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* Hermoine breaking the news about Percy becoming Minister to Fred and George. First their horrified, then they laugh and compliment her on the joke until she reveals that the joke is that Percy really ''is'' the Minister of Magic, making them go back to horrified.
* When Dirk Cresswell is suggested as a possible candidate for Minister of Magic the Goblin King says that he's so easy to fool and manipulate that in Goblin circles the word Cresswell has become synomynous with gullible.


--> “A Time-Turner, yes,” Hermione replied pleasantly, “but you mustn’t tell anyone. It '''is''' supposed to be a secret.”
--> “What is?” yelled Moody over the distance between them.
--> “That I have a Time-Turner!” she shouted back.
--> “Oh! I see!” answered Moody

to:

--> “A Time-Turner, yes,” Hermione replied pleasantly, “but you mustn’t tell anyone. It '''is''' supposed to be a secret.
-->
”\\
“What is?” yelled Moody over the distance between them.
-->
them.\\
“That I have a Time-Turner!” she shouted back.
-->
back.\\
“Oh! I see!” answered MoodyMoody.

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* The Vanishing Cabinet takes Hermione and Grindelwald to the Malfoys' house, where Narcissa calls Hermione a mudblood [[TooDumbToLive while Grindelwald is right there.]]
--> '''Hermione:''' Remember who is standing next to me, and tell me that again.
--> [...] Narcissa Malfoy looked like she had just swallowed something that was much too spicy, and was, also, an angry porcupine.

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* Hermione questions why Ollivander uses all the tape measures when "the wand chooses the wizard". Once they're alone, he admits that while he ''does'' have a way to narrow things down as to what wand would match a wizard or witch, he just uses the tape measures to put on a bit of decorum, in part because he likes to monologue.

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* For a number of reasons, Percy Weasley ends up becoming the Acting Minister for Magic. His first action: a decree to regulate the thickness of cauldron bottoms.
** Unfortunately, he doesn't stop there: apparently, it's such a pet issue of his (according to Molly, he had an accident with a collapsible cauldron at age 5) that he eventually recruits a thousand [[NotMakingThisUpDisclaimer cauldron thickness inspectors]], and sends Umbridge to Hogwarts as ''Cauldron Thickness Professor''.
*** Turns out that there's an association called the "Shadow Republic of the Hopping Pots" - an organization that acts as the government of the ''sentient cauldrons'' in the British Isles.
** Hermione decides to seek the help of [[spoiler:Voldemort-in-the-Sorting-Hat]] and asks him how to put a curse on Umbridge's new position. Hermione tells herself that the [[spoiler:Sorting Hat's]] grin is all [[spoiler:his Voldemort and Slytherin parts bleeding through]].
*** However, Hermione nearly decides to not curse the position for one thing: the weekly SnarkToSnarkCombat between Snape and Umbridge that happens every time she appears in Potions class.


''(GilliganCut)'''\\

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''(GilliganCut)'''\\''(GilliganCut)''\\


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* Hermione's letter to the Basilisk ends with this.
--> P.S.: I'm renting the Chamber of Secrets to a bunch of Dementors until either you come back, or I manage to kick an all-powerful fire elemental off their island... whichever comes first. I hope you don't mind.

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** When the King realizes he's dealing with ''the'' Hermione Granger and that she's purple, he asks what species she actually hails from. [[HilarityEnsues She declares herself a violin]].

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** Her skin has also turned a shade of purple because she used an Acromantula's blood as her "enemy's blood".
* Hermione goes to Gringotts to retrieve Hufflepuff's Cup, and in the process discovers that, while vaults' doors are impervious to pretty much anything, the same cannot be said of vaults' ''walls''. She is then taken before people of increasing level within Gringotts, successfully (and by accident) rendering each level frothing, until she reaches the King.

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* When Hermione is NakedOnRevival, she declines to get dressed as the Modesty Charm is quite comfortable. Snape tries to out RulesLawyer her on whether she can be naked on the weekend, with Dumbledore getting in the act, all three citing parts of the other's wardrobe that's not allowed.

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* After retrieving the Resurrection Stone, Snape and Dumbledore start arguing over who has the more DarkAndTroubledPast to see which of them gets to use it first.

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* It turns out that bribing officials ''is not actually a crime'' in Wizarding Britain.


** Sirius rolls with it, and after putting them, begins to call himself Jester White. To Snape's despair, everybody gets in on the joke.

to:

** Sirius rolls with it, and after putting them, begins to call himself Jester White. To Snape's despair, everybody gets in on the joke. [[TheFourthWallWillNotProtectYou Even the narration]], which stubbornly refers to Sirius as "Jester" ever after.


* Dumbledore's reasoning for allowing Harry and Hermione into the Order are that Harry's more involved in the war against Voldemort than nearly anyone, and if he tried to bar Hermione, she'd find a way into the meetings anyway, even if he put the meeting location under a Fidelius Charm.

to:

* Dumbledore's reasoning for allowing Harry and Hermione into the Order are that Harry's more involved in the war against Voldemort than nearly anyone, anyone… and that if he tried to bar Hermione, she'd find a way into the meetings anyway, even if he put the meeting location under a Fidelius Charm.

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* Dumbledore's reasoning for allowing Harry and Hermione into the Order are that Harry's more involved in the war against Voldemort than nearly anyone, and if he tried to bar Hermione, she'd find a way into the meetings anyway, even if he put the meeting location under a Fidelius Charm.

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* Why is [[spoiler:Grindelwald]] ''not'' the most evil DADA teacher Hogwarts ever had? Because in the past they had [[spoiler:''Dracula'']]. For once, Hermione is dumbfounded.

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