Line #52 Funny/KickAss2


1	* The first scene in the film. It's Mindy shooting Dave in the chest the same way her dad did to her with a SIG-Sauer p230. Dave obivously doesn't want to go through with it, but Mindy says that if he doesn't, he doesn't need to do it: then does it anyway. After that, she pulls out a [[HandCannon Smith & Wesson Model 629 Classic chambered for the .44 Magnum]]. Dave makes her promise to him that she won't say she won't do it then shoot him in the chest. [[ExactWords She shoots him in the back as he's walking away instead]].
2	* During a training exercise, Mindy has Dave dress up in garb that's certain to attract muggers. She has him don a flashy, all-white suit, fur-coat and hat and carry around several bags full of expensive-looking items. Dave's comment on it just seals the deal.
3	-->'''Dave:''' I am the whitest pimp ever.
4	* Doctor Gravity referring to the more muscled of Kick-Ass' attackers as he beats him down with his bat as a: "JERSEY SHORE MOTHERFUCKER!"
5	* Motherfucker trying to rob a store in order to get filmed, only to find out the store has no security cameras, then he holds his Para-Ordnance Nite-Tacs on an elderly man who warns him about the guns having a kick if [[GangstaStyle fired sideways]]. He fires anyways and receives the recoiled frame straight to the head, then he angrily starts firing his guns randomly into the cold cooler display case.
6	** The CoolOldGuy trying to get to his knees while still propping himself up with his cane. Much to Chris' growing aggravation.
7	** Really, almost ''every'' scene [[LaughablyEvil the Motherfucker]] appears in.
8	* Mindy's reaction to the Union J music video. She has no idea how to react to being aroused.
9	-->'''Mindy:''' What the fuck was that?''
10	* Dave ousting Marty's bullshit origin story.
11	-->'''Marty:''' Dave? Why are you dressed like Kick-Ass?\
12	'''Dave:''' Because, [[CallBack I'm Kick-Ass.]]
13	* This exchange.
14	-->'''Colonel Stars-and-Stripes:''' If you'd consider it, Kick-Ass, we'd be honored to have you join us.\
15	'''Kick-Ass:''' ... HELL, YEAH!!!\
16	'''Everyone Else:''' ''[cheers]''\
17	'''Colonel Stars-and-Stripes:''' That's what I like to hear! ''[bro fist]'' Right, time for initiation. Turn around and I'll unzip you.\
18	'''Kick-Ass:''' ''[{{beat}}]'' I'm sorry, what?\
19	'''Colonel Stars-and-Stripes:''' Just joking. Let's get down to business.\
20	'''Everyone Else:''' ''[laughs]''\
21	'''Doctor Gravity:''' Gotcha.
22	* While the Colonel's speech is genuinely Heartwarming, the conclusion is priceless.
23	-->'''Sal:''' People should get what they deserve. Family living in the street deserves a hot meal. An inebriated college girl deserves to make it home safe at night. And a pervert, pedophile, ''[takes a random guy's hotdog wiener and holds it up]'' deserves a visit from Eisenhower... ''[offers it to his German Shepherd, who perks up at the sight of it]'' Schwantz! ''[she snaps up the sausage, while Kick-Ass covers his privates protectively]''
24	** Then later... [[GroinAttack "Yeah! There's a dog on your balls!"]]
25	* Chris claiming that two prostitutes are his "sidekicks".
26	-->'''Javier:''' They're not your sidekicks, Chris. they're prostitutes and witnesses. Alright, sorry, no offense.
27	* Javier noticing the UnfortunateImplications of having ''Mother'' Russia and The ''Motherfucker'' on the same team. Hell, his entire reaction to all the [[CrossesTheLineTwice hilariously racist names]] Chris keeps suggesting for the Toxic Mega-Cunts.
28	-->'''Javier:''' We got, uh, Katrina Dumbrovski.\
29	'''Chris:''' Wait, wait, wait. A chick?\
30	'''Javier:''' Yeah.\
31	'''Chris:''' Seriously, you hired a chick?\
32	'''Javier:''' ''Yeah.'' Former KGB. She was locked up in the Gulag until she ''ate'' her cellmate.
33	* Javier's reaction to being called Chris' "Alfred to [Chris'] evil Bruce Wayne."
34	-->'''Javier:''' Did you just call me your fuckin' ''butler?''\
35	'''Chris:''' ... Is that not a compliment?
36	* Ralph D'Amico's reaction to Chris calling himself The Motherfucker.
37	* Motherfucker's reaction to Mother Russia's suggestion [[KickTheDog about killing Eisenhower.]]
38	-->'''The Motherfucker:''' Jesus ''Christ'', [[EvenEvilHasStandards I'm not that evil!]] ... [[HypocriticalHumor Cut the old man's head off.]]
39	** Doubles as a TakeThat to the comic the film is based on, as The Motherfucker is much more sociopathic there. Christopher Mintz-Plasse was against such scenes and likely asked the writers to throw that line in instead.
40	* Dave's shirt that reads "[[TakeThat I hate]] [[ComicBook/New52 reboots]]".
41	* Mindy getting her revenge against the popular girls with a specially designed shock baton her father bought from DARPA that makes them vomit and soil themselves '''at the same time'''.
42	-->'''Brooke:''' Well, either your dad got ripped off, or you're back in make-believe land, sweetheart. Because we feel fabulous.\
43	'''Mindy:''' Not for long.
44	* Motherfucker [[CrossesTheLineTwice trying and failing to rape Night Bitch]], while under her civilian identity; Miranda Swedlow. He starts to take his equipment out, only to [[{{Beat}} pause]], and turn around to start playing with himself when he gets erectile dysfunction, then Night Bitch and even his own man, the Tumor; start chuckling at his predicament.
45	-->'''The Motherfucker:''' You're done bangin' superheroes, baby! It's time to see what evil dick feels like! ''[dramatic unzipping of his leather pants]'' ... Shit.\
46	'''Tumor:''' What's wrong? ... What are you doing? ... Come on!\
47	'''The Motherfucker:''' God, okay, I'm just... I'm not in the mood!\
48	'''Miranda:''' I guess evil dick feels limp!
49	* Black Death and Genghis Carnage fanboying all over Mother Russia's CMOA.
50	* "Game on, cocksuckers!"
51	* After Mindy rescues Dave, she motivates Dave into getting revenge on the Motherfucker. She then tells Dave that she’s going make the Tumor eat his own dick. His response:
52	--> ''' Tumor: '''Seriously?
53	* The RunningGag with the shark.
54	-->'''Black Death:''' That shark is dead.\
55	'''Mother Russia:''' No. He is just hungry. We should feed him.\
56	'''Black Death:''' ... [[OhCrap Why you looking at me?]]
57	* The Motherfucker proudly explains that they will turn the bags of manure he ordered into bombs... until Genghis Carnage explains that this requires ''chemical'' fertilizers.
58	* Mindy's [[YouHaveGotToBeKiddingMe reaction]] to Mother Russia blocking her throwing knives.
59	* Chris D'Amico's attempt at a quasi StrawNihilist / BreakingSpeech falls quite flat, not to mention sounding absolutely hilarious.
60	-->'''The Motherfucker:''' Jesus, you are ''such'' a pussy. What is the ''point'' of wearing a mask if you can't do what you want?!\
61	'''Kick-Ass:''' We want -- to do ''good''.\
62	'''The Motherfucker:''' No, people ''[smashes his knee]'' WANT to win the lottery! People WANT ''[cracks Dave's knee again]'' to fuck Scarlett Johansson!
63	* After Mindy kisses Dave, she tells him to be nice about it, otherwise she’ll rip his ass out of his mouth.
64	* In the TV edit, after asking Kick-Ass to get her a pair of pliers, Mindy proclaims they are so she can make the Tumor eat his ''shoes'' , instead of the original GroinAttack.

Context Funny / KickAss2