Line #14 Funny/FullMetalJacket


1	!!Basic Training
2	* Marine cadences: "I don't know but I been told / Eskimo pussy is mighty cold"
3	** "Ho Chi Minh is a son of a bitch / Got them blueballs, crabs and the seven-year itch!"
4	** "This is my rifle, this is my gun! / This is for fighting, this is for fun!"
5	* The TrainingMontage with Joker doing pull-ups:
6	-->'''Hartman:''' One for the Commandant!\
7	''(Joker struggles through)''\
8	'''Hartman:''' One for the Corps! ''(Joker struggles)'' Get up there! Pull!\
9	''(Joker fails to do the pull-up and drops from the bar)''\
10	'''Hartman:''' ''(dejected)'' I guess the Corps don't get theirs.
11	* "Reveille! Drop your cocks and grab your socks!"
12	* Pick almost any sentence from Gunny Hartman and it will be [[FloweryInsults full of pretty funny insults]] and "inspirational" lines. Ermey came up with ''150'' insults by himself. The sheer creativity alone of his non-stop vulgarity is something [[CrossesTheLineTwice remarkable]]:
13	** "Your days of fingerbanging ol' Mary Jane Rottencrotch through her pretty pink panties ARE OVER!"
14	** "You are so ugly you could be a Modern Art masterpiece!"
15	** "Your ass looks like about a hundred and fifty pounds of chewed bubble gum!"
16	** One of Creator/RLeeErmey's best improvised lines: "I bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give them a reach-around!". At one point, Creator/StanleyKubrick actually stopped the filming and had Ermey explain what a reach-around [[note]]Stimulation of a sexual partner's genitals with the hand during anal and/or vaginal intercourse from behind.[[/note]] was. Amusingly, and perhaps understandably, Kubrick [[EveryoneHasStandards was disgusted.]] [[CrossesTheLineTwice He then immediately demanded a second take of the scene afterward, telling Ermey to be sure to leave that line in.]]
17	** "You climb obstacles like old people fuck!"
18	** "Holy dog shit, Texas! Only queers and steers come from Texas... and you don't look like a steer to me, so that kinda narrows it down!"
19	** "Oh, that's right, Private Pyle, don't make any fucking effort to get to the top of the fucking obstacle. If God would have wanted you up there, He would have miracled your ass up there by now, wouldn't He?! I'll bet if there was some pussy up there, you would get up there, wouldn't you?"
20	** "Private Pyle, whatever you do, don't fall down! That would break my fucking heart!"
21	** "Are you quitting on me?! Then quit then, you slimy fucking walrus-looking piece of shit! GET THE FUCK OFF OF MY OBSTACLE! GET THE FUCK DOWN OFF OF MY OBSTACLE! NOW! MOVE IT! I'm going to rip your balls off, so you cannot contaminate the rest of the world! I will motivate you, Private Pyle, if it short-dicks every cannibal on the Congo!"
22	** "How tall are you, private?" "Sir, five foot nine, sir!" "Five foot nine, I didn't know they stacked shit that high!"
23	** "I want that head so sanitary and squared-away that the Virgin Mary herself would be proud to go in and take a dump. " Then Joker cheerfully denies believing in her [[RealMenLoveJesus and Hartman is at his angriest]].
24	** "DISAPPEAR, SCUMBAG!"
25	** "God has a hard-on for Marines because we kill everything we see! He plays His games, we play ours! To show our appreciation for so much power, we keep heaven packed with fresh souls! God was here before the Marine Corps! So you can give your heart to Jesus, but your ass belongs to the Corps!"
26	** "Is that you, John Wayne? Is this me?"
27	*** "Who said that? [[SuddenlyShouting WHO THE FUCK SAID THAT?!]] Who's the slimy little communist shit twinkle-toed cocksucker down here who just signed his own death warrant?! ''({{Beat}})'' Nobody, huh? The Fairy-Fucking-Godmother said it!"
28	** Hartman's horrified reaction to Joker deciding to join the military journalists rather than becoming a standard Marine.
29	** "WHAT IS THIS MICKEY MOUSE SHIT?!" What happens after that, though, isn't so funny.
30	** [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5TNhS81w4bM Watch all of Hartman's classic "inspirations" here!]]
31	* Joker's attempts at doing a war face.
32	* Hartman ''proudly'' brings up Lee Harvey Oswald ''[[CrossesTheLineTwice to praise his assasin markmanship]]'', acquired in the Marines
33	-->'''Private Snowball:''' Sir, he shot Kennedy, sir! [...] it was pretty far! From that book ''[[{{Malaproper}} suppository]]'' building, sir!\
34	''(Marines laugh)''\
35	'''Hartman:''' All right, knock it off! [...] Do any of you people know where these individuals learned to shoot?\
36	'''Private Joker:''' Sir, in the Marines, sir!\
37	'''Hartman:''' In the Marines! Outstanding! Those individuals showed what one motivated marine and his rifle can do! And before you ladies leave my island, you will be able to do the same thing!
38
39	!!Vietnam
40	* Joker is asked in an interview why he enlisted:
41	-->I wanted to see exotic Vietnam... the crown jewel of Southeast Asia. I wanted to meet interesting and stimulating people of an ancient culture... [[BreadEggsMilkSquick and kill them]]. I wanted to be the first kid on my block [[BloodKnight to get a confirmed kill]].
42	* "No boom-boom with soul brother, his Alabama blacksnake is too beaucoup."
43	** ''Everything'' about the hookers.
44	* Eightball commenting on Animal Mother.
45	-->'''Eightball:''' Now you might not believe it, but under fire Animal Mother is one of the... finest human beings in the world. All he needs is somebody to throw hand grenades at him the rest of his life.
46	* The [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4VHKpGJX29s scene with the gung-ho Colonel]], especially his bewilderment when he's presented with the Jungian thing and the duality of man. And of course, his InsaneTrollLogic:
47	-->[[ViolationOfCommonSense Inside every gook there is an American fighting to get out]].
48	* During the "Me So Horny." When Rafterman was gonna take a picture of Joker and the Vietnamese Prostitute, a local man steals their camera and tries to intimidate Joker with lightning-fast mock Martial arts poses. Joker, living up to his name, responds in kind with his own poses. Still, it doesn't get their camera back.
49	* The door gunner doing his "thing" is heinous, but his casual, unapologetic delivery is ''so'' good that it [[CrossesTheLineTwice crosses]] into ComedicSociopathy territory: "Ain't war hell?"
50	** And right after his gleeful civilian kill count, he proceeds to mention that he's gunned down water buffaloes. Apparently this is important.
51	--->AND 50 WATER BUFFALOES TOO!
52	** During the whole scene, we see Rafterman sitting uncomfortably next to Joker and retching, without any clue on whether he's being sickened by the senseless shooting or by the helicopter ride.
53	* [[SoundtrackDissonance "Surfin' Bird"]] is played during a war scene of the film.
54	* The lads have a ball when a film crew passes by them:
55	-->'''Joker:''' [[CallBack Is that you, John Wayne? Is this me?]]\
56	'''Cowboy:''' Hey, start the cameras. This is Vietnam: The Movie.\
57	Yeah, Joker can be John Wayne, I'll be a horse.\
58	T. H. E. Rock can be a rock.\
59	I'll be Ann-Margret.\
60	Animal Mother can be a rabid buffalo.\
61	I'll be General Custer.\
62	'''Rafterman:''' Who'll be the Indians?\
63	'''Animal Mother:''' Hey, we'll let the gooks play the Indians.
64	* The motto of the military journalists: "First to Go — Last to Know: We Will Defend to the Death your Right to be Misinformed."
65	* Joker's reaction to Lockhart telling his fellow reporters that the Tet Offensive has led to some disastrous consequences is to ask "[[SkewedPriorities Does this mean Ann-Margret's not coming?]]"

Context Funny / FullMetalJacket