History Funny / OrangeIsTheNewBlack

'''Rosa:''' ''WesternAnimation/ToyStory?''

-->'''Male Prison Orderly:''' ''(angry, in disbelief)'' Please tell me you weren't fighting over ice cream!\\

--> '''Piper:''' My brother had a rat...It was kinda cute, actually. He named it Antonio.
--> '''Watson:''' I saw one chew a baby's face off once. I named it fuckin' face-chewing rat!

-->'''Taystee''': Wait, shortee, you want a book to read or a step-stool? Because I tell you right now, you ain't stepping on the Goblet of Fire. Don't be fucking with Harry Potter. Now you can step up on Ulysses -- everyone says it's so genius, but I call their bullshit. No one wants to go through all that rambling. Ain't nobody got time for that.
* "Just let him do his crumping and have a good time!" Pretty much the entirety of The Chickening is a gold mine for comedy.

-->'''Red:''' Black girls hear about a chicken, of course this will happen.\\

* Most dealings with Pennastucky, but the encounters leading her to believe she's a bona fide faith healer were pretty funny. Until it ends up landing her in the Psych Ward, anyways.

* Larry reluctantly explaining edging to his parents, and their subsequent reactions-- his [[JewishMother mother]], who repeatedly tells Larry to come, because he could get blocked! and his father, who just stares at him, totally deadpan.

-->'''Piper''': I could tell you that I'm going to make you my prison bitch. I could tell you that I'm going to make you my house mouse. That I will have sex with you even if we don't have an emotional connection.

-->'''Piper''': That I will do with you what the spring does with cherry trees, but in a prison way. Creator/PabloNeruda.

---> '''Daya:''' That's supposed to be Mr. Healy.
---> '''Piper:''' This is amazing.

* O'Neill and the nuns: "This is a little song about the nuns. Fiercer, meaner, crueler, ruder than the huns. I am forced to babysit them when i thought that i had quit them. Oh I kind of hope that they all get the runs. This is a song about my mom and dad. and the the divorce that they should have had..."

-->'''Caputo:''' O'Neill! Scatter the nuns!\\

'''Rosa:''' WesternAnimation/ToyStory?

-->'''Sophia:''' Have you ever been kissed by a 6 foot transgender woman?\\

-->'''Piper''': God damn it! Did Daddy lose his job? Did your house burn down?
-->'''Cal''': No.
-->'''Piper''': Did my house burn down?
-->'''Carol''': No, darling, it isn't property.
-->'''Cal''': No hints, please.
-->'''Piper''': So it's a person?
-->'''Cal''': Yeah.
-->'''Piper''': Is Daddy sick? Dead? Is Daddy dead?
-->'''Carol''': Darling, Daddy is fine. Aside from his cholesterol, but he's taking fish oil for that.
-->'''Cal''': Keep going. You're getting warmer.
-->'''Piper''': Daddy's fine, but Danny? Polly? Larry? Grandmother! Grandmother's dead! Gran Dying! Grandmother's dying! *starts cheering and high-fives her brother* Yes! Grandmother's dying! Grandmother's dying! *then it suddenly dawns on her* ''Oh, no. Oh, my God.''

* Chang asking a ''Mothers Day visitor'' (as in a child of an inmate) what they're in for.

** When the kids at the mother's day event break open the pinata with their fists only to find out that there's no candy inside because Wanda forgot to put it inside Soso states "Oh my god, this is such a metaphor for their lives."

-->'''Poussey:''' ''Literature/GreatExpectations.''
-->'''Taystee:''' Solid!
-->'''Poussey:''' ''Literature/TheBFG.''
-->'''Taystee:''' Tight.
-->'''Poussey:''' Damn, the dictionary. The ''Dictionary'', man. What are we gonna do in the world without a damn Dictionary? ''Sister Souljah''. Oh! ''A High Wind in Jamaica''. All the Creator/DavidSedaris'. Or Sedari, I guess?
-->''(Later)''
-->'''Poussey:''' ''Literature/TheTreasureOfTheSierraMadre'' by B. Traven.
-->'''Taystee:''' ''(notices Daya talking)'' Uh, excuse me? Can you show some respect?
-->'''Daya:''' Sorry. My condolences.
-->'''Taystee:''' ''(to Poussey)'' Go ahead.
-->'''Poussey:''' ''The Tale of Squirrel Nutkins''.
-->'''Taystee:''' Mmm!
-->'''Poussey:''' ''The Jonathans''.
-->'''Taystee:''' Mmm!
-->'''Poussey:''' Damn. [[Creator/JonathanSwift Swift]], [[Creator/JonathanLethem Lethem]], Tropper, [[Creator/JonathanFranzen Franzen]], Kellerman, [[Creator/JonathanLivingstonSeagull Livingston Seagull]]. ''(Taystee in the background leaning against a tree dramatically)''.
-->'''Taystee:'''God Bless!

-->'''Jack Pearson:''' What seems to be the problem?
-->'''Chapman:''' The thermal fuse blew.
-->'''Jack Pearson:''' [[PoliticallyIncorrectVillain And you can fix that by yourself, honey?]]
-->''[Caputo covers his face, and the one female representative gives him a Look. Chapman puts on a fake smile and slightly affects her voice]''
-->'''Chapman:''' Well, I sure can. If I concentrate ''extra hard'' with my lady brain.

* In 'Ching Chong Chang" Red and Gloria commiserate over their terrible familes
-->'''Red''': He (Dimitri) is a worthless mushroom of a man.
-->'''Gloria''': I've known a few of those.
-->'''Red''': Maybe we should give up and be gay.
-->'''Gloria''': We got the [[BoyishShortHair haircuts]]

-->'''Lolly''':Oh, you're the murderer!
-->'''Piper''': No. It's a long story, but its fine. She's fine. She probably took you on a tour when you first got here.
-->{{beat}}
-->'''Piper''': I didn't kill her.
-->'''Lolly''': The little wiry one?
-->'''Piper''': Yeah.
-->'''Lolly''': Yeah, you should have killed her.
* Suzanne creating her own essential fanfiction "''Time Hump Chronicles''" (which seems to be if [[JustForFun/XMeetsY Mass Effect met Fifty Shades]]) was funny enough. The fact that it literally causes ShipToShipCombat between those who prefer the protagonist Edwina with Admiral Rodcocker or with Gilly ([[TakeAThirdOption or a character made entirely out of vaseline]]) is hilarious, especially given Suzanne's complete bewilderment that they find it entertaining.

* Some BlackComedy. When Judy King, the cook-show lady is convicted guilty on all charges, the inmates immediately burst into celebration over the possibility she might be sent to Litchfeld.

--> Boo: I have done some questionable things in my life, but the foreign-object-ass-rape of a drugged man is one I have yet to cross off my list!

--> I wasn't a rapist! [[NotMeThisTime ...Well, not with her.]]

-->'''Poussey:''' Aw man, my honey's been jacked!
-->'''Taystee:''' (gravely) ''Winnie The Pooh: Tales from the Ghetto''.

-->Poussey: [[{{Squick}} Sympathetic vomiting!]]

-->'''Nicki:''' I've got a shit-ton of heroin I need you to sell.
-->'''Luschek:''' Are you out of your mind, inmate? You're asking me to sell narcotics?I'm a Federal Corrections Officers. All right let's go. We're gonna go to Caputo's office, you're going to tell him exactly what you told me, every word, even that weird Al Gore thing.
-->'''Nicki:''' (panicked) Okay, look Luschek, you must've misunderstood me, all right?
-->'''Luschek:''' I'm fucking with you. Of course I'll sell it.

** And then, while Caputo tries to locate the chicken while a skeptical O’Neill tags along, they suddenly find a hole in the fence and Chang’s sack of oranges in the bushes. Utterly bewildered, O’Neill looks off into the middle distance and mumbles, “I feel like we’re in Narnia…”

* After everyone is back from the lake, Pisscatella attempts to count heads in the White dorm...except no one is sure [[SpellMyNameWithAnS how to spell]] Kukudio's name, and [[CloudCuckooLander Lolly]] isn't helping.
-->'''Piscatella''': Inmate White, who is your roomate?
-->'''Lolly''': We're not really friends. She might be working for the other side. Not that she's a muderer...well she could be.
-->'''Alex''': Kukudio is missing. And Whitehill is a little unique.
-->'''Piscatella''': Can you spell that?
-->'''Alex''': K-U-K-U-D-I-O. Could be K-U-C-K
-->'''Frieda''': I don't think there is a "C" in there. I think its only the two "K"s.
-->'''Piscatella''': I don't recall asking you.
--> ''gets in Gina's face''
-->'''Piscatella''': Inmate Murphy, can you corroborate the information Inmate Vause is sharing with me?
-->'''Gina''': I would say that Whitehill is unique. Not sure about the spelling thing.
-->'''Piper''': "You are absolutely unique. Just like everybody else." Margret Mead.

* O'Neill's excitement over getting to wear the cool-looking riot gear. And then the M.C.C.'s EliteMooks show up and make him and the fellor Lichfield residents look like a bunch of kids dressing up.

--> Why hello there CO, sir. How are you today?

-->'''Soso''': It's not a presumption about you liking rap. Its just, [=AM=] 700 [=The OG=] is the only station that comes in clear.

** Although thats the name of his band, so...

-->'''Angie:''' It might be the dad from the book about the bird.

--> '''Maria:''' <They care about money!>
--> '''Piper:''' They care about the money.
--> '''Maria:''' <We are done getting shit on. From now on, we are the ones doing the shitting!>
--> '''Piper:''' We are the shitters.
--> '''Alex:''' Everything sounds better in Spanish.

--> '''Lorna:''' ''I'm pregnant!''
--> '''SWAT Team Member:''' ''Get on the ground!''
--> '''Lorna:''' ''I'm pregnant!''
--> '''SWAT Team Member:''' ''Get your pregnant ass on the ground!''

-->'''Dixon''': I don't know. This doesn't look like the best place to recruit athletes.
-->'''Piper''': We need to look under every rock.
--> ''{{beat}}''
-->'''Piper''': Even the old and disabled rocks.

* Freida's WoundedGazelleGambit when she finds her real hitman.

** As the cop is demolished after the chickens are used to hide drugs, Suzzane realizes something:

-->'''Taystee''':It all starts with people learnin' how to handle they money. Cause if you don't understand your financials, you headed straight into trouble.
-->'''Judy''': You do realize you're speaking to someone who went to prison for tax evasion?
* Leanne and Angie show up briefly in the finale. Angie pantses Leanne...outside, while its snowing.
-->'''Leanne''':Damn it Ange! Its too cold for this!
-->'''Angie''': What? Its funny.

* In he finale, Tastee calls Judy King to ask for help setting up micro-loans for recently released inmates
-->'''Tastee''':It all starts with people learnin' how to handle they money. Cause if you don't understand your financials, you headed straight into trouble.

*** An added bonus when Sophia and the others at the table all [[{{Corpsing}} crack up]].

-->'''Piper''': No. It's a long story, but its fine. She's fine. She probably took you on a tour when you first got here

-->'''Piper''': I didn't kill her

-->'''Lolly''': Yeah, you should have killed her

* Luschek watching the inmates all run through the hole in the prison fence:[[ScrewThisImOuttaHere "Nope."

* "This ain't The fuckin' Help, bitch. But you will eat my shit!"

* The reason the second episode is called "Tit Punch." "[[spoiler: You popped her tit!]]"

* Most dealings with Pennastucky, but the encounters leading her to believe she's a bona fide faith healer were pretty funny. [[spoiler:Until it ends up landing her in the Psych Ward, anyways.]]

** Also, this conversation, during [[spoiler: [[SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome Miss Rosa's escape]]]]:

* Some BlackComedy. When [[spoiler: Judy King, the cook-show lady is convicted guilty on all charges, the inmates immediately burst into celebration over the possibility she might be sent to Litchfeld.]]
** Another example, blacker than midnight in a mineshaft: When Boo and Pennsatucky [[spoiler: drug the guard who raped Tucky and drag him into the back, they have a back and forth about who should assault him.]]
--> Boo: I have done some questionable things in my life, but the [[spoiler: foreign-object-ass-rape of a drugged man]] is one I have yet to cross off my list!

* Taystee, Poussey, and Suzanne [[spoiler: trying to wake up Brooke after she OD'd]].

* Luschek watching [[spoiler: the inmates all run through the hole in the prison fence]]:[[ScrewThisImOuttaHere "Nope."]]
* Luschek threatening the inmates [[spoiler: who found Nicki's drug stash]]: "I will kill you... with murder."

** And then, while Caputo tries to locate the chicken while a skeptical O’Neill tags along, they suddenly find [[spoiler:a hole]] in the fence and Chang’s sack of oranges in the bushes. Utterly bewildered, O’Neill looks off into the middle distance and mumbles, “I feel like we’re in Narnia…”

* [[spoiler: Lorna and Vince "consummating the shit" out of their marriage.]]
** In "Trust No Bitch" when [[spoiler: The SWAT team takes down Cesar]], the commander's comment is perfect.

* Caputo's password? [[spoiler: sideboobrulez]].

* When a jumpy Coates is assigned to guard the garden at night, [[spoiler: after the crew discovers Aydin's body and puts the prison on lockdown]] Bayley hands him a book to read: ''Literature/{{IT}}''.

** Almost everything involving Frieda that season is BlackComedy gold. From her "murder math" [[spoiler:concerning burying Aydin's body, through her matter of fact declaration she and Alex have to kill Lolly, to the very fact that she got involved in the murder-concealing operation simply because she was bored that day.]]

* When [[spoiler:the inmates start to riot at the end of the season,]] Leanne and Angie walk by shouting "ATTICA! ATTICA!"...but they don't even know what it means.

* A pretty dark example in the finale. [[spoiler: As the rest of the prison is rioting because Bayley isn't getting fired for causing Poussey's death and Caputo didn't even mention her name in his MCC press conference, Piper and Alex are busy burning the rest of Alex's notes about the identity of her killer that she left in various places around the prison out of guilt. The two gather her notes in a trash can and light them on fire, but some of the other inmates, thinking they're participating in the riot, kick the (on-fire) trashcan over.]]

* Probably more of an unintentionally funny than anything else, but Lorna [[spoiler: surrendering to the SWAT team]].
--> '''Lorna:''' ''I'm [[spoiler: pregnant!]]''
--> '''[[spoiler: SWAT Team Member]]:''' ''Get on the ground!''
--> '''Lorna:''' ''I'm [[spoiler: pregnant!]]''
--> '''[[spoiler: SWAT Team Member]]:''' ''[[spoiler: Get your pregnant ass on the ground]]!''

* Caputo clearly having the time of his life watching Taystee verbally destroying Figueroa during [[spoiler:the negotiations]]. Since he is [[spoiler:one of the hostages]] he should be interested in Fig gaining an advantage in this discussion, but nope, seeing her being scolded by an inmate is just too good.

* The Revelation of [[spoiler: Figueroa's name for her vagina.]]
** Not to be out done, [[spoiler: it is Caputo who reveal the name, Fig's reaction is just priceless]]

* Pennsatucky, [[spoiler:being escaped and hanging out with Coates and Dixon, wins a giant teddy bear at an amusement park and calls it "Baby Dix".]]

* A [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vt0dAeW5Wrc certain "cameo"]] of a famous Mexican prospect inmate... [[spoiler: Soraya from ''Series/MariaLaDelBarrio''.]]