Line #180 Funny/SkulduggeryPleasant


1	!!From Series 1:
2
3	* Clarabelle and the two test tubes.
4	* The letter pictures in TDOTL involving Scapegrace. At first, they're of pretty lady Scapegrace doing a sexy pose. Then, they're of zombie Scapegrace doing the same thing. Slightly less sexy.
5	* The fact that "vaurien" is french for "loon" or "idiot".
6	-->Both the words "Vaurien" and "Scapegrace" can be used to mean a bad person, so his name means [[DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment "Bad-Guy Bad-guy"]].
7	* Pretty much all the book dedications are hilarious.
8	* Stephanie notices that Skulduggery is a walking, talking skeleton. This conversation occurs.
9	-->'''Skulduggery:''' Are you going to faint?\
10	'''Stephanie:''' I've never fainted before but I think you might be right.\
11	'''Skulduggery:''' Would you like me to catch you?\
12	'''Stephanie:''' If you wouldn't mind?\
13	'''Skulduggery:''' Not at all.\
14	'''Stephanie:''' ''[faints]''
15	* During what is essentially the equivalent of [[Literature/{{Twilight}} the meadow scene]], we get this...
16	-->'''Caelan:''' We're meant for each other.\
17	'''Valkyrie:''' [[TakeThat Holy God! Do you always come on this strong?]]
18	** During another moment with Caelan, Valkyrie asks him to stop making so many proclamations about his undying love for her. This is the response:
19	--->'''Caelan:''' [[IResembleThatRemark But my love for you is eternal.]]\
20	'''Valkyrie:''' That's exactly the kind of thing I'm talking about.
21	* This exchange from the first book.
22	-->'''Serpine''': Where are your oh so clever taunts now?\
23	''[{{beat}}]''\
24	'''Skulduggery''': [[LameComeback You've got big ears!]]
25	* Also, this:
26	-->'''Skulduggery''': Besides, I need you out here in case something goes [[GoneHorriblyWrong horribly, horribly wrong]].\
27	'''Stephanie''': What do I do then?\
28	''[{{beat}}]''\
29	'''Skulduggery''': ...Panic.
30	* And, when they're in the [[CreepyBasement caves]] underneath Gordon's house:
31	-->'''Valkyrie''': What is ''that''?\
32	'''Skulduggery''': That, my dear Valkyrie, is what we call a monster.\
33	'''Valkyrie''': You don't know what it is, do you?\
34	'''Skulduggery''': I told you what it is, it's a horrible monster. Now shut up before it comes over here and eats us.
35	* Most scenes involving Billy-Ray Sanguine.
36	** After a fight, Sanguine disappears into the ground. Thinking he's gone, Tanith insults him, only to have him pop back up again. There's a bit of WittyBanter between Valkyrie, Tanith, and Sanguine, and then we get this:
37	--->'''Sanguine''': When you have served your purpose, I swear to you I'm gonna kill you for ''free''.\
38	''[disappears]''\
39	''[{{beat}}]''\
40	''[pops back up]''\
41	'''Sanguine''': Or at least half price.\
42	''[sinks back down]''
43	** When Billy-Ray Sanguine gets his razor stolen.
44	--->'''Billy-Ray:''' Women. They always take stuff from me. Bits and pieces of my ''soul''. But now you take my damn straight razor? How am I supposed to kill people? How am I supposed to even ''[[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking shave?]]''
45	** "[[ComicallyMissingThePoint But I drove here.]]"
46	* "I seem to have lost track of this speech, I'm not sure where it is going, but I know where it started and that's what I want you to remember. Has anyone seen my hat?"
47	-->''' Valyrie:''' Well my morale is certainly boosted.\
48	'''Skulduggery:''' Really?\
49	'''Valkyrie:''' God, no. That was awful.
50	* [[TheMedic Kenspeckle]] is pissed off at Skulduggery. So he makes him wear a pink hospital gown covered in elephants and bunnies.
51	-->'''Skulduggery:''' The important thing is that I can wear this gown and still maintain my dignity.\
52	'''Valkyrie:''' [[BlatantLies Yes. Yes, you can.]]
53	* [[ButtMonkey Vaurien Scapegrace]] enters a funeral home in the hopes of being embalmed. The following scene must be read to be believed.
54	** Scapegrace and Thrasher debate driving their ice-cream van over [[BlackComedy a crowd of small children]].
55	--->'''Scapegrace:''' You're still an evil zombie, aren't you?\
56	'''Thrasher:''' [[BlatantLies Oh, yes, sir!]] [[IneffectualSympatheticVillain Evil to the core!]]\
57	'''Scapegrace:''' Then why can't you drive over a few children?\
58	'''Thrasher:''' [[RefugeInAudacity I just don't think we're capable of going that]] ''[[RefugeInAudacity fast]]''[[RefugeInAudacity , sir.]]
59	* Erskine Ravel's response to Skulduggery suggesting that making him an Elder wasn't such a bad idea.
60	-->'''Erskine''': [[FelonyMisdemeanor Take that back!]]
61	* "Your reflection is still naked, by the way."
62	* Clarabelle's job interview with Doctor Nye somehow manages to be a Crowning Moment of Funny and NightmareFuel at the same time.
63	-->'''Clarabelle''': I have no medical or scientific training to speak of, and no inclination to learn, and I pick things up fairly slowly because of my short attention span.\
64	'''Nye''': But...?\
65	'''Clarabelle''': But what?\
66	'''Nye''': I'm waiting for you to list your good qualities now.\
67	'''Clarabelle''': Those ''were'' my good qualities.
68	* Two words. Zombie Queen.
69	* Solomon Wreath suggests they pin the whole Melancholia/Death Bringer debacle on [[DirtyCoward Craven,]] painting him as a magnetic leader whose willingly led the Necromancers astray with his faith, fervour and charisma.
70	--> '''Valkyrie:''' Charisma?
71	--> '''Wreath:''' Yes.
72	--> '''Valkyrie:''' Don’t you think that’s stretching it a little too far?
73	--> '''Wreath:''' Do you think so?
74	--> '''Valkyrie:''' Some people will have met him.
75	--> '''Wreath:''' Hmm. You have a point. OK, then maybe not charisma. I’ll think of some other lie.
76	* Skulduggery and Dexter Vex, shamelessly teasing Ghastly at the Requiem Ball.
77	-->'''Vex:''' By the way, all joking aside, do I call you Ghastly or Elder Bespoke?\
78	'''Ghastly:''' You can call me whatever you want.\
79	'''Vex:''' Thank you Gladys.\
80	'''Vex:''' Francoise. Remember her, Ghastly? Remember that weekend we couldn't find you? We thought Mevolent had snatched you away and was torturing you within an inch of your life. Valkyrie, would you like to know what he was'' really'' doing that weekend?\
81	'''Valkyrie:''' Yes I would.\
82	'''Ghastly:''' No she wouldn't.\
83	'''Skulduggery:''' I think she would.\
84	'''Ghastly:''' If you tell her, I will have the both of you arrested. And possibly flogged.
85	* The entire ''[[ItMakesJustAsMuchSenseInContext The sparrow flies south the for winter]]'' scene, but particularly,
86	-->'''Valkyrie:''' So, if that had been our code, and Dragonclaw had told you that all we have to do is pull a lever, how would you have worked ''the sparrow flies south for the winter'' into the conversation?\
87	'''Skulduggery:''' I would have said ''Ok, [[EmbarrassingFirstName Bison,]] so you're sure we only need to pull a lever?'' And he would have said ''Yes'', and I'd have said ''Excellent, thank you. Did you know, by the way, that the sparrow flies south for the winter?'' And then I'd have punched him.
88	** Hell, anything involving Bison Dragonclaw can count.
89	*** [[BrickJoke ''The sparrow flies south for the winter'']] makes a return in Kingdom of the Wicked.
90	* Valkyrie doesn't like not having a proper weapon.
91	-->'''Valkyrie:''' You have a gun, Tanith has a sword... I want a stick.\
92	'''Skulduggery:''' I'll buy you a stick for Christmas.
93	** Then, [[BrickJoke three books later...]]
94	--->'''Valkyrie:''' Well, of course you think that. You have no idea about presents or what they mean. The last present you gave me was a stick.\
95	'''Skulduggery:''' You wanted a weapon.\
96	'''Valkyrie:''' It was a stick.\
97	'''Skulduggery:''' It had a bow on it!\
98	'''Valkyrie:''' It was a ''stick''.
99	*** It happens AGAIN. This time, the stick's a surprisingly effective magical weapon.
100	* Fletcher verbally castrating Caelan. Doubles as a SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome.
101	* The fact that Skulduggery's subconscious is going around killing people really shouldn't be funny. But then you get this.
102	-->'''Valkyrie:''' ''[on the phone]'' It's me.\
103	'''Skulduggery:''' No, it's not. Because then I would be talking to myself and I don't do that any more.
104	* Valkyrie deciding that dingoes are cute and that she wants one as a pet. [[BlackComedy While looking after her infant sister.]]
105	* Fletcher telling Val he's moving to Australia partly because Australians 'Talk funny.'
106	* China's FreakOut when Valkyrie accidentally uses the Sceptre of the Ancients and disintegrates her books.
107	* One of the short stories, ''Gold, Babies and the Brothers Muldoon'', has this golden moment:
108	-->'''Valkyrie''': [[BadassBoast So smile, goblin. Skulduggery Pleasant has been here all along, and tonight's the night when he gets to kick your green and wrinkly little-]]\
109	''[Skulduggery falls through the roof and lands on his face]''\
110	'''Skulduggery''': Oh my God. Oh my God that hurt.
111	** Also, the thing that's thrown him through the roof is a giant, hideous goblin...[[AbhorrentAdmirer that's fallen in love with him.]]
112	** Then, during a fight scene we get this:
113	--->In the middle of the church, [[AbhorrentAdmirer Peg]] had Skulduggery wrapped up in a bear hug. He was trying to hit her with a section of a broken pew.
114	* [[ComicallyMissingThePoint "You put me on a list with]] ''[[ComicallyMissingThePoint Hitler?"]]''
115	* The running gag in ''The End Of The World.''
116	-->'''Valkyrie:''' Bloody vampires.\
117	'''Ryan:''' That was a vampire? That guy who looked like an accountant?\
118	'''Skulduggery:''' We don't talk about vampires.\
119	'''Ryan:''' But it was daytime. How could he have been out during the-\
120	'''Valkyrie:''' We don't talk about vampires!
121	** It appears to have tuned into a NeverLiveItDown thing in ''Kingdom of the Wicked.''
122	--->'''Skulduggery:''' I also think Valkyrie's ex-boyfriend will come in handy here.\
123	'''Ravel:''' ''[frowning]'' The dead vampire?\
124	'''Valkyrie:''' ''[glaring]'' I think he means Fletcher.\
125	'''Ravel:''' Oh. Sorry.\
126	'''Valkyrie:''' Caelan was never my boyfriend.\
127	'''Ravel:''' I didn't mean to-\
128	'''Ghastly:''' We don't talk about Caelan.\
129	'''Ravel:''' I'm really sorry, Valkyrie. Fletcher's great. He's wonderful. I'm sure he'd be delighted to help, and having a teleporter around will certainly solve some problems. We'll arrange that, we'll get him over to you, start the ball rolling, as it were. Once again, sorry about bring up the vampire.\
130	'''Ghastly:''' Why do you keep talking about him?\
131	'''Ravel:''' I can't help it. [[NeverLiveItDown Now he's all I can think about.]]\
132	'''Valkyrie:''' You realise that we can hear you both perfectly well.
133	* [[MoodWhiplash In an otherwise tense scene]] in which Skulduggery expresses his loathing of China Sorrow to her Alternate, you get this.
134	-->'''Skulduggery:''' Do I look dead to you?\
135	'''Alternate China:''' I refuse to answer ridiculous questions.
136	* This entire exchange from ''Death Bringer''
137	-->"Desmond," her mum said from the couch, "don't poke the baby."\
138	Her dad stopped, looked guilty, then leaned closer. "You may have won this round," he whispered, "but I WILL have my-"\
139	"And don't threaten the baby, either."\
140	"I wasn't," he said, straightening up immediately.\
141	"Just leave her alone. You're annoying her."\
142	"I'm not annoying her. She doesn't even know enough to BE annoyed. She's, what, a week old?"\
143	"She's three months."\
144	"She's three months in OUR years, but how old is she in baby years?"\
145	"Come away from her. Steph, could you pick her up? It's time for her feed."\
146	Valkyrie went to the baby while her dad frowned.\
147	"Why didn't you ask me to pick her up? I was standing right there. Don't you trust me? That's it, isn't it? You don't trust me."\
148	"I do trust you," her mum said. "I just don't trust you a LOT. Stephanie has safe hands."\
149	"You want to see safe hands?" her dad asked. He went to the fruit bowl on the side table, took two apples, and proceeded to juggle them. "See? Safe as anything."\
150	Her mum frowned at him. "Are you proposing you juggle our new-born child?"\
151	"Of course not," he said. "I'd only be able to juggle her if you'd had twins. Otherwise its just throwing."\
152	"Steph," her mum said, "give me my baby and never let your father near her."\
153	"Deal," Valkyrie said, handing her sister over.
154	** And shortly after the hilarious "Dad ''dropped'' me?" scene:
155	--->'''Desmond:''' Can I please just hold her?\
156	'''Melissa:''' I don't think that's wise.\
157	'''Desmond:''' A lot of things aren't wise, Melissa. Is crossing the road with your eyes closed wise? No, but I do it anyway.\
158	'''Melissa:''' ''[nods]'' Stephanie, you're in charge of teaching Alice how to cross the road.\
159	'''Val:''' Gotcha.
160	* Skulduggery's conversations with Baron Vengeous are utterly hilarious.
161	-->'''Skulduggery:'''So, you married or anything? Do I hear the pitter patter of tiny evil feet?
162	** Turns out his AlternateUniverse counterpart actually is married. To a batshit crazy version of Eliza Scorn. Serpine's deadpan assessment of their marriage adds to the hilarity.
163	* Skulduggery's ''abysmal'' attempt to cheer Valkyrie up after Fletcher gets a new girlfriend. Which includes bringing up Hansard's rejection and asking her if she feels "unattractive".
164	-->'''Valkyrie:''' Oh... my God... you can stop trying to make me feel better now.\
165	'''Skulduggery:''' It's just, if you were feeling somehow... unattractive...\
166	'''Valkyrie:''' Sorry?\
167	'''Skulduggery:''' ''[quickly]'' I didn't mean unattractive. [[DiggingYourselfDeeper I mean, if you were thinking that maybe you'll always be alone-]]\
168	'''Valkyrie:''' I wasn't thinking that. I wasn't thinking that at all. But now I am. Now I definitely am. You think I'll always be alone?\
169	'''Skulduggery:''' That's really not what I meant.\
170	'''Valkyrie:''' Then what do you mean? My God, Skulduggery, just tell me. Be honest with me. Fletcher's moved on, Hansard doesn't fancy me... ''[buries her face in her hands]'' [[SarcasmMode Oh, God. I'm seventeen years old and no one will ever love me. I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life. I've missed my chance. I've missed my chance at happiness. I'm an old maid. Oh, God...]]\
171	'''Skulduggery:''' ''[crosses his arms]'' You're mocking me.\
172	'''Valkyrie:''' Well, duh.
173	** Even funnier if you take it as yet another shameless dig at ''Literature/{{Twilight}}''.
174	* Valkyrie cheering up Alternate Universe Meritorious. By showing him VideoGame/AngryBirds on her phone in prison.
175	* While an involuntary sex change borders on DudeNotFunny and is later played seriously, Valkyrie's reaction to [[DistractedByTheSexy Thrasher]] and [[SarcasmFailure Scapegraces's]] new bodies was fairly hilarious.
176	* Alternate Serpine's "did you get lost on your way to kill me?" comment in ''Kingdom of the Wicked'' was quite funny in a ''very'' dark way.
177	* At the start of ''Kingdom Of the Wicked'' we get one of the greatest moments in current literature- [[ItMakesSenseInContext the Butterfly Scene]].
178	* Also at the start is how Desmond gets rid of a date he set up for Stephanie- he tells them Stephanie has diarrhea. Valkyrie puts it best:
179	-->'''Valkyrie:''' Mum? Kill him for me will you?
180	* Kenspeckle getting ready for his date. Bingo.
181	-->'''Valkyrie:''' You're all dressed up. You ''never'' get dressed up. Are you...? Do you have a ''date''?\
182	'''Kenspeckle:''' Why do you sound so surprised? Because I'm old, is that it? Because I'm an old man and old people shouldn't go out on dates? Because we don't need love or companionship, and we don't get lonely? Is that it? Is that why you're so surprised I have a date?\
183	'''Valkyrie:''' No. [[GrumpyOldMan It's because you're really grumpy.]]\
184	'''Kenspeckle:''' Ah. Yes. I ''am'' rather grumpy. But what can I say? Some women like that.\
185	'''Valkyrie:''' What women?\
186	'''Kenspeckle:''' Women with low expectations.
187	* Valkyrie teasing Skulduggery about his unrequited love of Creator/GraceKelly.
188	* In ''Kingdom of the Wicked'', Alternate Lord Vile's [[QuizzicalTilt reaction]] to seeing Skulduggery and Skulduggery's little wave back.
189	* At the end of the incredible fight between Mevolent and Darquesse, Darquesse begins smashing him with fence posts. She stops and Mevolent tries to recover his bearings, and Darquesse [[GrievousHarmwithaBody hits him with a horse]]
190	* "Your hair Fletcher. It defies logic and reason."
191	* It's ''very'' dark, but in ''Kingdom of the Wicked'' Valkyrie is having a conversation with Alternate!Mevolent and we get this little piece:
192	-->'''Alternate!Mevolent''': Other stories tell how I eat innocent newborns, how I'm ten feet tall, how I breathe fire and have great dragon wings. None of these are wholly accurate. I don't have dragon wings, I don't breathe fire, I'm only eight feet tall and [[CrossesTheLineTwice I've never eaten a baby that didn't have it coming.]]
193	* Ghastly's StupidSexyFlanders moment... with Scapegrace. It's not the only time it happens, either.
194	-->She was a knockout. She was gorgeous. She was…\
195	Oh dear God, she was Scapegrace.
196	* Erskine Ravel gives Fletcher a [[ChekhovsGun pager]], which is programmed to incapacitate him when a certain phrase is uttered. This phrase would naturally need to be something that nobody would ever say under normal conditions. What is the phrase? [[RunningGag "Your hair is really cool."]]
197	* Ghastly after the Dead Men slide down a water slide. "I think I may have lost a nipple up there."
198	* Behold! Grand Mage China Sorrows! The most honest politician in the history of literature.
199	-->'''China''' I hereby accept, [[BlatantLies with great reluctance and humility,]] the post of Grand Mage, and I swear to only use my newfound powers to protect the magical and mortal communities of Ireland, and [[BreadEggsMilkSquick possibly to extract small bits of personal vengeance against those who have wronged me in the past.]]
200	* The way Desmond starts his speech on Valkyrie's birthday.
201	-->'''Desmond:''' It's no secret that I've always wanted a son.
202	* It's a weird blend of funny, heartwarming, tearjerking and NightmareFuel (seeing as China is ''on fire'' at the time), but the ShipSinking of China/Skulduggery was rather dry.
203	-->'''Skulduggery:''' I need you, China.\
204	'''China:''' How I longed to hear those words...\
205	'''Skulduggery:''' I need you to help me get Valkyrie back.\
206	'''China:''' [[SarcasmMode ...followed by those ones.]]
207	* The various attempts to rename "[[NonIndicativeName The Dead Men]]" after Valkyrie joins. They come up with "Dead Non-Gender-Specific Persons" before Ghastly decides to stick with the original. Also rather heartwarming.
208	* China's deadpan reaction to hearing that her AlternateUniverse counterpart had been killed by Serpine. "Typical".
209	* Skulduggery and Valkyrie attempt to rescue Fletcher from the [[AmazonBrigade Brides of Blood Tears]] (witches). Skulduggery demands to know what the Brides want with their resident Teleporter:
210	-->'''Skulduggery:''' What do you want with him?\
211	'''Bride:''' He is the last living Teleporter, we want his blood.\
212	'''Fletcher:''' ''[snarls]'' I don't think so!\
213	'''Bride:''' We want his genes.\
214	'''Fletcher:''' That's a bit more vague...\
215	'''Bride:''' We want him to breed with us. \
216	'''Fletcher''' ''[turning to Skulduggery]'' I reckon I'll be OK here on my own.\
217	'''Skulduggery''' And when you're done breeding with him, what will you do then? Kill him?\
218	'''Bride''' We'll never be done breeding with him.\
219	'''Fletcher''' I'll hold them off, you save yourself.\
220	'''Skulduggery''' I'm not leaving you here, Fletcher.\
221	'''Fletcher''' Ah, go on.
222	* "Flaming drongo" coming from a ''teenage assassin'' from Sydney, particularly for Australian readers.
223	* China does not ship Ghanith. After Ghastly's {{Adorkable}} attempt to ask Tanith out, she responds with...
224	-->'''China:''' Oh, good God. eye roll I do hope the Remnants kill ''me'' first.
225	* Most of ''The Horror Writer's Halloween Ball''.
226	** Gordon gets jealous of ''[[DemBones Skulduggery]]'' and fellow author Susan [=DeWick=]. A very amused Skulduggery promises to back off.
227	--->'''Skulduggery:''' She's nice.\
228	'''Gordon:''' ''[noise of agreement]''\
229	'''Skulduggery:''' [[CelebCrush She looks like Grace Kelly.]]\
230	'''Gordon:''' Now listen here...
231	** Gordon's costume.
232	** [[WimpFight The fight scene.]]
233	** The ending:
234	--->[Gordon] did accompany Skulduggery Pleasant on at least one more case, solving the mystery of the Phantom Killer at Darkenholme House. But that... is another story.\
235	It's also not very interesting. TheButlerDidIt.
236	* In ''The Dying of the Light'', Skulduggery comes up with a plan to separate Valkyrie's personality from Darquesse's using Deacon Maybury's technique. In order for it to work, Valkyrie needs to hold onto her thoughts as best she can. When Cassandra tells her to use a word or phrase to latch onto, Valkyrie naturally chooses [[BrickJoke "The sparrow flies south for winter".]]]]
237	* Valkyrie pretends to be [[spoiler:Darquesse in order to fool Mevolent]] and proves that she is in fact a massive nerd.
238	-->'''Valkyrie:''' Your little toys only work on me for a short time. We have a race of beings in my universe-we call them the [[Franchise/StarTrek Borg]]. They taught me everything they know about adapting to new weaponry. You cannot defeat me, Mevolent. Resistance is futile.
239	* The exchange between Valkyrie and the alternate Torment:
240	-->'''Valkyrie:''' Save your disgust, OK? I've heard it before. You don't like me because I have the blood of the Ancients in my veins, and I don't like you because you're old and nasty and creepy and you stole Gandalf's beard.\
241	'''Torment''': I don't know who this Gandalf is, but that is not why you disgust me, you insolent little - !
242	* Ravel's death in ''The Dying of the Light''. What makes it funny is that it's told through conversation in a very offhand and flippant way rather than showing the actual scene itself.
243	* Valkyrie and Wreath are talking when Skulduggery arrives.
244	-->'''Valkyrie:''' Please don't annoy him.\
245	'''Wreath:''' Me? When have I ever annoyed the great Skulduggery Pleasant?\
246	'''Skulduggery:''' ''[walks to their table]''\
247	'''Wreath:''' Hello.\
248	'''Skulduggery:''' I will shoot you in the eye.\
249	'''Wreath:''' I think I've annoyed him.
250	* Valkyrie tells Melancholia that there are aliens. Her reaction.
251	-->'''Valkyrie:''' (...)Also, there are aliens now.\
252	'''Melancholia:''' ''REALLY''?\
253	'''Valkyrie:''' No.\
254	'''Melancholia:''' I hate you so much.
255	* Scapegrace and Thrasher's final scene in ''Dying of the Light'': Thrasher gets killed by the Guardian's blade, Scapegrace defeats the Guardian, they share a heartwarming final moment as Thrasher dies, and when he finally stops moving, Scapegrace pulls out the sword... and Thrasher says "Oh. I think that did it."
256	* Gracious O'Callahan describing his first girlfriend (who happened to be Donegan's sister).
257	--> "She had hair as long as rope, and a nose. All her eyes were blue and she had a smile like a radiant hole in the ground, with teeth. God, she was beautiful.”
258	--> "She sounds terrifying,” said Donegan.
259	** Much against Fletcher's will, the Monster Hunters then start giving him advice about girls.
260	--> “Honesty is, honestly, the best policy,” said Saracen. “But when honesty doesn’t work, lie, and lie convincingly.”
261	--> “Treat her right and with respect,” said Vex from up ahead. “Even when it ends, you want to remain friends.”
262	--> Donegan pondered. “My advice would be to go for someone better than you are. Stops you from getting complacent.”
263	--> “Grow a beard,” said Dai.
264	* Skulduggery killing a sofa because he thought it was a sofa ''bed''. Spoiler: it wasn't.
265	* Skulduggery promising to be calm: "I cross the place where my heart used to be and hope to be even more deader than I am now."
266
267	!!From Series 2:
268
269	* Being corrupted seems to make Skulduggery even more jovial than before. First, he declares himself leader of the anti-Sanctuary, and then he institutes a rule that they may only speak while holding his hat. Which is ignored.
270	-->'''Skulduggery:''' I don't know what you're all finding so hard to grasp about the principle of the Speaking Hat.
271	* Cadaverous Gant and a corrupted Skulduggery are attacked by a man with a giant scimitar. After almost getting sliced in half, Gant puts his foot down and decides to wait in the car until they're done, stopping the fight in its tracks.
272	-->'''Gant''': Look, this doesn't have to be a big deal. Keep on fighting, put him in shackles and I'll be in the car.\
273	And then.\
274	'''Gant:''' The unavoidable truth of the matter is that I'm an elderly man. The pair of you may technically be older, but I'm the one with the seventy-eight-year-old body. It hurts when I bend over. It hurts when I don't bend over. It just hurts.\
275	'''Tanner Rut:''' This is a very off situation.\
276	'''Skulduggery:''' Quiet you.
277	* Omen taking ages to decide on lunch, asking several irrelevant questions about the fish and deciding on chicken.
278	-->'''Cafeteria guy:''' This is why I hate my job.
279	* [[ImAHumanitarian Rosemary]] [[ToiletHumor "emptying herself"]] in order to eat Valkyrie.
280	* Crepuscular trolling [[CorruptPolitician Flannery]].
281	* [[RunningGag The Sparrow Flies]] [[CallBack South for the Winter]] returns in Bedlam, confusing Temper Fray.
282	-->'''Temper:''' You said something about birds and punched him.
283	* The "Hail Satan" scene at the start of ''Seasons of War''.
284	* Valkyrie calling {{Film/RIPD}} a [[TakeThat really bad film.]]
285	* The shunter introducing himself as [[Franchise/StarWars Luke Skywalker]]. Understandably, no one wants to call him that, and Tanith is more inclined to call him Spongebob. Skulduggery overrules everyone else.
286	-->'''Skulduggery''': We'll respect his decision and [[LeaningOnTheFourthWall hope we don't get sued]].
287	* Omen's new tutor trolling him.
288	* [[BlackComedy The razorclaw and the fuddlewump.]] Even more so if you take if as a CallBack to the two test tubes.
289	* Saracen's story about the guy who was bitten by a shark, resulting in a cool injury but also a horrible death. And then there's his ideal death; getting crushed with a piano after doing something extremely heroic.
290	** [[TearJerker Too bad it doesn't work out like that.]]
291	* Valkryie finds away to walk safely amongst the Draugr horde by tying up a gagged Necromancer and walking around with it in front of her. She does this for ''days.''
292	** She names it Death-Monkey.
293	* All the Leibniz Necromancers are [[OurZombiesAreDifferent dead but still walking]], and subsequently not very talkative. While tied up for execution, one of them decides to finally speak up to taunt the heroes about their Death Bringer's identity as they will be arriving soon to kill them. The curtains go up before they can, and when faced with the ''massive'' crowd of angry Sorcerers and pressed on the subject, it embarrassedly backtracks what it was saying.
294	* Valkyrie and Skulduggery discussing whether or not Caisson could be Lord Vile's son. Since Skulduggery is, well, a skeleton and everything.
295	* Onosa breezily saying she'll be fine after teleporting when usually everyone vomits the first time... then vomiting in Jericho's jar. The moment of absolute horror is what sells it.
296	-->'''Onosa''': My love, I am so very, very sorry.
297	* Mr Chicane's rant when Omen arrives late.
298	* When Militsa finally meets Fergus and Beryl. Beryl [[BaitAndSwitch seems like she's about to have a bad reaction, but instead thinks that Militsa will be good for Valkyrie]] and asks if there's any likelihood of a wedding in the future, because she so rarely gets the chance to wear fancy hats any more. Fergus?
299	--> "Gay," Fergus blurted.
300	* Skulduggery and Valkyrie trying to convince the guards to let them into the Dark Cathedral.
301	* Valkyrie trying to order a black coffee while the café owner basically tries to throw her out.
302	* The running gag about Cadaver not being a robot.
303	* Valkyrie and Skulduggery tell Omen, Never and Axelia to sabotage the pillar in the West Tower. Omen's initial plan is to [[ThereIsNoKillLikeOverkill blow up the entire school.]]
304	* Valkyrie assures Militsa that she isn't going to be arrested, [[GilliganCut right before]] the City Guard show up to arrest her.
305	* Skulduggery in jeans.
306	* Skulduggery's attempts to manipulate [[{{Trumplica}} Martin Flannery]] into stopping his attacks on sorcerers. Suffice to say, it doesn't work and Flannery - thanks to a magic boost and a small army of juiced up Secret Service men - decides to go all [[VideoGame/MetalGearRisingRevengeance Senator Armstrong]] on the Skeleton Detective, ensuring that Cadaver Cain and Crepuscular Vies get their hands on Skulduggery's bones.
307	* Skulduggery in, as he grumpily terms it, "a meat-puppet" after losing his bones and having no choice but to possess a human body. Which means that he has physical impulses for the first time in several hundred years, and starts impulsively declaring several people from [[EverybodyLovesBlondes Tanith]] [[DudeMagnet Low]] (who finds it hilarious and [[{{Troll}} adds an extra sway to her hips when walking away]]) to ''[[EnemyMine Nefarian Serpine]]'' (who is very confused), and then [[WorldsMostBeautifulWoman China]] (who finds it hilarious). Valkyrie analogises it as waking up to find that you're a HormoneAddledTeenager.
308	-->'''Skulduggery''': I'm a meat-puppet driven by strange and confusing impulses.
309	-->'''China''': Aren't we all, dear?
310
311	!!From Series 3
312
313	* While it's a bit sad, watching Val be the awkward adult as so many were around her when trying to talk to the teenage Winter (formerly Alice) from the latter's point of view is quite funny.
314	* Melancholia's [[OneSceneWonder return]], where she casually reveals that she's back, no longer has her power tattoos, is a bit vague on ''how'' this happened, let alone what she's been up to for six years... and then cheerfully and blatantly hits on Valkyrie, telling her that if she ever breaks up with Militsa and is still interested in hot necromancer girls, she should give her a call. Valkyrie, herself a shameless flirt, is hilariously, utterly lost for words.
315	* Additionally, while Winter has her AmbiguouslyEvil moments, she inwardly grumps a bit about being in her big sister's shadow in a way that is pure teenager - and her generally detached and intimidating demeanour with a side of awkwardness is, if you swap cockiness for insecurity, teen Valkyrie to a tee.
316	* Melissa cracks wise about the urge to gloat that her daughter turned into God and saved the universe.
317	** On a related note, the worshippers of Darquesse at the Dark Cathedral sing hymns to Val. She seems to find the whole thing a bit annoying, and [[NayTheist didn't worship the old God so doesn't see the point in worshipping the new one]].
318	** Fergus and Desmond are playing golf again as a form of brotherly bonding - they both find golf miserable, but they think it's the sort of thing that men of a certain age do, so they're still trying, and they're miserable together.
319	* Val gets very accusing about Skulduggery keeping something from her, pointing out that he doesn't have enough experience controlling his facades to lie to her... then barging past him into his house to find the kittens he's been hiding and whose existence she had deduced.
320

Context Funny / SkulduggeryPleasant