History Funny / TheBreakfastClub

'''Bender:''' [truthfully] Impossible, sir. It's in Johnson's underwear.

-->'''Alison:''' I never did it either. I'm not a nymphomaniac. I'm a compulsive liar.

-->'''Bender''': A naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm and a two-foot salami under the other. She lays the poodle on the table. The bartender says, "I suppose you won't be needing a drink." The naked lady says, [[spoiler:''([[SurprisinglyRealisticOutcome falls through ceiling]])'' '''"OHH SHIIIT!"''']]

** After it happens, the others all stare at him wide-eyed and dumbfounded, clearly not yet having processed what has just occurred. Bender simply nonchalantly states “forgot my pencil.”

** Then there's the matter of Vernon's lunch. He goes to pour his coffee from his Thermos into a paper cup...which then [[EpicFail spills out all over his desk, his untouched sandwich and knocks over the cup.]] Even better, the "coffee" doesn't even resemble coffee and looks more like chocolate syrup or an element that exists in nature. He even lampshades this, saying it looked like mud and "something that was scraped from the bottom of the Mississippi River." Plus, the stupid look he had on his face after it happened, complete with a piece of orange sitting in his mouth.

-->'''Andy''': That's real intelligent.
-->'''Bender''' ''(completely deadpan)'': You're right, it's wrong to destroy literature. It's such fun to read. ''(rips out another page)'' and ''Molay'' really pumps my nads.
-->'''Claire''': [[PronouncingMyNameForYou Moliere]].
--> [[HeldGaze (the two stare at each other)]]
-->'''Brian''' ''(timidly)'': [[MomentKiller I love his work]].
-->''(Bender throws some pages at him)''

-->'''Bender''': Does Barry Manilow know you raid his wardrobe?

-->'''Bender''': I'm thinkin' a'tryin' for a ''scholasheeeeeep''.

-->'''Brian''': Did you know without trigonometry, there'd be no engineering?
-->'''Bender''': [[JerkassHasAPoint Without lamps, we'd have no light]].

-->'''Vernon''': What if your home... what if your family... what if your ''dope'' was on fire?
-->'''Bender''': [truthfully] Impossible, sir. It's in Johnson's underwear.

* While Vernon is out of the room, the gang whistles the Colonel Bogey March to pass the time. When Vernon comes back in, the whistling dies down... and Bender starts whistling Beethoven's Fifth.

* [[NarmCharm "I taped Larry Lester's buns together."]] Complete with dramatic music, and everyone staring at him seriously.

-->'''Bender''': ''[[JerkassHasAPoint Without lamps, we'd have no light]].

-->'''Bender''' ''(completely deadpan)'': You're right, it's wrong to destroy literature. Such fun to read. ''(rips out another page)'' ''Molay'' really pumps my nads.

* "I've seen her dehydrated. It's pretty gross."

** "Screws fall. It's an imperfect world."

-->'''Claire''': [[ItsPronouncedTropay Moliere]].

-->'''Bender''': A naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm and a two-foot salami under the other. She lays the poodle on the table. The bartender says, "I suppose you won't be needing a drink." The naked lady says, [[spoiler:''<[[RealityEnsues falls through ceiling]]>'' '''"OHH SHIIIT!"''']]

-->'''Vernon''': What if your home... what if your family... what if your *dope* was on fire?

* After Andrew tearfully reveals to the others the pressures his [[StageMom win-at-all-costs]] [[AbusiveParents dad]] keeps pushing on him, Bender gives a smartass response of saying how he can relate: "I think your old man and [[AbusiveParents my old man]] should get together and go bowling."

** ''Everyone's'' "what the hell" expressions at Alison's lunch.

* In one scene, Bender and Andrew fight. Bender pulls out a knife and stabs it into a chair, before beginning to rant at Andrew. The mood is... somewhat destroyed... by [[FunnyBackgroundEvent Alison leaning over, pulling the knife out of the chair and keeping it.]]
** Let's just check off half the stuff Alison is responsible for and be done with it..

* The long argument between Alison and Claire, which starts with Alison telling the group she's a raging nymphomaniac, and ends with the group coercing Claire into admitting (much to her embarrassment) that she's a virgin.

* After Andrew tearfully reveals to the others the pressures his [[SecondPlaceisforLosers win-at-all-costs]] [[AbusiveParents dad]] keeps pushing on him, Bender gives a smartass response of saying how he can relate: "I think your old man and [[AbusiveParents my old man]] should get together and go bowling."

* After Andrew [[Tearjerker tearfully reveals]] to the others the pressures his [[SecondPlaceisforLosers win-at-all-costs]] [[AbusiveParents dad]] keeps pushing on him, Bender gives a smartass response of saying how he can relate: "I think your old man and [[AbusiveParents my old man]] should get together and go bowling."

* After Andrew [[Tearjerker tearfully reveals to the others the pressures]] his [[SecondPlaceisforLosers win-at-all-costs]] [[AbusiveParents dad]] keeps pushing on him, Bender gives a smartass response of saying how he can relate: "I think your old man and [[AbusiveParents my old man]] should get together and go bowling."

* After Andrew tearfully reveals to the others the pressures his win-at-all-costs dad keeps pushing on him, Bender gives a smartass response of saying how he can relate: "I think your old man and [[AbusiveParents my old man]] should get together and go bowling."

-->'''Bender''': [truthfully] Impossible, sir. It's in Johnson's underwear.

--> [[HeldGaze ((the two stare at each other))]]