Line #58 Funny/SpartacusBloodAndSand


1	!In general
2	* Every time someone swears, especially that time Batiatus screamed, "At long last, cock has been removed from ass!"
3	* Every time someone sings "My Cock Rages On".
4	* The sheer number of ways the male characters can use references to their dicks as a metaphor for ANYTHING.
5	* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flKLJe8e4qo According to Liam McIntyre (Spartacus) and Todd Lasance (Caesar)]], the actors had a habit of SayingSoundEffectsOutLoud during fight scenes and had to have it trained out of them in boot camp, but even then, it slipped in a few times during filming. Craig Parker (Glaber) had a habit of saying "FLEF!" when swinging his sword around, and Todd got ''very'' into it when filming for the scene where Caesar kills Naevia and they had to do a retake.
6	** Also told in the same video, Liam's mother thought people were actually being killed on the show and asked her son if he had really murdered anyone, adding on that [[EasilyForgiven "it's alright]] [[CrossesTheLineTwice if you do."]]
7	* Apparently, the cast nicknamed the show, "Sparty", leading to Liam [=McIntyre=] naming his Twitch channel, [="MrSpartyPants"=]. Or, [[TheProblemWithPenIsland as everyone else likes to call it]], [="MrsPartyPants"=]. Capitalization is important, people.
8
9	!''Blood and Sand''
10	* The first episode has Spartacus getting into a fight with another soldier about keeping their word to the Romans, which is interrupted by Glaber wanting them to scout the enemy.
11	--> '''Spartacus:''' We'll finish our discussion after.
12	--> '''Drenis:''' And if we're dead?
13	--> '''Spartacus:''' My boot will find your ass in the afterlife.
14	* Illythia managing to sneak into Glaber's tent disguised in nothing but some furs.
15	--> "What if I'd been an assassin? I'd be a widow. [[SkewedPriorities What's the respectful period of mourning before I could remarry?]]"
16	* Spartacus rants about Glaber when he's unreceptive to their report about the enemy, calling him a "boy-lover" among other things. Once Spartacus has finished, Drenis asks [[SidetrackedByTheAnalogy how he knows Glaber favours "the boys"]].
17	--> '''Spartacus:''' Now who's having a laugh?
18	--> '''Drenis:''' I felt a tickle at the back of my throat.
19	--> '''Spartacus:''' That would be the cock Glaber just forced down it.
20	* Episode 2 "Sacramentum Gladitorum": Barca kills one of the recruits in an offhanded fashion.
21	--> '''Batiatus:''' [[AntiClimax Not every venture ends in climax.]]
22	--> '''Lucretia:''' A fact well known to many women.
23	** He also has this magnificent line to Doctore.
24	--> "You have no mother. You were spat out from the cunt of the underworld."
25	* Episode 3 "Legends": Spartacus taunts Gnaeus until he angrily charges. Spartacus sidesteps and Gnaeus runs head-first into a post and knocks himself out. He then puts on an innocent voice and says "the sunlight has driven Gnaeus mad".
26	** After Spartacus dismisses the symbol of Missio (mercy), and Varro attempts to smooth things over with Doctore, both are sent "to the pit" for punishment. GilliganCut to them in basically a garbage well, soaked up to their waists in filth, and someone dumping some more refuse in. Varro glares at Spartacus, Spartacus looks back a little sheepishly and says "Perhaps I spoke out of turn."
27	** The exchange between Gnaeus and Crixus. Gnaeus briefly laughs when he discovers they are to face off and warns "I will fuck your corpse". Crixus jovially replies "With what cock?"; both of them resume laughing.
28	* Episode 4 "The Thing in the Pit": The other slave (with "Fugitive on his head") being sent to pits alongside Spartacus belts out a ridiculously crass and hammy BadassBoast fit only this kind of show.
29	-->'''Fugitive:''' Im not dying in the pits. I'll show these fucking cunts my cock was forged in Vulcan's ''flames!'' '''''I'll [[PunctuatedForEmphasis FUCK. THEM. ALL!!]]''''' (''SmashCut to him getting smacked in the face with a hammer, followed a another beating that ends with his face getting cut off and worn as a trophy.)''
30	** Spartacus starts talking to Varro and his hallucination of Sura at the same time, making the conversation very confusing for Varro.
31	** At the very end, Spartacus is brought before Batiatus covered in blood and muck from the pits.
32	--> '''Batiatus:''' My wife thinks you are cursed by the gods.
33	--> '''Spartacus:''' You'll find no argument.
34	* Episode 5: "Shadow Games": Gnaeus collapses from heat exhaustion.
35	-->'''Oenomaus:''' Listen to my instruction, and every man chosen will victory in the arena! (''Gnaeus falls down'') ...perhaps not every man.
36	** When Pietros brings water, Oenomaus tells him to spare it for more worthy men. Cue Pietros walking away from a fainted Gnaeus.
37	** Batiatus standing outside with arms stretch out, in his own words, praying for rain.
38	--> Rain, by Jupiters cock, would you fucking rain!?
39	** Batiatus announcing that Spartacus and Crixus would be fighting Theokeles cues ominous looks from Oenomaus and Crixus. Spartacus, having no idea who that is, just looks over at Crixus and puts on a face that just says ThisIsGonnaSuck.
40	** Then the scene cuts to an one armed old man being forced to "dance" on a table by the other gladiators, while Crixus exchanges a DeathGlare with Spartacus from across the room.
41	--> '''Varro:''' I think you two make a fine couple.
42	** Ilithyia's excited to hear about the upcoming match, namely in the prospect of seeing blood pour from Spartacus. Cue SmashCut to Spartacus spilling BloodFromTheMouth from a strike from Oenamaus.
43	* Episode 6 "Delicate Things": Spartacus visualizing his escape from the Ludus, [[GodModeSue tearing through guards with so much ease it's hilarious]]. Even ''Sura'' was shown killing a guard before she gets caught leading to the aforementioned slaughter.
44	--> '''Varro:''' ''That's'' your plan?
45	** Even better, Spartacus throws his sword at the guard holding his wife hostage, [[ImprobableAimingSkills hit him dead on]] and somehow ''not'' injure her. He seems to have forgotten Oenomaus' [[AwesomeButImpractical telling him what a bad idea that move was.]]
46	** Speaking of Oenomaus, Varro throws him into the scenario where he stops Spartacus from throwing the sword and it ends with him and Sura both dying. Spartacus then takes one look at a wandering Oenomaus.
47	--> '''Spartacus:''' ...[[DidNotThinkThisThrough I had not considered him.]]\
48	'''Varro:''' You have not considered many things. Take pause, I beg of you.
49	** And Spartacus refuses. Varro holds his head down probably thinking of his friend as an idiot.
50	* Episode 7: "Great and Unfortunate Things": The slow motion image of Gnaeus falling over the ridge. A still image is even featured during the final end credits of the show.
51	* Episode 8 "Mark of the Brotherhood": When the new recruits are ordered to undress, ''everyone's'' reaction to Segovax amounts to, "Holy shit, that guy's dick is '''huge'''." Varro says he's betting on "the one with the horse-cock". Even more HilariousInHindsight after ''Vengeance'' aired: [[StraightGay Agron]] takes particular interest.
52	** One of the new recruits declares that he will train hard, until he becomes as great as Spartacus himself. GilliganCut to the recruit [[EpicFail getting knocked onto a peg in the wall and dying instantly]].
53	* Episode 9 "Whore" has Mira being sent to warm Spartacus up for Licinia, but he of course refuses, and on Mira unwisely telling the truth that "he would not have me", she's sent back to make sure he does. He cuts a deal with her this time in exchange for letting her stay the night to give the appearance of hanky panky, and the next morning Mira responds that [[ExactWords "he made many demands of me"]]. Quintus and Lucretia's dirty minds fill in the blanks for her.
54	** On the DVD commentary, Viva Bianca refers to the three way PassiveAggressiveCombat that opens the episode between Lucretia, Illythia and Licinia as a "blonde-off" (since Lucretia is also wearing a blonde wig for that scene).
55	* Episode 13 "Kill Them All": A meta-example, but, once again, Creator/PeterMensah [[Film/ThreeHundred declares something to be madness]].
56	** An example of Spartacus' DeadpanSnarker moments:
57	--> '''Batiatus''': Patronage comes with unfortunate attachments.
58	--> '''Spartacus''': ''(rattles chains)'' A fact I am well aware of.
59	** Lucretia's rather shameless revelling in Illythia being under her control because of how StupidEvil she is, not realising that Illythia will turn on her the second she loses her leverage.
60	--> '''Illythia:''' How much longer must I suffer your indignities?
61	--> '''Lucretia:''' As long as breath gives life to my commands.
62	** Later when she writes a speech that Illythia is forced to say...
63	--> '''Illythia:''' My hands are no longer my own. And now you seize my fucking tongue?
64	--> '''Lucretia:''' I would not have it flap about absent direction.
65
66	!''Gods of the Arena''
67	* Episode 1 "Past Transgressions": Gannicus gets drunk and almost walks off the cliff...whilst singing "My Cock Rages On", of course
68	* Episode 1 "Past Transgressions": Poor Diona and Naevia scurrying after Batiatus trying to finish dressing him whilst he struts about ranting, apparently oblivious to them.
69	* Episode 3 "Paterfamilias": Batiatus begins making out with Gaia to celebrate their outwitting of Vettius, whilst Lucretia watches and pleasures herself. Suddenly, the curtain is dramatically pulled back to reveal [[ParentsWalkInAtTheWorstTime Batiatus's dad]]. Cue everyone looking horrified (especially Lucretia) and scrambling to reclaim some dignity, while Titus is clearly already despairing over the state of his ludus.
70
71	!''Vengeance''
72	* Episode 1 "Fugitivus": Mira describes Agron as "An angry boy who barely pisses without splashing everyone about him."
73	* In the supposedly abandoned ludus, Ilithyia makes a shocking discovery and screams in terror!
74	-->'''Marcus:''' ''(rushing into the hall)'' What has happened?
75	-->'''Glaber:''' ''(calmly heading in the direction of the scream)'' In matters concerning my wife the gods themselves fear to speculate.
76	* Agron becomes rather [[DeadpanSnarker snarky]] in this season, such as when Spartacus says he'll train his new recruits in the same manner he was trained.
77	-->'''Agron''': And look how well that turned out.
78	* Episode 6 has Lucretia and Illythia attempting to convince Seppia to influence her brother to help Glaber, under the pretence of shared mourning for the recently slain Romans. Seppia notes that she may be younger than them, but she's not completely naive to their motives. Lucretia attempts to mollify her by admitting "you have uncovered the veiled schemes of two old women", and it then cuts to Illythia making a face that says "excuse me, who are you calling old"
79	** Lucretia also mentions "age and experience", and glances briefly at Illythia on 'experience', passive aggressively SlutShaming her for her list of lovers besides her husband - Spartacus, Numerius and Varinius. Also doubles as HypocriticalHumour since Lucretia carried on a six year affair with Crixus, recently slept with Illythia's ''father'' as part of a scheme, and Spartacus being counted among Illythia's lovers only happened because Lucretia herself pulled a BedTrick.
80	* Episode 7 "Sacramentum": Ashur's failure at intimidation:
81	-->'''Ashur''': I would advise caution. These men are the hands of Praetor Gaius Claudius Glaber.
82	-->'''Gannicus''': And what are you? His cock or his ass?
83	* Episode 7 "Sacramentum": Although it's a serious moment, the scene in which Sedullus and the other rebels get into a fight has some comedic value, mostly because of Crixus. When Agron and Sedullus first start fighting, Crixus just watches them with a reaction between amusement and exasperation, clearly thinking '[[BoisterousBruiser The Germans]] are at it again'. Then, Naevia walks out, bloodied and tearful – Sedullus having tried to rape her – makes eye contact with Crixus and whispers Sedullus' name. You can literally see Crixus [[{{Beat}} pause]] to put two-and-two together...and then he goes ''completely'' berserk. And then EVERYONE starts fighting each other.
84	* Episode 8 "Balance": Mira walking in on Agron and Nasir trying to have sex while on guard duty. [[YaoiFangirl Not that she seems to mind.]] The best part of the scene is that after being caught, Agron and Nasir spend about 5 minutes going "Um..we were..uh" and generally looking like schoolchildren caught making out under the bleachers.
85	* Episode 9 "Monsters": Oenemaus knocks Agron to the ground. Nasir laughs at him.
86	** During the battle at the end of the episode.
87	-->'''Roman officer:''' "Praetor! The rebels are in retreat!"\
88	* Spartacus and Gannicus ''immediately'' appear out of nowhere and slaughter everybody (except the Praetor, who they take captive)*
89	* Episode 10 "Wrath of the Gods": Glaber getting the mercenaries to turn on Ashur simply by offering them more money. Ashur pretty much goes, "Son of a-"
90	* When the Romans try to interrogate one of the captured Germans, the man yells insults in German like, "Suck my dick!"
91
92	!''War of the Damned''
93	* Episode 1 "Enemies of Rome": Gannicus kicks a man out of his own tent so he and Saxa can have a four-way with two hot chicks. Later, when Spartacus orders him to give his battle report, Gannicus answers, "We fought, we won."
94	-->'''Sanus''': (''Saxa brings in the two women'') Your woman brings gifts!
95	-->'''Saxa''': (''knocks him down'') Gifts are not for you.
96	* Episode 2 "Wolves At The Gate": Julius Caesar orders a slave girl to [[ItMakesSenseInContext cut him in the thigh]]. He seems to get off on it. Tiberius walks in on them and is disturbed by this.
97	* Episode 3 "Men of Honor": A drunk rebel runs around naked and boasts, "My cock is magic!" Disgusted, Crixus replies, "See it vanish from sight."
98	* Episode 4 "Decimation": Agron has taken on the role of Spartacus's bodyguard, shadowing him everywhere. At one point, they enter a bar and are approached by topless women. The look on [[StraightGay Agron's]] face as he pushes one away is priceless.
99	* Episode 6 "Spoils of War": Combining heartfelt drama with humour.
100	-->'''Gannicus:''' I will cause distraction and gain needed time.\
101	'''Spartacus:''' By what means?\
102	'''Gannicus:''' I have no fucking idea.
103	* Spartacus is nearby a huge wooden door with a burning rope holding it up. He sees the Romans charging at him, Caesar in the lead. With a smile, Spartacus rolls under the door just as the rope burns and breaks, dropping it down to cut him off from the Romans who literally run into it.
104	-->'''Caesar''': Even the gods give aid to the fucking man!
105	* Caesar, who is naked in his room with two practically-naked female bed slaves. Tiberius had previously asked if there was anything special he wanted served at the celebration of his victorious retaking of Sinuessa en Valle, and, after some hostile repartee, is about to leave in disgust. "Oh, and Tiberius? Oysters."
106	* In Episode 8 "Separate Paths", Spartacus and Agron heed Kore's call for help and rush to her tent to find a woman in labor undressed and moaning on the floor. Spartacus instantly stares at the ceiling, and both men proceed to look profoundly uncomfortable until Kore calls for Agron's knife to cut the cord.
107	* Episode 9 "The Dead and Dying": Kore leading Tiberius on, claiming that she might rescue him just to see him get his hopes up, and dashing them when she tells him she'll enjoy seeing him die.
108	* Episode 9 opens with the standard slaughter of Roman troops, beginning with one man taking an arrow to the face. During the melee, repeated shots show Saxa, in the background, running up to attack -- except by the time she arrives the slaughter is done.
109	-->'''Saxa:''' Time next, you carry bow. Too far from fucking blood.
110	* Episode 9 "The Dead and the Dying": Tiberius, who has spent most of the episodes leading up this as an insufferable SmugSnake, struts into Pompey's tent to speak with him on behalf on his father...only to be greeted with Spartacus instead. [[OhCrap His reaction]] is ''priceless''.
111
112	!!Behind the scenes:
113	* Creator/LesleyAnnBrandt came up with the best way to describe the show's graphic nature.
114	--> "Very rudie and nudie."
115	* Lesley's audition also happened around the same time she'd auditioned for another show, this one local to New Zealand. So happy with her ''Spartacus'' audition, she called her agent immediately afterwards to say "I know I've booked it". Her agent informed her she'd been offered the role in the local show, and Lesley said to turn it down because she knew she'd booked ''Spartacus''. After a few minutes of back and forth, Lesley describes her agent going "alright, darling, we'll just...table it for now". Forty-five minutes later, the agent called her up to tell her she had indeed booked the role as Naevia.
116	* Viva Bianca describes receiving the script for "Whore", going up to Andy Whitfield and asking if he'd read it yet. Exhausted from filming the rest of the series, she could tell by his non-reaction that he ''hadn't'' and told him to read it ASAP "because we're going to need to have some ''meetings''" (either to discuss the choreography of that infamous sex scene, or with the network about what would and wouldn't be portrayed).
117	** The actual scene itself was less sexy than it appears on film, as Andy and Viva kept bursting into hysterical giggles.
118	* Eka Darville was just eighteen coming onto the show as Pietros, and his previous role had been as Scott Truman in the family-friendly ''Series/PowerRangersRPM''. So he describes the surreal experience of being on set with about thirty strippers of each gender as extras, and them immediately "going at it" in the background when the director called action. It was rather distracting to do dialogue with that in the background.

Context Funny / SpartacusBloodAndSand