| 1 | ---- |
| 2 | [[quoteright:350:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/cheersdianemona.jpg]] |
| 3 | [[caption-width-right:350:Even ''I'' think that's tacky.]] |
| 4 | [[foldercontrol]] |
| 5 | [[folder: General]] |
| 6 | * Norm’s entrances. Usually he has some witty joke or funny line at the ready when he walks in and hangs his coat by the door. |
| 7 | [[/folder]] |
| 8 | |
| 9 | [[folder:Season 1]] |
| 10 | [[AC:101: Give Me a Ring Sometime]] |
| 11 | * Sam and Diane's first interaction, starting as they will go on. Having walked into Cheers with no-one else there, Diane answers the phone while Sam's out. It's one of his dates, and his mouth's full so he can't answer (and Diane is unable to interpret his miming and just gives the excuse "he had to go to mime class"). She takes a message for him. |
| 12 | -->'''Diane:''' "You're a magnificent pagan beast."\ |
| 13 | '''Sam:''' Thanks. What was the message? |
| 14 | * This little exchange: |
| 15 | -->'''Coach:''' ''[Answering the phone]'' Is there an Ernie Pantuso here?\ |
| 16 | '''Sam:''' That's you, Coach.\ |
| 17 | '''Coach:''' ''[Into the phone]'' Speaking. |
| 18 | |
| 19 | [[AC:102:Sam's Women]] |
| 20 | * At the beginning of the episode, Norm ([[CharacterizationMarchesOn in an un-Norm like display]]) is astounded by an attractive woman walking by the bar. Diane begins speaking about how sexist this is, until the woman enters Cheers, prompting a stunned "''Holy''..." from her. |
| 21 | * After Diane says she thinks Sam only dates bimbos who easily fall for his cheap lines, Sam manages to list off a surprisingly melancholy anecdote about a beautiful sunset he once saw, which clearly gets to Diane. She insists it didn't work. The fact she [[INeedAFreakingDrink takes a swig of one of her orders]] says otherwise. |
| 22 | |
| 23 | [[AC:103: The Tortelli Tort]] |
| 24 | * After the Red Sox lose again, Carla gets on a barstool and announces that she is no longer a Red Sox fan, and everyone else in the bar says the rant alongside her, showing that she had said it multiple times. Even ''Diane'' is reciting along with Carla - and she has only known her for a few weeks at this point. |
| 25 | -->'''Carla:''' May I have your attention, please? I have an announcement to make. As of right now...\ |
| 26 | '''Everyone along with Carla:''' Carla Tortelli is no longer a Red Sox fan. ''[{{Beat}}]'' No, no, really! I mean it this time! ''[{{Beat}}]'' Now stop that, okay?!\ |
| 27 | '''Carla:''' [[LampshadeHanging Have I said that before?]] |
| 28 | * Diane reveals she's done a course in American Law, much to Sam's confusion. She reveals it's just one of ''several'' degrees she's gone for. |
| 29 | -->'''Sam:''' Is there anything you ''weren't'' in college?\ |
| 30 | '''Carla:''' Blonde.\ |
| 31 | '''Diane:''' ''(suddenly furious)'' Check the yearbook, Carla! ''Check the yearbook!'' |
| 32 | * Carla must go to Anger Management classes after attacking an obnoxious Yankees fan in the bar. When the fan returns to antagonize Carla, mocking the Red Sox, the Celtics, and finally the Bruins, she does not react. The Yankees fan dejectedly turns to leave...when he is confronted by [[OhCrap a towering Bruins player]] who'd been sitting in the corner watching his antics, and who promptly invites him outside to "show you some of the things that got me suspended." |
| 33 | * With that done, Carla returns to her normal self, as a customer demands a beer from the pool room. Carla grabs a pitcher and hurls it down the hallway, followed by an almighty crash. |
| 34 | |
| 35 | [[AC:104: Sam at Eleven]] |
| 36 | * The start of Sam's interview, thanks to Diane being Diane. |
| 37 | -->'''Dave Richards:''' ''(with affected voice)'' I'm standing here at a popular Boston water hole-\ |
| 38 | '''Diane:''' ''(from the side, imitating him)'' What's wrong with his voice? |
| 39 | * When he starts again, he looks at Diane, who this time remains silent, but nods approvingly at him. |
| 40 | * Diane tries playing therapist to an irritated Sam, who just wants her to go away. |
| 41 | -->'''Diane:''' Let out a scream.\ |
| 42 | '''Sam:''' '''''GET OUT!''''' |
| 43 | |
| 44 | [[AC:106: Any Friend of Diane's]] |
| 45 | * Norm, hoping to impress his new boss, brings him to Cheers as a prelude to dinner at Melville's, but as he doesn't want him to know he's a barfly, he asks the Cheers staff and patrons to pretend they don't know him. When Norm shows up with his boss that evening, Coach reflexively shouts "NORM!" - then cuts himself off halfway and pretends to be singing the "Toreador" song from ''Theatre/{{Carmen}}''. |
| 46 | |
| 47 | [[AC:107: Friends, Romans, Accountants]] |
| 48 | * On the subject of theme parties, Diane suggests [[IncrediblyLameFun Elizabethan Poetry Nights]], which causes everyone (Cliff included) to snark about it, followed by an epic burn from Carla. |
| 49 | -->'''Sam:''' Say, didn't we used to have a weekly Elizabethan Poetry Night?\ |
| 50 | '''Norm:''' It started getting too rowdy.\ |
| 51 | '''Cliff:''' I remember the night you were charged for practicing iambic pentameter without a license.\ |
| 52 | '''Diane:''' You know, Sam, if I'm to serve as both a waitress and the butt of jokes I think I should make more money.\ |
| 53 | '''Carla:''' Yeah. What ''does'' a good butt make in this town? |
| 54 | |
| 55 | [[AC:108: Truce or Consequences]] |
| 56 | * Sam getting nervous about leaving Carla and Diane alone in the bar, after hours, together. |
| 57 | -->'''Sam:''' I have no life insurance! Just this bar! |
| 58 | * Before getting into a heart-to-heart with Diane, Carla has to mix a drink: "[[GargleBlaster Step Into An Open Grave]]", a Tortelli concoction which needs to be moved around constantly, or the fumes will apparently melt the ceiling. After Diane takes a sip, Carla mentions no Tortelli has ever lived over forty... |
| 59 | * Carla claims Sam is in fact the father of her oldest son, Gino. Upon hearing this, Diane ''chugs the entire pitcher of the Step Into an Open Grave''. |
| 60 | -->'''Diane:''' I don't ''believe'' it!\ |
| 61 | '''Carla:''' I don't either. You're gonna '''''die'''''! |
| 62 | * When Sam comes back in, [[BlatantLies having forgotten his keys]], it turns out Carla was lying her ass off, knowing Diane would never be able to keep the fact to herself. It's ''Coach'' who clues Diane in when he notes Carla's only been working for Sam for five years. Gino is ''seven''. |
| 63 | |
| 64 | [[AC:109: Coach Returns to Action]] |
| 65 | * Diane is confused by the idea of Norm drinking a cold beer when the weather's so cold. Norm decides to ask Cliff if he has an idea. |
| 66 | -->'''Norm:''' Cliff, explanation, please?\ |
| 67 | '''Diane:''' Now, how do you know he has one?\ |
| 68 | '''Norm:''' Five bucks says he has one, ten bucks says it's a doozy.\ |
| 69 | '''Cliff:''' When the, ah, British ruled the Punjab-\ |
| 70 | '''Norm:''' Ten bucks, all the way.\ |
| 71 | ''(Diane shakes her head in amusement)''\ |
| 72 | '''Cliff:''' - they drank steaming hot pots of tea on the hottest days of the year to balance out the inside and outside temperatures. See, conversely, drinking an ice-cold drink on a cold day, eh, actually results in a more comfortable body temperature.\ |
| 73 | '''Diane:''' ''(to Norm)'' Alright. Why do you drink ice cold beer on a hot day?\ |
| 74 | '''Norm:''' Mr. Clavin?\ |
| 75 | '''Cliff:''' What else are you gonna do with it? |
| 76 | |
| 77 | [[AC:110: Endless Slumper]] |
| 78 | * In the ColdOpening, Carla is hiring an elderly, prim governess to watch over her kids. She has excellent references, but Carla has different prerequisites. |
| 79 | -->'''Carla:''' Forget that. Have you ever been in any major military skirmishes?\ |
| 80 | '''Miss Gilder:''' What?\ |
| 81 | '''Carla:''' It's very important that you can handle yourself. Would you stand up? ''(they get up)'' [[HitMeDammit Give me one.]]\ |
| 82 | '''Miss Gilder:''' Give you one what?\ |
| 83 | '''Carla:''' Your best shot. ''(indicating her cheek)'' Right here. Coldcock me, honey.\ |
| 84 | '''Bar:''' ''(ad libbing)'' Waste her. Waste her. Let's go.\ |
| 85 | '''Miss Gilder:''' ''(shocked)'' You don't really expect me to strike you?\ |
| 86 | '''Carla:''' Hey, six bucks an hour.\ |
| 87 | ''(Miss Gilder immediately gives Carla a roundhouse punch that knocks her on her ass.)''\ |
| 88 | '''Carla:''' ''(impressed)'' Great shot! Sit right down here and we'll work out the details!\ |
| 89 | ''(Cue TitleSequence)'' |
| 90 | * Rick, a young pitcher for the Red Sox in the midst of a slump, seeks out advice from Coach and Sam on how to overcome it. Diane tells Sam to suggest meditation, Coach suggests having an active sex life. While the pitcher shies away, Diane overhears and encourages him to do it (thinking he is talking about meditation), and [[OneDialogueTwoConversations offers to do it with him]]. The icing on the cake is Sam laughing his ass off at watching Diane dig herself deeper and deeper. |
| 91 | -->'''Diane''': Oh, wait, now, wait just a minute. Don't say that it's not the answer until you've tried it.\ |
| 92 | '''Sam''': Diane, Diane...\ |
| 93 | '''Diane''': Excuse me. My name is Diane, I have done this for years, I'll tell you, I would be happy to teach you how to do it.\ |
| 94 | '''Rick''': Well, Diane, this is very kind of you but I don't think...\ |
| 95 | '''Diane''': No, no no. Please do me the favor of trying it with me.\ |
| 96 | '''Rick''': ''[to Sam]'' Is she serious?\ |
| 97 | '''Sam''': Oh yes. She's serious. She does it all the time. She just said so.\ |
| 98 | '''Diane''': That's right.\ |
| 99 | '''Rick''': ''[pointing to Sam and Diane]'' Uh, do you, uh...?\ |
| 100 | '''Sam''': No. No.\ |
| 101 | '''Diane''': Are you kidding? Him? He would just make jokes. ''[Sam almost does a SpitTake]''\ |
| 102 | '''Rick''': Well okay then. Okay! What time's good for you?\ |
| 103 | '''Diane''': Well... personally I like to get at least half an hour of it in before breakfast. But, um... look, any time is all right with me.\ |
| 104 | '''Rick''': Golly, I like you!\ |
| 105 | '''Diane''': You know there is something so beautiful about experiencing it outdoors.\ |
| 106 | '''Rick''': Don't people stare at you?\ |
| 107 | '''Diane''': Yes, sometimes, but they end up learning something. Sometimes people even join in. You know all this talk had gotten me so excited, what the hell, let's do it now!\ |
| 108 | '''Rick''': Uh... outside?\ |
| 109 | '''Diane''': Oh, oh no, no, it's a little cold and I prefer to take my shoes off. ''[at this point, Sam is doing all he can to refrain from guffawing]'' Um, Sam could we use your office?\ |
| 110 | '''Sam''': Wait a minute. I'm sorry, I let this go too far-\ |
| 111 | '''Diane''': ''[while walking with Rick to the office]'' No no, we don't need to hear from Mr. Skeptic. Rick here is after something and I can show him where it is.\ |
| 112 | ''[They go in Sam's office. {{Beat}}. Slap! Diane exits, [[CharacterTics Facial Tic]] worse than ever.]'' |
| 113 | |
| 114 | [[AC:113: Now Pitching, Sam Malone]] |
| 115 | * Coach's way of offering advice to Sam: Dropping a dishcloth on the floor, telling Sam to pick it up... and kicking him in the ass when he bends down. |
| 116 | |
| 117 | [[AC:114: Let Me Count the Ways]] |
| 118 | * Much of the hilarity of the show during the Diane years stems from Sam the {{Manchild}} clashing with Diane the DramaQueen. The result is invariably a BIG "LikeAnOldMarriedCouple" moment: |
| 119 | -->'''Sam:''' You know--while we're talking about ''problems'', you wanna know what ''really'', REALLY bugs me about you?\ |
| 120 | '''Diane:''' Fine!\ |
| 121 | '''Sam:''' [[FelonyMisdemeanor The way you eat]] ''[[FelonyMisdemeanor pretzels]]''!\ |
| 122 | ''({{Beat}})''\ |
| 123 | '''Diane:''' ''Pretzels''!\ |
| 124 | '''Sam:''' Yeah, that's right--''three'' bites! Not ''two'', not ''one'' like the rest of us--but THREE BITES!\ |
| 125 | '''Diane:''' Do you want to ''know what "bugs" me about YOU''?!\ |
| 126 | '''Sam:''' Oh, I'd love to. What?\ |
| 127 | '''Diane:''' THE COLOGNE YOU ALWAYS WEAR IS TOTALLY WITHOUT ''NUANCE''!!! |
| 128 | |
| 129 | [[AC:117: Diane's Perfect Date]] |
| 130 | * Carla's evil cackle. |
| 131 | * In the middle of another Sam-Diane bicker, Norm cuts in: |
| 132 | -->'''Norm:''' You think I'd do this in ''your'' house?! |
| 133 | |
| 134 | [[AC:118: No Contest]] |
| 135 | * Throughout the episode, Diane rails against the Miss Boston Barmaid competition, seeing it as degrading and offensive, but is repeatedly swayed by the lure of the spotlight. By the end of the evening, she's won, and is about to give her grand speech, only to be repeatedly interrupted by the host giving her gift after gift. The clincher is the grand prize: A weekend trip to Bermuda. At which point Diane starts ''shrieking her head off''. |
| 136 | -->'''Diane:''' ''[into microphone]'' I, I really didn't expect to win this contest, it has- ''[the emcee hands her the winner's bouquet]'' It has been quite- ''[the emcee produces the winner's tiara]'' It has been quite- ''[she stops again as the emcee places the tiara on her head]'' It has been quite an experience. ''[looks at the notecards for her speech]'' Now, I would like to tell you my feelings about this contest-\ |
| 137 | '''Emcee:''' But before you do that, Diane, let me tell you what you've won!\ |
| 138 | '''Diane:''' That's really not necessary. ''[to microphone]'' If there was-\ |
| 139 | '''Emcee:''' Something every waitress needs: a six months' worth of free dry-cleaning at Ritz Cleaners! ''[holds up an envelope]''\ |
| 140 | '''Diane:''' ''[smiles politely and takes the envelope]'' Thank you. ''[to microphone]'' Contests such as these can do nothing-\ |
| 141 | '''Emcee:''' ''[holding up a large gift-wrapped box]'' And, for entertaining at home, a Kitchen Helper food processor!\ |
| 142 | '''Diane:''' Oh. ''[laughs politely and takes the box]'' Thank you, that's nice, I've always wanted one. ''[sets the box down on a chair and turns back to the microphone]'' But really, ladies and gentlemen, it's so important that you understand-\ |
| 143 | '''Emcee:''' ''[over Diane's last few words]'' A $200 gift certificate from Filene's Department Store[[note]] Then a Boston institution; it closed in 2006.[[/note]] where you can pick out some new outfits for that weeklong vacation you and a friend will be taking to ''Bermuda!''\ |
| 144 | '''Diane:''' ''[ecstatic]'' '''BERMUDA! BERMUDA! OH MY GOD!''' ''[she continues screaming as she grabs the startled emcee and starts dancing in a circle with him]'' |
| 145 | * Cliff losing his rag at Paul, who taunts him about the postal service, despite Norm's attempts to stop him. |
| 146 | * The episode's ColdOpen has Thomas P. "Tip" O'Neill, then the Speaker of the House of Representatives in the United States Congress, dropping by Cheers AsHimself. Funny moments abound: |
| 147 | ** Carla is the first person to realize something is up and remarks "You know, you look a little like Tip O'Neill." O'Neill remarks "A lot of people say that. Really, [[SelfDeprecation I'm a much better-lookin' fellow than he is."]] |
| 148 | ** O'Neill explains that he ducked into the bar to escape a crazed woman who stopped him on the street and started frantically telling him about her philosophy of government. [[InadvertentEntranceCue Right on cue]], Diane enters: "THERE YOU ARE!" Sam is forced to literally drag Diana into the office to save the Speaker. |
| 149 | ** The funniest moment, though, comes when Norm, who was out of the room when the group realized it was O'Neill, falls victim to a trick. Cliff asks Norm about his remarks last week about the lousy politicians in Washington, and Norm starts cracking jokes: "They're a bunch of clowns!" He then gestures to O'Neill and says "this bozo right here could probably be a better congressman than them!"... |
| 150 | --->'''Tip O'Neill''': You know, I may run for office myself some day.\ |
| 151 | '''Norm''': ''([[SarcasmMode Sarcastically]])'' You do that. You're out of work too, huh?\ |
| 152 | '''Tip O'Neill''': [[ActuallyIAmHim No, I'm Speaker of the House of Representatives.]]\ |
| 153 | '''Norm''': Don't be ridiculous! That you make ''you'' Tip O'Neill, and me...\ |
| 154 | ''(His face falls as he [[ExplainExplainOhCrap realizes who he's talking to]])''\ |
| 155 | '''Norm''': ...a horse's butt.\ |
| 156 | '''Tip O'Neill''': You said it, not me.\ |
| 157 | |
| 158 | [[AC:119: Pick a Con... Any Con]] |
| 159 | * Diane getting left in charge of the bar. She proceeds to lord it over all... then proves she doesn't even know how to make a Bloody Mary when Carla asks. So she consults the guide book. |
| 160 | -->'''Diane:''' ''(reading)'' "The Bloody Mary. There's nothing like a fresh Bloody Mary to start any day. A traditional favourite served with lunch, brunch, and often as the 'hair of the dog that bit you'. Its name derives from..."\ |
| 161 | '''Carla:''' ''(screaming)'' '''MAKE THE DRINK!!!''' |
| 162 | * Later: |
| 163 | -->'''Diane:''' A dash of pepper. ''(to Sam)'' A lot of ingredients in a Bloody Mary.\ |
| 164 | '''Sam:''' ''(hauling out a gallon of pre-made Bloody Mary)'' That's why we usually mix up five gallons and put it in the fridge. ''(incredulous)'' Carla, why'd you let her do it?\ |
| 165 | '''Carla:''' ''(bored)'' I wanted to see her try and make vodka. |
| 166 | * Sam and Carla ragging on Diane again. |
| 167 | -->'''Sam:''' ''(at the end of his rope)'' I'm about to make the worst decision of my life.\ |
| 168 | '''Carla:''' ''(pointing at Diane)'' What about hiring ''her''?\ |
| 169 | '''Sam:''' ... [[VerbalBackspace I'm about to make the]] ''[[VerbalBackspace second]]'' [[VerbalBackspace worst decision of my life.]] |
| 170 | |
| 171 | [[AC:122: Showdown Part 2]] |
| 172 | * '''The''' infamous moment, after a whole twenty episodes of BelligerentSexualTension finally get completely out in the open. For context: Diane is determined to get Sam to admit he loves her, while being ''Diane'' about the whole thing. The situation turns tense... and then: |
| 173 | -->'''Sam:''' Are you as turned on as I am?\ |
| 174 | '''Diane:''' More!\ |
| 175 | '''Sam:''' Bet me.\ |
| 176 | ''(they embrace. [[BigDamnKiss They kiss.]] Cut to black.)''\ |
| 177 | '''Sam:''' Now I'm going to nibble on your ear.\ |
| 178 | '''Diane:''' Don't ''tell'' me you're going to chew on my ear... |
| 179 | * At an earlier point in the argument, Sam opens the door to his office to kick Diane out, only to find the ''entire'' bar sitting by the door, trying to listen in. Carla is preggers, on the bottom, and just rolls over to get up. |
| 180 | [[/folder]] |
| 181 | |
| 182 | [[folder:Season 2]] |
| 183 | [[AC:201: Power Play]] |
| 184 | * Sam, when about to have sex for the first time with Diane after [[BelligerentSexualTension a long, combative first season of]] WillTheyOrWontThey: |
| 185 | -->'''Sam:''' ''(to God)'' '''''She better be GREAT!''''' |
| 186 | * Having stormed out of Diane's apartment after yet another argument, Sam vows he's going back to his old ways, and will pick up the first woman he sees. Carla suddenly appears, grinning like a maniac. |
| 187 | * Sam, given words of "encouragement" by the guys at the bar, smashes into Diane's apartment after having been kicked out, and forcibly kisses her, which apparently convinces Diane to give him a chance, and step into something slinky. And then she (''apparently'') calls the cops on him. |
| 188 | |
| 189 | [[AC:202: Little Sister Don't Cha]] |
| 190 | * Carla gives birth to her fifth child in this episode, and Coach shows off the home movie he shot while visiting her in the hospital. First, he accidentally goes into a dead man's room where he has an awkward exchange with the grieving widow. As the film moves on to his visit to Carla, he says the kids were on their best behaviour... which, of course, sets up a scene of Carla in a four-way battle with Anthony, Anne-Marie, Serafina, and Gino as Coach enters the room. Anthony squirts a water pistol at the camera, and as Coach tries to wipe it off, Serafina grabs it and hides under Carla's bed. From the camera's POV, we see Coach crouch down and plead with Serafina to give the camera back... only for Anne-Marie to jump on his back. As for Carla's new baby girl, well, she's one of the babies in the nursery, but Coach clearly has no idea which one, so he films them all. |
| 191 | |
| 192 | [[AC:204: Homicidal Ham]] |
| 193 | * Norm and Cliff's plan for dealing with Andy apparently holding Sam at gunpoint: Do nothing until Carla has subdued him. Then Norm ''sits'' on Andy. |
| 194 | * Cliff, of course, has a piece of statistics on how often someone with a gun shoots. |
| 195 | -->'''Cliff:''' There's a 33% chance he'll shoot, so if he's shot two other people today, you're lucky. |
| 196 | * Norm sighs after one of Diane's actions, namely turning off the boxing match everyone else was watching: "I hope she's showing you one ''hell'' of a good time." Sam's grin says it all. |
| 197 | * Andy hinting at just what it was that caused him to go to prison in the first place: issues with his mother. Just as he's saying he's no longer that person, and no longer hears those shrill voices calling his name, Diane (who's outside) calls his name. |
| 198 | |
| 199 | [[AC:206: Affairs of the Heart]] |
| 200 | * Sam's attempts to act casual around Carla, quickly resulting in her whacking him over the head with a tray. |
| 201 | * Carla attacking Sam, including kicking and biting him. |
| 202 | * After everything's over between Carla and Hank, Diane once again tries to make everything about herself, and announces she's going to go write her feelings down in her diary. Little problem there: Carla swiped it earlier. |
| 203 | |
| 204 | [[AC:207: Old Flames]] |
| 205 | * Just as Cliff gives off one of his LittleKnownFacts, that men are apparently more active than women, Norm grunts in discomfort. His shorts are riding up, but rather than do anything he decides to just sit there, figuring after five minutes it'll all work out. |
| 206 | |
| 207 | [[AC:208: Manager Coach]] |
| 208 | * A rare moment of Cliff actually getting in a solid burn, when Norm overhears Sam defending Coach managing a little league team. |
| 209 | -->'''Sam:''' Every man needs a hobby.\ |
| 210 | '''Norm:''' Wish I had time for a hobby.\ |
| 211 | '''Cliff:''' Norm... you've got time to make your own ''coal''. |
| 212 | * At Sam and Diane's prompting, Coach tries to tell a reassuring story to his Little League team, about how in school a teacher made him stand in front of everyone and try to say the Pledge of Allegiance, which he couldn't remember. They assume he at least remembered the pledge. Nope. Did he at least respect the teacher? No. "I hated him. I was glad he died." |
| 213 | * Diane tells Sam she used to have an obsessive disorder, but doesn't ''any more''... as she starts listing out all the ways she likes to organize her apron. Cliff and Norm listen to this, quietly roll their eyes, get up and walk off, but not before Cliff gives Sam a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. |
| 214 | |
| 215 | [[AC:209: They Called Me Mayday]] |
| 216 | * The plot revolves around Dick Cavett visiting the bar. He is, naturally, accosted by Diane trying to read her poetry to him, requiring Sam to save him. |
| 217 | -->'''Sam:''' Diane, they want you at another table.\ |
| 218 | '''Diane:''' Who?\ |
| 219 | '''Sam:''' Everyone at this one. |
| 220 | * At Dick's suggestion, Sam decides to spice up his autobiography. Diane is initially resistant, since the topic is Sam's hound days, until Sam talks her around. They go into Sam's office. The next time Diane reappears, she silently walks past [[ItMakesSenseInContext Norm wrestling another guy]] without a glance, gets a glass of water and splashes it in her face. |
| 221 | -->'''Diane:''' Man, I write good. |
| 222 | ** The episode ends with Sam then doing the same thing. |
| 223 | |
| 224 | [[AC:210: How Do I Love Thee?... Let Me Call You Back]] |
| 225 | * TheTeaser sees Sam and co. planning to get back at Harry the Hat for all the times he's conned them out of money and/or booze. But as usual, Harry is one step ahead... the funniest part is Norm's reaction to Cliff's choice of extinguisher: |
| 226 | -->'''Diane:''' ''[entering to see Sam wrapping a wallet in a box]'' Ooh, a gift! Who's it for?\ |
| 227 | '''Norm:''' For Harry.\ |
| 228 | '''Diane:''' ''[shocked]'' '''Why''' are you giving a gift to that con man?\ |
| 229 | '''Sam:''' To pay him back for all the times he's conned us. Coach found a trick wallet in a novelty shop.\ |
| 230 | '''Coach:''' Yeah, what you do is you open it up, see, and FOOF! ''[makes "fire" gesture with his hands]'' Flames come up right up to your face! ''[he, Sam, and Norm laugh]''\ |
| 231 | '''Diane:''' ''[unamused]'' Ohh! Isn't this a little cruel?\ |
| 232 | '''Sam:''' No, no no no, no, it's harmless, really.\ |
| 233 | '''Carla:''' ''[walking past Diane]'' That's why we didn't give it to you. ''[she grins; Diane returns the grin sarcastically]''\ |
| 234 | '''Cliff:''' ''[keeping watch at the door]'' He's comin'! He's comin'! ''[Harry enters the bar]''\ |
| 235 | '''Sam:''' Hey! Harry! ''[the other patrons cheer]'' Boy, am I glad to see you, Harry!\ |
| 236 | '''Harry:''' ''[immediately suspicious]'' You are?\ |
| 237 | '''Sam:''' You bet - are you kidding me? You are a ''valued'' customer and a friend. I was feelin' kinda bad about all the times I kicked you out of here, so I just wanted to show you there was no bad blood between us. ''[hands him the gift box]''\ |
| 238 | '''Carla:''' It's from all of us!\ |
| 239 | '''Harry:''' For me? ''[looks at the box]'' Well, gosh, guys, I never expected anything like this, I mean... no-one's ever given me anything voluntarily. Should I save it for Christmas?\ |
| 240 | '''Coach:''' Oh, no no, please Harry, open it now, really, look, it's a ''hot'' one. ''[Diane nudges Coach with her elbow as if to say "I see what you did there!"]''\ |
| 241 | '''Harry:''' ''[unwrapping and opening the box]'' Oh, it's a wallet!\ |
| 242 | '''Sam:''' Well, it's just a little gesture.\ |
| 243 | '''Harry:''' It's ''beautiful!''\ |
| 244 | '''Coach:''' ''[whispering to Diane]'' Can't wait, can't wait...\ |
| 245 | '''Harry:''' I'm so touched! ''[he and Sam hug, then he sits down again, drying his eye]''\ |
| 246 | '''Coach:''' Gee Harry, aren't'cha gonna open it?\ |
| 247 | '''Harry:''' Oh, sure.\ |
| 248 | '''Diane:''' ''[quickly]'' Uh! Uh... back from your face. ''[covering]'' So we can... all see.\ |
| 249 | '''Harry:''' ''[holds the wallet back from his face and opens it... no fire, just a wad of bills]'' Awww.\ |
| 250 | '''Coach:''' ''[whispering to Diane]'' Gee, it was funnier in the store.\ |
| 251 | '''Harry:''' ''[counting the bills in delight]'' There must be fifty or sixty bucks here! You guys are too much! I'll never forget this! Thanks a lot! ''[leaves]''\ |
| 252 | '''Sam:''' ''[pointing after Harry]'' Did that wallet look familiar to anybody? ''[takes his wallet out of his jacket pocket and opens it; flames shoot out of it, revealing that Harry switched wallets with him. Everyone yelps in shock, and Sam drops the wallet on the floor and tries to stamp out the flames while Cliff runs over to Norm]''\ |
| 253 | '''Cliff:''' ''[tries to grab Norm's glass]'' Give me the beer!\ |
| 254 | '''Norm:''' ''[pulls the glass away]'' DON'T YOU DARE![[note]] Pouring alcohol on a fire? Not gonna help there, Cliff...[[/note]] |
| 255 | |
| 256 | [[AC:212: Where There's a Will, There's a Way]] |
| 257 | * The bar (and ''especially'' Carla) getting wound up over a will bequeathing $100,000 to Cheers. Particularly when Diane tries to play OnlySaneMan ("KILL HER" - Carla). |
| 258 | |
| 259 | [[AC:213: Battle of the Exes]] |
| 260 | * The episode begins with Carla marching into Cheers in a far worse mood than usual, shutting herself in Sam's office and telling everyone not to speak to her. Sam, Norm, and a visiting psychiatrist all try to speak to her, and get their shirts pulled over their heads for their trouble. In the case of the last guy, apparently Carla dropped on him from the ceiling. The last person to try is [[SitcomArchnemesis Diane]], who sees nothing suspicious about Carla calmly letting her in. Just as Diane is mid-haughty feminist rant, Carla attacks, grabbing her by the face and telling her that if she ''is'' so smart, she can help. Otherwise, "your body's going back out there, and your head? Stays ''here''." |
| 261 | * Carla shows Diane a photo of her sleazy ex-husband Nick, with his new wife (Nick's idea of a wedding invitation). |
| 262 | -->'''Diane:''' She's naked.\ |
| 263 | '''Carla:''' So's he.\ |
| 264 | ''(Diane looks again in horror)''\ |
| 265 | '''Diane:''' I thought he was wearing mohair pyjamas! |
| 266 | |
| 267 | [[AC:215: And Coachie Makes Three]] |
| 268 | * Sam and Diane arriving at ''Cheers'' first thing in the morning. Norm's already there, waiting on the steps reading a newspaper. |
| 269 | * Following on from this, Sam and Diane have a conversation, stopping after a minute when they realize Norm's standing by the entrance, waiting for them to shout "NORM!" |
| 270 | |
| 271 | [[AC:216: Cliff's Rocky Moment]] |
| 272 | * After getting into an argument with an aggressive patron of Cheers, Cliff trying to get another postal worker, a big black guy named Lewis, to defend him. Then, on meeting the guy, Lewis admits he finds Cliff irritating as well, and decides to leave him to his fate. |
| 273 | * Cliff decides to prove he really does know karate by shattering a two-by-four with his bare foot, and a brick with his head. Once everyone's impressed, he admits to Diane he ''doesn't'' know karate, and also needs a trip to the hospital. As everyone else is distracted, Diane has to carry him up the stairs to Cheers by herself. |
| 274 | |
| 275 | [[AC:217: Fortune and Men's Weight]] |
| 276 | * This episode provides the first line from recurring barfly Al; when Cliff gets a fortune from the combination scale/fortune dispenser installed at Cheers that says "Talk to bigwigs", Al insists - twice - that the "biggest bigwig of them all" is [[Music/FrankSinatra Sinatra]]. |
| 277 | |
| 278 | [[AC:220: Norm's Conquest]] |
| 279 | * Coach's BadLiar tendencies, when he thinks he's talking to Vera and telling her what happened to Norm, causes Carla to yank the phone from him, and a rare witticism from Cliff. |
| 280 | -->'''Cliff:''' Coach, if you were at the Alamo, we'd all be wearing sombreros. |
| 281 | |
| 282 | [[AC:223: I'll Be Seeing You Part 2]] |
| 283 | * Sam is so jealous of Philip Semenko painting a portrait of Diane, he decides to commission one of Diane. Unfortunately, he went the quick and cheap route. |
| 284 | -->'''Sam:''' Well, this guy takes an ordinary photograph, and he turns it into a work of art. Are you ready for this?\ |
| 285 | ''(Sam unveils [[https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/cheersdianemona.jpg a portrait of Diane that is so howlingly bad]] it makes the [[Series/{{Seinfeld}} Kramer portrait]] look like high art. It's basically a cheap Diane-as-The Mona Lisa with a [[StepfordSmiler Stepford Smile]] -- and the entire gang laughs)''\ |
| 286 | '''Norm:''' ''(laughing)'' Good one, Sammy.\ |
| 287 | '''Carla:''' ''(laughing)'' Even '''''I''''' think that's tacky! |
| 288 | * |
| 289 | -->'''Phillip:''' I make love to everything I paint!\ |
| 290 | '''Diane:''' Your most famous painting is of the Harvard-Yale football game!\ |
| 291 | '''Phillip:''' Yes, I spent three months in jail. College types don't ''understand'' me. ''[wistfully]'' I do, however, still get a few Christmas cards. |
| 292 | [[/folder]] |
| 293 | |
| 294 | [[folder:Season 3]] |
| 295 | [[AC:301/302: Rebound]] |
| 296 | * In Part 1, Cliff has returned from a vacation in Florida and is trying to tell Coach about how it has helped him achieve a sense of oneness with the universe. Coach, however, is making a frozen cocktail and is too busy struggling with the blender to listen to Cliff, and the noise of the stubborn appliance keeps interrupting his speech. Finally, a frustrated Cliff abandons his sense of oneness with the universe, switches off the blender, pulls off Coach's clip-on tie, drops it in the blender, and switches it on again. But it is Coach who gets the last laugh: |
| 297 | -->'''Coach:''' ''[pulling his mangled tie out of the blender]'' [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OngCQ32QRHQ Anybody want a my tie?]] ''[laughs uproariously]'' |
| 298 | * Coach's clip-on tie serves up a helping of the RuleOfThree just before Diane returns to Cheers. When Coach tells Sam that an old girlfriend of his will be stopping by, and not one of "the wild ones", Carla puts two and two together and grabs Coach by the tie... accidentally ripping it right off his collar. Once he's replaced it and admitted that he asked Diane to stop by, Sam grabs him by the tie... and accidentally rips it off his collar. Finally, when Sam says he doesn't want to see Diane, ''Coach'' pulls off his own tie and throws it to the floor as he yells, "''Well, you're gonna have to see her because she's coming here any second now!''" |
| 299 | * Diane tries to avoid admitting that she's been voluntarily committed, but the truth comes out anyway, courtesy of Carla. Sam reacts with typical sensitivity: |
| 300 | -->'''Diane:''' All I really want you to do is see a friend of mine. He's a man I met recently at a sani- ''[catches herself]'' vacation.\ |
| 301 | '''Carla:''' ''[grinning, to Sam]'' She's been locked up in a home for the silly in Connecticut for three months.\ |
| 302 | '''Diane:''' ''[defensive]'' I was not locked up, I could come and go at will, and besides, it's not true, and how did you know about it?\ |
| 303 | '''Carla:''' I got a cousin who's a private dick. I wanted to see if you were really gone. And you were really ''gone''!\ |
| 304 | '''Diane:''' I entered Golden Brook of my own volition for a little rest, relaxation... ''[Sam starts laughing]'' What are you laughing at!?\ |
| 305 | '''Sam:''' ''[through more laughter]'' Well, I've had women who get depressed when they left me, but I've never had one that went ''[makes a babbling noise with his fingers and lips]''\ |
| 306 | '''Diane:''' ''[smiles thinly]'' Charm like yours is a hard thing to live without, all right. It had nothing to do with you, Sam. After I left here, I decided I needed to re-group. I needed to go some place and take a good look at myself.\ |
| 307 | '''Carla:''' Ah. Shock treatment.\ |
| 308 | '''Diane:''' ''[still smiling thinly]'' Carla, let's help Sam first. And when the psychiatric profession has gained confidence from that triumph, we'll put every man Jack of them on your case. ''[Carla puffs out her cheeks and pushes them in to blow a contemptuous raspberry at Diane]'' |
| 309 | * Norm's HypocriticalHumor during Sam's intervention. |
| 310 | -->'''Norm:''' Sammy, I just want to say this because you're my friend, all right? Don't get all defensive, but maybe you are drinking a little more than you should.\ |
| 311 | '''Sam:''' So are you!\ |
| 312 | '''Norm:''' ''(defensive)'' I already have a mother, lush-face. |
| 313 | * From Part 2, Diane's story of how she met Frasier, which contains ''some'' [[UnreliableVoiceover embellishments]]. Such as Diane leaving out the part where she was nearly overpowered by a little old lady after catching her cheating at croquet and getting into a fight with her, and that she met Frasier by clocking him in the head when he tried to break them up. |
| 314 | * An early one from Frasier, who is merely a RomanticFalseLead at this point. Having successfully helped Sam out of his alcoholic binge, he tells him Sam can call him any time, because there is no bond greater than psychiatrist and patient. Then his beeper goes off, and... |
| 315 | -->'''Frasier:''' Great. I'll bet ''this'' is important(!) |
| 316 | * |
| 317 | -->'''Carla:''' Hey, Frasier. Say hello to all your loons for me.\ |
| 318 | '''Frasier:''' ''(curious)'' Carla, why do you keep building walls between yourself and everyone else?\ |
| 319 | '''Carla:''' Have you taken a good look at everyone else?\ |
| 320 | '''Frasier:''' {{Touche}}. |
| 321 | * The RunningGag of everyone automatically going "ew" thinking about Diane and Frasier dating. Culminating in the entire ''bar'' doing it when Diane kisses Frasier in public. |
| 322 | -->'''Frasier:''' ''(deadpan)'' I see our little secret is out. |
| 323 | * After rehiring Diane, Sam has the barflies contain Carla before he tells her this fact. As in "put her in a headlock and carry her out of the room". |
| 324 | -->'''Sam:''' ''(deliberately)'' Carla, Diane's coming back to work here.\ |
| 325 | ''(Everyone braces for a violent outburst. Instead...)''\ |
| 326 | '''Carla:''' ''(mildly)'' Really? At last, some help, and she's had experience, too. I hope she can start right away.\ |
| 327 | '''Sam:''' ''(not fooled)'' ...No, no, no. Take her in the back.\ |
| 328 | '''Carla:''' ''(as she's being taken away)'' Oh, you think I'm going to try to ''kill'' her or hurt her or maim her. [[BlatantLies No, no, no.]]\ |
| 329 | '''Frasier:''' [[BrickJoke Walls, walls, walls.]] |
| 330 | |
| 331 | [[AC:304: Fairy Tales Come True]] |
| 332 | * Norm's idea of something scary: An empty beer mug! The DeathGlare Coach shoots Norm for startling him is icing on the cake. |
| 333 | |
| 334 | [[AC:305: Sam Turns the Other Cheek]] |
| 335 | * Diane says puns are Frasier's favourite thing. Sam points out the StealthInsult she's just given herself. |
| 336 | * Sam, having successfully managed to talk down a guy from shooting him for unknowingly dating the guy's wife, takes his gun, and declares he's going to put it away before anyone gets hurt. As he's putting it in his back pocket there's a sudden "bang"... |
| 337 | -->'''Sam:''' ''(calmly)'' Gee, I wish I hadn't done that. |
| 338 | |
| 339 | [[AC:308: Diane Meets Mom]] |
| 340 | * The episode is, of course, about Diane meeting Frasier's mom, and since Hester Crane is a trained psychiatrist, "able to detect the minutest flaw in a person's personality", Diane's utterly afraid, much as she tries to deny it. |
| 341 | * Despite Diane's... Diane-ness the diner actually seems to go well, until the minute Frasier's away. |
| 342 | -->'''Hester:''' Listen and listen carefully: Stop seeing my son or God as my witness, I'll shoot you. [...] I have a gun, and I know how to use it. |
| 343 | * Frasier notices none of this, nor does he notice Diane's sudden fear, and leaves her at the bar. |
| 344 | -->'''Sam:''' So, how'd it go?\ |
| 345 | '''Diane:''' ''(terrified)'' She threatened to kill me!\ |
| 346 | '''Sam:''' Diane, you gotta start picking up the checks... |
| 347 | * Cliff, meanwhile, is in full KnowNothingKnowItAll mode this week, insisting Frasier was deliberately keeping his mom away from him so Cliff wouldn't embarrass her as he has so many other trained psychiatric professionals. |
| 348 | -->'''Carla:''' You've embarrassed everyone you've met. |
| 349 | * And it's Norm's birthday, though he ''insists'' no-one make a big deal of it. Then, during the resultant celebration, Coach manages to nail him square in the head with a cork. |
| 350 | -->'''Sam:''' How many fingers am I holding up?\ |
| 351 | '''Coach:''' Two!\ |
| 352 | '''Sam:''' Not you, Coach. |
| 353 | * Cliff tries to play medic, saying Norm might've taken damage to the "meta-tarsals". Sam shoos him away. |
| 354 | -->'''Cliff:''' A'right, go ahead and wallow in your ignorance! |
| 355 | * Sam witnessing Diane talking to herself trying to shore up the confidence to speak to Hester prompts a ThousandYardStare from him. |
| 356 | -->'''Sam:''' A whole ''year'' wasted... |
| 357 | * Hester explains her reasoning: She didn't want Frasier marrying a "pseudo-intellectual barmaid". Which she says while Diane is in the room. |
| 358 | -->'''Hester:''' No offense... |
| 359 | * After everything has been apparently cleared up between Hester and Diane, Hester stops at the bar to talk to Sam. |
| 360 | -->'''Hester Crane:''' I understand you used to date that woman.\ |
| 361 | '''Sam:''' That's right.\ |
| 362 | '''Hester:''' How much would it take to convince you to restart that relationship?\ |
| 363 | '''Sam:''' You don't have enough money.\ |
| 364 | '''Hester:''' How do you know?\ |
| 365 | '''Sam:''' There ''isn't'' enough money.\ |
| 366 | '''Hester:''' ... I think I know what you mean. |
| 367 | |
| 368 | [[AC:310: Diane's Allergy]] |
| 369 | * Frasier informing Sam about the latest symptoms of Diane's allergy, which is her voice breaking. His statement that words can't describe it proves true later on when Diane comes into the bar, allergy in full bloom, and sure enough... |
| 370 | -->'''Diane:''' Frasier, it's the dog, I'm telling you. It's ''(her voice suddenly turns squeaky)'' THE DOG!\ |
| 371 | ''(a confused Sam makes a "what the hell am I hearing?" gesture at Frasier)''\ |
| 372 | '''Frasier:''' ... ''the voice.'' |
| 373 | * Diane then tries to continue the argument sounding like a chipmunk. |
| 374 | -->'''Diane:''' ''(nasal)'' Well, Sam, aren't you going to gloat?\ |
| 375 | '''Sam:''' ''(imitating her)'' I like to think I'm above that, Diane.\ |
| 376 | ''(Diane walks off to the ladies' room)''\ |
| 377 | '''Norm:''' Is it wrong that I find that a little sexy? |
| 378 | |
| 379 | [[AC:314: The Heart is a Lonely Snipe Hunter]] |
| 380 | * While this episode is best remembered for marking the moment at which Frasier finally made the jump from rank outsider to one of the guys at Cheers, it still finds time for laughs, never more so than when Frasier, having been left alone in the woods on a "snipe hunt", returns to Cheers in high spirits, imitating the absurd "snipe call" the guys taught him before abandoning him. |
| 381 | |
| 382 | [[AC:315: King of the Hill]] |
| 383 | * After Sam complained his father once berated him for not making his toast perfect, and Diane complained Sam didn't allow her to tell him her "not allowed to attend the prom" story, it soon devolves into FlawExploitation when they play each other in ping pong. |
| 384 | -->'''Diane:''' My father built me an elaborate rec room when I was a child. ''(sweetly smiling)'' ''My'' daddy ''liked'' me.\ |
| 385 | '''Sam:''' ''(frozen smile)'' Yeah, I bet you got lots of practice staying home from all those proms.\ |
| 386 | '''Diane:''' Yes. It gave me the opportunity to master the complexities of making ''toast''. |
| 387 | * After Diane cheats to beat Sam at ping pong, when the screen goes to black, [[QuipToBlack a smacking sound is heard and Sam saying, "That's why they call it a paddle."]] |
| 388 | |
| 389 | [[AC:318: The Mail Goes to Jail]] |
| 390 | * After Norm gets in trouble with the law for filling in for Cliff on his mail route and Cliff is hesitant to come clean about it: |
| 391 | -->'''Cliff''': All right, look, I'll call and see what the penalty is, but it's got to be anonymous.\ |
| 392 | '''Coach''': [''to everyone in the bar''] OK, everybody in favor of Cliff calling, raise your hand. [''everyone in the bar raises his/her hand''] It's [[{{Malaproper}} anonymous]]. |
| 393 | |
| 394 | [[AC:319: Behind Every Great Man]] |
| 395 | * Frasier: "Oh--now you're saying that I'm redundant! That I repeat myself! That I say things over and over!" |
| 396 | |
| 397 | [[AC:322: Cheerio, Cheers]] |
| 398 | * Carla having a crisis of faith: |
| 399 | -->'''Carla:''' I never thought I'd say this, Coach, but I think I've lost faith.\ |
| 400 | '''Frasier:''' Listen up. I have an announcement to make. Diane here is leaving for Europe and she's not going to be back ever.\ |
| 401 | '''Carla:''' ''(dropping to her knees, praying with her hands and singing)'' ♪ I believe for every drop of rain that falls a flower grows. ♫ I believe that somewhere in the darkest night a candle glows. ♪ |
| 402 | * She later gives Diane some "help". |
| 403 | -->'''Carla:''' ''(giving Diane a piece of paper)'' Oh, and I thought I'd do you a little favor before you left, so I wrote down a helpful phrase in Italian. You carry that with you wherever you go.\ |
| 404 | '''Diane:''' ''(reading paper)'' "Scusi, signor farmacista. Dove tieni il perossido?"\ |
| 405 | '''Carla:''' Yeah, it means, "Excuse me, Mr. Pharmacist. Where do you keep the peroxide?" |
| 406 | |
| 407 | [[AC:323: The Bartender's Tale]] |
| 408 | * While in a hotel in Italy, Diane receives a letter from Cheers - namely Lillian Huxley's resume, and a postscript saying "Ha, ha, you're gone forever!" Three guesses from whom. |
| 409 | -->'''Diane:''' Nice to hear from Carla. |
| 410 | * When Lillian's daughter comes in, Cliff seems truly convinced she's trying to come on to him, prompting this line from Norm: |
| 411 | -->'''Norm:''' Cliffy, sometimes you scare me. |
| 412 | * Carolyn turns out to be a supermodel -- and Carla is GenreSavvy enough to know that things ''will'' go badly with Carolyn, which will make Lillian, who is a career waitress who the entire bar ''adores'' (especially Carla), leave. |
| 413 | -->'''Sam:''' OK, all right. As far as I'm concerned, Carolyn's off limits.\ |
| 414 | '''Carla:''' That's your brain talking, Sam. I would like to hear from the part of your body that does the thinking. |
| 415 | * Then this exchange: |
| 416 | -->'''Sam:''' So you're a model?\ |
| 417 | '''Carolyn:''' Yes, I do lingerie mostly. Teddies, merry widows, garter belts. This is my portfolio.\ |
| 418 | '''Cliff:''' ''(immediately)'' I'll give you $1,000 for it! |
| 419 | * Carolyn shows Sam her portfolio, and Sam becomes completely enraptured, scooping ice automatically without knowing what he's doing. |
| 420 | -->'''Carolyn:''' ''(tsk tsk tone)'' I really didn't want to do this one nude, but you know...\ |
| 421 | '''Sam:''' ''(now pouring ice on the floor)'' No, I think it's very tasteful. |
| 422 | * Unfortunately, Lillian thinks Sam's got the hots for ''her'' when he tentatively asks her if he could date her daughter. This leads to Sam successfully bluffing her into accepting that as much as Sam may lust after her, they have to keep a strictly professional relationship as employer and employee -- but then he finds out [[SexGoddess Lillian is so good at sex]], [[OutWithABang men have died from pure pleasure with her.]] |
| 423 | -->'''Sam:''' I don't want to beat this to death, but when these guys went, were they... smiling?\ |
| 424 | '''Lillian:''' Ear to ear. And that was the grumpy one. |
| 425 | * Sam manages to get Carolyn to go with him on a date, but the episode ends thusly: |
| 426 | -->'''Sam:''' Do you mind if I ask you kind of a personal question here?\ |
| 427 | '''Carolyn:''' What's that?\ |
| 428 | '''Sam:''' Could you tell me, how did your father die?\ |
| 429 | '''Carolyn:''' The coroner said it was a heart attack. ''(resentful)'' But we all know it was Mummy's passion that killed him.\ |
| 430 | '''Sam:''' ''(wondering if "LikeMotherLikeDaughter")'' Well, that's tragic.\ |
| 431 | '''Carloyn:''' ''(angry)'' Yes. I suppose that's why I '''''hate''''' sex so. The very idea gives me the chills. ''(smiling brightly)'' Well, let's go!\ |
| 432 | ''(Sam's less than pleased at this revelation)'' |
| 433 | [[AC:324: The Belles of St. Clete's]] |
| 434 | * In TheTeaser, Norm comes to Cheers early and tells Sam he's decided to have a productive, active day. Sam lists off several outdoor activities to do, and Norm comes up with excuses to avoid them all - he can't go sailing because he gets seasick, he can't go to the driving range because he doesn't have his clubs, he can't go to the gym because he doesn't feel like sweating, and he can't set up the workshop he wants to put in his garage because he'd need to clear it out first. Finally, Sam guesses that Norm's chosen activity will be sitting in the bar all day and drinking beer; Norm "decides" this is the perfect suggestion and asks for a round. |
| 435 | [[/folder]] |
| 436 | |
| 437 | [[folder:Season 4]] |
| 438 | [[AC: 404: The Groom Wore Clearasil]] |
| 439 | * This conversation. |
| 440 | -->'''Cliff:''' Hey Carla, I've got a potato that looks like Richard Nixon.\ |
| 441 | '''Carla:''' Big deal. [[TakeThat Find one that doesn't, then get back to me.]] |
| 442 | * And then this one. |
| 443 | --> '''Cliff:''' Men will do some pretty strange things to have a woman by their side.\ |
| 444 | '''Carla:''' In your case, inflate one. |
| 445 | * Carla's description of Nick's attitude towards fatherhood. |
| 446 | --> '''Carla:''' When the egg splits, so does he. |
| 447 | * A BaitAndSwitch moment where Norm seems to be defending marriage, but is trying to pull a fast one. |
| 448 | --> '''Norm:''' Hey, wait just a second here. Let's not give marriage a bad rap, huh? It's a fine institution. Matter of fact, go ahead and ask any single man here if he wouldn't gladly trade places with me for a night. Anybody? Please. One night. Oh, come on, fellas. I'm offering transportation and a hot meal. |
| 449 | * When Anthony Tortelli's girlfriend calls him in the bar. |
| 450 | -->'''Woody:''' Some girl wants to talk to the outlaw of love.\ |
| 451 | '''Al:''' She tracked me down.\ |
| 452 | (...)\ |
| 453 | '''Sam:''' (''taking phone'') He'll call you back.\ |
| 454 | '''Al:''' I owe you one Sam. |
| 455 | * Diane's blowing things out of proportion and DiggingYourselfDeeper after a man she's interviewing for a TA job says Summer Sloan recommended her and she becomes paranoid he thinks that means she'd sleep with him if hired. When she tries to clarify that, then is afraid that she offended them, she launches into a long string of ThatCameOutWrong moments that include accidentally insulting his age and sexuality. CringeComedy at its finest. |
| 456 | * Carla wants Sam to get Anthony to ignore his girlfriend. Sam's efforts have the opposite effect. |
| 457 | --> '''Carla:''' He said he'd only been ''thinking'' about getting married until last night when you changed his mind. No way did he want to end up, and I quote "A lonely old skirt-chaser like Sam."\ |
| 458 | '''Norm:''' Blasphemy!\ |
| 459 | '''Carla:''' What did you tell my kid, huh?\ |
| 460 | '''Sam:''' Well, basically, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.\ |
| 461 | '''Woody:''' Well, I'll tell you why: companionship, warmth on a cold night, someone to share your old age with.\ |
| 462 | '''Norm:''' You think he should marry her?\ |
| 463 | '''Woody:''' I thought we were talking about a cow? |
| 464 | * When Sam expresses surprise at the idea [[LikeFatherUnlikeSon that any son of Nick would get married when the girl wasn't pregnant]] Carla gleefully seizes on the hope that Anthony will screw the relationship up. |
| 465 | --> '''Carla:''' Anthony is a Tortelli man, right? Now, all Tortelli men are scum. Ergo, given time, his eye will wander, and the rest of his slimy body will follow. |
| 466 | * The writers get in a humorous jab at the youth of the couple when Annie requests Carla sign the certificate. |
| 467 | --> '''Annie:''' Come on, Mrs Tortelli, we haven't got all day. I have to clean my room before dinner. |
| 468 | * After Carla agrees to give her blessings if they go two weeks without seeing each other, and still want to get married, she has this to say about the failure of her plan. |
| 469 | --> '''Carla:''' Yeah, well, he never went out of the damn house. How's he supposed to have his head turned by another woman if he never saw one? He just locked himself in a room, and he never came out except for hot meals and cold showers. |
| 470 | * Carla warning Annie that; |
| 471 | --> '''Carla:''' There are three things that you can say about Tortelli men: One, they draw women like flies. Two, they treat women like flies. Three, their brains are in their flies. |
| 472 | |
| 473 | [[AC:405: Diane's Nightmare]] |
| 474 | * Cliff taking advantage of Woody in ''TabletopGame/{{Boggle}}'' with {{Perfectly Cromulent Word}}s. |
| 475 | -->'''Woody:''' I've got "reap," "pear" and "ear."\ |
| 476 | '''Cliff:''' Well, I'm sorry, Woody. I got those too, so it cancels yours out. But I've also got "flork," "ferd" and "snot."\ |
| 477 | '''Sam:''' Come on, man, there's no such word as "flork."\ |
| 478 | '''Cliff:''' What are you talking about? You know those little flags on the mailboxes? What do you think holds them on?\ |
| 479 | '''Woody:''' Gee, Mr Clavin, you're so smart I don't even know why I bother playing with you. You always win. |
| 480 | * Diane panics when learning Andy-Andy is out of prison. |
| 481 | -->'''Diane:''' Sam, how can you be so calm knowing this man is free? You've never taken him seriously. Just because he smiles at you with that pink-cheeked, round kewpie doll face and says, "Hi there," you think he's harmless. Well, he's not. He's a cold-blooded homicidal maniac.\ |
| 482 | '''Sam:''' Hey, no guy is gonna walk in here into this brightly lit bar and attack you.\ |
| 483 | '''Carla:''' ''(walking by)'' Probably not in a dark one either. |
| 484 | * Andy convinces everyone to help him impress his new girlfriend Cynthia (Creator/NancyCartwright). He doesn't have time to coach them on the lies, so he just tells them to back him up on the fly. It becomes wonderfully embarrassing for everyone. |
| 485 | ** Sam: |
| 486 | --->'''Cynthia:''' I'm really glad to see you putting your life back together again.\ |
| 487 | '''Sam:''' ''(unsure)'' Well, I'm -- I'm trying.\ |
| 488 | '''Cynthia:''' Well, I really admire Andy's philosophy on giving ex-cons a second chance. ''(the rest of the bar tries not to crack up, especially Diane.)'' Even a flasher.\ |
| 489 | '''Sam:''' ''(in stride)'' Well, you know what they say, if you've got it, why not--?\ |
| 490 | '''Diane:''' ''(rolling eyes)'' Sam. |
| 491 | ** Diane: |
| 492 | --->'''Cynthia:''' You must be Diane.\ |
| 493 | '''Diane:''' ''(unsure)'' Indeed I am.\ |
| 494 | '''Cynthia:''' Poor, poor Diane.\ |
| 495 | '''Diane:''' [[ThisIsGonnaSuck Yes. Well...]]\ |
| 496 | '''Cynthia:''' No, really, it's all right. It's all right, he's told me everything.\ |
| 497 | '''Diane:''' ''(TranquilFury)'' What ''did'' he tell you?\ |
| 498 | '''Cynthia:''' How you so wanted to have his child.\ |
| 499 | ''(Now it's Sam's turn to nearly guffaw.)'' |
| 500 | ** Frasier: |
| 501 | --->'''Andy:''' He's a kleptomaniac. ''(sighing)'' And not making much progress, I'm afraid. He shoplifted his entire wardrobe.\ |
| 502 | '''Frasier:''' ''(TechnicallyASmile)'' Well, not all of it, but these pants are pretty hot.\ |
| 503 | ''(Frasier gives Andy one ''hell'' of a DeathGlare as he walks away.)'' |
| 504 | * When Andy leaves the bar with Cynthia, Carla can't resist: |
| 505 | -->'''Carla:''' And by the way, I love your choker.\ |
| 506 | '''Cynthia:''' I'm not wearing a choker.\ |
| 507 | '''Carla:''' ''(evilly)'' You will be. |
| 508 | |
| 509 | [[AC:406: I Will Gladly Pay You Tuesday]] |
| 510 | * In TheTeaser, the gang are trying to break the Guinness Record for most people stuffed into a men's bathroom, but as the door opens inwards, they're stuck. Then a customer enters the bar and tries to use the men's room, and everyone shouts "Occupied!" |
| 511 | |
| 512 | [[AC:409: From Beer to Eternity]] |
| 513 | * This episode marks the first depiction of the rivalry between Cheers and Gary's Olde Towne Tavern as they play each other at bowling. It emerges that Woody is a talented bowler but did not try out for the Cheers team after an incident back in Hanover in which a stray pin hit a bowling alley maintenance worker in the head and, Woody implies, caused permanent brain damage. Sam tries to persuade him just the same: |
| 514 | -->'''Sam:''' C'mon, Woody! Lis- listen, man, I've never begged for ''anything'' in my life!\ |
| 515 | '''Diane:''' ''[clears her throat loudly]''\ |
| 516 | '''Sam:''' That I actually enjoyed once I got it. |
| 517 | * At the bowling alley, Norm, who is only present as a spectator rather than a bowler, decides to get a beer and heads into the alley's bar, the Riviera Room. To Sam's surprise, a familiar cry issues forth as Norm disappears through the door: |
| 518 | -->'''Riviera Room patrons:''' NORM!\ |
| 519 | '''Sam:''' How the hell'd they know him here?\ |
| 520 | '''Cliff:''' He's got a life, you know! |
| 521 | |
| 522 | [[AC:410: The Barstoolie]] |
| 523 | * Any and all of Diane's putdowns on Sam's love life are hilarious; this episode includes a classic. |
| 524 | -->'''Sam:''' That's the girl. Claudia's been a tough nut to crack, but tonight's the night she's going to be enjoying all the rides in Sammy's Magic Kingdom. |
| 525 | -->'''Diane:''' She's in for a Mickey Mouse evening with Goofy as her guide. |
| 526 | |
| 527 | [[AC:413: Take My Shirt... Please?]] |
| 528 | * In TheTeaser, Diane becomes frustrated when no one cares when she enters the bar, comparing the lukewarm response to the boisterous "NORM!" Norm always gets. She asks if she can have a greeting like that for once; Sam agrees; she leaves and comes back in; and everyone yells..."NORM!" |
| 529 | -->'''Diane:''' ''(cheerfully)'' That's better. |
| 530 | |
| 531 | [[AC:414: Suspicion]] |
| 532 | * "Ode to a Cornish Hen". Diane, having gone just a little paranoid, thinks an interviewer is the gang getting back at her, so when asked to recite her poetry, she... starts clucking like a chicken. |
| 533 | -->'''Norm:''' It wasn't that bad.\ |
| 534 | '''Woody:''' Heck, no. I've known chickens who couldn't do it as well as that. |
| 535 | |
| 536 | [[AC:415: The Triangle]] |
| 537 | * Diane, mentioning she's tried to get to a depressed Frasier, inadvertently steps in it: |
| 538 | -->'''Diane:''' You don't know how long and how hard I've talked!\ |
| 539 | ''(the entire bar murmurs in disagreement)'' |
| 540 | * The SeinfeldianConversation on Wile E. Coyote, with Norm eventually concluding that the Coyote is the Anti-Christ. |
| 541 | -->'''Woody:''' If he can afford all those kits to catch the Road Runner, why can't he afford to buy something to eat?\ |
| 542 | '''Cliff:''' Woody, I think you're missing the point here. It's not that Wile E. Coyote wants to eat, necessarily, or that he wants to eat a roadrunner. What he wants is, to uh, eat that ''particular'' roadrunner. It's very existential.\ |
| 543 | '''Diane:''' We're trying to save a man's life here.\ |
| 544 | '''Norm:''' Yeah, Cliff, really. Sides, I have to disagree with you. You never see the Coyote eat anything else. Think about it: You never really see him eat anything at all. Which could be why he's missing the damn bird all the time, y'know. ''(Sam nods in agreement)'' The brain needs sugar! Think about it. You gotta clamp...\ |
| 545 | '''Carla:''' Yeah, yeah, yeah, but did you guys ever see the one where there were two roadrunners?\ |
| 546 | '''Sam:''' Two roadrunners?\ |
| 547 | '''Diane:''' ''(grabbing hold of Sam)'' Sam, Sam, Sam.\ |
| 548 | '''Sam:''' What? |
| 549 | * Diane motions Sam to try and help, as a favor to her. Sam is reluctant to even fake depression on hearing common symptoms include loss of sex drive, and he doesn't even want to kid about that. |
| 550 | -->'''Diane:''' Do this for me and I'll owe you a big, big favor... that doesn't involve sex, sex or sex.\ |
| 551 | '''Sam:''' How about sex?\ |
| 552 | '''Diane:''' Or sex. |
| 553 | * Unfortunately, Sam's initial attempt get help from Frasier with his totally non-sexual problem doesn't work. |
| 554 | -->'''Frasier:''' Okay, Sam, I think I have some advice for you.\ |
| 555 | '''Sam:''' Oh, good, what?\ |
| 556 | '''Frasier:''' Well, get yourself a qualified therapist to help you get over your depression... and when you do, give me his name. |
| 557 | * As Frasier leaves, we see the discussion on the Coyote has progressed. |
| 558 | -->'''Cliff:''' No way could the coyote survive eating a gunpowder sandwich!\ |
| 559 | '''Norm:''' Well, I suppose that proves that the coyote's the Antichrist. Come on. |
| 560 | * Norm enters the bar after a disappointing party at Cliff's house, where Norm was the only one who turned up. Then Cliff enters, cheerfully oblivious to how irritated Norm is. |
| 561 | -->'''Cliff:''' Tell me I didn't make an ass out of myself.\ |
| 562 | '''Al:''' I'd bet on it. |
| 563 | |
| 564 | [[AC:416: Cliffie's Big Score]] |
| 565 | * Carla meets her date, [[TheStoner Lucas]]. |
| 566 | -->'''Lucas:''' ''(mumbles something incoherently)''\ |
| 567 | '''Carla:''' What did he say?\ |
| 568 | '''Norm:''' I can't believe it matters. |
| 569 | * Carla sums it up: |
| 570 | -->'''Carla:''' [[SarcasmMode Well, I can see this is going to be a laugh a minute.]] An evening with the Stick, the Nerd, and Door Number Three. |
| 571 | * The funniest part is that Carla finds Lucas is a "real groove" when all they do all night is have sex in the back of Cliff's car. |
| 572 | * Sam gets in a good zinger when Diane frets that going on a date with Cliff might give him the wrong idea. |
| 573 | --> '''Diane:''' Sam, look at all the people who've fallen hopelessly in love with me with only the slightest encouragement: you, Frasier... |
| 574 | --> '''Sam:''' Yourself. |
| 575 | * When Cliff makes a misguided pass on Diane (due to manipulation from Carla) after pretending he ran out of gas, softly singing "Misty" and playing with her hair, she is prepared to drive off and leave him on the side of the road. Cliff swears that they did run out of gas and asks if a sign from God would prove it to her. |
| 576 | --> '''Cliff:''' Almighty God... please, if I'm telling the truth about this car running out of gas tonight, Iet it start now, even on an empty tank. \ |
| 577 | ''(Diane starts the car.)''\ |
| 578 | '''Cliff:''' Diane, hallelujah! Oh, hallelujah! \ |
| 579 | ''([[NoSale Diane drives off and leaves Cliff in the dust]]. Cliff sighs and walks home softly singing "Misty")'' |
| 580 | |
| 581 | [[AC:417: Second Time Around]] |
| 582 | * This episode introduces Frasier's fellow psychiatrist - and eventual wife - Lilith Sternin, MD, Ph.D., Ed.D., APA[[note]] Meaning that Lilith is a doctor of medicine, philosophy, and education, and a member of the American Psychological Association.[[/note]] ("Boy, it sure isn't spelled like it sounds!" says Woody), who arrives at Cheers on a date with Frasier. Though Diane is encouraged to see Frasier dating again, Lilith's frosty stoicism and Frasier's defensiveness are a toxic combination, and she shoots down any prospect of either the date or their personal relationship going anywhere. Frasier seems to take it well, but... |
| 583 | -->'''Frasier:''' So, um... how do you like Cheers?\ |
| 584 | '''Lilith:''' ''[thinks]'' Well. It seems adequate for its purpose, but I have a feeling that you only brought me to this place to surround yourself with people you know and I don't.\ |
| 585 | '''Frasier:''' Well, yes. But what's more, I thought that we might have a drink or two, thereby lowering our inhibitions a bit, and enabling us to go back to your place and have a physical encounter of some sort.\ |
| 586 | '''Lilith:''' Well, we won't.\ |
| 587 | '''Frasier:''' ''[nods]'' I appreciate your candour.\ |
| 588 | '''Lilith:''' No, you don't.\ |
| 589 | '''Frasier:''' You're right, I feel like striking you. ''[downs his beer, then sets down his glass and seethes with quiet anger]''\ |
| 590 | '''Lilith:''' Your attempt at machismo is totally inadequate. You can't even make eye contact!\ |
| 591 | '''Frasier:''' ''[pointing at Lilith, but still not looking at her]'' I could look at you if I wanted to, but frankly I've grown tired of counting the comb marks in your hair.\ |
| 592 | ''[later, after Frasier has gone to the men's room, while Lilith has been paged and asked Diane to tell Frasier that she was thoroughly uncomfortable on their date and that she doesn't think they should see each other again in a non-professional capacity]''\ |
| 593 | '''Carla:''' ''[sarcastically]'' What, no good night kiss?\ |
| 594 | '''Lilith:''' I kiss only as a prelude to passion. ''[leaves]''\ |
| 595 | '''Sam:''' Well, we've been warned.\ |
| 596 | '''Diane:''' Oh, dear... it appears Frasier has been rejected again.\ |
| 597 | '''Carla:''' That poor yutz... even the trash only gets dumped once a week!\ |
| 598 | '''Frasier:''' ''[returning from the men's room]'' Where's Lilith?\ |
| 599 | '''Diane:''' Dr. Sternin was called away on an emergency.\ |
| 600 | '''Frasier:''' Well, that's all right, I didn't much care for Lilith. Sam, do you mind if I, uh, just use your office for a moment?\ |
| 601 | '''Sam:''' Sure... how come?\ |
| 602 | '''Frasier:''' ''[opens the door to Sam's office]'' I'm going to weep. ''[heads inside and closes the door]'' |
| 603 | * In the b-plot, the gang has to deal with Cliff bringing in some of his mother's home-cooked pretzels, which are the wrong shape, and completely inedible. |
| 604 | -->'''Cliff:''' What word would you use to describe these babies?\ |
| 605 | '''Norm:''' Filling.\ |
| 606 | '''Cliff:''' Okay, they're filling.\ |
| 607 | '''Norm:''' No, I mean I just ''lost'' one.\ |
| 608 | '''Cliff:''' Yeah, well, Norm, Norm, they're pretzels. They're supposed to be hard. Hey, look, I'm gonna go share a few with the guys in the back. Uh, a little bit of salt and mustard on there and you really got something.\ |
| 609 | '''Sam:''' Yeah, a lawsuit. |
| 610 | * Woody has his own problems with them. |
| 611 | -->'''Woody:''' I need some water, I'm having trouble swallowing.\ |
| 612 | '''Sam:''' Why're you trying?\ |
| 613 | '''Woody:''' Well, I figure it's either that, or I have to take it out and look at it.\ |
| 614 | '''Sam:''' Aw, jeez... |
| 615 | |
| 616 | [[AC:418: The Peterson Principle]] |
| 617 | * Norm learns he's missed out on a big promotion because Vera didn't fit in with the clique of executive wives, which is heartbreaking, until Woody gets involved. |
| 618 | -->'''Norm:''' She just couldn't pass muster.\ |
| 619 | '''Woody:''' Maybe she just couldn't reach it.\ |
| 620 | ''(the exasperated look on Diane's face cannot be described. She takes Woody off to explain things to him)'' |
| 621 | |
| 622 | [[AC:422: Diane Chambers Day]] |
| 623 | * The first appearance of Corinne (Doris Grau): |
| 624 | -->'''Norm:''' Uh, pardon me, am I mistaken, but did you use to work at the Hungry Heifer?\ |
| 625 | '''Corinne:''' Sure, I worked there.\ |
| 626 | '''Norm:''' Yeah?\ |
| 627 | '''Corinne:''' Say, I know you. The girls there had a pet name for you.\ |
| 628 | '''Norm:''' What was that?\ |
| 629 | '''Corinne:''' "That guy who comes back". |
| 630 | * Sam disapproves of Woody hiring Corinne because she's not his typical choice of waitress, but not everyone objects. |
| 631 | -->'''Al:''' Hey, Sam! Who's the fox? |
| 632 | * Carla, Cliff, Norm, Woody and Sam's rendition of the Magnificent Seven theme |
| 633 | * Carla backs out of going to the opera: |
| 634 | -->'''Carla:''' Yeah, well count me out. You know, every time we had a family gathering, they always tried to get me interested in opera. I just couldn't stand it. Just a bunch of fat, lonely people screeching and trying to stab each other.\ |
| 635 | '''Frasier:''' Carla, you know, not all operas are like that.\ |
| 636 | '''Carla:''' I was talking about the family gathering. |
| 637 | * The punchline to the opera scene. Naturally, Norm and Cliff are going to fall asleep, and Woody already mentioned he'd taken a nap and several cups of coffee. Sam conking out? Of course. But then it turns out ''Diane'' has fallen asleep as well. |
| 638 | |
| 639 | [[AC:423: Relief Bartender]] |
| 640 | * Sam's hare-brained scheme to increase revenue by being a "manager / host", which only serves to annoy everyone, customers and employees alike. It ''almost'' leads to an EnemyMine between Diane and Carla. |
| 641 | -->'''Diane:''' I'll buy the bullets if you shoot him.\ |
| 642 | '''Carla:''' Shooting's too ''good'' for him. I want him to suffer. ... why don't you try dating him again? |
| 643 | |
| 644 | [[AC:425: Strange Bedfellows, Part 2]] |
| 645 | * Diane hides in Sam's office, which only Woody knows about. She has to hide under his desk when Sam and Janet enter, then Woody comes in and gets confused, much to Sam's own confusion. Once he's gone, Woody talks to Diane about her snooping problem. And then he misunderstands Diane asking him to let her know when it's all clear to come out. |
| 646 | -->'''Diane:''' Can you tell me when he goes into the men's room?\ |
| 647 | '''Woody:''' Oh, God! It's worse than I thought! |
| 648 | |
| 649 | [[/folder]] |
| 650 | |
| 651 | [[folder:Season 5]] |
| 652 | [[AC:501: The Proposal]] |
| 653 | * At the end of the previous episode, Sam had called up an unknown someone, either Diane or Janet Eldridge, to ask them to go out with him. Here, we see who it was: Diane. Only she's in a dressing gown, with a face-mask on, halfway through eating a chicken leg. Not her most glamorous side... |
| 654 | * Any and all of the stories about Woody's family are comedy gold. This episode has a sterling example when the Cheers gang are trying to advise Sam on how to put together the perfect atmosphere to propose to Diane. |
| 655 | -->'''Woody:''' Hey Sam, I just remembered something that might help you.\ |
| 656 | '''Sam:''' What's that?\ |
| 657 | '''Woody:''' Now, my uncle Wade was a master at putting women in a romantic mood.\ |
| 658 | '''Sam:''' Well, what- what did he do?\ |
| 659 | '''Woody:''' Gave 'em money. Worked like a charm. |
| 660 | * Frasier and Carla screaming when they realize Sam's going to propose to Diane. |
| 661 | * After Sam returns from having left Diane, and announces he hasn't married her, Frasier and Carla do a happy dance. Then Carla claims she "[[BlatantLies feels like dirt]]". |
| 662 | * Frasier tries to give Sam some psychiatric advice, but alas, the good doctor has his own hang-ups with Diane... |
| 663 | -->'''Frasier:''' It's normal for most ''sane'' people to entertain insane impulses sometimes. It's natural to want to hurt someone that's rejected you. Well, for example... well, there's me. But I can't tell you how many times I felt my own hands around her windpipe... ''(getting increasingly manic)'' strangling her... fingers tightening... cartilage ''snapping''! ''(back to normal)'' And I'm a respected psychiatrist. |
| 664 | * After Sam leaves, Diane comes looking for him, and Frasier suggests she leave him alone (which she naturally ignores, because she feels guilty). |
| 665 | -->'''Diane:''' That poor man. Can you imagine how he must feel?\ |
| 666 | '''Frasier:''' ''[[RunawayBride Gee. I'll try.]]'' |
| 667 | * Diane notes her neck is still stiff from the night before, and asks Frasier for a massage. I.e., leaving her neck in his hands, while she goes on about Sam... |
| 668 | -->'''Diane:''' We're inevitable. Why fight it?\ |
| 669 | '''Frasier:''' ''(darkly)'' Why fight it? Why fight it? |
| 670 | * Diane chooses to leave, still talking about her and Sam's relationship. |
| 671 | -->'''Frasier:''' ''(cheerfully)'' You and Sam are magic. ''(as Diane's left the bar)'' I should'a killed her when I had the chance... |
| 672 | * When Diane returns the next day, she insists Sam will propose to her, and this time she'll say yes, even as Sam swears he won't ever, even asking the gang for help. |
| 673 | -->'''Sam:''' Do you think Diane and I will ever get back together?\ |
| 674 | '''Norm:''' ... can I have my beer before I answer? |
| 675 | |
| 676 | [[AC:504: Abnormal Psychology]] |
| 677 | * In TheTeaser, Woody tries to get Norm and Cliff interested in going fishing with him. Norm finally relents and instructs Woody to get the bait and tackle while Cliff handles food and transporation, and he... finds a reason not to go in the form of a gladiator film festival at the Majestic. Cue Norm and Cliff marching out of Cheers singing a Music/MiklosRozsa-style fanfare as Norm declares "[[GratuitousLatin De gustibus non est disputandum!]]"[[note]] "In matters of taste, there can be no dispute!"[[/note]] When they return after the opening credits, they are arguing over which of them was first to spot more anachronisms in the films (characters wearing watches or sunglasses, etc.); Norm claims eleven to Cliff's ten, but Cliff insists they were tied. |
| 678 | -->'''Norm:''' You wanna tell me what the taxicab was doing parked in front of the Temple of Athena?\ |
| 679 | '''Cliff:''' Yeah, it was, uh... um... it was, uh, probably takin' Demetrius to the airport! |
| 680 | * Frasier is booked to appear on the Boston talk show ''Psychology This Week'', but when his original "opponent" is forced to cancel and is replaced by Dr. Lilith Sternin - whom he has disliked ever since their disastrous first date in "Second Time Around" - he decides to bow out rather than subject himself to her presence again. Diane is convinced their antipathy is simply denial of their attraction to each other. |
| 681 | -->'''Diane:''' Everyone knows that hate is not the opposite of love. Indifference is.\ |
| 682 | '''Sam:''' Oh, whatever you say. I really don't care. |
| 683 | * Sam relays this theory anonymously to Frasier: |
| 684 | -->'''Sam:''' ''[as Frasier returns from the men's room]'' Ah, Frasier? There's a... ''theory'' goin' around the bar that you're ticked off with Dr. Sternin because you're in love with her. Whaddaya think?\ |
| 685 | '''Frasier:''' Well. That sounds like someone who doesn't know shortcake from Shinola.\ |
| 686 | '''Sam:''' Hey, good guess, good guess: Diane! ''[gestures to her]''\ |
| 687 | '''Frasier:''' Mmm. That's nothing but mere cocktail party psychology. Believe it or not, Sam, it's actually possible to have hostile feelings toward someone ''without'' being in love with them.\ |
| 688 | '''Sam:''' You mean I can actually hate Diane without having it mean anything more than I hate her?\ |
| 689 | '''Frasier:''' Feel free! |
| 690 | * However, before Frasier can call the station to formally cancel, Lilith stops by Cheers to discuss the ground rules for their TV appearance: |
| 691 | -->'''Cliff:''' ''[as Lilith enters Cheers]'' Uh-oh! Frost warning!\ |
| 692 | '''Lilith:''' Good afternoon, Dr. Crane.\ |
| 693 | '''Frasier:''' ''[deadpan, without turning to face her]'' Dr. Sternin. What a lovely surprise.\ |
| 694 | '''Lilith:''' I hope I can regard that as civility in light of today's situation rather than sarcasm at my expense.\ |
| 695 | '''Frasier:''' No, that was entirely at your expense. |
| 696 | * The rest of the conversation proceeds in a similar vein (thoroughly confusing the watching barflies, who aren't entirely sure if they're fighting or not - except for Diane, who just smiles knowingly), starting with Lilith snarking that Frasier's obsessive behaviour meant he left a detailed itinerary of his day with his service, so she knew exactly where and when to find him and asks if "all went well at the dry cleaners", while when she suggests they not allow their previous "relationship" to overshadow their appearance, Frasier countersnarks that it was no "relationship", as the closest they came to physical contact on their abortive date was when she closed the car door on his hand. Ultimately, Frasier decides to go through with the debate for the chance to get the better of Lilith in front of a wider audience. |
| 697 | -->'''Frasier:''' Look, Dr. Sternin, if you'll excuse me, I have to cash a cheque and fill up my gas tank before the show. ''[turns to leave]''\ |
| 698 | '''Lilith:''' Yes, I know. ''[Frasier rolls his eyes and heads up the steps]'' Have the attendant make sure your tyres aren't as inflated as your ego.\ |
| 699 | '''Frasier:''' ''[stops in his tracks, then turns and glares at Lilith]'' You know, you perplex me.\ |
| 700 | '''Lilith:''' Oh?\ |
| 701 | '''Frasier:''' Yes - normally people of your limited physical appeal make up for it with an actual personality. ''[smiles and waves to Sam, Woody, Norm, and Cliff at the far end of the bar, then leaves]'' |
| 702 | * Diane and Lilith's interaction, after Frasier storms out, has Lilith at her stoic best. |
| 703 | -->'''Diane:''' Dr. Sternin, excuse me. I overheard Dr. Crane's remarks. If it's any consolation I can empathise with your hurt feelings. If you'd like to share any of them with me as a fellow woman, [[SmallNameBigEgo I would consider it an honor.]]\ |
| 704 | '''Lilith:''' ... who are you? |
| 705 | * After Diane claims Frasier's hostility is BelligerentSexualTension, Lilith coughs three times, then thanks Diane for giving her the most laughs she's had in a long time. |
| 706 | * But Diane persists, and Lilith admits to being a bit sensitive about her appearance, so she consents to Diane giving her a makeover (the central pillar of which is taking her hair out of its usual bun, as well as suggesting she "put a little more makeup on... or ''some''") before her TV appearance. It works, and not just on Frasier: |
| 707 | -->'''Sam:''' ''[watching Frasier and Lilith on TV]'' You really made her look beautiful, Diane!\ |
| 708 | '''Carla:''' ''[to Diane]'' Physician, heal thyself. ''[Diane doesn't even look at Carla as she waves her hand at her in a "Yes, whatever, now go away" gesture]'' |
| 709 | * Frasier and Lilith's "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RAb1W6FJ2qo debate]]" is one of the series' funniest scenes. On their end, DoubleEntendre. On Sam and Diane's end, HandsPlayInTheater and StrangelyArousing. All up to eleven! |
| 710 | -->'''Moderator:''' You've made many excellent points, Dr. Sternin... how do you respond to them, Dr. Crane? ''[Frasier inadvertently gives his real answer by remaining utterly distracted by Lilith's appearance]'' Dr. Crane?\ |
| 711 | '''Frasier:''' ''[shakes head]'' Excuse me, what was the question? Oh, uh, yes, of course, excuse me, um... yes, my method of... flooding seeks out the patient's... oh, most sensitive and vulnerable spot in the defence system, and, uh... ''[shot of a transfixed Lilith]'' penetrates... ''probing'' deeper and deeper... into the patient's psyche. ''Thrusting'' over and over... ''[at Cheers, Sam gradually puts his arms around Diane, both of them hanging on Frasier's every word]'' thereby uncovering the reality behind the irrational fear. ''[shot of an even more transfixed Lilith]''\ |
| 712 | '''Moderator:''' ''[flummoxed]'' Thank you, Dr. Crane. Anything to add, Dr. Sternin?\ |
| 713 | '''Lilith:''' ''[only half-listening]'' Yes. ''[recovers]'' Uh, ahem, although... Dr. Crane's method is faster... ''[shot of a captivated Frasier]'' a slow, and methodical approach can be much more rewarding. ''[at Cheers, Sam and Diane's fingers are intertwining; he breathes in the scent of her hair]'' A gentle stroking of the psyche... will bring about a far more in- intense... release of emotion... ''[shot of an even more captivated Frasier]'' building, until the patient quite often will literally cry out ''[Sam and Diane are practically melting in each other's arms]'' in a release of satisfaction and joy.\ |
| 714 | '''Frasier:''' ''[struggling for breath]'' Point well taken...\ |
| 715 | '''Sam:''' ''[disengaging from Diane]'' This intellectual stuff's getting me all hot. ''[Diane wipes her brow with a towel; Sam does likewise]''\ |
| 716 | '''Diane:''' This is embarrassing, we shouldn't be watching this. ''[picks up the remote]'' ... well, maybe just a little while longer. ''[puts the remote down again]''\ |
| 717 | '''Sam:''' Yeah.\ |
| 718 | '''Moderator:''' And that concludes this afternoon's programme.\ |
| 719 | '''Cheers patrons and staff:''' Awww!/Hey!/Booo!...\ |
| 720 | '''Moderator:''' ''[shakes Lilith's hand]'' Dr. Sternin. ''[shakes Frasier's hand]'' Dr. Crane. Thank you for joining us.\ |
| 721 | ''[Lilith uncrosses and re-crosses her legs, accidentally kicking Frasier's foot as she does so]''\ |
| 722 | '''Frasier:''' Oh - excuse me.\ |
| 723 | '''Moderator:''' For a written transcript of this afternoon's show, ''[Lilith and Frasier, completely lost in each other's eyes, begin rubbing their feet further and further up each other's legs throughout the following]'' please send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to ''Psychology This Week'', Box 84037, Boston, Massachusetts, 0220... ''[trails off as he notices Frasier and Lilith's game of footsie]'' 5.\ |
| 724 | '''Sam:''' ''[as every single patron at Cheers frantically looks for something to write on and write with]'' What was that box number again??\ |
| 725 | '''Barfly:''' Uh, 02205! |
| 726 | * Later that day, Lilith stops by Cheers to apologise to Frasier for the ''Psychology This Week'' debacle: |
| 727 | -->''[Lilith has suggested that she and Frasier put the incident behind them and move on with their lives in the interest of maintaining their professional careers]''\ |
| 728 | '''Frasier:''' ''[hiding his disappointment]'' Oh. That... ''is'' probably wise, you see, I've already lost...three patients as a result of today's fiasco.\ |
| 729 | '''Lilith:''' That's odd. [[DudeMagnet I picked up three.]]\ |
| 730 | ''[Frasier stiffens; Sam scoffs and Diane snickers]''\ |
| 731 | '''Lilith:''' While we're on the subject, Dr. Crane--I suggest that your behavior indicates an unacceptable level of sexual frustration. You strike me as a man who needs professional help--[[YouNeedToGetLaid or...perhaps a girlfriend!]]\ |
| 732 | '''Frasier:''' ''(seething)'' And ''you'' strike me as a woman who could use a ''[[WouldHitAGirl good cuffing]]''! |
| 733 | * Their animosity re-awakened, Frasier and Lilith exchange frosty goodbyes, but as Lilith turns to leave, Diane pretends that the refrigerator door is stuck and needs to be opened with a hairpin. Frasier sees right through the ruse - and still manages to fall headlong into it: |
| 734 | -->'''Frasier:''' Oh, look, don't you see!? ''[gets up and marches over to Lilith]'' What these two people, who are such ''geniuses'' at romance, are trying to do is to get you to take your hair down, thinking that it will stimulate me like some sort of Pavlovian dog. ''[he glares at Sam and Diane, who look sheepish]'' So why don't you just... oblige them, get this silliness over with so we can get on with our lives.\ |
| 735 | '''Lilith:''' ''[sighs, removes her hairpin, and shakes her hair out]'' You mean like this.\ |
| 736 | '''Frasier:''' ''[stimulated like some sort of Pavlovian dog]'' Precisely. You know what?\ |
| 737 | '''Lilith:''' ''[breathing more heavily along with Frasier]'' What?\ |
| 738 | '''Frasier:''' I'm going to kiss you. I'm going to kiss you ''hard'', and I'm going to kiss you ''long. [Diane grins triumphantly as Sam looks bewildered]'' But make no mistake about it, I am going to kiss you. In fact, I'm going to kiss you like you've never- ''[[[ShutUpKiss Lilith throws her arms around him]] and [[BigDamnKiss kisses him like he's never been kissed before]]]'' ... yes. Like that. Now listen, Lilith, I think that you and I have just been too articulate for words. We talk, and we talk, when what we really want to do is show how we feel-\ |
| 739 | '''Lilith:''' I think, Dr. Crane-\ |
| 740 | '''Frasier:''' Look, I don't ''care'' what you think! We both want to be animals! Now I'm going back to my tastefully decorated townhouse and prove it. ''[heads for the door, but Lilith stays put]'' Well, I- I suggest you come with me. ''[gestures to the door]''\ |
| 741 | '''Lilith:''' ''[marching past Frasier]'' I think I see what you're trying to do, Dr. Crane, and I just want you to know... '''it worked.''' ''[jumps into his arms]'' Let's go! ''[Frasier carries Lilith out of the door as another patron enters, watching them go in utter confusion]'' |
| 742 | |
| 743 | [[AC:506: Tan 'n' Wash]] |
| 744 | * The cold open has everyone describing their dreams, with Sam having the old NotWearingPantsDream and Norm and Carla having the "late for a college exam" one. Then Woody blows them all out the water with his own, extremely ''weird'' dream. |
| 745 | * Woody's surprisingly sage reasoning for not joining the investment bandwagon, on his father's advice. |
| 746 | -->'''Woody:''' You know, when I left home my father gave me some very sound advice; Never trust a man who can't look you in the eye, never talk when you can listen, and never spend venture capital on a limited partnership without a detailed analytical fiduciary prospectus. |
| 747 | * At Norm's suggestion, the others give Tan 'n' Wash a try-out, with Sam and Cliff coming in with out-of-season tans. Then Frasier comes in, ''massively'' burnt. As Paul asks who else would be stupid enough to give it a try, [[InadvertentEntranceCue Woody enters]], dressed in a tank-top and backwards baseball cap. |
| 748 | * Following Diane making a big show of smiling, glowing, and la-la-la-ing following an alleged date with a guy, Sam has Woody go and learn from her the details. Woody comes back...la-la-la-ing, with a wicked grin on his face, and: |
| 749 | -->'''Woody:''' Hey--Sam? I found out all about Miss Chambers's date. I mean, uh..."beautiful ''night''--of ''magic''."\ |
| 750 | '''Sam:''' ''(Tensing)'' Just ''spill'' it--will ya, Woody?\ |
| 751 | '''Woody:''' ''Well''--the ballet...was ''exquisite''. But it paled by comparison to the--"enchanting coach ride" under the stars. Chad held her "porcelain-like hand" ''lightly''...tracing tiny circles on her, uh--alamander...\ |
| 752 | '''Sam:''' ''Alabaster''--\ |
| 753 | '''Woody:''' --''alabaster'' skin.... And ''then''--fearing that the spell might be broken, she invited him up to her..."pied-a-terre"...for some ''quiet conversation and warm brandy'', '''and THEN...'''\ |
| 754 | '''Sam:''' ''What''?\ |
| 755 | '''Woody:''' Miss Chambers says if ya want to hear the rest - ya gotta ask her yourself! ''(Busts a gut laughing)'' |
| 756 | * Later, Carla heads over to a ''very'' sunburned Frasier: |
| 757 | -->'''Carla:''' Hey, Frasier!--y'know, there's something I've always been meaning to ask you: What was your reaction...when you first saw Diane ''naked''? ''([[ComedicSociopathy SMACKS him on the back!]])''\ |
| 758 | '''Frasier:''' AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!\ |
| 759 | ''(Diane whirls to them with a disgusted look)'' |
| 760 | |
| 761 | [[AC:509: Thanksgiving Orphans]] |
| 762 | * Frasier's ''intense'' SeriousBusiness reaction to "Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer", especially how ''certain'' he is that [[NoEndorHolocaust the story ends badly for Rudolph after the song ends.]] Add to that the strong implication that he's deviating into his own life experience.... |
| 763 | ** In the same vein, his depressed outbursts throughout the episode: |
| 764 | -->'''Frasier:''' Oh, who the hell do we think we're kidding? We're all a bunch of pathetic dropouts. Scorned by our loved ones, as if anybody ever loved us at all. |
| 765 | * Sam's reason for arriving at the gang's party instead of his planned date. As Sam puts it, "Her sister showed up, and they didn't like my idea". It actually takes a couple of [[{{Beat}} beats]] before the StudioAudience bursts out laughing--it takes that long before they (and we) realize [[AThreesomeIsHot exactly what he's talking about.]] |
| 766 | * The sniping about the ruined food because of Norm's oversized turkey Carla dubs "Birdzilla". All of the food is cold because Diane won't let anyone eat til the main course is ready -- except for the ice cream, which is now soup. |
| 767 | * At the very end of the episode, it finally looks like we're actually going to ''see'' Vera in the flesh. Unfortunately, after the food fight, Diane tries to ambush Sam... and misses, just as Vera enters.[[note]] Under all of that pie, Vera is played by George Wendt's wife Bernadette Birkett, who also provides Vera's voice for phone conversations with Norm.[[/note]] |
| 768 | -->'''Vera:''' What charming friends you have, Norman. Now get your coat, we're leaving.\ |
| 769 | '''Norm:''' ''[meekly]'' Yes, dear. |
| 770 | |
| 771 | [[AC:510: Everyone Imitates Art]] |
| 772 | * In TheTeaser, Woody, cleaning up, hears an ad for a stenographers' school on the radio. He tries to write the phone number, but can't remember more than a few digits at a time, and by the time the ad ends, he only has half the number, so he goes back to cleaning. |
| 773 | * After Diane refuses to admit she got rejected via form letter, Sam sends in his own attempt. Three weeks later, Diane comes to gloat, only to find the poetry magazine sitting on the bar. Sam claims he bought the edition just to see what proper poetry is like, and suggests Diane look at one ''specific'' poem. |
| 774 | -->'''Diane:''' "''Nightingale" by Sam Ma-" ''(she drops the book like it's on fire)'' |
| 775 | ** "Diane, books are our friend." |
| 776 | * Diane's SanitySlippage regarding Sam's published poem. The contribution of a lack of sleep and food probably fuel some of her InsaneTrollLogic fire. |
| 777 | -->'''Frasier:''' I mean, for God's sake, this little literary magazine's circulation must be what, 600.\ |
| 778 | '''Diane:''' That's just the beginning. You see, the original 600 readers drop their copies on buses, in taxicabs and doctors' offices. And another 600 people pick them up and take them to the airport, where they go all over the country. And then they get taken on international flights. Tierra del Fuego, Sierra Leone; all the remotest parts of the world. And soon, I defy you to find me a house, a hut, an igloo or a ''[[https://www.britannica.com/topic/wickiup wickiup]]'' that doesn't have a copy on the coffee table. And then, then, then ''(voice breaking)'' everyone in the world, every living thing ''will be laughing at me''! Because he got published, and ''I did not''! |
| 779 | * Sam's CallBack of Diane LastSecondWordSwap of "riding a bicycle" for losing her virginity. |
| 780 | -->'''Sam:''' You wanna go back to my place and ride a bike? |
| 781 | |
| 782 | [[AC:511: The Book of Samuel]] |
| 783 | * The Cold Open has Frasier talking to Woody, only to quickly realize something's amiss. |
| 784 | -->'''Frasier:''' How do you do it, Woody?\ |
| 785 | '''Woody:''' I know just how you feel, Dr. Crane.\ |
| 786 | '''Frasier:''' You're not listening to me, are you?\ |
| 787 | '''Woody:''' I know just how you feel, Dr. Crane.\ |
| 788 | '''Frasier:''' How about a double scotch rocks?\ |
| 789 | '''Woody:''' Comin' right up! |
| 790 | ** And of course, later on, when Frasier tries to give Woody some advice... |
| 791 | * Sam's [[BlatantLies totally intelligent and mature method]] of choosing who plays leader (playing Hot Potato) while he's away for the weekend between Carla, Woody and Diane. Eventually, Woody wins. Carla takes it about as well as can be expected. |
| 792 | * With Woody indisposed due to a planned date, the leadership debate resumes (since Woody says Diane ruined Hot Potato). Diane suggests she and Carla let democracy decide and give a speech to the patrons, allowing them to chose. Then she makes the mistake of letting Carla go first. Carla's speech? Pointing out if they go with ''her'', they don't have to hear Diane making a speech. The bar unanimously goes with Carla. |
| 793 | |
| 794 | [[AC:512: Dance, Diane, Dance]] |
| 795 | * TheTeaser for the episode finds the crowd at Cheers watching a televised football game when the picture quality suddenly takes a turn for the worse. When Sam sends Woody over for a bit of AntennaAdjusting, he slips off his perch and is left hanging from the set, several feet off the floor - which, naturally, fixes the picture... almost. Cliff pulls one of Woody's legs up and balances his foot on the top of the panelling to fix a slight colour problem. |
| 796 | -->'''Woody:''' Wow, I sure hope this game doesn't go into overtime! |
| 797 | * Diane nervously going back and forth over whether she might have left the stove on in her apartment: |
| 798 | -->'''Diane:''' No...it's off.\ |
| 799 | '''Sam:''' Ah.\ |
| 800 | '''Diane:''' ''(Squirms)'' I think...! ''(Sam turns to her; she shrugs)'' It's off! Of course it's off--It's ON, my apartment's on fire! ''({{Beat}}, shrugs)'' Still--\ |
| 801 | '''Sam:''' ''Go''--go-go-go-go.... |
| 802 | * After she gets distracted about the upcoming letter from Madame Likhova, her ballet instructor, and starts going on about her dream of being a dancer: |
| 803 | -->'''Carla:''' Excuse me, Diane, but isn't your ''apartment'' on fire--?\ |
| 804 | '''Diane:''' ''OH, MY GOD''--I COMPLETELY FORGOT! ''(Bolts towards the door)'' My ''poor kitty''--! ''(Stops short)'' Wait a minute...I'm ''sure'' I turned it off...!\ |
| 805 | '''Carla:''' HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! ''(Wheezing cough)'' Meaaaaaaaaaaaaaaow! ''(Hangs head limp with tongue out)''\ |
| 806 | ''(Diane bolts out of the bar)''[[note]]Diane announces later that her stove was off but she ''did'' leave the milk out, so it wasn't a ''total'' loss.[[/note]] |
| 807 | * Madame Likova's assistant drops off Diane's tape: |
| 808 | -->'''Sam:''' Oh, I'll bet you, you're Madame Lik... Likova.\ |
| 809 | '''Leeza:''' Oh! Oh, goodness no. No. How Madame would laugh if she heard you say that. ''({{beat}})'' [[BadBoss And then she would strike me.]] |
| 810 | * Diane's ballet tape. We never actually get to ''see'' the video, but the reaction by the gang at Cheers is hysterical. |
| 811 | -->'''Diane:''' All my life I always wanted to dance so ''badly''.\ |
| 812 | '''Norm:''' ''(barely able to keep from bursting out laughing)'' Looks like you got your wish! |
| 813 | * The second time the gang watch the tape. Sam insists Diane sit up front. Behind her, everyone else in the bar is struggling not to laugh. |
| 814 | * Diane, about to leave for the night, asks Norm if he knows how to lock up the bar. Norm reminds her he was the one who taught ''her'' how to lock up. |
| 815 | * Norm had said he has no dreams, giving them up as a kid because they'd only disappoint. After Diane leaves Norm to lock up: |
| 816 | -->'''Norm:''' Ah, alone in a bar. Maybe Diane is right. I guess dreams ''can'' come true. ''(pours himself one from the tap)'' |
| 817 | * Neither Sam or Frasier are able to get the truth out to an insanely delusional Diane, no matter how hard they try. |
| 818 | -->'''Sam:''' Diane, please, please, ''please'' don't do this! Help me, Frasier.\ |
| 819 | '''Frasier:''' Diane, please, please, ''please'' don't do this! |
| 820 | |
| 821 | [[AC:513: Chambers vs. Malone]] |
| 822 | * When Diane rejects a tearful Sam's proposal yet ''again'', he suddenly has an ImagineSpot of being led to execution on Death's Row, and is completely unrepentant, asking the priest if there's any chance he'll be able to find Diane in Heaven ''to kill her AGAIN''. When he snaps out of it, he tells Diane of his dream. |
| 823 | -->'''Diane:''' That's silly, Sam. Massachusetts doesn't have the death penalty.\ |
| 824 | '''Sam:''' ''(PsychoticSmirk)'' Really?\ |
| 825 | ''(Cue OhCrap on Diane's face as she flees saying she's heading out to campaign to bring it back.)'' |
| 826 | * The judge's understandable exasperation with the situation he finds himself in, with Diane at her most insane, and Tom being Sam's lawyer in his first case. |
| 827 | * The episode also features one of the funniest summations in the sitcom. |
| 828 | -->'''Sam:''' ''(combination matter-of-factly and DeadpanSnarker)'' You want me to propose to you - I propose to you. You say 'no', I say 'fine, I never want to see you again'. You drive me nuts telling me you want me to propose to again, I do, you turn me down. [[EscalatingPunchline Next thing I know, I'm in a court of law where I've got to propose to you or I'll go to jail.]] [[SarcasmMode It's the classic American love story.]] |
| 829 | |
| 830 | [[AC:514: Diamond Sam]] |
| 831 | * Carla takes the news of Sam and Diane's engagement a little ''too'' well. She spends the entire episode in cheery denial. ''Then'' at the end of the episode she finally gets past it, and it clearly hits her like a ton of bricks. |
| 832 | * Frasier trying to explain this to Woody. It goes about as you'd expect. |
| 833 | -->'''Frasier:''' Fascinating. She's experiencing denial.\ |
| 834 | '''Woody:''' What's that mean, Dr. Crane?\ |
| 835 | '''Frasier:''' Well, simply put, it means the human mind blocks things it cannot emotionally accept.\ |
| 836 | '''Woody:''' What's that mean, Dr. Crane?\ |
| 837 | '''Frasier:''' ''(resigns himself)'' It means that you don't understand this, and never will. |
| 838 | * Diane's antics and their impact on Sam's wallet. Enamoured by a dress she saw while ring-shopping, she wants to go buy it. Sam claims he already bought it, and goes out to get it, coming back with four dresses (since Diane specified only that it was pink -- ''every'' dress in the shop's window was pink). Sam [[TemptingFate confidently declares Diane can't possibly like them all]]... |
| 839 | -->'''Diane:''' Oh, Sam! I love all of them! |
| 840 | |
| 841 | [[AC:515: Spellbound]] |
| 842 | * As part of his sleazy attempts to 'steal' Diane from Sam, Nick tries hypnotizing her. It naturally fails to work... on Diane. Just as she's talking about no-one would fall for that, a hypnotized Woody walks towards the door. |
| 843 | |
| 844 | [[AC:516/517: Never Love a Goalie]] |
| 845 | * This episode has Diane in her best DeadpanSnarker form. Doubles as a SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome for her: considering all the times Carla insisted on doing this sort of thing to ''her'' over the years, Diane kinda deserves a chance for payback. |
| 846 | -->'''Eddie:''' I just thought I'd come back and see you know, how you liked your seats.\ |
| 847 | '''Carla:''' Loved 'em! I like your seat, too.\ |
| 848 | '''Diane:''' ''(walking by)'' Carla, you coquette. |
| 849 | * Not long after: |
| 850 | -->'''Eddie:''' So, you're a hockey fan, eh?\ |
| 851 | '''Carla:''' Oh, yeah.\ |
| 852 | '''Eddie:''' Well what else should I know about you?\ |
| 853 | '''Carla:''' ''(nervous)'' Me? Well, uh, [[BlatantLies I'm in my mid-20s, never been married, got no kids.]]\ |
| 854 | '''Diane:''' ''(walking by)'' [[AndImTheQueenOfSheba You're next in line to the throne of England.]] |
| 855 | * During the PreviouslyOn recap for Part 2, Woody leaves this message on Sam's answering machine. Doubles as a SugarWiki/{{Heartwarming Moment|s}}. The best part: Even Sam starts snickering when Woody begins his backtracking! |
| 856 | -->'''Woody:''' ''(beep!)'' Uh, this is Woody. Sam, uh, I got home tonight and remembered Diane called after you left and wanted me to give you a message. "I love you." Bye. ''(beep!)'' Uh, Sam, this is Woody again. That message I just left: you understand it was ''Diane'' saying I love you, not me. All right, bye. ''(beep!)'' [[DiggingYourselfDeeper This is Woody again. Uh, don't misunderstand me, I really like you a lot.]] ''(beep!)'' This is Woody again. Uh, I've been thinking it over, Sam. I do love you. |
| 857 | * Diane on jury duty, boring all the other jurors as she insists on over-analyzing everything and proving the accused is guilty because he reminds her of Sam. |
| 858 | -->'''Juror:''' So you're telling us you're about to marry a murderer?\ |
| 859 | '''Bored Juror:''' ''(deadpan)'' No, don't stop her. |
| 860 | |
| 861 | [[AC:520: Dinner at Eight-ish]] |
| 862 | * Frasier and Lilith have just moved in together after a few months' dating, and invite Sam and Diane over for dinner. The resulting episode is a classic box full of gems: |
| 863 | -->'''Sam:''' Love what you've done with the place.\ |
| 864 | '''Diane:''' Oh, ''yes''--I love all the masculine touches!\ |
| 865 | '''Lilith:''' ''(timidly)'' Thank you.\ |
| 866 | ''([[OhCrap Diane freezes]])'' |
| 867 | * Frasier's suggestion to Lilith before Sam and Diane arrive that they make "dip" their secret DoubleEntendre (which the two soon forget about) leads to a hilarious OneDialogueTwoConversations when Sam and Diane sample from the bowl of chips: |
| 868 | -->'''Sam:''' Say, that uh...that dip looks good.\ |
| 869 | ''(Frasier looks up; he and Lilith share an awkward Look)''\ |
| 870 | '''Frasier:''' ''(Swallows)'' ...Dip?\ |
| 871 | ''(Awkward pause)''\ |
| 872 | '''Sam:''' ...Yeah, the, uh...the dip--could you, uh...pass it, please?\ |
| 873 | '''Frasier:''' ''(Gathers himself; chuckles)'' Yes, of course--be my guest. Here, now....\ |
| 874 | '''Sam:''' ''(Taking bowl of dip)'' Oh, thank you. ''(He and samples with chip)'' Oh!--Oh, yeah, that ''is'' great dip, huh--yeah, try it!\ |
| 875 | ''(Lilith and Frasier share a smirk)''\ |
| 876 | '''Diane:''' Mmm!--''Delicious'', Lilith! Frasier? Have you tried some of Lilith's dip?\ |
| 877 | ''(Frasier GRINS, looking off; Diane waits)''\ |
| 878 | '''Frasier:''' Yes, I--I ''have'', yes....\ |
| 879 | ''(Lilith straightens up, smiling; Diane looks at them in smiling bewilderment)''\ |
| 880 | '''Diane:''' ...Well, then I don't have to tell ''you'' how good it is!\ |
| 881 | '''Frasier:''' ''(Chuckles)'' It's ''quite'' good, yes....\ |
| 882 | ''(Lilith GRINS)''\ |
| 883 | '''Sam:''' Well, I-I don't mean to ''hog'' it, here, uh--you guys look hungry! Help yourselves!\ |
| 884 | ''(Frasier and Lilith share a Look; they stand up, walk to Sam and Diane--take their chips in sync, dip...and pause to share another Look, which they hold as they taste together. Sam and Diane look up at them, wondering what the heck is going on.)''\ |
| 885 | '''Lilith:''' ''(Coyly)'' So, Frasier...was it good for you, too?\ |
| 886 | ''({{Beat}}--they lunge into a BigDamnKiss)''\ |
| 887 | '''Sam:''' ''({{Beat}}; turns to Diane)'' ...What the hell's in this ''dip''?\ |
| 888 | ''(Diane shrugs)'' |
| 889 | * Followed up by Frasier and Lilith responding to Diane toasting "your house" by singing a piano-accompanied rendition of "Our House"! The completely random burst into song is cute in itself--but when ''Diane'' [[TheCastShowoff gets up to join in the singing]] and starts ''dancing in place'' and ''snapping her fingers to the beat'', it becomes downright ''adorable''! The punchline: When Frasier and Lilith notice her antics, they stop--and poor Diane takes a couple seconds to notice, finally sitting down in embarrassment. |
| 890 | * It seems [[LethalChef Lilith's culinary skills leave something to be desired]]: |
| 891 | -->'''Lilith:''' Would anyone like some more lasagna?\ |
| 892 | '''Diane:''' No, thank you. I think we've all had our fill.\ |
| 893 | '''Lilith:''' Fine, then, I'll just get the coffee. ''[exits to the kitchen]''\ |
| 894 | '''Diane:''' ''Lasagna?!''\ |
| 895 | '''Frasier:''' I wasn't even ''thinking'' Italian!\ |
| 896 | '''Sam:''' ''[examining his plate]'' Well, I was closest, I said "something with meat". |
| 897 | * The episode rounds off with a climax of the RunningGag of one of the quartet locking themselves in the bathroom as Lilith keeps learning new details about Frasier and Diane's romantic history. As Jill, who assisted Lilith with the cooking (but not with the "lasagna"), emerges from the kitchen and says her goodbyes, Sam recognises her yet another of his past girlfriends. |
| 898 | -->'''Diane:''' Why is it... ''[sighs]'' that we cannot go to one... single... solitary place in the entire city of Boston without running into some woman that you've had a fling with?\ |
| 899 | '''Sam:''' Oh, come on, you're exaggerating here.\ |
| 900 | '''Diane:''' Mmm. At the market, at the movies... when we got our ''blood tests'', for heaven's sake!?\ |
| 901 | '''Sam:''' Well, what are we supposed to do, move? I mean, come on...\ |
| 902 | '''Diane:''' ''[glares icily at Sam]'' Excuse me...\ |
| 903 | '''Sam:''' ''[as Diane marches past him and opens the powder room door]'' Aw, now don't- no, don't - don't go- ''[Diane slams and locks the door behind her]'' What- what are you so upset about?! ''[fills Frasier's wine glass]'' I wasn't even dating you when I went out with Jill, that was when you were living with Frasier!\ |
| 904 | '''Lilith:''' ''[stiffens]'' She ''lived'' with you?\ |
| 905 | '''Frasier:''' ''[awkwardly]'' Well, only briefly, uh-\ |
| 906 | '''Lilith:''' ''[in tears]'' YOU SAID YOU'D NEVER LIVED WITH ANYONE BUT ME! ''[storms toward the bathroom door]''\ |
| 907 | '''Sam:''' ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, perfect, yeah, that's great. ''[Diane opens the door for Lilith, who slams it after entering. Frasier rolls his eyes, sets down his wine glass, then gets up and opens a cupboard next to the bathroom door]'' What are you doing?\ |
| 908 | '''Frasier:''' ''[takes a key out of the cupboard]'' I should have thought of this earlier. ''[Sam laughs and heads back to the sofa as Frasier locks the bathroom door from the outside, then throws the key back into the cupboard]''\ |
| 909 | '''Lilith:''' What was that? Frasier, what are you doing? ''[the doorknob rattles; she knocks on the door]'' Frasier, the door seems to be jammed. ''[knocks again]'' Frasier?\ |
| 910 | '''Diane:''' Sam... ''[more knocking, more rattling of the doorknob]'' Open the door!\ |
| 911 | '''Frasier:''' ''[goes to the piano, picks up a humidor, and opens it toward Sam]'' Macanudo?\ |
| 912 | '''Sam:''' Oh! ''[takes a cigar]'' Don't mind if I do.\ |
| 913 | '''Frasier:''' ''[takes a cigar as well; the knocking and the protests from Diane and Lilith get ever louder]'' You know, I don't think I can stand this caterwauling in here, why don't we go upstairs? I've got all thirteen episodes of ''Series/IClaudius'' on tape!\ |
| 914 | '''Sam:''' ''[following Frasier upstairs]'' Great, man, I love gladiator flicks!\ |
| 915 | '''Lilith:''' ''[knocking louder still]'' Frasier, we are not amused! |
| 916 | * Elsewhere in the episode, Cliff manages to persuade Carla to let him try and babysit her kids for the night. At the bar, Woody gets a call from them saying they're dropping Cliff off. There's a problem. |
| 917 | -->'''Norm:''' Wait... none of Carla's kids are old enough to drive.\ |
| 918 | ''(sound of tires screeching from outside, followed by Cliff, wrapped up like a mummy, getting rolled down the stairs)'' |
| 919 | |
| 920 | [[AC:521: Simon Says]] |
| 921 | * Every scene with Dr. Simon Finch-Royce is comedy gold, helped no end by the performance of Creator/JohnCleese, who is gloriously deadpan until the final scene, when he descends into eye-bulging fury as only John Cleese can. |
| 922 | ** When he and Frasier meet up at Cheers, in an EstablishingCharacterMoment, Simon describes his flight over from England as "relatively crash-free". When he asks Sam for something "with hair on it", Carla seizes the opportunity to flirt with him, but leaves disappointed when he says he is happily married, noting he would have been her first Englishman - apart from a man with such a pale complexion she "kept losing him in the sheets". A fascinated Simon asks Frasier to "[[BatheHerAndBringHerToMe Have her scrubbed and sent to my tent.]]" Meanwhile, Norm thanks Simon for the good his books have done his marriage (they give Vera something to do in bed), and Cliff talks Simon's ear off about how Britain should feel free to call on America for help if things flare up in the Falklands again (Norm rescues Simon by telling Cliff another patron claims he knows nothing about photosynthesis). |
| 923 | ** But it is Diane who spends the most time ingratiating herself to Simon, immediately adopting a posh British accent around him. Sam is annoyed, saying she's acting like the Queen were her Aunt Betty. |
| 924 | --->'''Diane:''' ''(heavy posh accent)'' Oh, ''tosh''! What twaddle! |
| 925 | ** She then asks Simon if he can give her and Sam a counselling session; Simon agrees, and since he doesn't come cheap, Frasier decides to make the session a wedding gift (instead of a gravy boat). As the session begins, Simon reveals that he is on his second marriage, which undermines Sam's confidence in him, but Simon explains that the tears from his first marriage allowed him more clarity of vision for his second marriage. |
| 926 | --->'''Diane:''' ''[impressed]'' You are the wisest man I know.\ |
| 927 | '''Simon:''' ''[looking at Sam; deadpan]'' High praise indeed. |
| 928 | ** Simon asks Sam and Diane to tell him about themselves; Diane goes first, and starts ''in the womb'' and continues right up to the present. Sam stretches out on the sofa and goes to sleep, while Simon's only remark at the end is that his wife has a skirt similar to Diane's, although he is much more interested in Sam's stories of women throwing themselves at him in almost every city he visited during his time with the Red Sox.[[note]]'''Sam:''' ''(looking at Diane, then whispering to Simon)'' It was ''great''![[/note]] Simon then moves on to addressing them jointly: |
| 929 | --->'''Simon:''' What are the keys to a successful marriage? Well, there are numerous schools of thought - er, many experts claim that the most important single ingredient in a marriage is... quickly, now.\ |
| 930 | '''Diane:''' Love?\ |
| 931 | '''Sam:''' Sex.\ |
| 932 | '''Simon:''' ''Honesty.'' Because from honesty springs...\ |
| 933 | '''Diane:''' Fidelity.\ |
| 934 | '''Sam:''' Sex.\ |
| 935 | '''Simon:''' Yes, ''trust''.\ |
| 936 | '''Diane:''' ''[pounds her fists in frustration]'' I was ''going'' to say that!\ |
| 937 | '''Simon:''' Well, those people are ''wrong''. |
| 938 | ** The real litmus test turns out to be a pair of questions: Simon asks Sam to imagine he and Diane are on a tropical beach on their honeymoon, and he is distracted by another attractive woman in a bikini when Diane asks "Penny for your thoughts"; does he tell her the truth? Sam initially says "no", but Diane is concerned that he wouldn't trust her, so he changes his answer to "yes". Simon then asks Diane to imagine that Sam has not performed to her satisfaction in the bedroom (Sam laughs at the idea that he couldn't perform to ''any'' woman's satisfaction) and asks her how it was; does she tell him the truth? She jokes that she never has done, but finally answers "no", as it would hurt his feelings. Simon then delivers his verdict: they should not only not get married, they should never see each other again, as they have nothing in common and there is no communication between them. |
| 939 | --->'''Diane:''' ''[wrapping her arms around Sam]'' What about the idea that opposites attract?\ |
| 940 | '''Simon:''' ''Ahhh'', the song of the ''truly'' desperate. ''[Diane looks disappointed]'' Well, take- take it from one who has observed dozens of failed marriages, the only thing that opposites attract is divorce. ''[he opens the office door]''\ |
| 941 | '''Sam:''' Well, don't- wait, don't go, what- what shall we do?\ |
| 942 | '''Simon:''' Well, think yourselves lucky, I mean you found out now, saved yourselves years, perhaps decades of pain and heartache! ''[brightly]'' Cheerio! ''[leaves]'' |
| 943 | ** Once Frasier and Simon are apart, we see how much contempt they really have for each other; Simon calls his wife back in England and describes Frasier as a "pompous twit", "as bad as usual, if not worse", and chuckles over sticking him with a $1500 fee for the session (having deliberately ignored Frasier's hints to give him a discount rate). Frasier, meanwhile, calls Simon a "pretentious limey bastard" and gets revenge by repeatedly sending Sam and Diane to Simon's hotel room to persuade him to change his prognosis. Diane's first assumption is that Simon was merely testing her and Sam, a theory Simon is quick to shoot down: |
| 944 | --->'''Diane:''' ''[as Simon opens the door]'' Hello, Doctor!\ |
| 945 | '''Simon:''' Oh! Well, this is a surprise.\ |
| 946 | '''Sam:''' Uh, sorry about this, we didn't catch you on the hopper, did we?\ |
| 947 | '''Simon:''' ... no, but thanks for asking, come in. ''[they do]''\ |
| 948 | '''Diane:''' This will only take a moment. You know, you're a very clever man, it wasn't until after you left that we realised that you were merely testing our resolve. So, we stand before you now as proof we are steadfast in our devotion to one another.\ |
| 949 | '''Simon:''' Well, that's very lovely, but it wasn't a test.\ |
| 950 | '''Diane:''' ''[smiles]'' Oh, listen to him, Sam, it's yet another test!\ |
| 951 | '''Simon:''' I'm afraid I haven't made myself sufficiently clear. Erm... you two are an accident waiting to marry. ''[opens the door]''\ |
| 952 | '''Diane:''' ''[her smile vanishes]'' Well, you couldn't ''be'' more wrong! If you only knew the enormous obstacles we've overcome, you would know that we are destined to die in each other's arms! ''[wraps her arms around Sam]'' Because although we are very different people, our parts mesh together perfectly. We have achieved symbiosis.\ |
| 953 | '''Sam:''' ''[chuckles nervously]'' Well, not every time, but it's close. ''[Diane ushers him out]'' Sorry about this.\ |
| 954 | '''Simon:''' Aren't we all? ''[closes the door after them]'' |
| 955 | ** Diane then convinces herself that she was only saying what she thought Simon wanted to hear during the counselling session and not what she actually wanted to say (Sam has no idea what she's saying, as usual), so she drags Sam back to Simon's hotel room and interrupts his room service dinner: |
| 956 | --->''[Sam and Diane knock at the door just as Simon is about to take his first spoonful of soup; he walks over and opens the door]''\ |
| 957 | '''Simon:''' Ah, how lovely to see you again, what's it been, thirty minutes?\ |
| 958 | '''Diane:''' I'm sorry to barge in, I hope we're not disturbing you-\ |
| 959 | '''Simon:''' ''[cutting her off]'' Well, actually, I was just about to have my dinner.\ |
| 960 | '''Sam:''' ''[hungrily]'' Dinner?\ |
| 961 | '''Simon:''' Yes, I mean, er, er, I don't mean to sound rude, but I actually would like to eat it while it's hot!\ |
| 962 | '''Diane:''' I'm sorry, but this is simply too important to put it off. It's been preying on our minds, we really can't think of anything else, isn't that right, Sam?\ |
| 963 | '''Sam:''' ''[looking at the table of food]'' Yeah, right - are you gonna eat those crackers?\ |
| 964 | '''Simon:''' ''[impatiently]'' Yes, I am, now would you please just say whatever it is you've come to say?\ |
| 965 | '''Diane:''' Very well. From the moment of your pronouncement, we felt that you were wrong, and now we realise why! We gave you the wrong answers to your questions about the honeymoon. We've thought it over, and now we want to give you our real answers.\ |
| 966 | '''Simon:''' Yes, well, it doesn't ''matter'' what you say now, you see, I mean what ''matters'' is your ''first'' response, your gut reaction, I mean, you've had two hours to think about it now!\ |
| 967 | '''Diane:''' Yes - well, sometimes it takes Sam two hours to come up with his first thought.\ |
| 968 | '''Sam:''' ''[turns to Diane, offended]'' I- I don't- I don't appreciate that! Y'know, it was ''your'' stupid idea to come here in the first place, all of a sudden he says something you don't like, and now you, you, you don't believe him anymore? ''[meanwhile, Simon dips his finger into his bowl of soup and tastes it to check its temperature]''\ |
| 969 | '''Diane:''' Well, he's ''wrong!'' He doesn't know what he's talking about, don't you think he's capable of making a mistake?\ |
| 970 | '''Simon:''' That's highly unlikely, although I did let the two of you in- excuse me, erm... ''[points toward the door]''\ |
| 971 | '''Sam:''' C'mon, let's get outta here, honey, I'm starved, I'm gonna go have some dinner, you wanna join me?\ |
| 972 | '''Simon:''' ''[as he tucks into his soup]'' Please say "yes". ''[Diane glares at him, but follows Sam out of the room]'' |
| 973 | ** For Round 4, Diane arrives with an armload of books, while Simon answers the door in a robe and shower cap: |
| 974 | --->'''Simon:''' ''[sarcastically]'' Ah, I wondered what was keeping you, I was beginning to get worried!\ |
| 975 | '''Sam:''' Did we get you out of the shower?\ |
| 976 | '''Simon:''' [[AskAStupidQuestion No no, no no, the, er, the soup was so hot it set off the sprinkler system.]]\ |
| 977 | '''Diane:''' ''[sweeps into the room]'' Sam and I have been to the library and we've done extensive research, we're here to tell you that ''you'' are full of rubbish!\ |
| 978 | '''Simon:''' How thoughtful. Most people would only have phoned. ''[closes the door]''\ |
| 979 | '''Diane:''' ''[opening a book]'' Now. If you'll just examine the parts that I have marked-\ |
| 980 | '''Simon:''' Look, I, I think I've shown remarkable restraint so far, but I ''have'' had just about enough of this. Now I've ''said'' that you are ''not'' compatible, and you have done ''nothing'' to show me otherwise.\ |
| 981 | '''Diane:''' ''[close to tears of hysteria]'' Look, I don't know what we're supposed to do, or what we're supposed to say, but we're ''here'', fighting for our lives together, now doesn't that count for something!?\ |
| 982 | '''Simon:''' ''No.''\ |
| 983 | '''Diane:''' ''[long pause]'' Why not?\ |
| 984 | '''Simon:''' Well, let me answer you this way. Sam, do you really want to be here?\ |
| 985 | '''Sam:''' No.\ |
| 986 | '''Diane:''' ''[whining]'' Oh, what do you mean "no"!?\ |
| 987 | '''Sam:''' I, I mean "no", I mean I don't want to be here, I mean this whole thing was ''your'' stupid idea, what do- what do we care if this guy doesn't think we should get married? ''[Simon opens the door to his suite again]'' Nobody we know thinks we should get married, we don't go bugging them in the middle of the night, do we!? ''[Simon walks back to the table and picks up the stack of books Diane brought with her]''\ |
| 988 | '''Diane:''' ''[sighs]'' All right. What do you suggest we do?\ |
| 989 | '''Sam:''' ''Nothing.''\ |
| 990 | '''Diane:''' ''[as Simon taps Sam on the shoulder and points toward the door]'' Ugh! That's your solution to everything, '''nothing!''' ''[Sam takes Diane's elbow and leads her to the door]'' Is that what you're going to do for the rest of your life, nothing?!\ |
| 991 | '''Sam:''' ''[taking the books from Simon]'' I haven't decided yet.\ |
| 992 | '''Simon:''' ''[closes the door after them, then takes a deep breath]'' I've grown to hate them. |
| 993 | ** Finally, it's game, set, and match to Frasier as Sam and Diane return yet again, this time getting Simon out of bed and [[RageBreakingPoint driving him over the brink of insanity]]: |
| 994 | --->'''Simon:''' ''[opening the door to see Sam and Diane]'' That's it, I've died and gone to Hell.\ |
| 995 | '''Diane:''' ''[as she and Sam enter the room]'' Doctor, there's one thing you haven't considered-\ |
| 996 | '''Simon:''' ''[slams the door]'' Right. All right. Okay. Erm... Sam, Diane, you two... are... ''perfect'' together. I'm sorry I made a mistake, but I now see that you are the most ''perfectly'' matched couple on the face of the Earth. But why- why am I telling you this? ''[running to the window]'' Let's - let's share it with the rest of the world, shall we? ''[opens the window]'' HEAR THIS, WORLD! THE REST OF YOU CAN STOP GETTING MARRIED NOW! IT'S BEEN DONE TO PERFECTION! ''[turns away from the window and gestures to the furniture]'' '''Envy''' them, sofa, '''envy''' them, chair, for you shall never be as cosy as they, for '''I''' guarantee that their marriage will be a total, ''epoch''-shattering success, and '''''I stake my LIFE on it!''''' Wait, let- let me put that on record. ''[picks up a mini-cassette recorder and presses Record]'' I, Dr. Simon Finch-Royce, being of sound mind, declare that Sam and Diane shall be together throughout all eternity, and '''if''' I am wrong, I hereby promise that I will take my own life, in the most '''disgusting manner''' possible! ''[presses Stop, then tries to press Eject]'' Here, take the tape- no no, no, no, no, take the whole machine, it's my wedding gift! To you! The most ''perfect couple '''since the DAWN OF TIME!!'''''\ |
| 997 | ''[long pause; Sam looks hugely uncomfortable while Diane absorbs Simon's words... then turns to Sam with a triumphant smile]''\ |
| 998 | '''Diane:''' [[SarcasmBlind See?]] ''[Sam is dumbfounded; Simon closes his eyes in utter despair]''\ |
| 999 | ''[SmashToBlack. Roll Credits. Play Theme Music.]'' |
| 1000 | ** And for those wondering, yes, John Cleese won the Emmy that year for his performance in this episode. Ken Levine related [[http://kenlevine.blogspot.com/2010/11/why-john-cleese-never-appeared-on.html Cleese's character was to return in "The Visiting Lecher"]], but had to bow out last minute, and they had to use [=John McMartin=] as an {{Expy}} character. |
| 1001 | |
| 1002 | [[AC:524: Cheers: The Motion Picture]] |
| 1003 | * Trying to reassure Woody's parents he's safe in Boston, the gang get together to make a movie showing them how life is. After Diane storms out when everyone critiques her stilted dialogue, they film their own. That doesn't work (Norm's segment mostly focuses on him eating at the Hungry Heffer, Cliff's sings the praises of the US postal service, and Frasier tries to reassure the Boyds about psychiatrists, only to be undermined by someone ''committing suicide'' in the background of his video). |
| 1004 | -->'''Frasier:''' ''(sighing)'' I've gotta tell Dr. Judd to keep his windows closed during his depression seminar. |
| 1005 | * Diane's second attempt at a film hacks the already badly-made attempt into a ludicrously pretentious pile of nonsense, thanks to Diane intercutting the footage with completely out of context shots of war and misery. Diane is naturally convinced it's a work of art and has already mailed to the Boyds. SmashCut to Woody's tearful goodbye (and Diane ''still'' not getting it's her fault... though it turns out she's not ''entirely'' wrong on that score). |
| 1006 | -->'''Sam:''' Don't worry, Woody. I'm sure your dad didn't understand any of that stuff.\ |
| 1007 | '''Woody:''' Yeah. And he said it was too derivative of [[Creator/JeanLucGodard Godard]]. ''(This earns him an astonished look from Diane.)'' |
| 1008 | |
| 1009 | [[AC:525: A House Is Not A Home]] |
| 1010 | * The gang shows up to Sam and Diane's new house to throw them a housewarming party. Diane, in full-on DramaQueen mode, declares she can't live in the house a second more. At this, everyone turns and files out without a word. |
| 1011 | -->'''Norm:''' Y'know, a few years ago this would've surprised me, but I've learned to just roll with it. |
| 1012 | |
| 1013 | [[AC:526: I Do, Adieu]] |
| 1014 | * The opening scene has Carla claiming she married Nick because he made her feel good (which should have been a tip-off to Sam). When he says he wants to marry Diane because she makes him feel "squooshy", Carla teases him, and then tells the entire bar. |
| 1015 | * In an ImagineSpot, Sam pictures himself and Diane happily married and long since retired. The phone rings, and he answers it. He listens to the person on the other end, and then shouts into the phone: |
| 1016 | -->'''Sam:''' I don't know why, Carla--because I love her, okay?!? ''[hangs up]'' |
| 1017 | * Sam and Diane's "almost" wedding: shot from over the minister's shoulder, showing all the money being passed around behind Sam and Diane to pay off bets whether they would or not. |
| 1018 | * The famous "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SWjOiNx-WXk alternate ending]]" of the wedding. Leave it to Sam and Diane to have the "I Dos" come out of an argument. |
| 1019 | [[/folder]] |
| 1020 | |
| 1021 | [[folder:Season 6]] |
| 1022 | [[AC:601: Home is the Sailor]] |
| 1023 | * Carla hinting, via showing her demonstrably larger stomach to Eddie, that she is yet again pregnant. He doesn't get it. |
| 1024 | * Norm, having apparently departed the bar since the change-over, returning incognito as part of Carla's gambit. |
| 1025 | -->'''Norm:''' This seems like a nice place to have a drink.\ |
| 1026 | '''Patron:''' ''(recognizing him)'' Norm!\ |
| 1027 | '''Norm:''' Not now, you idiot! |
| 1028 | * The Screaming Viking. |
| 1029 | |
| 1030 | [[AC:602: 'I' on Sports]] |
| 1031 | * The opening tag has Sam, Carla and Woody complaining about the terrible uniforms they have to wear, when Rebecca tells them there's a cleaners strike. Sam and Carla immediately set about destroying their uniforms. |
| 1032 | * Sam tries to appeal to younger viewers. This being the 1980s, this naturally means he attempts a [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vg9ruee3Vos rap song]]. The funniest part? Woody loves it. |
| 1033 | -->Time to rap about a contr-o-versy,\ |
| 1034 | Gonna take a stand, won't show no mercy,\ |
| 1035 | Lotta folks says jocks shouldn't be,\ |
| 1036 | Doing the sports news on TV,\ |
| 1037 | But I don't want to get the latest scores,\ |
| 1038 | From a buncha broadcast ''({{beat}})'' school boys,\ |
| 1039 | So get your scores from a guy like me,\ |
| 1040 | Who knows what it's like to have a groin in-jur-y,\ |
| 1041 | G-g-g, groin-n, in-in-in, groin, in-in, groin in-jur-y |
| 1042 | * Of course, Sam takes the badness up to eleven by ''bringing a ventriloquist dummy'' on his [[http://youtu.be/QxaQ9cKYQXo?t=2m25s next outing]]. It's so bad, Carla exclaims, "Oh. My. God." and Rebecca mutters, "If either of them mention the bar, I'm ''suing''." The look on co-anchor Joanne's face is priceless. |
| 1043 | |
| 1044 | [[AC:603/604: Little Carla, Happy at Last]] |
| 1045 | * Eddie [=LeBec=] discovers Carla's pregnant with twins: "This is the happiest night of my life!" |
| 1046 | -->'''Sam''': You know, [[DoubleEntendre I had twins once]]. [[TwinThreesomeFantasy It was the happiest night of my life too.]] |
| 1047 | * Eddie's mother meeting Carla. She immediately assumes Rebecca is Carla. Then Eddie shows her Carla. She goes right back to hugging Rebecca anyway. |
| 1048 | -->'''Rebecca:''' Me - Rebecca. ''(turns Mrs. Lebec around)'' This, Carla. ''(with relish)'' Enjoy. |
| 1049 | * Eddie's mother storms out, letting out a long string of angry French which Carla doesn't understand, so she turns to Frasier. |
| 1050 | -->'''Frasier:''' What makes you think I speak French?\ |
| 1051 | '''Carla:''' All you pompous eggheads speak French. |
| 1052 | * Frasier obligingly translates. Apparently, Eddie's mother refuses to let her son marry Carla, saying she'd rather be dragged around the city by her tongue. |
| 1053 | -->'''Frasier:''' ... [[EitherWorldDominationOrSomethingAboutBananas Either that or she called you a small grapefruit]]. |
| 1054 | * As part of the wedding arrangement, Sam has made a bet with Rebecca that if things go well, he gets to get rid of the uniforms. Thinking he's won, he starts destroying his... only for things to go off the rails again. Rebecca calmly walks up, picks up the uniform with tongs and hands it back to him. |
| 1055 | -->'''Rebecca:''' You're out of uniform. |
| 1056 | |
| 1057 | [[AC:605: The Crane Mutiny]] |
| 1058 | * Thanks to manipulation from Norm and Cliff, Frasier nearly breaks up with Lilith, even writing her a DearJohnLetter, until he realizes what he's done and hurries home. It initially seems he's prevented Lilith from seeing the letter... [[FoodSlap not so]]. |
| 1059 | -->'''Frasier:''' You've read the letter?\ |
| 1060 | '''Lilith:''' Of course I have, you licentious ''quack!'' |
| 1061 | * It seems like Frasier manages to prevent Lilith hurtling anything valuable at him, but while he's running her a bath she sneaks off to Cheers and meets Rebecca, only to learn the woman has no idea who Fras even ''is''. As she's leaving, a panicked Frasier arrives, and Lilith decides to screw with his head by making him "break up" with Rebecca. |
| 1062 | |
| 1063 | [[AC:606: Paint Your Office]] |
| 1064 | * Norm reveals he can do interior decorating, which makes Cliff start taunting him. Rebecca offers to let him paint her office to pay off his monstrous tab, and Cliff objects; this would place him and Norm on different social strata and they'd have nothing to talk about. |
| 1065 | -->'''Norm:''' Gloss or enamel? |
| 1066 | |
| 1067 | [[AC:607: The Last Angry Mailman]] |
| 1068 | * Having learned of Rebecca's college nickname, "Backseat Becky", Sam tries to pry the origin of it out of her. Finally apparently relenting, Rebecca tells him in private: |
| 1069 | -->'''Rebecca:''' I was living in a women's dorm on campus.\ |
| 1070 | '''Sam:''' Mmh-hhm.\ |
| 1071 | '''Rebecca:''' And one night a fire broke out.\ |
| 1072 | '''Sam:''' Ah.\ |
| 1073 | '''Rebecca:''' Well, I didn't have time to change my clothes, so I had to run out into the parking lot wearing only a teddy. Black, but see-through. All of a sudden, I was caught in this fire engine's headlights. I didn't know what to do. I looked all around and, ah, suddenly I spotted this open convertible. I climbed in and I slunk down into the back seat. Suddenly, this hulking fireman was standing over me. He was magnificent.\ |
| 1074 | ''(Sam says nothing, [[DistractedByTheSexy lost in his own thoughts]])''\ |
| 1075 | '''Rebecca:''' I looked in his eyes. I knew what he wanted, and I wanted it too. ''(Sam nods dumbly)'' I peeled off his black rubber raincoat. He ripped off my teddy. I can ''still'' feel the heat on my flesh.\ |
| 1076 | ''(Sam doesn't respond, clearly getting caught up)''\ |
| 1077 | '''Rebecca:''' But it wasn't the fire. It was us. When it was over, I opened my eyes and I noticed we weren't alone. Others had watched and not said a word.\ |
| 1078 | ''(Sam is breathing heavily)''\ |
| 1079 | '''Rebecca:''' And that's why I'm known as Backseat Becky. Satisfied?\ |
| 1080 | ''(Sam tries to say something, but he can't. He wipes off his mouth, and [[RagingStiffie sloooowly walks into the men's washroom]])'' |
| 1081 | ** Then comes the punchline, as Rebecca goes over to Carla and hands her $10. |
| 1082 | -->'''Rebecca:''' Thanks for the story, Carla. Here's your ten bucks.\ |
| 1083 | '''Carla:''' Yeah, the $20 one would'a killed him. |
| 1084 | * Carla's own attempt to ask doesn't go anywhere either. |
| 1085 | -->'''Carla:''' So why ''do'' they call you Backseat Becky?\ |
| 1086 | '''Rebecca:''' That'll cost you a hundred.\ |
| 1087 | '''Carla:''' Hey, you're kind of a pig. ... maybe we can be friends. |
| 1088 | |
| 1089 | [[AC:608: Bidding on the Boys]] |
| 1090 | * As a result of the bar bidding, Sam has inadvertently wound up on a date with Lilith, who has done so to spite Frasier. Sam tries reassuring Frasier that he'd never intentionally steal someone in another relationship. However... |
| 1091 | -->'''Frasier:''' What about Diane?\ |
| 1092 | '''Sam:''' ... and didn't God punish me for that one?\ |
| 1093 | '''Frasier:''' Well, yes, but... ''jeez'', Sam. |
| 1094 | * Lilith trying to seduce Sam, who is desperately trying not to succumb. Her dancing must be seen to be believed. |
| 1095 | * Sam scolds Frasier and Lilith for looking ridiculous when he, thanks to Lilith, is currently ''sans'' pants and hasn't bothered putting them back on. |
| 1096 | |
| 1097 | [[AC:609: Pudd'n Head Boyd]] |
| 1098 | * Frasier and Lilith plan to go on vacation, but as Frasier's exulting Lilith's beeper goes off. She marches off with it, vowing the only way Frasier will get it off her is via strip-search. |
| 1099 | -->'''Frasier:''' The vacation has begun! |
| 1100 | * At the episode's beginning, Rebecca is complaining about Woody's absence, until Sam shows her a bouquet he sent as an apology. |
| 1101 | -->'''Rebecca:''' ''(reading)'' "I'm sorry I'm late, please dock my pay." Now ''this'' is the way to be late! |
| 1102 | * In the episode's A-plot, Woody apparently entices a woman with his Mark Twain impression. Cliff, of all people, thinks this is weird. Norm points out [[MommasBoy something]], which Cliff doesn't take well. |
| 1103 | -->'''Cliff:''' ''(rapidly)'' My ma's not old and she's never gonna die before I do so just shut it, okay?! |
| 1104 | * Woody gets increasingly worried about Mary's evident interest in him. Norm takes a look at her and weighs in. |
| 1105 | -->'''Norm:''' You could do worse... |
| 1106 | * At the end, Woody tries to confess to Mary he's young. She reveals she knew this. |
| 1107 | -->'''Mary:''' I'm not ''stupid.'' |
| 1108 | |
| 1109 | [[AC:610: A Kiss is Still a Kiss]] |
| 1110 | * Rebecca, having been unable to get a date for a fancy party Evan Drake is hosting, is faced with the possibility she might have to take Sam. She tries looking around the bar for help. Cliff and Norm are busy stuffing lemons in their mouths, and Frasier, due to a bad case of psychosomatic hiccups, has a bag on his head. |
| 1111 | * At the end of the episode, Rebecca plants a big one on Sam, who insists she must have felt something about him or she wouldn't have put so much effort in it. To prove him wrong, she immediately grabs Frasier and plants a kiss on him as he walks in the door, and leaves him sprawled on the table. |
| 1112 | -->'''Sam:''' Frasier? ''(no response. Sam starts waving his hand over Frasier's face)'' ... Frasier?\ |
| 1113 | ''(Frasier [[HereWeGoAgain hiccups again]])'' |
| 1114 | |
| 1115 | [[AC:611: My Fair Clavin]] |
| 1116 | * Rebecca manages to outwit Sam. Having been caught smoking after promising she'd sleep with him if she was, she acquires, but makes it clear she's totally unenthused about the whole thing, which puts Sam off so much he refuses to go along with it... just as Rebecca wanted. |
| 1117 | -->'''Carla:''' So what happened?\ |
| 1118 | '''Sam:''' She demanded I sleep with her and I said "no."\ |
| 1119 | ''(beat, as Sam realizes what he's just said and slaps himself in the head)'' |
| 1120 | |
| 1121 | [[AC:617: To All The Girls I've Loved Before]] |
| 1122 | * Lilith asks Rebecca to be her Maid of Honor (apparently none of her long-term friends were available or wanted the job). Rebecca is flattered, even as it becomes painfully apparent to everyone that she doesn't really know enough about Lilith (even getting her name wrong) to warrant this. |
| 1123 | * Frasier having an awkward moment at his bachelor party when he recognizes the stripper. Because she's one of his ''patients''. |
| 1124 | --> '''Frasier:''' Karen, I hope you're doing this for the money, because this certainly [[DaddyIssues won't square things between you and your father]]. |
| 1125 | |
| 1126 | [[AC:622: Slumber Party Massacred]] |
| 1127 | * What finally snaps Carla out of her funk: Cliff ripping his pants. |
| 1128 | |
| 1129 | [[AC:623: Bar Wars]] |
| 1130 | * Sam and Carla head to Gary's Olde Towne Tavern to apologize, only to find Al there. Carla asks him what he's doing there, and he exclaims "Holy mackerel, this isn't Cheers?!" |
| 1131 | |
| 1132 | [[AC:624: The Big Kiss-Off]] |
| 1133 | * The episode revolves around Sam and Woody having made a bet they can get Rebecca to kiss one of them by the end of the day, and stooping to every dirty trick they can think of to get there, making them look like bigger idiots than usual. |
| 1134 | * Woody's idea of getting Rebecca to kiss him by helping him "rehearse" his play? Good. Woody's acting? Atrocious. |
| 1135 | -->'''Woody:''' (Wooden) Oh.....oh golly..... |
| 1136 | * The loser of the bet has to kiss Norm. Norm's takeaway? "Then there ''is'' no loser." |
| 1137 | * Rebecca eventually susses out something's wrong, and confronts Carla about it. |
| 1138 | -->'''Rebecca:''' What's going on here?\ |
| 1139 | '''Carla:''' Whatever do you mean?\ |
| 1140 | '''Rebecca:''' Sam and Woody are trying desperately to kiss me.\ |
| 1141 | '''Carla:''' Boy, someone's a little full of herself, isn't she?\ |
| 1142 | '''Rebecca:''' C'mon, Carla, what's the story here, one woman to another?\ |
| 1143 | '''Carla:''' Why would I tell you something about my two closest, best friends in the whole world?\ |
| 1144 | '''Rebecca:''' I'll give you a paid day off.\ |
| 1145 | '''Carla:''' They got a bet. They wanna see who could kiss you by the end of the shift tonight.\ |
| 1146 | '''Rebecca:''' Why would they do such an asinine, juvenile thing?\ |
| 1147 | '''Carla:''' [[AskAStupidQuestion Look at the contestants.]] |
| 1148 | * Rebecca asks Carla to keep the fact she knows a secret. |
| 1149 | -->'''Carla:''' Wait a minute, you're not cooking up something that's gonna humiliate my friends and make them look stupid, are you?\ |
| 1150 | '''Rebecca:''' Well, yeah.\ |
| 1151 | '''Carla:''' How can I help? |
| 1152 | * Frasier, watching the proceedings, tempts fate after Woody manages to hypnotize himself. |
| 1153 | -->'''Frasier:''' To recap: sitting in the bar today we have, among others, a man who is actually simple enough to hypnotize himself. I'd like to offer the suggestion that we've seen it all.\ |
| 1154 | ''(Sam immediately enters in military uniform)''\ |
| 1155 | '''Sam:''' Ten-hut!\ |
| 1156 | '''Frasier:''' Happily, I stand corrected. |
| 1157 | * To get at Sam and Woody, Rebecca manages to convince both that she wants them to win, and lures them into her office, when everyone's gone home and the lights are off... |
| 1158 | -->'''Sam:''' Mmm...\ |
| 1159 | '''Woody:''' Mmm...\ |
| 1160 | '''Sam:''' Mmm?!\ |
| 1161 | '''Woody:''' Mmm?!!\ |
| 1162 | ''(the lights come on, and everyone comes out of hiding to taunt Sam and Woody)'' |
| 1163 | * Woody's only take-away? He asks Sam how his kissing was. |
| 1164 | |
| 1165 | [[AC:625: Backseat Becky, Up Front]] |
| 1166 | * Sam, before Rebecca goes to speak to Drake, telling her "if you're going to make an idiot of yourself, take it outside." |
| 1167 | * Sam's attempts to reassure a despondent Rebecca do not go well. |
| 1168 | -->'''Rebecca:''' I will just dry up and blow. Away.\ |
| 1169 | '''Sam:''' Aw, c'mon, that doesn't sound like you, that sounds like some lovesick, self-pitying, whiny - no, that's you alright. |
| 1170 | * Rebecca tries to confess her feelings to Evan Drake, but has a problem with someone behind her honking at her. |
| 1171 | -->'''Rebecca:''' I want to tell you something I've wanted to say since the moment I met you - ''(to the honker)'' GET OFF MY TAIL, SCUZZBALL! |
| 1172 | * Before Rebecca can get any further, Drake tells her to take a detour so he can pick up a girl he's taking to Japan with her, and is thinking of starting a relationship with. Rebecca... [[BlatantLies takes it well.]] |
| 1173 | -->'''Rebecca:''' I just wanted to tell you... that this is really a lot of car to handle. I can't believe I have the strength to keep from swerving into the oncoming traffic and killing us both. |
| 1174 | * After the worst night of her life, Rebecca tries to pour her heart out to Sam, whose initial desire to get into her pants is foiled by his conscience. And then vice-versa, as he tries to genuinely be there for her. |
| 1175 | -->'''Rebecca:''' I have loved Evan Drake since the first time I saw him-\ |
| 1176 | '''Sam:''' ''(strained)'' I'm sorry, this is not working. ''Hot fire below!'' |
| 1177 | * Sam is reduced to calling Rebecca from the lobby of her apartment building because he can't trust himself. |
| 1178 | -->'''Rebecca:''' You're not gonna take advantage of me.\ |
| 1179 | '''Sam:''' Oh yeah? Do me a favor? Check your bra.\ |
| 1180 | '''Rebecca:''' ''(does so)'' ... how did you do that? |
| 1181 | [[/folder]] |
| 1182 | |
| 1183 | [[folder:Season 7]] |
| 1184 | [[AC:701: How to Recede in Business]] |
| 1185 | * Rebecca, now locked onto GoldDigger mode, tries pestering Mr. Stone to tell her the news he wanted to break to her in private. He tells her that they're giving the bar back to Sam, leaving her standing completely still, much to Sam's irritation since he'd been ready for a date, and he asks the guys to help carry the frozen Rebecca outside. |
| 1186 | * After Cliff's latest piece of bull, Carla tells him he should write a book about everything he "knows". Cliff thinks she's joking... until she produces a pen and paper, and tells him to not come out the back room until he's written sixty thousand words. Cliff looks to the others, [[NoSympathy and gets nothing]], so in defeat he slouches off. |
| 1187 | * Carla approves of Sam getting the bar back, comparing it to the old days. |
| 1188 | -->'''Carla:''' The real old days, before darkness fell over the Earth.\ |
| 1189 | '''Norm:''' ''(to Frasier)'' She means Diane.\ |
| 1190 | '''Frasier:''' ''(rich with loathing)'' I know who she was talking about. |
| 1191 | * Rebecca's look the morning after Sam gets the bar back. |
| 1192 | * How bad is Sam with computers? |
| 1193 | -->'''Sam:''' What is this?\ |
| 1194 | '''Carla:''' Well, I'm no expert, but it looks like ''Donkey Kong''. |
| 1195 | * Rebecca meets Mr. Stone at Melvin's, and after checking where she's sitting, asks the maitr'd for a seat in the ''other'' room. |
| 1196 | * Rebecca's ultimate revenge on Sam at the end, after learning that he wasn't planning on telling her about the conditions for rehiring her until after they'd done it. She whispers something incredibly saucy to him, then suggests they go off... only Sam [[RagingStiffie can't stand up]], at which point Rebecca leaves. |
| 1197 | -->'''Waiter:''' Can I get you anything else, Mr. Malone?\ |
| 1198 | '''Sam:''' No, thank you, Paul. ''({{beat}})'' Actually, Paul, could I have another one of your chocolate soufflés?\ |
| 1199 | '''Waiter:''' Are you aware that will take 45 minutes?\ |
| 1200 | '''Sam:''' Yes, Paul, I am. |
| 1201 | |
| 1202 | [[AC:702: Swear to God]] |
| 1203 | * Cliff's fantasies are always good for laughs, and this episode includes a particularly funny one. It becomes even more HilariousInHindsight during a later episode of ''Series/{{Frasier}}'' wherein Frasier and Niles speculate that, because they own an ugly clock, they might be descended from the Romanov line. However, they have reason to believe that (Martin's family is from Russia, the Bear Clock is an heirloom from the Romanovs. However, that's because it was stolen by scullery maid Grandma who became a hooker in NYC and married Martin's dad). |
| 1204 | -->'''Sam:''' You know, you've got a big mouth, Clavin. ''(storms off)''\ |
| 1205 | '''Cliff:''' Ey, he happens to be right, you know. Yeah, it's a genetic quick in the, uh, Clavin family that we all have two extra teeth. Yeah, you see, that's the only way that we can prove that we are the rightful heirs to the Russian throne. |
| 1206 | -->'''Frasier:''' ''(bemused)'' Hello in there, Cliff. Tell me, what color is the sky in your world? |
| 1207 | * Carla imploring Sam not to provoke the wrath of God by citing how someone she knew swore off eating unhealthy, then had a burger. All his teeth fell out. She's worried what will happen to Sam if he breaks his vow of abstinence. After a moment's thought, so is he. |
| 1208 | * Sam trying the old IHaveThisFriend routine on Father Barry, who sees through it pretty easily. |
| 1209 | -->'''Father Barry:''' In all the years I've been a priest, I've never once met anyone's friend. |
| 1210 | * Frasier tells Sam how he dealt with sexual frustration as a teen: [[NoodleIncident building a full-sized submarine in the basement.]] One has to wonder how [[{{Series/Frasier}} Marty, Hester, and Niles]] reacted to ''that''. For bonus points, this is never brought up at any point on ''Frasier''. |
| 1211 | * Sam's continuing battle with keeping his vow to God not to have sex. |
| 1212 | * Frasier and Sam talking about channeling his frustration into piano playing, leading to Frasier saying a little too much. |
| 1213 | -->'''Frasier:''' Best of all, Sam, no matter how badly you perform, a piano never laughs. Never stomps out of the room and refuses to let you play again for three days. ''(suddenly cheerful)'' Well, I'm off to Lilith. |
| 1214 | * Rebecca notices Sam's not flirting with her, and makes the mistake of looking to Carla for sympathy. |
| 1215 | -->'''Rebecca:''' I must be getting old.\ |
| 1216 | '''Carla:''' No, you're not old. You're still a young, vibrant, attractive woman with her whole life ahead of her.\ |
| 1217 | '''Rebecca:''' You're just saying that.\ |
| 1218 | '''Carla:''' Yes, I am. I was taught to humor old people. |
| 1219 | * The episode ends with Rebecca needing a dress zipped up, and asking visibly ''trembling'' Sam to help. He can't manage it, and [[BrickJoke runs to the piano]], along with Frasier. |
| 1220 | -->'''Frasier:''' Play that piano, Sam! |
| 1221 | |
| 1222 | [[AC:703: Executive Sweet]] |
| 1223 | * The episode begins with Woody getting a delivery, which he asks Sam to keep in the office. When Sam asks, he reveals it's forty thousand bees. |
| 1224 | |
| 1225 | [[AC:704: One Happy Chappy in a Snappy Serape]] |
| 1226 | * At the end of the episode, Sam is alone with an unconscious Rebecca, and states he finally has a chance to do something he's always wanted... which, as it turns out, is doodling a mustache on Rebecca's face. |
| 1227 | |
| 1228 | [[AC:705: Those Lips, Those Ice]] |
| 1229 | * Rebecca manages to get tickets to the big Patriots game. When Cliff tries asking her about how she got them, she makes it clear she's not giving him any. Not because she can't, she just doesn't want to. |
| 1230 | * Cliff spreads gossip about Eddie cheating on Carla with Franzi, and is smug when it looks like he's right. |
| 1231 | -->'''Cliff:''' Don't say I didn't tell you so.\ |
| 1232 | ''(Carla [[FoodSlap throws a beer over him]] and storms off)''\ |
| 1233 | '''Frasier:''' You gotta hand it to her. She didn't say it. |
| 1234 | * In order to determine who goes with Woody to the game, Norm challenges Fras and Cliff to a race. He technically wins, but is so exhausted he collapses on the stairs outside Cheers. |
| 1235 | -->'''Man:''' I think he wants something.\ |
| 1236 | ''(Rebecca looks out the window to see Norm making a "drink" motion)''\ |
| 1237 | '''Rebecca:''' [[NoSympathy We don't do take-out.]] |
| 1238 | |
| 1239 | [[AC:706: Norm, Is That You?]] |
| 1240 | * Frasier and Lilith trying to deal with an extremely pretentious interior decorator they've hired. After Lilith declares he's getting the heave-ho, Frasier takes it upon himself as the man of the house to do so, marches over... and tells the man "you're too good for us", and gives him six months of pay in advance. |
| 1241 | -->'''Lilith:''' I hope he can recover from that tongue-lashing you gave him. |
| 1242 | * The two then hit upon the idea of just doing it themselves. Several seconds pass as they are completely out of their depth. |
| 1243 | -->'''Frasier:''' I take it back. We ''suck.'' |
| 1244 | * Lilith and Frasier, talking about a pair of friends they're having over, call them "the Y-Word", which according to Frasier is the yuppie word for yuppie. |
| 1245 | -->'''Lilith:''' Are you calling me a "yuppie"?\ |
| 1246 | '''Frasier:''' I'm sorry, I erred. If I ever do it again, rip out my tongue and serve it on a fajita. |
| 1247 | * The bar's running gag of the day is making jokes about how little brainpower Cliff has. |
| 1248 | * The yuppie couple, impressed by Norm, come to visit him at Cheers (it's his given address), and having been lead to believe Norm is gay, think Cheers is a gay bar. This is not helped by seeing Woody [[ItMakesSenseInContext feeling up Cliff's head]] at the bar. |
| 1249 | * Norm introduces Sam as his lover. Sam doesn't go through with the act, and insists he loves, "Babes. Babes. Babes." Norm tells the couple "babes" are his term for "linebacker". The couple doesn't buy it. |
| 1250 | * In the end, Norm, not comfortable lying about being gay, "ins" himself. However, the couple are hesitant to hire him at first. |
| 1251 | -->'''Norm:''' Hey, folks, I could still, you know, decorate your mountain retreat there.\ |
| 1252 | '''Robert:''' Kim and I happen to be people of principle, all right? And we put our trust in you, our faith. We trusted you with our most prized possession, our home. And how did you return that trust? You lied to us, you betrayed us. You made fools of us.\ |
| 1253 | '''Norm:''' I could do it for half price.\ |
| 1254 | '''Robert:''' Here's the key. There's Perrier in the fridge. If the neighbors ask, you're a plumber. |
| 1255 | * Then the episode ends thusly: |
| 1256 | -->'''Norm:''' ''(to the gang)'' How 'bout those Celtics, huh? ''(the gang continue to stare at him)'' What, what, what, what? What?\ |
| 1257 | '''Cliff:''' Norm? How could you do this to us?\ |
| 1258 | '''Norm:''' What? Do what?\ |
| 1259 | '''Cliff:''' We're your best friends. I mean, I can't believe that you didn't feel close enough to... share this part of your life with us.\ |
| 1260 | '''Norm:''' This part, what? Guys, I'm straight, I'm not gay.\ |
| 1261 | '''Cliff:''' ''(dismissive)'' No, no. Who cares about that? ''(pointedly)'' ''You can get stuff at wholesale!'' I need a sofa.\ |
| 1262 | '''Norm:''' Yeah?\ |
| 1263 | '''Woody:''' And I could use a lamp.\ |
| 1264 | '''Sam:''' And, uh, can you get me a deal on a good Barcalounger?\ |
| 1265 | '''Norm:''' All right, all right. But I have to tell you folks that I am not cheap.\ |
| 1266 | '''Sam:''' ''(faux flirting)'' Even for your lover? |
| 1267 | |
| 1268 | [[AC:707: How to Win Friends and Electrocute People]] |
| 1269 | * The cold open has Woody, working alone in the bar, hearing a TV ad for the Party Phone Line. Intrigued, he phones up... |
| 1270 | -->'''Woody:''' Oh, hi, Mr. Clavin! |
| 1271 | * Lilith reveals she can't actually drive. Her explanation: |
| 1272 | -->'''Lilith:''' As a teenager, I was too busy having fun. |
| 1273 | * In order to help with this, Lilith goes to Sam, since as she explains, she has no emotional connection to him. |
| 1274 | * Overhearing Norm and another guy in a very heated argument in the bar (about whether ''Series/TheMunsters'' or ''Series/TheAddamsFamily'' is better), Frasier decries it as one of the stupidest he's heard. Norm takes offense, [[BaitAndSwitch asking why it isn't THE stupidest]]. |
| 1275 | -->'''Frasier:''' Frankly, it lacks inane historical trivia and meaningless statistics. Speaking of which, where is Cliff, anyway? |
| 1276 | * Frasier condemns the others for not seeing Cliff, despite supposedly being his friend. |
| 1277 | -->'''Frasier:''' This is the sort of thing that can cause deep emotional scars.\ |
| 1278 | '''Carla:''' Well, why didn't you go see him?\ |
| 1279 | '''Frasier:''' [[HypocriticalHumor Well, what, I don't have a life?]] |
| 1280 | * When Frasier arrives at the hospital and finds Cliff gone he gets an angry rant [[RightBehindMe right as Cliff comes back for his jacket]]. |
| 1281 | --> '''Frasier: ''' Oh, great, just my luck. I'm the one who gets to run all over town to find a stupid card for the idiot, Clavin, and he isn't even here. ''(turns around and sees Cliff standing there, looking hurt, causing Frasier to try to smile and hold up the card)'' Just a token of how much we care. |
| 1282 | * When Frasier tries to reassure Cliff (whose having a JerkassRealization after no one else visited him) that he doesn't need to resort to desperate measures to cure his personality, the old man in the adjoining bed (whom Cliff accidentally sat on) angrily says "Yes he does." |
| 1283 | * Eventually, Lilith returns to the bar, exhilarated by the thrill of being behind the wheel, followed shortly by a ''livid'' Sam holding his nose. Frasier gets a priceless look of steadily growing horror as Sam reveals that Lilith responded to an 18-wheeler driver cutting her off by FlippingTheBird at him (as she explains, "I see people make that gesture to Frasier all the time!"), trying to ram him off the road ("I blew his doors off, didn't I!", she says proudly), then leaving Sam to face the music. The fact that the driver had a bumper sticker saying [[GunNut "Insured by Smith and Wesson"]] left Sam even more mad at Lilith for provoking the man. An unrepentant Lilith retorts that she thought Sam could handle him. Sam says he tried and Lilith gets this zinger. |
| 1284 | --> '''Lilith:''' [[SarcasmMode Oh yes, that vicious headbutt to his fist sent him reeling]]. |
| 1285 | * Lilith then proceeds to follow it up by taking Frasier out to drive next, with him having a ThisIsGonnaSuck look on his face as they go. |
| 1286 | * Cliff, trying to find a cure for his obnoxiousness, gets electroshock treatment - any time he's obnoxious, the doctor with him zaps him. Soon, the man starts zapping Cliff for no reason whatsoever. Cliff tackles him to the ground, and steals the zapper... [[DidNotThinkThisThrough and believes it'll work on the doctor]]. |
| 1287 | * In the final shot, Al steals the remote and uses it on Cliff after he buys everyone a round but tells Sam to make it the cheap stuff, gleefully saying, "Dance mailman." |
| 1288 | |
| 1289 | [[AC:708: Jumpin' Jerks]] |
| 1290 | * Sam, high on successfully parajumping, talking with Woody about his plans to get with Rebecca. |
| 1291 | -->'''Sam:''' I'm thinking about sex.\ |
| 1292 | '''Woody:''' I think you're taking this "male bonding" thing too far. |
| 1293 | |
| 1294 | [[AC:709: Send in the Crane]] |
| 1295 | * Frasier fills in as a party clown after the original clown, Woody, has to bow out. At the kid's party: |
| 1296 | -->'''Rebecca:''' Binky, do your act.\ |
| 1297 | '''Frasier:''' ''(scared)'' I'M NOT A CLOWN, I'M A PSYCHIATRIST. |
| 1298 | * Woody only recalls he has the clown underwear still on before leaving, and tells Carla to tell Frasier. Naturally, the minute he leaves, she starts cackling. |
| 1299 | * Unbeknownst to Frasier, the handkerchief in his pocket makes his pants drop. Rebecca thinks he is still wearing skimpy French underwear, but Frasier reveals he ditched them and is actually going ''commando'' in the clown pants. Naturally, since he does such a good job, the GrandDame of the family wants to thank him for his performance. She sneezes, and Frasier reaches for his handkerchief. Cut to black, with the sound of a woman ''screaming''. |
| 1300 | * Meanwhile, Sam's subplot is he's torn between feelings for an old flame, and her now older daughter. At one point Sam tries remembering the mom from his many conquests, and is surprised the gang can recall them. Norm explains: |
| 1301 | -->'''Norm:''' I think it meant more to us, Sam. |
| 1302 | * In the end, Sam finds out that far from hitting on him, the daughter wants "Uncle Sam" to give her away at her wedding. Carla consoles him that they knew he wanted to do the ''wrong'' thing, "and that's what matters." |
| 1303 | |
| 1304 | [[AC:711: Adventures in Housesitting]] |
| 1305 | * Frasier is feeling anxious about an upcoming speech, so Carla suggests he imagine people in their underpants and black socks. He tries it out on Rebecca. |
| 1306 | -->'''Rebecca:''' Dr. Crane.\ |
| 1307 | '''Frasier:''' Ms. Howe.\ |
| 1308 | ''(as Rebecca walks past, Frasier takes in the sights. After a moment, he starts mopping his brow)''\ |
| 1309 | '''Frasier:''' It doesn't work with everybody. |
| 1310 | * Another disturbing Woody story when Rebecca compares housesitting to an old horror movie, and Woody chimes in with his knowledge of decapitation... |
| 1311 | * Carla approves of Sam's latest hare-brained scheme to get with Rebecca. |
| 1312 | -->'''Carla:''' That's what I like about you, Sam. Your pants are always thinking. |
| 1313 | * The pay-off to Frasier's subplot when Lilith shows up for lunch (they were going to have lunch together, but she forgot). As they're walking up to Melville's, Frasier tries the trick on her, and explains. Lilith has one question. |
| 1314 | -->'''Lilith:''' What day is [the conference]?\ |
| 1315 | '''Frasier:''' ... My god. ''(hurries out of the door)'' |
| 1316 | |
| 1317 | [[AC:712: Please Mr. Postman]] |
| 1318 | * Frasier describing sexual sensory stimulus to Sam. |
| 1319 | -->'''Frasier:''' You see, Sam, there's documented evidence that all human animals have an erotic, hair-trigger response to at least one of the five sensory stimuli. Could be anything, really. Oh, let's see: sound of surf pounding against the shore, smell of honeysuckle on a warm summer's night... ''(dreamily)'' taste of a vintage Châteauneuf-du-Pape. Fire-red fingernails... dancing through your chest hair... black lace teddy, ''straining'' against its fleshy cargo... ''(stares into space)'' |
| 1320 | -->'''Sam:''' Whoa, whoa, Frasier. Snap out of it. |
| 1321 | -->'''Frasier:''' In a minute, Sam. |
| 1322 | * Carla's reaction to Margaret O'Kieffe, a mailworker who is every bit as nuts about the mail service as Cliff. |
| 1323 | -->'''Carla:''' Dear God, there's ''two'' of ya? |
| 1324 | * Sam tries to turn Rebecca on with her favourite song (either "You've Lost That Loving Feeling", or "Unchained Melody", depending on which version you're watching). |
| 1325 | -->'''Sam:''' Knock, knock.\ |
| 1326 | '''Rebecca:''' Who is it?\ |
| 1327 | '''Sam:''' Music/TheRighteousBrothers.\ |
| 1328 | '''Rebecca:''' [[ThisIsGonnaSuck Oh, God.]] |
| 1329 | * It apparently has no effect whatsoever, so Sam leaves and Norm enters, looking to talk about his tab, at which point Rebecca smooches him. |
| 1330 | -->'''Rebecca:''' I'm so sorry, Norm, I don't know what came over me!\ |
| 1331 | '''Norm:''' You kidding? After that, Vera should apologize to ''me''. |
| 1332 | * Cliff, jubilant about things, kisses Norm on the neck. |
| 1333 | -->'''Norm:''' Cliff... you kissed me on the neck. Everyone's just lining up to kiss me today.\ |
| 1334 | ''(Sam and Carla step back in horror)'' |
| 1335 | * Having established that Cliff's turn-on is the theme to ''Film/TheGreenBerets'', the guys persuade Cliff not to move to Canada with Maggie by humming it. |
| 1336 | |
| 1337 | [[AC:713: Golden Boyd]] |
| 1338 | * Kelly's {{Jerkass}} boyfriend comes to Cheers, looking for a fight with Woody, who accepts. Everyone goes into the back room. |
| 1339 | -->'''Crowd:''' Woody, Woody, Woody!\ |
| 1340 | ''(sound of a single punch, followed by a thud)''\ |
| 1341 | '''Crowd:''' Rich guy, rich guy, rich guy! |
| 1342 | |
| 1343 | [[AC:715: Don't Paint Your Chickens]] |
| 1344 | * Rebecca, feeling overconfident about her and Norm's business, goes to the Lillian Corporation VP to quit. Norm finds out their first customer has already cancelled, and tries to tell her, but security won't let him past. This results in Norm having to hijack a window washer's box and come past the window with a sign saying "NO JOB". |
| 1345 | * As a result, Rebecca tries chickening out, then turns around and defends herself. Her boss is impressed by her courage, and offers her a promotion. Literally the second she accepts, the FBI burst in to arrest the man for insider trading. |
| 1346 | -->'''Rebecca:''' Wait, officers, this man is innocent!\ |
| 1347 | '''Mr. Anawalt:''' Nope, they got me dead to rights. |
| 1348 | |
| 1349 | [[AC:716: The Cranemakers]] |
| 1350 | * The episode begins with Rebecca approaching Woody, informing him corporate records show he hasn't taken a day off ever. |
| 1351 | -->'''Woody:''' Why should I, what's the point?\ |
| 1352 | '''Rebecca:''' THE POINT IS A HAPPY WORKPLACE, WOODY! Look at you! Can't you see the stress you're under? |
| 1353 | * Lilith, now pregnant with Frasier's kid, going completely bizarre. |
| 1354 | -->'''Sam:''' How's she handling her pregnancy?\ |
| 1355 | '''Frasier:''' Oh, same as any other woman. Perfectly normal, nothing unusual. Well true, she does experience the... occasional temporary hormonal imbalance, but you know Lilith. She's so repressed emotionally that only her husband would notice.\ |
| 1356 | ''(Lilith enters)''\ |
| 1357 | '''Lilith:''' Lay your hands upon me everyone, I am life.\ |
| 1358 | '''Frasier:''' [[ThisIsGonnaSuck Oh, boy.]] |
| 1359 | * Frasier's final comment on this: "I'm planning on having her committed." |
| 1360 | -->'''Norm:''' Must have been a difficult decision for you.\ |
| 1361 | '''Frasier:''' Not really, no. |
| 1362 | * In preparation for his vacation, Woody looks over a passport for the first time, getting increasingly disturbed by the legal warnings about foreign meat or if the passport is mutilated. |
| 1363 | -->'''Woody:''' What if just before I come back some stranger goes through my luggage, fills it with foreign meat and mutilates my passport?\ |
| 1364 | '''Rebecca:''' ... that's a risk all people take, Woody. |
| 1365 | * Woody, studying Italian for a trip to Italy, reads off a long string of Italian. When asked, he reveals it means "I have been hideously mangled in a train accident. Please shoot me." |
| 1366 | * After an argument, the Cranes return to the bar, having decided to take a back-to-nature approach. |
| 1367 | -->'''Lilith:''' We've been examining our lives and we've discovered some frightening things.\ |
| 1368 | '''Carla:''' You finally found Diane walled up in Frasier's crawlspace? |
| 1369 | * Trying to warn Frasier and Lilith about giving up everything at a moment's notice, Sam is interrupted by Norm. |
| 1370 | -->'''Norm:''' Sammy?\ |
| 1371 | '''Sam:''' What?\ |
| 1372 | '''Norm:''' Excuse me, you're not going to tell that long, boring story about how you sold the bar and bought a boat to sail around the world, and then the boat sank, are you?\ |
| 1373 | '''Sam:''' ... ''(hurt)'' [[BlatantLies No, Norm.]] I'm not. I'm perfectly aware of how that turning point in my life means ''nothing'' to you. |
| 1374 | |
| 1375 | [[AC:717: Hot Rocks]] |
| 1376 | * After Frasier gives a lengthy explanation of how [[ItMakesSenseInContext a person makes blue sparks after eating a Life Savers]], Woody just nods and goes "makes sense". Then... |
| 1377 | -->'''Woody:''' ''(to the others)'' I figured out if you say that to Dr. Crane, he stops talking. |
| 1378 | |
| 1379 | [[AC:718: What's Up, Doc?]] |
| 1380 | * Having just seen Sam flirting with a colleague, Frasier declares she's an exception, and that most female psychiatrists are "bowsers". He's just forgotten one teeny little detail... |
| 1381 | -->'''Lilith Sternin, M.D., Ph.D., Ed.D., APA:''' [[ImStandingRightHere Frasier, I can hear you, and so can your unborn child.]]\ |
| 1382 | '''Carla:''' ''(to the barflies)'' Will he be able to talk his way out of this? Let's watch...\ |
| 1383 | '''Frasier:''' Darling, what can I say... [[AintTooProudToBeg Please, please, please forgive me.]] ''(Lilith remains motionless)'' And shall we stop off at Tiffany's on the way home?\ |
| 1384 | '''Lilith:''' Good boy.\ |
| 1385 | ''(Lilith turns and heads up to Melville's, while Frasier flourishes towards the others in triumph)'' |
| 1386 | |
| 1387 | [[AC:719: The Gift of the Woodi]] |
| 1388 | * In the teaser, Cliff marches into Cheers moaning about post-Reagan America. At the bar, Sam and Norm flip a coin before Norm goes over to him to reluctantly ask what's wrong. |
| 1389 | -->'''Norm:''' C'mon, Cliff, you're my friend.\ |
| 1390 | '''Cliff:''' Eh, you're just saying that because you lost the coin toss.\ |
| 1391 | '''Carla:''' No, he's only your ''friend'' because he lost the coin toss. |
| 1392 | * Mr. Gaines shows up at Cheers to invite Woody to Kelly's birthday party, Woody pointing out he didn't need to come all the way down for that. |
| 1393 | -->'''Mr. Gaines:''' I thought if we spend more time together, I might figure out what the attraction is. ... nope. ''(leaves)''\ |
| 1394 | '''Woody:''' I'm an enigma.\ |
| 1395 | ''(Lilith, who's been sitting at the bar, can only nod in agreement)'' |
| 1396 | * Lilith talking to an angry Rebecca states there's two ways to work with men: option one is to use sexuality. |
| 1397 | -->'''Lilith:''' I have opted to go for the second option.\ |
| 1398 | '''Rebecca:''' And that is?\ |
| 1399 | '''Lilith:''' Scaring them stupid. |
| 1400 | * Frasier talking of romance claims he once wrote a sappy poem while they were courting. Problem? |
| 1401 | -->'''Lilith:''' Frasier, love?\ |
| 1402 | '''Frasier:''' Yes, dearest?\ |
| 1403 | '''Lilith:''' I've never heard that drivel in my life.\ |
| 1404 | ''(Lilith storms off)''\ |
| 1405 | '''Frasier:''' ... I wonder whose lips those were. |
| 1406 | * Woody doing DrowningHisSorrows: |
| 1407 | -->'''Sam:''' How many have you had?\ |
| 1408 | '''Woody:''' Eleven.\ |
| 1409 | '''Sam:''' Eleven beers?\ |
| 1410 | '''Woody:''' Eleven sips. |
| 1411 | * Norm offers some sympathy, having been humiliated himself by Vera. |
| 1412 | -->'''Woody:''' Mrs. Peterson did something like this to you?\ |
| 1413 | '''Norm:''' Well, there was that time she pulled the old "I Do" gag. |
| 1414 | * Carla witnesses Lilith and Rebecca going up to Melville's, with Rebecca dressed like Lilith to intimidate the suits. |
| 1415 | -->'''Carla:''' Sheesh, ''two'' Liliths. This is like a nightmare I once had.\ |
| 1416 | '''Frasier:''' You too?! |
| 1417 | * Cliff, trying to sell his beetabaga (a mix of a beet and a rutabaga), gets only one applicant, who soon turns out to be a nut. |
| 1418 | -->'''Cliff:''' Hey, uh, doc, you got room for another patient?\ |
| 1419 | '''Frasier:''' Oh, Cliff, you're harmless. |
| 1420 | * Woody gets defensive when [[RichInDollarsPoorInSense Kelly]] says his having a job is "cute". |
| 1421 | -->'''Woody:''' I don't work to be cute, I work to make money to ''live''. The cute part just happens. |
| 1422 | * Rebecca soon returns from Melville's, struggling not to cry. |
| 1423 | -->'''Sam:''' How'd it go?\ |
| 1424 | '''Lilith:''' Not too bad. If I chose to accept their offer, you're looking at the new Vice President of the Eastern Seaboard. |
| 1425 | * When everything's over, Kelly admits she'd been planning on getting Woody a Porsche. He suddenly goes ''very'' still. |
| 1426 | -->'''Kelly:''' Woody? ... Woody?\ |
| 1427 | '''Woody:''' I'm sorry, did you say something after "Porsche"? |
| 1428 | |
| 1429 | [[AC:720: Call Me Irresponsible]] |
| 1430 | * Carla, figuring that Sam told Eddie to call her after he apparently forgot their anniversary, threatens him with the true power of the Tortelli women - any curse they make becomes true, and if he lies to her, his tongue will swell up. Sam insists he didn't, and once Carla leaves... |
| 1431 | -->'''Sam:''' How guwwibew doeth thee think I yam? ''(Sam stops in horror as he realizes what's just happened)'' |
| 1432 | |
| 1433 | [[AC:721: Sisterly Love]] |
| 1434 | * Frasier claiming Lilith's mother is an [[ObnoxiousInLaws Obnoxious In-Law]] in front of Lilith. Bad move. |
| 1435 | -->'''Lilith:''' ''(after Frasier's apologized)'' You know I have a sense of humor about mother. Now, say goodbye to your friends, you're grounded for six weeks. |
| 1436 | * The reveal that Rebecca and her sister have ganged up to prank Sam when he tries putting the moves on both of them, and that the entire gang (Lilith included) were hiding in the bar to watch this. Sam's attempts to get support fail. |
| 1437 | -->'''Sam:''' This is the sort of thing that can really give someone serious mental damage, am I right, Lilith?\ |
| 1438 | '''Lilith:''' No, it was funny, Sam. |
| 1439 | [[/folder]] |
| 1440 | |
| 1441 | [[folder:Season 8]] |
| 1442 | [[AC:801: The Impossible Dream]] |
| 1443 | * Sam, apparently about to get it on with Rebecca, gets stuck with his fly, and has to resort to using a poker. |
| 1444 | * Rebecca does not take having a sex dream about Sam well at all. |
| 1445 | -->'''Sam:''' Good morning, boss.\ |
| 1446 | '''Rebecca:''' YOU SHUT YOUR FAT FACE RIGHT NOW!\ |
| 1447 | '''Sam:''' I just wanted to say if you need me, I'll be out fixing the window.\ |
| 1448 | '''Rebecca:''' I don't want you. I don't want you at all! |
| 1449 | * Frasier and Woody discuss children's toys (Frasier prefers monochrome). |
| 1450 | -->'''Frasier:''' Tests have proven that simple, black and white geometric designs stimulate the young infant's mind to a remarkable degree.\ |
| 1451 | '''Woody:''' Well, I dunno, I was raised on pink and blue and look how I turned out.\ |
| 1452 | ''(Frasier just stares levelly at Woody)''\ |
| 1453 | '''Cliff:''' In your face, doc.\ |
| 1454 | '''Frasier:''' The evidence at hand notwithstanding, current child development experts agree that infants respond with great excitement to toys like these.\ |
| 1455 | '''Norm:''' ''(seeing price tag)'' Woo, yeah. They say, "Whoo, this stuff cost a fortune. My parents must be rich!" |
| 1456 | * The barflies are in another serious debate. This week, the struggle between "tastes great / less filling". |
| 1457 | -->'''Cliff:''' So where did we end up?\ |
| 1458 | '''Barfly:''' Oh, I think it was, uh, "tastes great".\ |
| 1459 | '''Other barfly:''' Nah, it was "less filling".\ |
| 1460 | '''Barfly:''' Tastes great!\ |
| 1461 | '''Other barfly:''' Less filling! |
| 1462 | * Distressed by her dreams, Rebecca goes to the Cranes for help. |
| 1463 | -->'''Frasier:''' I'm sorry, Rebecca, we do have this important lunch.\ |
| 1464 | '''Rebecca:''' You see, I've been having these erotic dreams...\ |
| 1465 | '''Frasier:''' Well, lunch be damned, our friend is in need!\ |
| 1466 | '''Lilith:''' What about Russell and Pam?\ |
| 1467 | '''Frasier:''' Oh, hang Russell and Pam, they just want to wrangle some free psychiatric advice from us. [[HypocriticalHumor So, go on Rebecca, tell us about your dreams.]] |
| 1468 | * Frasier immediately assumes ''he'' is the subject of Rebecca's dreams, prompting an epic Lilith burn. |
| 1469 | -->'''Lilith:''' Darling, stop before you embarrass yourself further.\ |
| 1470 | '''Frasier:''' What?\ |
| 1471 | '''Lilith:''' Darling, you're the love of my life, but even ''I'' don't have erotic dreams about you. |
| 1472 | * Of course, it turns out even Lilith isn't so above it all. |
| 1473 | -->'''Lilith:''' So who is it? Mel Gibson? Harrison Ford? That young man with the wavy brown hair and the leg muscles who comes in here all sweated up after bowling and has nodded "hello" to me twice? |
| 1474 | * Frasier hypothesizes Rebecca's dreams of Sam are just representing someone else. |
| 1475 | -->'''Lilith:''' Frasier, it's not you. Get over it. |
| 1476 | * Conversation turns to interpreting the dream. |
| 1477 | -->'''Frasier:''' It could be you and your God.\ |
| 1478 | '''Lilith:''' It's Sam.\ |
| 1479 | '''Frasier:''' It's Sam.\ |
| 1480 | '''Rebecca:''' ''(defeated)'' It's Sam. |
| 1481 | * Sam attempts to lull Rebecca to sleep with various tapes (and not Norm's suggestion of [[TheBore Cliff]]). It doesn't work on her, but it does work on everyone at the bar save Carla. Then Carla and Sam find something out about Woody... |
| 1482 | -->'''Carla:''' Sammy, I think you'd better take that tape with you, it's put everyone to sleep except Woody and me.\ |
| 1483 | ''(Woody, who is standing stock still with his eyes open, snores. Sam waves his hands in front of Woody's face, to no response)''\ |
| 1484 | '''Sam:''' ''(in horror)'' Oh, good golly. Woody sleeps with his eyes open.\ |
| 1485 | '''Carla:''' Yeah, that is ''scary'', but it does explain a lot. |
| 1486 | * Rebecca, learning Sam knows, reaches new depths of despair, and Sam reaches new depths of slobbery. |
| 1487 | -->'''Rebecca:''' LOOK AT WHAT I'M DREAMING ABOUT! ''({{Beat}})'' A bartender. In an off-the-rack shirt with a button missing.\ |
| 1488 | '''Sam:''' It's not missing. I always keep it unbuttoned so I can scratch my stomach.\ |
| 1489 | '''Rebecca:''' Oh, ''God!'' |
| 1490 | |
| 1491 | [[AC:804: How to Marry a Mailman]] |
| 1492 | * At the beginning of the episode, Frasier has a bruise on his head. Why? |
| 1493 | -->'''Frasier:''' Suffice to say, Lamaze class is not the place to flirt. |
| 1494 | * Hearing about Maggie, Lilith asks who she is. |
| 1495 | -->'''Frasier:''' Maggie is a woman in Canada Cliff once had a romantic fling with.\ |
| 1496 | '''Lilith:''' If you don't want to tell me, that's fine, you don't have to make stuff up. |
| 1497 | * Maggie's comment that the men in Canada apparently aren't as good looking as Cliff horrifies Carla. |
| 1498 | -->'''Carla:''' Boy, that must be one butt-ugly country... |
| 1499 | |
| 1500 | [[AC:805: The Two Faces of Norm]] |
| 1501 | * The gang at Cheers do nothing to help Norm prove he isn't Anton Kreitzer. |
| 1502 | -->'''Norm:''' Look, I'll prove it! ''(turns to the rest of the bar)'' [[CatchPhrase Afternoon, everybody!]]\ |
| 1503 | '''Everybody:''' ANTON! |
| 1504 | * Sam desperately trying to borrow Norm's Kreitzer routine to get his precious Corvette back from the person he sold it to. It doesn't work, prompting Frasier to help. |
| 1505 | |
| 1506 | [[AC:806: The Stork Brings a Crane]] |
| 1507 | * Cliff mentions having sent letters to Boston's mayor. When he arrives at Cheers for the centennial anniversary, Cliff starts bothering him. |
| 1508 | -->'''Cliff:''' I'm somebody who s-sort of writes ya, about once a week. Uh, you might remember the name, Cliff Clavin?\ |
| 1509 | '''Mayor:''' Clavin... Clavin... uh, why does that name ring a bell?\ |
| 1510 | '''Aide:''' Your Honor... ''(starts whispering into the mayor's ear)''\ |
| 1511 | '''Mayor:''' Oh my god, he's the one. Yeah.\ |
| 1512 | ''(The mayor's police protection suddenly pushes Cliff up against the bar and starts frisking him)''\ |
| 1513 | '''Other aide:''' See if he's armed!\ |
| 1514 | '''Cliff:''' There's gotta be a mistake here! I'm not a fanatic! I-I'm a member of the US Postal Service!\ |
| 1515 | '''Mayor:''' Yup, he's the guy alright! |
| 1516 | * As Cliff is dragged out, Sam momentarily tries defending him. |
| 1517 | -->'''Sam:''' Excuse me, Your Honor, we've known Cliff a long time, he's okay.\ |
| 1518 | '''Other aide:''' So you don't think he could snap and become violent?\ |
| 1519 | '''Norm:''' ''(exchanging looks with Sam)'' Uh, well, "okay" might be too strong of a word, you know. |
| 1520 | * Lilith goes into labor, and is told to visualize soothing images to help with the pain. Her answer? "Novocaine. Uh, Demerol. Codeine! Whiskey! Rum! KNOCK ME UNCONSCIOUS WITH A MALLET!" |
| 1521 | * Frasier goes to fetch his car, only to find it's been towed. |
| 1522 | -->'''Frasier:''' I park in the red zone for years and they chose today to tow it! |
| 1523 | * While at the hospital, Frasier and Sam help a young woman who's on her own, leaving Lilith, who's told by the doctor she's just had false labor. When Frasier and Sam return, they find Lilith still there with someone else. |
| 1524 | -->'''Frasier:''' I need to share this miracle with Lilith. ''(sees Lilith is in bed with baby Frederick)'' Ooh! Well, I better not disturb her now. She and the baby are resting so, uh... ''[[DelayedReaction WHOA!]]'' |
| 1525 | * Frasier is despondent at missing his son's birth. Lilith reassures him in her own way. |
| 1526 | -->'''Lilith:''' Now, Frasier, now is not the time for reproaches. Now is the time for rejoicing. The reproaches can come tomorrow and for the next fifty years. |
| 1527 | * Admiring Freddy, Lilith corrects Frasier that as a new-born he's too young to make expressions, so all he did was make gas. They still coo at "his first gas". |
| 1528 | * At the end of the episode, Norm is the only one left at Cheers again. Carla apparently went down to the police station after Cliff, who's still being interrogated. Just not to help out. |
| 1529 | -->'''Norm:''' Nah, to poke things at him through the bars. |
| 1530 | |
| 1531 | [[AC:807: Death Takes a Holiday on Ice]] |
| 1532 | * Eddie's funeral turning into a brawl, thanks to Eddie's cheating on Carla. Everyone gets involved... save Norm, who just stays in his chair and sips a beer he brought along. |
| 1533 | |
| 1534 | [[AC:808: For Real Men Only]] |
| 1535 | * TheTeaser has Woody showing off a memory quilt. Since it's Woody, all the memories involve him nearly dying. |
| 1536 | * Rebecca gets an unwelcome assignment from corporate HQ to throw a retirement party. Sam is unsympathetic: |
| 1537 | -->'''Rebecca:''' ''[entering, whining]'' Why... why me?\ |
| 1538 | '''Sam:''' You want to talk about it, or do you want to whine?\ |
| 1539 | '''Rebecca:''' ''[still whining]'' I guess I want to talk about it.\ |
| 1540 | '''Sam:''' No, no. We can't do both.\ |
| 1541 | '''Rebecca:''' Corporate wants me to throw some idiotic, stupid retirement party for some insignificant middle management nobody.\ |
| 1542 | '''Sam:''' You're retiring? Congratulations! |
| 1543 | * Cliff has weird statistics relating to the bellybutton. |
| 1544 | -->'''Cliff:''' The human umbilical cord, if memory serves, is 90% potassium.\ |
| 1545 | '''Frasier:''' ... stay away from the baby, will ya, Cliff? |
| 1546 | * Having decided to give Frederick a Jewish upbringing, Frasier is having a bris, and the usual Cheers crowd are all invited. Awkwardness ensues when the gang learn just ''[[GroinAttack what]]'' a bris actually is... |
| 1547 | -->'''Frasier:''' I mean, after all it's not every day you're ritually circumcised.\ |
| 1548 | '''Sam:''' ''[shocked]'' What?\ |
| 1549 | '''Frasier:''' Well, that's what a bris is. Yes. It's the religious ceremony where the, the baby is circumcised.\ |
| 1550 | '''Sam:''' ''[sotto voce, to Norm and Cliff, relieved]'' Oh, the ''baby!'' |
| 1551 | * Rebecca claims she's got a good excuse for avoiding the bris, as opposed to Sam and Norm: |
| 1552 | -->'''Rebecca:''' I have to stay here and entertain a bunch of dead heads.\ |
| 1553 | '''Norm:''' Well, we're here. Start, eh, juggling. |
| 1554 | * Cliff and Woody chicken out as well (Cliff says they couldn't find anywhere to park; Woody says they should probably have looked near the Cranes' house instead of the ball park), and as Carla berates them for their cowardice, Cliff trots out a series of his signature LittleKnownFacts in a hilarious series of BaitAndSwitch comments: |
| 1555 | -->'''Cliff:''' The original rites of passage started with the jungle tribes down there in Borneo.\ |
| 1556 | '''Norm:''' Yeah?\ |
| 1557 | '''Cliff:''' When the young jungle tribal lad was on the brink of puberty, they'd bring him forward and take out this large sharpened clam shell...\ |
| 1558 | '''Sam:''' ''[as he, Norm, and Woody wince in anticipation]'' Oh, no, no, no don't tell me...\ |
| 1559 | '''Cliff:''' They would fill it with dip, pass it around with the hors d'oeuvres...\ |
| 1560 | '''Sam:''' Oh.\ |
| 1561 | '''Cliff:''' Then they'd take these two big jagged rocks in there...\ |
| 1562 | '''Norm:''' ''[as he, Sam, and Woody start looking pained again]'' Cliffy, Cliff, Cliff...\ |
| 1563 | '''Cliff:''' ...and bang them together to call in the tribes out of the hills, y'know. Then the witch doctor stepped up with this long sharpened bamboo staff...\ |
| 1564 | '''Sam:''' ''[as he, Norm, and Woody start grimacing yet again]'' Oh, here it comes.\ |
| 1565 | '''Cliff:''' ...and shoved it into the ground, hung a flag on it and they danced around it, pretty much, until they dropped, really.\ |
| 1566 | '''Sam:''' Oh, wait... when do they circumcise the kid?\ |
| 1567 | '''Cliff:''' What do you mean circumcise? There are no Jews in Borneo, you moolyak! |
| 1568 | * After the guys decide to gather their courage and go to the bris, they find Frasier on the doorstep of Cheers, with Frederick. |
| 1569 | -->'''Frasier:''' The bris is off. I've kidnapped my son. |
| 1570 | * Norm's advice on placating Lilith: "She can't kill you. You were dead the moment you said "I do"." |
| 1571 | * Frasier's uncertain on returning after his departure. |
| 1572 | -->'''Frasier:''' How can I go back to a room full of people who think I'm a total idiot? How do you do it, Cliff?\ |
| 1573 | '''Cliff:''' Well, I don't like to divulge - [[DelayedReaction hey!]]\ |
| 1574 | '''Sam:''' Come here, come here, listen, listen, I know what you'd tell me ln a situation like this. First you'd say lots of gobbledygook that no one could understand, but then you'd get me to go back there and face the music. Admit the truth.\ |
| 1575 | '''Frasier:''' Well, you're right, Sam. Confronting one's fears is one of five ways to resolve an inner conflict, of course, the other four being- ''[realises he's doing exactly what Sam described]'' God, aren't I a pompous ass?\ |
| 1576 | '''Sam:''' [[StealthInsult No, you're not pompous.]] |
| 1577 | * The retirement party goes badly; the guests are all miserable, especially Larry, the ReluctantRetiree, who reacts poorly to being roasted by seven people he barely knows (he tells Rebecca the best retort he could think of was "Shut up, you're hurting my feelings!"; Woody splits his sides laughing and asks if he can use that at his upcoming grange reunion). Woody suggests a great party game he invented back in Hanover: "Hide Bob's pants". Everyone loved it, he says... well, except Bob. |
| 1578 | * Frasier soon returns to Cheers with a suspicious bulge under his coat. |
| 1579 | -->'''Frasier:''' Hello, everyone.\ |
| 1580 | '''Rebecca:''' Hi, Frasier. You through with the bris?\ |
| 1581 | '''Frasier:''' Yes, yes, yes. [[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial My son is happy, healthy, and nowhere in the vicinity of this bar.]] ''[winces]'' Ouch! ''[smiles as he heads toward the office]'' Say, uh, just out of curiosity, you know, does anybody in the bar happen to be lactating and in need of some quick cash? ''[hopeful pause]'' Well, if so, just, uh, meet me in the office. ''[grimaces again]'' Ouch! Damn it, Frederick, give it up! It's just not gonna happen! ''[heads into the office]''\ |
| 1582 | '''Woody:''' ''[to Rebecca]'' You know what? I think he's got the baby under that coat.\ |
| 1583 | '''Rebecca:''' ''[her voice dripping with sarcasm]'' How did you know that, Woody?\ |
| 1584 | '''Woody:''' Oh, it's the same basic premise as "Hide Bob's pants." |
| 1585 | * Rebecca's desperation increases when Mr. Sheridan, one of her superiors (and husband of Larry's late sister), shows up to see how things are going. Sam initially tells Rebecca that it's her party, so she should think of something: |
| 1586 | -->'''Rebecca:''' What do you want me to do!? Go back there, strip naked, and gyrate to [[Music/ToneLoc "Funky Cold Medina"]]?!\ |
| 1587 | '''Sam:''' We could help you rehearse! |
| 1588 | * But eventually she accepts Sam's suggestion for a wet T-shirt contest, which he says was a success at a past Red Sox reunion. He even still has the company's business card. Rebecca figures that if gals in crop-tops can't cheer the corporate dead heads up, "men aren't as depraved as I thought." It doesn't work, the "Jiggly Party Queens" girls just get depressed as well. |
| 1589 | -->'''Woody:''' Boy, I'll tell you, nothing can bring down a party faster than a wet girl telling sad stories.\ |
| 1590 | '''Rebecca:''' Great. My career is over.\ |
| 1591 | '''Woody:''' Yeah, I wanted to put my arm around her and comfort her, but she told me it would cost $10. It made me ashamed to be a man.\ |
| 1592 | '''Cliff:''' ''[digging out his wallet]'' Anybody, uh, got change for a $50? |
| 1593 | * Eventually Lilith manages to convince Frasier to have the bris. |
| 1594 | -->'''Frasier:''' ''[exiting the office with Lilith and Frederick]'' All right, let's get this bris show on the road. Chop chop! ''[grimaces]'' [[ThatCameOutWrong Ooh, sorry. Wrong choice of words.]]\ |
| 1595 | '''Lilith:''' Rebecca, would you object if we used your pool room?\ |
| 1596 | '''Rebecca:''' Why not? The party's dead, my career is dead, and I'm thinking of letting Woody hide my pants. |
| 1597 | * Frasier claims he's now, finally okay with the ceremony. |
| 1598 | -->'''Frasier:''' DON'T TOUCH MY BABY! Got that out of my system, we can get on with the ceremony. |
| 1599 | * As everything's over, Norm and Cliff are in philosophical mood, while Sam comes out comforting Baby Freddy... then ''Frasier'' comes out doing the same for Lilith. |
| 1600 | -->'''Cliff:''' ''[exiting the back room with Norm, both of them wearing yarmulkes]'' Norm, I'm glad we went to the ceremony.\ |
| 1601 | '''Norm:''' Me too, Cliffy. I'm kind of proud of myself, you know? Figure if I could eat through that, I could eat through anything. ''[takes a bite of the snack in his hand]''\ |
| 1602 | '''Sam:''' ''[exiting the back room carrying a whimpering Baby Freddy in his arms]'' It's okay, baby. Everything will be fine.\ |
| 1603 | '''Frasier:''' ''[exiting the back room carrying ''Lilith'' in his arms]'' It's okay, baby. Everything will be fine. Say, you know... what do you say next time we have a girl?\ |
| 1604 | ''[Lilith whimpers]'' |
| 1605 | |
| 1606 | [[AC:809: Two Girls for Every Boyd]] |
| 1607 | * After Cliff wins a beard-growing contest, Carla thinks he's wearing a fake beard until she can't pull it off. Cliff gloats, then makes a discrete phone call to an adhesive company asking how to remove their products from human skin. |
| 1608 | * Rebecca tortures Sam by saying she has sexual fantasies about lathering someone up and shaving his beard, only to pick Norm to do that with instead of Sam. |
| 1609 | * Kelly walking in on Woody practicing with Emily, having previously been uncomfortable with Woody's acting. Since the scene is a love scene, you'd expect her to overreact... instead, Kelly's reaction is to come away with entirely the ''right'' conclusion. |
| 1610 | |
| 1611 | [[AC:810: The Art of the Steal]] |
| 1612 | * In TheTeaser, Norm takes advantage of Cliff's bathroom break to explain inflation to Woody by taking a dollar bill out of Cliff's wallet and tearing it up to illustrate the drop in a dollar's purchasing power. Carla then decides to do it with a $20 bill. |
| 1613 | * The B Plot of the show has Norm teaching Woody economics via a game of monopoly, with Frasier joining in. As expected, it devolves into cheating and unethical behavior...with WOODY being the worst. |
| 1614 | |
| 1615 | [[AC:814: What is... Cliff Clavin?]] |
| 1616 | * In TheTeaser, a guy enters the bar for the first time in 20 years and talks to Woody about how everything is different, ending in this gem: |
| 1617 | -->'''Patron:''' I guess everything changes in 20 years. They've even changed the panelling.\ |
| 1618 | '''Woody:''' Where?\ |
| 1619 | '''Patron:''' Over there, behind Norm. |
| 1620 | * The episode climaxes with Cliff's ''Series/{{Jeopardy}}'' appearance, as he blows a $22,000 lead by wagering everything he has won on the Final Jeopardy answer "[[Creator/CaryGrant Archibald Leach]], [[Creator/TonyCurtis Bernard Schwartz]], [[Creator/JoanCrawford Lucille LaSueur]]"... and stumbling his way to the question "Who are three people who have never been in my kitchen?" |
| 1621 | -->'''Cliff:''' Wait a minute, Alex. I can offer conclusive proof that those three people have never been in my kitchen. |
| 1622 | ** During his rant, he points out that Curtis is still alive(at the time of the episode), and demands the Jeopardy producers call him to confirm that neither he, nor Crawford or Grant have been in his kitchen. |
| 1623 | * Afterward, Alex Trebek shows up at Cheers, and Cliff is ''still'' insistent he deserved to win. Alex comes out with how Cliff's failure has demoralized him so badly he's considering quitting ''Jeopardy'', until Cliff reassures him, which is enough to get him to forget asking about the winnings. And when Norm states Alex is just a normal guy... |
| 1624 | -->'''Alex:''' Actually, I just came in here to get a beer, and I saw Clavin sitting there, I made that whole story up. He scares me.\ |
| 1625 | '''Norm:''' You too, huh? |
| 1626 | |
| 1627 | [[AC:816: Finally! Part 2]] |
| 1628 | * Having agreed to keep quiet about Robin's cheating in exchange for getting the bar back, Sam goes back on this to tell Rebecca. Carla takes it about as well as could be expected. |
| 1629 | -->'''Carla:''' ''(gently)'' Sam, come here...\ |
| 1630 | ''([[SchmuckBait Sam does so]]. The minute he does, Carla grabs his face)''\ |
| 1631 | '''Carla:''' YOU COULD'A HAD THE BAR BACK, YOU JACKASS! |
| 1632 | |
| 1633 | [[AC:818: Severe Crane Damage]] |
| 1634 | * Having written a book on AllGirlsWantBadBoys, Lilith has been invited to a talk show, and Frasier invites Sam along (mainly so Fras won't be the only guy in the audience). The hostess invites Sam and Frasier up to take part in the discussion. HilarityEnsues thanks to Sam's bad boy charm. Even ''Lilith'' gets in on it. |
| 1635 | * The minute Lilith identifies Sam as being one of the "bad boys" laid out in her work, literally every woman in the audience turns to look at him. |
| 1636 | * At the beginning of the talk, the hostess gives Lilith a cup of tea (since that's part of the show). Lilith's utterly alien reaction is a sight. |
| 1637 | * Frasier, upset over the idea of being (in Rebecca's words) compared to a "used slipper", [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZhdjlvhTWc starts trying to be a bad boy himself]], and PokeThePoodle ensues, as he runs around the bar with a pair of scissors. |
| 1638 | -->'''Frasier:''' ''(running with scissors, snipping them)'' Would a "good boy" do this?! I AM RUNNING WITH SCISSORS! ''(stops running)'' I am swimming right after lunch! ''(pointing to exit)'' I'm leaving now. I'm going right outside. I'm going to PET STRANGE DOGS, no matter where they've been! ''(leaving)'' Look out world! Frasier Crane is gonna raise some HELL! |
| 1639 | ** Made even funny as Creator/KelseyGrammer is clearly corpsing while running with scissors. |
| 1640 | |
| 1641 | [[AC:820: 50-50 Carla]] |
| 1642 | * Woody gets a part in the play ''Hair'' - only to learn part of it traditionally involves being naked on-stage. Throughout the episode, he's nervous over the prospect and tries to muster the courage to do it. Later after the first performance, an embarrassed Woody returns to the bar. He did get naked on-stage - even ripping his clothes right off. However, the director stated no one needed to take their clothes off if they didn't want to - and no one else did. |
| 1643 | -->'''Woody:''' As if that wasn't bad enough, I heard this high-pitched scream from the audience: "Hey look, he's the only one who's naked!"\ |
| 1644 | '''Norm:''' Sorry, Woody. It took me by surprise. |
| 1645 | |
| 1646 | [[AC:821: Bar Wars III: The Return of Tecumseh]] |
| 1647 | * Having believed Gary's stole Tecumseh, the gang try to get back at him, only to realize Gary wasn't involved, and therefore shave their heads as "penance". Then they find out Sam has tried to duck out on this. His pleas are not terribly moving. |
| 1648 | -->'''Sam:''' Guys, we're talking about my ''hair!'' ... without my hair, I'd just be one of you guys! I tried to do it, I swear to God, but man, I love my hair! |
| 1649 | |
| 1650 | [[AC:822: Loverboyd]] |
| 1651 | * Woody suspects that Mr. Gaines is just sending Kelly off to France in order to get her away from him. The fact he apparently ''told'' Woody as such to his face was a big tip-off. |
| 1652 | * Admiring Kelly's massive, ''massive'' Barbie collection, Sam admires one of the hairbrushes. |
| 1653 | * Woody's attempt at proposing to Kelly goes a little wrong when he brings up his middle name of Tiberius. |
| 1654 | -->'''Kelly:''' "[[WhoNamesTheirKidDude Tiberius?]]"\ |
| 1655 | '''Woody:''' ''Susan!'' |
| 1656 | * Sam tries to give Woody and Kelly romantic advice, not noticing he's really not needed at that point. |
| 1657 | -->'''Kelly:''' Wait! I know he's your friend and all, but -\ |
| 1658 | '''Woody:''' Beat it, Sam. |
| 1659 | |
| 1660 | [[AC:823: The Ghost and Mrs. Lebec]] |
| 1661 | * Lilith admits that if Frasier were to die, she'd start dating again after a suitable amount of time. |
| 1662 | -->'''Frasier:''' That gives me a warm fuzzy(!)\ |
| 1663 | '''Lilith:''' There'd be no sense in being overly emotional about it, darling. You'd be dead and rotting in a box.\ |
| 1664 | ''(Frasier gets up)''\ |
| 1665 | '''Frasier:''' Woody, [[INeedAFreakingDrink could I have another beer]], and uh, would you check on the robot over there and see if ''it's'' thirsty.\ |
| 1666 | '''Woody:''' Hey, Dr. Crane, that's your wife. Don't talk about her like that. What can I get you, Dr. Sternin-Crane, another quart of Valvoline?\ |
| 1667 | ''(Woody and Frasier crack up)''\ |
| 1668 | '''Lilith:''' Oh, look, will you people stop it?! I. Am. Not. A. Robot. |
| 1669 | * Rebecca, planning to go on a consumer complaints show after injuring her legs with a "Lady Baldy", lets Woody help prepare her case. Big mistake... |
| 1670 | -->'''Woody:''' Okay, I got it. Now, when you purchased the Lady Baldy, you knew full well that it pulls hair out by the roots, correct?\ |
| 1671 | '''Rebecca:''' Yes, I did.\ |
| 1672 | '''Woody:''' Then wouldn't you have to be a complete idiot not to expect some irritation or discomfort?\ |
| 1673 | ''(Rebecca is unable to answer. Woody starts making "hurry up" gestures)''\ |
| 1674 | '''Woody:''' C'mon, what's your answer? We're on television. Thousands of people are watching.\ |
| 1675 | '''Rebecca:''' Okay, okay, well, I guess -\ |
| 1676 | '''Woody:''' Oh, you ''guess?'' Great, great. Hey, this is a news show - we're here for the facts!\ |
| 1677 | '''Rebecca:''' Alright, so the facts are-\ |
| 1678 | '''Woody:''' ''(imitates a buzzer)'' Too late! They've gone to commercial, you're what was! |
| 1679 | * An impressed Norm asks where this sudden anger came from. |
| 1680 | -->'''Woody:''' Well, our theatre's doing a production of ''12 Angry Men''.\ |
| 1681 | '''Norm:''' Yeah?\ |
| 1682 | '''Woody:''' Well, we've only got six, so we have to be, like, twice as furious. |
| 1683 | * Frasier objects to the idea of Carla calling in her spiritualist, getting an epic ArmorPiercingResponse from her. |
| 1684 | -->'''Frasier:''' It's very easy for people to get hooked on this hocus-pocus, ant then, well before you know it this woman will be holding your hand once a week, charging you $100 an hour and filling your mind with all sorts of confusing jargon.\ |
| 1685 | '''Carla:''' And how is that different from ''you''?\ |
| 1686 | ''(beat, as Frasier squirms and Lilith smirks at him)''\ |
| 1687 | '''Frasier:''' ... Well, uh, I can prescribe drugs? |
| 1688 | * Madame Lazora's first impression of Cheers. |
| 1689 | -->'''Lazora:''' It's just as you described it. The faces of the dead linger here...\ |
| 1690 | '''Cliff:''' Oh... boy, oh, boy, you mean you're in contact with those spirits already?\ |
| 1691 | '''Lazora:''' No, I was talking about lard butts like yourself. |
| 1692 | |
| 1693 | [[AC:825: Cry Hard]] |
| 1694 | * In the teaser Cliff and Norm are discussing skin. Cliff tries asking Frasier's opinion. |
| 1695 | -->'''Cliff:''' What do you think skin does?\ |
| 1696 | '''Frasier:''' Apparently it sits around in bars and drinks beer. |
| 1697 | * The episode begins with Carla trying to hack Rebecca's computer to give herself a raise, but she's having problems with the password. |
| 1698 | -->'''Woody:''' What about "Hardworkinggirlwhonevergetstherecognitionshedeserves"?\ |
| 1699 | '''Carla:''' Too many letters.\ |
| 1700 | '''Woody:''' What about "Screw Up?" |
| 1701 | * The bar gang get confused by a discussion on the speed of sound and how to dump Rebecca. |
| 1702 | -->'''Cliff:''' So these calculations show a person travelling on Halley's Comet can break up with Rebecca once every seventy-six years. |
| 1703 | * Rebecca notices Robin's been using her computer to get inside information on the Lilian Corporation, and has been since the day after they met. |
| 1704 | -->'''Rebecca:''' From this, we can deduce that I... AM TOO STUPID TO LIVE! |
| 1705 | * After this, Sam snarks about how Robin couldn't ''possibly'' be up to anything. |
| 1706 | -->'''Sam:''' Maybe he's over it now.\ |
| 1707 | ''(beat, as the audience laughter dies down)''\ |
| 1708 | '''Rebecca:''' [[SarcasmBlind You think so?]]\ |
| 1709 | '''Norm:''' Rebecca, maybe you ''are'' to stupid to live. |
| 1710 | * After more snark about her bad luck with Robin, Rebecca zings Sam over his five years with Diane, prompting an epic line from Sam. |
| 1711 | -->'''Rebecca:''' I've heard stories about you and Diane. You put up with her for five years! Five years, what about that?\ |
| 1712 | '''Sam:''' ''(gently)'' Sweetheart, if I could've sent her to prison, don't you think I would have? |
| 1713 | * One of the heads of the Lillian Corporation, meeting with Sam, shares the alarming news they found after investigating Rebecca: Namely, she ''works'' for them. |
| 1714 | [[/folder]] |
| 1715 | |
| 1716 | [[folder:Season 9]] |
| 1717 | [[AC:901: Love is a Really, Really Perfectly Okay Thing]] |
| 1718 | * The cold open has the bartender of Gary's telling customers about what happened, having gained it from an inside source at Cheers. Just who is this Judas? Who else? |
| 1719 | -->'''Bartender:''' Another round of beers on the house, Mr. Peterson? |
| 1720 | * Having regained the bar, Sam sets about restoring his effects to the bar, including the old "this is a square bar" poster. Norm hadn't even noticed the change. |
| 1721 | -->'''Sam:''' You didn't notice?\ |
| 1722 | '''Norm:''' We notice the important stuff. ... is Diane coming in this morning?\ |
| 1723 | ''(Sam and Frasier both jump in terror, until they realize Norm is kidding)'' |
| 1724 | * Feeling conflicted about the episode's situation, Sam goes to a priest for help. The man is more concerned about Sam having a relationship with a woman who isn't his wife, and sentences him to three Hail Marys and ''nine'' rosaries. |
| 1725 | -->'''Sam:''' Nine rosaries? That's a lot.\ |
| 1726 | '''Father:''' We're cracking down! |
| 1727 | |
| 1728 | [[AC:902: Bar Wars IV: Cheers Fouls Out]] |
| 1729 | * At the beginning of the episode, Norm is working behind the bar, causing Frasier to do a DoubleTake when he comes in. |
| 1730 | -->'''Frasier:''' My god, I'm on one of Norm's dreams! |
| 1731 | * Frasier isn't enthusiastic about the episode's main plot, the continuing war with Gary's, because he makes a major mistake several days ago. |
| 1732 | -->'''Frasier:''' Lilith, in her own dear, compulsive little way, made the mistake of asking me if I thought she looked fat.\ |
| 1733 | '''Norm:''' What did you say?\ |
| 1734 | '''Frasier:''' Well, I told her she looked just fine.\ |
| 1735 | '''Norm:''' Ooh, rookie mistake.\ |
| 1736 | ''(Frasier nods)''\ |
| 1737 | '''Norm:''' So, uh, what kind of punishment ya getting?\ |
| 1738 | '''Frasier:''' Oh, I'm not getting any.\ |
| 1739 | '''Norm:''' Oh, you got off easy.\ |
| 1740 | '''Frasier:''' No. I'm not "getting any".\ |
| 1741 | '''Norm:''' ''No.'' You're getting off easy. |
| 1742 | * Hearing about Sam's plan to challenge Gary to basketball, Cliff chimes in with another LittleKnownFact that the "Celtics" invented basketball and the parquet floor, prompting another Frasier snark. |
| 1743 | -->'''Frasier:''' You've been working without your hat, haven't you? |
| 1744 | * Frasier's "not getting any" starts to show. It starts to ''really'' show. Such as when the topic of cheating comes up. |
| 1745 | -->'''Frasier:''' You know, at what point does cheating become a moral dilemma? I mean, can the severity of snitching that last piece of cake be compared to, oh, cheating on one's wife with the beautiful young woman that works in the office next to yours?\ |
| 1746 | ''(everyone stares at Frasier)''\ |
| 1747 | '''Frasier:''' I should footnote this by adding I'm not getting any. |
| 1748 | * And it gets worrying... |
| 1749 | -->'''Frasier:''' ''(staring at his drink)'' Boy, look at the curves on that glass. ''(picks it up)'' Boy, ''feel'' that...\ |
| 1750 | '''Norm:''' Boy, he's really not getting any, is he? |
| 1751 | * Then it just gets sad when he tries getting the charity money Cheers wins beating Gary: |
| 1752 | -->'''Frasier:''' Say, Lilith, how about that? Would, uh, $5000 buy anything?\ |
| 1753 | '''Lilith:''' ''(looking up from a ledger)'' What?\ |
| 1754 | '''Frasier:''' Nothing, dear. ''(under his breath, to Sam and the others)'' I'm getting nothing here. |
| 1755 | * And Lilith's enjoying it. |
| 1756 | -->'''Lilith:''' We've been intimate several times this last month. Look at my day planner. We were together every night this weekend. Oh, good heavens, that wasn't you.\ |
| 1757 | '''Frasier:''' What do you mean it wasn't me?!\ |
| 1758 | '''Lilith:''' [[{{Troll}} I'm kidding.]] See? Look how tense you are, you wouldn't enjoy it anyway.\ |
| 1759 | '''Frasier:''' Well, fine. ''(childishly)'' I don't want it anyway.\ |
| 1760 | '''Lilith:''' Yes, you do.\ |
| 1761 | '''Frasier:''' I do not.\ |
| 1762 | '''Lilith:''' You do so.\ |
| 1763 | '''Frasier:''' Alright, I do!\ |
| 1764 | '''Lilith:''' Well, you're not getting any. ''(smirks evilly)'' Oh, Frasier. Isn't it enough that I'm doing it to your mind? |
| 1765 | * At the end of the episode, the gang has been utterly humiliated and scammed by Gary. Despondent, they think they're the biggest weenies around, Sam says there's no point in vengeance, nobody's more pathetic than them in the world... until Frasier passes by, desperately (in more than one sense) trailing behind Lilith. |
| 1766 | -->'''Frasier:''' ''(despondent, to an utterly stoic Lilith)'' Oh, please, Lilith. Anything, a back rub, a handshake. Blow me a kiss.\ |
| 1767 | ''(they leave. Everyone else exchanges looks)''\ |
| 1768 | '''Everyone:''' We're not Frasier! We're not Frasier! We're not Frasier! |
| 1769 | |
| 1770 | [[AC:903: Rebecca Redux]] |
| 1771 | * In TheTeaser, Carla gets into an argument with an obnoxious jerkass, who says he's set aside a tip in advance, but will deduct money every time she does something he disapproves of. Carla retorts by flicking beer in his face, until she runs out of tip money, and just dumps the remainder of the beer on his head and storms off. Then comes the punchline. |
| 1772 | -->'''Norm:''' ... how long is your brother going to be in town?\ |
| 1773 | '''Carla:''' Two weeks. |
| 1774 | * Norm and Cliff reassuring Rebecca that she can come visit Cheers any time, though she's dubious about spending all day in there like they do: |
| 1775 | -->'''Norm:''' That's okay, you can sit in the part-timers club. ''(gestures to the side of the bar facing the stairs)'' They sit over there.\ |
| 1776 | '''Cliff:''' And when you're ready to commit, you'll let us know.\ |
| 1777 | '''Norm:''' Yeah, like Phil, there. He's right on the verge.\ |
| 1778 | ''(Phil waves at them)'' |
| 1779 | * Meanwhile, Sam's problems with technology means he gets a whole shipment of sorghum instead of "some more gum". He tries making the most of a bad situation. |
| 1780 | -->'''Sam:''' If I put this stuff in a bowl, would these guys eat it?\ |
| 1781 | '''Woody:''' Are you kidding? I was late putting out the beer nuts last night and Mr. Peterson almost snapped off my thumb.\ |
| 1782 | ''(Sam stares for a moment)''\ |
| 1783 | '''Sam:''' Fill 'em up. |
| 1784 | |
| 1785 | [[AC:904: Where Nobody Knows Your Name]] |
| 1786 | * TheTeaser has one of Frasier's funniest moments of {{Deadpan Snark|er}}: |
| 1787 | -->'''Cliff:''' ''[returning from the restroom]'' Anybody seen my gum? I left it around here somewhere.\ |
| 1788 | '''Norm:''' What'cha take your gum out for?\ |
| 1789 | '''Cliff:''' Eh, give my mouth a rest. Y'know.\ |
| 1790 | '''Frasier:''' ''[absorbs this, then writes on a pad]'' "Dear Diary: Today it finally happened." |
| 1791 | * In the episode's B-plot, Carla is feeling the effects of a heat wave in an unusual way: She's ultra-horny. It gets so bad she actually finds herself lusting after ''Cliff'': |
| 1792 | -->'''Sam:''' ''[as Carla enters in a heavy parka and scarf]'' What's with the getup?\ |
| 1793 | '''Carla:''' It's Indian summer, Sam. I need these clothes for protection. ''[tugs the scarf down to her chin]''\ |
| 1794 | '''Sam:''' Protection from what?\ |
| 1795 | '''Carla:''' The eyes of men.\ |
| 1796 | '''Sam:''' What are you talking about?\ |
| 1797 | '''Carla:''' Every time I've conceived a kid, it's been during Indian summer. That's when I'm at my most fertile, Sammy. ''[pulls down her hood]'' I cannot let any man touch me, talk to me, or see me, or I'll be shooting out kids like a Pez dispenser!\ |
| 1798 | '''Sam:''' Oh, come on.\ |
| 1799 | '''Carla:''' ''[removing her coat and putting on her apron]'' I'm not kidding, Sammy! I've, I've gone over two years now without having a kid. Now, that's a record for me! I'm not taking any chances! I was gonna stay home, turn off the lights, lie down... but the cable man's coming over.\ |
| 1800 | '''Sam:''' Sweetheart, I promise you, I won't let anybody put the moves on you, okay?\ |
| 1801 | '''Carla:''' Oh, no, you don't understand, Sammy. It's not them, it's me! When the mercury hits 95, I can't be responsible for my actions. ''[notices someone using the payphone, his back turned]'' Oh. Oh! Who is that hunk over there in the uniform with the cute buns? ''[the payphone user turns around to reveal...]'' Oh my God, it's '''Clavin!''' ''[buries her face in Sam's midsection in horror]'' Oh, this is, this is worse than I thought!... ''[looks back at Cliff]'' Has he always had that moustache? |
| 1802 | * The A-plot sees the media get wind of the fact that the now-jailed Robin Colcord turned himself in for a woman with whom he was having an affair. Fortunately, they don't know that it was Rebecca, who doesn't want the press raking her over hot coals as they often do to the significant others of celebrities. Frasier muses on why this happens, and reveals a bit too much about his "research": |
| 1803 | -->'''Frasier:''' Y'know, I think it stems from the envy that the public feels toward people who achieve a certain level of notoriety. Well, also the fact that most of those women have posed nude in popular men's magazines. You know, frankly I wouldn't waste my ''money'' on publications like that, I mean, ''[scoffs]'' those letters are '''not''' real! ''[Norm points at Frasier in silent agreement]'' |
| 1804 | * But as the patrons are channel surfing later that day, Paul spots a picture of Robin on the news, and as they watch, the presenter reveals that they now know who his mystery woman was. Rebecca's fear turns to shock when she learns that the media think Robin turned himself in for his previous lover, Jeanne-Marie Beaulieu, a ''chargée d'affaires'' at the French consulate. |
| 1805 | -->'''Rebecca:''' The ''nerve'' of that cheap slut, pretending like Robin turned himself in for her!\ |
| 1806 | '''Norm:''' ''[patting Rebecca on the arm]'' Don't worry, Rebecca. Your friends know who the ''real'' cheap slut is.\ |
| 1807 | '''Rebecca:''' ''[sarcastically]'' Thank you, Norm. |
| 1808 | * Rebecca consoles herself with the fact that ''she'' knows the truth about Robin. Norm points out that the rest of the Cheers crowd know as well. And Woody told his mother: |
| 1809 | -->'''Woody:''' ''[answering the phone]'' Cheers... Oh, hi, Mom! ''[holds the phone to his chest; to the patrons]'' It's for me. ''[the patrons nod as if to say "No kidding?" as Woody holds the phone back to his ear]'' Oh, yeah, yeah, I- I saw the news, but don't believe everything you see on TV. That French lady, Jeanne-Marie, was telling a big whopper. It was really Miss Howe who was havin'... well, y'know, with Mr. Colcord. ''[listens; winces]'' Oh. ''[sighs]'' All right. I'm sorry. I will. ''[hangs up, then grabs a towel and trudges out from behind the bar]''\ |
| 1810 | '''Norm:''' Where ya going, Wood?\ |
| 1811 | '''Woody:''' I have to go wash my mouth out with soap.\ |
| 1812 | '''Rebecca:''' ''[a mixture of defensive and disbelieving]'' I'm sorry, Woody!\ |
| 1813 | '''Woody:''' ''[sourly]'' Yeah, well, next time you'll think about the consequences of your actions. |
| 1814 | * The next day, Cliff reads in the midnight tabloids that Jeanne-Marie sold her love letters from Robin to the press for a fortune. Rebecca seems unconcerned, while Woody ends up in trouble with his mother again: |
| 1815 | -->'''Rebecca:''' I've seen the article. It's just a stupid, pitiable act of a desperate woman. Those letters are not real.\ |
| 1816 | '''Frasier:''' [[BrickJoke They never are!]]\ |
| 1817 | '''Rebecca:''' Robin did not type those letters. I have seen his typewriter. He doesn't even ''use'' that font.\ |
| 1818 | ''[the phone rings; Woody answers it]''\ |
| 1819 | '''Woody:''' Cheers... Oh, hi, Mom! ''[holds the phone to his chest; to the patrons]'' It's for me. ''[the patrons nod again as if to say "You don't say?"; Woody holds the phone to his ear again]'' Yeah. Yeah, oh, I, I saw the article. Miss Howe says it's not even his font. ''[listens; frowns]'' What? ''[listens]'' No, Mom, "font" isn't a bad word! ''[listens]'' No, it's not, it... ''[sighs, defeated]'' All right. Okay. ''[hangs up as Sam hands him a towel, then stomps off toward the men's room]'' Thanks a lot, Miss Howe. |
| 1820 | * Rebecca explains that she's a bit upset, but she takes consolation in knowing that Robin loves her, not Jeanne-Marie, who just has a few column inches in a tabloid. Then, in a classic case of TemptingFate... |
| 1821 | -->'''Rebecca:''' I wouldn't be human if it didn't bother me a little bit. But, I mean, what does it really amount to? I have Robin's love and she has a couple of blurbs in a cheap tabloid. I mean, it's not like she's some kind of national celebrity!\ |
| 1822 | '''Creator/ArsenioHall:''' ''[on the bar TV]'' Join me tonight as the stage sizzles with my guests Creator/MichaelCaine, Music/MCHammer, and the woman Robin Colcord gave it up for, and I mean ''really'' gave it up for, Jeanne-Marie Beaulieu. Watch her kick it on the next ''[[Series/TheArsenioHallShow Arsenio Hall Show]]''!\ |
| 1823 | '''Rebecca:''' ''[furious]'' HEY! I'M the one who should be KICKING IT! ''[grabs the cord for the TV and hauls it from its platform, smashing it on the floor]'' |
| 1824 | * Sam confronts Rebecca, mostly about smashing in the bar's television, but eventually he agrees to hear out her concerns over the triangle between her, Robin, and Jeanne-Marie: |
| 1825 | -->'''Rebecca:''' I mean, I cannot just ask him if he loves Jeanne-Marie, because then he will think that I don't trust him.\ |
| 1826 | '''Sam:''' You don't.\ |
| 1827 | '''Rebecca:''' I know, but I should. But if I ask him, "Do you love Jeanne-Marie?" and he says "Yes," I don't think that I could handle that. And if I ask him if he loved me and he said "Yes," then he would know that I did not trust him. And trusting him is the one thing that I really should do since he gave up his fortune for me... if he really ''did'' give it up for me, which I can never know because I can't ask.\ |
| 1828 | '''Sam:''' Let me see if I can put this in a nutshell... ''What?'' |
| 1829 | * Rebecca asks Sam to drop in on Robin in prison to ask if he really does love her; Sam is reluctant, but when Rebecca snaps one of the bar's pool cues in half, he agrees, mostly to stop her breaking anything else. He leaves Carla in charge, but her rising hormone levels are making her ever more peculiar: |
| 1830 | -->'''Sam:''' Carla, uh, watch the bar for me, will you? I've got to go down to prison for a minute.\ |
| 1831 | '''Carla:''' ''[following Sam]'' Prison? Isn't that where they keep all the bad, lonely men?\ |
| 1832 | '''Sam:''' Now, come on, Carla, don't.\ |
| 1833 | '''Carla:''' ''[moving around in front of Sam as he continues to protest]'' Oh, Sammy, take me with you, please?\ |
| 1834 | '''Sam:''' No, Carla!\ |
| 1835 | '''Carla:''' Smuggle me in your pants!\ |
| 1836 | '''Sam:''' No!\ |
| 1837 | '''Carla:''' ''[falling to the ground and wrapping her arms and legs around Sam's right leg]'' PLEASE, I NEED A TATTOOED MAN! Please, Sammy!\ |
| 1838 | '''Sam:''' ''[trying to walk regardless of the added weight on his leg]'' Carla, NO! |
| 1839 | * So Sam visits Robin in minimum-security prison, where he is training for a tennis tournament among the inmates. Robin invites him to join in the practice session, and Sam is predictably terrible, noting that he was a pitcher rather than a hitter when he was a baseball player. Robin drily notes that Sam's role was therefore the same as that of the machine firing tennis balls at them. The conversation turns to Rebecca's preferred topic: |
| 1840 | -->'''Robin:''' ''[continuing his tennis practice throughout]'' So, Sam, what have you got on your mind?\ |
| 1841 | '''Sam:''' I want to talk to you about your ex-girlfriend.\ |
| 1842 | '''Robin:''' Can you be, er, more specific?\ |
| 1843 | '''Sam:''' The one you were running around with behind Rebecca's back.\ |
| 1844 | '''Robin:''' Can you be more specific? |
| 1845 | * The heat wave continues apace, as Frasier relates to the patrons at Cheers: |
| 1846 | -->'''Frasier:''' I am sick and tired of peeling patients off my leather couch. I tell you, the ones in shorts scream like banshees when I get 'em up fast! ''[laughs]'' Well, fortunately, I'm a trained psychiatrist, and I've learned to tune out cries for help! |
| 1847 | * Meanwhile, the estrogen-saturated Carla tries locking herself in Sam's office. Frasier tries to talk some sense into her, only to get dragged in. After a moment he escapes unharmed, but with his clothes dishevelled and some sage advice. |
| 1848 | -->'''Frasier:''' ''[knocks on Sam's office door]'' Carla! May I have a word with you, please? ''[the door opens, and we hear an almost animalistic growl from within as Carla drags Frasier in by his waistband; after a few seconds, he emerges, his hair mussed and his shirt untucked, and locks the door again]''\ |
| 1849 | '''Norm:''' How is she, Fras?\ |
| 1850 | '''Frasier:''' ''[darkly]'' Be afraid. Be ''very'' afraid. |
| 1851 | * Rebecca is anxiously waiting to see if Robin made good on his promise to go to the media with the truth about Jeanne-Marie. She tells Sam she sent Woody out to get a late edition newspaper, even though it's over 100 degrees. She is disappointed by the results, however, and while Cliff may say Jeanne-Marie's fame has peaked, she's descending too slowly for Rebecca: |
| 1852 | -->'''Woody:''' ''[entering the bar in a daze, carrying a newspaper]'' I'm sorry, Miss Howe... I would have been here sooner, but I think I passed out between the newsstand and here...\ |
| 1853 | '''Sam:''' Woody! Man, are you all right?\ |
| 1854 | '''Rebecca:''' ''[grabbing the paper, in full ItsAllAboutMe mode]'' Yes, he's all right! I bet I'm on the cover. ''[begins leafing through the pages; Sam hands Woody a pitcher of water and picks up a glass, but Woody is already chugging directly from the pitcher]'' Heat wave, heat wave, heat wave, children in sprinklers, heat wave... so it's a little warm out!\ |
| 1855 | '''Woody:''' ''[looking toward the ceiling]'' Grandma? Is that you, Grandma? ''[Sam passes him a second pitcher of water]'' Thank you, Grandma...\ |
| 1856 | '''Rebecca:''' Here it is! ''[reads]'' "Millionaire Robin Colcord says that his true love is... some Boston bar manager"!? What?! That's it!? I thought I was gonna be big news!\ |
| 1857 | '''Frasier:''' Such is the transitory nature of fame. You have missed your moment in the sun.\ |
| 1858 | '''Woody:''' I had three hours in the sun...\ |
| 1859 | '''Rebecca:''' Would somebody shut him up!? This just isn't fair. Robin gave it up for '''me'''. Me, not Jeanne-Marie!\ |
| 1860 | '''Cliff:''' ''[looking at the TV]'' Well, hey. I wouldn't worry so much about Jeanne-Marie, she's washed up too. ''[laughs and points at the screen]'' Look where they put her on ''[[Series/TheHollywoodSquares Hollywood Squares]]'', centre bottom![[note]] An anachronistic joke; this episode aired in 1990, a year after the syndicated revival of ''Hollywood Squares'' had stopped making new episodes.[[/note]] ''[scoffs]'' Nobody's gonna call on her there! She might as well be a [[Creator/ZsaZsaGabor Gabor]]! ''[Norm turns up the volume with the remote]''\ |
| 1861 | '''Contestant:''' ''[on TV]'' I'll take Robin Colcord's lover to block.\ |
| 1862 | '''Sam:''' ''[intercepting Rebecca as she marches over to drag the TV to the floor again]'' No, no, whoa, whoa! ''[ushers her into the pool room]'' Come on, guys, switch the channel! Put a game on or something!\ |
| 1863 | '''Norm:''' ''[jabbing the buttons on the remote]'' I'm trying, Sammy! How do you work this damn remote?\ |
| 1864 | '''Cliff:''' Oh, wait. ''[handing him a second remote]'' You need this one to work that one. ''[Norm points the second remote at the first one and starts pressing buttons]'' |
| 1865 | * At the end of the episode, Carla is still shut in Sam's office, but hears the announcement that the heat wave is not only going to continue, it's going to get ''worse''. She starts slamming the door, and the entire bar flees. |
| 1866 | -->'''Weather Reporter:''' Well, there's no break in this heat wave. As a matter of fact, tomorrow is going to be even hotter. Let's look now at the satellite...\ |
| 1867 | ''[Sam's office door starts rattling furiously, threatening to break off its hinges]''\ |
| 1868 | '''Frasier:''' ''[with absolute terror]'' OH MY GOD! CLEAR OUT, EVERYBODY! SHE'S GONNA BLOW! ''[the patrons start running for the door faster than if someone had yelled "FIRE!"]'' |
| 1869 | |
| 1870 | [[AC:905: Ma Always Liked You Better]] |
| 1871 | * Ma Clavin's casual cruelty toward Cliff is pretty horrific... but at the same time it warps around to being funny because, hey, it's Cliff. |
| 1872 | -->'''Esther:''' I love Woody because he's kind and attentive, and Cliff, I love you because you're my son and nature dictates there be a bond. |
| 1873 | |
| 1874 | [[AC: 906: Grease]] |
| 1875 | * Robin is in a chain gang picking up trash across from the bar, with Carla relishing sexually tormenting him and the other inmates (such as by reenacting the car washing scene from ''Film/CoolHandLuke'') while Sam taunts Rebecca about it, doing things such as playing the Bobby Fuller Four's cover of "I Fought the Law" on the jukebox,[[note]]Changed to a SuspiciouslySimilarSong on the DVD release.[[/note]] and doing mock fashion show dressed in inmate garb "made popular by billionaire swindler Robin Colcord. Sam gleefully swings around a hollowed out ball and chain like a purse and jabs around the floor with a trash picker with gleefully doing a bad, insulting, impression of Robin. Then, because he's not looking up, when one of the guards from the work gang comes in for a drink Sam ends up stabbing his foot. The stone-faced guard announces that [[HoistByTheirOwnPetard Sam is going to spend the rest of the night in The Box]]. Sam protests that he isn't actually one of the prisoners and the guard replies that he knows that, but Sam accidentally stabbed him in the foot, while the guard [[ImpliedDeathThreat has a gun]] and implicitly can get away with that kind of "mistake" because Sam is ''dressed'' like a prisoner. A protesting Sam is then dragged away as the patrons laugh over it and [[LaserGuidedKarma Rebecca smugly follows him while playing "I Fought the Law" on a boombox]]. |
| 1876 | |
| 1877 | [[AC:907: Breaking in is Hard to Do]] |
| 1878 | * Cliff's facts on psychos say a little much. |
| 1879 | -->'''Cliff:''' As a rule, your psycho killers don't have families. They're loners. They may have jobs. They're good to their mothers. By and large they sit alone in a dark room writing their depraved thoughts in a diary.\ |
| 1880 | '''Norm:''' ... Cliffie, you keep a diary, don't you?\ |
| 1881 | '''Cliff:''' [[InsistentTerminology I keep a journal, Norm. A journal!]] |
| 1882 | * Lilith becomes frustrated when it seems that Frasier is a better parent then her...only to discover that Frasier's "intellectually stimulating" activity has been bringing baby Frederick to Cheers. She takes him to task, claiming that it's impossible for a baby to learn to speak in such an environment... |
| 1883 | --> '''Norm:''' ''(entering)'' Afternoon, everybody!\ |
| 1884 | '''Frederick:''' [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4L_vWpTAra8 NORM!]]\ |
| 1885 | ''(All do a double-take...including Norm.)''\ |
| 1886 | '''Lilith:''' ''(happy gasp)'' He said ''[[SelfServingMemory "Mommy!"]]'' |
| 1887 | * Down in the dumps, Lilith asks Sam for a specific type of drink: |
| 1888 | -->'''Lilith:''' What drink do you serve for a total failure?\ |
| 1889 | '''Sam:''' Ah, let me check. Hey, Phil, what are ya drinking?\ |
| 1890 | '''Phil:''' A Manhattan!\ |
| 1891 | '''Sam:''' ''(to Lilith)'' A Manhattan. |
| 1892 | |
| 1893 | [[AC:910: Bad Neighbor Sam]] |
| 1894 | * Sam's complete breakdown during the last act. |
| 1895 | * Sam’s reaction to hearing his Corvette was towed, both times. |
| 1896 | * Frasier telling Sam to calm down and look at Hill rationally, then Sam says Hill is turning Cheers into someplace Diane would have liked and Frasier says he understands now and asks Sam to hold Hill's arms while he does the hitting. |
| 1897 | * After Hill inflicts a rant-inducing slight that has Sam launch into a rant about a "hairless king of the snobs". Woody [[ComicallyMissingThePoint thinks he was talking about Frasier]] and offers Frasier his condolences on being insulted out of nowhere like that. |
| 1898 | * In the B-plot, Woody receives a photo of Kelly in France that has obviously been taken by a man, and he worries that she's being swept off her feet by a local. So he tries calling her, and gets {{Troll}}ed three times over by the bar's regulars: |
| 1899 | -->'''Woody:''' ''[dialling]'' I mean, maybe if I could just talk to her, we could clear this whole thing up. But so help me God, if a man with a thumb answers... ''[listens]'' Hold on... it's him! It's the thumb guy! And you know what that pervert said to me? "Allo." What does that mean in English?[[note]] For non-francophones, it's the favoured French telephone greeting.[[/note]]\ |
| 1900 | '''Norm:''' Wait, wait, wait, wait. No, I took some French in high school. I think "Allo"... "Allo" means, um... "I've got your girlfriend in my arms, and, uh, we'll soon be naked, you stupid cuckold." ''[Woody is shocked]''\ |
| 1901 | '''Cliff:''' That's, that's funny, Norm, because I thought it meant, uh, "I've got your girlfriend in my arms, and we're ''already'' naked, you stupid cuckold." ''[Woody is even more shocked]''\ |
| 1902 | '''Frasier:''' Oh, for God's sake, stop hectoring the poor lad! Woody, it simply means that "I enjoyed your girlfriend." ''[he, Norm, and Cliff laugh as Woody looks apoplectic]'' |
| 1903 | |
| 1904 | [[AC:911: Veggie-Boyd]] |
| 1905 | * Through the episode, the bar has new napkins, printed up with LittleKnownFacts, which ''unlike'' Cliff's are accurate. Naturally, Cliff gets in a huff over it. |
| 1906 | ** After the second act, Frasier finds a new napkin with suspicious information on it, which looks different from the others. Like it was made up by someone using a typewriter... |
| 1907 | --->'''Frasier:''' ''(to Cliff)'' This isn't a napkin, this is a cry for help. |
| 1908 | ** Reaching breaking point, Cliff makes an ultimatum: |
| 1909 | --->'''Cliff:''' Well, fellas, it's time to choose: Me, or the napkins!\ |
| 1910 | ''([[ScrewYourUltimatum everyone looks at Cliff for a long time]])''\ |
| 1911 | '''Cliff:''' ... I guess we could switch. |
| 1912 | * Woody has a personal crisis when he actually drinks a sample of Veggie Boy, the vegetable drink for which he appeared in a commercial; contrary to his proclamation of "I like it!" on television, he finds it repulsive and struggles to deal with having lied for the camera. |
| 1913 | ** Frasier offers a [[AllPsychologyIsFreudian psychiatrist's perspective]] - which Lilith wastes no time countering, only to discover Frasier set up the last laugh in advance: |
| 1914 | --->'''Frasier:''' Woody, you know, Sigmund Freud might suggest that your aversion to vegetables stems from some [[FreudianExcuse early childhood trauma.]] ''[Lilith sputters derisively; Frasier glares at her]'' You sputtered, my darling?\ |
| 1915 | '''Lilith:''' Honestly, Frasier, you must be the last psychiatrist on Earth who hasn't abandoned Sigmund Freud's theories.\ |
| 1916 | '''Frasier:''' What are you saying?\ |
| 1917 | '''Lilith:''' Merely that his theories are outdated sexist superstitions, unsupported by a ''shred'' of clinical evidence.\ |
| 1918 | '''Frasier:''' You're drunk. ''[Lilith rolls her eyes]'' My wife is completely smashed! Blotto! Sam? No more boilermakers for Dr. Sternin-Crane!\ |
| 1919 | '''Lilith:''' Frasier, I've had nothing to drink.\ |
| 1920 | '''Frasier:''' ''Ah'', the worst ''kind'' of drunk! For your information, Sigmund Freud has a lot to teach us about Woody's problem. I dare say that if the master were with us today, he would, after '''striking Lilith''', ''[Lilith rolls her eyes again]'' tell us that Woody is suffering from a subconscious barrier... easily removed by some elemental Freudian analysis.\ |
| 1921 | '''Woody:''' Well, isn't there anything faster?\ |
| 1922 | '''Frasier:''' Oh, many things, but - nothing quite as lucrative. ''[smirks]'' But, if you wish instant relief, I suppose we could try a little, um... well, post-hypnotic suggestion. ''[Lilith sputters derisively again; Frasier turns toward her, venom in his voice]'' Another wet objection, my love?\ |
| 1923 | '''Lilith:''' ''Hypnosis'', Frasier? Why only go back a century for your treatment? Why not bleed him with leeches, or drill a hole in his cranium and, and let the evil spirits leak out.\ |
| 1924 | '''Frasier:''' ''[getting up and walking around the bar]'' Ignore her, Woody, it's the ''gin'' talking.\ |
| 1925 | '''Lilith:''' Or maybe the reason he doesn't like vegetables is because they remind him of his mother. ''[sarcastically]'' '''Ooooh!'''\ |
| 1926 | '''Sam:''' Hey, hypnosis, huh? That, that's cool, Doc!\ |
| 1927 | '''Frasier:''' Sam, hypnosis is not a parlour game. Although last week at a party I did get quite a few laughs by hypnotising Lilith into removing her shoes whenever anyone mentioned Brie cheese.\ |
| 1928 | '''Lilith:''' Frasier, you did no such thing. ''[as she speaks, she removes her shoe and places it on the bar, only noticing it after a second or two]'' Very funny.\ |
| 1929 | '''Woody:''' I dunno if hypnotism'll work on me, Dr. Crane, I'm pretty strong-willed.\ |
| 1930 | '''Carla:''' And what's she? Brie cheese?\ |
| 1931 | '''Lilith:''' ''[removes her other shoe and puts it on the bar, then glares at a grinning Carla]'' Stop that.\ |
| 1932 | '''Frasier:''' Woody! Let's go into the office and watch that watch.\ |
| 1933 | '''Lilith:''' ''[putting her shoes back on]'' Oh for God's sake, Frasier! First you espouse Sigmund Freud, now you've moved on to Dr. Mesmer. This is ''not'' professional conduct.\ |
| 1934 | '''Frasier:''' Point taken, my darling. Oh, by the way: is that a tambourine behind you?\ |
| 1935 | '''Lilith:''' ''[begins unbuttoning her blouse]'' A tambourine?? ''[looks over her shoulder, still unbuttoning]'' What an odd question! ''[looks down, then pulls her blouse closed]'' You are in ''such'' trouble, mister. ''[Frasier sweeps off, grinning smugly]'' |
| 1936 | ** To Lilith's chagrin, the hypnosis works. To Woody's even greater chagrin, he immediately reads a letter telling him that Veggie Boy has been taken off the market due to lack of consumer interest, causing the sort of panic seen in addicts who cannot get their substance of choice. As he rants, it seems Frasier gave Lilith a third post-hypnotic suggestion, one that reminds us that Creator/BebeNeuwirth was a Broadway star before and after ''Cheers'': |
| 1937 | --->'''Frasier:''' Woody, let's go back in the office.\ |
| 1938 | '''Woody:''' ''[holding a bottle of Veggie Boy]'' No, I know, I know, I can take this to a lab and have it analysed! I can make my own! You know, I've got a blender! ''[walks out from behind the bar]''\ |
| 1939 | '''Frasier:''' Woody-\ |
| 1940 | '''Woody:''' I'll move back to Indiana! I'll ''grow'' kale!\ |
| 1941 | '''Frasier:''' ''[holding his pocket watch in front of Woody's face]'' Woody, watch the watch-\ |
| 1942 | '''Woody:''' ''[pushing Frasier aside and marching toward the door]'' Get that watch out of my face, old man! I've got crops to plant!\ |
| 1943 | '''Frasier:''' Woody, you need my help!\ |
| 1944 | '''Woody:''' ''[opening the door]'' I don't need your help! All I need is three tons of topsoil and a big yellow tractor!\ |
| 1945 | '''Lilith:''' "Tractor"? ''[stands up and sings]'' [[Theatre/{{Annie}} "The sun'll come out... tomorrow..."]]\ |
| 1946 | '''Frasier:''' ''[as the screen cuts to James Burrows and Glen and Les Charles' producer credits]'' Lilith, lower your damn skirt and watch the watch! |
| 1947 | * Frasier gives a mention that Woody, as has been previously established, is easily hypnotised. |
| 1948 | -->'''Sam:''' You were in there two hours, what were you doing?\ |
| 1949 | '''Frasier:''' Just snooping. |
| 1950 | * Frasier decides to take a test taste of the drink in question. His reaction says it all. |
| 1951 | -->'''Frasier:''' ... kale was not a good choice. |
| 1952 | |
| 1953 | [[AC:912: Norm and Cliff's Excellent Adventure]] |
| 1954 | * In TheTeaser, everybody's locked out of the bar, and it's cold. Norm comes to the rescue--he's got his own set of keys. |
| 1955 | * Thanks to Norm and Cliff, Frasier's credit card is denied and Sam must destroy it. Frasier gets very [[LargeHam wound up]] about it. |
| 1956 | * Meanwhile, Woody falls victim to the shopping channel, buying Rebecca all kinds of horrific tat. |
| 1957 | -->'''Rebecca:''' Woody, I can't accept these. People are going to get the wrong idea.\ |
| 1958 | '''Woody:''' What, that I have a crush on you?\ |
| 1959 | '''Rebecca:''' No, that I like crap.\ |
| 1960 | '''Woody:''' ''(looking hurt)'' You're calling this stuff "crap"?\ |
| 1961 | '''Rebecca:''' I'm sorry, Woody.\ |
| 1962 | '''Woody:''' No, no, I was looking for the right word.\ |
| 1963 | '''Rebecca:''' Well if you don't like it either, why are you buying this stuff?\ |
| 1964 | '''Woody:''' Not "stuff", Miss Howe, "crap". |
| 1965 | * Rebecca figures that Woody has, in fact, become addicted to impulse shopping. |
| 1966 | -->'''Rebecca:''' Woody, you need help.\ |
| 1967 | '''Woody:''' ''(angrily)'' I don't need help, I just need more ''credit!''\ |
| 1968 | ''(Woody looks horrified and facepalms)''\ |
| 1969 | '''Woody:''' You're right, Miss Howe, I do need help. I'm scared! Help me! Hurry! Act now! |
| 1970 | * Frasier is still sulking days later, and Lilith is no longer sympathetic. |
| 1971 | -->'''Lilith:''' You know dear, after hearing you complain about that for the umpteenth time, it's become difficult for me to sympathize.\ |
| 1972 | '''Frasier:''' ''(under his breath)'' Of course not. Sympathy is a human emotion.\ |
| 1973 | ''(Lilith glares at him as he tries to read his book)''\ |
| 1974 | '''Lilith:''' What?\ |
| 1975 | '''Frasier:''' ''(airily)'' Oh, I'm sorry, darling, I'm just lashing out.\ |
| 1976 | ''(Lilith nods and goes back to her tea)''\ |
| 1977 | '''Frasier:''' ''(under his breath again)'' Got off a good one, though. |
| 1978 | * Lilith trying to reassure Fras via positive reinforcement. He's not biting. |
| 1979 | -->'''Lilith:''' You're back in Maui. Feel the trade winds caressing your cheeks, ruffling your hair. Smell the plumeria. Taste the mai tai. ''(Frasier starts to smile, as Lilith turns around, giving Fras a good view of her behind, as she starts swaying back and forth)'' The swaying of the ancient palms. The rhythm... the rhythm... the rhythm. Are you there?\ |
| 1980 | '''Frasier:''' ''(transfixed)'' Yes, I'm there... I'm in paradise, and I'm paying for the whole shebang with my gold card! Which was gladly accepted, and returned in one piece, by a man in a '''flowered ''SARONG!''''' |
| 1981 | * A and B plots collide at the end, when Cliff and Norm confess, and Sam demands their credit cards. They reluctantly hand them over, asking Sam not cut them up. |
| 1982 | -->'''Sam:''' I'm not gonna cut them up.\ |
| 1983 | '''Norm:''' Don't cut 'em up, Sam.\ |
| 1984 | ''(Sam turns to Woody)''\ |
| 1985 | '''Sam:''' Woody, you're back in business. Shop away.\ |
| 1986 | '''Woody:''' Alright!\ |
| 1987 | '''Cliff:''' Get the scissors and cut them right now!\ |
| 1988 | ''(Norm and Cliff start chasing after Woody, while he starts dialling on his portable phone)'' |
| 1989 | |
| 1990 | [[AC:914: Honor Thy Mother]] |
| 1991 | * This exchange: |
| 1992 | -->'''Frasier:''' Carla, death is an earthly scientific passage predicted by either massive physical injury or progressive bodily deterioration. There is as little validity in a supposed death dream as there is in the clichéd image of death itself as a grim bloodless ghoul whose bony finger reaches out to tap you on the shoulder when your number's up.\ |
| 1993 | '''Lilith:''' ''(silently comes up behind him and taps him on the shoulder)'' Frasier, it's time to go.\ |
| 1994 | '''Frasier:''' AAAAH! |
| 1995 | |
| 1996 | [[AC:915: Achilles Hill]] |
| 1997 | * To Carla's horror, Woody has found a foosball table which she believes is cursed, having apparently turned Cheers into a dark and dismal place. |
| 1998 | -->'''Woody:''' Ohhh, so that's how it happened... |
| 1999 | ** Carla's story continues, mentioning how the guy hired to remove it fell backwards into traffic. |
| 2000 | --->'''Carla:''' I still remember his last words... "What the-?" |
| 2001 | * John Allen Hill rubs his ownership of Melville's title deeds in Sam's face. |
| 2002 | -->'''Sam:''' Why do you bring that up every time?\ |
| 2003 | '''Hill:''' ''That's'' why. |
| 2004 | * Carla's warnings about the foosball table go unheeded, until... |
| 2005 | -->'''Carla:''' I'm just trying to save you guys.\ |
| 2006 | '''Frasier:''' Aw, c'mon, Carla. It's just a harmless foosball game, we're just having fun. So look, here, you drop the ball so I can tear the heads off these pasty faced geeks and ''drink their warm, red blood!''\ |
| 2007 | ''(Frasier stops in horror, before giving way to embarrassment)''\ |
| 2008 | '''Frasier:''' Did my head just turn completely around, or was that just a trick of the light? |
| 2009 | * Rebecca has her own theories about why Sam wants to sleep with Hill's daughter. |
| 2010 | -->'''Rebecca:''' The only reason you want her is because you can't have her. It's the same with me.\ |
| 2011 | '''Woody:''' [[ComicallyMissingThePoint You wanted her too, Miss Howe?]] Boy, I've been in this city one month too long. |
| 2012 | * Sam has Woody act as a go-between. Unfortunately, Woody couldn't find Allen's daughter, and handed the note about a romantic weekend over to Hill's busboy Reuben... and didn't clarify who the note was for. |
| 2013 | * As Sam tries to flirt with Valerie, he insists he's never done anything like this before. Cue every non-Carla woman in the bar scoffing and walking out. |
| 2014 | -->'''Valerie:''' What's wrong with them?\ |
| 2015 | '''Sam:''' The blond has bad sinuses. ''(calling after the women)'' THE REST JUST HAVE BAD ATTITUDES! |
| 2016 | * Of course, as it turns out, Rebecca was on the money, just not in the way she thought: Valerie's only dating Sam to get back at her dad. The minute he approves, she dumps Sam. |
| 2017 | -->'''Sam:''' I know how to get back at him. This is the busiest time at his restaurant. HEY, REUBEN! GET YOUR COAT, WE'RE GOING DANCING! |
| 2018 | |
| 2019 | [[AC:916: The Days of Wine and Neuroses]] |
| 2020 | * The episode begins with most of the regulars complaining about the jukebox being taken out for repairs and how its replacement, a karaoke machine, is not something they could ever imagine using. Frasier spends the entire scene loudly protesting that they never used the jukebox in the first place. |
| 2021 | * Once the karaoke machine arrives, [[ThoseTwoGuys Norm and Cliff]] singing "Lollipop" turns into a RunningGag. The hilarity is dialled up to eleven when they sing it after having inhaled helium. |
| 2022 | * At Rebecca's bridal shower, Frasier declares a toast... to Lilith, to save his own buns. Then Woody gives Lilith a toast, prompting her to remark "this is more attention than I got at my own shower." Then Rebecca gives her own toast... |
| 2023 | -->'''Rebecca:''' To [Sam] and all the guys in the bar. You really stood by me, and I love you all.\ |
| 2024 | '''Norm:''' To us!\ |
| 2025 | '''Sam:''' Thank you.\ |
| 2026 | '''Lilith:''' She didn't mention my name.\ |
| 2027 | '''Rebecca:''' Wait a minute, wait a minute, I'd like to make another toast.\ |
| 2028 | '''Lilith:''' She's going to bail herself out.\ |
| 2029 | '''Rebecca:''' To Robin!\ |
| 2030 | '''All:''' Robin!\ |
| 2031 | '''Lilith:''' Strike two.\ |
| 2032 | '''Rebecca:''' ''(pouring another glass of champagne)'' Wait, wait wait, I feel like I'm leaving somebody out.\ |
| 2033 | '''Lilith:''' Here we go.\ |
| 2034 | '''Rebecca:''' To me, and to my happiness!\ |
| 2035 | '''Lilith:''' Okay, Frasier, that's it. Get your coat.\ |
| 2036 | '''Rebecca:''' And, of course, to Lilith.\ |
| 2037 | '''Lilith:''' Oh, Rebecca, [[BlatantLies you didn't have to]]! ''(to Frasier, who's already putting his coat on)'' Frasier, put your coat down. We're not going anywhere. |
| 2038 | * As it turns out, Frasier falls victim to the karaoke machine's lure, singing day and night. Lilith tries getting him to stop, to no avail. |
| 2039 | -->'''Lilith:''' It's a dangerous combination: a karaoke machine and an obsessive personality whose parents who used to play Broadway cast albums to drown out their lovemaking. |
| 2040 | * Concerned for Rebecca's two day absence after storming out of the bar, Sam asks Lilith for advice. She's her usual helpful self. |
| 2041 | -->'''Lilith:''' I'm going to tell you what I tell all my patients: "What do ''you'' think?"\ |
| 2042 | '''Sam:''' They pay you for that?\ |
| 2043 | '''Lilith:''' What do ''you'' think? |
| 2044 | |
| 2045 | [[AC: 917: Wedding Bell Blues]] |
| 2046 | * Everyone getting bed up with Frasier's non-stop karaoke singing and asking Lilith if she knows a solution. She says she does, but it's a drastic one, then goes over, snatches the mike and starts enthusiastically singing herself (yet another nod to Creator/BebeNeuwirth's Tony-winning Broadway career) while Frasier sulks jealously, and everyone else applauds, with Lilith getting so caught up in it that she won't stop when Sam wants silence to make an announcement. |
| 2047 | -->'''Lilith:''' ''(singing)'' [[Theatre/CallMeMadam "You don't need analyzing, it is not so surprising. That you feel very strange but nice..."]] |
| 2048 | * Everyone boos Sam when he cuts her off, but Lilith takes it in stride. |
| 2049 | -->'''Lilith:''' Always leave 'em wanting more. |
| 2050 | |
| 2051 | [[AC:918: I'm Getting My Act Together and Sticking it in Your Face]] |
| 2052 | * In TheTeaser, the guys show off various tricks they can do with their fingers and hands. Lilith overhears and shows off her own skill: putting her entire fist into her mouth. She's declared "queen" of such tricks, and starts writing a message, which the gang initially thinks is her going for bonus points...but she's actually writing "My fist is stuck. Call 911." |
| 2053 | -->'''Frasier:''' ''[leading Lilith away]'' You know, this happens to her more often than you'd think. |
| 2054 | * The RunningGag of Frasier's "adaptations" of Dickens novels. |
| 2055 | ** Things start at a low ebb when he compares Rebecca - still in her wedding dress after abandoning her plans to marry Robin Colcord - to Miss Havisham from ''Literature/GreatExpectations''. When no-one gets the reference, he throws out the names Pip, Miss Havisham, Magwitch... and then gets their interest with [[Franchise/TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles "four pizza-loving turtles who practise martial arts in the sewer."]] |
| 2056 | ** When Frasier's attempt to draw another parallel between Woody letting Rebecca borrow his clothes and car so that she can go out and get her life back together (not anticipating this would involve her flying to San Diego) and Sydney Carton's sacrifice in ''Literature/ATaleOfTwoCities'' falls on similarly clueless ears, he decides to read aloud from his newly purchased first edition to the bar. He reads off the famous opening lines, and everyone gradually loses interest...until he throws in an interesting twist that comes from Stephen King's ''Literature/{{IT}}.'' |
| 2057 | --->'''Frasier:''' And there was...a BLOODTHIRSTY CLOWN! Who lured little children down into the sewers and SWALLOWED THEM WHOLE! |
| 2058 | ** His attempt to create interest in ''Literature/DavidCopperfield'' involves talking about two coppers, a field and bodily dismemberment. |
| 2059 | ** By the time Lilith arrives, she is delighted to hear that Frasier appears to have stoked bar interest in Dickens - until Norm announces that they're all waiting to hear the story of ''Literature/OliverTwist: The Wrath of Fagin''. |
| 2060 | --->'''Lilith:''' ... excuse me?\ |
| 2061 | '''Frasier:''' ''[embarrassed pause]'' Darling... I've done some things the past few weeks I'm not very proud of. Just... leave it alone. |
| 2062 | ** Frasier gets the last word of the episode after the A-plot reaches a denouement of... well, Frasier himself puts it best: |
| 2063 | --->'''Frasier:''' Y'know, in the space of the last 30 seconds, we have witnessed deceit, sexual turmoil and sudden senseless violence. It puts me in mind of a passage from... ''Literature/ThePickwickPapers''. |
| 2064 | * A severely depressed Rebecca sits down on Norm's favored bar-stool, and starts acting odd, leaving the suggestion Norm has managed to imprint on it: |
| 2065 | -->'''Rebecca:''' I just want to sit on this stool and not move for the rest of time.\ |
| 2066 | '''Norm:''' Jeez, maybe it is the stool. |
| 2067 | * After having vowed to get her life back together, Rebecca walks out of the bar in an oversized shirt which looks ''suspiciously'' like what Woody was wearing... turns out she stole his clothes. |
| 2068 | * Woody is forced to substitute with clothes straight out of the 70s. |
| 2069 | -->'''Woody:''' Who'd be dumb enough to wear this?\ |
| 2070 | '''Cliff:''' Hey, those clothes look familiar...\ |
| 2071 | '''Carla:''' ''(investigating the collar)'' "Property of C. Clavin". I think, deep down, we all knew that. |
| 2072 | * Having inadvertently said he loves Rebecca over the phone, Sam tries asking Norm if he made a mistake. Norm says "yes", so he goes to more intellectual support. |
| 2073 | -->'''Lilith:''' [[BrutalHonesty You're dead meat on a stick.]] |
| 2074 | * Sam isn't too wild about being tied down, but makes the mistake of asking Frasier. |
| 2075 | -->'''Sam:''' I don't want to be tied to one woman forever. Can you imagine how ''creepy'' that would be, Frasier?\ |
| 2076 | ''(long pause, as Lilith, who is sitting ''right next to him'', stares at Frasier)''\ |
| 2077 | '''Frasier:''' I'll... give my answer some other time, Sam. |
| 2078 | |
| 2079 | [[AC:919: Crash of the Titans]] |
| 2080 | * Rebecca is trying to buy the bar from Sam. Meanwhile, the bar is out of vermouth and Sam keeps dropping hints. |
| 2081 | -->'''Rebecca:''' I'm prepared to offer you $25,000 in cash. |
| 2082 | -->'''Sam:''' How about $15,000 in cash and $10,000 in '''''VERMOUTH'''''? |
| 2083 | * Lilith noting Rebecca's desire to buy the bar: |
| 2084 | -->'''Lilith:''' This is a bit of a surprise, isn't it, Rebecca? Why would you want Cheers? I would think for you this bar would only have negative associations connected with it. Well, think of all the heartbreak you've had here, the forgotten goals, the missed opportunities.\ |
| 2085 | '''Norm:''' Hey, it's called "atmosphere", babe.\ |
| 2086 | '''Lilith:''' ''(ignoring him)'' I would think for you this place would have the stench of failure.\ |
| 2087 | '''Carla:''' No, that's just Clavin, and F.Y.I., it's not just failure.\ |
| 2088 | '''Rebecca:''' You know, actually, Lilith, I had a more productive, successful times at Cheers than I've had anyplace else in my life.\ |
| 2089 | '''Lilith:''' Dear '''''God'''''. ''(sees the look Rebecca's giving her)'' [[BlatantLies Oh, I'm sorry. I was thinking of something else.]] ''(immediately grabs her purse and leaves)'' |
| 2090 | * Rebecca getting an appraiser to look over the bar. He's taken back by Norm's bar-stool, and then has to deal with Cliff. |
| 2091 | -->'''Appraiser:''' Is that mailman going to be here?\ |
| 2092 | '''Rebecca:''' I think so.\ |
| 2093 | '''Appraiser:''' Well, I'll run the numbers both ways. |
| 2094 | * Carla, having gotten glasses, threatens the barflies if they laugh she'll rip out their tongue. Cliff laughs anyway. Carla sprays him with water. |
| 2095 | * The bidding war between Sam and Rebecca over Cheers. Rebecca offers $25000 from her dad, prompting a particularly evil snark from Hill. |
| 2096 | -->'''John Allen Hill:''' Sam, do you have a father? |
| 2097 | * Woody compliments Carla on her glasses, saying that it almost makes her look like Albert Einstein. |
| 2098 | -->'''Woody:''' Actually, from this angle, you do.\ |
| 2099 | ''(Carla glowers, then sprays Cliff with water again)''\ |
| 2100 | '''Cliff:''' W-what? What did I do?!\ |
| 2101 | '''Carla:''' I have to work with ''him''. |
| 2102 | |
| 2103 | [[AC:920: Cheers has Chili]] |
| 2104 | * Cliff reveals he's been watching the weather channel solely because he's got a crush on a weathergirl with a lisp. |
| 2105 | -->'''Cliff:''' Also it's on all night.\ |
| 2106 | '''Frasier:''' ... you're a very lonely man, aren't you? |
| 2107 | * Sam's [[BlatantLies entirely restrained opinion]] on Rebecca turning the backroom into a tea room. |
| 2108 | -->'''Sam:''' I hate it! I ''hate'' it! I '''hate''' it! |
| 2109 | * Frasier talking about mistresses in front of Lilith. |
| 2110 | -->'''Frasier:''' Let me have this one. I already admitted I was whipped in front of the boys.\ |
| 2111 | '''Lilith:''' ... that was good. |
| 2112 | * Carla has interesting views on what's right and what's wrong. |
| 2113 | -->'''Sam:''' You were the one who told me to cheat!\ |
| 2114 | '''Carla:''' No, I said to ''kill'' [Rebecca]. Cheating is ''wrong''. |
| 2115 | * To prove he's not a sore loser, Sam agrees to eat some of Woody's chili. Before going into the backroom, Woody asks if he knows how to turn on the stove, but Sam's confident he'll figure it out. Not even twenty seconds later, there's an almighty kaboom. |
| 2116 | -->'''Woody:''' Yep, that's how I figured it out. |
| 2117 | * Sam, covered in chili and stunned, is asked if he's alright. |
| 2118 | -->'''Sam:''' You ever had a pot of chili pass by your head at the speed of light?\ |
| 2119 | '''Carla:''' No?\ |
| 2120 | '''Sam:''' ''Don't.'' |
| 2121 | |
| 2122 | [[AC:921: Carla Loves Clavin]] |
| 2123 | * Sam complains about the progress of society meaning the Boston Barmaid Contest no longer judges solely on breast size, demonstrating with a chart of the winners of every year. |
| 2124 | -->'''Woody:''' Uh, Sam, what's this big dip here?\ |
| 2125 | '''Sam:''' Oh, that's the year [[ContinuityNod Diane won]]. |
| 2126 | * Watching Carla's horrific experience with Cliff, Woody compares it to his contest experience with Mary-Belle, his prize hog, and how she never won because he didn't schmooze enough. |
| 2127 | -->'''Woody:''' Went home a loser. Broke my heart.\ |
| 2128 | '''Frasier:''' And how was Mary-Belle?\ |
| 2129 | '''Woody:''' Delicious with apple-sauce. |
| 2130 | * After Cliff's obnoxiousness reaches new heights, Carla kicks Frasier off his stool. A moment later, Cliff does some more obnoxiousness, and this time, Frasier tosses ''himself'' off his seat. |
| 2131 | * At the start of the contest, the judge explains the categories of the contest. Then a mysterious falsetto calls out from the back of the bar. |
| 2132 | -->'''Sam:''' What about the bikini round?\ |
| 2133 | '''Judge:''' We're well aware of your views Mr. Malone. |
| 2134 | |
| 2135 | [[AC:925: Rat Girl]] |
| 2136 | * Frasier drops his professionalism during one afternoon in Cheers: |
| 2137 | -->'''Woody:''' Hey, how's it going, Dr. Crane?\ |
| 2138 | '''Frasier:''' Oh, the usual. The crying, the tantrums, the bedwetting.\ |
| 2139 | '''Woody:''' Yeah, that's fatherhood.\ |
| 2140 | '''Frasier:''' ''[sighs]'' No, that's my therapy group. Whatta buncha losers. |
| 2141 | * Fras reveals he and Lilith are looking for a private school. Cliff speaks up in defense of public. |
| 2142 | -->'''Cliff:''' W-w-wait, what's wrong with public school? I went to public school.\ |
| 2143 | ''(Frasier tries desperately not to chuckle)''\ |
| 2144 | '''Frasier:''' I love you, Cliff. Don't ever change. |
| 2145 | * Rebecca has gone on a health-food kick, only for Woody to point out a flaw: |
| 2146 | -->'''Woody:''' I have a question: You know how you're always talking about how you hate your life. How come you wanna make it longer?\ |
| 2147 | '''Rebecca:''' Shut up, Woody. |
| 2148 | * Lilith enters, in an unusual mood: |
| 2149 | -->'''Frasier:''' You look so sombre.\ |
| 2150 | '''Carla:''' How can ya tell?\ |
| 2151 | '''Frasier:''' Took a shot and got lucky. |
| 2152 | * When Carla makes a smart remark about Lilith's lab rats, Lilith defends her rats to her. |
| 2153 | -->'''Lilith:''' That rat was the envy of others.\ |
| 2154 | '''Frasier:''' You know, that's true, but I got over it. |
| 2155 | * Having failed to hit it off with an attractive woman twice, Sam is horrified to see her go off with Paul. Fat, balding Paul. |
| 2156 | -->'''Sam:''' This isn't happening. No, no. In a few seconds, I'm gonna wake up in bed, covered in my own sweat. ''(leans against the bar)'' Okay, here we go... oh, this is gonna be a long one. |
| 2157 | * Lilith doesn't take learning Fras has disposed of Whitey, her dead rat, very well. We hear a few seconds of clanging and battering, and then it turns out Lilith has stuck Frasier in a trash can head-first. |
| 2158 | * The next morning, Frasier's spent the night on Sam's couch, more uncomfortable than a couch used by [[TheCasanova Sam]] should be, and is hungry. An obnoxiously pro-health food Rebecca suggests her wares. |
| 2159 | -->'''Frasier:''' I won't eat that crap.\ |
| 2160 | '''Rebecca:''' Frasier, you're a doctor. You should believe in health and nutrition.\ |
| 2161 | '''Frasier:''' Doesn't mean I have to listen to some tree-hugging, dirt-munching druid. |
| 2162 | * In order to make sure they get the most prestigious private kindergarten for Frederick, Frasier and Lilith must pretend to be civil to one another. It lasts up until the teachers show them the pet hamster's new babies, at which point Lilith ''explodes'' at Frasier. |
| 2163 | -->'''Lilith:''' Oh, look at that little one in the corner. He looks just like Whitey.\ |
| 2164 | '''Teacher:''' Who's Whitey?\ |
| 2165 | '''Lilith:''' Oh, he was my favourite dead rat, that this ''bastard'' took and ''threw'' in the ''trash!''\ |
| 2166 | '''Frasier:''' Oh, don't mind her, she's just overemotional, and crazy as a ''loon''!\ |
| 2167 | '''Lilith:''' I suppose you'd like to take one of these and throw it in the garbage, too? ''(marches over to the nursery's birdcage)'' Oh, why don't you just bite the heads off these birds while you're at it, ''Dr. DEATH''?! |
| 2168 | |
| 2169 | [[AC:926: Home Malone]] |
| 2170 | * TheTeaser takes the concept of a NoodleIncident and runs with it... |
| 2171 | -->'''Frasier:''' ''[hanging up the bar phone]'' Oh, Woody? Our babysitter just cancelled, could you sit with Frederick tonight?\ |
| 2172 | '''Woody:''' Okay.\ |
| 2173 | '''Frasier:''' Oh, great, Woody, thanks. ''[picks up the phone]''\ |
| 2174 | '''Woody:''' Yeah, I'm used to it. I used to babysit a lot back in Hanover - well, before... the ''incident''.\ |
| 2175 | '''Frasier:''' ''(slams his hand on the phone's switchhook)'' ''[{{Beat}}]'' You know, ''[hangs up the phone]'' I think Lilith's mother owes us a favour, thanks anyway, Woody. ''[leaves; Woody waves goodbye]''\ |
| 2176 | '''Rebecca:''' ''[entering from the back room]'' Oh, good, Woody, come here a minute. Listen, I'm gonna go out of town for the weekend, and I want you to feed my cat. Now, I know it's an imposition, but... y'know.\ |
| 2177 | '''Woody:''' Okay.\ |
| 2178 | '''Rebecca:''' Well, you're really good with animals, aren't you?\ |
| 2179 | '''Woody:''' Well, yeah, I mean, I had lots of pets back in Hanover - before... the ''incident''.\ |
| 2180 | '''Rebecca:''' ''[{{Beat}}]'' You know, Woody, on second thought, I, I'm gonna ask my next door neighbour, but, but thanks anyway. ''[Woody opens a bottle of water as he watches Rebecca leave]''\ |
| 2181 | '''Paul:''' Hey, Woody. That's a really clever trick. You could get outta doing anything with that.\ |
| 2182 | '''Woody:''' Yeah. Just wish I'd thought of it before... the ''incident''. |
| 2183 | |
| 2184 | [[AC:927: Uncle Sam Wants You]] |
| 2185 | * In TheTeaser, Woody is excited to see that the book of crossword puzzles he's ordered has arrived. He says that the best thing about the book is that it lists all the answers in the back, which can help with tough clues. He, Norm, and Cliff then start filling in the first puzzle...by copying directly out of the answer section. |
| 2186 | -->'''Woody:''' Hey, these are great once you get the hang of 'em, huh? |
| 2187 | * Bothered by Sam's desire to spend time with Freddy, Lilith puts her foot down. |
| 2188 | -->'''Lilith:''' Am I going to have to play Bad Cop.\ |
| 2189 | '''Frasier:''' Now let me understand... are you saying that up - up until this point... you've been playing ''good'' cop? |
| 2190 | * Sam starts bothering Lilith and Frasier by showing up increasingly early in the morning to play with Frederick. One time has him showing up at half five in the morning, much to a very groggy Frasier's confusion. |
| 2191 | -->'''Frasier:''' That wasn't... Sam Malone, was it? Please tell me that was an armed intruder. |
| 2192 | * Lilith mentions Sam's been preventing them from having sex in the morning. Frasier is astounded they ''could've'' been having sex in the morning. |
| 2193 | -->'''Lilith:''' It's getting so we can't make love in the morning.\ |
| 2194 | '''Frasier:''' ''(baffled)'' I didn't know we could make love in the morning.\ |
| 2195 | '''Lilith:''' We ''can't''. It was just a "for instance".\ |
| 2196 | ''(Frasier nods in begrudging understanding)'' |
| 2197 | * Frasier tries to see things from Sam's perspective. |
| 2198 | -->'''Frasier:''' His affection for Frederick is not unusual under the circumstances. After all, he's an aging playboy who is just now coming to realize that... he has nothing and he has no progeny left to carry on his name, and that is a frightening revelation for any man.\ |
| 2199 | '''Lilith:''' Frasier. It's 5:55 in the morning.\ |
| 2200 | '''Frasier:''' The heave-ho. |
| 2201 | * Fras and Lilith try to delicately break the subject of leaving to Sam via snuggle time. |
| 2202 | -->'''Lilith:''' We're not saying we want to be intimate right ''now''.\ |
| 2203 | '''Frasier:''' ''(under his breath)'' God forbid while the sun's up. |
| 2204 | * Things do not get better when it turns out Freddy now sees ''Sam'' as his dad. Lilith takes Freddy off into the kitchen, leaving an angry Frasier and Sam together. |
| 2205 | -->'''Frasier:''' He's my son, I made him, I get to keep him!\ |
| 2206 | '''Sam:''' Come on, Fras. Calm down.\ |
| 2207 | '''Frasier:''' Look, this my house, my child, and my wife, who thanks to you, I don't even have time to make love to in the morning!\ |
| 2208 | '''Sam:''' I thought you said-\ |
| 2209 | '''Frasier:''' '''Alright, I'm raving!''' |
| 2210 | * Paul is not taken with the idea of Sam bringing a child into Cheers. |
| 2211 | -->'''Woody:''' C'mon, wouldn't you like a little guy all soft and cuddly you could burp every once in a while?\ |
| 2212 | ''(Paul looks at Norm)''\ |
| 2213 | '''Paul:''' Like we need another one of those. |
| 2214 | * Sam dreams of Elvis giving him advice on who to conceive a child with. On waking him up, Frasier mentions this is not an uncommon thing for him to hear. |
| 2215 | -->'''Frasier:''' I've got four or five patients who've had this dream. I'm gonna tell you what I tell them: The man is ''dead!'' |
| 2216 | [[/folder]] |
| 2217 | |
| 2218 | [[folder:Season 10]] |
| 2219 | [[AC:1001: Baby Balk]] |
| 2220 | * Sam pointing out that Cheers has a smoking section, much to Norm's surprise. |
| 2221 | -->'''Norm:''' We have a smoking section?\ |
| 2222 | '''Sam:''' Over by the piano.\ |
| 2223 | '''Norm:''' We have a ''piano?''\ |
| 2224 | ''(Sam gestures to the piano, which has been sitting there for the last ten years)''\ |
| 2225 | '''Norm:''' Whoa. I gotta turn my head more often. |
| 2226 | * Sam puts Woody in charge, despite his mentioning people (I.E. Carla) laugh and pour drinks on his head when this happens. Sam does so anyway. Everyone laughs, and Carla pours a beer over Woody's head. |
| 2227 | * Lilith scolds the gang for taking an interest in Sam's sex life. |
| 2228 | -->'''Lilith:''' Do you always talk about whether you decide to sire an offspring?\ |
| 2229 | '''Norm:''' Frasier did.\ |
| 2230 | ''(Lilith glowers at Frasier)''\ |
| 2231 | '''Frasier:''' Anyhoo... |
| 2232 | * When Rebecca calls Lilith for advice, when Carla interrupts she snaps at her "shut up, this is juicy!" |
| 2233 | -->'''Rebecca:''' He couldn't perform.\ |
| 2234 | '''Lilith:''' Oh my god, [[SignOfTheApocalypse the seventh sign]]! |
| 2235 | |
| 2236 | [[AC:1002: Get Your Kicks on Route 666]] |
| 2237 | * After Sam, Norm, Cliff, and Frasier hit the road, they ask each other about the last time they cried. Norm's story appears to be the saddest of them all, but there's a sting in the tail: |
| 2238 | -->'''Norm:''' Well... there was this one time, uh, we thought Vera was pregnant, and... ''[shrugs]'' And then, it turns out she wasn't.\ |
| 2239 | '''Frasier:''' I'm sorry, Norm.\ |
| 2240 | '''Cliff:''' You never told me that, buddy.\ |
| 2241 | '''Norm:''' Well, it turns out she was lying. She didn't tell ''me'' 'til after the wedding. I must have cried for a week. |
| 2242 | |
| 2243 | [[AC: 1003: Madame [=LaCarla=]]] |
| 2244 | * After Cliff and his mother see ''Theatre/ArsenicAndOldLace,'' Cliff comments that his mom thought the idea of old ladies being murderers is greatly entertaining and has been watching him sleep while chuckling sinisterly ever since. |
| 2245 | * Woody is distraught when a theatrical review says "Woody Boyd is weak." The others tell him it doesn't matter what the critics say [[TemptingFate as long as they spell his name right]]. Lilith reveals the critic actually wrote "Woody ''Doyb'' is weak." |
| 2246 | |
| 2247 | [[AC:1004: The Norm Who Came to Dinner]] |
| 2248 | * Frasier tries chatting with Norm (he's not allowed to watch TV in the daytime), prompting Norm to tell Frasier he's starting to ''miss'' Cliff. |
| 2249 | * Further conversation has Frasier mention PBS, much to Norm's confusion. |
| 2250 | -->'''Norm:''' What's PBS?\ |
| 2251 | '''Lilith:''' ''(to Frasier)'' Tell me you didn't see that coming from a mile away. |
| 2252 | * With Norm laid up in Chez Crane, Cliff comes to visit, prompting some Lilith snark. |
| 2253 | -->'''Lilith:''' Well, well, Norm and Cliff in my home. Normally at this point I wake up drenched in sweat. |
| 2254 | * Lilith tries waking an unresponsive Frasier. |
| 2255 | -->'''Lilith:''' Frasier? ''(no response)'' Frasier? ... Doctor, are you listening to me?\ |
| 2256 | '''Frasier:''' ''(eyes open)'' Yes, yes, I'm listening. Please, continue. ''(realizes where he is)'' I hate it when you do that. |
| 2257 | * Lilith knows how to motivate her husband, when he refuses to boot the gang out of their house. |
| 2258 | -->'''Lilith:''' Would you ever like to see me naked again in the 90s?\ |
| 2259 | '''Frasier:''' You know, that would be more effective if you didn't use it every time you want me to do something. |
| 2260 | * Lilith tries making an analogy. |
| 2261 | -->'''Lilith:''' Have you ever had a dog and the dog had fleas but when the dog left the fleas were still there?\ |
| 2262 | '''Woody:''' ''(walking past)'' Yeah, that happened to me. 'cept it wasn't a dog, it was a pig. And we had fleas the size of golf balls. |
| 2263 | * On Norm's suggestion, Lilith tries lightening up. She sits there for a moment, and then declares "oh, wow, this feels much better." |
| 2264 | |
| 2265 | [[AC:1006: Unplanned Parenthood]] |
| 2266 | * In TheTeaser, Carla opens up Cheers first thing in the morning and puts on "I Got the Sun in the Morning" from ''Annie Get Your Gun.'' She ''dances'' around the bar, climbing on the tables and riding the chairs down to arrange them, laughs, and generally has an amazing time. The second Sam and Rebecca arrive, though, she immediately adopts her cranky persona. |
| 2267 | |
| 2268 | [[AC:1008: Where Have All The Floorboards Gone?]] |
| 2269 | * In TheTeaser, Frasier parks his BMW outside Cheers and is about to head in when the alarm goes off. Seeing no-one trying to break in, he disarms it with the key fob... and then it happens again... and again, to Frasier's mounting anger. The camera slowly pans down to reveal Norm (with a beer in his hand) and Cliff, crouching next to his car. |
| 2270 | -->'''Cliff:''' ''[laughing with Norm]'' This never gets old! ''[Norm tugs on the door handle to set the alarm off yet again, then holds his hand out for Cliff to give him five; Frasier barrels back up the stairs leading down to Cheers, now near apoplectic with fury]'' |
| 2271 | * Lilith gets uncertain about her haircut and asks Frasier what he thinks. Frasier, trained shrink and married man, realizes he's screwed either way. |
| 2272 | -->'''Frasier:''' You know, Lilith, you should do with those raven tresses whatever pleases you. Because my angel, if you're happy, I'm happy.\ |
| 2273 | '''Lilith:''' You're chicken.\ |
| 2274 | '''Frasier:''' But happy. |
| 2275 | * Frasier changes tack, suggesting Lilith does change her hair, and true to Frasier's prediction asks if he thinks something's wrong with her appearance. So what does Frasier do? |
| 2276 | -->'''Frasier:''' Just a second, dear... ''(turns around, and starts walking away, before breaking into a run)'' TAXI! |
| 2277 | * Cliff's idea of a birthday gift. |
| 2278 | -->'''Cliff:''' I did a lot of research, uncovered a lot of interesting facts, and, uh... I'm not gonna share them with ya!\ |
| 2279 | '''Norm:''' I love ya! ''(hugs Cliff)'' |
| 2280 | * The episode's plot kicks in when the gang starts wondering how many bolts in the floor of Boston Garden, and try asking Kevin [=McHale=] about it. Carla trying to warn Kevin against getting caught in the gang's stupidity. It doesn't work. |
| 2281 | -->'''Carla:''' Hey! Stop, stop, stop it! Just turn around and run the other way!\ |
| 2282 | '''Kevin:''' What're you talking about?\ |
| 2283 | '''Carla:''' Oh, Kevin. I'm warning you because I love you. ''Don't'' get caught up in one of those conversations. You'll end up like those guys. They never leave their stools. It's a disease, and they're trying to hook you. I knew this guy once who was a respected psychiatrist. It's too late for him, but I can still save you. |
| 2284 | * Kevin, still bothered by the bolt question, having blown a game thanks to his distraction, phoning up Cheers in the middle of the night, much to his wife's annoyance. |
| 2285 | -->'''Sam:''' Boy, you really stunk it up out there, huh?\ |
| 2286 | '''Kevin:''' Hey, I saw you pitch. You're not entitled to an opinion.\ |
| 2287 | [...]\ |
| 2288 | '''Lynn [=McHale=]:''' Honey, who's that?\ |
| 2289 | '''Kevin:''' Just the guys at Cheers.\ |
| 2290 | ''(Lynn [=McHale=] grunts in irritation and unplugs the phone)'' |
| 2291 | * Lilith's new haircut. Words do not do it justice. The final scene of this subplot is her trying to seek sympathy from Rebecca. |
| 2292 | -->'''Lilith:''' Does this permanent make my hair look utterly ridiculous?\ |
| 2293 | '''Rebecca:''' ''(stone-faced, casually leaning against the bar)'' No, not at all. I think it's a delightful change.\ |
| 2294 | '''Lilith:''' So do I. Damn that Frasier. For a moment, he had me believing I was a laughingstock. Thank you. ''(she leaves)''\ |
| 2295 | '''Rebecca:''' Don't mention it. What're friends for?\ |
| 2296 | '''Carla:''' How can you just stand there, staring at that hairdo and not bust a gut laughing?\ |
| 2297 | ''(Rebecca raises her left hand, which is stuck in a mousetrap)''\ |
| 2298 | '''Rebecca:''' ''(strained)'' No problem. |
| 2299 | * Kevin returns to the bar with blueprints to Boston Garden, consumed by the bolt question, until his wife appears to drag him away, and Carla's still going on at the boys, calling them vampires. |
| 2300 | -->'''Carla:''' Today it's how many bolts are in the floor, tomorrow they'll have him on to "if ''Series/TheBradyBunch'' crashes in the Andes, who's going to eat who first?"\ |
| 2301 | '''Woody:''' Well, they'd probably eat the maid, 'cuz she ain't kin. |
| 2302 | * Having snuck into Boston Gardens, Norm gets out a basketball which turns out to be extremely flat, and we get another hint at just how long he's been at Cheers. |
| 2303 | -->'''Sam:''' When was the last time you were at the gym?\ |
| 2304 | '''Norm:''' I dunno. I used to go to that one next door to Cheers.\ |
| 2305 | '''Cliff:''' There's no gym next door to Cheers.\ |
| 2306 | '''Norm:''' Yeah, there was. They tore it down. They put up that bookstore.\ |
| 2307 | '''Cliff:''' There's no bookstore there either.\ |
| 2308 | '''Norm:''' They tore that down and put that bank there.\ |
| 2309 | '''Sam:''' Bank's been there as long as I can remember.\ |
| 2310 | '''Norm:''' Well, there you go. |
| 2311 | |
| 2312 | [[AC:1009: Head Over Hill]] |
| 2313 | * The teaser has Woody dealing with a prank call, only to explain to the prankee that a running fridge is "[[HiddenDepths what we call a homonym]]". And the source of this crank call? |
| 2314 | -->''(the phone rings; Woody answers it as Norm waves his hands as if to say "If it's Vera, I'm not here.")''\ |
| 2315 | '''Woody:''' Cheers. ''(listens)'' Uh, hang on a second, I'll check. ''(walks over to the fridge, then back to the phone)'' Yeah, the refigerator's running. Thank you for asking. ''(listens)'' What? ''(listens; chuckles)'' Well, how could it possibly get away? ''(listens)'' No, the refrigerator doesn't have the power of movement. ''(listens)'' Well, yeah, sure, I get it, but see, running - the way you're using it - c-can only mean working. See, it's a - it's what we call a homonym. ''(listens)'' I'm sorry, too. ''(puts the phone down)'' Boy, Mr. Peterson, some people. ''(whistles and makes "cuckoo" gesture)''\ |
| 2316 | '''Frasier:''' ''(exiting the hallway to the payphone with a frustrated Lilith, who is folding up the handkerchief she was evidently using to disguise her voice)'' Well, you tried to explain the joke. That's the problem. |
| 2317 | * Cliff is dressed up in a ridiculous Colonial-era outfit as part of a celebration of the Postal Service's history - he will be re-creating the final leg of the first delivery on horseback down the Boston Post Road (never mind that, as Norm points out, he doesn't know how to ride a horse). As he's crowing about how it's a highlight of his career, Paul enters. |
| 2318 | -->'''Paul:''' Why's Cliff dressed like that?\ |
| 2319 | '''Norm:''' ... I forget. |
| 2320 | * John Allen Hill descends the stairs from Melville's to Cheers to complain about Sam throwing the bar's garbage away in the restaurant's dumpsters. He has one of his usual exchanges with Carla beforehand: |
| 2321 | -->'''Hill:''' ''[reaching the foot of the stairs]'' Sa-a-am.\ |
| 2322 | '''Carla:''' What are you doing down here, Hill? Hair Club for Men meeting?\ |
| 2323 | '''Hill:''' Oh, I didn't see you down there, Miss Tortelli. Although frankly you do... ''[sniffs the air]'' announce your presence.\ |
| 2324 | '''Carla:''' So, have you decided what colour you're gonna dye your head for Easter?\ |
| 2325 | '''Hill:''' Why don't you just scuttle under the office door and get Sam?\ |
| 2326 | '''Carla:''' ''[screaming right in Hill's face]'' '''''SAM, HILL'S HERE!'''''\ |
| 2327 | '''Hill:''' ''[grimacing and turning his head away]'' Don't tell me... pizza for lunch? |
| 2328 | * So Hill puts a padlock on the dumpsters. With nowhere obvious to put the bag of garbage he has been asked to throw away, Woody drops it in Cliff's empty bar stool. Norm either doesn't notice or pretends not to notice the difference: |
| 2329 | -->'''Norm:''' ''[reading the paper]'' Cliffie, you want to, uh, pass me the sports page, please?\ |
| 2330 | '''Woody:''' Mr. Peterson, that's just a bag of garbage you're talking to.\ |
| 2331 | '''Norm:''' Come here, Woody. ''[angling the paper so that "Cliff" cannot see him]'' Maybe if we all cut Cliff a little bit of slack, he wouldn't be such a "bag of garbage", as you say. |
| 2332 | * Wanting to get back at Hill, Sam declares he's going to get the person in the bar most filled with hate and evil and unleash them on him. Woody pipes up that he's busy. |
| 2333 | * Rebecca bets Carla [[TemptingFate cannot reduce anyone to tears]]. Carla proceeds to do just that by [[KickTheDog mocking Rebecca about her childhood obesity.]] |
| 2334 | -->'''Carla:''' You don't think I can make somebody cry?\ |
| 2335 | '''Rebecca:''' [[TemptingFate No, actually, I don't.]]\ |
| 2336 | '''Carla:''' Maybe you're right. ''(turns, then turns back, grinning maliciously)'' Uh, say, Rebecca.\ |
| 2337 | '''Rebecca:''' Mm-hmm?\ |
| 2338 | '''Carla:''' When you were a little girl, why ''did'' you stop riding that pony?\ |
| 2339 | ''(Rebecca tenses up)''\ |
| 2340 | '''Carla:''' Was it because you got too ''fat?'' Just too damned ''fat?'' ''(Rebecca's lip starts to quiver)'' So damned ''fat'' you broke the back of a horse?\ |
| 2341 | ''(Rebecca is struggling not to cry)''\ |
| 2342 | '''Carla:''' ''(with feigned concern)'' What's the matter, Becks? Your eyes seem a little shiny.\ |
| 2343 | '''Rebecca:''' ''(tearfully)'' 's just an allergy or something. ''(flees)'' If anybody needs me, I'll be in my office! |
| 2344 | * Paul and Norm still haven't noticed Cliff's absence. |
| 2345 | -->'''Paul:''' ''(finding a flyer on the bar)'' Hey, what's this?\ |
| 2346 | '''Woody:''' Oh, that's a flier Mr. Clavin wanted me to pass around to the customers.\ |
| 2347 | '''Norm:''' Well, why didn't you?\ |
| 2348 | '''Woody:''' Because it's a flier Mr. Clavin wanted me to pass around to the customers. We've had trouble in that area before.\ |
| 2349 | ''(Norm nods in agreement)'' |
| 2350 | * Reluctantly, the barflies tune into the news broadcast of Cliff's horseback ride into Boston instead of a ''Series/BarnabyJones'' rerun; when the reporter says that Cliff's whereabouts are unknown, they switch back to ''Barnaby Jones'' just as Cliff calls the bar on a payphone from the red light district (with a bored-sounding strip club barker/bouncer droning "Naked, naked, naked" in the background), unable to control his horse. Norm decides he'd better look for Cliff, but he's never seen the end of this particular ''Barnaby Jones'' episode... |
| 2351 | -->'''Phil:''' The jewels are in the dog's collar.\ |
| 2352 | '''Norm:''' Oh. Thank you, Phil. ''[leaves]'' |
| 2353 | * Lilith trying to call everyone on gossiping about Carla. |
| 2354 | -->'''Lilith:''' Rather than allow her the time and space to open up to Sam in her own good time, you all have been behaving like a gaggle of fishwives.\ |
| 2355 | '''Frasier:''' ''(like a teenager)'' Well, hey, you blabbed first, girl. |
| 2356 | * Sam learns about what happened between Carla and Hill. He... doesn't take it well. |
| 2357 | -->'''Sam:''' ''(calmly)'' I'm not angry. It's just... well, the way I see it, uh... you let down the whole team. It's like, you know, the bottom of the ninth. One out, runner on first, you're up at bat. Coach tells you to bunt. Team expects you to bunt, the runner on first expects you to bunt, fans expect you to bunt. But instead of bunting... '''''YOU SLEEP WITH JOHN! ALLEN! HILL!''''' |
| 2358 | * Conversation turns to a topic of contention when Carla insists she never hated anyone Sam slept with... except... |
| 2359 | -->'''Sam:''' What about Diane?! Every morning you threatened to stick a hand grenade in her mouth and pull the pin! You hated her!\ |
| 2360 | '''Carla:''' ''(restrained but tense)'' I ''[[InsistentTerminology disapproved]]'' of her. |
| 2361 | * Cliff finally shows up at the bar; he finished his horseback delivery three hours late, but he says the original delivery they were re-creating was three ''weeks'' late, so he shaved off some time. When Woody says Norm is still out looking for him, he decides he'd better track him down, but then he sees the rerun of ''Series/{{Cannon}}'' on the bar's TV... and decides Norm can look after himself. Meanwhile, in the red light district... |
| 2362 | -->'''Strip Club Barker:''' ''[sounding as bored as he did when Cliff was on the payphone]'' Naked, naked, naked...\ |
| 2363 | '''Norm:''' Excuse me, I'm, uh, looking for a guy wearing a funny costume riding a horse?\ |
| 2364 | '''Barker:''' ''[puzzled]'' Try the place two doors down. ''[under his breath, as Norm leaves]'' Freak. ''[aloud]'' Naked, naked, naked... |
| 2365 | |
| 2366 | [[AC:1011: I'm Okay, You're Defective]] |
| 2367 | * Frasier getting increasingly wound up over the topic of his will, and Lilith messing with his head about it. |
| 2368 | -->'''Lilith:''' You are so cute when you fear for your life. |
| 2369 | * The final scene of the episode. Thanks to a mix-up, Frasier's will has gotten mixed up with Sam's sperm-count results. Cut to the future, as an older Lilith and Frederick are at the reading of Frasier's will. |
| 2370 | -->'''Executor:''' "Sam Malone's sperm count is well within normal range."\ |
| 2371 | '''Lilith:''' That damn bar... |
| 2372 | |
| 2373 | [[AC:1016: One Hugs, the Other Doesn't]] |
| 2374 | * For Frederick Crane's second birthday, Sam gets four tickets to see nationally popular children's singer [[Creator/EmmaThompson Nanny Gee]] (who also counts Woody among her most devoted fans). Frasier couldn't be less interested in the concert - until he wonders why Nanny Gee looks familiar... |
| 2375 | -->'''Frasier:''' I ''know'' I've seen her before... ''[sighs]'' I ''hate'' it when this happens!\ |
| 2376 | '''Lilith:''' Frasier, please be quiet, I'm trying to hear the lyrics. ''[Frasier gives Lilith a sceptical look; Nanny Gee continues singing]''\ |
| 2377 | '''Frasier:''' Oh my God, I know who she is... that's Nanette Guzman!\ |
| 2378 | '''Sam:''' Who?\ |
| 2379 | '''Frasier:''' My first wife!\ |
| 2380 | '''Lilith:''' WHO?? |
| 2381 | * Frasier tries to placate Lilith - who is understandably angry to learn that ''she'' isn't Frasier's first wife - by saying that their marriage was a silly mistake that only lasted a few months, and he is sure Nanny Gee wouldn't know him from Adam if they met on the street; meanwhile, Nanny Gee is going out into the audience, singing a song about wanting to shake hands with new friends - and quickly proves Frasier wrong about how little she remembers him by dropping her microphone in shock at seeing him for the first time in well over a decade, then giving him a BigDamnKiss. |
| 2382 | -->'''Sam:''' ''[to Nanny Gee]'' Don't you wanna shake my hand? |
| 2383 | * Later that day at Cheers, Lilith is still furious (inasmuch as she ever displays fury or any other emotion) over the discovery that she is not Frasier's first wife - and over his real first wife kissing him in front of an audience of thousands of children. |
| 2384 | -->'''Lilith:''' So Frasier was married to that... oh, how would one describe her... ''bitch''. Never even told me about her. Well, if that's what he wants, he can have it. ''[singing mockingly]'' "I wanna shake your hand... snatch you bald... I wanna scratch your eyes out..." ''[gets up and heads to the ladies' room]'' "I wanna drain your blood and replace it with a mercuric chloride, formaldehyde, and alcohol solution..." ''[laughs maniacally, until she notices Norm, Carla, and Cliff staring at her]'' You had to be there.\ |
| 2385 | '''Carla:''' Boy. I've never seen this side of Lilith before. ''[smirks]'' I like it! |
| 2386 | * Having already (unsuccessfully) apologised to Lilith himself, Frasier brings Nanny Gee to Cheers to do likewise. The reason for the episode's title becomes clear, as Nanny Gee is a self-described "huggy, kissy" person, and Lilith is categorically not. So when Nanny Gee gives Lilith a hug of apology, the second Mrs. Frasier Crane remains completely rigid throughout, making it look as though Nanny Gee is hugging a Lilith-shaped hat stand. Then a star-struck Woody tries to approach her with an autograph book: |
| 2387 | -->'''Woody:''' Nanny Gee, I was wonderin' if you could-\ |
| 2388 | '''Nanny Gee:''' Lilith, I'd really like to make this up to you.\ |
| 2389 | '''Woody:''' ''[sarcastically]'' -ignore me like a cheap piece of trash. Oh, you could? Thank you so very much. ''[Frasier glares at him and shoos him away; a fed up Woody hurls his autograph book away as he leaves]'' |
| 2390 | * Nanny Gee's plan to make amends: give a free concert especially for Frederick's birthday. Sam offers Cheers as a venue before they open for the day, Carla decides to bring her twin sons Jesse and Elvis, Norm decides to bring Vera's nieces and nephews, Cliff decides to bring the children on his route (hoping the concert will make them reveal where they have hidden his car)... but Lilith, understandably, is still not happy. |
| 2391 | -->'''Frasier:''' Darling, are you going to be okay with this?\ |
| 2392 | '''Lilith:''' Am I going to be ''okay'' with this? Let's see... earlier today, I discovered that my husband had an ex-wife that he never told me about. Then I had the pleasure of watching him ''kiss'' said ex-wife in front of a thousand children, including his own. Then, to top it all off, she ''hugged'' me. Can you deduce from my tone whether or not I'm going to be ''okay'' with this?\ |
| 2393 | '''Frasier:''' ''[[[SelectiveObliviousness grins]]]'' [[Series/TheHoneymooners Baby, you're the greatest!]] ''[sweeps a startled Lilith back in his arms and gives her a BigDamnKiss]'' |
| 2394 | * The next morning, the bar is packed with children and their parents/babysitters for the free concert (before which Nanny Gee restores Woody to happiness by pretending she could see him at the concert, even though he was in the second row from the back in the second balcony; she asks Sam if Woody bought it, and Sam describes Woody as an "easy sale"). The hilarity comes from Frasier's increasing SelectiveObliviousness that Nanny Gee is ''clearly'' still infatuated with him and trying to win him back, much to Lilith's chagrin. Culminating in the two women having an all-out CatFight right in the middle of the bar. |
| 2395 | -->'''Lilith:''' ''[as Nanny Gee's song moves on to the lyrics "The first time ever I lay with you", leaving no doubt as to its object]'' All right, that's it! ''[marches over to Nanny Gee]'' Stop the music! Leave my man alone!\ |
| 2396 | '''Nanny Gee:''' I'm sorry, I can't help it! ''[walks up to Frasier, pushing Lilith aside]'' Frasier, I've never stopped loving you!\ |
| 2397 | '''Lilith:''' Well, maybe this'll help! ''[jumps on Nanny Gee's back and pulls her to the floor]''\ |
| 2398 | '''Norm, Cliff:''' CAT FIGHT! CAT FIGHT! ''[they run around from their end of the bar to watch as the fight continues; some of the other spectators - including the children - begin cheering]''\ |
| 2399 | '''Frasier:''' ''[handing Frederick to Sam, who covers the lad's eyes]'' You know, I'm going to suffer for this tomorrow, but today, right now, this exact moment, I'm the happiest man on Earth. |
| 2400 | * In the episode's tag, the gang discovers that Nanny Gee has left Frederick a birthday present: a singing doll modeled on herself. Trouble is, the doll's song ends with Nanny Gee giving Frasier her phone number--''repeatedly.'' First, an angry Lilith rips the doll's head off; then, when Norm, Cliff, and Woody start [[TooDumbToLive singing the number]], she chases after them and looks ready to kill. |
| 2401 | * The episode spawned one of the funniest episodes of ''Frasier'', which even included a reference to the episode title. Frasier tells Roz that he used to get "big hugs" from her, but the last time he saw her he was getting his "weekly handshake" from Lilith. |
| 2402 | * Crowning all this is the fact that Nanny Gee is played by none other than ''Creator/EmmaThompson''. |
| 2403 | |
| 2404 | [[AC:1018: License to Hill]] |
| 2405 | * To Rebecca's horror, Cheers' liquor licence renewal application, which she mailed two weeks earlier, comes back marked "Insufficient Postage", and their existing licence has just expired. Fortunately, Carla tells her they can renew it in person - but not until the next day, forcing them to improvise with non-alcoholic drinks (such as Kool-Aid over crushed ice posing as strawberry daiquiris). Meanwhile, the regulars hold a poker game in the back room, and Sam is suspicious at how quickly they are going through drinks: |
| 2406 | -->'''Sam:''' Hey, Rebecca.\ |
| 2407 | '''Rebecca:''' Hi, Sam.\ |
| 2408 | '''Sam:''' I came for more beers for the guys. They're going through it like it's water.\ |
| 2409 | '''Rebecca:''' ''[defensive]'' [[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial Well, it's not!]] |
| 2410 | * By the end of the episode, with John Allen Hill having spitefully reported the expired licence after overhearing a conversation through the ventilation system, we discover that ''Sam'' is responsible for the renewal application being returned after he only put a 25 cent stamp on the envelope (the episode being set when a first-class stamp was 29 cents). Rebecca, offended by the insults Sam hurled at her when he thought she was responsible, is now able to take credit for preventing the bar from being shut down. Unfortunately, she proceeds to cost the bar a fortune with her celebratory gesture... |
| 2411 | -->'''Rebecca:''' Because, from this day forward, I will hold my head up high. Because I am Rebecca Howe. I am the manager of Cheers.\ |
| 2412 | ''[she triumphantly drops the "Employees Only" flap at the back of the bar into place... and the rack of glasses above the bar promptly falls to the floor with an almighty shatter]''\ |
| 2413 | '''Sam:''' ... That's, that's why we always keep the flap up. |
| 2414 | |
| 2415 | [[AC:1019: Rich Man, Wood Man]] |
| 2416 | * Cliff and Norm discussing WesternAnimation/CasperTheFriendlyGhost: |
| 2417 | -->'''Norm:''' I don't get it. Start of the cartoon, Casper has no friends. End of the cartoon, he has friends. Start of the next cartoon, he has no friends again. What happened?\ |
| 2418 | '''Cliff:''' I think it's obvious what happened. Casper was quenching his thirst for blood. |
| 2419 | * At the episode's beginning, Frasier announces to all he's planning to exercise, while Lilith is present. |
| 2420 | -->'''Frasier:''' I no longer have the energy for some of my daily activities.\ |
| 2421 | '''Lilith:''' Or some of your weekly ones. |
| 2422 | * Woody, having become irritating snobbish after his trip to England, getting set straight by Sam. |
| 2423 | -->'''Sam:''' I don't know how to say this, so uh... ''(DopeSlap)''\ |
| 2424 | '''Woody:''' What's that for?\ |
| 2425 | '''Sam:''' Ever since you've come back from your trip, you've been a real ass.\ |
| 2426 | '''Woody:''' I think you mean "''arse''".\ |
| 2427 | ''(Sam gives him another DopeSlap)'' |
| 2428 | * Woody and Kelly's argument through the door of Sam's office, where Woody keeps coming out to talk to Kelly. |
| 2429 | -->'''Sam:''' It's like having a fight with Senor Wences... |
| 2430 | * After they start talking again, Norm, who's been watching, tells Sam "you could nail that door shut, I didn't see a thing." |
| 2431 | * Norm having to fill Kelly in on subways. |
| 2432 | -->'''Kelly:''' Riiiight, an underground ''train''. You're such a joker, Mr. Peterson. |
| 2433 | |
| 2434 | [[AC:1022: Rebecca's Lover... Not]] |
| 2435 | * Rebecca arranges a date with an old friend of hers, not managing to notice the guy, played by Harvey Feirstein, is as gay as they come, prompting Norm to comment: |
| 2436 | -->'''Norm:''' If only she was a horse with a broken leg, we could shoot her. |
| 2437 | |
| 2438 | [[AC:1023: Bar Wars VI: This Time It's for Real]] |
| 2439 | * Gary's Olde Towne Tavern is under new ownership, and the Cheers gang "initiate" the new owner by toilet papering the exterior of the bar and soaping the windows with "'''R[-EGARDS FROM YOUR FRIENDS AT-] C[-HEERS-]'''". However, after the front door of Cheers literally explodes off its hinges, the police tell Sam and co. that the new owner is mobster Frank "The Angel of Death" Carpaccio - whom the police allow to do as he pleases out of fear. The Cheers gang begin speculating on how he might get revenge on them, until Frasier tries to act as a voice of reason: |
| 2440 | -->'''Frasier:''' If I may interject, I think you've all seen too many ''[[Film/TheGodfather Godfather]]'' movies!\ |
| 2441 | '''Woody:''' I agree. [[{{Sequelitis}} They should have stopped at two.]] |
| 2442 | * Convinced they're being strung along, Sam, Woody, Carla, Norm, and Cliff go over to Gary's to "apologise". As they enter, the crowd of Gary's regulars shouts "NORM!" |
| 2443 | -->'''Cliff:''' How do they know you in here!?\ |
| 2444 | '''Norm:''' Hey, Sammy closes on Christmas morning, okay? |
| 2445 | * The "apology" involves setting off the fire alarm and the sprinkler system, then opening umbrellas and dancing to "Singin' in the Rain" as they depart; Carpaccio shouts death threats against them and everyone they know as they leave. The next day, two FBI agents show up and reveal that they recorded the conversation as part of their case against Carpaccio, and the lives of the five pranksters are in danger. They are told to go into witness protection, but Sam refuses to leave the bar. Eventually, Norm, Cliff, Carla, and Woody are dropped off at a bus stop 200 miles from anywhere in North Dakota, and the payphone rings - it's Sam, with a revelation... |
| 2446 | -->'''Sam:''' Hey, listen, honey, you remember, uh, [[ContinuityNod last Halloween]] when you guys pulled that ''hilarious'' stunt on me, makin' me think that Gary was dead and that I was responsible for it?\ |
| 2447 | '''Carla:''' Yeah?...\ |
| 2448 | '''Sam:''' Well... gotcha! ''[laughs and hangs up as Frasier and Lilith look on]''\ |
| 2449 | '''Frasier:''' [[LetMeGetThisStraight Now, let me get this straight, Sam.]] This... this was all your doing? ''[Sam cannot speak for laughing]'' The exploding door, and all the damage you did to your own bar?\ |
| 2450 | '''Lilith:''' The expense of paying all the people involved? The ''bus fare'' to get your stooges all the way out to ''North Dakota''?\ |
| 2451 | '''Sam:''' ''[still in hysterics as he picks up the coffee pot and re-fills his cup]'' [[PyrrhicVictory It cost me a fortune! I had to take out a loan!]] '''I'll be paying it off for ten years!''' ''[falls onto the floor, still laughing himself silly]''\ |
| 2452 | '''Frasier:''' ''[chuckling]'' Well! I guess the joke certainly is on ''them'', isn't it? ''[shares a look of amused disbelief with Lilith]'' |
| 2453 | |
| 2454 | [[AC:1024: Heeeeere's Cliffy!]] |
| 2455 | * At the episode's climax, as ''The Tonight Show'' is being filmed, it cuts to the bar, and everyone (barring Sam and Woody, who are busy elsewhere) watching in StunnedSilence. |
| 2456 | |
| 2457 | [[AC:1025: An Old-Fashioned Wedding]] |
| 2458 | * Witnessing another Clifficism prompts Lilith to make an aside to Frasier: |
| 2459 | -->'''Lilith:''' When I finally publish my book on borderline psychosis, the amount of money I spent at this bar will be deductible. |
| 2460 | * Carla offending the wedding caterers, who storm out the back door in a huff, and then get chased by the intimidating-looking dogs outside because they smell food. |
| 2461 | * Woody's father-in-law to be says Mr. Gaines sounds cold and informal, so Woody calls him dad, to which he says it still sounds better than ''that''. |
| 2462 | * After Sam gets hit on by an attractive European woman and her husband threatens him in German. He asks Frasier what he said. |
| 2463 | --> '''Frasier:''' Well I picked up a smattering [of German] during med school but it's been so long. I did recognize the word "mutilate" though. |
| 2464 | * A little later, Frasier gets the husband to back down by claiming that Sam is gay in German, and then wisely decides not to tell Sam just how he got the guy to back down. |
| 2465 | * Mr. Gaines, in a jab at Woody, says he doesn't care what they said about Mussolini: any man who shot his son in-law can’t be all bad. |
| 2466 | [[/folder]] |
| 2467 | |
| 2468 | [[folder:Season 11]] |
| 2469 | [[AC:1102: The Beer is Always Greener]] |
| 2470 | * With Cheers being rebuilt, Carla's elsewhere in a different job. Cliff tries to take advantage of this to speak ill of her. |
| 2471 | -->'''Cliff:''' I for one do not miss her. That foul-mouthed, fright-wigged rodent!\ |
| 2472 | '''Norm:''' Hey, Carla.\ |
| 2473 | ''(Cliff screams in alarm and jumps)'' |
| 2474 | * Woody and Kelly's marriage hasn't even gotten through the honeymoon and problems are already starting. They're different religions (well, different denominations). Lilith and Frasier, in their professions as psychiatrists, try to play therapists with comparison to Lilith's Jewish faith conflicting with Frasier's Episcopalian faith. |
| 2475 | -->'''Lilith:''' Originally we feared this might cause conflict in our marriage. But then we learned to compromise, even in the raising of our son Frederick. We make sure he experiences both sides of his religious heritage.\ |
| 2476 | '''Frasier:''' As usual, my darling wife is right. Frederick goes to synagogue every Friday night, he delights in hiding matzos at Passover, the family celebrates Hanukkah. Meanwhile, Christmas comes and goes without so much as a tree. Odd, really, because a Christmas tree isn't even symbolic of Christianity. But, apparently it threatens Lilith's Jewish faith. Look out, everybody! A ''fir tree!'' Five thousand year old religion, and Frasier Crane's going to bring it down with a four-foot tree and some tinsel! |
| 2477 | * Lilith tries getting things back on track by comparing Kelly and Woody's situation to ''Gulliver's Travels''. |
| 2478 | -->'''Lilith:''' One is reminded of ''Gulliver's Travels'', in which two countries warred over which side of an egg gets cracked - the narrow end or the round end.\ |
| 2479 | '''Kelly:''' Well, that's ridiculous, ''(Frasier and Lilith nod)'' of course it's the rounded end!\ |
| 2480 | ''(Frasier's smile fades)''\ |
| 2481 | '''Woody:''' ''(distraught)'' Oh, Kelly, I don't even know who you ''are'' anymore! |
| 2482 | * Despite the horrors of working at Mr. Pubbs, Carla decides she enjoys it because of the higher pay, and despite Sam's efforts won't return to Cheers... that is, until... |
| 2483 | -->'''Pubb's Bartender:''' Carla, I'm gonna put you with a trainee for the next two weeks. She's a bright girl. She's, uh, an anthropology student at B.U. Ellen?\ |
| 2484 | ''(Ellen enters, a ''dead ringer'' for Diane.)''\ |
| 2485 | '''Pubb's Bartender:''' Ellen, meet Carla.\ |
| 2486 | ''(Ellen offers her hand to Carla)''\ |
| 2487 | '''Ellen:''' Well, you must be Carla.\ |
| 2488 | ''(Carla's face [[OhCrap says it all]])''\ |
| 2489 | '''Ellen:''' I know what you're thinking: "She doesn't look like a waitress." That's because I'm ''really'' a writer. Or, ''actuellement'', a poetess.\ |
| 2490 | ''(Carla screams and runs for it)'' |
| 2491 | * Later on, Carla's returned to Cheers, but the experience of meeting Ellen has scared her. |
| 2492 | -->'''Sam:''' Why won't you tell me why you left that place?\ |
| 2493 | '''Carla:''' Sammy, believe me, you're better off not knowing. Just swear to me you'll never go back in that bar.\ |
| 2494 | '''Sam:''' Well, you're talking like there was some sort of psycho killer there or something.\ |
| 2495 | '''Carla:''' ''(staring into the middle distance)'' If ''only''... |
| 2496 | |
| 2497 | [[AC:1105: Do Not Forsake Me, O My Postman]] |
| 2498 | * On Cliff getting his sometime girlfriend and fellow postal worker Maggie O'Keefe pregnant: |
| 2499 | -->'''Paul:''' So, you're gonna have a baby. Are you going to go through Lamaze, or is the baby [[Franchise/{{Alien}} just going to burst through her chest?]] |
| 2500 | * Also Frasier's take: |
| 2501 | -->'''Frasier:''' Well, from our "Things You Never Thought You'd Hear" category: That woman is carrying Cliff's child. |
| 2502 | * The B plot has Cheers' hilarious advertising jingle, sung to "Old [=McDonald=]": "Beer and pretzels, that's our name: C-H-E-R-S!" Double points for having jingle writer Sy Flembeck be played by John Mahoney, who went on to play Series/{{Frasier}}'s father. Triple for having him change to be sung to "Mary Had a Little Lamb" - still with the bar's name spelled "C-H-E-R-S". |
| 2503 | * It turns out that ''all'' of Flembeck's ad jingles are to the tune of "Old [=McDonald=]", as it gets the tunes stuck in listeners' heads - as Rebecca discovers after she throws Flembeck out of Cheers: |
| 2504 | -->'''Rebecca:''' What a ''hack''. You know, I- I should have known it the first time I heard that ''stupid'' Fred's Tune-ups song.\ |
| 2505 | '''First patron:''' ''[turning around from a nearby table]'' Thanks a lot, lady, now I'm gonna have that stupid jingle stuck in my head all night.\ |
| 2506 | '''Second patron:''' ''[sitting at the table with the first patron]'' What stupid jingle?\ |
| 2507 | '''First patron:''' You know the one. ''[sings to the tune of "Old [=McDonald=]"]'' "Tune-ups, tune-ups, that's our game, F-R-E-D-S!"\ |
| 2508 | '''Second patron:''' You know, I could use a tune-up, are they any good?\ |
| 2509 | '''First patron:''' You heard the song, tune-ups are their game.\ |
| 2510 | '''Second patron:''' Well, where are they located?\ |
| 2511 | '''First patron:''' ''[singing to "Old [=McDonald=]" again]'' "Fourteen-thirteen Burlingame, F-R-E-D-S!"\ |
| 2512 | '''Rebecca:''' ''[runs out of the bar]'' SY! SY, WAIT A MINUTE! |
| 2513 | |
| 2514 | [[AC:1108: Ill-Gotten Gaines]] |
| 2515 | * Rebecca offers to have everyone over for Thanksgiving dinner, but they decline. She asks if it's because they think she'll screw up somehow. |
| 2516 | -->'''Sam:''' Well, I was gonna beat around the bush a little but... [[BrutalHonesty Yeah.]] |
| 2517 | * Mr. Gaines trying to translate giving himself power of attorney over Woody into "Hanover-ese", with a metaphor about overfeeding a turkey. |
| 2518 | -->'''Mr. Gaines:''' You know how a turkey, when it, uh, it feeds at the trough, will eat until it dies? Well, these forms give me the right - now that you're feeding at the Gaines trough - to pull your head away if I think you're gonna choke.\ |
| 2519 | '''Woody:''' Well, turkeys don't choke, Mr. Gaines. They explode. Well, the one clue you get is this hissing sound just before they blow. Now, you hear a turkey hissing, head for the hills. Turkey shrapnel can kill you. |
| 2520 | |
| 2521 | [[AC:1109: Feelings... Whoa, Whoa, Whoa]] |
| 2522 | * Cliff's insanity reaches new lows, when he thinks his neighbour is none other that ''Hitler''. |
| 2523 | -->'''Woody:''' If I may be the voice of reason here, what if it ''is'' Hitler?\ |
| 2524 | '''Cliff:''' Thanks for being in my corner, Woody.\ |
| 2525 | '''Woody:''' ''(to everyone else)'' Now when he snaps, maybe he'll spare me. |
| 2526 | * Learning Hill has had a heart attack, Rebecca suggests they go visit him in the hospital, even though they all hate him. |
| 2527 | -->'''Rebecca:''' The point is you pretend to care - that's what makes you a good person! |
| 2528 | * Carla gets upset, and Frasier weighs in with his psychiatric opinion. |
| 2529 | -->'''Frasier:''' You've come down with a bad case of humanity. A malady characterized by bouts of compassion, warmth and caring. I mean, who knows, this sort of thing could go on for the rest of your life.\ |
| 2530 | '''Carla:''' Shaddap, fat-head.\ |
| 2531 | '''Frasier:''' Or then it could pass in a matter of seconds. |
| 2532 | |
| 2533 | [[AC:1110: Daddy's Middle Aged Girl]] |
| 2534 | * Woody makes an interesting grammatical slip regarding men in Hanover having multiple wives, then hastily tries to cover it, weirding out Norm and Frasier. |
| 2535 | -->'''Woody:''' Back in Hanover, the man is the king of the castle. When he gives an order, all his wives have to listen.\ |
| 2536 | '''Frasier:''' ''Wives'', Woody?\ |
| 2537 | '''Woody:''' Wife. I said "wife", singular. ''(laughs nervously)'' I mean, the thought that a man could have more than one wife, that's preposterous. I mean, I... ''(stutters)'' not to mention illegal. I know that. So do all the citizens of Hanover.\ |
| 2538 | ''(Woody slinks away, looking guilty. Everyone stares after him in horror)''\ |
| 2539 | '''Norm:''' Anybody else curious about Hanover?\ |
| 2540 | '''Frasier:''' Come on, Norm, I'm sure it's just a normal, rural, small little farm town. I'm sure Woody's stories are all greatly exaggerated.\ |
| 2541 | '''Norm:''' Wanna go there?\ |
| 2542 | '''Frasier:''' ''(scoffs)'' What, end up as a human sacrifice to the Corn God? Thank you, no! |
| 2543 | * Mr. Howe's meeting Sam. He has only one question, regarding his attempt to conceive a child with Rebecca. |
| 2544 | -->'''Captain Howe:''' What the hell were you thinking, boy? What the ''hell'' were you thinking?! |
| 2545 | * Kelly and Woody have an argument over Woody's tiny Chinatown apartment. |
| 2546 | -->'''Kelly:''' I have to tell you, this is the worst day of my life and I wish I was dead! ''(cheerfully)'' Bye, everybody. |
| 2547 | * Rebecca's screaming breakdown when her father tries to pull the plug on her life in Boston, and Mr. Howe's only response? |
| 2548 | -->'''Captain Howe:''' I'm going back to my hotel to pack. I expect you to do the same.\ |
| 2549 | '''Rebecca:''' H-hold it a second, daddy, you can't do this to me. I am a grown woman. I'm an adult! I can stand on my own two feet.\ |
| 2550 | '''Captain Howe:''' You heard me. You're coming back home with me.\ |
| 2551 | ''({{Beat}})''\ |
| 2552 | '''Rebecca:''' ''(flailing)'' I ''hate'' you! I hate you! ''(starts dancing in fury)'' ''I hate you! I hate you! I wish I was adopted!'' ''(starts running across the bar to Sam's office)'' I wish I was never '''''born!'''''\ |
| 2553 | '''Captain Howe:''' I don't mind telling you that that went a ''lot'' better than I thought it would. |
| 2554 | |
| 2555 | [[AC:1113: Norm's Big Audit]] |
| 2556 | * Vera calls the bar, and Norm doesn't want to talk to her. Rebecca tells Vera that Norm isn't here, and Vera says that it's an emergency, so Norm reluctantly agrees. So everybody has to pretend like Norm just arrived, doing the traditional OnceAnEpisode "Norm enters" ritual: |
| 2557 | -->'''Rebecca:''' ''(into phone)'' You're not gonna believe this Vera, but Norm just walked in! |
| 2558 | -->'''Norm:''' ''(slightly muffled, so he sounds like he's talking from the door instead of a nearby barstool)'' Hello everybody! |
| 2559 | -->'''Rebecca, Frasier, Paul, Tim:''' Norm! |
| 2560 | -->'''Rebecca:''' ''(also using a muffled voice for distance)'' Well, hello, Mr. Peterson! |
| 2561 | -->'''Norm:''' ''(grunts some words in imitation of his traditional entering joke)'' |
| 2562 | -->'''Frasier, Paul, Tim:''' ''(fake laughs in reply to the "joke", Rebecca sighs and hands over the phone)'' |
| 2563 | |
| 2564 | [[AC:1115: Loathe and Marriage]] |
| 2565 | * Woody and Kelly intend to use birth control until Sam makes good on his promise to give Woody a raise. |
| 2566 | --> '''Sam:''' I hope you got a lot of protection. |
| 2567 | * This conversation when Carla's eldest daughter visits the bar. |
| 2568 | --> '''Serafina:''' I need to talk to you. |
| 2569 | --> '''Carla:''' You're pregnant! |
| 2570 | --> '''Rebecca:''' Carla, that is a rude and unfair thing to say. There's a million reasons why your daughter would want to talk to you. |
| 2571 | --> '''Serafina:''' I am pregnant. |
| 2572 | --> '''Rebecca:''' Then again, you raised a slut. |
| 2573 | * Carla has had a prepared speech about getting pregnant out of wedlock ready to read to her daughter since Serafina was 13. |
| 2574 | * When Hill hears about the wedding, he congratulates Serafina, then asks when the baby is due. |
| 2575 | * Carla asks if Serafina is experiencing morning sickness, and her daughter replies "I haven't had to Clavin, if that's what you mean." |
| 2576 | * When Nick mentions purchasing an orangutan act, Frasier snarks, "Did he say purchase or join?" |
| 2577 | * Carla says that Nick can only walk Serafina down the aisle if he can identify which of the kids at the wedding are his. The only kids Nick can identify are Gino (after he makes a CasanovaWannabe remark) and Serafina (after seeing her in the wedding dress). |
| 2578 | * When Nick describes Carla as "obdurate... recalcitrant, intransigent, and immovable", Loretta explains that he has a word a day calendar and proudly/obliviously declares that she is "insipid". |
| 2579 | * The episode ends with Carla promising to be on better behavior at Serafina's ''next'' wedding. Serafina finds that comment touching rather than insulting. |
| 2580 | |
| 2581 | [[AC:1116: Is There a Doctor in the Howe?]] |
| 2582 | * Turns out Woody's a mean drunk. |
| 2583 | -->'''Norm:''' Sometimes you get depressed, sometimes you get giddy.\ |
| 2584 | '''Woody:''' So, Norm, when're you gonna get off your butt and get a job?\ |
| 2585 | '''Norm:''' Sometimes you just get brutally honest. |
| 2586 | |
| 2587 | [[AC:1117: The Bar Manager, The Shrink, His Wife, and Her Lover]] |
| 2588 | * As everyone's being held hostage by Dr. Pascal, Vera phones the bar, demanding to know where Norm is. His claims they're being held hostage don't fly, because he's used that one before. |
| 2589 | * Then Paul shows up, mistakenly thinking they're having a party and demands to be let in. |
| 2590 | * Carla's solution to the problem: |
| 2591 | -->'''Carla:''' ''(to Lilith)'' Here's the plan; you go with him.\ |
| 2592 | '''Lilith:''' Then what?\ |
| 2593 | '''Carla:''' That's it. |
| 2594 | * Dr. Pascal implores Lilith to return to the biosphere not just for his sake, but for "Dr. Jarworsky". |
| 2595 | -->'''Frasier:''' There were three people in there?\ |
| 2596 | '''Lilith:''' Dr. Jarworsky is his imaginary friend. Did I mention Dr. Pascal is insane? |
| 2597 | |
| 2598 | [[AC:1118: The Last Picture Show]] |
| 2599 | * Gus, the former owner of Cheers, returns. Sam introduces him to Woody, saying he bought the bar off him, which Woody naturally misinterprets. |
| 2600 | -->'''Gus:''' You must be Coach's boy.\ |
| 2601 | '''Sam:''' Good guess, but no. |
| 2602 | * Norm walks back in, and without even registering anything different, asks Gus for a beer. ''Then'' he catches on. |
| 2603 | * Talking about the Twi-lite drive-in theatre, Cliff remembers how his mom used to take him to see films like ''Herbie''. Norm stops to work out the math on that one, until Sam begs him not to. [[note]]since Cliff and John Ratzenberger share the same age, Cliff would've been twenty two when it came out.[[/note]] |
| 2604 | * Frasier agrees to join the gang in going to the drive-in, and as they leave Norm tells him he has the important role of "[[PunkInTheTrunk Trunk Boy]]". Frasier doesn't get it. |
| 2605 | * Norm, Cliff, Woody, and Frasier go to see a ''Franchise/{{Godzilla}}'' marathon at a drive-in before it closes permanently, and an observation that one of the actresses in the recurring cast left while the series was still commercially successful sets up a great moment of RealitySubtext coupled with a TakeThat aimed at Creator/ShelleyLong: "Why would an actress leave in the middle of a successful series?" Which was mocked on ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons'' episode "Flaming Moe's", in which the Diane {{Expy}} leaves Moe's. |
| 2606 | -->'''Moe:''' She left to pursue a movie career. Frankly, I think she was better off here. |
| 2607 | |
| 2608 | [[AC:1121: Woody Gets An Election]] |
| 2609 | * The city's councillor stops into the bar on the election trail, and to Frasier's increasing aggravation can't say a single meaningful word. |
| 2610 | -->'''Frasier:''' But he didn't ''say '''anything!''''' |
| 2611 | * Yet another disturbing Hanover fact, as Frasier complains about the local electorate. |
| 2612 | -->'''Frasier:''' The electorate might as well be sheep.\ |
| 2613 | '''Woody:''' I thought that was just a Hanover thing! |
| 2614 | * Woody Boyd as president. He can't even manage the oath without forgetting himself, then starts a nuclear war. Fortunately, it's just a bad dream of Frasier's. |
| 2615 | -->'''Kelly:''' Who was that, honey?\ |
| 2616 | '''Woody:''' ''(having just sent nukes flying)'' Hell if I know, I just answer the phone. |
| 2617 | |
| 2618 | [[AC:1122: It's Lonely on Top]] |
| 2619 | * With Woody about to take up his position on the city council, Carla persuades Sam to give her a chance as his replacement assistant bartender. He has misgivings about the idea: |
| 2620 | -->'''Sam:''' Sweetheart, the last time I let you tend bar, there were twelve people who made a naked conga line all the way out to the Commons there. And Phil over there tried to join the Flying Wallendas!\ |
| 2621 | '''Phil:''' I tell you, I sobered up ''real'' fast on that high wire! Phew! |
| 2622 | * But Sam relents, and while Rebecca is initially opposed, Carla has a winning argument: |
| 2623 | -->'''Rebecca:''' Now, hold it a second! I'm the one who's supposed to make the decisions around here - I ''am'' the manager. ''[consulting a clipboard]'' Now, to whom should I give this job of bartender?\ |
| 2624 | '''Carla:''' How would you like me to rip out your still beating heart and show it to you before you hit the ground?\ |
| 2625 | '''Rebecca:''' ''[snaps her fingers as if an idea has just occurred to her]'' I've got it! How about Carla? |
| 2626 | * Sure enough, as soon as Sam and Rebecca are out of the room, Cliff takes the lead in asking Carla to mix up another dangerous Tortelli drink, "I Know My Redeemer Liveth". |
| 2627 | -->'''Paul:''' Is it strong?\ |
| 2628 | '''Carla:''' ''[scoffs]'' "Is it strong." One drink and you won't recognise your best friend.\ |
| 2629 | '''Norm:''' ''[looking at Cliff and Paul, then back at Carla]'' Make mine a double. |
| 2630 | * The rest of the episode is the gang recovering from drinking it. |
| 2631 | ** How bad is it? Norm is actually ''hungover''. |
| 2632 | --->'''Norm:''' ''(hoarsely)'' Morning everyone...\ |
| 2633 | '''Sam and Rebecca:''' NORM!\ |
| 2634 | ''(Norm clutches his ears and nearly falls over)'' |
| 2635 | ** Frasier's reaction is gold:[[note]] Although his comment about returning to the bar seven and a half hours after getting "knee-walking drunk" the previous night signifying that he officially has a problem is less funny when one considers that Kelsey Grammer was likewise battling substance abuse issues when this episode was shot.[[/note]] |
| 2636 | --->'''Sam:''' ''[as Frasier slowly shambles through the door]'' Hey there, Frasier.\ |
| 2637 | '''Frasier:''' I'm sorry, Sam, your friend Frasier is dead. What you are looking at is his undead corpse. |
| 2638 | ** Cliff calls on a phone (nearly knocking Frasier and Norm over), revealing he woke up but can't tell where he is. After a moment, Sam figures out he's in Sam's office. |
| 2639 | ** Woody appears, having chugged as much as everyone else, yet absolutely none the worse for wear. |
| 2640 | --->'''Woody:''' ''[entering in high spirits]'' Hey everybody, sorry I'm late, I was doin' my Nordic Track.\ |
| 2641 | '''Frasier:''' ''[stunned]'' Woody, you had as much of that vile brew as the rest of us, how can you be so chipper this morning?\ |
| 2642 | '''Woody:''' Oh, it's because of the old Hanover hangover cure. It's very simple. First: put on your pyjamas. Then: take an aspirin with a glass of cold water. And then: you vomit until your nose bleeds and heave until you see the angels. Wake up in the morning, you feel brand new. Boy, I am hungry... anybody for some chilli dogs?\ |
| 2643 | '''Norm:''' ''[thinks]'' Okay, okay, but only two. ''[holds up two fingers]'' |
| 2644 | ** Carla appears in a dark coat and sunglasses, and hurries into Sam's office, dragging him along for the ride. |
| 2645 | --->'''Norm:''' What was that?\ |
| 2646 | '''Cliff:''' That was either Carla, or the Grim Reaper.\ |
| 2647 | '''Frasier:''' ''(still very hung-over)'' Dear lord, let it be the Reaper. |
| 2648 | * Carla reveals she slept with someone during the night, but can't figure it out; all she remembers is "slow dancing to Nat King Cole and doin' it 'til the sheets burned." Sam says it wasn't him, so they go through who else was there last night. Fras? Carla could live with that. Norm? No, Carla would remember that even while drunk. Woody? Nah. |
| 2649 | -->'''Carla:''' Well, I guess there's nobody else.\ |
| 2650 | '''Sam:''' Well, what about Cl-\ |
| 2651 | '''Carla:''' ''There's nobody else, Sam!'' |
| 2652 | * Sam persuades Carla to ask the guys what they remember so that she can narrow down the list of "suspects". |
| 2653 | ** She starts with Frasier: |
| 2654 | --->'''Carla:''' Hey, Fras. ''[clears her throat]'' Pretty wild last night, huh?\ |
| 2655 | '''Frasier:''' ''[chuckles]'' If you can call Lilith rescuing me from accidental drowning in my toilet "pretty wild", well, then yes, life is a cabaret! |
| 2656 | ** With one weight off her mind, Carla moves on to Norm, who also didn't go to bed with her, but apparently ''did'' go to bed with someone else: |
| 2657 | --->'''Carla:''' Hey, Norm!\ |
| 2658 | '''Norm:''' Yeah?\ |
| 2659 | '''Carla:''' Do you believe all that stuff that happened last night?\ |
| 2660 | '''Norm:''' ''[sighs]'' I don't remember a single thing that happened last night. ''[{{Facepalm}}s]'' I do have a bad feeling, though. ''[Carla looks worried]'' Vera... made me breakfast in bed this morning. Kept calling me "Mr. Two Times". ''[Carla gives Sam a relieved smile]'' Maybe it's, it's best I don't remember. |
| 2661 | ** So Carla moves on to Woody: |
| 2662 | --->'''Carla:''' Woody... remember anything about what happened last night?\ |
| 2663 | '''Woody:''' Well, whatever it was, I missed it. Spent most of last night listening to Phil tell stories about how he worked on the Manhattan Project.\ |
| 2664 | '''Phil:''' Try sleeping with ''that'' for fifty years! ''[the barflies sitting next to him get horrified looks and move away from him]'' |
| 2665 | ** Despite continuing to insist "''That's everybody, Sam!''", Carla is finally persuaded to ask Cliff what he remembers: |
| 2666 | --->'''Carla:''' ''[makes the Sign of the Cross, then takes a deep breath]'' Hey, uh... Cliff? ''[clears her throat]'' So, uh, how was your evening last night?\ |
| 2667 | '''Cliff:''' ''[scoffs]'' You oughta know, Carla! It was F-U-N FUN!\ |
| 2668 | '''Carla:''' ''[looks at Sam in near despair, then composes herself]'' How... how was it F-U-N FUN, Cliff?\ |
| 2669 | '''Cliff:''' Well, Carla, I spent most of last night in the back seat of a cab with yon Norm Peterson! ''[points toward his fellow barfly]'' Now, if that isn't a recipe for fun, I don't know what is! ''[Carla laughs in relief]'' |
| 2670 | ** So it wasn't any of the regulars, but someone else, and Carla wonders if she met Mr. Right, and he'll be returning for her... then ''Paul'' enters... |
| 2671 | --->'''Paul:''' Hey, sexy! ''[slaps Carla's backside, then walks around to his usual side of the bar, singing]'' "Mona Lisa, Mona Lisa..."\ |
| 2672 | ''[Carla starts screaming. Cut to wide shot of the Boston skyline; cut to commercial; cut back from commercial... and she's still screaming]'' |
| 2673 | * Going through their receipts, Cliff and Norm realize one of their stop-offs during the night's madness was a tattoo parlor. After a moment of horrified checking, they realize the tats aren't on their ''arms''... |
| 2674 | -->'''Cliff:''' I'll tell you what's on ''your'' butt if you tell me what's on mine.\ |
| 2675 | '''Norm:''' ''[sighs]'' Let's get it over with. ''[trudges to the men's room with Cliff]''\ |
| 2676 | '''Woody:''' ''[to Frasier]'' Those guys spend ''way'' too much time together. ''[Frasier nods]'' |
| 2677 | * Worse, they got the designs mixed up, so now Cliff is stuck with a heart tattoo saying "I LOVE VERA", and Norm has an American flag tattoo saying "GOD BLESS THE US POST OFFICE". Norm turns down Cliff's offer to show Vera his tattoo... as well as his pleas to show his own tattoo to Cliff's supervisor. |
| 2678 | * Sam talks Paul out of bragging to the bar about his night with Carla after seeing how appalled the memory has made her (though he allows him a few moments of private celebration), but she finds little comfort in having to carry this secret around with her. So Sam tells her he has an even darker secret... and ''pulls off his toupee''.[[note]] Ted Danson's hairline had been backpedalling across his head for years, but Rhea Perlman and the audience expected that he would simply ''tell'' Carla about his hairpiece; her look of absolute shock is genuine.[[/note]] |
| 2679 | |
| 2680 | [[AC:1123/1124: Rebecca Gaines, Rebecca Loses]] |
| 2681 | * As the episode opens, Sam tells the Cheers crowd that Mr. Gaines has dragged Woody and Kelly to a Boston Symphony Orchestra concert. Frasier waxes rhapsodic on the evening's programme, but Rebecca is less impressed: |
| 2682 | -->'''Frasier:''' The Boston Symphony is offering [[Music/GustavMahler Mahler]]'s Third this evening, one of my absolute favourites.[[note]] And yet, in the ''Frasier'' episode "The Last Time I Saw Maris", he remarks that Niles played Mahler on the piano for Maris despite loathing the composer, and adds, "Besides Maris, who doesn't!?"[[/note]] It always brings salt water to Lilith's eyes... "tears" to you and me, "saline secretions" to her.\ |
| 2683 | '''Rebecca:''' Mahler's Third takes over an hour and a half by itself. The Adagio alone is endless.[[note]] Indeed, it is the longest symphony in the standard orchestral repertoire (there are longer symphonies - such as Havergal Brian's ''Gothic'' (nearly two hours), Kaikhosru Sorabji's ''Jāmī'' (over four hours), or Dimitrie Cuclin's Twelfth (over ''six'' hours) - but they are very rarely, if ever, performed). However, none of its six movements is marked "Adagio"; it is possible Rebecca is referring to the slow finale, which usually lasts over 20 minutes, but the first movement is significantly longer at 35-40 minutes in a typical performance.[[/note]]\ |
| 2684 | '''Frasier:''' I beg your pardon... since when do you know anything about classical music?\ |
| 2685 | '''Rebecca:''' Since I was two years old. My mother was a concert cellist. I used to turn pages for her when she was practising. ''[darkly]'' And I '''loathe''' Mahler.\ |
| 2686 | '''Frasier:''' Well, it must have been very enriching to have a mother who played the cello!\ |
| 2687 | '''Rebecca:''' Like hell. Her food tasted like rosin, and every time I tried to sit on her lap, I fell through. |
| 2688 | * At the end of the episode, Rebecca, having learned ''nothing'', tries going after Mr. Gaines, forcing Sam to try and stop her. Then he needs Frasier, and Cliff, and Norm to try and do it... and it's still not enough. |
| 2689 | |
| 2690 | [[AC:1126/1127/1128: One for the Road]] |
| 2691 | * When Rebecca keeps neurotically changing her mind about whether Frasier should call back her plumber boyfriend/fiancé. Frasier finally gets fed up, throws open the door and theatrically shouts: "Run, Don, run! Run like the wind!" |
| 2692 | * Frasier and Carla's reaction to seeing Diane on the TV. Carla just decides it's easier to believe she was in a hospital from a car crash and is just hallucinating. |
| 2693 | -->'''Frasier:''' Is that her?\ |
| 2694 | ''(on TV, Diane begins speechifying, at length)''\ |
| 2695 | '''Frasier:''' ''(rich in loathing)'' It's ''her'' alright... |
| 2696 | |
| 2697 | -->'''Carla:''' Woody, tell me what you see on the television.\ |
| 2698 | ''(everyone makes "no" gestures at Woody)''\ |
| 2699 | '''Woody:''' [[ImplausibleDeniability Nothing, the television isn't even on.]] |
| 2700 | * Proving that some things just don't change, Diane's acceptance speech runs long, and she starts soapboxing about the rainforest, until the show's judges drag her off-stage. |
| 2701 | * When Cliff enters in a mood: |
| 2702 | -->'''Sam:''' Something wrong, Cliff?\ |
| 2703 | '''Cliff:''' Eh, I don't wanna talk.\ |
| 2704 | ''(the entire bar applauds)'' |
| 2705 | * Carla seeing Diane actually entering the bar again - shriek every time Diane speaks, until Sam covers her mouth. At the end of the scene, Sam hands over Carla to Woody, who keeps covering Carla's mouth. |
| 2706 | * Time has done nothing to improve Carla's opinion of Diane. |
| 2707 | -->'''Carla:''' ''(with forced cheer and calm)'' I'm better now. Lovely to see you.\ |
| 2708 | '''Diane:''' Thank you.\ |
| 2709 | '''Carla:''' ''(still with forced cheer)'' When will you be leaving? |
| 2710 | * Frasier and Diane's [[BlatantLies joyous reunion]]. |
| 2711 | -->'''Frasier:''' ''(holding Diane's shoulders)'' Thank god I'm free!\ |
| 2712 | '''Diane:''' Frasier, you're hurting me!\ |
| 2713 | '''Frasier:''' WELL, YOU NEVER HURT ME, DID YOU?! ... lovely to see you. |
| 2714 | * Diane introduces her new husband, who seems unusually interested in Sam... |
| 2715 | -->'''Woody:''' That, uh, Miss Chambers' husband seemed like a nice guy.\ |
| 2716 | '''Frasier:''' ''(bitterly)'' She'll make him pay for it. If she's left him a shred of manhood, it's only because she's waiting for the right moment to-to flick it away like the last shrivelled ''pea'' on her plate. Thank God I'm over her. [[DrowningTheirSorrows Hit me, Woody! Four fingers of the meanest swill you've got!]] |
| 2717 | * Paul laments that he's always missing the good stuff at the bar. So when Cliff shows up excited about being a new sub-manager, he laments "''this'' I'm here for." |
| 2718 | * Carla, noticing Sam hasn't shown up all day, laments taking her eye off the ball. Frasier tries reassuring her that everything's going great at the moment. |
| 2719 | -->'''Frasier:''' Nothing's going to go wrong.\ |
| 2720 | ''(Sam and Diane re-enter)''\ |
| 2721 | '''Sam:''' Hey everybody, Diane and I are together again.\ |
| 2722 | ''(everyone at the bar just stares at them disapprovingly)''\ |
| 2723 | '''Sam:''' Did you hear what I said? I said we're, we're a couple. As a matter of fact we're, uh, we're getting married.\ |
| 2724 | ''(everyone at the bar continues to stare at them disapprovingly)''\ |
| 2725 | '''Norm:''' ... congratulations. |
| 2726 | * Diane reveals to Carla she based the character of her novel on her, a young mother looking after six kids, unaware she's missed a few things in the years she'd been gone. |
| 2727 | -->'''Carla:''' Six kids? I got eight.\ |
| 2728 | '''Diane:''' Good ''God'', you breed like a fly! |
| 2729 | * The subject of California comes up, prompting one last LittleKnownFact from Cliff (namely, there are no earthquakes in LA - it's a government conspiracy to put a computer at the center of the Earth to control the planet's rotation): |
| 2730 | -->'''Frasier:''' Y'know, Cliff... electroshock therapy only ''sounds'' scary. Why don't I bring in a color brochure? It has Barbar!\ |
| 2731 | '''Woody:''' Uh, can I have one, Doctor Crane?\ |
| 2732 | '''Frasier:''' ''(looks around)'' I'll bring in a boxful! |
| 2733 | * Frasier, meanwhile, deals with the sensitive topic with the tact we expect from him: |
| 2734 | -->'''Frasier:''' Sam, can I ask you a question? And I mean this as a caring, supportive friend... HAVE YOU LOST YOUR FREAKIN' MIND?! |
| 2735 | * Sam and Diane hearing the plane's PA announcement talking to them exclusively. |
| 2736 | * Woody uses his connections to get Norm a job working for the city council. Norm thinks this might be business as usual for him. He's wrong. |
| 2737 | -->'''Norm:''' Hey, this kind of makes you my boss, huh?\ |
| 2738 | '''Woody:''' Oh, yeah, in a way. But you know, deep down and above all and through everything else, we're friends.\ |
| 2739 | '''Norm:''' Of course. No man had a better one.\ |
| 2740 | '''Woody:''' I feel the same way.\ |
| 2741 | '''Norm:''' Pals.\ |
| 2742 | '''Woody:''' Compadres.\ |
| 2743 | '''Norm:''' [[LazyBum I may be late tomorrow.]]\ |
| 2744 | '''Woody:''' ''(tone turns harsh)'' I wouldn't recommend it, Peterson. |
| 2745 | [[/folder]] |
| 2746 | |
| 2747 | [[folder:Other]] |
| 2748 | * In the lead-in to Super Bowl XVII in January 1983 between Miami and Washington, the ''Cheers'' gang (except for Nicholas Colasanto) recorded [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L6Es36USvNE a special sketch]] guest starring ''NFL on NBC'' pundit Pete Axthelm AsHimself. |
| 2749 | ** The sketch opens with Diane arriving for work to find Sam, Carla, Norm, and Cliff already immersed in the Super Bowl Sunday build-up (which, Carla explains, started with the Super Bowl Mass). Diane, inevitably, takes a more cynical viewpoint: |
| 2750 | --->'''Diane:''' Ah, the big game... an American tradition. These athletes will test themselves for all they're worth. They'll spit farther than they've ever spat before. They'll scratch in places no man has ever dared to scratch. ''That'' is entertainment. |
| 2751 | ** Cliff's JustAStupidAccent "French translation" of "Super Bowl XVII" coincides with Axthelm's entrance as he asks if he can use the bar's payphone, since on this of all days, his bookie is unreachable. When Cliff asks why he isn't in Pasadena, he claims that his flight was diverted thanks to his unwise decision to book through the Jimmy "The Greek"[[note]] Jimmy Snyder (born Dimetrios Georgios Synodinos), Axthelm's then-Creator/{{CBS}} rival.[[/note]] travel agency. Diane is the only one who doesn't recognise him, and when Sam explains what Axthelm does, her cynicism dials up even further as she grouses about how his salary is higher than that of scientists or judges. However, she quickly proves to be NotSoAboveItAll when he offers his prediction for the day's game: |
| 2752 | --->'''Diane:''' ''[over the jeers of the other four]'' Excuse me, but I think it's a ''little'' ridiculous the importance you all put on the outcome of one silly football game!\ |
| 2753 | '''Norm:''' Forget about her. Pete, Pete... who do you like?\ |
| 2754 | '''Pete Axthelm:''' Well, guys, I'm still putting all the facts into my finely-tuned computer, but so far, I keep looking at that great Miami defence. ''[Sam laughs triumphantly and points at the others]''\ |
| 2755 | '''Diane:''' ''[outraged]'' MIAMI!? Are you crazy?! [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joe_Theismann That Theismann person]] will pick them apart! ''[to the others]'' You call him a ''prophet''!? ''[a five-way argument promptly ensues]''[[note]] True to the sketch's fun-poking, Axthelm predicted incorrectly; though Miami led for all but a few seconds of the first three quarters, two touchdowns in the fourth quarter gave Washington a 27-17 win.[[/note]] |
| 2756 | * A real-life example during a Q&A with cast and crew members sometime after [[DroppedABridgeOnHim a bridge was dropped on]] [[spoiler:Eddie]]. [[spoiler:Jay Thomas]] popped up and asked in front of the audience, "Yeah, why did I die?" The audience erupted into laughter as a result. May double as a CMOA depending on your point-of-view on the whole thing. |
| 2757 | [[/folder]] |
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