History Main / PlayingHardToGet

* In the wake of the MeToo movement, this tactic has become even harder to pull off as men are even less likely to even try to approach a woman, let alone continuing to pursue a woman who has already rejected them.

* Mingyi in ''Manhua/GoddessCreationSystem'' doesn't appreciate things he obtains easily, so Xiaxi stubbornly refuses all of his advances, favors and gifts while appearing to pine for his younger brother. She doesn't actually love him, but needs him to love ''her.'' Amusingly, [[spoiler:she basically throws him away once she's done with him, just like he did to his conquests. At least he doesn't know she doesn't care about him.]]

Often [[PlayedForLaughs played for comedy]] when a person actually isn't playing hard to get, but their StalkerWithACrush assumes they are and are thus actually interested in them. It can result in an UnwantedHarem or even a LoveDodecahedron for maximum hilarity. Of course, the AbhorrentAdmirer tends to operate on this assumption as well, and not just because an Abhorrent Admirer and a Stalker with a Crush tend to have a lot in common.

Connected to LoveAtFirstPunch. Might explain why the {{Tsundere}} is popular. See BelligerentSexualTension when both are playing hard to get, yet still seem to become inevitably romantically connected.

* ''Manga/KaitouSaintTail'' has an unusual, more literal form of this with the PhantomThief genre as a motif: Meimi starts becoming attracted to SympatheticInspectorAntagonist Asuka Jr. after seeing how passionate he is about catching her as Saint Tail, especially his "[[LongingLook eyes that look only at her]]". However, since his initial motivation was that he saw her as a WorthyOpponent to catch in order to [[InferioritySuperiorityComplex satisfy his own pride]], she starts getting mixed feelings at the idea that he'd be [[LovesMyAlterEgo less interested in her]] (or even hate her) as "Meimi" and not Saint Tail, therefore getting her to channel all of her affection for him purely into the Saint Tail persona. What she doesn't realize is that after [[MidSeasonTwist a certain incident]], his motivation for catching Saint Tail had taken a ''very'' sharp turn and escalated far past its original WorthyOpponent status... because he's in love with Meimi and is suspecting Saint Tail might be her. [[spoiler:A manga bonus chapter confirms that this stems from her [[DesperatelyLookingForAPurposeInLife lack of self-worth]] and need to feel "wanted"; even after the two start dating and everything is cleared up, Meimi is still [[InsecureLoveInterest so insecure about this]] that she ends up testing him by deliberately getting herself lost in a crowd and seeing whether he'd work as hard to come find her now that she's not Saint Tail anymore. Fortunately, he figures out what's going on this time and responds [[SayMyName very dramatically]], which she finds so compelling that she immediately gives it up.]]

* ''Manga/KaitouSaintTail'' has an unusual, more literal form of this with the PhantomThief genre as a motif: Meimi starts becoming attracted to SympatheticInspectorAntagonist Asuka Jr. after seeing how passionate he is about catching her as Saint Tail, especially his "[[LongingLook eyes that look only at her]]". However, since his initial motivation was that he saw her as a WorthyOpponent to catch in order to [[InferioritySuperiorityComplex satisfy his own pride]], she starts getting mixed feelings at the idea that he'd be [[LovesMyAlterEgo less interested in her]] (or even hate her) as "Meimi" and not Saint Tail, therefore getting her to channel all of her affection for him purely into the Saint Tail persona. What she doesn't realize is that after [[MidSeasonTwist a certain incident]], his motivation for catching Saint Tail had taken a ''very'' sharp turn and escalated far past its original WorthyOpponent status... because he's in love with Meimi and is suspecting Saint Tail might be her. [[spoiler:A manga bonus chapter confirms that this stems from her [[DesperatelyLookingForAPurposeInLife lack of self-worth]] and need to feel "wanted"; even after the two start dating and everything is cleared up, Meimi is still [[InsecureLoveInterest so insecure about this]] that she ends up testing him by deliberately getting herself lost in a crowd and seeing whether he'd work as hard to come find her now that she's not Saint Tail anymore. Fortunately, he figures out what's going on this time and obliges ([[SayMyName very dramatically]]).]]

* ''Manga/KaitouSaintTail'' has an unusual, more literal form of this with the PhantomThief genre as a motif: Meimi starts becoming attracted to SympatheticInspectorAntagonist Asuka Jr. after seeing how passionate he is about catching her as Saint Tail, especially his "[[LongingLook eyes that look only at her]]". However, since his initial motivation was that he saw her as a WorthyOpponent to catch in order to [[InferioritySuperiorityComplex satisfy his own pride]], she starts getting mixed feelings at the idea that he'd be [[LovesMyAlterEgo less interested in her]] (or even hate her) as "Meimi" and not Saint Tail, therefore getting her to channel all of her affection for him purely into the Saint Tail persona. What she doesn't realize is that after [[MidSeasonTwist a certain incident]], his motivation for catching Saint Tail had taken a ''very'' sharp turn and escalated far past its original WorthyOpponent status... because he's in love with Meimi and is suspecting Saint Tail might be her. [[spoiler:Nevertheless, even after the two start dating and everything is cleared up, Meimi is still [[InsecureLoveInterest so insecure about this]] that she ends up testing him by deliberately getting herself lost in a crowd and seeing whether he'd work as hard to come find her now that she's not Saint Tail anymore; fortunately, he figures out what's going on this time and obliges ([[SayMyName very dramatically]]).]]

* ''Manga/KaitouSaintTail'' has an unusual, more literal form of this with the PhantomThief genre as a motif: Meimi starts becoming attracted to SympatheticInspectorAntagonist Asuka Jr. after seeing how passionate he is about catching her as Saint Tail, especially his "[[LongingLook eyes that look only at her]]". However, since his initial motivation was that he saw her as a WorthyOpponent to catch in order to [[InferioritySuperiorityComplex satisfy his own pride]], she starts getting mixed feelings at the idea that he'd be [[LovesMyAlterEgoless interested or her]] (or even hate her) as "Meimi" and not Saint Tail, therefore getting her to channel all of her affection for him purely into the Saint Tail persona. What she doesn't realize is that after [[MidSeasonTwist a certain incident]], his motivation for catching Saint Tail had taken a ''very'' sharp turn and escalated far past its original WorthyOpponent status... because he's in love with Meimi and is suspecting Saint Tail might be her. [[spoiler:Nevertheless, even after the two start dating and everything is cleared up, Meimi is still [[InsecureLoveInterest so insecure about this]] that she ends up testing him by deliberately getting herself lost in a crowd and seeing whether he'd work as hard to come find her now that she's not Saint Tail anymore; fortunately, he figures out what's going on this time and obliges ([[SayMyName very dramatically]]).]]

* ''Manga/KaitouSaintTail'' has an unusual, more literal form of this with the PhantomThief genre as a motif: Meimi starts becoming attracted to SympatheticInspectorAntagonist Asuka Jr. after seeing how passionate he is about catching her as Saint Tail, especially his "[[LongingLook eyes that look only at her]]". However, since his initial motivation was that he saw her as a WorthyOpponent to catch in order to [[InferioritySuperiorityComplex satisfy his own pride]], she starts getting mixed feelings at the idea that he'd be less interested or her (or even hate her) as [[LovesMyAlterEgo "Meimi" and not Saint Tail]], therefore getting her to channel all of her affection for him purely into the Saint Tail persona. What she doesn't realize is that after [[MidSeasonTwist a certain incident]], his motivation for catching Saint Tail had taken a ''very'' sharp turn and escalated far past its original WorthyOpponent status... because he's in love with Meimi and is suspecting Saint Tail might be her. [[spoiler:Nevertheless, even after the two start dating and everything is cleared up, Meimi is still [[InsecureLoveInterest so insecure about this]] that she ends up testing him by deliberately getting herself lost in a crowd and seeing whether he'd work as hard to come find her now that she's not Saint Tail anymore; fortunately, he figures out what's going on this time and obliges ([[SayMyName very dramatically]]).]]

Another fun twist on this is when the DoggedNiceGuy or another unwanted LoveInterest finally decides to give up, and suddenly their former target is shaken in their world view, and begins pursuing the former StalkerWithACrush, seeking to regain their affection. This leads to UnrequitedLoveSwitcheroo.

** During the Scrambled Eggs arc, Miku (disguised as Itsuki) tells Fuutarou that she wants to end her relationship with him. As she later tells to the real Itsuki, she did this because, in her mind, Fuutarou doesn't see them as girls, only as his students. When she conftronts him one last time and dares him to guess her identity, she's mentally ''begging'' him that he recognizes her, as doing so would be an ActOfTrueLove. [[spoiler:He does, and [[TearsOfJoy she's so happy about it]] that [[TheGlomp she glomps him]]]].

* In ''Manga/SingYesterdayForMe'', after previously telling Rikuo she wasn't interested in a relationship, Shinako tells him she wished he would pursue her a bit harder, like Rou does. In her case it's less that she's doing it as a deliberate strategy to entice Rikuo, but more that she is [[MenActWomenAre indecisive and passive and is hoping Rikuo will resolve her quandary for her]].

* During Stanley's rock star wish in ''Film/Bedazzled1967'', he drives the women in the audience with his musical plea for affection "Love Me." Then George takes the stage and drives them even wilder with the movies TitleTrack, filled with lines like "you fill me with inertia".

* ''Film/HarryAndTheButler'': Gender-flipped. Igor is getting nowhere with lovely Magdalena. Walter--the titular butler, who's solving everyone's problems--advises Igor to treat Magdalena with indifference, saying that this will get her to pursue him. It works, and in the end they get married.

** Conversely, ''Literature/TheGame2005'' recommends the same thing to men (see real life entry below).

* In ''Series/CrazyExGirlfriend'', Rebecca only starts to take Greg seriously as a prospect after he gives up on her, giving him the impression that she'll be turned off if he seems to eager. As a result he tries to play hard to get, but that just ends up with him getting completely drunk and her [[spoiler:finally getting together with Josh.]] After that, he gives up the charade and is honest about how he feels about her and she starts to consider him again.

** In "The Q and the Grey", [[GreatGazoo Q]] is trying to seduce Captain Janeway, but for some reason this scrawny human biped is resisting his natural awesomeness.

* In ''[[Series/Supergirl2015 Supergirl]]'', Cat advises Kara do this to get James' attention in one episode.
* [[SubvertedTrope Subverted]] on ''Series/TheWestWing''. During the fourth season Toby Ziegler's ex-wife becomes pregnant with his twins through [[NoodleIncident circumstances that are never made clear to the audience]]. Toby immediately proposes to Andy who rejects the idea. He convinces himself that she's doing this as "a punishment" for their prior marriage breaking up and will eventually agree to marry him again for the twins' sake. After Toby buys her dream house as a gift and tries to propose again Andy finally explains that she while she cares for him she truly ''does not'' want to be with him again.

* Janie Fricke, a country music stalwart of the late 1970s through mid 1980s, had a hit song called ... "Playing Hard To Get." A top 20 country hit from January 1979, the song is about a young woman admitting that the game of "hard to get" is "''... getting hard to play/but then I really didn't fit the part anyway''."

* WordOfGod states that Lila from ''WesternAnimation/HeyArnold'' was doing just this due to to some unresolved sexual tension connected to her suppressed darker side.

** However it also varies from cartoon to cartoon. In many cases the object of his affections ''does'' openly reciprocate, but only flees because of his smell. A very frequent ending in these cartoons is for Pepe's smell to be somehow eliminated, (perfume, water, his love interest catches cold, etc.) and ''he'' runs away from an aggressively amorous pursuer.

-->'''Gegen:''' Note how the female through the feigned antagonism encourages the male in his attempt to mate.

[[folder: Anime and Manga]]

* ''Manga/RanmaOneHalf'':
** Shampoo does this to Ranma in ''The Reversal Jewel'' segment (though this is due to said reversal jewel and not any planning on Shampoo's part). Ranma falls for it, not because of the lure of the chase, but rather because his massive ego can't stand the thought of losing part of his [[HaremAnime harem]], even though the harem is most definitely [[UnwantedHarem unwanted]] and eliminating Shampoo as a suitor would simplify his LoveDodecahedron. Fortunately, Akane engineers a SnapBack before anything serious happens.
** In the Sleep Incense arc of the manga, Akane has a dream where [[LadyAndKnight she's a princess and Ranma is a knight]]. After he rescues her from the unwanted harem and pledges his loyalty to her, he pulls her down for some passionate love-making. Smiling widely, she socks him in the face, then tells him, "Oh, Sir Ranma. You must not be so forward!"

* In ''Manga/AhMyGoddess'', Aoshima says Belldandy is doing this when she refuses his sexual advances and says that he thought she wanted him. She tells him she never meant that which causes him to get angry and attempt to rape her. Thankfully, she manages to get away.

* In a male version of the trope, ''Manga/KaguyaSamaLoveIsWar'''s Miyuki Shirogane decides to invoke this in order to grab his crush (the titular Kaguya)'s attention, after reading about the action in a magazine. All that resulted was that Kaguya thought the boy hated her now.
* Mingyi in ''Manhua/GoddessCreationSystem'' doesn't appreciate things he obtains easily, so Xiaxi stubbornly refuses all of his advances, favors and gifts while appearing to pine for his younger brother. She doesn't actually love him, but needs him to love ''her.'' Amusingly, [[spoiler:she basically throws him away once she's done with him, just like he did to his conquests. At least he doesn't know she doesn't care about him.]]

[[folder:Film]]

* ''Film/HarryAndTheButler'': Gender-flipped. Igor is getting nowhere with lovely Magdalena. Walter--the titular butler, who's solving everyone's problems--advises Igor to treat Magdalena with indifference, saying that this will get her to pursue him. It works, and in the end they get marrried.
* ''Film/StreetsOfFire'': [=McCoy=], a tough [[TheLadette ladette]], tells Cody that he's not her type. After spending the night on the couch instead of Cody's bed, [=McCoy=] tells Cody's surprised sister, "Sometimes it helps a guy out if you don't make it so easy." The last line in the film is [=McCoy=] telling Cody again that he's not her type. Apparently she's playing a really long game.
* ''Film/{{No Man of Her Own|1932}}'': Connie (played by Creator/CaroleLombard) plays hard to get with Babe (Creator/ClarkGable).
-->'''Connie''': The girl who lands him will say no and put an anchor on it... But isn't it tough when all you can think of is yes?
* A pretty disturbing one from 1932's ''Film/WhatPriceHollywood'' Finding out that Lonnie doesn't like blonde actresses and is a general snob, Mary ignores his earnest pursuit of her. Having stood him up, he gets so angry that he ''breaks down her window'', gets ''into'' her house, ''takes'' her to his house while she’s still in her negligée, and ''forces'' her to eat the meal he prepared. We’re supposed to take this as romantic.

* During Stanley's rock star wish in ''Film/Bedazzled1967'', he drives the women in the audience with his musical plea for affection "Love Me." Then George takes the stage and drives them even wilder with the movies TitleTrack, filled with lines like "you fill me with inertia".

* ''Planet of the Damned'' by Creator/HarryHarrison. Lea is frustrated that protagonist Brion is TheStoic, but a conversation on courtship differences between his planet and Earth eventually clues her as to why. On Brion's planet women are expected to choose their mates; he's actually attracted to her but for cultural reasons can't make the first move.

* [[SubvertedTrope Subverted]] in ''Ink'': Donna tried to attract a guy she liked by playing hard to get, but that just made him quickly lose interest. They got together when she was forward with him.
* In a non-romantic example, Vala in ''Series/StargateSG1'' suggested Mitchell play "hard to get" when he's trying to convince the ex-members of SG-1 to rejoin. Mitchell's response? "'''Look who's talking!''" It does eventually work, though.
** Especially funny considering the last time this pair of actors worked together, on ''Series/{{Farscape}}'', her character played this trope throughout their season-spanning romantic arc.

* ''Series/BuffyTheVampireSlayer''. Buffy plays it cool a couple of times when Angel asks her out for coffee, but then has to explain what she's doing as, being a vampire, it's been several centuries since he last dated a girl. When he finally does get the point, she's able to play the trope straight.
* ''Series/ADifferentWorld''. Whitley attempts this with Dwayne. During a summer while they're on opposite sides of the world, he writes letters to her. She doesn't respond, thinking this will heighten his interest. It backfires--Dwayne gives up, assuming she's not interested, and by the time they return to campus, he's dating someone else.

* On ''Series/EverybodyLovesRaymond'', the only time Debra -- who can accurately be described as the AllWomenArePrudes trope page [[AnthropomorphicPersonification made flesh]] -- is shown to actually want sex with her husband is when ''he'' pretended not to want it.
* In ''Series/CrazyExGirlfriend'', Rebecca only starts to take Greg seriously as a prospect after he gives up on her, giving him the impression that she'll be turned off if he seems to eager. As a result he tries to play hard to get, but that just ends up with him getting completely drunk and her [[spoiler:finally getting together with Josh.]] After that, he gives up the charade and is honest about how he feels about her and she starts to consider him again.

* Holly Dunn, a country music vocalist of the late 1980s and early 1990s, once released a song called "Maybe I Mean Yes," whose lyrics about enjoying the chase gained controversy after several women's groups claimed that the song endorsed date rape. "... Yes" stopped short of the top 40 of the country charts, and Dunn never had another hit single again.
* The {{Music/Queen}} song "The Game" cautions against this: ''This is your life/Don't play hard to get/It's a free world/All you have to do is fall in love...''

* An ECHO recording made by Lilith in ''VideoGame/{{Borderlands 2}}'' reveals she tried this on her ex-boyfriend [[spoiler:Roland]] in an attempt to rekindle their relationship. The target being who he is, it didn't work.
* ''VideoGame/AlphaProtocol'' gives a rare gender inversion, where playing hard to get is the best way to boost your reputation with [[PsychoForHire SIE]] who will get bored if you flirt with her.

* [[WesternAnimation/LooneyTunes Pepe Le Pew]] thinks this is what his crush is doing. She's actually just running away.
** In one cartoon he decided to play hard to get himself. This consisted of him chasing Penelope around shouting "I am hard to get! You cannot get me!"
** However it also varies from cartoon to cartoon. In many cases the object of his affections ''does'' openly reciprocate, but only flees because of his smell. A very frequent ending in these cartoons is for Pepe's smell to be somehow eliminated, (perfume, water, his love interest catches cold, etc.) and ''he'' runs away from an aggressively amorous pursuer.

* In the ''WesternAnimation/EdEddNEddy'' episode "A Twist Of Ed" while the Eds are practicing reverse psychology on the Kankers Eddy demands that they quit playing hard to get.

* In the ''WesternAnimation/SchoolhouseRock'' song "Interjections!", Geraldine does this to resist the advances of Geraldo. The lyrics even use this phrase almost word-for-word. Geraldine eventually does take a shining to Geraldo, [[MakesJustAsMuchSenseInContext only to see him turn into a frog.]]
* In ''WesternAnimation/{{Rugrats}}'', Angelica gets a crush on a new boy and while trying to get his attention, Angelica comes up with this idea by just coming up behind him and shouting, "You can't have me, you can't have me, you can't have me!" It doesn't work.

** Conversely, ''Literature/TheGame'' recommends the same thing to men (see real life entry below).

* [[SubvertedTrope Subverted]] on ''Series/TheWestWing''. During the fourth series Toby Ziegler's ex-wife becomes pregnant with his twins through [[NoodleIncident circumstances that are never made clear to the audience]]. Toby immediately proposes to Andy who rejects the idea. He convinces himself that she's doing this as "a punishment" for their prior marriage breaking up and will eventually agree to marry him again for the twins' sake. After Toby buys her dream house as a gift and tries to propose again Andy finally explains that she while she cares for him she truly ''does not'' want to be with him again.

* ''Series/BuffyTheVampireSlayer''. Buffy plays it cool a couple of times when Angel asks her out for coffee, but then has to explain what she's doing as, being a vampire, it's been several centuries since he last dated a girl.

* Kyoko of ''Manga/MaisonIkkoku'' seems to attract men this way, (unintentionally), as she is still grieving for her dead husband, yet the men in her life insist on turning down other attractive and willing women for the opportunity to be rejected again and again.

-->'''Q:''' Oh I see! This is one of those silly human rituals. You're playing hard to get!\\

* ''Series/StarTrekVoyager''. In "The Q and the Grey", [[GreatGazoo Q]] is trying to seduce Captain Janeway, but for some reason this scrawny human biped is resisting his natural awesomeness.

* In ''Manga/TheQuintessentialQuintuplets'', Nino deciding to [[ItMakesSenseInContext Pull instead of Push]] has the opposite effect of driving [[spoiler:Fuutarou]] away. [[spoiler:Combined with [[WhenYouComingHomeDad her father not coming home yet again]], her mother being dead, and Ichika seemingly going away, [[PleaseDontLeaveMe she practically begs Fuutarou not to leave her.]]]]