Line #61 Quotes/DemoReel


1	-->'''Tacoma''': [on Donnie's lack of Thanksgiving plans]: Don’t you have a wife?
2	-->'''Donnie''': She’s with relatives.
3	-->'''Rebecca''': Then, why are you here?
4	-->'''Donnie''': It was part of the…pre-nup.
5	-->'''Tacoma''': And, what about your family-
6	-->'''Donnie''': They were part of the pre-nup too.
7	-->'''Rebecca''': That’s one big pre-nup.
8	-->'''Donnie''': Yeah, it was kind of a big family affair! Everybody was invited to talk about it, except...me. But it doesn't matter, you're the only thing I got, so please?
9	--->'''Wreck It Ralph vs Angry Birds'''
10
11	-->'''Tacoma''': Hey mom! No, it's me. No, the other one. Um, that's your cousin. ...sister.
12	-->'''Rebecca''': [skype loads, types] Mom, Dad, what are you doing for Thanksgiving? [beep] Paris? Don't suppose you have- [beep] “in case you're wondering we don't have an extra ticket”.
13	-->'''Tacoma''': Niece. Dog! Yes!, yes, hi I just figured that we should... no. No! I shouldn't have to pay to talk to my own mother. Yeah, alright, that seems fine, 99 cents for the first minute, 2 dollars for each additional minute.
14	-->'''Rebecca''': “Saw your video online”. Well, as you can see, my acting career is keeping me busy. [beep] “It looks like America's Funniest Home Videos”. Well, at least you laughed?
15	-->'''Tacoma''': Yeah, that's fair, go ahead and get an oven timer. [to the camera] She's searching her kitchen. And searching. And search- this could take a minute, let me check my bank account.
16	-->'''Rebecca''': “Was it supposed to be a comedy?” Yes! “Needs work.” Love you too.
17	-->'''Tacoma''': ...I think I hear a lawn-mower.
18	--->'''Wreck It Ralph vs Angry Birds'''
19
20	-->'''Rebecca''': Is this really what you thought you'd be doing with your life?
21	-->'''Tacoma''': My family never thought so.
22	-->'''Rebecca''': You don't talk about them much.
23	-->'''Tacoma''': My dad was into sports medical equipment, they called him the Jockstrap King.
24	-->'''Rebecca''': Did you work for him?
25	-->'''Tacoma''': For a while. You see the thing is, I was an investigative journalist.
26	-->'''Rebecca''': Really?
27	-->'''Tacoma''': Oh yeah, fresh out of college I won my first Pulitzer. Exposed one of the biggest Ponzi schemes in the specific North West. Even sent the ringleader to jail.
28	-->'''Rebecca''': Your father must have been so proud.
29	-->'''Tacoma''': My father was the ringleader.
30	--->'''Wreck It Ralph vs. Angry Birds'''
31
32	-->'''Tacoma''': How about your family?
33	-->'''Rebecca''': Oh, mine? They don't agree with my career choices.
34	-->'''Tacoma''': Which one?
35	-->'''Rebecca''': All of them.
36	-->'''Tacoma''': Well, some people take a while to figure out what job is right for them...
37	-->'''Rebecca''': That's what I said! But apparently 42 is their limit.
38	-->'''Tacoma''': At least you're not hurting anybody. And that's why I like it here.
39	--->'''Wreck It Ralph vs. Angry Birds'''
40
41	-->'''Rebecca''': [completely high off Karl's "coffee"] I’MJUSTAGLITCHGLITCHGLITCH YESYOUARE NOI’MNOT YOURJUSTAMISTAKE AHA ABUGINOURPERFECTLITTLEWORLD YOUDON’TBELONGHERE THAT’SNOTFAIR YOUNEEDWORK INEEDWORK YOUNEEDWORK NOTASMUCHASYOU STOPIT WORKWORKWORKWORKWORKWORKWORK HELLOSWEETIEWHATHAVEYOUDONEWITHYOURLIFE SHUTUPMOM!
42	--->'''Wreck It Ralph vs. Angry Birds'''
43
44	-->'''Felix!Tacoma''': So I hear you were married?
45	-->'''Rebecca''': (still high) OH YOU’D LIKE THAT WOULDN’T YOU?! LITTLE MISS PERFECT BEING SOME DOCTOR’S HOUSEWIFE. YOU WANT A MEATLOAF WHILE YOU’RE AT IT?!
46	--->'''Wreck It Ralph vs. Angry Birds'''
47
48	-->'''Tacoma''': Donnie... the script...
49	-->'''Donnie''': It's okay! Don't worry about it don't worry about it.
50	-->'''Tacoma''': No, it's done. Make the speech. It may need a little work but...
51	-->'''Donnie''': No. It's perfect.
52	-->'''Tacoma''': Then film it.
53	-->'''Donnie''': No! No! I can't leave you.
54	-->'''Tacoma''': It's fine. All I've ever wanted to do was to make somebody proud. Finish the story.
55	-->'''Donnie''': (all cuddles and head-kisses) I shall avenge you.
56	-->'''Tacoma''': Go! Go!
57	--->'''Wreck It Ralph vs. Angry Birds'''
58
59	-->'''Donnie''': [chipper] So how we'd do?
60	-->silence, his face falls
61	-->'''Donnie''': Don't tell me, they didn't like this [[Film/{{Skyfall}} one]] either.
62	--->'''LostInTranslation (Bromance Version)'''
63
64	-->'''Donnie''': Things will change!
65	-->'''Rebecca''': ...I'm not so sure about that...
66	-->'''Donnie''': What are you two trying to tell me?
67	-->'''Tacoma''': Donnie, we...
68	-->'''Rebecca''': Donnie! We, um...
69	-->'''Carl''': Ugh, Mein Gott In Himmel they're saying you suck!
70	-->'''Tacoma''': You could have been more diplomatic about it!
71	-->'''Quinn''': Okay. You blow.
72	--->'''Lost In Translation (Bromance Version)'''
73
74	-->'''Donnie''': You wanna know a sad fantasy of mine? I've always dreamed that one day, somebody would do a SlashFic of me.
75	-->'''Uncle Yo''': With who?
76	-->'''Donnie''': Not you. [gets excited and {{Motor Mouth}}y] You reach this height of popularity and suddenly people are doing SlashFic of you, I mean yeah I think it's weird I don't know if I'd even read it but it'd be flattering to know it's out there is there any SlashFic of you?
77	--->'''Lost In Translation (Bromance Version)'''
78
79	-->'''Donnie''': Hey honey, it's Donnie.
80	-->'''[[Creator/MaraWilson Wife]]''': ...Donnie? Why are ''you'' calling?
81	-->'''Donnie''': Y'know, just wanted to check up and stuff... see how things are going without me there.
82	-->'''Wife''': ...they're fine. As usual.
83	-->'''Donnie''': Hey, um, have you ever thought about watching anime?
84	-->'''Wife''': You mean like Pokemon?
85	-->'''Donnie''': No! No, like, I mean, yeah that is anime, but good anime. You know, I didn't think it existed, but there's some real good ones out there. They're actually- some are kinda smart.
86	-->'''Wife''': Liiike... what?
87	-->'''Donnie''': Well, okay! There's this one called, um, uh, Princess Monahican I think and it's pretty much about this wolf-girl who's fighting these humans from taking over the rainforest.
88	-->'''Wife''': That sounds like Captain Planet.
89	-->'''Donnie''': Yeah! I'm just realizing it as I'm saying it but you know what, it's actually done more subtle-er, it actually has a real subtle message.
90	-->'''Wife''': Which is...?
91	-->'''Donnie''': ...which is save the rainforest.
92	-->'''Wife''': “Save the rainforest”.
93	-->'''Donnie''': Yeah, okay okay, I know it doesn't sound very subtle but it's more subtle-er. I don't know, it's just, it's, something about being down here y'know, it just makes me think, like, I don't know, we should try different stuff, we should try seeing different things, like even stuff we think might be stupid.
94	-->'''Wife''': Well, that's fine, maybe we can do that when I'm in town next.
95	-->'''Donnie''': Okay. Well then I will just talk to you later then.
96	-->'''Wife''': Oh-kay!
97	-->'''Donnie''': Alright. Bye. Love y- [she hungs up]
98	-->'''Donnie''': [[SarcasmMode Yeah, that was smart]].
99	--->'''Lost In Translation (Bromance Version)'''
100
101	-->'''[[spoiler: Tom Collins]]''': [on the phone to Tacoma] Do you like remaking movies?
102	-->'''Tacoma''': Well there's some debate about that actually.
103	--->'''LostInTranslation (Bromance Version)'''
104
105	-->'''SWAG minion''': Do you like remaking movies?
106	-->'''Rebecca''': Yeah!
107	-->'''SWAG minion''': Well, not for long, ooh is that your spine starting to shiver?
108	-->'''Rebecca''': [deadpan] Is that your car being towed?
109	--->'''LostInTranslation (Bromance Version)'''
110
111	-->'''SWAG woman''': Yeah, I'm off to be an internet reviewer, they're mentally stable.
112	--->'''The Blair Witch Hangover'''
113
114	-->'''Donnie''': Rebecca, Tacoma, I want you to give you the eulogy at my funeral. No doubt you were the only people concerned when I was missing.
115	--->'''The Blair Witch Hangover'''
116
117	-->'''Tacoma''': Ooh, what was your first sexual experience?
118	-->'''Rebecca''': [happily drunk] Well, I was camping with Uncle Frank...
119	-->'''Tacoma''' and '''Fabrizio''': Agh, dare, dare!
120	---> playing Truth or Dare in '''The Blair Witch Hangover'''
121
122	-->'''Tacoma''': Rebecca, you are a lot more talented than I previously thought.
123	-->'''Rebecca''': Yeah well, I'm not as dumb as you guys all think that I am.
124	-->'''Tacoma''': I never said that you were dumb...
125	-->'''Rebecca''': I can tell, everyone thinks that about me.
126	-->'''Tacoma''': I don't!
127	-->'''Rebecca''': It's okay, it's okay, it's not your fault, anyone who first meets me thinks that and they don't get a chance to actually see if I can do anything or have opinions or-
128	--->'''The Blair Witch Hangover'''
129
130	-->'''Rebecca''': You'd think that talent would be something that mattered when you're trying to get cast but it really doesn't, like if you're pretty that's great, if you're dumb that's even better then you don't have an opinion or have an idea on how you want to do the role.
131	-->'''Tacoma''': There's plenty of actresses who aren't traditionally attractive. Look at Kathy Bates.
132	-->'''Rebecca''': Character actress! She plays psychos and smarmy bitches.
133	-->'''Fabrizio''': Yeah but in that About Schmidt, she took her top off.
134	-->'''Rebecca''': And did you see it?
135	-->'''Fabrizio''': No!
136	-->'''Rebecca''': Why?
137	-->'''Fabrizio''': Because she took her top off.
138	-->'''Rebecca''': Exactly.
139	-->'''Tacoma''': Alright, how about Judi Dench?
140	-->'''Rebecca''': She's British! She could read out of the phone book and it would sound credible.
141	-->'''Tacoma''': Okay then! How about Meryl Streep?
142	-->'''Rebecca''': Margaret Thatcher, Julia Childs, Skeletor's lover from Bridges Of Madison County? Shrews, cartoons, cougars and [=MILF=]s.
143	-->'''Tacoma''': Oh, um, Cameron Diaz in ''Film/BeingJohnMalkovich'', they didn't make her look hot in there.
144	-->'''Rebecca''': Oh yeah! Let's take the hot chick and make her look frumpy. Brilliant! She can get any role she wants, do you know how many normal, ugly people would kill for that role? But no, let's hand it to the cute one and praise her for being edgy.
145	-->'''Tacoma''': [beaten] Huh.
146	-->'''Rebecca''': That's what being forty means in Hollywood, Tacoma. I'm 23. That means I'm at my midlife crisis. How sad is that?
147	--->'''The Blair Witch Hangover'''
148
149	-->'''Quinn''': My ''God'' this is depressing, and I'm Irish! I'm gonna have to put on Angela's Ashes, just so I can remember what it's like to laugh again.
150	--->'''The Blair Witch Hangover'''
151
152	-->'''Donnie''': I've realized something. Life is not a movie. You can try your best, do everything correct, and yet you can still fail. Just get used to it. It's the way things are gonna happen, because you can try your best to do everything right, and in the end you still wake up in the middle of the forest, abandoned and dying to death. Nobody's gonna save me right now, I'm just gonna die alone.
153	--->'''The Blair Witch Hangover'''
154
155	-->'''Donnie''': I don't know how my mom used to love this stuff. I don't know how she carried that enthusiasm, how she used to carry herself with so much brightness and then... how did it get her through such tough times? How did that carry her? How can I just get a little bit of that right now, just a little bit to get me through this pain... The answer is? I can't. Nobody can. So just give up.
156	--->'''The Blair Witch Hangover'''
157
158	-->'''Jill''': Rise and shine, Jimmy!
159	-->'''Donnie''': Oh my god. I haven't heard that name since- wait, what did you call me?
160	-->'''Liz''': [bouncing] Jimmy Boyd! You're Jimmy Boyd!
161	-->'''Adam''': We know you prefer to go by Donnie [=DuPre=] these days, but a star of your stature should never go by a false name.
162	--->'''Blue Patches'''
163
164	-->'''Tacoma''': [depressed] So I was looking at his back-history on IMDB.
165	-->'''Rebecca''': [unsuspecting] And?
166	-->'''Tacoma''': Well I figured out that a few bad movies wasn't the only reason he changed his identity.
167	-->'''Rebecca''': Why? He wanted to make some bad shows too?
168	-->[[[spoiler: '''Elissa Hoffman Hotel Death Likely Suicide''']]]
169	-->'''Rebecca''': ...oh my god, [[spoiler: his mother threw herself out the window]]? But why?
170	-->'''Tacoma''': She was middle-aged. The roles just dried up. Being a single mom, divorce, battling depression all those years, I guess it was too much.
171	-->'''Rebecca''': That's horrible.
172	-->'''Tacoma''': Donnie's career was on the rise, hers fell. Poor kid found out when he was on set, [nearly crying] had to shoot the rest of the film with a fake mother and an Austrian muscle man. [beat] What do you suppose something like that does to a kid?
173	--->'''Blue Patches'''
174
175	-->'''Adam''': There is like no emotion in your voice, what was going through your head at the time?
176	-->'''Donnie''': [[spoiler: Well, my mother killed herself for one.]] [beat] Oh yeah, they didn't talk about that much, thought it would dampen the Christmas spirit, but it happened. And I tried as best as I could under the circumstances. [laughs] In the end it doesn't matter, because I gave a bad performance. And in the end, that's everything. I mean, that's enough to judge a person for the rest of his life, for people to shout things across the street, call him names, say he's a horrible person, because I gave a bad performance. I-I- I didn't think acting was anything to be ashamed of, I mean I didn't seem to be hurting anyone, I loved doing it, it was following in my mother's footsteps, but, in the end, no, I gave a bad performance, and I should really really be sorry for it. [[SarcasmMode And I am. I am]] ''[[SarcasmMode so]]'' [[SarcasmMode sorry that I did that. Can you forgive me? C-can you forgive me that my]] [[spoiler: [[SarcasmMode mother]]]] ''[[SarcasmMode died]]'', [[SarcasmMode and, because of that, I couldn't give it my all, to entertain you? Because I'm really sorry about it. I am. I am so]] ''[[SarcasmMode fucking]]'' [[SarcasmMode sorry]].
177	-->long beat... and the family bursts out laughing
178	-->'''Adam''': You almost had me going there! I was really starting to believe that!
179	-->'''Jill''': Someone's been taking acting lessons!
180	--->'''Blue Patches'''
181
182	-->'''Rebecca''': All this time, all those movies he was trying to mock.
183	-->'''Tacoma''': I guess it was his way of venting at Hollywood. The whole system.
184	-->'''Rebecca''': 42 years old and already nothing to live for. How awful.
185	-->'''Tacoma''': That's the way of things I guess.
186	-->'''Rebecca''': Well it's the wrong way! All of it. This. We can't let Donnie keep destroying himself.
187	--->'''Blue Patches'''
188
189	-->'''Donnie''': [[WebVideo/TheNostalgiaCritic Y- you took something that was just]] ''[[WebVideo/TheNostalgiaChick miserable]]'' [[WebVideo/AtopTheFourthWall from the past and]] [[WebVideo/TheAngryVideoGameNerd you just obsessed over it]]! [[WebVideo/TheSpoonyExperiment You turned it into your lives]]! W-why can't you think of something that's important, like ''people'' or their ''feelings'' or- no, no, this is good, yeah yeah, this is real good. You know why? You wanna know why? I almost became you. I almost became what you are, I almost let something really stupid, really painful, really hurtful in the past consume me. Well no more. I'm ''done'' obsessing, I'm not doing this any more!
190	--->'''Blue Patches'''
191
192	-->'''Donnie''': Being out there for so long made me realize something. Bad, strange stuff can consume people, like a certain group of people that I came across. But the way I see it, you can either be taken over by it, or you can choose to move on with your life, and I can say for sure now that I know what's important, who's important, and why they’re important. And with that said, [raises a toast], here's to good times, good people and a happy new year!

Context Quotes / DemoReel