History Funny / VorkosiganSaga

* During a tense situation where haut Vio is cornered and has a blade at the throat of a drugged Ivan, haut Pel slips out of the room they're all in to (Miles presumes) summon aid, so he works hard to distract Vio. He's aided by his ''genuine'' outrage that she and her fellow conspirators believed Ivan was in charge and making Miles do all the grunt work, ranting that they blew their cover by grabbing the wrong man. All the while:

-->'''Ivan:''' I, Ivan Xav Vorpatril, being of sound mind and body-\\

** Gregor is confused when Ivan relates throwing his combadge into the fridge when Desplains was calling. Miles assured Gregor it makes perfect sense.

* In the middle of Miles desperately attempting to connect with his clone, there a moment of funny FridgeLogic when he tells him that on Barrayar, as the second born son he'd automatically receive his maternal and paternal grandfather's second names. "That makes you Mark Pierre. Sorry about the Pierre. Grandfather always hated it." Understandable, since it's the French version of 'Peter', just as Piotr is the Russian version, meaning he essentially got the same name twice.

* When Cordelia buys Mark a ship to head to Jackson's Whole to rescue Miles, Simon - who thinks Mark may try to make sure Miles comes back a corpse - starts arguing with her. Cordelia expertly crushes every one of his statements, essentially saying, "Well, if you think that's true, maybe you should find Miles ''first''?" When Simon hangs up, Cordelia is GenreSavvy enough to know who will be calling in a few moments. She's unsurprised when Emperor Gregor calls her; he bemusedly tells her not to rile up Simon so much (before he lets Mark have his rescue attempt.) Later, Mark tells Miles he missed watching Cordelia thoroughly "annihilate" TheDreaded {{Spymaster}} Illyan.

* Gregor going awooing BigBeautifulWoman Komarran shipping heir Laisa. His tactics include planning a luncheon four days in advance, and having the ''ideal'' horse for Laisa to ride flown in from three districts over. Miles's snarky internal commentary implies the animal itself was thoroughly shampooed and sedated to within an inch of its life before Gregor let it anywhere near Laisa, and the Emperor is possibly using the excuse of giving her a boost into the saddle to cop a feel.

* Illyan's list of the motivations of men: "Money, power, sex... and elephants." And the explanation that followed about a difficult diplomat who tried to stymie Emperor Gregor with the demand of an elephant -- and how shocked and delighted he was when [=ImpSec=] managed to import one from Earth just for him. The icing on the cake is Illyan musing how he and Aral made damned sure to conceal the fact that he had given away an elephant from Gregor, on the grounds that he was a child at the time, and probably would have wanted the elephant himself.

* Miles has been tasered into unconsciousness by cops and sold onto an indentured servant ship in the middle of a mission far from Barrayar. he has a variety of exciting hallucinations. Then he comes to and sees his foster brother, [[TheEmperor Gregor]], on the same ship with him:

* Cordelia is in a cell when the ship she's on is attacked, and the artificial gravity cuts out along with the lights. After getting turned around, she finds a corner and huddle there until it's over or the ship goes down. The ship does not go down. ''She'', on the other hand...

* During a tense situation where haut Nadine is cornered and has a blade at the throat of a drugged Ivan, haut Pel slips out of the room they're all in to (Miles presumes) summon aid, so he works hard to distract Nadine. He's aided by his ''genuine'' outrage that she and her fellow conspirators believed Ivan was in charge and making Miles do all the grunt work, ranting that they blew their cover by grabbing the wrong man. All the while:

* During a tense situation where haut Nadine is cornered and has a blade at the throat of an drugged Ivan, haut Pel slips out of the room they're all in to get what Miles presumes is aid, so he works hard to distract Nadine. He's aided by his ''genuine'' outrage that she and her fellow conspirators believed Ivan was in charge and making Miles do all the grunt work, ranting that they blew their cover by grabbing the wrong man. All the while:

* Illyan's list of the motivations of men: "Money, power, sex... and elephants." And the explanation that followed about a difficult diplomat who tried to stymie Emperor Gregor with the demand of an elephant -- and how shocked and delighted he was when [=ImpSec=] managed to import one from Earth just for him.

* There's a RunningGag surrounding Lord Midnight, a horse that the fifth Count Vortala managed to make his official heir after the Count had a ''massive'' falling out with his own son. As Aral says, "claimed the horse was just as bright and had never betrayed him..." This being Barrayar, it isn't just an amusing historical anecdote but sets an actual legal precedent; it means Counts are able to chose their own heirs who aren't necessarily related to them by blood, rather than the eldest son or the closest male relative automatically inheriting. At one point, two of Miles' friends are using the case of Lord Midnight to either hold on to their title or claim it from a less worthy candidate, as are the antagonists. As history professor Duv Galeni notes, the ruling can swing in favor of both parties; when Miles asks Galeni about precedent for the situation he's in, the usually quiet and serious Galeni immediately responds, "Lord Midnight the horse, who always voted 'neigh.'"

* Miles taking a look at the swampy terraforming efforts on Komarr, something he only sort of understands, which involves taking a shuttle so he can examine "the squishy green plants. They were squishy green plants, all right. There were lots of them. Stretching to the horizon. Lots. Squishy. Green." Then he has to stop himself composing a report for Gregor in that style.

* Gregor going awooing BigBeautifulWoman Komarran shipping heir Laisa. His tactics include planning a luncheon four days in advance, and having the ''ideal'' horse for Laisa to ride flown in from three districts over. Miles's snarky internal commentary implies the animal itself was sedated to within an inch of its life before Gregor let it anywhere near Laisa, and the Emperor is possibly using the excuse of giving her a boost into the saddle to cop a feel.
* Ivan reflecting on Simon Illyan's only secret vice, so to speak:
--> They had somehow got on to just what Illyan did and did not recall or miss from his memory chip, at which point Ivan had learned just ''where'' the largest and most arcane [[spoiler:pornography collection]] on Barrayar had been secreted...\\
''It's not as if I acquired most of it on purpose'', Illyan had protested. ''But the damned chip didn't allow me to delete anything, whether I picked it up inadvertently or in a moment of bad mood or bad judgment or bad company, and then I was stuck with it forever. Or in the line of work, oh, God, those were the worst. Do you have any'' idea ''how many truly appalling surveillance vids I had to review in forty years...?''

* Miles taking a look at the swampy terraforming plants, realising he has only the vaguest idea of what they actually do or whether they're doing it correctly, and coming to the conclusion that they're "Squishy green plants, all right. There were lots of them. Lots. Squishy. Green." Then he has to stop himself composing a report for Gregor in that style.

* Miles taking a look at the swampy terraforming plants, realising he has only the vaguest idea of what they actually do, and coming to the conclusion that they're "Squishy green plants, all right. There were lots of them. Lots. Squishy. Green." Then he has to stop himself composing a report for Gregor in that style.

* Miles raises funding for expedition to Tau Verde by taking out a loan and using land on Barrayar as collateral. Towards the end of the book, Miles and Ivan pass through Beta Colony on their way home and run into the creditor, who is understandably irate [[note]]Miles didn't disclose that the land had been nuked at the end of the Cetagandan occupation, and the creditor didn't know enough about Barrayar to look up the full data and history. [[/note]] and wants to drag them to court. Since they're trying to get home as quickly and discreetly as possible, Ivan and Eli Quinn overpower the man and they drag him to a maintenance closet. As Miles is stuffing the repayment for the loan into the pockets of the BoundAndGagged creditor, Ivan notes that something seems very backwards about the whole thing.

* Ekaterin and Gregor's [[RefugeInAudacity ironic, outlandish solution]] to a subplot that's mentioned twice in the entire book. It's established from everyone they just can't arbitrarily make a new law since that would be seen as an abuse of power, but ''something'' most be done to prevent Count Vormuir from abusing new technology to generate over a ''hundred'' daughters to help spread his power base; Miles sighs that ''some''one was going to try that gambit at some point. They can't stop it by claiming child abuse because all of the daughters have nannies, roughly three to a daughter, and they're all well-fed and happy. Ekaterin notes that there was a Time of Isolation law concerning acknowledged female bastards that's rarely enforced in present day, which Miles forwards to Gregor. Gregor uses the law to allow the Count to go ahead with his plan via an Imperial Decree.

* Ekaterin and Gregor's [[RefugeInAudacity ironic, outlandish solution]] to a subplot that's mentioned twice in the entire book. It's established from everyone they just can't arbitrarily make a new law since that would be seen as an abuse of power, but ''something'' most be done to prevent Count Vormuir from abusing new technology to generate over a ''hundred'' daughters to help spread his power base; Miles sighs that ''some''one was going to try that gambit at some point. They can't stop it by claiming child abuse because all of the daughters have nannies, roughly three to a daughter, and they're all well-fed and happy. Ekaterin notes that there was a Time of Isolation law that's rarely enforced in present day, which Miles forwards to Gregor. Gregor uses the law to allow the Count to go ahead with his plan via an Imperial Decree.

** Even better, when Falco asks Tej if Ivan's been... less than satisfactory in bed, Tej resorts to open praise of Ivan's [[SexGod bedroom abilities]] in a Barrayaran court. Falco murmurs, "Lucky man". Later, Ivan gets a card from a female lawyer, who tells him to call her after his marriage has been dissolved.

* Aunt Alys mentioning some "half-wit" suggested she should look for ''boys'' for Gregor instead of "tall Vor beauties". {{Fanon}} has assumed the "half-wit" was Byerly.

* The RunningGag of "What the ''hell'', Simon?", culminating in one from [[spoiler: Gregor himself. You have to wonder if Gregor secretly enjoyed the opportunity to be sarcastic behind closed doors with Illyan -- Illyan sure thinks he did.]]