History Main / IfIHadANickel

--> A Russian singer Монеточка (literally "a dime") has a song "Каждый раз" (Every Time), the whole premise of which is based upon an inversion of this joke:
"If I was paid every time \\
Every time I think about you \\
I would sleep under the bridge \\
I would be the poorest of all people"

* ''Film/{{IQ|1994}}'': "If you had a nickel for every nickel he has, you'd have a whole lot of nickels!"

* ''Film/{{Arthur 1981}}'', on his own wealth: "I wish I had a dime for every dime I have."

-->"If I had a nickel for every cigarette your mother smoked, I'd be dead."
* Film-related, ''Film/{{Guardians of the Galaxy|2014}}'' [[http://comicbook.com/2014/09/07/guardians-of-the-galaxys-global-box-office-passes-iron-man-to-be/ writer-director James Gunn]], as quoted atop our AndYouThoughtItWouldFail page:

* If I had a nickel for every woman that didn't found me attractive, [[GoldDigger they would eventually find me attractive. ]]

* ''Series/{{Gossip Girl|2007}}'':

[[folder:Web Comics]]

[[folder:Web Original]]

** In the episode "Ron Millionaire": "If I had a nickel for every time I heard that [talking about Bonnie's comment]… I could have grande-sized!" The plot of the episode revolved around Ron actually receiving a huge royalty check from Bueno Nacho tabulated as a nickel for every Naco (a fast-food entree of his own invention) sold.
** In the episode "Cap'n Drakken", after Dr. Drakken is [[APirate400YearsTooLate possessed by a pirate ghost]]:

'''Shego:''' If I had a doubloon for [[HypercompetentSidekick every time I've done]] ''[[HypercompetentSidekick that]]''...
* ''WesternAnimation/SpongeBobSquarePants'': In "Naughty Nautical Neighbors", as said by Squidward to [=SpongeBob=] while imitating Patrick:
--> "''If I had a dollar for every brain you don't have, I'd have ''one dollar!''"
* ''WesternAnimation/GreenLanternEmeraldKnights'' uses this for a MythologyGag when a pre-{{Face Heel Turn}} Sinestro captures Atrocitus.
-->'''Atrocitus:''' There [[ComicBook/BlackestNight are things]] [[FateWorseThanDeath worse than death]], Green Lantern.\\
'''Sinestro:''' If I had a [[RingOfPower Power Ring]] for every time I heard that [[ComicBook/SinestroCorpsWar I would have my own Corps]].

--->'''Dr. Hibbert:''' Oh, if I had $75 for every novelty I've removed...Oh, by the way, I'll need a check for $75.

* ''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy'':
** Brian uses this expression (without spelling out the "I'd be rich" part of the thought), and was completely dumbfounded when his girlfriend's companions didn't recognize the saying on its own. It seemed, though, that Brian himself didn't understand the expression well enough to explain it to them. He seemed to be dumbfounded not only because they were unfamiliar with the expression (which is indeed a bit ignorant), but also because he hadn't thought about the expression enough to immediately know the answer to the question "What does that saying mean?"
** Another episode has Meg combine this with CurseCutShort: "If I had a nickel for every time my parents walked out instead of teaching me to drive, I'd be one rich--"
** In "Blue Harvest", when the ''Millennium Falcon'' gets attacked by TIE Fighters:
--->'''Luke Skywalker (Chris):''' They're coming too fast!\\
'''Han Solo (Peter):''' ''(under his breath)'' A nickel for every time I've had that problem. ''(loudly)'' Just keep shooting, Luke!
* ''WesternAnimation/HeyArnold'':
-->'''Harold:''' If I had a dime for every time somebody called me dumb... [[IResembleThatRemark I'd sure have a whole bunch of dimes!]]
* ''WesternAnimation/AdventureTime'': In "Crystals Have Power" after Jake saves [[spoiler:Tree Trunks]] from being driven crazy by the power of the crystal apple, he tells her "If I had a penny for every time someone [[WithGreatPowerComesGreatInsanity went crazy-hopped-up on magical energy]], I'd be Abraham Lincoln!"
* ''WesternAnimation/PhineasAndFerb'':
** "Phineas' Birthday Clip-O-Rama" plays with this trope from Doofenshmirtz, Phineas, and Linda. It cuts to a set of clips with a running total of money in the top corner. Doof and Linda realize that the total amount equals that of a candy bar.
** In [[WesternAnimation/PhineasAndFerbTheMovieAcrossThe2ndDimension the movie]], Doofenshmirtz noted if he had a nickel for every time he'd been doomed by a puppet...he'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird [[NoodleIncident it happened twice]]. (This has since undergone MemeticMutation.)
** Also in "[[OffToSeeTheWizard The Wizard of Odd]]" when Buford was a [[MixAndMatchCritters combination Lion, Tiger and Bear,]] Buford says this after [[NeverHeardThatOneBefore Candace, Jeremy and Baljeet's response to seeing him was "Oh my"]].
* ''WesternAnimation/KingOfTheHill'':
** Episode "To Sirloin With Love":
--->'''Hank:''' If I had a nickel for every time I buckled under pressure, I'd have five nickels.
** Also used by Cotton, to describe "The Hole" at his old boot camp.
--->'''Cotton:''' If I had a nickel for every boy who went crazy in there, I'd be eating nickel soup.
** From "I Remember Mono:"
--->'''Peggy:''' If your lies were dollars, I would have a $100,000 by now, and I would live off the interest, Hank. I'd still have to keep my job, but things would be a lot easier.
* ''WesternAnimation/FostersHomeForImaginaryFriends''
** The pilot ''WesternAnimation/HouseOfBloos'' has a variation of this trope.
--->'''Mr. Herriman:''' "I'll be back." Hmpf! If I had a carrot for every time I'd heard that, I'd be a very fat rabbit.
** Frankie says a version of this in "[[Recap/FostersHomeForImaginaryFriendsS2E6FrankieMyDear Frankie My Dear]]":
--->'''Frankie:''' If I had a dime for every time I heard that one...
* ''WesternAnimation/TheOblongs'' had a subversion: "If I had a nickel for every dollar I had, I'd still be rich"
* ''WesternAnimation/TheXs'' had a double subversion. When Mr. X said that if he had a nickel for every time his cooking skills saved his life, he stopped to make the calculation, and said he would have 5 dollars. While the money isn't a lot, that actually is a lot of life-saving.
* A ''Franchise/{{Bratz}}'' movie features a LiteralGenie who actually grants this wish when a passerby remarks that he had a nickel for every time his friend asked if an outfit made her look fat. He gets buried in a pile of nickels immediately after.
* ''WesternAnimation/BeavisAndButtHead'': "If you had a nickel for every time [something or other], you'd have like... all these nickels".
* ''WesternAnimation/{{Archer}}'':
-->'''Cheryl:''' Ew! It tastes even worse than it smells!\\
'''Pam:''' If I had a nickel for every time a guy told me that... I'd have eight nickels!
* An ''WesternAnimation/AllGrownUp'' episode revolves around [[spoiler:Tommy]] sleepwalking and stealing items from his neighbor's yard. When he's caught by the police, he tries to explain what happened and the cop answers him with "If I had a dime for every time someone blamed their crimes on sleepwalking, I'd be a rich man... okay maybe not rich... but I'd own a boat."
* In ''WesternAnimation/BatmanTheAnimatedSeries'', a worker says he wishes he had a nickel for every car that went over a toll bridge--his companion responds "I wish I had a nickel for every time I've heard you say that."
* From the short, "To Bleep or Not to Bleep" from the ''WesternAnimation/TinyToonAdventures'' episode, "Test Stress", when [[SirSwearsALot Fowlmouth]] is having a cursing fit:
-->'''Fowlmouth:''' I mean, if I had a nickel for every (''bleep'') time I spilled something on my clothes, I'd be a rich (''bleep'') guy!
* In the ''WesternAnimation/SupermanTheAnimatedSeries'' episode "Tools of the Trade", a police captain tells Superman that if she had a nickel for every time one of her HotBlooded detectives had turned in his badge, she'd make [[{{Fiction 500}} Lex Luthor]] look like a pauper.
* ''WesternAnimation/TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles1987'': Krang in one episode after Shredder promises not to fail mumbles he wishes he had a Dimension X dollar for every time he heard that.
* In ''WesternAnimation/StevenUniverse'', after Mr. Smiley's robot fortune teller gives Steven an unsatisfying fortune.

'''Mr. Smiley:''' If I had a quarter every time somebody asked for their quarter back- oh wait, I do! [[{{Rimshot}} Ba dum]] [[SayingSoundEffectsOutLoud bum ching!]]
* ''WesternAnimation/DuckTales2017'': In "The Impossible Summit of Mt. Neverrest!", Huey, Dewey, and Webby find the body of the late mountain climber George Mallardy... next to an inscription reading "CURSE YOU, MCDUCK!" Scrooge tries to brush it off by saying "If I had a nickel for every person who cursed me with their dying breath, [[EnemiesEqualsGreatness I'd be twice as rich as I already am!]]"
* ''WesternAnimation/MollyOfDenali'': Kenji remarks in "Little Dog Lost" that if he had a nickel for every dog that took off and then found its way home, he'd have a lot of nickels.
* ''WesternAnimation/TheFlintstones'': In "Glue for Two," Fred believes he's accidentally created a new recipe for superglue and declares that he'll be a millionaire, causing Barney to say to himself, "Oh, boy, I wish I had a dime for every time Fred was gonna be a millionaire. ''I'd'' be a millionaire."

** Creator/BettyWhite said in her opening monologue: "Guess what, Music/JayZ is here! And if I had a dime for every time I said that, I'd have one dime. Which wasn't anything to stake a stick at in my day.

** In the middle of the cold open where Bob Dole thinks Charlton Heston [[MistakenForGay is coming on to him]], Heston [[HaveIMentionedIAmHeterosexualToday assures him otherwise]] by claiming, "If I had a nickel for every dame who's left my bed a satisfied customer, I'd make Steve Forbes look like a pauper!"

* ''ComicBook/Batman66'': "Devilishly [[Characters/BatmanTheJoker clown prince of crime]]! If I only had a nickel for every time he's baffled us!"
* ''ComicBook/TheGoon'': According to Franky, if he had a dime for every time someone told him something he was looking for was "hiding out in the woods and living on the flesh of men" he'd live in a palace made of rubies and candy.
* In ''ComicBook/Batgirl2009'' #14, Kara Zor-El -- alias Characters/{{Supergirl|TheCharacter}} -- and Stephanie Brown -- alias Characters/{{Batgirl}} II -- are about to fight a sobbing Dracula (long story).

* In ''ComicBook/EscapeFromThePhantomZone'', Kara tells Barbara Gordon about some telepathic messages she has been receiving:

* Discussed in an issue of ''Franchise/XMen'' between Angel and Stacy X:

* ''ComicBook/SpiderMan'': Spidey responding to a threat made by the Green Goblin during the "Goblins at the Gate" arc.
-->'''Spider-Man:''' Goblin, if I had a nickel for every time I heard a threat like that... well, I'd be one very rich friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.
* ''ComicBook/SonicTheHedgehogMegaManWorldsCollide'': Dr. Eggman's reaction to a comment made by Dr. Wily.
-->'''Dr. Wily:''' There's no way Mega Man or his friends will reach us in time!\\
'''Dr. Eggman:''' If I had a nickel for every time I said something like that...

* From Eleya's [[FirstPersonSmartass internal monologue]] in ''Fanfic/TheWrongReflection'':

--> '''Stacy X:''' We're fighting a losing battle. They just wanna see us ''burn''. If I had a nickel for every time people tried to kill me...\\

-->'''Bruce:''' Anything on that [[ComicBook/TheFlash kid from the liquor store?]]
-->'''Alfred:''' Possibly.
-->'''Bruce:''' If I had a door for every "possibly"...
-->'''Alfred:''' Yeah, it would make you even more insufferable.

-->'''PAMA:''' Your defeat remains... inevitable.
-->'''Jesse:''' If I only had a piece of iron for every time I've heard ''that'' before.

--> '''Cedric:''' If you had a nickel for every time you were involved in a tiebreaker-
--> '''Connie:''' Could you come up with a less meme-y quote?

* On Creator/MoBrosStudios's tutorial on ''YouTubePoop'', he says that if he had a nickel for every time there was a [[DiscreditedMeme WTF Boom]] joke in a [=YouTube=] Poop, there would be a calculator overload.

-->'''Hank:''' If I had a nickel for every time I buckled under pressure, I'd have five nickels.

-->'''Peggy:''' If your lies were dollars, I would have a $100,000 by now, and I would live off the interest, Hank. I'd still have to keep my job, but things would be a lot easier.

** Frankie say a version of this in "[[Recap/FostersHomeForImaginaryFriendsS2E6FrankieMyDear Frankie My Dear]]":

* An ''WesternAnimation/AllGrownUp!'' episode revolves around [[spoiler:Tommy]] sleepwalking and stealing items from his neighbor's yard. When he's caught by the police, he tries to explain what happened and the cop answers him with "If I had a dime for every time someone blamed their crimes on sleepwalking, I'd be a rich man... okay maybe not rich... but I'd own a boat."

... for every-time I'd seen this trope, I'd have... [[WesternAnimation/PhineasAndFerb well, I guess I could buy a candy bar.]]

* Goku in ''Anime/DragonBallGT'' makes a remark about having a Zenni for every time he heard he was about to be defeated by The [[BigBad Big Bads]] he's fought.

* ''Film/BlowOut'': When Jack presents evidence to Mackey, a police detective, that Governor [=McRyan=]'s tire was shot out, and it means the car "accident" that killed him wasn't really an accident, Mackey is unimpressed, dismissing Jack as just another ConspiracyTheorist, and grousing if he had a nickel for every one like Jack who came into his office, he could buy the state of Florida.

* Music/TheHives's appropriately-titled "If I Had A Cent":

--> ''If I had a nickel for every time I think I did something stupid\\

---> '''Mr. Javier:''' If I had a nickel for every time I wished for a do-over, I'd be swimming in dough!
* In ''VideoGame/LamplightCity'', during an investigation, Miles Fordham, comes across an old case about the murder of a sex worker, Lilly, which relates to a case he is currently investigating. Having learned that Serafina, the madam at the brothel Lilly worked at, still keeps her possessions in a locker [[TragicKeepsake because she cannot bring herself to get rid of them]], he asks Ruby, another woman that works at the place, if he could get to see Lilly's possessions. Ruby is hesitant to do this, as she is not sure if Serafina would approve of it, referring to how much Lilly meant to her. Miles assures her that Serafina doesn't have to know and he promises her that he is only going to "look, not touch." Ruby mutters "If I had a crown for every time I heard that..." under her breath at this.

--> '''Narrator:''' [on examining a fire hose] Your hose is long and thick.\\

** In [[WesternAnimation/PhineasAndFerbTheMovieAcrossThe2ndDimension the movie]], Doofenshmirtz noted if he had a nickel for every time he'd been doomed by a puppet... he'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird [[NoodleIncident it happened twice]].

-->'''Mr. Herriman:''' "I'll be back." Hmpf! If I had a carrot for every time I'd heard that, I'd be a very fat rabbit.

-->'''Frankie:''' If I had a dime for every time I heard that one...

* ''WesternAnimation/MollyOfDenali'': Kenji remarks in "Little Dog Lost" that if he had a nickel for every dog that took off then found its way home, he'd have a lot of nickels.

* "If I had a dollar bill for every time I've been wrong, I'd be a self-made millionaire and you'd still be gone" -- a Music/ReelBigFish song.

'''Felicity:''' If I had a dime for every time I thought that, I...I'd have $2. 40. ''(beat)'' I really thought I'd have more than that.

'''Oscar:''' You would have one, heh...'cause now.

[[folder:Anime and Manga]]

--> '''Stacy X''': We're fighting a losing battle. They just wanna see us ''burn''. If I had a nickel for every time people tried to kill me...\\
'''Angel''': You'd be a millionaire? Well, I'm a millionaire. I think I know what you mean, Stacy.

-->'''Spike''': You were there? Oh, please. If every vampire who said he was at the Crucifixion was actually there, it would've been like Woodstock.

* ''Series/SaturdayNightLive'': Played with in a "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey" sketch which goes, "I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because, yahoo! I'd have all my money back!"

---> '''[[PlayerCharacter Jules]]''': If I had a dollar for every time he called me punk...\\
'''Mr. Javier''': Ha! You'd be well off with that kind of money.

---> '''Mr. Javier''': If I had a nickel for every time I wished for a do-over, I'd be swimming in dough!

-->'''Nelson''': If I had a nickel for every time you paused...

* ''WesternAnimation/AdventureTime'': In "Crystals Have Power" after Jake saves [[spoiler: Tree Trunks]] from being driven crazy by the power of the crystal apple, he tells her "If I had a penny for every time someone [[WithGreatPowerComesGreatInsanity went crazy-hopped-up on magical energy]], I'd be Abraham Lincoln!"

-->'''Cheryl''': Ew! It tastes even worse than it smells!\\
'''Pam''': If I had a nickel for every time a guy told me that... I'd have eight nickels!

* ''WebVideo/{{FUDW}}'': In "HOW DW RUINED CHRISTMAS", when Matt points out how in 2001, every African-American cartoon child character celebrated Kwanaa, [[note]]namely [[WesternAnimation/{{Arthur}} Alan "The Brain" Powers]], [[WesternAnimation/TheProudFamily Penny Proud]], [[WesternAnimation/Rugrats1991 Susie Carmichael]], [[WesternAnimation/{{Stanley}} Marci and Mimi]], and [[WesternAnimation/{{Recess}} Vince LaSalle]],[[/note]] he plays an AI-generated sound clip of [[WesternAnimation/PhineasAndFerb Dr. Doofenshmirtz]] saying "If I had a nickel for every Christmas cartoon in 2001 that had at least one kid celebrating Kwanzaa, I'd have five nickels, which isn't a lot, but it's weird they all came out the same year."

->Looks like you'd get $3.80 from this page as of this edit.