History Literature / TheStateOfAffairs

** RemarriedToTheMistress: “When so much destruction had to take place for them to exist, it’s no wonder that the expectations are ratcheted
up.”

** AFamilyAffair: One of the stories relayed is that of a boy who's first love cheated on him with his brother, who he trusted implicitly.

** OldFlame: Affairs with exes have a unique allure and a unique pain.

** HappilyMarried

The idea that infidelity can happen in the absence of serious marital problems is hard to accept. Our culture does not believe in no-fault affairs''

* SeductionProofMarriage: DeconstructedTrope. One of the major themes of the book is that even a good marriage does not stop the allure of ForbiddenFruit.

--->''How are we to think about those situations when the marital bed might as well have a [[AC:no entry]] sign on the headboard? I don’t mean a general decline in frequency to once a week or even once a month. Some degree of waning desire is natural over the course of a relationship, and differences in libido are to be expected and managed. I’m talking about partners who have steadfastly been unresponsive to the sexual advances of their mates for years or even decades, even while they remain affectionate and close. Nobody wants to return to [[MaritalRapeLicense domestic rape]] or [[LieBackAndThinkOfEngland duty sex]], but we also need to acknowledge that when one partner unilaterally decides there will be no (or very little) sex, that is not monogamy--it’s enforced celibacy.''

''The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity'' is the 2017 work of couple's therapist Esther Perel. It is a look at YourCheatingHeart, drawing from real-life stories of her patients, psychology, and cultural analysis.

''The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity'' is the 2017 work of couple's therapist Esther Perel. It is a look at YourCheatingHeart, drawing from real-life stories of her patents, psychology, and cultural analysis.

# Defining Infidelity: Is Chatting

# After the Storm: The Legacy of an Affair

''The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity'' is the 2017 work of couple's therapist Esther Perel. It is a look at YourCheatingHeart, drawing from real-life case stories, psychology, and cultural analysis.

An affair: it can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness, their very identity. And yet, this extremely common human experience is so poorly understood. What are we to make of this time-honored taboo--universally forbidden yet universally practiced? Why do people cheat--even those in happy marriages? Why does an affair hurt so much? When we say infidelity, what exactly do we mean? Do our romantic expectations of marriage set us up for betrayal? Is there such a thing as an affair-proof marriage?

''The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity'' is the 2017 work of couple's therapist Esther Perel. It is a look at YourCheatingHeart. For the short version, see the {{Website/TED}} Talk [[https://www.ted.com/talks/esther_perel_rethinking_infidelity_a_talk_for_anyone_who_has_ever_loved "Rethinking infidelity ... a talk for anyone who has ever loved"]].

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The 2017 work of couple's therapist Esther Perel, '''''The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity''''' is a look at YourCheatingHeart. For the short version, see the {{Website/TED}} Talk [[https://www.ted.com/talks/esther_perel_rethinking_infidelity_a_talk_for_anyone_who_has_ever_loved "Rethinking infidelity ... a talk for anyone who has ever loved"]].

The 2017 work of couple's therapist Esther Perel, '''''The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity''''' is a look at YourCheatingHeart.

The work of couple's therapist Esther Perel, ''The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity'' is a look at YourCheatingHeart.

# Little Shop of Horrors: Do Some Affairs Hurt More than Others?

** {{Polyamory}}: The chapter "Monogamy and its Discontents: Rethinking Marriage"

The work of couple's therapist Esther Perel, ''The State of Affairs'' is a look at YourCheatingHeart.

** GoodAdulteryBadAdultery[=/=]

!! Tropes:

* TheMistress: There is a chapter about the lovers' side of the stories: "The Lover's Dilemma: Conversations with the Other Woman"
* GoodAdulteryBadAdultery

* {{Polyamory}}: The chapter "Monogamy and its Discontents: Rethinking Marriage"
* GreenEyedMonster: There is a chapter about jealousy--particularly, about how in Anglo-Saxon cultures, jealousy has become politically incorrect. It is both needy and aggressive, making it a vice we cannot admit to.
* BedroomAdulteryScene
-->''The moment of revelation often leaves an indelible scar. How did you discover the affair? Did you find your husband’s email address in the Ashley Madison data dump? Did someone else make sure to inform you? Or were you treated to a full-frontal view? Simon walked in on his wife and the contractor in his own bed. He hasn’t slept in it since.''
* {{Revenge}}: The chapter "Self-Blame or Vengance: The Dagger Cuts Both Ways"
* SecretRelationship: In the question, "What constitutes cheating?" Esther Perel points to secrecy as one of the cornerstones:
-->''For me, infidelity includes one or more of these three constitutive elements: secrecy, sexual alchemy, and emotional involvement. Before I go any further, I want to make clear that these are not three rigid criteria; rather, a three-sided prism through which to view your experience and assumptions. [...] Secrecy is the number one organizing principle of an infidelity. An affair always lives in the shadow of the primary relationship, hoping never to be discovered.''
* ForbiddenFruit: One of the big takeaways is that transgression is part of human nature, and for most the forbidden will always hold an allure.
* AFamilyAffair: One of the stories relayed is that of a boy who's first love cheated on him with his brother, who he trusted implicitly.
-->''When it is someone in one’s own social circle, a member of one’s own family (in all its intergenerational permutations), or a person in whom one placed one’s trust (nanny, teacher, clergy, neighbor, doctor), the rupture is exponential. Where do we turn? I have heard more than one story where the friend and confidant turned out to be the lover. The more synapses of coherence are snapped, the crazier people feel and the longer it takes to recover.''