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--->'''Lou''': Lucky more people weren't hurt. Lucky that elephant didn't go after somebody else.
--->'''Murray''': That's right. After all, you know how hard it is to stop after just one peanut.

to:

--->'''Lou''': Lucky more people weren't hurt. Lucky that elephant didn't go after somebody else.
--->'''Murray''':
else.\\
'''Murray''':
That's right. After all, you know how hard it is to stop after just one peanut. ''[giggles helplessly]''\\
'''Lou:''' That's not funny, Mur-- ''[busts out laughing, and Murray joins him]''\\
''[Ted enters the office, sees them laughing, sits down]''\\
'''Ted:''' ''[grinning]'' Hey... what are we laughing at?\\
'''Murray:''' ''[still cracking up]'' Chuckles!\\
''[Ted stares in ashen horror, then slowly gets up and leaves the office, stopping to flash them a disgusted grimace]''



--> '''Mary:''' Thank you. I have never been so happy to tell a story in my life! This is a story about someone so...so insensitive. Yes, insensitive, Ted Baxter, that he would use part of a person's life...to get a crummy three minutes of attention! This is somebody so... Look at me, Ted! This is somebody so insensitive and who has reached such a low point that he would steal a story! That was one of the most important moments in my life, Ted, and you made it into a...a horse story! Well, you've gone too far! I have some things on my chest that I have been saving for YEARS! [the bell rings] NOBODY MOVE!

to:

--> '''Mary:''' Thank you. I have never been so happy to tell a story in my life! This is a story about someone so...so insensitive. Yes, insensitive, Ted Baxter, that he would use part of a person's life...to get a crummy three minutes of attention! This is somebody so... Look at me, Ted! This is somebody so insensitive and who has reached such a low point that he would steal a story! That was one of the most important moments in my life, Ted, and you made it into a...a horse story! Well, you've gone too far! I have some things on my chest that I have been saving for YEARS! [the ''[the bell rings] rings]'' NOBODY MOVE!



-->'''Dan''': Where's Mary?
-->'''Murray''': [[BlatantLies Uh, not here.]]
-->'''Lou''': [[BlatantLies Not in yet.]]
-->'''Ted''': [[BreadEggsMilkSquick She's dead!]]

to:

-->'''Dan''': --->'''Dan''': Where's Mary?
-->'''Murray''': --->'''Murray''': [[BlatantLies Uh, not here.]]
-->'''Lou''': --->'''Lou''': [[BlatantLies Not in yet.]]
-->'''Ted''': --->'''Ted''': [[BreadEggsMilkSquick She's dead!]]



-->'''Mary''': (stops crying to look up at Ted)
-->'''Ted''': (throws out his hands in a frightening motion) BOO!
-->'''Mary''': (shrieks, resumes crying)

to:

-->'''Mary''': (stops ''[stops crying to look up at Ted)
Ted]''
-->'''Ted''': (throws ''[throws out his hands in a frightening motion) motion]'' BOO!
-->'''Mary''': (shrieks, ''[shrieks, resumes crying)crying]''



-->'''Ted''': (dressed in a beard and mustache) This is Nigel Reed substituting for Ted Baxter, who's on ''religious retreat''... in Washington.

to:

-->'''Ted''': (dressed ''[dressed in a beard and mustache) mustache]'' This is Nigel Reed substituting for Ted Baxter, who's on ''religious retreat''... in Washington.



-->'''Ted''': God bless you, Nigel.

to:

-->'''Ted''': --->'''Ted''': God bless you, Nigel.



-->'''Ted''': You don't want me to tell them what you ''really'' do around here, do you?
-->'''Mary''': ''What'' do you think I do around here?
-->'''Ted''': (laughs) Well, you come in, you hang up your coat, you talk to Murray. You go in there, discuss your problems with Lou. You wear a lot of different clothes and you have a lot of big parties. You wouldn't want me to tell them that, would you?

to:

-->'''Ted''': --->'''Ted''': You don't want me to tell them what you ''really'' do around here, do you?
-->'''Mary''': --->'''Mary''': ''What'' do you think I do around here?
-->'''Ted''': (laughs) --->'''Ted''': ''[laughs]'' Well, you come in, you hang up your coat, you talk to Murray. You go in there, discuss your problems with Lou. You wear a lot of different clothes and you have a lot of big parties. You wouldn't want me to tell them that, would you?



--->'''Ted''': Gee, and I always thought it was ''my'' fault the show had stunk!

to:

--->'''Ted''': ---->'''Ted''': Gee, and I always thought it was ''my'' fault the show had stunk!



'''Lou''': [In as unexcited a tone as possible] Yes, Mary. I am having fun with you. This is probably the most fun I have had here. Pretty soon, I will have to stop all this fun, and go back to work. After all, Mary, life is more than just mirth and whoopie, isn't it?\\
'''Mary''': [Easily picking up on the SarcasmMode] I will go and tape it.\\
[She goes to open the door]\\

to:

'''Lou''': [In ''[In as unexcited a tone as possible] possible]'' Yes, Mary. I am having fun with you. This is probably the most fun I have had here. Pretty soon, I will have to stop all this fun, and go back to work. After all, Mary, life is more than just mirth and whoopie, isn't it?\\
'''Mary''': [Easily ''[Easily picking up on the SarcasmMode] SarcasmMode]'' I will go and tape it.\\
[She ''[She goes to open the door]\\door]''\\



-->'''Georgette''': Well, I'd always dreamed of being married in something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. {{Beat}}. But what the hell. We're in a hurry.

to:

-->'''Georgette''': --->'''Georgette''': Well, I'd always dreamed of being married in something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. {{Beat}}. ''[{{beat}}]'' But what the hell. We're in a hurry.



-->'''Ted''': Georgette... I promise... to be a faithful husband to you... and never... give you cause to regret... having married... such a cluck.

to:

-->'''Ted''': --->'''Ted''': Georgette... I promise... to be a faithful husband to you... and never... give you cause to regret... having married... such a cluck.


** Ted's improvised on-air eulogy: "Ladies and gentlemen, sad news. One of our most beloved entertainers, and close personal friend of mine, is dead. Chuckles the Clown died today from - from uh - he died a broken man. Chuckles, uh, leaves a wife. At least I assume he was married, he didn't seem like the other kind. I don't know his age, but I guess he was probably in his early sixties; it's kind of hard to judge a guy's face especially when he's wearing big lips and a light bulb for a nose. But he had his whole life in front of him, except for the sixty some odd years he already lived. I remember, Chuckles used to recite a poem at the end of each program. It was called "The Credo of the Clown," and I'd like to offer it now in his memory - "A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants." That's what it's all about, folks, that's what he stood for, that's what gave his life meaning. Chuckles liked to make people laugh. You know what I'd like to think, I'd like to think that somewhere, up there tonight, in his honor, a choir of angels is sitting on whoopee cushions."

to:

** Ted's improvised on-air eulogy: "Ladies and gentlemen, sad news. One of our most beloved entertainers, and close personal friend of mine, is dead. Chuckles the Clown died today from - from uh - from... from, uh... he died a broken man. Chuckles, uh, leaves a wife. At least I assume he was married, he didn't seem like the other kind. I don't know his age, but I guess he was probably in his early sixties; it's kind of hard to judge a guy's face especially when he's wearing big lips and a light bulb for a nose. But he had his whole life in front of him, except for the sixty some odd years he already lived. I remember, Chuckles used to recite a poem at the end of each program. It was called "The Credo of the Clown," and I'd like to offer it now in his memory - memory: "A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants." That's what it's all about, folks, that's what he stood for, that's what gave his life meaning. Chuckles liked to make people laugh. You know what I'd like to think, I'd like to think that somewhere, up there tonight, in his honor, a choir of angels is sitting on whoopee cushions."


--->'''Sue Ann''': What would you suggest, dear -- fruit?

to:

--->'''Sue Ann''': What would you suggest, dear -- dear-- fruit?


--->'''Sue Ann''': What would you suggest, dear - fruit?

to:

--->'''Sue Ann''': What would you suggest, dear - -- fruit?


-->'''Lou''': Lucky more people weren't hurt. Lucky that elephant didn't go after somebody else.
-->'''Murray''': That's right. After all, you know how hard it is to stop after just one peanut.

to:

-->'''Lou''': --->'''Lou''': Lucky more people weren't hurt. Lucky that elephant didn't go after somebody else.
-->'''Murray''': --->'''Murray''': That's right. After all, you know how hard it is to stop after just one peanut.



-->'''Georgette''': Why do people always send flowers when someone passes on?
-->'''Sue Ann''': What would you suggest, dear - fruit?

to:

-->'''Georgette''': --->'''Georgette''': Why do people always send flowers when someone passes on?
-->'''Sue --->'''Sue Ann''': What would you suggest, dear - fruit?


-->'''Ted''': Nothing can spoil my day now that I'm going to be Grand Marshal of the circus parade.
-->'''Lou''': Forget it, Ted, you aren't.
-->'''Ted''': What?
-->'''Lou''': I said, forget it. My anchorman isn't marching down the street with a chimp. It tends to give him an undignified image.
-->'''Ted''': Oh, Lou... it won't give me an undignified image!
-->'''Lou''': [[BaitAndSwitchComparison I was talking about the chimp.]]

to:

-->'''Ted''': --->'''Ted''': Nothing can spoil my day now that I'm going to be Grand Marshal of the circus parade.
-->'''Lou''': --->'''Lou''': Forget it, Ted, you aren't.
-->'''Ted''': --->'''Ted''': What?
-->'''Lou''': --->'''Lou''': I said, forget it. My anchorman isn't marching down the street with a chimp. It tends to give him an undignified image.
-->'''Ted''': --->'''Ted''': Oh, Lou... it won't give me an undignified image!
-->'''Lou''': --->'''Lou''': [[BaitAndSwitchComparison I was talking about the chimp.]]


* The fact that the show had Johnny Carson as a guest during an episode [[BehindTheBlack where there was a blackout at Mary's apartment]]. The credits even just show a black screen when Johnny Carson's name comes up.

to:

* The fact that the show had Johnny Carson Creator/JohnnyCarson as a guest during an episode [[BehindTheBlack where there was a blackout at Mary's apartment]]. The credits even just show a black screen when Johnny Carson's name comes up.


* Sue Ann's younger sister and nemesis gets a job similar to Sue Ann's own at another Minneapolis station. When Sue Ann's sister drops this news, Sue Ann receives it with total grace and a huge syrupy smile, then excuses herself from her sister's presence and lets out a huge horror movie scream...without letting the smile leve her face.

to:

* Sue Ann's younger sister and nemesis gets a job similar to Sue Ann's own at another Minneapolis station. When Sue Ann's sister drops this news, Sue Ann receives it with total grace and a huge syrupy smile, then excuses herself from her sister's presence and lets out a huge horror movie scream...without letting the smile leve leave her face.


* Sue Ann's younger sister and rival gets a job similar to Sue Ann's own at another Minneapolis station. When Sue Ann's sister drops this news, Sue Ann receives it with total grace and a huge syrupy smile, then excuses herself from her sister's presence and lets out a huge horror movie scream...without letting the smile leve her face.

to:

* Sue Ann's younger sister and rival nemesis gets a job similar to Sue Ann's own at another Minneapolis station. When Sue Ann's sister drops this news, Sue Ann receives it with total grace and a huge syrupy smile, then excuses herself from her sister's presence and lets out a huge horror movie scream...without letting the smile leve her face.


--> Sue Ann's younger sister and rival gets a job similar to Sue Ann's own at another Minneapolis station. When Sue Ann's sister drops this news, Sue Ann receives it with total grace and a huge syrupy smile, then excuses herself from her sister's presence and lets out a huge horror movie scream...without letting the smile leve her face.

to:

--> * Sue Ann's younger sister and rival gets a job similar to Sue Ann's own at another Minneapolis station. When Sue Ann's sister drops this news, Sue Ann receives it with total grace and a huge syrupy smile, then excuses herself from her sister's presence and lets out a huge horror movie scream...without letting the smile leve her face.


-->'''Ted''': Georgette... I promise... to be a faithful husband to you... and never... give you cause to regret... having married... such a cluck.

to:

-->'''Ted''': Georgette... I promise... to be a faithful husband to you... and never... give you cause to regret... having married... such a cluck.cluck.
--> Sue Ann's younger sister and rival gets a job similar to Sue Ann's own at another Minneapolis station. When Sue Ann's sister drops this news, Sue Ann receives it with total grace and a huge syrupy smile, then excuses herself from her sister's presence and lets out a huge horror movie scream...without letting the smile leve her face.

Added DiffLines:

* The fact that the show had Johnny Carson as a guest during an episode [[BehindTheBlack where there was a blackout at Mary's apartment]]. The credits even just show a black screen when Johnny Carson's name comes up.


'''Lou''': Mary? Thanks for a great time.

to:

'''Lou''': Mary? Thanks for a great time.time.
* When Ted and Georgette get married. The entire episode is hysterical. Last minute arrangements, a newbie minister who doesn't know what he's doing, and the requisite nervousness of the groom.
** With the lack of time to prepare, Mary asks Georgette if there's anything in particular she had in mind to wear.
-->'''Georgette''': Well, I'd always dreamed of being married in something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. {{Beat}}. But what the hell. We're in a hurry.
** No vows written in advance, and the minister without his book, Murray assists Ted with what to promise Georgette. Ted repeats what Murray is whispering.
-->'''Ted''': Georgette... I promise... to be a faithful husband to you... and never... give you cause to regret... having married... such a cluck.

Added DiffLines:

** Before the parade:
-->'''Ted''': Nothing can spoil my day now that I'm going to be Grand Marshal of the circus parade.
-->'''Lou''': Forget it, Ted, you aren't.
-->'''Ted''': What?
-->'''Lou''': I said, forget it. My anchorman isn't marching down the street with a chimp. It tends to give him an undignified image.
-->'''Ted''': Oh, Lou... it won't give me an undignified image!
-->'''Lou''': [[BaitAndSwitchComparison I was talking about the chimp.]]
** Lou's description of how Chuckles was killed. "It was a freak accident. He went to the parade dressed as Peter Peanut, and a rogue elephant tried to shell him."
** Ted's improvised on-air eulogy: "Ladies and gentlemen, sad news. One of our most beloved entertainers, and close personal friend of mine, is dead. Chuckles the Clown died today from - from uh - he died a broken man. Chuckles, uh, leaves a wife. At least I assume he was married, he didn't seem like the other kind. I don't know his age, but I guess he was probably in his early sixties; it's kind of hard to judge a guy's face especially when he's wearing big lips and a light bulb for a nose. But he had his whole life in front of him, except for the sixty some odd years he already lived. I remember, Chuckles used to recite a poem at the end of each program. It was called "The Credo of the Clown," and I'd like to offer it now in his memory - "A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants." That's what it's all about, folks, that's what he stood for, that's what gave his life meaning. Chuckles liked to make people laugh. You know what I'd like to think, I'd like to think that somewhere, up there tonight, in his honor, a choir of angels is sitting on whoopee cushions."
** This gem, about the point where the BlackComedy really starts:
-->'''Lou''': Lucky more people weren't hurt. Lucky that elephant didn't go after somebody else.
-->'''Murray''': That's right. After all, you know how hard it is to stop after just one peanut.
** At the funeral:
-->'''Georgette''': Why do people always send flowers when someone passes on?
-->'''Sue Ann''': What would you suggest, dear - fruit?


* Ted's epic {{Manchild}} rant [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vgkxSf7k_cQ#t=11m37s in "The Dinner Party"]] when he learns that Mary has invited Murray to her party instead of him. It even inspired a similar rant from Ron Burgundy in ''{{Anchorman}}''.

to:

* Ted's epic {{Manchild}} rant [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vgkxSf7k_cQ#t=11m37s in "The Dinner Party"]] when he learns that Mary has invited Murray to her party instead of him. It even inspired a similar rant from Ron Burgundy in ''{{Anchorman}}''.''Film/AnchormanTheLegendOfRonBurgundy''.



'''Lou''': Mary? Thanks for a great time.

to:

'''Lou''': Mary? Thanks for a great time.

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