Line #2 Funny/SailorMoonAbridged


1	* From Episode 1:
2	-->'''Serena:''' ''(At Molly's mom's jewelry store)'' Hey, where the pretzels at?
3	** "Sorry, Molly, if I'm not eating I'm leaving."
4	** Morga controlling all the jewelry store customers... to the tune of [[Music/MichaelJackson Michael Jackson's]] "Thriller."
5	** "Hush honey, mommy's looking for porno."
6	** Jedite advertising Optimum Cable to Beryl.
7	* From Episode 2:[[note]] (which, yes, is similar to a joke on ''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy'' where Brian tells Peter about his recent therapy session and Peter suddenly realizes that Brian is a talking dog)[[/note]]
8	-->'''Serena:''' They're gonna love my letter!\
9	''[immediate GilliganCut to…]''\
10	'''Serena:''' Those pricks didn't read my letter! I'm gonna go there and complain!\
11	'''Luna:''' Their address is listed in this newspaper.\
12	'''Serena:''' YOU CAN READ?!?\
13	'''Luna:''' "Serena, if I can talk, of course I can read!"\
14	'''Serena:''' "[[{{Beat}} ……]]YOU CAN ''TALK''?!?"
15	** Also in the episode..
16	--->'''Serena''': Moon Prism POWER! And make it fast!\
17	''the transformation sequence plays in slow motion''\
18	'''Serena''': I SAID ''FAST''!
19	** The [[HilariousOuttakes SMA Bloopers]] episode had some really good ones.
20	--->'''Eric''': Send in your letters and if it gets my pants a little tight, I will....I will give you head..(Everyone starts cracking up in the background) I'll give you so much head you'll just....not want it anymore...
21	** The whole bit relating to Eric's InopportuneVoiceCracking on the line "Lies, STOP it!"
22	* From Episode 3:
23	** Serena orgasming over creme-filled donuts.
24	** Jedite acknowledging that he should have hid the energy draining pods in his workout scheme.
25	** The BrickJoke of the fat girl still stuck on the treadmill after everything that happened.
26	** Serena yelling at the Sailor V poster.
27	--->'''Serena''': STOP MOCKING ME!
28	** The fat girl trying to act as the OnlySaneMan, but is constantly insulted by everyone.
29	--->'''Fat Girl''': When did you get a boyfriend?\
30	'''Other Girl''': After I lost 20 pounds, maybe you should take note!
31	* This moment in episode 4:
32	-->'''Serena:''' Excuse me, Mr. Chair? If you see Luna, can you please tell her that I need her help?\
33	'''Unseen Chair:''' Sure thing, Sailor Moon.\
34	'''Serena:''' Thanks.
35	** Also from episode 4, the RunningGag of everyone getting Saffron's name wrong.
36	* From Episode 5:
37	** A CallBack to the above-mentioned gag from Episode 2…
38	--->'''Serena:''' Wow, Luna, you know how to use a computer?!\
39	'''Luna:''' Serena, if I can talk and I can read, then of course… Oh, forget it.
40	** Beryl chewing out Jadeite:
41	--->'''Jadeite:''' I have a new plan to gather energy, my queen!\
42	'''Beryl:''' As long as you're not a blatant HONKing homosexual this time, cuz' that last effort was absolutely abysmal!
43	** Serena gossiping with her friends about Amy:
44	--->'''Fat Girl:''' I'm still fat from the other episode!\
45	'''Serena:''' Yeah, you should realize you're only here to make us look skinny and good-looking by comparison.\
46	'''Melvin:''' Did I hear "good-looking"?\
47	''school bell rings''\
48	'''Serena:''' Hear that, Melvin? That's the bell; It means it's time for you to drop dead!\
49	'''Molly:''' So, did you hear about the new transfer student from Brighton Academy?\
50	'''Serena:''' ''THAT HUGE DWEEB, RIGHT?!'' Oops, I think she heard me.\
51	''cue Amy's [[DeathGlare glaring at them]]''
52	** Garoben's plan:
53	--->'''Amy:''' I forgot my disk at the arcade!\
54	'''Lady:''' Hey, nerd. You're really putting a lot of '''''energy''''' into this class, and I'm really impressed by your '''''energy''''' input. So I wanted you to lead the class today, and teach them how to give more '''''energy''''' for completely innocent reasons. …'''''ENERGY!!!!!'''''\
55	'''Amy:''' Sure.\
56	'''Lady:''' Yeah, I don't know what you just said, but I take that you agree to ''give me your'' '''''ENERGY!!!'''''\
57	'''Amy:''' That was really weird, she sure says ''"energy"'' a lot.
58
59	* Two moments from Episode 7's bloopers:
60	-->'''Molly''': No, Serena! Go back into your coma. ''Forever!!''
61
62	-->'''Amy''': Please, Jesus. Bring my friends home!\
63	'''Jesus''': No.
64	** From episode 7: The usage of the theme song to ''WesternAnimation/TheMagicSchoolBus'' whenever the girl-snatching Temple Bus appeared, especially when the sight of the bus approaching to the accompaniment of the song caused Serena to go ballistic.
65	** One of the schoolgirls at the temple being so creeped out by Raye's grandpa's sexual advances that she prefers to be abducted by the evil bus. (super quickly) "Uh, no, we're gonna get on that bus that disappears, thanks!"
66	* EVERYTHING [[NoIndoorVoice Raye]] says. But especially this gem from episode 8...
67	-->'''Raye:''' ''[in the middle of a theme park, NoIndoorVoice as usual]'' I LOVE THE SCREAMS OF CHILDREN!
68	-->'''Luna:''' I'm ignoring that...
69	** The blooper version is great, too:
70	-->'''Raye''': I LOVE THE SCREAMS OF CHILDREN!
71	-->'''Corinne''': How can I ignore that?
72	** And from the bloopers:
73	--->'''Serena/Corinne''': Why are we watching her?\
74	'''Raye/Kris''': SHE'S TOO NICE, I DON'T LIKE IT!!\
75	'''Corinne''': You scared me.
76	** And yet another one from the bloopers:
77	--->'''Raye/Kris''': YOU DON'T HAVE TO HELP OR ANYTHING, YOU KNOW? USELESS FATASS!!!\
78	* the whole room bursts into laughter*\
79	'''Serena/Corinne''': ''[trying to mimic Kris]'' '''''USELESS FATASS!!!'''''.
80	** This tidbit from the episode:
81	-->'''Raye:''' HEY, GET OFF THAT BEAR, LITTLE BOY!!\
82	'''Serena:''' No! He can ride it if he wants!\
83	'''Raye:''' HE'S NOT A FURRY! DON'T PRESSURE HIM!\
84	'''Serena:''' He wants to! Okay? Stop ruining other people's joy!\
85	''(The girls break into tug-of-war with the boy)''\
86	'''Little boy:''' Why are you people touching me? {{I want my mommy}}\
87	''(RecordNeedleScratch)''\
88	'''Woman:''' Timmy, you should be ashamed of yourself! Those women are too old for you!
89	** Dream Dolly whenever she speaks:
90	--->'''Sailor Moon:''' Oh no! Where's the princess?\
91	'''Dream Dolly:''' ''(sing-song)'' I'll never tell...''(deep, demonic voice)''...ANYOFYOU!
92	*** And...
93	--->'''Dream Dolly:''' Well, now that I picked my apple '''BACK UP!''' I can kill you anyway.\
94	''([[{{Beat}} Sailor Moon and Mars look at her shocked]])''\
95	'''Luna:''' [[OhCrap RUN!]]
96	* Episode 9:
97	** This entire scene after Raye wins the tickets.
98	--->'''Serena:''' "C'monnn, Raye! You got two tickets! Who better to take along than me?"\
99	'''Raye:''' "NO! NO! NO! A MILLION TIMES ''NO!''"\
100	'''Serena:''' "Who you gonna take?"\
101	'''Raye:''' "NO ONE, THAT'S THE POINT! I WILL BE LONELY AND DESPERATE AND IT WILL BE WONDERFUL!"\
102	'''Serena:''' "But what if the Negaverse attacks the boat?"\
103	'''Raye:''' "THEN I GUESS I'LL JUST BE A ''BITCH'' AND TAKE AMY! IT MAKES ME EVIL AND HAPPY AT THE SAME TIME!"\
104	'''Amy:''' "Hey everyone… What's going—"\
105	'''Raye:''' "AMY! COME! JOIN THE DARK SIDE!"\
106	'''Luna:''' "This is better than my soaps."\
107	'''Serena:''' "Don't come crying to me when you crash into an iceberg!"\
108	'''Raye:''' "I HOPE WE DO! THE ICY WATERS OF DEATH WILL BE MY SANCTUARY!"
109	*** Their initial readthrough of the scene in the Bloopers results in EVERYONE being brought to tears by how hilariously over-the-top both [[BlackComedy the lines]] and [[LargeHam KrisRix's delivery]] is, culminating in Corrine ending the bit with a NotMakingThisUpDisclaimer: (Paraphrased)"The majority of Raye's lines were written by [=KrisRix=]. Please donate money so she can get some therapy."
110	** From the Episode 9 Bloopers:
111	--->'''Titus:''' "Aren't you going to congratulatemeshlebabla with YOUR PENIS?
112	*** That's in the real episode as well, but done in a more subtle fashion that is just as funny.
113	** Another one from Episode 9:
114	--->'''Raye:''' "I have an idea, Amy. Let's flirt with these guys!"\
115	'''Amy:''' "But they all have girlfriends..."\
116	'''Raye:''' "That's the point, we'll ''SACRIFICE'' their girlfriends to my ''GOD''!"\
117	'''Amy:''' "You know these cults are unhealthy, right Raye?"\
118	'''Raye:''' "This isn't a cult, ''THIS IS DIVINE JUSTICE!! THEY WILL BE MISERABLE LIKE MEEE!!!!!''"
119	** Also from Episode 9, Serena decides to sneak Luna onto the boat in a box. But Luna notices a problem with the box that she's being stuffed in.
120	--->'''Luna:''' "AIR HOLES! NEED AIR HOLES!"\
121	'''Serena:''' "No you don't."
122	* Episode 10, Jedite's "I'm gonna die" song, complete with a random monster asking if he can have Jedite's porno collection.
123	* Episode 12, Raye's plot to make Darien love her:
124	-->'''Raye:''' I'M TRIPPING! Oh, Darien! [[BlatantLies That was a complete accident]].\
125	'''Darien:''' Oh, Raye! Thank you for bumping into me like that! I'm suddenly filled with the desire to torture small animals and feed on their blood.\
126	'''Raye:''' Oh, let's do it together.\
127	''[ImagineSpot ends]''\
128	'''Raye:''' God if that'd happen, I would just die. Oh. Oh, that sounds ''good''. This is becoming a better idea every second!
129	* From Episide 13/14:
130	** Don't forget
131	--->'''Raye:''' CATHOLIC GIRLS TASTE BETTER.
132	** Or this:
133	--->'''Sammy''': [''[[NotMakingThisUpDisclaimer actual dialogue from the English dub]]''] So despite what I said, I really do think you could be a great model. See, I know this place where people take tons of pictures and you'd fit right in. It's called the Zoo.\
134	''{{Rimshot}}''\
135	'''Serena''': ''([[TranquilFury thinking calmly]])'' I'm starting to realize why [[MisanthropeSupreme Raye]] hates everyone.
136	* From episode 15/16:
137	-->'''Amy:''' Talk to me, Raye. You haven't said anything since I came over.\
138	'''Raye:''' ''([[BroughtDownToNormal speaking at a normal volume]])'' Well, I just sound so funny when I'm sick.\
139	'''Amy:''' Oh. Oh my God, you sure do! My eardrums are still intact!\
140	'''Raye:''' Sorry, Amy. Jesus must be on my side today.\
141	'''Amy:''' Jesus?\
142	'''Jesus:''' Yeah?\
143	'''Raye:''' I… I don't know! I'm so ill! Amy, make me better, please!\
144	'''Amy:''' Hang in there! We'll get you help.
145	* Episode 17:
146	** This random segue
147	--->'''Narrator:''' "Here's a completely useless scene… with Raye in pink overalls. Please laugh at your own discretion."\
148	''[the camera shows us [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin just that]], panning up Raye until we see her face]''\
149	'''Raye:''' ''[{{Beat}}]'' "WHAT?!?"\
150	'''Narrator:''' "We now return to the, uh, plot thing."
151	** Kris' conservation with her boss about her recent drawings:
152	---> '''Kris:''' But I worked so ''hard'' on it; I worked so hard, [[OffModel my right eye dropped down three inches...]]
153	---> '''Boss:''' Yeah, well, this is still crap, bitch.
154	** This exchange, where even the Lamb of God gives up.
155	--->'''Kris:''' I have no choice. I have to break my promise. Jesus, please forgive me for my wayward drawin's!\
156	''[opens the pencil case to reveal a single pencil, already worn down to a nub]''\
157	'''Jesus:''' Oh my— [[ClusterFBomb What kind of HONKing friend are you? You use those on every HONKing assignment?? I mean, HONK!]]\
158	'''Kris:''' That's harsh, Jesus.
159	** The Sailor Says.
160	--->'''Serena:''' Don't cut corners, kids!\
161	'''Luna:''' You should talk.\
162	'''Serena:''' Shut up, you insensitive bitch, I have a learning disability!
163	** After Amy transforms and tries taking on Nephlite by herself
164	--->'''Luna:''' You shouldn't have gone on up against Nephlite by yourself, because you suck.\
165	'''Amy:''' Aww.
166	** Anything involving Kris, from telling Nephlite to not touch her pencil to laughing evilly on the phone with her employer while Amy asks if she's seen anything strange.
167	* The Bloopers for Episode 17
168	** Kris's repeatedly failing to get through the scene where she has to say: "But I worked so hard on it. I worked so hard [[OffModel my right eye drooped down three inches!"]]
169	*** Everything concerning the displaced eye was comedy gold.
170	-->'''Kriss:''' I CAN'T DO IT! [[NoIndoorVoice THE EEEEEYYYEEEE! MY DISPLACED EEEEEEEYYYYEEEE!!!!!!]]
171	-->'''Corinne:''' MONEY NEEED NOW!!!
172	-->'''Kriss:''' THE MONEY, I NEEDS THEM, YES!?
173	** And then there's this:
174	--->'''Kris:''' [[NoIndoorVoice PHALLIC-]] coughs uncontrollably\
175	'''Corinne:''' Holy ''honk'', were you really going to scream that?! Holy Crap. That scared the ''honk'' out of me!
176	* From Episode 18:
177	-->'''Door Guy:''' Excuse me miss, do you have an invitation?\
178	'''Serena:''' How dare you ask for an invitation from me! I'll have you know that I'm the star of [=Megami33=]'s Sailor Moon Abridged! You know, the only ''good'' one on Website/YouTube?
179	** The entire exchange between Zoisite, Nephlite, and Beryl.
180	--->'''Zoisite:''' "Oh for HONK!'s sake! Beryl can't you just kill him please!"
181	** And the following scene:
182	--->'''Zoisite:''' ''[crying]'' Oh, Malachite, what do I do? ''I'' want to be Queen Beryl's main bitch, not that idiot Nephlite!\
183	'''Malachite:''' Don't cry, darling. Now, while you're down there...
184	* From Episode 19:
185	** The opening line:
186	-->'''Molly''': [[OffModel I'm depressed because I have no toes.]]
187	** Zoicite's ''full'' laughter. It's contagious!
188	** Another Zoicite/Malachite exchange:
189	--->'''Zoicite''': Omnomnom, I'm so hungry, Malachite!\
190	'''Malachite''': I can give you something better to nibble on...\
191	'''Zoicite''': Oooh, you dirty boy! First, let me whine to you about how much I hate Nephlite.
192	** And later in the same conversation:
193	---> '''Zoicite:''' Your hands are so tasty; is that Olay or Nivea?
194	---> '''Malachite:'''.... I'm wearing gloves.
195	** This parody of ''Anime/KikisDeliveryService'':
196	--->'''Serena:''' ''[after ranting about Molly wanting to date Nephlite]'' So do you think I did the right thing?\
197	'''Luna:''' Meow.\
198	'''Serena:''' Oh my god!! I lost my ability to talk to you!\
199	'''Luna:''' No, I'm just totally ''HONK''ing with you.
200	** Molly's mom's limited vocabulary.
201	--->'''Molly's Mom:''' Molly, what are you doing?\
202	'''Molly:''' ''(after stealing a crystal)'' Mama!\
203	'''Molly's Mom:''' Molly, what are you doing?\
204	'''Molly:''' I'm sorry, mama!" ''(runs out of the store)''\
205	'''Molly's Mom:''' …Molly, what are you doing?
206	** This exchange:
207	--->'''Amy:''' Raye, why were we missing for most of this episode?\
208	'''Raye:''' BECAUSE WE WAS SMOKING CRACK COCAINE, BITCH!\
209	'''Amy:''' Oh, right.
210	** The episode 19 bloopers, full stop.
211	*** Eric's screw ups come to the fore here. Lampshaded before a difficult line by Corinne.
212	--->'''Corinne:''' He's never gonna get this.\
213	'''Eric:''' I got it, I got it! [[TemptingFate At least say it when I'm out of the room!]]\
214	''(Corinne leaves the room)''\
215	'''Corinne:''' ''(muffled)'' "He's not gonna get it!"
216	** The RunningGag where nobody can decide on the Legendary Silver Crystal's name and whether it's the Negaforce or the Negaverse.
217	* From Episode 20
218	-->'''Nephlyte:''' "Molly, Maxwell isn't my real name. It's actually… BATMAN!"
219	** Followed by…
220	-->'''Molly:''' I read your [=MySpace=] page!
221	-->'''Nephlite:''' [[RunningGag Curse you, Jedite, for introducing me to computers!]]
222	** "Oh ''God'', Melvin, is that you? I'm sick and tired of you calling my house every night and wanking off into the phone!"
223	* During the Sailor Says segment, Melvin tries to cheer Molly up.
224	-->'''Molly:''' Euurhghuh Nephlite...
225	-->'''Melvin:''' Well you still have me Molly.
226	-->'''Molly:''' [[ThisIsGonnaSuck OH GOD!!]]
227	** Nephlite's gravelly voice singing "I Won't Say I'm In Love" from Disney's ''WesternAnimation/{{Hercules}}'' as the stinger.
228	* From Episode 21
229	-->'''[[TheManBehindTheMan Italia]]:''' [[GratuitousItalian Buon Giorno, Signore!]] It took you 21 episodes, but you finally have enough energy for your mission.\
230	'''[[BigBad Beryl]]:''' Mission?\
231	'''Italia:''' Yes, your mission!\
232	'''Beryl:''' I- [[MotiveDecay I have a mission?]]
233
234	-->'''Serena:''' "C'mon, Luna, let's take a shortcut through Bad Guy Street!"\
235	''(she almost immediately runs into some thugs)''\
236	'''Serena:''' "Aaa! Who would have thought there would be such bad guys on Bad Guy Street!"
237
238	-->'''Luna:''' "Lita! Take this stick and do what I say!"\
239	'''Lita:''' "I've heard that line before."
240
241	-->'''[[MonsterOfTheWeek MoTW]]:''' "I am Game Machine Man!" manifests hammer "Time to play... WHACK-A-BITCH!"\
242	''(Serena screams)''\
243	'''Lita:''' "Time to play—Oh, '''honk''' it! I'ma just beat the shit out of you!"
244	* From Episode 22:
245	** Zoicite's reaction to the victim of the week.
246	-->'''Zoicite:''' A priest? Are we allowed to do this? I don't want the Vatican coming after us or something.\
247
248	** The opening skit
249	-->'''Tuxedo Mask:''' Show me your face!\
250	'''Princess Serenity:''' No.\
251	'''Tuxedo Mask:''' Then show me your boobs!\
252	'''Princess Serenity:''' Maybe later.\
253	'''Tuxedo Mask:''' Now, please?\
254	'''Princess Serenity:''' Oh, okay.
255	** And the one after it.
256	--->''(Molly is sitting there, still despondent over Nephlite's death)''\
257	'''Melvin:''' So whatever happened to that Maxfield Stanton guy?\
258	'''Serena:''' Shut up, Melvin.\
259	'''Melvin:''' It's like he died or something!\
260	'''Serena:''' Shut up, Melvin!\
261	'''Melvin:''' Sorry, sheesh! Hey, wanna hear a joke?\
262	'''Serena:''' No!\
263	'''Melvin:''' Why did the chicken cross the road?\
264	'''Serena:''' Melvin...\
265	'''Melvin:''' Your boyfriend's dead! Mwaaaaaaaa!
266	** Amy, Lita, and Raye's internal monologues while Luna is explaining the Pride Crystals:
267	--->'''Amy:''' "Oh, I don't care about any of this. No matter how smart I am, I'm still the most useless one here."\
268	'''Lita:''' "Am I the only one who thinks it's weird that we take orders from a talking cat?"\
269	'''Raye:''' "OH GOD SHE'S SO BORING!!! IT MAKES ME WANT TO CLAW AT MY FACE JUST SO I KNOW I'M STILL ALIVE!!"
270	** And later on, when Serena is looking for Molly (who's being confronted by Zoicite):
271	---> '''Serena:''' "Molly! Damn it, you're in trouble [[TheLoad again]]! [[SkewedPriorities We're going to miss the Sailor V movie and it's ALL YOUR FAULT!]] I'm gonna take Luna if you don't hurry up!"
272	** Then, we have this:
273	--->'''Sailor Moon:''' Moon Healing Activation!!\
274	''the priest is healed, the sky turns bright, and "Hallelujah" starts playing in the background''\
275	'''Priest:''' Oh, Jesus. Thank you for saving me!\
276	'''Sailor Moon:''' ''WHAT?!'' No way, I've saved-\
277	'''Jesus:''' No, no, it's cool. You're welcome!\
278	'''Sailor Moon:''' Ugh, son of a bitch!
279	* From episode 23:
280	** Sailor Mercury singing "pickpocket" to the tune of the Hot Pockets jingle as she snatches Greg's wallet.
281	** The bypassing of Mercury's friendship speech for Greg.
282	** Raye and Darien's conversation.
283	--->'''Raye''': SO DARIEN, WHAT DO YOU FEEL LIKE DOING TONIGHT?
284	--->'''Darien''': Not you.
285	* From Episode 24/25
286	-->'''Lita:''' "I call upon the powers of Zeus himself. Infuse me with your heavenly thunder—which actually lightning, but no one seems to notice! Pikachu!"
287	** This exchange between Zoycite and Malachite:
288	--->'''Zoycite''': Malachite! You're supposed to only have eyes for me!\
289	'''Malachite''': Oh, come now, honey, you know there's no one more important to me in the whole Negaverse. Especially now that the other two are dead.\
290	'''Zoycite''': Oh, Malachite, talking about dead people turns me on.
291	** The Sailor Says segment at the end:
292	---> '''Serena''': "For Lita, finding out Andrew was dating his mom was a huge blow. In fact, life is full of blows! Blow, blow, blow, blow, blow!"
293	* Episode 26/27, when they're about to fight Zoicite and Ami falls over, which causes Lita to look under her skirt.
294	-->'''Lita:''' ''(in a hoarse voice)'' Damn, I wish I had one of those.
295	** Especially the part where Zoicite is chasing Luna and Hercules:
296	--->'''Zoicite:''' I defy physics!
297
298	--->'''Zoicite:''' Oh my god! The rats are eating me! Even though I can teleport!
299	** The stray cats. Whose PokemonSpeak consists solely of the word "sex".
300	** Raye trying to reach out to her grandfather who turned into a monster.
301	--->'''Raye:''' Grandpa it's me, Raye! Don't you recognize me? LOOK AT ME YOU COCK-EYED '''honk'''!
302	* Episode 29:
303	-->'''Raye:''' Yeah, this is my excited face, BITCH.
304	** The Chia Pet ad at the end of episode 28, especially when they promote the "newest Chia Pet, ch-ch-ch-Molly!"
305	* And then there's Mina's whole "Revlon Wind" speech.
306	* In episode 30:
307	The recap at the beginning, which recaps Mina's introduction, complete with the Revlon Wind speech until Raye interrupted:
308	--> '''Raye''': JESUS CHRIST, WE DO NOT NEED A RECAP OF THAT SHIT!
309	--> '''Serena''': oh-kay, moving on....
310	** [[PunctuatedForEmphasis STUPID. BITCH. CAN FLY.]] WHAT THE FUCK?"
311	** Zoicite and Malachite are shocked to see Beryl do something they've never seen before: standing.
312	-->'''Zoisite:''' Holy crap man! I thought you were a paraplegic or something!
313	-->'''Queen Beryl:''' What? No. Jesus, you guys are really morons, huh?
314	** Serena slaps the wounded Darien on the back and notices the blood on her hand.
315	-->'''Serena:''' Oh look, there's ketchup on my hand. Darien must have had a burger! Yum! (slurp) Wait, this tastes like pennies...
316	** Then she tries to help him by pointing out how serious his wound is.
317	-->'''Darien:''' Just leave me alone. It's not serious.\
318	'''Serena:''' ''([[NotMakingThisUpDisclaimer actual dialogue from the English dub]])'' Not serious? As if! I got a C+ in first aid! I can tell!\
319	'''Darien:''' I thought that class was pass/fail.\
320	'''Serena:''' Oh. Then maybe that C was an F. I have trouble with the alphabet sometimes.
321	** While Raye and the girls are waiting for Serena.
322	-->'''Raye''': THAT SERENA ISN'T A SAILOR SCOUT, SHE'S A ''FAILURE'' SCOUT! OKAY [[WhoWritesThisCrap WHO THE FUCK WRITES THESE LINES?!]]\
323	'''Amy''': Don't blame it on the [=SMA=] Crew!\
324	'''Raye''': I BET THEY'RE LAUGHING AT MY MISERY!\
325	'''Lita''': I know I am yo.
326	** Darien explains his tragic past, [[StylisticSuck complete with sound effects]].
327	-->'''Darien''': How about I tell you a story about my childhood?\
328	'''Serena''': Sure! [[TemptingFate I]] ''[[TemptingFate love]]'' [[TemptingFate happy stories]]!\
329	'''Darien''': So there was this one time we were in the car and it was like zoooooom and then we went over a cliff and it was like squealing brakes and then it crashed and it was like boom [[RefugeInAudacity and my parents' heads were like "Kablooey!"]] [[BuffySpeak And then I was like in the hospital and like]], [[LarynxDissonance "What?!"]] And there was this princess in my head and she was like, [[RunningGag "I want pizza!"]] So here I am.\
330	'''Serena''': [[CaptainObvious That wasn't happy at all.]]\
331	'''Darien''': I know.
332	** The Sailor Moon Says segment:
333	-->'''Serena''': Darien got hurt, and I made it worse! Oops... Getting hurt sucks!\
334	'''Raye''': ''So make sure you sell your soul to Satan so he'll remove your ability to feel whatsoever, so you'll never have to feel pain again!''\
335	'''Serena''': And I thought I had issues.
336	** The other scouts meeting Venus in civilian form.
337	-->'''Mina:''' Um, like, is this the sailor scout meeting?
338	-->'''Raye:''' [[CaptainObviousReveal WHO ARE YOU, GIRL WITH REVLON WIND AND WHITE CAT?]]
339	* Episode 31.
340	** Queen Beryl discusses the battle with her clowns.
341	-->'''Queen Bery:''' [[SarcasmMode Excellent work! Now Sailor Moon has the crystal!]]
342	-->'''Zoicite:''' [[ComicallyMissingThePoint Why thank you!]]
343	-->'''Queen Beryl:''' It was sarcasm, Jesus! You don't bring me the crystal but instead some unconscious teenage boy?! [[EurekaMoment Wait.]] [[DudeShesLikeInAComa I have an unconscious teenage boy!]] [[DirtyOldWoman Oooh.]]
344	** After Sailor Moon gets knocked unconscious.
345	-->'''Amy:''' Oh, she's awake! She'll be okay!\
346	'''Raye:''' GOD DAMN IT.
347	** Raye takes GetAHoldOfYourselfMan to extreme levels.
348	--->'''Raye:''' ''I DON'T NEED YOU JESUS!''\
349	''(Slaps Serena)''\
350	'''Serena:''' Aaaah...! I didn't do anything!\
351	'''Raye:''' ''SHUT UP, [[ThisIsForEmphasisBitch BITCH!]]''\
352	''(Slaps Serena again)''\
353	'''Serena:''' Ow! Why did you-\
354	'''Raye:''' ''[[RuleOfThree THREE FOR FLINCHING!]]''\
355	''(Slap)''\
356	'''Serena:''' OWWW!\
357	'''Raye:''' ''MY PIMP HAND IS STRONG!''\
358	''(Slap)''\
359	'''Serena:''' Owww...!\
360	'''Raye:''' ''[[{{Kiai}} HRRRRRGGGHHH!]]''\
361	''[[OverlyLongGag (Slap)]]''\
362	'''Serena:''' ''[[TooKinkyToTorture Ohhhhhhh...]]''
363	** Amy proves to be useful by scaring off Malachite with these offensive words.
364	-->'''Amy:''' Go bleach your roots creep!
365	** Or Episode 31's heartwarming ending:
366	--->'''Raye:''' DON'T WORRY SAILOR MOON, WE'LL ALWAYS BE RIGHT BEHIND YOU.\
367	'''Serena:''' Thanks!\
368	'''Raye:''' WITH A KNIFE.\
369	'''Serena:''' Oh.\
370	'''Raye:''' TO STAB YOU.\
371	'''Serena:''' I-I get it.\
372	'''Raye:''' AND TWIST IT.\
373	'''Serena:''' Okay.\
374	'''Raye:''' I HATE YOU!!!\
375	'''Serena:''' Thanks, Raye!
376	* Episode 33:
377	-->'''Artemis''': Waaait a second, wait, wait.\
378	'''Amy''': What is it?\
379	'''Artemis''': I… am a ''cat''!\
380	'''Mina''': Shut UP!\
381	'''Raye''': CAN WE TALK SHIT ABOUT MINA AND ARTEMIS TOO?\
382	'''Mina''': Sure, we won't notice! Giggle!
383	** Queen Beryl asking Malachite and Darien to go wrestle in a mud pit so she can tape it.
384	* Episode 38:
385	** Any single time Nancy Vargas (the reporter) [[MotorMouth talks excessively and without pausing]].
386	--->'''Nancy Vargas:''' ''(reading Sailor Moon's letter)'' [=OhmyGodwhatascoop!ItsaysshewantstomeetmeattheparkatmidnightandtellmeallabouthowshewantstoquittheSailorScoutteambutIdon'tknowwhyI'mreadingthistoyoubutheyhow'dyougetthisletteranywaysyoucouldn'tpossiblybeSailorMoonyoulooknothinglikeher!=]
387	** Sailor Moon's "interview" with the reporter:
388	--->'''Nancy Vargas:''' [=SailorMoon?=]\
389	'''Sailor Moon:''' Whoa! Where'd you come from?\
390	'''Nancy Vargas:''' [=It'scalledusingmyfeettowalkbutanywayitdoesn'tmattercuzI'mtheoneaskingthequestions!Sowhat'sthedealwiththewhole"splittingwiththeteam"business?=]\
391	'''Sailor Moon:''' Uhh...yeah...it's like I said. ''(in a BadBadActing tone)'' We're...uhh...Splitsville! That's it! Totally done with them...forever!\
392	'''Nancy Vargas:''' [=Wellhowaboutthat!=]
393	** When Ninjana reveals her true form:
394	--->'''Sailor Moon:''' Woah! Hey, you're that ninja from the other night! Oh, oh. I get it. You're a ninja now, so you can only speak ninja language. Hmm...let's see...[[Manga/{{Naruto}} BELIEVE IT!]] ''({{beat}}; Ninjana pulls out her sword)'' Oops! Sorry! I mean "dattebayo"!
395	* Episode 39: While Malachite dies in a similar way to the original anime, we have this gem instead in the Mexican dub.
396	-->'''Malachite''' (after being stabbed by Sailor Moon): Zoicite....Zoicite! Can you hear me?
397	-->'''Jadeite''' (as a disembodied voice): Hi Zoicite!
398	-->'''Malachite''': Jadeite?....GODDAMMIT! dies
399	* Episode 40.
400	-->'''Sailor Moon:''' MOON HEALING ACTIVATION! ''(tries to heal [[BrainwashedAndCrazy Brainwashed And Crazy]] Darien)''\
401	'''Queen Beryl:''' ''([[NotMakingThisUpDisclaimer Actual dialogue from the English dub]])'' It's no use, you can't heal him. Not even your crystal can break the spell I cast!\
402	'''Sailor Moon:''' Then why do you want the crystal if you're more powerful than it, anyway?\
403	'''Queen Beryl:''' Err… Er. Err… Um. SILENCE!!!
404	* The Christmas Special.
405	-->'''Mina:'''On the first day of Christmas, Tuxedo Mask gave to me; this, like, totally awesome bag by Versace. On the second day of Christmas, Tuxedo Mask gave to me-\
406	'''Serena:''' What do you mean he gave it to you?! He's my boyfriend, you lying whore!\
407	'''Mina:''' Uh...\
408	'''Serena:''' This is my song now. On the second day of Christmas, Tuxedo Mask gave to me; ME! Two stupid space cats-\
409	'''Mina:''' Uh, he totally didn't give those to you. Like, one of those was mine, anyway.\
410	'''Serena:''' Well, then he gave me two giant cakes, Cheetos, and marshmallows and Oreos-\
411	'''Raye:''' OH MY GOD, SHUT THE '''honk''' UP!!! I CAN'T TAKE THIS SHIT ANY LONGER!! MY SONG NOW! ON THE THIRD DAY OF CHRISTMAS, TUXEDO GAVE TO ME; THREE GOOD REASONS TO CUT MYSELF, though there was probably more than that, AND A TOTALLY SEXY BAG BY VERSACE. ON THE FOURTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS, TUXEDO MASK GAVE TO ME; FOUR FAGGY GENERALS-\
412	'''Zoicite:''' Oooh-hoo-hoo-hoo!!\
413	'''Raye:''' …TWO STUPID SPACE CATS AND A SWEET-ASS PAIR OF HEELS BY VERSACE. ON THE FIFTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS, TUXEDO MASK GAVE TO ME-\
414	'''[[BigEater Serena]]:''' Fiiiiiiiive [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Krispy_Kreme Krrrrrrissspy Kreeeeeeemes!]] Nom nom nom nom nom, three bags of beer nuts, two giant cakes-Oh my God, I'm drooling-and some Versace thing.\
415	'''Amy:''' On the sixth day of Christmas, Tuxedo Mask gave to me-\
416	'''Raye:''' SHUT UP, AMY!!!\
417	'''Amy:''' Aww...\
418	'''Sailor Scouts:''' five seasons of plot holes-\
419	'''Lita:''' Four homo generals-\
420	'''Raye:''' All of which will die-\
421	'''Serena:''' Two giant cakes, so I fit into my new dress by Versace.\
422	'''Lita:''' On the seventh day of Xmas, tuxedo mask gave to me; seven rainbow prime crystals, yo-\
423	'''Amy:''' Six mischances of speaking up,\
424	'''Serena:''' Five Krispy Kremes, nom nom nom nom,\
425	'''[[NoIndoorVoice Raye]]:''' [[AmbiguouslyGay FOUR FAGGY GENERALS]], [[EmoTeen THREE REASONS TO CUT MYSELF]], [[TeamPet TWO STUPID SPACE CATS]]-\
426	'''[[TheDitz Mina]]:''' And like, oh my God, did you see this ''bracelet!?'' On the eighth day of Christmas, Tuxedo Mask gave to me; eight- I can't count that high-\
427	'''Artemis:''' Seven tequila slammers-\
428	'''Amy:''' I'm still singing you guys...-\
429	'''Raye:''' FIVE SACRIFICIAL PYRES-\
430	'''Mina:''' Four totally cute generals, three sailor scouts-\
431	'''Lita:''' There's totally four of us-\
432	'''Amy:''' Five actually…\
433	'''Mina:''' Coat by Versace. On the ninth day of Christmas, Tuxedo Mask gave to me-\
434	'''Raye:''' THIS SONG IS '''honk'''ING ENDLESS!! JESUS CHRIST, '''honk''' THIS SHIT!!!\
435	[end]
436	* Episode 34's got several; these two in particular stick out IMHO:
437	-->''(various skiers trip and fall during the ObstacleSkiCourse)''\
438	'''Skier 1:''' My ulna!\
439	'''Skier 2:''' Your what? Ah, my vulva!\
440	'''[=Judgement915=]:''' ''(singing offscreen)'' And everybody died!
441
442	-->'''Mina:''' Chad and I totally had sex earlier!\
443	'''Chad:''' Mina, I told you to keep that a secret.\
444	'''Mina:''' Keep what a secret?\
445	''(cut to a shocked Raye, standing, motionless, with a smile on her face)''\
446	'''Serena:''' Oh God. She's speechless...\
447	''(ArtShift to live-action explosion site)''\
448	'''Everyone:''' RUN!!\
449	''(stock footage of thermonuclear detonation)''
450	* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6WmBWHdjQE The entirety]] of the ''Franchise/{{Pokemon}}''-themed MusicalEpisode.
451	** After the break of the two parts
452	--->"Who's that Pokemon?"\
453	'''Sailor Moon:''' "IT'S PIKACHU!"\
454	''[With a picture of Sailor Moon]:'' "It's Snorlax"\
455	'''Sailor Moon:''' "Aw that's mean!"
456	Amy's song that she starts singing while she's on the phone with Greg. It comes out of nowhere, baffles Greg to the point that he hangs up while she's still singing, and ends with her yelling "* all you creationists!".
457	** The ending to Lita's song while she's fighting Darien.
458	--->'''Sailor Jupiter:''' You can do it if you really try! trips over trashcan Aw HONK!
459	* From the season finale:
460	-->'''Ditzy Monster:''' Oh my god! You look just like a Human me!\
461	'''Sailor Venus:''' Holy '''honk''', you're right.\
462	'''Ditzy Monster:''' We should totally be be [=BFFs=]!\
463	'''Sailor Venus:''' Yeah we should but like, I'm totally not digging your hair, bitch. Venus Crescent Beam Smash!
464	* All of the [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5jRQwHOgfHQ&feature=channel_page Remix ad]], but epically:
465	-->'''Narrator:''' Her friend Carrie becomes a [[Literature/{{Carrie}} telekinetic blood thirsty psychopa-]] whoops, wrong show!!!\
466	'''Carrie:''' Sailor Venus!
467
468	-->'''Narrator''': According to this graph, Sailor Moon is more popular than Cars and Food combined! Unless we do this, ''(combines Cars and Food)'' but that's beside the point!
469
470	-->'''Narrator''': Girls will love the pretty big sparkles and incessant giggling; Boys will like all the action scenes that [[{{Bowdlerise}} we're editing out]]; And all the fathers of the kids [[MaleGaze will love the naked transformations]], we sure do; [[BlackHumor And mom will love the fact no one's bothering her while she's in the kitchen!]]
471	** The voices for [[strike:Malachite]] Lapis Lazuli and [[strike:Zoicite]] Zultanite in [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Figp4qp2Xfc the remix episode]]. Lapis Lazuli has to be heard to be believed.
472	*** The voices for the other two are pretty hilarious, too. CampGay Jedite and HuskyRusskie Nephrite, anyone?
473	** Amy can only say [[PokemonSpeak "Blue"]] the entire time.
474	* This entire exchange from the movie:
475	-->''after Rini produces a toy gun from her Luna Ball''\
476	'''Raye:''' "HOLY SH''[[SoundEffectBleep honk]]'', THE TODDLER HAS A GUN! A-''honk''ING-MAZING! HEADSHOT!"\
477	''gun fires a tiny suction-cup with a banner attached to it that says "Bang" when it hits Serena''\
478	'''Raye:''' "AWWW ''honk'', SHE'S OKAY? AWWW!"\
479	'''Rini:''' [[TheUnIntelligible mumbles]]\
480	'''Serena:''' "Okay, someone's gotta tell me who the ''honk'' this kid is!\
481	'''Lita:''' "Serena, you don't remember?"\
482	'''Mina:''' "Yeah! You were in, like, a food coma for the past ''seven years'', and this is your daughter, Rini!"\
483	'''Serena:''' "WHAT? How the hell did THAT happen?"\
484	'''Lita:''' "Well… y'see… when a man and a woman love each other—"\
485	'''Mina:''' "They snuggle!"\
486	'''Lita:''' "Yeah. Sure, Mina. [[ReallyGetsAround You snuggle all the time.]]\
487	'''Mina:''' "Ew, no. I hate snuggling. I just ''honk'' 'em and leave."
488	** Venus calling the string of energy that makes up her attack "anal beads".
489	** Venus reveals that you can say anything and your attack will still work, so Jupiter changes things up
490	-->'''Lita:''' "Jupiter Hoe Slap Nipple Shocker!"
491	** And this:
492	--->'''Fiore:''' "We will send out the seed of my flowers!"\
493	'''Sailor Scouts:''' "Ewwww!"\
494	'''Fiore:''' "And we won't stop until the Earth is covered by my seed!"\
495	'''Sailor Scouts:''' ''"Ewwwww!"''\
496	'''Serena:''' "Oh my God!\
497	'''Fiore:''' "The entire earth will die, suffocated by my ''seed!''"\
498	'''Serena:''' "Okay, seriously, you need to ''stop.'' Sicko."
499	** And of course, Darien in the healing tank.
500	--->'''Fiore:''' Darien!\
501	'''Darien:''' Fiore… Where am I? What is this stuff?\
502	'''Fiore:''' It's vodka! [[BizarreAlienBiology On my planet, this is our healing substance!]]\
503	'''Darien:''' ''(horrified mumbling)''\
504	(...)\
505	'''Fiore:''' ''(while Darien retches in the background)'' [[HoYay I would search for the perfect flower for you]]! And then, I found the perfect flower, and when I picked it up, a thought struck me: [[StartOfDarkness WHAT IF I DESTROYED THE WORLD!]] ''(EvilLaugh)''\
506	'''Darien:''' Oh god... [[{{Squick}} Now there's vomit floating in here.]]
507	** Really, just Rini's presence in general. She was not introduced in the main series at the time (and, if Word of God is to be believed, never will), and as a result, Serena is constantly asking who she is. Not helping is that all of Rini's dialogue is gibberish, and everyone else is just as in the dark as Serena.
508
509	* Episode 45:
510	-->'''Amy:''' Well, I don't see anything unusual.\
511	'''Raye:''' I don't see anything unusual.\
512	'''Lita:''' I don't see anything unusual, yo.\
513	'''Mina:''' [[ExpospeakGag Our current environmental surroundings]] [[SesquipedalianLoquaciousness do not deviate from nominal conditions!]]\
514	'''Everyone:''' WHAT?
515	** And it turns out the reason why TheDitz was speaking so eloquently is because she was tripping balls at the time.
516	* From Episode 46/47:
517	-->'''Lita''': Aw, look at the happy dysfunctional couple, yo.\
518	'''Serena''': Stop making fun of me!\
519	'''Lita''': Okay, I'll make fun of Amy instead. You Amy, nice [[WesternAnimation/CaptainPlanetAndThePlaneteers Planeteers]] shirt, dawg. You think you're ''honk''ing Gi or somethin'?\
520	'''Mina''': No, she's the monkey!
521	* From Episode 48/49: The whole "Oh Bloody Night" song!
522	** Also, the floating tortoise. ''"I am not real!"''
523	* From [[MilestoneCelebration Episode 50]]:
524	** The girls' explanation as to why they didn't tell Serena earlier that they knew Anne cheated her way to becoming Snow White:
525	--->'''Lita:''' Too drunk.\
526	'''Raye:''' Too drunk.\
527	'''Amy:''' Too drunk.\
528	'''Mina:''' Ketchup.
529	** Mina exclaiming, "And they all lived HappilyEverAfter!" while Snow White is still unconscious.
530	*** Unless [=KrisRix=] got his Amy and Mina voices mixed up, it sounds like Mina tries to correct herself in the third person afterward.
531	** Lita's frustration with her monkey costume:
532	--->'''Lita:''' "I'm gonna go '''honk'''ing [[AccidentalPun ape]], man! And I [[LampshadeHanging wasn't even trying]] to be '''honk'''ing funny either, I'm gonna kill someone in a second!"
533	*** Melvin tells the girls that the animal costumes were all his friend [[WebVideo/YuGiOhTheAbridgedSeries Joey]] could do on a short notice. None of them are mollified.
534	--->'''Raye:''' "THIS ISN'T SNOW WHITE AND THE [[UsefulNotes/FurryFandom FURRIES]]!"
535	** Serena trying to relax before the play by stuffing her fake witch nose with some cocaine she stole from Amy.
536	** Lita's catch phrase of the ep:
537	--->'''Lita:''' You know what they say: Bros before hos and I am both of those. I am Sailor Jupiter, bitches!
538	** This exchange.
539	--->'''Lita:''' Hey, look, a [[MonsterClown clown!]]\
540	'''Raye:''' [[CallBack THAT'S MY SUIT]]!
541	* A lot of the running gags in the SMA Bloopers are absolutely hilarious.
542	--->'''Person A:''' ''after getting tongue tied on a line'' Hooked On Phonics worked for me.\
543	'''Person B:''' Obviously not.
544	** [[ButtMonkey Eric's]] consistently messing up his lines, which gets so bad that eventually the rest of the team decides to instantly blame him for their own mistakes and refer to any bloopers as "Making An Eric".
545	** Whenever someone messes up the grammar for a line, the rest of the group would routinely descend into {{Engrish}}, with [[LargeHam KrisRix]] usually doing it the hardest.
546	--->'''Eric:''' "There's street ALL AROUND YOU! Why you chroose-oops..."
547	--->'''[=KrisRix:=]''' "WHY YOU "CHROOOSE" IT SO MAUCH!?"
548	* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fk3s1qF1CKY Raye's Rulez for posting comments]].
549	* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NLaYogHkKyg Abridged Character Interviews: Raye]].
550	* [[https://leohwzr.deviantart.com/art/The-Unaired-Ghost-Episode-pt-1-167384913 The Unaired Ghost Episode]], AKA a screenshot comic by a fan on deviantart, which depicts the [[NoDubForYou undubbed]] episode 20 if it was abridged SMA style.

Context Funny / SailorMoonAbridged