History Funny / SplinterCell

!!Individual Games

!!Meta:
* Creator/MichaelIronside did an interview on and had a couple of funny lines.
-->I was on a plane going to London, and I asked for a coffee. And I heard someone go ''Sam Fisher,'' and I'm going, what? And I look up and there's this guy in an undone three piece suit going, ''You're Sam Fisher,'' and I went, ''No, I'm...I'm, wait a second I guess I am.''
-->Sam Fisher could have been very two dimensional. He could have been very flat, cardboard, [[Franchise/MortalKombat finish him...squiiick.]]

* Funny/SplinterCell1
* Funny/SplinterCellPandoraTomorrow
* Funny/SplinterCellChaosTheory
* Funny/SplinterCellDoubleAgent
* Funny/SplinterCellConviction
* Funny/SplinterCellBlacklist

-->Sam Fisher could have been very two dimensional. He could have been very flat, cardboard, [[Franchise/MortalKombat finish him...squiiick.]]

[[/index]]

!!''VideoGame/SplinterCell1''

* When you encounter General Kong Feirong for the last time in the first game, Sam's lines are just golden.
-->'''Feirong''': [[DrivenToSuicide I'm going to shoot myself.]]\\
'''Fisher''': [[CrossesTheLineTwice Not in the face.]]\\
''(After Feirong has died upon accessing his computer)''\\
'''Fisher''': [[{{Irony}} I see more suicides on this job...]]
* In the second to last mission, [[spoiler: when you blow up Feirong's trucks with unassembled nuclear weapon components inside]], two guards outside will be alarmed and run to the source of explosion. Suddenly one of them stumbles and comically falls flat on his face before getting back up and running off. [[BigLippedAlligatorMoment There is absolutely no reason for the game to show that]] [[RuleOfFunny except to get a giggle out of the player]].
* In the Portuguese translation, Grimsdóttir's case file regarding Mitchell Dougherty. The English observations say he is an anal-retentive mouth breather, as in a [[TheDitz complete moron]] overly attached to small time stuff[[note]]reinforced by how he's on an ongoing YMCA program of how to let go of small things, and his fixation on a rattled coworker of his spilling his coffee[[/note]]. The translators got confused by the wording and took it literally: Grim's notes say he has [[{{Gasshole}} gas problems]]. It makes the "I'd hate to be stuck in an elevator with him" part even funnier.
* An email exchange between Philip Masse and a "Timofei" regarding files leaked from Dougherty's PC. Timofei asks whether files prefixed with "TSA" (as in Transportation Security Administration) are of any use. Masse flies off the handle for sending this data through an insecure email, typing in all caps and multiple punctuation marks while calling Timofei an incompetent ass and threatening to set Grinko on him for some torture - and then, [[MoodWhiplash almost as if]] he hadn't just been doing the text equivalent of shouting himself hoarse, he attaches a "post script":
--> P.S.: of course the air traffic files are useful. ; )
\\

!!''VideoGame/SplinterCellPandoraTomorrow''

* The very first interrogation you do in the game.
-->'''Fisher''': I'm going inside to meet your friends. Anything I need to worry about?
-->'''Guard''': [[CaptainObvious They have guns]].
-->'''Fisher''': [[SarcasmMode I'm shocked and amazed]].
** And again later in the first mission when you meet Karlthson:
--->'''Fisher''': Are you going to be alright if I leave here?
--->'''Karlthson''': Would you stay if I said no?
--->'''Fisher''': [[BrutalHonesty No]].
--->'''Lambert''': Well done, Fisher.
* Some BlackComedy right at the start of the Jerusalem mission.
-->'''Coen''': Here's a cultural opportunity for you. The birthplace of Judaism, Christianity and Islam.\\
'''Fisher''': [[SarcasmMode So this is where all that peace and love came from]].
* The Mission Failed screen if you kill or harm an ally or civilian. When it explains why you failed, it reads: ''You are out of your mind''.
* Two French terrorists (of Arab descent) are talking to each other:
-->'''Baddie 1''': How long do you think it'll take them to find the Frenchman?
-->'''Baddie 2''': What do you mean "Frenchman"? We're all Frenchmen here.
-->'''Baddie 1''': I mean the ''French'' Frenchman!
\\

!!''VideoGame/SplinterCellChaosTheory''

* Sam's [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OiTDMW9Xygw interrogation techniques]] are often funnier than they have any right to be. Same thing with his victims.
-->'''Guard:''' Wow! A real... live... ninja!
* There's a bonus objective where you have to hack some cameras so that Grim can keep an eye on the bad guys after you leave.
-->'''Grim:''' Thanks Sam, I can't wait to sniff around in Displace's laundry basket.\\
'''Sam:''' Ugh...\\
'''Grim:''' What?\\
'''Sam:''' [[SkewedPriorities Laundry... I totally forgot...]]
* During the bank heist, Fisher uncovers documents revealing Abrahim Zherkezki's involvement in the unfolding conspiracy, leading to this gem:
-->'''Lambert:''' Oh no, ''Zherkezhi''. That's precisely what I didn't want to see.
-->'''Sam:''' "Zherkezhi", is that some kind of dried meat?
* Sam's encounter with the old man next door to Zherkezhi's penthouse is nothing short of awkwardly amusing given the man's senile chatter and jovial manner. It's very much an odd exchange between them, even more so than many of the others listed on this page. The real topper is when you find out that your mystery man "Dvorak" [[spoiler: isn't even a man, but the massive computer entrusted to the old man in question.]]
* Most of the interactions between Grim and Sam that poke fun at the gulf in their ages. Case in point:
-->'''Sam''': Lasers? Lasers are so...\\
'''Grimm''': Nineties?\\
'''Sam''': I was going to say 'Seventies'. Could you please stop making me feel old?\\
'''Grimm''' I have bad news for you, Sam. You ''[[BrutalHonesty are]]'' old.
** Sam gets more expense at his age when he realizes that he has to stop a missile from hitting the USS Ronald Reagan.
-->'''Sam''': Wait- you mean I have to win one for the ''Gipper?''\\
'''Grimm''': Dude, what does that even mean?!\\
'''Sam''': Uhh.. It's nothing. You're right, Grimm - I ''am'' old.
* Some of the guards have some very odd conversations. In North Korea for instance:
-->'''Soldier #1''': You said there were eight crates in the delivery, but I only see seven.\\
'''Soldier #2''': What you do you mean 'seven'?\\
'''Soldier #1''': As in one less than eight.\\
'''Soldier #2''': Well, the bill of lading said there were eight.\\
'''Soldier #1''': Did you count?\\
'''Soldier #2''': Uh, well...not exactly...\\
'''Soldier #1''': Not exactly? It's just not that hard to count eight giant crates!
\\

!!''VideoGame/SplinterCellDoubleAgent''

* Some of the information Sam gets when interrogating a guard is hilarious enough to make you want to spare the guy. This one is made all the funnier because the guard has a ''very'' heavy [[FakeRussian Russian accent]]:
--> '''Sam:''' This is not your lucky day.\\
'''Mercenary:''' Kill me if you want, I tell you nothing.\\
'''Sam:''' I respect your loyalty to your captain.\\
'''Mercenary:''' The captain? You're after ''that'' pig? Why didn't you say so?\\
'''Sam:''' Start with what you don't like about him.\\
'''Mercenary:''' He drinks! Like a fish! And then he turns into raving lunatic!\\
'''Sam:''' What's he like when he's not drinking?\\
'''Mercenary:''' He's asleep.\\
'''And if you force more answers out of him:'''\\
'''Mercenary: (Hopefully)''' Are you going to kill him?\\
'''Mercenary:''' Are you going to kill ''me''?
* Creator/MichaelIronside did an interview on and had a couple of funny lines.
-->I was on a plane going to London, and I asked for a coffee. And I heard someone go ''Sam Fisher,'' and I'm going, what? And I look up and there's this guy in an undone three piece suit going, ''You're Sam Fisher,'' and I went, ''No, I'm...I'm, wait a second I guess I am.''
-->Sam Fisher could have been very two dimensional. He could have been very flat, cardboard, [[Franchise/MortalKombat finish him...squiiick.]]
\\

!!''VideoGame/SplinterCellConviction''

* Sam needs someone ([[spoiler:the vice president of the United States]]) to stay where they are without killing them. ("SECURE") How does he do it? [[spoiler:He nonchalantly [[{{Kneecapping}} blasts both of his kneecaps]] with his pistol, of course.]]
-->'''Sam''': [[spoiler:[[ShutUpHannibal You might want to work on that "bulletproof" thing]].]]
* Taking a hostage near a wall will give Sam the option of smashing their head into it. [[DevelopersForesight Smash an enemy's head into a light switch and it will turn the light off.]] Bonus funny points if Sam's [[PostMortemOneLiner randomly chosen comment]] is [[IncrediblyLamePun "Lights out".]]
** Another of his BondOneLiners after a wall smash: "Yeah, you'll definitely have to pay for sex now."
* How about this conversation from Sam's Navy SEAL days?
-->'''Vic''': My kids never draw me pictures or write or anything.\\
'''SEAL''': They don't write 'cause you can't read, man.\\
'''Vic''': Laugh it up. But when I get out of here-\\
'''Sam''': You're going to kindergarten?\\
'''SEAL''': You know I hear that they've got entrance exams in kindergarten now, Sam... I dunno if Vic's gonna make it in.
\\

!!''VideoGame/SplinterCellBlacklist'':

* The ActionPrologue shows Charlie and Sam talking after a very serious situation. When Sam brings up [[spoiler:Sarah]], Charlie asks if [[spoiler:she's still single]]. Sam's reaction is a DeathGlare that shuts him up. [[spoiler:OverprotectiveDad at its finest.]]
* Kobin. [[spoiler: Even after saving Fourth Echelon's asses '''twice''' and helping them with black market intel, he still gets locked up in a cell aboard Paladin.]]
** When you first meet Kobin, he's [[spoiler: being subjected to ElectricTorture.]] After you save him and he finds out it's Fisher, you can tell he would [[spoiler: keep being tortured rather than meet Sam again]]
** What's more, when Sam first shows up, Kobin doesn't believe that he's there to help him. As Sam prepares to rescue him, Kobin gets an AsideGlance:
--> '''Kobin''': "Holy shit, he '''is''' here to save me."
** Even funnier is how Sam treats Kobin like a misbehaved dog through his rescue telling him things like "sit" and, in case you get discovered and reinforcements are sent after you, a very stern "stay".
* In the second Briggs co-op mission, Sam and Briggs capture two suspects. While Sam is interrogating his, Briggs' manages to free himself and snatch his gun, now holding Briggs at gunpoint. Sam seems more exasperated by this than anything.
-->'''Sam''': ''Seriously'', Briggs!
** Even funnier, this can happen to Sam himself in the same mission.
-->'''Sam''': Well, now this is embarrassing.
* One of the briefings for one of the side missions is pretty amusing. Evidently, working for [[UsefulNotes/RussiansWithRustingRockets VORON]] too long will make you...[[CloudCuckooLander weird]].
-->'''Grimsdottir''': A VORON agent in Chile reached out to one of our people, offering to defect and provide intel on VORON operations in South America. SMI gives this a high probability of being on the level. Apparently our walk-in says he wants to retire and worship the Great Penguin in peace. He...[[{{Understatement}} may be a little burned out]].
* Rescuing Kobin. After being tortured and then apparently rescued, Kobin realizes it's Sam there in what must have seemed like FromBadToWorse as he appropriately states "You gotta be fucking shitting me" in reaction. He then proceeds to try to create distance between the two in blatant fear by hopping away ineffectively, as he is tied to a chair.
** Later on, Grim leaks Kobin's capture to see if they can flush out some kind of lead. Sam is not happy she did without authorization. Then they bring Kobin up and tell him the bad news. He wants to know how the bad guys found out.
--> '''Sam, deadpan''': Bad luck, I guess.
* A sterling example of BlackComedy can be found in the finale, during Sadiq's torture of [[spoiler: The Secretary of Defense]].
--> '''[[spoiler: The Secretary of Defense]]''', '''''after having his [[{{Fingore}} fingers]] (and subsequently, [[AnArmAndALeg his hand]]) removed''''': No! I'll give you what you want.
--> ''{{Beat}}.''
--> '''Sadiq''': ...You could have saved yourself a hand!
----

!!''VideoGame/SplinterCell1'':

!!''VideoGame/SplinterCellPandoraTomorrow'':

!!''VideoGame/SplinterCellChaosTheory'':

!!''VideoGame/SplinterCellDoubleAgent'':

!!''VideoGame/SplinterCellConviction'':

!!''Blacklist'':

!!''Splinter Cell'':

!!''Pandora Tomorrow'':

!!''Chaos Theory'':

!!''Double Agent'':

!!''Conviction'':

-->Sam Fisher could have been very two dimensional. He could have been very flat, cardboard, [[MortalKombat finish him...squiiick.]]

* Two French terrorists (of Syrian descent) are talking to each other:
-->'''Baddie 1''': What do you mean "Frenchmen"? We're all Frenchmen here.
-->'''Baddie 2''': I mean the ''French'' Frenchman!

* Two French terrorists of Syrian descent are talking to each other:

-->'''Baddie 2''': I mean the ''FRENCH'' Frenchman!

'''Baddie 1''': What do you mean "Frenchmen"? We're all Frenchmen here.
'''Baddie 2''': I mean the ''FRENCH'' Frenchman!

'''Mercenary: ([[CrowningMomentOfFunny Hopefully]])''' Are you going to kill him?\\

-->'''Guard''': [[CaptainObvious They have guns.]]
-->'''Fisher''': [[SarcasmMode I'm shocked and amazed.]]

-->'''Fisher''': Are you going to be alright if I leave here?
-->'''Karlthson''': Would you stay if I said no?
-->'''Fisher''': [[BrutalHonesty No.]]
-->'''Lambert''': Well done, Fisher.

* In the Portuguese translation, Grimsdóttir's case file regarding Mitchell Dougherty. The English observations say he is an anal-retentive mouth breather, as in a [[TheDitz complete moron]] overly attached to small time stuff[[note]]reinforced by how he's on an ongoing YMCA program of how to let go of small things[[/note]]. The translators got confused by the wording and took it literally: Grim's notes say he has [[{{Gasshole}} gas problems]]. It makes the "I'd hate to be stuck in an elevator with him" part even funnier.

* One of the briefings for one of the side missions is pretty amusing. Evidently, working for [[RussiansWithRustingRockets VORON]] too long will make you...[[CloudCuckooLander weird]].

* Taking a hostage near a wall will give Sam the option of smashing their head into it. [[TheDevTeamThinksOfEverything Smash an enemy's head into a light switch and it will turn the light off.]] Bonus funny points if Sam's [[PostMortemOneLiner randomly chosen comment]] is [[IncrediblyLamePun "Lights out".]]

* An email exchange between Philip Masse and a "Timofei" regarding files leaked from Dougherty's PC. Timofei asks whether files prefixed with "TSA" (as in Transportation Security Administration) are of any use. Masse flies off the handle for sending this data through an insecure email, typing in all caps and multiple punctuation marks while calling Timofei an incompetent ass and threatening to set Grinko on him for some torture - and then, [[MoodWhiplash almost as if]] he hadn't just been doing the text equivalent of shouting himself hoarse, he attaches a "post script" saying that "of course the air traffic files are useful. ; )"

'''Fisher''': So this is where all that peace and love came from.

* In the second to last mission, [[spoiler: when you blow up a truck with unassembled nuclear weapon components inside]], two guards outside will be alarmed and run to the source of explosion. Suddenly one of them stumbles and comically falls flat on his face before getting back up and running off. [[BigLippedAlligatorMoment There is absolutely no reason for the game to show that]] [[RuleOfFunny except to get a giggle out of the player]].

-->'''Feirong''': [[DrivenToSuicide I'm going to shoot myself.]]
-->'''Fisher''': [[CrossesTheLineTwice Not in the face.]]
-->''(After Feirong has died upon accessing his computer)''
-->'''Fisher''': [[{{Irony}} I see more suicides on this job...]]

* In the Portuguese translation, Grimsdóttir's case file regarding Mitchell Dougherty. The english observations say he is an anal-retentive mouth breather, as in a [[TheDitz complete moron]] overly attached to small time stuff[[note]]reinforced by how he's on an ongoing YMCA program of how to let go of small things[[/note]]. The translators got confused by the wording and took it literally: Grim's notes say he has [[{{Gasshole}} gas problems]]. It makes the "I'd hate to be stuck in an elevator with him" part even funnier.

-->'''Coen''': Here's a cultural opportunity for you. The birthplace of Judaism, Christianity and Islam.
-->'''Fisher''': So this is where all that peace and love came from.

-->'''Grim:''' Thanks Sam, I can't wait to sniff around in Displace's laundry basket.
-->'''Sam:''' Ugh...
-->'''Grim:''' What?
-->'''Sam:''' [[SkewedPriorities Laundry... I totally forgot...]]

--> '''Sam''': Lasers? Lasers are so...
--> '''Grimm''': Nineties?
--> '''Sam''': I was going to say 'Seventies'. Could you please stop making me feel old?
--> '''Grimm''' I have bad news for you, Sam. You ''[[BrutalHonesty are]]'' old.

-->'''Soldier #1''': You said there were eight crates in the delivery, but I only see seven.
-->'''Soldier #2''': What you do you mean 'seven'?
-->'''Soldier #1''': As in one less than eight.
-->'''Soldier #2''': Well, the bill of lading said there were eight.
-->'''Soldier #1''': Did you count?
-->'''Soldier #2''': Uh, well...not exactly...
-->'''Soldier #1''': Not exactly? It's just not that hard to count eight giant crates!

--> '''Sam:''' This is not your lucky day.
--> '''Mercenary:''' Kill me if you want, I tell you nothing.
--> '''Sam:''' I respect your loyalty to your captain.
--> '''Mercenary:''' The captain? You're after ''that'' pig? Why didn't you say so?
--> '''Sam:''' Start with what you don't like about him.
--> '''Mercenary:''' He drinks! Like a fish! And then he turns into raving lunatic!
--> '''Sam:''' What's he like when he's not drinking?
--> '''Mercenary:''' He's asleep.
--> '''And if you force more answers out of him:'''
--> '''Mercenary: ([[CrowningMomentOfFunny Hopefully]])''' Are you going to kill him?
--> '''Mercenary:''' Are you going to kill ''me''?

* How about this conversation from Sam's Navy SEAL days?
-->'''Vic''': My kids never draw me pictures or write or anything.
-->'''SEAL''': They don't write 'cause you can't read, man.
-->'''Vic''': Laugh it up. But when I get out of here-
-->'''Sam''': You're going to kindergarten?
-->'''SEAL''': You know I hear that they've got entrance exams in kindergarten now, Sam... I dunno if Vic's gonna make it in.

* In the Portuguese translation, Grimsdóttier's case file regarding Mitchell Dougherty. The english observations say he is an anal-retentive mouth breather, as in a [[TheDitz complete moron]] overly attached to small time stuff[[note]]reinforced by how he's on an ongoing YMCA program of how to let go of small things[[/note]]. The translators got confused by the wording and took it literally: Grim's notes say he has [[{{Gasshole}} gas problems]]. It makes the "I'd hate to be stuck in an elevator with him" part even funnier.