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1CrapsackWorld it may be, but the Seven Sectors are still home to a riot of humor. Albeit, that may be due to the astonishing stupidity that some nobles display, and copious amounts of EpicFail and BlackComedy, but there are a lot of funny or witty moments.
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3* Some of the quotes at the start of each section are hilarious:
4--> '''Gerion Lannister:''' Contrary to their beliefs, no Ironborn on Fair Isle had risen from the dead after being blasted by plasma grenades. [[DeadpanSnarker What is dead stays dead]].\
5'''Paxter Redwyne:''' I think we have all received the confirmation we need to conclude [[RammingAlwaysWorks ramming]] [[{{Averted}} is not an acceptable tactic]].\
6'''Anonymous Veteran:''' There is always a constant in war. You can count on the Ironborn to do the stupidest thing of the decade.
7* Wyman Manderly arriving on the bridge of his flagship, telling the bridge crew that he is disappointed in them, as he had assured Ned that none of their ships would be ready to assist the Targaryens until the 15th day of the month. He's quite annoyed that his men were ready [[DoWrongRight five days early]].
8* Pretty much everyone (with the exception of most of the Ironborn) agree that Balon was a colossal idiot.
9* Every other sentence out of Euron Greyjoy's mouth CrossTheLineTwice and combines with EvilIsHammy.
10* The "muster" of the Stormlands, which basically consists of a bunch of bootlickers and people that were threatened into coming. And there is a hilarious amount of heel dragging.
11* Varys' internal monologue reveals him as a pure DeadpanSnarker - one that really, really considers the irony of being the only one keeping the Seven Sectors afloat while the rest of the Small Council fights against itself, when he is supposed to work out how to bring them down.
12** The line about smiling to one of Rhaeger's orders while imagining himself burning the Targaryen Flag in effigy is a standout.
13* Cersei slapping and insulting her husband for his failure to take the Ironborn invasion seriously, causing Varys to tally up one of the most expensive things in the galaxy (ranging into the trillions) before agreeing that the image of Cersei doing that is truly priceless and surpasses everything else he just listed.
14* The political disaster in the making is so hilariously over the top that you can't help but laugh your ass off at it. To recap:
15** The North has pretty much made it clear that their rebellion is inevitable. The only possible card that can be used against them is Visenya (the elder of Lyanna's twin daughters). [[NiceJobFixingItVillain Who Rhaegar just sent North]].
16** The Vale is preparing to go to war because Jon Arryn knows that Robin Arryn is going to be a shit leader. It says something that his younger daughter (who like Robin is sickly, but wasn't coddled by Lysa) is infinitely better regarded by the military despite the heavily patriarchal nature of the Andal kingdoms.
17** The Riverlands are in a colossal clusterfuck. The Malister-Blackwood faction supports the North. Edmure is horrifyingly assholish thanks to being a ward after the war. The Brackens lead a group of former rebels that are resentful of their poor peace terms. The Freys (supported by the Lannisters) are desperately trying to stay in prominence after their house was nearly wiped out by Eddard. The Moontons, despite being loyalists are stated to be a separate faction from the main loyalists. And the new Lord Paramount (House Darry) is unable to extend more than a basic control over the region while House Whent has a member as the Hand of the King, who is laughably ineffective.
18** The Westerlands, led by Tywin "center of the universe" Lannister are going to be supporting Joffrey in an upcoming war - which they are bound to lose, given the superiority of the forces facing them.
19** House Tyrell and those houses they lead are behind Aegon, but they have made the mistake of building such a huge war fleet that they will be lucky if they can keep it going for little more than a year before getting ruined. Meanwhile, House Hightower and their followers are bound to support Viserys, who is married to one of the Hightower ladies.
20** The House Baratheon have promised all the candidates their support, but they plan to betray each and every one of them. Almost all of the Stormlords are loyal to Stannis, due to how badly the Crown has been treating them[[note]]To the point that Brienne makes it clear that they don't care if they win, they just want to be free[[/note]]. Jon Connington is basically Rhaegar's bitch. Or at least he wants to be.
21** Dorne is going to try to place Rhaenys on the throne. [[spoiler:They are the ones that fire the first shots by destroying the ship Rhaegar sent to bring Rhaenys back to King's Landing, even getting Jaime Lannister to side with her.]]
22** Despite destroying and dismantling the entirety of the Ironborn military, occupying every system in the sector, and all but destroying the Ironborn's ability to resist them, the Targaryens and the lords they put in charge of the occupied systems have [[EpicFail screwed things up so badly]] that there is only one system (out of eight) in the entire sector that is not almost in open revolt, with the occupying forces of one system suffering over ''twenty thousand'' casualties in a ''single fortnight''.
23** Rhaenyra Blackfyre, the Queen Varys and Illyrio Mopatis are working to put on the Iron Throne, is ready to use Victarion Greyjoy as a catspaw to get the Targaryens distracted while she attacks in the east.
24** But the Crownlands, more specifically King's Landing, really takes the cake for how bad things are. Half the royal family is ready to commit kinslaying to grab the throne. Rhaegar's prophecy obsession has grown so great that he's basically Aerys III. Aegon is stated to be a complete sociopath who regularly kills those who support his siblings. Joffrey is Joffrey with self-control. The small council is permanently feuding thanks to puppets from the Reach and Westerlands, Baelish, and the Crownlords. And the most competent and effective council member, Varys, is actually a Blackfyre who is supposed to be destabilizing the kingdom ahead of the Sixth Blackfyre Rebellion, [[{{Irony}} but he expends more effort trying to keep things stable]]. Oh, and a group of Seven fanatics (the Sparrows) just became ISIS.
25** And the Others are on their way along with something related to the Void God (the sci-fy'ed Drowned God) and the fire demons that destroyed Valyria. Yeah... This ain't gonna end well.
26* Baela teases her cousin Joanna Snow when it turns out she has a crush on Davos Seaworth. Joanna tells her she will remember this when it is Baela's turn at the communications sector in the next watch. Baela sticks out her tongue - along with her dragon Icefyre.
27* Mace Tyrell constructs an enormous fleet. And in the next chapter, Calla Rowan points out that under the best possible circumstances, [[EpicFail there's only money to keep it running for about fourteen months]] because the Reach's treasury is exhausted and barely able to afford to maintain it all. She also wonders where she got her brains since her mother is indecisive and even outright informing her father of the detailed figures doesn't have any bearing on his belief that the Reach is invincible.
28* WordOfGod is that using a tactical nuke on Gregor Clegane would NOT be considered overkill.
29* In the aftermath of the [[spoiler:Seven Sparrows' second terrorist attack]], ''Varys'' [[RageBreakingPoint explodes]] at his fellow Small Council members, even getting a good jab at Arthur Dayne, and finishing it by mentioning an ostrich would do a better job than them before storming out, all the while destroying several vases and a statue. What's the first comment?
30--> '''Hand of the King Walter Whent:''' [[ComicallyMissingThePoint What's an ostrich?]]
31* While almost every scene builds on the suspense of the coming war, Edmure's biggest concern is that he can't find a potential bride with the requirements: Beauty, lineage, loyalty, and wealth.
32* Arya has apparently trained "Dragon's Doom" (Ned's rather excitable direwolf) to agree with her upon a hand signal under promise of extra food.
33* Tywin's cousin Lantion (Master of Coin) is apparently into BDSM. You may now enjoy the image of Tywin and Joanna Lannister playing "lion tamer".
34* Jaime watching the Targaryen loyalists on the mission to Dorne froth at the various indignities they're suffering, such as watching the Dornish guards pissing on the rug that the Targaryen delegation will have to walk across.
35* [[spoiler:The sheer incredulity of Sansa Stark being the one to kill not only Rhaegar, but Barristan Selmy, Arys Oakheart, and Arthur Dayne (whose death was especially torturous). Considering how her canon self suffered beatings from many Kingsguards on Joffrey's orders, it is very cathartic. Also, how does she cap it off? The Northerns take Dawn with them when they leave]].
36* Lynesse Hightower goes to the Maidenvault to inform Cersei that she is no longer queen. How does Cersei react? [[spoiler: By throwing an impromptu party at her freedom and emptying several bottles of wine in succession]].
37* Apparently, Baela's ice dragon, Icefyre, has been informally adopted by the direwolf pack. Unfortunately, it's more an Omega than an Alpha with Baela admitting that even once he's grown bigger than the full-grown direwolves, he'll still probably run away. Keep in mind that dragons typically grow bigger than a Star Destroyer (at least in length) in this universe.
38* The first thing Shierra's dragon does is sniff for a snack in her arms.
39* Joffrey's jealousy about his sister's dragon, and Tywin's reaction to Gerion giving the ancestral sword Brighroar to Daeron (one of the only people who Tywin can't just demand it from).
40* Arya attempted to smuggle the twins' dragons and the direwolves unto Ice (the Stark's super-battleship). They utterly failed in staying hidden.
41** For the above mischief, the twins are being sent to boot camp. On Bear Island. Which is in the middle of an Ice Age.
42* The meeting between Stannis Baratheon and Rhaenys Targaryen to formalize an alliance against Aegon and the Reach is rather amusing given that both parties are fully aware the other is going to stick a knife in the other's back at the first opportunity.
43* Samwell Tarly and Asha are enjoying their marriage to a great extent and delight in thumbing their noses at the Tyrells.
44* There’s plenty of BlackComedy in Robin’s patheticness as he’s brought before his father and sister, with Jon unhappily noting that he only acknowledges Robin as his son because of the [=DNA=] tests.
45* Edmure Tully mocking Ronald "the Bad" Vance for his [[EpicFail poor attempt]] at forging orders from Lord Darry (among other things, he used the wrong color for the seal, didn't even try to properly imitate Darry's handwriting and had dozens of spelling and grammar mistakes in just eight sentences). He says that an uneducated servant could have made a more convincing forgery and by the end of the argument he and Vance are throwing each others nicknames (both given for poor sexual performance) at each other.
46** Edmure also gets in a pretty good zinger when he mentally remarks that House Darry isn't so sycophantic to write orders in red-black ink (symbolizing the Targaryens). House Connington on the other hand...
47* [[TheExile Lord Farwynd]] has dubbed [[WeNamedTheMonkeyJack a stubborn, dumb, and somewhat strong-looking boreal otter that's been following him Victarion]].
48* Plenty of the banners carried by protestors after the Harvest Graveyard, such as “Admiral of the Imbeciles”, “Mace Tyrell Give us back the grand fleet” and “We have so many ships we are using them like missile sponges.”
49* If one has [[KafkaKomedy a morbid sense of humor]], the fact that [[EpicFail Victarion's first "liberation" ends in the planet pretty much disintegrating]] [[BlackComedy manages to make millions of deaths quite hilarious]].
50* The northern Riverlords try to look on the bright side after the Northern fleet invades and starts to unleash their vengeance. On the one hand, they've lost family and significant amounts of their fleets. On the other, they've lost family they either dislike or think are wastes of oxygen and they're no longer being lorded over by the Freys.
51* Rhaegar learned that the Starks kept some top secret shipyard hidden somewhere, named ''Base Shadowwolf'', and sent multiple spies to find the place, with no success. Visenya learns after arriving to the North that the rumours were started by the Northerners themselves as a joke to distract the spies from the actual source of new ships - the normal shipyards that got expanded while the spies were distracted with a non-existent secret base.
52* Once again, dragons prove to be a source of comedy when Dany's Anarax attempts to lick the crown she is being offered by the Braavosi Sealord.
53* The rather absurd situation that Eddard Stark represents the most unifying figure in Westeros despite his isolationist policy and two decades of Targ propaganda. To whit: he's the foster son of Jon Arryn (the Vale), married to Catelyn Tully (the River Sector), is respected by the Stormlords, one of the few people Dorne doesn't hate, and has enough influence to for the Westerlands and Reach to kneel. And he's made it clear that he has no interest in taking that path.
54* In a touch of BlackComedy, Walter Whent was cloned and then resurrected by Melisandre so he would rally the Riverlands behind Aegon - only for this plan to fizzle because Viserys had already sent Whent's original corpse to Harrenhall as a peace offering. Whent is promptly accused of impersonating himself and put into prison.
55* Sansa and her half-sister Joanna joking about the former becoming power-hungry, and later when Sansa gives Joanna [[CoolSword Dawn]] as a nameday gift, even though it is four months away... so Joanna insists Sansa will still have to buy her a gift.
56** There’s an extra bit of humor if one is a fan of Pokémon because of the character Dawn and her mother Johanna.
57* The story's RunningGag about people not wearing helmets in battle reaches its apex when [[spoiler:Aegon takes off his helmet during the assault on the Red Keep - and gets promptly shot in the neck by ''Janos Slynt''.]]
58* After being informed of [[spoiler: Aegon's]] survival, his staff, disgusted by his conduct during the Battle, react with angry dissapointment rather than the joy they would have experienced mere weeks ago, and one of them even [[DartboardOfHate angrily empties his gun into a nearby picture of Rhaegar]].
59* Rhaenys eavesdropping on the Tyrell military communications and scornfully noting how they are too stupid and overwhelmed to consider that their codes are compromised after all of the databases that the Dornish have captured intact.
60* When Joffrey mentally goes over all the signs that he is essentially a PuppetKing in the hands of his grandfather Tywin, one of them is that [[EvilIsPetty Tywin has ensured his chair in the war council is bigger than Joffrey's]].
61* During the Battle of Highgarden, Baelor Hightower says that he'd offer a lordship for the head of Tywin Lannister, except after all the planets that have been conquered, the Reach doesn't have any lordships left to give.
62* In the immediate aftermath of their defeat of the Lannister fleet, Wilas Tyrell informs his brother that House Tyrell will be officially bankrupt in a matter of days, putting a bit of a damper on any potential celebrations.
63* Nymeria Sand (legitimized as the new ruler of the conquered Ashford) engages in some VictoryGloating toward the Ashford Masterly Houses after they rise in rebellion [[EpicFail and are easily routed]], just five days after swearing oaths of loyalty to their Dornish occupiers. She comments that the oaths of loyalty they swore are worth as much as the military leadership of House Ashford (who were crushed at the Harvest Graveyard) before sentencing them to twenty years at hard labor in a blistering-hot mine. And she reveals that punishment for Rebellion [[ReadTheFinePrint was in the fine print]] of the loyalty oaths they all signed but that not a single one of them read all the way through. She then tells a protesting [[CorruptChurch self-appointed member of the Most Devout]] to save his saliva, as he'll need the water where he's going.
64* When Tywin's will is read, after wondering whether Tyrion, Kevan, or Lancel will be his heir, Joffrey is furious to find out that ''Jaime'' is still the heir to the Westerlands, in spite of his vows to the Kingsguard and uncertain status. He wastes no time in declaring the will invalid and (reluctantly) naming Tyrion as Tywin's successor.
65* During the Battle of Pyke, where Victarion is raising the dead, Sam asks for good news and is told that [[ZeroPercentApprovalRating Rhaegar]] is still dead.
66* Sam decides to cap off the Reach-Western-Iron victory against Victarion by snogging his wife in front of everyone for a good ten minutes.
67* After the Battle of New Barrel leaves Lord Uller without a legitimate heir, the closest he has to one is his bastard daughter Ellaria and her children. When Oberyn states he's willing to marry Ellaria, Rhaenys states the end of the galaxy must be close.

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