Line #160 Main/TwoWordsICantCount


1	%%
2	%%
3	%%
4	%%
5	%%
6	%% This list of examples has been alphabetized. Please add your example in the proper place. Thanks!
7	%%
8	%%
9	%%
10	%%
11	%%
12	%%
13	%%Page Quote
14	->''"I can give you his description in three words ... an insensate, ugly, stupid blockhead. That's four, but no matter ..."''
15	-->--'''Rosalie Murray''', ''Literature/AgnesGrey''
16
17	%%Definition
18	Failing to count your words correctly undercuts the emphasis made by announcing the number of words a character plans to use, and makes the character look slightly more foolish. Counting is usually a simple task, and people usually only try one to four words when emphasizing their statements this way. So failing to count correctly moves the emphasis from the character's point to making the scene or character using it somewhat more comical.
19
20	The key aspect of this trope is a dissonance between the words declared and the words used. Contractions like "can't", "won't", "ain't" can all be used for one/two words. A character that says, "Four words: It wasn't me." and a character that says "Three words: It wasn't me." are both counting their words correctly, even if they are counting differently. A character who says "Three words: It was ''not'' me." messed up, because even if they intended the contraction, they forgot to use it.
21
22	Rarely, we have examples of the speaking character giving the right number, but getting "corrected" by another character who miscounted.
23
24	The SuperTrope is TwoWordsAddedEmphasis, where a character, for any reason, prefaces their statement by numbering their words.
25	----
26	!!Two words: Examples:
27
28	[[foldercontrol]]
29
30	[[folder:Advertising]]
31	* A 1980s commercial for Alka Seltzer cold medicine where a group of construction workers touted the product; one of them said "in a word: it works."
32	* From an 80s car commercial starring Creator/JimVarney as Ernest P. Worrell: "I've got one word for you, Vern, new car!"
33	* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8h0aMVtKLg A PlayStation3 commercial]] featuring Advertising/KevinButler, claimed "montage" is two words.
34	-->'''Customer''': Dear Platform/PlayStation! Just got my [=PS3=]! So whatcha got?\
35	'''Kevin Butler''': What do I got? Two words: mon, tage.
36	* The [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKRNskIkLI8 Latin American advertising "Cebollas" (Onions) for Iphone 6s]] has a Colombian character saying about a video: "Tres palabras: ¡Per-fec-ta!" ("Three words: per-fec-t").
37	* A series of ads for GM's Goodwrench service featured Creator/StephenColbert as basically a prototype of his character from ''Series/TheColbertReport'' -- a clueless investigative journalist eternally searching for the mysterious Mr. Goodwrench (not realizing everyone who works in a Goodwrench department is basically Mr. Goodwrench). [[https://youtu.be/igsV4pxHDrU At one point]], Colbert asks a cop of horseback to put out an APB for Mr. Goodwrench, since as he reasons, he had over a million hours of training in GM service the previous year. "Two words: labor law infraction!" (while Colbert holds up ''3'' fingers).
38	[[/folder]]
39
40	[[folder:Film - Animated]]
41	* A RunningGag in Disney's ''WesternAnimation/{{Hercules}}'' (the movie, the TV series, ''and'' the Hercules-themed world in ''Franchise/KingdomHearts'') is that every time Philoctetes attempts TwoWordsAddedEmphasis, he gets the count wrong.
42	-->"I got two words for ya kid--I am retired!"\
43	\
44	"What is that?!"\
45	"Two words -- am-scray!" (PigLatin for scram, for those under a rock.)\
46	\
47	Hercules (imitating Phil): Two words: Duck!
48	** After the "retired" line, a confused Hercules is then seen counting it out. As a BilingualBonus, "I am retired" ''is'' two words in Ancient Greek.
49	** In Phil's song "One Last Hope", the lines "Askin' me to jump into the fray/My answer is two words:" set him to rhyme with something like "No way." Then he's forced to make a LastSecondWordSwap.
50	-->'''Phil''': "My answer is ''two words''..." [[BoltOfDivineRetribution (Gets hit by lightning)]] "...o-kay." (Followed up with "You win. Oh gods. Oy vay.")
51	* During ''WesternAnimation/ToyStory2'', Stinky Pete was explaining the reason for the declining popularity of ''Woody's Roundup''; "Two words: Sput Nik." Stinky Pete was referring to unmanned Russian satellite ''Sputnik'', the beginning of the "Space Race".
52	[[/folder]]
53
54	[[folder:Film - Live Action]]
55	* ''Film/AliGInDaHouse'' has a character tell people their two words: "Keep It Real!". This is of course immediately pointed out that that's ''three'' words, and [[LampshadeHanging it's followed by a debate on whether "it" counts as a word because of how short it is.]]
56	* ''Film/Armageddon1998'':
57	** When Harry Stamper uses reunites with A.J., he adds an extra word to the five he declares:
58	-->'''Harry Stamper:''' A.J., I got just five words for you: Damn glad to see you, boy!\
59	'''A.J.:''' That's six words.
60	** A.J. also miscounts when talking to Harry, getting his number wrong twice:
61	-->'''A.J.:''' You know, Harry, there are only, uh, five words, I want to hear from you right now and those words are: you know A.J., I really look up to you, you been a hero of mine for sometime, and I'm really impressed with your work and I'm emotionally closed off... ''[{{beat}}]'' That's like, I dunno, that's like eleven words or something. You know what how 'bout just: A.J., I'm sorry and I love you?
62	* ''Film/BabyDriver'': Bats does this, counting off each world and promptly [[LampshadeHanging Lampshades it:]]
63	-->''"[We live in a world] consisting of three things, and that's money, sex, drugs, and action. ([[DoubleTake Looks at his hand]]) Oh shit, that's four."''
64	* ''Film/BigFatLiar'': In the awful movie-in-a-movie, ''Whittaker and Fowl'', Whitaker is told "shut the heck up" is two words.
65	--> Listen, Whitaker, I am not your father and I'm not your priest. I got two words for you: shut the heck up! You talk way too much... can we cut?
66	* In ''Film/DudeWheresMyCar'', after Jesse and Chester get thrown out of the twins' house, one of the characters splits the word "management" into two words.
67	-->"I got three words for you! Anger manage ment!"
68	* In ''Film/TheKingOfMarvinGardens'', Sally complains of David, "He's only got one thing. That's depression, suspicion, and mistrust," while counting to three on her fingers.
69	* ''Film/MagicInTheWater'': While talking on the phone, Jack says, "Two words, Al. Re lax!"
70	* In ''Film/MidnightRun'' Walsh is grows aggravated by Mardukas' nagging, finally telling him to "shut up".
71	-->'''Mardukas''': Jack, you're a grown man. You have control over your own words.\
72	'''Walsh''': You're God damn right I do, so here come two for you; "shut the fuck up".
73	* In ''Film/ReservoirDogs'', Mr. Pink gives Mr. White a long argument about why waitresses should not be tipped automatically, before concluding with "Two words: learn to fucking type."
74	* ''Film/SoIMarriedAnAxeMurderer'':
75	-->'''Tony:''' Two words: Therapy.
76	* ''Film/TrueLies'': One of the characters breaks the word "insane" into two words: "Okay, I've got two words for that: In. Sane."
77	* After the villain in ''Film/TankGirl'' screams in Tank Girl's face, she counts "your teeth" as one word.
78	-->''"I got two words for you...Brush your teeth!"''
79	* ''Film/WatchYourStern'': When Blissworth is pretending to explain the Creeper plans to Admiral Pettigrew:
80	-->'''Blissworth''': I'll put it all into one simple word.
81	-->'''Admiral Pettigrew''': Good.
82	-->'''Blissworth''': Yes... "Magnetic-acoustic-neutralisation". How's that, sir?
83	-->'''Admiral Pettigrew''': Surely that's more than ''one'' word?
84	-->'''Blissworth''': There's ''two'' hyphens.
85	* ''Film/WaynesWorld2'': Wayne fights kung fu with Mr. Wong, Cassandra's father, and, with his voice dubbed, claims to know all seven animal techniques: "The crane, the stag, the horse, the tiger, the bat, the rat, the monkey." Then he adds an eighth: "The beetle" (imitates Ringo Starr drumming).
86	* In ''Film/TheWorldsEnd'', after being asked how his mother's funeral was, Gary answers: "It's difficult to put into words. But if I had to choose three, I would say, 'Really, really sad.' Oh, no, that's two, isn't it? How about, 'Really, very sad'?".
87	[[/folder]]
88
89	[[folder:Jokes]]
90	* Used in this joke: The three most common errors in computer science are segmentation faults and off by one errors.
91	[[/folder]]
92
93	[[folder:Literature]]
94	* Rosalie Murray, in ''Literature/AgnesGrey'', describes Mr Weston negatively. Her animosity leads her to describe four negative traits instead of the three she announced. She corrects herself immediately after.
95	--> "I can give you his description in three words ... an insensate, ugly, stupid blockhead. That's four, but no matter ..."
96	* In ''Literature/MovingPictures'', the word "impossible" is counted as two words by a secondary character. Fans assume this is a reference to legendary Hollywood producer Samuel Goldwyn, {{malaproper}} and simile-mangler extraordinaire.
97	--> "In a word -- im-possible!" \
98	"That's two words," said Dibbler.
99	[[/folder]]
100
101	[[folder:Live-Action TV]]
102	* In ''Series/ThirtyRock'', Donaghy announces "one word: surge", and Tracy attempts to "correct" him.
103	-->'''Donaghy''': [[AvertedTrope One word: Surge.]]\
104	'''Tracy''': [[{{Cloudcuckoolander}} That's two words]]!
105	* Kara [=DioGuardi=], the new judge on ''Series/AmericanIdol'', critiqued a contestant with "six words: one of the best performances of the night." Creator/RyanSeacrest mocked her on the next episode by introducing her as "three words: Kara [=DioGuardi=]."
106	* ''Series/TheBigBangTheory'': Raj suggests a way out of a jam to Howard, but gets confused because "3-D" is an acronym for three-dimensional.
107	-->Two words. 3-D printer. (beat) Wait. Or is that three words?
108	* Shawn gives Mr. Turner advice on how to fix his motorcycle on ''Series/BoyMeetsWorld'' and runs into a stumbling block as he [[InvertedTrope stops at the correct number of words, but then realizes that he didn't say enough to make his point]].
109	-->'''Shawn:''' Here's what I got for you - Two Words: Uncle Mike's\
110	''<{{Beat}}>''\
111	'''Shawn:''' I'm gonna need more words.
112	** In another episode, Minkus gives Shawn two words: "Antiperspirant", causing a confused Shawn to say, "That's ''six'' words."
113	* Inverted in ''Series/BuffyTheVampireSlayer'' when Buffy demands Spike explain what he is doing in five words or less.
114	-->'''Spike:''' Out for a walk. ''[realizes he has a word to spare]'' [[ThisIsForEmphasisBitch Bitch.]]
115	* ''Series/TheCommish'': One episode opens with Tony on the phone to a friend inviting him out to dinner, when the friend refuses, Tony wants to know why. The friend attempts to be succinct, by using "forget about it" as one word.
116	-->'''Friend:''' One word: Forget about it.
117	* ''Series/CornerGas'':
118	** In the pilot, Hank from ''Series/CornerGas'' counts "boycott" as two words.
119	---> '''Hank:''' Two words: Boycott.
120	** Another one in the later episode "Hank Talkin'", where Hank (incorrectly) thinks his blog is a hit:
121	---> '''Narrating Hank:''' Does it feel good to be a hit? In a word: It sure does.
122	* ''Series/FastAndLoose'', from the producers of ''Series/WhoseLineIsItAnyway'', adds quickfire games in between the actual games by simply posing questions to the players like "Describe Yourself In Three Words":
123	-->'''Humphrey Kerr:''' Humphrey Like Ham.\
124	'''Jonathan Mangum:''' Not Good At Math.\
125	'''Justin Edwards:''' Music/EarthWindAndFire.
126	* In the first episode of ''Series/ForeverKnight'', Nick Knight has been unwillingly partnered with Don Schanke, who is telling Nick he's a better cop thanks to his gut instincts. Just then Nick goes roaring up an alley because his vampire super-hearing has picked up a woman being murdered. When Schanke asks how he knew, Nick says sarcastically, "Three words: In-tu-ition."
127	* ''Series/{{Friends}}'' episode "The One With The List" has Joey make a suggestion to a girl, mistaking the word "threesome" for two words.
128	--> "I got two words for you. Threesome."
129	* On ''Series/GarthMarenghisDarkplace'': Character splits "telekinesis" into two words.
130	-->''I've got two words for you, Sanch. Tele... Kinesis.''
131	* ''Series/HangTime'': Episode "Trouble in Paradise," when Danny confronts Chris about "stealing" Julie (after pointing out that Danny can't say two words to her), Daddy responds that he has two words for ''him'', and says four instead.
132	-->'''Danny:''' "Yeah! Well, I have two words for you: stay away... from her."
133	* During Creator/HarryEnfield's sketch "The Yorkshireman", a character calls something a 'shite', and since they said it was two words, they repeat the first word again.
134	--> "I've two words to say to that: shite!"\
135	"What's the other one?"\
136	"Shite!"
137	* In ''Series/HillStreetBlues'', one detective tried to remind another why they should stay away from a flirty high-school girl, but they made "statutory" two words.
138	-->'''Washington:''' Three words, JD: Statue. Tory. Rape.
139	* ''Series/HowIMetYourMother'': Narrowly subverted by Robin on one occasion.
140	--> '''Robin''': Oh, can I just say five things? ''[[[DopeSlap starts smacking James on the head]]]'' [[PunctuatedPounding What! Is! The! Matter! With!--Sorry, six--You?!]]
141	* ''Series/{{Hustle}}''
142	** An exchange between Ash and Danny, where Danny is threatening a lawsuit and Ash is mocking his intelligence:
143	--->'''Danny:''' ... I'll be using three of my favourite words. "Unsubstantiated", "Libelous" and "Court Case".\
144	'''Ash:''' "Court Case" is two words.\
145	'''Danny:''' Oh, yeah? Well, I used a bloody hyphen!
146	** In the episode "Eat Yourself Slender", where the [[TheCon mark]] is led to believe Mickey is an art dealer who isn't averse to stealing on behalf of wealthy clients:
147	--->'''Dr Dean [=DeVille=]''': I've got four words for you. Four very simple words. Can. You. Acquire. The. ''(laughs)'' Five words...
148	* In the original Australian version of ''Series/KathAndKim'', there's a RunningGag of Kath saying two or three words after saying, "Now, I've got one word to say to you, Kimmy..." The running gag climaxes with the following quote:
149	-->'''Kath:''' Now Kimmy look at me. I've got one word to say to you: Move out tout-de-suite, go back to Brett. Get real, you'll never get any better!
150	* ''Series/TheKingOfQueens'' has a short gag with Arthur badly choosing his statements, culminating in his admitting that it wasn't working out when he predicted how many words he was trying to use.
151	-->'''Arthur:''' I've got two words; I'm staying right here!\
152	'''Carrie:''' [[LampshadeHanging That's four words!]]\
153	'''Arthur:''' Well, here's another four: screw you!\
154	'''Carrie:''' Dad, that's two words.\
155	'''Doug:''' Arthur, maybe you should stop saying how many words you're going to say in advance.\
156	'''Arthur:''' Yeah, once you do that, you're pretty much trapped in a hole, eh?
157	* ''Series/LastWeekTonightWithJohnOliver'': In [[https://youtu.be/gPHgRp70H8o?t=801 the COVID vaccine episode]]:
158	--> '''Joseph Jacks:''' Six words: testing, testing, testing, testing, and more testing.
159	--> '''John:''' I'll tell you what I admire about that guy: his confidence. Because I don't think I've seen anyone more self-assured than the man who just promised six words, said seven, and counted five, all without even flinching. That guy is so secure in his thinking, he could be wrong about numbers on camera twice and do it with an unbreaking smile.
160	* ''Series/LostGirl'': Bo, in episode "The Mourning After", tries to recover from his miscounting by claiming the words were hyphenated, which makes them two single words.
161	-->'''Bo:''' Two words: Lauren kiss-my-ass. (Takes shot) Lot of hyphens in that last one.
162	* In the ''Series/TheMonkees'' episode "Monkee vs. Machine", Mike tells Peter not to argue with him, and Peter immediately disputes with him over the pedantry of his statement.
163	-->'''Mike''': Remember these three little words: Don't argue.\
164	'''Peter''': That's two words.\
165	'''Mike''': You're starting already.
166	* ''Series/MontyPythonsFlyingCircus'' has a prolonged example:
167	-->'''Ximenez:''' Our chief weapon is surprise... surprise and fear... fear and surprise...\
168	Our ''two'' weapons are fear and surprise... and ruthless efficiency....\
169	Our '''three''' weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency... and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.... Our '''four'''...
170	* On an episode of ''Series/MysteryScienceTheater3000,'' Joel is complaining, and Dr. Forrester responds with "Two words, Joel: Get Overit", even extending a finger for each "word".
171	* ''Series/NewsRadio'': Jimmy announces that he's going to build a 200-story building. When Joe questions if that's even possible, Jimmy answers, "I have two words for you: mon-ey and lots of it."
172	* The first season of ''Series/TheOfficeUK'', some of Tim's papers are on Gareth's desk and he makes a ruckus about it while Tim is on a sales call. Gareth doesn't miscount the number of words he's using, but he also tries to specify the number of ''syllables'' in his word as well. Sadly, "demarcation" is four syllables, not two.
173	--> '''Tim''': What are you doing?\
174	'''Gareth''': One word, Two Syllables, Demarcation.
175	* ''Series/{{Reba}}'': In the episode "Reba the Landlord", Van says "let it go" and "paper plates" quickly and insists on claiming each phrase as one word. Reba tries to correct Van once before doing it herself (using the phrase "let it go") late in the episode.
176	* The magician Creator/RudyCoby, in one of his TV specials, invokes TwoWordsAddedEmphasis, while an offscreen character's prediction is corrected:
177	-->'''Rudy Coby:''' Everything you've seen today can be explained with just one word:\
178	'''Offscreen Guy:''' Hairspray.\
179	'''Rudy Coby:''' No, hair spray is ''two'' words. One word: ''science''.
180	* In ''Series/{{Scrubs}}'', JD is dismissing another character, and catches himself in the middle of his miscounted sentence, pointing out the additional number he needed.
181	--> "Three words. Sucks to be, adding a fourth, you!"
182	* In an episode of ''Series/{{Seinfeld}}'' where George is trying to break his engagement to Susan, Kramer suggests, "Two words: pre-nup."
183	* In the third season of ''Series/SlingsAndArrows'', developing the rivalry between the musical cast and the young members of the King Lear cast has one of the characters suggest "Three words: Stink Bomb".
184	* From ''Series/TheWestWing'':
185	** During a presidential debate Bartlet's opponent Robert Ritchie (a Bush parody) claims that Bartlet will try and excuse high federal costs with one big word: 'Unfunded Mandate'. In his rebuttal, Bartlet is quick to point out that that's actually two words, undercutting Ritchie's dramatic statement.
186	** The series {{lampshaded}} a Vinick adviser's mistake in the season six episode "In God We Trust". The adviser recommended that the senator continue to repeat four words, but Bartlet pointed out there were five words in the statement.
187	---> "Fully respect Reverend Butler's position"\
188	"That's five words."
189	[[/folder]]
190
191	[[folder:Music]]
192	* Denis Leary's song "Asshole": "Two words... Nuclear fuckin' weapons!"
193	* The titular character of the Music/LesLuthiers play "Manuel Darío" falls to this trope twice in a row:
194	--> '''Manuel Darío:''' The care and compassion you have all shown to me is something I can sum up in one word: "Thank you". ''(his musicians gesture a number two to him, and Manuel Darío takes notice of that)'' "Thank you twice".
195	* Played with in Music/WeirdAlYankovic's "This Song Is Just Six Words Long". The song itself has a lot more words than that, but the ''title'' is already seven words. This is not obvious in writing (as people who don't get the joke tend to write "song's"), but he is clearly singing to the tune of "I've got my mind set on you".
196	[[/folder]]
197
198	[[folder:Newspaper Comics]]
199	* In ''ComicStrip/BloomCounty'', the newly personality-reversed Steve Dallas attempts to convince his old, vapid girlfriend Quiche to look at things the way he now does, but she's not interested in playing along with his "one word" association game.
200	--> '''Steve:''' Now I want you to say the first word that comes to mind when I say this: Celibacy.\
201	'''Quiche:''' Don't let the door hit you on the way out.\
202	'''Steve:''' That's ''ten'' words...
203	* [[https://garfield.com/comic/2005/04/22 The April 22, 2005]] strip of ''ComicStrip/{{Garfield}}'' has Jon on the phone, trying to get a date with Ellen. He miscounts "restraining order" as a single word.
204	-->'''Jon''': Ellen, how's about I zip over to your place and serenade you with my accordion? ''[BeatPanel]'' “Restraining order” is such an ugly word, Ellen.\
205	'''Garfield''': That's two words, dummy.
206	[[/folder]]
207
208	[[folder:Professional Wrestling]]
209	* Wrestling/PaulHeyman, in a shoot-promo, fired off an often quoted version during the first ever "Wrestling/{{ECW}} One Night Stand" pay-per-view event, addressing members of Wrestling/{{WWE}}'s ''RAW'' and ''[=SmackDown=]!'' brands who had crashed the show - in particular, Adam "Wrestling/{{Edge\|Wrestler}}" Copeland. He counted Wrestling/MattHardy's name as two words, but inserted [[AtomicFBomb Freaking]] in the middle. Edge's response was [[SpitTake to spit out his beer]], count the number of words with other wrestlers and yell back, "That's three words, Paul!" And then used Matt Hardy's signature hand motion to indicate that it is indeed 3 words.
210	-->'''Heyman:''' ''I'' have two words for you...\
211	''(Paul steps halfway through the ropes, then flaps his hands outward)''\
212	Heyman: '''MATT FREAKING HARDY!'''
213	[[/folder]]
214
215	[[folder:Theatre]]
216	* Christy from Creator/MartinMcDonagh's ''Theater/TheLieutenantOfInishmore'' miscounts "splinter group" and is corrected by Padraic.
217	-->'''Christy:''' Does the word "splinter group" mean anything to ya?\
218	'''Padraic:''' "Splinter group?" Splinter group's two words.
219	* Creator/GilbertAndSullivan's ''Theatre/ThePiratesOfPenzance'' has pirate Samuel say the line:
220	-->''"Permit me, I'll explain in two words: we propose to marry your daughters."''
221	:: This being G&S, the director often has fun with it. One production has it rendered as "We propose-to-marry-your-daughters" (with the pirate counting the words on his fingers, and being surprised when he reaches six) while another has three separate pirates deliver two words each. Others have a pirate deliver the first two, "We propose," and have the Major-General be confused or offended that he's being proposed to before the sentence continues.
222	* OlderThanSteam: ''Theatre/RomeoAndJuliet'' Act 2, Scene 2 contains Juliet prefacing her lines with "three words", when she uses three lines of eleven syllables each.
223	-->'''JULIET''': Three words, dear Romeo, and good night indeed.\
224	If that thy bent of love be honourable,\
225	Thy purpose marriage, send me word to-morrow
226	[[/folder]]
227
228	[[folder:Theme Parks]]
229	* A spiel for [[Ride/DisneyThemeparks Disneyland]]'s ''WesternAnimation/{{Hercules}} Victory Parade'' continues the movie's RunningGag of Philoctetes doing this.
230	-->"Listen up, people, it's Phil. I got two words for ya -- ''the parade starts in three minutes!''"
231	[[/folder]]
232
233	[[folder:Video Games]]
234	* Sometimes in ''VideoGame/AnimalCrossingPocketCamp'', Filbert or Punchy will make this mistake after fulfilling a request.
235	-->I've got two words for you: you rule... a lot. [[LampshadeHanging Wait, was that more than two]]?
236	* Comes up in the [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fIUE3aP1TFw Steam Announcement Trailer]] of ''VideoGame/BattleBlockTheater'', though the Narrator is [[SubvertedTrope pretty quick to correct himself]].
237	-->'''Narrator:''' I've got two words that'll change your life forever: STEAM! ...uh, version!
238	* Phil from the ''WesternAnimation/{{Hercules}}''-themed world in ''Franchise/KingdomHearts'' [[RunningGag was always getting "two words" wrong.]]
239	** When he messed this up in ''VideoGame/KingdomHeartsI,'' Goofy, of all characters, even ''[[LampShading counted]]'' the words and got confused when he heard four instead of two.
240	-->"Two words: You guys. Ain't. Heroes!"
241	** When Sora's confronts Cerberus...
242	-->"Kid, I got two words of advice for you: ATTACK!!"
243	** In ''[[VideoGame/KingdomHeartsChainOfMemories Chain of Memories]]'', it comes with a LampshadeHanging:
244	-->'''Phil:''' Two words: You ain't heroes!\
245	'''Sora:''' That's not right!\
246	'''Goofy:''' Yeah, he said three words.
247	** Then of course:
248	-->'''Phil:''' Now remember, the best way to become a hero comes down to two words.\
249	'''Goofy:''' Starts counting on his fingers, Sora and Donald watch\
250	'''Phil:''' Eat. Bathe. Sleep.\
251	'''Sora/Donald/Goofy:''' Start laughing
252	** And another one at the end of that level in that game:
253	-->'''Sora:''' The games are canceled? Why?\
254	'''Phil:''' Three words: everyone's pooped!\
255	'''Goofy:''' Wait a minute, that was only two words.
256	** ''VideoGame/KingdomHeartsBirthBySleep'' has Ventus do the same thing Goofy did.
257	-->'''Phil:''' Two Words: Student. Teacher. Ratio.\
258	'''Ven:''' Counting on his fingers One. Two. Huh?
259	* In mobile game ''VideoGame/DisneyMagicKingdoms'', [[WesternAnimation/{{Hercules}} Phil]]'s RunningGag is used yet again with his "I can't do that right now"-type message that pops up if a player tries to send him on a task/quest while he is "home" (welcomed but inactive) or already doing something: "I got two words for you: 'Not on your life!'"
260	* Marty says this at random when he falls onto an ink-covered road in ''VideoGame/{{Madagascar}}: The Video Game'':
261	--> '''Marty''': Three words: Ink. I guess that's just one word.
262	* ''VideoGame/{{Overwatch}}'' has a variant of this in the "Junkertown: The Plan" short: [[MadBomber Junkrat]] explains his plan to Roadhog on how they'll get back into Junkertown after getting exiled, prefacing with how "There's ''twooooo'' things that solve every problem: money and explosives!" As he says "two", he's visibly holding up ''three'' fingers to Roadhog's face. Bonus points for how he's using his normal left hand rather than [[ArtificialLimbs his artificial right one]], so his goof can't even be pinned on some kind of malfunction.
263	* Hoxton, in ''VideoGame/PAYDAY2'', adds "fucking" when describing the [[PrisonRape dangers of Thursdays]] in Hazelton Prison, but forgets to count it in the "two words" he's presenting.
264	--> '''Hoxton''': Two words: fucking Kinky Night.
265	* This is disputed in ''VideoGame/{{Psychonauts}}'' when Raz to asks Ford for help: "Two Words: Ca-caw!" The two enter a debate on whether this is really one or two words due to the hyphenation.
266	* In ''VideoGame/PokemonBlack2AndWhite2'', call Hugh on the Xtransceiver before going to Reversal Mountain to ask where he is, and he'll count "Reversal Mountain" as one word, and then correct himself.
267	-->'''Hugh''': One word, Reversal Mountain. No wait, that's two words.
268	* In ''VideoGame/SonicLostWorld'', Sonic says to [[BigEater Zomom]]:
269	--> '''Sonic:''' One word of helpful advice: diet and exercise!\
270	'''Zomom:''' [[LiteralMinded That's three words!]]
271	* In ''VideoGame/StarFox64'', if you fail to defeat all of the Star Wolf members in Fortuna (but shoot at least Wolf and Leon down), Pigma will tease you as he retreats by breaking "loser" into two words.
272	--> ''I got two words for ya: LO-SER!!!''
273	[[/folder]]
274
275	[[folder:Webcomics]]
276	* ''Webcomic/DarthsAndDroids:'' Keybounce's [[TheRant guest commentary]] below [[http://www.darthsanddroids.net/episodes/1644.html page 1644]] begins with "I have two comments on this strip." A numbered list follows, with ''four'' items. Number Four is "[[LampshadeHanging I can't count.]]"
277	* ''Webcomic/TheDreadful'' has Liz planning to join a mostly non-human faith. She misunderstands most of the facts of this faith, emphasized when her answer to one question is simply "Two words: Polygamy."
278	* In [[http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2001-01-31 this]] ''Webcomic/SchlockMercenary'' strip, Captain Tagon is telling the woman, who is technically his boss, to move. "Why are you issuing orders to me, Tagon?" "Two words: Bomb on Board."
279	[[/folder]]
280
281	[[folder:Web Original]]
282	* The internet reviewer Creator/{{Benzaie}} does this for amusement value, where he will sum up a game in two words, at least one of the words being four or five words all squished together; For example, he sums up the UsefulNotes/SegaGenesis adaptation of ''Bram Stoker's Dracula'' as "Two words: Franchise/{{Castlevania}}ripoff withagaymusic!" For additional comical effect, he can still mangle his description somehow even if it '''is''' just two words: "Two words: Abo Nus!" (A Bonus).
283	* A [[MemeticMutation meme edit]] of Music/DaftPunk's "Get Lucky" that swaps every other beat around, viewable [[https://youtu.be/dSvvlu5zTDQ here]], comes with captions providing "[[{{Mondegreen}} lyrics]]". Among the new lyrics in the chorus: "Two words! [=AAAAAARRRRR...se=]."[[note]]Original lyric that morphed into this: "To the stars"[[/note]]
284	* In one of the [[https://youtu.be/dTa-eC2uzcs Flash animations]] Wizards of the Coast made to promote ''TabletopGame/DungeonsAndDragons 4th Edition'' a troll being interviewed by a mind flayer says "Three words: Re- gener- uhhhhhhhhh -ation."
285	* ''WebAnimation/HomestarRunner'': In the WebAnimation/StrongBadEmail [[Recap/StrongBadEmailE110ForKids "for kids"]], Strong Bad reacts to seeing Homsar's TV show for preschoolers, doing a version of this joke [[OverlyLongGag that lasts nearly twenty seconds]] and even hanging a lampshade at the end.
286	-->'''Strong Bad:''' Good... gravy. I've got two words for the children that are raised on that crap: HELD BACK. REPEATING THE THIRD GRADE. LOW STANDARDIZED TEST SCORES. [[LampshadeHanging I GUESS THIS WAS MORE THAN TWO WORDS]]. [[ThatsAllFolks THE PAPER, PLEASE TAKE US HOME]].
287	* In the ''WebVideo/{{Jacksfilms}}'' video "Your Grammar Sucks #60", [[https://youtu.be/nC9OX4pfjjE?t=142 one of the atrocious comments is "I can sum it up in three words. Evolution is a lie"]], a quote from a user on a Christian forum. This promptly gets {{Lampshade\|Hanging}}d by the singer, who stares in disbelief at the other versions of himself onscreen.
288	* ''WebVideo/TheNostalgiaChick'' reviewed ''Film/Armageddon1998'', where Harry Stamper did more than just "two words" at a time. [[RunningGag Always messing it up.]] One in particular ("AJ, I got just five words for you: Damn glad to see you boy!") had The Nostalgia Chick baffled and starting to count.
289	* LetsPlay/TheRunawayGuys' playthrough of ''VideoGame/NewSuperMarioBrosU'' {{Lampshade\|Hanging}} the effect when they encounter Miiverse posts that begin with "Two words:" and follow it with a different number of words. One of [[DeadpanSnarker Jon's]] own posts is the same as the trope name.
290	* ''WebVideo/UltraFastPony'', in "The Longest Engagement", as Pinkie Pie is planning Cadance's wedding reception.
291	-->'''Pinkie:''' Okay, I'm just gonna say one word, one word about your reception. And it's gonna blow your mind! ''[...]'' Anyway, here it is: Water balloons.
292	-->'''Princess Cadance:''' That was two words. I am disgusted and unhappy!
293	-->'''Pinkie:''' Don't worry, I'll keep working on it!
294	[[/folder]]
295
296	[[folder:Western Animation]]
297	* ''WesternAnimation/{{Animaniacs}}'' is a comedy sketch series that loves to subvert drama and often miscounts their words.
298	--> "Three words....Thigh Monster."
299	--> "In two words...Bubba is hot!"
300	* The ''WesternAnimation/ActionMan2000'' episode "Double Vision" has this done by Fidget towards Rikki.
301	-->'''Fidget''': I got two words for ya. Para Noid.
302	* A variant occurs in the ''WesternAnimation/Ben10'' episode "Goodbye and Good Riddance" when Grandpa Max says "Actions speak louder than words, and I've got three of them: Aim and fire". "Aim and fire" is three ''words'', not three actions.
303	* In the ''WesternAnimation/ChalkZone'' episode "Poison Pen Letter", one of the conversations Rudy Tabootie overhears about Michelle's birthday party has a boy say "Two words: Nachos", with another boy replying that "nachos" are one word.
304	* ''WesternAnimation/CowAndChicken'' episode "Bad Chicken" has three examples, including one where the character realizes how they miscounted, but miscount a ''second'' time as well.
305	-->'''Teacher:''' Two words: "Beak washed out with soap!" Okay, ''three'' words!\
306	'''[[CriminalDoppelganger Paper Chicken]]:''' I got three words for youse: ''bye''!\
307	''(Later)''\
308	'''Chicken:''' [[IronicEcho Three words: good bye!]]
309	* ''WesternAnimation/TheFairlyOddParents'':
310	** In "Something's Fishy", when Cosmo told Timmy about "[[YouNeedABreathMint mouthwash]]", but counted it as two words, until Wanda corrected him, prompting him to repeat the word.
311	-->'''Cosmo:''' I have two words for you: Mouthwash.\
312	'''Wanda:''' Uh, that's one word.\
313	'''Cosmo:''' Then I'll say it twice: Mouthwash! Mouthwash!
314	** Schnozmo, Cosmo's brother, does this almost everytime he speaks.
315	-->'''Schnozmo''': Two words: This script is garbage and I quit.
316	* In ''WesternAnimation/JamesBondJr'', Gordo proclaims "Three words: Gimme a break". IQ argues that it's four, but Gordo insists on counting "gimme" as one word.
317	* In the ''WesternAnimation/JellyJamm'' episode "Operation Save Jammbo", Goomo suggests a solution to Planet Jammbo's trash problem - "Two words - re-cycle!" Mina promptly corrects him, pointing out it's just one word.
318	* ''WesternAnimation/JohnnyBravo'':
319	** The episode "Beach Blanket Bravo" has Johnny say this to a [[PaperThinDisguise poorly-disguised]] shark.
320	-->'''Johnny:''' I've only got two words for you mister: Nope!
321	** Johnny does it again after becoming mayor in "Hail to the Chump.
322	-->'''Johnny:''' My administration can be summed up in three words: Mandatory bikinis!
323	* In ''WesternAnimation/KimPossible'', when Ron and Monique are forced to do a project together and Ron blows it off, Monique asks why she should do all the work. Ron, who knows Monique cares about her grades, holds up four fingers and ticks off a finger with each word: "Four words: Grade point average". And then he licks some cheese he notices on the one remaining finger.
324	* Used in the ''WesternAnimation/MegasXLR'' episode "A Clockwork Megas".
325	-->'''Coop''': One word, pal. Game over.
326	-->'''Kiva and Jamie''': That's two words.
327	-->'''Coop''': Whatever.
328	* ''WesternAnimation/PhineasAndFerb'':
329	** Candace says "I've got two words for you mum, Ge-la-tin!", followed by her mum looking confused.
330	** In response to [[ItMakesSenseInContext Phineas urging Perry to drop them into a boiling pit of doom]], Candace says: "Two Words: LA-VA!"
331	* ''WesternAnimation/RocketPower'' used and [[LampshadeHanging lampshaded it]] in the episode "Mr. B is in the House"...
332	--> '''Twister''': Two words: Our new teacher is Conroy, baby!
333	--> '''Sam''': That's six words, Twist.
334	--> '''Twister''': So?
335	* ''WesternAnimation/RockyAndBullwinkle''
336	** One character:
337	-->"In a word: No Thank You!"\
338	"That's three words."
339	** Another one:
340	-->"In a word: You said it!"\
341	"That's three words!"\
342	"I'm a heavy tipper."
343	* ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons'': Homer's reaction on being told that he has just won the astronaut position "by default" in "[[Recap/TheSimpsonsS5E15DeepSpaceHomer Deep Space Homer]]":
344	-->''Default? Woohoo! The two sweetest words in the English language!''
345	* ''WesternAnimation/SpongeBobSquarePants'': Spongebob is surprised to see Patrick and asks his friend why he's here, and Patrick splits "nachos" into two words.
346	-->'''Patrick:''' Two words: Na-chos.
347	* In ''WesternAnimation/{{Squidbillies}}'', Pestilence (of the HorsemenOfTheApocalypse) declared who he was in "one word": "Apocalyptic horseman".
348	--> One word: Apocalyptic horseman, fool!
349	* ''WesternAnimation/TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles1987'' had an example in "A Thing About Rats" when the head of a pest control company gave his reply to Baxter Stockman's offer in selling his Mousers.
350	--> "Well, to put it in a simple word: GET OUTTA HERE!"
351	* ''WesternAnimation/SheZow'':
352	--> '''Guy''': I have three simple words for you, Kelly: loophole.
353	--> '''Kelly''': That's one word.
354	--> '''Guy''': Word up!
355	* Played with in ''WesternAnimation/TheSpectacularSpiderMan'', where Peter isn't confused by JJ getting the number wrong, but that he was able to get it ''right'':
356	-->'''Peter:''' I'd like a word.
357	-->'''J. Jonah Jameson:''' How about "scram?" Or two words? "Scram kid!" Or seventeen? "Get out of my office in two-point-three seconds or I'll staple you to a flagpole!"
358	-->'''Peter:''' How did you count—?
359	* Tuca does this in the ''WesternAnimation/TucaAndBertie'' episode "[[Recap/TucaAndBertieS1E02ThePromotion The Promotion]]": "Two words, Bertie: Confidence!"
360	[[/folder]]
361
362	[[folder:Real Life]]
363	* Major League Baseball pitcher and one tough Dominican, the late Joaquin Andujar:
364	--> "There is one word in America that says it all, and that one word is, 'You never know.'"
365	* Legendary {{Malaproper}} and studio head Sam Goldwyn (the "G" in "MGM") is alleged to have responded "In two words: Im-Possible!" to a proposal he didn't like.
366	* Sports Commentary - Darts commentator Sid Waddell famously said "There's only one word for that: magic darts!"
367	* Pamela Anderson, on dealing with pre-wedding jitters: "I have two words for you: champagne!"
368	* UsefulNotes/JoeBiden ran into this issue during [[https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/speeches-remarks/2022/10/07/remarks-by-president-biden-on-the-economy-and-the-september-jobs-report/ a 2022 speech in Maryland]]. "Let me start off with two words: Made in America."
369	* In a collection of bad job interview responses, one interviewer told of an interview where applicants were asked to describe their greatest strength in a single word. One respondent put "very good at following instructions".
370	* When Music/RobCantor won a [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Webby_Awards Webby Award]] in the "Video - Comedy: Shortform" category for Music/ShiaLaBeoufLive, his acceptance speech was, "I never learned how to count."[[labelnote:Explanation]]The acceptance speeches for Webby Awards are only allowed to be ''five'' words long. His speech was six.[[/labelnote]]
371	[[/folder]]

Context Main / TwoWordsICantCount