Follow TV Tropes

Following

History Quotes / TheVentureBrothers

Go To



-->'''Hunter Gathers (to Brock)''': "Lesson number one: trust no one. [[ConspiracyTheorist The minute God crapped out the third caveman, a conspiracy was hatched against one of them.]] Get up, damn you! ''(throws Brock a jetpack)'' Strap 'er on kid, your training starts now. When I'm through with you, you'll be a member of the elite agency that's been thanklessly defending this big-ass country since the second American Revolution.... the invisible one. Welcome to the Office of Secret Intelligence, Samson!''

-->'''Brock''': "''(sigh)'' So. [[WouldntHitAGirl No women]], [[WouldntHurtAChild no children]] ''

to:

-->'''Hunter Gathers (to Brock)''': "Lesson number one: trust no one. [[ConspiracyTheorist The minute God crapped out the third caveman, a conspiracy was hatched against one of them.]] them. Get up, damn you! ''(throws Brock a jetpack)'' Strap 'er on kid, your training starts now. When I'm through with you, you'll be a member of the elite agency that's been thanklessly defending this big-ass country since the second American Revolution.... the invisible one. Welcome to the Office of Secret Intelligence, Samson!''

-->'''Brock''': "''(sigh)'' So. [[WouldntHitAGirl No women]], [[WouldntHurtAChild women, no children]] children ''


-->'''Hunter''': "No sir. Non-lethal takedown only. President killed the president anyway, you know that.''

to:

-->'''Hunter''': "No sir. Non-lethal takedown only. President's not the President killed the president anyway, you know that.''


-->'''Hunter''': "No women, no children. Them's rules. Seperates us from the baddies.''

to:

-->'''Hunter''': "No women, no children. Them's rules. Seperates Separates us from the baddies.''






-->'''Dr. Venture''': "If you touch something that melts your fingers off, tell your buddy! If you get a face-full of burning hydroflouric acid, it's your buddy who drags you to one of the many eye wash stations!"

to:

-->'''Dr. Venture''': "If you touch something that melts your fingers off, tell your buddy! If you get a face-full of burning hydroflouric hydrofluoric acid, it's your buddy who drags you to one of the many eye wash stations!"



-->'''Dr. Girlfriend''': "Monstroso? That's what this is about? He's the king of the double cross. I mean, think about it, he's lawyer and a super villian. That's like a shark with a grenade launcher on its head."

to:

-->'''Dr. Girlfriend''': "Monstroso? That's what this is about? He's the king of the double cross. I mean, think about it, he's lawyer and a super villian.villain. That's like a shark with a grenade launcher on its head."



-->'''Storm Front''': How can you have internal bleeding and constipation?
-->'''Proessor Impossible''': Was loss of life on that list?

to:

-->'''Storm Front''': How can you have internal bleeding diarrhea and constipation?
-->'''Proessor -->'''Professor Impossible''': Was loss of life on that list?

Added DiffLines:

-->'''Dr. Venture''': I have a list of inappropriate behavior! Number one: This! Don't do this!
-->'''Sgt. Hatred''' ''(curled up in the bathroom, crying and eating shaving cream)'': What's number two?
-->'''Dr. Venture''': Nothing! I don't have a number two, I don't even have a list! Get out of the bathroom!

Added DiffLines:


[[folder: Season Six]]
-->'''Narrator''': Deep within the bleak and dismal Gowanus Canal, hidden beneath its murky waters, lies the headquarters of the most sinister crime collective in New York -- the Doom Factory. Here, ten of the most ruthlessly self-involved villains on Earth loosely align forces against the powers of good. The cold-hearted ice sculptress, Frigid! The toxic tongue of Serpentine! ''(Oh, look, everyone, poor little rich girl needs attention!)'' Miniature muse Eenie Meanie, and Gerard the Gorilla! The watchful Black Maria, and Trashenstein, the exquisite corpse! Ultra Violent and Billy Maim! The feminine yet gigantic She-Hemoth, and the bittersweet Hard Candy! All sycophantic clingers-on to the evil genius of Wes Warhammer!
-->'''Wes Warhammer:''' Hey, so, um, uh, guys, um, we should get Dr. Venture.

-->'''Red Death''': Hello, Red Death.
-->'''The Monarch:''': ''(through a voice changer)'' Your child and your wife have been kidnapped. Sign away your arching rights to Dr. Venture, and they will be returned safely in the morning. If you do not--
-->'''Red Death''': I don't know who you are, but you've made a very large mistake. [[Film/{{Taken}} I have a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. Release my family, and that will be the end of this. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.]]
-->'''The Monarch''': Uh, okay, uh... sorry?
[[/folder]]

[[folder: Season Seven]]
-->'''Dr. Mrs. The Monarch''': Do we have any Level 1 arches scheduled today?
-->'''Watch''': One. Augustus St. Cloud. He just put in a requisition for a level 1 lightning rifle and laughing gas grenades... and he paid in cash!
-->'''Ward''': Dollar dollar bills, my brother!
-->'''Dr. Mrs. The Monarch''': Alright. Uh, upgrade the lightning rifle to level 6 and send it out.
-->'''Stranger S-464''': Hmm. Six level lightning. That should get her attention.
-->'''Dr. Mrs. The Monarch''': She'll have to intervene on a treaty violation, and so will we. And you'll get your woman back.
-->'''Ward''': Isn't that, like, dangerous?
-->'''Dr. Mrs. The Monarch''': We're the Guild of Calamitous Intent! We're the bad guys. Own it, gentlemen.
[[/folder]]


-->'''The Monarch, in a Scared Straight Program''': "You're probably wondering why you're here, YOU'RE HERE BECAUSE YOU DONE FUCKED UP TOO MANY TIMES! [[CrowningMomentOfFunny You think you're hot shit in a champagne glass, but you're really cold diarrhea in a Dixie cup!]] And if you keep like you've been doin', this is where you're heading.''

to:

-->'''The Monarch, in a Scared Straight Program''': "You're probably wondering why you're here, YOU'RE HERE BECAUSE YOU DONE FUCKED UP TOO MANY TIMES! [[CrowningMomentOfFunny [[SugarWiki/FunnyMoments You think you're hot shit in a champagne glass, but you're really cold diarrhea in a Dixie cup!]] And if you keep like you've been doin', this is where you're heading.''


-->'''Billy''': All right, she's ready to test. Who's the guinea pig?
-->'''Pete''': I'm an albino. I can't even go to the beach without exploding. There's no way I'm standing in front of an anything ray.
-->'''Dr. Venture''': Single parent. Those boys need me. I am their rock.
-->'''Billy''': Don't look at me. I have not lived enough, for I have not yet tasted the flower of a woman.
-->'''Pete''': What do you mean?
-->'''Dr. Venture''': Yeah, tasted a flower? Is that a direct metaphor?
-->'''Pete''': Cuz I don't take many trips down south myself.
-->'''Billy''': You guys are disgusting. No, I mean I haven't sampled the fruits of the fairer sex.
-->'''Dr. Venture''': What's with the poetry, Wordsworth? Just say it. Say, "I am a virgin."
-->'''Pete''': I knew it!
-->'''Dr. Venture''': Billy, that makes you the best candidate to take a ray blast. You have nothing to lose. You've never done anything. The way I look at it, it's not even murder. It's a very late abortion.
-->'''Billy''': Wait, give me 24 hours to experience love! Let me know the gentle caress of a woman, let me sleep in the shade of love's beau. I will return to you, I will return knowing the sweet taste-
-->'''Pete''': I vote Billy.
-->'''Dr. Venture''': Seconded. Okay virgin, get on the target.




-->'''Hank''': If you're supposed to be our mom, then why have you got us tied up? People only do that when they want to kill us.
-->'''Dean''': Or hold us for ransom.
-->'''Hank''': Or touch us inappropriately.
-->'''Dean''': What?! When? That never happened-
-->'''Hank''': Sergeant Hatred? What, did you block that out? Oh no wait, you were passed out from the wine. Most of it was awful, trust me.



-->'''Orpheus:''': So... anyone who doesn't immediately give you respect, you murder?
-->'''Brock:''': No. No, no... well, I don't always kill 'em or anything, just like a bruise or two, just as a little reminder. I mean, 'til this kid!
-->'''Orpheus:''': You must talk to him. When you treat a young man like an adult, he acts like an adult.
-->'''Brock:''': If he was an adult, I'd kick his ass.
-->'''Orpheus:''': You can't stoop to their level.
-->'''Brock:''': Yeah, that's true. But... another kid could, right? I know where you're going with this! Yeah! I could get another kid to beat him down!
'''[Brock runs away laughing]'''
-->'''Orpheus:''': Not even close.
-->'''Brock:''': Don't bother, I'm not even listening.

-->'''Billy:''': Don't move, they can smell fear.
-->'''Dr. Venture:''': Can they smell urine?
-->'''Billy:''': That's like liquid fear.

-->'''Tim Tom:''': A hit, huh? You want us to make him suffer? Or just end it quick and quietlike?
-->'''Brock:''': No no no. Nothing permanent. Just give him a little taste of fear. And... I guess you can break something small. Like a toe.
-->'''Tim Tom:''': We could take out his tongue.
-->'''Kevin:''': With a knife.
-->'''Tim Tom:''': Or remove his heart.
-->'''Kevin:''': Yeah, with a knife.
-->'''Tim Tom:''': A bigger knife.
-->'''Kevin:''': Fucking knife!
-->'''Brock:''': Yeah, you guys are... you're kinda creepy. I think this may be a stupid idea.

-->'''JJ:''': So it's a game? We... fake fight? That's ridiculous.
-->'''The Monarch:''': No, we sharpen our claws! It's like fencing. It's about the art of the fight.
-->'''JJ:''': Good! Well, I'm about to deliver my killing stroke. Then what?
-->'''Doctor Girlfriend:''': Then the Guild steps up their game. You throw a rock, they throw a knife. You throw a knife, they come to your house while you're sleeping and murder your family.




-->'''The Monarch''': All right. Cut the chatter, it's game time. You all know your roles. Huddle up, huddle up! Okay, Moppets?
-->'''Tim Tom''': We locate the Venture boys.
-->'''Kevin''': And kill them.
-->'''The Monarch''': SUBDUE them.
-->'''Tim Tom''': Cut their bellies?
-->'''The Monarch''': SUBDUE their bellies. Doctor My Wife?
-->'''Doctor Girlfriend''': Locate and seduce-
-->'''The Monarch''': Subdue! Come on!
-->'''Doctor Girlfriend''': Subdue Brock Samson.
-->'''The Monarch''': Henchman 24?
-->'''Henchman 24''': Locate and subdue the Venture robot.
-->'''The Monarch''': Subdue? You can kill the robot. It's a robot.



-->'''Action Johnny''': "You're going to tell me that you didn't send your flunky to murder our therapist with a a Vietnamese two-step Viper?"

to:

-->'''Dean''': I thought you were used to this.
-->'''Dr. Venture''': Dean, I remember when the Action Man would wake me up with a gun pointed to my head. He'd just hold it there and pull the trigger. I'd hear the click really loud because it was right against my forehead.
-->'''Dean''': So it echoed.
-->'''Dr. Venture''': Right, so it sounded like he snapped one of my teeth out. Click! Then he'd go, 'not today, Rusty. Not today.'
-->'''Dean''': Golly. And you took it because you had to?
-->'''Dr. Venture''': No Dean. I took it because I was Rusty Venture, boy adventurer.

-->'''Action Johnny''': "You're going to tell me that you didn't send your flunky to murder our therapist with a a Vietnamese two-step Viper?"


Added DiffLines:

-->'''Dragoon''': I'm staying in the car. We- we are staying in the car!
-->'''Red Mantle''': We haven't been outside in 30 years. I'm old and I'm afraid of everything.
-->'''Dragoon''': I'm afraid the streets are overrun with teenage gangs.
-->'''Red Mantle''': Teenagers are cruel and they will undoubtedly taunt us, because our trousers are not in style anymore.
-->'''Dragoon''': And we are two heads on one body. And that has never, ever been hip.


Added DiffLines:

-->'''Watch''': Before we administer the untested experimental inhibitor, we'll have to-
-->'''Professor Impossible''': Hold on. Experimental?
-->'''Watch''': Suck it up, mister good guy. That's how we roll in organized villainy. Get used to it.
-->'''Ward''': Side effects may include: nausea, constipation, headaches, insomnia, oily discharge, severe deja vu stiffness in joints, blurred vision or temporary blindness, diarrhea, loss of life, thrombosis, and rectal bleeding.
-->'''Storm Front''': How can you have internal bleeding and constipation?
-->'''Proessor Impossible''': Was loss of life on that list?
-->'''Watch''': Just a side effect. Now who's getting the shot?
-->'''Phantom Limb''': Okay, but you may have to give me the shot in my derriere. Needles can't penetrate my electro-impalpable limbs.
-->'''Watch''': Needles? Yeah, good one. Try huge spikes.
-->'''Ward''': They're wonderful and frightening and they go into the sides of your neck and they replace all your blood.
-->'''Watch''': You get all your blood back at the end of the summit. Unless the loss of life thing happens. Then we'll send your next of kin a big jug of blood and a very nice card.


-->'''SPHINX Agent''': "I had an erotic dream about [[HenryRollins Henry Rollins]] last night, and I'm straight as an arrow."

to:

-->'''SPHINX Agent''': "I had an erotic dream about [[HenryRollins Henry Rollins]] Music/HenryRollins last night, and I'm straight as an arrow."


-->'''Hank''': "And they kill clean, don't let Deans get in the way.''

to:

-->'''Hank''': "And they kill clean, don't let Deans dames get in the way.''


-->'''Brock''': "Hank, you and [[TheCaligula Caligula]] keep up the rear. ''(Caligula moans happily and hugs Hank)'' On second thought, you and [[SigmundFreud Freud]] should do it. Caligula, you take the second wave alone. Ready Dean?''

to:

-->'''Brock''': "Hank, you and [[TheCaligula Caligula]] UsefulNotes/{{Caligula}} keep up the rear. ''(Caligula moans happily and hugs Hank)'' On second thought, you and [[SigmundFreud [[UsefulNotes/SigmundFreud Freud]] should do it. Caligula, you take the second wave alone. Ready Dean?''



-->'''Brock''': "When the gates open me, [[EdgarAllanPoe Poe]], and [[MyFutureSelfAndMe me]], ''(pointing to himself from the past)'' rush in. You got that? ''

to:

-->'''Brock''': "When the gates open me, [[EdgarAllanPoe [[Creator/EdgarAllanPoe Poe]], and [[MyFutureSelfAndMe me]], ''(pointing to himself from the past)'' rush in. You got that? ''


-->'''Hank''': "And they kill clean, don't let dames get in the way.''

to:

-->'''Hank''': "And they kill clean, don't let dames Deans get in the way.''


-->''"Love never blows up and gets killed."''


to:

-->''"Love ->''"Love never blows up and gets killed."''

"''






-->'''Brock:''' Uh-huh.

to:

-->'''Brock:''' Uh-huh.


-->'''Gary''': "She's coming in low and slow, it's Monarch 'look at my cool new thing' approach."\\
'''Srg. Vatred''': "Should I ready the extinguishers?"\\

to:

-->'''Gary''': "She's coming in low and slow, it's classic Monarch 'look at my cool new thing' approach."\\
'''Srg.'''Sgt. Vatred''': "Should I ready the extinguishers?"\\


-->'''Gathers''': You'll never get over the lost of your breasts! You'll miss them forever...

to:

-->'''Gathers''': You'll "You'll never get over the lost of your breasts! You'll miss them forever..."

-->'''Gary''': "She's coming in low and slow, it's Monarch 'look at my cool new thing' approach."\\
'''Srg. Vatred''': "Should I ready the extinguishers?"\\
'''Gary''': "Please! He only uses fire and lasers at night. I got my money on acid, or a magnet kind of thing."\\
'''The Monarch''': "[[StrangeMindsThinkAlike READY THE]] [[BreadEggsBreadedEggs ACID MAGNET]]!"


-->'''Dr. Venture:''' You know, when you're not the one in the middle of it all for once, it's actually totally, completely obvious.
-->'''Brock:''' Welcome to my life.

to:

-->'''Dr. Venture:''' Huh. You know, when you're not the one in the middle of it all for once, it's actually totally, completely obvious.
-->'''Brock:''' Uh-huh. Welcome to my life.

Showing 15 edit(s) of 32

Top

How well does it match the trope?

Example of:

/

Media sources:

/

Report