Line #56 Characters/AwfulHospitalTheCafe


1	[[center: [-[[Characters/AwfulHospital Main Character Index]] \| [[Characters/AwfulHospitalTheMotherAndHerSon The Mother And Her Son]] \| [[Characters/AwfulHospitalCompanionsOfTheMother Companions Of The Mother]] \| [[Characters/AwfulHospitalTheHospitalStaff The Hospital Staff]] \| [[Characters/AwfulHospitalTheHospitalPatients The Hospital Patients And Visitors]] \| [[Characters/AwfulHospitalBurgrrIncPersonnel Burgrr Inc. Personnel]] \| [[Characters/AwfulHospitalTheAbyss The Abyss]] \| [[Characters/AwfulHospitalTheMorgue The Morgue]] \| [[Characters/AwfulHospitalTheLibrary The Library]] \| '''The Cafe''' \| [[Characters/InertSubConceptVesselMG0908BNSKHL3900438093990 Inert Sub-Concept Vessel MG-0908-BN/SK/HL-3900438093990]] \| [[Characters/AwfulHospitalTheWorms The Worms]] \| [[Characters/AwfulHospitalTheParliament The Parliament]] \| [[Characters/AwfulHospitalTheDolphins The Dolphins]] \| [[Characters/AwfulHospitalUnaffiliatedEntities Unaffiliated Entities]]]]-]
2
3	[[quoteright:350:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/bigcafe.png]]
4	[[caption-width-right:350:Thirsty?]]
5
6	Beings who dwell within The Cafe zone.
7	[[foldercontrol]]
8	----
9
10	[[folder: Chip]]
11	[[quoteright:350:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/chip.png]]
12	[[caption-width-right:350:What can he get you?]]
13
14	--> '''Chip''': M-m-mocha, eh? N-n-n-no p-p-roblemo!
15
16	A barista of Fluid State Comestibles Incorporated, [[note]](which appears to be completely unaffiliated with Burgrr, Inc.)[[/note]] who works in a cafe right outside the lobby of Dr. Tori's surgical ward.
17
18	SPECIAL NOTE: For tropes relating to Chip ''after'' [[spoiler: his Q-36 Procedure,]] please click [[Characters/AwfulHospitalTheHospitalStaff here.]]
19
20	----
21
22	* AnthropomorphicPersonification: Of baristas. Serving coffee, making the occasional mistake, and apologizing for said mistakes, are crucial for Cafe performance throughout the [[LayeredWorld Perception Range]]. [[spoiler:He isn't the original. The Parliament somehow forced him to take the job. He is quite relieved when he gets to return to his former position.]]
23	* CityInABottle: Flair really doesn't let Chip leave his post…
24	-->'''Chip''': s-so... while we're asking q-q-questions.... ww-w-what's it l-like out there in the non c-c-c-cafe z-zones, anyway?\
25	'''Fern''': Oh... uh... it's... well... something. It's. Something.\
26	'''Chip''': [[SincerityMode W-wow!]] That m-must be p-p-pretty n-neat!
27	* CosmicKeystone: Believe it or not, Chip is this for the Cafe.
28	* ITasteDelicious: He's well aware of this, and freely offers what amounts to his lifeblood to any customer who'd ask for it... though WordOfGod insists that he never drinks his own mocha.
29	-->'''Commentator''': Ironically he doesn't drink coffee.\
30	'''Bogleech''': For him, that would be like drinking human blood, yeah.
31	* MajorInjuryUnderreaction: When pouring mocha from his own head into a normal cup, Chip screams out the sort of bloodcurdling shriek a human would give, if he were stabbing his own brain. Then he presents the cup to his customer with a merry "Enjoy!"
32	* {{Mascot}}: During his time as the barista, they had [[http://www.bogleech.com/awfulhospital/481.html a drawing of Chip's head]] on the canopy over the Cafe's entrance.
33	* NervousWreck: Between the stammering and jittering and all the cracks in his head, it probably won't be long until he shatters completely.
34	* NonHumanHead: He has a badly cracked coffee mug for a head. Notably, this isn't actually attached to his body -- he manually holds it a bit above where his neck would be.
35	* PassingTheTorch: Chip '''very desperately''' wants out of his job. But he can't just leave; Dr. Tori must get someone else to replace him.
36	-->'''Chip's Memo To Tori''': I KNOW YOU SAID YOU JUST DON'T HAVE ANY DONORS I'D BE INTERESTED IN SWAPPING WITH, BUT I JUST REALLY NEED A BREAK FROM THIS POSITION. I'LL TAKE ANYTHING. I REALLY DON'T CARE.
37	* PowerUpFood: It's a one-time only deal, but Chip's mocha allowed Fern to ''level up,'' from Level 10 to 11.
38	* PunnyName: Actually, Chip's far more "cracked" than chipped. [[spoiler:And now he's a computer chip.]]
39	* YouGetMeCoffee: Or whatever else you'd care to wet your throat with.
40	[[/folder]]
41
42	[[folder: Flair]]
43	[[quoteright:100:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/icon_badge.png]]
44	[[caption-width-right:100:A smile like that really makes you want to tip your barista...]]
45
46	!!!!!![[caption-width-right:375: [[labelnote: Are you sure you want to click this?]]https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/flair.png[[/labelnote]]]]
47	[[caption-width-right:375:[[spoiler: Service with way too many smiles!]]]]
48
49	--> '''Flair''': Chiiip, you're not bothering customers with your job-irrelevant thoughts again, are you?
50
51	The boss of the Cafe; a button pinned to the front of whoever's serving as barista.
52	----
53	* AdmiringTheAbomination: She adores dolphins for being so thoroughly evil.
54	* AmbitionIsEvil: No matter why she's turning Slobs into her [[SlaveMooks puppets,]] it's clear it's for her own evil sake.
55	* AxCrazy: It seems she's killed before, and would gladly do so again, except that profits come first.
56	-->'''Joe''': COME ON, FLAIR, DON'T YOU EVER GET THE URGE TO JUST... ''NNNNNGGGGG''... JUST....' 'CUSTOMERS''.... I DON'T KNOW, JUST, JUST ''RRRRRIP 'EM IN HALF?!''\
57	'''Flair''': Well of ''course,'' but it's unfortunately proven... unprofitable. Work before fun, sugar.
58	* BeingPersonalIsntProfessional: As her pull quote shows. She offers Fern a free drink of her choice for Chip's faux pas; Fern later made good on this offer after Joe takes over.
59	* BigBrotherIsWatchingYou: Having Flair literally pinned to your front doesn't leave you with much room for privacy, if you work as her employee.
60	* BlatantLies: She gives Eyeslob a bottle of "safe tea", which contains something that looks an awful lot like Flair as a PuppeteerParasite. His [[Expositron9000 infoid larvus]] [[https://bogleech.com/awfulhospital/780.html quickly confirms]] that it's hazardous.
61	* ItIsDehumanizing:
62	-->'''Flair''': I'm so ''terribly'' sorry, miss. Our employee apparently thinks customers want to hear ''its'' problems.
63	* {{Greed}}: Flair continuously grows [[{{Flanderization}}more and more outspoken]] about how she feels your life is only worth sparing if you got money to spend.
64	-->'''Joe''': PLEASE CHOKE TO DEATH.\
65	'''Flair''': Now, sugarmush, we talked about this. Not until after we have all their money.
66	* MeanBoss: Seriously, ''you'' try working for a boss that compels you to painfully pour your own cranial fluids for complimentary customer consumption, and never lets you leave your job site.
67	** Subverted with Joe, however. [[WordOfGod As Bogleech himself put it]], she and Joe have a lot more in common. In any case, she's a lot more patient with Joe than she ever was with Chip and even calls Joe by pet names like "dear" and "sugar".
68	* MeaningfulName: 'Flairs' are decorations which people like baristas are obligated to wear as part of their uniform.
69	* MesACrowd: All Cafe employees get Flair badges pinned to their front.
70	* [[MisterBig Miss Big]]: She's pretty large for a ''badge.'' Subverted later; once Flair is shown through Eyeslob's point of view.
71	* MoreThanMeetsTheEye: Flair's not just a bunch of badges, she's actually a huge parasitic lifeform hanging from the Cafe's ceiling, with her tendrils implanted in every one of her workers.
72	* PetTheDog: Amazingly, she [[http://www.bogleech.com/awfulhospital/884.html actually gave Joe a layer break as a reward for good behavior and told Fern to scram and leave him alone.]] Which might not seem like much but given who we're dealing with, is generous by her standards. One has to wonder if Chip ever had such luck.
73	* PuppeteerParasite: She [[http://www.bogleech.com/awfulhospital/778.html controls her workers]] by feeding them a "safe tea" infested with a parasitic larva of herself. It's assumed that after swallowing it, this larva matures and connects its host to Flair's main body in the Cafe.
74	* SlasherSmile: Instead of '[[https://helanefronekmd.files.wordpress.com/2015/02/screen-shot-2015-02-28-at-11-29-09-am.png Don't Worry, Be Happy,]]' her grin is best described as 'Be Worried, TOO Happy!'
75	* TheStarscream: Claims to be a member of the [[BigBadDuumvirate Parliament,]] but it's clear she actually wants to take them over for herself.
76	* SkewedPriorities: You might almost wonder if there the Cafe has a demographic which responds ''positively'' when baristas like Joe tell them, "I hate you." At least he pushes the club card on them!
77	%%* HypnoticCreature: Very curious, how Fern felt compelled to empty all her money into The Cafe's tip jar, shortly after drinking that 'free' mocha.
78	* TookALevelInJerkass: Not that Flair was all that great to begin with, but [[http://bogleech.com/awfulhospital/bigcafe.png after Joe joined her team,]] she put "SCRAM" and "ORDER AND GET OUT" in big letters right for all the Cafe's customers to see!
79	[[/folder]]
80
81	[[folder: Joe]]
82	[[quoteright:350:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/coffeejoe.png]]
83	[[caption-width-right:350:You'd be better off drinking the [[VideoGame/{{Portal}} Neurotoxin]] than his Blackish Foam.]]
84	-->'''Joe''': WELCOME. TO THE CAFE. I HATE YOU FOR SOME REASON.\
85	'''Flair''': Now, Joe, we've talked about this.\
86	'''Joe''': Y...YES MA'AM. WELCOME TO THE CAFE. I HATE YOU. FOR SOME REASON. ASK. ABOUT OUR CLUB CARD.\
87	'''Flair''': See, was that so hard?
88
89	Chip's foul-tempered replacement.
90	'''Special Note:''' For tropes relating to the man Joe used to be ''before'' [[spoiler: his Q-36 Procedure,]] please click [[Characters/AwfulHospitalTheParliament here.]]
91	----
92	* AdmiringTheAbomination: He talks about how a dolphin painfully ripped apart his previous self into bloody pieces and gushes at how cool it was, wishing he could be a dolphin too.
93	* AnthropomorphicPersonification: Ends up taking the role of personification of baristas from Chip. Baristas range wide will probably be ruder as a result.
94	* AxCrazy: Whatever sanity he had back when he was [[spoiler: Jay]] the human seems gone now.
95	-->'''Joe''': COME ON, FLAIR, DON'T YOU EVER GET THE URGE TO JUST...''NNNNNGGGGG''... JUST.... ''CUSTOMERS''.... I DON'T KNOW, JUST, JUST ''RRRRRIP 'EM IN HALF?!''
96	* BrutalHonesty: "I hate you for some reason," "Choke to death forever," and other such pleasantries.
97	* {{CAPSLOCK}}[=/=]WantonCrueltyToTheCommonComma: JOE SPEAKS HIS. DIALOGUE THIS WAY WITH WEIRD. PERIOD PLACEMENT. PROBABLY AS A RESULT OF. ALL THE COFFEE THAT NOW SERVES AS HIS. BLOOD.
98	* CosmicKeystone: Joe inherited all the responsibility of being this from Chip. Meaning Flair's not letting him leave the Café anytime soon.
99	* DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything: There's a distinct possibility he enjoys being the barista... [[http://bogleech.com/awfulhospital/cuppajoe3.png a little too much.]]
100	* FatherOfAThousandYoung: Joe still suffers from his slob condition, even after [[spoiler: the Q-36 Procedure.]] However, Flair has no problem subduing all of Joe's "young," slapping Flair badges on their bodies, and adding them to the Cafe's workforce.
101	* GoingNative: The fact that he now uses non-Earth time measurements would seem to suggest this.
102	-->'''Joe''': FOR A QUASISPIRAL ONLY, EVERY DRINK INCLUDES A COMPLEMENTARY SAMPLE OF OUR BRAND. NEW. HOUSE FLAVOR.
103	* ITasteDelicious: Fern and her Commentators certainly don't think this at all about the Blackish Foam inside Joe's head-cup.
104	-->''The only thing you're certain of is that this will never enter your mouth.''
105	* LaserGuidedAmnesia: It's unknown whether [[spoiler: his Q-36 Procedure]] was slightly botched, or whether Flair subjected him to a memory wipe, but Joe doesn't seem to recall his old life as [[spoiler: Jay.]] Nonetheless, he instinctively hates Fern on sight.
106	* LethalChef: Joe's Blackish Foam is outright poisonous to EVERYTHING. [[spoiler: When Willis soaked the Bandages with Blackish Foam during Team Green's fight with Dr. Man, not only did it corrupt the Bandages' healing ability into a ''harming'' ability, but he eventually [[DeathIsASlapOnTheWrist died from it]]. He still holds a grudge against Fern after being brought back to life.]]
107	-->[[spoiler: '''Dr. Man''': His previous vessel... turned. He has had no difficulty adjusting to a replacement, as you have done innumerable times yourself, though he found your tactics... distasteful... and has articulated... colorful... opinions of your character.]]
108	* MascotVillain: As with everything else, Joe assumed all of Chip's old mascot duties; his mug is over all the [[http://www.bogleech.com/awfulhospital/648.html Cafe's]] [[http://www.bogleech.com/awfulhospital/734.html canopies.]]
109	* MorphicResonance: Even after his change, Joe is lanky thin, and although his body no longer has the "bacterial" pattern [[spoiler: Jay]] had, Joe wears a blue-colored uniform and his cup-head is also blue. Even the neck brace [[spoiler: Jay]] was wearing during his final life cycle "translated" to one of those "HOT! CAUTION!" covers that coffee shops put on their disposable coffee cups.
110	* NonHumanHead: His head is a styrofoam cup attached to his body with a neck brace.
111	* PoisonousPerson: As mentioned above, the Blackish Foam which Joe naturally produces... isn't fit for consumption.
112	* PunnyName: Because it's apparently unacceptable for any Café worker's name to NOT be a coffee-themed pun.
113	* RedeemingReplacement: [[InvertedTrope Nope.]] Between Chip and Joe, Chip was the better barista, and his mocha will be missed.
114	* StaticRoleExchangeableCharacter: To quote WordOfGod: "[[http://www.bogleech.com/awfulhospital/649.html ...it could]] have been far, far worse for [[spoiler: Jay.]] SOME-body has to be the Barista, anyhow."
115	* SwappedRoles: [[spoiler: Jay]] was swapped into Chip's role and species.
116	* UnCoffee: His head fluid is "Blackish Foam", a grey slop that stinks like melted tires mixed with congealed bacon grease. It's apparently some Zone's version of coffee.
117	* TheUnsmile: What a grimace!
118	* UnholyMatrimony: It may not be 'matrimony,' but WordOfGod says Joe and Flair ''are'' an item together!
119	--> '''Bogleech''': [[http://www.bogleech.com/awfulhospital/756.html Fan canons]] already existed that they had a relationship like that and it really [[AscendedFanon only seems natural.]] Joe[[spoiler:/Jay]] is that type of person who practically craves being miserable and will jump on the tiniest excuse to hate someone and complain about something, while Flair is a power-crazed greedy parasite. Together, they each make the other feel very fulfilled, but also keep each other from really bothering anybody else.
120	* WalkingSpoiler: His existence pretty much spoils what [[spoiler: Jay becomes post operation]].
121	* WasOnceAMan: Joe was once [[spoiler: Jay]].
122	[[/folder]]

Context Characters / AwfulHospitalTheCafe