History Main / CriticBreakdown

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->"ONE guy?! No continues?! Like, seriously, give me a reason why there's no continues. WHY ARE THERE NO CONTINUES?! (hysterically) WHY ARE THERE NO FUCKING CONTINUES?! (loudly) WHHHYYYYY?!?! AAAAGGHHH!!!!"

** His review of ''WesternAnimation/{{Foodfight}}'' opens with him wandering into his home in a daze. He then snaps, destroying the DVD with the garbage disposal followed by frantically smashing every product in the kitchen which was featured in the film (or on the DVD jewel case).

In other words, make it clear that, yes, it really is DarthWiki/SoBadItsHorrible, to AndIMustScream levels for anyone experiencing it, and no amount of BileFascination can make up for the awfulness.

** Alternated between [[HeroicBSOD devolving into]] [[BabyTalk child-like gibberish]] ("it's sad game to have bad times with! No goody game game!") and [[LargeHam scenery-chewing ranting]] in their review of ''VideoGame/{{Contra}}: Rogue Corps'', which they describe as being the antithesis of a ''Contra'' title.[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cIWwyyOzrFQ]] Admittedly, this was a Creator/{{Konami}} title made after the departure of Creator/HideoKojima, which automatically makes it a something of BerserkButton for Sterling.

* ''WebVideo/NitroRad'': Throughout his review of ''[[VideoGame/{{Bubsy}} Bubsy 3D]]'', James [[AccentuateTheNegative talks about the game very negatively]], [[OoCIsSeriousBusiness which says a lot considering he usually avoids doing this in his reviews]], borders on SanitySlippage and gets ExhaustedEyeBags the more he progresses in the game. When he finally beats it, he does a PostVictoryCollapse, and calls ''Bubsy [=3D=]'' the worst game he's ever played, and finishes she video by stating he'll go [[CooldownHug hug]] [[IWantMyMommy his mom]] [[DespairEventHorizon and cry]].

** His first instinct upon finding out he had to review ''VideoGame/Superman64'' was a BigNo, followed by telling [[ItMakesSenseInContext the demon who gave the game to him]] "fuck that". Later, after putting up with the FakeDifficulty and the game's ObviousBeta status and [[AWinnerIsYou getting nothing out of it]], he gave the game a [[BrokeTheRatingScale -64 out of 10]] [[ScrewTheRulesIMakeThem after realizing that it's his review and he can do whatever the hell he wants]].

* ''WebVideo/MothersBasement'': His [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2dAIvjuj1dg review]] of ''LightNovel/TheMasterOfRagnarokAndBlesserOfEinherjar'' closes with Geoff saying that he was going to go stare at a wall until the memories of the series faded, but that he might review something better 'when I can feel positive emotions again'.

** Ebert's [[https://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/north-1994 review]] of ''Film/{{North}}'' devolved into an outright tirade in print:

[[folder:{{Magazines}}]]

* In Creator/RogerEbert's [[https://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/the-human-centipede-2010 review]] of ''Film/TheHumanCentipede'', which he disclaimed as not being "so much a review as a public service announcement," he [[BrokeTheRatingScale outright refused to rate it]]:
-->'''Ebert:''' I am required to award stars to movies I review. This time, I refuse to do it. The star rating system is unsuited to this film. Is the movie good? Is it bad? Does it matter? It is what it is and occupies a world [[StealthPun where the stars don’t shine]].

** Alternated between [[HeroicBSOD devolving into]] [[BabyTalk child-like gibberish]] ("it's bad time game, game bad!") and [[LargeHam scenery-chewing ranting]] in their review of ''VideoGame/{{Contra}}: Rogue Corps'', which they describe as being the antithesis of a ''Contra'' title.[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cIWwyyOzrFQ]] Admittedly, this was a Creator/{{Konami}} title made after the departure of Creator/HideoKojima, which automatically makes it a something of BerserkButton for Sterling.

"AND III-IIIII--''HOLY SHIT!!''--WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU-''ICAN'TBELIEVEYOUDIDITTOMEGODDAMMITHOWCOULDYOUDOTHISTOME!?!?!?''"

-->'''Jon:''' "Cars...? ''Cars...? '''CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRSSSS!!!!!'''''" (suddenly breaks into a parody of [[Music/WhitneyHouston "And I Will Always Love You"]]) "'''ANDIII-IIIII--''HOLY SHIT!!''--WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU-''ICAN'TBELIEVEYOUDIDITTOMEGODDAMMITHOWCOULDYOUDOTHISTOME!?!?!?'''''"

-->'''Jon:''' "Cars...? ''Cars...? '''CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRSSSS!!!!!'''''" (suddenly breaks into a parody of [[Music/WhitneyHouston "And I Will Always Love You"]]) "'''ANDIII-IIIII--HOLY SHIT!!--WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU-ICAN'TBELIEVEYOUDIDITTOMEGODDAMMITHOWCOULDYOUDOTHISTOME!?!?!?'''"

** Kyle tries very hard to hold it together in his review of ''Film/ASerbianFilm'', but ultimately snaps and calls NATO over it.

While these sorts of theatrics are not limited to [[CausticCritic Caustic Critics]], they are a favored tactic of several of them when confronted with something that is [[TakeThat actually as bad as they usually make everything else out to be]].

Don't just pan the film; walk out of the theater in disgust, in as dramatic a fashion as possible. Don't just give the game a low score, [[BrokeTheRatingScale or even a sub-zero score]] - pretend you couldn't bring yourself to finish the review at all. Act out as if you are ''terrified'' of the show/game/book/whatever. Scream in outrage at the very '''existence''' of the thing. Speak as if it has pushed you over the DespairEventHorizon and that the memory of it will drain all the goodness out of everything else you have ever reviewed.

** His review of ''Film/TheOddLifeOfTimothyGreen'' opens with him going HowBadCanItBe before doing a TimeSkip during which he saw the movie and became so (literally) murderously enraged that he killed a neighbor's cat before he could stop himself. He still feels a lot of regret, though.

** But none of these compare to ''Film/TheCastleOfFuManchu'', where the cast can’t finish any of their host segments due to how horrible the movie is, and it’s only a suggestion at the final segment that Frank and Forrester watch it that the Mads don’t use it to conquer the world.

** But none of these compare to ''Film/TheCastleOfFuManchu'', where the cast can’t finish any of their host segments due to how horrible the movie is, and it’s only a suggestion near the end that Frank and Forrester watch it that the Mads don’t use it to conquer the world.

** ''Film/{{Hobgoblins}}'' was so bad, everyone walked out of the theater and left behind cardboard cutouts of themselves.

* Eric from ''WebOriginal/PrettyMuchIt'' tends to pick content that he enjoys for his commentaries, which causes him to truly lose it and scream several times when he's forced to watch Creator/TheFineBrothers' ''Film/FTheProm''.

* Eric from ''WebOriginal/PrettyMuchIt'' tends to pick content that he enjoys for his commentaries, which causes him to truly lose it and become a raving lunatic when he's forced to watch Creator/TheFineBrothers' ''Film/FTheProm''.

* When reviewing Film/WolfCreek in 2005 on Australian TV program ''At The Movies'', film critic David Stratton claimed that he was so spooked by the film, he couldn't rate it.