Follow TV Tropes

Following

Context Funny / JoJosBizarreAdventureAbridged

Go To

1[[foldercontrol]]
2
3[[folder:Stardust Crusaders OVA]]
4! Episode One: "Stand By Me"
5* When Joseph gets off the cab to meet Holly:
6-->'''Cabbie:''' Okay, buddy, that'll be eighteen fifty-- Hey, hey buddy, what the fuck!? Hey! This ain't no free ride! This ain't no limo shit! Hey, c'mon, you gotta pay--\
7''[Joseph and Holly hug]''\
8'''Cabbie:''' Oh. That's precious. That's cute, that's real amazing, that's real touching, that's-- '''''NOW GIVE ME MY FUCKING EIGHTEEN-FIFTY!'''''
9* Joseph's attempt at waking up his grandson in prison involves acting like a JiveTurkey.
10-->'''Policeman:''' Wake up, convict.\
11'''Joseph:''' Well, that's no way to wake someone up! Here. I learned this from the in-flight movie. ''[to Jotaro]'' Hey, fuckface! Yeah, I'm talking to you, you cracka-faced cracka! How you gonna step up in ma' crib and not get stomped on, bee-yatta-cha? How you gonna act?\
12'''Jotaro:''' Hey, grand-dad.
13* "Son of a bitch stole my gun!"
14* After putting Jotaro in the [[PlayingWithFire Red Bind]], Avdol warns Joseph that Jotaro could get hurt if they fight. Joseph [[SinkOrSwimMentor doesn't]] [[ToughLove care]].
15--> '''Avdol:''' Mr. Joestar! I must warn you that if I fight to my fullest I may injure the boy.\
16'''Joseph:''' [[BrutalHonesty I don't care]].\
17'''Avdol:''' But I could seriously inj-\
18'''Joseph:''' Look, are you gonna talk or kick my grandon's ass?
19* "You chopped... my camera... in half. You asshole."
20* In canon, the thing Star Platinum sees in Dio's picture is a fly native to Egypt. In this series?
21-->'''Avdol:''' What is he drawing?\
22'''Joseph:''' It's a frog! No, no it's a knife! Ooh, ooh! [[WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy It's a jackal! It's a jackal! I bet it's a jackal!]]\
23''[It's [[VideoGame/MarioIsMissing Weegee]]. Cue ScareChord.]''\
24''[Really long {{beat}}]''\
25'''Joseph:''' What... the... f-- ''[cue end credits]''
26
27! Episode Two: "Hiero-What Now?"
28* This Episode starts with Jotaro just walking along, ignoring the women trying to glomp him, when suddenly, he gets STABBED IN THE KNEE, OUT OF NOWHERE. His response?
29--> '''Jotaro:''' ''[knocked off stairs, only for Star Platinum to appear and grab a tree branch, which promptly breaks]'' Fucking Mother Nature! ''[lands in bushes]''
30--> '''Young woman:''' [=JoJo=]!
31--> '''Other young woman:''' He got fucked up!
32--> '''Jotaro:''' ''[gets up, looks at his wound]'' Owwwww. ''[looks off to the side]'' Wait, is that-- oh, shit, it is! '''Creator/RobertDowneyJr!''' ''[runs off, finding nobody]'' Damn it, he's gone. And all I wanted to know is if he got that thing I sent him.
33* Jotaro's unfamiliarity with bandages.
34--> '''Jotaro:''' Ban...dage? What a strange device. Do...do I eat it? Is... is it microwavable? Does it taste like... Pop-Tarts? I don't know. Maybe if I try eating it with dirt-- '''BLAUUUGH!''' ''[spits]'' Urgh! Tastes like ass!
35* The entire fight with Kakyoin. Highlights include:
36** Jotaro and Kakyoin arguing over how to pronounce "Hierophant Green", culminating in this exchange:
37--->'''Kakyoin:''' Hi...\
38'''Jotaro:''' Hi.\
39'''Kakyoin:''' Ero...\
40'''Jotaro:''' Ero.\
41'''Kakyoin:''' Phant...\
42'''Jotaro:''' Phant.\
43'''Kakyoin:''' Green.\
44'''Jotaro:''' Green.\
45'''Kakyoin:''' Hierophant Green.\
46'''Jotaro:''' John Green.\
47'''Kakyoin:''' Okay, now you're just messing with me!\
48'''Jotaro:''' Hehehe. I do that sometimes.
49** Jotaro calling said stand "emo".
50--->'''Kakyoin:''' I warn you, Jotaro--\
51'''Jotaro (thinking):''' Wait, how'd his Stand get there?\
52'''Kakyoin:''' My Stand doesn't like to be in open spaces. It would much rather be hiding in something like a dark corner. Or hair bangs.\
53'''Jotaro:''' So... it's emo.\
54'''Kakyoin:''' Wha--? No, it's not emo!\
55'''Jotaro:''' You said it likes to hide behind hair bangs. Pretty sure that's what emos do.\
56'''Kakyoin:''' That doesn't mean it's emo!\
57''[cut to a wounded Hierophant Green, with Music/LinkinPark's "Crawling" playing in the background]''\
58'''Jotaro:''' Dude, ''it is crying from its wrist.'' That is ''hard'' emo, bro.
59* Avdol asks Jotaro what his Stand's name is. Cut to a JRPG-esque naming screen (with ''Final Fantasy VII'' sound effects) as "Star Platinum" is typed in and confirmed. Turns out Jotaro [[SerendipityWritesThePlot wasn't even able to name his stand on his own, thanks to letter limit issues!]]
60
61! Episode Three: "All Stands on Deck"
62* When Polnareff tells the gang they'll go to hell when he kills them.
63-->'''Joseph:''' Ha! Joke's on you asshole. Avdol's Muslim, so when he dies he goes to UsefulNotes/McDonalds. Face!
64** And as of the eighth episode, it's confirmed!
65--->'''Avdol:''' ''(At King Yemma's place)'' '''''Ahhhhhhhh!!! I f** king hate white people!!!'''''
66* The whole [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cy-YtilNyS8#t=1m12s flashback scene:]]
67-->'''Avdol:''' Is everything alright, Mr Joestar?
68-->'''Joseph:''' Oh, it's nothing, Avdol. I've just had bad experiences with planes.
69-->'''Avdol:''' Really? Why?
70-->'''Joseph:''' Oh, I just kamikaze'd an immortal god into a active volcano. I remember it like it was yesterday... ''[{{WesternAnimation/Arthur}} flashback sound]''
71-->'''Past!Joseph:''' ''''' "HOLY FUCKING JESUS CHRIST HOW THE FUCK DO I FLY THIS THING?! HOLY JESUS- WHAT THE FUCK?!? FUCKING PIRANHAS! FUCKING PIRANHAS!! FUCKING PIRANHAS!!! WHAT THE FUCK? WHERE THE FUCK DID THE OCTOPUS COME FROM? WHAT IN GOOD JESUS, WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!''''''
72-->'''Kars:''' ''Fabulous~.''
73-->'''Past!Joseph:''' '''''WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS-- OH MY GOD!!!''''' [CRASH]
74-->'''Joseph''': "And that's how I got my artificial hand. Good times... Good times."
75*** Now in [[https://web.archive.org/web/20210202004256/https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KZ_nZsTHmDs animation!]]
76* After Avdol takes down Polnareff by setting him on fire, Jotaro asks if Avdol is really gonna let a man [[CruelAndUnusualDeath burn to death]]. Joseph assures him that Avdol wouldn't do that...[[InstantlyProvenWrong only for Avdol to casually toss Polnareff a knife]] to ''[[GallowsHumor kill himself with]]''.
77* When one of the Speedwagon Foundation personnel approaches Forever the orangutan, Kakyoin warns him to stay away in gruesome detail.
78--> '''Speedwagon Foundation Guy:''' Aww, I bet you're [[IReadItForTheArticles just reading it for the articles]].
79--> '''Kakyoin:''' I wouldn't get too close. An orangutan is five times stronger than a normal human being. He can easily rip your arms off.
80--> '''Joseph:''' Dang, that's pretty violent--
81--> '''Kakyoin:''' Then, when it's done scratching its ass with your arms, it'll rip off your legs and use them as antennas, then use your intestines as jump ropes. And then, when it's hungry, it'll eat your heart with a side of gallbladder marinated in your testicles. And then, on those cold, lonely nights, it'll use your skull with the eyeballs intact ''as a fuck toy!''
82--> ''-NBC's "The More You Know" logo appears-''
83--> '''Speedwagon Foundation Guy:''' Do not want!
84
85! Episode Four: "The Good, The Bad, and the Fugly"
86* Hol Horse's introduction. Anyone for some {{Eagleland}} comedy?
87--> '''Hol Horse:''' My name's Hol Horse. And My Stand's name is-
88--> '''POP QUIZ!!'''
89--> '''Is Hol Horse's Stand named:'''
90--> '''A. The Emperor?'''
91--> '''B. Series/TheDukesOfHazzard?'''
92--> '''C. Creator/DollyParton?'''
93--> '''D. Series/WalkerTexasRanger?'''
94--> '''Or E. [[WesternAnimation/KingOfTheHill Propane and propane accessories?]]'''
95--> '''Hol Horse:''' My Stand's name is Emperor. I was gonna call it Dukes of Hazzard but then I remembered one of my eighteen bloodhounds is called that-- but enough of that jibber-jabber.
96* Avdol's death is played for drama, even going so far as being set to "Time to Say Goodbye". That is, until Kakyoin approaches Avdol...
97--> '''Kakyoin:''' Avdol! Avdol, wake up! Say nothing if you're alright!
98--> '''[{{Beat}}]'''
99--> '''Kakyoin:''' Polnareff! He's all ri--
100--> '''Polnareff:''' It's no use, Kakyoin. He's dead. ''*sniff*'' Just like WesternAnimation/TheIronGiant.
101--> '''Kakyoin:''' Uh... actually, he survived.
102--> '''Polnareff:''' *''turns around to reveal he's been crying''* '''AND THE BAD NEWS JUST KEEPS COMING!'''
103
104!Episode Five: "Stand up and Shout... ZOMBIES!!!"
105* Hol Horse has frequent nightmares, it seems...and they all involve the [[Series/BlueCollarComedy Blue Collar Boys]]
106--> '''Hol Horse:''' (after a second of running and panting) Oh my god, oh my god...JEFF FOXWORTHY!
107--> '''Jeff Foxworthy:''' You know you're a redneck when you can make someone '''SQUEEEEEAL''' like a pig!
108--> '''Hol Horse:''' (turns around and...) Oh my god, BILL ENGVALL!
109--> '''Bill Engvall:''' I don't know what I do.
110--> '''Hol Horse:''' AH! RON WHITE!
111--> '''Ron White:''' I'm drunk.
112--> '''Hol Horse:''' Oh my god...''LARRY THE CABLE GUY!'''
113--> '''Creator/LarryTheCableGuy:''' Gag him and take off his pants, boys. (Hol Horse stammers and pleads ineffectually) Well...looks like I'm 'bout ta...''git 'r' done...''
114* When the first zombie attacks Polnareff with an ice pick, Silver Chariot moves to block it. The zombie is so weak it can barely make Chariot flinch, and it proceeds to calmly shove the attacker to the floor. It is then captioned with "Best Fight Scene Ever"
115* Enya Geil offers the gang a place to stay. Cue Polnareff's...[[OffModel happy face.]]
116--> '''Happy Polnareff:''' LE HERPY DERP YES WE ARE!
117* Jotaro's reaction to a horde of zombies surrounding him?
118--> '''Jotaro''': [[TwoWordsICantCount Only one word I can think of...]] [[PreAssKickingOneLiner MOSH]] [[LargeHam PIIIIIIT!]]
119* The zombies start menacing the Crusaders, to which Joseph and Kakyoin react with...a hurricane of zombie media references.
120--> '''Joseph:''' My god...[[VideoGame/HouseOfTheDead this house is filled with the dead!]]
121--> '''Kakyoin:''' And they're [[Franchise/SilentHill silent...like the hills!]]
122--> '''Joseph:''' C'mon! We gotta get out of this [[VideoGame/ResidentEvil residence of evil!]]
123--> '''Kakyoin, grabbing Enya on the way:''' Don't worry, you won't be [[VideoGame/Left4Dead left for dead!]]
124--> '''Creator/ArnoldSchwarzenegger''': '''STOP IT!'''
125
126!Episode Six: "Stand, Surf and Run"
127* N'Doul's death scene flips between this and TearJerker. When it's this though, it elicits as much laughs as it does tears. After N'Doul relates his sad story about his little brother dying and him going blind at a young age...
128-->'''Jotaro:''' ''{{Film/Ray}}''.
129-->'''N'Doul:''' What?
130-->'''Jotaro:''' Dude, that-- that was a flashback in ''Ray''.
131-->'''N'Doul:''' ... boy, you tellin' me that a ''blind'' man saw ''Ray''?
132-->'''Jotaro:''' Well, you know, you could have read the autobiography.
133-->'''N'Doul:''' Are you tellin' me that a blind motherfucker like me read a ''BOOK''? With '''WORDS''' in it?
134-->'''Jotaro:''' Well, you could've used Braille.
135-->'''N'Doul:''' Boy, what the fuck is Braille?
136-->'''Jotaro:''' It's what blind people use to read.
137-->'''({{beat}})'''
138-->'''N'Doul:''' [[ComicallyMissingThePoint NIGGA, BLIND PEOPLE CAN'T READ! YOU KNOW WHAT BLIND MEANS?! IT MEANS MY EYES DON'T WORK! WHAT ARE YOU, DEAF?!]] That's... what I... thought...
139** Before the above exchange, there's this exchange right as N'Doul is sharing some final words with Jotaro, but ends up veering off topic:
140-->'''N'Doul:''' (talking about Dio in a quiet whisper) He's so bold... so profound! His hair was as smooth as silk. His hair was as gold as gold. His trapezius muscles... tore through his shirt!
141-->'''Jotaro:''' '''Okay!''' I'm gettin' a little uncomfortable...
142-->'''N'Doul:''' (in his normal voice) Boy, shut yo' ass up! Dio Brando's a sexy man.
143** During one of N'Doul's speeches, it repeatedly cuts to closeups to him... [[spoiler:then the closeups are swapped out with increasingly [[CrossesTheLineTwice racist associations, such as the infamous "Popeyes ran out of chicken" news bulletin, before ending on]] [[Series/DiffrentStrokes Gary Coleman]] [[CrossesTheLineTwice giving his famous "Whatcha talkin' about, Willis?" catcphrase]]]]
144
145! Episode Seven
146* When D’Arby refuses Joseph’s money in exchange for DIO’s location, Joseph heavily misinterprets what D’Arby wants instead of cash:
147--->'''D’Arby''': (after Joseph has laid down something in front of him) What’s that?
148--->'''Joseph''': (completely serious) That's a picture. Of me. Sitting on a couch. With my legs spread open. Naked. This picture was on the cover of [=GDILFs=] Magazine's 'Top Ten Sexiest, Most [[PrecisionFStrike Fuckable]] Grandpas'. I was number one. [[AccidentalInnuendo Beating both]] Monkey D. Garp from ''Manga/OnePiece'', and Uncle Iroh from ''[[WesternAnimation/AvatarTheLastAirbender Avatar]]''.
149--->'''D'Arby''': How...recent...is that picture?
150--->'''Joseph''': '''VERY...very...recent.'''
151--->'''D’Arby''': Well…that’s…not…what I had…in…mind.
152** The kicker is when D'Arby reveals the [[YourSoulIsMine terms]] [[LostHimInACardGame of his bet]], he has an addendum that shows the offer [[EvenTheGuysWantHim isn't exactly unwanted]].
153--->'''D’Arby''': Yes, that's right, something of equal value. Like perhaps, your soul!
154--->(Dramatic Stinger)
155--->'''D’Arby''': [[MotorMouth Andapictureoftheoldguynaked]].
156* During the D'Arby poker match, after Jotaro breaks D'Arby's fingers for making Yu-Gi-Oh! references, the enemy Stand user accuses Jotaro of not obeying the rules. Seto Kaiba, voiced by Creator/LittleKuriboh himself, pops up behind him.
157-->'''Seto Kaiba:''' Kick his ass, Jotaro.
158* D'arby riles up Avdol and CrossesTheLineTwice:
159-->'''D'Arby:''' "Do you remember what you were doing August 13th, 1976?"
160-->'''Avdol:''' "What? How am I supposed to remember something so far away?"
161-->'''D'Arby:''' "Fine, I'll think of a more eventful time for you dut dut duhduhduhdut-- ah yes, do you remember what you were doing September 11th, 2001?"
162-->'''Avdol:''' "[[BerserkButton GO! FUCK YOURSELF!]]"
163-->'''D'Arby:''' "[[InsultBackfire Oh, but I DID, good sir! I did fuck myself.]] And do you know when I did it? 9/11."
164** And then a similar exchange later on:
165-->'''D'Arby:''' Do you remember five years ago while I was in Vegas gettin' it on with showgirls, you were still throwing ''[[RockBeatsLaser rocks]]'' at tanks?
166* D'Arby's continued elongations of "oooo" sounds, each time cutting back to the first time he did such a thing even as he's a panicking wreck on the floor.
167* Avdol's response to Jotaro betting the souls of his mother and Avdol?
168-->'''Avdol:''' ''[Thinking]'' Crazy-ass Asians...
169* The end of the poker match with D'Arby:
170--> '''Joseph:''' "Hey, kid, thanks for dealing a fair game--"
171--> '''Kid:''' "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!" ''[Sounds of a car door slamming, then a car driving off are heard]''
172** Avdol’s final interrogation of D’Arby after Jotaro broke him
173
174--->'''Avdol''': Tell us, where is the mansion located?
175--->'''D’Arby''': ([[LaughingMad giggling insanely]]) It-it’s in, oh, Cairo! Where the ''[[VerbalTic Fooood]]''-Star used to be!
176--->'''Avdol''': And DIO’s Stand? What is it’s secret?
177--->'''D’Arby''': (shrieks in terror, letting out a Goofy-esqe scream)
178--->'''Avdol''': I don’t think we can get get anymore information out of him.
179--->'''Jotaro''': [[CrossesTheLineTwice Why don’t you just threaten to blow yourself up?]]
180--->'''Avdol''': Well, why don’t you go and fuck a goat?
181
182!Episode Eight
183* "[[WesternAnimation/AvatarTheLastAirbender Fire Lord]] Avdol".
184-->'''Avdol: I WILL DESTROY THE AVATAR!'''
185* Joseph's line from Episode 8 to Jotaro, doubling as a SugarWiki/{{Heartwarming Moment|s}} too (And a bit of FridgeBrilliance too since the real Josuke IS Joseph's illegitimate son):
186-->'''Joseph:''' You're like the son I [[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial will probably never, ever have]]... Josuke.
187-->'''Jotaro:''' [[AccidentalMisnaming Jotaro.]]
188-->'''Joseph:''' Johnny.
189* Vanilla Ice arriving to crash the party.
190--> [Vanilla Ice rises slowly from the hole he made, stopping when his head is in view.]
191--> [A very brief clip of ''Ice Ice Baby'' plays before he slowly recedes back into the hole without a word.]
192--> '''Polnareff''': What z' fuck...?
193--> [[OverlyLongGag [Vanilla Ice rises from the hole again. A short clip ''of'' the short clip plays before he finally gets out of the hole] ]]
194* Vanilla Ice's introduction in episode 8.
195--> '''Polnareff:''' I don't care about his name, what did you do to Avdol!?
196--> '''Vanilla Ice:''' Yo, ya friend Avdol's dead.
197--> '''Polnareff:''' W-what!?
198--> ''[[Rap beats start playing in the background]]''
199--> '''Vanilla Ice:''' Yo, I'm talking straight up [[PrecisionFStrike passed the fuck away!]] / I'm talking past that Dutch by the river of Styx! / [[ClusterFBomb I'm talking fucking bitch's by the Pearly Gates, motherfucka!]]
200--> '''DIO:''' ''poetry...''
201
202!Episode Nine
203* "F*ck you tables, f*ck you plates- ooh, I'll take these knives."
204** "Aaaaaaaahctivating Sh*tstorm in Three... Two... Ooooon-NOW!"
205*** [[MajorInjuryUnderreaction "OH GOD, I SPRAINED MY ANKLE!"]]
206* Dio humoring Joseph's constant Transformers references by quoting the standoff between Megatron and Optimus at the end of the first Live-action movie. Though eventually even he hits his limit.
207--> '''DIO''': [After Kakyoin blows up the clock tower and breaks up the action] Oh thank ''God'' I didn't even know the rest.
208* Dio Brando's response to Senator Wilson Philips'...er...[[AdaptationNameChange Mister Pringnopoly's]] objection to driving on the sidewalk is priceless.
209--> '''DIO''': Is Dio Brando going to have to choke a bitch?\
210'''Mister Pringnopoly''': (''sobs'')\
211'''DIO''': Because I, Dio, seriously believe that ''I'', '''Dio''', have not done enough bitch-choking since I've been here!\
212 '''Mister Pringnopoly''': (''weakly'')...okay.
213** Immediately after, DIO tells his unwilling driver to "put on some tunes" as he drives through pedestrians. The song that plays? Ludacris' "Move, Bitch". DIO approves in an internal monologue.
214---> '''DIO''': "It's funny because there are bitches in the way that need to move."
215
216!Episode Ten
217* The intro to part 1:
218-->'''News Anchor''': And in response to all the rampant destruction in Egypt, the Turkish Prime Minister had this to say-
219-->'''[[VideoGame/StreetFighterIV Hakan]]''': [[{{Catchphrase}} LOOKS LIKE IT'S TIME TO OIL UP!]]
220-->'''News Anchor''': And now, for the weather. (''TV blows up due to Jotaro and Dio's duel'')
221* JOTARO ''IS'' THE BUILDING!
222* This scene
223--> '''Dio''': *tossing a ship* Enjoy your stay on the S.S. Plummet, Jotaro!
224--> '''Jotaro''': [[OhCrap That's]] [[CaptainObvious a boat-]] *boat crashes into him*
225* Jotaro's plan to trick DIO into thinking he's dead.
226-->'''Jotaro''': Alright. If I make my heart stop beating, he won't hear me, and then he'll think I'm dead. This is the best plan I ever- ({{beat}}) [[OhCrap Why can't I feel anything?]]
227* The sexual tension during this episode which inevitably Lampshaded.
228** Lampshaded twice in the final episode, both times with the caption "Fanfic Fuel" appearing after a suggestive line.
229-->'''Dio''': Perhaps I, Dio, should [[NoDeadBodyPoops take off his pants]].
230-->and
231-->'''Jotaro''': Wow Dio, looks like I just violated your manhole..... cover.
232** Also gets Lampshaded and defied when Dio's explaining what he did to Joseph.
233--->'''Dio''': I, Dio, blew any chance of him living out of the water. I, Dio, sucked him bone dry. I, Dio, reached around and— you're just getting me to say a whole bunch of really gay sh*t now, aren't you.
234--->'''Jotaro''': Heh heh, yeah.
235* Skitches get stitches, [[ThisIsForEmphasisBitch bitch!]]
236* '''MANLIEST HUUUUUUUUUUUUG!!!''' Also doubles as a SugarWiki/HeartwarmingMoment.
237
238! Comment Special
239* "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WspPtwaN5wg But before we end this series, I wanna do something special. You thinking what I'm thinking, kids?]]" "Comment special!!!" "Massive orgy- [[SureLetsGoWithThat comment special. Yeah. That's what I... That's what I meant to say."]]
240** Dio pulls a [[HostileShowTakeover hostile video takeover]] on Jotaro: "'sup, bitches?"
241--> '''Dio''': Hey, look over there. It's Tuesday.
242--> '''Jotaro''': [[RunningGag FAJITAAAS!!!]]
243* "Sounds like [[AccidentalMisnaming Boneraff]] with less of an accent and [[DoubleTake a little de-]]...Boneraff. ''Boneraff''. [[PunctuatedForEmphasis Bon. Er. Aff]]. ...Boneraff. ...[[OverlyLongGag Boner-aff]]."
244* "Who's {{Music/Andrew W|K}}--Go kill yourself."
245* When Dio swears in anger at Jotaro pointing out that having friends on Website/{{Facebook}} doesn't actually count a having friends:
246--> '''Jotaro:''' You're not friends with Franchise/RoboCop.
247--> '''Dio:''' '''''YES I AM! IT SAYS SO ON FACEBOOK!!'''''
248--> '''Jotaro:''' Facebook doesn't count!
249--> '''Dio:''' Yes it does!! '''SHUT UP!!''' Shut your fucking mouth you stupid, stupid man!
250--> '''Jotaro''': DIO! Don't you know that swearing on the internet is a serious offense punishable by ban?!
251--> '''Dio''': [[WesternAnimation/DrawnTogether Don't you know that sucking my dick is a serious offense punishable by FUCK YOU?!]]
252--> '''Jotaro''': You....actually saw the Drawn Together movie?
253--> '''Dio''': [[ContinuityNod Hey, you're talking to the guy]] [[ShownTheirWork who set a dog on fire when he was 12]]. *Flashes back to Danny the dog bursting from a furnace on fire*
254--> '''Jonathan in flashback''': DANNY! You son of a biiiiiiiitch!
255* "Alright Paul!" "You know it man!"
256** Chief Steroidicus admitting to only wanting to "see some fucking titties" as his reason for always wanting to have a sexy naked chick nearby, and asking if that makes him a bad person.
257-->'''Aztec guy''': Sir, if you really want to see boobs, why don't you just use the internet?
258-->'''Chief Steroidicus''': Do you know how hard it is to get a signal in the year 12 FUCKING BC?! Even if I ''GOT'' a signal, I don't know any sites to go to! And don't tell me to use Google Images because every time I do I get '''JACK SHIT!'''
259-->'''Aztec guy''': Did you turn off the Safe Search?
260-->'''Chief Steroidicus''': ...you just made the next 12 weeks of my schedule full.
261* The [[Film/TheRoom2003 Tommy Wiseau]] alternate reality, complete with BadBadActing.
262--> '''TW!Jotaro''': Oh hai Dio.
263--> '''TW!Dio''': Hey, Jotaro, what's up?
264--> '''TW!Jotaro''': I'm here to defeat you, motherfucker!
265--> '''TW!Dio''': What? Why?
266--> '''TW!Jotaro''': Because you're the one who killed my grandfather...Dio Brando!
267--> '''TW!Dio''': What? That's not true, I did not kill him, that's bullsheeit, I did naaaht!
268--> '''TW!Jotaro''': You are lying to me! YOU'RE TEARING ME APART DIO!!!
269--> '''TW!Dio''': That's me. (Sees Iggy) Hi doggie.
270** Even better when Antfish takes a jab at himself by jumping on that bandwagon.
271* The Creator/GuyRitchie alternate reality.
272-->'''Ritchie!Jotaro''': Oi Dio?
273-->'''Ritchie!Dio''': Yea, mate.
274-->'''Ritchie!Jotaro''': Where ya think Stands come from?
275-->'''[[FunetikAksent Narrata']]''': That there's Jotaro Kujo, one'a da' toughest blokes I know! One time, I sawr 'im beat up five guys just for lookin' a' 'im wrong!
276-->'''Ritchie!Dio''': Say wot?
277-->'''Ritchie!Jotaro''': I say where ya think Stands come from?
278-->'''Ritchie!Dio''': Where do I think Stands come from? Now why the bloody fuckin' hell would I ever think o' that?
279-->'''Narrata''': That there's Dio Brando, one'a da' toughest blokes I know! One time, I sawr 'im beat up five guys just for ''not'' lookin' a' 'im wrong!
280-->'''Ritchie!Jotaro''': [[ShownTheirWork Well I heard they come from arrows]].
281-->'''Ritchie!Dio''': Arrows ya say?
282-->'''Ritchie!Jotaro''': I say arrows.
283-->'''Ritchie!Dio''': Now how the bloody hell does that work?
284-->'''Ritchie!Jotaro''': I heard you gotta get shot by one.
285-->'''Ritchie!Dio''': Shot by an arrow?
286-->'''Ritchie!Jotaro''': Yeah, shot by an arrow.
287-->'''Ritchie!Dio''': o'right so ya tellin' me that any loony dressed up as Robin fucking Hood can go aroun' shootin' people in the face and they get a Stand?
288-->'''Ritchie!Jotaro''': They can't be regular arrows, they gotta be [[http://jojo.wikia.com/wiki/Bow_and_Arrow special arrows]].
289-->'''Ritchie!Dio''': Special arrows?
290-->'''Ritchie!Jotaro''': Yea special arrows.
291-->'''Ritchie!Dio''': An' where ya buy these special arrows, fucking Walmart?
292-->'''Ritchie!Jotaro''': Nah, I think ya get 'em from an old lady.
293-->'''Ritchie!Dio''': An old lady?
294-->'''Ritchie!Jotaro''': Yea an old lady.
295-->'''Ritchie!Dio''': So ya tellin' me I can go to any old pot o'crocket and she gimme one o' them special arrows?
296-->'''Ritchie!Jotaro''': Well ya can't just get 'em from any old lady, you gotta go find a special old lady.
297-->'''Ritchie!Dio''': Special old lady?
298-->'''Ritchie!Jotaro''': Yea a special old lady.
299-->'''Real!Jotaro''': What the hell are they '''talking about?!?'''
300-->'''Real!Dio''': I have, no idea.
301-->'''Real!Jotaro''': God, I thought British people ''spoke'' English.
302-->'''Real!Dio''': Well bloody hell.
303* Dio in the wrestling part (really just a still of Dio's head put on Wrestling/ChrisJericho's body) coming out to the song "I" by Dio, in reference to his speech pattern of referring to himself. Then there was the whole exchange between him and Jotaro.
304-->'''Jotaro:''' Dio Brando! I know this Sunday at Bloodmageddon, I'll be defending my title against you in a barbed wire steel cage chicken coop match, but I say why wait til Sunday? Let's have that match RIGHT NOW!
305-->'''Avdol as commentator:''' My god, Jotaro is challenging Dio tonight!
306-->'''Joseph as commentator:''' [[Wrestling/MichaelCole This is vintage Jotaro right here people!]]
307-->'''Avdol:''' This is going to be a [[Wrestling/JimRoss slobberknocker!]]
308-->* Dio comes in to his theme ("I" by, who else, Music/RonnieJamesDio)*
309-->'''Dio:''' You know Jotaro, I was just in the back telling the producer to play my theme song for when I come out, and I don't know what's worse: your mic skills, or this city's local sports team. *booing from crowd* Unfortunately, Jotaro, I can't challenge you for the title now as I've neglected to bring my wrestling gear, but if you really want a fight, how about... your evil twin Marconi!
310-->''[musical sting]''
311-->'''Jotaro:''' Marconi? But he's been in a coma for 12 years for proposing to my sister Felicia on top of the Eiffel Tower?
312-->'''Dio:''' But I believe you missed the part where that wasn't Marconi... but your long lost father! *music sting* Of course you'd remember that if you didn't have... amnesia!
313-->''[musical sting]''
314-->'''Jotaro:''' What?! I don't remember ever having amnesia!
315-->'''Dio:''' Well yeah, of course you don't. Oh and by the way, our match this sunday at Bloodmageddon will have a special guest referee...my mother!
316-->*musical sting*
317-->'''Jotaro:''' Your mother... or ''OUR'' mother?!
318-->''[musical sting, focus on Dio this time]''
319** Iggy's return in the second Wrestling World. Especially since its just a clip from ''Wrestling/{{TNA}}'' ''Impact'', and "Iggy" is literally just Wrestling/SamoaJoe with Iggy's head pasted on him. Oh and Iggy's name pasted over Joe's in his entrance video. Its a sight to behold.
320--> '''Polnareff''': ''J. Geil is '''driven''' to the mat'', '''[[TheDogBitesBack by the power of Iggy]]'''!
321* Dio's proposed live-action adaptation of ''[=JoJo's=] Bizarre Adventure'' during the epilogue.
322--> '''Jotaro''': You really think a live-action version of ''[=JoJo's=] Bizarre Adventure'' would be ''Film/{{Bloodsport}}''?
323--> '''Dio''': I think any live-action adaptation of ''anything'' is ''Film/{{Bloodsport}}''.
324* This exchange toward the end:
325--> '''Dio''': Well, the sun's coming out, and I'm afraid I must make my departure.
326--> '''Jotaro''': Yeah, you better. Don't want you to [[Literature/TheTwilightSaga sparkle to death.]]
327--> '''Dio''': [[PrecisionFStrike FUCK YOUR FACE!]]
328* At the end of the epilogue, Dio finally found the reality he wanted. The one where he defeats the Joestars. And right after he kills Jotaro with the oil tanker... [[AntiClimax it cuts straight to a "The End" credit. No denouement.]]
329--> '''Dio''': [{{Beat}}] That's it?
330--> '''Jotaro''': Wow. Even when you win, you get the shaft. Well, I guess that was your plan eh. To create a device just to see yourself beat me. So all that stuff you showed me before was pretty useless eh? Well, I guess that's it. I guess I'm gonna study oceanology because apparently [[CallForward I love the shit of some oceans.]]
331--> '''Dio''': ...Fuck this device. ''[Throws the T.A.R.T. into a bin]''
332* "I say he looks like Tarzan / Beats up badguys with his hands / You think I'm crazy, but you don't under... [[https://www.youtube.com/user/AntfishTAS#p/u/1/0UH_V5OtBiY stand.]]"
333* In one of his bonus videos, [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UcHA1YWX_8U what Pannacotta Fugo experiences in the mirror world]]:
334--> '''Fugo''': Huh. Well, this doesn't seem too ba- '''OH MY GOD THEY SPELL TRASH BACKWARDS!!'''
335** In the same video, Giorno Giovanna expressing disbelief in a world inside a mirror despite the presence of Stands (and how Fugo himself was pulled into said mirror by Illuso) and Leone Abbacchio taking him to task for not believing in such a place. After Abbacchio's done ranting at Giorno, what's his response?
336--> '''Giorno:''' ...you smell nice.
337--> '''Abbacchio:''' *''StunnedSilence''*
338** And this line from Giorno when Abbacchio tells him about people who have had experiences with mirrors. [[spoiler:Also a gag on how Polnareff appears in part 5, confined to a wheelchair.]]
339--> '''Giorno:''' What are the chances of us meeting someone like that?
340--> '''[[spoiler:Polnareff:]]''' '''WHEELY HIGH'''
341* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kt1VhcANz70 HOES AND WINE, ALL ZE TIME!]]
342* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ndk30TWzi7U Akira Otoishi from Part 4 belts out a face melter.]]
343* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hjhzXnTKayU Doppio was phone]]? Poor Vinegar Doppio has to wait for another call from his boss Diavolo. In the meantime he ends up getting calls from all sorts of people, including a SassyBlackWoman, a drunken fan demanding a [=JoJo=] anime and threatening Araki, Creator/LiamNeeson [[Film/{{Taken}} threatening to find and kill him]], a weirdo quickly and repeatedly mumbling "PURPLE HAZE PURPLE HAZE PURPLE HAZE", and [[VideoGame/GrandTheftAutoIV Roman Bellic.]] Then he accidentally shouts at Diavolo when the call finally comes in, and to top it all off, [[spoiler:Risotto Nero's right behind him.]]
344--> '''Doppio:''' Sir, I'm so sorry for yelling at you, I-
345--> '''Nero:''' Look behind you.
346--> *Doppio looks behind him and sees Risotto Nero right behind him.*
347--> '''Doppio:''' IT'S Music/{{METALLICA}}!!!
348** Even funnier is how Roman accidentally dials Doppio's number ''three times'' throughout the whole thing. Doppio EXPLODES on him the third time.
349--> '''Doppio:''' '''''STOP CALLING ME!!! I'M NOT YOUR COUSIN!!! YOU'VE GOT THE WRONG NUMBER, SO STOP CALLING!!!'''''
350--> '''Roman:''' Fine, shit, what crawled up your ass?
351** [[VideoGame/MetalGear Solid Snake]]'s cameo.
352--> '''Snake:''' Colonel, how the fuck do I beat Psycho Mantis?!
353--> '''Doppio:''' I'm not the colonel.
354--> '''Snake:''' Oh....do you know how to beat Psycho Mantis?
355--> '''Doppio:''' Just plug your controller into the second controller port.
356** [[ComicBook/GreenLantern Atrocitus and Larfleeze's]] cameos.
357--> '''Atrocitus:''' Dammit Larfleeze! Stop using the phone!
358--> '''Larfleeze:''' The phone's mine! All phones are mine!
359* The entire Johnny and Gyro Strip Show.
360--> '''Gyro Zeppeli:''' I don't suppose we could get some '''DECENT''' pasta around here!
361--> '''Johnny Joestar:''' Gyro, please...
362--> '''Gyro:''' This shit's not Al Dente, Johnny! Do you even know what that means?!
363--> '''Johnny:''' Yes, Gyro, I do. And I really don't care.
364** Their discussion about good comedians, then ordering lunch from Billy Burgers. Said delivery chick turns out to be Hot Pants.
365* The end of The Mother of Jolyne Kujo.
366--> '''Jotaro:''' Hey Jolyne. How is it going?
367--> '''Jolyne:''' [[ClusterFBomb Fuck you dad. You leave me and mom to go on an adventure with your fucking ocean and your fucking narwals and then you come and visit me in fucking prison like none that shit has never happened? What the fuck you have to say for yourself?]]
368--> ({{Beat}})
369--> '''Jotaro:''' I made [[TrademarkFavoriteFood Fajitas]].~
370--> '''Jolyne:''' I'm allergic to Mexican!
371--> '''Jotaro:''' '''''[[IHaveNoSon I HAVE NO DAUGHTER]]!!!'''''
372[[/folder]]
373
374[[folder: Phantom Blood]]
375* The last line of Episode 1
376--> '''Dio:''' I, Dio, am going to set his f**king dog on FIRE!
377* Jonathan and Dio's first meeting after Dio jumps out of a carriage in a rather fabulous manner.
378-->'''Jonathan:''' Wow, that was quite the foreboding entrance! You must be Dio Brando!
379-->'''Dio:''' And you must be Jonathan Joest-
380-->'''Jonathan:''' I heard your parents are dead!
381--> ({{Beat}})
382-->'''Dio:''' ...Oh, we are going to get along ''swimmingly.''
383* George Joestar is a walking Funny Moment.
384--> '''George:''' Years ago there was a terrible stage coach accident that killed my dear wife. But luckily, Dio's father was around to save me!
385-->''flashback''
386--> '''Dario Brando:''' Oi, let's rob this dead guy! ''(hand slapped away)'' ACK!
387--> '''George:''' You have saved me and my mustache's life, good sir! Before I can offer you my gratitude, let me ask you. How do you like your steak?
388--> '''Dario:''' Er... Medium rare?
389--> '''George:''' ...Your son can stay with us when you die.
390--> ''present day''
391--> '''George''': Now then, Dio, I want to introduce you to my son, Jonathan. Just like you, his mother's dead as well! So you will both have so much in common!
392--> '''Dio''': I'm sure me and Jonathan are going to be the best of friends.
393--> '''George''': Splendid! Well, I'm off. It's almost scotch-'o-clock.
394** And at the end of the episode:
395--> '''George:''' Jonathan! Dio! What in the porterhouse sirloin is going on here!? How many times have I told you two, if you're going to spill blood, put plastic on the floor first! Now both of you go to your rooms!
396* Jonathan pukes offscreen directly after saving Erina.
397--> '''Erina:''' Jonathan Joestar... such a gentleman...
398--> '''Jonathan:''' ([[VomitDiscretionShot audible retching]]) Ohh, sweet Creator/BenedictCumberbatch, when did I eat corn?!!
399--> '''Erina:''' ...such a gentleman...
400* The frequent [[AnachronismStew use and/or mention of dubstep, hashtags, and YOLO]] during the [[Main/VictorianLondon time period it takes place in]] is nothing short of hilarious.
401* The medicine Dario's been taking finally starts working... moments after Dio has already buried him.
402--> '''Dario:''' Hello? Dio? I think the counterclaimical kicked in. Hello? Why's it smell like Gangnam Style in here?!
403* Jonathan claiming that he won't easily get upset since he's a perfect gentleman...only to be cut off by one of the bullies showing off a photo of Dio kissing Erina. Cue Ultimate Rage.
404--> '''Jonathan:''' Erina, hey! (She runs off crying)
405--> '''Jonathan:''' Erina, wait! Was it something I didn't say?!
406--> '''Kid 1:''' Hey, [=JoJo=]! Guess you didn't hear what happened yesterday, huh?
407--> '''Jonathan:''' What?! What happened?!
408--> '''Kid 2:''' I took a picture of it on Instagram! But I don't want ya gettin' upset.
409--> '''Jonathan:''' Oh, please, I'm a gentleman! '''(Ultimate Rage in 3, 2, 1...)''' Nothing ever gets me upset-
410--> (Cut off by photo of Dio and Erina kissing. Cue rushing cut to the Joestar household)
411--> '''Dio:''' What's a three letter word for...total dick...
412--> '''Jonathan:''' '''DIO!!!!!'''
413--> '''Dio:''' Hey, that works.\
414 (What makes it even funnier is [[http://i.imgur.com/lKK1Nnz.png how the bullies are dressed]] when they deliver this news to Jonathan.)
415* Jonathan telling other kids how his boxing match with Dio went.
416--> '''Ali G-sounding kid:''' Eyy, Jonathan, we 'eard ya had a bo...bo...[=BOXin=]' match against Dio.
417--> '''Jonathan:''' Oh, yes, we did. Truly, it was a back and forth match.
418--> (Cut to Jonathan getting a fist to the face)
419--> '''Jonathan:''' And we both played by the rules.
420--> (Cut to Jonathan getting poked in the eye by Dio's thumb: a clear violation of boxing rules)
421--> '''Jonathan:''' Both competitors were given equal praise.
422--> (Cut to a trembling, beaten Jonathan on the ground and one crowd goer shouting "JONATHAN GOT THE SHIT BEAT OUT OF HIM!")
423--> '''Jonathan:''' [[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial And neither one of us went to their beds crying.]]
424* A [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJiz8Mafmqs Dinner with the Joestars]] quickie, where the people were laughing and joking around until Jonathan says that the steak is merely okay.
425--> '''George:''' I... murdered... this cow... in front of her own children. I did this so that when they're grown up and ready to eat, their vengeance will give them such immaculate flavor it will dance on my palette.
426** And during this statement at one point it the camera focuses on Dio, and when George mentions murdering said cow in front of her children, you can hear a very... [[SomethingElseAlsoRises curious springing sound.]]
427** And some extreme MoodWhiplash at the end, when Jonathan asks Dio if he's seen Danny anywhere. Danny trapped in the oven is pure horror, but then Dio responds to Jonathan with...
428--> '''Dio:''' ...[[BlatantLies Nnnnope.]]
429* And the Second Course afterward. Setting Danny on fire was NOT enough for Dio.
430--> '''Dio:''' So, Jonathan, how do you like the dinner I made for you? Sorry if its a little... '''''burnt.'''''
431--> '''Jonathan:''' (Looks slowly from his paw-shaped bit of meat to Dio)
432--> '''Dio:''' (hurried whisper) Don'tfuckwithme.
433* From episode 2...
434--> '''George Joestar:''' I must say you two are treating each other MUCH nicer then you were seven years ago.
435--> '''Dio:''' Oh you know. (Cue flashback showing the two fighting and ending in Dio pulling a knife out) We were just kids.
436* When Dio goes out to search for a victim to see if the mask will kill Jonathan he bumps into two guys who yell at him. He then asks if their families read the paper to which one of them says yes. His suggestion for his family to read? [[BlackComedy Tomorrow's Obituary]].
437--> '''Dio's Victim:''' [[ItMakesSenseInContext AUGH, IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!]]
438** And after that...
439-->'''Dio:''' Heh, God's vagina. Everyone knows God's a tranny.
440** Even funnier is that, since "Dio" is Italian for God, Dio might not have been referring to God, but rather ''himself.''
441* Jonathan's first meeting with Robert Edward O. Speedwagon
442-->'''Speedwagon''': [[CallForward I'm gonna own a helicopter one day!]]
443* Dio's priceless response when he punched Jonathan in the face on a whim, [[TheDogBitesBack only to realize he was unfazed]] and now [[NotHelpingYourCase even more suspicious]] of Dio poisoning George Joestar.
444--->'''Dio''': [[OhCrap Ooooooooohhhh, fuck.]]
445* When Jonathan has Mr. Butler take care of George full-time, George naturally asks...
446-->'''Mr. Butler:''' Uhh, actually sir, I'm a vegetarian.
447-->'''George:''' -cocks a shotgun with [[ICallItVera "Joanna Joestar"]] written on it- Why don't you just move along?
448* George gives yet another steak joke. [[spoiler: Unfortunately, it's his last.]]
449--> '''George:''' Dio, I must say I'm incredibly disappointed in you. Before you're taken away, let me ask you: ''how do you like your steak''?
450--> '''Dio:''' (nervously) Uh... medium-rare?
451--> '''George:''' Well, too bad! Because all you're getting is [[PrisonRape porked]]! Ha ha, zinged ya!
452* Jonathan's reaction after reading Dario Brando's letter to Dio?
453--> '''Jonathan:''' Holy acid-trip!
454* Jonathan's reason why his father can't be sick, but poisoned: the disease he suffers from involves low sex drive, and...
455--> '''Jonathan:''' THE JOESTAR SEX DRIVE CANNOT BE DIMINISHED BY MERE SICKNESS!
456* Jonathan's wordplay:
457--> '''Jonathan:''' I'll get this medicine analyzed! And then they'll send you to jail, where you'll get [[PrisonRape anal-yzed]]! '''*WORDPLAY*'''
458* The [[CurbStompBattle "fight"]] between Jonathan and Speedwagon:
459--> '''Speedwagon (after throwing his Razor Hat)''': Nyo ho ho! (''leaves himself open to attack'') [[HypocriticalHumor You should never leave yourself open during a fi-]] (sees Jonathan rushing towards him with a train sound effect) [[OhCrap Oh no...]]
460* Right after Jonathan kicks him, Speedwagon falls in slow motion while "In My Dreams" by Music/REOSpeedwagon plays in the background.
461* The OneSceneWonder that is Barry the Slinger.
462-->'''Barry the Slinger''': Yeah! Yeah, I'm gonna sling ya!
463* From Episode 3:
464-->'''Dio:''' Now, let's see what's behind Curtain Number 1. (opens curtain, it (and Dio) catch on fire) AH! FIRE! [[CaptainObvious FIRE'S BEHIND CURTAIN NUMBER 1!]]
465** Jonathan escapes the fire and climbs up onto the balcony, giving the viewers a [[FemaleGaze close-up of his butt]] with a brief shot of a fangirl pinching it.
466** During the fight between Jonathan and Dio:
467-->'''Dio:''' Never leave yourself open, Jona- ([[BrickJoke Jonathan charges Dio to the sound of a train]]) Seriously, let me finish my sentences!
468* Jack the Ripper's entrance? Screaming "[[spoiler:[[WesternAnimation/MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagic FLUTTERSHY]] IS BEST PONY!]]" and then immediately impaling his own face. Complete with leaping out of the dead horse with a rainbow trail behind him and the show's theme playing.
469** Made funnier with Zeppeli's reaction: [[TakeThat "So evil..."]]
470*** Moreso once one remembers that while Jack is hiding in the beheaded horse, Zeppeli still insists that whatever's hiding in it is pure evil.
471** Even better is that Jack is played by [[CrossdressingVoices Nowacking]]
472-->'''Jack the Ripper:''' Oh I can't wait to [[spoiler:love and tolerate]] his guts all over the floor!
473** Jack's last words:
474-->'''Jack the Ripper:''' SAVE ME, [[spoiler:[[Creator/TaraStrong TARA STRONG!]]]]
475* As George lays dying, he berates Jonathan for believing in Heaven and Hell, saying reincarnation and karma is the real deal. In TheStinger [[spoiler: George has been reincarnated as a baby calf]].
476** A combination of MoodWhiplash and CrossesTheLineTwice after George's death:
477-->'''Speedwagon:''' Just as the song depicts, George's spirit has become one with Jonathan's. Oh, this is such a touching moment! Wouldn't you agr--\
478''(The inspector's upper head is sliced off)''\
479'''Speedwagon:'''...[[TheScream WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!]]\
480'''Dio:''' ''(Internal monologue)'' Who knew you could [[SexIsViolence get a boner]] upside down?
481** The reaction to Dio's resurrection as a vampire:
482-->'''Constable:''' Impossible! I've never seen someone so white take so many bullets to the chest!\
483'''Speedwagon:''' Even Speedwagon is afraid!
484* Zeppeli with the voice of ''Creator/SeanConnery''. That is all.
485* Zeppeli's question about [[Literature/TheTwilightSaga books that say fire can kill vampires]] is a case of Fridge Funny.
486-->'''Zeppeli:''' In what textbook does it say that a vampire can be killed by fire? I mean just because they rhyme doesn't necessarily mean that one can kill the other. You ever notice that "heart attacks" and "fat people" don't really rhyme?
487* Erina saying that Dio kissing her left her unable to say anything beyond "kya"s and "aahs".
488** And when Zeppeli asks Jonathan and Erina to accompany him to a desolate river, Erina has this to add.
489-->'''Erina:'''...kyaaaah? (eyebrow raise)
490* Zeppeli does the frog punch.
491-->'''Zeppeli:''' So, then, you want me to explain to you how I did what I did, correct?
492-->'''Jonathan:''' Yes please, that would greatly appreciated.
493-->'''Zeppeli:''' Well then, I wouldn't be able to do this!! *goes to punch the frog.*
494-->'''[[VideoGame/StarFox Peppy Hare]]:''' Slippy, watch out!
495-->'''BAM! Rock is destroyed. Slippy is unhurt.'''
496-->'''Slippy Toad:''' I thought I was a goner!
497-->'''Zeppeli:''' Jonathan, this power is called the Ripple! Or Hamon. [[ShownTheirWork Or Sendo]], whichever you like to call it, I don't give a fuck.
498* Zeppeli and Speedwagon's interactions:
499** While riding in the carriage:
500-->'''Speedwagon:''' Do you really think Dio could be in this small town, Mr. Zeppeli?\
501'''Zeppeli:''' Why, that's a very good question, person I didn't invite on this dangerous mission.\
502'''Speedwagon:''' Well, my name is Speedwagon.\
503'''Zeppeli:''' Whoops, [[SarcasmMode I just dropped all the f**ks I don't give.]]\
504'''Speedwagon:''' [[SarcasmBlind Do you need help picking them up?]]
505** After meeting Jack the Ripper:
506-->'''Zeppeli:''' All right, lad, here's your first test: defeat the enemy without spilling a single sip of this wine. If you do, I'll abandon your party, leaving you here with Speedwagon. [[SarcasmMode Who I'm sure will be a great asset fighting zombies and vampires.]]\
507'''Speedwagon:''' Nyo ho! [[DoesNotUnderstandSarcasm Why thank you for that vote of confidence!]]\
508({{beat}})\
509'''Zeppeli:''' God I wish you were a woman so I could hit you.
510** And the ending:
511-->'''Zeppeli:''' It's like I always say: You always fight better with a little glass of wine.
512-->({{beat}})
513-->'''Speedwagon:''' Even Speedwagon thought that ending was weak!
514-->'''Zeppeli:''' '''Go fuck your mother.'''
515* The new comment special hosted by Zeppeli and Speedwagon. Speedwagon offers Zeppeli an entire room filled with what appears to be wine to Zeppeli in exchange for hosting said special together. Except...
516-->'''Speedwagon''': Oh, that's not wine!
517-->'''Zeppeli''':...''[[TranquilFury it's not?]]''
518-->'''Speedwagon''': Nope! It's purple tanning oil! You never know when you might run into half-naked men in need of glistening!
519-->{{beat}}
520-->'''Zeppeli''': *reading a comment* "Mr. Zeppeli, would you kindly kick the ever-present Speedwagon in the groin with extreme prejudice please?" *does so*
521-->'''Zeppeli''': If you need me I'll be shopping for more hats.
522-->'''Speedwagon''': Even Speedwagon can't have kids!
523* Speedwagon's sudden intrusion at the start, upon hearing Zeppeli introducing himself as "William A. "Glazed and Bitchin'" Zeppeli":
524--> '''Zeppeli:''' Now, let's get started-
525--> '''Speedwagon:''' ''SPEEDWAGON ENTERS UNEXPECTEDLY!!''
526--> '''Zeppeli:'''...Speedwagon...what...are ya doin' here.
527--> '''Speedwagon:''' Oh hi, Mr. Zeppeli! I was just on the other side of town when I heard someone use the word "glazed!" That got me excited for the proposition that there might be '''donuts''' about!
528--> '''Zeppeli:''' What in the Jesus Paint-huffing Christ is a donut?
529--> '''Speedwagon:''' OOOOOOH, its the most ''delicious'' of treats! It's like a wheel, ''but it tastes like a unicorn's dreams...''
530--> '''Zeppeli:''' That sounds like the gayest thing anyone's ever eaten.
531--> '''Speedwagon:''' Then you've never eaten Lucky Charms before!
532** And Speedwagon's big ambition he'd fulfill if he became incredibly rich:
533--> '''Speedwagon''': Oooh, I know EXACTLY what I'm going to do!
534--> '''Zeppeli''': Let me guess, you're gonna start some kind of foundation to help out researching bizarre happenings?
535--> '''Speedwagon''': Nope! I'm going to buy Candy Land!
536--> '''Zeppeli''': ...you're going to buy...Candy Land?
537--> '''Speedwagon''': I don't want to just ''buy'' Candy Land, I want to be the Duke-King-President!
538--> '''Zeppeli''': ...you want to buy...a fictional land...and give yourself the fictional monarchy...of Duke-King-President.
539--> '''Speedwagon''': Yup! There'll be a Strawberry Lake, Gumdrop Roads, Blueberry Clouds, Fudgesicle Streetlamps, '''OOH'''! And Caramel Carousels! They can be called Caramesels!
540--> '''Zeppeli''':...shoot for the fucking stars, kid.
541--> '''Speedwagon''': Only if they're made of '''butterscotch!'''
542** [[FreezeFrameBonus The extra details on Zeppeli's business card for his clothing line:]]
543--> Threadzeppelin.webs.co.uk.org.rar
544--> Email - Plowing@yourmothershouse.underscore
545--> Number - What's a phone?
546--> 69 Fuck If I Know Ave.
547** When asked how he likes his wine, Zeppeli replies thus:
548--> '''Zeppeli''': I like my wine like I like my women - 30 years old, in abundance and smart enough to know when to keep her mouth shut. *sips wine* [[WouldntHitAGirl Now I'm not saying that I've never hit a woman before.]] *sips again* [[SubvertedTrope But I'm also saying that I never]] '''not''' have. *sips again.* [[CrossesTheLineTwice Which means I]] [[WouldHitAGirl totally have.]] *sips again* I mean, why would I ever discriminate on who I can and can't hit based on what's between the legs? *sips again* Trust me, if a man with labia flaps as wide as a manta ray asks me why I have a Scottish accent if I'm Italian, I'm pretty entitled to lay the smackdown on the bastard. *sips again* It's 1888, people! We ALL deserve equality!
549--> '''Speedwagon''': Even black people?\
550'''Zeppeli''': Ohoho, Speedwagon, we'll leave Los Angeles to do that.
551* Chicken or fish?
552--> '''Zeppeli''': Vaginas.
553* Zeppeli's opinion on the name "Caesar".
554--> '''Zeppeli''': I would rather die than know anyone who is named after a salad.
555* Episode 4 gives us a slew of wrestling references such as Tarkus and Bruford now being based off of Wrestling/TheBigShow and Wrestling/ChrisJericho respectively.
556** The start of the episode where Poco steals the group's things:
557-->'''Speedwagon:''' Oh no! All of our money has been stolen! By British Literature/TomSawyer!\
558'''Zeppeli:''' Don't fret, Speedwagon! [[WaxingLyrical Though his mind is not for rent...]]\
559'''Jonathan:''' [[Music/RushBand Don't put him down as arrogant.]]\
560'''Zeppeli:''' His reserve, a quiet defense...\
561'''Jonathan:''' Riding out the day's events. ''*Rush member Geddy Lee rises up behind Jonathan's shoulder*''
562** When Jonathan whacks Poco off the cliff and catches him:
563-->'''Zeppeli:''' The kid almost died.\
564'''Poco:''' Blimey! This ain't Mississippi pool! And you're not Literature/HuckleberryFinn!\
565'''Jonathan:''' That's because my father wasn't a racist drunk! ''*{{beat}}*'' Okay, well he wasn't racist. ''*Another {{beat}}. Jonathan then whispers...*'' He hated Chinese people.
566** The zombies attack:
567-->'''Zeppeli:''' Heads up, lads! These maggot-fucked bastards got an icier grip than me ex-wife!
568* Dio's entrance and slag-off match with Zeppeli:
569-->'''Speedwagon:''' SPEEDWAGON POINTS NERVOUSLY!\
570'''Dio:''' [[EvilLaugh Mwahahahahahah!]] [[MemeticMutation Surprise, bitch! Bet you thought you'd seen the last of me!]]\
571'''Jonathan:''' Dio!\
572'''Zeppeli:''' So that Music/DavidBowie lookin' son of a toothless hank-a-shank is Dio, eh?\
573'''Dio:''' [[PunctuatedForEmphasis Oh. My.]] [[AGodAmI Dio]]! It's Film/{{Willy Wonka|AndTheChocolateFactory}}!\
574'''Zeppeli:''' Tell me, ya bastard! How many lives have ya sucked away to heal those wounds?! ''*Dio lifts his shirt revealing a whole bunch of tattoos including one reading "DIO SIZED" with arrows pointing...downward.*''\
575'''Dio:''' Do you remember how many breads you've eaten in your life?\
576'''Zeppeli:''' As a matter of fact, I do. [[IBangedYourMom It was enough to fuck your mother last night.]]\
577'''Dio:''' Well, well! The Monopoly Man has jokes!\
578'''Zeppeli:''' The only joke I see is the one that came out of your mother's spasm chasm. Which, let me remind ya... fucked her!\
579'''Dio:''' '''''YOU WANNA FUCKIN' GO, PRINGLES BITCH?''''' If you're feelin' hungry, then pop!\
580'''Zeppeli:''' Gladly! JONATHAN! Leave this Ziggy Stardust freak basket to me!
581** When Zeppeli goes for a punch and fails thanks to Dio grabbing and freezing his hand:
582-->'''Dio:''' [[RockPaperScissors Paper covers rock, bitch.]] ''*Freezes Zeppeli's arm*''\
583'''Zeppeli:''' Oh no! I'm about to suck the icy tit of defeat! ''*His ice-covered arm shatters and bleeds*''\
584'''Dio:''' Without a proper bloodstream, your Ripple is as useless as a degree in astrological science! ''*Goes for a finishing blow only for Jonathan to interfere*''\
585'''Jonathan:''' This coming from the man who majored in the [[EvilutionaryBiologist history of biological mutation between humans and cats?!]]\
586'''Zeppeli:''' The fuck is wrong with you, man?\
587'''Dio:''' '''''DON'T TALK SHIT ABOUT MY MAN-CATS!!'''''
588** Speedwagon very homoerotically unfreezing Zeppeli's arm. ''"Just let it happen..."''
589* Dio summoning Tarkus and Bruford, and their backstory especially the way Queen Elizabeth I is portrayed:
590-->'''Bruford:''' WE ARE THE GREATEST TAG TEAM OF THE 16TH CENTURY!\
591'''Tarkus:''' Executed by a ruthless tyrant!\
592'''Queenie:''' I'm Queen Elizabeth and '''''[[Wrestling/VinceMcMahon YOU'RE EXECUTED!!!]]'''''\
593'''Executioner:''' We wish you all the best in all your future endeavours '''IN HELL!'''\
594'''Dio:''' And as free agents of the '''damned''', they're now under contract with I, Dio!
595* Dio's parting words:
596-->'''Dio:''' So, my knights, have fun destroying Jonathan and the others, I, Dio, am going to find myself a lovely woman to help paint this Old English town red! Mwahahahahahahahahahahaha!! It's a double period joke! ''*vanishes in a puff of blood*''
597* Bruford's only gimmick - his hair.
598* Bruford gets Jonathan tangled in his hair:
599-->'''Jonathan:''' I've passed enough [[AllAnimeIsNaughtyTentacles Japanese adult literature shops]] to know where THIS is going!\
600'''Bruford:''' DIE, ASSCLOWN! ''*Goes for the kill only for Jonathan to block his blade and use...*''\
601'''Jonathan:''' NOW!! '''[[CallingYourAttacks SILVER ARM MELTER OVERDRIVE!!]]'''\
602'''Speedwagon''': [[Wrestling/MichaelCole Vintage!]]
603* Jonathan slips in a {{Website/Botchamania}} reference:
604-->'''Jonathan:''' TO HELL WITH YOU, BRUFORD!\
605'''Bruford:''' ''[[Wrestling/ChrisJericho I'M FROM WINNIPEG YOU IDIOT!]]''
606* What is Jonathan's Sunlight Yellow Overdrive now? [[ProfessionalWrestling YELLOW INSTANT FACE-TURN OVERDRIVE!!]]
607* As the newly [[HeelFaceTurn face-turned]] Bruford crumbles away from the Ripple...
608-->'''Bruford:''' What's happening to me? I don't feel like insulting local sports teams or mentioning obesity rates. I feel...whole.\
609'''Jonathan:''' My Overdrive has brought your noble [[Wrestling/WorldChampionshipWrestling Lionheart]] back, Bruford.\
610'''Bruford:''' Jonathan...thank you. For this, I give you my most cherished possession.\
611'''Jonathan:''' Your hair?\
612'''Bruford:''' Go fuck yourself, assclown....my sword. '''LUCK.''' ''*uses his blood to add a P to the hilt"'' But for the rebranding purposes it shall be named...'''PLUCK'''.\
613'''Jonathan:''' But why? Why are you giving me this sword?\
614'''Bruford:''' Because...you're...worth it...
615* Tarkus smashes up Bruford's armour...
616-->'''Tarkus:''' FINALLY! Now that he's gone, I can finally start my solo career! I think I'll start my massive push by '''KILLING ALL OF YOU''' hey come back. ''*The gang escape on a leaf hang glider made by Zeppeli*''\
617'''Speedwagon:''' It looks like we're flying by night away from danger! Get it?....Get it?...Zeppeli, do you-\
618'''Zeppeli:''' '''I FUCKING GET IT, SPEEDWAGON.'''
619* Seeing Tarkus flying through the night into a castle prompts this from Zeppeli:*
620-->'''Zeppeli:''' I haven't seen a cow fly that fast since I back-handed my third wife!\
621'''Speedwagon:''' [[ComicallyMissingThePoint I didn't know you could marry bovine!]]
622* Poco remarking on how the Chamber of the Two Headed Dragon looks creepier than UsefulNotes/WinstonChurchill's Trailer Sex Dungeon Emporium. Cue the advertisement. Look out, Jonathan!
623* when Poco manages to get inside the chamber...
624-->'''Poco:''' I did it! That was easier than [[KissingCousins my cousin after a pint of Bud Light!]]\
625'''Tarkus:''' GOOD THING FOR YOU! *whacks him away*
626* Tarkus' one liner just before he tears Zeppeli in half:
627-->'''Tarkus:''' Oh hey look at me I'm the creative writer of [[ProfessionalWrestling/WorldWrestlingEntertainment WWE]] deciding what to do with the tag teams!
628* Zeppeli's final words are telling Jonathan to take care of Erina...specifically in bed...orally. Neither Jonathan nor Speedwagon get what he's talking about (but Speedwagon gets very excited any time his innuendos bring up sweets).
629-->'''Zeppeli:''' And word to the wise - don't do it after you've eaten a jalapeno, ''you'll kill her''!
630* And at the end...
631-->'''Speedwagon:''' [[LateToThePunchline He was talking about a vagina.]]
632-->'''Jonathan:''' What's that!?
633-->'''Speedwagon:''' I don't know!
634[[/folder]]
635
636[[folder: Meta]]
637* In the Youmacon 2013 18+ Team Four Star Panel, one of the requests was to say their favorite character's lines they voiced in a seductive manner. Antfish's was, naturally, DIO.
638-->'''Antfish (As DIO):''' I, DIO, shall show you, ''[[DoubleEntendre Za Warudo]]''.
639[[/folder]]

Top