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--> '''David Lynch''': As usual, Keith Chegwin is with our outside broadcast, you nit. Sorry, that should read, with our outside broadcast unit.

to:

--> '''David Lynch''': -->'''David Lynch:''' As usual, Keith Chegwin is with our outside broadcast, you nit. Sorry, that should read, with our outside broadcast unit.



--> '''Listener''' (''calling in''): Yeah, they need to take the A14. That'll take them directly from Omicron 3 to Prestwood Town Centre.

to:

--> '''Listener''' (''calling in''): --->'''Listener:''' ''[calling in]'' Yeah, they need to take the A14. That'll take them directly from Omicron 3 to Prestwood Town Centre.



--> '''Phil Oakey''': But don't they have / any synthesisers of their own?\\
'''Secret Service Head''': Their synth pop technology is way behind ours. They've only just mastered the [=LinnDrum=].

to:

--> '''Phil Oakey''': --->'''Phil Oakey:''' But don't they have / any synthesisers synthesizers of their own?\\
'''Secret Service Head''': Head:''' Their synth pop technology is way behind ours. They've only just mastered the [=LinnDrum=].



--> '''Lift girl''': Eighth circle: Fraudsters, thieves and fundamentalists, hypocrites, astrologers and comedy impressionists. Going down... Ninth circle: Satan, treachery and pants.

to:

--> '''Lift girl''': -->'''Lift girl:''' Eighth circle: Fraudsters, thieves and fundamentalists, hypocrites, astrologers and comedy impressionists. Going down... Ninth circle: Satan, treachery and pants.



--> (''sounds of Gasmobile being powered up'')\\
'''Gasman''': Atomic batteries to Power. Turbines to speed. Ready to move out. Let's go!\\
(''Gasmobile breaks down'')\\
'''Gasman''': On second thoughts, we'll take the bus.\\
'''Robert''': I'll get me Oyster card then.

to:

--> (''sounds -->''[sounds of Gasmobile being powered up'')\\
'''Gasman''':
up]''\\
'''Gasman:'''
Atomic batteries to Power. Turbines to speed. Ready to move out. Let's go!\\
(''Gasmobile ''[Gasmobile breaks down'')\\
'''Gasman''':
down]''\\
'''Gasman:'''
On second thoughts, we'll take the bus.\\
'''Robert''': '''Robert:''' I'll get me Oyster card then.



* CausticCritic: Peter Pilbeam, the show's resident hotel reviewer. Although some of his criticism is rather outlandish, it has to be said…
--> Well the first thing I noticed when I got to the hotel, was the awful stench. This later turned out to be the result of a sandwich that had been left in my pocket for several weeks, but nevertheless it did not bode well.\\

to:

* CausticCritic: Peter Pilbeam, the show's resident hotel reviewer. Although some of his criticism is rather outlandish, it has to be said…
--> Well
said...
-->Well
the first thing I noticed when I got to the hotel, was the awful stench. This later turned out to be the result of a sandwich that had been left in my pocket for several weeks, but nevertheless it did not bode well.\\



--> '''John''': Why, it's amateur film director and avant-garde weather man, David Lynch. If you don't mind me saying so, David, you look like you've been dragged through a picket fence backwards.\\
'''David Lynch''': That's one of my hobbies, John.\\
'''John''': Well, apart from being dragged through a picket fence backwards, what have you been up to recently?\\
'''David Lynch''': I've been nailing things to other things, John.\\
'''John''': Why?\\
'''David Lynch''': I don't know. I suppose I'm just naturally gifted at that sort of thing.

to:

--> '''John''': -->'''John:''' Why, it's amateur film director and avant-garde weather man, David Lynch. If you don't mind me saying so, David, you look like you've been dragged through a picket fence backwards.\\
'''David Lynch''': Lynch:''' That's one of my hobbies, John.\\
'''John''': '''John:''' Well, apart from being dragged through a picket fence backwards, what have you been up to recently?\\
'''David Lynch''': Lynch:''' I've been nailing things to other things, John.\\
'''John''': '''John:''' Why?\\
'''David Lynch''': Lynch:''' I don't know. I suppose I'm just naturally gifted at that sort of thing.



--> To cap it all, I was very offended at the end of my stay, when I was expected to pay the bill. I found this both awkward and uncomfortable, especially as I had no money. I was then moved to a room that looked almost like a prison cell, which I'll be reviewing next week. And let me warn you: It's not going to be pretty! Thank you!

to:

--> To -->To cap it all, I was very offended at the end of my stay, when I was expected to pay the bill. I found this both awkward and uncomfortable, especially as I had no money. I was then moved to a room that looked almost like a prison cell, which I'll be reviewing next week. And let me warn you: It's not going to be pretty! Thank you!



--> As I was putting on my bicycle clips and getting ready to leave later in the day, I was heartened to see that my overnight work on the carpet in my room had been discovered, as all of the staff had come to show their appreciation by throwing a generous amount of fruit my way, obviously trying to make up for the mistake they'd made at breakfast.

to:

--> As --->As I was putting on my bicycle clips and getting ready to leave later in the day, I was heartened to see that my overnight work on the carpet in my room had been discovered, as all of the staff had come to show their appreciation by throwing a generous amount of fruit my way, obviously trying to make up for the mistake they'd made at breakfast.



--> '''Greg''': You'd better write me into something soon, or there'll be trouble! T R U I B L S F - trouble!

to:

--> '''Greg''': -->'''Greg:''' You'd better write me into something soon, or there'll be trouble! T R U I B L S F - trouble!



--> '''Greg''': I don't want to blow my own xylophone…

to:

--> '''Greg''': -->'''Greg:''' I don't want to blow my own xylophone…



--> '''Hans Keller''': Before we continue further, I must give a special mention to Radio 3's very own "Smiley Miley", who buried my car in ze sand yesterday as a so called "prank". Needless to say, I immediately contacted ze police und expect ze subsequent court proceedings to result in a custodial sentence. I bet he isn't smiling now.

to:

--> '''Hans Keller''': -->'''Hans Keller:''' Before we continue further, I must give a special mention to Radio 3's very own "Smiley Miley", who buried my car in ze sand yesterday as a so called "prank". Needless to say, I immediately contacted ze police und expect ze subsequent court proceedings to result in a custodial sentence. I bet he isn't smiling now.



--> '''Jeff''': A flying saucer, Jeff?\\
'''Jim''': I'm Jim, you're Jeff.\\
'''Jeff''': Sorry, that's the trouble with having two characters with similar names, Jeff.\\
'''Jim''': Jim.
* PaperThinDisguise: Town crier Derek [[Characters/DoctorWhoAliensAndMonsters Dolak]]. Although John is getting a bit suspicious…
-->'''John''': I must say, you rather remind me of someone.\\
'''Derek''': Well, I am well known locally.\\
'''John''': Your telescopic manipulator arm in particular looks familiar.\\
'''Derek''': What? This little thing? (''boing'')\\
'''John''': Yes.\\
'''Derek''': It's just there for show, John! JUST! THERE!! FOR!! SHOW!!! (''exterminates a tree'')

to:

--> '''Jeff''': -->'''Jeff:''' A flying saucer, Jeff?\\
'''Jim''': '''Jim:''' I'm Jim, you're Jeff.\\
'''Jeff''': '''Jeff:''' Sorry, that's the trouble with having two characters with similar names, Jeff.\\
'''Jim''': '''Jim:''' Jim.
* PaperThinDisguise: Town crier Derek [[Characters/DoctorWhoAliensAndMonsters Dolak]]. Although John is getting a bit suspicious…
-->'''John''':
suspicious...
-->'''John:'''
I must say, you rather remind me of someone.\\
'''Derek''': '''Derek:''' Well, I am well known locally.\\
'''John''': '''John:''' Your telescopic manipulator arm in particular looks familiar.\\
'''Derek''': '''Derek:''' What? This little thing? (''boing'')\\
'''John''':
''[boing]''\\
'''John:'''
Yes.\\
'''Derek''': '''Derek:''' It's just there for show, John! JUST! THERE!! FOR!! SHOW!!! (''exterminates ''[exterminates a tree'')tree]''



--> Maycausedrowsinessdizzinessdisturbancesintheforceanddeath.

to:

--> Maycausedrowsinessdizzinessdisturbancesintheforceanddeath.-->Maycausedrowsinessdizzinessdisturbancesintheforceanddeath.



--> '''Policeman''': Right, I'll get down to the nick and we'll be in touch as soon as there are any developments. (''sound of car door'') Exits in police car.

to:

--> '''Policeman''': -->'''Policeman:''' Right, I'll get down to the nick and we'll be in touch as soon as there are any developments. (''sound ''[sound of car door'') door]'' Exits in police car.



* SmallNameBigEgo: Greg Haiste's character, who feels he's clearly one of the greatest actors around. Unfortunately for him, nobody else shares that view…
--> '''John''' (''reading out a letter''): Dear Dredge, I'm a big fan of the Nothing To Do With Anything Show, but feel that the main supporting actor, Greg Haiste, is somewhat underused. What do you propose to do about it? Yours hopefully, Greg Haiste. Well Greg, we've taken everything you've said on board - and completely dismissed it.

to:

* SmallNameBigEgo: Greg Haiste's character, who feels he's clearly one of the greatest actors around. Unfortunately for him, nobody else shares that view…
--> '''John''' (''reading
view...
-->'''John:''' ''[reading
out a letter''): letter]'' Dear Dredge, I'm a big fan of the Nothing To Do With Anything Show, but feel that the main supporting actor, Greg Haiste, is somewhat underused. What do you propose to do about it? Yours hopefully, Greg Haiste. Well Greg, we've taken everything you've said on board - and completely dismissed it.



--> '''Magic Grumbling Hedge''': Well, that takes the biscuit, attacking me with that thing. I've had it up to the back teeth with people like you, I really have. I'm going to write to my MP and the Guardian about this and then you'll be sorry.

to:

--> '''Magic -->'''Magic Grumbling Hedge''': Hedge:''' Well, that takes the biscuit, attacking me with that thing. I've had it up to the back teeth with people like you, I really have. I'm going to write to my MP and the Guardian about this and then you'll be sorry.



-->(''various fighting noises and the Batman TV theme tune'')\\
'''Narrator''': Hell! Blam! Thwack! Kvetch! Block! Ftwang! Twerge! Genug! Etcetera!\\
'''The Broker''': Curse you, Gasman! You have overpowered me with your onomatopoeic fighting noises.

to:

-->(''various -->''[various fighting noises and the Batman TV theme tune'')\\
'''Narrator''':
tune]''\\
'''Narrator:'''
Hell! Blam! Thwack! Kvetch! Block! Ftwang! Twerge! Genug! Etcetera!\\
'''The Broker''': Broker:''' Curse you, Gasman! You have overpowered me with your onomatopoeic fighting noises.noises.
----


** In a later episode, ''The Human League'' has to prevent a race of evil aliens from stealing all the synthesisers in the world:

to:

** In a later episode, ''The Human League'' Music/TheHumanLeague has to prevent a race of evil aliens from stealing all the synthesisers in the world:

Added DiffLines:

* StronglyWordedLetter: The Magic Grumbling Hedge threatens to write one of those after Basil the Cylinder and his friends tried shutting him up through the judicious use of a hedge trimmer:
--> '''Magic Grumbling Hedge''': Well, that takes the biscuit, attacking me with that thing. I've had it up to the back teeth with people like you, I really have. I'm going to write to my MP and the Guardian about this and then you'll be sorry.


* BeCarefulWhatYouWishFor: After meeting the [[GenieInABottle Genie of the Magic Truncheon]], PC Rhomboids wishes for there to be no more crime in the village for ever and ever. His wish is granted and everyone lives happily ever after - except for PC Rhomboids himself, who was made redundant.

to:

* BeCarefulWhatYouWishFor: After meeting the [[GenieInABottle Genie of the Magic Truncheon]], PC Rhomboids wishes for there to be no more crime in the village for ever and ever. His wish is granted and everyone lives happily ever after - except for PC Rhomboids himself, who was consequently made redundant.

Added DiffLines:

* BeCarefulWhatYouWishFor: After meeting the [[GenieInABottle Genie of the Magic Truncheon]], PC Rhomboids wishes for there to be no more crime in the village for ever and ever. His wish is granted and everyone lives happily ever after - except for PC Rhomboids himself, who was made redundant.


Added DiffLines:

* GenieInABottle: The Genie of the Magic Truncheon appearing in episode five of ''The Continuing Adventures of Basil The Cylinder''. He appears after PC Rhomboids [[PoliceBrutality hits somebody three times]] with his truncheon.

Added DiffLines:

* ArsonMurderAndJayWalking: The finish of the purported theme song for [[Series/AreYouBeingServed Are You Being Dragged Into The Circles Of Hell?]]:
--> '''Lift girl''': Eighth circle: Fraudsters, thieves and fundamentalists, hypocrites, astrologers and comedy impressionists. Going down... Ninth circle: Satan, treachery and pants.


''The John Dredge Nothing To Do With Anything Show'' is a [[PodCast comedy podcast]] by British comedian Creator/JohnDredge. It gradually evolved out of a number of different approximately five-minutes-long programmes which were originally published on ''Comedy 365'' and are now mostly archived on the ''[[http://404media.blogspot.co.uk/ 404 Funny]]'' podcast ([[http://funny404.libsyn.com/ archives here]]). Many of the shows regular characters first appeared in one of those predecessor programmes.

to:

''The John Dredge Nothing To Do With Anything Show'' is a [[PodCast comedy podcast]] by British comedian Creator/JohnDredge. It gradually evolved out of a number of different approximately five-minutes-long programmes which were originally published on ''Comedy 365'' and are now mostly archived on the ''[[http://404media.blogspot.co.uk/ 404 Funny]]'' podcast ([[http://funny404.libsyn.com/ archives here]]). Many of the shows show's regular characters first appeared in one of those predecessor programmes.

Added DiffLines:

* PsmithPsyndrome: Herman Goatsheep, owner of a Burgon Dispensing plant in Frinton, whose full name is Herman "Baaah"[[note]]Actual sound effect of a sheep bleating.[[/note]] Goatsheep. Although the "Baaah" is supposed to be silent, he can still hear it if you forget to pronounce it.


* HypocriticalHumour: In one sketch, Morrissey complains about being called racist simply because he's joined the Ku Klux Klan.

to:

* HypocriticalHumour: In one sketch, Morrissey {{Music/Morrissey}} complains about being called racist simply because he's joined the Ku Klux Klan.

Added DiffLines:

* HypocriticalHumour: In one sketch, Morrissey complains about being called racist simply because he's joined the Ku Klux Klan.


Added DiffLines:

* NamesTheSame: A few characters are named after real-life celebrities but bear no further resemblance to their real-life namesakes - the most prominent example probably being Don Durbridge.

Added DiffLines:

* RattlingOffLegal: Some of the [[ParodyCommercial spoof commercials]] have a spoof disclaimer tacked on as well.
--> Maycausedrowsinessdizzinessdisturbancesintheforceanddeath.


* LIsForDyslexia: Greg Haiste has some attacks of this: Once when asked to read the closing credits and another time when helping to present ''What's on in Leighton Buzzard''. Also, when he gets angry, he sometimes starts to attempt spelling out words:

to:

* LIsForDyslexia: Greg Haiste has some attacks of this: Once when asked to read the closing credits and another time when helping to present ''What's on in Leighton Buzzard''. Also, when he gets angry, he sometimes starts to attempt spelling out words:words, with dubious results:


* LIsForDyslexia: Greg Haiste has two attacks of this: Once when asked to read the closing credits and the other time when helping to present ''What's on in Leighton Buzzard''.

to:

* CreditsGag: Some of the earlier shows feature completely made-up credits at the end. Later shows do credit the people who have actually taken part, but often continue including some made-up credits as well. One episode goes as far as crediting everybody who has taken part, plus a number of invented people as well - everybody that is, except for [[SmallNameBigEgo Greg Haiste]].
* LIsForDyslexia: Greg Haiste has two some attacks of this: Once when asked to read the closing credits and the other another time when helping to present ''What's on in Leighton Buzzard''.Buzzard''. Also, when he gets angry, he sometimes starts to attempt spelling out words:
--> '''Greg''': You'd better write me into something soon, or there'll be trouble! T R U I B L S F - trouble!


** Also this episode:

to:

** Also this episode:episode, after having dyed the carpet in his hotel room ''"a more relaxing, holistically therapeutic shade of pink"'':

Added DiffLines:

* CausticCritic: Peter Pilbeam, the show's resident hotel reviewer. Although some of his criticism is rather outlandish, it has to be said…
--> Well the first thing I noticed when I got to the hotel, was the awful stench. This later turned out to be the result of a sandwich that had been left in my pocket for several weeks, but nevertheless it did not bode well.\\
\\
When I entered the hotel, the owner greeted me with what I'm sure he thought was a smile. But to my mind, it was a grin and I find grins highly irritating. After I'd explained the difference to him in some detail, he still wasn't smiling, but he wasn't grinning either and that was an improvement.


Added DiffLines:

* ComicallyMissingThePoint: One example is Peter Pilbeam, the resident hotel reviewer:
--> To cap it all, I was very offended at the end of my stay, when I was expected to pay the bill. I found this both awkward and uncomfortable, especially as I had no money. I was then moved to a room that looked almost like a prison cell, which I'll be reviewing next week. And let me warn you: It's not going to be pretty! Thank you!
** Also this episode:
--> As I was putting on my bicycle clips and getting ready to leave later in the day, I was heartened to see that my overnight work on the carpet in my room had been discovered, as all of the staff had come to show their appreciation by throwing a generous amount of fruit my way, obviously trying to make up for the mistake they'd made at breakfast.

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