Line #22 Funny/Crossed


1	* [[http://www.crossedcomic.com/webcomic/volume-1-chapter-5/11/ LIMEY FUCK DONCHA LOOK DOWN AN ME ISSA GLANDULAR PROBLEM ISSA DISABILITY GAWN MAKE CHEESEBURGERS OUTTA YORE ASS BETTER'N BOILED BRITCRAP TELL YEW THAT HAW HAW HAW YESSIR]]
2	* Chapter 13 of Volume one of "Wish You Were Here" introduces the awesome Jackson, a man who's somehow managed to survive the world on his own. He comes to Cava hoping to trade supplies and info. What does he want in return?
3	-->''All I want's a nice wee pairae pink shoes. A sheep tae fuck of a braw night. An' someone tae pull m'finger.''
4	** He only gets the first two.
5	* Early in ''Wish You Were Here'', when Shaky has an idea about how to build morale, let Tabitha do something important as an artist, and (last and certainly not least) provide a distraction while he tries to rig the lockbox containing the names that will be drawn to decide who goes on the next sortie. We get a GilliganCut showing Rab and Don posing for a drawing, with Shaky saying "behold our glorious leaders", as Don tries to strike a heroic pose (Shaky notes that he "never moved quicker in his life than saying 'Yes' to the Presidential portrait") and Rab doesn't even bother trying to hide his disgust at the whole spectacle, while various other Cavaities crowd around Tabitha's canvas in excitement, commenting on things like how she's making Don look skinnier, proposing a caption contest, or asking to do Rab's beard once she gets to that part.
6	* Harry calling out Father Dennis on his plan to deceive the Crossed by [[TooDumbToLive painting Crossed scars on him and the children's faces.]] While grinning widely.
7	-->''I'm going to moderate my tone and continue to smile, because I don't want the children to think I'm going to disembowel their only adult guardian: But what exactly did you think you were doing just now, you stupid, incompetent imbecile?''
8	* Volume 4, Chapter 11 of "Wish You Were Here" shows Aoileann running into Jasper in a flashback. Apparently Jasper ran into another group between leaving Shaky's group and finding Cava, and the nun's group of smart Crossed quickly take them out and rape-kill them while Jasper's back is turned. He turns around to see her staring at him in a motorcycle helmet and a hooded robe. The scene is very tense and terrifying, and how does the uncouth and foul-mouthed Jasper ruin it? Well let's just say, it involves [[BringMyBrownPants brown trousers]]...
9	-->''I. I shit meself. Oh. S-Sorry. Sorry, I. I done a shit.''
10	* In ''Yellow Belly,'' the Crossed attack a circus. At one point, they [[BolivianArmyEnding corner Boris the ringleader and a fellow tiger tamer in the cage with the tigers]] and they [[CasualDangerDialogue proceed to squabble.]]
11	-->'''Tiger tamer''': Madame Zara [[TarotTroubles drew the death card on this place]], but you had to come anyway.
12	-->'''Boris''': Madame Zara's a hooker and a fraud, you asshole.
13	* A Crossed throws a knife while yelling [[Franchise/StreetFighter 'hadouken']]. It's so unexpected, it's hilarious.
14	* Shaky mentions at one point that he has erotic dreams about Elisa... which usually end with him being castrated, causing Shaky to wonder if his dreams are smarter than he is.
15	* At the beginning of ''Wish You Were Here'' Volume Two, Shaky commenting about how the sortie needs ruthlessness to survive, the next panel shows Seline sobbing about how she didn't want to go and Viceroy gushing over how cute an infected baby is and Shaky cynically noting that they could do better in that regard.
16	* Shaky describes his community's last attempt at making cheese as coming out like "sperm mixed with babysick."
17	* Shaky gushing about how much he wants cheese again when he finds out that Mark from Jasper's group is a cheesemaker, both in the main story and Mark's character bio in the back of volume two.
18	* Rab and Don arguing about whether or not to go and take a cow that floated up (and turns out to be boobytrapped by the Crossed), each of them using the other mans arguments. Shaky observes at the end how Don won, but only by being a jerk and using Rab's own arguments against him, describing that as the closest they get to sharing power.
19	* ''Five Bloody Fingers'' has Boss Yamada confronted by a rival Yakuza boss, Ishiguro, who has been infected and is dangling a pair of heads ripped off at the spine in his hands and wearing Kawamata's flayed skin around his neck. The first thing Yamada notices is the rash, [[SkewedPriorities and accuses him of having no class for tattooing his face]]. After killing Ishiguro, he retrieves Kawamata's skin from Ishiguro's corpse and nonchalantly hand it back to Kawamata, as if he were simply giving him back his shirt.
20	--> '''Yamada''': Here. In the future, take better care of it.
21	** Also in Five Bloody Fingers, Taro states that his combat experience is from playing video games....only to get a blank, dumb-founded look from Yamada. Possibly out of pity, Yamada gives him a Rocket Launcher.
22	** Boss Yamada mocking Satoshi when Satoshi declares that he loves (Boss Yamada's daughter).
23	** The mere idea that Big Hero 6 Expies (albeit, loose expies, for obvious reasons) are somehow in the Crossed Universe is both heartwarming and hilarious at the same time.
24	* Cody contemplating the good parts of waiting out the apocalypse in a luxury underground bunker.
25	--> '''Cody''': ''<lying in a built-in tub with a beer in his hand>'' It wasn't all that bad. This place was built to house people in luxury. In a lot of ways, it was just as good as life before.
26	--> '''Cody''': ''<in the next panel, having sex with a woman in the tub>'' Some ways, it was better.
27	** Cody's [[ThisIsGonnaSuck reaction]] to Smokey responding to his argument that he only needs one male slave to father children with the women he's captured by simply pointing at him is pure BlackComedy.
28	* ''The Thin Red Line'' has a moment where a character, while watching the Crossed on a rampage, observes some [[TropesOfTheLivingDead familiar elements in their actions and M.O.]], to which the character next to him angrily tells him to not say "zombie." Trying to tell us something, [[Creator/GarthEnnis Mr. Ennis]]?
29	** Jackie, the same character who says not to say 'zombie', gets another one when a semi-Crossed woman experiencing some lucidity comes up to her and Tom and wails about how she killed her baby.
30	--> '''Jackie''': ''<with a rather irritated facial expression>'' Well, what do you want me to do about it?
31	* One scene of ''Gore Angels'' has Cody (the one in Japan, [[OneSteveLimit not the bunker guy]].) getting a call from Ryan and Natalie on Day zero of the outbreak, as they're are on the run from "psychotic perverted monks" and do a poor job trying to explain what's happening before accidentally dropping their phone. Cody turns to Emiko and when she asks what that's about, replies with the following.
32	--> '''Cody:''' I have weird friends.
33	** Ryan and Natalie, upon experiencing CoitusInterruptus, notice one of the Shingon monks is following them. Ryan sneaks up on him to take a photo and tells him to say 'penis.' The photo reveals the now-Crossed monk has brutally murdered somebody which isn't funny. But what is funny is the Crossed monk complying with the request.
34	--> Crossed Shingon Monk: Penis. grins widely
35	** After they are attacked for the first time, Ryan and Natalie encounter a pair of elderly British tourists who are taken aback at encountering the half-naked 20-somethings in the forest surrounding a Buddhist monastery. They nevertheless awkwardly lend the pair some additional clothes, only to be left flabbergasted when they run away warning the couple to flee as well due to the "psychotic pervert monks." The elderly couple are left befuddled by the whole thing and complain about the pair of lunatic Americans stealing their clothes...[[CassandraTruth though this reaction isn't the best thing]] [[MoodWhiplash for their odds of survival.]]
36	* ''American Quitters'' has some rather humorous moments, as befitting an arc featuring an OddCouple of a hardcore biker and a hippie. Special mention needs to go to the [[LemonyNarrator narration]], especially in the scene where a priest has been HoistByHisOwnPetard by our protagonists.
37	-->'''Priest''': [[Literature/TheBible Forgive them father, for they know not what they do.]]
38	-->'''Narrator''': They totally knew.
39	* A bit dark, but the fact that Future in ''Crossed +100'' regards [[Literature/TheRoad The Road]] as optimistic (mainly because the scene with a baby roasting on the spit [[CrapsackWorld only had one baby.]]).
40	* In Issue 5 of ''Crossed +100,'' we are introduced to Beauregard Salt. When he goes to a cafe the Crossed are brutally attacking, [[BystanderSyndrome he just notes he had to ask people to keep it down and that the day's paper indicates "the business with the banks is getting serious."]] He also took the time to grab coffee and a danish amidst this carnage. The SceneryDissonance is rather amusing.
41	* In the second issue of ''Homo Tortor'' Washington talks about his comrades, and here is what he says about [[CrazySurvivalist Lewis]]:
42	-->'''Washington''': Lewis. Survivalist and hermit. Was expecting for the NWO to come for his guns. [[SelfDeprecation Has since admitted]] that his paranoia [[{{Understatement}} didn't accurately cover the full extent of life's horrors]].
43	** And at the end of the same issue, after Lewis accidentally trips an explosive trap and alerts the Crossed, there is this exchange:
44	-->'''Ronnie''': [[OhCrap Oh shit. Oh shit. How close?]]
45	-->'''Warren''': If you shut up, you can hear.
46	-->'''Washington''': Put it like this... [[DeadpanSnarker Unless there's a choir out there singing variations on "Murder cunt rape cock fuck"]], [[ThisIsGonnaSuck we're in trouble]].
47	* One of the "American History X" covers in +100 #7 shows a group of people in 2050 (apparently descendants of a [[TheRemnant military remnant]] given how some but not all of them are wearing military uniforms) in a fenced off airport, with some of them shooting Crossed attacking at the fence while others (relatively nonchalantly) look at the blueprints for the plane, apparently trying to figure out how to get it off the ground.
48	* The Crossed are so horny, that they will bang anything. While this can be played for NightmareFuel, this can also be quite humorous, as sometimes they'll bang inanimate objects.
49	** A crossed in ''Family Values'' is shown banging the telescope that one of the survivors was using to keep watch.
50	* At the end of ''Badlands: Shrink'', ack finally just decides to just lock himself inside the room with his infected brother, Clancy. Being a crossed, you would expect Clancy to just jump on Jack immediately, but nope. Jack barricades the door and calmly sits down next to his brother, who laughs and asks him if he wants to fuck.
51	-->'''Clancy:''' Hehe. ...Wanna fuck?\
52	'''Jack:''' ... Sure.

Context Funny / Crossed