/TheAdventuresOfJimmyNeutronBoyGenius Jimmy Neutron]]'' a long speech about how Jimmy has [[NiceJobBreakingItHero caused most of the problems on the show]], and while his intelligence helps him solve more problems than he causes, his InsufferableGenius attitude, the way he treats others and [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking insisting on calling salt "sodium chloride"]] will likely result in him being lonely for much of his life. The speech is too long to post here, but it concludes as follows. |
| 33 | --->Ignore me if you want. Keep going the way you're going, and I'll see you in thirty years, lugging around sixteen Nobel prizes in your pockets, as if they could substitute for a lifetime's worth of human love and interaction. You've always mocked [[ArchEnemy Calamitus]] (sic) for his inability to finish what he started, but the man [[EvenEvilHasLovedOnes had a wife and a daughter]] that tolerated him enough to want to stay in his life through everything, and at the rate you're going, I'd be amazed if you could manage the same with [[RobotBuddy Goddard]].\ |
| 34 | The rest of Retroville, Jimmy, they'll never be able to do what you do. They'll never be able to invent rockets or solve cold fusion or add three numbers together. But they will find genuine friendship and love, and they will call it salt, and despite everything you accomplish, you'll only be remembered as nothing more than the man who wouldn't. Who couldn't, perhaps.\ |
| 35 | Get out, dude. You're ''fired''.\ |
| 36 | Big [=McThankies=] from [=McSpankies=]. |
| 37 | * ''WebVideo/ArbyNTheChief'' became very fond of throwing these around [[ArtShift around the start of Season 5]]. So much so that it would require its own page just to do so. Arbiter, Chief, and the villains would mostly dish them out to one another. One example includes Arbiter dishing one out to Master Chief in Season 6 for just how much he has devolved in emotional growth, only for Chief to [[TakeThat return the favor by pointing out all of Arbiter's flaws as well.]] |
| 38 | -->'''Arbiter:''' ...You've always been an utter , but there was a time when it was at least somewhat charming. You didn't know any better. It was innocent. But now it's like you're self-aware to some degree. Instead of shouting outrageous things in sheer ignoreance it's like you're genuinely out to antagonize and hurt people. It's not funny anymore...\ |
| 39 | '''Master Chief:''' wat, u think ur n e funs 2 lived w/? ...when ur not paraeding around h33r [[FeigningIntelligence pretending 2 sound samrt]] ur sitting arond all :( drinking all teh bewze whining liek a little about hao much dick ur lief sux... |
| 40 | * ''WebVideo/AtopTheFourthWall'': |
| 41 | ** When Linkara visits the wizard Steven to learn why his magic isn't working, he learns that Mark, the spirit inside his Magic Gun, was responsible because he was worried that he might be turning evil. When Linkara denies this, Steven lays out how selfish and unheroic he's been for the past few years, and that he needs to seriously reconsider the path he's on: |
| 42 | --->'''Linkara:''' I am not turning evil!\ |
| 43 | '''Steven:''' Oh really? Tell me how often you use your powers selfishly? How many people have you threatened or lashed out against unreasonably? How many times did you worry about your ''own'' problems before anyone else's? And how many times did you arrogantly assume that ''your'' solutions were the right ones? ''Your'' answers were the only answers? Do you ever ignore the suffering of others? Or are you just off in your own little world while others are trying to get you to listen for just five damn minutes? Our actions and our thoughts shape who we are, and yours are not shaping up to be ones of a hero. I suggest you go home and take some time to ponder who you really are because you are going to need to help yourself. |
| 44 | ** After Linkara gets his magic back, he discovers that his holographic duplicate has taken over Comicron-1 and plans on destroying the headquarters of Marvel and DC comics if they don't start treating their heroes with more respect. Linkara, having learned just how close he was to becoming just as evil as Holokara, tears him down for how cruel and selfish his actions are: |
| 45 | --->'''Linkara:''' You want to save these characters, you want to show the world that superheroes mean something more than just something to be retconned or wrecked. But in the end, all you're doing is threatening people if you don't get your way. That doesn't make you a hero, that makes you a ''bully''. You're trading one person's imposed stories for your imposed stories!\ |
| 46 | '''Holokara:''' Dammit all, this is too important! Look at what all these horrible comics have done to us! Having to deconstruct these stories again and again. [[PunctuatedForEmphasis And nothing! Ever! Changes]]!\ |
| 47 | '''Linkara:''' No, we will win through eventually. We win hearts and minds. We ''convince'' people we're right. We don't force people to accept we're right, and we sure as hell don't put a gun to their head and say "accept it or die"! |
| 48 | ** In the ''Teen Titans Annual #1'' review, Pollo gets fed up with Jaeris drunkenly blaming Linkara for stranding him in this universe. Pollo then tells Jaeris how he has no one to blame but himself for his current predicament and that he's [[NotSoDifferentRemark no different than any other villain Linkara's faced]]. |
| 49 | --->'''Pollo:''' You realize that you'll have to move past your resentment of Linkara eventually, right?\ |
| 50 | '''Jaeris:''' That fella has ensured that people will continue to suffer and die back on my world by cutting me off from them.\ |
| 51 | '''Pollo:''' And apparently the alcohol has made you forget that you were the one who launched multiple unprovoked attacks on him to get to his gun.\ |
| 52 | '''Jaeris:''' {{I did what I had to|Do}}. It's for the best.\ |
| 53 | '''Pollo:''' Hrmm. It is always fascinating to hear individuals attempt to justify their actions. [[MultiversalConqueror Lord Vyce]] conquered and enslaved countless individuals because "he had to". [[RoboticPsychopath My doppelganger]] from a parallel universe [[FantasticRacism slaughtered who he thought was inferior]] because he thought it was for the best that [[FinalSolution organic beings be culled]]. Even [[EldritchAbomination the Entity]] felt it was better that all existence become a part of it. In many ways I have more respect for Doctor Insano; [[CardCarryingVillain he holds no delusions]] [[AtLeastIAdmitIt about who he is or what he wants]]. You have stolen the property of others and inflicted much harm onto them, and yet you seem to feel that Linkara was more wrong for retaliating.\ |
| 54 | '''Jaeris:''' You got a point to make?\ |
| 55 | '''Pollo:''' None at all. Simply making an observation. |
| 56 | ** When [[EvilCounterpart Mirrorkara]] begins explaining what he intends do -- kill Linkara, take over his show, and use Comicron One to destroy the Earth and countless other worlds across the multiverse -- [[EvilIsPetty all just to spite him]], Linkara just laughs and [[ShutUpHannibal lets him have it]]. |
| 57 | --->'''Linkara:''' Four years. It's been four years on this Earth since we last saw each other.\ |
| 58 | '''Mirrorkara:''' So?\ |
| 59 | '''Linkara:''' This is what you decided to do for ''four years,'' when you could've done anything else. You could've taken that ship back to your own universe, conquered somewhere else, but no. The only thing you want is revenge. [[Film/{{Camelot}} Revenge: the most worthless of causes.]] You're obsessed with me because I had the ''gall'' to actually defend myself! It's amazing how you've thought about nothing but me during all this time [[ButForMeItWasTuesday when I forgot you were even a thing]]! Look, dude, I hate to tell you this, but I'm never taking you to prom!\ |
| 60 | '''Mirrorkara:''' ''(angrily activates the Agonizer)''\ |
| 61 | '''Linkara:''' And it was actually ''longer'' for you, wasn't it? Like ten years, right? I spent ten years of my life living it. You wanna know why I still have those posters up? Because they're a part of my past. They're a part of what made me who I am. I don't just pretend that the last ten years didn't happen. I learn from both my mistakes and my triumphs to try and become better. You? You just became bitter and abusive. You let your past control you. You let it turn you into a monster.\ |
| 62 | '''Mirrorkara:''' [[HumansAreBastards Everyone is a monster! Give people enough free reign and they'll always be like me!]]\ |
| 63 | '''Linkara:''' [[ShutUpHannibal No, what you mean is that]] ''[[ItsAllAboutMe you]]'' [[ItsAllAboutMe would do that]], [[HumansAreGood because people are good and decent and kind]]. You, however, are an asshole, [[NotSoSimilar and it pisses you off so much to see a world where you didn't become a jerkwad]], [[EvilCannotComprehendGood because you can't accept that you're just a complete and total]] ''[[EvilCannotComprehendGood jackass]]''. Ten years of fighting, of heartbreak, of bad comics and toxic people; this entire year has been spent looking back on all that! But while ''you'' would let it consume you, I just can't wait to see what the next ten years will hold. |
| 64 | ** In the review for ''Spider-Man: Funeral For An Octopus'', Linkara refuses to accept Mirror Margaret's boasts [[AGodAmI about being a god]] as she's torturing him, and claims she's just an angry child whose dreams of being feared will only leave her feeling empty and alone: |
| 65 | --->'''Linkara:''' You think you're a god? [''pained laughter''] I fought gods before. [[PretenderDiss You're an angry little girl lashing out at everything because you don't know what else to do]]. And, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I should've tried to get you away from the mirror universe version of me. I should've done something more. I should've tried to look for you more thoroughly after he was dead. Showed you that there was something more than what you went through.\ |
| 66 | '''Mirror Margaret:''' [''shoots Linkara''] [[FreudianExcuseDenial I am not your failure. How dare you take my choices and make them your fault]]. How arrogant are you? He didn't take me. He didn't do anything to me. I picked ''him'' because he was a useful tool. Nothing more! Count my sins, remember them! Fear them, and then I invite you to pray for me. Although I can assure you that I won't be listening, because I'll be too busy watching you suffer.\ |
| 67 | '''Linkara:''' Then you're worse than I thought.\ |
| 68 | '''Mirror Margaret:''' Of course, a god has to be best at her talents.\ |
| 69 | '''Linkara:''' No, you're pathetic. You want to be a god? You're craving something that you'll never have; escalating satisfaction. More blood, more pain, more suffering. It's diminishing returns each time. Cruelty is a thrill that expires because you always need more of it, ''crave'' more of it. Same old tortures become boring, you cozy up to someone to feed off ''their'' accomplishments, but it will never be enough. You will never know satisfaction. You will never be a god, because what you are is a parasite. When a good person dies, their achievements in helping others, uplifting others, shows that their life had meaning and brought nothing but joy and warmth. A thousand more people made better for having known them. But evil? [[BeingEvilSucks Evil is a loser ideology]]. When you die, the cruelty ends. The pain is over. There is only relief that this awful person is gone. They can't take your cruelty with you. You'll still be unsatisfied. Good people... good people are revered and raised up. Bad people are buried.\ |
| 70 | '''Mirror Margaret:''' I WILL KILL YOU!!!\ |
| 71 | '''Linkara:''' It doesn't matter! You'll still be gone, you still won't be a god, and I'll still be laughing! |
| 72 | * In the web-exclusive ''Toys/{{Bionicle}}'' story ''The Kingdom'', AlternateUniverse Matoro gives one to Alternate Makuta after the latter consumed him but failed to suppress his mind. The speech gave Matoro enough strength and weakened Makuta so much that his mind actually succeeded in ''killing'' both of them. |
| 73 | -->'''Alternate Matoro:''' No, Makuta. You once told the Toa Mata that you could not be destroyed, because you were nothing. You were wrong –- it is because you are nothing that I can destroy you. You have no heart, you have no spirit, you have no reason to exist -– even your hate is a pale reflection of what once burned in you. You survive out of habit, monster, and habits ... and minds ... can be broken. |
| 74 | * Adam delivers one to Rowan, who is a MeanBoss after Rowan asks Adam if he wants a coffee, only to go out and buy himself one without buying Adam one as he originally thought in [[https://youtu.be/PNoH85RFapc this episode]] of the Viva La Dirt League' web series, ''Bored''. It's a well-overdue speech. [[spoiler: Too bad it's all in Adam's head.]] |
| 75 | -->'''Adam:''' Bit of a dick move, that's all.\ |
| 76 | '''Rowan:''' What did you... say to me?\ |
| 77 | '''Adam:''' ''(mulls over whether to back down or stand his ground; eventually he decides on the latter)'' I... I said, that was a super dick move.\ |
| 78 | '''Rowan:''' ''(genuinely rendered speechless for a moment)'' Heh... ''(steps closer to Adam, clearly trying to reestablish dominance)'' Okay, I'm gonna ask you one more time. What did you ''(bleep)''ing say to me?\ |
| 79 | '''Adam:''' ''(doesn't flinch, stares Rowman straight in the eyes)'' I ''said'', that was a ''super'' dick move, Rowan! You asked me if I wanted a coffee, which has the ''universal'' implication that you were going to ''get me'' a coffee!\ |
| 80 | '''Rowan:''' But I was just reminding you to get a coffee.\ |
| 81 | '''Adam:''' No, Rowan, this is just like you! You're so utterly self-absorbed, that you'd misinterpret a common phrase just to be selfish!\ |
| 82 | '''Rowan:''' N-n-no! Because you misinterpreted what I mean--\ |
| 83 | '''Adam:''' No, no, no Rowan! That is not how it works, mate. You should have gone out and gotten me a coffee because that is what a good person ''does'', Rowan!\ |
| 84 | '''Rowan:''' Y-you misinterpreted me--\ |
| 85 | '''Adam:''' No, that is not it, Rowan! No! No! ''You'' are a bad person! |
| 86 | * In an LetsPlay/OverTheGun LetsPlay of ''VideoGame/{{Braid}}'' where he ''gives one to himself'' after losing a (rewind-immune) key to a {{Mook}}. |
| 87 | -->It's only ''me'' that could manage to do that! Oh, he's such a ''''! I- I want me key off you, mate, but... but I dunno how I'm gonna do it, though! It's okay me saying I want it back off ya, but you've got my number, haven't you? That's not good news. That's a Goomba with a look on his face, as if to say "I am protected by these weird mechanics. I am gonna jump off your head. Not only that -- I have got your key." He looks quite, quite serious... he doesn't look phased by the fact I'm stood underneath him; he's gonna stomp my face through. This is the first time in twenty-one years of gaming that I have been bested by a Goomba. |
| 88 | * In ''WebVideo/CaptainDisillusion'', the Captain himself delivers one to Holly, after she directly challenges him to do it in "Shark Surfer": |
| 89 | -->'''Holly:''' Name ''one'' thing about me that isn't perfect!\ |
| 90 | '''Captain Disillusion:''' ...Are you kidding me? ''Ahem. ([[KnuckleCracking cracks his knuckles]]) You'' have a problem communicating. You ''never'' call, you always ''text''. What's that about? And the text messages all contradict each other. You love making up rules for things people know to do anyway, and you get so ''angry'' [[HairTriggerTemper about the slightest little infractions]] while [[AMillionIsAStatistic major world problems don't seem to concern you at all]]!\ |
| 91 | '''Holly:''' I, uh... I wouldn't expect you to understand! It's just my way. It's ''all'' part of a plan.\ |
| 92 | '''Captain Disillusion:''' You ''say'' [[IMeantToDoThat that you have a plan, that you know what you're doing, but you never seem to]], and when stuff goes wrong [[NeverMyFault it's always somehow everybody else's fault]].\ |
| 93 | '''Holly:''' ''It's not true!''\ |
| 94 | '''Captain Disillusion:''' You're ''paranoid'', vindictive and controlling, except you don't really control ''anything!'' |
| 95 | * LetsPlay/{{Chuggaaconroy}}'s [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FIeGEJEPT0E announcement video]] of his second ''VideoGame/PaperMario64'' let's play is a sketch where he confronts Paper Mario and finally lays into how much the two have drifted apart from each over the years, which serves as Emile venting his frustrations with the series since ''VideoGame/PaperMarioStickerStar'' while also being akin [[DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything to a couple being on the verge of a break-up]]. |
| 96 | -->'''Chugga:''' I can't take this anymore. I know we've been through a lot together. Hell, some of the best years of my life have been spent with you. But I just... don't know who you are anymore. You used to be ambitious. I could tell you had pride in everything you did. And you've just become so out of touch with what people liked about you in the first place.\ |
| 97 | '''Paper Mario:''' [''turns on the TV to continue playing'' VideoGame/PaperMarioTheOrigamiKing]\ |
| 98 | '''Chugga:''' [''turns off the TV''] No, you listen to me! I'm done giving your horrible ideas a chance! ''Years'' of my life have gone by without my needs being met. You rush into new things without ever fixing your past mistakes. Over, and over, and over again. It's too much. You never listen to those who want to help you, and it... God, it sucks to admit that. I want you to be better, but you're not. And I... I think we should break up. |
| 99 | * ''WebVideo/CriticalRole'': |
| 100 | ** [[spoiler:Scanlan]] delivers a ''scathing'' one to Vox Machina after [[spoiler:waking from his coma,]] due to them letting his daughter see [[spoiler:his corpse]] and not taking him seriously. This is despite the fact that he refused to open up about his problems to his team in the first place, and outright refused to believe the truth about how they really felt about him. Percy soon afterward gives one to Scanlan when he admits to feeling inferior for being dishonest with himself, and not seeing his own positive aspects. |
| 101 | ** Caduceus Clay, [[BewareTheNiceOnes in his own way]], gives one to [[spoiler: [[EvilTeacher Trent Ikithon]]]] in Campaign 2, at the end of a [[NoMrBondIExpectYouToDine very tense dinner]] in episode 110: |
| 102 | ---> '''Caduceus:''' May I say, before you go... I think perhaps you are one of the most powerful mages that I've ever had the pleasure to be in the presence of. And for this I would offer a gift: I think it has been a long time since anyone has pointed out to you that you're a fool. [[MiseryBuildsCharacter Pain]] [[DeconstructedTrope doesn't make people]]. [[MachiavelliWasWrong It's love that makes people.]] The pain is inconsequential. It's love that saves them. And you would know that, [[BrutalHonesty but you have none around you]]. You said so yourself. You surround yourself with lies and deception. And I wish for you, in the future, to [[DyingAlone find someone who will mourn you when you are gone]]. Respectfully. |
| 103 | * ''Series/TheCryOfMann'': |
| 104 | ** Courtney calls out Berry and the rest of the Mann children, calling them spoiled and judgmental after Berry claims she tried to love Courtney as a mother. It's pointed out that, since Courtney wasn't born rich, they looked at her less like family and more like an obstacle to overcome. |
| 105 | ** Some callers ''attempted'' to tell Becca and Rebecca how much they and their show sucks, but it never goes well, with attempts being cut away from, ignored, or outright ''mocked''. |
| 106 | ** After being chased away by everyone's arguing, and then having his talk with the girls interrupted by a wasted and obnoxious Prince and Glintz-Terry, Durkin finally loses his cool when Prince starts barking orders at him in a drunken rage, calling him out for being a {{Jerkass}}. |
| 107 | * The second half of olawoolo's video [[https://youtu.be/3o9sJMzBPWo?si=SZLHaHOaAEKGQhhP&t=597 "These Demons Must Be Stopped Part 2"]] is an abridged recap of ''[[Manga/DemonSlayerKimetsuNoYaiba Demon Slayer: Mugen Train's]]'' final battle. Akaza offers Flame Hashira Kyojuro Rengoku the chance to become a demon. Rengoku refuses, and in a deviation from canon, tries to needle his foe with an insult. The Upper Three is having none of it and proceeds to verbally rip his family a new one. |
| 108 | -->'''Akaza:''' Join us.\ |
| 109 | '''Rengoku:''' Nah, I'm good, bro.\ |
| 110 | '''Akaza:''' But just look at your drip power level. Why would you wanna stay a small-dick weak little human bitch?\ |
| 111 | '''Rengoku:''' Small dick? YourMom knows how big my...\ |
| 112 | '''Akaza:''' Oho, I know you're not talkin' about moms. Nigga, ain't your mama ''[[MissingMom dead]]''?\ |
| 113 | '''Rengoku:''' [[MommasBoy Mommy]]?\ |
| 114 | '''Akaza:''' Dead as hell? Got sent to the gulag by [[DelicateAndSickly cancer]], and fucking lost? You think she'd go outside like that if she was a demon? And ain't your little brother [[InadequateInheritor sorry as shit]], can't even pick up a f*cking sword? ''And'' your dad's a [[AlcoholicParent deadbeat]]! Nigga made it his 9-to-5 job to [[AbusiveParents crush your little brother's dreams like]] [...] Nigga, just become a demon. [[WeCanRuleTogether You'd be unstoppable]]!\ |
| 115 | '''Rengoku:''' This nigga just [[RelativeButton dissed my entire family]]. ''[[LetsGetDangerous Oh, nah]]''! |
| 116 | * After going through ''much'' BreakTheCutie, Donnie from WebVideo/DemoReel called out the family holding him hostage for obsessing something over painful from the past and making it their lives. |
| 117 | * ''WebVideo/DoctorHorriblesSingAlongBlog'': |
| 118 | ** [[SmugSuper Captain Hammer]] delivers one disguised as a RousingSpeech with the song "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5yGeroywBuo&NR=1 Everyone's A Hero]]". Everyone in the audience is fooled save for [[AllLovingHero Penny]], who openly looks shocked at the context of the song.[[note]]And said shock may or may not have been based on one line: "Yeah, we totally had sex."[[/note]] |
| 119 | -->''I'm poverty's new sheriff\ |
| 120 | And I'm bashing in the slums\ |
| 121 | A hero doesn't care''\ |
| 122 | If you’re a bunch of scary alcoholic bums! Everybody! |
| 123 | ** Dr. Horrible delivers a subsequent one with "Slipping", calling Captain Hammer's audience out on their devotion to their hero. |
| 124 | ** In the movie's commentary, ''WebVideo/CommentaryTheMusical,'' Nathan Fillion sings one about Neil Patrick Harris called "(I'm) Better Than Neil." |
| 125 | * ''WebVideo/DragonBallZAbridged'': |
| 126 | ** Freeza has this to say about the Super Saiyan Legend and Vegeta's constant clinging to it in response to the Prince once again claiming -- wrongly -- that he's achieved that fabled status: |
| 127 | --->'''Freeza:''' Okay, seriously, first off- "Super Saiyan"... What ''is'' that? What even ''is'' that? I'll tell you what it is: It's just some ''stupid'' legend passed by [[FantasticRacism your filthy monkey ancestors around a campfire like it was their own dung]]! Let me tell you, Vegeta: I don't deal in ''legends''; I deal in facts. And here's a fact: By the end of this, you are going to be crying... like a little... ''bitch''. |
| 128 | ** Recoome gives a brutal, [[Wrestling/SteveAustin "Stone Cold" Steve Austin]]-esque one to Vegeta: |
| 129 | --->'''Recoome:''' You see, Vegeta, you sit there and brag about how the Saiyans are the mightiest warriors in all the universe. How they are the most ruthless.... well, look at where they are now! DEAD! You talk about your legend, and your warrior race, and your pride, BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN A DAMN THING TO THIS MAN! Because the name's Recoome... And it rhymes with doom... And you're gonna be hurting... ALL! TOO! SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON-AH!\ |
| 130 | '''Vegeta:''' ...Wrestling's fake. (furious booing from the crowd) |
| 131 | ** Then comes the one from Episode 53, when Trunks finally goes Super Saiyan Third Grade and gives Cell a small beating, only for Cell to get back up with very little damage, start with sarcastic compliments, and ultimately lower the boom on Trunks' inexperienced power-up. Combined with [[DescriptionCut Goku's demonstration of the form to Gohan at the same time in the Time Chamber]] and the damaged Android 16's sideline commentary, Trunks is absolutely ripped apart and his spirit is utterly shattered. |
| 132 | --->'''Trunks:''' If you haven't noticed, I've ''literally'' got you against the wall.\ |
| 133 | '''Cell:''' [[FauxAffablyEvil And don't think I don't appreciate the effort!]] By a wide margin, you're packing more of a wallop than Daddy ever did. However. You will ''never. Ever.'' Defeat me with that form.\ |
| 134 | '''Gohan's voice:''' But why!? It's so strong!\ |
| 135 | (''In the chamber, Goku has the USSJ form on'')\ |
| 136 | '''Goku:''' Oh, yeah. In raw power, it can't be beat. But the amount of concentrated energy causes an extreme expansion in mass. The body can't compensate, and while you'll see a 50% power increase, you'll see a 75% decrease in speed and mobility. You'd never hit your opponent.\ |
| 137 | (''Goku powers down'')\ |
| 138 | '''Gohan:''' Did-- did you...? What just...?\ |
| 139 | '''Goku:''' Whoops! Sorry. Was thinkin' about fightin'.\ |
| 140 | '''Gohan:''' I'm not sure what just happened.\ |
| 141 | '''Goku:''' Silly Gohan. In a [[{{Malaproper}} lame man's]] terms...\ |
| 142 | (''cut back to Cell vs. Trunks'')\ |
| 143 | '''Cell:''' You. ''Can't.'' Hit me.\ |
| 144 | '''Trunks:''' Then what do you call the last five minutes!?\ |
| 145 | '''Cell:''' ''(extra smugly)'' ...[[JustToyingWithThem Pity]].\ |
| 146 | (''Trunks growls angrily'')\ |
| 147 | '''Android 16:''' Trunks. Do not worry. He is just playing you.\ |
| 148 | (''Trunks rushes in after Cell, angrily lunging and swinging, while Cell artfully dodges with a chuckle'')\ |
| 149 | '''Android 16''': Correction. He's ''been'' playing you.\ |
| 150 | (''Trunks misses another attack in the air as Cell drops to the ground'')\ |
| 151 | '''Trunks:''' ''[[ThisCannotBe Why!? HOW!?]]''\ |
| 152 | '''Cell:''' Because you're green!\ |
| 153 | '''Trunks:''' Wait, you mean...?\ |
| 154 | '''Cell:''' No, not like me, you ''idiot''. [[JustAKid As in, you're a novice. An amateur]]. You're surrounded by fighters who have seen more action in a week than you've seen in your entire life! Hell, at your age, [[Manga/DragonBall Goku had defeated]] [[Recap/DragonBallRedRibbonArmyArc an entire army]], [[Recap/DragonBallKingPiccoloArc several demons,]] [[Recap/DragonBallPilafArc and sent a rabbit to the moon!]]\ |
| 155 | '''Trunks:''' Did... did you make that last one up?\ |
| 156 | '''Cell:''' And the worst part of it is, that form isn't even ''new''. Watch. (''quickly bulks up to power-weighted form, does a mocking impersonation of Trunks'') LOOK AT ME. I'M TRUNKS. PLEASE LOVE ME, DAAAAAAD. (''de-bulks'') See, anyone can do it.\ |
| 157 | '''Trunks:''' ...That's a terrible impression.\ |
| 158 | '''Android 16:''' But not inaccurate.\ |
| 159 | '''Trunks:''' ''(to Android 16) Why'' are you still here!?\ |
| 160 | '''Cell:''' For God's sake, I bet even your father can do it. [[InsultToRocks He's just not stupid enough to try]]. And as we've seen today, that threshold is ''vast''. Now, how about you come on down, stop using that useless form, and quit wasting everyone's time? |
| 161 | ** Played For Laughs when Mr. Satan attempts to trash-talk Cell, who promptly reverses it on him. |
| 162 | --->'''Satan''': MR. SATAN NEVER BACKS DOWN FROM A CHALLENGE! Not when it comes to evil! Vile! Wretched! Contemptible! Wicked! Monstrous! Inhuman!\ |
| 163 | '''Cell''': (I ''definitely'' shouldn't have made this an open invite...)\ |
| 164 | '''Satan''': Dishonorable! Nefarious! ...Baneful! Iniquitous! Execrable...! ''Villain like you.'' Now... What d'ya haf'ta say to THAT?! (pause) Oh, what's the matter? Satan gotch'er tongue?\ |
| 165 | '''Cell''': Are you sure about this?\ |
| 166 | '''Satan''': Speak up bug-boy!\ |
| 167 | '''Cell''': You look like an extra from a budget porno flick. The kind where ''everyone'' gets tested afterwards. Even the cameramen.\ |
| 168 | '''Satan''': Oh... um, you're--\ |
| 169 | '''Cell''': Did they find you in the subway? Were you homeless? Did you get your start in bum fights?\ |
| 170 | '''Satan''': This is getting oddly personal...\ |
| 171 | '''Cell''': Do you have any actual friends? Any relationships at all that aren't about your money or your position?\ |
| 172 | '''Satan''': ...I have a daughter.\ |
| 173 | '''Cell''': Oh, that poor orphan.\ |
| 174 | '''Satan''': C--can we cut to commercial? |
| 175 | ** Episode 60 Part 1 has several of these: |
| 176 | *** After Goku explains how he planned the events leading to the Cell Games so that Gohan would learn to unleash his anger and become his successor, Piccolo [[WhatTheHellHero points out the one crucial flaw in Goku's plan while also finally calling him out]] [[CallingTheOldManOut on being a horrible parent to his face]]: |
| 177 | ---->'''Piccolo:''' Well, it seems like you thought of ''almost'' everything.\ |
| 178 | '''Goku:''' Eh, I just treated it like one big fight... kinda like everything in my life.\ |
| 179 | '''Piccolo:''' Unfortunately, you skipped one small detail...\ |
| 180 | '''Goku:''' What's that?\ |
| 181 | '''Piccolo:''' ''[[SuddenlyShouting GOHAN DOESN'T LIKE FIGHTING, YOU MORON!]]''\ |
| 182 | '''Goku:''' Whaaaaaaaat? Nooooooo... (''looks back and sees Gohan getting crushed and not fighting back'') I mean... right...?\ |
| 183 | '''Piccolo:''' Have you ''ever'', in your '''life''', actually asked your son what he likes?\ |
| 184 | '''Goku:''' [[OhCrap Um... but...]] he went into that chamber with me for that whole year!\ |
| 185 | '''Piccolo:''' Because he wanted to spend time with you! His ''father!'' The man who spends half his time training, and the other half ''dead! SOMETIMES BOTH!''\ |
| 186 | '''Goku:''' I-I mean... does anyone else...?\ |
| 187 | '''Trunks:''' Yeah, a little bit.\ |
| 188 | '''Krillin:''' I mean...\ |
| 189 | '''Yamcha:''' Yeah.\ |
| 190 | '''Tenshinhan:''' Pretty hard to dispute.\ |
| 191 | '''Cell:''' (''still crushing Gohan'') [[EvilGloating Eh, no one's perfect!]]\ |
| 192 | '''Goku:''' [[MyGodWhatHaveIDone ...I've made a terrible mistake.]]\ |
| 193 | '''Piccolo:''' ''([[BattleStrip Taking off his weighted gear to intervene]])'' ''[[SarcasmMode "OH, I'VE MADE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE!!"]]''. That's ''you.'' |
| 194 | *** Cell gives one to Gohan when the latter makes a plea to stop the Cell Jrs from killing the Z-Fighters. Not only does he call Gohan out on his SuicidalPacifism/[[DirtyCoward Cowardice]], but he also gives his backhanded [[VillainRespect respect]] to the Z-Fighters for continuing to fight despite the odds stacked against them, holding Gohan in disdain. |
| 195 | ---->'''Cell''': And ''there it is!''\ |
| 196 | '''Gohan:''' Huh?\ |
| 197 | '''Cell:''' That right there... ''that'' is why I ''despise'' you. You know what they all have in common? The [[ProudWarriorRace Saiyans]] might be [[ChallengeSeeker fools]], the [[PunyHumans humans]] might be [[CantCatchUp weak]], and the [[RubberForeheadAliens Namekian]] might not ''[[TheHermit belong]]''... but, [[HeroicResolve they're still out there fighting]]. Not just for their lives, but for this ''dung hill'' of a world. (''Krillin getting owned by a Cell Jr.'') See? Even [[ButtMonkey Krillin's]] doing [[{{Determinator}} his best]]! [...] But, none of them, boy -- NOT A ONE -- shares that trait with you. So vile, it drives me to retch! You, Gohan... are a [[DirtyCoward coward]].\ |
| 198 | '''Gohan:''' No... I'm just a [[SuicidalPacifism pacifist!]]\ |
| 199 | '''Cell:''' So a coward patting himself on the back. [[SarcasmMode Congratulations, pint-size,]] you can stand proud next to the bodies. |
| 200 | *** Soon afterward, Android 16 gives one to Gohan as well, agreeing with Cell on his assessment of Gohan, while at the same time, encouraging him to fight back. |
| 201 | ---->'''Android 16:''' Gohan. [[PunctuatedForEmphasis Grow. Up.]] You act like [[ItsAllAboutMe you are the only one suffering]]. But I believe that [[TraumaCongaLine Trunks]] has some stories for you. And I can assume they all end with "[[EverybodysDeadDave And then he died too]]". And before you start whining about your [[ParentalNeglect father]], again, [[NotSoDifferentRemark and I get it]], take a moment to consider that [[MadScientist my father]] made me a soulless killing machine to kill your father. And that doesn't even come close to the complete tragedy of fatherhood that is [[AbusiveParents Vegeta]]. [...] [[VillainHasAPoint Cell was right]]. [[BrutalHonesty You think you're better than everyone else.]] But there you stand, the good man doing nothing. But while evil triumphs, [[SuicidalPacifism and your rigid pacifism]] crumbles into blood-stained ''dust'', [[DoomedMoralVictor the only victory afforded to you is that you stuck true to your guns]]. You are a coward. To your last whimper. Of fear and love, I fear not that I will die, but that all I have come to love, [[FriendToAllLivingThings the birds]], [[TrueCompanions and the things that are not birds]], will perish with me. So please... Gohan... [[DareToBeBadass stop holding back]]. |
| 202 | * ''WebVideo/DreamSMP'': |
| 203 | ** After the Manburg Festival, Wilbur delivers a particularly ''brutal'' one to Tommy as he goes to duel Technoblade in the Pit, lining out that Tommy can never be president because of his [[HotBlooded emotions]] [[TheMcCoy ruling over]] [[RevengeBeforeReason his better judgement]], in comparison to Tubbo, who is more thoughtful. And the worst part is ''he isn't entirely wrong''. |
| 204 | --->'''Tubbo:''' I'm not an advocate of violence. I believe everyone should get along.\ |
| 205 | '''Wilbur:''' I mean, that's very mature of you Tubbo, that's very mature. I'm sure– unfortunately, Tubbo, Tommy isn't as mature. You see, that's why he can't be President. [[HotBlooded He's too– he follows his emotions too strongly. He gets too angry at things]]. He doesn't– look at him, look at him, even after [[EasilyForgiven you said that you've forgiven Technoblade]] [for killing you], he's still gone into the Pit to fight him in hand-to-hand combat. This is a man driven by his emotions, not by political goals. Look at him. I say Tommy throws the first punch. I wanna– I wanna see this. |
| 206 | ** Early in Season 2, [[CallingTheOldManOut Fundy gives Wilbur one right back]] posthumously, yelling at Ghostbur for running away from his problems and avoiding any negative discussion because he can't handle the consequences of his actions, as well as treating Fundy like a child and never respecting his autonomy. |
| 207 | ** Tubbo [[BewareTheNiceOnes out of all people]] gives one off to Tommy right after deciding to go along with Dream's request to exile him, after tiring of being bound to Tommy's obsession of his [[NumberOneDime discs]], pulling L'Manburg into greater and greater dangers. He does so mainly in refusal of [[CycleOfRevenge yet another plan of establishing another conflict with Dream]]. |
| 208 | ** At the Green Festival, Dream tricks Tubbo into giving him the disc, he gives one to Tubbo about how terrible a president he has been and how weak L'Manburg was under him. |
| 209 | ---> '''Dream:''' Well, uh, thank you for giving me the disc. I just wanna say that you're an idiot. [[PunctuatedForEmphasis You. Are. An. Absolute]]. ''[[PunctuatedForEmphasis Idiot]].'' You have ''no'' power and you are the ''worst'' President that has ever been elected– you're no President ''at all!'' You're not even President! ''Quackity'' is more President than you. ''I'm'' more President of L'Manburg than you! You listen to– you get pushed around by ''everybody'' on the server! Because YOU. ARE. AN IDIOT. You are a ''buffoon!'' You are a fool! You fall for ''everything!'' '''''You just gave me the ONE thing I needed to DESTROY L'Manburg!''''' I don't ''CARE'' about the L'Manburg, I don't care about ''anything!'' I've ''said'' this before! The only reason I did not ''destroy'' L'Manburg is because you had the disc! [...] ''Ranboo'' is a traitor! One of your most trusted advisors is a traitor! You can't even run your ''own'' nation right, Tubbo! L'Manburg is weaker than it's ever been, and it's ''because of you!'' |
| 210 | ** Early in Season 3, Tommy gives a brutal one to Dream while he's trapped with him in Dream's prison cell, calling him out on how he abused and gaslighted Tommy and his generally [[ManipulativeBastard manipulative]] and [[LackOfEmpathy callous]] nature. |
| 211 | --->'''Tommy:''' I know why I'm in here. This is... This isn't worse than [[TraumaCongaLine Exile]]. ''(laughs)'' This isn't worse than the exile... Because the thing is, in Exile, I thought you had all the power. I thought you were fucking dangling me like a little fuckin' ''puppet'', man, and even though in here it's small, and I'm fucking– ''what was that sound?!'' -- and I'm {{claustrophobi|a}}c, and I ''hate'' this... Here's the thing, here's the thing, Dream, here's the thing I KNOW. ''({{Beat}}, deep breath)'' [...] The revive-book, Dream... It's not real, is it? It's not fuckin' real. 'Cause all you do– All you do that I– [[BigShutUp SHUT THE FUCK UP]] -- What I remember from Exile, is that all you do is ''lie'' to me. And then you UNVEIL this BIG THING in this FINALE, that all the fuckin'– when we go down into your pit, here's what you tell me, you tell me, "Oh, oh, I was actually fuckin'... It was ''me'' that [[OnePersonBirthdayParty reorganized your beach party]], it was ''me'' that blew up the Community House!" You are a ''clinical'' manipulator, a– a ''psychopath'' if you will. [...] You're a liar, and really, through your Netherite armour and skin, I look at you, and you know what I see? I see a sad little man, who's insecure about the fact that this server has gotten ''so far'' ahead of him, and his ''only'' little ''glimpse'' of power in this world is ''gone''. I see an insecure, ''sad'' little man. Alright? So ''fuck off''. |
| 212 | * Prominent YouTubePoop maker Creator/EmperorLemon, notable for making numerous [=YTPs=] based off of various Creator/{{Pixar}} movies (such as WebAnimation/TheFryingNemoSaga) eventually announced that he was going to move on from making poops based on Pixar movies and make shorter non-Pixar related [=YTPs=]. Regardless, his fans kept bugging him about making more Pixar poops, even after he opened an [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fk-eefwJ8AQ update video by reiterating that he wanted to move on from making these videos]], at which point he outright stated that if they couldn't deal with him not making any further Pixar videos, they could unsubscribe from him and quit watching. Regardless, his fanbase continued to badger him about it on every video he uploaded. This came to a head after ''WesternAnimation/FindingDory'' came out, resulting in the fanbase clamoring for a sequel to the beloved ''Frying Nemo'' saga, even with the movie still being in theaters at the time and not legally obtainable. Finally, Emperor Lemon decided he had had enough and proceeded to upload a video entitled "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tCWKSUhy3oE Frying Dory]]" which was ''not'' actually a [=YouTube=] Poop, but a six-minute-long version of this trope; [[TakeThatAudience starting with a montage of comments]] clamoring for a ''Finding Dory'' YTP from every one of his recent videos and ending with Emperor Lemon [[RageBreakingPoint finally exploding]] and personally delivering one himself to his fanbase: |
| 213 | --> '''Creator/EmperorLemon:''' (''passively'') ''Hooo boy'', [[SarcasmMode I have such loving and supportive fans]]...but there's just one small thing you need to know about ''Frying Dory'', and that's that '''''[[SuddenlyShouting THE FUCKING MOVIE ISN'T OUT ON DVD YET YOU GODDAMN MENTALLY-HANDICAPPED IDIOTS!!]] DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW THIS SHIT WORKS?! EVEN IF I WANTED TO MAKE FRYING DORY, WHICH I DON'T BY THE WAY, I COULDN'T MAKE IT BECAUSE I CAN'T ACQUIRE THE ACTUAL SOURCE MATERIAL. THESE VIDEOS DON'T JUST SPAWN INTO EXISTENCE BY SHEER FUCKING FORCE OF WILL. BUT PLEASE, CONTINUE ASKING ME TO MAKE FRYING DORY. IT'S NOT LIKE I SAID I WOULDN'T MAKE IT IN AN UPDATE VIDEO. [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fk-eefwJ8AQ EXCEPT I TOTALLY DID!!]] [[SarcasmMode OOOPS!!!]] I GUESS YOU COULDN'T BE BOTHERED TO WATCH IT BECAUSE IT'S NOT A FUCKING PIXAR POOP! OH WELL, I GUESS THAT'S MY FAULT, TOO. BUT I GUESS THAT NOW THAT I HAVE YOU WATCHING''''' '''THIS''' '''''UPDATE VIDEO, YOU CAN FINALLY''''' '''LISTEN''' '''''TO ME TO TELL YOU TO UNSUBSCRIBE ONE HUNDRED TWENTY-FIVE TIMES! HEY? [[IronicEcho CAN YOU UNSUBSCRIBE?! CAN YOU UNSUBSCRIBE!? CAN YOU UNSUBSCRIBE?!?]]'''''\ |
| 214 | (''cut to his Twitter handle, which reads "@FUCK OFF" instead of his actual Twitter handle'') |
| 215 | * An [[https://youtu.be/QeNdC8hVIT0 episode]] of ''WebVideo/EpicNPCMan'' features the titular character breaking character in a most intimidating way while delivering one to a player for constantly skipping the dialogue that he tries to say. |
| 216 | -->'''Greg:''' ''[holding the player at knife point]'' You know what? I'm getting real sick and tired of all your shit! All these adventurers all day skipping every quest I have to give, I won't take it anymore! It's fine if you decline my quest, that's okay. But at least have the ''common courtesy'' to listen to what I have to say! Nod if you understand! ... If I ever see you skipping another quest-giver, I will destroy everything you love. I'll hunt you down to the ends of the earth, and I'll cut you open. Nod if you understand. ... I'm gonna repeat my quest, and you're gonna listen to every word, every syllable. Nod if you understand... |
| 217 | * [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QhhZ-9jQDQw Fish goes off on Squidward]], an upload of the memetic “Daring today, aren’t we?” redubbed to have Tom (the '''CHOCOLATE!!!''' guy lay into Squidward for his [[JerkAss mean, sarcastic demeanor]]. |
| 218 | -->'''Squidward:''' Are you planning on ordering today, sir? |
| 219 | -->'''Tom:''' I’ll have a Krabby Patty. |
| 220 | -->'''Squidward:''' [[SarcasmMode How original...]] |
| 221 | -->'''Tom:''' With extra onions. |
| 222 | -->'''Squidward:''' [[DeadpanSnarker Daring today, aren’t we?]] |
| 223 | -->'''Tom:''' Hey, Squidward? [[PrecisionFStrike Shut the fuck up.]] I don’t know what your problem is, man. I have thirty minutes for lunch, and I’m spending them here, alright? There’s no one behind me in line, so what if I took an extra ten seconds to order? Who cares, man? You really are something else, you know that? You lash out at people, and why? [[SoulSuckingRetailJob Because you hate your job?]] News flash, asshole, everyone hates their job! I work at the grocery store! [[FreudianExcuseIsNoExcuse I have to deal with bullshit all the time too, but I don’t act like a sarcastic prick with customers!]] You know, Squidward, this town [[HatedByAll does not like you,]] and it’s not because you’re some kind of misunderstood artist, o-or genius, or [[AllOfTheOtherReindeer we just don’t get you;]] it’s because you’re mean, alright? Look at Spongebob, he works in front of a hot grill all day, but [[NiceToTheWaiter we all like him,]] and you know why? [[AllLovingHero Because he’s nice. He says hello to us.]] Look, man, I don’t want to be [[UnsatisfiableCustomer this type of customer,]] you know? I don’t like to start fights with folks, but, like, you can’t do that, alright? And I’m not going to call out Mr. Krabs or anything; I just want to get my food and go. [[SincerityMode Please learn from this, alright? Thank you.]] |
| 224 | ** One year later, [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_tmXKNdlyI it would get a sequel]], [[TheDogBitesBack with Squidward firing back with some defenses of his own]]: |
| 225 | --->'''Squidward:''' (''[[TranquilFury Inhales calmly]]'') Listen, sir. Your points are indeed valid. [[FreudianExcuseIsNoExcuse But that does not give you an excuse to humiliate me in my place of work]]. Yes, [[AtLeastIAdmitIt I am a cynical grouch who has lashed out at the world needlessly]], but I have ''never'' used obscenities with my customers! I will admit, I was rude, but to say that nobody in Bikini Bottom likes me is a '''''BOLD''''' claim. As for everyone liking Spongebob, speak for yourself. I know I don't like him, [[MeanBoss Mr. Krabs barely cares about him]], and do you know why most people actually avoid him? Because as optimistic and kind as he is, [[StalkerWithoutACrush he is horribly and annoyingly obsessive with his neighbors]], [[UnwittingInstigatorOfDoom he has caused more havoc to this town than natural disasters]], and let's just say [[Recap/SpongeBobSquarePantsS8E16RestrainingSpongeBobFiasco I couldn't have gotten a restraining order against him, which he has ignored]], without a ''valid'' reason! [[HypocriteHasAPoint If this kind of attitude is the one you have at your own place of work, then you really gotta practice what you preach]]. So, if I can finally ask you... Would you like some fries with that? |
| 226 | * In [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3PqPoUU6yYA part 1 of his triggering college football fans series]], FivePointsVids, in a rare serious moment, gave a scathing one to Notre Dame head coach Brian Kelly |
| 227 | -->...And lastly your scumbag coach, and I mean pure scumbag. Brian Kelly killing a student. In 2010, Brian Kelly was having practice outside amid 50 to 60 mile an hour winds gusts. Kelly, despite having access to an indoor practice facility insisted that practice be outside because he despised indoor practice. Declan Sullivan, a twenty-year-old student at Notre Dame, despite numerous warnings and multiple tweets from Declan himself about the wind conditions, was sent up 50-foot scissor lift to film practice by Kelly. In this painfully ominous tweet, Declan again remarks about the conditions. Less than an hour later, the lift blew over, killing the young man. Practice continued for twenty-five minutes after this incident. I don't get how this is repeatedly glossed over like it didn't happen. Brian Kelly is a piece of shit. Scissor lifts aren't even supposed to be lifted in twenty-five miles an hour winds. There were numerous warnings and Brian Kelly ignored them all. He might as well have put a gun to that kid's head and shot him. I hope you're triggered by that. Think if that was your son, your brother, your friend. If Declan was mine, Brian Kelly and his fat face would be breathing today. What do you expect from a piece of shit scumbag who ran out of Cincinnati like a carpetbagger headed west? |
| 228 | * Ross of ''WebVideo/GameGrumps'' gives a relatively lighthearted one to Arin while he's playing a Ross-designed level in ''VideoGame/SuperMarioMaker2''. |
| 229 | -->Just don't go down! You had it! Why do you--fucking? You clutch and then you just fail! ''Why can't you just commit to being good at video games?!'' |
| 230 | * Dr. Loomis ([[spoiler:or rather, Michael's conscience using Loomis' voice]]) gives one to Michael in the ''Franchise/{{Halloween}}'' fan film, ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xOdSLknxsvc&feature=relmfu The Last Halloween]]''. [[spoiler:Michael doesn't take it well.]] |
| 231 | --> '''Loomis:''' Michael? Can you hear me, Michael? [[spoiler: It's time. Your time has finally come. Don't fight it, Michael.]] You've spent a lifetime dedicated to feeding the darkness in your soul, [[spoiler: but now it's that very darkness that's killing you, isn't it?]] I pity you, Michael. I pity that you let this darkness consume you. You let it ''become'' you. [[WasItReallyWorthIt And for what?]] Your entire family is gone, Michael. The bloodline is severed. How does that make you feel, Michael? Are you satisfied? [[ArmorPiercingQuestion Does the thought of knowing that everyone who could have ever loved you is now dead satisfy you, Michael?]] Their blood is on your hands. The blood of innocent people is on your hands. [[spoiler: And now, as all journeys do, yours is about to come to an end.]] It hurts, doesn't it? You thought you could feel the emptiness in your black heart by committing those atrocities but, deep down, you knew better, didn't you? You knew it would never satiate any hunger. Yet you still fought it. What drove you, Michael? What was it that kept you going? Well, it's too late now. [[spoiler: The very power that made you what you are is now the source of your own demise.]] Quite poetic, isn't it? A fitting end to a terrible nightmare. [[spoiler: I pray your soul may finally rest in peace.]] Farewell, Michael. |
| 232 | * ''WebVideo/ImAMarvelAndImADC'': |
| 233 | ** ComicBook/TheJoker delivers one of these to {{ComicBook/Darkseid}} after his explanation of [[InnBetweenTheWorlds Stan's Place]] is rejected due to Darkseid having "no interest in the world of fiction." |
| 234 | --->'''The Joker:''' You ''don't know...'' (''begins to laugh hysterically'')\ |
| 235 | '''Darkseid:''' What? Another Earth joke?\ |
| 236 | '''The Joker:''' The biggest one ever! The mother of all jokes! And the best part is, you're the ''butt'' of it! Oh, I hate to break it to ya, pallie, but I'm afraid the only reality you know ''is'' the world of fiction!\ |
| 237 | '''Darkseid:''' Ah, so it's madness. Not an uncommon reaction to one's impending doom. Still--\ |
| 238 | '''The Joker:''' Oh, I was mad long before you came along, oh Lord of Pain and Suffering and... [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking Blue Shorts]]. And even ''I'' have a better grip on reality than you. Those other realities that Stan's Place links to? They're all comic book universes; just like this one! All the heroes meet up at that bar so they can shoot the breeze about who's getting a movie next. And no wonder you're so interested in Stan; he's the one person there who's ''not'' a comic book character. If there's anyone dominating reality, it's ''him'', not you. In fact, [[IronicEcho what was it you said about comic books before?]] Ah yes, they're "insignificant endeavours in entertainment on a pathetic planet"... of which ''YOU are one!'' (''laughs even harder before Darkseid vaporises him with an Omega Beam'')\ |
| 239 | '''Darkseid:''' (''white hot fury'') [[PunctuatedForEmphasis That's. Not. Funny]]. |
| 240 | ** In the first season of "After Hours," Lex Luthor gave one to Superman in an attempt to recruit him in joining him in his plan to {{retgone}} the Marvel Universe: |
| 241 | --->'''Lex Luthor:''' The Marvel Universe has corrupted everything you stand for all in the name of high drama. Think about it Kal-El. Your job is to be an inspiration for people, someone they can look up to, someone they can aspire to be like; in steadfastness, in character, in ideals. And what did Marvel offer? They said don’t worry; you don’t have to aspire to anyone in our books. You just have to relate to them. And now we have an entire culture that thinks that who they are is just fine and how dare anyone suggest they can improve themselves? Why aspire to be Superman when it’s so much easier to relate to Spider-Man? No one wants to look up to you anymore, Superman. They don’t want to strain their necks. Instead they look straight ahead at the compromised heroes in front of them and say "That’ll do just fine". |
| 242 | * In ''WebVideo/{{Idiotsitter}}'', the episode "The Ex-Boyfriend," Billie and her ex exchange these with her ex pointing out the facade she was pulling (trying to pass off the Russel mansion as her house and Gene as her maid), and saying Gene pities her, and should. Her response? |
| 243 | -->'''Billie:''' You know, maybe I am just an employee. I'm a nanny, actually. I'm not rich, and on the back of my own book jackets-which doesn't make sense, cause books don't get cold. But at least I'm a good person. And that is something you'll never be.\ |
| 244 | '''Dobbs:''' How many times you rehearse that?\ |
| 245 | '''Billie:''' Dammit! [[PrecisionFStrike Fuck you]], you look like Creator/WinonaRyder. |
| 246 | * Similarly, someone on 4chan also depicted [[WesternAnimation/KingOfTheHill Dale Gribble]] delivering one to John Redcorn for sleeping with his wife, [[https://66.media.tumblr.com/77ae8ed8b175837e26009cdcc54ba57d/299b371f16190aae-11/s500x750/e50582af41e9ac6985682d54fdf76accad3d3eb7.jpg though not to his face]]: |
| 247 | -->'''Dale:''' She cheated?\ |
| 248 | [[WhamLine Hank, I knew about Nancy and John Redcorn.]] I knew about them the day [[ChocolateBaby Joseph]] was born. But every day since he was born [[ObfuscatingStupidity I've been taking my revenge.]]\ |
| 249 | That boy -- [[GoodParents he loves me, Hank. He loves me.]]\ |
| 250 | John Redcorn will never get. He'll never hear his boy tell him that.\ |
| 251 | Joseph will go to his GRAVE loving me and never so much as looking in Redcorn's direction. His children, his grandchildren--they'll love me too Hank. And they'll never know Redcorn even existed.\ |
| 252 | That's revenge, Hank.\ |
| 253 | [[{{Cloudcuckoolander}} Just like when the former Soviet Union resurrected Lenin to cause the housing crisis in America as revenge]]. |
| 254 | * In the online horror series ''WebVideo/MarbleHornets'', the protagonist Jay documents his entire life as it spins out of control through the influence of [[Franchise/TheSlenderManMythos the Slender Man.]] This is all well and good, except for the fact that everyone Jay seems to film on his quest for answers [[DoomMagnet ends up having something horrible happen to them.]] In the end, one of these people, [[spoiler: Tim, a mentally unbalanced man whose life has been hell for years as he battled split personalities]] can take it no longer, accusing Jay of ruining his life just as he was [[YankTheDogsChain finally starting to recover]] with [[spoiler: therapy and medication.]] Finally, [[spoiler: Tim]] accuses Jay of not having any plan besides "film everything, find answers, and then see what happens." [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLbp-1NjZsM It's a truly brutal speech,]] and the worst part is that [[JerkassHasAPoint he's absolutely right.]] |
| 255 | * WebVideo/{{Markiplier}}: |
| 256 | ** He gives himself one in the [[https://youtu.be/KAYuWvrn1xU eighth]] episode of his ''VideoGame/{{Minecraft}}'' series after he struggles to find new additions to the Nether Realm after a game update. Particularly amusing since all he had to do to find these additions was explore more of the Nether, but he didn't want to do this. |
| 257 | --->'''Markiplier''': So, what? I just- oh me? I'm sorry, I don't ''get'' the new Nether! I don't get it! I don't get the new Nether, because I'm not good enough for it! My lava falls is underwhelming, my farm isn't producing, my well isn't actually useful, my house doesn't have a roof, and Nether Portals lead to the same gosh-darn place! Is that what I'm supposed to be understanding about what I've been doing here?! |
| 258 | ** He also has a really scathing one for the developer of ''VideoGame/GettingOverItWithBennettFoddy'' in [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BEY39Ekth30 part 3]] of his playthrough: |
| 259 | ---> '''Mark''': I hate this game so much. This is the worst game I have ever played in my entire life. I have never hated a game more than this game. And it's fucking ''pretentious.'' [[SarcasmMode "Oh, it's hard, therefore it's rewarding,"]] no, it's hard because it's bullshit, and you made it that way, so you fucking ''know'' it's bullshit. It's not any wonder of game development, no, you made it bullshit because you know how to make a game bullshit! You're not a ''fucking prophet'' because you made a hard game! [[TranquilFury You are no saint. You are not better than me, just because you made a bullshit game.]] You are not. You are not.\ |
| 260 | ''[Mark falls, and Bennett begins to quote William Carlos Williams]''\ |
| 261 | '''Mark''': Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. I know you know you're making it worse. I ''know'' you know you're making it worse, with your bullshit quotes, from people who are actually contributing to society when they were alive, which is ''not you'', developer of this game! [[NotSoDifferentRemark You are doing nothing, just the same as I am! You and I are the same temporary bullshit piece of human organism, that we all know and hate!]] We all know! |
| 262 | * Yet another [[https://knowyourmeme.com/photos/1862639-metroid 4chan post]] depicts [[Franchise/{{Metroid}} Samus Aran]] giving one to Adam Malkovich over the events of ''VideoGame/MetroidOtherM'': |
| 263 | -->'''Adam:''' [[CatchphraseInterruptus Any objections, la]]--\ |
| 264 | '''Samus:''' Yes, actually. Several. First of all, [[WhamLine I haven't forgiven you for the time you shot me in the back.]] Oh, you thought I forgot about that, didn't you? How could I? Getting shot in the back by someone I foolishly considered a surrogate father is one hell of a betrayal.\ |
| 265 | And remind me, why'd you do that again? Oh, that's right, because you didn't want me to kill those Metroids you and the boys in Sector Zero had been cooking up. One of the most dangerous creatures in the galaxy and the Federation has been mass-producing them as weapons. As if that worked out well for the Pirates. Not to mention how hypocritical it was of the Feds to [[VideoGame/MetroidIIReturnOfSamus send me to exterminate the Metroids in the first place]], only to turn around and make some for themselves, for reasons I still can't quite fathom. That's not the Federation I fought for.\ |
| 266 | Come to think of it, the whole "Bottle Ship" fiasco ([[WhoWritesThisCrap seriously, who names a ship that]]) was the biggest snafu of my career as a bounty hunter. [[CouldHaveAvoidedThisPlot And I could've resolved it a lot faster]] [[BagOfSpilling if you had just let me use my full arsenal from the start.]] "Perfect military mind," my ass.\ |
| 267 | When [[VideoGame/MetroidFusion the Federation declared me an outlaw for stopping their Metroid production line yet again]], I realized something: seeing you as anything more as an abusive, controlling, arrogant moron was the greatest mistake I've ever made. And that's considering the fact that I let my PTSD relapse when I encountered Ridley aboard the Bottle Ship for some goddamn reason. [[SenselessSacrifice Even in death]], you just couldn't let me do my [[PrecisionFStrike fucking]] job. I hope you're burning in hell right now, Adam. I really do. I'm going to enjoy erasing [[BrainUploading you]] from the ship's memory banks.\ |
| 268 | Oh, and one more thing? [[EmbarrassingNickname Stop calling me "lady".]] |
| 269 | * A mock/rant parody of [[Manga/{{MyHeroAcademia}} My Hero Academia]], [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LUQwoX1w6mw Midoriya can't do anything around Bakugou]], Midoriya [[RageBreakingPoint snaps]] after enough belittling from Bakugou. |
| 270 | -->'''Midoriya:''' [[BigShutUp SHUT UP!]] Shut up, shut up, ''shut up''.\ |
| 271 | '''Bakugou:''' (''[[{{GASP}} gasp]]'')\ |
| 272 | '''Midoriya:''' All you do is bitch and complain and cry! Like I swear to god, one of these seasons, bro, one of these seasons, I'm gonna fuck you up. [[NoHoldsBarredBeatdown Like, I'm gonna beat your ass]].\ |
| 273 | '''Bakugou:''' (''[[RunningGag gasp]]'')\ |
| 274 | '''Midoriya:''' [[SarcasmMode Like you're better than me, you're better than me and you're stronger than me]], congratulations. [[SuddenlyShouting Nobody gives a fuck!]]\ |
| 275 | '''Bakugou:''' (''[[RuleOfThree gasp]]'')\ |
| 276 | '''Midoriya:''' I'm out here grinding! Getting it! Trying to control my cork! I don't have time for your bullshit! Oh, [[ItMakesSenseInContext Todoroki should've folded your ass!]] |
| 277 | * ''WebVideo/MyLittlePonyTotallyLegitRecap'': |
| 278 | ** Maud gives one to the sleazy guy who conned her sister out of her treasured Party Cannon: |
| 279 | --->'''Maud:''' That belongs to my sister, give it back.\ |
| 280 | '''Guy: ''' Oh yeah, what you going to do about it?\ |
| 281 | '''Maud:''' Nothing, you're a sleazy street grifter with obvious hormonal deficiencies, who cons people out of things that bring them joy amidst this nightmarish imprisonment of flesh we call existence. There is nothing I can do that would make your life worse, you absolute abortion of a person. |
| 282 | ** DWK (the creator and narrator) gives a couple to Sweetie Belle in "On Your Marks" for... being optimistic and confident about her life, instead of a miserable pessimist: |
| 283 | --->'''DWK:''' You know she's thinking "I'm not good at this, but I'm going to keep trying till I get better and it's going to be so much fun." you fucking tiny horses with your relentless positivity and your self-esteem, just try it once fail, quit forever, and feel ashamed like a normal person.\ |
| 284 | ''[later]''\ |
| 285 | '''Sweetie Belle:''' You don't have to be good at something to have fun.\ |
| 286 | '''DWK:''' And I'm like, no goddammit Sweetie Belle, ''you'' don't have to be good at something to have fun, you have some kind of weird inherent sense of self-worth and confidence, normal people don't have that, if I'm not good at something, I fucking hate myself. |
| 287 | ** The CMC give one to the adults for ruining the Elementary school cart race: |
| 288 | --->'''CMC:''' You know what, [[PrecisionFStrike fuck you guys]]! We just asked for your help so we could have some fun, and you made it about you. It's always about you guys, you're a bunch of self-important control freaks and you fucked up everyone's day, because you couldn't contain your massive egos. |
| 289 | ** Applebloom calmly and politely points out how incompetent as parents, a couple her and the rest of the CMC were hired help are in Season six episode nineteen (Not even counting that they go to twelve-year-olds for parenting advice): |
| 290 | --->'''Applebloom:''' Have you ever like, met your daughter?\ |
| 291 | '''father:''' What do you mean?\ |
| 292 | '''Applebloom:''' Oh, I don't know, I mean I'm an orphan myself, so what do I know. Right? But generally I get this impression that when people have kids, they sometimes you know, talk to them. Like hay child I gave birth to, what's going on with you? Got any hobbies? Crazy as it sounds, some of these people-their called parents by the way-um, actually do this on a regular basis, so when the child say, I don't know goes through some kind of personal right of passage, that essentially determines what she's going to be doing for the rest of her life, they can be like; "Oh hay, props on being good at that thing that you like, we totally know about." Now I'm not knocking you guys or anything, I'm sure you've got lots of dinner parties, wine tastings, and school reunions to go to and I mean priorities, right? But do you recall ever having a passing conversation with your daughter, that didn't revolve around who's taking care of her for the evening?\ |
| 293 | '''Sweetie Bell:''' To put that more succinctly, you're shitty people.\ |
| 294 | '''Applebloom:''' That's what I was going for. |
| 295 | ** DWK also gives one to Trixie, after she [[DirtyCoward immediately starts acting like a coward and begging for Twilight's help]], when told they are in danger, after muttering how much she ''hates'' Twi, during "To Where and Back Again", after finding out about the changelings. |
| 296 | --->'''DWK:''' Oh, Trixie, you talk such a big game and act like such a badass; but when shit gets real, you scream like a little girl and toss away your last shred of dignity like a used prophylactic. No wonder [[DrivenToSuicide you wanted to kill yourself after having one fight with Starlight]]. You literally have nothing else. |
| 297 | ** Twilight gives one to Sunset Shimmer at the end of ''Equestria Girls'', while also trying to talk her down: |
| 298 | --->'''Twilight:''' Dude, you need to grow up man, this is retarded and you know it.\ |
| 299 | '''Sunset:''' But I ''am'' grown-up, Twilight, that's why it's so easy for me to manipulate these vapid clueless teenagers; and now that I have my own personal army of impressionable young people, I'll have emotional validation for the rest of my life.\ |
| 300 | '''Twilight:''' Bro, these kids right here are more mature than you are. Listen up you dumb whore, becoming an adult is not about a number. It doesn't magically happen when you reach a certain age. It happens when you stop being a selfish tool and realize there are more important things in this world than your stupid little feelings. I'm fucking terrified about being a princess, but I'm just going to fucking do it because the world doesn't revolve around my emotions. |
| 301 | ** After Big Mac and Feather Bangs' failed attempts at wooing her end in disaster, Sugar Belle ''really'' tears into them. |
| 302 | --->'''Sugar Belle:''' ''Hey''! Country Freestyle is not a fucking genre, you yokel piece of shit! And you! You Justin Beever-ass motherfucker, you must be a fucking paedophile, because no girl over fourteen would want to fuck you, after hearing that shit! Now both of you, fuck off! |
| 303 | ** Limestone gives one to Pinkie in the recap of "The Maud Couple", over how [[GreenEyedMonster Pinkie's been acting after finding out Maud had a boyfriend]]. |
| 304 | --->'''Limestone:''' [This rock] might look like a regular rock, but all you've got to do to find the hidden gem inside is crack it open [[PrecisionFStrike and go fuck yourself]]. Do not fuck this up for Maud. Do you hear me? You know how miserable she's been, and if this guy makes her happy, you fucking put up with it because she's your family! Act like a fucking adult and think about someone else's feelings for once! (...) All you do is think about the idea of caring about other people's feelings, and then use the self-esteem that gives you as a coping mechanism for your own depression. As soon as the situation demands some actual sacrifice, look at what you do; you throw a fit and run away. (...) Sometimes, you just gotta shut the fuck up, put on a smile, and put up with some shit forever. That's what sacrifice is. |
| 305 | * In ''Roleplay/NanQuest'', the BigBad delivers ''two'' of these, one just before the climax, and one after. Both are followed by a ShutUpHannibal from the protagonist, one of them qualifying as a TheReasonYouSuckSpeech in and of itself. |
| 306 | ** Before: |
| 307 | --->[[AC:You can't stop me. I have worked too hard for this. You have no idea what I am. You don't even know who YOU are, Nancy. How you struggle in the darkness.\ |
| 308 | And who are you now? How many memories have you buried away as your own?\ |
| 309 | Do you still seek your children, Nancy? Do you remember the day of betrayal?\ |
| 310 | Or do you still believe you are the special one, chosen to save the world from evil?\ |
| 311 | Are you simply the one who left, when I needed you most?\ |
| 312 | Did you learn a trade? How strange it should be the same that stood so starkly in the memories of your friend. But surely of all these memories, that one is yours?\ |
| 313 | Did you live in a humble home? I have seen this place. A dead man's memory. Have you claimed that for yourself, as well?\ |
| 314 | What is your last name? Who were your parents?\ |
| 315 | Your mind is gone. Your life is already forgotten. Your motives are not your own. [[LeaningOnTheFourthWall Do you have a single thought of your own making?]]]]\ |
| 316 | [...]\ |
| 317 | [[AC:You are already forgotten.\ |
| 318 | Die here. No one will mourn you. No one will even remember you.]]\ |
| 319 | \ |
| 320 | Nan says she will not leave.\ |
| 321 | Not until this is finished.\ |
| 322 | Nan shouts, defiant.\ |
| 323 | [[ShutUpHannibal It doesn't matter who she was or wasn't.\ |
| 324 | It doesn't matter where she came from.\ |
| 325 | She's here, now.\ |
| 326 | She is Nan.\ |
| 327 | And she is going to end this.]] |
| 328 | ** During: |
| 329 | --->"[[AC:You speak of sin?\ |
| 330 | You carry your head so high for one so wicked, sister. You speak nobly, but sin ''festers'' in your soul.\ |
| 331 | How could you abandon the church? Why should they suffer while you run free?\ |
| 332 | How many died by your carelessness? How many souls did YOU burn that night, while the music boomed, in the fire your thoughtless hands let roar?\ |
| 333 | What of your violence? You crippled a man in rage, and dared call yourself protector of his children.\ |
| 334 | You MURDERED [[spoiler:Henry]], a lost soul who only sought his family.]]\ |
| 335 | [[AC:You left [[spoiler:Anna]] to suffer. Where were you when she was screaming for help? Off playing in dreamland!\ |
| 336 | You sent a young man to die at his father's hands, then left the father to bleed.]]\ |
| 337 | [[AC:And [[spoiler:Kim]] -- you were supposed to protect her, and now look at her! How much longer does she have now? Hours? Minutes?!]]"\ |
| 338 | \ |
| 339 | [[ShutUpHannibal Nan shouts back, in fury]][...]\ |
| 340 | How '''dare''' you make those accusations?\ |
| 341 | You steal memories but leave blame. You cast guilt for surviving.\ |
| 342 | Lives have been saved. Peace has been offered. And all this protection has been '''from you.'''\ |
| 343 | '''YOU''' are the threat. You started this. '''You burned those people!'''\ |
| 344 | \ |
| 345 | "[[AC:They burned for a reason. Evil lives within me now, but I was meant to stop this. But for one hesitation, their deaths would have had a purpose. One moment of doubt ruined everything.\ |
| 346 | HE HESITATED BECAUSE OF ''YOU''\ |
| 347 | YOU PLANTED THE SEED OF DOUBT\ |
| 348 | YOU LED HIM ASTRAY FROM THE PATH\ |
| 349 | Deny the rest as you wish,\ |
| 350 | but all this\ |
| 351 | now\ |
| 352 | IS BECAUSE OF YOU.\ |
| 353 | YOU'RE GUILTY AS ''SIN''.]]" |
| 354 | * In Miles Jai's [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YiHh1B6c39A Nicki Vs. Mariah Showdown]] video, Mariah, after Nicki claims a hilariously bad singer sounded just like her, gives a long, pointed one to Nicki, who retaliates with one of her own at Mariah. Mariah also gave one to the aforementioned singer. |
| 355 | * ''WebVideo/TheNostalgiaCritic'': |
| 356 | ** In his review of ''Film/PearlHarbor'', he tears Creator/MichaelBay a new one for seriously botching up the depiction of one of the worst disasters in American history. It doubles as a [[Awesome/TheNostalgiaCritic Moment of Awesome for the Critic]]. Watch the video [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HyvuFEPSR-Y here]]. |
| 357 | ** In his review of ''Film/TheCatInTheHat'', he gives a heartfelt speech to Peter Soulless about the true meaning of Creator/DrSeuss stories, which he doesn't seem to understand in his turning the classic stories into movies: |
| 358 | --->'''Soulless:''' By having grown-up humor, we make it more adult. By modernizing the dialogue, we make it more timeless. And by changing the source material, we show how much we want to make it even better.\ |
| 359 | '''NC:''' No. Every single thing you said, you got backwards. By having grown-up humor, you make it more childish. By modernizing the dialogue, you make it more dated. And by changing the source material, you show how much you ''don't'' respect what's already perfect. I'm not going to act like everything Seuss wrote was a masterpiece, but when he got it right, he got it right. They don't ''need'' to be updated, they don't ''need'' to be fixed, they don't even really need to have movies made about them. But if you're ''going'' to do it, the very least you can do is understand the source material.\ |
| 360 | '''Soulless:''' Well, of ''course'' I understand the source material. They're just simple kids' books!\ |
| 361 | '''NC:''' ''(standing up)'' No. They're ''not'' just simple kids' books. They're stories that we are continuing to read even today. They're stories that we remember years later, even when other stories fade from our memory. They're stories we will never forget, and for good reason. They're stories that helped shape our childhoods, through well-thought-out writing, imaginative drawings, and endearing morals. And the idea of ''this''... shaping somebody's childhood, the fact that it even has the ''same name''... just makes me sick to my stomach. Maybe these ''(makes AirQuotes)'' "simple kids' books" are far more adult than you give them credit for. And I guarantee that'll show, when years later, both children and adults will still be reading these "simple kids books" while pandering bullshit like this disappears out of people's consciousness, also for good reason. Good art doesn't come from focus groups and statistics. It comes from people who share how they see things in their own unique way.\ |
| 362 | '''Evilina:''' ''(tugging on NC's coat)'' Critic? ''(he looks at her)'' I like your book better than I like the movie.\ |
| 363 | '''NC:''' ''(smiles)'' So do I, kiddo. So do I. |
| 364 | ** The rant that he gives to Hyper Fangirl in his review of ''Film/AChristmasStory 2'': |
| 365 | --->'''NC:''' Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you? Do you honestly think these actions are gonna win me over?\ |
| 366 | '''HFG:''' I ju-- I di--\ |
| 367 | '''NC:''' No, no, no, no, no, no, no! [[CallBack You break into my home, you kidnap me, you stalk me,]] I've had it up to fucking Jupiter with you!\ |
| 368 | '''HFG:''' I was just trying to get you back into the Christmas spirit by making you like Christmas Story again.\ |
| 369 | '''NC:''' I love Christmas! I love Christmas Story! ''(HFG feels relieved)'' It's you I can't stand! I mean, I swear, my life would be so much happier if you would just disappear from it!\ |
| 370 | '''HFG:''' ''([[TooDumbToLive slyly smiling and in a confident tone]])'' Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What are you trying to say here?\ |
| 371 | ''(NC reaches his RageBreakingPoint)''\ |
| 372 | '''NC:''' I HATE YOU! I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU! If there was a likability scale from 1 to 10, you would be negative Pi! You're outlawed in 28 states just so that people don't have to talk to you again! If they were to make a cologne out of you it would be called Essence of Annoying! if cancer got cancer, you would be the one they would name it after! Knock knock!\ |
| 373 | '''HFG:''' Who's there?\ |
| 374 | '''NC:''' Nobody! Because nobody would ever want to see you! When people ask monks what the meaning of life they say, "Stay away from your dumb ass!" You're Beethoven's Lost Symphony, "Death to Joy"! Would everyone in an orange sweater, glasses, brown hair, and a likable personality please raise your hand?\ |
| 375 | '''HFG:''' ''(raises hand)''\ |
| 376 | '''NC:''' You're too stupid to even get that joke! On the evolutionary scale, you're the only one that's walking backwards! You're the Surgeon General's warning on a pack of cigarettes! (puts on cheerleading outfit) Give me an I! Give me an H! Give me an A-T-E-YOU! ''(is back in his regular uniform)'' '''I HATE YOU!!!'''\ |
| 377 | '''HFG:''' ''[[BreakTheCutie (tearing up)]]'' ...Okay Critic, if that's how you feel...\ |
| 378 | '''NC:''' Wait, w-what are you doing?\ |
| 379 | '''HFG:''' I-I'm just gonna go then. ''(walks away to grab her coat)''\ |
| 380 | '''NC:''' ''(stuttering)'' You can't do that! That's-- that's cheating...\ |
| 381 | ''(HFG puts on her coat and begins to leave, to NC's shock and confusion)''\ |
| 382 | '''NC:''' This wasn't how it played out in my head... |
| 383 | ** In ''WebVideo/{{Kickassia}}'', WebVideo/TheNostalgiaCritic receives one from [[spoiler:dream]] Ma-Ti. He gets told such pearls of wisdom as: |
| 384 | --->"Stop being a douchebag! It's totally going to backfire!"\ |
| 385 | "Are you willing to let down the people that got you here? Your friends? Your allies!"\ |
| 386 | "You're a fool, Critic! A damn fool! You cannot change your destiny! You can only choose to meet it!...and you will fail." |
| 387 | * On the ''Painkiller Already'' podcast, after hearing [[WeUsedToBeFriends former friend/co-host]] [=WingsOfRedemption=] state that he's uncharismatic and that Wings himself would get more views doing similar videos than him, Woody responds with a scathing tirade that completely deconstructs him: |
| 388 | --> Wings, you're not charismatic. I know you think you are. You think people like you? People don't fucking like you. Nobody likes you. An entire fucking industry has spawned hating on [=WingsOfRedemption=]. [=WingsOfRedemption=] is ''exactly'' like a NASCAR driver that crashes every weekend and thinks that people come out because of his driving skills. No Wings! People aren't watching you because you're good at gaming. People aren't watching you because you're charismatic. People are watching you because [[BileFascination it is a new and fascinating thing]] for them to see a fucking 32-year-old, going-on-500-pounds failure-to-launch manbaby crying about dying in videogames then [[NeverMyFault deflecting it as if it's someone else's fault]]. I don't know anyone else like that! [=WingsOfRedemption=] is unique in his loserdom! [[EpicFail There is no one else that has achieved this level of failure-to-launch]], but who could fucking launch when they weigh that much anyway? Wings, keep my name out of your mouth you fat piece of shit. I don't know if you're a moron because of a genetic deficiency or is it some sort of emotional retardation like, maybe if you were adopted, then you wouldn't have turned out like this. It's hard to say. But what is true is that you live in a goddamn trailer with your mommy talking about how I'm not charismatic. Rage some more [=WingsOfRedemption=]. Show me more about how what... You say people don't know how wonderful you are? That's right, [[JerkAss cause you're not wonderful]]. You are just a manbaby who cries on stream. And that's why people watch. |
| 389 | * During Popculturebuffet's review of ''WesternAnimation/LegendOfTheThreeCaballeros'', he critizes [[AdaptationalJerkass the show's version]] of Daisy Duck. cultivating in him giving her one in the Penultimate episode, ''[[Recap/LegendOfTheThreeCaballerosS1E12ShangriLaDiDa Shangri-La-Di-Da]]'' |
| 390 | -->'''Daisy:''' Let’s recap, [[Recap/LegendOfTheThreeCaballerosS1E01DopeACabana you abandoned me in a bad part of town]], spent our date [[Recap/LegendOfTheThreeCaballerosS1E05NoManIsAnEasterIsland in the bathroom all night in a hula skirt]], then [[Recap/LegendOfTheThreeCaballerosS1E09MexicoAGoGo brainwashed my nieces into helping you trick me with a dummy]].\ |
| 391 | '''Popculturebuffet:''' [[BeCarefulWhatYouWishFor Okay Daisy, you want to recap]], you insufferable, pompous, selfish, self-absorbed, overly-demanding, overly-haughty, golddigging rose-colored shrew? [[LetsGetDangerous Let’s fucking recap]]. He left you in a bad part of town because he got ''fired'' from his job and found out his house burned down, something you ''refused'' to let him explain. You found out about this and then proceeded to berate him over dinner, saying he couldn’t possibly help people. While he did spend a while in the bathroom with a hula skirt and never explained it, [[JerkassHasAPoint the one point you have]]... he ''left'' to go help his friends, with you, once again, leaving instead of letting him come back and explain later, or leaving but going to his place to hash this out or just dump him. ''Then'', something you ''carefully'' omitted, you moved on. Which is fine... as a way to make him jealous, [[OperationJealousy bringing the guy to his door to rub his beak in your new relationship with not a hint of shame]], and ran off while he was fighting for his life clearly. Now seeing things were more complicated, you asked ''no'' follow-up questions, imposed a date on him, and while he ''did'' lie, your nieces WERE NOT FUCKING BRAINWASHED. This was of their own free will, you unbelievable she-demon! You are so up your own ass, you can’t even see the obvious. [[KickTheDog And then you came here]] ''[[KickTheDog just]]'' [[KickTheDog to say all this and be mean to Donald one more time]]. While Donald shouldn’t have called you up, it’s not because of all that; it’s because [[FetishizedAbuser you're a heartless, selfish, shriveled husk of a person]]. You care about ''no one'' but yourself, and [[WhatDoesHeSeeInHer that includes Donald]]. Fuck you and the horse you rode in on. |
| 392 | * From Project A.F.T.E.R.'s [[http://www.projectafterforums.com/index.php?showtopic=3233&st=40 sporking]] of [[Fanfic/ThePrayerWarriors The Evil Gods Part I]], there's a speech from Zeus to Literature/{{Percy Jackson|and the Olympians}} after Percy, having joined the Prayer Warriors on their quest to kill all the Greek gods, [[YoureNotMyFather denies that Zeus is his father]][[note]]And he literally isn't; it's actually ''Poseidon'' who is Percy's father, which Zeus makes sure to point out early on.[[/note]], thoroughly digging into his AxCrazy nature and being unquestioningly willing to be used for truly evil purposes by the [[ReligionOfEvil Prayer Warriors]] despite [[ProtagonistCenteredMorality all their self-righteous claims to the contrary]]. |
| 393 | -->'''Zeus:''' The fuck are you talking about, boy! [[LampshadeHanging I’m not your father and I never was!]] Where the hell is this coming from, anyway? Ever since you converted to Christianity, you’ve been talking nothing but nonsense and gibberish. You’ve killed your friends because this dumbass told you to, and now you’re working with [[spoiler:Luke]]! You ''do'' remember he’s the host for Kronos, right? Ouranos balls, he’s probably deluded them all into thinking he’s God. It would explain all the murder and deity killing. (...) You don’t even care, do you? You don’t even care that you’re destroying the west and in the process, paving the road to the second Age of the Titans, do you? Just go ahead and kill me boy, but when the Olympians are all dead and the Titans are destroying creation because of your [[UnwittingPawn stupid gullibility]], just remember [[NiceJobBreakingItHero it was]] ''[[NiceJobBreakingItHero you]]'' [[NiceJobBreakingItHero who held the blade]]. |
| 394 | * ''Literature/TheSagaOfTuck'': |
| 395 | -->'''Kelly:''' What, you just figured out I'm a lesbian? You've been calling me that all year, I don't know why it's such a surprise now. But you keep saying that like it's a bad thing, like someone should be ASHAMED of it or something. When it's pretty damned obvious that YOU'RE the one that's shameful and disgusting, Natalie. So, I AM a lesbian! But I'm not ashamed of ME, I'm ashamed of YOU. You're an embarrassment. And you know what else? You're the kind of girl that ''makes me want to date guys''. You give women a bad name. So go sit in your little homophobic closet and finger each other while lying about what you're doing, and stay the FUCK AWAY FROM ME! |
| 396 | * ''Website/SCPFoundation'': |
| 397 | ** In "[[http://www.scp-wiki.net/eldritch-application Eldritch Application]]", the director of the Foundation gives one to WebOriginal/{{Zalgo}}, explaining why he can't have a page on the wiki. |
| 398 | --->Barring the fact that I refuse to participate in some weird contest of abominations, there's one big reason as to why we can't take you in. It's not a matter of money or difficulty of containment, oh no. We've got [=SCPs=] like [[NighInvulnerability 682]], and it's pocket change to keep it locked up, even when it breaks out. And since you seem willing to cooperate with us, you'd be easy as pie to contain, as well. No, it's that you're just not interesting enough. [...] You are bursting with power, and have the capacity to end this world with a thought. That's all well and good for other organizations. But here at the SCP Foundation, we can't just accept you on those criteria. It's far too much. You're [[InvincibleVillain overpowered]], you [[GenericDoomsdayVillain don't have a hook]], and quite frankly, you're [[FlatCharacter boring]]. When you get down to it, you just don't fit in with our image. |
| 399 | ** The Foundation gives one to the [[WellIntentionedExtremist Global Occult Coalition]] after they have to, yet again, do damage control after the GOC tried to destroy an anomalous object and [[NiceJobBreakingItHero made things worse in the process]]: |
| 400 | --->[[https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-1609 SCP-1609]] represents a perfect example of the flaws inherent in the operating procedure of the GOC, and serves as a cautionary tale for any members of the Foundation who disagree with our practices on containing dangerous objects.\ |
| 401 | Prior to the Coalition getting their hands on this, it was perfectly harmless. A chair which teleports to you when you need a seat is normal compared to most of the stuff that we deal with on a regular basis. [[KickTheDog When they put it through a woodchipper]], it got hurt, scared and angry, [[TheDogBitesBack so it lashed out at them]]. By trying to 'protect the world' by destroying it, they inadvertently made the situation a whole lot worse. SCP-1609 went from being harmless to deadly in the space of a few minutes because of the GOC, and we had to clean up the mess.\ |
| 402 | Thankfully, SCP-1609 is pretty simple for us to deal with. So long as we don't do anything stupid around it, it won't fight back and it won't try to leave. Even if it does, it usually comes back. I think I've worked out why. It came to us because it was afraid of the people who had hurt it. That's why it always comes back. It's afraid of the rest of the world now, and it's looking to us for protection.\ |
| 403 | This is why we have Special ''Containment'' Procedures instead of Special ''Destruction'' Procedures. If you break something, it's broken forever. When you try to destroy an anomaly, you can't take back your mistakes. That's what SCP-1609 has to tell us. This is why we're right and the GOC is wrong, people. |
| 404 | ** Dr. Vera Hadley gives her asshole ex and thorough monster of a Director, [[ANaziByAnyOtherName Elliott Emerson]], a piece of her mind about what he's been doing in [[https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-1730 Site-13]]. |
| 405 | --->Before we get started, let me just say that the number thing was always bullshit. If you want to properly dehumanize your researchers, you put them in cubicles. The numbers were a joke from the beginning.\ |
| 406 | If you're reading this, then you're left with a decision. What did you think was going to happen, throwing the bodies of anomalies into that pit? Did you think that their being alive made them anomalous? Hell, being alive is the least anomalous part of our humanity. I thought you might've seen that, but then, things have changed.\ |
| 407 | The containment breach was my fault, I won't lie to you. In my research, I had the pleasure of analyzing a young boy. His name was Elijah, he subsisted only on blood, and he could siphon it through others with his mouth, right through their skin. Like a leech. He had no mental capacity beyond two years, and yet, he deserved the same chance to live as the rest of us. He did not choose to be the way he was.\ |
| 408 | Then you decided to have him burned, like the rest of them.\ |
| 409 | So I modified his record. The fires of your pit won't have incinerated him, just agitated him. And that sludge that's been building up? I'm glad you cared to get it cleaned up. I'm sure you're glad too. It's pretty awful down there.\ |
| 410 | Anyway, your decision. The containment breach was inevitable, and whether it was something that crawled out of the pit that did it or my hand on a button makes no difference. You have a choice to make; either stay your course and certainly be devoured by the creatures you have been torturing for the last fifteen years, or activate the Thresher device and hope it dumps you out in a more hospitable reality than your own. Either way, our world will be rid of you and your filth, and will be better for it.\ |
| 411 | This is your death camp, Elliott. You made your bed, and now you get to die in it. |
| 412 | ** After enduring several thousands of millennia of being tortured by the [[RealityWarper reality warping]] and [[MindScrew bizarre]] [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-3999 SCP-3999]], Researcher Talloran chews it out during an interview log and vows to put an end to its nonsense: |
| 413 | --->Finally, This is how it should be. The scientist interviewing the anomaly. I am the one in charge now. I have brought order. It's staying this way. Do not threaten me now. Without me, you wouldn't have been able to achieve any of this! Even you cannot survive without order. You latched onto me, and still need me, a pathetic excuse for order, to exist. This is pathetic. You're pathetic.\ |
| 414 | You can't frighten me anymore. For the first million years of nonsensical containment procedures and tortures and dream logic, it was the worst pain I had ever felt, but I survived. For the second million years of nonsensical containment procedures, it was still the hardest thing I had ever done, but I survived. By the third million years, I was growing numb. There's only so many times you can watch anything before you grow numb. But you know what, you motherfucker? ''I survived''. Which is more than you can claim, you dumb brute, because you never lived at all.\ |
| 415 | If I end you, things will return to normal. I refuse to believe there's more of this. Of you having the O5 council abuse my mother with a...a...oh I dunno, the corpse of Jack Nicholson made of Fritos. Or something equally stupid. I refuse to believe the only thing left in the entire multiverse is your stupidity.\ |
| 416 | So who are you, exactly? Ask yourself that. Who are you before a human who is ready to fight. You're nothing but the primordial ooze. And I am ready to fight. I am numb to your bullshit, because here's the thing about horror and weirdness: the more you reveal of it, the less effect it has. I am sick of your horror. I am sick of you.\ |
| 417 | I'd say see you in hell, but we're already there. |
| 418 | ** During the conclusion of The 784 Incident, Adrian Andrews gives one to Alto Clef; and given Clef's reaction, it's accurate. |
| 419 | --->You're not a soldier. You're not a hero. You're not even a murderer. You're nothing but a bully... and [=SCPs=] are the nerdy kids who you like to beat up to hide the fact that you're nothing but a lonely, empty shell of a man. |
| 420 | * ''WebVideo/SuperMarioLogan'': |
| 421 | ** In "[[BirthdayEpisode Chef Pee Pee's Birthday]]", Chef Pee Pee gives this speech to Bowser and Junior after they throw him a crappy birthday party: |
| 422 | --->'''Chef Pee Pee:''' Really, is this what my birthday consists of? Come on, Bowser, you can do better than this! Come on, really?\ |
| 423 | '''Bowser:''' Stop being ungrateful, Chef Pee Pee! We all tried really hard, okay?\ |
| 424 | '''Chef Pee Pee:''' Well, you didn't try hard enough! I swear, you guys suck! This is the worst birthday ever!\ |
| 425 | '''Junior:''' Wait! Dad, he didn't like the gifts we gave him?\ |
| 426 | '''Chef Pee Pee:''' No, I didn't like the gifts, they were horrible! [''To Junior''] You took yours back, [''To Bowser''] and you gave me a spatula! [[SarcasmMode Oh, I wonder what you gave me a spatula for...]]\ |
| 427 | '''Bowser:''' Obviously to cook, duh!\ |
| 428 | '''Chef Pee Pee:''' Of course!\ |
| 429 | '''Junior:''' What else would you do with a spatula, Chef Pee Pee? You cook with it!\ |
| 430 | '''Chef Pee Pee:''' You guys are selfish! [''To Bowser''] You buy me something to help you, [''To Junior''] and you take yours back and you spend my birthday money on a video game!\ |
| 431 | '''Junior:''' But the video game's fun!\ |
| 432 | '''Chef Pee Pee:''' You know what? F''[[[SoundEffectBleep bleep]]]'' you guys! Don't talk to me for the rest of the day, okay? Know what? The rest of the month! Even better, the rest of the year! I'm so sick of you guys! You guys think of yourself and only you! |
| 433 | ** Chef Pee Pee delivers an overly long one to Bowser Junior in the episode, "The Purge!". As a result, [[FailureIsTheOnlyOption he misses his chance to legally kill Junior]]. |
| 434 | --->'''Chef Pee Pee:''' I hate you because you're an annoying little brat! All you do is come in the kitchen, bother me, while I'm cooking, and then you bring the toys in there like I wanna play with you, but I'm ''not'' a child! I don't have time for that! I have to wash dishes! And all you do is make messes in the kitchen!" ''[6 hours later]'' "And the reason I hate you the most Junior? Is because ''you exist!'' Would not—why would God even create a little bastard like you?! Please tell me -- in this beautiful universe he could create anything else! But it's OK, I'mma take you out of this universe. Any last words Junior? |
| 435 | ** But perhaps the most well-known TRYSS he delivers is in "Chef Pee Pee's Lottery Ticket!", where he goes to town on Junior, Bowser and Toad: |
| 436 | --->'''Chef Pee Pee:''' And from the bottom of my heart, I've been wanting to say to all of you... '''F*CK YOU! F*CK YOU! F*CK YOU! F*CK EVERYBODY! F*CK ALL OF YOU!''' ''(unleashes a bunch of f-bombs)'' F*cks given to everybody! You can have a f*ck! You can have a f*ck! You can have a f*ck! You can have a f*ck! Look, this is the reason why I say F*ck you, OK?\ |
| 437 | Bowser, you deserve the biggest f*ck, because... let me start off by saying I f*cking hate you! I hate you! (x3)! All you do is make me cook, clean, and-and fricking take out the trash, I already took out the trash and you made me do it ''again''. I hate you! I HATE YOU! And all you do is sit on your ass and watch TV, Charleyyy and Friends, a show that we don't know when is on, because it's ''always'' on! And from... from the guardians and angels of fricking Chef Pee-Pee island, I grant you an honorary ''f*ck you!''\ |
| 438 | And to you, Toad, I will go easy on you this time, okay, let me start off does "by saying ''f*ck you!''...ahem, excuse me.....f*ck you, and YOUR MUSIC SUCKS ASS, why do you keep asking people to be on your videos?! Your music, nobody likes your music! Nobody ever wants to see your videos, okay? You suck ass, you suck at life, and all you do is aggravate me, pop up everywhere, wanting to help, you're nothing but trouble. And you..you run with this little idiot, and he does nothing but aggravate me, too. Oh, I'm not done with you, yet. All you do is play jokes, you stab me in my eye, but it's okay, I'll buy a new eye, maybe I'll buy a robotic arm to flip you off with and say "F*CK YOU!". And let me go to Junior...\ |
| 439 | I saved the best for last. Junior, you get the honorary "f*ck you!" You get the biggest "f*ck you!* of all! I! F*cking! Hate you! You're nothing but a big crybaby bastard who fails school because you're nothing but a stupid idiot who goes ding-dong-ditch with ''this'' idiot! I swear to God, I swear to God you're stupid! And I have to fix food for you every second! Nobody likes fixing food for you, nobody loves playing dinosaurs with you, nobody likes to play trains with you! That's all kiddie games! Nobody likes to play games with you 'cause you're a stupid f*cking bastard! '''''BASTARD!!!!!''''' Ahem, excuse me. |
| 440 | ** Mario himself unleashes a well-deserved one to Mr. Goodman for all the crap he put Mario through when he's under Mario's care as a quadriplegic: |
| 441 | --->'''Mario:''' You know what, Goodman, you are the meanest person ever. And you know what? You deserve to be paralyzed from the neck down, because you're mean, you're greedy and this is karma for everything you've ever done to everybody else in the world!\ |
| 442 | '''Goodman:''' You take that back right now, Mario!\ |
| 443 | '''Mario:''' No, no, no, no! You deserve all this to happen to you, Goodman! You really do deserve it! And you know what?! I'm not making the house payment this month! I'm not making a house payment ever again, because you're paralyzed so you can't make me!\ |
| 444 | '''Goodman''': [[SuddenlyShouting YOU STILL HAVE TO PAY YOUR HOUSE PAYMENT, MARIO]]!!!\ |
| 445 | '''Mario''': No, I don't! And you know what?! I'm gonna drive your Lamborghini, because you're paralyzed from the neck down, so you can't stop me! |
| 446 | * [[https://www.youtube.com/@SallowDawn Sallow Dawn]], one of many people heckled by [=LowTierGod=], who tried to get Dawn fired from his job with false racism charges, gives a little speech to Dale after [=YouTube=] finally banned his channel. It's unclear why [=YouTube=] finally decided to ban him, but Dawn thinks that [[LaserGuidedKarma years of bullying and doxing innocent people finally caught up to him]]. |
| 447 | -->'''Sallow Dawn:''' I have to ask the question: How does it feel, Dale? How does it feel to sweat? How does it feel to have your primary income affect the way you tried to affect mine? How does it feel to lose the closest thing you've ever had and will have to a career in your 38-year-old, unaccomplished life? Not very good, I imagine; karma's funny like that. I'd tell you to cope with more fake articles, but you should probably be saving money right now, so instead, I'm really gonna help you. No joke, I have something that actually helps you a lot. I know a place that's hiring, and they're very prestigious. Cozy.tv is always looking for new content creators, baby. And you meet all of their criteria perfectly. Get fucked. |
| 448 | * In Thread 4 of ''Blog/TroisiemeDroite'', Cisco delivers one to the narrator: |
| 449 | -->'''Cisco:''' You find a perfect apartment, and you reproach your landlord for basically being a bored old man. You meet a neighbor who's too pretty for you, and you scare her just to have something to talk about. Not to mention that if she isn't a camgirl, she goes down in your estimation. You're unemployed because no job is good enough for you, even though you frankly have very few actual skills. You're trying to make your life more complicated to make it more interesting, but in the end, you're just a pain in the ass of everyone around you. |
| 450 | * ''WebVideo/TomGrossiComedy'': Tom often gives these out to opposing teams in his fan reactions to show the frustration many fans of NFL teams have with how poorly their team is run as an organization. He also does this with his own fan-made characters, such as once in [[https://youtu.be/CgWBHSC5rsk?list=PLpfKWYL55S9EybNKZMB-X-K3uyGB0gcSH The NFC West's Reaction to Week 5]], when Jerry, a 49ers fan, demands respect from Eugene, a Cardinals fan, and the latter responds to him in a calm yet scathing manner: |
| 451 | -->'''Eugene:''' You drafted Alex Smith instead of Aaron Rodgers, let him get destroyed back there for a few years, and then you finally hire a competent head coach[[note]] current Michigan Wolverines head coach Jim Harbaugh [[/note]], go to the NFC Championship only to lose to the Giants. Then the following year, [you] come back, Alex Smith gets hurt for a couple of games, and despite leading the league in completion percentage, you replace him with Colin Kaepernick. You go to the Super Bowl, in which you're only competitive because there's a freaking blackout. So you lose that one, and by 2017, Kap is gone, and by 2021, you'll have "end racism" painted in your end zone, but I guess that wasn't a priority back in 2016. You suck for two years, then you go and beat the Packers in the playoffs like we all have, and then you go and blow it to the Chiefs. The following year, you're so injured you had to come into our house to play football, and we're still trying to get the ''stench'' of you out of it. So now you're standing here at 2-3, saying that you deserve respect. So tell me something: [[ArmorPiercingQuestion why the hell should I respect you?]] And no, we haven't been good, but the entire division treated us as an afterthought, and now we're sitting here as the only undefeated team in football, while you're struggling to beat the Lions and the Eagles. So you want respect? ''Do something to earn it.'' |
| 452 | * ''Turtles' [=ERTLs=]'': In the rewrite of "James Works it Out", James and S.C. Ruffey exchange these kinds of speeches about each other, as well as Hector when the latter tries to lead James in the right direction. |
| 453 | -->'''Hector:''' Really, James, the next left turn is a quicker route to Great Waterton.\ |
| 454 | '''James:''' Forget it, Hector. Trucks can't ever be trusted. I've known this all along; there's enough stories about the lot of you.\ |
| 455 | '''Hector:''' What do you mean?\ |
| 456 | '''James:''' Ha! You're Hector the Horrid! [[Recap/ThomasAndFriendsS11E5HectorTheHorrid You shouted at engines when they tried to shunt you, and told them to keep away!]]\ |
| 457 | (''S.C. Ruffey chuckles.'')\ |
| 458 | '''James:''' And you're no better, S.C. Ruffey. [[Recap/ThomasAndFriendsS4E20ToadStandsBy You pitted the trucks against the engines, till' Oliver pulled you apart!]]\ |
| 459 | '''Hector:''' I used to be called horrid, but I don't act like that anymore.\ |
| 460 | '''James:''' Once a Troublesome Truck, always a Troublesome Truck!\ |
| 461 | '''S.C. Ruffey:''' Are you any better, James? [[Recap/ThomasAndFriendsS1E8JamesAndTheCoaches You bumped coaches and broke a hole in their brake pipe!]]\ |
| 462 | '''James:''' Well, I...\ |
| 463 | '''S.C. Ruffey:''' And [[Recap/ThomasAndFriendsS1E23DirtyObjects you called Toby and Henrietta "Dirty Objects"!]]\ |
| 464 | '''James:''' But I...\ |
| 465 | '''S.C. Ruffey:''' And [[Recap/ThomasAndFriendsS1E7ThomasAndTheBreakdownTrain you crashed into a field on your first day!]]\ |
| 466 | '''James:''' All right, fine! I've made mistakes, but you're just as troublesome as ever, S.C. Ruffey!\ |
| 467 | '''Hector:''' He may be, but I'm not! |
| 468 | * In the ''VideoGame/{{Undertale}}''-based fan animation ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zSw1OgD8Rc Papyrus Finds A Human]]'', Sans gives a short one to Papyrus [[FreezeFrameBonus that's briefly hidden in the subtitles]], in response to a particularly [[StealthPun bone-headed]] observation from the latter as to what Frisk is when they see them. It's PlayedForLaughs more than most, however: |
| 469 | --> '''Papyrus:''' Quiet, Sans! Remember what we're here for. To keep watch for HUMANS!\ |
| 470 | '''Sans:''' ''[Points off-screen]'' Like that one! ''[{{Beat}}]''\ |
| 471 | '''Papyrus:''' ''[Upon seeing [[TokenHuman Frisk]]]'' '''OH MY ''GOOOOOOOD!''''' ...that's a human, right?\ |
| 472 | '''Sans:''' [[FlatYes ...yeah.]] ''(What the hell do you think, fucko? Do you think you'll ever have a chance at entering the Royal Guard with an intellect like this? I'll have you know that the standards of the Royal Guard are very vigorous, [[SurprisinglyRealisticOutcome and nothing anyone can just get into because they want it.]] You're garbage, Papyrus. GARBAGE.)''\ |
| 473 | '''Papyrus:''' YES! Excellent! |
| 474 | * ''WebVideo/UrinatingTree'' does this ''constantly'' to the players, coaches, and even fanbases of sports teams, not even sparing his own teams from his wrath. For example, in [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LrDVhAErxEQ Days of our Steelers - Episode Sixteen: Judgement Day]], he recounts how the Pittsburgh Steelers, his home NFL team, missed the playoffs despite a win in Week 17 due to losing 4 of their last 6 games to end the 2018 season after a 7-2-1 start. Needless to say, he absolutely ''tears'' into the organization as well as some of their top offensive players and coaches: |
| 475 | --> '''[=UrinatingTree=]:''' Do you hear that? That's the sound of a collapse in slow motion. I knew this team had severe flaws, but never in my wildest dreams did I think they would miss the playoffs. Honestly, it's completely fucking deserved. The way the Steelers went about this season is nauseating at best and malignant at its worst. "Days of our Steelers?"[[note]]a show he began in 2018 detailing the drama in the Steelers organization meant to parody soap operas[[/note]] Does ''that'' sound like a healthy organization to you? The fact that I got new material ''every fucking week'' for this goddamn show is a testament to the year! Self-inflicted ineptitude! That knee injury [wide receiver Antonio Brown] had? Turns out he was bitching up a storm and getting into arguments with [Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger]! Once again skipping practices and being such a cancer that he was benched from the game!\ |
| 476 | Yep, that's it! It's quite obvious this team didn't learn from last year's embarrassing loss in the playoffs[[note]]the previous season several Steelers players were openly discussing how they were looking forward to facing the New England Patriots in the AFC Championship Game while their Divisional Round game hadn't even been played yet, overlooking the Jacksonville Jaguars (the Steelers' opponent for that round) and implicitly dismissing them -- the Jaguars notched the upset 45-42[[/note]], so it's time for me to go harder! Excuse me, I need to grind my ax!\ |
| 477 | ...\ |
| 478 | Captain Fatfuck[[note]]Ben Roethlisberger[[/note]], the Glorious Leader of Men! If you couldn't tell, I despise this man. It's a shame that a quarterback of that ability is such an [[Main/JerkAss unlikable piece of shit]] that the world wants nothing more than to see him fail. This is far from an old grudge or vendetta about his past for one simple reason: he hasn't changed ''one fucking bit''. He's still the petty, self-serving asswipe that he was when he was one of the more infamous people in the North Hills bar scene. Look at the way he criticizes others publicly for shit that's his own goddamn fault, [[Main/NeverMyFault failing to take any sort of responsibility for his actions]]. It's the thing I can't ''stand'' about him the one thing that grind me to my very core. It's always about '''[[Main/ItsAllAboutMe you]]'''. It's why the offensive coordinator got replaced with your puppet, it's why the Steelers do nothing but throw the goddamn ball, it's why no one wants to admit the reality that Captain Fatfuck is becoming more of a liability to the team with his antics and bone-headed turnovers! You're not a goddamn leader, '''get the fuck out of here with that bullshit!''' Now we get to deal with more limbo as you Brett Favre and get to bitch about rookies they may draft! I'd wish something bad would happen to you, but I won't. The CTE[[note]]Chronic traumatic encephalopathy, a condition that causes mental instability and even suicide in many former NFL players due to the large number of concussions they receive[[/note]] will take you down by the time you're 60.\ |
| 479 | ...\ |
| 480 | Let me share with you a fun fact about [then-Steelers running back] Le'Veon Bell. When he was selected by the Steelers, Bell was considered a "character" pick. ''[[Main/HarsherInHindsight Someone really fucked up with that assessment]].'' In what way is Bell showing "character?" All of those cringe-inducing rap tracks? No-showing practice before a playoff game? Liking Steelers losses on Instagram? ''[[Main/SpoiledBrat Whining like a little bitch]] because he was going to make more than most of us were going to make in our entire lives?'' Way to piss away $14.5 million, Le'Veon! I sincerely in my heart of hearts hopes this stunt you pulled blows up in your face spectacularly! Who's going to want a dispassionate fuck who cares more for jet skis in Miami and slapping asses at strip clubs than the team he plays for?! '''You're a [[Main/ManChild petulant fucking child!]]''' You're a goddamn headache that had the stats you had because you were behind one of the best o-lines in football! And then you got an insatiable ego and decided to bitch off because of a non-existent market for your services! Don't worry, Bell, someone's going to pay you for the brand. ''And they're going to immediately regret it''.\ |
| 481 | ...\ |
| 482 | AB[[note]]then-Steelers wide receiver Antonio Brown[[/note]]. The [[Main/ThePrimaDonna diva]] needs his feathers clipped and ''fast''. The man may be an incredible talent, but the only thing growing besides his statline are the malignant traits of his personality. We saw it in Week 2 when you flipped out at Ben's puppet [[Main/ItsAllAboutMe for not getting you the ball enough]], we saw it [[Main/DisproportionateRetribution when you threatened to break a reporter's jaw for not sucking your dick in an article]], ''we saw it when you no-showed practice and told someone sarcastically to trade you.'' I physically cannot ''cheer'' for this guy. I know the catches are amazing, but I keep thinking back to when he chucked furniture out of a 14th-floor balcony in another [[Main/TantrumThrowing bitch fit]][[note]]Oh, and the furniture he threw? It nearly hit and killed a ''22-month-old toddler''[[/note]]! Always pouting, always whining to get the ball. That shit you pulled this last weekend, that's just icing on the cake! This fucker is so egotistical that Narcissus is shaking his head in disgust! This man has become toxic and the Steelers have chosen to swim in it! You want a Madden Curse? Here it is! Endless stats but nothing that really matters! Whining can't get you rings, divas rarely win them, and AB is running straight towards it! [[Main/SarcasmMode Thanks for vindicating my claims...for a year and a half!]]\ |
| 483 | ...\ |
| 484 | I swear to the holiest of deities if you mother fucks corrupt [wide receiver] [=JuJu=] [Smith-Schuster] into an abominable monster, I will hunt down and kill every one of you in your sleep!\ |
| 485 | ...\ |
| 486 | I'm tired of talking about Mike Tomlin[[note]]Steelers head coach since 2007[[/note]]. It's the same goddamn shit '''every fucking year''' with this guy! Horrible clock management, the painfully cliche press conferences, the lack of controlling the insatiable egos on the team, his pathetic play-call challenges, the inability to hold people accountable for their actions, hideously playing down to ''vastly'' inferior competition on nearly '''every fucking occasion'''. Once again, when it happens repeatedly it's not a fluke, it's what we call a ''trend''. Players and coordinators keep changing. What hasn't? The head coach! I used to think the calls for his head were ridiculous, but this season proved how incompetent he truly is! Look at the excuses he brought up! ''A fucking x-ray machine?!'' '''That's''' your excuse for leaving one of your best weapons on the sideline?![[note]] In the loss to a 2-10 Raiders team, Mike Tomlin was criticized for waiting to put in Ben Roethlisberger when he was shown to be relatively uninjured. His excuse for that was...not well-received.[[/note]] No big deal, they just need to raid Le'Veon's locker, it's "therapeutic", and nothing will be done because that's how most locker rooms act! [[Main/SarcasmMode Keep pretending you have the high road and ignore the drama, it's really doing this team some good!]] This is a goddamn circus and Mike is the ringmaster! The standard is the standard, you know! The time has come for heads to roll and it needs to start with Tomlin! But that's just a pipe dream! After all, Joey Porter[[note]] former Steelers linebacker-turned-assistant coach who kept his job despite being arrested multiple times[[/note]] is still here.\ |
| 487 | ...\ |
| 488 | [Randy] Fichtner[[note]]then-offensive coordinator for the Steelers[[/note]], I'm not going to waste my time, that dude is a yes-man for Ben.\ |
| 489 | ...\ |
| 490 | Keith Butler[[note]]defensive coordinator for the Steelers[[/note]] is the reason why I'm starting to think loyalty is a terrible trait to have in an organization. So many years goddamn marinating and all this guy knows are fucking linebackers! Hell, [[Main/TooDumbToLive he has them covering the best wideouts on the other team!]] He can't design schemes! He can't fit to the [defense's] strengths, he thinks players who can't physically run are a threat to the defense! This dude is taking the piss, he's ''way'' over his goddamn head! Makes sense how he was only a linebackers coach for every year except one before the Steelers! Wasn't he supposed to be different than [former Steelers defensive coordinator Dick] Lebeau? All I'm seeing is a watered-down imitation of that defense. Just...just no.\ |
| 491 | ...\ |
| 492 | Danny Smith[[note]]special-teams coordinator for the Steelers[[/note]] is fucking useless. How many times are the Steelers going to be penalized on opening kickoffs? Wait, hold on, the main strategy to block field goals is to keep going offsides on them!\ |
| 493 | ...\ |
| 494 | Whenever I look at the Steelers and everything leaking out of the locker room, what I see is an organization infested with ''cancer.'' And you know what you do when you find cancer: '''you cut it out.''' For far too long, they have allowed cancer to become malignant and metastasize throughout its entire mass! It finally caught up to them this year! From going 7-2-1 and a ''97%'' chance at the playoffs to completely missing them is total incompetence! With this level of talent on the roster, two of the best receivers in the game, the best offensive line in football, a defensive line full of play-makers, and minimal injuries, and you can't even ''sniff'' the postseason? '''That's ''catastrophic'' [[Main/EpicFail failure!]]''' You can't just keep kicking the can down the road for this kind of team! The way things have been done ''haven't fucking worked''. This extreme situation requires extreme measures: '''wholesale purge'''. Any sort of tumor in this organization needs to go and ''now''. Tomlin, Fichtner, Butler, Danny Smith, Joey Porter, [linebacker] Bud Dupree, fucking [linebacker] Vince [Williams], Le'Veon, the cancer known as AB, they all needed to fuck off yesterday! Even Ben needs to be considered for removal! Do you really want that baggage with an aging body? Some healthy tissue is removed to make sure the cancer is gone! The shit that is being pulled can no longer fucking fly! There's this one word that is paramount: accountability! It's critical in every other business, and let's face it, the Steelers are a business: a failing one!\ |
| 495 | \ |
| 496 | Even if you think I'm crazy, there's no need to worry: nothing will change. The Steelers will keep course next year with the same shit and the year after that. Artie II[[note]]Art Rooney II, owner of the Steelers[[/note]] will bring in some old faces from the 70's and make some thinly-veiled speech about some "family" and the "Steeler way!" Pittsburgh doesn't fire coaches, they "retire" or have their contracts conveniently expire. After all, they beat New England! [[Main/SarcasmMode That's a sign things are on the up-and-up!]] There's only one quote that summarizes this team:\ |
| 497 | \ |
| 498 | ''(shows the scene from [[Film/ABronxTale A Bronx Tale]] where Robert De Niro states that the saddest thing in the world is wasted talent)''\ |
| 499 | \ |
| 500 | At the end of the day, that's all this team is: '''a waste'''. And it will continue into perpetuity at this rate. ''Nothing'' has shown me that they want to change. With the actions shown, I see nothing but arrogance and the inability to take a ''shred'' of criticism.[[note]]This is referencing how the Pittsburgh Steelers blocked him on Twitter for his show "Days of Our Steelers" criticizing them ''even though he never directly tweeted at them''[[/note]] What they ''can't'' block is that they have no one else to blame but themselves for the predicament they're in.\ |
| 501 | \ |
| 502 | They're becoming more and more of a joke as time passes. And it's going to continue because of stubbornness. See ya next year. |
| 503 | * ''WebVideo/TheWarpZone'': |
| 504 | ** Hollywood executive Dick Richards often gives these out considering his {{Jerkass}} behavior. Arguably the best example comes in [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o952kUxFXzo The X-Men Try Joining the MCU]], where Dick Richards, currently working for {{Creator/Disney}}, gets fed up with the X-Men claiming they should be integrated into the [[Franchise/MarvelCinematicUniverse MCU]]: |
| 505 | -->'''Dick Richards:''' Alright, I was trying to do this the nice way but I guess I'll have to spell it out for you dumb-dumbs. In the face of the [[CashCowFranchise unstoppable juggernaut]] that is the MCU, you are nothing. The only reason you have a movie franchise in the first place was because of the goodwill created by the [[WesternAnimation/XMenTheAnimatedSeries '90s cartoon show]]. The last time you guys were relevant, [[Website/MySpace MySpace]] was a thing. Out of [[Film/XMenFilmSeries 12 films]], you only managed to create 3-and-a-half good ones. That's a lower ratio than [[Characters/MarvelComicsCyclops Scott's]] screentime in [[Film/XMenTheLastStand X-Men 3]].\ |
| 506 | '''Wolverine:''' [[ActuallyPrettyFunny Ha!]]\ |
| 507 | '''Cyclops:''' Ow.\ |
| 508 | '''Rogue:''' Now listen here, mister. The X-Men are a multi-''billion'' dollar franchise.\ |
| 509 | '''Dick Richards:''' The MCU churns out multi-billion dollar '''movies'''! [[Film/AvengersEndgame Endgame]] alone has made a third of your entire box office! ''(cue more money falling on Dick's head)'' Endgame has made ''half'' of your entire box office! And you wanna talk about HouseholdNames? You guys had some of the most popular characters of all time and you royally screwed the pooch with them! Meanwhile, all the MCU had was Marvel's leftovers, and we made them into [[Main/CashCowFranchise gold-shitting machines!]] I mean, we made a talking f*cking [[Film/GuardiansOfTheGalaxy2014 raccoon]] into a household name, for Christ's sake! [[Main/WhamLine We don't]] ''[[WhamLine need]]'' [[WhamLine you!]] |
| 510 | ** In ''Is “The Last Jedi” Bad? (Fanboy Court)'', the Judge gives these out when handing down his verdict to a Star Wars hater who wants to have ''Film/TheLastJedi'' replaced with his own headcanon and a fan countersuing said hater. |
| 511 | --->'''Judge''': ORDER! ORDER! CHRIST! I'm rendering my verdict. ''(muttering)'' Pause for dramatic effect, pause for dramatic effect... ''(looks up and speaks aloud)'' I'm throwing the case out. Clearly, both of you are not Star Wars fans.\ |
| 512 | '''Fanboy and Hater''': WHAT?!\ |
| 513 | '''Judge''': Plaintiff, you're not a fan, you're a hater. You're weighing the choices the film made against your own headcanon, and there's no way it could possibly meet those expectations. You're living too much in your own nostalgia. To quote Kylo Ren, "Let the past die."\ |
| 514 | '''Fanboy''': Nailed it, Your Honor.\ |
| 515 | '''Judge''': And you. You're not a Star Wars fan either, you're a sycophant. A cult member. You clearly aren't thinking for yourself, and are choosing to willfully ignore its many flaws just because it's Star Wars. It's OK to admit when something isn't great.\ |
| 516 | '''Fanboy''': LEIA FLYING THROUGH SPACE WAS SHOT PERFECTLY AND WASN'T WEIRD AT ALL!\ |
| 517 | '''Judge''': A true fan can appreciate and celebrate the good while still acknowledging the bad. In short, y'all need to be more like ''Franchise/StarTrek'' fans.\ |
| 518 | '''Hater''': Uh, I also have opinions about the new Star Trek films.\ |
| 519 | '''Judge''': The point is, no film is perfect. Even the original trilogy had flaws. And if the new films didn't affect you the same way the originals did, that has to be okay. Because maybe they did for somebody else. Someone new. And having more Star Wars fans isn't a bad thing. But right now, you are both poisoning the franchise and the fanbase, and I hereby ban you from seeing any of the upcoming movies or in-canon spinoffs.\ |
| 520 | ''(the Hater gapes as the Judge speaks, while the Fanboy throws his papers up in the air)''\ |
| 521 | '''Fanboy''': BUT I ALREADY BOUGHT TICKETS TO [[Film/{{Solo}} SOLO]], MAN!\ |
| 522 | '''Judge''': The Melvin has spoken. Case dismissed! |
| 523 | ** ''Mickey FIRES Bob Chapek!'' is basically 5 minutes of Mickey chewing out Chapek for how horribly mismanaged his tenure at running Disney was. |
| 524 | * Starling delivers one to Nivel-X during the climactic battle again in the Disgaea/Monster Hunter mashup world in ''Roleplay/WeAreOurAvatars''. It affected Nivel-X's mental state to the point where it caused Nivel-X's head to explode. Granted, Nivel-X grew another head, but that did a lot of damage. |
| 525 | * ''Literature/WhateleyUniverse'': |
| 526 | -->'''Phase:''' ''(to [[QueenBee The Yellow Queen]])'' Have you ever considered that you're playing a losing hand? Your so-called "Alpha" playmates are a gang of thugs and losers who won't be important once they're out of high school. And you know what? They're not even important now. Hekate's gone, and is probably going to be locked up for the rest of her life. Excellent role model there. The Don’s still laid up in hospital. Kodiak's fired most of the hit squad goons. Solange has bitten off more than she can chew, and she's still paying for it. So think about it. By the time you get any further up the Alpha ladder, you'll graduate. And then you'll be ''nothing''. The Golden Kids will have all the money. The Capes will have the cool superhero gigs. The devisers and gadgeteers you’re ignoring now will be the rich nerds with the big houses. Start thinking about your future, Patty. Where are you going to be in three years? Do you want to grow old, sitting around and thinking "junior year of high school was the best year of my life, that was when Solange didn't spit on me"? Because your life is truly going to suck if the best thing you can think of is being an Alpha cast-off in high school.\ |
| 527 | '''Doctor Venus''' ''(to Dr. Macabre)'' Cobb, like I said, [[TheFriendNobodyLikes Nobody Likes You]]. And it's not just that snotty attitude of yours, though God knows that doesn't help. Cobb, TheSyndicate is a bunch of professional crooks, thieves, spies, assassins, and mad scientists- AND YOU'RE STILL A FUCKING EMBARRASSMENT! The rest of us do horrible, illegal things... but YOU? You experiment on KIDS! I get a lot of grief for what I do to my stud-muffins, but at least I give them a fucking choice! They volunteer for what I do to them. You? You grab kids off the street and shove them literally kicking and screaming into that Monster Chamber of yours! You turn them into fucking monsters! That's sick, Cobb, SICK!\ |
| 528 | '''Eldritch:''' ''(to [[PhysicalGod Imperious]])'' “Lesson one, know your opponent’s weaknesses.” Caitlin stepped the last yard and slammed her fist at Imperious’ chest. He managed to deflect the impact to his shoulder and rocked back. It hurt worse than a shot from Kodiak. Caitlin’s attack wasn’t stronger, but her attack had overtones of actual, serious hand-to-hand training and intent to cause massive bodily harm. |
| 529 | -->“Lesson two, don’t skimp out on Ito’s martial arts classes because you think you’re such a badass that you don’t need it. Most real opponents aren’t impressed. Training trumps power, you overconfident jackass.” |
| 530 | -->“Shut up.” Imperious launched a haymaker at Eldritch’s face as her skin crackled with energy. In his mind, even Kodiak or Hippolyta would have had a hard time stopping the speed and power of such a strike. The woman in front of him slapped his hand aside and snapped an elbow forward, cracking his jaw with the force of a bus impact. Her style wasn’t flashy, it wasn’t particularly inspired, but it was brutally simple in its intent to cause harm. |
| 531 | -->“Lesson three, blocking. Your form sucks, you have no experience, and you fight like an amateur school bully. You have no capacity to fight without your cronies.” She grabbed his incoming leg and twisted hard, forcing him to spin, lest his leg break in two as she slapped her palm to his back, driving him face-first into the snow. |
| 532 | -->Imperious was getting angry. He was up and darting at her only to eat a blast of chaotic energy that ripped across his body, causing short-lived but painful alterations of his form seemingly at random. Animal shapes of limbs intermixed with human deformity for a brief six seconds before his natural shape imposed itself and the pain stopped. |
| 533 | -->Caitlin looked at him contemptuously. “Big bad New Olympian, stopped by a mere Exemplar four. Here’s a newsflash as to why.” Caitlin darted forward and kicked the Exemplar 5 Imperious’ legs out from under him, driving him to his knees as she grabbed his long white hair and ripped his head back. |
| 534 | -->"Your body as powerful as it is, is still recovering from puberty. You’re off-balance, your reflexes are off, and you don’t know just how strong you actually are." She lifted her hand and drove it down once with each following word. “I. DO. NOT. SUFFER. FROM. THIS. PROBLEM!” She threw him to the ground, and backed up. "Do we have any further lessons we wish to learn today?" |
| 535 | * From ''Literature/{{Worm}}'': |
| 536 | ** [[spoiler:Eidolon's Evil Clone]] gives one to ''the entire [[SuperTeam Protectorate]]'', running down why everything they thought they knew was a lie, how they had been manipulated in being complicit to crimes against humanity and finishes with this: |
| 537 | --->''"It's all been a ploy from the start. Every single one of you were deceived. For every one of you that bought your powers, there were innocents who died or became monsters for the sake of that formula's research. No matter what good you might do, it will never make up for that. And the rest of you? Conned, brought in with promises of ideals and saving the world. You're fools."'' |
| 538 | ** Panacea alludes to being on the receiving end of one following the Leviathan attack. |
| 539 | --->''"You know how much trouble that caused for my family? The director of the PRT and Legend and Miss Militia were all at my house, lecturing all of us about how serious these events were and how sensitive relations between the various factions were."'' |
| 540 | * Youtube Wrestling Podcaster [=JDfromNY206=] gave a [[https://youtu.be/tpBwYOhC3GY?t=3038 scathing speech]] towards Wrestling/BraunStrowman in regards to [[NoSympathy his comments]] towards [[Wrestling/AllEliteWrestling Evil Uno's]] suggestion to aid Indy Wrestlers who are out of work due to the [=COVID-19=] pandemic. Stating that he's saying that because he's in WWE earning a guaranteed paycheck that he arguably doesn't deserve and that the only reason why he is in that position in the first place was due to his feud with Wrestling/RomanReigns. |
| 541 | * In the first Abridged Movie of ''WebVideo/YuGiOhTheAbridgedSeries'', Seto Kaiba goes on a tangent against Yami which goes on to the point where onscreen text actually has to tell you that he's actually deviated from the actual in-universe script of the movie. |
| 542 | -->'''Kaiba:''' I summon the Blue-Eyes Shining Dragon, compliments of Pegasus!\ |
| 543 | '''Yami:''' [[SarcasmMode Gee, another dragon. Why am I not surprised?]]\ |
| 544 | '''Kaiba:''' Can it, you loser! Do you have any idea how sick I am of your posing? You're pathetic! Nobody cares about you! I'm the only reason people watch Yu-Gi-Oh! Me, Seto Kaiba! I have all the cool gadgets, I have all the best outfits and I have the most powerful monsters! Nobody would be watching this movie right now if it weren't for me, so just this once, I deserve to win! Oh, and by the way, [[AdoptionDiss I may be adopted]], but [[BrutalHonesty at least I don't live with my grandpa]]!\ |
| 545 | '''Grandpa:''' [[JerkassHasAPoint He's got a point there]]. |
| 546 | ** Kaiba also gives one to Yugi's friends in Episode 60: |
| 547 | -->'''Joey''': Don't be silly, Mokuba! Kaiba's a good guy!\ |
| 548 | '''Duke''': Yeah! And even if he doesn't want to admit it, deep down he knows he's our friend.\ |
| 549 | '''Kaiba''': Heh heh, ooookay, let me make this very simple for all of you. ''You're losers.'' I don't mean that in an endearing way; it f*cking hurts me that I have to interact with all of you so much! Duke, you're a lecherous pervert with a failed game store. Congrats!\ |
| 550 | '''Duke''': Uh...\ |
| 551 | '''Kaiba''': ''Wheeler...'' The only reason anyone even acknowledges you is because your best friend is the "King of Games." You'll probably end up in jail in about five years with bills coming out of your ass because you have absolutely no real life skills. And you're a giant parasite on society and everyone around you.\ |
| 552 | '''Joey''': Well you don't have to be so rude, Koiba-\ |
| 553 | '''Kaiba''': And my name! Is not! Koiba!\ |
| 554 | '''Joey''': Nnnnnyeh.\ |
| 555 | '''Kaiba''': And Tristan. ''Tristan.'' You are the single most worthless human being I've ever met. Deuces. (walks away)\ |
| 556 | '''Tristan''': Hurray! I'm friends with Kaiba! |
| 557 | ** Yami also gets a blistering one from Dartz, which manages to break him despite the idiotic accent. He ends up [[SelfDeprecation expanding on it internally,]] acknowledging what a complete asshole he's been throughout the series. |
| 558 | -->'''Yami''': No matter what you say, Dartz, I choose to believe that I was not this evil Pharaoh you describe. Your memory is as corrupt as your soul.\ |
| 559 | '''Dartz''': Naw, man, I don't even have to remember anything. Everything you've done since coming back from that day, it has poofed me wight.\ |
| 560 | '''Yami''': I...What?\ |
| 561 | '''Dartz''': Look at yourself! Look at everything you've done! You've got a second chance at wife! And how do you choose to spend it? Beating people in games you're already good at, and telling them how much they sook.\ |
| 562 | '''Yami''': It's not my fault if they refuse to get good.\ |
| 563 | '''Dartz''': I know you're wight, but what is your fault is the way you take your fwiends for gwanted. Or-oh, oh? Do you even think of them as your fwiewends?\ |
| 564 | '''Yami''': (looking down) Of course I-\ |
| 565 | '''Dartz''': Oh man, you can't even defend yourself! Not once have you taken the time to appreciate everything they've done for you, how patient they've been. You're too busy calling Twistan stoopid. Or Tea a sloot. Or insulting the person whose body you now inhabit.\ |
| 566 | '''Yami''': Yugi...\ |
| 567 | '''Dartz''': Oh, that's the truth though, Phaowowoah. No Orichacamalos magic, no bullsh*t powahs. You're no hewo. You don't even deserve those fwiends you surround yourself with. And you certainly don't deserve to keep living in Yugey Moutou's body. Just give it up. It's easier than finding the truth.\ |
| 568 | '''Yami''': Maybe he's right. It would be easier to give up. What's the point in fighting for this world if I'm just going to let everyone in it down? My friends have been here for me all this time, and now that they're gone, I realize... I've made them all feel as alone as I do now. Why haven't they given up on me? Don't they see what a joke I am? A dead man ''pretending'' to be alive. But when I'm with them, it's like I never even died in the first place... How could I let them all down like this? And Yugi... [[MyGreatestFailure Yugi I let down most of all.]] |
| 569 | * Oddly, Creator/Cs188 does this [[SelfDeprecation to himself]] and his YouTubePoop viewers in [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xMHANUJD5NQ [YTP] OMBABA'S NEW WORLD ORDER ACID TRIP]]. |
| 570 | -->'''Barack Obama:''' Mr. Speaker. Mr. ''Bbbbbb~''. Members of ''Caaaaaaa~''. And fellow Poopers. Tonight, we meet at an urgent time. Millions have watched {{YouTube Poop}}s and have spent months making their own, including many who are sitting here tonight. ''[cuts to view of "other Poopers"]'' They've seen the dick jokes too often. We continue to face [=YouTub=]e Poopers like [=CS188=] that have made things [[PrecisionFStrike fucking worse]]. ''[audience claps]'' There are censored privates all across his work. Everything in here is the kind of shit that has been supported by young people with small dicks. ''[more clapping]'' Everyone knows CS can't actually sentence mix. Dinner Warrior did the sentence mixing for everything in this video. So, for those who everyone who speaks so passionately about CS as the leader who saved {{YouTube Poop}}: ''shut up''. [=CS188=] is fucking overrated. ''[more clapping]'' More people have followed the example he set, making sex jokes and sentence mixing [=YouTube=] Poops. It's an outrage. We need to stop this right now. I want to see Poops with more ''EAR RAPE'' and random fucking shit flying back and forth. If you do the right thing, you can make it--anyone could make [=KevinTAckerman=]'s Top Ten {{YouTube Poop}}s of the Month. ''ALL'' of us will have to change the way we do Pooping. The only solution-lution-lution-lution is to let this crisis as an excuse [[DisproportionateRetribution to wipe out China!]] |
| 571 | * [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AMeAsfSvOXA This]] Youtube video which overlays battle scenes from ''Film/{{Avatar}}'' with ''TabletopGame/Warhammer40000'' video game quotes has a comment by one '''S. VASH'''[[labelnote:Note]]Which ultimately came from a post on this very Wiki's [[https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/posts.php?discussion=sa7rmohv1hmgymf4xdu8cait&page=27#comment-660 discussion forum for Avatar, before spreading on the internet]][[/labelnote]] which reads as this and a BadassBoast from the apparent POV of a 40k soldier or Space Marine towards the Na'vi: |
| 572 | --> '''S. VASH''': [[DontYouDarePityMe Spare us your pity]], alien. You gush about your connection with nature, your primal wisdom, but [[ArmorPiercingQuestion what has it brought you?]]\ |
| 573 | Where are your marvels of engineering? Your voyages of discovery? Your great insight into the nature of the universe? Even at our basest, when we dressed as you do, dwelt as you do, hunted as you do, ''lived'' as you do, we did more than merely survive. [[HumansAreSpecial We built wonders. We made great journeys. We forged epics]]. You have not.\ |
| 574 | You speak so proudly of the plugs that dangle from your skulls, little realizing that [[BlessedWithSuck they are but strings and you puppets.]] What little you have accomplished you attribute to the wisdom of your goddess, who is nothing but the voices of your dead echoing for all eternity. [[CreativeSterility She moors you to the past, serving as a leash that keeps you as little better than apes]], sad parodies of civilization that lack that special spark to become something more.\ |
| 575 | We have come to your world in search of resources. Whether your actions drive us back or we take what we want and move on, the outcome is the same. We will depart from your wretched planet, leaving you behind. And in a thousand years, you will not have changed from this contact with another world. [[DyingRace You will remain in your trees, hunting your prey, communing with your goddess, until your sun burns out and your world dies.]]\ |
| 576 | ''[[BadassBoast And above your tomb, the stars will belong to us.]]'' |
| 577 | * A two-bit developer named Gilson B Pontes made the critical mistake of trying to get Creator/JimSterling's entire Youtube channel shut down after Sterling called out Pontes' appallingly poor work (asset flips, copyright infringement, the works). Because of Pontes' [[ScrewTheRulesIHaveConnections suspicious support from Sony]], Youtube originally kowtowed to the demand to close Sterling's channel, until Sterling's lawyer responded in earnest with a willingness to "create precedent if I have to." Youtube reinstated Sterling, and after being thoroughly tired of having to go through this ''again'', Sterling addressed Pontes directly with a [[https://youtu.be/trIn90HTqKs?t=1261 scathing indictment of the man]]. |
| 578 | -->'''Jim Sterling:''' [[FullNameUltimatum Gilson B. Pontes]], I do not have time for sad, oversensitive little boys who do not like to be challenged. You are not an auteur. You are not a genius. [[SmallNameBigEgo You compare yourself to Orson Welles in the IMDB page you wrote for yourself]], you ''sad. Little. Man.'' Do not bother me again. Do not [[PrecisionFStrike fuck]] with my life again. You have been shown so much fucking mercy already--the fact I haven't gone after you harder than I should, than I really, really should, is something you need to count your blessings for. Okay? So don't do it again. Naughty boy. Filthy little boy. Urchin. In your bed, no porridge for you. Thank god for me! Say your prayers. [[{{Metaphorgotten}} Like that, then you go to bed, you've got a nightshirt on, and one of those little hats, little floppy ones, little poffle like that, like I'm sending you to bed, right]]. |
| 579 | ** As to the first time Sterling had to go through this: after making a scathing video condemning Creator/DigitalHomicide's ''The Slaughtering Grounds'', developers James and Robert Romine responded by attempting to sue Sterling to bury any and all criticism they had in regards to their works. After what could be generously described as a "complete and utter shitshow" which led to Digital Homicide being banned from Steam, the lawsuit being dropped after Sterling's lawyer laid out how completely and utterly legally ''screwed'' the brothers Romine would be should the case actually go before a judge, and Digital Homicide's ultimate dissolution, Sterling took the time to [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qS-LXvhy1Do rub it in]]. The linked video is a 40+ minute long "The Reasons You Suck" speech, which can best be summarized by the final lines of said speech: |
| 580 | -->'''Jim Sterling''': He's a punchline with basic coding ability. He's so wrong that even a lot of people who ''hate me'' think he's acted like a buffoon. He managed to tank his own company while the man he blamed for everything wasn't even talking about him, and he's been left humiliated and mocked for throwing a years-long temper tantrum that culminated in several embarrassing messes of legal documentation, and a dismissal with prejudice that actually adds a little admonishing point about how he needs to consider Fair Use if he ever wants to take down my shit again, and this ''creature'' thinks I spend my time conspiring to ruin him?! James, mate, I wouldn't conspire to have a food truck bring you a bad sandwich. There is nothing I can do to you, you haven't done to yourself. And more than anything else, at this stage...I pity you. I truly...fucking...pity...you. So, James, I gotta ask: is it fair to call ''The Slaughtering Grounds'' an absolute failure '''''now'''''? |
| 581 | * Another ''Website/FourChan'' [[https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/138/786/be5.png post]] has someone criticizing ''VideoGame/{{Undertale}}'', despite admitting to having never played it, merely because other users of the board have voiced negative comments about it. He even goes as far as to claim you're 'asking for trouble' by praising the game. He gets met with a scathing reply bashing against [[Main/YesMan users who blindly agree with others rather than forming their own opinion.]] Thanks to the reaction image used, it's usually known as "the day [[Franchise/TheMuppets Kermit]] went [[UnstoppableRage nuclear]]" |
| 582 | --> What the fuck do you mean "asking for trouble"? It's a video game. On a board for video games. Are we supposed to just shit on it because some other people did? Are you afraid to tell people in real life of your interests because you're afraid they won't like them? Do you pretend that you hate stuff that other people do? |
| 583 | --> I don't know where we fucking went so wrong as to make absolute fucking cowards like you - who parrot every shitpost they see - welcome on this board. You echo every criticism you notice on this website without any knowledge of its source content so you can feel like you fit in the /v/ "le epic pessimist mindset" because you're certainly not going to get the satisfaction of community and friendship out of real life, you worthless fucking nobody. |
| 584 | --> I hate you. I hate everything you represent in this day and age on this board in which shitposting hivemind have replaced actual debate. I hate that you are incapable of forming your own opinion. I hate that genuinely good games now have a bad reputation on this site because of fucking morons like you. |
| 585 | --> I'll be waiting for your response, but considering that 3 people disagree with you now, I guess you would be [[Main/IronicEcho "asking for trouble",]] you fucking prick. |
| 586 | ** Thanks to similar typing styles and the same reaction image being used, it's believed the same poster was responsible for the [[https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/275/442/244.jpg following furious rant]] in response to someone being upset that ''Videogame/SuperSmashBrosMelee'' was not granted a Sunday spot in the 2017 EVO tournament, insulting every other game that did in the process; a rant targeted not just at the poster, but at the ''Melee'' fanbase as a whole. |
| 587 | --->[[green:>Why does this game that's had some of the best top 8 action of any series at EVO get a Sunday slot?]]\ |
| 588 | [[green:>I'd much rather watch Armada, Hungrybox, Mango, [=Mew2King=] and some random assortment of [=Plup/Westballz/(insert top 12 player here)=] fight for the 20th tournament in a row]]\ |
| 589 | This is why your game isn't on on Sunday. It's basically a solved game at this point. Forget about age, forget about muh displays, forget about your obnoxious fucking fanbase for five seconds and think about how utterly stale Melee is. You can claim the game is growing all you want, but there is zero variation in the part of the community that actually plays the game. There are a handful of good players left while the scrubs fight for scraps at the bottom of the battle. There is no Spark who played a mid-to-low character in [[Videogame/BlazBlueContinuumShift Continuum Shift]] and pulls the tournament out from underneath everyone's nose. There is no Gamerbee from Thailand [[Videogame/StreetFighterV playing a character nobody gave a shit about and slaying veterans left and right]]. There is no Noah, a literal child that was [[Videogame/MarvelVsCapcom3 able to win games]] by abusing the shit out of SuperArmor.\ |
| 590 | Melee has no progression. Top 4 is all but guaranteed and the only reason it wouldn't be is if you put all four on the same side of the bracket for some reason. We can only [watch] the same four people fight so many times before it gets stale. You have more people watching and sitting in the crowd booing games that aren't yours, but nobody's actually playing at a level that's acceptable for competition. Melee is past that point. The complexity of the game has caught up to it, you can't possibly match a decade of experience and muscle memory, it's just never going to happen. So nobody new is playing the game, and the gap between the top 10 players and everyone else is huge, and there's no online scene to speak of. There are more new people SHITPOSTING ABOUT MELEE than actually putting time into the game.\ |
| 591 | Eat shit, but considering you're defending Melee you probably already do. |
| 592 | * Jason Scott of Archive Team has zero tolerance for any website that uses a [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robots_exclusion_standard robots.txt]] file. On his wiki is a page [[https://wiki.archiveteam.org/index.php?title=Robots.txt strictly condemning people who use it]] to lock the crawlers, and therefore preventing their websites to be preserved. |
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