History Funny / RangersApprentice

* After Horace gets just a little too pedantic, Halt notes that he loves Horace "like a younger brother. Even a second son, after Will. He admired his skill with a sword and his courage in battle. But sometimes, just sometimes, he felt an overwhelming desire to ram the young warrior's head against a convenient tree."

** Halt loses control to Horace occurs when Halt, pretending to be offended, asks Horace if he's ever lied to the young warrior. Horace fixes on a very particular incident from the mission to save Will from Skandia:

* In the same book, Horace gets to wear a Ranger cloak, and HilarityEnsues. He keeps asking Halt and Will if they can see him now that he's got the cloak, and eventually Will just snaps.

---> "No, it's not. And to hell with it if it is."

* As part of the disguise, Halt needs to trim his hair and beard to match his brother's. And so Will and Horace find out that Halt does, in fact, cut his hair with his saxe knife.

* In the ninth book, we are given what is possibly the most hilarious conversation of the entire series.

* Halt explains to Will and Horace that since there is no guarantee that the royal heir to a kingdom will be a good ruler, even if the parent was a good ruler, he prefers the Skandian method of election. Then later in the book after Halt unsuccessfully tries to convince his usurper twin brother, King Ferris of Clonmel, to take the threat of a cult seriously, Horace follows Ferris into his dressing room and knocks him out, prompting this exchange:

* Halt's snarking off to an innkeeper in Dun Kilty earns him a DeathGlare. It's mentioned that he's faced down Morgarath, Kalkara, Wargals, and bloodthirsty Skandians without a quaver...but an angry innkeeper is a whole other matter.

* Will sums up the IKnowYouKnowIKnow trope: "Oh, it's a case of they think I'll think that they'll do A, so they'll do B because I wouldn't think they'd think of that but then I might think I know what they're thinking they'll do A after all because I wouldn't think they'd think that way."

* Halt explains to Will and Horace that since there is no guarantee that the royal heir to a kingdom will be a good ruler, even if the parent was a good ruler, he prefers the Skandian method of election. Then later in the book after Halt unsuccessfully tries to convince his usurper twin brother, King Ferris of Clonmel, to take the threat of a cult seriously, Horace follows Ferris into his dressing room and knocks him out, prompting this exchange:
--> '''Halt:''' Horace Altman, what on earth have you done?
--> '''Horace''' ''[gesturing towards Ferris's closet]'' I've just elected you King. Start getting dressed.
** The funniest part is of course when Halt realizes he's lost control of the situation, and to ''Horace'' of all people.
* As part of the disguise, Halt needs to trim his hair and beard to match his brother's. And so Will and Horace find out that Halt does, in fact, cut his hair with his saxe knife.

* When told to leave their weapons behind, Horace notes that although Halt's throwing knife scabbard is lying on the desk, [[ProperlyParanoid there's no sign of the actual knife anywhere...]]

* After Horace gets just a little too pedantic in Book 9, Halt notes that he loves Horace "like a younger brother. Even a second son, after Will. He admired his skill with a sword and his courage in battle. But sometimes, just sometimes, he felt an overwhelming desire to ram the young warrior's head against a convenient tree."

** Upon further teasing from Horace, Will decides to ignore him and announces that they'll push on for a few more hours before they stop for the night. Horace agrees cheerfully, then worries that they might lose track of him. He could just disappear in the dark...
*** For just a second, Will wishes that his friend would disappear.

* The framing device of this book: future archeologists have found the house of the legendary Rangers Halt and Will. That by itself isn’t funny. One of the assistants comes to the lead digger with a locked chest. When asked how she found it, she sheepishly admits she had dug a hole away from the digsite for some [[ToiletHumor “private business”]], and noticed the box in the hole right before she “did her business” on it. The lead archaeologist regrets asking.

* The framing device of this book: future archeologists have found the house of the legendary Rangers Halt and Will. That by itself isn’t funny. One of the assistants comes to the lead digger with a locked chest. When asked how she found it, she sheepishly admits she had dug a hole away from the digsite for some [[ToiletHumor “private business”]], and noticed the box in the hole right before she “did her business” on it.

* The framing device of this book: future archeologists have found the house of the legendary Rangers Halt and Will. That by itself isn’t funny. One of the assistants comes to the lead digger with a locked chest. When asked how she found it, she sheepishly admits she had dug a hole for some [[ToiletHumor “private business”]], and noticed the box in the hole right before she “did her business” on it.

* Cassandra, having confronted Alyss' jealousy over Will one time too many, is literally reduced to inarticulate screaming, and points out just how ridiculous it is that an ''expert diplomat'' can’t see the obvious answer of [[spoiler: Cass being in love with Horace, not Will.]]
-->"Why do you think I came ''halfway across the world?'' Because [[spoiler: Horace]] is a good dance partner?

* Cassandra, having confronted Alyss' jealousy over Will one time too many, is literally reduced to inarticulate screaming, and points out just how ridiculous it is that a ''expert diplomat'' can’t see the obvious answer of [[spoiler: Cass being in love with Horace, not Will.]]

* Cassandra, having confronted Alyss' jealousy over Will one time too many, is literally reduced to inarticulate screaming, and points out just how ridiculous it is.
-->"Why do you think I came ''halfway across the world?'' Because Horace is a good dance partner?
** Even funnier when one remembers that she's no doubt been trained in royal decorum since she could walk and talk, and yes, she is ''just. That. Frustrated'' with Alyss' petty jealousy.

-->''[{Beat}]''

* Will sums up the IKnowYouKnowIKnow trope: "Oh, it's a case of they think I'll think that they'll do A, so they'll do B because I wouldn't think they'd think of that but then I might think I know what they're thinking they'll do A after all because I wouldn't think they'd think that way."
* Crawling out of his tent one damp morning, Halt kvetches to himself about how his joints are aching, the wet patches on his knees (from the damp grass) aren't helping, and how he's in general getting too old for this. Then Horace crawls out of the tent without letting his knees touch the ground at all and springs lithely to his feet.
* Halt suggests to Horace that they go fishing. Horace, who's spent the last several years in Castle Araulen, is surprised, since he doesn't see Halt as a genteel, fishing rod kind of person. Halt replies that he doesn't--[[MundaneUtility he shoots them with an arrow]]. Horace is slightly horrified.

* Right before a battle, Will and Halt reflect on how calm Horace is despite the upcoming battle and how they're both a bit nervous and tense. Cue a switch to Horace's POV, where he's reflecting on the butterflies in ''his'' stomach and how Will and Halt seem as cool as a cucumber.

* Upon approaching an inn where Will is doing his jongleur act, Horace says that he's bringing the roof down. Halt glances up at the rickety structure and notes that wouldn't take much doing.

* Apparently, Jenny once hit ''Master Chubb'' over the head with a ladle when the man made a humble suggestion about a dish perhaps needing just a bit more spice. He ''apologized.'' The student truly has become the master.

* A similar moment in which Halt loses control to Horace occurs when Halt, pretending to be offended, asks Horace if he's ever lied to the young warrior.
--> '''Horace:''' [[BrickJoke Well...there were those girls.]]
--> '''Halt:''' Oh...yes.
** Horace explains, for the benefit of Will, that Halt had once explained that a group of young women were wearing very short skirts [[BlatantLies so that they could run very fast to carry messages.]] Will is agog that Horace actually believed that, to which Horace (with an entirely straight face) responds:
---> '''Horace:''' I did. Because Halt is a Ranger. And Rangers are honorable men. Rangers never lie.
** Cue one of the very few moments in the ''entire series'' when Halt is at a loss for a snappy comeback.
*** Even better is Will's attempt to defuse the situation by pointing out a bird and asking if it's a red-tailed hawk, and Halt's reply.
----> "No, it's not. And to hell with it if it is."

* Apparently, Jenny once hit ''Master Chubb'' over the head with a ladle when the man made a humble suggestion about a dish perhaps needing just a bit more spice. And he ''apologized.'' The student truly has become the master.
** Horace once suggested that he give ladle-whacking lessons to Battleschool students. And wasn't entirely joking, either.
* Halt explains to Will and Horace that since there is no guarantee that the royal heir to a kingdom will be a good ruler, even if the parent was a good ruler, he prefers the Skandian method of election. Then later in the book after Halt unsuccessfully tries to convince his usurper twin brother, King Ferris of Clonmel to take the threat of a cult seriously, Horace follows Ferris into his dressing room and knocks him out, prompting this exchange:

* During the civil war, Duncan makes an offhand comment that perhaps he'll poach Master Chubb from Arald, who gives him a DeathGlare. Duncan sits back and considers that perhaps one rebellious baron is enough for now.

* Halt criticizing Crowley's country love song is funny. The group spends several minutes in a SeinfeldianConversation about the necessity of rhymes and the fit of certain words. For instance, Halt suggests that the blacksmith in the song might have asked his lady-love for her hand and given her a cattle brand (because it rhymes), which Crowley hates. Eventually, Crowley invokes his new authority as elected commander to put an end to the matter. By that time, however, they've spent so long that everyone but Egon has missed another Ranger sitting on his horse in the road ahead. Hilarious.

* Crowley, eating a turkey leg, offers it to Halt. Halt eagerly accepts...only for [[VitriolicBestBuds Crowley]] to admit that he had no intention of sharing. Bewildered, Halt asked why he'd offered, then. Crowley shrugs that he'd hoped Halt would say no, so he could look generous.

* At one point, two Rangers are sneaking up on some guards, who are already drunk and asleep. They need to make sure the guards don't wake up and raise the alarm, but [[HonorBeforeReason are uncomfortable hitting unconscious people]]. So what do they do? Wake them up, ''then'' knock them out.

* When Arald references Halt and Pauline's relationship, Pauline gives him a DeathGlare, and Rodney hastens to agree that he has no idea what his boss is talking about--he'll take Arald's anger over Pauline's any day.

*** Even better is Will's attempt to defuse the situation by pointing out a bird, and Halt's reply.

* Cassandra, having confronted Alyss' jealousy over Will one time too many, is reduced to inarticulate screaming, and points out just how ridiculous it is.
-->"Why do you think I came ''halfway across the world?'' Because Horace is a good dance partner?

* Halt criticizing Crowley's country song is funny. Pretty much ''every one of the other Rangers'' joining in, to the point that they miss another Ranger standing in the road ahead? Hilarious.

* While interviewing Jenny, Master Chubb asks what she would do with a turkey pie (eg how she would make it).

---> [=Beat=], Horace stares at Will.

—-> [=Beat=], Horace stares at Will.

---> '''Horace:''' Yes, I think we'd better count you and me. How many?