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* Fletcher is called by a repeat offender and regular client who attempted to rob an ATM at knife point and needs his legal advice. Fletcher's advice: "'''STOP BREAKING THE LAW, ASSHOLE!!!'''"

to:

* Fletcher is called by a repeat offender and regular client who attempted to rob an ATM at knife point and needs his legal advice. Fletcher's advice: "'''STOP BREAKING THE LAW, ASSHOLE!!!'''"ASSHOLE!'''"


'''Fletcher''': I'm still a little upset about a bad sexual episode I had last night.\\

to:

'''Fletcher''': I'm still a little upset about a bad sexual episode I had last night.\\



* When Greta informs Fletcher that he forgot to pick up his son from school, he says "Oh I am such a ''shit!",'' and does a pause when it sinks in that that he was able to say that remark [[HeelRealization because it wasn't a lie]].

to:

* When Greta informs Fletcher that he forgot to pick up his son from school, he says "Oh I am such a ''shit!",'' and does a pause when it sinks in that that he was able to say that remark [[HeelRealization because it wasn't a lie]].


* Fletcher is called by a repeat offender and regular client who attempted to rob an ATM at knife point and needs his legal advice. Fletcher's advice: "'''STOP BREAKING THE LAW, ASSHOOOOOLE!!!'''"

to:

* Fletcher is called by a repeat offender and regular client who attempted to rob an ATM at knife point and needs his legal advice. Fletcher's advice: "'''STOP BREAKING THE LAW, ASSHOOOOOLE!!!'''" ASSHOLE!!!'''"


'''Fletcher''': Depends on how long you were following me!\\

to:

'''Fletcher''': Depends on how long you were following me!\\me! ''[wince]''\\



'''Fletcher''': (through gritted teeth) ''No''... (glances at glove compartment) ...I have unpaid parking tickets. (pops open his glove compartment, which empties; pause) Be gentle.

to:

'''Fletcher''': (through [through gritted teeth) teeth] ''No''... (glances [glances at his glove compartment) ...compartment] ...I have unpaid parking tickets. (pops [pops open his glove compartment, the compartment which empties; pause) spills out a mass of tickets; pause] Be gentle.



"'''''JEZ-E-BEL!'''''"

to:

"'''''JEZ-E-BEL!'''''""'''''JEZ-E-B-!'''''" ''[cracks up laughing.]''


''(A big SMACK is heard and Fletcher exits the elevator, holding his face in pain, and the woman pissed off)''

to:

''(A ''(a big SMACK is heard and Fletcher exits the elevator, holding his face in pain, and the woman pissed off)''



* "It was ''Meeee!''"

to:

* "It was ''Meeee!''"''meeee!''"



'''Fletcher''': [-[[ThisIsGonnaSuck Here goes:]]-] [[ListOfTransgressions I sped. I followed too closely. I ran a stop sign. I almost hit a Chevy. I sped some more. I failed to yield at a crosswalk. I changed lanes at the intersection. I changed lanes without signaling while running a red light and]] '''''SPEEEDIING!'''''\\

to:

'''Fletcher''': [-[[ThisIsGonnaSuck Here goes:]]-] [[ListOfTransgressions I sped. I followed too closely. I ran a stop sign. I almost hit a Chevy. I sped some more. I failed to yield at a crosswalk. I changed lanes at the intersection. I changed lanes without signaling while running a red light and]] '''''SPEEEDIING!'''''\\'''''[[ListOfTransgressions SPEEEDIING!]]'''''\\



'''Fletcher''': ''No''... (glances at glove compartment) ...I have unpaid parking tickets. (pops open his glove compartment, which empties; pause) Be gentle.

to:

'''Fletcher''': (through gritted teeth) ''No''... (glances at glove compartment) ...I have unpaid parking tickets. (pops open his glove compartment, which empties; pause) Be gentle.gentle.
* After being informed that it costed $1654.11 to get his car out of the impound, Fletcher screams "HOW DO YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT?!" before deciding to steal... [[PokeThePoodle an air freshener]].


-->'''Fletcher''': ''(Eye rolls and shows the huge gash in his side door)'' Right theeerrre!

to:

-->'''Fletcher''': ''(Eye ''(eye rolls and shows the huge gash in his side door)'' Right theeerrre!



-->'''Fletcher''': ''(Dumbfounded)'' Why... you! You LIAR! You know what I'm going to do about this?

to:

-->'''Fletcher''': ''(Dumbfounded)'' ''(dumbfounded)'' Why... you! You LIAR! You know what I'm going to do about this?



-->'''Fletcher''': Nothing! Because if I take it to small claims court, it'll just drain eight hours of my life, and you probably won't show up! And if I finally got the judgment, you'd just stiff me anyway! So what I'm gonna do is piss and moan like an impotent jerk, and then bend over and '''TAKE IT UP THE TAIL PIPE!'''

to:

-->'''Fletcher''': Nothing! [[RealityEnsues Because if I take it to small claims court, it'll just drain eight hours of my life, and you probably won't show up! And if I finally got the judgment, you'd just stiff me anyway! anyway!]] So what I'm gonna do ''gonna do'' is piss and moan like an impotent jerk, and then bend over and '''TAKE IT UP THE TAIL PIPE!'''



-->'''Fletcher''': ''(Grabs his keys in a hammy fashion)''
** Even better is that, part way through his rant, the reality of the hypothetical sets in as Fletcher's expression goes from vindictive, to shocked, to defeated.

to:

-->'''Fletcher''': ''(Grabs ''(grabs his keys in a hammy fashion)''
** Even better is that, part way through his rant, [[FailureIsTheOnlyOption the reality of the hypothetical hypothetical]] sets in as Fletcher's expression goes from vindictive, to shocked, to defeated.



--> '''Fletcher''': Excuse me. Hi. I'm Max's bad father... [[VerbalBackspace er, I'm his father.]]

to:

--> '''Fletcher''': -->'''Fletcher''': Excuse me. Hi. I'm Max's bad father... [[VerbalBackspace er, I'm his father.]]

Added DiffLines:

** This scene pretty much sets the tone for the movie in the trailer.


'''Cop''': Why don't we take it from the top.\\

to:

'''Cop''': Why don't we just take it from the top.\\



-->'''Fletcher:''' Simmons is old! ''(everyone laughs)'' He should have been out years ago, but he can't stay home 'cause he hates his wife! You've met her at the Christmas parties. She's the one [[LadyDrunk that gets plastered]] [[AwfulWeddedLife and calls him a retard]]! And you, Tom. You're the biggest [[ProfessionalButtKisser brownnose]] I've ever seen! ''(everyone laughs)'' You've got your head so far up Mr. Allan's ass, I can't tell where you end and he begins! ''You'' have bad breath caused by gingivitis. ''You'' couldn't get a porn star off. Your hairpiece looks like something that was killed crossing the highway. I don't know whether to comb it or scrape it off and bury it in lime! Loser! Idiot! Wimp! Degenerate! (''Points to [[ReallyGetsAround Miranda]]'') '''SLLLLLLUUT!!!'''

to:

-->'''Fletcher:''' Simmons is old! ''(everyone laughs)'' He should have been out of the game years ago, but he can't stay home 'cause he hates his wife! You've met her at the Christmas parties. She's the one [[LadyDrunk that gets plastered]] [[AwfulWeddedLife and calls him a retard]]! And you, Tom. You're the biggest [[ProfessionalButtKisser brownnose]] I've ever seen! ''(everyone laughs)'' You've got your head so far up Mr. Allan's ass, I can't tell where you end and he begins! ''You'' have bad breath caused by gingivitis. ''You'' couldn't get a porn star off. Your hairpiece looks like something that was killed crossing the highway. I don't know whether to comb it or scrape it off with a shovel and bury it in lime! Loser! Idiot! Wimp! Degenerate! (''Points to [[ReallyGetsAround Miranda]]'') '''SLLLLLLUUT!!!'''



--> '''Fletcher''': You brought your kids to your divorce trial?! \\

to:

--> '''Fletcher''': You brought your kids to your divorce trial?! divorce?! \\



'''Fletcher''': [[ThatWasObjectionable Because it is]] ''[[ThatWasObjectionable devastating]]'' [[ThatWasObjectionable to my case!]]\\

to:

'''Fletcher''': [[ThatWasObjectionable Because it is]] it's]] ''[[ThatWasObjectionable devastating]]'' [[ThatWasObjectionable to my case!]]\\



'''Fletcher:''' I'm kicking my ''AAAAASS''! '''D'YA MIND?!'''

to:

'''Fletcher:''' I'm kicking my ''AAAAASS''! '''D'YA MIND?!'''MIIIND?!'''



-->'''Mrs. Cole''': This is Kenneth Falk, the man from the tape.\\
'''Fletcher''': Ah, how could I forget?\\
'''Falk''': How ya doin'?\\
'''Fletcher''': ''(beaming)'' I've just stepped into the seventh circle of '''Hell!'''

to:

-->'''Mrs. Cole''': This is Mr Reede, you remember Kenneth Falk, the man from the tape.\\
'''Fletcher''': Ah, how How could I forget?\\
'''Falk''': How Hey, how ya doin'?\\
'''Fletcher''': ''(beaming)'' I've just stepped slipped into the seventh circle of '''Hell!''''''Hell''', thank you!



--> "You had sex with her every time you met, didn't you? DIDN'T YOU? LIAR! You slammed her! You dunked her doughnut! You gave her dog a Snausage! YOU STUFFED HER LIKE A THANKSGIVING TURKEY!" [Makes gobbling noises]

to:

--> "You had sex with her every time you met, didn't you? DIDN'T YOU? LIAR! You slammed her! You dunked her doughnut! doughnuts! You gave her dog a Snausage! YOU STUFFED HER LIKE A THANKSGIVING TURKEY!" [Makes gobbling noises]

Added DiffLines:

** And then topped off even more by the fact that he directs it at his ''mother'' as if to say "I know you're responsible for this", while Audrey can only give a helpless look.


** "THE COLOR OF THE PEN THAT I HOLD IN MY HAND IS RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR'''''ROYAL BLUE'''''!"

to:

** "THE COLOR OF THE PEN THAT I HOLD IN MY HAND IS RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR'''''ROYAL RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR'''''ROYAL BLUE'''''!"


-->''Greta''': Here's your raise! ''[flips the bird, resulting in a JawDrop from Fletcher]''

to:

-->''Greta''': -->'''Greta''': Here's your raise! ''[flips the bird, resulting in a JawDrop from Fletcher]''

Added DiffLines:

* When Greta learns Fletcher stiffed her on a raise, she begins to clear out her desk and Fletcher begs her to stay.
-->'''Fletcher''': I'll give you the raise!
-->''Greta''': Here's your raise! ''[flips the bird, resulting in a JawDrop from Fletcher]''

Added DiffLines:

** Even better is that, part way through his rant, the reality of the hypothetical sets in as Fletcher's expression goes from vindictive, to shocked, to defeated.


'''Fletcher''': [-[[ThisIsGonnaSuck Here goes:]]-] [[ListOfTransgressions I sped. I followed too closely. I ran a stop sign. I almost hit a Chevy. I sped some more. I failed to yield at a crosswalk. I changed lanes at the intersection. I changed lanes without signaling while running a red light and]] '''SPEEEDIING!!'''\\

to:

'''Fletcher''': [-[[ThisIsGonnaSuck Here goes:]]-] [[ListOfTransgressions I sped. I followed too closely. I ran a stop sign. I almost hit a Chevy. I sped some more. I failed to yield at a crosswalk. I changed lanes at the intersection. I changed lanes without signaling while running a red light and]] '''SPEEEDIING!!'''\\'''''SPEEEDIING!'''''\\


'''Fletcher''': NOOOO!!!... ''(pops open his glove compartment, which empties)'' I have unpaid parking tickets. ''(pause)'' Be gentle.

to:

'''Fletcher''': NOOOO!!!... ''(pops ''No''... (glances at glove compartment) ...I have unpaid parking tickets. (pops open his glove compartment, which empties)'' I have unpaid parking tickets. ''(pause)'' empties; pause) Be gentle.

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