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* In "Comrade Bingo" Bertie, Jeeves, Aunt Dahlia and Spode need to stage a break-in in a stately home, to make it look as if someone outside person has stolen two paintings that they themselves have either stolen or destroyed. Bertie is ''not'' keen on the part of the plan that requires him to be knocked unconscious; Spode, who suffers from a RunningGag of getting hit in/on the head (and has ''already'' had it happen to him this episode) is positively giddy with delight at getting to do it to someone else for a change, and wallops Bertie with a lampstand. ''"Ba-doing!"'' Then when Bertie wakes up before they're ready to raise the alarm, Spode repeats the walloping with a heavy vase.


[[folder: Stiff Upper Lip, Jeeves]]
* Bertie snarking at Madeline's [[LargeHam melodramatic declaration]] to Gussie.
--> 'I hate you, I hate you!' cried Madeline, a thing I didn't know anyone ever said except in the second act of a musical comedy.
* [[TheKlutz Stinker's]] introduction. Especially when Bertie comments on his fondness for playing football.
--> Rugby football is more or less a sealed book to me, I never having gone in for it, but even I could see that he was good. The lissomness with which he moved hither and thither was most impressive, as was his homicidal ardour when doing what I believe is called tackling. Like the Canadian Mounted Police he always got his man, and when he did so the air was vibrant with the excited cries of morticians in the audience making bids for the body.
* "[Stinker] gave me the impression of a two-hundred-pound curate with something on his mind beside his hair."
* Aunt Dahlia's phone call to Bertie.
--> '''Aunt Dahlia:''' Bertie, you foul young blot on the landscape! [...] I got your telegram. [...] What do you mean, you're leaving town? You never leave town except to come down here and wallow in Anatole's cooking. Where are you going?
--> ...I said I was going to Totleigh Towers, and she uttered an impatient snort.
--> '''Aunt Dahlia:''' There's something wrong with this blasted wire. It sounded as if you were saying you were going to Totleigh Towers.
--> '''Bertie:''' I am.
** Then Aunt Dahlia reveals that Mr. Bassett wants to steal Jeeves away.
--> '''Bertie:''' [[{{Malaproper}} Incredulous!]]
--> '''Aunt Dahlia:''' If you mean incredible, you're wrong. I told you how he had fallen under Jeeves's spell when he was here. He used to follow him with his eyes as he [[PerfectlyCromulentWord buttled]], like a cat watching a duck, as Anatole would say. And one morning I heard him making him a definite proposition. Well? What's the matter with you? Have you fainted?
* Bertie meets Roderick Spode.
--> '''Spode:''' Wooster, I can't make up my mind whether to break your neck or not.
--> 'Not' would have been the way my vote would have been cast, but he didn't give me time to say so.
** Then Spode accuses Bertie of trying to come between Madeline and Gussie, "like a creeping snake".
--> ...I was interested to learn that this was what snakes did.
* Mr. Glossop's [[INeedAFreakingDrink reaction]] to learning Bertie is coming to stay for at least a week... ''after'' Bertie arrives.
* Bertie's description of the atmosphere at Totleigh Towers.
--> Sombre, that's the word I was trying to think of. The atmosphere was sombre. The whole binge might have been a scene from one of those Russian plays my Aunt Agatha sometimes makes me take her son Thos to at the Old Vic in order to improve his mind, which, as is widely known, can do with all the improvement that's coming to it.
* Jeeves objects to Bertie's alpine hat.
--> '''Bertie:''' If you really want to know, several fellows at the Drones asked me where I had got it.
--> '''Jeeves:''' [[DeadpanSnarker No doubt with a view to avoiding your hatter, sir.]]
* Jeeves gets Bertie out of having to marry [[AbhorrentAdmirer Madeline]], by claiming Bertie's a kleptomaniac.
[[/folder]]

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* ''Funny/StiffUpperLipJeeves''

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* ''Funny/JeevesAndTheFeudalSpirit''


[[folder: Jeeves and the Feudal Spirit]]
* "Love is a delicate plant that needs constant tending and nurturing, and this cannot be done by snorting at the adored object like a gas explosion and calling her friends lice."
* Bertie, yet again, finds himself in a sticky situation.
--> I agreed the situation was sticky. Indeed, offhand it was difficult to see how it could have been more glutinous.
* Bertie is on the phone with Florence Craye, who talks about how jealous her (hulking, aggressive) fiancé, "Stilton" Cheesewright is, saying: "Why, if he even found out I was telephoning to you now, he would have a fit." At this moment, Stilton enters Bertie's room.
-->It was a moment for quick thinking. One doesn't want fellows having fits all over one's sitting-room. I was extremely dubious, moreover, as to whether, should he ascertain who was at the other end of the wire, he would confine himself to fits.
-->'Certainly Catsmeat,' I said. 'Of course, Catsmeat. I quite understand, [[DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment Catsmeat]]. But I'll have to ring off now, [[OverlyLongGag Catsmeat]], as our mutual friend Cheesewright has just come in. Good-bye, Catsmeat.'
-->I hung up the receiver and turned to Stilton. '[[BlatantLies That was Catsmeat,]]' I said.
* Aunt Dahlia wants Bertie to have dinner with the Trotters. He describes it to Jeeves as "a blind date with some slabs of gorgonzola sponsored by Aunt Dahlia".
* Bertie [[MixedMetaphor mixes his metaphors]].
--> I had the disquieting impression that it wouldn’t take too much to make the Stilton-Florence axis go p'fft again, and who could say that in this event, the latter, back in circulation, would not decide to hitch on to me once more? I remembered what had happened that other time and, as the fellow said, the burned child fears the spilled milk.
* Bertie tries to get out of visiting Aunt Dahlia by saying he refused to give another guest money. Aunt Dahlia replies that he needn't worry about it, because said guest got money from somewhere else.
--> '''Aunt Dahlia:''' So you needn't be shy about meeting him. What if he does think you the world's premier louse? Don't we all?
* Aunt Dahlia convinces Bertie to "steal" her necklace and tells him her bedroom is "the end one on the left". Bertie follows her instructions, but ends up in ''Florence's'' bedroom by mistake. Then Cheesewright comes along and [[NotWhatItLooksLike finds him there]], and ''then'' when Bertie tries to escape he finds the ladder has vanished.
** Then, when Bertie finally goes back to his own room, he finds Aunt Dahlia waiting from him.
--> '''Bertie:''' Would you mind informing me in a few simple words why you told me that your window was the end one on the left?
--> '''Aunt Dahlia:''' It is the end one on the left. [...] [[NowYouTellMe Looking from the house.]]
--> '''Bertie:''' Oh, looking ''from'' the house? I thought you meant looking ''at'' the house.
--> '''Aunt Dahlia:''' Don't tell me you got into the wrong room?
--> '''Bertie:''' It could scarcely have been wronger.
** After Aunt Dahlia learns whose room Bertie broke into, she says, "You'll have to marry [Florence]... though I doubt if she would have you."
** Even after all this, Aunt Dahlia doesn't give up on her burglary plan.
--> '''Aunt Dahlia:''' You'd better go and shift that ladder to the right window.
--> [...]
--> '''Bertie:''' ...The ladder isn't there. [...] Under the right window, or perhaps I should say the wrong window. When I looked out, it was gone.
--> '''Aunt Dahlia:''' Nonsense. Ladders don't melt into thin air.
--> '''Bertie:''' They do, I assure you, at Brinkley Court, Brinkley-cum-Snodsfield-in-the-Marsh. I don't know what conditions prevail elsewhere, but at Brinkley Court they vanish if you take your eye off them for so much as an instant.
--> '''Aunt Dahlia:''' You mean the ladder's disappeared?
--> '''Bertie:''' That is precisely the point I was endeavouring to establish. It has folded its tents like the Arabs and silently stolen away.
** Uncle Tom comes along and reveals ''he'' took the ladder.
--> '''Uncle Tom:''' The place is alive with burglars.
--> '''Aunt Dahlia:''' Burglars? What gives you that idea? I haven't seen any burglars. Have you, Bertie?
--> '''Bertie:''' Not one. [[DeadpanSnarker I remember thinking how odd it was]].
--> [...]
--> '''Uncle Tom:''' I saw a ladder. When I was taking my stroll in the garden before going to bed. Propped up against one of the windows. I took it away in the nick of time. A minute later, and burglars would have been streaming up it in their thousands.
* "I moved in a mysterious way my wonders to perform, but was impeded by a number of Acts of God."
* "There is one drawback to not wearing a moustache, and that is that if you don’t have one, you’ve got nothing to twirl when baffled. All you can do is stand with your lower jaw drooping like a tired lily, looking a priceless ass, and that is what Stilton was doing now. His whole demeanour was that of an Assyrian who, having come down like a wolf on the fold, finds in residence not lambs but wild cats, than which, of course, nothing makes an Assyrian feel sillier."
[[/folder]]


** And in the same story, the climactic [[RugbyIsSlaughter rugby match]].

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** And in the same story, Bertie's description of Tuppy during the climactic [[RugbyIsSlaughter rugby match]].




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\n* ''Funny/AuntsArentGentlemen''




[[folder: Aunts Aren't Gentlemen]]
* Bertie, about Aunt Dahlia:
--> If she ever turned into a werewolf, it would be one of those jolly breezy werewolves whom it is a pleasure to know.
* Bertie has to go to Maiden Eggesford for the sake of his health, and [[TemptingFate expects he'll have a nice, quiet time]].
--> In due course Aunt Dahlia rang to say that she had got a cottage for me and to let her know what day I would be arriving. And so began what I suppose my biographers will refer to as The Maiden Eggesford Horror – or possibly The Curious Case Of The Cat Which Kept Popping Up When Least Expected.
* Aunt Dahlia notices Bertie isn't acting normally and confronts him about it.
--> '''Bertie:''' What you say is true. But I am not myself today.
--> '''Aunt Dahlia:''' Well, that's a bit of luck for everybody.
--> '''Bertie:''' I'm what you could call distraught.
--> '''Aunt Dahlia:''' You're what I could call a mess.
* After Bertie tells Orlo that Vanessa wants to meet him at Bertie's cottage:
--> Eventually [Orlo] spoke, his voice rather like that of a living corpse in one of those horror films where the fellow takes the lid off the tomb in the vault beneath the ruined chapel and blowed if the occupant doesn't start a conversation with him.
* Bertie tells Aunt Dahlia about his engagement to Vanessa. She offers him a few [[SarcasmMode words of comfort]].
--> '''Aunt Dahlia:''' I wouldn't worry. You're bound to wriggle out of it somehow. You told me once that you had faith in your star. The girls you've been engaged to and have escaped from would reach, if placed end to end, from Piccadilly to Hyde Park Corner. I won't believe you're married till I see the bishop and assistant clergy mopping their foreheads and saying, "Well, that's that. We've really got the young blighter off at last."
* Bertie tells Jeeves about his engagement.
--> '''Bertie:''' I'm in sore straits, Jeeves.
--> '''Jeeves:''' I am sorry to hear that, sir.
--> '''Bertie:''' You'll be sorrier when I explain further. Have you ever seen a garrison besieged by howling savages, with their ammunition down to the last box of cartridges, the water supply giving out and the United States Marines nowhere in sight?
--> '''Jeeves:''' Not to my recollection, sir.
--> '''Bertie:''' Well, my position is roughly that of such a garrison, except that compared with me they're sitting pretty. Compared with me they haven't a thing to worry about.
[[/folder]]




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\n* ''Funny/MuchObligedJeeves''




[[folder: Much Obliged, Jeeves]]
* Bertie's comments on Aunt Dahlia's habit of [[NoIndoorVoice talking loudly]].
--> I believe that she, when in good voice, could be heard in several adjoining counties.
* Bertie's reaction to hearing Ginger is staying with Aunt Dahlia.
--> I uttered a joyful cry, and [Aunt Dahlia] said if I did it again, she would sue me, it having nearly cracked her eardrum. A notable instance of the pot calling the kettle black, as the old saying has it, she having been cracking mine since the start of the proceedings.
* At the end, Bertie gets side-tracked while summing things up.
--> '''Bertie:''' There remains a fly in the ointment, a familiar saying meaning... well, I don't quite know what it does mean. It seems to imply a state of affairs at which one is supposed to look askance, but why, I ask myself, shouldn't flies be in ointment? What harm do they do? And who wants ointment, anyway? But you get what I'm driving at.
* When Jeeves reveals that [[spoiler: Runkle went to prison for bribing a juror]], Aunt Dahlia "revived like a floweret". Bertie adds, "Not that she looks like a floweret, [[CatchPhrase but you know what I mean.]]"
* "...the [=McCorkadale=] gave that sniffing snort of hers. It was partly like an escape of steam and partly like two or three cats unexpectedly encountering two or three dogs, with just a suggestion of a cobra waking up cross in the morning. I wondered how it had affected the late Mr [=McCorkadale=]. Probably made him feel that there are worse things than being run over by a municipal tram."
[[/folder]]


* Bertie's first golfing attempt. He hits the ball... and sends it flying into a group of people, hitting one of them.
** Then a little later, he hits the ball then cowers as [[EpicFail it bounces off several trees and ends up back at his feet.]]

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* Bertie's first golfing attempt. attempt, which is always interrupted by Macintosh's barking. He finally hits the ball... and and, thanks to Macintosh, sends it flying into a group of people, hitting one of them.
** Then a little later, he hits the ball then cowers ducks as [[EpicFail it bounces off several trees and ends up back at his feet.]]

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* ''Funny/TheCodeOfTheWoosters''


[[folder: The Code of the Woosters]]
* "I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being [[PerfectlyCromulentWord gruntled]]."
* Bertie's ShoutOut to certain famous detectives:
--> I mean, imagine how some unfortunate Master Criminal would feel, on coming down to do a murder at the old Grange, if he found that not only was Literature/SherlockHolmes putting in the weekend there, but Literature/HerculePoirot, as well.
[[/folder]]



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* ''Funny/JoyInTheMorning''




[[folder: Joy in the Morning]]
* The entirety of ''Joy in the Morning'' (US: ''Jeeves in the Morning''), but especially the moment at which Bertie finds himself 'a gazelle short.'
--> '''Bertie:''' You don't mind me referring to you as a gazelle, do you, Jeeves?
--> '''Jeeves:''' Not at all, sir.
* "It is true of course, that I have a will of iron, but it can be switched off if the circumstances seem to demand it."
* "A hoarse shout from within and a small china ornament whizzing past my head informed me that my old friend was at home."
* Jeeves tells Bertie that Aunt Agatha is in London on her way to see her son Thomas, who has mumps. Bertie has this to say.
--> His allusion was to [Aunt Agatha]'s son by her first marriage, one of our vilest citizens. Many good judges rank him even higher in England’s Rogues' Gallery than her stepson Edwin. I was rejoiced to learn that he had got mumps, and toyed for a moment with a hope that Aunt Agatha would catch them from him.
* Nobby explaining to Bertie why Uncle Percy disapproves of her engagement to Boko, which includes her [[ItMakesSenseInContext comparing him to a butterfly]]. Bertie takes the metaphor and [[{{Metaphorgotten}} runs with it]].
--> If Uncle Percy really thought that Boko was a butterfly that might go broke at any moment, Love’s young dream had unquestionably stubbed its toe. I mean, an oofy butterfly is bad enough. But it can at least pay the rent. I could well imagine a man of conservative views recoiling from one which might come asking for handouts for the rest of its life.
** During the same conversation, Nobby says she wants to marry Boko before he leaves for Hollywood.
--> '''Nobby:''' I love Boko distractedly, but at the thought of him going to Hollywood without me I come over all faint. He wouldn’t mean to let me down. I don’t suppose he would even know he was doing it. But one morning I should get an apologetic cable saying that he couldn’t quite explain how it had happened, but that he had inadvertently got married last night, and had I anything to suggest.
* Edwin tries to help Bertie settle into the cottage where he'll be staying, and in the process ''[[EpicFail sets the cottage on fire]]''. And then he tries to put out the fire... [[TooDumbToLive with paraffin]]. (Note to American readers: You call it ''kerosene.)''
* After the burning-the-cottage-down incident, Bertie says what he thinks about Edwin.
--> There's a boy who makes you feel that what this country wants is somebody like King Herod.
* Bertie discovers that [[OhCrap he's lost Aunt Agatha's brooch]].
--> ...I filled in the time by thinking of what Aunt Agatha was going to say. I did not look forward to getting in touch with her. In fact, it almost seemed as if [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere another of my quick trips to America]] would be rendered necessary. About the only advantage of having an aunt like her is that it makes one travel, thus broadening the mind and enabling one to see new faces.
* Nobby says Stilton is "very impressionable".
--> I agreed with her there. I had never forgotten the time at Oxford when somebody temporarily converted him to Buddhism. It led to a lot of unpleasantness with the authorities, I recall, he immediately starting to cut chapel and go and meditate beneath the nearest thing the neighbourhood could provide to a bo tree.
* Nobby and Bertie discuss how to get Florence and Stilton back together.
--> '''Bertie:''' When chatting with Florence, therefore, boost Stilton in every possible way. Make her see what a prize she has got. And if you have any influence with him, endeavour to persuade him to chuck all this policeman nonsense and stand for Parliament, as she wants him to.
--> '''Nobby:''' I'd love to see Stilton in Parliament.
--> '''Bertie:''' So would I, if it means healing this rift.
--> '''Nobby:''' Wouldn't he be a scream!
--> '''Bertie:''' Not necessarily. [[TakeThat There are bigger fatheads than Stilton among our legislators - dozens of them. They would probably shove him in the Cabinet.]]
* Nobby hears how Edwin burned down Bertie's cottage.
--> Nobby speculated as to the chances of somebody some day murdering Edwin, and we agreed that the hour must eventually produce the man.
* Bertie's Uncle Percy meets him as he's [[ItMakesSenseInContext about to smash a window]]. And then Stilton comes along.
--> '''Uncle Percy:''' I try to enjoy a quiet stroll in my garden, and before I can so much as inhale a breath of air I find it crawling with nephews and policemen. I come out to be alone with Nature, and the first thing I know I can't move for the crowd. What is this place? Piccadilly Circus? Hampstead Heath on Bank Holiday? The spot chosen for the annual outing of the police force?
* Nobby and Boko have a quarrel. Bertie tries to comfort Boko afterward.
--> '''Bertie:''' Life's all right.
--> '''Boko:''' Not if you've lost the girl you love.
--> '''Bertie:''' Have you lost the girl you love?
--> '''Boko:''' That's what I'm trying to figure out. I can't make up my mind. It all depends what construction you place on the words "I never want to see or speak to you again in this world or the next, you miserable fathead."
* Florence, while complaining about Stilton, says he "turned on her like a tiger".
--> ...I couldn’t help admiring Stilton for his intrepid courage. Circumstances had so arranged themselves as to extract most of the stuffing from what had been a closeish boyhood friendship, but I had to respect a man capable of turning on Florence like a tiger. I would hardly have thought Attila the Hun could have done it, even if at the peak of his form.
* Bertie and Nobby discuss how to arrange a meeting for Uncle Percy.
--> '''Nobby:''' Perhaps Boko would have something to suggest.
--> '''Bertie:''' I bet he would, and I bet it would be something which would land us so deeply in the soup that it would require a dredging outfit to get us out again.
[[/folder]]


* Bertie's perfectly innocent "Me? W-what have I done?" a few moments after he'd accidentally ''shot a chandelier off the ceiling with a hunting rifle.''

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* Bertie's perfectly innocent "Me? W-what have I done?" a few moments after he'd accidentally ''shot a chandelier off the from its ceiling rose with a hunting rifle.''

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!! Works with their own pages:
* ''Funny/RightHoJeeves''

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* Bertie informs Jeeves that a dachshund is currently among the guests at his aunt's.
--> '''Bertie:''' Nice dog. Wears his ears inside out. Why do dachshunds wear their ears inside out, Jeeves?\\
'''Jeeves:''' I could not say, sir.

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