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Changed line(s) 36 (click to see context) from:
-->'''Clark:''' ''(as [[BadBoss Frank Shirley]] and his suit posse pass by)'' Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Chris—[[TakeThat kiss my ass.]] [[ProfessionalButtKisser Kiss his ass.]] [[TheLastOfTheseIsNotLikeTheOthers Kiss your ass.]] Happy Hanukkah.
to:
-->'''Clark:''' ''(as [[BadBoss Frank Shirley]] and his suit posse pass by)'' Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Chris—[[TakeThat kiss my ass.]] [[ProfessionalButtKisser Kiss his ass.]] [[TheLastOfTheseIsNotLikeTheOthers Kiss your ass.]] ass. Happy Hanukkah.
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Added DiffLines:
* After Clark's first failed attempt at lighting the house, we get a shot of the grandparents in the kids' respective beds. Clark Senior is genuinely enjoying himself reading Audrey's ''Sassy'' magazine with a flashlight while Art is [[EatingTheEyeCandy enjoying the swimsuit model poster Russ has up on the ceiling.]]
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Changed line(s) 77 (click to see context) from:
* Almost any line spoken by Aunt Bethany.
to:
* Almost any line spoken by [[ScatterbrainedSenior Aunt Bethany.Bethany]].
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Changed line(s) 106,107 (click to see context) from:
-->'''Art:''' You're goofy.
-->'''Clark:''' Don't piss me off Art.
-->'''Clark:''' Don't piss me off Art.
to:
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Changed line(s) 59 (click to see context) from:
'''Clark''': Sewer gas? ''(sees Lewis' cigar fall)'' '''[[OhCrap DON'T DROP THAT!!!]]'''\\
to:
'''Clark''': Sewer gas? ''(sees Lewis' cigar fall)'' Lewis throw his lit match after lighting a cigar)'' '''[[OhCrap DON'T DROP THAT!!!]]'''\\
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Changed line(s) 48 (click to see context) from:
* While out shopping, Clark puts some lightbulbs on his shopping cart, which are crushed by the enormous bag of dogfood Cousin Eddie puts on top of them not a second later. The fact that neither of them notice it at all is just awesome.
to:
* While out shopping, Clark puts some lightbulbs on a few items in his shopping cart, which are only to have them crushed by the enormous bag multiple huge bags of dogfood Cousin dog food Eddie puts piles on top of them not a second later.top. The fact that neither of them notice it at all is just awesome.
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Changed line(s) 105 (click to see context) from:
---> '''Clark''': Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny-fucking-Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse!
to:
---> '''Clark''': Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced Creator/BingCrosby [[Film/WhiteChristmas tap-danced]] with Danny-fucking-Kaye. [[Creator/DannyKaye Danny]]-[[PrecisionFStrike fucking]]-Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse!nuthouse! '''EyeTwitch'''
-->'''Art:''' You're goofy.
-->'''Clark:''' Don't piss me off Art.
-->'''Art:''' You're goofy.
-->'''Clark:''' Don't piss me off Art.
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Changed line(s) 114 (click to see context) from:
* A small one that you may miss: when the police breach the Griswold house and the family to put their hands up, Ellen, who is next to Clark, puts her hand on his "head". When Frank introduces Helen to the Griswolds, Ellen takes her hand off of Clark's "head", shakes Helen's hand and welcomes her to their home before placing her hand back on his "head."
to:
* A small one that you may miss: when the police breach the Griswold house and while the family to put their hands up, Ellen, who is next to Clark, puts her hand on his "head". When Frank introduces Helen to the Griswolds, Ellen takes her hand off of Clark's "head", crotch, shakes Helen's hand and welcomes her to their home before placing her hand back on his "head."crotch.
Is there an issue? Send a MessageReason:
Re-arranging approximately chronologically.
* After a confrontation between Clark and another driver, he chooses the wrong moment to attempt to overtake the other driver, and ends up...
-->'''Ellen:''' [[CaptainObvious Clark! We're stuck under a truck!]]\\
'''Clark:''' [[LampshadeHanging Do you honestly think that I don't know that?!]]\\
'''Ellen:''' Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed by thy name. And forgive my husband. He knows not what he does.\\
'''Clark:''' AMEN!
-->'''Ellen:''' [[CaptainObvious Clark! We're stuck under a truck!]]\\
'''Clark:''' [[LampshadeHanging Do you honestly think that I don't know that?!]]\\
'''Ellen:''' Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed by thy name. And forgive my husband. He knows not what he does.\\
'''Clark:''' AMEN!
Changed line(s) 11,36 (click to see context) from:
* Eddie empties his RV's chemical toilet into the Griswolds' storm drain, unaware that it isn't connected to the sewer system. [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gd_qt_ijuSs "Merry Christmas! Shitter was full!"]]
--> '''Clark:''' Have you checked our shitters, honey?
** And later, it all comes back around for a hysterical climax...
-->'''Lewis''': That ain't the friggin' Christmas star, Griz, that's the light from the sewage treatment plant.\\
'''Clark''': Sewer gas? ''(sees Lewis' cigar fall)'' '''[[OhCrap DON'T DROP THAT!!!]]'''\\
'''''(BOOM)'''''
* When Clark gets a subscription to a "jelly of the month" club instead of a cash bonus (Eddie jovially describes it as "the gift that keeps on giving"), he doesn't take it well.
** First, he goes on an epic rant:
--->'''Clark''': Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?
** Then he goes [[AxCrazy Chainsaw-Crazy]] afterward. When Russ tries to talk him down, Clark revs his chainsaw up and Russ backs down, saying, "Good talk, Dad." Clark then uses the chainsaw to cut down a nearby Christmas tree, which breaks his uptight neighbors' window.
* When Cousin Eddie first arrives, he touches one of the decorations scattered around the house, and everything on it immediately shatters off.
* While out shopping, Clark puts some lightbulbs on his shopping cart, which are crushed by the enormous bag of dogfood Cousin Eddie puts on top of them not a second later. The fact that neither of them notice it at all is just awesome.
* "SQUIIIIIIIIIRREEEEEEELLL!"
--> '''Clark:''' Where's Eddie? He usually eats these goddamn things!\\
'''Catherine:''' [[ComicallyMissingThePoint Oh, not recently, Clark. He read that squirrels were high in cholesterol.]]\\
'''Clark:''' ({{Beat}}) [[DeadpanSnarker Thank you, Catherine.]]
* Aunt Bethany's cat drags the lights off the tree and starts chewing on the cord. Then Clark plugs in the lights... ZAP! Instant fried pussycat!
-->'''Eddie:''' If that thing had nine lives he just spent 'em all.
* With the family Christmas going down the toilet, the extended family are packing up to leave.
** Clark is having none of it, declaring they're going to have [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mk74WprmZxY THE HAP HAP HAPPIEST CHRISTMAS!!!]]
---> '''Clark''': Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny-fucking-Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse!
** Then when Ellen suggests it might be best to call it quits before things get worse:
--->'''Clark:''' (smiling broadly) "Worse? [[TemptingFate How could things possibly get any worse?]] Take a look around you, Ellen; we're at the threshold of Hell!"
** Cue Eddie arriving with a kidnapped Mr. Shirley with a giant ribbon tied around him.
* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TYlOTajXGg Clark's exchange with his uptight neighbors over his Christmas tree.]]
--> '''Todd''': (''smugly'') Hey Griswold! Where you gonna put a tree that big?\\
--> '''Clark:''' Have you checked our shitters, honey?
** And later, it all comes back around for a hysterical climax...
-->'''Lewis''': That ain't the friggin' Christmas star, Griz, that's the light from the sewage treatment plant.\\
'''Clark''': Sewer gas? ''(sees Lewis' cigar fall)'' '''[[OhCrap DON'T DROP THAT!!!]]'''\\
'''''(BOOM)'''''
* When Clark gets a subscription to a "jelly of the month" club instead of a cash bonus (Eddie jovially describes it as "the gift that keeps on giving"), he doesn't take it well.
** First, he goes on an epic rant:
--->'''Clark''': Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?
** Then he goes [[AxCrazy Chainsaw-Crazy]] afterward. When Russ tries to talk him down, Clark revs his chainsaw up and Russ backs down, saying, "Good talk, Dad." Clark then uses the chainsaw to cut down a nearby Christmas tree, which breaks his uptight neighbors' window.
* When Cousin Eddie first arrives, he touches one of the decorations scattered around the house, and everything on it immediately shatters off.
* While out shopping, Clark puts some lightbulbs on his shopping cart, which are crushed by the enormous bag of dogfood Cousin Eddie puts on top of them not a second later. The fact that neither of them notice it at all is just awesome.
* "SQUIIIIIIIIIRREEEEEEELLL!"
--> '''Clark:''' Where's Eddie? He usually eats these goddamn things!\\
'''Catherine:''' [[ComicallyMissingThePoint Oh, not recently, Clark. He read that squirrels were high in cholesterol.]]\\
'''Clark:''' ({{Beat}}) [[DeadpanSnarker Thank you, Catherine.]]
* Aunt Bethany's cat drags the lights off the tree and starts chewing on the cord. Then Clark plugs in the lights... ZAP! Instant fried pussycat!
-->'''Eddie:''' If that thing had nine lives he just spent 'em all.
* With the family Christmas going down the toilet, the extended family are packing up to leave.
** Clark is having none of it, declaring they're going to have [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mk74WprmZxY THE HAP HAP HAPPIEST CHRISTMAS!!!]]
---> '''Clark''': Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny-fucking-Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse!
** Then when Ellen suggests it might be best to call it quits before things get worse:
--->'''Clark:''' (smiling broadly) "Worse? [[TemptingFate How could things possibly get any worse?]] Take a look around you, Ellen; we're at the threshold of Hell!"
** Cue Eddie arriving with a kidnapped Mr. Shirley with a giant ribbon tied around him.
* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TYlOTajXGg Clark's exchange with his uptight neighbors over his Christmas tree.]]
--> '''Todd''': (''smugly'') Hey Griswold! Where you gonna put a tree that big?\\
to:
* Eddie empties his RV's chemical toilet into the Griswolds' storm drain, unaware that it isn't connected We are introduced to the sewer system. Clark's uptight yuppie neighbors, Todd and Margo Chester, [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gd_qt_ijuSs "Merry Christmas! Shitter was full!"]]
--> '''Clark:''' Have you checked our shitters, honey?
** And later, it all comes back around for a hysterical climax...
-->'''Lewis''': That ain'tcom/watch?v=1TYlOTajXGg in this exchange with Clark over the friggin' Christmas star, Griz, that's the light from the sewage treatment plant.\\
'''Clark''': Sewer gas? ''(sees Lewis' cigar fall)'' '''[[OhCrap DON'T DROP THAT!!!]]'''\\
'''''(BOOM)'''''
* When Clark gets a subscription to a "jelly of the month" club instead of a cash bonus (Eddie jovially describes it as "the gift that keeps on giving"), he doesn't take it well.
** First, he goes on an epic rant:
--->'''Clark''': Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?
** Then he goes [[AxCrazy Chainsaw-Crazy]] afterward. When Russ tries to talk him down, Clark revs his chainsaw up and Russ backs down, saying, "Good talk, Dad." Clark then uses the chainsaw to cut down a nearby Christmas tree, which breaks his uptight neighbors' window.
* When Cousin Eddie first arrives, he touches one of the decorations scattered around the house, and everything on it immediately shatters off.
* While out shopping, Clark puts some lightbulbs on his shopping cart, which are crushed by the enormous bag of dogfood Cousin Eddie puts on top of them not a second later. The fact that neither of them notice it at all is just awesome.
* "SQUIIIIIIIIIRREEEEEEELLL!"
--> '''Clark:''' Where's Eddie? He usually eats these goddamn things!\\
'''Catherine:''' [[ComicallyMissingThePoint Oh, not recently, Clark. He read that squirrels were high in cholesterol.]]\\
'''Clark:''' ({{Beat}}) [[DeadpanSnarker Thank you, Catherine.tree.]]
* Aunt Bethany's cat drags the lights off the tree and starts chewing on the cord. Then Clark plugs in the lights... ZAP! Instant fried pussycat!
-->'''Eddie:''' If that thing had nine lives he just spent 'em all.
* With the family Christmas going down the toilet, the extended family are packing up to leave.
** Clark is having none of it, declaring they're going to have [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mk74WprmZxY THE HAP HAP HAPPIEST CHRISTMAS!!!]]
---> '''Clark''': Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny-fucking-Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse!
** Then when Ellen suggests it might be best to call it quits before things get worse:
--->'''Clark:''' (smiling broadly) "Worse? [[TemptingFate How could things possibly get any worse?]] Take a look around you, Ellen; we're at the threshold of Hell!"
** Cue Eddie arriving with a kidnapped Mr. Shirley with a giant ribbon tied around him.
* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TYlOTajXGg Clark's exchange with his uptight neighbors over his Christmas tree.]]
--> '''Todd''':-->'''Todd''': (''smugly'') Hey Griswold! Where you gonna put a tree that big?\\
--> '''Clark:''' Have you checked our shitters, honey?
** And later, it all comes back around for a hysterical climax...
-->'''Lewis''': That ain't
'''Clark''': Sewer gas? ''(sees Lewis' cigar fall)'' '''[[OhCrap DON'T DROP THAT!!!]]'''\\
'''''(BOOM)'''''
* When Clark gets a subscription to a "jelly of the month" club instead of a cash bonus (Eddie jovially describes it as "the gift that keeps on giving"), he doesn't take it well.
** First, he goes on an epic rant:
--->'''Clark''': Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?
** Then he goes [[AxCrazy Chainsaw-Crazy]] afterward. When Russ tries to talk him down, Clark revs his chainsaw up and Russ backs down, saying, "Good talk, Dad." Clark then uses the chainsaw to cut down a nearby Christmas tree, which breaks his uptight neighbors' window.
* When Cousin Eddie first arrives, he touches one of the decorations scattered around the house, and everything on it immediately shatters off.
* While out shopping, Clark puts some lightbulbs on his shopping cart, which are crushed by the enormous bag of dogfood Cousin Eddie puts on top of them not a second later. The fact that neither of them notice it at all is just awesome.
* "SQUIIIIIIIIIRREEEEEEELLL!"
--> '''Clark:''' Where's Eddie? He usually eats these goddamn things!\\
'''Catherine:''' [[ComicallyMissingThePoint Oh, not recently, Clark. He read that squirrels were high in cholesterol.]]\\
'''Clark:''' ({{Beat}}) [[DeadpanSnarker Thank you, Catherine.
-->'''Eddie:''' If that thing had nine lives he just spent 'em all.
* With the family Christmas going down the toilet, the extended family are packing up to leave.
** Clark is having none of it, declaring they're going to have [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mk74WprmZxY THE HAP HAP HAPPIEST CHRISTMAS!!!]]
---> '''Clark''': Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny-fucking-Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse!
** Then when Ellen suggests it might be best to call it quits before things get worse:
--->'''Clark:''' (smiling broadly) "Worse? [[TemptingFate How could things possibly get any worse?]] Take a look around you, Ellen; we're at the threshold of Hell!"
** Cue Eddie arriving with a kidnapped Mr. Shirley with a giant ribbon tied around him.
* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TYlOTajXGg Clark's exchange with his uptight neighbors over his Christmas tree.]]
--> '''Todd''':
Changed line(s) 39,50 (click to see context) from:
'''Clark''': (''nodding to Todd's wife'') I wasn't talking to you!
* The sledding scene, where Clark's non-caloric, silicon-based kitchen lubricant gives his sled (literal) rocket speed. "Later, dudes."
** "Oh, '''SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!'''"
** ''(after Clark crashes)'' "Tch... Bingo!"
* Clark's reaction to Eddie's unannounced arrival.
-->'''Clark:''' If I woke up tomorrow morning with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am right now.
* The family hear awful noises coming from under the table during Christmas Eve dinner. Eddie is unconcerned.[[note]]Bonus points: That's exactly what a puking Rottweiler sounds like.[[/note]]
-->'''Eddie:''' Oh, he's just yakking on a bone. ''(sound of Snots barfing under the table)'' He's got it up.
* Clark announces his plans to put in a swimming pool with his Christmas bonus.
-->'''Eddie:''' I can't swim Clark.\\
''(beat)''\\
'''Clark:''' I know Eddie.
* The sledding scene, where Clark's non-caloric, silicon-based kitchen lubricant gives his sled (literal) rocket speed. "Later, dudes."
** "Oh, '''SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!'''"
** ''(after Clark crashes)'' "Tch... Bingo!"
* Clark's reaction to Eddie's unannounced arrival.
-->'''Clark:''' If I woke up tomorrow morning with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am right now.
* The family hear awful noises coming from under the table during Christmas Eve dinner. Eddie is unconcerned.[[note]]Bonus points: That's exactly what a puking Rottweiler sounds like.[[/note]]
-->'''Eddie:''' Oh, he's just yakking on a bone. ''(sound of Snots barfing under the table)'' He's got it up.
* Clark announces his plans to put in a swimming pool with his Christmas bonus.
-->'''Eddie:''' I can't swim Clark.\\
''(beat)''\\
'''Clark:''' I know Eddie.
to:
'''Clark''': (''nodding to Todd's wife'') Margo'') I wasn't talking to you!
*The sledding scene, where Clark's non-caloric, silicon-based kitchen lubricant gives his sled (literal) rocket speed. "Later, dudes.Clark jumping off the FreudianSlipperySlope after meeting Mary, the sexy lingerie salesclerk (and her low-cut blouse and high-cut panties).
-->"I was just smelling...smiling! I was just blouse...browsing!"
-->"It wouldn't be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter than...hotter than they are!"
-->"It's a bit nipply out...I mean nippy out! HA, HA, HA! What did I say, nipple?"
-->"There are plenty of shopping days until adultery...adulthood. Which is to say, Christmas. As in, Yule. Yule Log. Not a log, I don't have a log, I mean, you know...If I had a log. Not in the sense that you think I said I did..."
**"Oh, '''SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!'''"
** ''(afterClark crashes)'' "Tch... Bingo!"
* Clark's reactionabsentmindedly picking up a pair of panties to Eddie's unannounced arrival.
-->'''Clark:''' If I woke up tomorrow morning with my head sewn toblot the carpet, sweat off his brow. And then awkwardly trying to stuff them into his coat pocket.
** "Can Iwouldn't be more surprised than I am right now.
* The family hear awful noises coming from under the table during Christmas Eve dinner. Eddie is unconcerned.[[note]]Bonus points: That's exactly what a puking Rottweiler sounds like.[[/note]]
-->'''Eddie:''' Oh, he's just yakking on a bone. ''(sound of Snots barfing under the table)'' He's got it up.
*take something out for you?" Cue Clark announces his plans laughing like a hyena.
** "Tis the season toput be Mary!" "Well, that's my name!" "No shit!"
** Also:
---> '''Mary:''' These are cut really high ina swimming pool with his Christmas bonus.
-->'''Eddie:''' Ithe hip. Look, I'm wearing something similar. See, you can't swim Clark.see the line.\\
''(beat)''\\
'''Clark:''' I know Eddie.''(absent-mindedly)'' Can't see the line, can you Russ?\\
'''Rusty:''' Nope. \\
''([[DoubleTake Clark stares at Rusty in shock after realising his son's there]])''
** Right before that, when Rusty spots Clark...chatting with Mary, he just shakes his head and grins, as if to say, "Yep, there he goes again."
*
-->"I was just smelling...smiling! I was just blouse...browsing!"
-->"It wouldn't be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter than...hotter than they are!"
-->"It's a bit nipply out...I mean nippy out! HA, HA, HA! What did I say, nipple?"
-->"There are plenty of shopping days until adultery...adulthood. Which is to say, Christmas. As in, Yule. Yule Log. Not a log, I don't have a log, I mean, you know...If I had a log. Not in the sense that you think I said I did..."
**
** ''(after
* Clark's reaction
-->'''Clark:''' If I woke up tomorrow morning with my head sewn to
** "Can I
* The family hear awful noises coming from under the table during Christmas Eve dinner. Eddie is unconcerned.[[note]]Bonus points: That's exactly what a puking Rottweiler sounds like.[[/note]]
-->'''Eddie:''' Oh, he's just yakking on a bone. ''(sound of Snots barfing under the table)'' He's got it up.
*
** "Tis the season to
** Also:
---> '''Mary:''' These are cut really high in
-->'''Eddie:''' I
'''Rusty:''' Nope. \\
''([[DoubleTake Clark stares at Rusty in shock after realising his son's there]])''
** Right before that, when Rusty spots Clark...chatting with Mary, he just shakes his head and grins, as if to say, "Yep, there he goes again."
Changed line(s) 53,74 (click to see context) from:
* Cantankerous Uncle Lewis tries to get his deaf, senile wife, Aunt Bethany, to say grace before Christmas Eve dinner as only he - and she - can.
-->'''Clark:''' Since this is Aunt Bethany's 80th Christmas, I think she should lead us in the saying of grace.\\
'''Bethany:''' ''[to Lewis]'' What, dear?\\
'''Nora:''' Grace!\\
'''Bethany:''' [[ComicallyMissingThePoint Grace? She passed away 30 years ago.]]\\
'''Lewis:''' They want you to say grace. ''[Bethany looks confused]'' THE BLESS-ING!\\
''[everyone bows their heads in prayer, until...]''\\
'''Bethany:''' I pledge allegiance, to the flag, of the United States of America. And to the republic for which it stands, ''[Eddie stands up and puts his hand on his heart]'' one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.\\
'''Eddie:''' ''[proudly]'' Amen!
* Almost any line spoken by Aunt Bethany.
** "Is Rusty still in the Navy?"
** When the lights finally come on, brighter than an entire set of airport runway lights:
--->'''Bethany:''' Is your house on fire, Clark?\\
'''Clark:''' No, Aunt Bethany, those are the Christmas lights.
** This exchange between her and Uncle Lewis after the squirrel gets into the house:
--->'''Bethany:''' What's that sound? You hear it? It's a funny squeaky sound!\\
'''Lewis:''' You couldn't hear a dumptruck driving through a nitroglycerin plant.
* After a confrontation between Clark and another driver, he chooses the wrong moment to attempt to overtake the other driver, and ends up...
-->'''Ellen:''' [[CaptainObvious Clark! We're stuck under a truck!]]\\
'''Clark:''' [[LampshadeHanging Do you honestly think that I don't know that?!]]\\
'''Ellen:''' Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed by thy name. And forgive my husband. He knows not what he does.\\
'''Clark:''' AMEN!
-->'''Clark:''' Since this is Aunt Bethany's 80th Christmas, I think she should lead us in the saying of grace.\\
'''Bethany:''' ''[to Lewis]'' What, dear?\\
'''Nora:''' Grace!\\
'''Bethany:''' [[ComicallyMissingThePoint Grace? She passed away 30 years ago.]]\\
'''Lewis:''' They want you to say grace. ''[Bethany looks confused]'' THE BLESS-ING!\\
''[everyone bows their heads in prayer, until...]''\\
'''Bethany:''' I pledge allegiance, to the flag, of the United States of America. And to the republic for which it stands, ''[Eddie stands up and puts his hand on his heart]'' one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.\\
'''Eddie:''' ''[proudly]'' Amen!
* Almost any line spoken by Aunt Bethany.
** "Is Rusty still in the Navy?"
** When the lights finally come on, brighter than an entire set of airport runway lights:
--->'''Bethany:''' Is your house on fire, Clark?\\
'''Clark:''' No, Aunt Bethany, those are the Christmas lights.
** This exchange between her and Uncle Lewis after the squirrel gets into the house:
--->'''Bethany:''' What's that sound? You hear it? It's a funny squeaky sound!\\
'''Lewis:''' You couldn't hear a dumptruck driving through a nitroglycerin plant.
* After a confrontation between Clark and another driver, he chooses the wrong moment to attempt to overtake the other driver, and ends up...
-->'''Ellen:''' [[CaptainObvious Clark! We're stuck under a truck!]]\\
'''Clark:''' [[LampshadeHanging Do you honestly think that I don't know that?!]]\\
'''Ellen:''' Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed by thy name. And forgive my husband. He knows not what he does.\\
'''Clark:''' AMEN!
to:
* Cantankerous Uncle Lewis tries to get his deaf, senile wife, Aunt Bethany, to say grace before Christmas Eve dinner as only While Clark is putting up the lights, he - accidentally rips off a piece of gutter and she - can.
-->'''Clark:''' Since this is Aunt Bethany's 80th Christmas, I think she should lead us in the sayingsends a solid, spear-shaped block of grace.\\
'''Bethany:''' ''[to Lewis]'' What, dear?\\
'''Nora:''' Grace!\\
'''Bethany:''' [[ComicallyMissingThePoint Grace? She passed away 30 years ago.]]\\
'''Lewis:''' They want you to say grace. ''[Bethany looks confused]'' THE BLESS-ING!\\
''[everyone bows their heads in prayer, until...]''\\
'''Bethany:''' I pledge allegiance, to the flag, of the United States of America. And to the republic for which it stands, ''[Eddie stands up and puts his hand on his heart]'' one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.\\
'''Eddie:''' ''[proudly]'' Amen!
* Almost any line spoken by Aunt Bethany.
** "Is Rusty still in the Navy?"
** When the lights finally come on, brighter than an entire set of airport runway lights:
--->'''Bethany:''' Is your house on fire, Clark?\\
'''Clark:''' No, Aunt Bethany, those are the Christmas lights.
** This exchange between her and Uncle Lewis after the squirrel gets into the house:
--->'''Bethany:''' What's that sound? You hear it? It's a funny squeaky sound!\\
'''Lewis:''' You couldn't hear a dumptruck drivingice flying through a nitroglycerin plant.
* After a confrontation between Clarkthe Chesters' window and another driver, he chooses into their stereo. By the wrong moment to attempt to overtake time the other driver, and ends up...
-->'''Ellen:''' [[CaptainObvious Clark! We're stuck under a truck!]]\\
'''Clark:''' [[LampshadeHanging Do you honestly think thatChesters discover the damage, the ice has long since melted.
-->'''Margo:''' And why is the carpet all wet, '''TODD'''?\\
'''Todd:''' I don'tknow that?!]]\\
'''Ellen:''' Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed by thy name. And forgive my husband. He knows not what he does.\\
'''Clark:''' AMEN!'''KNOW''', Margo.
-->'''Clark:''' Since this is Aunt Bethany's 80th Christmas, I think she should lead us in the saying
'''Bethany:''' ''[to Lewis]'' What, dear?\\
'''Nora:''' Grace!\\
'''Bethany:''' [[ComicallyMissingThePoint Grace? She passed away 30 years ago.]]\\
'''Lewis:''' They want you to say grace. ''[Bethany looks confused]'' THE BLESS-ING!\\
''[everyone bows their heads in prayer, until...]''\\
'''Bethany:''' I pledge allegiance, to the flag, of the United States of America. And to the republic for which it stands, ''[Eddie stands up and puts his hand on his heart]'' one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.\\
'''Eddie:''' ''[proudly]'' Amen!
* Almost any line spoken by Aunt Bethany.
** "Is Rusty still in the Navy?"
** When the lights finally come on, brighter than an entire set of airport runway lights:
--->'''Bethany:''' Is your house on fire, Clark?\\
'''Clark:''' No, Aunt Bethany, those are the Christmas lights.
** This exchange between her and Uncle Lewis after the squirrel gets into the house:
--->'''Bethany:''' What's that sound? You hear it? It's a funny squeaky sound!\\
'''Lewis:''' You couldn't hear a dumptruck driving
* After a confrontation between Clark
-->'''Ellen:''' [[CaptainObvious Clark! We're stuck under a truck!]]\\
'''Clark:''' [[LampshadeHanging Do you honestly think that
-->'''Margo:''' And why is the carpet all wet, '''TODD'''?\\
'''Todd:''' I don't
'''Ellen:''' Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed by thy name. And forgive my husband. He knows not what he does.\\
'''Clark:''' AMEN!
Deleted line(s) 76,84 (click to see context) :
* When Eddie is talking to Clark about the RV, he ends by dropping an unfortunate bit of news:
-->'''Eddie:''' "Don't you go falling in love with it now, because we're taking it with us [[TheThingThatWouldNotLeave when we leave here next month."]]\\
'''Clark:''' [[SpitTake (gags on his eggnog)]]
* The police chief's reaction to learning Mr. Shirley had cut out Christmas bonuses. Even better given a second ago he was there to save Mr. Shirley from being kidnapped!
--> '''Police Chief:''' That's pretty low, Mister! [[PoliceBrutality If I had a rubber hose I would beat you with-]]\\
'''Shirley''': I CHANGED MY MIND!
* Clark offering to refill Cousin Eddie's eggnog.
-->'''Clark:''' Can I get you some more eggnog Eddie? Something to eat? Drive you off in the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?\\
'''Eddie:''' ''[oblivious to Clark's hostility]'' Naw, I'm doin' just fine, Clark.
-->'''Eddie:''' "Don't you go falling in love with it now, because we're taking it with us [[TheThingThatWouldNotLeave when we leave here next month."]]\\
'''Clark:''' [[SpitTake (gags on his eggnog)]]
* The police chief's reaction to learning Mr. Shirley had cut out Christmas bonuses. Even better given a second ago he was there to save Mr. Shirley from being kidnapped!
--> '''Police Chief:''' That's pretty low, Mister! [[PoliceBrutality If I had a rubber hose I would beat you with-]]\\
'''Shirley''': I CHANGED MY MIND!
* Clark offering to refill Cousin Eddie's eggnog.
-->'''Clark:''' Can I get you some more eggnog Eddie? Something to eat? Drive you off in the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?\\
'''Eddie:''' ''[oblivious to Clark's hostility]'' Naw, I'm doin' just fine, Clark.
Deleted line(s) 86,102 (click to see context) :
* The entire scene where the family eats [[LethalChef Catherine's]] turkey. It's so dry that Clark's mom dunks pieces of it in her drink, and Clark himself tries to chew it and gargle at the same time.
* Clark jumping off the FreudianSlipperySlope after meeting Mary, the sexy lingerie salesclerk (and her low-cut blouse and high-cut panties).
-->"I was just smelling...smiling! I was just blouse...browsing!"
-->"It wouldn't be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter than...hotter than they are!"
-->"It's a bit nipply out...I mean nippy out! HA, HA, HA! What did I say, nipple?"
-->"There are plenty of shopping days until adultery...adulthood. Which is to say, Christmas. As in, Yule. Yule Log. Not a log, I don't have a log, I mean, you know...If I had a log. Not in the sense that you think I said I did..."
** Clark absentmindedly picking up a pair of panties to blot the sweat off his brow. And then awkwardly trying to stuff them into his coat pocket.
** "Can I take something out for you?" Cue Clark laughing like a hyena.
** "Tis the season to be Mary!" "Well, that's my name!" "No shit!"
** Also:
---> '''Mary:''' These are cut really high in the hip. Look, I'm wearing something similar. See, you can't see the line.\\
'''Clark:''' ''(absent-mindedly)'' Can't see the line, can you Russ?\\
'''Rusty:''' Nope. \\
''([[DoubleTake Clark stares at Rusty in shock after realising his son's there]])''
** Right before that, when Rusty spots Clark...chatting with Mary, he just shakes his head and grins, as if to say, "Yep, there he goes again."
* How Clark Sr. dealt with the holidays:
--> '''Clark Sr.:''' [[INeedAFreakingDrink I had a lot of help from Jack Daniels.]]
* Clark jumping off the FreudianSlipperySlope after meeting Mary, the sexy lingerie salesclerk (and her low-cut blouse and high-cut panties).
-->"I was just smelling...smiling! I was just blouse...browsing!"
-->"It wouldn't be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter than...hotter than they are!"
-->"It's a bit nipply out...I mean nippy out! HA, HA, HA! What did I say, nipple?"
-->"There are plenty of shopping days until adultery...adulthood. Which is to say, Christmas. As in, Yule. Yule Log. Not a log, I don't have a log, I mean, you know...If I had a log. Not in the sense that you think I said I did..."
** Clark absentmindedly picking up a pair of panties to blot the sweat off his brow. And then awkwardly trying to stuff them into his coat pocket.
** "Can I take something out for you?" Cue Clark laughing like a hyena.
** "Tis the season to be Mary!" "Well, that's my name!" "No shit!"
** Also:
---> '''Mary:''' These are cut really high in the hip. Look, I'm wearing something similar. See, you can't see the line.\\
'''Clark:''' ''(absent-mindedly)'' Can't see the line, can you Russ?\\
'''Rusty:''' Nope. \\
''([[DoubleTake Clark stares at Rusty in shock after realising his son's there]])''
** Right before that, when Rusty spots Clark...chatting with Mary, he just shakes his head and grins, as if to say, "Yep, there he goes again."
* How Clark Sr. dealt with the holidays:
--> '''Clark Sr.:''' [[INeedAFreakingDrink I had a lot of help from Jack Daniels.]]
* When Cousin Eddie first arrives, he touches one of the decorations scattered around the house, and everything on it immediately shatters off.
* Clark's reaction to Eddie's unannounced arrival.
-->'''Clark:''' If I woke up tomorrow morning with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am right now.
* While out shopping, Clark puts some lightbulbs on his shopping cart, which are crushed by the enormous bag of dogfood Cousin Eddie puts on top of them not a second later. The fact that neither of them notice it at all is just awesome.
* The sledding scene, where Clark's non-caloric, silicon-based kitchen lubricant gives his sled (literal) rocket speed. "Later, dudes."
** "Oh, '''SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!'''"
** ''(after Clark crashes)'' "Tch... Bingo!"
* Eddie, standing outside in a bathrobe, empties his RV's chemical toilet into the Griswolds' storm drain, unaware that it isn't connected to the sewer system.
** Clark reacts with his usual deadpan sarcasm:
--->'''Clark:''' Have you checked our shitters, honey?
** Todd Chester gives Eddie a DeathGlare that bounces right off of him:
--->'''Eddie:''' [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gd_qt_ijuSs Merry Christmas! Shitter was full!]]
** And later, it all comes back around for a hysterical climax...
--->'''Lewis''': That ain't the friggin' Christmas star, Griz, that's the light from the sewage treatment plant.\\
'''Clark''': Sewer gas? ''(sees Lewis' cigar fall)'' '''[[OhCrap DON'T DROP THAT!!!]]'''\\
'''''(BOOM)'''''
* When Eddie is talking to Clark about the RV, he ends by dropping an unfortunate bit of news:
-->'''Eddie:''' Don't you go falling in love with it now, because we're taking it with us [[TheThingThatWouldNotLeave when we leave here next month.]]\\
'''Clark:''' ''[[SpitTake (gags on his eggnog)]]''
* Clark offering to refill Cousin Eddie's eggnog.
-->'''Clark:''' Can I get you some more eggnog Eddie? Something to eat? Drive you off in the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?\\
'''Eddie:''' ''[oblivious to Clark's hostility]'' Naw, I'm doin' just fine, Clark.
* Clark's reaction to Eddie's unannounced arrival.
-->'''Clark:''' If I woke up tomorrow morning with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am right now.
* While out shopping, Clark puts some lightbulbs on his shopping cart, which are crushed by the enormous bag of dogfood Cousin Eddie puts on top of them not a second later. The fact that neither of them notice it at all is just awesome.
* The sledding scene, where Clark's non-caloric, silicon-based kitchen lubricant gives his sled (literal) rocket speed. "Later, dudes."
** "Oh, '''SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!'''"
** ''(after Clark crashes)'' "Tch... Bingo!"
* Eddie, standing outside in a bathrobe, empties his RV's chemical toilet into the Griswolds' storm drain, unaware that it isn't connected to the sewer system.
** Clark reacts with his usual deadpan sarcasm:
--->'''Clark:''' Have you checked our shitters, honey?
** Todd Chester gives Eddie a DeathGlare that bounces right off of him:
--->'''Eddie:''' [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gd_qt_ijuSs Merry Christmas! Shitter was full!]]
** And later, it all comes back around for a hysterical climax...
--->'''Lewis''': That ain't the friggin' Christmas star, Griz, that's the light from the sewage treatment plant.\\
'''Clark''': Sewer gas? ''(sees Lewis' cigar fall)'' '''[[OhCrap DON'T DROP THAT!!!]]'''\\
'''''(BOOM)'''''
* When Eddie is talking to Clark about the RV, he ends by dropping an unfortunate bit of news:
-->'''Eddie:''' Don't you go falling in love with it now, because we're taking it with us [[TheThingThatWouldNotLeave when we leave here next month.]]\\
'''Clark:''' ''[[SpitTake (gags on his eggnog)]]''
* Clark offering to refill Cousin Eddie's eggnog.
-->'''Clark:''' Can I get you some more eggnog Eddie? Something to eat? Drive you off in the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?\\
'''Eddie:''' ''[oblivious to Clark's hostility]'' Naw, I'm doin' just fine, Clark.
Changed line(s) 107,111 (click to see context) from:
* A small one that you may miss: when the police breach the Griswold house and the family to put their hands up, Ellen, who is next to Clark, puts her hand on his "head". When Frank introduces Helen to the Griswolds, Ellen takes her hand off of Clark's "head", shakes Helen's hand and welcomes her to their home before placing her hand back on his "head."
-->'''Ellen''': Welcome to our home...what's left of it.
* While Clark is putting up the lights, he accidentally rips off a piece of gutter and sends a solid, spear-shaped block of ice flying through the Chesters' window and into their stereo. By the time the Chesters discover the damage, the ice has long since melted.
-->'''Margo:''' And why is the carpet all wet, '''TODD'''?\\
'''Todd:''' I don't '''KNOW''', Margo.
-->'''Ellen''': Welcome to our home...what's left of it.
* While Clark is putting up the lights, he accidentally rips off a piece of gutter and sends a solid, spear-shaped block of ice flying through the Chesters' window and into their stereo. By the time the Chesters discover the damage, the ice has long since melted.
-->'''Margo:''' And why is the carpet all wet, '''TODD'''?\\
'''Todd:''' I don't '''KNOW''', Margo.
to:
* A small one that Cantankerous Uncle Lewis tries to get his deaf, senile wife, Aunt Bethany, to say grace before Christmas Eve dinner as only he - and she - can.
-->'''Clark:''' Since this is Aunt Bethany's 80th Christmas, I think she should lead us in the saying of grace.\\
'''Bethany:''' ''[to Lewis]'' What, dear?\\
'''Nora:''' Grace!\\
'''Bethany:''' [[ComicallyMissingThePoint Grace? She passed away 30 years ago.]]\\
'''Lewis:''' They want youmay miss: when the police breach the Griswold house and the family to put say grace. ''[Bethany looks confused]'' THE BLESS-ING!\\
''[everyone bows theirhands up, Ellen, who is next heads in prayer, until...]''\\
'''Bethany:''' I pledge allegiance, toClark, the flag, of the United States of America. And to the republic for which it stands, ''[Eddie stands up and puts her his hand on his "head". heart]'' one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.\\
'''Eddie:''' ''[proudly]'' Amen!
* Almost any line spoken by Aunt Bethany.
** "Is Rusty still in the Navy?"
** WhenFrank introduces Helen to the Griswolds, Ellen takes lights finally come on, brighter than an entire set of airport runway lights:
--->'''Bethany:''' Is your house on fire, Clark?\\
'''Clark:''' No, Aunt Bethany, those are the Christmas lights.
** This exchange between herhand off of and Uncle Lewis after the squirrel gets into the house:
--->'''Bethany:''' What's that sound? You hear it? It's a funny squeaky sound!\\
'''Lewis:''' You couldn't hear a dumptruck driving through a nitroglycerin plant.
* The entire scene where the family eats [[LethalChef Catherine's]] turkey. It's so dry that Clark's"head", shakes Helen's hand mom dunks pieces of it in her drink, and welcomes her to their home before placing her hand back on his "head."
-->'''Ellen''': Welcome to our home...what's left of it.
* WhileClark is putting up himself tries to chew it and gargle at the lights, he accidentally rips off a piece of gutter and sends a solid, spear-shaped block of ice flying through the Chesters' window and into their stereo. By the time the Chesters discover the damage, the ice has long since melted.
-->'''Margo:''' And why is the carpet all wet, '''TODD'''?\\
'''Todd:''' I don't '''KNOW''', Margo.same time.
-->'''Clark:''' Since this is Aunt Bethany's 80th Christmas, I think she should lead us in the saying of grace.\\
'''Bethany:''' ''[to Lewis]'' What, dear?\\
'''Nora:''' Grace!\\
'''Bethany:''' [[ComicallyMissingThePoint Grace? She passed away 30 years ago.]]\\
'''Lewis:''' They want you
''[everyone bows their
'''Bethany:''' I pledge allegiance, to
'''Eddie:''' ''[proudly]'' Amen!
* Almost any line spoken by Aunt Bethany.
** "Is Rusty still in the Navy?"
** When
--->'''Bethany:''' Is your house on fire, Clark?\\
'''Clark:''' No, Aunt Bethany, those are the Christmas lights.
** This exchange between her
--->'''Bethany:''' What's that sound? You hear it? It's a funny squeaky sound!\\
'''Lewis:''' You couldn't hear a dumptruck driving through a nitroglycerin plant.
* The entire scene where the family eats [[LethalChef Catherine's]] turkey. It's so dry that Clark's
-->'''Ellen''': Welcome to our home...what's left of it.
* While
-->'''Margo:''' And why is the carpet all wet, '''TODD'''?\\
'''Todd:''' I don't '''KNOW''', Margo.
Added DiffLines:
* The family hear awful noises coming from under the table during Christmas Eve dinner. Eddie is unconcerned.[[note]]Bonus points: That's exactly what a puking Rottweiler sounds like.[[/note]]
-->'''Eddie:''' Oh, he's just yakking on a bone. ''(sound of Snots barfing under the table)'' He's got it up.
* Aunt Bethany's cat drags the lights off the tree and starts chewing on the cord. Then Clark plugs in the lights... ZAP! Instant fried pussycat!
-->'''Eddie:''' If that thing had nine lives he just spent 'em all.
* Clark announces his plans to put in a swimming pool with his Christmas bonus.
-->'''Eddie:''' I can't swim Clark.\\
''(beat)''\\
'''Clark:''' I know Eddie.
* When Clark gets a subscription to a "jelly of the month" club instead of a cash bonus (Eddie jovially describes it as "the gift that keeps on giving"), he doesn't take it well.
** First, he goes on an epic rant:
--->'''Clark''': Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?
** Then he goes [[AxCrazy Chainsaw-Crazy]] afterward. When Russ tries to talk him down, Clark revs his chainsaw up and Russ backs down, saying, "Good talk, Dad." Clark then uses the chainsaw to cut down a nearby Christmas tree, which breaks his uptight neighbors' window.
* Unfortunately, the new tree has a resident. "SQUIIIIIIIIIRREEEEEEELLL!"
--> '''Clark:''' Where's Eddie? He usually eats these goddamn things!\\
'''Catherine:''' [[ComicallyMissingThePoint Oh, not recently, Clark. He read that squirrels were high in cholesterol.]]\\
'''Clark:''' ({{Beat}}) [[DeadpanSnarker Thank you, Catherine.]]
* With the family Christmas going down the toilet, the extended family are packing up to leave.
** Clark is having none of it, declaring they're going to have [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mk74WprmZxY THE HAP HAP HAPPIEST CHRISTMAS!!!]]
---> '''Clark''': Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny-fucking-Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse!
** Then when Ellen suggests it might be best to call it quits before things get worse:
--->'''Clark:''' (smiling broadly) "Worse? [[TemptingFate How could things possibly get any worse?]] Take a look around you, Ellen; we're at the threshold of Hell!"
** Cue Eddie arriving with a kidnapped Mr. Shirley with a giant ribbon tied around him.
* How Clark Sr. dealt with the holidays:
--> '''Clark Sr.:''' [[INeedAFreakingDrink I had a lot of help from Jack Daniels.]]
* The police chief's reaction to learning Mr. Shirley had cut out Christmas bonuses. Even better given a second ago he was there to save Mr. Shirley from being kidnapped!
--> '''Police Chief:''' That's pretty low, Mister! [[PoliceBrutality If I had a rubber hose I would beat you with-]]\\
'''Shirley''': I CHANGED MY MIND!
* A small one that you may miss: when the police breach the Griswold house and the family to put their hands up, Ellen, who is next to Clark, puts her hand on his "head". When Frank introduces Helen to the Griswolds, Ellen takes her hand off of Clark's "head", shakes Helen's hand and welcomes her to their home before placing her hand back on his "head."
-->'''Ellen''': Welcome to our home...what's left of it.
-->'''Eddie:''' Oh, he's just yakking on a bone. ''(sound of Snots barfing under the table)'' He's got it up.
* Aunt Bethany's cat drags the lights off the tree and starts chewing on the cord. Then Clark plugs in the lights... ZAP! Instant fried pussycat!
-->'''Eddie:''' If that thing had nine lives he just spent 'em all.
* Clark announces his plans to put in a swimming pool with his Christmas bonus.
-->'''Eddie:''' I can't swim Clark.\\
''(beat)''\\
'''Clark:''' I know Eddie.
* When Clark gets a subscription to a "jelly of the month" club instead of a cash bonus (Eddie jovially describes it as "the gift that keeps on giving"), he doesn't take it well.
** First, he goes on an epic rant:
--->'''Clark''': Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?
** Then he goes [[AxCrazy Chainsaw-Crazy]] afterward. When Russ tries to talk him down, Clark revs his chainsaw up and Russ backs down, saying, "Good talk, Dad." Clark then uses the chainsaw to cut down a nearby Christmas tree, which breaks his uptight neighbors' window.
* Unfortunately, the new tree has a resident. "SQUIIIIIIIIIRREEEEEEELLL!"
--> '''Clark:''' Where's Eddie? He usually eats these goddamn things!\\
'''Catherine:''' [[ComicallyMissingThePoint Oh, not recently, Clark. He read that squirrels were high in cholesterol.]]\\
'''Clark:''' ({{Beat}}) [[DeadpanSnarker Thank you, Catherine.]]
* With the family Christmas going down the toilet, the extended family are packing up to leave.
** Clark is having none of it, declaring they're going to have [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mk74WprmZxY THE HAP HAP HAPPIEST CHRISTMAS!!!]]
---> '''Clark''': Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny-fucking-Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse!
** Then when Ellen suggests it might be best to call it quits before things get worse:
--->'''Clark:''' (smiling broadly) "Worse? [[TemptingFate How could things possibly get any worse?]] Take a look around you, Ellen; we're at the threshold of Hell!"
** Cue Eddie arriving with a kidnapped Mr. Shirley with a giant ribbon tied around him.
* How Clark Sr. dealt with the holidays:
--> '''Clark Sr.:''' [[INeedAFreakingDrink I had a lot of help from Jack Daniels.]]
* The police chief's reaction to learning Mr. Shirley had cut out Christmas bonuses. Even better given a second ago he was there to save Mr. Shirley from being kidnapped!
--> '''Police Chief:''' That's pretty low, Mister! [[PoliceBrutality If I had a rubber hose I would beat you with-]]\\
'''Shirley''': I CHANGED MY MIND!
* A small one that you may miss: when the police breach the Griswold house and the family to put their hands up, Ellen, who is next to Clark, puts her hand on his "head". When Frank introduces Helen to the Griswolds, Ellen takes her hand off of Clark's "head", shakes Helen's hand and welcomes her to their home before placing her hand back on his "head."
-->'''Ellen''': Welcome to our home...what's left of it.
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None
Changed line(s) 3 (click to see context) from:
** So Santa has to climb up the outside of the Griswolds' chimney, but misfortune awaits him at every step. First, he accidentally sticks his hand in a broken Christmas bulb (cue XRaySpark), then he demolishes the top several feet of brickwork trying to pull his sack of gifts into the flue (a lone brick falls onto his head), and finally, he accidentally kicks the gas switch as he steps out of the fireplace, burning off the end of his hat.
to:
** So Santa has to climb up the outside of the Griswolds' chimney, but misfortune awaits him at every step. First, he accidentally sticks his hand in a broken Christmas bulb (cue XRaySpark), XRaySparks), then he demolishes the top several feet of brickwork trying to pull his sack of gifts into the flue (a lone brick falls onto his head), and finally, he accidentally kicks the gas switch as he steps out of the fireplace, burning off the end of his hat.
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Changed line(s) 3 (click to see context) from:
** So Santa has to climb up the outside of the Griswolds' chimney, but misfortune awaits him at every step. First, he accidentally sticks his hand in a broken Christmas bulb (cue XRayElectrocution), then he demolishes the top several feet of brickwork trying to pull his sack of gifts into the flue (a lone brick falls onto his head), and finally, he accidentally kicks the gas switch as he steps out of the fireplace, burning off the end of his hat.
to:
** So Santa has to climb up the outside of the Griswolds' chimney, but misfortune awaits him at every step. First, he accidentally sticks his hand in a broken Christmas bulb (cue XRayElectrocution), XRaySpark), then he demolishes the top several feet of brickwork trying to pull his sack of gifts into the flue (a lone brick falls onto his head), and finally, he accidentally kicks the gas switch as he steps out of the fireplace, burning off the end of his hat.
Changed line(s) 17,19 (click to see context) from:
* The epic rant after Clark doesn't get a Christmas bonus:
--> '''Clark''': Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?
** Clark going [[AxCrazy Chainsaw-Crazy]] afterward. When Russ tries to talk him down, Clark revs his chainsaw up and Russ backs down, saying, "Good talk, Dad." Clark then uses the chainsaw to cut down a nearby Christmas tree, which breaks his uptight neighbors' window.
--> '''Clark''': Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?
** Clark going [[AxCrazy Chainsaw-Crazy]] afterward. When Russ tries to talk him down, Clark revs his chainsaw up and Russ backs down, saying, "Good talk, Dad." Clark then uses the chainsaw to cut down a nearby Christmas tree, which breaks his uptight neighbors' window.
to:
* The epic rant after When Clark gets a subscription to a "jelly of the month" club instead of a cash bonus (Eddie jovially describes it as "the gift that keeps on giving"), he doesn't get a Christmas bonus:
--> '''Clark''':take it well.
** First, he goes on an epic rant:
--->'''Clark''': Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?
**Clark going Then he goes [[AxCrazy Chainsaw-Crazy]] afterward. When Russ tries to talk him down, Clark revs his chainsaw up and Russ backs down, saying, "Good talk, Dad." Clark then uses the chainsaw to cut down a nearby Christmas tree, which breaks his uptight neighbors' window.
--> '''Clark''':
** First, he goes on an epic rant:
--->'''Clark''': Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?
**
Changed line(s) 102 (click to see context) from:
* The [[AbsurdlyBrightLight Christmas Lights]] are this and Awesome at the same time. From the fact that they cause power outages every time Clark turns them on to the point that their power meter hits lightspeed and the local nuclear plant has to spool up another turbine just to keep up, to the fact that they blind the neighbors next door and send them crashing into things, and of course the fact that a nearby nuclear power plant has to increase output just to keep up.
to:
* The [[AbsurdlyBrightLight Christmas Lights]] are this funny and Awesome at the same time. From the fact that they cause power outages every time Clark turns them on to the point that their power meter hits lightspeed and the local nuclear plant has to spool up another turbine just to keep up, to the fact that they blind the neighbors next door and send them crashing into things, and of course the fact that a nearby nuclear power plant has to increase output just to keep up.
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Changed line(s) 1 (click to see context) from:
* The animated intro to the movie, featuring poor Saint Nick himself as he struggles to deliver presents to the Griswold family home--and sustaining several injuries along the way.
to:
* The animated intro to the movie, featuring poor Saint Nick himself as he struggles to deliver presents to the Griswold family home--and sustaining several injuries along the way. Evidently the Griswolds' bad luck is contagious.
** Seeing that he hasn't yet delivered to the Griswolds, Santa has the reindeer pull up next to their roof and steps out... onto what turns out to be over a foot of snow sticking over the roof edge, sending him plummeting to the ground. He replaces a lump of coal that was dislodged from a snowman by his fall, only for the snowman to topple over forwards, the head rolling down the hill after him (and getting larger).
** So Santa has to climb up the outside of the Griswolds' chimney, but misfortune awaits him at every step. First, he accidentally sticks his hand in a broken Christmas bulb (cue XRayElectrocution), then he demolishes the top several feet of brickwork trying to pull his sack of gifts into the flue (a lone brick falls onto his head), and finally, he accidentally kicks the gas switch as he steps out of the fireplace, burning off the end of his hat.
** As he sets the presents under the tree, Santa looks at an ornament of a toy soldier with a cannon - a ''working'' cannon, which shoots him in the face. The noise is enough to wake up the Griswolds, and a light comes on upstairs; Santa quickly radios his reindeer and jumps off the living room sofa toward an open skylight... which he misses by several feet, crashing through the roof instead before sliding, zipline-style, down a string of lights (breaking every single bulb along the way) and hooking onto one of the runners of his sleigh as he and his reindeer flee back to the North Pole.
** Seeing that he hasn't yet delivered to the Griswolds, Santa has the reindeer pull up next to their roof and steps out... onto what turns out to be over a foot of snow sticking over the roof edge, sending him plummeting to the ground. He replaces a lump of coal that was dislodged from a snowman by his fall, only for the snowman to topple over forwards, the head rolling down the hill after him (and getting larger).
** So Santa has to climb up the outside of the Griswolds' chimney, but misfortune awaits him at every step. First, he accidentally sticks his hand in a broken Christmas bulb (cue XRayElectrocution), then he demolishes the top several feet of brickwork trying to pull his sack of gifts into the flue (a lone brick falls onto his head), and finally, he accidentally kicks the gas switch as he steps out of the fireplace, burning off the end of his hat.
** As he sets the presents under the tree, Santa looks at an ornament of a toy soldier with a cannon - a ''working'' cannon, which shoots him in the face. The noise is enough to wake up the Griswolds, and a light comes on upstairs; Santa quickly radios his reindeer and jumps off the living room sofa toward an open skylight... which he misses by several feet, crashing through the roof instead before sliding, zipline-style, down a string of lights (breaking every single bulb along the way) and hooking onto one of the runners of his sleigh as he and his reindeer flee back to the North Pole.
Changed line(s) 3,6 (click to see context) from:
--> '''Clark:''' Take it, Russ! (Russ stays silent while Clark and Ellen bob their heads in rhythm to the unsung phrase)
-->'''Clark and Ellen:''': ...fa la la la la, la la la la!
* "Dad, did you bring a saw?" (loud timpani cue, then it cuts to the Griswalds driving home with the tree HUGELY uprooted on top of the car with "Oh Come All ye Faithful" playing in a "[[LosingHorns wah wah wah waaaaah]]" style)
* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gd_qt_ijuSs "Merry Christmas! Shitter was full!"]]
-->'''Clark and Ellen:''': ...fa la la la la, la la la la!
* "Dad, did you bring a saw?" (loud timpani cue, then it cuts to the Griswalds driving home with the tree HUGELY uprooted on top of the car with "Oh Come All ye Faithful" playing in a "[[LosingHorns wah wah wah waaaaah]]" style)
* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gd_qt_ijuSs "Merry Christmas! Shitter was full!"]]
to:
-->'''Clark
'''Clark and
*
-->'''Rusty:''' Dad, did you bring a
''(loud timpani cue, then it cuts to the
* Eddie empties his RV's chemical toilet into the Griswolds' storm drain, unaware that it isn't connected to the sewer system. [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gd_qt_ijuSs "Merry Christmas! Shitter was full!"]]
Changed line(s) 9,10 (click to see context) from:
-->'''Louis''': That ain't the friggin' Christmas star, Griz, that's the light from the sewage treatment plant.\\
'''Clark''': Sewer gas? ''(sees that cigar fall)'' '''[[OhCrap DON'T DROP THAT!!!]]'''\\
'''Clark''': Sewer gas? ''(sees that cigar fall)'' '''[[OhCrap DON'T DROP THAT!!!]]'''\\
to:
'''Clark''': Sewer gas? ''(sees
Changed line(s) 21 (click to see context) from:
* Fried Pussycat!
to:
* Fried Pussycat!Aunt Bethany's cat drags the lights off the tree and starts chewing on the cord. Then Clark plugs in the lights... ZAP! Instant fried pussycat!
Changed line(s) 23,25 (click to see context) from:
* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mk74WprmZxY&feature=related THE HAP HAP HAPPIEST CHRISTMAS!!!]]
** Just in case Website/YouTube takes it down:
--> '''Clark''': Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny-fucking-Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse!
** Just in case Website/YouTube takes it down:
--> '''Clark''': Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny-fucking-Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse!
to:
* With the family Christmas going down the toilet, the extended family are packing up to leave.
** Clark is having none of it, declaring they're going to have [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mk74WprmZxY&feature=related com/watch?v=mk74WprmZxY THE HAP HAP HAPPIEST CHRISTMAS!!!]]
** Just in case Website/YouTube takes it down:
-->---> '''Clark''': Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny-fucking-Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse!
** Clark is having none of it, declaring they're going to have [[https://www.youtube.
-->
Changed line(s) 27 (click to see context) from:
-->'''Clark:''' (smiling broadly) "Worse? [[TemptingFate How could things possibly get any worse?]] Take a look around you, Ellen; we're at the threshold of Hell!"
to:
Changed line(s) 29 (click to see context) from:
* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TYlOTajXGg&feature=related Clark's exchange with his uptight neighbors over his Christmas tree.]]
to:
* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TYlOTajXGg&feature=related com/watch?v=1TYlOTajXGg Clark's exchange with his uptight neighbors over his Christmas tree.]]
Changed line(s) 37,40 (click to see context) from:
* "If I woke up tomorrow morning with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am right now."
* "Oh, he's just yakking on a bone. ''(sound of Snots barfing under the table)'' He's got it up."
** Bonus points: That's exactly what a puking Rottweiler sounds like.
* "I can't swim Clark." ''(beat)'' "I know Eddie."
* "Oh, he's just yakking on a bone. ''(sound of Snots barfing under the table)'' He's got it up."
** Bonus points: That's exactly what a puking Rottweiler sounds like.
* "I can't swim Clark." ''(beat)'' "I know Eddie."
to:
* "If Clark's reaction to Eddie's unannounced arrival.
-->'''Clark:''' If I woke up tomorrow morning with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am rightnow."
now.
*"Oh, The family hear awful noises coming from under the table during Christmas Eve dinner. Eddie is unconcerned.[[note]]Bonus points: That's exactly what a puking Rottweiler sounds like.[[/note]]
-->'''Eddie:''' Oh, he's just yakking on a bone. ''(sound of Snots barfing under the table)'' He's got itup."
** Bonus points: That's exactly whatup.
* Clark announces his plans to put in apuking Rottweiler sounds like.
* "Iswimming pool with his Christmas bonus.
-->'''Eddie:''' I can't swim Clark." ''(beat)'' "I \\
''(beat)''\\
'''Clark:''' I know Eddie."
-->'''Clark:''' If I woke up tomorrow morning with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am right
*
-->'''Eddie:''' Oh, he's just yakking on a bone. ''(sound of Snots barfing under the table)'' He's got it
** Bonus points: That's exactly what
* Clark announces his plans to put in a
* "I
-->'''Eddie:''' I can't swim Clark.
''(beat)''\\
'''Clark:''' I know Eddie.
Changed line(s) 42,45 (click to see context) from:
-->'''Clark:''' (as [[BadBoss Frank Shirley]] and his suit posse pass by) Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Chris—[[TakeThat kiss my ass.]] [[ProfessionalButtKisser Kiss his ass.]] [[TheLastOfTheseIsNotLikeTheOthers Kiss your ass.]] Happy Hanukkah.
* "THE BLES-SING!"
** Before that: "[[ComicallyMissingThePoint Grace? She passed away 30 years ago.]]"
** After that: "I pledge allegiance, to the flag..."
* "THE BLES-SING!"
** Before that: "[[ComicallyMissingThePoint Grace? She passed away 30 years ago.]]"
** After that: "I pledge allegiance, to the flag..."
to:
-->'''Clark:''' (as ''(as [[BadBoss Frank Shirley]] and his suit posse pass by) by)'' Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Chris—[[TakeThat kiss my ass.]] [[ProfessionalButtKisser Kiss his ass.]] [[TheLastOfTheseIsNotLikeTheOthers Kiss your ass.]] Happy Hanukkah.
*"THE BLES-SING!"
** Before that: "[[ComicallyMissingThePointCantankerous Uncle Lewis tries to get his deaf, senile wife, Aunt Bethany, to say grace before Christmas Eve dinner as only he - and she - can.
-->'''Clark:''' Since this is Aunt Bethany's 80th Christmas, I think she should lead us in the saying of grace.\\
'''Bethany:''' ''[to Lewis]'' What, dear?\\
'''Nora:''' Grace!\\
'''Bethany:''' [[ComicallyMissingThePoint Grace? She passed away 30 years ago.]]"
** After that: "I]]\\
'''Lewis:''' They want you to say grace. ''[Bethany looks confused]'' THE BLESS-ING!\\
''[everyone bows their heads in prayer, until...]''\\
'''Bethany:''' I pledge allegiance, to theflag..."flag, of the United States of America. And to the republic for which it stands, ''[Eddie stands up and puts his hand on his heart]'' one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.\\
'''Eddie:''' ''[proudly]'' Amen!
*
** Before that: "[[ComicallyMissingThePoint
-->'''Clark:''' Since this is Aunt Bethany's 80th Christmas, I think she should lead us in the saying of grace.\\
'''Bethany:''' ''[to Lewis]'' What, dear?\\
'''Nora:''' Grace!\\
'''Bethany:''' [[ComicallyMissingThePoint Grace? She passed away 30 years ago.
** After that: "I
'''Lewis:''' They want you to say grace. ''[Bethany looks confused]'' THE BLESS-ING!\\
''[everyone bows their heads in prayer, until...]''\\
'''Bethany:''' I pledge allegiance, to the
'''Eddie:''' ''[proudly]'' Amen!
Changed line(s) 48 (click to see context) from:
** "Is your house on fire, Clark?"
to:
** "Is When the lights finally come on, brighter than an entire set of airport runway lights:
--->'''Bethany:''' Is your house on fire,Clark?"Clark?\\
'''Clark:''' No, Aunt Bethany, those are the Christmas lights.
--->'''Bethany:''' Is your house on fire,
'''Clark:''' No, Aunt Bethany, those are the Christmas lights.
Changed line(s) 50 (click to see context) from:
-->'''Bethany:''' What's that sound? You hear it? It's a funny squeaky sound!\\
to:
Changed line(s) 52,53 (click to see context) from:
* [[CaptainObvious "Clark! We're stuck under a truck!"]] [[LampshadeHanging "Do you honestly think that I don't know that?!"]]
-->'''Ellen:''' Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed by thy name. And forgive my husband. He knows not what he does.\\
-->'''Ellen:''' Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed by thy name. And forgive my husband. He knows not what he does.\\
to:
* [[CaptainObvious "Clark! We're stuck under After a truck!"]] [[LampshadeHanging "Do you honestly think that I don't know that?!"]]
confrontation between Clark and another driver, he chooses the wrong moment to attempt to overtake the other driver, and ends up...
-->'''Ellen:''' [[CaptainObvious Clark! We're stuck under a truck!]]\\
'''Clark:''' [[LampshadeHanging Do you honestly think that I don't know that?!]]\\
'''Ellen:''' Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed by thy name. And forgive my husband. He knows not what he does.\\
-->'''Ellen:''' [[CaptainObvious Clark! We're stuck under a truck!]]\\
'''Clark:''' [[LampshadeHanging Do you honestly think that I don't know that?!]]\\
'''Ellen:''' Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed by thy name. And forgive my husband. He knows not what he does.\\
Changed line(s) 55,56 (click to see context) from:
* Clark getting smacked with the attic ladder.
** while he's stumbling around in the attic, he steps on three loose boards one after the other, causing them to rise up and smack him in the face every time.
** while he's stumbling around in the attic, he steps on three loose boards one after the other, causing them to rise up and smack him in the face every time.
to:
* Clark getting smacked with the attic ladder.
**ladder. Then, while he's stumbling around in the attic, he steps on three loose boards one after the other, causing them to rise up and smack him in the face every time.
**
Changed line(s) 64 (click to see context) from:
--> Can I get you some more eggnog Eddie? Something to eat? Drive you off in the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?
to:
'''Eddie:''' ''[oblivious to Clark's hostility]'' Naw, I'm doin' just fine, Clark.
Changed line(s) 76 (click to see context) from:
--> '''Mary:''' These are cut really high in the hip. Look, I'm wearing something similar. See, you can't see the line.\\
to:
Changed line(s) 89 (click to see context) from:
* "And why is the carpet all wet, '''TODD'''?" "I don't '''KNOW''', Margo."
to:
* "And While Clark is putting up the lights, he accidentally rips off a piece of gutter and sends a solid, spear-shaped block of ice flying through the Chesters' window and into their stereo. By the time the Chesters discover the damage, the ice has long since melted.
-->'''Margo:''' And why is the carpet all wet,'''TODD'''?" "I '''TODD'''?\\
'''Todd:''' I don't '''KNOW''', Margo."
-->'''Margo:''' And why is the carpet all wet,
'''Todd:''' I don't '''KNOW''', Margo.
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Changed line(s) 87 (click to see context) from:
* A small one that you may miss: when the police breach the Griswold house and the family to put their handsup, Ellen, who is next to Clark, puts her hand on his "head". When Frank introduces Helen to the Griswolds, Ellen takes her hand off of Clark's "head", shakes Helen's hand and welcomes her to their home before placing her hand back on his "head."
to:
* A small one that you may miss: when the police breach the Griswold house and the family to put their handsup, hands up, Ellen, who is next to Clark, puts her hand on his "head". When Frank introduces Helen to the Griswolds, Ellen takes her hand off of Clark's "head", shakes Helen's hand and welcomes her to their home before placing her hand back on his "head."
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Changed line(s) 87 (click to see context) from:
* A small one that you may miss: when the police breach the Griswold house and orders the family to put their "hands on their heads", Ellen, who is next to Clark, puts her hand on his "head". When Frank introduces Helen to the Griswolds, Ellen takes her hand off of Clark's "head", shakes Helen's hand and welcomes her to their home before placing her hand back on his "head."
to:
* A small one that you may miss: when the police breach the Griswold house and orders the family to put their "hands on their heads", handsup, Ellen, who is next to Clark, puts her hand on his "head". When Frank introduces Helen to the Griswolds, Ellen takes her hand off of Clark's "head", shakes Helen's hand and welcomes her to their home before placing her hand back on his "head."
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Changed line(s) 67 (click to see context) from:
* Clark jumping off the FreudianSlipperySlope after meeting Mary, the sexy lingerie salesclerk (and her low-cut blouse).
to:
* Clark jumping off the FreudianSlipperySlope after meeting Mary, the sexy lingerie salesclerk (and her low-cut blouse).blouse and high-cut panties).
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Added DiffLines:
* When the family is eating dinner, Clark tastes something strange and rinses out his mouth after eating Aunt Bethany's Jell-O mold. Then he asks her if the cat eats Jell-O ''after'' seeing she'd put cat food in the dessert.
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Changed line(s) 35 (click to see context) from:
** "Oh, '''SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT.'''"
to:
** "Oh, '''SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT.'''"'''SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!'''"
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Added DiffLines:
** "Oh, '''SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT.'''"
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Changed line(s) 88 (click to see context) from:
* "And why is the carpet all wet, '''TODD'''?" "I don't '''KNOW''', Margo."
to:
* "And why is the carpet all wet, '''TODD'''?" "I don't '''KNOW''', Margo.""
----
----
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Changed line(s) 82 (click to see context) from:
* The [[AbsurdlyBrightLight Christmas Lights]] are this and Awesome at the same time. From the fact that they cause power outages every time Clark turns them on, to the fact that they blind the neighbors next door and send them crashing into things, and of course the fact that a nearby nuclear power plant has to increase output just to keep up.
to:
* The [[AbsurdlyBrightLight Christmas Lights]] are this and Awesome at the same time. From the fact that they cause power outages every time Clark turns them on, on to the point that their power meter hits lightspeed and the local nuclear plant has to spool up another turbine just to keep up, to the fact that they blind the neighbors next door and send them crashing into things, and of course the fact that a nearby nuclear power plant has to increase output just to keep up.
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Changed line(s) 30 (click to see context) from:
--> '''Todd''': Hey Griswold! Where you gonna put a tree that big?\\
to:
--> '''Todd''': (''smugly'') Hey Griswold! Where you gonna put a tree that big?\\
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You Have To Have Jews is no longer a trope.
Changed line(s) 41 (click to see context) from:
-->'''Clark:''' (as [[BadBoss Frank Shirley]] and his suit posse pass by) Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Chris—[[TakeThat kiss my ass.]] [[ProfessionalButtKisser Kiss his ass.]] [[TheLastOfTheseIsNotLikeTheOthers Kiss your ass.]] [[YouHaveToHaveJews Happy Hanukkah.]]
to:
-->'''Clark:''' (as [[BadBoss Frank Shirley]] and his suit posse pass by) Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Chris—[[TakeThat kiss my ass.]] [[ProfessionalButtKisser Kiss his ass.]] [[TheLastOfTheseIsNotLikeTheOthers Kiss your ass.]] [[YouHaveToHaveJews Happy Hanukkah.]]
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Minor correction to quote
Changed line(s) 22 (click to see context) from:
-->'''Eddie:''' That thing had nine lives and you just fried 'em all!
to:
-->'''Eddie:''' That If that thing had nine lives and you he just fried spent 'em all!all.
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Added DiffLines:
** And later, it all comes back around for a hysterical climax...
-->'''Louis''': That ain't the friggin' Christmas star, Griz, that's the light from the sewage treatment plant.\\
'''Clark''': Sewer gas? ''(sees that cigar fall)'' '''[[OhCrap DON'T DROP THAT!!!]]'''\\
'''''(BOOM)'''''
-->'''Louis''': That ain't the friggin' Christmas star, Griz, that's the light from the sewage treatment plant.\\
'''Clark''': Sewer gas? ''(sees that cigar fall)'' '''[[OhCrap DON'T DROP THAT!!!]]'''\\
'''''(BOOM)'''''
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Redundant.
Changed line(s) 55,56 (click to see context) from:
* Ellen somehow ending up grabbing Clark's crotch when ordered to freeze. And putting it back after shaking Mrs. Shirley's hand.
** The police chief's reaction to learning Mr. Shirley had cut out Christmas bonuses. Even better given a second ago he was there to save Mr. Shirley from being kidnapped!
** The police chief's reaction to learning Mr. Shirley had cut out Christmas bonuses. Even better given a second ago he was there to save Mr. Shirley from being kidnapped!
to:
* Ellen somehow ending up grabbing Clark's crotch when ordered to freeze. And putting it back after shaking Mrs. Shirley's hand.
**The police chief's reaction to learning Mr. Shirley had cut out Christmas bonuses. Even better given a second ago he was there to save Mr. Shirley from being kidnapped!
**
Added DiffLines:
* Clark offering to refill Cousin Eddie's eggnog.
--> Can I get you some more eggnog Eddie? Something to eat? Drive you off in the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?
--> Can I get you some more eggnog Eddie? Something to eat? Drive you off in the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?
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None
Changed line(s) 82 (click to see context) from:
-->'''Ellen''': Welcome to our home.
to:
-->'''Ellen''': Welcome to our home.home...what's left of it.
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Changed line(s) 81 (click to see context) from:
* A small one that you may miss: when the police breach the Griswold house and orders the family to put their "hands on their heads", Ellen, who is next to Clark, puts her hand on his "head". When Frank introduces Helen to the Griswolds, Ellen takes her hand off of Clark's "head", shakes Helen's hand and welcomes her to their home before placing her hand back on his "head."
to:
* A small one that you may miss: when the police breach the Griswold house and orders the family to put their "hands on their heads", Ellen, who is next to Clark, puts her hand on his "head". When Frank introduces Helen to the Griswolds, Ellen takes her hand off of Clark's "head", shakes Helen's hand and welcomes her to their home before placing her hand back on his "head."
-->'''Ellen''': Welcome to our home.
* "And why is the carpet all wet, '''TODD'''?" "I don't '''KNOW''', Margo."
-->'''Ellen''': Welcome to our home.
* "And why is the carpet all wet, '''TODD'''?" "I don't '''KNOW''', Margo."
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None
Changed line(s) 80 (click to see context) from:
* During the eggnog scene, Eddie is wearing a black dickey (collar and false shirtfront) under a white sweater, revealing the tacky garment hilariously.
to:
* During the eggnog scene, Eddie is wearing a black dickey (collar and false shirtfront) under a white sweater, revealing the tacky garment hilariously.hilariously.
* A small one that you may miss: when the police breach the Griswold house and orders the family to put their "hands on their heads", Ellen, who is next to Clark, puts her hand on his "head". When Frank introduces Helen to the Griswolds, Ellen takes her hand off of Clark's "head", shakes Helen's hand and welcomes her to their home before placing her hand back on his "head."
* A small one that you may miss: when the police breach the Griswold house and orders the family to put their "hands on their heads", Ellen, who is next to Clark, puts her hand on his "head". When Frank introduces Helen to the Griswolds, Ellen takes her hand off of Clark's "head", shakes Helen's hand and welcomes her to their home before placing her hand back on his "head."
