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1%% Deadpool's subpages need to be clear and concise.
2%% No first person outside of SelfDemonstrating/{{Deadpool}}.
3%% So don't go putting ol' Wade's examples into first-person here, 'kay?!
4%%
5
6!This page contains unmarked spoilers. Administrivia/YouHaveBeenWarned!
7
8Deadpool isn't called the Merc with a Mouth for nothing! He has a lot to say in his comic books and video games, and a lot is said about him and in them.
9
10!!Other ''Deadpool'' Quotes pages
11* See [[Quotes/Deadpool2016 here]] for the film ''{{Film/Deadpool|2016}}''
12* See [[Quotes/Deadpool2 here]] for the film ''Film/Deadpool2''
13* See [[Quotes/Deadpool2013 here]] for the video game ''VideoGame/Deadpool2013''
14* See [[Quotes/CableAndDeadpool here]] for ''ComicBook/CableAndDeadpool''
15
16!!''ComicBook/{{Deadpool}}'' comic books
17----
18[[foldercontrol]]
19
20[[folder:Quotes from ''Deadpool'' comic books]]
21->'''Blind Al:''' The ''hero'' gig might not be so bad, and besides-- when was the last time you wasted someone and felt good about it? Maybe it's time for a change--\
22'''Deadpool:''' Uggg... Me, a nice guy? What do I do then? Change my name to ''kiddie pool'' and start a ''water park''? I don't think so. They want some sort of ''[='super-schmoe'=]'' to usher in a new age... they ought to go to ''Kansas!'' You know my motto--\
23'''Blind Al:''' 'Go procreate in isolation'?\
24'''Deadpool:''' That's the one.
25-->-- ''ComicBook/{{Deadpool}}'' vol. 1 #2
26
27->''"I can't make it through the'' night ''without jumping out of bed with a cold sweat'' drenching ''my body, the antiseptic'' stench ''of the Workshop in my nose, the ''noise ''of that'' machine ''grinding in my ears -- I have to'' bite ''the inside of my mouth to make sure I'm in the'' present... ''and not back'' there... Do you remember!? ''Do you remember what you did to my'' teeth?"
28-->-- '''Deadpool''', ''ComicBook/{{Deadpool}}'' vol. 1 #3
29
30->'''Dr. Killebrew:''' B-but... the treatment... your health... I've ''saved'' you--\
31'''Deadpool:''' No. You just put your broken ''monster'' back together again. You've prolonged a life you ''ruined'' back in Weapon X. I wouldn't exactly call that a ''big save,'' doc.
32-->-- ''ComicBook/{{Deadpool}}'' vol. 1 #5
33
34->'''Weasel:''' ''[thought bubble]'' I think Deadpool's really got trouble this time, and it's my solemn ''duty'' as his weapon's man.. his ''confidant''... his ''bestest bud''... to warn him... no matter what the ''danger''... regardless of the ''cost''. 'Cause if I don't...\
35'''Weasel:''' ''[dramatically standing to shout]'' ... '''''I won't get paid!'''''
36-->-- ''ComicBook/{{Deadpool}}'' vol. 1 #7
37
38->'''Deadpool:''' Don't you realize that I'm trying to ''help'' you here?! ''[punching''] Trying to help you get it ''together''?!\
39'''Typhoid Mary:''' Nice ''moves'', baby.. Where'd you learn that one? Fightin' alongside the ''Avengers'', hero? Or was it the FF? Face it, hon, you're trying out for the ''wrong team''... only thing you got in common with the word ''hero'' is a few ''vowels''. You're ''not'' a ''good boy''... not ''underneath''... not ''anywhere''... You're just like me. A broken, crazy, beautiful ''killer''. Your little ''girlfriend'' was wrong--\
40'''Deadpool:''' ''[smashing her into beer bottles]'' '''Shut your mouth!''' You picked the wrong buttons to push, lady.\
41'''Typhoid Mary:''' Hero.\
42'''Deadpool:''' ''[smashing her onto the bar]'' Stop calling me that!\
43'''Typhoid Mary:''' Why? That what you are... a ''good guy'', right... ''hero''?\
44'''Deadpool:''' ''[between punches]'' Stop -- ''calling me'' -- '''hero'''!
45-->-- ''ComicBook/{{Deadpool}}'' vol. 1 #8
46
47->'''Deadpool:''' I need ''work'', Patch, but not the run-of-the-mill ''assassination'', extortion, and kidnapping gigs... I need a change of ''pace''... heroic work for someone of my pure ''heart'' and ''altruistic'' nature!\
48'''Patch:''' Geez, 'Pool, you ''okay?'' You ain't been experimenting with' ''Pop Rocks'' an' ''Mountain Dew'' again, have you?\
49'''Deadpool:''' No, good citizen!
50-->-- ''ComicBook/{{Deadpool}}'' vol. 1 #9
51
52->'''Deadpool:''' ''[riding in a Humvee with Weasel]'' ''Whoo-hee!'' Almost enough to make a body wanna go ''redneck'', don't ya think, ''Weaz?'' All we need is a ''gun rack'', a few jugs of ''moonshine'' an' a couple of ''daisy duke cut-offs'', and we could have ourselves one heck of a ''hootenanny!'' How 'bout after we find ''Terry'', we put some ''fishtails'' on this ''bad-boy'', strip a ''jet engine'' on the back and call it the ''Deadmobile''... then we could dress ''you'' up in a ''domino mask'' and ''speedos'' and call you ''Pool-Boy''...\
53'''Weasel:''' No thanks... Spandex makes my butt look ''big''.\
54'''Deadpool:''' Now, now, ''Weasel!'' You're a ''perfect'' candidate for a nice snug ''thong!'' Hey, screwheads! Don't you think our boy'd look great as a crime-fighting ''underwear'' model?\
55'''Gagged soldiers:''' Mmglf!\
56'''Deadpool:''' Oh, yeah, I forgot... You boys are bound to that ''military'' thing. Don't ''ask'', don't ''tell'', right? ''[sigh]'' [-I bet John Wayne's rolling over in his ''grave''...-]
57-->-- ''ComicBook/{{Deadpool}}'' vol. 1 #12
58
59-> ''"Yay, now is'' fighty ''time,'' fighty ''time, blood blood'' blood!"
60-->-- '''Deadpool''', ''ComicBook/{{Deadpool}}'' vol. 1 #27
61
62-> ''"You ever see that old cartoon with the squirrel who's trying to eat a coconut? Chuck Jones, I think... this retarded squirrel finds this coconut and thinks that he's hit the giant acorn motherload-- only, he can't crack the nut. It's too hard. So he gets a jackhammer, he throws it down stairs, runs it over with a truck... nothing. Finally, he pushes this monster up a gazillion stairs all the way to the top of the Empire State Building, and heaves it. Crack. Slowly, the shell peels back... and you know what's inside? Another coconut shell. That squirrel is in cartoon hell. That squirrel is me. Every time I get a shot at saving the world, or doing right or waving the truth and justice flag instead of gutting a guy, I do it... and every time, I get the shaft for my trouble. Everytime, there's another coconut shell I gotta crack. But just like that retarded squirrel... in another month or so, the cartoon reruns, and I try again. You did mess up my head by showing me what a dirtbag I've been in my lifetime... but that doesn't change the fact that I still try to be better. I'm giving it a shot. At the end of the day, I'm winning-- and I wouldn't have things any different."''
63-->-- '''Deadpool''', ''ComicBook/{{Deadpool}}'' vol. 1 #33
64
65->''"[[ComicBook/NormanOsborn You]] think I do this [kill people] for '''money'''?! I've been gettin' paid for high-end jobs since... '''forever'''. Have you ever seen me '''spend''' any of it? Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if I have more money than '''you''', at this point. No, Norman... I stopped doing this for money '''a long time ago'''. I do it because it's '''fun'''."''
66-->--'''{{ComicBook/Bullseye|MarvelComics}}''', ''ComicBook/{{Deadpool}}'' vol. 2 #12
67
68->''"Deadpool-Man! Deadpool-Man! Does whatever Deadpool can! Makes a plan, any size, catches thieves and makes them dies. Look out! There goes the Deadpool-Man!"''
69-->-- '''Deadpool''', ''ComicBook/{{Deadpool}}'' vol. 3 #6
70
71->'''Deadpool:''' ''[clinging to the "Superior Spider-Man's" back to wall-climb]'' You know, if the internet could see the two of us like ''this'' it would have ''fits.''\
72'''Superior Spider-Man:''' What are you prattling on about?\
73'''Deadpool:''' I guess we go to different websites. You should try ''googling'' yourself.
74-->-- ''ComicBook/{{Deadpool}}'' vol. 3 #10
75
76->'''Deadpool:''' ''[to Doctor Octopus, the "Superior Spider-Man"]'' Hey, Spidey--I've always wondered: who do you think is the ''lamest'' villain you fight? I'll concede I'm pretty much my own worst enemy. Plus, I fought a ''cow'' once. But ''you!'' Your rogue's gallery is the ''worst!'' The Vulture looks like Larry David bitten by a radioactive parakeet. The Rhino is ridiculous. You can't take a guy that's glued into an extinct creature seriously.\
77'''Batroc the Leaper:''' Beware ''Batroc,'' the Leaper!\
78'''Deadpool:''' Oops, hang on a sec--But the ''worst'' must have been ''Doc Ock.''\
79'''The Superior Spider-Man:''' No! You have it all wrong! The doctor was my ''most formidable'' foe!\
80'''Deadpool:''' Gimme a break. He looked like ''Elton John'' on ''stilts''. He was a one-man, fat guy ''cirque du souffle''. I'm just amazed you didn't strangle him with one of his ''stupid'' arms years ago. When Doc Ock died was he embalmed with formalde-''wide''? Were his services held at the House of Pies? In lieu of flowers, the family of Dr. Octavius asks you to send ''pancakes''.
81-->-- ''ComicBook/{{Deadpool}}'' vol. 3 #10
82[[/folder]]
83
84[[folder:Quotes by Deadpool in other comic books]]
85-> ''"Oh, I've missed you, little yellow boxes! What fun we shall have together."''
86-->-- '''ComicBook/{{Deadpool}}''', ''Agent X'' #15
87
88->''"It's like I'' said, ''B.P., there's a'' rhythm ''to these super hero team-ups. First,'' the small misunderstanding. ''Then,'' the big fight ''(which was a'' tie ''by the way). So you'd better patch me up'' quick. ''Because we'' both ''know what happens in issue #3."''
89-->-- '''ComicBook/{{Deadpool}}''', ''Black Panther vs. Deadpool'' #2
90
91->''"I've got all these new abilities, and -- for the moment -- I'm feeling an incredible sense of'' responsibility... ''and the desire to commit acts of'' great violence! ''My'' super hero origin ''is'' complete!"
92-->-- '''ComicBook/{{Deadpool}}''', ''Deadpool: Back in Black'' #2
93
94->''"Come on!'' Someone ''has to die for real! I mean, what is this, a'' Marvel Comic?!"
95-->-- '''ComicBook/{{Deadpool}}''', ''Deadpool vs. Thanos'' #2
96
97->''"Comics solve every problem!"''
98-->-- '''ComicBook/{{Deadpool}}''', ''ComicBook/SpiderManDeadpool'' #50
99
100->'''Wolverine:''' You know what your problem is, Deadpool? Ya never learned to take anything ''seriously!''\
101'''Deadpool''': Is ''that'' my problem? I thought my problem was that I was ''crazy''.
102-->-- ''ComicBook/{{Wolverine}}: Origins'' #22
103[[/folder]]
104
105[[folder:Deadpool in video games]]
106
107-> ''"How did anyone ever enjoy these games without me in 'em?"''
108-->--'''Deadpool''', ''VideoGame/MarvelVsCapcom3''
109
110-> ''"I need help! And a pony!"''
111-->-- '''Deadpool''', ''VideoGame/MarvelUltimateAlliance''
112
113-> ''"Da-dada! And the winner is: You! The Player! Yeah, you."''
114-->-- '''Deadpool''', ''VideoGame/LegoMarvelSuperheroes''
115[[/folder]]
116

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