Line #139 Quotes/TheAlcoholic


1	[[foldercontrol]]
2
3	[[folder:Anime and Manga]]
4
5	->''"Alcohol is one of mankind's friends. Can I abandon a friend?"''
6	-->--'''Yang Wen-Li''', ''Literature/LegendOfTheGalacticHeroes''
7
8	[[/folder]]
9
10	[[folder:Comic Books]]
11
12	->'''Constantine:''' Who the fuck would let you run a pub?
13	->'''Brendan:''' [''lying on the floor, surrounded by empty glasses''] I'm only mindin' it for Thick Davy, John. He's on his holidays. It's been a veritable triumph, but: I'm tellin' yeh, by simply doin' away wi' outmoded concepts like licensin' laws an' payin' for drink, I've created Heaven on Earth.
14	-->-- ''ComicBook/{{Hellblazer}}: Son Of Man''
15
16	->''"Well, I guess it all took a turn for the worse when the mother caught me fucking her husband in the kitchen. She threw a punch. I hit her back. Next thing you know, we're wrestling on a bouncy castle and some kid's having an asthma attack. I think the moral of this story is never pour vodka on your breakfast cereal when you run out of milk."''
17	-->-- '''Cordelia Moonstone,''' ''ComicBook/TheMagicOrder''
18
19	->'''Nick Fury:''' Vodka and orange? It's 10 AM, Tony.
20	->'''Tony Stark:''' Not in Moscow, old boy. Cheers, by the way.
21	-->-- ''ComicBook/TheUltimates''
22
23	[[/folder]]
24
25	[[folder:Fan Works]]
26
27	->''"I must drink beer. [[{{Franchise/Dune}} Beer is the mind killer]]. Beer brings the hangover that causes total obliteration. I will scull my beer. I will let it pass through me, till only urine remains!"''
28	-->-- ''Captain Proton and the Planet of Lesbians''
29
30	->[[TheBartender In this business]], you only asked "what'll it be?" and let the customer do the talking, and more importantly, the drinking. And it was in the drinking that [[VideoGame/BioshockInfinite this strange girl]] had begun really drawing attention.
31	->She'd turned up about half an hour ago, sat down at the bar and immediately ordered a glass of Red Ribbon Brandy, then a shot of Old Tom Whiskey, then a tumbler of Chechnya Vodka. Eventually, she'd decided to actually make use of the cocktail menu, and ordered a Gin Rickey, followed by a Gin and Tonic, then gave up and asked for Moonbeam Absinthe – [[DrowningMySorrows with a specific request to leave the bottle]]. Now, she was quite clearly pickled, but the fact that [[PintSizedPowerhouse this slip of a thing]] was still capable of speaking coherently and remaining upright was nothing short of incredible.
32	-->-- ''[[https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13208214/1/After-The-Burial After The Burial]]''
33
34	->''"Imagine it. An alcoholic at 17. And you really say you aren’t a failure?"''
35	-->-- The InnerMonologue of '''Shin Kurata''', ''The Indescribable Moments of our Lives''
36
37	[[/folder]]
38
39	[[folder:Films - Live Action]]
40
41	->''"God, I'd give anything for a drink...my goddamn ''soul'', for just a glass of beer..."''
42	-->-- '''Jack Torrance''', ''Film/TheShining''
43
44	->'''John Linden''': What's the matter? Don't you drink?\
45	'''Mary Henry''': Not really.\
46	'''John''': Well, I do. And not only do I drink really, I really drink.
47	-->--''Film/CarnivalOfSouls''
48
49	->''"You know how most cops like to go out for a drink after work? Well, I kept moving on up... to the drink BEFORE work, the drink DURING work, and finally the drink INSTEAD OF work. It got to be a real problem; nobody wanted to deal with it, least of all me. Before I knew it, I was down to cleaning empty shells off the firing range."''
50	-->--'''Jake''', ''Film/ThePunisher1989''
51
52	->''"Give me a scotch, I'm starving."''
53	-->--'''[[ComicBook/IronMan Tony Stark]]''', ''Film/IronMan1''
54
55	->'''Valkyrie''': I've spent years, in a haze, trying to forget my past. Sakaar seemed like the best place to drink, and to forget... and to die, one day.\
56	'''Thor''': Well, I was thinking that you drink too much and it was probably gonna kill you.
57	-->--''Film/ThorRagnarok''
58
59	->'''Mrs. Spicer''': Domestic personnel?
60	->'''David''': Mr. Tandy, who I've no doubt you know.
61	->'''Mrs. Spicer''': ''Ah'', yes. An inebriate.
62	-->-- ''Film/NoKidding''
63
64	[[/folder]]
65
66	[[folder:Literature]]
67
68	->'''[[TheCommissionerGordon Armitage]]:''' Where are we going?\
69	'''[[CreepyChild Peg]]:''' An inn.\
70	'''[[IntellectualAnimal The Dog]]:''' Yes! Do [[TheFairFolk Faeries]] have sherry? They must do, right? Booze is the first thing any intelligent species invents. Sherry must exist here.\
71	'''Armitage:''' Why an inn?\
72	'''Peg:''' That is where we will find the Queen's contact. He is an awful creature who drinks too much and he falls unconscious every night.\
73	'''The Dog:''' Sounds awesome.
74	-->-- ''Clockwork City,'' by Paul Crilley
75
76	->His dipsomania had gained considerable ground since his last serious episode, and when he awoke, his first instinct was to open a beer and begin the measured process of filtering reality for the rest of the day. It was a fine art, and he'd read once that Italian fishermen had long since mastered it. They would drink steadily throughout the day, beginning as their boats set out to sea and their nets were cast, but [[FunctionalAddict always pacing themselves so not to reach the tipping point of total inebriation]]. It was not an easy discipline, since wine has a thirst all of its own, but Riaz followed the regime during daylight hours. It was only at twilight that [[AddledAddict he allowed himself to lose control entirely]], and his thoughts turned to a certain story – or maybe it was a fable – written by [[Creator/FScottFitzgerald F. Scott Fitzgerald]] in the 1920s of a dipso who had lost himself and climbed into the bottle for a couple of decades but who, after sobering up, found himself a total stranger in the New York he'd never actually left.
77	-->-- ''Decay,'' by Mark Samuels
78
79	->Above my bunk, [[MeaningfulName Vinegar Irish]] is asleep and snoring in his bed. He won't see me leave the dormitory room. After drinking so much this evening - the cleaning liquid with the wet paint smell that I stole from the stores for him - he climbed into bed on his hands and knees with eyes looking at nothing in particular. Most mornings it takes me over twenty minutes to wake him for our work upstairs behind the reception desks. [[AddledAddict He drinks all day, can remember nothing, and needs his sleep]]. His face is purple with veins and his lumpy nose smells of bad yeast.
80	-->-- ''Doll Hands'', by Adam L G Nevill
81
82	->'''Chelsie:''' How can you be so calm about this?\
83	'''Amelia:''' Easy. I'm drunk. You should try it sometime. You clearly need a better coping mechanism.
84	-->-- ''Literature/TheHeartstrikers''
85
86	->Mrs Greenough sniffs and looks around the hall. "I can smell alcohol. Someone in this room has been drinking. We should find out who it is and [[DisproportionateRetribution make them swallow hot lead]]."
87	->I am confident that the person who has been drinking alcohol is [[{{Hypocrite}} Mrs Greenough herself]]. Her breath smells of mint, but there is also the heady aroma of gin, cider, brandy, sherry, [[BreadEggsMilkSquick and petroleum]].
88	-->-- ''The Life Of A Teenage Body-Snatcher''
89
90	->Why are you drinking? - the little prince asked.\
91	- In order to forget - replied the drunkard.\
92	- To forget what? - inquired the little prince, who was already feeling sorry for him.\
93	- To forget that I am ashamed - the drunkard confessed, hanging his head.\
94	- Ashamed of what? - asked the little prince who wanted to help him.\
95	- Ashamed of drinking! - concluded the drunkard, withdrawing into total silence.
96	-->-- ''Literature/TheLittlePrince''
97
98	->When annoyed he was fond of saying, "[[SarcasmMode God, it's amazing I'm not a dipsomaniac]]," and then correcting himself: "Oh, wait, that's right..." It had been funny the first time. Sort of.
99	->At [[WizardingSchool Brakebills]], Eliot had started drinking at dinnertime, earlier on weekends, which was fine because all the upperclassmen drank at dinner, though not all of them bartered their desserts for extra glasses of wine the way Eliot did. In Manhattan, with no professors watching over them and no classes to be sober for, Eliot was rarely without a glass of something in his hand from one in the afternoon on. Usually it was something relatively innocuous, white wine or Campari or a big dilute tumbler of bourbon and soda clunking with ice. But still. Once when Eliot was nursing a stubborn cold, Quentin remarked lightly that maybe he should consider something more wholesome than a vodka-tonic with which to chase his plastic jigger of [=DayQuil=].
100	->"I'm sick, I'm not dead," Eliot snapped. [[AddledAddict And that was that]].
101	-->-- ''Literature/TheMagicians''
102
103	->He hadn't believed he was an alcoholic, Jack thought as Al's telephone began ringing in his ear. The classes he had missed or taught unshaven, still reeking of last night [[UnusualEuphemism martians]]. Not me, [[BelievingTheirOwnLies I can stop anytime]]. The nights he and Wendy [[ExiledToTheCouch had passed in separate beds]]. Listen, I'm fine. [[DrunkDriver Mashed fenders]]. Sure I'm okay to drive. [[AwfulWeddedLife Tears she always shed in the bathroom]]. Cautious looks from his colleagues at any party where alcohol was served, even wine. The slowly dawning realization that he was being talked about.
104	-->-- ''Literature/TheShining''
105
106	->'''Captain Billy Bones''': Rum Jim. Fetch me rum.
107	->'''Jim''': I can't, Captain! I promised Dr. Livesy.
108	->'''Captain Billy Bones''': Oh, hang all doctors. Give me rum.
109	-->-- ''Literature/TreasureIsland''
110
111	[[/folder]]
112
113	[[folder:Live Action TV]]
114
115	->'''Richie''': What's in this?!
116	->'''Eddie''': Brandy!
117	->'''Richie''': Good!
118	->'''Eddie''': [[GargleBlaster Meths, pernod, paintstripper, Mr. Sheen, brake fluid and Drambuie!]]
119	->'''Richie''': ''[sarcastically with an effeminate voice and camp gesture]'' Drambuie?! Oooh hoo-hoo ooooh!
120	->'''Eddie''': Yeah, yeah, yeah, alright! You've gotta put something in for the birds, haven't you?
121	->'''Richie''': ''[taking a whiff]'' Jesus! How are you alive?!
122	->'''Eddie''': [[{{Cloudcuckoolander}} I may very well not be!]]
123	-->-- ''Series/{{Bottom}}'', "Hole"
124
125	->''"It's not easy being drunk all the time. Everyone would do it if it were easy."''
126	-->-- '''Tyrion Lannister''', ''Series/GameOfThrones''
127
128	->''"I'm just trying to make a living, you know, booze costs money. Usually."''
129	-->-- '''Jessica''', ''Series/JessicaJones2015''
130
131	->''"I think I have liver damage. Also, we're out of wine."''
132	-->-- '''Eliot''', ''Series/TheMagicians2016''
133
134	-> '''Randy:''' Mr. Lahey, is that you, or the liquor talking?\
135	'''Lahey:''' Randy... I ''am'' the liquor.
136	-->-- ''Series/TrailerParkBoys''
137
138	[[/folder]]
139
140	[[folder:Music]]
141
142	->And you know that I'll pick up every time you call, just thinking 'one more time'--[[TitleDrop Alcohol!]]
143	-->-- '''Music/GogolBordello''', ''Alcohol''
144
145	-> ''"I fought against the bottle, but I had to do it drunk."''
146	-->-- '''Music/LeonardCohen''', "That Don't Make It Junk"
147
148	->''Last time I was sober, man I felt bad\
149	Worst hangover that I ever had\
150	It took six hamburgers and Scotch all night\
151	Nicotine for breakfast just to put me right''
152	-->-- '''Music/DireStraits''', "Heavy Fuel"
153
154	->''Take your Christmas lights down, ya lazy bum\
155	I look across the street and I see your wreath\
156	It reminds me of my old drunk uncle, Pete\
157	Take the lampshade off, you're not funny\
158	Barf up some turkey from your drunk yummy tummy\
159	Try to play poker, but you can't read the cards\
160	Lyin', cheatin', stealin', brain's working too hard\
161	Drunk uncle Pete, can't stand on two feet\
162	You're whiskey, you're a shot glass, you're a forty ounce\
163	You're family''
164	-->-- '''Methods of Mayhem''', "Drunk Uncle Pete"
165
166	->I know that one less vodka cranberry tonight\
167	And I could feed some foreign family for a fortnight\
168	But I ''might'' just have one more\
169	After all, what is vodka for?\
170	Apart from [[BreadEggsMilkSquick making you wanna shag your best mate's wife]]\
171	And [[DrowningMySorrows dampening the guilt you feel]] about your perfect life
172	-->-- '''Music/TimMinchin,''' ''Fuck The Poor''
173
174	->''And look at me, your mum squatting pissed in a tube hole\
175	At Tottenham Court Road, I just come out of The Ship\
176	Talking to the most blonde I ever met\
177	Shouting "Lager lager lager lager"\
178	Shouting "Lager lager lager lager"\
179	Shouting "Lager lager lager lager"\
180	Shouting "Lager lager lager"\
181	Shouting "Mega mega white thing mega mega\
182	White thing mega mega white thing mega mega"\
183	Shouting, "Lager lager lager lager\
184	Mega mega white thing mega mega white thing"\
185	So many things to see and do in the tube hole, true blonde\
186	Going back to Romford, mega mega mega\
187	Going back to Romford, hi mum, are you having fun?\
188	And now are you on your way to a new tension and headache?''
189	-->-- '''Music/{{Underworld\|Band}}''', "Born Slippy .NUXX"
190
191	->''Good Morning Mimosa\
192	Cocktails in the summer afternoon\
193	Spent the evening hung over\
194	Champagne for the night time blues''
195	-->-- '''Music/{{Blackbear}}''', "Valley Girls"
196	[[/folder]]
197
198	[[folder:Radio]]
199
200	->'''Estate executor''': Next, to my alcoholic brother...\
201	'''Hedge''': Hey, I don't want no [[RunningGag boot to the head]]!\
202	'''Estate executor''': To dear Hedge, who has never worked a day in his drunken life...\
203	'''Hedge''': I'm covering up my head! ''(takes cover)''\
204	'''Estate executor''': ...I leave [[BaitAndSwitch my wine cellar and three crates of my finest whiskey...]]\
205	'''Hedge''': ''(raises head)'' ...[[TemptingFate really?]]\
206	'''Estate executor''': ''[[YankTheDogsChain And a boot to the head!]]''
207	-->-- '''Radio/TheFrantics, [[TheFunInFuneral "Last Will and Temperament"]]'''
208
209	[[/folder]]
210
211	[[folder:Tabletop Games]]
212
213	->You wouldn't peg Trev as a [[HermeticMagic Hermetic]] these days. [[ShellShockedVeteran Now he's more of a drunk veteran]]. He shows up at [[CoolestClubEver Perilous]] almost nightly, mumbling war stories to anybody who'll listen (and plenty who won't). [[ICantDance He never dances]], but makes up for it by drinking a lot.
214	-->-- ''TabletopGame/MageTheAscension - The Orphan's Survival Guide''
215
216	[[/folder]]
217
218	[[folder:Video Games]]
219
220	->'''Alvin''': You don't have to drown yourself in alcohol, Azzy. There are other ways.\
221	'''Azzy''': But this one's the— hic ...quickest way!\
222	'''Alvin''': No, Azzy. S-STOP! Just, STOP!\
223	'''Azzy''': Why should I?! I already t-told you it helps—\
224	'''Alvin''': Because it's going to KILL you!
225	-->--''VideoGame/{{Annventure}} of a Lifetime''
226
227
228	-> You'll '''die''' for interrupting my morning Tequila!
229	-->-- '''Paulo Sanchez''', ''VideoGame/DeadMansHand''
230
231
232	->''"It has been brought to your attention that you're an alcoholic. And that it's a sickness. And it's killing you. You're crawling on your knees through life, your booze-filled belly dragging on the ground, your brain now fuzzy, now in overdrive, your hair sticking together with today's cold sweat and yesterday's vomit. Perhaps they’re right. Anything is better than this. Even bone-dry reality itself. [[RecoveredAddict Maybe you can quit]]?"''
233	-->-- '''Waste Land of Reality''', ''VideoGame/DiscoElysium''
234
235	->''"S/he needs alcohol to get through the working day."''
236	-->-- [[OurDwarvesAreAllTheSame Every single dwarf's profile]] in ''VideoGame/DwarfFortress''
237
238	->''I'm gonna... get another bottle of wine. [...] I wish I didn't have to...''\
239	''(Obtained Bottle of Wine.)''
240	-->-- '''Arold Baker''', in response to yet another family argument at the dinner table, ''Videogame/EmptyHead''
241
242	->''Let that be a lesson to you, Larry. The cabbies of this town are notorious drunks. ''Never'' enter a cab carrying anything that's ''obviously'' alcohol!''
243	-->-- ''[[VideoGame/LeisureSuitLarry1InTheLandOfTheLoungeLizards Leisure Suit Larry: Reloaded]]'' if Larry takes a cab while alcohol is in his inventory, resulting in a DrunkDriver crash
244
245	->''"Is it too early to start drinking yet? That's a rhetorical question."''
246	-->-- '''[[NoNameGiven Civilian]]''', ''VideoGame/SouthParkTheFracturedButWhole''
247
248	->''"[[FunetikAksent Have ye heard aboot]] the Beer of the Month Club? Well, I joined the Beer All at Once Club."''
249	-->-- '''The Demoman''', ''VideoGame/TeamFortress2'' ''Ring of Fired''
250
251	->''"I don't drink anymore. 'Course I don't drink any'' less ''either."''
252	-->-- '''Male Dwarf joke''', ''VideoGame/WorldOfWarcraft''
253
254	->''"Fetch me some Nemract Whiskey, my throat is sore from all this talking and accursed hot weather... hic! What do you mean there's no Nemract Whiskey left? Well my throat is still sore, so how about I recieve some rum you salty dog? WHAT? No rum either?! This is outrageous! Why's the rum always gone... I didn't drink it... or did I? Maybe I should stop drinking for a while..."''
255	-->--'''Seaskipper Captain''', ''VideoGame/{{Wynncraft}}''
256
257	[[/folder]]
258
259	[[folder:Webcomics]]
260
261	->''"99 bottles of vodka on the wall! 99 bottles of vodkaaaa! Shoopity doopity doopity doop!"''
262	-->-- '''[[VideoGame/MetalGearSolid3SnakeEater Granin]]''', "[[Webcomic/{{Hiimdaisy}} Let's Destroy The Shagohod!]]"
263
264	[[/folder]]
265
266	[[folder:Web Original]]
267
268	->"''DRINK MORE BEER''"
269	-->-- '''Starstruck''', ''Blog/{{Bronyism}}''
270
271	->''"Have some whiskey, honey! Makes ya feel better!"''
272	-->-- '''Mother Grandma''', from [[https://www.youtube.com/user/liamkylesullivan Liam Kyle Sullivan's]] "Kelly" shorts
273
274	->'''Winter:''' ''[indignantly]'' He was drunk!\
275	'''Glynda:''' He's ''always'' drunk!
276	-->-- ''WebAnimation/{{RWBY}}'' (on Qrow)
277
278	->''"See, fun fact about Officer Eiffel: Dougie Boy doesn't like to have a drink. Dougie Boy doesn't like to have two drinks, or four drinks, or six drinks. Doug likes to have ''twelve'' drinks. ''Fifteen'' drinks. But when Doug has a kid, he thinks it's time to go the full Creator/RobertDowneyJr. He goes to meetings, gets cleaned up. And then one day - one bad day - he has one drink. ''One.'' Then it's showtime folks! The Doug Eiffel Limbo: How Low Will He Go?!"''
279	-->-- '''Doug Eiffel''', ''Podcast/Wolf359''
280
281	[[/folder]]
282
283	[[folder:Western Animation]]
284
285	->''"I'm scared if I stop drinking all at once, the cumulative hangover will literally kill me."''
286	-->-- '''Archer''', ''WesternAnimation/{{Archer}}''
287
288	->'''Todd:''' Are you drunk?\
289	'''[=BoJack=]:''' Todd, I weigh over 1200 pounds. It takes a lot of beer to get me drunk.\
290	''[camera pans out to reveal the room is filled with empty bottles and kegs]''\
291	'''[=BoJack=]:''' ...Yes.
292	-->-- ''WesternAnimation/BoJackHorseman''
293
294	->''"WHY DO YOU QUIT WORKING ON ME?! She always fools me, Orel. 'I'll make things better dear. Drink me. Put me inside you, I'm great!' And she CHOKES me just like every other WHORE out there!"''
295	-->-- '''Clay''', ''WesternAnimation/MoralOrel''
296
297	->''"Oh God it hurts. She got me right in the goddamn liver Morty! It's the hardest working liver in the galaxy Morty! And now it has a hole in it."''
298	-->-- '''Rick''', ''WesternAnimation/RickAndMorty''
299
300	->''"To alcohol--the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems!"''
301	-->-- '''Homer Simpson''', ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons''
302
303	[[/folder]]
304
305	[[folder:RealLife]]
306
307	->Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. 'Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic.' 'Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupus.' One of those two doesn't sound right.
308	-->--'''Creator/MitchHedberg'''
309
310	->"I told my buddy Richie, I said 'You know, it's true you have a disease and everything, but... [[CursedWithAwesome I think you have the best one.]]' It's the only disease where you get to ''drink booze'' all the time. Now, I haven't read ''every'' medical journal, but I believe... it's the only disease where you get to constantly ''drink booze''. As a matter of fact, that ''is'' the disease."
311	-->--'''Creator/NormMacDonald'''
312
313	->People who public with their newly found sobriety have [[OffTheWagon an alarming tendency to relapse]]. Consider those pathetic celebrities who check into rehab and hold a press conference....People who tell everyone they've gone two weeks without a drink [[TemptingFate are on thin ice]].
314	-->--'''Creator/RogerEbert'''
315
316	->An alcoholic is someone who can violate his standards quicker than he can lower them.
317	-->-- '''Creator/RobinWilliams'''
318
319	->It usually takes two liters of vodka just to make me feel warm inside.
320	-->--'''Wrestling/AndreTheGiant'''
321
322	->''"But those passages of pointless linguistic pirouetting? The arguments that don’t track if you look beneath the bravura phrasing? Forgive the cliché: that was the booze talking."''
323	-->-- '''Katha Pollitt''', on Creator/ChristopherHitchens
324
325	->The middle classes are completely hammered already, and are the perfect group to go after as [[AlcoholInducedIdiocy they are the least likely to notice]]. Most of them don’t plan on sobering up until the youngest has gone to university and they have plucked up enough courage to ask for a divorce. Until then, the sun will always be over the yardarm, the days a hungover blur, the evenings like a free bar at a tramp’s funeral, and the bank statements all shredded unopened.
326	-->--'''Creator/FrankieBoyle''', "[[https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2015/oct/08/frankie-boyles-conference-roundup-haunted-tennis-ball-slytherin-chancellor-politics Frankie Boyle’s conference roundup: Labour’s haunted tennis ball and the Slytherin chancellor]]"
327
328	[[/folder]]

Context Quotes / TheAlcoholic