Line #50 Main/WeHaveWaysOfMakingYouTalk


1	[[quoteright:350:[[ComicBook/SamHillPrivateEye https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/sam_hill.jpg]]]]
2
3	->'''Sid''': Oh, a survivor. Where is the Rebel base? Talk!\
4	''(Throws Woody across the room)'' \
5	'''Sid''': I can see your will is strong. Well, we have ways of making you talk.\
6	''(Raises a magnifying glass as he starts to burn a hole in Woody's head)''\
7	'''Sid''': Where are your Rebel friends, now? Hehehe!
8	-->-- ''WesternAnimation/ToyStory1''
9
10
11	This is a StockPhrase often used by the leader of a faction to assure a defiant captive that they can get the information they want by less than normal means. Usually, pronounced "[[ThoseWackyNazis Vee haff VAYS of making]] [[FunetikAksent hyu tok!]]"
12
13	Normally, this involves highly unorthodox interrogation and/or torture techniques, but these interrogators can usually spice things up with more extreme or less conventional methods. Note that heroes can do this too, they just tend to use inventive rather than cruel means.
14
15	!!Here are a few variants:
16	* '''Torture:''' ColdBloodedTorture, the JackBauerInterrogationTechnique, {{Room 101}}, RoboticTortureDevice and ElectricTorture.
17	* '''Psychological warfare:''' TickleTorture, WhyDidItHaveToBeSnakes, InterrogationByVandalism, a potent DeathGlare, ForcedToWatch, [[WillTalkForAPrice paying them off]], {{food\|Interrogation}}, and really good [[HighHeelFaceTurn sex]]. [[ForcedToWatch Forcing them to watch someone else suffer]] is a particularly cruel form.
18	** Sometimes, this is subverted with the [[CoolAndUnusualPunishment incredibly weird and ineffectual torture]]. For the torturer, it's their worst fear and they assume it can scare anyone, but for the "tortured" it's either not at all uncomfortable or [[TooKinkyToTorture actually pleasant]].
19	** Overlapping with the above two: ToThePain.
20	* '''Drugs:''' Administering TruthSerums, [[InVinoVeritas alcohol]], or other psychoactives to the subject to loosen his lips or at least reduce his ability to concoct plausible lies.
21	* '''{{Phlebotinum}} and powers:''' An AgonyBeam, {{Telepathy}}, the JediMindTrick, CharmPerson, MindControl, infecting them with TheVirus, using an illusionary world via LotusEaterMachine, etc.
22	* '''Oddball:''' Of course, it could always be something that seems harmless at first but somehow nonetheless gets the job done: MaximumFunChamber, HappyFunBall and AnythingButThat
23
24	Their method may or may not work, and may or may not be shown onscreen, in which case it probably involves NoodleImplements and TakeOurWordForIt. If PlayedForLaughs, may lead to CoolAndUnusualPunishment.
25
26	The original given source of this phrase, ''Film/TheLivesOfABengalLancer'' in 1935, is actually a case of BeamMeUpScotty -- it's not the actual line.
27
28	Contrast TooKinkyToTorture. Not to be confused with IHaveMyWays. If the TortureTechnician does not himself say this, expect him to be nearby waiting to go about his work.
29
30	----
31	!!Examples:
32
33	[[foldercontrol]]
34
35	[[folder:Anime & Manga]]
36	* In ''Anime/CodeGeass R2'', Suzaku prepares to interrogates Kallen with [[AnythingButThat her biggest object of loathing bar the Britannian Empire]], [[FantasticDrug Refrain]]. He has a crisis of conscience and ultimately doesn't go through with it, but [[NoHoldsBarredBeatdown she does not take it well regardless]].
37	* Subverted in ''Literature/{{Baccano}}! 1934 -- Alice in Jails''. When MadScientist and ManipulativeBastard Huey Laforet is arrested and delivered to the FBI, he naturally expects that they're going to either [[PerpSweating interrogate]], [[TortureAlwaysWorks torture]], [[TheyWouldCutYouUp or experiment on him]] for his incredibly valuable alchemical knowledge that he is withholding from them. Instead, [[FBIAgent Victor Talbot]] just has him sent to [[TheAlcatraz Alcatraz]] without so much as a trial, knowing [[HannibalLecture exactly what happens to the interrogating party]] in those situations.
38	-->'''Victor:''' You'd have them brainwashed in three days flat. First you'd whisper your promises into their ears, getting them interested, and before they knew it they'd be eating your of your goddamn hand. One of those scientists'd say, 'Hey, this Huey fella, I think he's a really swell guy. We should talk to him and see what sort of information he might share with us'. And you can bet your ass by that point his brain'd already be dribbling out his ears. Then oh, look, a strap on your straightjacket came loose, and oh, the next day they walk in and find out everyone in the lab is dead, and oh, Huey fucking Laforet is nowhere to be fucking seen! Oh no oh what ever shall we fucking do Mr. Talbot please do something even though [[IgnoredExpert you told us this exact thing was going to happen]] [[TooDumbToLive and we ignored you like the fucking idiots we are...]]
39	* In ''Manga/DeathNote'', L uses this on both Light and Misa.
40	[[/folder]]
41
42	[[folder:Comic Books]]
43	* ''ComicBook/{{Asterix}} the Gaul'', with a bit more SesquipedalianLoquaciousness than usual:
44	-->'''Crismus Bonus:''' You refused to talk, druid, but perhaps your friend will prove more loquacious under torture tomorrow! ''[he leaves]'' Aut Caesar, aut nihil! [[labelnote:(I)]]This is Latin grammar[[/labelnote]]\
45	''[Asterix and Getafix laugh heartily]''\
46	'''Asterix''': I'll be loquacious all right! I'll loquace like no-one ever loquaced before! [[labelnote:(I)]]This is bad grammar[[/labelnote]]
47	* Lampshaded very well in an early issue of the ''ComicBook/NewAvengers''. The heroes needed information quickly and got into a local prison in order to get it from the inmates. Spider-Woman, backed up by Wolverine, Spider-Man, Luke Cage, and others, told the inmates that they were going to talk, and she had ways to make them do so. She then held up a bag of donuts and said whoever helped them would get a donut, and whoever didn't could have whatever the prison cafeteria was serving. Prisoner: "I'll tell you anything you want. Gimme a donut."
48	* Invoked by Nightcrawler (who, being German, certainly used the traditional pronunciation) in ''ComicBook/GodLovesManKills'', to get information from Stryker's brainwashing expert. As he utters the phrase, he exposes his fanglike teeth in an ''extremely'' convincing ghoulish grin. That's all it takes -- which is just as well, as he has profound ethical objections to torture.
49	* In the end of ''Bewitched!'' issue of ''ComicBook/ChickTracts'', Satan threatens his underling who failed to tempt his target into sin with this:
50	-->''I have ways of making you '''really''' sorry.''
51	[[/folder]]
52
53	[[folder:Comic Strips]]
54	* Parodied in one ''ComicStrip/TheFarSide'' comic, where an interrogator says they've tried every device and the guy still won't talk -- "every device, that is, except this little baby we simply call 'Mr. Thingy'." Mr. Thingy is [[NoodleImplements a miniature fishing pole with a carrot, a plunger, and an airhorn attached to it]].
55	[[/folder]]
56
57	[[folder:Fan Works]]
58	* Said exactly in [[http://www.fimfiction.net/story/119688/1/you-obey/the-interrogation You Obey, ]]where it is lampshaded briefly.
59	* Appears as part of a game in the ''Series/StarTrekTheOriginalSeries'' fanfic ''FanFic/{{Insontis}}''. [=McCoy=]'s roleplay character, Dr. Darkness, tells Captain Sunshine's (kid!Kirk's) captive sidekick (Spock) that "it will be much easier if you tell me what I want to know" while handling fake torture tools.
60	[[/folder]]
61
62	[[folder:Films -- Animation]]
63	* ''WesternAnimation/TheBraveLittleToasterGoesToMars'': Calculator uses this line against Hearing Aid when the Little Master gets beamed into space:
64	-->[[BorrowedCatchphrase As they say in the old country]], we have ways of making you talk!
65	* ''Franchise/ToyStory'':
66	** In ''WesternAnimation/ToyStory1'', Sid uses this line verbatim while pretending to interrogate Woody, as a pretext for burning Woody's forehead with a [[SolarPoweredMagnifyingGlass magnifying glass]].
67	-->'''Buzz:''' I'm proud of you, Sheriff. A lesser man would've talked under such torture.
68	** Though it was not mentioned, Barbie in ''WesternAnimation/ToyStory3'' had ways of making Ken talk. [[spoiler: [[InterrogationByVandalism By ripping up his collector clothes.]]]]
69	[[/folder]]
70
71	[[folder:Films -- Live-Action]]
72	* Ace in ''Film/AceVenturaWhenNatureCalls'' uses this on a suspect at one point in the sequel, even throwing in a faux German accent. He starts with [[HellIsThatNoise silverware on a plate]] before graduating to bizarre eyeball antics.
73	* In the 1937 Creator/LaurenceOlivier film ''Film/FireOverEngland'', a Spanish count assures captured English spy Michael Ingoldby: "You English fool, you'll tell everything you know. We ''understand'' persuasion."
74	* An example from the 1943 anti-Nazi film ''Film/HangmenAlsoDie'' about the aftermath of the [[RippedFromTheHeadlines assassination]] of UsefulNotes/ReinhardHeydrich, directed and written by Germans Creator/FritzLang & Creator/BertoltBrecht respectively. Inspector Gruber says the following to Mascha when she says she doesn't have the information he wants during interrogation:
75	-->"Answer properly! You know we have means to make you talk. Maybe you have heard about [[TortureCellar the vaults below]]."
76	* ''Film/JamesBond'':
77	** Subverted in ''Film/{{Goldfinger}}'', as Goldfinger activates a laser cutter on Bond.
78	--->'''Bond:''' Do you expect me to talk?\
79	'''Goldfinger:''' No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to ''die''! There is nothing you can talk to me about that I don't already know.
80	** Stated by M in ''Film/QuantumOfSolace'', though she doesn't get the chance to follow through: "You ''will'' eventually tell us everything about the people you work with, and the longer it takes, the more painful we'll make it."
81	* ''Film/TheLivesOfABengalLancer'' (1935): The line originated in this movie, though it was actually, "We have ways to make men talk", and is commonly misquoted.
82	* ''Film/PokemonDetectivePikachu'' has the eponymous hero use this line on a Mr. Mime.
83	-->'''Pikachu:''' We've got ways to make you talk... or mime!
84	* ''Film/RaidersOfTheLostArk'' (even in the right accent):
85	-->'''Marion:''' I'll tell you everything!\
86	'''Toht:''' Yes, '''I know you will.''' ''[raises the red hot poker closer to Marion's eyes]''
87	* ''Film/RobotHolocaust'': [[BigBad The Dark One]] wants to know the secret of Jorn's invention, so [[KidnappedScientist Jorn]] is kidnapped and [[ElectricTorture tortured]] & TheDragon Valeria threatens to do the same to Deeja. Jorn still doesn't budge.
88	* Darth Vader and his interrogation droid in ''Franchise/StarWars: Film/ANewHope''.
89	-->'''Darth Vader;''' And now, your Highness, we will discuss the location of your hidden Rebel base.
90	* The terrorist's torture expert in ''Film/TrueLies''. Samir is prepared to torture Harry for information. Harry does talk... about how he will escape.
91	* In ''Film/{{Hardcase}}'', Major Tozar hopes that subjecting Jack to some UnwillingSuspension will loosen his tongue and make him tell a more interesting story about why he is looking for Simon Fuegus.
92	* Said word-for-word (well, word-for-word in German and in the subtitles) in 1945 film ''Film/TheRedMeadows'' by Major Mackensen of the SS. He then proceeds to brutally torture Michael, a member of the Danish LaResistance, but Michael doesn't talk.
93	[[/folder]]
94
95	[[folder:Jokes]]
96	* And of course there's the pun about the German clock maker.
97	-->"Ve hav vays of making you tock!"
98	* A meme was making the rounds for a while:
99	-->suspect: i ain't talkin'\
100	cop: [sharpens knife] we got ways of making people talk [cuts a piece of cake]\
101	suspect: can i have some\
102	cop: cake is for talkers
103
104	[[/folder]]
105
106	[[folder:Literature]]
107	* In ''Literature/YellowBlueTibia'', taking place in 1986 Russia, a police officer ''attempts'' to intimidate the protagonist Konstantin Skvorecky this way, by constantly threatening to [[GroinAttack remove his balls]] while flicking a tape recorder on and off. The protagonist isn't the least-bit impressed by this "one note attempt to intimidate" and when the police officer accidentally records the threats, is very amused.
108	* In ''Literature/{{Animorphs}}'', there are allusions to this with Visser Three in his attempts to glean information from Aftran, a prominent member of the Yeerk Peace Movement. She's rescued by Cassie before anything happens, fortunately.
109	* Subverted by Literature/TheStainlessSteelRat in Creator/HarryHarrison's sci-fi spoofs. Captured by the humourless Grey Men, Jim diGriz responds to this line by cheerfully offering to tell everything he knows straight away ''without'' the need for torture, as he quite reasonably tells his captors there is nothing that cannot be extracted from an interrogee by a suitably motivated and equipped interrogator. As his cracking under torture is merely a matter of time, he's prepared to speak up now, spare everybody the inconvenience and aggravation, and then we can all have an early night. How about it? The Grey Men then proceed to torture him anyway, because it's in the script and they can't deviate from it. And because they can.
110	* The Pandion Knights in ''Literature/TheElenium'' encourage rumors of the various ways of making you talk that they have. The intended result is that people will talk without the knights having to do any actual torturing.
111	[[/folder]]
112
113	[[folder:Live-Action TV]]
114	* The few times this line is used in ''Series/HogansHeroes'', Hogan immediately lampshades it by saying somebody's been [[YouWatchTooMuchX watching too much American movies]].
115	* Stated clearly if implicitly by Number Two in the opening sequence of ''Series/{{The Prisoner\|1967}}'', and paraphrased at least once by the same character in the show itself. True to their word, every single method listed in the trope description above is used at least once. [[spoiler: None of them work.]]
116	-->'''Number Two:''' We want information.\
117	'''Number Six:''' You won't get it!\
118	'''Number Two:''' By hook or by crook... we ''will''.
119	* In the "[[Recap/SherlockS02E01AScandalInBelgravia A Scandal in Belgravia]]" episode of Series/{{Sherlock}}, Mycroft does this to Irene Adler but phrases it rather more politely. "You have a passcode to open this. I deeply regret to say, we have people who can extract it from you."
120	* The ''Series/HannahMontana'' episode "Bye Bye Ball" parodies this: Jackson, who had been going through SanitySlippage over the disappearance of his prized signed baseball, speaks this line in a German accent right before stuffing Oliver into his repulsive closet.
121	* In the ''Series/{{Supernatural}}'' episode [[Recap/SupernaturalS09E02DevilMayCare "Devil May Care" (S09, Ep02)]], Sam and Dean decide to leave Crowley alone to think realizing they are unable to torture the King of Hell.
122	* Ilsa from ''Series/TheSuiteLifeOfZackAndCody" did this to Maddie to get her to tell her and Mr. Moseby where London and Todd are hiding.
123	-->'''Mr.Moseby:''' Maddie have you seen London and Todd?\
124	'''Maddie:''' No, haven't seen them, not sighting, see ya!\
125	'''Ilsa:''' Candy girl, we have ways of making you talk!\
126	'''Maddie:''' There's nothing to say\
127	'''Llsa:''' Here Blitzkrieg.\
128	'''Maddie:''' Ok, ok they're on the roof!
129	* ''Series/StarTrekDeepSpaceNine'':
130	-->'''Jaro:''' No one despises the Cardassians more than I, Major... but we did learn a few things from them. Like how to encourage people to talk.
131	* ''Series/MontyPythonsFlyingCircus'':
132	** "Cardinal Biggles... get... THE SOFT CUSHIONS!"
133	** In the "Killer Joke" sketch a captured British soldier is [[TickleTorture tickled on the face with an enormous feather]] by a Gestapo officer, who also slaps him across the face (actually missing, with another officer behind him clapping his hands to make the sound).
134	* ''Series/WonderWoman'': Wonder Woman's lasso of truth forces people to truthfully answer her questions. It gives a different take on the trope.
135	* ''Series/{{MASH}}'': In the third season episode "Officer of the Day", two Korean boys steal items from the camp, including Radar's teddy bear. When Hawkeye is interrogating them in the swamp, he uses this line verbatim (in a German accent, no less).
136	[[/folder]]
137
138	[[folder:Puppet Shows]]
139	* The line is used, then subverted, in a ''[[Series/TheMuppetShow Muppet Show]]'' sketch. A guard says this line to a prisoner (played by Ruth Buzzi), who then goes into an overwhelming stream of babble. The guard desperately threatens, "We have ways of making you ''stop'' talking!"
140	[[/folder]]
141
142	[[folder:Tabletop Games]]
143	* The Imperial Inquisition of ''TabletopGame/{{Warhammer 40000}}'' has the nine actions, their standard procedure for interrogation. The first action is a verbal interrogation. The second is a [[ToThePain detailed explanation]] of [[ColdbloodedTorture what the other seven actions will entail.]]
144	[[/folder]]
145
146	[[folder:Theatre]]
147	* In ''Theatre/TheConsul'', the Secret Police Agent says this to Magda:
148	-->"We have strange ways to make people talk. Oh, not at all the way you may think. All we have to do is to quicken the beat of your heart."
149	[[/folder]]
150
151	[[folder:Video Games]]
152	* The "Poacher's Day" event in ''VideoGame/GranblueFantasy'' has an Oddball variant – As the tourist skyfarers managed to round and tie up the Sea Urkin Poachers, they had a hard time getting information out of them, even after implying threats. That is until they hear the growling from the poacher's stomachs, to which Carren immediately brings out exotic fish lunch as the "bait". It works.
153	* The Hairmeister from ''VideoGame/KingdomOfMagic'' will sometimes say, if Thidney bothers him too much, "Ve haff vays to make you talk... I just vish ve haff vays to make you SHUT UP!"
154	* In ''VideoGame/TalesOfMonkeyIsland'', though not spoken by Guybrush, the player can choose the line "I have ways of making you talk!" to frighten Bugeye in Chapter 3. The result is:
155	-->'''Guybrush:''' Tell me where I can find [[spoiler:the Tongue of the Manatee]] or it's time for Tibetan TickleTorture.
156	* Referenced in ''VideoGame/XCOMEnemyUnknown''. South America's continent bonus is "We Have Ways," and it allows the player to complete all [[AlienAutopsy autopsies of dead aliens]] and [[EnhancedInterrogationTechniques interrogations of live ones]] instantly.
157	* Used as a KickTheDog moment for Rolff Stone-Fist on your first visit to Windhelm in ''VideoGame/TheElderScrollsVSkyrim''. A thoroughly racist {{Jerkass}} who hates Dark Elves, he accuses Suvaris Atheron, one such Dunmer, of being an Imperial spy, and threatens to "pay her a visit" later, stating "we have ways of finding out what you really are."
158	* Uttered to the word by Walton Simons in ''VideoGame/DeusEx'' when interrogating a prisoner at the Unatco HQ. Wasn't a bluff either.
159	[[/folder]]
160
161	[[folder:Web Comics]]
162	* In ''Webcomic/{{Drowtales}}'', Sillice does this to Chrys. Particularly disturbing when you recall that technically Chrys is Sillice's niece.
163	* ''Webcomic/ErrantStory'': Sarine [[http://www.errantstory.com/2013-09-06/7184 threatens]] Jon with unnamed methods of extracting information from him about Meji and their travels.
164	* ''Webcomic/GirlGenius'': Othar defies this trope, only to have Klaus snark that he [[http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20040107 wishes he could make Othar not talk]]. Klaus also subverts this by explaining he intends to perform destructive experiments on Othar.
165	[[/folder]]
166
167	[[folder:Western Animation]]
168	* When asked how they got ''WesternAnimation/DangerMouse'' to be their producer, Murdoc responded word-for-word in a {{Music/Gorillaz}} interview.
169	--> ''"We haff vays of making you vork!" ''
170	** In ''Danger Mouse on the Orient Express,'' Penfold is taken prisoner by spies under Greenback's employ trying to find a manuscript that our heroes swiped earlier. Vladimir, one of the spies uses the line "Ve vill make you talk!" (Penfold is telling them the truth--a fish ate the manuscript--but nobody believes him.)
171	* Spoofed in the opening scene of ''WesternAnimation/{{Archer}}'':
172	-->'''Russian Agent:''' ...and it may be old cliche, but... holds up electrified jump cables ve have vays of making you talk.\
173	'''Archer:''' ...What, your little go-kart battery?\
174	'''Russian Agent:''' [[InsistentTerminology Golf-cart]]!\
175	'''Archer:''' Whatever! And would you pick an accent and stick with it?
176	* In ''WesternAnimation/SouthPark'' while playing "Americans vs Bosnians", Cartman pins Kenny down and gives the stock phrase. And then he farts on him.
177	* Gargamel says this to Clumsy in ''WesternAnimation/TheSmurfs'' episode "The Chief Record Smurf" after Clumsy is given photographic memory and is able to perfectly recall Papa Smurf's invisibility formula.
178	* The WesternAnimation/DaffyDuck cartoon "Plane Daffy": Hatta Mari gets an American carrier pigeon to blab out many military secrets after slipping him a Mickey.
179	* Parodied in ''WesternAnimation/AdventuresOfSonicTheHedgehog'' when Scratch and Grounder capture someone they believe knows Sonic and Scratch threatens her with this exact sentence only for Grounder to ask "what ways?" which leads to Scratch's frustration, a dope slap and the response "stupid" which makes Grounder finally understand and say "yeah we have stupid ways of making you talk". Not.
180	* Used in a ''WesternAnimation/{{Kaeloo}}'' episode where Mr. Cat is [[MakesSenseInContext dressed as a Nazi]]:
181	-->'''Mr. Cat:''' Me und mein bazooka have ways of making you talk!
182	* In ''WesternAnimation/GravityFalls'' GrandFinale, [[BigBad Bill Cipher]] threatens [[spoiler:Ford Pines]] this way [[spoiler:before inflicting ElectricTorture on him in the next scene]].
183	-->'''Bill Cipher:''' Everyone has a weakness, tough guy! I'll make you talk! It's only a matter of time.
184	[[/folder]]
185
186	[[folder:Real Life]]
187	* There is a legend of two policemen who interrogated a gullible suspect by putting a colander on his head, wiring it to a copy machine, and copying the message HE'S LYING when they thought he was. The man thought it was a real [[LieDetector polygraph]] and confessed. This originated from David Simon's book ''Homicide: A Year on the Killing Streets'' which depicted a year's work in the Baltimore City PD homicide division, later adapted into the TV series ''Series/HomicideLifeOnTheStreet''.
188	* ''Literature/{{Ringworld}}'' author Creator/LarryNiven played with this during an awards dinner that was running long -- interrogating his lobster: "Now, wretched bottom-feeder, you will tell us of your troop movements!" He was afterwards nicknamed "Speaker-to-Seafood", a reference to the Kzin Ambassador, Speaker-to-Animals, who has a large role in the ''Ringworld'' series.
189	* World War II Luftwaffe interrogator Hans-Joachim Scharff became famous for being extremely successful and getting useful information out of Allied airmen who were taken prisoner by Germans. His method was borne out of his actual character: he was a genuinely nice guy who really cared about the well-being of the captives in his charge and did what he could to accommodate their wishes and needs while making small talk. (He supposedly arranged for an Allied pilot to take a joyride alone in a German fighter!). Prisoners of war would end up unintentionally letting slip important information during ordinary conversations, which Scharff and others would pick up and incorporate into their body of knowledge.
190	* There's a story about the Al Qaeda operative who was defeated by cookies. A new interrogator noticed that the uncooperative prisoner wasn't eating what he'd been given, because he was diabetic and couldn't have sugar. When they provided sugar-free cookies, he started talking.
191	[[/folder]]

Context Main / WeHaveWaysOfMakingYouTalk