Line #62 Funny/FamilyFortunes


1	Hilarity doesn't stop at the Atlantic Ocean...
2
3	Also see [[Funny/FamilyFeud the Family Feud]] page.
4	----
5	[[foldercontrol]]
6
7	[[folder:Bob Monkhouse (1980-83)]]
8	* A few famous ones he would later quote in his stand-up routine:
9	--> '''Bob:''' We asked 100 people to name something blue.
10	--> '''Northern Irish woman:''' Is it my cardigan?
11	--> '''Bob:''' ...Let's see if it's up there!
12	** This one was reportedly cut from the recording:
13	--> '''Bob:''' We asked 100 people to name a dangerous race. ''(as in the different horse races)''
14	--> '''Contestant:''' ARABS!
15	** The New Years 1983 edition had the question 'Name something wicked you've never done but would like to'. Not all of the answers were revealed, and when they were, the bottom answer given was 'Shoot your neighbour'
16	--> '''Bob:''' This is the warm hearted British public for you... on New Year's Eve!
17	** During the initial face-off of that same question above, one of the contestants said '[[ManInAKilt peeking under a Scotsman's kilt]]'. What makes this even funnier was that A--both families were from Scotland, and B--two of the members of the opposing family (one of them being the captain) were wearing kilts.
18	** Another one had the question 'Name a form of transport you wouldn't want to travel on'. As with the above, not all the answers were given, and once they were, British Rail was given as the bottom answer.
19	--> '''Bob:''' Aren't we proud of our British institution?
20	** At the start of one episode when he was introducing the families, one of the girls said that they would like to run an assault course (or something on the lines of that), leading to this.
21	--> '''Bob:''' This is ''Family Fortunes''. I think you want ''Series/TheKryptonFactor''.
22	** One episode had the question "Name something that uses micro-chips". One of the two contestants buzzes in with the answer "Fish fryer" before catching himself and realizing just what he had said, prompting the audience to burst into a fit of laughter and having Bob looking at the camera with a huge WTF expression.
23	--> '''Bob:''' ''(goes over and hugs the man, still laughing)'' I love you... oh my God... ''(after a little more laughing)'' An answer like that can get you badly [[StealthPun battered]], I'll tell you that...
24	*** Topped off with Bob not even bothering to ask the computer for the answer - the X just comes on silently.
25	* When Bob asked “Give a good reason for a man to dig a hole in the road”, one contestant said “grave digger”. Bob quips: “Grave digger. He’s ''digging a hole'' in the road.”
26	* Name one of the ingredients in chicken stuffing. [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin Chicken]]. Immediately after hearing chicken, Bob has a perennial reaction to it.
27	[[/folder]]
28
29	[[folder:Max Bygraves (1983-85)]]
30	* 1983: [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M2AWKfMvDtw The "Turkey" incident]] is perhaps one of the best known incidents from this show, even to Americans. It was actually a ham-fisted attempt at cheating; the contestant's headphones weren't working, so he heard his teammate give "Chicken" to one question, and kept answering "Turkey" because he figured it would get some points as well. Max then quipped that he was playing for “£1,000 and… two weeks in Turkey”.[[note]]The family ultimately attempted to buy the rights to the show for £100, but was promptly informed that each episode cost £38,000 to make.[[/note]]
31	** In the same episode, two more funny moments occurred. When Bygraves asked “Living or dead, name a famous Irishman”, it took 7 tries to get an answer on the board. Some were off the map, including Ernest Hemingway and Benjamin Disraeli.[[note]] He even called Bob Johnson (the person who said Disraeli) an idiot, stating: “I’ll tell you what, we get idiots on this program too.” This was cut from the episode but can be seen on the Family Misfortunes clip show.[[/note]] He then asked “Name a food sometimes rolled in flour before cooking”, and a contestant answered dough (with Bygraves quipping NO DOUGH) and another said beef. It was topped up with Bygraves mentioning that it was “[[TemptingFate one of the funniest programs I’ve ever done.]]”[[note]]That was said BEFORE the Turkey incident came to be - yes, courtesy of Bob Johnson.[[/note]]
32	* "Name something you do when visitors are expected." Sounds simple enough, right? Except that the contestant had an incredibly thick accent, and [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_XOKEt8kTcs&t=1m53s Max couldn't quite understand him]], assuming his answer was "a Northern expression." The answer given? "Bake." As in "bake a cake."
33	* During one Big Money round, a contestant was asked “something found in a fire engine”. The contestant answered “coal”.
34	* A slang word for money… “bitch!” (The contestant misheard it as "mummy", and would later say mom, mishearing it further as mommy. Max had to even reference his big money catchphrase for the contestant to understand)
35	-->'''Max:''' Give me a slang word for money.
36	-->(''Eva buzzes in.'')
37	-->'''Max:''' Eva.
38	-->'''Eva:''' Bitch.
39	-->'''Max:''' Pardon? Bitch? (crowd laughs) What’s a bitch for money?
40	-->'''Eva:''' [[SustainedMisunderstanding Mummy?]]
41	-->'''Max:''' No, not mummy. ''Money''!
42	* When Bygraves asked “What a girl should know about a man before she marries him?”, a contestant answered with “his name”.[[note]]It ultimately became the fourth answer on the board.[[/note]]
43	* Name a subject for a comedian's jokes. The actual joke? The contestants had a malfunctioned podium that none of the buzzers rang in immediately. Bygraves notes it as “one of them (the subjects)”.
44	* Name an occasion where you will be noticed if you arrive late. That question received a long pause (with Bygraves quipping it as a “pregnant pause”). A contestant finally presses the buzzer, and the guess offered is “a funeral”.
45	[[/folder]]
46
47	[[folder:Les Dennis (1987-2002)]]
48	* JustForFun/IThoughtItMeant:
49	--> '''Les:''' We asked 100 people to name a bird with long legs.
50	--> '''Contestant:''' [[Film/BasicInstinct Sharon Stone!]]
51	* An odd example:
52	-->'''Les''': Name something people take from hotels as a souvenir.
53	-->(''contestant buzzes-in'')
54	-->'''Les''': Ann.
55	-->'''Ann''': The lamps.
56	-->'''Les''': The ''lamps...''
57	-->(''everyone starts laughing'')
58	-->'''Les''': This is experience talking, is it, Ann?
59	-->(''she nods'')
60	* This instance:
61	-->'''Les''': We surveyed 100 people and asked them to [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sqq9zZR0fHI&t=1m15s name a way of toasting someone]].\
62	(''contestant buzzes-in'')\
63	'''Les''': Michelle!\
64	'''Michelle''': Over a fire.\
65	(''audience laughs'')\
66	'''Les''': I tell ya what... [[TemptingFate if it's up there, I'll give you the money meself]]--over a fire!\
67	(''[[BeCarefulWhatYouWishFor board reveals the #5 answer "Grill", worth £12]]'')\
68	'''Les''': [[BigNo Oh, no!]]\
69	(''audience cheers and applauds'')\
70	'''Les''': (''shakes Michelle's hand'') I owe you £12! That's the first time that's ever happened!
71	** On the ''More Family Misfortunes'' special, the contestant confirmed that Les ''did'' attempt to make good on his promise -- but the cheque bounced. Les proceeded to give her a second, framed cheque.
72	* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QWSM_pX3UMQ Still another instance]]:
73	-->'''Les''': Name a game you can play in bed.\
74	(''contestant buzzes-in'') I Spy.\
75	'''Les''': [[DelayedReaction I S]]—\
76	(''the contestants and the audience all laugh, Les joins in soon after'')\
77	'''Les''': I Spy!\
78	(''The board reveals "I Spy" as'' '''''the number one answer'''''; ''Les makes a FlatWhat expression as the audience whoops and cheers'')
79	* Another JustForFun/IThoughtItMeant moment...
80	-->'''Les''': We asked 100 people to name a famous "Arthur."\
81	''(buzz-in)''\
82	'''Les''': Kenny!\
83	'''Kenny''': Er... Shakespeare.\
84	'''Les''': Arthur ''Shakespeare''...?
85	* Apparently ''Series/TheXFiles'' isn't that big across the pond...
86	-->'''Les''': We asked 100 people to name something associated with ''The X-Files.''\
87	''(Long, awkward pause as no one buzzes in. The audience starts laughing.)''\
88	'''Les''': We could show you an episode while we're waiting for an answer... ''(noticing the male contestant looking at the female contestant)'' ...what are you looking at her for? You can't ask her advice! You're playing against her!\
89	''(buzz-in)''\
90	'''Les''': Oh! Mel!\
91	'''Mel''': Television!\
92	''(Les and the audience laugh.)''
93	* "Name a character from ''Literature/AliceInWonderland''." The first buzz-in answer given was "The Tin Man" from ''Literature/TheWonderfulWizardOfOz''. Even poor Les looked like he [[INeedAFreakingDrink needed to pour himself a stiff drink]].
94	-->'''Les:''' Alice and her little dog Toto!
95	** That was from a 2001-02 episode. This question was previously asked on the episode that aired 15 December 1989, and most answers were respectable, however Gary of the Taylor family decided to go with "weasel", to which Les quips he was "rewriting Lewis Carroll". Thankfully, this was just the steal, and the Taylors decided to go with "Alice", which got them the steal. The first missing answer to be revealed after this game was "Cheshire cat", and Gary says that this was what he was thinking of.
96	-->'''Gary'''''(as "Cheshire cat" comes on-screen)''''':''' That's the weasel.
97	-->'''Les:''' That's the weasel?
98	-->(''everyone laughs'')
99	-->'''Les:''' Changed his name did he? He wouldn't be grinning when he hears that!
100	* Another instance of mishearing the question:
101	-->'''Les:''' Name something you stroke.
102	-->'''Contestant:''' You stroke a match.
103	-->'''Les:''' Stroke a match, do you?
104	-->(''everyone laughs'')
105	-->'''Les:''' (''pretending to hold a match and stroking "it"'') Come on! Come on! (''pointing at "it"'') You're my favourite match!
106	* Odd anatomy:
107	-->'''Les:''' Name something people have more than two of on their body:
108	-->(''contestant buzzes in'')
109	-->'''Les:''' Eddy?
110	-->'''Eddy:''' Arms.
111	-->(''everyone laughs'')
112	-->'''Les:''' More than two arms you've got, Eddy?
113	** And another:
114	-->'''Les:''' Name something that comes in sevens.
115	-->(''after a brief pause, a contestant buzzes in.'')
116	-->'''Les:''' Caroline?
117	-->'''Caroline:''' Fingers.
118	-->(''as everyone laughs, Les counts his fingers on his hands and tries to look at Caroline's hands.'')
119	** And yet another:
120	-->'''Les:''' Name a part of the body that everybody only has one of.
121	-->(''contestant buzzes in'')
122	-->'''Les:''' Sarah?
123	-->'''Sarah:''' Big toe.
124	-->(''everyone starts laughing as Sarah realises what she said'')
125	-->'''Les:''' (''with a confused expression on his face'') You got two of them!
126	* The silly answer of "dirty mags" for "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AKjSkkHPKK4 something a wife might not let her husband have in the house]]" was only the tip of the iceberg, as "[[UnexpectedlyObscureAnswer Ferret]]" was on the board for £9.
127	* A specific answer:
128	-->'''Les:''' We asked 100 people to name something you wouldn't try, even once.
129	-->(''contestant buzzes in'')
130	-->'''Les:''' Matthew?
131	-->'''Matthew:''' [[MakingLoveInAllTheWrongPlaces Sex on a train.]]
132	-->(''audience laughs'')
133	-->'''Les:''' (''suppressed laughter'') Sex on a train?
134	-->(''buzzer'')
135	-->'''Les:''' No! Funnily enough, our surveyed people didn't come up with that one!
136	* And this one:
137	-->'''Les:''' Name something associated with pigs.
138	-->'''Contestant:''' The police?
139	-->(''Les folds over laughing'')
140	* A contestant who goes to strange dentist:
141	-->'''Les:''' Name something a dentist says.
142	-->'''Rob:''' [[AccidentalInnuendo "Just a small prick."]] [[note]] Blooper reels usually cut out the actual first answer given at the podiums with the first contestant saying "Smile and Relax" - the answer well associated with this question was given after the face off. [[/note]]
143	* [[https://youtu.be/PpnLH1qm7GE?si=TN45UbopCpzXY7qb&t=635 Wondering what people open?]]
144	-->'''Les:''' Apart from doors, we asked 100 people something that people open… (after the face-off) Roz?
145	-->'''Roz:''' Bowels. Bow- (''The audience and Les laughs'')
146	-->'''Les:''' Moving swiftly, aren't we?
147	* And what people close?
148	-->'''Les:''' Name something people close.
149	-->'''Contestant:''' Legs.
150	-->(''Les gives a stunned glance'')
151	* [[https://youtu.be/0qoh7I7XUCk?si=PbylZJhAiAqX-pKM&t=42 Name a bird with a long neck.]]
152	--> '''Les:''' Alright, Alan, what do you think? A bird with a long neck.
153	--> '''Alan:''' A duck.
154	--> '''Les:''' A duck. ''(the audience laughs while Les gives a stunned expression)'' [[BigWhat WHAT?!]]
155	-->(''buzzer'')
156	--> '''Les:''' Paul, what do you think? A bird with a long neck.
157	--> '''Paul:''' Erm, blackbird.
158	-->''(the audience laughs even more and Les is now in disbelief)''
159	--> '''Les:''' I'm gonna risk saying it. If it's up there, I'll give you the money meself. A blackbird!
160	-->(''buzzer'')
161	--> '''Les:''' Three lives have gone, so the Bagnaras have a chance to steal. Leigh. [[note]] Blooper reels shows Paul's answer had gained three strikes, but Peter from the same family was able to answer with "Goose" to actually get the third strike. [[/note]]
162	--> '''Leigh:''' Naomi Campbell.
163	-->(''insert more laughter from the studio'')
164	* Name something you associate with the three bears. A contestant answers “Red Riding Hood” to laughter from the audience. Soon later, a contestant repeats the answers already mentioned (including the answer above). The same contestant then goes to answer another related Red Riding Hood character (The Wood Chopper/Woodcutter).
165	* Name a place where you would keep a pen. Zoo.
166	* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RVoXSL_SB3c Something you associate with the sea.]] A contestant answers deckchairs (with Les quipping: "What’s that out sea? There he goes, that deck chair!"). Another contestant says “coffin”. Les thought it was a burial at sea, but that contestant misheard the entire question about “something that begins with the letter C”.
167	* Name something you do once a week. Make love.
168	** This was also the same answer given when Les asked “something done slowly on the weekend, rushed in the week”.
169	* [[https://youtu.be/zo8QAe_RD-A?si=8RcauxjbCaMv2ZH5 Name something that might frighten Dracula.]] Bob Monkhouse.
170	* Name a typical place where courting couples go. Dark hills.
171	* Name something you stretch. A shirt.
172	* [[https://youtu.be/xSLgFnHlgBo?si=PfMDzNdBdIgKZCqo&t=250 When Les asked "a song from the Sound of Music"]], a long pause occurs in confusion, leading to chuckles from the audience. When someone finally buzzes in, a contestant answers a character from the musical (Maria) and Dancing Queen, before someone finally states "The Hills Are Alive" (as The Sound of Music) for the top answer. What followed was "I Wake Up Each Morning", "The Skies Are Blue", and "Over The Hills from Far Away", resulting in Les and the audience slowly losing it. This led to Les asking the family if they had ever seen the film.
173	** At the same episode, Les asks the contestants for "A word that describes a very hot day". The same family with the three songs comes up with "very hot day, Les."
174	* A weapon used in the board game ''{{TabletopGame/Cluedo}}''. Dice.
175	* Name something a woman wears in bed. Nothing.
176	* Something your car can have two of. Wheels.
177	--> '''Les:''' [[FridgeLogic Isn't that called a bike?]]
178	* A game played in the dark. Charades.
179	* Something made of wool. Sheep.
180	* [[https://youtu.be/KlqirHIf6nI?si=sGgTQwbfi3ghnYyp&t=513 In one 2002 episode, the families are asked for two foods that go together.]] Cue Paul of the Roderick Family giving out something utterly gross: "Beans and Chips".
181	-->'''Les:''' They're the two you've put together, is that what you eat mostly Paul?
182	-->'''Paul:''' Yeah. (''pats his stomach'')
183	** While the Nwokeji family come up with some good combinations, the Rodericks are now about to steal. Needless to say, it isn't pretty:
184	*** Emma comes up with "Chips and Fish", causing everyone to laugh not only because it was '''already''' on the board, but of the way she moved around the words which Les even lampshaded. Emma then decides to say "Chicken and Chips" instead, and just falls to pieces.
185	*** Winston comes up with "Mash and Bangers" [[note]]More usually said as "bangers and mash", it means sausages (bangers) served with mashed potatoes[[/note]], which Les accepts. Then you can still hear Emma giggling at her own answer.
186	*** Paul comes up with "Spaghetti and Chips". Already grossed out at his previous answer, Les says:
187	--->'''Les:''' I don't want to come to your house for tea, mate!
188	*** Carl's choice is "pizza and coleslaw".
189	*** At this point, Big Rod simply shrugs off the crazy and gross answers his family members are coming up with and comes up with the reasonable answer of "Bacon and Egg" - cue some of the audience members clapping. It ends up on No. 2 on the board.
190	* Name something you put on jacket potatoes. Jam.
191	* And then to [[{{Filler}} pass the time]] you have Les asking family members their personal stories... which are usually embarrassing. Take this example from a 2002 episode, when Les asks Amanda from the Higham Family the time when she pinched someone's bottom at a shop:
192	--> '''Les:''' Amanda, you tried to uh... pinch your husband's bum one day (''Amanda hides her face and giggles lightly''), and it went drastically wrong, didn't it?
193	--> '''Amanda:''' (''in a light voice'') Yes it did Les...!
194	--> '''Les:''' What was it?
195	--> '''Amanda:''' I um... My husband and I were out shopping and we went into, um... a clothes ware- warehouse.
196	--> '''Les:''' Yep...
197	--> '''Amanda:''' He went one way and I went the other, and... um... I sorta finished doing what I doing and I sorta sidled up to this chap, thinking it was my husband.
198	--> '''Les:''' Yep...
199	--> '''Amanda:''' (''Slowly goes to his nephew and team leader Peter, and imitates what she did to the stranger'') I sorta put my hand on his bum, squeezing his bum, and I said (''in a posh voice'') "Hello..." (''giggles while hiding her face in front of Peter, Les laughs, audience lightly laughs'') and this chap turned around and said (''posh voice'') "Hello..." and carried on doing that (''Inaudible babble as Amanda immitates her freaking out'') I just ran out the shop, I was so embarrassed!
200	--> '''Les:''' You were embarrassed? I'll tell you what, you should have seen his face (''referring to Peter'') while you were doing that. (''Amanda hugs him, audience laughs'') He loved being experimented on! (''Inaudible speech from Amanda and Peter during this portion'')
201	--> '''Amanda:''' This chap was saying "Carry on, carry on!" "Nuh-no-no-no-no-no go away-go away!"
202	--> '''Les:''' Carry on Sergeant! (''gets out his question cards and asks Amanda the question'')
203	* [[https://youtu.be/JJSLnMG0y44?si=vXZ-XOyGwB-vZcuq In one Big Money round]], two contestants could not understand the question "Name a type of ache." The first contestant answered "Face", and the other contestant drifted to "Fillet Fish" before admitting he had no idea what the question was. It turns out that he had misheard it as "hake", as in the fish.
204	* [[https://youtu.be/kJVIWzUSliQ?si=yPnXwnr4B81L8qXN&t=6 Name a reason for kneeling]]. To be beheaded.
205	* More funny examples are from [[https://youtu.be/iJ6sEYjXRdE Family Misfortunes]] and [[https://youtu.be/7DiSdH7lxbU More Family Misfortunes]].
206	[[/folder]]
207
208	[[folder:Andy Collins (2002)]]
209	* Andy asks “Name something you find on top of a wardrobe”, and a contestant responds with “socks”.
210	* “Fact or fiction, name a famous Dick.” A contestant opts to answer “head” and Andy quips: “Zoe thinks we’re doing the late-night version.” The same contestant then answers “carrot”.
211	* "Name a vocalist who's known by one name." "Music/MichaelJackson". Andy then says: "A vocalist who's known by one name, and we're going with ''Michael Jackson''!"
212	* Another episode had the question "Fact or fiction, name someone associated with an apple." The first few answers given by the Hedger family were sensible, but it soon fell apart as Sharon (the captain) answers "Dobbin the horse", Paul answers "Mr Kipling" (the name of a bakery brand that makes, among other baked goods, apple pies), and Julie answers "the greengrocer". Needless to say, they get three strikes and it comes to the Edwards family to steal. However, it turns out that the Edwards were worse than their opponents, coming up with answers such as "Snoopy", "Pauline Fowler" and, in a similar vein to the "cardigan" moment in the Monkhouse era, "my brother". However, even the survey showed questionable answers, as six people answered "Robin Hood", presumably confusing him with William Tell, who was indeed the top answer.
213	* "Name a profession that may use a helicopter." Canada of the Lee family decides to answer "engine". This is then lampshaded by Andy later on in the episode during a segue to the commercial break.
214	-->'''Andy:''' We're reaching the halfway stage. We're all now going to jump into our engines and have a little fly about. ''(mouths in disbelief while gesturing towards the Lee family)'' See you in a mo.
215	[[/folder]]
216
217	[[folder:Vernon Kay (2006-2015)]]
218	* 25 November 2006, with Melinda Messenger...
219	-->'''Vernon''': Name something you do in a lift.
220	-->'''Melinda''': Press a button?
221	-->(''buzzer sounds'')
222	-->'''Vernon''': Another one.
223	-->'''Melinda''': Uh, pass.
224	-->(''As that was the last survey question...'') '''Vernon''': Name something you do in a lift.
225	-->'''Melinda''': Uh, wee.
226	-->(''Vernon makes an "[[WhatTheHellPlayer are you kidding me?]]" face as Melinda claims to never have done so.'')
227	* 27 October 2007, with Brian Dowling...
228	-->'''Vernon''': Name a type of bean.
229	-->'''Brian''': Baked bean!
230	-->(''buzzer sounds'')
231	-->'''Vernon''': Another one.
232	-->'''Brian''': [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_2pdM2DLyA8 LESBIAN!]]
233	-->(''the survey board was nice enough to show his answer as "Les Bean"'')
234	* The question asking for something made of wool was done again on this version. This time, "Sheep" was the #2 answer.
235	* More funny examples are from [[http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2iarfd All Star Family Misfortunes]].
236	[[/folder]]
237
238	[[folder:Gino D'Acampo (2020-Present)]]
239	* “Name a famous doctor.” Two contestants in confusion answer Doctor Carrot and Doctor Parrot. Gino opts to praise the other team for passing (to which he scolds for getting the number one answer by default, which was Doctor Who.)
240	* "Name something you put in your mouth but you don’t swallow." A contestant named Ash had an actual potty mouth that the answer got censored.[[note]] A "shiitake" moment, no less! [[/note]] Gino’s stunned face manages to explain the moment perfectly.
241	[[/folder]]

Context Funny / FamilyFortunes