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1''The Adventures of the Bailey School Kids'' (or simply ''The Bailey School Kids'') is a series of children's chapter books co-authored by Marcia T. Jones and Debbie Dadey. It revolves around a group of third-grade kids who are convinced that people around them are monsters. In each story, the kids meet an adult who shows signs of being some mythical being.²²-----²[[foldercontrol]]²²[[folder:Contains the following titles:]]²#''[[SternTeacher Vampires]] Don't [[MemeticMutation Wear Polka Dots]]''²#''[[DrillSergeantNasty Werewolves]] Don't Go to [[SummerCampy Summer Camp]]''²#''[[AlmightyJanitor Santa Claus]] Doesn't [[LimitedAdvancementOpportunities Mop Floors]]''²#''[[LittlePeopleAreSurreal Leprechauns]] Don't [[{{Irony}} Play Basketball]]''²#''[[PosthumousCharacter Ghosts]] Don't [[TrademarkFavoriteFood Eat Potato Chips]]''²#''[[GentleGiant Frankenstein]] Doesn't [[RealMenWearPink Plant Petunias]]''²#''[[FunnyForeigner Aliens]] Don't [[BracesOfOrthodonticOverkill Wear Braces]]''²#''[[MagicalNegro Genies]] Don't Ride Bicycles''²#''Pirates Don't [[RealMenWearPink Wear Pink Sunglasses]]''²#''Witches Don't Do Back Flips''²#''[[NoodlePeople Skeletons]] Don't Play Tubas''²#''[[GenderFlip Cupid]] Doesn't [[PunBasedTitle Flip Hamburgers]]''²#''[[GripingAboutGremlins Gremlins]] Don't [[ChewBubblegum Chew Bubble Gum]]''²#''Monsters Don't Scuba Dive''²#''Zombies Don't Play Soccer''²#''Dracula Doesn't [[WhenLifeGivesYouLemons Drink Lemonade]]''²#''Elves Don't Wear Hard Hats''²#''Martians Don't Take Temperatures''²#''[[OurGargoylesRock Gargoyles]] Don't [[TheDriver Drive School Buses]]''²#''Wizards Don't [[MagicVersusScience Need Computers]]''²#''Mummies Don't Coach Softball''²#''Cyclops Doesn't Roller-Skate''²#''Angels Don't [[KungFuJesus Know Karate]]''²#''Dragons Don't Cook Pizza''²#''Bigfoot Doesn't Square Dance''²#''Mermaids Don't Run Track''²#''[[DumbMuscle Bogeymen]] Don't [[UsefulNotes/AmericanFootball Play Football]]''²#''Unicorns Don't Give Sleigh Rides''²#''Knights Don't Teach Piano''²#''[[MrFanservice Hercules]] Doesn't [[DepravedDentist Pull Teeth]]''²#''[[{{EmoTeen}} Ghouls]] Don't Scoop Ice Cream''²#''[[BadassLongcoat Phantoms]] Don't [[CoolCar Drive Sports Cars]]''²#''Giants Don't Go Snowboarding''²#''Franchise/{{Frankenstein}} Doesn't Slam Hockey Pucks''²#''[[AllTrollsAreDifferent Trolls]] Don't Ride Roller Coasters''²#''Wolfmen Don't Hula Dance''²#''Goblins Don't [[PacManFever Play Video Games]]''²#''Ninjas Don't Bake Pumpkin Pie''²#''{{Dracula}} Doesn't RockAndRoll''²#''[[BikerBabe Sea Monsters]] Don't [[CoolBike Ride Motorcycles]]''²#''The Bride of Frankenstein Doesn't Bake Cookies''²#''Robots Don't Catch Chicken Pox''²#''Vikings Don't [[ProfessionalWrestling Wear Wrestling Belts]]''²#''Ghosts Don't Ride Wild Horses''²#''Wizards Don't Wear Graduation Gowns''²#''Sea Serpents Don't Juggle Water Balloons''²#''[[FrankensteinsMonster Frankenstein]] Doesn't Start Food Fights''²#''[[RuleOfThree Dracula]] Doesn't Play Kickball''²#''Werewolves Don't [[PresidentEvil Run For President]]''²#''The Abominable Snowman Doesn't Roast Marshmallows''²#''Dragons Don't Throw Snowballs''²[[/folder]]²----²!!The franchise provides examples of:²²* AesopAmnesia: The characters take turns between believing a character is supernatural, considering it unlikely, and teasing their friends for considering it, depending on the book. This becomes particularly [[JustForFun/{{Egregious}} egregious]] when a character who was convinced their science teacher was a sea monster in the last book sneers at their friend for thinking the cashier at a restaurant is a mummy in the next.²* AgentMulder: Liza is almost always the one to suggest that someone is a supernatural creature.²* AgentScully: Eddie is consistently the most doubtful of the group, making him official Scully. Melody also usually takes more convincing than the others.²* AlienInvasion: What the kids believe Ms. Zork's plan is. [[spoiler:Turns out she's stealing the world's color to take to her own planet.]]²* AliensSpeakingEnglish: Ms. Zork speaks perfect, albeit broken, English.²* AlmightyJanitor: Regardless of whether or not he's Santa, Mr. Jolly is clearly this.²* ArtisticLicensePhysics: ''Frankenstien Doesn't Plant Petunias'' has the kids making shaped bubbles, including stars and cubes. Soap bubbles are spherical no matter what, because surface tension draws them into the tightest possible grouping of molecules-a sphere. ²* BizarreAlienBiology: Ms. Zork drains color by touching it.²* BlackBestFriend: Melody²* BluntMetaphorsTrauma: Ms. Zork doesn't pick up on any slang whatsoever.²-->''Eddie:'' If that's a kiln, I'm a monkey's uncle.²-->''Ms. Zork:'' Do not be silly. You look nothing like a monkey.²* TheCameo: Numerous one-time characters from the other books appear in the illustrations in ''Bogeymen Don't Play Football'', cheering in the stand.²* CarpetOfVirility: [[WolfMan Mr. Jenkins]] is characterized by this.²* ClassicalMovieVampire: Mrs. Jeepers shows every sign of this, being a very suave and ladylike, and even bearing a [[VillainousWidowsPeak widow's peak]], her [[VampireVords Eastern European accent]], her [[LargeHam air for the dramatic]] when she's not being calm and menacing, and her outdated clothes.²** Although, in the book we meet her family in, they're peasants (farmers who lost a bet and are only allowed to harvest at night) instead of upper-middle nobility (counts).²* DefangedHorrors²* DoesNotLikeShoes: Mr. Jenkins avoids wearing shoes, until his cabin is filled with wolfsbane, at which point he puts shoes on.²* DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything: Although it may not have stood out in 1990, when ''Vampires Don't Wear Polka Dots'' was published, modern vampire mythology often puts them into a sexual context, making one wonder what Mrs. Jeepers did to Eddie in the last chapter.²* EpilepticFlashingLights: Ms. Zonk's spaceship suffers from this when Howie and Eddie tamper with it.²* EvilAlbino: Mrs. Zork from ''Aliens Don't Wear Braces.'' She's implied to be an alien on a mission to steal color from Earth and bring it to her monochromatic home planet.²* {{Expy}}: The Pizza parlor from ''Dragons Don't Cook Pizza'' is one of the ''Medieval Times'' restaurant chain.²* FantasyKitchenSink: Just read the titles of the books.²* FlyingSaucer: What Ms. Zonk's race travels in, although she refers to them as [[InsistentTerminology "interplanetary transportation systems"]].²* FunetikAksent: Averted with Mrs. Jeepers; she is said to have a thick accent, but it does not translate into text.²* FunnyForeigner: Ms. Zork. [[MaybeMagicMaybeMundane How far away her home is is debatable]].²* GirlishPigtails: Melody is always drawn with twintails, sometimes wearing a ponytail or braids within the story.²* HauntedHouse: The Clancy House, which Ms. Jeepers moves into in the first book, is described as this by the students.²* HumanAliens: Ms. Zork, modeled after the fabled Nordic Aliens, with white hair and ivory skin.²** Mr. Sparks and Nurse Redding also apply, but have implied alien features "antennae and green skin, respectively." ²** RubberForeheadAliens: Arguable. Eddie immediately notices Ms. Zonk's silver hair, but none of the adults comment on it, so it might not be that notable.²* HypnoticEyes: Mrs. Jeepers' eyes flash green when she hypnotizes Eddie.²* IdiosyncraticEpisodeNaming: Each book features a title "[[HelloInsertNameHere <Insert Supernatural Creature Here>]] does not <Insert Mundane Task Uncharacteristic to Said Creature Here>".²* InformedFlaw: In Werewolves Don't Go To Summer Camp, Liza is described as "plump" and "chubby" a few times, despite this never being mentioned or seen in any books or pictures.²* JerkAss > JerkWithAHeartOfGold: Eddie, who is originally described as the school bully, often comes off as this.²* KarmaHoudini: Howie and Eddie break into Ms. Zonk's house and tamper with her "kiln" (which they believe is a spaceship, resulting in an explosion that destroys her house. Ms. Zonk moves away and the the boys are never charged for their crimes.²* LameComeback: Eddie is prone to these.²* LovePotion: ''Cupid Doesn't Flip Hamburgers'' has the kids believe the new lunch lady is making people fall in love with heart-shaped sugar cookies.²* MagiTek: One book heavily implies a dragon is being used to fire a pizza oven.²* MaybeMagicMaybeMundane: The books rarely come to a concrete conclusion over whether someone is or is not the creature the kids think they are.²* TheMole: Allegedly, a vampire infiltrated the leprechauns' kingdom as the teacher of their children in order to take back the gem they stole and seal them in Ireland. It's heavily implied that Mrs. Jeepers was this vampire.²* MonsterOfTheWeek²* MysticalWhiteHair: Ms. Zork, although it turns blonde towards the end of the book.²* NonFatalExplosions: When Ms. Zork's "kiln" (implied to be a spaceship) blows up, it's explicitly stated that she was not hurt, even though her house is so heavily damaged that she has to move away.²* {{Oireland}}: "Magic" O'Grady's nationality. Howie's grandmother also hails from there.²* OurMonstersAreDifferent (Depending on whether you believe that the characters are monsters or not.)²** OurVampiresAreDifferent: Mrs. Jeepers is clearly able to go out in the sunlight (which vampires in the original legends were able to do, although it's implied to have something to do with her brooch), but has an allergy to garlic and is shown to be able to hypnotize people. It's implied that she sleeps in a coffin and can feed off people.²** OurWerewolvesAreDifferent: Mr. Jenkins is shown to turn into a hairy humanoid on nights surrounding the full moon, and prefers raw meat in human form. Exposure to wolfsbane causes him to turn far less hairy, looking just like an ordinary person at all times.²** [[SantaClaus Our Santa Claus Is Different]]: Mr. Jolly is shown to have magical abilities, visits a different school every year to check on the local kids, and drives a [[CoolCar red sports car]] with the license place reading [[VanityLicensePlate "HOHOHO"]].²** [[{{Leprechaun}} Our Leprechauns Are Different]]: Mr. O'Grady uses [[AdvertisingCampaigns lucky charms]] to perform magic, is confined to {{Oireland}} due to the vampires stealing his people's [[MacGuffin magic gem]].²** OurGhostsAreDifferent: Eddie's Great-Uncle Jasper is confined to the attic of his widow's house and invisible most of the time, although he can make himself visible briefly, and interact with things like potato chips.²** [[FrankensteinsMonster Our Frankenstein Is Different]]: Frankenstein's Monster gets a SettingUpdate to be alive in the '90s, now going by the name Frank. He is capable of full speech and has a friendly relationship with his creator, who introduces himself as Dr. Victor.²** [[AlienTropes Our Aliens Are Different]]: Ms. Zork is a [[HumanAliens Nordic Alien]], and comes from a planet with no color, but is able to absorb color through touch. Her spaceship stores this color, and it's inferred that she will take the color back to her home planet. Mr. Sparks is an alien from the planet Liron, who seeks candy to fuel his spaceship.²** OurGoblinsAreDifferent: Apparently goblins are plump middle aged men who teach computer classes, play video games that resemble ''Franchise/{{Castlevania}}'' and ''VideoGame/GhostsNGoblins'', and are [[NeatFreak Neat Freaks]].²* PositiveDiscrimination: Melody is the only black character in the main cast, and she's also the bravest, most polite, and most reasonable of the group. She is often pitted against Eddie, who is a red-head.²* SassyBlackWoman: Melody, in spades.²* SealedEvilInACan: Although not evil so much as tricksters, the leprechauns were confined to {{Oireland}} by the vampires.²* SelfPlagiarism: An entire page was reused whenever the character Howie visited his dad at the [[FunWithAcronyms Federal Aerospace Technology Station]], depicting their entrance and the facility itself.²* ShownTheirWork: In ''Frankenstein Doesn't Plant Petunias'', Liza gives a surprisingly good summary of Mary Shelley's ''Frankenstein'', avoiding most of the [[CommonKnowledge misinformation]] that has been engrained in the public's minds after the movie. The only one mentioned is the angry mob at the climax, and Frankenstein's fear of fire, both of which are actually plot points.²** It should be noted, however, that Frank's creator is Dr. Victor, whereas his creator in the novel is not a doctor at all, although his first name is Victor.²* SignificantGreenEyedRedhead: Mrs. Jeepers is described as having pumpkin orange hair and, of course, those infamous hypnotic green eyes.²* SternTeacher: Mrs. Jeepers²* TakeOurWordForIt: Whatever Mrs. Jeepers did to Eddie in the first book is briefly explained in the beginning of the second: Mrs. Jeepers scolded Eddie.²* TastesLikeFeet: Eddie's reaction to Howie's favorite flavor of potato chip (garlic) is that it "tastes like warthog".²* TitleDrop: [[OnceAnEpisode Once a book]]. Almost - It's absent in ''Werewolves Don't Go To Summer Camp'', though that could be chalked up to EarlyInstallmentWeirdness.²* TokenMinority: Melody²** TwoferTokenMinority: If you consider women a minority, she doubles as this.²* TrueMeaningOfChristmas: The ending to ''Santa Claus Doesn't Mop Floors''.²* VampireEpisode: the books "Vampires Don't Wear Polka Dots", "Dracula Doesn't Drink Lemonade", "Dracula Doesn't Rock and Roll", "Dracula Doesn't Play Kickball", "Vampires DO Hunt Marshmallows", "Vampire Trouble", and "Vampire Baby". ²* VampireVords: Somewhat averted in that she's said to have a realistic Romanian accent, rather than the exaggerated one that comes with the trope.²* VillainousWidowsPeak: Mrs. Jeepers²* [[GreenSkinnedSpaceBabe White-Skinned Space Babe]]: Ms. Zork is quite a looker, particularly in the interior artwork.²* WhosLaughingNow: The kids last teacher before Mrs. Jeepers quit because of Eddie's pranks, but before she did, she warned the kids that they were going to be sorry before letting out a cackle.²* WolfMan: Between the descriptions and the illustrations, Mr. Jenkins is probably something like this.²* YouKnowTheOne: Referring to Mr. Jolly as "SC" feels particularly unnatural after a while.

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