Line #22 Funny/PaulHeyman


1	Both as a manager and as a promoter, Heyman knows how to make the crowd laugh and boo at him.
2
3	* Paul E. Dangerously, meninist. This angle could have been a trainwreck--and maybe it was, but Paul E. is absolutely committed to being the King of Cretins, and even manages to get Madusa over. No mean feat in WCW.
4	-->'''Paul E. Dangerously:''' '''F!'''--'''I!'''--'''R!'''--'''E!'''--'''D!''' FIRED! ''[stomping feet]'' FIRED!! FIIIIRRRED!!!
5	* At an ECW Q&A event, Paul told the story of his first day in Memphis. His impression of an outraged Jerry Jarrett is absolutely hilarious. The video can be seen [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gBlurI_4UGA here.]]
6	* He and Wrestling/JimRoss produced several funny moments on commentary for the Wrestling/StacyKeibler-Wrestling/TorrieWilson Lingerie Match at ''Wrestling/NoMercy 2001.''
7	** First:
8	--->'''Jim Ross:''' I noticed the feet, how sick am I?
9	--->'''Paul Heyman:''' Very. I need to take you out more. Then again...
10	** During an obligatory {{Catfight}} sequence, the ladies rolled into and over referee Jack Doan.
11	--->'''Paul:''' I want to be Jack Doan when I grow up!
12	--->'''Jim:''' He wants to be Jack Doan when HE grows up!
13	** After the match, which {{Wrestling/Torrie\|Wilson}} won.
14	--->'''Paul:''' Do you think they might [[GirlOnGirlIsHot kiss and make up]]?
15	--->'''Jim:''' Well, I don't know.
16	--->'''Paul:''' Please?
17	--->'''Jim:''' ''[laughs sarcastically]'' Yeah, in your dreams.
18	--->'''Paul:''' Actually JR, that's a very accurate statement.
19	* During a 2004 episode of ''[=SmackDown=]'', Rhyno hits Wrestling/JohnCena with a [[FinishingMove Gore]], pretty much breaking the dude in half. That in and of itself is only funny if you [[BaseBreakingCharacter are not a fan of Mr. Cena.]] What is ''objectively'' hilarious is Paul Heyman grabbing a microphone and screaming "'''''GORE!!!''''' '''''GORE!!!'''''" at the top of his lungs like in his old ECW days in the battered Cena's face.
20	* Addressing the ''Raw'' and ''[=SmackDown=]'' gatecrashers at the first One Night Stand pay-per-view
21	-->'''Paul:''' Hide your wives, it's [[Wrestling/EdgeWrestler EDGE]]! ... I have {{two words\|ICantCount}} for you: ''[gets in the ropes, starts flapping]'' '''[[Wrestling/MattHardy MATT FREAKING HARDY]]!'''\
22	'''Edge:''' ''[mocking surprise; to the others]'' That's three words, Paul!
23	** His best line from that night?
24	-->'''Paul''': ''[to [[Wrestling/JohnBradshawLayfield JBL]]]'' Since you wanna [[WorkedShoot shoot]], cowboy... ''The only reason you were WWE Champ for a year... ''' is because Wrestling/TripleH didn't want to work Tuesdays!'''[[labelnote:*]]JBL was on [=SmackDown=] at the time, which was taped on Tuesday nights[[/labelnote]]
25	* From ''December to Dismember'' 2006, widely regarded as the all-time worst WWE PPV:
26	-->'''Heyman:''' Long after my death, ECW will live on.\
27	'''Fan''': Bullshit!
28	** Shortly after that, Heyman says Big Show is the (unconvincing) "face" of ECW, just shortly before Big Show would say "he's going to retire next year"! If only he was right.
29	* Paul concludes [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wZHiSBf-SUU this]] interview after leaving WWE in December 2006 by saying why he doesn't want to go back into the wrestling business (in short, [[ArtistDisillusionment creative and emotional disappointment]]) by saying "I'd end up like [[Wrestling/JimCornette Cornette]]!" and does an impression of his notorious outrage. Now HilariousInHindsight as Paul is back in wrestling (as an on-screen character only though) and Jim Cornette is out.
30	* Here he is [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7hXiLoXhZMc impersonating Dusty Rhodes on the phone]].
31	* On the Raw before ''Hell in a Cell 2013'' Paul was asked about said match, between himself, Ryback vs CM Punk. Things got a bit... [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EscFy7mX2Iw heated]]. What's better is Ryback, standing right there, completely unemotional and unmoving, while Paul is screaming himself purple.
32	* Paul [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5DsCjzVsl_Q tells a joke]].
33	* Referring to the commentary team as "Wrestling/JohnBradshawLayfield and [[Wrestling/MichaelCole those two]] [[Wrestling/JerryLawler other things]] [[TakeThat that call themselves announcers]]." Notable because in the midst of heeling it up, he got a standing ovation for this remark.
34	* Paul [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KfeE-SWGQOU sings a song about]] Wrestling/BrockLesnar breaking Wrestling/TheUndertaker's streak before the rematch between Taker and Lesnar at ''Wrestling/SummerSlam''. It's so funny that ''Brock Lesnar'' starts to {{corps\|ing}}e. At least until the signature [[OhCrap gong]] [[SugarWiki/MostWonderfulSound starts]] [[Wrestling/TheUndertaker to bell]].
35	* "Brock Lesnar doesn't like ANYBODY! He ''barely tolerates'' ME!" The dopey grin and nodding from Brock is what really sells it.
36	* When Wrestling/HeathSlater is demanding a match with Brock Lesnar and mentions his kids, Brock grabs the microphone from Paul to respond. Paul's response is to look horrified and FacePalm, as if to say "Oh dear God, what is he going to say?" (Lesnar is a notoriously poor mic worker.) [[spoiler: He's not wrong, as Brock responds to Slater's comments with a [[MemeticMutation hilariously blunt]] "I don't give a shit about your kids".]]
37	* After Brock Lesnar won the Money in the Bank contract in 2019, he teases cashing it in on either Universal Champion Wrestling/SethRollins or WWE Champion Wrestling/KofiKingston, and the two end up meeting with Lesnar on an episode of ''Raw'' to know his choice. At one point they start playing both champions' music as Lesnar mulls over his decision, and when Rollins's theme plays (which is a heavy guitar-laden riff), Heyman starts to rock out to it, complete with AirGuitar. Even Lesnar, who was uncharacteristically dancing to the music before (and even mimicking that his MITB briefcase is a boombox), tells Heyman to cut it out.
38	* The night after ''Crown Jewel'' 2019, after Lesnar took a beating from Wrestling/ReyMysterio, Heyman and Lesnar went to Wrestling/VinceMcMahon, which led Heyman to say this to the crowd:
39	-->'''Heyman:''' If you don't know who that is, Website/{{Google}} him, [[ThisIsForEmphasisBitch bitches]]!
40	* As Brock is declaring for the 2020 Royal Rumble, R-Truth comes out to declare himself and say "you may be a big, big...''big'' man but you will go over that top rope...Paul Heyman!" Heyman's expression is absolutely beautiful.
41	** The entire segment is great as for once it's ''Brock'' trying to calm down the irate ''Heyman''.

Context Funny / PaulHeyman