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2
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4[[folder:Joke Review Scores]]
5%% * Per Handling Spoilers, avoid adding wicks to spoiler tags.
6* VideoGame/TwoWorlds - [[HypeBacklash Cancelled Christmas]]/10
7* [[Platform/Playstation3 PlayStation Move]] - [[FollowTheLeader Wii]]/10
8* Platform/{{Kinect}} - [[TheyCopiedItSoItSucks EyeToy]]/10
9* VideoGame/TwoWorldsII - [[SugarWiki/BetterThanItSounds Doctor]] [[SurprisinglyImprovedSequel Shot]]/10
10* VideoGame/DrakeOfThe99Dragons - [[TearsOfFear Bucket of Tears]]/10
11* VideoGame/{{Blackthorne}} - [[DifficultButAwesome One-Armed-No-Look-Behind-the-Back Shotgun Shot]]/10
12* VideoGame/Quest64 - [[EmptyShell Shannon]]/10
13* VideoGame/{{Hydlide}} - Bee Sting/10
14* VideoGame/TheSecretIslandOfDrQuandary - [[UnconventionalLearningExperience Mensa]]/10
15* VideoGame/AloneInTheDark (360) - [[AttentionDeficitCreatorDisorder Too Much Candy]]/10
16* VideoGame/DragonBallZSagas - [[ButtMonkey Krillin]]/10
17* [[VideoGame/KikiKaiKai Pocky & Rocky]] - [[CuteIsEvil Kitten]] [[SurpriseDifficulty Goblin]]/10
18* VideoGame/FinalFantasyMysticQuest - [[ItsEasySoItSucks Training Wheel]]/10
19* VideoGame/SuperHydlide - [[CrazyIsCool Space]] [[SoOkayItsAverage Suit]]/10
20* Haven & Hearth - N/A
21* VideoGame/VirtualHydlide - [[ShapedLikeItself Hydlide]]/10
22* Sim Ant - [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin Ant Farm]]/10
23* Worst Console Ever - Broken Marriage/10
24* Sonic Blast Man II - N/A
25* VideoGame/KingsKnight - [[ScrappyMechanic Toby]]/10
26* VideoGame/MagicTheGathering - [[SugarWiki/BetterThanItSounds Prodigal Sorcerer]]/10
27* [[VideoGame/{{Bonk}} Super Bonk]] - Birthday clown tripping on acid/10
28* VideoGame/SonicAdventure2 - [[NostalgiaFilter Bowl of Lucky Charms]]/10
29* Franchise/MortalKombat Kartoons - [[{{Bowdlerise}} SNES port of]] ''[[VideoGame/MortalKombat1992 Mortal Kombat]]''/10
30* VideoGame/{{Tamagotchi}} - [[LockedInTheBathroom Piece of Tamagotchi Poop]]/10
31* VideoGame/MegaManX7 - [[SensoryAbuse Bleeding Ear]]/10
32* VideoGame/ChronoTrigger - [[SugarWiki/GushingAboutShowsYouLike Clock Without Hands]]/10
33* Oscar - [[FakeDifficulty F**k You]]/10
34* WesternAnimation/DonkeyKongCountry Cartoon - [[BitchInSheepsClothing Banana With Brown Spots]]/10
35* High Seas Trader - [[AttentionDeficitOohShiny Spar]][[DisappointingLastLevel kler]]/10
36* [[Literature/ShadowsOfTheEmpire Star Wars: Shadows of the Empire]] - [[HypeBacklash IG-88]]/10
37* TabletopGame/DungeonsAndDragons Rules Cyclopedia - N/A
38* [[VideoGame/DungeonsAndDragonsChroniclesOfMystara Dungeons & Dragons: Tower of Doom]] - [[CoolVersusAwesome Owlbear]]/10
39* VideoGame/RideToHellRetribution - [[FetishRetardant Fully clothed Barbie and Ken dolls dry humping]]/10
40* VideoGame/StardewValley - [[JustForFun/ComeForTheXStayForTheY Abigail]]/10
41* VideoGame/WhereInTheWorldIsCarmenSandiego - An actual almanac/10[[note]]Unlike previous videos, this metaphor doesn't sum up into a trope title nicely. His point is that the game isn't bad, but he felt moderately bored and couldn't retain information any better than if he had just plowed through an almanac.[[/note]]
42* VideoGame/ScorchedEarth - [[ImpressivePyrotechnics Funky Bomb]]/10
43* Anime/FinalFantasyTheSpiritsWithin - VideoGame/FinalFantasyXIII[=/=]10
44* VideoGame/MortalKombatMythologiesSubZero - [[TheScrappy Stryker]]/10
45* VideoGame/AloneInTheDark1992 - N/A
46* VideoGame/ZeldaIITheAdventureOfLink - [[CriticalBacklash Wooden Sword]]/10
47* VideoGame/KidKlownInCrazyChase - Internet [[FakeLongevity Troll]]/10
48* VideoGame/FinalFantasyI - [[SugarWiki/GushingAboutShowsYouLike Black Mage]]/10
49* VideoGame/FinalFantasyII - [[SuckinessIsPainful Punching yourself]] [[ScrappyMechanic in the face]]/10
50* VideoGame/FinalFantasyIII - [[DisappointingLastLevel Invincible]]/10
51* WesternAnimation/DungeonsAndDragons1983 Cartoon - [[InNameOnly Deflated Beholder]]/10
52* Anime/SailorMoon Games - N/A
53* VideoGame/FinalFantasyIV - Giant Steaming Pile of Cra- [[BaitAndSwitch JUST KIDDING! FAKE OUT!]]/10
54[[/folder]]
55[[folder:Main Reviews]]
56
57!! Full Reviews
58
59!!! '''General'''
60
61* One of the RunningGag throughout Jared's videos:
62--> '''Jared''': [[SarcasmMode Gee, an epic RPG where you have to collect four treasures of the elements.]] [[VideoGame/TwoWorlds Never heard]] [[VideoGame/{{Quest64}} that one]] [[VideoGame/MortalKombatMythologiesSubZero before]]...\
63''[scowls at the camera, totally deadpan]''\
64''[holds up copy of VideoGame/FinalFantasyI]''
65** [[VideoGame/FinalFantasyMysticQuest "... WHOA, WAIT A SECOND!"]]
66** He uses this gag in his VideoGame/FinalFantasyI review too, kind of:
67--->'''Jared''': Gee, an epic RPG where you have to collect four treasures of the elements, and I... [[DidNotThinkThisThrough don't know how to make this running gag work here]]?
68** But then he ''can't'' use the gag for VideoGame/FinalFantasyV because the crystals ''shatter'' as part of the plot.
69--->'''Jared''': Oh shit-- ''[crystal shatters]'' You... ''don't'' collect them?
70
71!!! '''Two Worlds'''
72
73* The game's overarching evil energy is called "[[UnfortunateNames The Taint.]]"
74* Jared riffing on the ridiculous voice acting. "Warri-YERS! HARRRHD ones!"
75* Jared's reaction to Gandohar saying about another character that "They call him Ho." has to be seen to be believed, the line's [[SoBadItsGood hilarious enough]] [[NarmCharm on it's own]] but his reaction to it really sells it.
76* Jared is a little ''too'' enthusiastic about the joke where the sword hits sound like bad KungFoley where he pretends to stab himself with the dagger. Joke's silly enough, only it's not pretend. [[https://youtu.be/cACL3jduFxE?t=9m35s As his commentary reveals]], he ''actually'' ended up ruining his shirt and slashing himself with the dagger, enough to draw blood--this makes it equal parts suffering for one's art and the bladed equivalent of RecklessGunUsage. It's funny because Jared's first reaction was apparently "That's weird, why am I feeling a breeze?" instead of anything painful.
77* Jared mocks the main character's [[CaptainObvious captain obvious]] statements.
78-->'''Jared''': Who does that? Who simply states whatever they're currently feeling out loud?\
79''[cut to Jared standing in front of his refrigerator with the freezer door open]''\
80'''Jared''': Cold.\
81''[cut to Jared running his hands through his sink's water]''\
82'''Jared''': Wet.\
83''[cut to Jared reading Maxim]''\
84'''Jared''': Aroused.
85
86!!! '''Two Worlds II'''
87
88* A RunningGag in his review for ''Two Worlds II'' has Jared come up with different names for Cassara based on her rather... ''pronounced'' chest. Names like "Underboob", "Nips [=McHooter=]", and "Mammary [=McLovebuttons=]".
89-->'''Jared''': Everyone escapes through teleports, and you meet their prophet, Cassara-- [[MaleGaze breeeeeeeeeeeeasts]].
90
91!!! '''Hydlide'''
92
93* In his review of the game, he sums up the story as follows: "There's a dragon, and there's a princess. And then the dragon hibdjvbudjdeba, and the princess explodes into fairies!"
94* [[AWinnerIsYou "Congratulations! My reward is these two frames of animation!"]]
95* "These trees are trying to kill me. Fuck you, nature."
96
97!!! '''Alone in the Dark (360)'''
98
99* "Oh my God, THERE'S NO WORLD HERE-- oh, there we go."
100
101!!! '''Pocky & Rocky'''
102
103* Jared starts his [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ZrEiTEtgiw review]] with a shot of him staring intently at the screen as he plays. He is wordlessly joined by WebVideo/PeanutButterGamer, also staring intently as they play. After a third cut, the silence is abruptly broken when Peeb startles Jared.
104-->'''PBG''': ''[after ten seconds of silence]'' We're playing Pocky and--\
105'''Jared''': JESUS! ''[SmashCut to Jared's opening song]''
106* When discussing how the characters have actions to deflect bullets, with Pocky waving a wand and Rocky wagging his tail, which PBG calls a booty shake.
107--> '''PBG''': Sexy.
108
109!!! '''Final Fantasy: Mystic Quest'''
110
111* The [[RunningGag running gag]] with the main character's shrugging animation, which Jared thinks looks like an Italian used car salesman trying to convince someone to buy a car.
112--> '''Jared:''' Ehhh, come on.
113* In regards to one of the bosses:
114--> '''Jared''': Now I've heard of the headless horseman, but the headless horseman and the headless ''horse''? ... How do they know where they're going?
115* One of the moments in the game has a road made of a rainbow appear for the heroes to cross.
116--> '''Jared''': ''(completely deadpan)'' VideoGame/MarioKart joke.
117
118!!! '''Super Hydlide'''
119
120* Jared trying to use the Sega games item in ''Super Hydlide''. What do they do? '''''[[ItMakesSenseInContext IT'S A]] [[https://youtu.be/UZsBKbAJ3R8?t=7m44s JOOOOKE!]]'''''
121
122!!! '''Virtual Hydlide'''
123
124* His early reviews start with Jared playing a game, with shots of gameplay, and then saying "I'm playing [X]", with his tone {{foreshadowing}} his opinion of the game. In "Virtual Hydlide", he is collapsed back against the bookshelf in horror and only manages to let out a pained groan before the opening.
125* Similar to his review for Hydlide, he gives the same speech about the dragon "hibdjvbudjdeba-ing" and the princess exploding into fairies before coming to the realization that it's a remake of the original Hydlide.
126* "[[ScaryStingingSwarm BEEEES!! AAAAHAHAAH!! Ohmygodohmygodohmygod RRAALGHGH...]] Jim/Portly Guy the Knight, killed by bees."
127* The Dark Sword that takes away...'''POINTS.'''
128* You know how Hydlide was accused of being a Zelda ripoff? Virtual Hydlide has a Master Sword.
129* Him showing a montage of his many deaths throughout his playthrough is funny enough as it is. Him setting said death montage to the [[InvincibilityPowerUp Star power-up]] theme from VideoGame/SuperMarioWorld makes it that much better.
130* Jared's [[MondegreenGag interpretation]] of the vampire's last words.
131-->'''Vampire''': Yes, that's enigmatic. Are you he? You're a pimp! (?)
132* The FreezeFrameBonus near the end of the review, showing the scoreholders of the game:
133** JARED
134** Q
135** STELLAR
136** NUPTUP
137** [[PleaseSubscribeToOurChannel SUBSCRIBE]]
138** [[PleaseSubscribeToOurChannel LIKE]]
139** [[PleaseSubscribeToOurChannel COMMENT]]
140** WEINER
141** BUTTS
142** POOP
143
144!!! '''[=SimAnt=]'''
145
146* His advice for being a breeder ant:
147-->'''Jared''': Basically, don't play as a breeder ant, it sucks. What's the point if you can't even breed? It doesn't matter if you see a cute lady ant and you're all like "Ayyy girl, whassup, d'you wanna fuck?"
148* Jared discovers that ants are a close relative of-
149--> '''Jared''': '''[[RunningGag BEEEEEEES!!!]]'''
150* At the end of the review, Jared reads a section of the game's ant glossary that encourages the player to go outside and observe ants. Jared does just that. And by that, we mean that [[ComedicSociopathy he goes out and sprays the ground with bug spray and aims a magnifying glass at the ants.]]
151-->'''Jared''': DIE, YOU LITTLE BASTARDS, DIIIIIIIIE!!!
152
153!!! '''King's Knight'''
154
155* In his review, Jared can't stop saying how much he hates Toby whenever he brings the character up.
156** One of his recorded video clips of him playing/dying in Toby's stage is named '''ROT IN HELL TOBY'''.
157* He complains that the power-ups aren't very indicative of what they're supposed to do. The [[SprintShoes speed-up boots]] in particular don't have much effect unless the player collects three of them.
158-->'''Jared''': They're not speed boots. They're just... ''normal boots''. ''[goofy grin]'' [[ShamelessSelfPromoter Heh.]]
159* At one point, he dies in the final stage with a full party. It then cuts to him with a sour expression on his face while the game over jingle plays, followed by him wordlessly attaching a Game Genie to the cartridge and then saying "I don't care."
160** He then gets trapped between a row of statues and the AdvancingWallOfDoom and fails to destroy one of them, thus managing to die ''[[BeyondTheImpossible while completely invincible]]''.
161--->'''Jared''': ''[holds up his Game Genie]'' '''''YouHaveFailedMe.'''''
162* His final remarks about the game:
163-->'''Jared''': We all know the story: Squaresoft was going bankrupt, so they created ''VideoGame/FinalFantasy'' as their last effort to be successful in the video game industry. And they were going bankrupt because they kept releasing crap like this. ''[whimsically tosses game cartridge, which then clatters loudly]'' Ow, my knee.
164** It's worth mentioning that this last line is said in the most deadpan way possible, which adds extra credit to the already funny part.
165
166!!! '''Super Bonk'''
167
168* Jared's whole review basically is just Jared showing off how insanely ''weird'' the game is. This includes a moment where he huffs some glue and describes one of the game's moments in a drug-induced high.
169* Jared's custom-drawn timeline chart to explain Bonk's [[MakesJustAsMuchSenseInContext inexplicable arrival in modern-day China]] includes [[VideoGame/ChronoTrigger the Day of Lavos]], "Ice Age ([[TakeThat not]] [[WesternAnimation/IceAge1 the movie]])" and [[BadFuture "Enslavement of Humanity"]].
170* Blue Balls. That is all. Especially Jared's face when it happens. It's essentially if a FlatWhat was a facial expression.
171
172
173!!! '''Sonic Adventure 2'''
174
175* In his review, he's fighting the first boss, when he remembers (after previously praising the opening stage):
176--> '''Jared''': This game sucks.
177* He notes the sexual tension between Knuckles and Rouge, anxiously asking, "They're gonna bang, right?" after the two split during the Hero's Story. Later on, during the game's credits...
178---> '''Rouge''': Anyway, I've got something better than jewels that I'm thinking about right now.\
179'''Jared''': Yep! They're gonna bang. Enjoy, Rouge!\
180''[Jared puts on a poker face as a caption reading "Echidnas have four penises" appears.]''
181
182!!! '''Tamagotchi'''
183
184* For his review, he does an experiment where he cares for one of his Tamagotchi normally, overfeeds one of his Tamagotchi, and completely neglects the last one. What does he name the one he neglects? [[WebVideo/PeanutButterGamer PBG]].
185--> '''PBG, in the comments''': I knew. Somehow, I knew.
186** On top of that, PBG wasn't the first to die!
187* The game briefly glitching out just as PBG dies, changing his name to "PBG um".
188* [=JumJum=], the sole surviving Tamagotchi, ends up evolving into Nyorotchi - one of the worst possible characters that vaguely resembles a wriggling sperm. Then Jared accidentally sends him to space.
189--> '''Jared''': I shot a sperm into space!
190* Prior to becoming a sperm, [=JumJum=] was a white blob with little round hands and feet.
191--> '''Jared''': Oh. He's a {{VideoGame/Kirby}}!
192* In the beauty contest, [=JumJum=] makes the same pose he makes when pooping.
193--> '''Jared''': [[SarcasmMode Oh, that's weird, [=JumJum=]!]] That didn't make you win!
194* [[RougeAnglesOfSatin Flash]][[LiteralMinded ing]] the toilet.
195
196!!! '''Mega Man X7'''
197
198* While reviewing the game, he puts down the game for including old enemies from the first "Mega Man X" game to play on gamers' nostalgia. To illustrate this, he holds up a "Mega Man X" cartridge in front of the CD case for "Mega Man X7" and makes them dance.
199--> '''Jared''': ''(sexy voice)'' Hey there baaaaby! Don't I look SEX-EEE? You wanna come over and plaaay? ''[drops the "Mega Man X" cartridge, revealing "Mega Man X7"]'' AAAAGH-I GOTCHA!!!
200* The [[https://youtu.be/W9wRxuZY_To?t=16m45s silly whiny tone of voice]] and [[VideoGame/SonicTheHedgehog mu]][[Main/GameOver sic]] Jared uses whenever X's TechnicalPacifist tendencies comes off as {{Wangst}}, particularly given how said tendencies is the in-story justification as to why X ''is not playable from the start in '''his own game.'''''
201--> '''Jared''': And X is all like "MEH VIOLENCE..."
202* His Reaction to X's Legs armor in X7, which gives a slow as hell gliding ability instead of something cool like airdashing or flight.
203--> '''Jared''': ''[tosses controller in rage]'' [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere FUCK IT! If they gave up, so do I!]]
204* It's rare for an annotation asking to like/subscribe to be funny, but Jared manages well.
205-->[[PleaseSubscribeToOurChannel "X, inside this capsule, you will find the Like button.]] [[JiveTurkey Totes click it, dawg."]] [[BlatantLies ~Dr. Light]]
206* Jared pointing out how how telegraphed [[HijackedByGanon the plot twist]] is.
207
208!!! '''Chrono Trigger'''
209
210* His otherwise tender and heartwarming review of the game [[MoodWhiplash ends with him writing a letter to Square Enix bitching them out for not making another sequel.]]
211
212!!! '''Oscar'''
213
214* At the beginning of the review, the first line Jared says:
215--> '''Jared''': WHAT... the [[SoundEffectBleep F**K?!]]
216* The fact that he spends the entire review of Oscar lying down on his back, as the experience was so traumatic for him.
217* "It's cool though, guys. I got the '''CHECKPOINT ELEPHANT'''". [[ItMakesAsMuchSenseInContext It makes as much sense in context]].
218* One of the game's sound effects causes Jared to spit up a bunch of water while having a small seizure.
219* At the beginning of a level, Oscar shouts something incomprehensible and leaves Jared confused.
220-->'''Jared:''' Excuse me?\
221[''the sound effect repeats'']\
222Uhhh...
223** And after Jared beats a level.
224-->'''Oscar:''' Exit!\
225'''Jared:''' [''looking annoyed''] What'd you just say to me?\
226'''Oscar:''' Exit! [''EHHGG SZIT'']
227
228!!! '''Donkey Kong Country Cartoon'''
229
230* In the Donkey Kong Country cartoon, when Diddy refers to Dixie as Dix, [[FreudWasRight Jared mishears it as Dicks]] and makes a CallBack to his [[AprilFools Top 10 Dicks episode.]]
231* BLUSTER KONG OC DO NOT STEAL
232* When talking about the [[OncePerEpisode musical numbers]], he brings up [[FreezeFrameBonus a general outline for every episode titled "REAL DONKEY KONG SCRIPT"]] just to indicate (SONG GOES HERE). [[BlackComedy Reading it, however...]]
233* The look on Jared's face when DK talks about [[AccidentalInnuendo showering Candy Kong]] [[MemeticMutation with coconut cream pies.]]
234
235!!! '''High Seas Trader'''
236
237* [[RunningGag "....aaaaand mutiny."]]
238* Jared figures out the fastest way to make money is to sell copious amounts of Opium.
239-->'''Jared''': Oh my God, [[HeelRealization I've become a drug lord!]] ... [[EvilFeelsGood Nice]].
240* His [[ShootTheShaggyDog "The Little Pirate Ship That Could"]] bit.
241* When his helmsman repeatedly runs the ship into rocks, Jared wonders why he isn't getting kicked off the ship. Cut to the mutiny screen with [[WebVideo/PeanutButterGamer PeanutButterGamer's]] face pasted on top of the captain.
242** Cue PBG responding in the comments that he'd also mutiny a helmsman like that. Even if it's himself.
243* At the very end:
244--> '''Jared''': Hey Liverpool... SUCK IT! ''[fires cannon]''
245
246!!! '''Ride to Hell: Retribution'''
247
248* Jared summing up the game in one sentence:
249--> '''Jared''': And yes, it ''does'' get worse!...
250* After a [[FetishRetardant sex scene]],
251--> '''Jared''': Apparently, this sex was '''super''' good. Because Jake refused to move and pretended to fly a kite for several minutes.
252* During the pit-fighting sequence, Jared takes a moment to congratulate the developers for making [[SarcasmMode one good level]], [[BlatantLies with four mini-boss enemies with varied AI patterns and a deep combat system that requires planning and finesse to make the most of]]. The footage is just Jared spamming a forward lunging kick that stunlocks every single enemy in the game. In fact, that's how he does basically ''all'' melee combat sequences, it's absolutely hilarious how effective it is and how stupid it looks.
253** Jared ''does'' give the sequence some proper praise when the boss, Meathook, switches things up with a spiked bat. [[DoubleSubversion Cue Jared spamming the kick just like before.]]
254* Jake facing an electric fence.
255--> '''Jared''': Jake's answer to getting around the fence? Steal an oil tanker, drive it fifteen miles down the road, park it in front of the city dam, and BLOWS IT UP. [[StatingTheSimpleSolution You could've driven it through the fence. Or blown up the fence. Or easily climbed up one of the many nearby trees to simply climb over it.]] But no you're right. [[SarcasmMode This way is the easiest.]]
256* "[[PleaseSubscribeToOurChannel PLEASE SUBSCRIBE]] [[NoPunctuationIsFunnier OH GOD]] [[ThisIsGonnaSuck WHY DID I DO THIS]]"
257
258!!! '''Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within'''
259
260* The thumbnail for his review has him [[ThisIsGonnaSuck grimacing at the camera]] instead of his usual smile.
261* Pointing out that Hein is obviously the villain. "He wears all black, has evil eyebrows, and is voiced by Creator/JamesWoods...who I'm convinced is actually evil in real life."
262* Jared's reaction to the [[CaptainObviousReveal big "twist"]] that the Phantoms they've been fighting aren't invaders, but are actually ghosts of a previous planet, [[DistinctionWithoutADifference despite Phantoms essentially being another word for ghosts]]:
263-->'''Aki:''' [[WhamLine They're not an invading army. They're ghosts.]]\
264'''Jared:''' ''[incredulously]'' ...Well duh! Nobody realized this?! The phantoms we've been fighting are actually ''ghosts''? They're the same thing! That'd be like if I said- "that's not an eagle, that's a bird!" They're the same thing!
265* Near the end, when Aki tries to convince Hein that the Phantoms aren't really evil and Hein shows his skepticism, Jared flips out.
266-->'''Hein''': Oh, I see... and what have we been fighting all this time, Doctor? Ghosts?
267-->'''Jared''': ''(beat)'' '''''... No f**king shit!'''''
268-->'''Hein''': Doctor, even if I believed in such nonsense...
269-->'''Jared''': ''[angrily shaking the camera]'' '''YOU'VE LITERALLY BEEN CALLING THEM PHANTOMS THE ENTIRE TIIIIIIIIIMMEEE!!!'''
270-->'''Hein''': Ghosts?
271* His complete and utter confusion at the ending of the film, summed up with one word.
272-->'''Jared''': ''(a look of complete dumbfoundedness on his face)'' ......'''[[BigWhat WHAT?!?!]]'''
273
274!!! '''Mortal Kombat Mythologies: Sub-Zero'''
275
276* Much like his Spirits Within review, the thumbnail for his review for this game has him [[ThisIsGonnaSuck glare angrily at the camera.]]
277* "It's familiar gameplay with a new twist and why can't I turn around? Why can't I turn around?! This monk is gonna mess me up, why can't I turn around?!"
278* Jared talks about how much fun he's having on the first level - until he encounters a VERY cheap death.
279--> '''Jared''': ... And this entire first level, I was kinda enjoying myself! I beat up some monks, climbed around the stage, did combos and s-
280--> ''[Sub-Zero gets attacked by a sword-wielding monk, the recoil sends him into a crushing deathtrap]''
281--> '''Jared''': ... THAT'S FINE! ''[grips the controller harder in anger]''
282* [[MondegreenGag "WHERE ARE MY]] [[StonersAreFunny DANK WEEDS?"]]
283* Sub-Zero after Quan Chi steals the Amulet of Shinnok from him. "...and that makes Sub-Zero ''SAD.''" Complete with Sub-Zero slumping and turning away, literally looking sad.
284* Shinnok's speaking debut in a Mortal Kombat game...where he sounds like "your grandpa offering you something from his candy dish."
285** And the alternate version of that scene with Spectre!Scorpion. "I am a dead man, but somehow you have retained ''your'' mortality, which would mean you are '''VULNERABLE''' to '''''DEATH'''''."
286* Sub-Zero's plan to escape from the Prison of Souls is that...he just does. As in walks through a door which is closed but not locked for some reason. Good plan, Sub-Zero.
287
288!!! '''Zelda II: The Adventure of Link'''
289
290* In his ''VideoGame/ZeldaIITheAdventureOfLink'' review, he [[CallBack retells the tale of his brother's NES games]] and shows him sneaking around, wrapped up in a blanket. The scene then cuts to him reaching for the Zelda II cartridge [[BaitAndSwitch and then smacking it away to reveal a Hydlide cartridge, which he takes instead.]] It then cuts back to a grumpy Jared.
291* Jared's live-action demonstration of the Jump-Squat-Stab.
292
293!!! '''Kid Klown in Crazy Chase'''
294
295* He immediately points out the missed opportunity to spell the whole title with K's in place of the C's. Therefore, he introduces it as [[AddedAlliterativeAppeal Kid Klown in Krazy Khase]].
296* His irritation reviewing "Kidd Klown" when the character lands at the start of the level and hurts himself, taking away a bit of health. "I haven't even done anything yet and I'm already losing."
297* Jared gets the bad ending despite doing everything right. [[ExplainExplainOhCrap He beat every level in one go, he got all the keys, he got all the hearts needed, he only had to continue once, he-]]
298--> '''Jared''': ''(completely horrified)'' ... I ''continued.'' Oh my ''GOD'', '''''YOU CAN'T EVEN USE A SINGLE CONTINUE.'''''
299--> ''(Jared places his elbows over his mouth, and lets out a HORRIFIC scream of anguish)''
300* The ending. Fed up with being TheChewToy up to eleven during his multiple playthroughs, he finally decides to invoke TakingYouWithMe against his viewers -- via three words: "sexy clown ass"[[note]]A MaleGaze screenshot of Princess Honey from the Good Ending, depicting her in a BridalCarry while wearing a short skirt[[/note]]. Even better? Judging by [[AllMenArePerverts most of]] the [[MostGamersAreMale comments]], they evidently see it as a CoolAndUnusualPunishment instead.
301
302!!! '''Final Fantasy I'''
303
304* In his review of ''VideoGame/FinalFantasyI'' he starts describing the plot, then awkwardly admits he has no idea how to work in his usual RunningGag of comparing generic fantasy plots to Final Fantasy's.
305* Jared decides to bring along his friends for the adventure by naming the party after them. Unfortunately, the character names are limited to four characters. His solution? Shorten the names to InherentlyFunnyWords! Jerd, [[WebVideo/PeanutButterGamer Peeb]], and [[WebVideo/SpaceHamster Joof]]. [[WebVideo/BrutalMoose Ian]]'s name stays the same, though.
306* When discussing the [[SugarWiki/AwesomeMusic main theme of]] ''[[SugarWiki/AwesomeMusic Final Fantasy]]'', Jared emphasizes that it's so good, so memorable, and so indicative of the series that it appears in every single mainline entry after the original. [[ImmediateSelfContradiction Except II. And X. And XIII.]]
307-->'''Jared''': [[VerbalBackspace Y'know what, nevermind]].
308* Jared makes the point that having four white mages in your party is a bad idea, and shows a screen of four white mages as a visual gag. Their names? [[PleaseSubscribeToOurChannel "SUB", "SCR", "IBE", and "PLZ"]].
309
310!!! '''Final Fantasy II'''
311
312* Jared does not hide how much this game irritates him. At all.
313* One of the best strategies for playing through the game is literally beating the shit out of yourself. Cue Jared doing just that.
314--> '''Jared''': ''[punching himself]'' Ooohoho, THIS IS HELPING!
315** ... and then reality bites back.
316--> '''Jared''': ''[holding his cheek in pain]'' Aaaagh... Why didn't I just fake it?
317* A much maligned feature of the game is several trap rooms that have high encounter rates, no treasure, and plant you in the dead center. Jared likens it to a birthday in which every present is empty because "HAHA, ''THAT'S SO FUNNY, DAD.''"
318
319!!! '''Final Fantasy III'''
320
321* The birthing scene in his ''VideoGame/FinalFantasyIII'' review.
322* Jared's praise for the game's dungeon design and lack of grinding ends when his party gets [[CurbStompBattle curb-stomped]] by Zande.
323-->'''Jared''': I was ''wrooooonnng.''
324
325!!! '''Dungeons and Dragons'''
326
327* Jared's reaction to the Acrobat class being integral to the main character party in the show.
328--> '''Jared''': Well, we've already got a thief, so maybe you can balance the party out by being a cleric, or maybe a druid, or something like a monk could be cool- Wait! Acrobat! [[SarcasmMode That's the best class]]!
329* After finishing the intro to the D&D cartoon, we see Jared throw his D&D books in the trash.
330--> '''Jared''': I'm throwing away my D&D books. Clearly, I don't need them; as the intro to this cartoon has taught me everything I need to know about Dungeons and Dragons.
331* Jared finds the characters' goal of leaving the D&D world to go back to the real world unbelievable.
332--> '''Jared''': I want to live here... ''[slowly slides his hand off the D&D handbook]''
333* Jared can't tell whether or not Dungeonmaster is the nicest DM ever, or the ''cruelest'' DM ever, citing that in the first episode, the protagonists end up against ''Tiamat'' within the first two minutes.
334--> '''Jared''': Tiamat, what?! ''[falls off of his seat]'' Aren't they level one?! And three of them suck?!
335* During one of the episodes of the series, Jared notices an upskirt shot of Sheila and in another episode, one of the character's breasts pop out.
336--> '''Jared''': Did I just see a boob?! That was some straight-up titty-nipple! Between this and Sheila's underwear, and there's definitely a part where Hank got a handful of Diana's butt, I didn't realize that this campaign was gonna be using so much material from the Book of Erotic Fantasy! ''(beat)'' Do not look that up.
337* In the closing segment, Jared wonders why the cartoon was considered as the most violent cartoon at the time.
338--> '''Jared''': I don't really see how this was considered to be the most violent cartoon show on television at the time. Everything that I saw was pretty tame and- '''OH MY GOD! HIS FACE IS MELTING OFF'''! ''[cue Hank's face slowly melting off]''
339
340!!! '''Final Fantasy IV'''
341
342* Jared's complete lack of attention given to the [[MemeticMutation "Spoony bard"]] moment.
343--> '''Jared''': Yep, "You spoony bard", haha, memes.
344* The ending to his review, where he gets an idea about what he can do with [[RunningGag the spoon he's been bringing up throughout the video]] and then walks off-camera. Cue the spoon [[TakeThat being thrown at the copy of ''Final Fantasy XIII'' on Jared's shelf, perfectly knocking its case over.]]
345* Then there's the mid-credits sequence:
346--> '''Jared''': ''[looking behind the shelves]'' Ooh, I'm not getting that back.
347
348!!! '''Final Fantasy V'''
349
350* Jared opens the video by explaining the confusing-as-hell release order of the original six Final Fantasy games in the US.
351--> '''Jared''': There WILL be a test at the end.
352* The game starts standard enough. Introduce the main characters, they're all chilling out-
353--> '''Jared''': [[MoodWhiplash JESUS CHRIST, A GODDAMN METEOR HITS THE PLANET!!]]
354* The cartridge he uses for the game has an outdated translation. Therefore, the main character, whose canonical name is Bartz, is named... Butz. He simply says that he doesn't want the video to be filled with butt jokes, as it's been done to death. And then he asks the audience not to be an ass about it.
355* "[[RunningGag Gee, an epic RPG in which you have to collect-]] oh, SHIT!"
356* Jared's hysterical laughter at Ex-Death disguising himself as a splinter and fighting a turtle. [[ItMakesJustAsMuchSenseInContext Yeah]].
357* The RunningGag of Jared trying, and failing, to play the piano in the game.
358** But then, at the end, he proudly states that he's mastered the piano! He plays the first few notes of [[VideoGame/{{Undertale}} Megalovania]].
359
360!!! '''Final Fantasy VI'''
361
362* [[VerySpecialEpisode This is a far, far more serious and in-depth review, as Final Fantasy VI is Jared's favorite game of all time.]] That said, there IS a RunningGag where Jared says that every song is the best song in the game.
363
364!!! '''Final Fantasy VII'''
365
366* Jared opens the video by speaking to his copy of VideoGame/FinalFantasyTactics ([[NotMakingThisUpDisclaimer yes, actually talking to it]]) about how, one, he is not going to be covering it in his Final Fantasy review series due to it not being a mainline game, and two, because he is worried about it being unsecure online. Thus, the segue to the sponsorship for the episode.
367* Jared notes how Final Fantasy VII was the first game to be released worldwide ''as'' its actual numbered entry in the Final Fantasy series. So there would no longer be any confusing roman numerals-
368--> '''Jared''': [[VideoGame/FinalFantasyX2 Oh, come on.]]
369* When discussing Aerith's death, Jared prefaces it by asking if he even ''[[ItWasHisSled needs]]'' to warn about spoilers, considering it's perhaps the most spoiled part of the game, if not the entire series, as everyone knows of it, before just saying "Screw it, spoiler warning."
370* Jared asks why, if the game itself is so fun and so well made... are there [[PunctuatedForEmphasis so. Many. FUCKING. MINIGAMES?!]]
371* Jared gives a bit of trivia. Namely, how Sephiroth used to be voiced by a member of Music/NSync. He even gives a NotMakingThisUpDisclaimer.[[note]]Specifically, his dub actor in the original ''VideoGame/KingdomHearts'' was Lance Bass.[[/note]]
372* At the end of the video, Jared states how he's grateful for Final Fantasy VII, for not for VII, we would not have gotten all of the other amazing Final Fantasy games. Nor would we have gotten Jared's [[VideoGame/FinalFantasyXIII least favorite one.]]
373--> '''Jared''': Aw, y'know what, you ''[[CurseCutShort MOTHERFU-]]''
374
375!!! '''Marble Madness'''
376
377* The thumbnail has Jared with a ton of marbles in his mouth, several of which are falling out.
378* Jared realizes that, despite practically everyone owning marbles growing up, nobody actually knows how to play with them.
379* During the sponsorship for the episode, Jared looks for music that isn't the soundtrack for Marble Madness. He types into the search bar, "literally any other soundtrack that isn't marble madness".
380** He also listens to an affirmative podcast.
381---> '''Podcast''': It's not you. It's the controls. Some of those levels are bullshit.
382
383!!! '''Eternal Darkness'''
384
385* Jared says that the first time a game scared him was in VideoGame/SuperMarioBros3 when Bowser sends Mario a letter. [[BaitAndSwitch Then says that after that, it was Eternal Darkness.]]
386* Jared says how the game being rated M was a big deal back then. Blood and gore... "Maybe I'll see a boobie!"
387** Later, it becomes a BrickJoke. On a fully clothed woman.
388* To emphasize how effective the sanity effects are, Jared shows how one of them (one that makes the screen cut to black as if the signal to a display were cut) legitimately fooled him as he recorded for his gameplay channel.
389-->'''Jared''': ''([[OhCrap looks to his capture equipment as the screen goes black]], then [[ActuallyPrettyFunny cracks up when it comes back]])'' I thought I just lost all that footage.
390
391!!! '''Final Fantasy VIII'''
392* Jared's opening thoughts on the game are that he remembers disliking ''Final Fantasy VIII'' when he first played it, and is giving the game a fair shot now. [[HopeSpot And for the first ten minutes, he has basically nothing but praise for the game's systems, graphics, and presentation]]. But then...
393--> '''Jared''': You still with me? Good. [[MoodWhiplash Because I'm out of nice things to say about this game]].
394* Jared breaks down the characters, specifically how there are no genuinely good ones, and focuses on Squall. Every time he brings up Squall's emo look...
395--> ''(faintly in the background)''\
396'''''CRAAAAAWLING'''''
397
398!!! '''Final Fantasy IX'''
399* Jared, due to it releasing on a last-gen system after the next entry had already been announced, likens ''Final Fantasy IX'' to the forgotten middle child.
400-->'''Jared''': [[SelfDeprecation Oh, no, Final Fantasy IX is me...!]]
401
402!!! '''Final Fantasy X'''
403* Jared points out how Tidus's name is ''never'' said, at all, throughout the whole game so players could still name him whatever they want. As such, most fans pronounced his canonical name "Tye-dis"... Only for it to eventually be confirmed that it's ''actually'' pronounced "''Tee''-dis". Jared sticks with the canonical pronunciation, but not before calling him "Titties" once for good measure.
404* Jared is bothered by the use of the fade-in cuts that dot the cutscenes, not because it's overused, but for its weird inconsistency. [[HypocriticalHumor He then utilizes that same cut-in style in review in random places.]]
405* When he talks about how distracting certain camera angles are, particularly when it [[MaleGaze focuses on their breasts and asses]], he suddenly breaks into song:
406--> '''Jared''': ''Ass, Tidus, ass, ass, Tidus, Tidus, ass, Tidus''.
407* In defense of the voice acting, Jared points out how the actual acting is usually really good. If anything, it's the ''directing and editing'' that's strange.
408-->'''Tidus''': I wanted to see Yuna's statue, too. But I wanted to see it... [[MotorMouth WithYunabymyside]].
409-->'''Jared''': What the hell?
410
411!!! '''Spider-Man & X-Men in Arcade's Revenge'''
412* Jared opens up with how it was exciting to be a kid in the 90's with both ''WesternAnimation/XMenTheAnimatedSeries'' and ''WesternAnimation/SpiderManTheAnimatedSeries'' on TV. Mesh that up and you get the game, which Jared screams happily... and it turns into a scream of agony as he revealed who made the game: [[Creator/LJNToys LJN.]]
413--> '''Jared''': ''[=YeeeaaaaaaAAAAAAUUUUGGGHHH!!!=]''
414* Bringing up the incredibly awkward kick that Cyclops does, which looks more like he's reclining in a chair. He then goes on to say if you add a gaming computer set-up, it would be his pose when doing [=ProJared=] Plays.
415* His baffled reaction to Wolverine's stage.[[note]]A funhouse with clowns, machine gun-wielding Jack-in-the-boxes, and Apocalypse as the boss. If that wasn't enough, the stage is topped off with bitcrushed laughter from the clown enemies.[[/note]]
416* During Gambit's second stage:
417-->"Why does the Queen card look like it wants to suck me off?! Does the King card look at me the same way? ''[notices that the King card has a perverted expression]'' Yup."
418
419!!! '''Final Fantasy XII'''
420* While setting the context for ''VideoGame/FinalFantasyXII'', he opens the case to reveal...not the disc to the game, but a DVD for ''Film/ANewHope''.
421* After a very thoughtful review of the game, he come to one definitive conclusion: Balthier is ''hot''.
422
423!!! '''The Bouncer'''
424* The video opens with Jared seemingly LaughingMad at the game's dodgy quality. The end of the review reveals that, no the game didn't drive him mad. He's ''reveling'' in the ironic entertainment he got from it.
425* His views on Sion? He calls him every possible way to describe him as "bootleg [[Franchise/KingdomHearts Sora]]", and never by his proper name.
426
427!!! '''Final Fantasy XIV'''
428* He gives a well-thought review of the game that ends on a high note... which would've been a good spot to end the video ''if'' he didn't discuss the dismal 1.0 version. He turns to the camera, holding up his copy of the Legacy version [[Main/SmugSmiler with a huge shit-eating grin on his face]], then it cuts to in-game footage backed with a StylisticSuck soundtrack.
429* After giving a one-hour breakdown of the game while sidestepping all the heavy spoilers, he ends the video with the "Critically Acclaimed MMORPG" copypasta, a long-running meme among the playerbase.
430
431!! Top Tens
432
433* Jared's thoughts on [[VideoGame/DayOneGarrysIncident Day One: Garry's Incident]] in his Top 10 Worst Games of 2013
434--> '''Jared''': ''[to the tune of "I Know a Song That Gets On Everybody's Nerves] Day One Garry's Incident is really really bad. Day One Garry's Incident is really really bad. Day One: Garry's Incident is really really bad. And I want to kill myself.''
435* From his "Top 5 Games of 2015", he praises VideoGame/FinalFantasyXIV as the game he had the most enjoyment with that year, putting it at Number 1. Before quickly saying that he lied and that it's Monster Hunter 4 Ultimate. It's much like his One Minute Review of Monster Hunter 3 Ultimate, except only about 10 seconds long.
436* In "Top Ten WORST Things Final Fantasy Has Done", the number 3 spot (''King's Knight'' being integrated into the ''VideoGame/FinalFantasyXV'' universe) takes the cake.
437-->'''Jared''': [[BigWhy WHY?]] WHY?! [[RuleOfThree WWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYY?????]]
438** The end of the video is pretty heartwarming but then quickly switches to more desperate [[VideoGame/FinalFantasyTactics Tactics]] begging.
439
440!! One-Minute and Extended Thoughts Reviews
441
442* At the start of his Extended Thoughts video for ''VideoGame/AliensColonialMarines'', Jared holds up the game's case and then flings it to the side without a word.
443* His ''One Minute Review'' of ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0FsrzqJNQF8 SimCity]]'', all seventeen seconds of it.
444--> '''Jared''': ''[trying to log in]'' Work... Dammit! Work... Dammit! Work... Dammit! ''[game load glitches]'' Ah, what the hell?! ''[resumes logging in]'' [[OverlyLongGag Work... Dammit! Work... Dammit! Work... Dammit!"]] ''[finally logs in]'' Ah, there we go. ''[game fails to load]'' [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere F*** it, I'm going to bed.]]
445* His one minute review of [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ffqe2qIfcOQ Sonic Boom]] which has him wearily singing the Sonic [=SatAM=] theme.
446--> '''Jared''': ''(slurred and over footage of Sonic's jog-like speed and the game's many ''[[ObviousBeta many]]'' glitches]'' Blue streak, speeds by. Sonic the Hedgehog. Too fast, for the naked eye. Ssssssssonic the Hedgehog. [[MemeticMutation Sanic]], he can really move. Sanic, he's got an attitude. [[MemeticMutation Dankey Kang]], he's the fastest thing alive. He's the fastest thing Ali-ahveugh. He's the fastest thing, alighiavehhave! [[MoodWhiplash It has bounce pads. 2/10!]]
447* His review of the remake of VideoGame/FinalFantasyVII The start of the video looks like a bleak beginning to the game review...until after the first minute, where it cuts to the bootleg NES Demake and start ripping into it for the wrong reasons, such as the "poor immersion" and "too much reading" in satire to general gaming journalism practices. This is all capped off with giving it a 7.7/10 ''in spite'' of complaining for the whole review. Happy April Fool's Day!
448* The very first thing Jared does for his One Minute Review on VideoGame/TeenageMutantNinjaTurtlesOutOfTheShadows is let out a noise of disgust.
449[[/folder]]
450
451[[folder:D&December]]
452* The entirety of the "Ballista Bat" story: what happens when a gung-ho 'roided up fighter meets a large siege weapon? [[DungeonBypass Well...]]
453* '''"[[MakesJustAsMuchSenseInContext We were fighting the]] Film/{{Predator}}!"'''
454* In "Encounter Building 101" he warns that the figures he's using to set up his map aren't the right ones (for instance, only about half his kobolds are actual kobolds) and asks for some suspension of disbelief. Until the final encounter where his BigBad is randomly defended by a [[VideoGame/MonsterHunter Zinogre]]. He later attempts to make the Zinogre fig eat the adventurers, complete with "om nom nom" sounds.
455* The "CoupDeGrace" story, where Jared shares one of his most embarrassing deaths thanks to the titular mechanic from ''TabletopGame/DungeonsAndDragonsThirdEdition'': [[ItMakesSenseInContext being killed by a fake warthog after falling asleep.]]
456* What do you get when [[BornUnlucky a normally bad dice-roller]] [[ThrowTheDogABone gets a natural 20]] [[BlatantLies on a bald-faced and utterly ridiculous bluff check]]? You get a recurring NPC named [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IPWB93CVQ0E Commander Boogerface]], that's what.
457* So Jared and his DM brother tried to get a newcomer into D&D with a short campaign, telling said newcomer to "be a Fighter, grab your sword, and just hit things and kill things and protect the rest of us," complete with a premade sheet that had 18 Strength. Newcomer eventually comes to realize that his high Strength score means [[WhenAllYouHaveIsAHammer he could break all sorts of things to solve a lot of things]], leading to the RunningGag of [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=61mZKfrWkJk "Is it made of wood?"]]
458[[/folder]]
459
460[[folder:Conventions and Assorted Videos]]
461[[AC:Magfest 12 - These Guys Are Sick]]
462* [[http://youtu.be/a2kIB7hp7VU?t=3m17s You'll]] never take my octopus powers, Megaman!
463** [[http://youtu.be/a2kIB7hp7VU?t=5m22s You'll]] never take my seal powers, Megaman!
464[[/folder]]
465
466[[folder:[=ProJared=] Plays]]
467* ''MONEY''.
468* In the Links Awakening remake one of Jared's runninggags is being addicted to the crane game. He brings Marin there, where she somehow gets the crane to grab the game owner. Upon saying "You must be a pro" Jared stares at the camera smugly for like 10 seconds, then is heartbroken immediately after when he says "Beat it. Pros aren't allowed in here."
469* In ''VideoGame/ResidentEvil7'' his shotgun is called "Diplomacy" and is loaded with "aggressive conversations"
470** Also his desire to kill grandma is funny.
471** The fact that his aim sucks, to the point that he misses ''three times'' at point blank range at one point.
472** Jared has a "[[MakesSenseInContext Mighty Thrust!]]"
473** At one point he sees Eveline and says
474---> '''Jared''': Hey little girl, let me come help you. Just a second. ''[loads gun]''. Okay, let me come help.
475* ''VideoGame/FiveNightsAtFreddys'':
476-->'''Jared''': This man has been talking for ''two hours''.
477* He plays "Mighty No. 9" for all of two episodes, [[TemptingFate trying to give it a fair shake and not dogpile on it like other reviewers]]. The game is so glitchy it starts [[TheFourthWallWillNotProtectYou bugging up his video game capture]] and he (originally) had to end the Let's Play then and there.
478** "...in all 52 states." "That's right, fifty-''two'' states! We finally took Canada!"
479** In Episode 3, at one point he gets stuck on a stalemate with a Sniper Joe-like enemy who refuses to shoot him even when he's right in front of him.
480*** While dealing with wind currents, Jared questions when was the last time a stage with pushing winds was any fun. He then immediately answers his own question with ''VideoGame/ShovelKnight''. Particularly amusing since ''Shovel Knight'' is the archetypical example of the ''right'' way to make a Kickstarter-funded game.
481*** Also, there's the part where he uses the dash mechanic underwater to just dash past all the obstacles on the ground floor.
482*** When he first uses the DLC power he got (a cube that levitates by itself and shoots with a thoroughly underwhelming sound), he says "this is a DLC power attack that I got. It's about as exciting as you can see here."
483*** One of the bosses he faces has ice powers, and makes several terrible ice puns. Jared accidentally makes an ice pun of his own, then immediately cringes when he realizes it.
484---->'''Jared''': I hate that that just happened.
485** Episode 4 has him dying so much on Mighty No. 4's stage, causing him to make some hilarious expressions as it happens.
486** Episode 5 has him playing as Call. The [[https://i.ytimg.com/vi/ysa68vQJBhI/hqdefault.jpg?custom=true&w=196&h=110&stc=true&jpg444=true&jpgq=90&sp=68&sigh=xCPa-qWy8OwM-3oEhZruAPVRkFQ thumbnail]] and title ([[OhCrap Oh God No]]) alone should be enough to tell you [[HilarityEnsues where this is going]].
487** In the finale, he starts explaining the game isn't really as bad as people say it is, and that the worst it is is [[SoOkayItsAverage okay]]... He's then interrupted by Music/MegaRan's rap, and has an annoyed, disgusted look on his face.
488** He's also incredibly offended that the game ends with [[AWinnerIsYou just showing some random concept art before the credits]]. "Those three images cost four million dollars."
489** One tiny thing in general is his utter "meh" version of "bang" he utters sometimes when he's shooting or using a power that shoots.
490* In his recent playthrough of "Yu-Gi-Oh! Legacy of the Duelist", he tries to capture the "feel" of the original show - which equals terrible puns (almost "ghost of a chance" level worthy) and reminding everyone to believe in the "Heart of the Cards"
491** His voiceover for characters also leads to hilarious situations, especially when he says something that anime character certainly doesn't (like Joey calling Mai out).
492* ''Zelda: Link to the Past'' Randomized (a hack where every treasure location is scrambled before the game starts): In Part 2, Jared buys the Bottle from the salesman in Kakariko Village... which is changed to 100 rupees. The Bottle ''costs'' 100 rupees. His head drops.
493** Jared slowly grows more and more disgusted with [[ItMakesSenseInContext how many rupees he's getting]].
494** The looks of hopelessness, as he gets deeper into the game and continues to find rupees, arrows and bombs in every chest and hiding place is both hilarious and sad.
495** Any time Jared opens a chest in a dungeon in hopes to get a new item, only to get a compass.
496*** It gets to the point that anytime a red rupee appears, he edits in an image of a 20 dollar bill on top of the rupee. Likewise, whenever he gets 10 arrows, an MLG airhorn plays.
497*** In fact, the [[MemeticMutation 10-Arrow gag]] is now his most popular running joke on his streams and playthroughs of ''A Link to the Past'' randomized that fans have even resorted to "10-Arrow counters" in addition to death counts.
498*** This joke has gone so far that during his ''Metroid-Zelda Randomized'' playthrough, fans began to consider the Missile Expansions, which add 5 to Samus' maximum missile capacity, another 10-Arrow gag. Keep in mind that the maximum missile capacity is 250 in ''VideoGame/SuperMetroid'', meaning there's ''50'' Missile Expansions to find...
499** Since the ROM is in Japanese, he replaces most of the dialogue post recording with jokes.
500* Any time in the ''Legend of Zelda'' Randomizer when the randomization messes with his expectations. For instance:
501** Walking into what is normally the first dungeon and discovering it to be a random "pay me for the door repair charge" cave.
502** Spending the better part of an hour trying to beat Gleeok in dungeon 3, only for it to drop the almost-useless map instead of the Triforce piece.
503** Finally defeating Ganon and celebrating his victory only to belatedly realize that he still has to actually find Zelda.
504** Another moment that nearly gives him an aneurysm is when he finds the hint telling you to talk to the old man (who possesses the Magical Sword) at the grave. Where does he find this hint? The grave where the old man used to be.
505--->'''Jared''': ''[drops controller after reading hint]'' You ARE the old man!
506* In part 1 of his ''VideoGame/FinalFantasyI'' playthrough, as Jared explains about the game's [[ClassAndLevelSystem various classes,]] he says that due to a bug, the Thief class, which normally excels at fleeing from battles, has no special abilities whatsoever compared to the other classes. [[SelfDeprecation Jared decides for this very reason that the Thief will be based off of himself.]]
507** While training at the [[PeninsulaOfPowerLeveling 'Peninsula of Power',]] Jared encounters a Tyrannosaurus rex. He states that it's literally too much for him to beat... while attempting to beat it anyway.
508---> '''Jared''': What am I doing? ''(beat)'' I want to kill a dinosaur, that's what. ''(Joof uses an ICE spell)'' Hit him with the Ice Age, Joof!
509** While fighting [[WakeUpCallBoss Astos]]:
510--->'''Jared''': [[TemptingFate Now, with FAST on, Peeb's gonna hit for a lot-]]
511--->''(Astos uses the RUB spell on Peeb for instant death)''
512--->''[beat]''
513--->'''Jared''': ''[high-pitched scream]''
514** His various video thumbnails beg comparisons to ''Webcomic/EightBitTheater'' while also being hilarious--for instance, video #17, "Insta-Death" has Peeb and Joof (Fighter and Black Mage respectively) fleeing for their lives in a panic from an Evil Eye.
515* [[AprilFoolsDay Part 1]] of his ''VideoGame/SuperMarioRPG'' playthrough is done in a StylisticSuck style complete with a lengthy introduction, recording the gameplay with a camera, and using an emulator without fullscreening the gameplay.
516** A FreezeFrameBonus also reveals what else Jared has on his emulator. It's {{Hentai}}.
517** He makes liberal use of the emulator's fast-forwarding feature, using it first to skip all of the dialogue (which is half the point of playing an RPG in the first place, let alone one that's meant to be largely comedic) and then using it while trying to button-mash his way through combat without paying any attention to his HP. When he gets a Game Over and returns to the title screen, [[NeverMyFault he concludes that the game must have glitched out]].
518* Jared taking on Mario in Mario Go Fish...as a drinking game. His slow descent into drunken madness is worth every second of his quite visible pain. Especially each point where Mario decides to sweep him of his cards seemingly out of nowhere.
519* Jared plays the new Bubsy game where he notices that Bubsy isn't as talkative as he used to be...so he goes to the menu and find out that the base setting for Bubsy's audio is set to 50% (meaning he only gives a one-liner every so often). He then maxes out the setting, what's 100% called? ''Bubsy''.
520-->'''Jared''': ...hit me with the Bubsy
521-->''(precisely one one-liner later)''
522-->'''Jared''': ''(dramatic zoom in to Jared's face)'' I've made a huge mistake.
523** Just the fact that he finishes the game in less than 2 hours. Sure, he doesn't get 100% completion, but he turns around and immediately says that, despite the fact that he's finished it, he's going to ''refund it on Steam'', because it absolutely wasn't worth the purchase price.
524* In part one of ''VisualNovel/DokiDokiLiteratureClub'', Jared manages to steal the game's jokes a surprisingly large number of times, from Natsuki's stock {{Tsundere}} "b-baka" lines to the quip about the school having a napping club. Culminating in the point where he gets to the CG in which the player tries to button up Sayori's blazer, remarking that her "boobles" have gotten too big for it, only to throw his hands up and laugh when Sayori says the same thing.
525** "Is this a porn game? They keep bringing up boobs. Am I going to see any?"
526** By the finale, Jared hasn't made a joke in quite a while after the game's turn towards metafictional horror... until Yuri's psychotic love confession, of all places. The sheer MoodWhiplash after two or three hours of grim seriousness makes the small joke go from silly to hilarious.
527--->'''Yuri''': I love you so much that I even touch myself with the pen I stole from you.\
528'''Jared''': .............. ''Nice.''\
529'''Yuri''': I just want to pull your skin open and crawl inside of you.\
530'''Jared''': And you always make it ''immediately'' weird!
531* From his ''VideoGame/DetroitBecomeHuman'' playthrough: [[RunningGag "Take The Shot"]].
532* On the tail-end of his playthrough of ''[[https://youtu.be/-EWd8pB7SAk?t=19m59s House Flipper]]'', Jared's about to end his job while taking the bare minimum payment when his in-game character starts [[DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything moving his hand up and down while holding something cylindrical]]. Jared then starts going on a frenzy all around the house while Ms. Editor watches on in horror.
533* His constant belittling of Nolan, one of his first and hard-working[[note]](due to Jared constantly forgetting to give him vacations)[[/note]] employees, in his ''VideoGame/GameDevTycoon'' play-through. The jokes at Nolan's expense ultimately culminate into Jared ''firing'' him at the end of the final episode, before turning to the camera with a deranged smile. Ms. Editor is in utter shock by this turn of events, rewinding time so the video can end just before Nolan's final moments.
534-->'''Jared''': Thanks for the forty years of dedicated work!
535* Four episodes into his VideoGame/ZeldaIITheAdventureOfLink Randomizer let's play and Jared has yet to complete a single castle due to needing the [[TrickedOutGloves Handy Glove item]] to progress. So you can imagine his [[TensionCuttingLaughter utter happiness]] when he does [[https://youtu.be/TX66rRP_mFY?t=25m34s finally stumble upon it...]]
536--> '''Jared''': Oh, this is the cave that normally has... magic. Instead, it's the GLOVE! ''[laughs like a feral monkey]''
537* Jared's playthrough of "The earth is a better person than me" gets hilarious when [[ARareSentence the game turns into tree erotica]], and Jared, Miss Editor and likely the audience are all baffled of what Jared is playing/reading. And naturally, the comment section wants a whole series of Jared reading strange erotic stories.
538* Jared's playthrough of the "Link to the Past/Super Metroid Randomizer" starts off with him getting little of use in the ''Super Metroid'' half of the game, so he heads over to ''Link to the Past'' to start exploring. The first chest available is the one in Link's house...
539--> '''Jared''': Okay, so... my house, one treasure. ''[opens chest]'' [[CallBack 10 arrow-]]
540--> '''Jared''': ''[[[RageQuit shakes his head and tosses his headset down onto the desk before walking offscreen and screaming]]]''
541* During the first part of his Twitch playthrough of ''VideoGame/FinalFantasyVII'', when he reaches the Shinra building, Jared opts to take the stairs instead of storming the entrance and battling his way through the lift sequence. His reaction to Tifa telling Barret "Would you stop acting like a retard and climb!?" [[https://clips.twitch.tv/TubularCrackyCobraEleGiggle must be seen to be believed]].
542--> '''Jared''': Damn, now we gotta cancel Tifa!
543* In a oneshot of an NES game for the game show ''Series/RemoteControl'', Jared gets a question about famous singers. More specifically, a question asking for the name of the singer of the infamous song [[https://youtu.be/rWx4I0G9uK8?t=400 "Never Gonna Give You Up"]].
544--> '''Jared''': I just got Rickrolled! On an NES game! FROM OVER 30 YEARS AGO!
545[[/folder]]
546
547[[folder:Nuzlocke Series]]
548[[AC:Fire Red]]
549* The [[RunningGag shorts cult]].
550** When a member of the cult kills Beatrice:
551--->'''Jared''': ''I should've worn shorts!''
552
553[[AC:Pokemon Y]]
554* His first [[SuperMode Mega Evolution]]. [[Franchise/PowerRangers "It's Morphin' Time!"]]
555* Introducing Charizard Y:
556--> '''Jared''': Rathalos! Show them your true form! Do it! ''[Rathalos transforms and proceeds to CurbStompBattle Ramos' Gym]''
557[[/folder]]

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