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7[[quoteright:350:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/a_trio_339.png]]
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9->'''Rokuro:''' ''"Well, Akemi had to get her looks from somewhere... *beat* I- I-! Uh-! Th-That’s not-! I meant her hair color, okay!? The weird hair color! Ack! I didn't mean weird! I just meant strange for a natural color-! I- That came out wrong! I meant-! Well... You know! I-! Uh- I mean-!"''\
10'''Maruchi:''' ''"You're going to hit subterranean levels if you keep digging yourself into a hole like that."''
11-->-- A prime example of Rokuro's blundering personality and Maruchi's snarky one.
12
13
14''Mabaka! Magic is for Idiots!'' is a WebSerialNovel written by veteran FanFiction writer, Tropers/HalfDemonCali, and is her first and major original work. It was first published on September 15th, 2009 on deviantART, and then on Fiction Press two months later, on November 8th. As of chapter 8-2, updates are only posted on Fiction Press. (''The Magic for Idiots'' was the beta title.)
15
16[[{{Tsundere}} Akemi]] [[{{Miko}} Segawa]] is a [[OrdinaryHighSchoolStudent first year student at Okashii High School]], who lives at an old shrine with her father. Her best friend [[{{Otaku}} Rie]] is an occult enthusiast, her [[GenkiGirl Aunt Meiko]] is a [[ManChild 40-year-old preteen]], and her [[LoveInterest boyfriend]] [[OnlySaneMan Daisuke]] is about the only normal character in the entire series so far. If it weren't for them, however, her life would be extremely and utterly dull, since she only thing she really does in her spare time is her chores. So basically, a typical female human {{Tsundere}} protagonist.
17
18Then a wizard from another dimension [[CrashIntoHello crash lands in her yard]] and everything goes to hell.
19
20[[FunnyForeigner Rokuro]] is a Type 1 magic student from the second dimensional plane, [[AnotherDimension Mahokkai]]. Contrary to what Akemi read about wizards being wise and in touch with nature, Rokuro is [[NoSocialSkills awkward]], [[BrilliantButLazy lazy]], [[AttentionDeficitDisciple can't think things through to save his life]], [[FunctionalMagic and can't perform the smallest of spells without something nearby exploding on him]]. If you're wondering how the hell he ended up in the human world, then read on.
21
22Between space and time, there's a dimensional transport system called the [[PortalNetwork Hakobuttori]]. It's commonly used by beings who don't have the ability to traverse between worlds at their will. Rokuro accidentally got himself caught in it, and since he doesn't have enough magic to get himself back home, he's now stuck [[BatmanInMyBasement living with Akemi and her father, Shigeru, for a year.]] [[SecretKeeper While they try to keep him a secret.]]
23
24[[HilarityEnsues Joy!]]
25
26As the chapters progress on, a fairly large and colorful cast is assembled, and each with their own unique quirks to add to the fun. Character development really starts once all the introductions are done, and the amounts of ShipTease between Akemi and Rokuro are taken to insane amounts for two people who are supposed to have platonic relationship.
27
28There are currently forty chapters published online (1-1 to 16-1). [[http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2739233/1 Start here, if you wish]]. Just be warned that Cali is in the midst of [[GrammarNazi rewriting her earlier chapters]] and that there will be slight inconsistencies. And word puns. [[WorldOfPun Lots and lots of word puns]]. With cultural notes at the bottom of each chapter to explain.
29
30A chapter guide is in production [[Recap/TheMagicForIdiots here]].
31
32----
33!!''Mabaka!'' provides examples of:
34
35* ActingUnnatural: Rokuro tries to talk to Akemi without stuttering or looking suspicious [[spoiler: after having an embarrassing dream about her.]] Needless to say, she still notices and tells Maruchi to stop waking him up before dawn for training.
36* AccidentalPervert:
37** Rokuro caught sight of a near-naked Akemi, covered only by [[LingerieScene her underwear]] and a [[ModestyTowel towel]], when he hid in the girl’s locker room. To his credit, though, he didn't know what a locker room was up until then.
38** Rokuro ends up seeing Akemi while she was putting on her pants. She's surprisingly blasé about the incident, and tells Rokuro that she won't be mad so long as he "bleaches the image of her underwear from his brain." [[CovertPervert He outright admits to her that he has trouble doing so.]]
39* AnimeHair:
40** Akemi, Hideki, and Maruchi. Akemi probably stands out though, considering she has an odd hair coloring even by Rokuro's standards.
41** Shichi is by far the best example. His hair is ''green and pink''.
42* AllWorkVSAllPlay: Maruchi and Rokuro are a pretty straight-forward example.
43* AnotherDimension:
44** Mahokkai, Rokuro and Hideki's place of residence.
45** Kitakuvaaraji is the fourth dimension, and home to Maruchi and other majikyou.
46%%* ApologizesALot: Rokuro, full stop.
47%%* AttentionDeficitDisciple: Guess who.
48%%* AttentionDeficitOohShiny!: Rie.
49* BagOfHolding: If you read carefully enough, you'll realize that Rokuro's red duffel bag is probably one of these.
50* BattleAura: When Shigeru gets mad, or when he thinks Rokuro is being indecent towards his daughter, his aura flares red and purple. Usually accompanied by his ScaryShinyGlasses.
51* BerserkButton:
52** ''Don’t'' call Maruchi a child. Generally disrespecting him will also cause him to dish out some [[DisproportionateRetribution retribution]]. (As Akemi has already figured out.)
53** Meiko doesn't react well when the topic of her age comes up...
54** Akemi and her weight.
55* BigEater: Rokuro and Maruchi; both boys are like bottomless bits.
56* BigFancyHouse: Akemi lives at an old Shinto shrine.
57%%* BigLittleBrother: Shichi. [[spoiler: Until Maruchi changes back to normal, anyway.]]
58* BilingualBonus:
59** Shigeru is an English tutor, so there's obviously going to be some of this.
60** Chapter 9-1, Family Issues: Akemi asks for help with translating a couple of sentences into English. Shigeru does this, and then reads it back to her in Japanese. The text for him speaking Japanese is actually italicized Romaji, and in the cultural notes, these same sentences are in kanji.
61* BoardingSchool: Rokuro and Hideki live at one, apparently.
62* BokeAndTsukkomiRoutine:
63** Usually put into play by Hideki and Rokuro, although the retaliation is left verbal for obvious reasons.
64** Tsukkomi is the name of Akemi's uncle, whose name is based off of this.
65* BoyfriendBlockingDad: Shigeru Segawa, in every way possible. He, in no uncertain terms, ''threatened to castrate Rokuro'' if he even went ''near'' Akemi. DisproportionateRetribution, much?
66* BrattyHalfPint: Well, Maruchi’s not really bratty, per say… But he does have temper issues when dealing with a certain AttentionDeficitDisciple.
67* BrilliantButLazy:
68** Rokuro. Becomes evident when he solves Akemi's mathematics homework in his head and corrects her mistakes in less than a minute. [[FunctionalMagic To be fair, he's using magic.]]
69** Akemi calls him out for being a LazyBum in the chapter ''Family Issues''.
70--> "Let me tell you something, Rokuro-kun... You're eating here, sleeping here, and living here, for a full year, and you're not paying any kind of rent. You're basically a freeloader. My father and I are letting you stay here out of the kindness of our hearts. However, I will be damned before I let you sit around on your lazy ass doing nothing all day. One of the reasons I let you stay here in the first place was because I thought it would be nice to have a helping hand around here. Are you starting to catch on?" He caught on.
71* {{Buttmonkey}}: Rokuro, who has been getting hurt in nearly every recent chapter.
72* CardboardPrison: Rokuro mentions that he was tied to a tree when he was younger, as punishment. And the rope wasn’t even tight. He just forgot to untie himself.
73%%* {{Catgirl}}: Maruchi.
74%%* CatsAreSnarkers / DeadpanSnarker: Take three guesses. The first two don't count.
75* CheatedAngle: Shigeru and Rokuro's hair. Shigeru's is less conspicuous. Rokuro's is blatantly obvious.
76* CherryBlossoms: There’s a tree in Akemi’s yard.
77* ColorCodedElements / ColorCodedWizardry: Rokuro's Daia Charms.
78* ComicallyMissingThePoint: In chapter 2-3, Akemi asks Rokuro if he's a good or bad wizard, meaning good or evil. He mistakes her wording, and replies with “I’m an amateur at magic... Somewhere between good and bad.” Akemi doesn’t bother to explain her question, and doesn’t ask again.
79* ContinuityNod: In ''Reversi'', Rokuro flat out states that the Hakobuttori isn't the ideal way to cross dimensions because "it only comes around once a year, you don't know where it's going to appear, and you don't know where you're going to come out if you do manage to find it."
80* CrashIntoHello: Taken to a literal extreme in the ''Reversi'' oneshot. When Akemi arrives in Mahokkai, she flies straight into Rokuro and they both fall to the ground - Hitting many a tree branch on the way down.
81* CurbStompBattle: It's implied that the battle in the Monochrome Sector between Maruchi and Rokuro was this. After the two arrive back at the shrine, Rokuro is covered in all sorts of bruises and can barely walk. Maruchi is perfectly fine, and even entertains himself by literally poking at his student's injuries.
82%%* CurseCutShort
83%%* CuteLittleFangs: Maruchi and Shichi have these.
84%%* DopeSlap: Maruchi to Rokuro, more than often.
85* DroppingTheBombshell: Maruchi stole two things from Sandra, one being the Falcari pendant. Shigeru asks what the other thing was. Maruchi's reply? [[spoiler: "Her virginity."]]
86* DudeLooksLikeALady: It's pretty obvious from any standpoint that Rokuro is a boy. This doesn't stop Akemi's cousin Emiri from asking what his gender is upon first meeting him.
87* EasilyOverheardConversation: [[spoiler: Daisuke listens in on a conversation between Akemi and an invisible Rokuro from a few yards away. Granted, he thinks he's hallucinating because he only sees one of them.]]
88* ElementalPowers: [[spoiler: Rokuro gains fire-based powers when he transforms using the Rudaia Charm.]]
89* [[spoiler: EroticDream: Rokuro's dreams are HARDLY what you'd call "erotic", but he certainly seems freaked out by them enough.]]
90* {{Expy}}: There has been more than one comment on the fact that Rokuro looks like [[Manga/RanmaOneHalf Ranma Saotome]]. Of course, seeing as Cali first started drawing in [[Creator/RumikoTakahashi Rumiko Takahashi's style]] and can't seem to grow out of it, this isn't shocking.
91** Similar comments have been made on Maruchi looking like a purple-haired Manga/InuYasha. Even more so now that [[spoiler: we've seen what he looks like as a full-fledged adult.]]
92* {{Facepalm}}: A marvelous, apparently audible one is given by Maruchi towards the end of 14-1 after this exchange:
93--> Maruchi: "Are you seriously telling me that the reason you can't sleep is because [[EroticDream you're having wet dreams about the human girl]]?"
94--> Rokuro: [[ComicallyMissingThePoint "Why would I be wet?]] The futon's dry."
95* {{Fangirl}}: Rie loves [[Manga/FullMoon Izumi Rio]]. She ''really'' loves Izumi Rio.
96** In an IRL example, Rokuro seems to have unintentionally garnered 94% of the female readers as ''his'' fangirls.
97** And [[spoiler: Adult!Maruchi]] has probably stolen some of that percentage away...
98* {{Fanservice}}: The author really likes dishing it out [[http://half-demon-cali.deviantart.com/art/Negative-First-Impressions-254659723 when]] [[http://half-demon-cali.deviantart.com/art/Summer-02-215672428 she's]] [[http://half-demon-cali.deviantart.com/art/Summer-03-216802075 not]] [[http://half-demon-cali.deviantart.com/art/A-Long-Journey-278463775 writing.]]
99* FantasticRacism: Maruchi hates on all humans, not just Akemi. It's curious as to why he gets along with Shigeru...
100** Shichi is apparently racist against humans, too. [[BigEater Until you give him food and he becomes your best friend.]]
101* FishOutOfWater: Rokuro, and Maruchi. Two magic users, one being a mostly-hormone-driven wizard boy who can’t fly without assistance from a cleaning object, the other a racist child with purple hair and animal appendages, both never having made any contact with humans before. They’re way out of the water.
102* FlyingBroomstick: The only way Rokuro can fly is by using one of these.
103%%* FoodAsBribe
104%%* FullNameBasis: Maruchi to Shigeru.
105%%* GenkiGirl: Rie. As if it wasn't obvious.
106* GoodThingYouCanHeal: Otherwise, falling from that height and plowing through trees and into the ground head-first could’ve really hurt, huh, Rokuro?
107* GrudgingThankYou: Forget the grudging and or unsaid “Thank you’s”, Maruchi hates talking to Akemi at all.
108* {{Hammerspace}}: [[{{Lampshading}} Lampshaded]] by Rokuro, the first couple of times Shigeru pulls a sword out on him – “Where’d he even ''get'' that thing from!?"
109* {{Headdesk}}: Rokuro's forehead meets the wall a few times In ''Reversi'' once he learns that he saved and helped a human.
110--> "''This'' is what I get for trying to be a good person!"
111* HighPressureEmotion: By what descriptions (And pictures) are given, Rokuro seems to be very prone to this. [[ShipTease Usually around Akemi.]]
112%%* HilarityEnsues: Every. Damn. Chapter.
113* {{Honorifics}}: Akemi uses these with nearly everyone. Unless she’s severely pissed off, or exhausted. On the other hand, she herself doesn't like to be referred to as Akemi-san.
114** Shigeru adds ''-san'' to Maruchi's name, and ''-kun'' to Rie's.
115** [[spoiler: "Onii-sama!"]]
116* IncrediblyLamePun: Maruchi’s allusion to the saying, “Curiosity killed the cat”, in chapter 4-2.
117* IndyPloy: WordOfGod says this is the way she comes up with the different arcs.
118* InTheBlood: Akemi gets a lot of traits from her father - Most prominently, her temper.
119** Shigeru does make note of how she hasn't seemed to have inherited his grace or skills for art or language, though.
120* InsistentTerminology: Maruchi tends to be called a sadist quite a bit. "A sadist? Pah. I simply find humor in odd places."
121* ITakeOffenseToThatLastOne: “I am not a pervert!!"
122%%* JustAKid: I ''dare'' you to say this to Maruchi. There's a reason this counts as one of his [[BerserkButton berserk buttons]].
123%%** [[spoiler: Maybe because he's not actually a kid...?]]
124* KissingUnderTheInfluence: [[spoiler: Akemi to Rokuro, when she's being controlled by the psychic she met earlier. Shigeru is not pleased.]]
125* LameComeback
126* LethalChef: If Akemi and Emiri's comments are to be believed, Meiko is a serious case.
127* LivingShadow: They're under the control of a ''kage-nushi'', or 'shadow general', who invades Rie's home in the tenth arc. The personality of the shadow general doesn't exactly match up with his power, though...
128* {{Magibabble}}: Maruchi delivers this every so often, usually to help Akemi understand what's going on.
129* MagicSkirt: Akemi’s uniform skirt doesn’t flap up at all when Rokuro flies her home, as worried about it as she is.
130* {{Magitek}}
131* MarshmallowHell: Meiko makes Rokuro suffer this in chapter 9-2, and again in 9-3. He's ''not'' grateful.
132* MeaningfulName:
133** Maruchi's name is written as 丸智, meaning something along the lines of "circle of wisdom". A fitting name for a teacher.
134** [[spoiler: That's technically his nickname, but still fitting.]]
135** Akemi's name, though a common one, means "bright and beautiful", which describes her very well.
136** Tsukkomi's name is written as 月混, with the kanji for "moon" and "blend". The phrase ''tsukkomi'' is usually written as 突っ込み, meaning [[BokeAndTsukkomiRoutine "straight man"]].
137%%* {{Miko}}: Akemi.
138* TheMindIsAPlaythingOfTheBody: Maruchi [[spoiler: acts much more like a kid when taking the form of one, even though he's actually an adult. A theory given is that he's spent so much time as a kid that his mind has become somewhat wired like one.]]
139* MindRape: Shichi [[spoiler: is perfectly capable of using his abilities as a shadow general to mind rape innocents. His first Earthly victim? Rie.]]
140* MissingMom: Akemi's mother has barely even mentioned. In chapter 23 (''Thick and Thin''), she has. Her name is Hazuki. [[spoiler: [[PosthumousCharacter She's also dead]].]] In that same chapter, [[spoiler: Rokuro reveals that he has also been without a mother since he was six.]]
141* MistakenIdentity: The substitute teacher Hizen Umiyoshi mistook Akemi for her mother Hazuki. He had to be corrected by another student.
142%%* NerdGlasses: Hideki.
143* NeverSayDie: Shigeru always refers to [[spoiler: Hazuki's death as her being "gone". The rest of the family does the same, out of respect.]]
144* NoNameGiven: In the (revised) chapter one, Rokuro makes it clear that he doesn't have a last name to give.
145--> "I'm Rokuro, a Type One wizard. No last name applicable."
146* NoodleIncident: What exactly did Rokuro do that humored his boss enough to hire him? And how did he almost get himself eaten by a giant chameleon?
147* NoPunctuationIsFunnier: ''What the hell is going on here why is this happening why is Akemi kissing me when she has a boyfriend holy crap Maruchi and her dad are right over there watching I'm going to die soon I know it why me wait why am I outside again''
148* NoRespectGuy: Hideki '''used''' to qualify for this position. As of recently, however, Rokuro has become the main NoRespectGuy of the series.
149* NotAMorningPerson: Rokuro. This becomes apparent very early on.
150* NotWhatItLooksLike: Until Akemi explained it to him, Shigeru thought his daughter was being... ''impure'' while he was on his trip; of course, his first sight upon entering his home ''was'' Rokuro in his boxers...
151* OhCrap:
152** Rokuro’s exact reaction upon seeing his teacher in the human world. Also his reaction whenever he sees Shigeru.
153** Akemi has loads of these moments in the twentieth chapter, Recompense. With very good reason, mind you.
154* OjouRinglets: Keiko Ikehata, from chapter seven’s arc. Of the [[Manga/FullMoon Mitsuki]] variety.
155* OlderAlterEgo: Inverted with Shichi and [[spoiler: Maruchi]]. Their adult forms ''are'' [[ShapeshifterDefaultForm their real forms]].
156* OnlySaneMan:
157** Daisuke Hirota, despite the girl he's related to.
158** Tsukkomi Segawa seems to be the only completely normal one in the family. Although if he married ''Meiko'', he can't be ''all'' there.
159%%* ParentalAbandonment: Why the ''hell'' aren't Rokuro's parents worried about their son being trapped in another dimension?
160%%** Well, [[spoiler: his mom is dead. Rokuro tells us that himself. Can't say much about his dad, seeing as he hasn't gotten a mention yet.]]
161* ParentalFavoritism: Prevalent in the Hirota household on the maternal side. [[spoiler: Surprisingly, Rie is the favorite.]]
162* TheParalyzer: Rokuro jabs Akemi on the back of her neck and paralyzes her entire body in chapter 3-3.
163* {{Portmanteau}}: Responsible for a lot of the {{pun}}s in this story.
164* PowerCrystal: Rokuro’s Keifu, though he doesn’t necessarily need it; it’s more like a magical PDA.
165* PowerTattoo: Once a wizard graduates and becomes a Grand Dragon, a tattoo of the titular animal appears somewhere on the person’s body, signifying their status. Explained by Rokuro in chapter 3-3.
166* PuppyDogEyes: Akemi's method of getting Rokuro to help with her chores.
167* ReallyGetsAround: Rie accuses Umiyoshi of this when he says his new brooch came from [[DoubleEntendre "a very lovely lady he met last night".]] (She's wrong.)
168* RunningGag: Maruchi threatening to stick kayu leeches on Rokuro. "Kayu" meaning ''itch''.
169%%* ScaryShinyGlasses: Shigeru. Frequently.
170* {{Shapeshifting}}:
171** Maruchi mostly switches between his child self, and a cute, purple kitten. He's also known to use a human disguise, whenever he needs to.
172** As another resident of Kitakuvaaraji, [[spoiler: Shichi]] has shapeshifting abilities as well - He takes on the forms of a child and a teen.
173* ShapeShifterModeLock: [[spoiler: Maruchi was stuck as a child for what he says was eleven years. As of chapter 27, he's back as an adult.]]
174* ShipTease:
175** The later chapters have ''loads'' of this between Akemi and Rokuro, [[WordOfGod despite the author's insistence]] that they are ''not'' a OfficialCouple.
176** Hell, one arc has some ShipTease moments between Akemi and ''Maruchi''. There's the fact that [[WordOfGod Cali]] [[AuthorAppeal has admitted to that being one of her favorite]] [[CrackPairing crack pairings.]]
177** [[http://half-demon-cali.deviantart.com/art/All-I-want-is-341096316 Here's a pretty blatant example.]]
178* ShoutOut:
179** To Manga/FullMoon, as Rie's anime crush is shinigami Izumi Rio.
180** Another Rie-related ShoutOut in chapter 4-2. After watching Akemi run out of the department store, she says this:
181--> "Damn, she runs fast... [[Manga/StrawberryOneHundredPercent Like Junpei Manaka after strawberry panties]]."
182** Shigeru mentions that [[LethalChef Meiko]] [[Manga/RanmaOneHalf had tried cooking vegetable stir fry at one point, and almost ended up burning the house down.]]
183** [[Manga/InuYasha "Demons didn't exist in the feudal era!"]]
184** One of Rie's favorite series is [[Manga/{{Bakuman}} PCP]].
185%%* {{Sidekick}}: Hideki and Rie both.
186* SleepModeSize: Maruchi sleeps in his kitten form to conserve energy. [[spoiler: Once he regains his original self, he spends his nights in his true form.]]
187* SnarkToSnarkCombat: Maruchi and Rokuro, due to the former being an arrogant, sarcastic asshole and Rokuro... having been raised by said arrogant, sarcastic asshole. Which tends to lapse into VolleyingInsults from time to time.
188* SpellMyNameWithAnS: Rokuro's name is written as 碌労, meaning something like "worthy effort", whereas the usual spelling means "sixth son" (六郎). It must be common to misspell his name, because Akemi once wrote it as the latter and Rokuro instantly knew she meant him.
189* {{Spinoff}}: ''Reversi'', which details Akemi's adventures in Mahokkai in a WhatIf setting. It was originally a one-shot, but [[WritersBlock the author got bored when working on the main story]] and decided to write more. (No, really - That was her reason for chapter two.)
190%%* StrongFamilyResemblance: See MistakenIdentity.
191* SurvivalMantra: Rokuro’s in chapter 6-2 is “I didn’t do anything wrong, I didn’t do anything wrong, I didn’t do anything wrong, I didn’t do anything wrong!”
192%%** “Don’t fall, don’t fall, don’t fall!”
193* ThemeNaming: [[spoiler: The Kyoyoseikan brothers' names all end with the same two kanji, ''chi'' and ''rou'' (智 and 婁), which formulate a meaning akin to "bond of wisdom".]]
194* ThinkingOutLoud: When Rokuro hears that Akemi has a boyfriend, he replies by saying that she’s definitely pretty enough to have one. Maruchi quickly tells him to keeps his thoughts to himself.
195%%** And again, in chapter 9-3. The quote at the top of the page is from that chapter.
196* TokenNonhuman: Rokuro was, until Maruchi came in.
197* TokenWhite: Akemi and Rie's art teacher, a disheveled blonde American man who goes by the name Lenny Richardson.
198* {{Tsundere}}: Akemi is portrayed as a Type B. Rokuro also seems to be a male version.
199%%* TwoGirlsAndAGuy: The Akemi, Rie, and Daisuke trio,
200* UnusualEars: Maruchi has big, purple cat ears. Tokagero, a fellow majikyou, is shown to have pointed ears.
201* VerbalBackpedaling: A whole lot from Rokuro, who can't seem to think before he speaks.
202* WorldOfPun
203** Mahokkai (魔法界) is a portmanteau of the terms for "magic" and "universe". [[SarcasmMode Guess what Mahokkai means]].
204** Hakobuttori (ハコブットリ) is a portmanteau as well. ''Uttorisuru'' / ''uttoritosuru'' means "to be fascinated' (In a world of one's own), or "to be transported" (In terms of your mind, i.e., daydreaming). ''Hakobu'' means "to carry, transport, or move".
205** The lettuce joke in chapter 2-1. The pun uses Japanese, English, and ''Latin''.
206** Majikyou (マジ教) is made up of the first two katakana in ''majikku'' (magic) and the kanji for "teach". A majikyou is a magic teacher.
207** Hell, even the high school's name is a pun - ''Okashii'' (可笑しい) means "strange". However, the kanji used in Okashii High School are 陸 and 椎. The first means "land, shore"; the second is a type of tree.
208** Rokuro's "serious chant" VS "thinking chant" in chapter 7-3, ''Conscience''.
209%%* YouCantGoHomeAgain: The reason the story even exists.

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