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* "The Moon is Not Blue" sees the 4077th in the grip of a blistering heat wave, the film courier has brought them the UsefulNotes/WorldWarII-set Creator/HumphreyBogart vehicle ''Sahara'' for the umpteenth time, and General Rothaker, one of the latest batch of wounded, has ordered Potter to ban the consumption of alcohol during his stay. When Potter reluctantly announces the news to the crowd in the Officers' Club, Hawkeye reminds B.J. that they "still have the still"... or so he thinks. Then a potential solution to their misery appears... or, again, so they think:
-->'''B.J.:''' ''[approaching the Swamp]'' I'm gonna go in there and pour my heart out. ''[holds the door for Hawkeye]''\\

to:

* "The Moon is Not Blue" sees the Blue":
** The
4077th is in the grip of a blistering heat wave, the film courier has brought them the UsefulNotes/WorldWarII-set Creator/HumphreyBogart vehicle ''Sahara'' for the umpteenth time, and General Rothaker, one of the latest batch of wounded, has ordered Potter to ban the consumption of alcohol during his stay. When Potter reluctantly announces the news to the crowd in the Officers' Club, Hawkeye reminds B.J. reminds Hawkeye that they "still have the still"... or so he thinks. Then a potential solution to their misery appears... or, again, so they think:
-->'''B.--->'''B.J.:''' ''[approaching the Swamp]'' I'm gonna go in there and pour my heart out. ''[holds the door for Hawkeye]''\\


Added DiffLines:

** As Charles predicts, when the 4077th finally get their hands on a copy of ''Film/TheMoonIsBlue'' at the very end of the episode, the audience find it disappointingly tame:
--->''[on screen, we see an exchange from ''Film/TheMoonIsBlue'' between Maggie [=McNamara=] as Patty O'Neill and William Holden as Donald Gresham]''\\
'''Patty O'Neill:''' I'm so glad you don't mind.\\
'''Donald Gresham:''' Mind what?\\
'''Patty O'Neill:''' Well, men are usually so bored with virgins, I'm so glad you're not. ''[Gresham looks embarrassed and leads her off]''\\
'''Hawkeye:''' I'm ''outraged!'' It's a disgrace! I've never seen a cleaner movie in my life!\\
'''B.J.:''' There was more filth and dirt in this morning's breakfast!\\
'''Mulcahy:''' Well, one of the actors did say "virgin".\\
'''Hawkeye:''' That's because everyone ''was!''[[note]] Contrary to legend, it was not specifically the use of the word "virgin" - or, for that matter, "pregnant", "seduce", or "mistress" (meaning "female sexual partner") - but the perceived light treatment of the topics of sex and seduction that made the film (and the play on which it was based) controversial.[[/note]]


* "No Sweat":
** Col. Potter's sleep-medication-induced rambling anecdote about prickly heat... ''over the PA system'' while Margaret, who has that condition and wants to keep quiet about it, is trying to explain the situation delicately. What she didn't know is that Klinger, who's taking a correspondence course in TV and radio repair, has finally reassembled and reactivated the PA system after dismantling it overnight for practice. When she finally hears the rest of the camp laughing and realizes why:
--->'''Houlihan''': Wait a minute, is this stupid PA on? Klinger, you idiot!!\\
'''Klinger''': Major, wait! Oh, no! Please don't! It took me three hours to fix that- ''(SMASH) (static)''

to:

* "No Sweat":
Sweat" finds the 4077th in the grip of another blistering heat wave - literally so in Margaret's case, as her entire backside is covered with a giant prickly heat rash and the camp has run out of camphor menthol lotion. The other main cast members deal with the heat in different ways...
** Col. Potter's sleep-medication-induced rambling anecdote about prickly heat... ''over Potter, after several consecutive sleepless nights, decides to take a sleeping pill, which requires going to his office (keeping them by his bedside would be too tempting). As he enters the PA system'' while Margaret, who has clerk's room, he gets a shock:
--->'''Klinger:''' ''Look out!''\\
'''Potter:''' ''[stops in his tracks and takes in the sight of Klinger lying on his stomach on the floor, surrounded by electrical components and an open manual]'' Great Caesar's salad, Klinger, what are you doing up at 3 in the AM!?\\
'''Klinger:''' Couldn't sleep, sir - the heat, sir.\\
'''Potter:''' ''[points at Klinger]'' That's one I can buy. Must be extra tropical for you totin' around
that condition and wants to keep quiet about it, is trying permanent vicuna coat. ''[walks around the array of electronics]'' Perhaps you'd care to explain the situation delicately. What she didn't know is that Klinger, who's taking a correspondence course in TV fallout from the Motorola plant. ''[gestures to said "fallout"]''\\
'''Klinger:''' ''[scrambles to his feet, stands to attention,
and radio repair, has finally reassembled and reactivated salutes]'' I took the PA system after dismantling it overnight apart, sir.\\
'''Potter:''' ''[gestures to Klinger to stop saluting]'' What in blazes for?! We ''need'' that contraption!\\
'''Klinger:''' I know that full well, my bleary-eyed boss! I figured the middle of the night would be the perfect time to get some off the job training
for practice. my new mail order course!\\
'''Potter:''' In what? Office demolition?\\
'''Klinger:''' No, sir, electronics! ''[holds up a piece of the PA system]'' Some day this little shootout's going to end, and when this Johnny comes marching home, it'll be with a screwdriver in his hand! ''[holds said tool up proudly]''\\
'''Potter:''' You gonna fix radios?\\
'''Klinger:''' No, sir, television! The wave of the future! Which, thanks to good old Yankee know-how, will mean busted sets by the millions! And Max Klinger will be there to reap the whirlwind of outrageous repair prices.\\
'''Potter:''' ''[pointing his finger right in Klinger's face]'' Mark this, Marconi.
When she Reveille blows, this system better be workin', or you'll be spending the rest of this war on the roof, screaming messages at the top of your furry lungs!
** Meanwhile, B.J. is obsessing over a letter from Peg, which is preventing Hawkeye from getting any sleep as he repeatedly turns on the light. B.J.
finally reveals that Peg says the gutters need clearing, and Hawkeye doesn't see why that should be such cause for concern. However, when a wounded soldier arrives and the two bunkmates head into the OR, assisted by Margaret and Nurse Jo Ann, we see that the heat has made B.J. paranoid about what might happen on the home front in his absence...
*** The ladder Peg would need to use to climb up to the gutters has a broken rung, which B.J. didn't tell Peg before he left for Korea. Big deal, says Hawkeye; she'll see the broken rung before she tries to climb the ladder and get a neighbour to do it. Not as simple as that, says B.J.:
---->'''B.J.:''' Oh, that'd be just great. You wanna know about our neighbours?!\\
'''Hawkeye:''' No.\\
'''B.J.:''' On the one side, there's Eddie Hoffman, who's bagged most of the time. If he got on a ladder, he'd fall right off on his ''face'' and get up and slap a million dollar lawsuit on me.\\
'''Hawkeye:''' ''[to Jo Ann]'' Clamp.\\
'''B.J.:''' Or Peg could ask our other neighbour, Old Man Wallerstein, he's maybe 83...\\
'''Hawkeye:''' ''[to Jo Ann]'' Clamp.\\
'''B.J.:''' He'd be only too happy to go up and have a heart attack.\\
'''Hawkeye:''' ''[to Jo Ann]'' Butterfly net.
*** So perhaps Peg can put off cleaning the gutters? No way, says B.J.; one good rain and they'll overflow into the basement window well, flood the cellar, and extinguish the pilot light in the furnace. Perhaps they have a handyman, then? Yes, but...
---->'''B.J.:''' Oho, no you don't! Not Carl!\\
'''Hawkeye:''' Oh, well, not Carl, of course not, ''[scoffs]'' Carl, how stupid of me!... What's wrong with Carl?\\
'''B.J.:''' He's maybe 6 foot 4,[[note]] Just one inch taller than Mike Farrell.[[/note]] and works out with weights! He's got these huge arms...\\
'''Hawkeye:''' Well, that certainly is a strike against a handyman: strength. How's this guy's pressure?\\
''[during the following, Margaret heads over to the supply shelves and discreetly rubs her backside against the counter so as to avoid giving away her case of prickly heat]''\\
'''B.J.:''' Fine. Wears skin tight T-shirts with the- with the sleeves cut off... he's better looking than Creator/ErrolFlynn... she's only human, y'know! First, it's the gutters! Then he says, uh, "Anything else I can do, Mrs. Hunnicutt?" "Well, for starters, you can call me Peg."\\
'''Hawkeye:''' ''[looks between B.J. and Margaret, then at Jo Ann]'' Some fun, huh, Jo Ann? Over here we've got a guy who's losing his marbles, and over there, a woman who's slipping on them. ''[a startled Margaret drops the pads in her hands]''
*** With their patient in stable condition, Hawkeye and B.J. hit the showers, and Hawkeye tries to assure B.J. that Peg will get along all right without him - which just sets B.J. off in yet another direction:
---->'''Hawkeye:''' There's really nothing to worry about. Peg's a big girl! One way or another, your gutters'll get cleaned out and everything will be just fine!\\
'''B.J.:''' Yeah, she'll take care of it.\\
'''Hawkeye:''' Sure.\\
'''B.J.:''' Probably better than if I were there to help. ''[chuckles]'' I'm sure she's becoming more self-sufficient all the time.\\
'''Hawkeye:''' Yeah.\\
'''B.J.:''' Matter of fact, by now, she probably gets along just fine without me. ''[Hawkeye gives B.J. a look of utter disbelief]'' I might as well just stay away altogether, what the hell's she need me for anyway!?\\
'''Hawkeye:''' You are a complete and total jerk! No wonder Peg is leaving you! ''[B.J. whirls round and gives Hawkeye a DeathGlare]''
** As for the third Swampman, Charles is using the long tables in the empty mess tent to sort through three years of Winchester family financial paperwork which Charles Winchester II has rushed to him; Father Mulcahy arrives mid-self-audit and innocently asks if this is what wealthy people do instead of counting sheep. Charles explains that the family accountant has just been incarcerated for financial crimes, and the IRS are now very interested in whether or not they've received their fair share of the Winchester coffers. He implies, without actually saying, that a certain amount of book-cooking goes on to ensure that while every penny is declared, it is done so as to minimise the amount of tax they need to pay, and he needs to ensure the columns all add up properly to avoid being slapped with a lawsuit; Mulcahy summarises this by saying "The family that pays together, stays together." Finally, when Charles sends Mulcahy away for yet another pitcher of lemonade when the priest's number-saturated anecdote keeps throwing off his calculations, Igor arrives to set up the mess tent for breakfast and tries to help Charles cool off by switching on a giant electric fan... creating a snowstorm of tax papers.
** Col. Potter's sleeping pill kicks in after mere seconds... which is unfortunate, as various camp personnel keep having to wake him up:
*** First, Klinger has to get him to order a chopper to evacuate Hawkeye and B.J.'s patient first thing in the morning:
---->'''Klinger:''' ''[handing Potter, who is asleep on his feet, the camp phone]'' Order for the morning.\\
'''Potter:''' Hello, room service? Send up a couple of poached eggs, a bowl of prunes...\\
'''Klinger:''' ''[covers the mouthpiece]'' A helicopter. Order a helicopter.\\
'''Potter:''' No thanks... I'm not that hungry.
*** Next, Winchester needs to get five pieces of carbon paper out of the camp safe (in which Klinger has locked them), and only Potter knows the combination.
---->'''Charles:''' ''[leaning over the sleeping Potter, sounding extremely sheepish]'' Yoohoo... noble warrior... ''[Potter half wakes up at best, and we cut to Charles leading him out of his tent]'' Here we go... I know the hour is late but I am in the direst of straits.\\
'''Potter:''' ''[still asleep on his feet]'' A straight, my full house beats that...
*** Finally, when Margaret
hears that a chopper will be on its way first thing in the morning, she decides to add an order for camphor menthol lotion for her prickly heat-afflicted backside. Unfortunately for her, the resulting conversation takes place just as Klinger finally gets the PA system working again, but with the microphone stuck in the "On" position:
---->'''Margaret:''' ''[to Potter, who looks more out of it than ever]'' Sir, please try to understand. All you have to do is tell I-CORPS to put some camphor menthol shake lotion on the helicopter.\\
'''Klinger:''' ''[flips a switch, and the PA system lights up; triumphantly]'' Ha ''ha!''\\
'''Potter:''' Medicine? Who's sick?\\
''[an external shot of the PA speakers reveals that
the rest of the camp conversation is being broadcast to the entire camp]''\\
'''Margaret:''' Nobody's sick, sir, I have a little rash.\\
'''Potter:''' Well, I have two grandchildren myself.\\
'''Margaret:''' Sir, please try to understand! This is Margaret! ''[glares at Klinger, who keeps reaching between her and Potter to grab his tools off the desk and put them away]'' I have a bad case of prickly heat. A severe irritation on my gluteus maximus!\\
'''Potter:''' Oh, I get it. A bad case of keister itch.\\
'''Margaret:''' Well, you could call it that, sir.\\
'''Potter:''' I sure gotta sympathise with you on that one. ''[external shot of the camp]'' Ain't nothin' more bothersome than a case of the ol' fanny fungus. ''[shot of Charles, Mulcahy, and Igor picking up Charles' tax paperwork, listening in confusion; over the PA, we hear Margaret groan]'' With all this heat, that cute little caboose of yours must be red as a beet!\\
'''Margaret:''' ''[shot of Jo Ann in the supply room, also listening in confusion]'' Oh, really, sir, I'd rather not talk about it.\\
'''Potter:''' ''[shot of Hawkeye and B.J. in the showers, ''also'' listening in confusion; Hawkeye switches off the water, and B.J. follows suit]'' I dunno how bad off your wazoo is, but I bet it don't come close to the rump rots I had back in [[UsefulNotes/WorldWarI the Big War]].\\
'''Margaret:''' ''[shot of Charles, Mulcahy, and Igor breaking down laughing]'' Sir! Sir, the chopper?...\\
'''Potter:''' We were pinned down near Chantilly, and I was stuck for a whole damn night ''[shot of Jo Ann laughing]'' in a wet foxhole. I'll never forget it. ''[shot of Hawkeye and B.J.
laughing and realizes why:
--->'''Houlihan''':
themselves silly]'' No matter how many times you change your skivvies, the fire on the ol' back porch just keeps burnin'.\\
'''Margaret:''' ''[over an external shot of the camp as gales of laughter come from every tent]'' Sir, please, could you just ''call?''\\
'''Potter:''' Must be hell for you tryin' to sit or sleep. You sure got-\\
'''Margaret:''' ''[finally hearing the laughter]''
Wait a minute, is this stupid PA on? on!? Klinger, you idiot!!\\
'''Klinger''': '''Klinger:''' Major, wait! Oh, no! Please don't! It took me three hours to fix that- ''(SMASH) (static)''''[SMASH] [static] [laughter continues]''



* "Oh, How We Danced" has Hawkeye blackmailing an infantry commander who assaulted Winchester with an over-the-top impersonation on the phone, complete with an outrageous imitation of Winchester's accent and SesquipedalianLoquaciousness. ("I think I hurt my tongue.") Among other things, he uses the word "sidacious", then heads off B.J. and Klinger's questioning looks by covering the receiver with his hand and admitting that he just made it up. To cap it all off, he demands "AN harmonica", leading B.J. and Klinger to look at each other and silently mouth those words. After he hangs up, he leaves with a spot-on imitation of Charles's "[[CatchPhrase Gentlemen...]]"

to:

* "Oh, How We Danced" has Danced":
**
Hawkeye blackmailing blackmails an infantry commander who assaulted Winchester with an over-the-top impersonation on the phone, complete with an outrageous imitation of Winchester's accent and SesquipedalianLoquaciousness. ("I think I hurt my tongue.") Among other things, he uses the word "sidacious", then heads off B.J. and Klinger's questioning looks by covering the receiver with his hand and admitting that he just made it up. To cap it all off, he demands "AN harmonica", leading B.J. and Klinger to look at each other and silently mouth those words. After he hangs up, he leaves with a spot-on imitation of Charles's "[[CatchPhrase Gentlemen...]]"


'''Klinger''': Major, no! It took me 3 hours to fix this thing- ''(SMASH)''

to:

'''Klinger''': Major, wait! Oh, no! Please don't! It took me 3 three hours to fix this thing- ''(SMASH)''that- ''(SMASH) (static)''


* In "[[Recap/S11E7SettlingDebts Settling Debts]]", after leading the planning session for the party to celebrate the final payment of the mortgage on the Potters' house, Hawkeye closes with the unforgettable "We will now leave one by one according to order of departure."

to:

* In "[[Recap/S11E7SettlingDebts Settling Debts]]", after Debts]]":
** After
leading the planning session for the party to celebrate the final payment of the mortgage on the Potters' house, Hawkeye closes with the unforgettable "We will now leave one by one according to order of departure."


Added DiffLines:

* "The Moon is Not Blue" sees the 4077th in the grip of a blistering heat wave, the film courier has brought them the UsefulNotes/WorldWarII-set Creator/HumphreyBogart vehicle ''Sahara'' for the umpteenth time, and General Rothaker, one of the latest batch of wounded, has ordered Potter to ban the consumption of alcohol during his stay. When Potter reluctantly announces the news to the crowd in the Officers' Club, Hawkeye reminds B.J. that they "still have the still"... or so he thinks. Then a potential solution to their misery appears... or, again, so they think:
-->'''B.J.:''' ''[approaching the Swamp]'' I'm gonna go in there and pour my heart out. ''[holds the door for Hawkeye]''\\
'''Hawkeye:''' I'll drink to that! ''[as he and B.J. enter, their faces fall]''\\
'''B.J.:''' No you won't... it's gone. ''[sure enough, the still's usual table is empty except for a newspaper and a letter]''\\
'''Hawkeye:''' Damn it!...\\
'''B.J.:''' Wait - they left a ransom note. ''[picks up the letter, reads]'' "Sorry boys, but I've had to impound your hoochmobile for the duration of Rothaker's stay." ''[thwacks the letter in irritation]'' "Reluctantly, Colonel Potter."\\
'''Hawkeye:''' ''[taking the letter]'' Lousy revenuers.\\
'''Charles:''' ''[entering]'' Gentlemen.\\
'''B.J.:''' ''[looking through the newspaper]'' Quiet, Charles, I'm looking for the liquor ads.\\
'''Hawkeye:''' I thought you went to see ''Sahara'' tonight.\\
'''Charles:''' Indeed I did, but alas, I had to leave when the film broke, which was about two seconds after I ripped it from the projector - and I ''would'' have been here sooner, but I had to stop to accept the cheers of the ''entire'' audience. ''[notices the empty table]'' My, my. What ''has'' become of your wino's Erector set?\\
'''Hawkeye:''' Potter took it. Rothaker has declared Prohibition! ''[throws down the letter]''\\
'''B.J.:''' ''[notices something in the newspaper]'' Hey, hey, hey, hey, listen to this! "Blue movie banned in Boston"!\\
'''Hawkeye:''' What? ''[reads over B.J.'s shoulder]''\\
'''B.J.:''' "''Film/TheMoonIsBlue'', starring Creator/DavidNiven, Creator/WilliamHolden, and Maggie [=McNamara=] has been banned from local theatres due to its suggestive nature!" ''[grins eagerly]''\\
'''Hawkeye:''' ''[grabbing the paper]'' Philistines, they said the same thing about ''Babette Meets the Fleet''.\\
'''Charles:''' ''[chuckles]'' Gentlemen, uh, before you unleash your libidos, bear in mind Boston would have banned ''Disney/{{Pinocchio}}''.


** Hawkeye becomes so sleep-deprived that he stumbles into a lecture by Frank and asks him why the war is happening ("Is it something we said? Something we didn't say?"). Frank replies that the North Koreans envy the American way of life, and half of them have never even seen a bathroom; Hawkeye concludes that the war might end if the North Koreans had indoor plumbing, and concocts (and partly carries out) a plan to ship the latrine (and the visiting general inside it) to the North Koreans to end the war, and Trapper can only laugh his head off as he watches said plan unfold.
---> '''General Clayton''': Sergeant! Get me outta here! Will you order him? Let me outta here! Wait a minute! [[PunctuatedForEmphasis WHERE. ARE. WE. GOING?!]]

to:

** Hawkeye becomes so sleep-deprived that he stumbles into a an orientation lecture by Frank (though not before first looking for him in Margaret's wardrobe) and asks him why the war is happening ("Is it something we said? Something we didn't say?"). Frank replies that the North Koreans envy the American way of life, and half of them have never even seen a bathroom; Hawkeye concludes that the war might end if the North Koreans had indoor plumbing, and concocts (and partly carries out) a plan to ship the latrine (and the visiting general inside it) to the North Koreans to end the war, and Trapper can only laugh his head off as he watches said plan unfold.
---> '''General Clayton''': Sergeant! Get me outta here! Will Do you order him? know who I am!? Let me outta here! Wait a minute! [[PunctuatedForEmphasis WHERE. ARE. WE. GOING?!]]



** Most of the plans for getting Hawkeye to sleep are humorous as well, especially the attempt to inject him with a sedative (they got the wrong rump and knocked out Frank instead).

to:

** Most of the plans for getting Hawkeye to sleep are humorous as well, especially the attempt to inject him with a sedative (they got sedative; they get the wrong rump and knocked knock out Frank instead).instead.
--->''[Trapper knocks the roll of pictures of the latrine that Hawkeye is planning to send to the North Koreans to the ground, but as Hawkeye bends down to retrieve it, Frank moves to between the two captains]''\\
'''Frank:''' Pierce, return to your tent and get some sleep. ''[close up shot of Trapper injecting someone in the backside with sedative]'' Now that's a direct order I gave you, Pierce. ''[he starts to walk away... and after two steps, he suddenly falls to the ground like a puppet that's had its strings cut]''\\
'''Margaret:''' FRANK! ''[runs over to him]''\\
'''Hawkeye:''' Well, he was close. ''He's'' out on my feet.


** Hawkeye stays awake for three days straight, and becomes so sleep-deprived that he stumbles into a lecture by Frank and asks him why the war is happening ("Is it something we said? Something we didn't say?"). Frank replies that the North Koreans envy the American way of life, and half of them have never even seen a bathroom; Hawkeye concludes that the war might end if the North Koreans had indoor plumbing, and concocts (and partly carries out) a plan to ship the latrine (and the visiting general inside it) to the North Koreans to end the war, and Trapper can only laugh his head off as he watches said plan unfold.

to:

** After a prolonged OR session, Hawkeye stays is keen to get some sleep, only for new wounded to arrive almost immediately. Despite Trapper, Frank, Radar, and Henry telling him to go to sleep, he keeps returning to OR every time more wounded are brought in, until he has been awake for three days straight, days. Finally Henry has enough:
--->''[Hawkeye stumbles out of OR
and turns on the tap at the scrub sink... and simply rests against the wall over it]''\\
'''Henry:''' ''[storming out of OR]'' Listen, Pierce! You were ordered to stand down!\\
'''Hawkeye:''' I did, but I fell up again. ''[takes in the sight of Henry in full surgical garb]'' Oh, uh, lemme see... uh... ''[points at Henry]'' Franchise/TheLoneRanger. Very good. ''[he walks away from the sink, the water still running; Henry shuts it off]''\\
'''Henry:''' You've gone against orders, Pierce. Somebody else could have operated.\\
'''Hawkeye:''' Well, I asked the kid to sit in our waiting room, but he's read all our magazines.\\
'''Henry:''' ''[unties his mask]'' I'm gonna be frank with you, Pierce!\\
'''Hawkeye:''' ''[confused]'' You're gonna be Frank with me?\\
'''Henry:''' I mean ''blunt!''\\
'''Hawkeye:''' Oh, that's good, 'cause otherwise, Frank would try to be Henry with me, I don't think I could stand that.\\
'''Henry:''' Now, you pay close attention. Can you understand what I'm saying?\\
'''Hawkeye:''' Why, is there something wrong with your mouth?
** Hawkeye
becomes so sleep-deprived that he stumbles into a lecture by Frank and asks him why the war is happening ("Is it something we said? Something we didn't say?"). Frank replies that the North Koreans envy the American way of life, and half of them have never even seen a bathroom; Hawkeye concludes that the war might end if the North Koreans had indoor plumbing, and concocts (and partly carries out) a plan to ship the latrine (and the visiting general inside it) to the North Koreans to end the war, and Trapper can only laugh his head off as he watches said plan unfold.


** Because of Frank's absence, Potter goes on to Hawkeye and BJ, commenting on [[NoodleIncident some of the things Frank has reported on them]].

to:

** Because of Frank's absence, Potter goes on to Hawkeye and BJ, B.J., commenting on [[NoodleIncident some of the things Frank has reported on them]].



'''Colonel Potter''': Keep your yos to yourself. ''[tuts at what he reads in Hawkeye's file and moves on to BJ's]'' Captain Hunnicutt?\\
'''BJ''': Yes sir.\\

to:

'''Colonel Potter''': Keep your yos to yourself. ''[tuts at what he reads in Hawkeye's file and moves on to BJ's]'' B.J.'s]'' Captain Hunnicutt?\\
'''BJ''': '''B.J.''': Yes sir.\\



'''BJ''': We were having a weenie roast.\\

to:

'''BJ''': '''B.J.''': We were having a weenie roast.\\



'''BJ''': We're not allowed to cook in our tents, sir.\\

to:

'''BJ''': '''B.J.''': We're not allowed to cook in our tents, sir.\\



** As Radar is busy trying to get Hawkeye up for duty, something is heard bumping against the door of the Swamp, punctuated by a cry of "'''RATS!'''". The something turns out to be some''one'' when BJ enters the tent. Hawkeye assumes this to be a case of GoshDangItToHeck and asks what happened.

to:

** As Radar is busy trying to get Hawkeye up for duty, something is heard bumping against the door of the Swamp, punctuated by a cry of "'''RATS!'''". The something turns out to be some''one'' when BJ B.J. enters the tent. Hawkeye assumes this to be a case of GoshDangItToHeck and asks what happened.



'''BJ''': Just what I said. Rats. If they get any bigger, we can hold a rodeo.

to:

'''BJ''': '''B.J.''': Just what I said. Rats. If they get any bigger, we can hold a rodeo.



** In TheTag, BJ discovers that the second walkie-talkie has been on the bus all along. At his and Hawkeye's urging, the North Korean prisoner speaks into it, leading to Frank hearing him on the other end and believing that he has tapped into enemy communications.

to:

** In TheTag, BJ B.J. discovers that the second walkie-talkie has been on the bus all along. At his and Hawkeye's urging, the North Korean prisoner speaks into it, leading to Frank hearing him on the other end and believing that he has tapped into enemy communications.



** In their preparation to lasso the horse, Hawkeye gets into position to draw the horse's attention away from BJ as he swings the rope. BJ throws the lasso...and ends up snaring Hawkeye instead.
** Hawkeye and BJ's reactions to Radar successfully taming the horse with just his gentle nature.
** The horse giving Hawkeye and BJ trouble as they try to treat it and remove the shrapnel from its wound, leading it to kick the door of the Supply Shed into pieces.

to:

** In their preparation to lasso the horse, Hawkeye gets into position to draw the horse's attention away from BJ B.J. as he swings the rope. BJ B.J. throws the lasso...and ends up snaring Hawkeye instead.
** Hawkeye and BJ's B.J.'s reactions to Radar successfully taming the horse with just his gentle nature.
** The horse giving Hawkeye and BJ B.J. trouble as they try to treat it and remove the shrapnel from its wound, leading it to kick the door of the Supply Shed into pieces.



** Seeing that the two boys he was telling the story of Androcles to have fallen asleep, BJ chooses to cut the story short. Hawkeye treats this as YankTheDogsChain.

to:

** Seeing that the two boys he was telling the story of Androcles to have fallen asleep, BJ B.J. chooses to cut the story short. Hawkeye treats this as YankTheDogsChain.



'''BJ''': I think your senility's here ahead of schedule.\\

to:

'''BJ''': '''B.J.''': I think your senility's here ahead of schedule.\\


** Frank gets uppity when Henry names Hawkeye chief surgeon:
--->'''Frank''': What? You can't do that! I won't stand for it!\\
'''Henry''': Frank, if there's one thing that won't get you anywhere it's imitating my wife.

to:

** After another tense OR session, Radar brings Henry a report from Frank Burns, to which Henry reacts with his usual disgust - out loud, unaware that [[RightBehindMe Frank has entered while he has been reading]]:
--->'''Henry:''' ''[as Radar hands him the report]'' Where do I sign?\\
'''Radar:''' Sir, I'd read that very carefully, it's from Major Burns, he's right outside in the hall.\\
'''Henry:''' Well, tell him I'm not in!\\
'''Radar:''' Yes, sir. ''[he heads for the door, but Frank enters the office before he can get there; Henry is facing the back wall and shakes his head as he reads]'' Sir?\\
'''Henry:''' Frank Burns has to be the biggest horse's patoot on this post.\\
'''Frank:''' ''[unamused]'' You think so? ''[Henry turns around slowly as Radar hums innocently and points to Frank with a rubber stamp]''\\
'''Henry:''' Frank. Dismissed.\\
'''Radar:''' ''[to Frank]'' You heard him, sir.\\
'''Frank:''' ''[angrily]'' He's talking to '''you!''' ''[Radar makes a swift exit]''
** The report includes charges Frank wants to press against Hawkeye:
--->'''Henry:''' You seriously wanna press these charges, Frank?\\
'''Frank:''' You bet I do.\\
'''Henry:''' ''[sitting down and reading]'' "Insubordination". "Failure to salute a superior officer".\\
'''Frank:''' I'm a major, Pierce is a captain. He's never saluted me once.\\
'''Henry:''' Frank, the nearest thing to a salute on this post is the camp mutt scratching the fleas behind his ears! ''[Frank is unmoved; Henry scoffs and goes back to reading]'' "Lack of military courtesy: Captain Pierce constantly calls me by my first name."\\
'''Frank:''' Not allowed, [[HypocriticalHumour Henry]], Page 85, ''Army Officer's Guide''.\\
'''Henry:''' You honestly want him to call you "Major"!?\\
'''Frank:''' I ''have'' got oak leaves on my shoulders! ''[points to one]''\\
'''Henry:''' And I've got dimples on my ''butt!''
** Hawkeye shows up to answer the "charges" against him - in his bathrobe.
Frank gets uppity when Henry names Hawkeye chief surgeon:
--->'''Frank''': What? You --->'''Henry''': ''[after breaking up a near altercation between Hawkeye and Frank]'' Now this can't continue.\\
'''Hawkeye''': Why don't you sell me to the Red Sox?\\
'''Henry''': I'd love to. But what I obviously need to
do that! is appoint a chief surgeon.\\
'''Frank''': Now you're talking.\\
'''Henry''': He'll be in charge of all surgical situations. In addition to his own work, he'll assist each shift. To help out with the really tough cases. The job'll be a killer.\\
'''Frank''': I can adjust.\\
'''Henry''': I hope you can: I'm giving it to Pierce.\\
'''Hawkeye''': ''[unenthusiastic]'' Oh, thanks.\\
'''Frank''': What? You can't!
I won't stand for it!\\
'''Henry''': Frank, if there's the one thing that won't that'll get you anywhere it's imitating nowhere with me is impersonating my wife.\\
'''Frank''': Well, what about rank!?\\
'''Hawkeye''': Can I help it if I'm not as rank as you?



---> ''[Margaret jaw drops momentarily]''

to:

---> ''[Margaret ''[Margaret's jaw drops momentarily]''



---> '''Radar (bursts into office)''': Sir?

to:

---> '''Radar (bursts '''Radar''': ''[bursts into office)''': office]'' Sir?


Added DiffLines:

** In the opening OR scene, Nurse Baker mouths off to Frank after one of his many NeverMyFault reactions to her doing what he said to do instead of what he meant to say to do. Margaret decides to speak to Henry shortly afterward, but Henry is badly hung over and is less than receptive:
--->''[Henry is slowly pouring a solution of antacid powder and water from one glass to another to mix it; Radar enters]''\\
'''Radar:''' Sir? Uh, Major Houlihan requests permission to see the colonel.\\
'''Henry:''' Well, tell her I died of a hangover and didn't leave a forwarding address.\\
'''Radar:''' Yes, sir. ''[he heads for the door, only for Margaret to throw it open and march straight past him]''\\
'''Margaret:''' Colonel, I want a few words with you.\\
'''Henry:''' ''[wincing]'' I just hope I can hear you over the tom-toms.\\
'''Margaret:''' I think you'll be able to hear me all right, all right.\\
'''Henry:''' ''[takes a drink of his antacid solution]'' Mm-hmm.\\
'''Radar:''' ''[handing Henry his University of Illinois mug]'' Here's some black coffee, sir.\\
'''Henry:''' God bless you, Radar.\\
'''Radar:''' Hope so, sir.\\
'''Margaret:''' ''[impatiently]'' Colonel!\\
'''Henry:''' Radar, turn on the news. Maybe the war just ended and I won't have to talk to her.\\
'''Radar:''' Uh, yes sir, I'll get you that station right away. ''[as he leaves, Henry takes a sip of coffee while Margaret grabs the chair opposite him and slams it down, aggravating his HangoverSensitivity even further]''\\
'''Margaret:''' ''[sitting in the chair]'' Colonel Blake, I wish to charge Lieutenant Janet Baker with ''insubordination'' and I ''insist'' on your assurance that she will be given ''prompt'' and ''vigorous'' punishment.\\
'''Henry:''' Well, Major, there's a French unit right down the road. Now, why don't you just run down there and see if you can borrow their guillotine.


'''Charles:''' ''[laughs]'' Colonel, what a delight. Since we worked out our differences, the remainder of our quarantine shall be passed in peace and harmony.\\

to:

'''Charles:''' ''[laughs]'' Colonel, what a delight. Since we worked out our differences, [[TemptingFate the remainder of our quarantine shall be passed in peace and harmony.harmony]].\\


* "[[Recap/MashS3E2RainbowBridge Rainbow Bridge]]":
** As the bus is leaving for Rainbow Bridge, Frank blows his whistle while standing in the doorway. The bus moves off, and he falls into a heap on the stairs just as it moves out of the camera's view.
** Hawkeye, Trapper and Frank head off to pick up some wounded that are being returned to them. They are warned that they are not to bring weapons, at the risk of losing the wounded in question to prisoner camps. Frank, being Frank, sneaks with him a small handgun, giving himself away when he goes for it in response to a misunderstood gesture. The man in charge of returning their wounded is royally pissed off at this breach of contract and demands that Frank produce the weapon. When he does...
--->''[laughing incredulously]'' What the hell is that!?
** The gun is so hilariously tiny that Hawkeye is right in deeming it as something that would have come out of a box of Cracker Jacks. For reference, Frank holds the gun up with two fingers.



** Yet another round of either Hawkeye, Trapper or both saying hi or goodbye to Frank, and the latter interprets it to have some unfriendly meaning.
---> '''Trapper''': Hi Frank.
---> '''Frank''': That doesn't scare me one bit.
---> [...]
---> '''Trapper''': Bye Frank.
---> '''Frank''': That was totally uncalled for.
** Frank orders Hawkeye to wake up so he can start his duty as Officer of the Day and a sleepy Hawkeye lazily responds by going back to sleep and a moment later tells Frank to go away. An unperturbed Frank pulls him out of bed, to his surprise and irritation.
---> '''Frank''': Wake up, Pierce. Come on, get up.
---> '''Trapper''': Hey, Frank, lay off. He was 14 hours in OR.
---> '''Frank'''': [[GoshDangItToHeck Tough Tilly.]] Up, up, up.
---> '''Hawkeye''': Get lost, Frank. Go rinse out the flag.
---> ''Frank grabs him by the shoulder and pulls him up''
---> '''Hawkeye''': Trap, you're a witness. [[ReflexiveResponse He's violating the dead.]]



* "[[Recap/MashS3E2RainbowBridge Rainbow Bridge]]":
** As the bus is leaving for Rainbow Bridge, Frank blows his whistle while standing in the doorway. The bus moves off, and he falls into a heap on the stairs just as it moves out of the camera's view.
** Hawkeye, Trapper and Frank head off to pick up some wounded that are being returned to them. They are warned that they are not to bring weapons, at the risk of losing the wounded in question to prisoner camps. Frank, being Frank, sneaks with him a small handgun, giving himself away when he goes for it in response to a misunderstood gesture. The man in charge of returning their wounded is royally pissed off at this breach of contract and demands that Frank produce the weapon. When he does...
--->''[laughing incredulously]'' What the hell is that!?
** The gun is so hilariously tiny that Hawkeye is right in deeming it as something that would have come out of a box of Cracker Jacks. For reference, Frank holds the gun up with two fingers.
* "[[Recap/MashS3E3OfficerOfTheDay Officer of the Day]]":
** Yet another round of either Hawkeye, Trapper or both saying hi or goodbye to Frank, and the latter interprets it to have some unfriendly meaning.
---> '''Trapper''': Hi Frank.
---> '''Frank''': That doesn't scare me one bit.
---> [...]
---> '''Trapper''': Bye Frank.
---> '''Frank''': That was totally uncalled for.
** Frank orders Hawkeye to wake up so he can start his duty as Officer of the Day and a sleepy Hawkeye lazily responds by going back to sleep and a moment later tells Frank to go away. An unperturbed Frank pulls him out of bed, to his surprise and irritation.
---> '''Frank''': Wake up, Pierce. Come on, get up.
---> '''Trapper''': Hey, Frank, lay off. He was 14 hours in OR.
---> '''Frank'''': [[GoshDangItToHeck Tough Tilly.]] Up, up, up.
---> '''Hawkeye''': Get lost, Frank. Go rinse out the flag.
---> ''Frank grabs him by the shoulder and pulls him up''
---> '''Hawkeye''': Trap, you're a witness. [[ReflexiveResponse He's violating the dead.]]


* "[[Recap/MashS2E1DividedWeStand Divided We Stand]]":
** Captain Hildebrand, while he is observing Frank and Margaret's rendezvous and subsequently Hawkeye and Trapper's prank on the two.
** The funniest scene of the episode however is when Hildebrand has delivered his summation and pretty much the entire main cast start flinging worded barbs at each other.
---> '''Frank Burns''': Well, how would you feel if you were forced to serve alongside a pair of medical misfits?
---> '''Hawkeye''': Olè!
---> '''Frank Burns''': And this one has no respect for human decency. He turns everything into a hollow mockery.
---> '''Hawkeye''': That's a lie. I've never once taken out the insides of a mockery.
---> '''Margaret''': He's right, Captain. They're both impossible.
---> '''Trapper''': Stay out of this, Hot Lips, or I'll stop selling tickets to your shower day.
---> ''[Margaret taps her foot repeatedly in anger. Trapper mockingly taps back]''
---> '''Henry''': Alright. Steady, people.
---> '''Margaret''': You [Trapper] are no gentleman!
---> '''Hawkeye''': Good thing you are.
---> ''[Margaret stutters in shock. Hawkeye teases her with his own stutter]''
---> ''[Hawkeye stop and taps Hildebrand on the shoulder with the hand of a skeleton model]''
---> '''Hawkeye''': While you're writing, make note of the fact that thanks to the failures of the world's various elected heads, not to mention just plain dictators, to keep a cold war from turning hot, I am forced to operate alongside a surgeon who can't trim his toenails without committing malpractice.
---> '''Frank''': I resent that!
---> '''Trapper''': How do you know he meant you?
---> '''Frank''': Well, who else? I mean ...
---> '''Henry''': Captain, we're not as bad as we...
---> '''Margaret''': There isn't a nurse in this camp they haven't tried to molest.
---> '''Trapper''': Except the male ones.
---> '''Hawkeye''': Speak for yourself.
---> ''[Radar appears by the window outside and knocks. Margaret points frantically at him]''
---> '''Margaret''': THAT ONE SPIES ON EVERYBODY!
---> '''Hawkeye''': Now dear, he is our son.
---> ''[Margaret jaw drops momentarily]''
---> '''Henry''': He is not!
---> '''Radar (bursts into office)''': Sir?
---> '''Henry''': Radar, what the hell is it?
---> '''Radar''': Choppers. More wounded.
---> ''[Everybody drops their various attitudes, leap into action and leave the office. Captain Hildebrand is left stunned by the sudden change in behaviour]''



** Radar asks Henry Blake about whether or not they should send some food supplies back.
---> '''Radar''': Sir?
---> '''Henry''': Not now, Radar. We've got ourselves some new wounded.
---> '''Radar''': Should I send back those 1941 frozen surplus chicken wings we got?
---> '''Henry''': I wouldn't. They're a lot better than those 1939 surplus hamburger patties.



---> '''General Clayton''': Sergeant! Get me outta here! Will you order him? Let me outta here! Wait a minute! [[PunctuatedForEmphasis WHERE. ARE. WE. GOING?!]]
---> [...]
---> '''General Clayton''': SERGEANT! '''SERGEANT!!!'''



* "[[Recap/MashS2E11CarryOnHawkeye Carry On, Hawkeye]]": The entire scene of Henry attempting to retake command despite still being sick is one of the show's most fondly remembered comedy pieces.
-->'''Hawkeye''': Should you be up?
-->'''Henry''': [[BlatantLies I'm fine. I'm just perfect]].
-->'''Hawkeye''': You look like an ad for death.
-->'''Henry''': You know what kind of bird moves into another bird's nest while the colonel bird is sick?
-->'''Margaret''': Somebody had to take command.
-->'''Henry''': So you did it together. Well, that's double indemnity, that's what that is. I seen it in [[Film/DoubleIndemnity a movie]].
-->'''Hawkeye''': You're burning up. Get back to bed.
-->'''Henry''': Oh no, no. So you two can just sit around my desk and smoke my cigars?
-->'''Hawkeye''': [[ReflexiveResponse She couldn't help it, Henry. She was drunk.]]
-->'''Margaret''': Oh stop.
-->'''Henry''': Well, forget it. Just get out of there, Mrs. Judas, I'm taking over. Yessir, [[HesBack I am back on the bridge. I'm in command around here again]].
-->''[Henry sits down in his chair. Hawkeye and Margaret wait for the inevitable. It happens; Henry's eyes roll and he slumps, sliding down out of the chair.]''
-->'''Hawkeye''': [[BondOneLiner He went down with his desk.]]



'''Hawkeye''': One of the sandwiches just moved.
*** Even better, everyone stops to look at the sandwiches suspiciously.

to:

'''Hawkeye''': One of the sandwiches just moved. \n*** Even better, everyone \\
''[everyone
stops to look at the sandwiches suspiciously. suspiciously]''



* In "[[Recap/MashS2E15OfficersOnly Officers Only]]", Hawkeye and Trapper operate on General Mitchell's son; the grateful general sends them for three days' R&R in Tokyo at the Imperial Hotel, and a series of phone calls to Henry reveals they get rather carried away...
-->'''Radar:''' ''[on the phone in Henry's office]'' What? ''[Henry enters]'' Oh, wait, hold on, he just walked in. ''[covers phone; to Henry]'' Telephone, sir.\\

to:

** One time, during the card game, everyone speaks using [[ClicheStorm clichés and accents from classic Western movies]].
--->'''Trapper''': Well, I think it's time we separated the men from the boys around here.
--->'''Hawkeye''': You the new sheriff?
--->'''Trapper''': That's right, sonny. This here [Klinger] is the new schoolmarm.
--->'''Sam Pak''': Deal, Tex. All ready.
** Frank Burns gets a water pitcher thrown at him by an irritated patient.
--->'''Frank''': Lights out, soldier!
--->'''Patient''': Stuff it, Major!
--->''[Patient throws the pitcher. Frank ducks.]''
--->'''Flagg''': What was that?
--->'''Frank''': Oh, he's just [[BlatantLies pretending to be violent]].
--->'''Flagg''': [[SarcasmMode Great imitation]].
** Henry is annoyed with their conversation as it has put the game on hold.
--->'''Henry''': Are you guys gonna play cards or chew the fat?
--->'''Sam Pak''': If I wanna chew the fat, [[BrickJoke I'll eat a sandwich]].
** Captain Halloran aka Colonel Flagg asks if the men and woman playing cards in the Swamp can be trusted. [[FailedASpotCheck The woman is Klinger]].
--->'''Flagg''': Colonel, can these men be trusted?
--->'''Henry''': Certainly.
--->'''Flagg''': What about her?
--->''[Klinger looks up]''
--->'''Sam Pak''': She's my wife.
--->'''Sidney''': That's a very interesting joke, Sam.
--->''[Sam gives Sidney one of his poker chips]''
--->'''Sam Pak''': [[BrickJoke Thanks for seeing me, Sidney]].
** "I'm not going out there without A BULLETPROOF COUCH!"
** Whiplash Whang, Professional Accident Victim. "The Falldown King of Korea".
* "[[Recap/MashS2E14HotLipsAndEmptyArms Hot Lips and Empty Arms]]":
** Margaret bursts into Henry Blake's office and finds him, Trapper and Hawkeye watching an adults-only movie. Disgusted by their behaviour, she goes on to admonish the three of them like children, blames Hawkeye and Trapper [[DudeWheresMyRespect for the lack of respect she gets from everyone]], insults Henry's style of command, and outright demands a transfer.
** An inebriated Margaret's discussion with Frank Burns as to just what her real personality is.
** Hawkeye and Trapper's method of sobering Margaret up: ''drenching her in the shower''.
--->'''Margaret''': ''[screams]'' What are you doing?
--->'''Hawkeye''': New surgical procedure. You have to scrub from head to toe.
In your clothes.
--->'''Margaret''': That's ridiculous. ''[laughs]'' But I like it.
--->'''Trapper''': More.
*
"[[Recap/MashS2E15OfficersOnly Officers Only]]", Only]]":
**
Hawkeye and Trapper operate on General Mitchell's son; the grateful general sends them for three days' R&R in Tokyo at the Imperial Hotel, and a series of phone calls to Henry reveals they get rather carried away...
-->'''Radar:''' --->'''Radar:''' ''[on the phone in Henry's office]'' What? ''[Henry enters]'' Oh, wait, hold on, he just walked in. ''[covers phone; to Henry]'' Telephone, sir.\\



** Radar goes into the Swamp to wake Hawkeye up. Hawkeye at first doesn't respond, so Radar pulls the cover down... And is met with a close-up view of Hawkeye's feet. At the other end of the bed, Hawkeye gets up.
--->'''Hawkeye''': Radar, who asked you to wake my feet?\\
'''Radar''': Sir, your head's at the wrong end of the bed.\\
'''Hawkeye''': No it's not. It's always been here.
** Henry Blake gives Klinger some advice about his latest scheme to get out of the army.
--->'''Henry''': Klinger, you asked for my advice. Now I realize how badly you want out of the army.\\
'''Klinger''': Yes sir.\\
'''Henry''': But it's, um, my considered opinion that no one is going to believe that you're pregnant.



* "[[Recap/MashS2E17ForWantOfABoot For Want of a Boot]]": Having had enough of the cold, Trapper has zipped himself up in his sleeping bag, all the while giving Hawkeye advice about what to do with his boot problem.
-->'''Trapper''': There's only one thing left to do, Hawk. ''[beat]'' I think we should go lean on the supply sergeant.\\
''[beat]''\\
'''Hawkeye''': Very good advice. From a man who's zipped his fly to new heights.\\
''[Trapper turns to "face" him]''



* "[[Recap/MashS2E19TheChosenPeople The Chosen People]]":
** The ProducePelting moment at the beginning of the episode when Radar is blowing his bugle.
** Through Sam Pak, the main cast learns why the Korean family has settled in the compound grounds, and they all react.
--->'''Henry''': What's the poop, Sam?\\
'''Sam Pak''': Well, the poop is he says that this is his farm and you are on his land.\\
'''Hawkeye''': That settles it. Let's go home.\\
'''Frank''': Are we going to stand around and let these ''foreigners'' take over the 4077th?!\\
'''Hawkeye''': [[SarcasmMode Frank's right. This is their land. What right have they got to it?]]
** Sam Pak's introduction to Choon Hi and Su Yong.
--->'''Henry''': Uh, Sam, this is Miss Choon Hi. The baby is Su Yong. ''[beat]'' Stand by for the fingering of the father.\\
'''Sam Pak''': Ahh...\\
'''Choon Hi''': ''[points at Sam]'' Him not doctor.\\
'''Sam Pak''': You betcha. I don't make house calls.
** And just before the introduction:
---> '''Sam Pak''': Good news.\\
'''Henry''': I'll take it.\\
'''Sam Pak''': I had a long, reasonable talk with the farmer. Everything's cool.\\
'''Henry''': Great.\\
'''Sam Pak''': You got three days to get the hell outta here.\\
'''Henry''': Sam, what's Korean for "suicide"?\\
'''Sam Pak''': That's the Japanese. We don't do that shtick.



** Klinger asks Father Mulcahy for his opinion of a letter he is about to send to General Mitchell to prove he is crazy. Mulcahy responds by listening to every word with a [[DullSurprise dull reaction]], [[SilentSnarker a slight roll of the eyes]] and an "Oh dear" upon looking at a picture of Klinger dressed up as Creator/RitaHayworth. When Klinger finishes recounting the letter, Mulcahy had this to say about the whole thing:
--->'''Mulcahy:''' Klinger... The Lord moves in mysterious ways, but you take the cake!
** On the second day featured in the episode, Radar is signalling the morning reveille, badly as usual. Hawkeye and Trapper are wide awake, gazing expectantly towards Frank's cot. The camera moves over to the cot, showing the viewer there is a large crate on top of it. Then the crate moves.
--->'''Frank''': Hey, get me out of this! ''[pause]'' Is there anybody there?\\
'''Hawkeye''': Anybody where, Frank?\\
'''Frank''': GET ME OUT OF HERE, YOU ANIMALS!\\
'''Trapper''': Out of where, Frank?\\
''[Frank goes silent. One of his fingers pokes out of one of the crate's holes and feels around the circle.]''\\
'''Frank''': I'm boxed in!\\
'''Trapper''': We all feel that way at times, Frank.\\
'''Frank''': You guys'll pay for this!\\
'''Hawkeye''': Take it easy, Frank. The pilot says we'll be in Chicago in an hour.



** And at the end of the episode, he's sitting in the middle of his now-empty office, trying to request new... well, new everything, as they were forced to burn everything "that didn't move or salute." For reference, the only three things inside Henry's office besides Henry himself are the phone, the skeleton hanging in the corner that presumably couldn't be burned, and a jerry can that Henry is using as a seat.

to:

** And Father Mulcahy's spin on NowILayMeDownToSleep and everyone's reactions to it.
--->'''Father Mulcahy''': It's been years. Let me see if I can recall that prayer. "And now I lay me down to sleep, a bag of peanuts
at my feet."\\
''[[Trapper raises his head up in surprise]]''\\
'''Father Mulcahy''': "If I should die before I wake, give them to my brother Jake."\\
''[Frank [[JawDrop jaw drops]] [[FunnyBackgroundEvent in the background behind him]], Radar and Henry stare at him bewildered, and Hawkeye and Klinger genuinely laugh]]''
** At
the end of the episode, he's Henry's sitting in the middle of his now-empty office, trying to request new... well, new everything, as they were forced to burn everything "that didn't move or salute." For reference, the only three things inside Henry's office besides Henry himself are the phone, the skeleton hanging in the corner that presumably couldn't be burned, and a jerry can that Henry is using as a seat.



** General Steele's breaking out singing "Mississippi Mud" during what is supposed to be Hawkeye's court-martial will bring a tear to your eye. As will Hawkeye, Trapper, and Henry dancing out of the Swamp singing "Mississippi Mud" after reading about Steele's promotion, accompanied by rhythmic boot polishing from Frank.

to:

** General Steele's breaking out singing "Mississippi Mud" during what is supposed to be Hawkeye's court-martial will bring a tear to your eye. As will Bonus points for the JAG officer overseeing the hearing staring dumbly at the spectacle, till he quietly places his papers back inside his valise, confirming that the hearing is now over.
** And in the final scene, we get
Hawkeye, Trapper, and Henry dancing out of the Swamp singing "Mississippi Mud" after reading about Steele's promotion, accompanied by rhythmic boot polishing from Frank.



** As the bus is leaving for Rainbow Bridge, Frank blows his whistle while standing in the doorway. The bus moves off, and he falls into a heap on the stairs just as it moves out of the camera's view.



* "[[Recap/MashS3E3OfficerOfTheDay Officer of the Day]]":
** Yet another round of either Hawkeye, Trapper or both saying hi or goodbye to Frank, and the latter interprets it to have some unfriendly meaning.
---> '''Trapper''': Hi Frank.
---> '''Frank''': That doesn't scare me one bit.
---> [...]
---> '''Trapper''': Bye Frank.
---> '''Frank''': That was totally uncalled for.
** Frank orders Hawkeye to wake up so he can start his duty as Officer of the Day and a sleepy Hawkeye lazily responds by going back to sleep and a moment later tells Frank to go away. An unperturbed Frank pulls him out of bed, to his surprise and irritation.
---> '''Frank''': Wake up, Pierce. Come on, get up.
---> '''Trapper''': Hey, Frank, lay off. He was 14 hours in OR.
---> '''Frank'''': [[GoshDangItToHeck Tough Tilly.]] Up, up, up.
---> '''Hawkeye''': Get lost, Frank. Go rinse out the flag.
---> ''Frank grabs him by the shoulder and pulls him up''
---> '''Hawkeye''': Trap, you're a witness. [[ReflexiveResponse He's violating the dead.]]
** Klinger's latest scheme in getting out of the army or at the very least trying to get some leave in Seoul, is to dress up in various disguises, the first of which is as a nun, and try to get past the camp guards.
** In TheTag, Trapper comes in to Henry's office to show his new pinstriped suit to Hawkeye and Radar. It's pinstriped all right, ''horizontally'', from the shoulders all the way down to the ankles.
* "[[Recap/MashS3E5OR O.R.]]":
** The scene where Hawkeye, Margaret and Frank are all acting like schoolchildren and Henry is the tired schoolteacher ignoring what's going on when things get tense between the three in the operating ward.
--->'''Henry''': Pipe down, Burns.\\
'''Frank''': Oh, sure. Always. You jump all over me but he can say what he wants and he gets away with it. Colonel's pet, that's what you are.\\
'''Hawkeye''': I'll get you at recess.\\
''[Hawkeye shoots liquid out of a syringe into Frank's face]''\\
'''Margaret''': ''[scandalised]'' Colonel, did you see that?!\\
'''Henry''': Do you mind, Major? I'm trying to sew my glove into this patient.
** When told to go donate some blood at the mess tent, Klinger starts imitating {{Dracula}}, taking on the [[Film/Dracula1931 stereotypical accent made famous by Lugosi]] and wraps his nurses' shawl around him as if it were a vampire cape, and [[TheFourthWallWillNotProtectYou walks towards the camera and offscreen]].



* "[[Recap/MashS3E7CheckUp Check Up]]":
** Once again, Frank reflexively reacts defensively to Hawkeye and Trapper simply saying "hello" to him.
---> '''Trapper''': Hi Frank.\\
'''Hawkeye''': 'Lo, Frank.\\
'''Frank''': That's your business!
** Hawkeye asks Margaret amorously how she wants to start her physical checkup. She responds by sharply blowing through the stethoscope into his ear.



* Watching Frank's wedding movie in "[[Recap/MashS3E10TheresNothingLikeANurse There Is Nothing Like a Nurse]]", with added [[Series/MysteryScienceTheater3000 MST3K-style]] commentary supplied by Hawkeye, Trapper, and Henry.
-->'''Hawkeye:''' I've invited you all here today because I'm ready to name the murderer.\\

to:

* Watching Frank's wedding movie in "[[Recap/MashS3E10TheresNothingLikeANurse There Is Nothing Like a Nurse]]", Nurse]]":
** Radar mistakenly thinks Margaret Houlihan is much older than his thirty-seven year old sister. The major is of course visibly offended.
** Before the nurses are evacuated, Hawkeye takes the time to have a last-minute date in the supply room. Unbeknownst to him, Trapper had the same idea and is currently on his date in the next aisle.
---> '''Trapper''': Do you mind? I paid good money for this supply room.
** Everyone else's reactions to Hawkeye and Margaret's [[TheBigDamnKiss big kiss]] before the nurses depart.
--->'''Frank''': [''appalled''] Pierce! [''turns to Henry''] Colonel!\\
'''Henry''': [''watches for a bit''] Cut it out, Pierce.\\
'''Trapper''': I'd like to leave a call for eight thirty.
** Hawkeye then gently pulls away from a very pleased and satiated Margaret. Then Frank confronts him
with added [[Series/MysteryScienceTheater3000 MST3K-style]] commentary supplied by Hawkeye, Trapper, an angry outburst.
--->'''Frank''': That has to be an affront to every decent army officer all the way back to George Washington!
** Frank
and Henry.
-->'''Hawkeye:'''
Margaret are about to finish up their phone conversation when Hawkeye and Trapper reveal they've been listening in on the extension.
--->'''Frank''': Let's count to three and then we'll hang up together.\\
'''Margaret''': Okay, you start.\\
'''Frank''': One.\\
'''Margaret''': Two.\\
'''Hawkeye/Trapper''': Three!\\
''[Frank and Margaret are left momentarily stunned]''\\
'''Margaret''': ''[enraged]'' Get 'em, Frank!
** It leads to an even funnier moment. Frank gives chase to Hawkeye and Trapper as the two flee the administration office. Pursuing them outside, Frank then slips and falls into a foxhole. Hawkeye and Trapper turn back and decide to take advantage of the situation, grabbing a Jeep and driving it to stop and park right over the foxhole, leaving Frank unable to get out.
---> '''Frank''': Pierce! [=McIntyre=]! Stop! Wait! Hold it!\\
''[Frank falls]''\\
'''Frank''': Help! Cut that out! Help! Stop that Jeep! Help! Let me outta here! Help! LET ME OUT!\\
'''Trapper''': That's amazing, Frank.\\
'''Hawkeye''': Camouflaging yourself as a Jeep. You [Trapper] get the film. I'll get the projector and popcorn.\\
''[Hawkeye and Trapper leave]''\\
'''Frank''': You can't park a Jeep over a superior officer! ''[beat]'' '''LET ME OUT!!!'''
** The viewing of the wedding video and subsequent riffing of it is not only one of the funniest moments in the episode but also one of the whole series and an absolute delight for fans of ''Series/MysteryScienceTheater3000''.
--->'''Hawkeye:'''
I've invited you all here today because I'm ready to name the murderer.\\



* "[[Recap/MashS3E13MadDogsAndServicemen Mad Dogs and Servicemen]]":
** While Radar is feeding his menageries of animals, Henry Blake comes to him and delivers the news that he found his tortoise in the shower.
---> '''Henry''': Radar, your little friend and I just had another shower together. I think he's trying to have an affair with one of my corns.
** Radar's dog finally returns to the 4077th. Seeing their chance to get Radar out of the hospital, Henry and Trapper try to grab it. The dog runs and the two give chase all around the compound. The scene is capped off with the two finally cornering the dog just offscreen. Then we hear an angry growl [[AttackAttackRetreatRetreat and Henry and Trapper come tearing back into view with the dog chasing them.]]



* In "[[Recap/MashS3E15Bombed Bombed]]", Trapper and Margaret are trapped in the supply shed when an artillery shell blocks the door with debris, and Trapper suggests he and Margaret share a blanket for warmth, as they'll have twice the body heat that way. Or, as Trapper puts it:
-->'''Trapper:''' 98 degrees plus 98 degrees equals 196 degrees.
* From "[[Recap/MashS3E23WhiteGold White Gold]]", Trapper and Hawkeye laugh at Flagg as they remember past incidents when he broke his own arm and rigged a jeep to run himself over.[[note]] The former is a ContinuityNod to "A Smattering of Intelligence" from the previous season; the latter was not shown on screen.[[/note]]
-->'''Trapper:''' You're gonna kill yourself!\\

to:

* In "[[Recap/MashS3E15Bombed Bombed]]", Bombed]]":
** One of the artillery shells raining down on the 4077th hits the latrine while Henry and Father Mulcahy are in it. Klinger has an... interesting way of establishing if Henry is in the pile of wood:
--->'''Klinger:''' Hold it! I heard a moan! Colonel, if you can hear me, knock three times! If you can't, knock twice! ''[we can practically hear the sarcasm in Henry's two knocks; Radar covers his mouth in horror as Klinger gets a grave look on his face]'' Oh, lord, he's dead...
** Dazed from being trapped in the collapsed latrine, Father Mulcahy mumbles out a little story about how one time his sister had made a crabapple pie.
--->'''Mulcahy:''' ''[as Klinger struggles to keep him on his feet]'' Mommy came into the kitchen and said, "What the hell's going on in here." ''[turns to Klinger]'' I remember, Mommy... you know, that was the first time I ever heard you swear. ''[Klinger looks disturbed]''
** Radar's outburst after being informed the people responsible for the 4077 being shelled are the United States Army.
---> '''Radar''': If I ever get out of this war alive, I'm gonna write a book exposing it all, '''[[SuddenlyShouting AND THAT GUY'S GONNA BE IN IT!]]'''
---> '''Klinger''': What's his name?
---> '''Radar''': I'll make one up!
---> '''Klinger''': Will you put me in it?
---> '''Radar''': Yeah, yeah, yeah. Page one.
**
Trapper and Margaret are trapped in the supply shed when an artillery shell blocks the door with debris, and Trapper suggests he and Margaret share a blanket for warmth, as they'll have twice the body heat that way. Or, as Trapper puts it:
-->'''Trapper:''' --->'''Trapper:''' 98 degrees plus 98 degrees equals 196 degrees.
** Seoul City Sue's radio show:
--->'''Sue''': This is Seoul City Sue, bringing you GI Joes your favourite songs, and [[KickTheDog reminding you that all your wives and sweethearts are being unfaithful to you.]]\\
'''Father Mulcahy'''': Not true! Not true! Don't pay any attention to her.\\
'''Sue''': You know who's romancing them at home every night? Every Tom, Dick and Harry.\\
'''Henry''': There's a Harry at the country club. ''[beat]'' Nah. Lorraine wouldn't horse around with a busboy.\\
'''Sue''': Take Sue's word for it. Go home 121st Evac, MASH 4077th. Go home where the big money is. Don't help imperialistic forces in Korea.\\
'''Henry''': Another Harry. He repairs the golf carts. ''[beat]'' Nah. He has dirty nails and he's always digging one finger in his ear.\\
'''Sue''': I'll be right back. But first here's a golden oldie to remind you of those wonderful cheating wives and lovers back home.\\
'''Henry''': Father, will you ask Radar to get something else on the box?\\
'''Father Mulcahy''': Yes sir.
* "[[Recap/MashS3E16BulletinBoard Bulletin Board]]":
** When Trapper wakes up Hawkeye for the night shift, his irritated friend starts a throwing fight in response. Then there comes a moment where they pause and Hawkeye suggests to start throwing things at Frank instead.
** The picnic and barbecue.
*** Father Mulcahy comes behind a puppetry stage to congratulate Trapper a nurse for putting on a well-received romantic Punch and Judy story, only to find the two of them actually kissing.
*** The fill-a-glass-of-water-with-a-spoon contest.
*** Frank promises to lend Margaret the money she asked for, as long as she's prepared to sign an IOU as well as offering him five percent interest. Naturally, Margaret gets furious and chases. This leads Frank to accidentally take part in a race and becoming the winner of said race.
*** And finally, the tug of war. The game ends with CoveredInMud for all of the main cast. You can even hear them shout, "Henry! Get Henry!" when he's the only one left not pulled in.
* "[[Recap/MashS3E17TheConsultant The Consultant]]":
** Radar's lousy driving at the beginning of the episode.
** After Hawkeye and Trapper's trip to Japan, Radar prepares a primitively made bathhouse for them and Henry Blake to use.
*** Henry is seen enjoying this so immensely that not even a constantly complaining Frank Burns could spoil the mood.
----> '''Henry''': Radar, this is heaven.\\
'''Radar''': Yes sir.\\
'''Henry''': You're a genius.\\
'''Radar''': Oh, yes sir.\\
'''Frank''': Colonel Blake, you're not listening to me.\\
'''Henry''': Uh, you'll have to speak up, Frank. I'm not listening to you.
*** It gets more hilarious as Frank constantly tries to get Henry to take him seriously, becoming TheThingThatWouldNotLeave so much that Henry dunks his head underneath the water so he does not have to listen to him anymore. When Frank finally leaves, Henry resurfaces and blows a raspberry at him.
*** And then comes the punchline. As Henry settles in the pool for peace and quiet, Hawkeye comes jumping in and interrupts it.
* "[[Recap/MashS3E18HouseArrest House Arrest]]":
** In the washroom, Trapper informs Frank that he cannot allow dirty language to be spoken in front of Hawkeye. He promised his mother.
** Henry Blake tries to get Hawkeye and Frank to make peace between each other after Hawkeye punched Frank. Frank, however, will not accept an apology and wants his demand for a court-martial pushed through. Henry gives him a WhatTheHellHero speech by mentioning how much work it will take to do that. Then Radar iterates the first part of the procedure, namely placing Hawkeye under house arrest. Hawkeye interprets this as a good thing since it means he doesn't have to do anything for the duration of the investigation and happily accepts it. Frank, of course, is satisfied as it also means the ball will start rolling and the two leave. Finally, Henry stalks towards Radar and tells him in a low, angry voice to get out of the room.
** Trapper creates a cover story to get Hawkeye out of trouble while relaying his witness statement to Henry and Radar. At first, Henry points out how silly it is and then he just goes with it.
---> '''Trapper''': And then I said to everybody, "Watch out for that bar of soap. Look out for that bar of soap, everybody." I specifically said to Major Burns that a bar of soap on the floor can be very slippery.
---> '''Henry''': Frank says Pierce hit him.
---> '''Trapper''': Oh, no, no, Henry. When Frank fell on the soap, Hawkeye tried to break his fall.
---> '''Henry''': [[LampshadeHanging By jamming his fist in Frank's eye?]]
** The bar of soap turns into a RunningGag, eventually culminating in one of the final scenes of the episode where a furious Margaret, after discovering Frank was cheating on her, corroborated Trapper's statement.
---> '''Hawkeye''': I don't want him sharing my house arrest.
---> '''Margaret''': You're innocent, Doctor. He slipped on a bar of soap!
* "[[Recap/MashS3E19AidStation Aid Station]]":
** Before Hawkeye leaves for the aid station, he and Trapper drink a toast to the Ritz Brothers. They then promptly throw their emptied martini glasses at the door, causing them to smash ''and'' startle Radar who is just about to knock.
** Frank Burns complains that Trapper ruined the ending of the movie he was planning to see the next evening.
---> '''Henry''': Nobody went to the movie. It's, um, Franchise/SherlockHolmes.\\
'''Trapper''': The butler did it.\\
'''Frank''': Oh! I was gonna see that tomorrow night!\\
'''Trapper''': I was kidding, Frank. The maid did it.
** Hawkeye, Margaret and Klinger's reception after they return from the aid station. Trapper thinks Hawkeye took advantage of the mission to romance Margaret, Frank gets jealous when Margaret does not give him any romantic attention, and Klinger discovers Radar gave away some of his dresses prematurely.
* "[[Recap/MashS3E21BigMac Big Mac]]":
** Another "Hi Frank" moment:
---> '''Trapper''': Hi Frank. How are you?\\
'''Frank''': Pretty big talk.
** Frank tries to insult Hawkeye's surgical skill in the OR when a special case gives Hawkeye cause to read a textbook while operating. It of course [[InsultBackfire backfires on him spectacularly]].
---> '''Frank''': [[SarcasmMode Need some help, Pierce?]]\\
'''Hawkeye''': No thanks. [[DeadpanSnarker I'd rather save the patient.]]\\
'''Frank''': That got him.\\
'''Hawkeye''': Unless they taught you something special at [[BlackComedy Vivisection State Teachers' College]].\\
''[[[ActuallyPrettyFunny the rest of the medical staff break out in laughter]]]''\\
'''Hawkeye''': Which I doubt.\\
'''Henry''': Here we go.\\
'''Trapper''': You better quit while you're behind, Frank.\\
'''Frank''': [[DudeWheresMyRespect I've been a practising surgeon for twelve years!]]\\
'''Hawkeye''': When do you think you'll be ready to operate? Just an estimate, Frank.\\
'''Trapper''': Frank, I begged you to quit.\\
'''Frank''': And another thing...\\
'''Margaret''': Frank. They'll kill you.
** Four of the corpsmen are seen putting up a welcoming sign in anticipation of [[UsefulNotes/DouglasMacArthur MacArthur's]] arrival. When they finish, they begin to leave, congratulating each other for a job well done. Then the sign starts to fall down and they hurry back towards it to prop it back up. The sign falls down again when [=MacArthur=] arrives.
** Klinger shows up to the rehearsal of [=MacArthur's=] arrival to practice an attempt to prove he's crazy. Dressed in a kimono, he accosts the[=MacArthur=] stand-in, elaborates that he's crazy and should be discharged, and starts kissing the general's corncob pipe. He is then dragged away by the [=MPs=]. One the funny parts of that scene is that the stand-in, Radar, never breaks character.
** After the ''real'' [=MacArthur=] arrives and proceeds to drive through the camp without stopping, the last shot of the episode is Klinger, dressed as the Statue of Liberty complete with a flaming torch. [=MacArthur=] looks up from his papers to salute "her".
* From "[[Recap/MashS3E22Payday Payday]]", Frank confronts Klinger over wearing a dress instead of military uniform to payday. Klinger [[ComicallyMissingThePoint comically misses the point.]] Since this is happening right in front of Father Mulcahy, the chaplain is watching with slight amusement.
--> '''Frank''': Klinger.
--> '''Klinger''': Yes, sir.
--> '''Frank''': Just where do you get the gall to show up for payday dressed like a two-dollar streetwalker? [''turns to Father Mulcahy''] Sorry, Father.
--> '''Klinger''': I was worried about these earrings with tweed.
--> '''Frank''': Not only is masquerading as a starlet not going to get you out of the army, military regulations specifically state that no soldier may receive his pay unless in uniform. [[PunctuatedForEmphasis In uniform]]. Do you read me, Corporal Crazy.
--> '''Klinger''': Oh, gimme a break, sir. I gotta get my money. It's important.
--> '''Frank''': And next time, stand a little closer to the razor when you shave.
--> '''Klinger''': My knees get in the way.
--> '''Frank''': [[BigShutUp Dismissed!]] [[GetOut March!]] Hup, two, three, four! Hup, two, three, four.
* From "[[Recap/MashS3E23WhiteGold White Gold]]", Gold]]":
** After setting Perkins free, Flagg systematically messes up the confinement tent to make it look like Perkins fought him and escaped. He casually kicks a chair down, scatters a deck of cards all over the room, tears a novel in two, upends a mattress and then an entire cot, and breaks a telephone receiver on the back of his own head. Then comes the crowner; as circus music starts playing in the background, Flagg sizes up a closet and prepares himself for what he's about to do next. When he's finally ready, he charges toward the closet, breaking the doors in headfirst.
** Klinger informs Hawkeye and Trapper that he saw someone breaking into the supply room. Thinking it's the recently escaped Perkins coming back for the penicillin he tried to steal earlier, the three head on over there to stop him. They are shown entering the supply room and exiting offscreen. Loud fighting is then heard erupting from within, which brings Father Mulcahy running over with a flashlight and [[ReactionShot looking inwards at the fight]]. The fight stops, with Hawkeye, Trapper and Klinger re-emerging with the thief, only to turn out that the thief is [[TheReveal Colonel Flagg]].
**
Trapper and Hawkeye laugh at Flagg as they remember past incidents when he broke his own arm and rigged a jeep to run himself over.[[note]] The former is a ContinuityNod to "A Smattering of Intelligence" from the previous season; the latter was not shown on screen.[[/note]]
-->'''Trapper:''' --->'''Trapper:''' You're gonna kill yourself!\\



** Radar imitating a marching tune as he follows Frank across the compound to collect Major Houlihan for assembly.
** Hawkeye comes back from the leave he spent in Tokyo, being driven into camp by a bicycle-drawn carriage. As is typical of him, his arrival crashes Frank's military assembly with a bucketload of indifference and [[DeadpanSnarker snarkery]] that earns laughter from the troops, much to Frank's indignation.
---> '''Hawkeye''': Here we are. This is good. The corner of 42nd Street and Filth Avenue.\\
'''Frank''': Captain!\\
'''Hawkeye''': [[TheComicallySerious No man calls me that and lives.]]\\
'''Frank''': Captain Pierce. Officers returning from leave are supposed to check in with their commanding officer upon their return.\\
'''Hawkeye''': Hello honey, I'm home.
** A random colonel's suspicious and then appalled reaction to the supposed trialling of the new military rank "Corporal Captain".
---> '''Colonel''': Well I don't like it. ''[{{beat}}]'' No sir. I don't like it at all.
** During the cleanup of the Swamp, Klinger rifles through one of Hawkeye and Trapper's nudist magazines, making various commentaries on the articles while, barely a foot away from him, Frank is currently admonishing the state Hawkeye and Trapper have left the quarters in after he moved out.
--->'''Klinger''': ''[whistles]'' I thought they were strictly volleyball. They play croquet and everything.\\
'''Frank''': Look at these socks. Boots covered in blood. ''[{{beat}}]'' Animals.\\
'''Klinger''': Here's some people clipping hedges. ''[{{beat}}]'' That could be dangerous.\\
'''Frank''': Get on with it. Throw those away.\\
'''Klinger''': "Girl phoning". Wonder what a naked girl sounds like on the phone.\\
'''Frank''': [[RageBreakingPoint Klinger!]]\\
''[Klinger stuffs magazine under his jacket for later reading]''
** Frank Burns' entire WordSaladPhilosophy about how respectfully people should be treating the opportunity to serve in the army.
---> '''Frank''': Beats me how some people treat this war like it's some kind of picnic, when it's really a privilege to be asked to serve in the army. Of course, it's not just our army. We're here with the [=UN=], which I personally have nothing against, except that it's full of foreigners, which of course is what did in your League of Nations.



--->'''B.J.:''' What say you, ferret-face? ''[falls down laughing in drunken stupor]''

to:

--->'''B.-->'''Hawkeye''': Major Burns, Major Houlihan, may I present Captain B.J. Hunnicutt.\\
''[B.J. tries to manage a sense of decorum by saluting but he soon bursts into drunken laughter]''\\
'''B.
J.:''' What say you, ferret-face? ''[falls down laughing in drunken stupor]''



** Potter's reaction to Klinger's first try to "prove" he's deserving of a Section 8, and Potter bluntly saying that [[SeenItAll Klinger's antics are far from new, or that imaginative.]]
--->'''Potter''': Horse hockey! I've seen these dodges for 40 years, all the tricks. Knew a private, pretended he was a mare. Carried a colt in his arm for weeks. Another fellow said he was a daisy. Insisted we water him every morning. No, no, Corporal. It ain't gonna go with me. Now you get out of that froufrou and into a uniform. And you stay in uniform. Dismissed!
* "It Happened One Night": When Frank learns that Margaret has been collecting all the love letters he sends her, he tears her tent apart (even using a knife to rip apart boards she was using as a wall) searching for them. He eventually falls asleep on the floor, where she finds him after she finishes her night shift. When she confronts him, he sheepishly asks "Have you got a pencil?" and blames all the damage on him trying to find one to leave her a note.

to:

** Potter's reaction to Klinger's first try to "prove" he's deserving of a Section 8, and Arriving at the camp, Potter bluntly saying comes across Radar outside the administration building tanning in the sun. When he notes that [[SeenItAll Klinger's antics are far from new, or that imaginative.the clerk is not paying attention to him, he beeps the horn of his Jeep to get it. After Potter beeps the horn a second time, a fed-up Radar reports at him to stick the horn in his ear. Affronted, Potter walks up to him.
---> '''Colonel Potter''': On your feet, soldier. I'm Colonel Potter.\\
'''Radar''': ''[opens his eyes]'' [[OhCrap Oh boy.
]]
--->'''Potter''': ** As he is making himself at home in the office, he meets Klinger who walks into the room, fully prepared with his fresh attempt at getting a Section Eight. Potter treats the attempt with apparent disinterest but allows it to go on until Klinger is finished.
---> '''Klinger''': ''[saluting]'' Colonel Potter, sir. Corporal Klinger. I'm Section Eight, head to toe. I'm wearing a Warner bra. I play with dolls. My last wish is to be buried in my mother's wedding gown. I'm nuts. I should be out.\\
'''Colonel Potter''': ''[salutes back] [{{beat}}]'' [[CurseOfTheAncients
Horse hockey! I've seen these dodges hockey]].
** At the officers' meeting, he first addresses Father Mulcahy. The chaplain makes his presence known by politely flashing the cross he wears around his neck.
---> '''Colonel Potter''': Oh. Yes, of course. ''[regards Mulcahy's file]'' Uh-huh. Mm-hm. Uh-huh. You're clean.\\
'''Father Mulcahy''': Thank God, sir.\\
'''Colonel Potter''': Catholic?\\
'''Father Mulcahy''': Yes sir.\\
'''Colonel Potter''': Can you do a Methodist thing
for 40 years, me on Sunday?\\
'''Father Mulcahy''': I handle
all the tricks. Knew a private, pretended denominations, Colonel.\\
'''Colonel Potter''': Any other Methodists in the outfit?\\
'''Father Mulcahy''': Two or three.\\
'''Colonel Potter''': Good. I hate to sing alone.
** He moves on to Margaret, who stands dutifully at attention, unaware that Hawkeye is [[SilentSnarker silently mocking her]] in the background.
--->'''Colonel Potter''': Major Houlihan?\\
'''Margaret''': Sir.\\
'''Colonel Potter''': Chief nurse.\\
'''Margaret''': Yes sir.\\
'''Colonel Potter''': Ten years. Spotless record.\\
'''Margaret''': Thank you, sir.\\
'''Colonel Potter''': ''[moves to read from Frank's file]'' Major Frank Burns?\\
'''Margaret''': [[FreudianSlip Just friends, sir.]]\\
''[Colonel Potter looks up, frowning]''\\
'''Margaret''': ''[[[OhCrap realises what she just said]]]'' I mean he's not here, sir. He's indisposed.
** Because of Frank's absence, Potter goes on to Hawkeye and BJ, commenting on [[NoodleIncident some of the things Frank has reported on them]].
--->'''Colonel Potter''': Captain Pierce?\\
'''Hawkeye''': Yo.\\
'''Colonel Potter''': Keep your yos to yourself. ''[tuts at what
he reads in Hawkeye's file and moves on to BJ's]'' Captain Hunnicutt?\\
'''BJ''': Yes sir.\\
'''Colonel Potter''': You two were reprimanded by Major Burns for setting fire to the latrine.\\
'''Hawkeye''': That was an accident.\\
'''BJ''': We were having a weenie roast.\\
'''Colonel Potter''': In the latrine?\\
'''BJ''': We're not allowed to cook in our tents, sir.\\
''[{{beat}}]''\\
'''Colonel Potter''': Also, Pierce, it says here you had a live chicken flown in here by helicopter claiming it
was a mare. Carried a colt in his arm for weeks. Another fellow said he patient.\\
'''Hawkeye''': It
was a daisy. Insisted we water him every morning. No, no, Corporal. rare bird, Colonel. It ain't gonna go could tap-dance.\\
'''Colonel Potter''': And a year ago, the Tokyo provost marshal claims you stole a steam shovel.\\
'''Hawkeye''': I couldn't get a cab.\\
'''Colonel Potter''': I gather you drink.\\
'''Hawkeye''': Only to excess.
** And finally there's Frank who makes his appearance before the colonel at episode's end
with me. Now you get Frank promising that he will help the colonel to maintain the military efficiency and discipline he himself established at the unit with his temporary command. Then Klinger walks in, out of that froufrou uniform and into a uniform. And you stay back in uniform. Dismissed!
a dress. Frank looks on dumbly as Potter gives the corporal a positive comment.
* "It Happened One Night": Night":
** As Radar is busy trying to get Hawkeye up for duty, something is heard bumping against the door of the Swamp, punctuated by a cry of "'''RATS!'''". The something turns out to be some''one'' when BJ enters the tent. Hawkeye assumes this to be a case of GoshDangItToHeck and asks what happened.
--->'''Hawkeye''': What did you bump into?\\
'''BJ''': Just what I said. Rats. If they get any bigger, we can hold a rodeo.
** Klinger's hilarious reaction to Hawkeye's choice of a midnight snack of a can of baked beans after he has read the information on the can, namely the year it was produced.
--->'''Klinger''': ''''1943?!'''' These beans are from World War Two!\\
'''Hawkeye''': Nice. [[{{Pun}} They're has-beans.]]
** When Radar enters Margaret's tent to wake her so she can go on duty, he has trouble avoiding the major's washing line and clothes. Then, as he approaches Margaret, it is implied she is having an EroticDream. Radar taps her on the shoulder to rouse her from sleep. Margaret stirs, mouthing the word "Animal". Radar replies it's just him. Margaret shoots awake.
---> '''Margaret''': Are you crazy?!\\
'''Radar''': It's my job. It's midnight. You're on duty.
** Margaret ignores his excuse, vocally suspecting him of ogling her in her sleep. Radar [[DiggingYourselfDeeper just digs himself deeper]] by being truthful rather than denying the insinuation outright.
--->'''Margaret''': How long have you been standing there, looking at me?\\
'''Radar''': Not long, really. Just a little long, honest.\\
'''Margaret''': Get out of here, you little creep pervert, you. Get out! You're not the first one in this man's army to drool over me with your hot little non-com breath!\\
'''Radar''': ''[offended]'' I didn't! I never breathe around you!
** Radar then tries to leave but accidentally get himself tangled in Margaret's washing.
** Klinger tries his best to mentor Jenkins in handling sentry duty appropriately, demonstrating by holding up Frank.
--->'''Klinger''': You just watch me. Halt, who goes there?\\
'''Frank''': Uh, it's me. Major Burns.\\
'''Klinger''': What's the password?\\
'''Frank''': Car-ibbean.\\
'''Klinger''': I thought it was Carib-bean.\\
'''Frank''': It's the same thing, you simp!\\
'''Klinger''': Advance and be recognised, sir.\\
'''Frank''': Blow it out your nose.\\
'''Klinger''': ''[turns to Jenkins]'' See?
** The scene in the mess tent where Colonel Potter is quietly having a cup of coffee, confident that his friend General Morrisson has had the shelling stopped for good. The shelling then starts up again, startling Potter. His cup upends, [[GroinAttack spilling the hot coffee into his lap]]. He stands up, moaning in pain and curses Morrisson.
---> '''Colonel Potter''': I hope he gets stuck in his helmet.
**
When Frank learns that Margaret has been collecting all the love letters he sends her, he tears her tent apart (even using a knife to rip apart boards she was using as a wall) searching for them. He eventually falls asleep on the floor, where she finds him after she finishes her night shift. When she confronts him, he sheepishly asks "Have you got a pencil?" and blames all the damage on him trying to find one to leave her a note.



* During "[[Recap/MashS4E6TheBus The Bus]]", the four surgeons plus Radar get stuck out in the wilderness with a broken-down bus. Burns takes a screwdriver from a North Korean soldier who surrendered to them and accuses the POW of sabotage (he actually was fixing their broken-down bus). Burns is holding the screwdriver, and...
-->'''B.J.''': ''(gently pushes the screwdriver down)'' Careful, that could be loaded.

to:

* During "[[Recap/MashS4E6TheBus The Bus]]", Bus]]":
** When Colonel Potter gives
the four surgeons plus order for officers to walk one hundred yards in a different direction from one another to scout out the area, Frank gets worried about travelling alone in what might be enemy territory. Potter replies to take one of the enlisted men with him. Radar get stuck out sniggers at this...until he remembers [[ExplainExplainOhCrap he's the only enlisted man in the wilderness group]]. He turns to an unamused Frank, who thumbs in the direction they're going to take.
** Frank's first scene where he operates the walkie-talkie, trying to contact help
with it. He is oblivious or ignorant to the others telling him that it's part of a broken-down bus. two-way set, the other being both busted and back at the camp, and he continues to report information over it.
--->'''Frank''': I was just trying to help.\\
'''Colonel Potter''': Stop trying. That should help right off.
**
Burns takes a screwdriver from a the North Korean soldier who surrendered to them and accuses the POW of sabotage (he actually was fixing their broken-down bus). Burns is holding the screwdriver, and...
-->'''B.--->'''B.J.''': ''(gently pushes the screwdriver down)'' Careful, that could be loaded.
** In TheTag, BJ discovers that the second walkie-talkie has been on the bus all along. At his and Hawkeye's urging, the North Korean prisoner speaks into it, leading to Frank hearing him on the other end and believing that he has tapped into enemy communications.
* "[[Recap/MashS4E7DearMildred Dear Mildred]]":
** As someone knocks at the office doors while he is writing to his wife, Potter absentmindedly says, "Someone's at the door, dear". Radar, the only other person in the room, thinks Potter is talking to him and goes to answer it.
** In their preparation to lasso the horse, Hawkeye gets into position to draw the horse's attention away from BJ as he swings the rope. BJ throws the lasso...and ends up snaring Hawkeye instead.
** Hawkeye and BJ's reactions to Radar successfully taming the horse with just his gentle nature.
** The horse giving Hawkeye and BJ trouble as they try to treat it and remove the shrapnel from its wound, leading it to kick the door of the Supply Shed into pieces.


Added DiffLines:

** In Klinger's first appearance, he helps out in the preparations by acting as Major Houlihan's right-hand man and repeating every one of her commands. Since he didn't ask her if he could do this, she gets tired of it and tells him to help on a more active basis. Klinger [[ComicallyMissingThePoint misses the point]], gesturing to his dress as the reason why he can't.
--->'''Margaret''': Are you gonna stand there clowning around or are you going to help me?\\
'''Klinger''': Major, I guess you haven't noticed. This is not a housedress.\\
'''Margaret''': Go get in your fatigues.\\
'''Klinger''': Fatigues in the evening?\\
'''Margaret''': Move it!\\
'''Klinger''': ''[storms off]'' [[SarcasmMode Is she beautiful?]]
** Hawkeye's LargeHam reaction to the reason why Frank got awarded the Purple Heart when Frank notes it was due to him getting wounded by a shell fragment when two snipers attacked the camp some time ago.
---> '''Hawkeye''': Hold the phone, Central! I'm the one who treated that eye. That was an eggshell fragment!
** Hawkeye tells the two Korean boys a story about a bad, bad Major. As he is describing the events of the story, which is of course Frank being awarded the Purple Heart, Frank leaps up from his cot behind the boys, revealing he'd been in the scene all along.
---> '''Frank''': If you think I don't know who you're talking about, you're a dumb Dora.
** Seeing that the two boys he was telling the story of Androcles to have fallen asleep, BJ chooses to cut the story short. Hawkeye treats this as YankTheDogsChain.
--->'''Hawkeye''': You're not gonna finish.\\
'''BJ''': I think your senility's here ahead of schedule.\\
'''Hawkeye''': Okay, okay. Just for that, I'm not gonna tell you the version where the Papa Bear comes home alone.


* The whole of "[[Recap/MashS1E15Tuttle Tuttle]]" deserves praise, where Hawkeye and Trapper essentially ''warp reality'' [[note]]They have ''literally'' warped reality now, as Tuttle has his own [[IMDB]] profile[[/note]] by [[InventedIndividual convincing the world that Tuttle exists]].

to:

* The whole of "[[Recap/MashS1E15Tuttle Tuttle]]" deserves praise, where Hawkeye and Trapper essentially ''warp reality'' [[note]]They have ''literally'' warped reality now, as Tuttle has his own [[IMDB]] Website/{{IMDB}} profile[[/note]] by [[InventedIndividual convincing the world that Tuttle exists]].


** Hawkeye stays awake for three days straight, and becomes so sleep-deprived that he stumbles into a lecture by Frank and asks him why the war is happening ("Is it something we said? Something we didn't say?"). Frank replies that the North Koreans envy the American way of life, and half of them have never even seen a bathroom; Hawkeye concludes that the war might end if the North Koreans had indoor plumbing, and concocts (and partly carries out) a plan to ship the latrine (and the visiting general inside it) to the North Koreans to end the war.

to:

** Hawkeye stays awake for three days straight, and becomes so sleep-deprived that he stumbles into a lecture by Frank and asks him why the war is happening ("Is it something we said? Something we didn't say?"). Frank replies that the North Koreans envy the American way of life, and half of them have never even seen a bathroom; Hawkeye concludes that the war might end if the North Koreans had indoor plumbing, and concocts (and partly carries out) a plan to ship the latrine (and the visiting general inside it) to the North Koreans to end the war.war, and Trapper can only laugh his head off as he watches said plan unfold.


'''Henry:''' [[RefugeInAudacity Well, don't believe 'em, then. Thank you, General, good bye.]] ''(hangs up)''

to:

'''Henry:''' [[RefugeInAudacity Well, don't believe 'em, then. Thank you, General, good bye.goodbye.]] ''(hangs up)''



** Steele insists that there is too much waste at the camp (including telling Henry that a tongue depressor found lying in the dirt can be sterilised and re-used), and concludes that the 4077th must be moved closer to the front. He takes Henry and Frank to scout out a new site, and insists that Henry salute when complying with his order that the move occur the next day. Henry and Frank point out that the area is full of snipers, who would know which of them to aim for if they saluted. But Steele insists, and sure enough, they are soon under fire from snipers:

to:

** Steele insists that there is too much waste at the camp (including telling Henry that a tongue depressor found lying in the dirt can be sterilised and re-used), and concludes that the 4077th must be moved closer to the front. He takes Henry and Frank to scout out a new site, site and insists that Henry salute when complying with his order that the move occur the next day. Henry and Frank point out that the area is full of snipers, who would know which of them to aim for if they saluted. But Steele insists, and sure enough, they are soon under fire from snipers:



** Hawkeye, Trapper and Frank head off to pick up some wounded that are being returned to them. They are warned that they are not to bring weapons, at the risk of losing the wounded in question to prisoner camps. Frank, being Frank, sneaks along a small handgun, giving himself away when he goes for it in response to a misunderstood gesture. The man in charge of returning their wounded is royally pissed off at this breach of contract and demands that Frank produce the weapon. When he does...

to:

** Hawkeye, Trapper and Frank head off to pick up some wounded that are being returned to them. They are warned that they are not to bring weapons, at the risk of losing the wounded in question to prisoner camps. Frank, being Frank, sneaks along with him a small handgun, giving himself away when he goes for it in response to a misunderstood gesture. The man in charge of returning their wounded is royally pissed off at this breach of contract and demands that Frank produce the weapon. When he does...



** And then there was the look on the face of the "blushing" bride, who throughout the entire movie, had the most sour expression on her face like she had never smiled a day in her life.

to:

** And then there was the look on the face of the "blushing" bride, who throughout the entire movie, had the most sour sourest expression on her face like she had never smiled a day in her life.



** B.J.'s introduction to Frank Burns. Especially since Frank had just been saying he was going to mold the new surgeon in his own image. Unfortunately Hawkeye got there first.

to:

** B.J.'s introduction to Frank Burns. Especially since Frank had just been saying he was going to mold the new surgeon in his own image. Unfortunately Unfortunately, Hawkeye got there first.



** Klinger is more desperate than ever to get out of the Army, but keeps getting caught by the [=MPs=] when he tries to desert. Halfway through the episode's second act, he is caught trying to swim down to the Inchon River, then to the Sea of Japan, then across the Pacific. The [=MPs=] drag him into Potter's office as he is dictating a letter to Radar. Klinger rubbishes Potter's insistence that he would have drowned - and puts a self-inflating rubber raft on Potter's desk and pulls the cord. The raft knocks both Radar and Potter to the floor as it inflates.

to:

** Klinger is more desperate than ever to get out of the Army, Army but keeps getting caught by the [=MPs=] when he tries to desert. Halfway through the episode's second act, he is caught trying to swim down to the Inchon River, then to the Sea of Japan, then across the Pacific. The [=MPs=] drag him into Potter's office as he is dictating a letter to Radar. Klinger rubbishes Potter's insistence that he would have drowned - and puts a self-inflating rubber raft on Potter's desk and pulls the cord. The raft knocks both Radar and Potter to the floor as it inflates.



'''Hawkeye:''' It depends. We could get bombed, there could be an earthquake, or Frank could operate on him again.\\

to:

'''Hawkeye:''' It depends. We could get bombed, there could be an earthquake, earthquake or Frank could operate on him again.\\



* In "[[Recap/MashS4E11OfMooseAndMen Of Moose and Men]]", Frank goes into a dither because a local buried something, thinking it was a mine or a bomb. When it's dug up, B.J. and Hawkeye snark that Frank was excited over a kimchi pot[[note]]pickled cabbage and buried til it's properly fermented[[/note]].

to:

* In "[[Recap/MashS4E11OfMooseAndMen Of Moose and Men]]", Frank goes into a dither because a local buried something, thinking it was a mine or a bomb. When it's dug up, B.J. and Hawkeye snark that Frank was excited over a kimchi pot[[note]]pickled cabbage and buried til 'til it's properly fermented[[/note]].



* In "The Gun", Radar is blamed for the loss of a colonel's personal revolver (actually stolen by Frank Burns). Radar eventually gets drunk and confronts the colonel; at the same time Frank tries to return the gun... and shoots himself in the foot. The stunned look on Radar's face really sells it.

to:

* In "The Gun", Radar is blamed for the loss of a colonel's personal revolver (actually stolen by Frank Burns). Radar eventually gets drunk and confronts the colonel; at the same time time, Frank tries to return the gun... and shoots himself in the foot. The stunned look on Radar's face really sells it.



** As tense as the moment is, Hawkeye, Margaret and Radar running around like headless chickens is prime comedy. The Chinese are coming, so they rush to hide in one of the tents, all three trying to pass through the door at once... only to make it inside and notice the whole thing is an empty frame. With a door in it.

to:

** As tense as the moment is, Hawkeye, Margaret Margaret, and Radar running around like headless chickens is prime comedy. The Chinese are coming, so they rush to hide in one of the tents, all three trying to pass through the door at once... only to make it inside and notice the whole thing is an empty frame. With a door in it.



'''Potter''': Don't be absurd. There'd be an inquiry.

to:

'''Potter''': [[DontBeRidiculous Don't be absurd.absurd]]. There'd be an inquiry.



* The conclusion of "Last Laugh". Potter, Hawkeye and B.J. have returned from clearing B.J. of an offense committed by his old friend Bardonaro. They're drunk out of their gourds, and in the Swamp, B.J. awaits Bardonaro because B.J. has his travel orders for home. He tells Bardonaro to take the jeep, "It's all gassed up." After Bardonaro leaves, B.J. receives a bill from the hotel where the offense took place--$580 in damages. He and Hawkeye laugh about it, then:

to:

* The conclusion of "Last Laugh". Potter, Hawkeye Hawkeye, and B.J. have returned from clearing B.J. of an offense committed by his old friend Bardonaro. They're drunk out of their gourds, and in the Swamp, B.J. awaits Bardonaro because B.J. has his travel orders for home. He tells Bardonaro to take the jeep, "It's all gassed up." After Bardonaro leaves, B.J. receives a bill from the hotel where the offense took place--$580 in damages. He and Hawkeye laugh about it, then:



* In "Patent 4077" -- in which Margaret has lost her engagement ring -- Hawkeye and B.J. get the bright idea to ask a traveling merchant with a lot of dubious gear to craft a replacement, after recognizing one of the rings he has as the exact same model. Not only does the merchant himself try and talk them out of buying the ring, as he regards it with clear shame, his reaction to Penobscot's "romantic" inscription is a heartfelt "Pee-yew!" To cap it all off, he tells them that he'll build them a surgical tool they desperately need for only $10 because "Anybody willing to buy ''this'' crummy ring deserves a break!"

to:

* In "Patent 4077" -- in which the B-plot is Margaret has having lost her engagement wedding ring -- Hawkeye and B.J. get the bright idea to ask a traveling merchant with a lot of dubious gear to craft a replacement, after recognizing one of the rings he has as the exact same model. Not only does the merchant himself try and talk them out of buying the ring, as he regards it with clear shame, his reaction to Penobscot's "romantic" inscription is a heartfelt "Pee-yew!" To cap it all off, he tells them that he'll build them a surgical tool they desperately need for only $10 because "Anybody willing to buy ''this'' crummy ring deserves a break!"



** At the end of that scene Charles takes a drink out of a bottle of hair tonic that was in his foot locker. When Hawkeye points out to him what he's drinking Charles retorts that it's actually Scotch; with Hawkeye and B.J. around he didn't dare keep it in the original bottle. Hawkeye immediately reacts in disgust.

to:

** At the end of that scene Charles takes a drink out of a bottle of hair tonic that was in his foot locker.footlocker. When Hawkeye points out to him what he's drinking Charles retorts that it's actually Scotch; with Hawkeye and B.J. around around, he didn't dare keep it in the original bottle. Hawkeye immediately reacts in disgust.



'''Zale:''' You're gonna be some place you've never ''been'' if you don't get outa here!\\

to:

'''Zale:''' You're gonna be some place you've never ''been'' if you don't get outa outta here!\\



* "Oh, How We Danced" has Hawkeye blackmailing an infantry commander who assaulted Winchester with an over-the-top impersonation on the phone, complete with an outrageous imitation of Winchester's accent and SesquipedalianLoquaciousness. Among other things, he uses the word "sidacious", then heads off B.J. and Klinger's questioning looks by covering the receiver with his hand and admitting that he just made it up. To cap it all off, he demands "AN harmonica", leading B.J. and Klinger to look at each other and silently mouth those words. After he hangs up, he leaves with a spot-on imitation of Charles's "[[CatchPhrase Gentlemen...]]"

to:

* "Oh, How We Danced" has Hawkeye blackmailing an infantry commander who assaulted Winchester with an over-the-top impersonation on the phone, complete with an outrageous imitation of Winchester's accent and SesquipedalianLoquaciousness. ("I think I hurt my tongue.") Among other things, he uses the word "sidacious", then heads off B.J. and Klinger's questioning looks by covering the receiver with his hand and admitting that he just made it up. To cap it all off, he demands "AN harmonica", leading B.J. and Klinger to look at each other and silently mouth those words. After he hangs up, he leaves with a spot-on imitation of Charles's "[[CatchPhrase Gentlemen...]]"



* Near the end of "Wheelers and Dealers", Charles, Margaret, Father Mulcahy and Hawkeye find Klinger - who has just gone through a several day marathon session of filling out laundry inventory forms and helping Potter cram for a driving test (the CO having been caught speeding and sent to Sgt. Rizzo's remedial driving school) - asleep in the mess tent, face-first in his breakfast.

to:

* Near the end of "Wheelers and Dealers", Charles, Margaret, Father Mulcahy and Hawkeye find Klinger - who has just gone through a several day several-day marathon session of filling out laundry inventory forms and helping Potter cram for a driving test (the CO having been caught speeding and sent to Sgt. Rizzo's remedial driving school) - asleep in the mess tent, face-first in his breakfast.



* "Communication Breakdown": Charles offends the rest of the camp over an allegedly stolen newspaper. An anonymous prankster or pranksters then proceeds to steal first Charles' bathrobe while he's in the shower then later ''all'' of his clothes and belongings. Charles ties the main support pole of the Mess Tent to a Jeep with the intent of bringing it down on top of everyone inside but he's stopped at the last minute by Potter, who sets Charles straight about what ''really'' happened to his missing paper. Potter then proceeds to grab Charles by the ear like a naughty child and drag him to the office, and forces him to get on the P.A. system to make a public apology.
** In a particularly well directed shot, Winchester (in a too-short kabuki robe replacing his stolen bathrobe) jumps in the jeep and looks up to see Potter standing directly in front of the jeep giving a withering DeathGlare that stops him in his tracks. Potter climbs directly over the hood of the jeep and literally shoves the evidence of Winchester's mistake in his face.

to:

* "Communication Breakdown": Charles offends the rest of the camp over an allegedly stolen newspaper. An anonymous prankster or pranksters then proceeds to steal first Charles' bathrobe while he's in the shower then later ''all'' of his clothes and belongings. Charles ties the main support pole of the Mess Tent to a Jeep with the intent of bringing it down on top of everyone inside but he's stopped at the last minute by Potter, who sets Charles straight about what ''really'' happened to his missing paper. Potter then proceeds to grab Charles by the ear like a naughty child and drag him to the office, office and forces him to get on the P.A. system to make a public apology.
** In a particularly well directed well-directed shot, Winchester (in a too-short kabuki robe replacing his stolen bathrobe) jumps in the jeep and looks up to see Potter standing directly in front of the jeep giving a withering DeathGlare that stops him in his tracks. Potter climbs directly over the hood of the jeep and literally shoves the evidence of Winchester's mistake in his face.



* "[[Recap/MashS10E8SnappierJudgment Snappier Judgment]]" as Winchester prepares a legal defense for Klinger who is being court-martialed for theft. They speak to Father Mulcahy who praises Klinger for getting a supplies of Bibles seemingly out of nowhere. It turns out the Bibles in question are from the Gideons, which are typical placed in hotels, which means Klinger likely stole the Bibles from several hotels. At this, Mulcahy can only roar in indignation:

to:

* "[[Recap/MashS10E8SnappierJudgment Snappier Judgment]]" as Winchester prepares a legal defense for Klinger who is being court-martialed for theft. They speak to Father Mulcahy who praises Klinger for getting a supplies supply of Bibles seemingly out of nowhere. It turns out the Bibles in question are from the Gideons, which are typical typically placed in hotels, which means Klinger likely stole the Bibles from several hotels. At this, Mulcahy can only roar in indignation:



'''Charles:''' Sorry, forward, to your lecture. Ah. She's always felt that you are the... ''[reads the pad again and gets a disgusted look; Margaret taps the pad again]'' er... greatest surgeon... in the wood. ''[Margaret groans and points to the word again]'' World! Sorry, in the world. ... ''Don't''... thank me, believe me, those are... her words. ... Oh, yes?... yes, I'll tell her. Just, just, just a moment. ''[puts the receiver against his shoulder]'' Dr. Chesler has had to change his plans suddenly, he must return to the States immediately and he's been forced to cancel his lecture.\\

to:

'''Charles:''' Sorry, forward, ''forward'', to your lecture. Ah. She's always felt that you are the... ''[reads the pad again and gets a disgusted look; Margaret taps the pad again]'' er... greatest surgeon... in the wood. ''[Margaret groans and points to the word again]'' World! Sorry, in the world. ... ''Don't''... thank me, believe me, those are... her words. ... Oh, yes?... yes, I'll tell her. Just, just, just a moment. ''[puts the receiver against his shoulder]'' Dr. Chesler has had to change his plans suddenly, he must return to the States immediately and he's been forced to cancel his lecture.\\


* "Morale Victory" has a quick bit at the beginning when Hawkeye and BJ stand in front of the movie screen and parody the dialogue and actions from ''Tales of Manhattan'' (showing for at least the dozenth time).

to:

* "Morale Victory" has a quick bit at the beginning when Hawkeye and BJ B.J. stand in front of the movie screen and parody the dialogue and actions from ''Tales of Manhattan'' (showing for at least the dozenth time).

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