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** [[AndThatsTerrible And bad.]] [[Film/KungPowEnterTheFist There should be a new, stronger word for killing like]] [[SugarWiki/FunnyMoments badwrong or badong. Yes, killing is badong.]]


** Warping the warp: Go ahead and abandon a juvenile delinquent for an entire year. If you offer him a chance at redemption when it's too late for him to take it, you'll still go down in history as a good person, not a manipulative bastard who kept crucial information to yourself.
* It's better to leave a child in an abusive home than to run the risk that he'll grow up to be proud, spoiled, or egotistical.
** [[SarcasmMode Because it's not like kids in abusive homes are people, prone to the same character flaws as the rest of us. It's completely impossible for a child in an abusive home to become negatively warped by the experience. Nope, every kid in an abusive home is an absolute saint]].
*** Exactly, just look at [[RealityEnsues Snape or Merope Gaunt.]]



* If the BigBad is a result of you being a sanctimonious bastard and leaving a child with "dark tendencies" in an abusive household then the obvious solution is to do it again to another kid.
* It's perfectly healthy for a society to be so isolationist they don't have the slightest idea of what basic technologies or clothing rules exist in the outside culture. In fact, play it for comedy: it's not creepy, it's funny!

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* If the BigBad is a result of you being a sanctimonious bastard and leaving a child with "dark tendencies" in an abusive household then the obvious solution is to do it again to another kid.
* It's perfectly healthy for a society to be so isolationist they don't have the slightest idea of what basic technologies or clothing rules exist in the outside culture. In fact, play it for comedy: it's not creepy, it's funny!



** Also, if you are TheHero, you don't deserve to be punished for ''anything.'' Attack your sobbing rival with a deadly weapon? Simply express surprise that the weapon was indeed deadly, and you'll be let off with a slap on the wrist. Even if you could reasonably be convicted of, say, [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assault aggravated assault]], your status as the hero means you don't deserve punishment for it. Anyone who implies that you do is ObviouslyEvil.

to:

** Also, if you are TheHero, you don't deserve to be punished for ''anything.'' Attack your sobbing rival with a deadly weapon? Simply express surprise that the weapon was indeed deadly, and you'll be let off with a slap on the wrist. Even if you could reasonably be convicted of, say, [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assault aggravated assault]], your status as the hero means you don't deserve punishment for it. Anyone who implies that you do is ObviouslyEvil.


** Isn't the ''real'' Aesop then "pay attention in class, 'cause a few items mentioned at some point during an entire school year might save your life"?


* Trying to start your own joke shop and make a little extra money for yourself is ''bad''; promoting the use of date-rape drugs, however, is ''good''.
* Any attempts to abolish slavery will inevitably be deemed as laughably pathetic, so don't even try.

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* Trying to start your own joke shop and make a little extra money for yourself is ''bad''; promoting the use of date-rape drugs, however, is ''good''.
* Any attempts to abolish slavery will inevitably be deemed as laughably pathetic, so don't even try.


** Also, the guy who creepily inserted himself into your life, ruined your formerly close relationship with your sister, subscribes to a racist cult targeting you and is possessive about your wants and needs and refuses to accept that you loved somebody else and had a happy marriage, is truly in love with you and not an obsessive StalkerWithACrush who is LovingAShadow and tearing you out of family photos so he could keep a photo of you for himself.
** Stalking and acting like an entitled nice guy bastard makes you a good person, your creepy "love" for the woman you got killed will be seen as somehow redeeming of your overall nastiness to the point that the boy you abused for years will even [[spoiler: name his kid after you]] and even calls you "the bravest man you ever knew" when all you did was follow the instructions of your deprogrammer and served as his errand boy and managed to barely succeed in your mission by pure luck. Being a horrible teacher and inconsiderate bully to kids who had it just as bad as you did, persecuting and outing a fellow teacher in a totally unprofessional manner, will magically be airbrushed away.

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** Also, the guy who creepily inserted himself into your life, ruined your formerly close relationship with your sister, subscribes to a racist cult targeting you and is possessive about your wants and needs and refuses to accept that you loved somebody else and had a happy marriage, is truly in love with you and not an obsessive StalkerWithACrush who is LovingAShadow and tearing you out of family photos so he could keep a photo of you for himself.
** Stalking and acting like an entitled nice guy bastard makes you a good person, your creepy "love" for the woman you got killed will be seen as somehow redeeming of your overall nastiness to the point that the boy you abused for years will even [[spoiler: name his kid after you]] and even calls you "the bravest man you ever knew" when all you did was follow the instructions of your deprogrammer and served as his errand boy and managed to barely succeed in your mission by pure luck. Being a horrible teacher and inconsiderate bully to kids who had it just as bad as you did, persecuting and outing a fellow
teacher in a totally unprofessional manner, will magically be airbrushed away.manner.


* No matter how far you deliberately warp the Aesops of a series with a [[TheLawOfFanJackassery large cult fandom]] beyond recognition, [[PoesLaw it will still sound exactly like real fan wank]] and [[http://www.journalfen.net/community/the_hms_stfu/526789.html may be taken as such]].[[note]]It's a joke, seriously, turn off the fun policing.[[/note]]

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* No matter how far you deliberately warp the Aesops of a series with a [[TheLawOfFanJackassery large cult fandom]] beyond recognition, [[PoesLaw it will still sound exactly like real fan wank]] and [[http://www.[[https://web.archive.org/web/20130330083441/http://www.journalfen.net/community/the_hms_stfu/526789.html may be taken as such]].[[note]]It's a joke, seriously, turn off the fun policing.[[/note]]

Added DiffLines:

* If you haven't been conceived out of true love, then your life is a waste and your soul is damned, if you even have a proper soul in the first place.

Added DiffLines:

* Don't bother sharing your magic with the Muggle World to make it a better place. Just keep them in the dark, and keep your magic powers to your secretive society.
* Don't help your friend otherwise one of your parents may favor them over you and just further demote you down the family pecking order.

Added DiffLines:

** People who write textbooks that school-children are supposed to understand have absolutely no idea what they are doing.


[[AC: ''Literature/HarryPotterAndTheGobletOfFire'']]
* No one will bat an eye when you are hosting a Tournament known for its high death count ''at a public school full of children!''
** You have to have a magical cup that forces its contestants to compete in a magically-binding contract if you want to host a competitive Tournament between schools. That way, if anyone signs up someone else to be a contestant without them knowing or curses the magical cup to rig the lottery, they have no choice but to compete and you won't have to go to the trouble of doing a recount.
* Don't expect any law-suits when the school unwillingly volunteers random underaged students to potentially drown as unwitting props for their exciting life-or-death tournament just because they are associated with its contestants.
* Teachers drinking on school grounds is okay.
* Teachers doing things that could get you thrown into the least humane prison on the planet in a class full of teenagers shouldn't raise any eyebrows.



* '''Literature/HarryPotterAndTheHalfBloodPrince''': Books you can learn things from are even more evil.

to:


[[AC: ''Literature/HarryPotterAndTheHalfBloodPrince'']]
* '''Literature/HarryPotterAndTheHalfBloodPrince''': Books you can learn things from are even more evil.


* '''General''': Killing people makes you look like a snake. Therefore, killing is wrong.

to:

[[AC: General]]
* '''General''': Killing people makes you look like a snake. Therefore, killing is wrong.



** Making that former terrorist the head of a school-house that had already developed a reputation of being AlwaysChaoticEvil is okay too. What could go wrong?
** The former terrorist using his authority to bully students for petty reasons like not liking their parents or being born in a non-magic family is okay too. You need to keep a close eye on him after all and if some student's futures are ruined because he gives them failing grades due to his own malicious incompetence, then that is just a few dozen sacrifices (per year) you have to make [[SarcasmMode so that he doesn't go back to being a menace to society]].



* '''Literature/HarryPotterAndThePhilosophersStone''':
** The safest place to keep a much sought after magical artifact and Dark Lord magnet is in a school full of children. Just warn said children away from the danger zone by telling them not to go there. WhatCouldPossiblyGoWrong
*** In addition, the best way to keep the Dark Lord from getting said artefact is to set up a series of puzzles so simple they can be solved by three eleven-year-olds. In fact, you should design the puzzles specifically to be solved by the eleven-year-olds so one of them can then fight the Dark Lord and almost die.
** Meta: [[{{Eagleland}} Americans are stupid]], so if the title of [[Literature/HarryPotterAndThePhilosophersStone your book]] sounds even remotely intellectual, change it to utter {{Narm}}.
* '''Literature/HarryPotterAndTheChamberOfSecrets''':
** Books are evil.
** (Naturalist's worst nightmare.) If you discover a rare animal that has somehow survived thousands of years you should kill it immediately!
** Education is more important than protecting your students from a murderous creature that lives in your school and is attacking the pupils, even though the only reason nobody has died yet is because of a series of improbable coincidences.'
** If a crime committed has similarities to another crime committed years previously, then obviously the culprit must be the same person even if that person can barely be called alive.
* '''Literature/HarryPotterAndThePrisonerOfAzkaban''':
** There's nothing wrong with accepting an insanely expensive vehicle as a gift from an anonymous stranger, especially when you have already pissed off some of the most powerful people around, and you know that such vehicles can be rigged to kill their driver. Those of your friends who treat such gifts with caution are just narks and deserve to be shunned.
** If you're reasonably upset with your friend for being partly responsible for [[spoiler: the death of your beloved pet]], you're a jerk.
** Hiring someone who has regular murderous episodes to work in a building full of children is a great idea if they're a nice person when they're not trying to rip your throat out. Anyone who is against this idea is clearly prejudiced and should be ignored.
* '''Literature/HarryPotterAndTheOrderOfThePhoenix''':
** So, you've got an adventurous and independent child who also happens to be a trouble magnet, has a murderous supervillain after him, has been known to act without thinking, and has been exhibiting pretty obvious symptoms of PTSD? Don't tell him any relevant details about what's going on in his life behind the scenes, ever. It's not like he'll try to find out on his own and end up getting into even more trouble along the way.
** '''Literature/HarryPotterAndTheHalfBloodPrince''': Books you can learn things from are even more evil.
** If you don't make it into an advanced class, it's because the teacher hates you, not because you lack the talent or aptitude. Once a new teacher is installed, they'll treat you like the genius you are, even if your supposed brilliance is all due to a handy cheat sheet you happened to find.
*** Also, if you are TheHero, you don't deserve to be punished for ''anything.'' Attack your sobbing rival with a deadly weapon? Simply express surprise that the weapon was indeed deadly, and you'll be let off with a slap on the wrist. Even if you could reasonably be convicted of, say, [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assault aggravated assault]], your status as the hero means you don't deserve punishment for it. Anyone who implies that you do is ObviouslyEvil.
* '''Literature/HarryPotterAndTheDeathlyHallows''':
** Grand speeches about equality and coexistence with those different from you are fine and good, and you should be righteously indignant at and oppose those who display overt hatred and contempt for the different folk, but it's still probably not a good idea to actually expose your existence to those different people or cooperate with them, even when their lives and freedom are at stake, because in your heart you just know that they will want to exploit, abuse, persecute or exterminate you. No, that doesn't mean that the hatred and contempt against them is justified, and that you're a brazen shortsighted hypocrite.
** The true way to hunt down the magic SoulJar to take down the EvilOverlord isn't to appoint a secret force of competent professionals skilled in tracking magical objects, it's to leave it to the hands of barely trained school children. Never mind that their idea of investigating is camping endlessly, moving around randomly in various places in the vain hope that somehow they will come across the convenient plot clues, never mind that they conduct zany schemes that nearly compromise the whole mission and get themselves killed, or that they will get distracted from their simple task by pointless excursions (which you planted) that likewise nearly gets them killed. Eventually their luck will triumph over trivial matters of competence, resources and talent.

to:


[[AC: ''Literature/HarryPotterAndThePhilosophersStone'']]
* '''Literature/HarryPotterAndThePhilosophersStone''':
**
The safest place to keep a much sought after magical artifact and Dark Lord magnet is in a school full of children. Just warn said children away from the danger zone by telling them not to go there. WhatCouldPossiblyGoWrong
*** ** In addition, the best way to keep the Dark Lord from getting said artefact is to set up a series of puzzles so simple they can be solved by three eleven-year-olds. In fact, you should design the puzzles specifically to be solved by the eleven-year-olds so one of them can then fight the Dark Lord and almost die.
** * Meta: [[{{Eagleland}} Americans are stupid]], so if the title of [[Literature/HarryPotterAndThePhilosophersStone your book]] sounds even remotely intellectual, change it to utter {{Narm}}.
{{Narm}}.

[[AC: ''Literature/HarryPotterAndTheChamberOfSecrets'']]
* '''Literature/HarryPotterAndTheChamberOfSecrets''':
**
Books are evil.
** * (Naturalist's worst nightmare.) If you discover a rare animal that has somehow survived thousands of years you should kill it immediately!
** * Education is more important than protecting your students from a murderous creature that lives in your school and is attacking the pupils, even though the only reason nobody has died yet is because of a series of improbable coincidences.'
** * If a crime committed has similarities to another crime committed years previously, then obviously the culprit must be the same person even if that person can barely be called alive.
alive.

[[AC: ''Literature/HarryPotterAndThePrisonerOfAzkaban'']]
* '''Literature/HarryPotterAndThePrisonerOfAzkaban''':
**
There's nothing wrong with accepting an insanely expensive vehicle as a gift from an anonymous stranger, especially when you have already pissed off some of the most powerful people around, and you know that such vehicles can be rigged to kill their driver. Those of your friends who treat such gifts with caution are just narks and deserve to be shunned.
** * If you're reasonably upset with your friend for being partly responsible for [[spoiler: the death of your beloved pet]], you're a jerk.
** * Hiring someone who has regular murderous episodes to work in a building full of children is a great idea if they're a nice person when they're not trying to rip your throat out. Anyone who is against this idea is clearly prejudiced and should be ignored.
ignored.

[[AC: ''Literature/HarryPotterAndTheOrderOfThePhoenix'']]
* '''Literature/HarryPotterAndTheOrderOfThePhoenix''':
**
So, you've got an adventurous and independent child who also happens to be a trouble magnet, has a murderous supervillain after him, has been known to act without thinking, and has been exhibiting pretty obvious symptoms of PTSD? Don't tell him any relevant details about what's going on in his life behind the scenes, ever. It's not like he'll try to find out on his own and end up getting into even more trouble along the way.
** * '''Literature/HarryPotterAndTheHalfBloodPrince''': Books you can learn things from are even more evil.
** * If you don't make it into an advanced class, it's because the teacher hates you, not because you lack the talent or aptitude. Once a new teacher is installed, they'll treat you like the genius you are, even if your supposed brilliance is all due to a handy cheat sheet you happened to find.
*** ** Also, if you are TheHero, you don't deserve to be punished for ''anything.'' Attack your sobbing rival with a deadly weapon? Simply express surprise that the weapon was indeed deadly, and you'll be let off with a slap on the wrist. Even if you could reasonably be convicted of, say, [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assault aggravated assault]], your status as the hero means you don't deserve punishment for it. Anyone who implies that you do is ObviouslyEvil. \n

[[AC: ''Literature/HarryPotterAndTheDeathlyHallows'']]
* '''Literature/HarryPotterAndTheDeathlyHallows''':
**
Grand speeches about equality and coexistence with those different from you are fine and good, and you should be righteously indignant at and oppose those who display overt hatred and contempt for the different folk, but it's still probably not a good idea to actually expose your existence to those different people or cooperate with them, even when their lives and freedom are at stake, because in your heart you just know that they will want to exploit, abuse, persecute or exterminate you. No, that doesn't mean that the hatred and contempt against them is justified, and that you're a brazen shortsighted hypocrite.
** * The true way to hunt down the magic SoulJar to take down the EvilOverlord isn't to appoint a secret force of competent professionals skilled in tracking magical objects, it's to leave it to the hands of barely trained school children. Never mind that their idea of investigating is camping endlessly, moving around randomly in various places in the vain hope that somehow they will come across the convenient plot clues, never mind that they conduct zany schemes that nearly compromise the whole mission and get themselves killed, or that they will get distracted from their simple task by pointless excursions (which you planted) that likewise nearly gets them killed. Eventually their luck will triumph over trivial matters of competence, resources and talent.


** Alternatively, if you're an author writing a DistantFinale, you better make sure your characters' friendships and romances don't break apart during the TimeSkip or [[FanDumb your fans]] will go ''[[InternetBackdraft apeshit]]'' and a coin a new term[[note]]"getting rolfed", named after Luna Lovegood's offscreen husband in the finale[[/note]] for your treachery of ''daring'' to give your characters further development offscreen.

to:

** Alternatively, if you're an author writing a DistantFinale, you better make sure your characters' friendships and romances don't break apart during the TimeSkip or [[FanDumb your fans]] fans will go ''[[InternetBackdraft apeshit]]'' ''apeshit'' and a coin a new term[[note]]"getting rolfed", named after Luna Lovegood's offscreen husband in the finale[[/note]] for your treachery of ''daring'' to give your characters further development offscreen.


* When you are told that some acts are so evil that doing it ''once'' result in life sentence in prison, they ''never'' mean it. Actually you can do it every single day, it's okay if you do it for greater good. And even if you do it for evil, it will be forgiven if you switch side at the last second. [[spoiler:this refers to Dumbledore forgiving Draco, even if he used Imperium for a whole year.]]

to:

* When you are told that some acts are so evil that doing it ''once'' result in life sentence in prison, they ''never'' mean it. Actually you can do it every single day, it's okay if you do it for greater good. And even if you do it for evil, it will be forgiven if you switch side at the last second. [[spoiler:this [[spoiler:This refers to Dumbledore forgiving Draco, even if he used Imperium for a whole year.]]



** Alternatively, if you're an author writing a DistantFinale, you better make sure your characters' friendships and romances don't break apart during the TimeSkip or [[FanDumb your fans]] will go ''[[InternetBackdraft apeshit]]'' and a coin a new term[[note]]"getting rolfed", named after Luna Lovegood's offscreen husband in the finale[[/note]] for your treachery of ''daring'' to give your characters further development off-screen.

to:

** Alternatively, if you're an author writing a DistantFinale, you better make sure your characters' friendships and romances don't break apart during the TimeSkip or [[FanDumb your fans]] will go ''[[InternetBackdraft apeshit]]'' and a coin a new term[[note]]"getting rolfed", named after Luna Lovegood's offscreen husband in the finale[[/note]] for your treachery of ''daring'' to give your characters further development off-screen.offscreen.

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** Alternatively, if you find something really useful like the above (or an ability to ''time travel''), don't use it ever again, even when lives are on the line.

Added DiffLines:

** Girls should also find their future husbands before they graduate high school and then immediately become parents or else the BigBad cannot be stopped.


Added DiffLines:

* If you know someone who has a hard time processing his grief, don't help and do not offer counseling. Pray on his emotional issues to recruit him as a spy, even if that means he'll release all that pent-up anger on eleven year old children for years.

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