History Funny / TheMatrix

'''Guard''': ''[coming over to Neo with a tray in hand]'' Would you please remove any metallic items you are carrying? keys, loose change...\\

'''Guard''': [[OhCrap Holy shit!]]\\

-->'''Neo''': That sounds like a good deal. But I've got a better one. How about [[FlippingTheBird I give you the finger]], [''he does so''], and you give me my phone call?

-->'''The Oracle''': You're cuter than I thought. I can see why she likes you.\\
'''Neo''': Who?\\
'''The Oracle''': Not too bright, though.

-->'''Smith''': The great Morpheus. We meet at last.\\
'''Morpheus''': [''calmly''] [[UnknownRival And you are?]]\\
'''Smith''': Smith. ''Agent'' Smith.\\
'''Morpheus''': You all look the same to me.

-->'''Agent Smith''': You have a social sec''ur''ity number, you pay your taxes, and you... [''looks up dramatically''] ...help your landlady carry out her ''gar-bage''.

--->'''Agent Smith''': Mr. Annnderson.

-->'''Tank''': No, YourOtherLeft!

'''Neo''': [[OhCrap OH SHIT!]]\\
'''Morpheus''': ''Yes.''

-->'''Neo''': You ever have that feeling where you're not sure if you're awake or still dreaming?\\
'''Choi''': All the time; it's called mescaline. It's the only way to fly.

** Similarly, [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iReRNcx4f1c Morpheus]] was used to advertise a Kia K9000 car. He follows two luxurious partygoers into the car, and talking about the look of luxury, feeling of luxury, and what it sounds like. And then he starts singing "Nessun Dorma", which bends a rich woman's spoon, lifts a lot of things into the air, destroys a lot of glass, and even attracts the attention of two Agents. Pavarotti would be proud.

-->'''Neo:''' ''The'' Trinity?? The one who hacked the IRS database?!
-->'''Trinity:''' That was a long time ago.
-->'''Neo:''' Jesus...
-->'''Trinity:''' What?
-->'''Neo:''' I just...always thought you were a guy.
-->'''Trinity:''' ''(shrugs)'' Most guys do.

'''Last Guard:''' ''[on radio]'' Backup! Send backup! ''[A beep is heard. He looks up and sees Trinity come through the metal detector. The guard tries to draw his service revolver, but she raises a submachine pistol and shoots him]''

--->'''Morpheus:''' You see the Matrix when you look out your window, or when you turn on your television. When you go to work. When you go to church. [[CallBack When you pay your taxes]].

* When Neo tries to escape, Tank tells him to go to the door on his left... and he goes to the door on his ''right''.

--->'''Neo:''' ''The'' Trinity?? The one who hacked the IRS database?!
--->'''Trinity:''' That was a long time ago.
--->'''Neo:''' Jesus...
--->'''Trinity:''' What?
--->'''Neo:''' I just...always thought you were a guy.
--->'''Trinity:''' ''(shrugs)'' Most guys do.

-->'''Agent Smith:''' [''with obvious irritation''] Find them and destroy them!

-->'''The Oracle''': You're cuter than I thought. I can see why she likes you.
-->'''Neo''': Who?
-->'''The Oracle''': Not too bright, though.

-->'''Smith''': The great Morpheus. We meet at last.
-->'''Morpheus''': [''calmly''] [[UnknownRival And you are?]]
-->'''Smith''': Smith. ''Agent'' Smith.
-->'''Morpheus''': You all look the same to me.

--> '''Agent Smith''': You have a social sec''ur''ity number, you pay your taxes, and you... [''looks up dramatically''] ...help your landlady carry out her ''gar-bage''.

-->'''Morpheus:''' You see the Matrix when you look out your window, or when you turn on your television. When you go to work. When you go to church. [[CallBack When you pay your taxes]].

--> '''Agent Smith''': Mr. Annnderson.

-->(Neo peeks above his cubicle to see the Agents, who look in his direction and he scurries back out of sight)
-->'''Neo''': [[OhCrap OH SHIT!]]
-->'''Morpheus''': ''Yes.''

-->'''Neo''': You ever have that feeling where you're not sure if you're awake or still dreaming?
-->'''Choi''': All the time; it's called mescaline. It's the only way to fly.

* The way Agents Smith, Brown, & Jones say ''everything'' in a very sinister, machine-like way (putting stresses on the wrong syllables, adding pauses in inappropriate places, and elongating their s's) can lead to a bit of humorous NarmCharm. For instance, the interrogation room scene:

* The DVDCommentary with the special effects guys and part of the cast has this. They apparently had a mid-wrap party when the opening sequence was done and had Trinity's introduction playing on a TV, which Carrie-Anne Moss had them replay again and again as she had more to drink throughout the night.

* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4eY4qU80lPM This Parody for the MTV Movie Awards.]]
** WET. WILLIE. MR. TIMBERLAKE...!
** You do '''NOT''' want to see me get out of this chair! Ergo, open your yapper one more time and I'm gonna ''architect'' a '''world''' of ''pain'' all '''OVER''' your candy ass! '''''Ergo'''''! '''''Vis-a-vis'''''! '''''Concordantly'''''!
** The duo is teleported to Zion.
--> '''Andy Dick''': "Duh! [[InfoDump It's obviously an underground city where the last of the humans live, and the robots are coming to kill us.]] [[LampshadeHanging Doesn't that just make you want to party? YEAH!]]"
*** And then...
--> '''Andy Dick''': "Morpheus! What can we expect at this orgy?"
--> '''Morpheus''': "MACHINES!"
--> [crowd falls silent]
--> '''Justin''': "Man, I'm out."
--> '''Sean''': "I dunno, sounds kinda kinky-- [''pulled away by the ear''] ow! Ow!"
** The Oracle gets recast yet again.
--> '''Neo''': "I see Trinity. And then something happens. Something bad. She begins to fall...and then I wake up."
--> '''Wanda Sykes''': "Now that's fucked up."
*** And she is direct.
--> '''Wanda Sykes''': "C'mon, man, show him your moves."
--> '''Justin''': "...do I have to?"
--> '''Wanda Sykes''': "I'm the Oracle, dammit."
** Justin gets Neo's costume. [[DraggedIntoDrag Sean gets Trinity's]].
--> '''Justin sniggers'''
--> '''Sean''': What?
--> '''Justin''': Nothing.
** Justin tries his hand at some ParrotExposition.
--> '''Will Ferrell''': "Is there an echo in here?"
--> '''Echo''': "Is there an echo in here?"
** "There are two doors. The door on the left leads sissy-boy here back to his bitch. Yeah, uh huh, what up, G? You can't handle it."

** Moments after the shootout when the bomb goes off in the elevator (which itself is funny because we hear a soft *ding* before it happens), it cuts to the interrogation room containing Morpheus and the Agents. In the background there's a muffled explosion, a {{Beat}}... then the sprinklers go off, drenching everyone in the room. Agent Jones and Agent Brown confront Agent Smith with the news ... right as the automatic sprinklers come on and leave them drenched.
-->'''Agent Smith:''' ''[with obvious irritation]'' Find them and destroy them!

-->'''Neo''': That sounds like a good deal. But I've got a better one. How about [[FlippingTheBird I give you the finger]], ''[he does so]'', and you give me my phone call?

-->'''The Oracle''': You're cuter than I thought. I guess why she likes you.

-->'''Morpheus''': ''[calmly]'' [[UnknownRival And you are?]]

--> '''Agent Smith''': You have a social sec''ur''ity number, you pay your taxes, and you...''[looks up dramatically]''...help your landlady carry out her ''gar-bage''.

--> '''Sean''': "I dunno, sounds kinda kinky-- ''[pulled away by the ear]'' ow! Ow!"

* This scene. It's a total [[CurbStompBattle curbstomp]], and the guards don't see it coming ''at all''.

** Moments after the shootout when the bomb goes off in the elevator (which itself is funny because we hear a soft *ding* before it happens), it cuts to the interrogation room containing Morpheus and the Agents. In the background there's a muffled explosion, a {{Beat}}... then the sprinklers go off, drenching everyone in the room.

* After Neo and Trinity blow the ever-loving shit out of the ground floor, Agent Jones and Agent Brown confront Agent Smith with the news ... right as the automatic sprinklers come on and leave them drenched.
-->'''Agent Smith:''' ''[with obvious irritation]'' Find them and destroy them!
* [[VerbThis "Dodge this."]] *BoomHeadshot*

* The climax of the subway scene: after Neo's SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome results in Agent Smith getting smushed by a train, Neo begins walking away with an air of victory... [[MoodWhiplash only for]] the train to screech to a halt and a rejuvenated Smith to emerge from it, having simply "hopped" out of his old body and into the driver's. Neo's break into a run, coupled with the realization that the entire preceding fight accomplished basically nothing, makes it all priceless.

* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJ7GxfpZ2Vg Agent Smith]] being used to promote how General Electric's innovations have improved America's hospitals. Which ends with him holding up two lollipops for a kid and asking him, "Red or blue?"

** "Morpheus is fighting Neo!" *everyone rushes out of the room, Search ''leaping'' over the table*

* Neo swiping a phone from a bystander during the climactic RunOrDie sequence. "What the shit--THAT'S MY PHONE!" Seconds later, the phone guy is overridden by Agent Smith. Becomes a brief FunnyBackgroundMoment when we see Smith standing on the curb pointing dramatically after Neo.

* Neo swiping a phone from a bystander during the climactic RunOrDie sequence. "What the shit--THAT'S MY PHONE!" Seconds later, the phone guy is overridden by Agent Smith.

-->'''The Oracle''': You're cuter than I thought. I can see why she likes you.

-->'''The Oracle''': Not that bright, though.

* When Neo tries to escape, Tank tells him to go to the door on his left... and he goes to the door on his ''right''. "No, YourOtherLeft!"

** "Morpheus is fighting Neo!" *everyone rushes out of the room, one of them ''leaping'' over the table*

* "Come on, stop trying to hit me and '''''HIT ME!'''''"