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* A case circa 2008 in which the plaintiff was suing a tattoo parlor for tattooing her 16-year-old daughter without her permission and the costs to have it removed (to make matters worse, [[EmbarrassingTattoo the tattoo had been the name of the girl's ex-boyfriend]]). Judge Judy chastised the 16-year-old for being stupid, but found the defendants' position legally untenable: they admitted they hadn't checked the girl's ID because she ''looked'' like she was of age, and claimed they weren't legally responsible because the 16-year-old shouldn't have come into the parlor in the first place and thus was guilty of trespassing on their premises. One of the owners tried to go toe to toe with Judge Judy, and was finally shot down when the judge determined she wasn't going to get through to him.
-->'''Judge Judy:''' Your argument is ludicrous, sir!\\
'''Defendant:''' So is hers.\\
'''Judge Judy:''' No. Her argument is legitimate. The same way that you cannot buy minors alcohol, sell them cigarettes, because that's what the law says, it's the same thing, and you--\\
'''Defendant:''' No it's not.\\
'''Judge Judy:''' Ugh! You're dumb as a bucket of rocks.

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* One of the dumbest counterclaims ever filed in Judge Judy's court: The plaintiff sued the defendant for selling him silver on [=EBay=] which turned out to be fake. The defendant filed a countersuit, claiming the plaintiff had been impressed with the defendant's silver prices and promised to buy more, but then broke that promise once he learned the silver he'd been sold was fake. The audience enjoyed a few hearty laughs at the stupidity of the countersuit...
-->'''Judge Judy:''' Which is... a-dismissed. ''[audience laughs]''

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* Anytime Judge Judy makes reference to the show's viewing audience of ten million people, especially when litigants make themselves look like fools.
--> '''Defendant:''' I didn't want anyone to know I had lupus.\\
'''Judge Judy:''' You just told ten million people you have lupus. ''[audience laughs]''

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* Judge Judy's explanation of why she no longer goes to Costco with her husband.
-->'''Judge Judy:''' They have all these stands set up with free samples of food. I don't go there with my husband any more; he thought he was going out to lunch. He'd go from one stand to another to another and it was embarrassing. People stared at him saying, "Look, it's Judge Judy's husband, he's grazing at Costco." So, I don't go to Costco with him anymore.

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* In a dispute over ducks swimming in a communal swimming pool:
-->'''Judge Judy:''' I like ducks - in a duck pond, not in my pool. All you duck lovers out there, don't send me any nasty letters. I don't read nasty letters. I like ducks as long as they stay in their own place. You stay out of my way, I'll stay out of yours. If you're coming on my property, you make sure you pay your taxes. So, save your letters.

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* In one case, Her Honor mixed up her car insurance companies.
-->'''Judge Judy:''' You're in good hands with Geico.\\
'''Byrd:''' Judge, that's Allstate.\\
'''Judge Judy:''' Oh, really? Then what's Geico? Oh, that's right - the lizard.


* The infamous "hop on the car" case, in which the plaintiff sued a former friend, who worked in customer service at a bank, for damaging her car when he ''literally'' hopped on top of it when the plaintiff was about to give her a ride. After throwing the defendant's witness out of court for being a smart-aleck, Judge Judy started in on the defendant himself.

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* The infamous "hop on the car" case, in which the plaintiff sued a former friend, who worked in customer service at a bank, for damaging her car when he ''literally'' hopped on top of it when the plaintiff was about to give her him a ride. After throwing the defendant's witness out of court for being a smart-aleck, Judge Judy started in on the defendant himself.


'''Judge Judy:''' I wouldn't either. I would take my money out of that bank. I would say, "I want someone who understands responsibility, and understands the difference between a colloquialism and some sort of a whatever, 'hop in, hop on,' somebody who is reasoned and reasonable.'" So, I would make a- I just read you from your sworn answer, sir. I just read your answer. You don't want to change that, do you?\\
'''Defendant:''' No, not all. I'll stick by my answer.\\
'''Judge Judy:''' Very good. That's your answer. I believe you. I believe you! ... ''[to plaintiff]'' How much is it gonna cost to fix your car?\\
'''Plaintiff:''' $918.\\
'''Judge Judy:''' Judgment for the plaintiff. Thank you very much. ''[laughter and applause from audience]''

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'''Judge Judy:''' I wouldn't either. I would take my money out of that bank. I would say, "I want someone who understands responsibility, and understands the difference between a colloquialism and some sort of a whatever, 'hop in, hop on,' somebody who is reasoned and reasonable.'" So, I would make a- I just read you from your sworn answer, sir. I just read your answer. You don't want to change that, do you?\\
'''Defendant:''' No, not all. I'll stick by my answer.\\
'''Judge Judy:''' Very good. That's your answer. I believe you. I believe you! ... ''[to plaintiff]'' How much is it gonna cost to fix your car?\\
'''Plaintiff:''' $918.\\
'''Judge Judy:''' Judgment for the plaintiff. Thank you very much. ''[laughter and applause from audience]''


* The infamous "hop on the car" case, in which the plaintiff sued a former friend for damaging her car when he ''literally'' hopped on top of it when the plaintiff was about to give her a ride. After throwing the defendant's witness out of court for being a smart-aleck, Judge Judy started in on the defendant himself.
-->'''Judge Judy:''' The reason I asked you all these questions, Mr. Hessler, was because I wondered why an otherwise intelligent person would proffer an answer to a complaint such as you did and not expect me to, verbally at least, annihilate you, and why you would expose yourself to 10 million people in this country, and probably 50 million people throughout the world, as an idiot.

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* The infamous "hop on the car" case, in which the plaintiff sued a former friend friend, who worked in customer service at a bank, for damaging her car when he ''literally'' hopped on top of it when the plaintiff was about to give her a ride. After throwing the defendant's witness out of court for being a smart-aleck, Judge Judy started in on the defendant himself.
-->'''Judge Judy:''' The reason I asked you all these questions, Mr. Hessler, was because I wondered why an otherwise intelligent person would proffer an answer to a complaint such as you did and not expect me to, verbally at least, annihilate you, and why you would expose yourself to 10 million people in this country, and probably 50 million people throughout the world, as an idiot. \\
''[later]''\\
'''Judge Judy:''' ''[reading from the defendant's answer]'' "I refuse to pay for something that was not my fault. She told me to hop on the car, so I did."\\
''[audience laughs]''\\
'''Judge Judy:''' ''[to Byrd]'' Would you entrust customer service at a bank to this kind of an idiot?\\
'''Byrd:''' Not personally.\\
'''Judge Judy:''' I wouldn't either. I would take my money out of that bank. I would say, "I want someone who understands responsibility, and understands the difference between a colloquialism and some sort of a whatever, 'hop in, hop on,' somebody who is reasoned and reasonable.'" So, I would make a- I just read you from your sworn answer, sir. I just read your answer. You don't want to change that, do you?\\
'''Defendant:''' No, not all. I'll stick by my answer.\\
'''Judge Judy:''' Very good. That's your answer. I believe you. I believe you! ... ''[to plaintiff]'' How much is it gonna cost to fix your car?\\
'''Plaintiff:''' $918.\\
'''Judge Judy:''' Judgment for the plaintiff. Thank you very much. ''[laughter and applause from audience]''

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* The infamous "hop on the car" case, in which the plaintiff sued a former friend for damaging her car when he ''literally'' hopped on top of it when the plaintiff was about to give her a ride. After throwing the defendant's witness out of court for being a smart-aleck, Judge Judy started in on the defendant himself.
-->'''Judge Judy:''' The reason I asked you all these questions, Mr. Hessler, was because I wondered why an otherwise intelligent person would proffer an answer to a complaint such as you did and not expect me to, verbally at least, annihilate you, and why you would expose yourself to 10 million people in this country, and probably 50 million people throughout the world, as an idiot.


-->'''Judge Judy:''' Byrd, as soon as you finish 9 Across, will you get the plaintiff's evidence, please? ''[laughter from audience]'' Wasn't that funny? I thought that was funny. \\
'''Officer Byrd:''' It was funny. It's actually 8 Across.

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-->'''Judge Judy:''' Byrd, as soon as you finish 9 6 Across, will you get return the plaintiff's evidence, please? property from the plaintiff to the defendant? ''[laughter from audience]'' Wasn't that funny? I thought that was funny. \\
'''Officer Byrd:''' It was funny. It's hilarious. It was actually 8 Across.6 Down.


'''Judge Judy:''' I want you to promise me, something, Ms. Knutsen. I want you to raise your right hand and say: "I will never..."\\

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'''Judge Judy:''' I want you to promise me, me something, Ms. Knutsen. I want you to raise your right hand and say: "I will never..."\\


* In one case, a woman ruined her boyfriend's clothes by pouring bleach all over them. She then goes on a 30 second rant, which consisted of almost nothing but insults directed at him. Judge Judy gloriously and hilariously put her in her place - and then proceeded to rule against her in the full $5,000 amount of the plaintiff's complaint (thus also instantly dismissing the defendant's counterclaim) when the defendant ''still'' refused to shut up.

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* In one case, a woman who suspected her boyfriend was cheating on her ruined her boyfriend's his clothes by pouring bleach all over them. them, and tried to claim it wasn't her fault his clothes got bleached because he grabbed at the bottle of bleach while she was holding it. She then goes on a [[InsaneTrollLogic 30 second rant, rant]], which consisted of almost nothing but insults directed at him. Judge Judy gloriously and hilariously put her in her place - and then proceeded to rule against her in the full $5,000 amount of the plaintiff's complaint (thus also instantly dismissing the defendant's counterclaim) when the defendant ''still'' refused to shut up.


** In a few recent (later half of 2019) cases, she has taken to describing the case, always comically absurd, to Byrd at the start. In one case, she even remarks how the litigants deserved each other for being so stupid and, at least twice, made subsequent asides to Byrd reaffirming her stance. Byrd, [[TheStoic being]] [[TheComicallySerious Byrd]], generally gives a thoughtful nod of agreement.

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** In a few recent (later half number of 2019) cases, she has taken to describing describes the case, always in comically absurd, absurd terms, to Byrd at the start. In one case, she even remarks how the litigants deserved each other for being so stupid and, at least twice, made subsequent asides to Byrd reaffirming her stance. Byrd, [[TheStoic being]] [[TheComicallySerious Byrd]], generally gives a thoughtful nod of agreement.


--> '''Judge Judy:''' ''[to plaintiff]'' Does it make sense for you to reimburse the bank for this money, since you used the $2000, or does it make sense for your daughter to be responsible for money she had no use of?\\

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--> '''Judge Judy:''' ''[to plaintiff]'' Does it make sense for you to reimburse Between you, who had the bank for this benefit of the money, since you used the $2000, or does it make sense for and your daughter to be responsible for daughter, who did not have the benefit of the money, who should pay the money she had no use of?\\back?\\



'''Judge Judy:''' Is that a hard question? Is that a hard question? I've repeated it now three times! My four-year-old grandson could give me an answer to that question, madam!\\
'''Plaintiff:''' I think the bank should go after the company. The company was the one who issued a bad check. That's fraud.\\
'''Judge Judy:''' I want you to raise your right hand and repeat after me. "I will never..."\\

to:

'''Judge Judy:''' ''[to Byrd]'' Is that a hard question? Is that a hard question? I've repeated it now three times! My four-year-old grandson could give me an answer to that question, madam!\\
'''Plaintiff:''' I think the bank should go after the company. The company was the one who issued a bad check. That's fraud.
question?\\
'''Byrd:''' No.
\\
'''Judge Judy:''' Is that a hard question? I've repeated it now three times! Three times! My four-year-old grandchild could give me an answer to that question, madam!\\
'''Plaintiff:''' I think the bank should go after the company that issued the check. The company was the one who issued the check and won't honor it. That's like issuing a bad check.\\
'''Judge Judy:''' I want you to promise me, something, Ms. Knutsen. I want you to raise your right hand and repeat after me. say: "I will never..."\\

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