Line #113 Funny/PoliceAcademy


1	!! ''Police Academy''
2	* During the obstacle course, most of the cadets struggle with the climbing wall. [[CuttingTheKnot Hightower just pushes it over.]]
3	* "'''DROP THAT STEREO BEFORE I BLOW YOUR GODDAMN NUTS OFF, ASSHOLE!!!'''"
4	** "Tackleberry, we ''really'' need to talk."
5	** Made even funnier in the TV dub when Tackleberry's cursing is cut and replaced with less offensive terms. Harris's reaction works just as well and makes one believe Tackleberry would've actually said something so wacky.
6	* Poor Tackleberry misses out on the riot and throws a fit.
7	--> '''Lassard''': (''watches Tackleberry curiously'') What's wrong with this man?
8	--> '''Barbara''': Well there was gunplay, sir, and he missed it.
9	* Just this:
10	--> '''Harris:''' Remember Mahoney, nobody screws with me.
11	--> '''Mahoney:''' Well, maybe you'll meet the right girl and that‘ll change.
12	--> '''Harris:''' Get out of here [[SuddenlyShouting NOW!!!]] ''(fires his flintlock through his office ceiling, which goes through Lassard's floor)''
13	* Blankes and Copeland were meant to spy on the rest of the cadets but are tricked into going into Blue Oyster Bar. After the night, Harris asks them what happened. To his surprise, they reply it was [[ExactWords dancing. Mostly dancing.]]
14	* How we are introduced to Larvell Jones.
15	--> '''Dispatcher:''' '''GOD DAMN IT STOP THAT!''' Oh, oh no sir, no not you.
16	* Poor Blankes and Copeland try to escape some rioters and end up in the Blue Oyster, ''again!''
17	* During the climax, the cadets see that the rioter firing at them has Harris as a hostage. George half-jokingly asks Lassard if they should shoot back. [[CrossesTheLineTwice Lassard actually thinks for a minute about it before replying in the negative.]]
18	* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pobCoKFEfXk Harris]] and [[AssShove the horse]].[[note]]Even better, some insist that the horse is actually a ''mare'' - AKA a ''female'' horse - so his head may have ended up in the ''other'' hole.[[/note]]
19	** Next scene - note his hair, which has been washed so thoroughly it's laying flat:
20	--> '''Harris''': ''You told no one?''\
21	'''Mahoney''': ''[[BlatantLies Not a soul.]]''\
22	Cue to everybody {{Corpsing}} as Harris walks by, and Jones letting out a whinny.
23	* Tackleberry taunting Leslie to punch him in the gut, Leslie slaps him in the face instead. Tack looks positively shell-shocked.
24	* Larvell Jones using his vocal sound effects to various degrees, from 'playing' an arcade video game to imitating the sound of machine gunfire. This technically counts for all the Police Academy movies, especially when he uses this to troll almost anyone with, in particular Harris and Mauser.
25	* The entire scene with Lassard having to give a speech while simultaneously receiving the attention of a call girl is sidesplitting. And after the speech is done, he gets back to his senses, [[{{Cloudcuckoolander}} sort off]] and walks back to the podium to figure out what was going on. Mahoney emerges from beneath.
26	** Lassard does get even with Mahoney at the end, with the call girl's help.
27	* Mahoney smears shoe cream on Harris's speaker, making a ring around his mouth. Harris then talks to Lassard that some of the recruits will be exhausted and drop out, Lassard starts laughing at the mark, [[ComicallyMissingThePoint Harris thinks he's laughing at what he said and starts laughing with him]].
28	* Harris catches Mahoney looking at the women showering from the outside one night and Mahoney walks away. [[HypocriticalHumor Harris then starts watching the women himself and gets caught]].
29	* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j-aFqq8aAWA The shooting gallery scene]], mostly for the last part of the scene when we get to see the cadets in action. Hightower is careful and effective, Leslie is comically inept to the point of being a hazard to everyone else at the range, Thompson shows what she has to prove, while Tackleberry proves that he is a ''complete nutter''.
30	** When Barbara slowly turns in a circle, inadvertently pointing the shotgun at the crowd, everybody drops to the ground in a panic. ''Except Tackleberry.'' After the second time the gun goes off by accident, Barbara [[KnowWhenToFoldEm just hands it back to the instructor and rejoins the group.]]
31	*** FridgeBrilliance does apply, at least to a degree; it's a pump-action shotgun, and Tackleberry noticed that Barbara hadn't yet ejected the spent cartridge and chambered a new round. Doesn't make Tack's unflinching stance any less funny, though.
32	** Pay attention to Tackleberry's run and you will hear at least seven gunshots... this is significant because the old High-Standard riot guns only carry 5 rounds. This implies Tackleberry specifically brought extra ammo with him for the sole purpose of firing far more rounds than necessary.
33	* When Hightower goes to defend Hooks after Copeland drops a racial slur, you can see Blankes [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere whistling and walking away]] as Hightower approaches the squad car, as if to say "Sorry, bud, you're on your own here."
34	* When the academy is ordered to help quelling the riot near the climax, Martin asks Jones if it was just [[{{Troll}} him doing his stuff]].
35	* While fleeing the rioters, Mahoney, Martin and Jones come across Lassard in his squad car and lock themselves inside.
36	--> '''Lassard''': Well men, how's it going? I want you to give me a fix on the entire situation.
37	--> '''Mahoney''': points outside Not that good, sir.
38	--> '''Lassard''': [[OhCrap Oh my.]]This is very, very very bad!
39	** Lassard tries to get the rioters to disperse while they're attacking his car by identifying himself as the commander of the academy. The rioters briefly pause... then attack ''even more fiercly!''
40
41	!! ''Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment''
42	* Sweetchuck, before becoming a cadet, owns a shop in the worst part of the city. He locks up the store with vary of stuff, but most notable is a ''bear trap'' for the back exit and tops it off with an '''electrical ''barb wired'' gate'''. For all the good it does him, as Zed and his gang just jump him while he's trying to make deposit the days profit at an ATM instead. [[AllForNothing All 8$ of it.]]
43	** Zed yelling at him to either switch to a more profitable line of work, or get out of his turf.
44	* Things are so bad in Captain Lassards district that Commissioner Hurst is pelted with eggs by the citizens when he arrives for an inspection.
45	* The veteran officer assigned to mentor Fackler lectures him on the importance of being approachable and bonding with the civilians of the neighborhood while they're having coffee in a diner. When a man asks to borrow a match, Fackler gives him the whole box, and his mentor congratulates him. Neither of them notice [[FailedASpotCheck that the man is a gang member, who uses the matches to set fire to their squad car outside]].
46	* Tackleberry and Kirkland having lunch at an outside deli.
47	--->'''Kirkland''': Look, you just worry about your own ass! (takes her garbage and turns around to throw it out turning her butt towards Tackleberry.)
48	--->'''Tackleberry''': That's a nice piece. (Kirkland turns around angry) I was referring to your sidearm.
49	* Zed's gang robbing a supermarket.
50	--->'''Zed''': Thank you. I've gotten some very nice deals here.
51	--->'''Check Out Girl''': Excuse me, sir, you forgot your food stamps!
52	** Poor Sweetchuck happens to be shopping there at the same time, and runs afoul of Zed ''again!'' No wonder he's so shellshocked around Zed when they're both at the academy in the sequel.
53	* This classic gem:
54	-->'''Tackleberry:''' Mahoney, [[spoiler: I'm a virgin!]]
55	-->[Sees the ''entire bar'' he and Mahoney were in start to stare at him]
56	-->'''Tackleberry:''' You people go about your business before I crack some skulls!
57	** Later, Tackleberry's love scene with Kirkland. After the lights go out, [[DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything his gun goes off]].
58	--->'''Kirkland:''' Oh, Eugene!
59	** Not to mention the pair of them have to take off about 8-10 guns between them.
60	* What exactly happens when Mauser uses epoxy instead of shampoo.
61	-->'''Mauser:''' Can anyone explain to me how ''this'' happened? ''holds up hands, covered in his own cemented hair''
62	-->'''Mahoney:''' Yes sir, I can, and if you don't stop doing that you could go blind.
63	** For context: Mahoney switched Mausers schampoo with Tackleberry's Epoxy glue (a resin that hardens into plastic in seconds), not only bonding Mausers hands with his hair, but also leaves him stumbling naked through the locker room with soap in his eyes, and ending up locked outside.
64	* After Captain Lassard gives a pep talk to rally the boys, an old cop yells "LET'S KICK ASS!!!" and fires his gun in the air.
65	* The brothers Lassard meeting in a Japanese steakhouse has a few moments.
66	** The chef performing for a stressed out Pete
67	-->'''Pete:''' Is all that crap necessary?
68	** Eric thinking it's Pete's birthday placing his goldfish on the grill.
69	** Eric placing Pete's hand on the grill, burning it.
70	** A shrimp hits Pete in the face:
71	-->'''Pete:''' You stupid BASTARD!!
72	** Finally the water in Eric's goldfish starts boiling.
73	-->'''Pete:''' This fish is boiling.
74	-->'''Chef:''' Oh, you want stir-fry?
75	* Zed's gang destroys the street fair and Capt. Lassard's job. During which, Zed tells the female mayor "I voted for you." to which the mayor replies "That's very nice."
76	* An undercover Mahoney gives his name as "Jughead," prompting Zed to start crying. Why?
77	-->"...My mother's name was ''Jughead!''"
78	* The horrified look on Tackleberry's face while he watches Kirkland's father-in-law and brother-in-law bare-knuckle box each other.
79	* When Fackler accidentally knocks Mauser through the air vent giving him a long drop and leaving him hanging for dear life.
80
81	!! ''Police Academy 3: Back in Training''
82	* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jGB56x7KjCw Zed making Sweetchuck's time at the academy miserable.]]
83	** Zed scares Sweetchuck with his flashlight, then shines it on his face.
84	** Zed holding a tube of his shampoo in a way that looks like he's holding a knife while Sweetchuck is in the shower.
85	-->'''Zed:''' You wanna borrow my shampoo?\
86	'''Sweetchuck:''' ''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!''
87	* "Listen, the busboys are shoo--" ''[a gun points at his nose]'' "[[OhCrap --ting my nose.]]"
88	* Proctor screaming in pain when the elevator closed.
89	** [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BpClbMGO9rw#t=0m34s He covers his head with the trash can lid he's using to cover his groin when a police car was nearby.]]
90	** Oh yeah, he ultimately ends up ''in the Blue Oyster''! He drops his trash can lids in shock ''and gets a standing ovation''!
91	* Proctor holding the mirror in front of Mauser in different directions, similar to the scene in ''Police Academy 2''.
92	-->'''Proctor:''' Look at this. Look at this angle. Look it at this angle. All angle-\
93	'''Mauser:''' ''I CAN'T SEE!!''\
94	'''Proctor:''' ''(giving him the mirror)'' It's yours!
95	* Bud Kirkland and Mrs. Fackler watching TV late at night, while apparently fighting over which channel to watch. When Tackleberry comes to send the cadets to bed, a voice on the TV yells "YOU'RE DEAD MEAT, COPPER!!!" Tackleberry quickly turns and [[ShootTheTelevision fires at the TV]], nearly shooting his brother-in-law.
96	-->'''Tackleberry:''' Lights out, people!
97	* Zed patrols the streets, with the female inspector. Some gang members approach them[[note]]they turn out to be his buds from his old gang[[/note]]:
98	-->'''Zed:''' ''(to the inspector)'' You take the big guy, I'll take the little guy.\
99	'''Zed:''' I like to introduce you to the future Mrs. Zed.\
100	'''Inspector:''' AAAAAAAHHH!!
101
102	!! ''Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol''
103	* The scene where the inmates [[spoiler: trick Proctor into releasing them, under the pretense that they]] are playing Simon Says:
104	-->'''Inmate:''' Simon says take two steps back!\
105	''[Proctor does so, getting himself back-to-back with the bars of a cell]''\
106	'''Inmate:''' Now put your hands up!\
107	'''Proctor:''' Simon didn't say!\
108	'''Another inmate:''' [[spoiler:''[puts his gun to Proctor's head]'' But Smith & Wesson did.]]
109	* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kfjyq_-dY-c "DON'T TOUCH THOSE! DON'T YOU EVER TOUCH MY BALLS WITHOUT ASKING!"]]
110	* In one of the pranks Mahoney pulls on Proctor, the former waits until the latter has entered a port-a-potty and has it hooked to a crane, and dropped in the middle of a crowded football stadium. Afterwards, the bottom bolts get unscrewed and the shell of the port-a-potty is pulled off, revealing Proctor sitting on the toilet in full sight of everyone. To cap it off, when the ''Star-Spangled Banner'' starts playing, [[ComicallyMissingThePoint he stands up and puts his hand over his heart.]] Without even considering pulling up his pants first.
111	* Proctor squees about a gang of ninjas in what appears to be a throwaway gag. Turns out there really ''is'' a gang on ninjas locked in the cells. After the breakout, they end up on a boat in the harbor and get in a fight with Nogata, Callahan, and Jones.
112	* The amazonian Callahan jumping into the pool to simulate a drowning victim in need of rescue, which also shows that [[SexySoakedShirt she isn't wearing a bra under her now very wet and translucent shirt]], then asks who wants to rescue her. ''Every single male cadet, including the nerdy Sweetchuck, jumps into the pool after her'' and she has to swim away from them for her dear life.
113	-->'''All the men:''' Oh yeah!\
114	'''Callahan:''' [[OhCrap Oh shit!]]
115	* This one plays out over a few scenes. First, Harris gives Zed some flak and Zed mumbles "Jerk." When Harris reacts, a girl who's coming onto him replies, "He said bye," obviously trying to keep things from escalating. Zed later gets his revenge in the locker room by switching out Harris's deodorant for pepper spray. Later still, Harris interrupts Zed's class (with his arms kept up in a brace) to warn everyone to keep an eye on their pepper spray in the future, and Zed finishes the BrickJoke by saying, "Bye," heeding what happened earlier.
116	* After Mahoney super glues Capt. Harris' megaphone to his lips, they pull the megaphone off in surgery. Proctor later visits Harris with the mouthpiece still glued to his lips.
117	-->'''Proctor''': Hi sir, how are you feeling?
118	-->'''Harris''': (mumbles something incomprehensibly)
119	-->'''Proctor''': I didn't catch that. Was that "The dim shoe to snare off."?
120	-->'''Harris''': I said, I have to wait for the damn glue to wear off!
121	** Prior to this, Mahoney visits the emergency room to see how Harris is. One of the surgeons preps for removing the megaphone by firing up ''a blowtorch''.
122	* The last lines
123	-->'''Zed''': You know, you look a little like Tom Cruise in Top Gun?
124	-->'''Sweetchuck''': Yeah? You...! (attacks Zed)
125	* Harris and Proctor have commandeered a hot-air balloon in order to pursue two of the escaped prisoners. Spotting them, Proctor is about to shoot it down with a shotgun before Harris stops him. Figuring that they need to get off a warning shot, Proctor fires into the air... [[TooDumbToLive puncturing the balloon]].
126
127	!! ''Police Academy 5: Assignment-Miami Beach''
128	* Sugar, the fat jewel thief, is eating a jelly doughnut, accidentally squirts one of the other two jewel thieves in the face.
129	-->'''Mouse:''' Egh, you squirted me with the donut, you moron!\
130	'''Tony:''' ''[hitting him with a map]'' You are disgusting! You're such a pig!\
131	'''Sugar:''' Boss, I'm sorry!
132	* Harris and Proctor's "private plane".
133	-->'''Proctor:''' This is great! Our very own airplane! Animals to play with!\
134	'''Harris:''' Proctor, why do I put up with you?\
135	'''Proctor:''' Because my sister married your nephew. So that makes us-\
136	'''Harris:''' Shut up, Proctor!\
137	''[Three chickens jump down at Harris, in a row.]''\
138	'''Proctor:''' I think they like you!
139	* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pcho6wArwDI Dork.]] And then Jones gets a macaw to say "Hey, Dork!" to Harris as he passes. Let's just say he and Proctor get ''lots'' of ButtMonkey treatment this time around.
140	* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XBv_t3lQRBc Sugar farted in the elevator,]] with the other crooks and hostage Lassard still inside. Everyone else in the elevator scoots as far away from him as possible.
141	-->'''Sugar:''' What? WHAT?!
142	* Proctor throws an unconscious Harris to the ground in anger for the thieves' escape.
143	* Lassard accidentally dropping golf balls from an open side pocket in his golf bag all over the airport terminal, causing quite a bit of pratfalls.
144	* The shark scene. Tackleberry puts a gun to the snout.
145	-->'''Tackleberry''': Desist, and [[GetOut leave the swimming area]] ''now'', mister!\
146	''(The shark turns to leave. Tackleberry keeps yelling at it. It swims ''faster''.)''
147	* The crowd control demonstration. First House then Hooks prove to be able to deal with crowds in their own way, both without need of a bullhorn. House simply exploits his massive bulk, takes three steps forward, and stops the crowd. For Hooks, it looks like she's struggling at first until their refusal to comply hits her BerserkButton and triggers her infamous SuddenlyShouting, which scares the crowd enough to back ''all the way into the pool''!
148	* The three thieves breaking into the museum, with Sugar descending his rope too quickly.
149
150	!! ''Police Academy 6: City Under Siege''
151	* The return of Fackler the LethalKlutz. His opening scene is classic in all the mishaps he leaves in his wake; even funnier, they make a BrickJoke by replaying the scene later on but start by having someone call out, "''Watch it, it's Fackler!''" This time, everyone's wise to him and go out of their way to steer well clear of him.
152	* Fackler playing pool. He hits one guy in the head with a ball, hits another guy in the groin with the cue stick, and hits another guy with it in the head.
153	-->'''Fackler:''' Its okay if you guys are tired. I'll shoot again.
154	* This dialogue:
155	-->'''Ox:''' Knock knock.\
156	'''Hightower:''' Who's there?\
157	'''Ox:''' Boo.\
158	'''Hightower:''' [[IncrediblyLamePun Boo who?]]\
159	'''Ox:''' Quit crying. It'll be over in a moment.\
160	'''Hightower:''' That's it!\
161	'''Ox:''' Huh?\
162	'''Hightower:''' Fighting is one thing, but bad jokes is where I draw the line.\
163	* [[MegatonPunch BOOM]]*
164	* The cadets seeing two Commissioner Hursts.
165	-->'''[[spoiler:Fake]] Hurst:''' That man is an imposter!\
166	'''[[spoiler:Real]] Hurst:''' Me? No! ''He's'' the imposter!\
167	'''Harris:''' ''(and Proctor walks up to the [[spoiler:Fake]] Hurst)'' Move it! Move it! Commissioner Hurst! These people have violated their suspensions, and I ''demand'' that they'd be brought up on charges!\
168	'''[[spoiler:Real]] Hurst:''' Oh Harris, shut up!\
169	''(Harris and Proctor looked behind them)''\
170	'''[[spoiler:Fake]] Hurst:''' Oh shut up, Harris!\
171	''(Then quickly looks back)''
172	* Two of the Wilson Heights gang members get behind the car Harris and Proctor are in, sticking their tongues and making faces.
173	-->'''Harris:''' I have a sixth sense-\
174	'''Proctor:''' Sir?\
175	'''Harris:''' Will you let me finish? I have a sixth sense-\
176	'''Proctor:''' But sir-\
177	'''Harris:''' Will you let me finish? I have a sixth sense when it comes to-\
178	'''Proctor:''' But sir-\
179	'''Harris:''' Stop interrupting me! I have a sixth sense when it comes to crime!\
180	''(one of the gang members stick a raccoon tail on the car antenna and both wave good-bye. Proctor waves back)''\
181	'''Officer:''' You mean you were here ''during'' the robbery?\
182	'''Harris:''' No, of course not!\
183	'''Proctor:''' Yeah we were sir, they came and went just a few minutes ago. ''[overlapping with Harris]'' [[IWarnedYou I tried to tell you.]] Don't you remember, when we were inside the car?\
184	'''Harris:''' ''[overlapping with Proctor]'' Shut up, Proctor. Shut up, Proctor. Shut up. Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up...\
185	'''Harris:''' [[BigShutUp SHUT UP!]]
186	* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xOLWvHYmGII Harris is stuck in the hole and has to run at the truck's speed]], ''[[WesternAnimation/TheFlintstones Flintstones]]''-style.
187	-->'''Proctor:''' You know, running is the best form of an aerobic exercise.
188	* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fkb5MS-QFMs This scene]] tops it all.
189	-->'''Hurst:''' Thank you for your... contribution, Captain Harris.
190	* Proctor picks up passengers while chasing after the Mastermind.
191	-->'''Harris:''' What... are you... doing!?\
192	'''Proctor:''' I'm picking up passengers.\
193	'''Harris:''' WHYY!?\
194	'''Proctor:''' ''(takes a paper down)'' I have to, sir. They're on my route.\
195	''(crumples the paper and throws it to the floor)''
196	** And then the final passenger to get off the bus is a little girl, who tells Proctor that he's ''much'' better than the regular driver, to Proctor's delight.
197	* When Lassard and Fackler go inside a BadGuyBar, many of the patrons throw their weapons and stolen wallets over the counter. Then three guys run out of the bar.

Context Funny / PoliceAcademy