History Funny / TheHauntedMansion

!!The Movie
* Jim trying to get his son to just squash one little spider. And Megan stepping in totally deadpan and whacks the bug herself. [[HilarityEnsues Hilarity continues to ensue]].
--> '''Michael''': (''about the spider'') I don't wanna whack it, Dad!
--> '''Megan''': (''whacks spider'') There. Ya happy?
--> '''Jim''': (''{{Beat}}'') No, I'm not happy! I was trying to make a point to Michael about how important it is to whack your own spiders!
--> '''Megan''': Whatever. (''leaves'')
* When the Evers arrive at the house, they discover that it also boasts an absolutely ''gigantic'' graveyard stretching off into the distance.
--> '''Jim''': Hey, honey? You know they have, uh...dead people in the backyard.
--> '''Sara''': Well, some people have pools; some people have private cemeteries. It happens!
--> '''Megan''': You're gonna sell a house...with ''this?''
--> '''Jim''': This historical sprawling manor with spacious grounds? Yes.
--> '''Sara''': Hey, that's good. We'll put that on the listing.
--> '''Megan''': And leave out all the '''''dead people?!'''''
* In a slightly bizarre combination of funny and nightmare inducing,
--> '''Madame Leota''': Dark spirits from the grave come forth. Lift us from the black. And show us, show us the way back.
--> '''Jim Evers''': Dark spirits?! Hey, no dark spirits! Don't you make no dark spirits come out! [[note]]In the trailer, Jim says: Don't you make no dark spirits come out while I'm sitting here! Wait until I leave before dark spirits come out![[/note]]
** In the same scene.
-->'''Madame Leota''': Tell me, whom do you seek?
-->'''Jim Evers''': I ''seek'' the way out of here!
-->'''Madame Leota''': Then you must look within.
-->'''Jim Evers''': I don't want to look within, I want to look [[IncrediblyLamePun with out]], are you deaf!?
* The scene where Jim finds his kids, but they want to stay and help the ghosts while he just wants to leave.
--> '''Megan''': They're ghosts, Dad.
--> '''Jim''': They're not ghosts. We're just having hallucinations from that dinner that we ate. It was that chicken, it didn't taste right.
--> '''Emma''': (''[[FlashStep insulted, Emma turns into mist and re-appears right in front of Jim]]'') Hey!
--> '''Jim''': Whoa!
-->'''Emma''': It's ''not'' the chicken!
* Jim trying to pry the key from the fingers of a rotten corpse in the mausoleum. His [[{{Squick}} squicked-out]] reaction is hilarious.
* Sara goes looking for Jim after they've had a row, and sees what she assumes is the back of his head, as he's slumped on the sofa in the library. She apologises for their argument, and asks "Come to bed?" And then it turns out she was actually addressing a ''very'' flustered Mr. Gracey.
* Once Jim, Megan and Michael have been brought up to speed on what's going on in the mansion:
--> '''Jim''': You're telling me this guy is dead, and the only reason we were brought here is he wants to try to get jiggy with my wife?
--> '''Ezra''': [[BluntYes Pretty much.]] Are you upset?
--> '''Jim''': ''The guy is'' dead ''and he's trying to get with my wife!''...'''And''' [[SkewedPriorities the house isn't really for sale?!]] Yes, I'm upset!
* Mr. Evers ''obviously'' ''can't'' see the Hitchhiking Ghosts sitting in the carriage next to him...
--> '''The Traveler Hitchhiking Ghost/Phineas''': I could swear he was looking right at me.
--> '''The Prisoner Hitchhiking Ghost/Gus''': He's psychic.
* Ezra and Emma fighting over the reins while taking the Evers family to the crypt.
--> '''Emma''': Move over.
--> '''Ezra''': What are you doing?
--> '''Emma''': If you keep driving, you'll kill us all!
--> '''Ezra''': Well, that's where you're wrong! Because some of us are already dead. Ha-ha!
* Just three words... The Singing Busts.
--> '''Busts''': ''Do, do, do, do, do do!''
--> '''Jim''': Hey guys! Keep it down!
--> '''Busts''': ''We'll Keep it down, We'll keep it down, Oh, Yes we will we'll keep it down. Oh, we're driving down a highway nowwww... And we're trying, to, keep, it, DOWNNNNN!''
** The fact that they got the Dapper Dans from the Disney parks to do the singing, is just the icing on the cake.
* [[TheComicallySerious Ramsley gets a few funny moments for a creepy and humorless guy]]:
** His barely curbing his annoyance after Jim gives him a waterproof calendar.
** Ramsley [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere simply walking out of the room]] after Jim asks a silly question.
** When Jim protests that Sara (whom Ramsley has Edward believing is Elizabeth) is his wife:
--->'''Ramsley''': [[WhatDoesSheSeeInHim And what she sees in you I'll never know.]]
** His snark to Jim after the latter attempts to attack him when he threatens Sara:
--->'''Ramsley''': (''with a small, smug smile'') How wonderful. You're going to kill a ''ghost''.
** [[ExactWords His]] [[DestinationDefenestration response]] to Jim demanding that he and his family be let out of the house:
--->'''Ramsley''': You want out? Fine. Let me show you out. (''grabs Jim and renders himself intangible as he floats up into the air'') Now, for the last time, goodnight, Mr. Evers. (''throws Jim out of the window'')
** "Must we continue to listen to the ramblings of a lunatic?"
** After Edward presses him for an explanation [[spoiler:about Elizabeth's actual letter]], Ramsley makes a look that just screams "Oh, screw it; you guys caught me" before going into his MotiveRant.
** And finally, ChewingTheScenery during his subsequent VillainousBreakdown.
* After finding out that Ramsley is the BigBad, Jim has this to say:
-->'''Jim''': Wait, {{the butler did it}}?! {{You have got to be kidding me}}!
* Jim warning Edward that if he kills him, he'll be "whippin' your ass for all eternity" in the afterlife.
* At the ending, when Edward and Elizabeth [[spoiler:float up to Heaven]], Ezra and Emma come out. And they've packed all their things!
-->'''Ezra''': You ''know'' you can't take it with you!
-->'''Elizabeth''': The hell I can't!
* This exchange outside the mansion:
--> '''Jim:''' Hey, Megan, don't slam the door like that, it's very sensitive.
--> '''Megan:''' It's a ''car,'' Dad.