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'''Frasier:''' Oh, great, Woody, thanks. ''[picks up the phone]''

to:

'''Frasier:''' Oh, great, Woody, thanks. ''[picks up the phone]''phone]''\\

Added DiffLines:

[[AC:210: How Do I Love Thee?... Let Me Call You Back]]
* TheTeaser sees Sam and co. planning to get back at Harry the Hat for all the times he's conned them out of money and/or booze. But as usual, Harry is one step ahead... the funniest part is Norm's reaction to Cliff's choice of extinguisher:
-->'''Diane:''' ''[entering to see Sam wrapping a wallet in a box]'' Ooh, a gift! Who's it for?\\
'''Norm:''' For Harry.\\
'''Diane:''' ''[shocked]'' '''Why''' are you giving a gift to that con man?\\
'''Sam:''' To pay him back for all the times he's conned us. Coach found a trick wallet in a novelty shop.\\
'''Coach:''' Yeah, what you do is you open it up, see, and FOOF! ''[makes "fire" gesture with his hands]'' Flames come up right up to your face! ''[he, Sam, and Norm laugh]''\\
'''Diane:''' ''[unamused]'' Ohh! Isn't this a little cruel?\\
'''Sam:''' No, no no no, no, it's harmless, really.\\
'''Carla:''' ''[walking past Diane]'' That's why we didn't give it to you. ''[she grins; Diane returns the grin sarcastically]''\\
'''Cliff:''' ''[keeping watch at the door]'' He's comin'! He's comin'! ''[Harry enters the bar]''\\
'''Sam:''' Hey! Harry! ''[the other patrons cheer]'' Boy, am I glad to see you, Harry!\\
'''Harry:''' ''[immediately suspicious]'' You are?\\
'''Sam:''' You bet - are you kidding me? You are a ''valued'' customer and a friend. I was feelin' kinda bad about all the times I kicked you out of here, so I just wanted to show you there was no bad blood between us. ''[hands him the gift box]''\\
'''Carla:''' It's from all of us!\\
'''Harry:''' For me? ''[looks at the box]'' Well, gosh, guys, I never expected anything like this, I mean... no-one's ever given me anything voluntarily. Should I save it for Christmas?\\
'''Coach:''' Oh, no no, please Harry, open it now, really, look, it's a ''hot'' one. ''[Diane nudges Coach with her elbow as if to say "I see what you did there!"]''\\
'''Harry:''' ''[unwrapping and opening the box]'' Oh, it's a wallet!\\
'''Sam:''' Well, it's just a little gesture.\\
'''Harry:''' It's ''beautiful!''\\
'''Coach:''' ''[whispering to Diane]'' Can't wait, can't wait...\\
'''Harry:''' I'm so touched! ''[he and Sam hug, then he sits down again, drying his eye]''\\
'''Coach:''' Gee Harry, aren't'cha gonna open it?\\
'''Harry:''' Oh, sure.\\
'''Diane:''' ''[quickly]'' Uh! Uh... back from your face. ''[covering]'' So we can... all see.\\
'''Harry:''' ''[holds the wallet back from his face and opens it... no fire, just a wad of bills]'' Awww.\\
'''Coach:''' ''[whispering to Diane]'' Gee, it was funnier in the store.\\
'''Harry:''' ''[counting the bills in delight]'' There must be fifty or sixty bucks here! You guys are too much! I'll never forget this! Thanks a lot! ''[leaves]''\\
'''Sam:''' ''[pointing after Harry]'' Did that wallet look familiar to anybody? ''[takes his wallet out of his jacket pocket and opens it; flames shoot out of it, revealing that Harry switched wallets with him. Everyone yelps in shock, and Sam drops the wallet on the floor and tries to stamp out the flames while Cliff runs over to Norm]''\\
'''Cliff:''' ''[tries to grab Norm's glass]'' Give me the beer!\\
'''Norm:''' ''[pulls the glass away]'' DON'T YOU DARE![[note]] Pouring alcohol on a fire? Not gonna help there, Cliff...[[/note]]

Added DiffLines:

[[AC:926: Home Malone]]
* TheTeaser takes the concept of a NoodleIncident and runs with it...
-->'''Frasier:''' ''[hanging up the bar phone]'' Oh, Woody? Our babysitter just cancelled, could you sit with Frederick tonight?\\
'''Woody:''' Okay.\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, great, Woody, thanks. ''[picks up the phone]''
'''Woody:''' Yeah, I'm used to it. I used to babysit a lot back in Hanover - well, before... the ''incident''.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[{{Beat}}]'' You know, ''[hangs up the phone]'' I think Lilith's mother owes us a favour, thanks anyway, Woody. ''[leaves; Woody waves goodbye]''\\
'''Rebecca:''' ''[entering from the back room]'' Oh, good, Woody, come here a minute. Listen, I'm gonna go out of town for the weekend, and I want you to feed my cat. Now, I know it's an imposition, but... y'know.\\
'''Woody:''' Okay.\\
'''Rebecca:''' Well, you're really good with animals, aren't you?\\
'''Woody:''' Well, yeah, I mean, I had lots of pets back in Hanover - before... the ''incident''.\\
'''Rebecca:''' ''[{{Beat}}]'' You know, Woody, on second thought, I, I'm gonna ask my next door neighbour, but, but thanks anyway. ''[Woody opens a bottle of water as he watches Rebecca leave]''\\
'''Paul:''' Hey, Woody. That's a really clever trick. You could get outta doing anything with that.\\
'''Woody:''' Yeah. Just wish I'd thought of it before... the ''incident''.


* Sam, when about to have sex for the first time with Diane after [[BelligerentSexualTension a long, combatative first season of]] WillTheyOrWontThey:

to:

* Sam, when about to have sex for the first time with Diane after [[BelligerentSexualTension a long, combatative combative first season of]] WillTheyOrWontThey:



[[AC:217: Fortune and Men's Weight]]
* This episode provides the first line from recurring barfly Al; when Cliff gets a fortune from the combination scale/fortune dispenser installed at Cheers that says "Talk to bigwigs", Al insists - twice - that the "biggest bigwig of them all" is [[Music/FrankSinatra Sinatra]].




[[AC:324: The Belles of St. Clete's]]
* In TheTeaser, Norm comes to Cheers early and tells Sam he's decided to have a productive, active day. Sam lists off several outdoor activities to do, and Norm comes up with excuses to avoid them all - he can't go sailing because he gets seasick, he can't go to the driving range because he doesn't have his clubs, he can't go to the gym because he doesn't feel like sweating, and he can't set up the workshop he wants to put in his garage because he'd need to clear it out first. Finally, Sam guesses that Norm's chosen activity will be sitting in the bar all day and drinking beer; Norm "decides" this is the perfect suggestion and asks for a round.




[[AC:623: Bar Wars]]
* Sam and Carla head to Gary's Olde Towne Tavern to apologize, only to find Al there. Carla asks him what he's doing there, and he exclaims "Holy mackerel, this isn't Cheers?!"




[[AC:927: Uncle Sam Wants You]]
* In TheTeaser, Woody is excited to see that the book of crossword puzzles he's ordered has arrived. He says that the best thing about the book is that it lists all the answers in the back, which can help with tough clues. He, Norm, and Cliff then start filling in the first puzzle...by copying directly out of the answer section.
-->'''Woody:''' Hey, these are great once you get the hang of 'em, huh?



[[folder:Unsorted]]
* Almost every cold opening. Some favorites include:
** Norm comes to Cheers early and tells Sam he's decided to have a productive, active day. Sam lists off several outdoor activities to do, such as hiking or swimming, and Norm comes up with excuses to avoid them all. Finally, Sam guesses that Norm's chosen activity will be sitting in the bar all day and drinking beer; Norm "decides" this is the perfect suggestion and asks for a round.
** Woody is excited to see that the book of crossword puzzles he's ordered has arrived. He says that the best thing about the book is that it lists all the answers in the back, which can help with tough clues. He, Norm, and Cliff then start filling in the first puzzle...by copying directly out of the answer section. "These things aren't so hard!"

to:

[[folder:Unsorted]]
* Almost every cold opening. Some favorites include:
** Norm comes to Cheers early and tells Sam he's decided to have a productive, active day. Sam lists off several outdoor activities to do, such as hiking or swimming, and Norm comes up with excuses to avoid them all. Finally, Sam guesses that Norm's chosen activity will be sitting in the bar all day and drinking beer; Norm "decides" this is the perfect suggestion and asks for a round.
** Woody is excited to see that the book of crossword puzzles he's ordered has arrived. He says that the best thing about the book is that it lists all the answers in the back, which can help with tough clues. He, Norm, and Cliff then start filling in the first puzzle...by copying directly out of the answer section. "These things aren't so hard!"
[[folder:Other]]



* A few gems came from the old barfly Al, whose first appearance had him insisting that the "biggest bigwig of them all" was [[Music/FrankSinatra Sinatra]]. And in the very first "Bar Wars", Sam and Carla head to Gary's Olde Towne Tavern to apologize, only to find Al there. Carla questions why he isn't there, and he exclaims "Holy mackerel, this isn't Cheers?!"


[[AC:810: The Art of the Steal]]
* In TheTeaser, Norm takes advantage of Cliff's bathroom break to explain inflation to Woody by taking a dollar bill out of Cliff's wallet and tearing it up to illustrate the drop in a dollar's purchasing power. Carla then decides to do it with a $20 bill.



** Norm trying to explain economics to Woody by tearing up one of Cliff's dollar bills. Carla then decides to do it with a $20 bill.


-->'''Carla:''' Hey, Frasier!--y'know, there's something I've been meaning to ask you: When you reaction...when you first saw Diane ''naked''? ''([[ComedicSociopathy SMACKS him on the back!]])''\\

to:

-->'''Carla:''' Hey, Frasier!--y'know, there's something I've always been meaning to ask you: When you What was your reaction...when you first saw Diane ''naked''? ''([[ComedicSociopathy SMACKS him on the back!]])''\\


[[AC:1002: Get Your Kicks on Route 666]]
* After Sam, Norm, Cliff, and Frasier hit the road, they ask each other about the last time they cried. Norm's story appears to be the saddest of them all, but there's a sting in the tail:
-->'''Norm:''' Well... there was this one time, uh, we thought Vera was pregnant, and... ''[shrugs]'' And then, it turns out she wasn't.\\
'''Frasier:''' I'm sorry, Norm.\\
'''Cliff:''' You never told me that, buddy.\\
'''Norm:''' Well, it turns out she was lying. She didn't tell ''me'' 'til after the wedding. I must have cried for a week.



* In one episode, Norm is asked why he and Vera never had children. Norm says they thought she was pregnant once, but it turned out not to be so.
-->"She waited until after the wedding to tell me."


[[AC:501: The Proposal]]
* Any and all of the stories about Woody's family are comedy gold. This episode has a sterling example when the Cheers gang are trying to advise Sam on how to put together the perfect atmosphere to propose to Diane.
-->'''Woody:''' Hey Sam, I just remembered something that might help you.\\
'''Sam:''' What's that?\\
'''Woody:''' Now, my uncle Wade was a master at putting women in a romantic mood.\\
'''Sam:''' Well, what- what did he do?\\
'''Woody:''' Gave 'em money. Worked like a charm.



* Any and all of the stories about Woody's family.
-->'''Woody:''' My uncle Wayne was a master at putting women in the romantic mood.
-->'''Sam:''' What did he do?
-->'''Woody:''' Gave them money. Worked like a charm.


[[AC:406: I Will Gladly Pay You Tuesday]]
* In TheTeaser, the gang are trying to break the Guinness Record for most people stuffed into a men's bathroom, but as the door opens inwards, they're stuck. Then a customer enters the bar and tries to use the men's room, and everyone shouts "Occupied!"



[[AC:413: Take My Shirt... Please?]]
* In TheTeaser, Diane becomes frustrated when no one cares when she enters the bar, comparing the lukewarm response to the boisterous "NORM!" Norm always gets. She asks if she can have a greeting like that for once; Sam agrees; she leaves and comes back in; and everyone yells..."NORM!"
-->'''Diane:''' ''(cheerfully)'' That's better.



[[AC:510: Everyone Imitates Art]]
* In TheTeaser, Woody, cleaning up, hears an ad for a stenographers' school on the radio. He tries to write the phone number, but can't remember more than a few digits at a time, and by the time the ad ends, he only has half the number, so he goes back to cleaning.



[[AC:912: Honor Thy Mother]]

to:

[[AC:912: Norm and Cliff's Excellent Adventure]]
* In TheTeaser, everybody's locked out of the bar, and it's cold. Norm comes to the rescue--he's got his own set of keys.

[[AC:914:
Honor Thy Mother]]



[[AC:1006: Unplanned Parenthood]]
* In TheTeaser, Carla opens up Cheers first thing in the morning and puts on "I Got the Sun in the Morning" from ''Annie Get Your Gun.'' She ''dances'' around the bar, climbing on the tables and riding the chairs down to arrange them, laughs, and generally has an amazing time. The second Sam and Rebecca arrive, though, she immediately adopts her cranky persona.



** Everyone in the bar stuck in the men's room, trying to break the Guiness Record. Then someone tries to use it, and everyone shouts "Occupied!"



** Woody, cleaning up, listens to an ad for a stenographers' school on the radio. He tries to write the phone number, but can't, and goes back on to listening.
** Everybody's locked out of the bar, and it's cold. Norm comes to the rescue--he's got his own set of keys.
** Diane becomes frustrated when no one cares when she enters the bar, comparing the lukewarm response to the boisterous "NORM!" Norm always gets. She asks if she can have a greeting like that for once; Sam agrees; she leaves and comes back in; and everyone yells..."NORM!"
--->'''Diane:''' ''(cheerfully)'' That's more like it.



** Carla opens up Cheers first thing in the morning and puts on "I Got the Sun in the Morning" from ''Annie Get Your Gun.'' She ''dances'' around the bar, climbing on the tables and riding the chairs down to arrange them, laughs, and generally has an amazing time. The second Sam and Rebecca arrive, though, she immediately adopts her cranky persona.


-->'''Lilith:''' ''(silently comes up behind him and taps him on the shoulder)'' Frasier, it's time to go.\\
-->'''Frasier:''' AAAAH!

to:

-->'''Lilith:''' '''Lilith:''' ''(silently comes up behind him and taps him on the shoulder)'' Frasier, it's time to go.\\
-->'''Frasier:''' '''Frasier:''' AAAAH!



[[AC:114: Let Me Count the Ways]]
* Much of the hilarity of the show during the Diane years stems from Sam the {{Manchild}} clashing with Diane the DramaQueen. The result is invariably a BIG "LikeAnOldMarriedCouple" moment:
--> '''Sam:''' You know--while we're talking about ''problems'', you wanna know what ''really'', REALLY bugs me about you?
--> '''Diane:''' Fine!
--> '''Sam:''' [[FelonyMisdemeanor The way you eat]] ''[[FelonyMisdemeanor pretzels]]''! ''({{Beat}})''
--> '''Diane:''' ''Pretzels''!
--> '''Sam:''' Yeah, that's right--''three'' bites! Not ''two'', not ''one'' like the rest of us--but THREE BITES!
--> '''Diane:''' Do you want to ''know what "bugs" me about YOU''?!
--> '''Sam:''' Oh, I'd love to. What?
--> '''Diane:''' THE COLOGNE YOU ALWAYS WEAR IS TOTALLY WITHOUT ''NUANCE''!!!



%%[[folder:Season 2]]
%%[[/folder]]
%%

to:

%%[[folder:Season [[folder:Season 2]]
%%[[/folder]]
%%
[[AC:201: Power Play]]
* Sam, when about to have sex for the first time with Diane after [[BelligerentSexualTension a long, combatative first season of]] WillTheyOrWontThey:
-->'''Sam:''' ''(to God)'' '''''She better be GREAT!'''''

[[AC:204: Homicidal Ham]]
* Norm sighs after one of Diane's actions, "I hope she's showing you one ''hell'' of a good time." Sam's grin says it all.
[[/folder]]



[[AC:410: The Barstoolie]]
* Any and all of Diane's putdowns on Sam's love life are hilarious; this episode includes a classic.
-->'''Sam:''' That's the girl. Claudia's been a tough nut to crack, but tonight's the night she's going to be enjoying all the rides in Sammy's Magic Kingdom.
-->'''Diane:''' She's in for a Mickey Mouse evening with Goofy as her guide.



* Frasier tells Sam how he dealt with sexual frustration as a teen: [[{{NoodleIncident}} building a full-sized submarine in the basement.]] One has to wonder how [[{{Series/Frasier}} Marty, Hester, and Niles]] reacted to ''that''. For bonus points, this is never brought up at any point on ''Frasier''.

to:

* Cliff's fantasies are always good for laughs, and this episode includes a particularly funny one. It becomes even more HilariousInHindsight during a later episode of ''Series/{{Frasier}}'' wherein Frasier and Niles speculate that, because they own an ugly clock, they might be descended from the Romanov line. However, they have reason to believe that (Martin's family is from Russia, the Bear Clock is an heirloom from the Romanovs. However, that's because it was stolen by scullery maid Grandma who became a hooker in NYC and married Martin's dad).
-->'''Carla:''' You know what? You've got a big mouth, Clavin. ''(storms off...)''
-->'''Cliff:''' She's right, you know. Yeaah, you see, every male descendant in the Clavin family has an extra set of molars in their lower jaw. It's the only way to identify ourselves as the true heirs to the Russian throne.
-->'''Frasier:''' ''(bemused)'' Hello in there, Cliff. Tell me, what color is the sky in your world?
* Frasier tells Sam how he dealt with sexual frustration as a teen: [[{{NoodleIncident}} [[NoodleIncident building a full-sized submarine in the basement.]] One has to wonder how [[{{Series/Frasier}} Marty, Hester, and Niles]] reacted to ''that''. For bonus points, this is never brought up at any point on ''Frasier''.



* In TheTeaser, the guys show off various tricks they can do with their fingers and hands. Lilith overhears and shows off her own skill: putting her entire fist into her mouth. She's declared "queen" of such tricks, and starts writing a message, which the gang initially thinks is her going for bonus points...but she's actually writing "My fist is stuck. Call 911."
-->'''Frasier:''' ''[leading Lilith away]'' You know, this happens to her more often than you'd think.



* Any and all of Diane's putdowns on Sam's love life.
-->'''Sam:''' That's the girl. Claudia's been a tough nut to crack, but tonight's the night she's going to be enjoying all the rides in Sammy's Magic Kingdom.
-->'''Diane:''' She's in for a Mickey Mouse evening with Goofy as her guide.
* Much of the hilarity of the show during the Diane years stems from Sam the {{Manchild}} clashing with Diane the DramaQueen. The result is invariably a BIG "LikeAnOldMarriedCouple" moment:
--> '''Sam:''' You know--while we're talking about ''problems'', you wanna know what ''really'', REALLY bugs me about you?
--> '''Diane:''' Fine!
--> '''Sam:''' [[FelonyMisdemeanor The way you eat]] ''[[FelonyMisdemeanor pretzels]]''! ''({{Beat}})''
--> '''Diane:''' ''Pretzels''!
--> '''Sam:''' Yeah, that's right--''three'' bites! Not ''two'', not ''one'' like the rest of us--but THREE BITES!
--> '''Diane:''' Do you want to ''know what "bugs" me about YOU''?!
--> '''Sam:''' Oh, I'd love to. What?
--> '''Diane:''' THE COLOGNE YOU ALWAYS WEAR IS TOTALLY WITHOUT ''NUANCE''!!!



** The guys show off various tricks they can do with their fingers and hands. Lilith overhears and shows off her own skill: putting her entire fist into her mouth. She's declared "queen" of such tricks, and starts writing a message, which the gang initially thinks is her going for bonus points...but she's actually writing "My fist is stuck. Call 911."
--->'''Frasier:''' ''[leading Lilith away]'' You know, this happens to her more often than you'd think.



* Any and all of Cliff's fantasies.
-->'''Carla:''' You know what? You've got a big mouth, Clavin. ''(storms off...)''
-->'''Cliff:''' She's right, you know. Yeaah, you see, every male descendant in the Clavin family has an extra set of molars in their lower jaw. It's the only way to identify ourselves as the true heirs to the Russian throne.
-->'''Frasier:''' ''(bemused)'' Hello in there, Cliff. Tell me, what color is the sky in your world?
** Becomes even more HilariousInHindsight during a later episode of ''Series/{{Frasier}}'' wherein Frasier and Niles speculate that, because they own an ugly clock, they might be descended from the Romanov line. However, they have reason to believe that (Martin's family is from Russia, the Bear Clock is an heirloom from the Romanovs. However, that's because it was stolen by scullery maid Grandma who became a hooker in NYC and married Martin's dad.)



* Sam, when about to have sex for the first time with Diane after [[BelligerentSexualTension a long, combatative first season of]] WillTheyOrWontThey:
-->'''Sam:''' ''(to God)'' '''''She better be GREAT!'''''
** Later in the series, Norm sighs after one of Diane's actions, "I hope she's showing you one ''hell'' of a good time." Sam's grin says it all.


* In "Endless Slumper", Rick, a young pitcher for the Red Sox in the midst of a slump, seeks out advice from Coach and Sam on how to overcome it. Diane tells Sam to suggest meditation, Coach suggests having an active sex life. While the pitcher shies away, Diane overhears and encourages him to do it (thinking he is talking about meditation), and [[OneDialogueTwoConversations offers to do it with him]]. The icing on the cake is Sam laughing his ass off at watching Diane dig herself deeper and deeper.

to:

[[foldercontrol]]

[[folder:Season 1]]
[[AC:101: Give Me a Ring Sometime]]
* In "Endless Slumper", This little exchange:
-->'''Coach:''' ''[Answering the phone]'' Is there an Ernie Pantuso here?\\
'''Sam:''' That's you, Coach.\\
'''Coach:''' ''[Into the phone]'' Speaking.

[[AC:103: The Tortelli Tort]]
* After the Red Sox lose again, Carla gets on a bar stool and announces that she is no longer a Red Sox fan, and everyone else in the bar says the rant alongside her, showing that she had said it multiple times. Even ''Diane'' is reciting along with Carla - and she has only known her for a few weeks at this point.
-->'''Carla:''' May I have your attention, please? I have an announcement to make. As of right now...\\
'''Everyone along with Carla:''' Carla Tortelli is no longer a Red Sox fan. ''[{{Beat}}]'' No, no, really! I mean it this time! ''[{{Beat}}]'' Now stop that, okay?!\\
'''Carla:''' [[LampshadeHanging Have I said that before?]]
* Carla must go to Anger Management classes after attacking an obnoxious Yankees fan in the bar. When the fan returns to antagonize Carla, mocking the Red Sox, the Celtics, and finally the Bruins, she does not react. The Yankees fan dejectedly turns to leave...when he is confronted by [[OhCrap three Bruins players]] who'd been sitting in the corner watching his antics, and who promptly invite him outside to "show you some of the things that got me suspended."

[[AC:110: Endless Slumper]]
*
Rick, a young pitcher for the Red Sox in the midst of a slump, seeks out advice from Coach and Sam on how to overcome it. Diane tells Sam to suggest meditation, Coach suggests having an active sex life. While the pitcher shies away, Diane overhears and encourages him to do it (thinking he is talking about meditation), and [[OneDialogueTwoConversations offers to do it with him]]. The icing on the cake is Sam laughing his ass off at watching Diane dig herself deeper and deeper.



* "The Tortelli Tort":
** After the Red Sox lose again, Carla gets on a bar stool and announces that she is no longer a Red Sox fan, and everyone else in the bar says the rant alongside her, showing that she had said it multiple times. Even ''Diane'' is reciting along with Carla - and she has only known her for a few weeks at this point.
--->'''Carla:''' May I have your attention, please? I have an announcement to make. As of right now...\\
'''Everyone along with Carla:''' Carla Tortelli is no longer a Red Sox fan. ''[{{Beat}}]'' No, no, really! I mean it this time! ''[{{Beat}}]'' Now stop that, okay?!\\
'''Carla:''' [[LampshadeHanging Have I said that before?]]
** Carla must go to Anger Management classes after attacking an obnoxious Yankees fan in the bar. When the fan returns to antagonize Carla, mocking the Red Sox, the Celtics, and finally the Bruins, she does not react. The Yankees fan dejectedly turns to leave...when he is confronted by [[OhCrap three Bruins players]] who'd been sitting in the corner watching his antics, and who promptly invite him outside to "show you some of the things that got me suspended."
* "Dance, Diane, Dance":
** TheTeaser for the episode finds the crowd at Cheers watching a televised football game when the picture quality suddenly takes a turn for the worse. When Sam sends Woody over for a bit of AntennaAdjusting, he slips off his perch and is left hanging from the set, several feet off the floor - which, naturally, fixes the picture... almost. Cliff pulls one of Woody's legs up and balances his foot on the top of the panelling to fix a slight colour problem.
--->'''Woody:''' Wow, I sure hope this game doesn't go into overtime!
** Diane nervously going back and forth over whether she might have left the stove on in her apartment:
--->'''Diane:''' No...it's off.\\
'''Sam:''' Ah.\\
'''Diane:''' ''(Squirms)'' I think...! ''(Sam turns to her; she shrugs)'' It's off! Of course it's off--It's ON, my apartment's on fire! ''({{Beat}}, shrugs)'' Still--\\
'''Sam:''' ''Go''--go-go-go-go....
** After she gets distracted about the upcoming letter from Madame Likhova, her ballet instructor, and starts going on about her dream of being a dancer:
--->'''Carla:''' Excuse me, Diane, but isn't your ''apartment'' on fire--?\\
'''Diane:''' ''OH, MY GOD''--I COMPLETELY FORGOT! ''(Bolts towards the door)'' My ''poor kitty''--! ''(Stops short)'' Wait a minute...I'm ''sure'' I turned it off...!\\
'''Carla:''' HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! ''(Wheezing cough)'' Meaaaaaaaaaaaaaaow! ''(Hangs head limp with tongue out)''\\
''(Diane bolts out of the bar)''[[note]]Diane announces later that her stove was off but she ''did'' leave the milk out, so it wasn't a ''total'' loss.[[/note]]
** Diane's ballet tape. We never actually get to ''see'' the video, but the reaction by the gang at Cheers is hysterical.
--->'''Diane:''' All my life I always wanted to dance so ''badly''.\\
'''Norm:''' ''(barely able to keep from bursting out laughing)'' Looks like you got your wish!
* "Second Time Around" introduces Frasier's fellow psychiatrist - and eventual wife - Lilith Sternin, MD, Ph.D., Ed.D., APA[[note]] Meaning that Lilith is a doctor of medicine, philosophy, and education, and a member of the American Psychological Association.[[/note]] ("Boy, it sure isn't spelled like it sounds!" says Woody), who arrives at Cheers on a date with Frasier. Though Diane is encouraged to see Frasier dating again, Lilith's frosty stoicism and Frasier's defensiveness are a toxic combination, and she shoots down any prospect of either the date or their personal relationship going anywhere. Frasier seems to take it well, but...

to:

[[/folder]]

%%[[folder:Season 2]]
%%[[/folder]]
%%
[[folder:Season 3]]
[[AC:301/302: Rebound]]
* "The Tortelli Tort":
** After
In Part 1, Cliff has returned from a vacation in Florida and is trying to tell Coach about how it has helped him achieve a sense of oneness with the Red Sox lose again, Carla gets on universe. Coach, however, is making a bar stool frozen cocktail and announces that she is no longer a Red Sox fan, too busy struggling with the blender to listen to Cliff, and everyone else the noise of the stubborn appliance keeps interrupting his speech. Finally, a frustrated Cliff abandons his sense of oneness with the universe, switches off the blender, pulls off Coach's clip-on tie, drops it in the bar says blender, and switches it on again. But it is Coach who gets the rant alongside her, showing that she had said it multiple times. Even ''Diane'' is reciting along last laugh:
-->'''Coach:''' ''[pulling his mangled tie out of the blender]'' [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OngCQ32QRHQ Anybody want a my tie?]] ''[laughs uproariously]''

[[AC:319: Behind Every Great Man]]
* After Norm gets in trouble
with Carla - the law for filling in for Cliff on his mail route and she has only known her for a few weeks at this point.
--->'''Carla:''' May I have your attention, please? I have an announcement
Cliff is hesitant to make. As of right now...come clean about it:
-->'''Cliff''': All right, look, I'll call and see what the penalty is, but it's got to be anonymous.
\\
'''Everyone along with Carla:''' '''Coach''': [''to everyone in the bar''] OK, everybody in favor of Cliff calling, raise your hand. [''everyone in the bar raises his/her hand''] It's [[{{Malaproper}} anonymous]].
* Frasier: "Oh--now you're saying that I'm redundant! That I repeat myself! That I say things over and over!
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Season 4]]
[[AC:409: From Beer to Eternity]]
* This episode marks the first depiction of the rivalry between Cheers and Gary's Olde Towne Tavern as they play each other at bowling. It emerges that Woody is a talented bowler but did not try out for the Cheers team after an incident back in Hanover in which a stray pin hit a bowling alley maintenance worker in the head and, Woody implies, caused permanent brain damage. Sam tries to persuade him just the same:
-->'''Sam:''' C'mon, Woody! Lis- listen, man, I've never begged for ''anything'' in my life!\\
'''Diane:''' ''[clears her throat loudly]''\\
'''Sam:''' That I actually enjoyed once I got it.
* At the bowling alley, Norm, who is only present as a spectator rather than a bowler, decides to get a beer and heads into the alley's bar, the Riviera Room. To Sam's surprise, a familiar cry issues forth as Norm disappears through the door:
-->'''Riviera Room patrons:''' NORM!\\
'''Sam:''' How the hell'd they know him here?\\
'''Cliff:''' He's got a life, you know!

[[AC:416: Cliffie's Big Score]]
*
Carla Tortelli is no longer a Red Sox fan. ''[{{Beat}}]'' No, no, really! I mean it this time! ''[{{Beat}}]'' Now stop that, okay?!\\
meets her date, [[TheStoner Lucas]].
-->'''Lucas:''' ''(mumbles something incoherently)''\\
'''Carla:''' [[LampshadeHanging Have I said that before?]]
** Carla must go to Anger Management classes after attacking an obnoxious Yankees fan in the bar. When the fan returns to antagonize Carla, mocking the Red Sox, the Celtics, and finally the Bruins, she does not react. The Yankees fan dejectedly turns to leave...when
What did he is confronted by [[OhCrap three Bruins players]] who'd been sitting in the corner watching his antics, and who promptly invite him outside to "show you some of the things that got me suspended."
* "Dance, Diane, Dance":
** TheTeaser for the episode finds the crowd at Cheers watching a televised football game when the picture quality suddenly takes a turn for the worse. When Sam sends Woody over for a bit of AntennaAdjusting, he slips off his perch and is left hanging from the set, several feet off the floor - which, naturally, fixes the picture... almost. Cliff pulls one of Woody's legs up and balances his foot on the top of the panelling to fix a slight colour problem.
--->'''Woody:''' Wow, I sure hope this game doesn't go into overtime!
** Diane nervously going back and forth over whether she might have left the stove on in her apartment:
--->'''Diane:''' No...it's off.\\
'''Sam:''' Ah.\\
'''Diane:''' ''(Squirms)'' I think...! ''(Sam turns to her; she shrugs)'' It's off! Of course it's off--It's ON, my apartment's on fire! ''({{Beat}}, shrugs)'' Still--\\
'''Sam:''' ''Go''--go-go-go-go....
** After she gets distracted about the upcoming letter from Madame Likhova, her ballet instructor, and starts going on about her dream of being a dancer:
--->'''Carla:''' Excuse me, Diane, but isn't your ''apartment'' on fire--?\\
'''Diane:''' ''OH, MY GOD''--I COMPLETELY FORGOT! ''(Bolts towards the door)'' My ''poor kitty''--! ''(Stops short)'' Wait a minute...I'm ''sure'' I turned it off...!\\
'''Carla:''' HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! ''(Wheezing cough)'' Meaaaaaaaaaaaaaaow! ''(Hangs head limp with tongue out)''\\
''(Diane bolts out of the bar)''[[note]]Diane announces later that her stove was off but she ''did'' leave the milk out, so it wasn't a ''total'' loss.[[/note]]
** Diane's ballet tape. We never actually get to ''see'' the video, but the reaction by the gang at Cheers is hysterical.
--->'''Diane:''' All my life I always wanted to dance so ''badly''.\\
say?\\
'''Norm:''' ''(barely able I can't believe it matters.
* Carla sums it up:
-->'''Carla:''' [[SarcasmMode Well, I can see this is going
to keep from bursting out laughing)'' Looks like you got your wish!
be a laugh a minute.]] An evening with the Stick, the Nerd, and Door Number Three.
* "Second The funniest part is that Carla finds Lucas is a "real groove" when all they do all night is have sex in the back of Cliff's car.

[[AC:417: Second
Time Around" Around]]
* This episode
introduces Frasier's fellow psychiatrist - and eventual wife - Lilith Sternin, MD, Ph.D., Ed.D., APA[[note]] Meaning that Lilith is a doctor of medicine, philosophy, and education, and a member of the American Psychological Association.[[/note]] ("Boy, it sure isn't spelled like it sounds!" says Woody), who arrives at Cheers on a date with Frasier. Though Diane is encouraged to see Frasier dating again, Lilith's frosty stoicism and Frasier's defensiveness are a toxic combination, and she shoots down any prospect of either the date or their personal relationship going anywhere. Frasier seems to take it well, but...



* "Abnormal Psychology":
** Frasier is booked to appear on the Boston talk show ''Psychology This Week'', but when his original "opponent" is forced to cancel and is replaced by Dr. Lilith Sternin - whom he has disliked ever since their disastrous first date in "Second Time Around" - he decides to bow out rather than subject himself to her presence again. However, before he can formally cancel, Lilith stops by Cheers and gets into an argument with Frasier over the ground rules for their TV appearance, and Frasier decides to go through with it for the chance to get the better of Lilith in front of a wider audience. Diane is convinced their antipathy is simply denial of their attraction to each other, and gives Lilith a makeover (the central pillar of which is taking her hair out of its usual bun) before her TV appearance. It works, and not just on Frasier:
--->'''Sam:''' ''[watching Frasier and Lilith on TV]'' You really made her look beautiful, Diane!\\

to:

[[/folder]]

[[folder:Season 5]]
[[AC:504: Abnormal Psychology]]
* "Abnormal Psychology":
**
Frasier is booked to appear on the Boston talk show ''Psychology This Week'', but when his original "opponent" is forced to cancel and is replaced by Dr. Lilith Sternin - whom he has disliked ever since their disastrous first date in "Second Time Around" - he decides to bow out rather than subject himself to her presence again. However, before he can formally cancel, Lilith stops by Cheers and gets into an argument with Frasier over the ground rules for their TV appearance, and Frasier decides to go through with it for the chance to get the better of Lilith in front of a wider audience. Diane is convinced their antipathy is simply denial of their attraction to each other, and gives Lilith a makeover (the central pillar of which is taking her hair out of its usual bun) before her TV appearance. It works, and not just on Frasier:
--->'''Sam:''' -->'''Sam:''' ''[watching Frasier and Lilith on TV]'' You really made her look beautiful, Diane!\\



** Frasier and Lilith's "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RAb1W6FJ2qo debate]]" is one of the series' funniest scenes. On their end, DoubleEntendre, and GettingCrapPastTheRadar. On Sam and Diane's end, HandsplayInTheater and StrangelyArousing. All UpToEleven!
--->'''Moderator:''' You've made many excellent points, Dr. Sternin... how do you respond to them, Dr. Crane? ''[Frasier inadvertently gives his real answer by remaining utterly distracted by Lilith's appearance]'' Dr. Crane?\\

to:

** * Frasier and Lilith's "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RAb1W6FJ2qo debate]]" is one of the series' funniest scenes. On their end, DoubleEntendre, and GettingCrapPastTheRadar. On Sam and Diane's end, HandsplayInTheater and StrangelyArousing. All UpToEleven!
--->'''Moderator:''' -->'''Moderator:''' You've made many excellent points, Dr. Sternin... how do you respond to them, Dr. Crane? ''[Frasier inadvertently gives his real answer by remaining utterly distracted by Lilith's appearance]'' Dr. Crane?\\



** Later that day, Lilith stops by Cheers to apologise to Frasier for the ''Psychology This Week'' debacle:
--->''[Lilith has suggested that she and Frasier put the incident behind them and move on with their lives in the interest of maintaining their professional careers]''\\

to:

** * Later that day, Lilith stops by Cheers to apologise to Frasier for the ''Psychology This Week'' debacle:
--->''[Lilith -->''[Lilith has suggested that she and Frasier put the incident behind them and move on with their lives in the interest of maintaining their professional careers]''\\



** Their animosity re-awakened, Frasier and Lilith exchange frosty goodbyes, but as Lilith turns to leave, Diane pretends that the refrigerator door is stuck and needs to be opened with a hairpin. Frasier sees right through the ruse - and still manages to fall headlong into it:
--->'''Frasier:''' Oh, look, don't you see!? ''[gets up and marches over to Lilith]'' What these two people, who are such ''geniuses'' at romance, are trying to do is to get you to take your hair down, thinking that it will stimulate me like some sort of Pavlovian dog. ''[he glares at Sam and Diane, who look sheepish]'' So why don't you just... oblige them, get this silliness over with so we can get on with our lives.\\

to:

** * Their animosity re-awakened, Frasier and Lilith exchange frosty goodbyes, but as Lilith turns to leave, Diane pretends that the refrigerator door is stuck and needs to be opened with a hairpin. Frasier sees right through the ruse - and still manages to fall headlong into it:
--->'''Frasier:''' -->'''Frasier:''' Oh, look, don't you see!? ''[gets up and marches over to Lilith]'' What these two people, who are such ''geniuses'' at romance, are trying to do is to get you to take your hair down, thinking that it will stimulate me like some sort of Pavlovian dog. ''[he glares at Sam and Diane, who look sheepish]'' So why don't you just... oblige them, get this silliness over with so we can get on with our lives.\\



* "What is... Cliff Clavin?":
** In TheTeaser, a guy enters the bar for the first time in 20 years and talks to Woody about how everything is different, ending in this gem:
--->'''Patron:''' I guess everything changes in 20 years. They've even changed the panelling.\\
'''Woody:''' Where?\\
'''Patron:''' Over there, behind Norm.
** The episode climaxes with Cliff's ''Series/{{Jeopardy}}'' appearance, as he blows a $22,000 lead by wagering everything he has won on the Final Jeopardy answer "[[Creator/CaryGrant Archibald Leach]], [[Creator/TonyCurtis Bernard Schwartz]], [[Creator/JoanCrawford Lucille LaSueur]]"... and stumbling his way to the question "Who are three people who have never been in my kitchen?"
--->'''Cliff:''' Wait a minute, Alex. I can offer conclusive proof that those three people have never been in my kitchen.
* Sam's complete breakdown during the last act of "Bad Neighbor Sam".
* Sam and Diane's "almost" wedding: shot from over the minister's shoulder, showing all the money being passed around behind Sam and Diane to pay off bets whether they would or not.
** The famous "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SWjOiNx-WXk alternate ending]]" of the wedding, when TheyDo. Leave it to Sam and Diane to have the "I Dos" come out of an argument.
* Eddie [=LeBec=] discovers Carla's pregnant with twins: "This is the happiest night of my life!"
-->'''Sam''': You know, [[DoubleEntendre I had twins once]]. [[TwinThreesomeFantasy It was the happiest night of my life too.]]
* Frasier: "Oh--now you're saying that I'm redundant! That I repeat myself! That I say things over and over!
* Any and all of Diane's putdowns on Sam's love life.
-->'''Sam:''' That's the girl. Claudia's been a tough nut to crack, but tonight's the night she's going to be enjoying all the rides in Sammy's Magic Kingdom.
-->'''Diane:''' She's in for a Mickey Mouse evening with Goofy as her guide.
* Much of the hilarity of the show during the Diane years stems from Sam the {{Manchild}} clashing with Diane the DramaQueen. The result is invariably a BIG "LikeAnOldMarriedCouple" moment:
--> '''Sam:''' You know--while we're talking about ''problems'', you wanna know what ''really'', REALLY bugs me about you?
--> '''Diane:''' Fine!
--> '''Sam:''' [[FelonyMisdemeanor The way you eat]] ''[[FelonyMisdemeanor pretzels]]''! ''({{Beat}})''
--> '''Diane:''' ''Pretzels''!
--> '''Sam:''' Yeah, that's right--''three'' bites! Not ''two'', not ''one'' like the rest of us--but THREE BITES!
--> '''Diane:''' Do you want to ''know what "bugs" me about YOU''?!
--> '''Sam:''' Oh, I'd love to. What?
--> '''Diane:''' THE COLOGNE YOU ALWAYS WEAR IS TOTALLY WITHOUT ''NUANCE''!!!
* "Cliffy's Big Score" is a classic episode.
** Carla meets her date, [[TheStoner Lucas]].
--->'''Lucas:''' ''(mumbles something incoherently)''\\
'''Carla:''' What did he say?\\
'''Norm:''' I can't believe it matters.
** Carla sums it up:
--->'''Carla:''' [[SarcasmMode Well, I can see this is going to be a laugh a minute.]] An evening with the Stick, the Nerd, and Door Number Three.
** The funniest part is that Carla finds Lucas is a "real groove" when all they do all night is have sex in the back of Cliff's car.
* Any and all of the stories about Woody's family.
-->'''Woody:''' My uncle Wayne was a master at putting women in the romantic mood.
-->'''Sam:''' What did he do?
-->'''Woody:''' Gave them money. Worked like a charm.
* "'I' on Sports":
** Sam tries to appeal to younger viewers. This being the 1980s, this naturally means he attempts a [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vg9ruee3Vos rap song]]. The funniest part? Woody loves it.
--->Time to rap about a contr-o-versy,\\
Gonna take a stand, won't show no mercy,\\
Lotta folks says jocks shouldn't be,\\
Doing the sports news on TV,\\
But I don't want to get the latest scores,\\
From a buncha broadcast ''({{beat}})'' school boys,\\
So get your scores from a guy like me,\\
Who knows what it's like to have a groin in-jur-y,\\
G-g-g, groin-n, in-in-in, groin, in-in, groin in-jur-y
** Of course, Sam takes the badness UpToEleven by ''bringing a ventriloquist dummy'' on his [[http://youtu.be/QxaQ9cKYQXo?t=2m25s next outing]]. It's so bad, Carla exclaims, "Oh. My. God." and Rebecca mutters, "If either of them mention the bar, I'm ''suing''." The look on co-anchor Joanne's face is priceless.
* Almost every cold opening. Some favorites include:
** Everyone in the bar stuck in the men's room, trying to break the Guiness Record. Then someone tries to use it, and everyone shouts "Occupied!"
** Norm trying to explain economics to Woody by tearing up one of Cliff's dollar bills. Carla then decides to do it with a $20 bill.
** Woody, cleaning up, listens to an ad for a stenographers' school on the radio. He tries to write the phone number, but can't, and goes back on to listening.
** Everybody's locked out of the bar, and it's cold. Norm comes to the rescue--he's got his own set of keys.
** Diane becomes frustrated when no one cares when she enters the bar, comparing the lukewarm response to the boisterous "NORM!" Norm always gets. She asks if she can have a greeting like that for once; Sam agrees; she leaves and comes back in; and everyone yells..."NORM!"
--->'''Diane:''' ''(cheerfully)'' That's more like it.
** Norm comes to Cheers early and tells Sam he's decided to have a productive, active day. Sam lists off several outdoor activities to do, such as hiking or swimming, and Norm comes up with excuses to avoid them all. Finally, Sam guesses that Norm's chosen activity will be sitting in the bar all day and drinking beer; Norm "decides" this is the perfect suggestion and asks for a round.
** Carla opens up Cheers first thing in the morning and puts on "I Got the Sun in the Morning" from ''Annie Get Your Gun.'' She ''dances'' around the bar, climbing on the tables and riding the chairs down to arrange them, laughs, and generally has an amazing time. The second Sam and Rebecca arrive, though, she immediately adopts her cranky persona.
** Woody is excited to see that the book of crossword puzzles he's ordered has arrived. He says that the best thing about the book is that it lists all the answers in the back, which can help with tough clues. He, Norm, and Cliff then start filling in the first puzzle...by copying directly out of the answer section. "These things aren't so hard!"
** The guys show off various tricks they can do with their fingers and hands. Lilith overhears and shows off her own skill: putting her entire fist into her mouth. She's declared "queen" of such tricks, and starts writing a message, which the gang initially thinks is her going for bonus points...but she's actually writing "My fist is stuck. Call 911."
--->'''Frasier:''' ''[leading Lilith away]'' You know, this happens to her more often than you'd think.
* "The Days of Wine and Neuroses":
** The episode begins with most of the regulars complaining about the jukebox being taken out for repairs and how its replacement, a karaoke machine, is not something they could ever imagine using. Frasier spends the entire scene loudly protesting that they never used the jukebox in the first place.
** Once the karaoke machine arrives, [[ThoseTwoGuys Norm and Cliff]] singing "Lollipop" turns into a RunningGag. The hilarity is dialled UpToEleven when they sing it after having inhaled helium.
* A real-life example during a Q&A with cast and crew members sometime after [[DroppedABridgeOnHim a bridge was dropped on]] [[spoiler:Eddie]]. [[spoiler:Jay Thomas]] popped up and asked in front of the audience, "Yeah, why did I die?" The audience erupted into laughter as a result. May double as a CMOA depending on your point-of-view on the whole thing.
* This exchange:
-->'''Frasier:''' Even the abstract concept of death is absurd. A pale bony figure coming up to tap you on the shoulder when your number's up.
-->'''Lilith:''' ''(silently comes up behind him and taps him on the shoulder)'' Frasier, it's time to go.
-->'''Frasier:''' AAAAH!
* In "Fifty-Fifty Carla", Woody gets a part in the play ''Hair'' - only to learn part of it traditionally involves being naked on-stage. Throughout the episode, he's nervous over the prospect and tries to muster the courage to do it. Later after the first performance, an embarrassed Woody returns to the bar. He did get naked on-stage - even ripping his clothes right off. However, the director stated no one needed to take their clothes off if they didn't want to - and no one else did.
-->'''Woody:''' As if that wasn't bad enough, I heard this high-pitched scream from the audience: "Hey look, he's the only one who's naked!"\\
'''Norm:''' Sorry, Woody. It took me by surprise.
* Cliff and Norm discussing WesternAnimation/CasperTheFriendlyGhost:
-->'''Norm:''' I don't get it. Start of the cartoon, Casper has no friends. End of the cartoon, he has friends. Start of the next cartoon, he has no friends again. What happened?\\
'''Cliff:''' I think it's obvious what happened. Casper was quenching his thirst for blood.
* From "The Last Picture Show", Norm, Cliff, Woody, and Frasier go to see a ''Franchise/{{Godzilla}}'' marathon at a drive-in before it closes permanently, and an observation that one of the actresses in the recurring cast left while the series was still commercially successful sets up a great moment of RealitySubtext coupled with a TakeThat aimed at Creator/ShelleyLong: "Why would an actress leave in the middle of a successful series?" Which was mocked on ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons'' episode "Flaming Moe's", in which the Diane {{Expy}} leaves Moe's.
-->'''Moe:''' She left to pursue a movie career. Frankly, I think she was better off here.
* From "I'm Getting My Act Together and Sticking It in Your Face", the RunningGag of Frasier's "adaptations" of Dickens novels.
** Things start at a low ebb when he compares Rebecca - still in her wedding dress after abandoning her plans to marry Robin Colcord - to Miss Havisham from ''Literature/GreatExpectations''. When no-one gets the reference, he throws out the names Pip, Miss Havisham, Magwitch... and then gets their interest with [[Franchise/TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles "four pizza-loving turtles who practise martial arts in the sewer."]]
** When Frasier's attempt to draw another parallel between Woody letting Rebecca borrow his clothes and car so that she can go out and get her life back together (not anticipating this would involve her flying to San Diego) and Sydney Carton's sacrifice in ''Literature/ATaleOfTwoCities'' falls on similarly clueless ears, he decides to read aloud from his newly purchased first edition to the bar. He reads off the famous opening lines, and everyone gradually loses interest...until he throws in an interesting twist that comes from Stephen King's ''Literature/{{IT}}.''
--->'''Frasier:''' And there was...a BLOODTHIRSTY CLOWN! Who lured little children down into the sewers and SWALLOWED THEM WHOLE!
** His attempt to create interest in ''Literature/DavidCopperfield'' involves talking about two coppers, a field and bodily dismemberment.
** By the time Lilith arrives, she is delighted to hear that Frasier appears to have stoked bar interest in Dickens - until Norm announces that they're all waiting to hear the story of ''Literature/OliverTwist: The Wrath of Fagin''.
--->'''Lilith:''' ... excuse me?\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[embarrassed pause]'' Darling... I've done some things the past few weeks that... I'm not very proud of.
** Frasier gets the last word of the episode after the A-plot reaches a denoument of... well, Frasier himself puts it best:
--->'''Frasier:''' Y'know, in the space of the last 30 seconds, we have witnessed deceit, sexual turmoil and sudden senseless violence. It puts me in mind of a passage from... ''Literature/ThePickwickPapers''.
* In "Crash of the Titans", Rebecca is trying to buy the bar from Sam. Meanwhile, the bar is out of vermouth and Sam keeps dropping hints.
-->'''Rebecca:''' I'm prepared to offer you $25,000 in cash.
-->'''Sam:''' How about $15,000 in cash and $10,000 in '''''VERMOUTH'''''?
* In "Rebound, Part 1", Cliff has returned from a vacation in Florida and is trying to tell Coach about how it has helped him achieve a sense of oneness with the universe. Coach, however, is making a frozen cocktail and is too busy struggling with the blender to listen to Cliff, and the noise of the stubborn appliance keeps interrupting his speech. Finally, a frustrated Cliff abandons his sense of oneness with the universe, switches off the blender, pulls off Coach's clip-on tie, drops it in the blender, and switches it on again. But it is Coach who gets the last laugh:
-->'''Coach:''' ''[pulling his mangled tie out of the blender]'' [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OngCQ32QRHQ Anybody want a my tie?]] ''[laughs uproariously]''
* In the series finale, when Rebecca keeps neurotically changing her mind about whether Frasier should call back her plumber boyfriend/fiancé. Fraiser finally gets fed up, throws open the door and theatrically shouts: "Run, Don, run! Run like the wind!"
* "Do Not Forsake Me, O My Postman":
** On Cliff getting his sometime girlfriend and fellow postal worker Maggie O'Keefe pregnant:
--->'''Paul:''' So, you're gonna have a baby. Are you going to go through Lamaze, or is the baby [[Franchise/{{Alien}} just going to burst through her chest?]]
** Also Frasier's take:
--->'''Frasier:''' Well, from our "Things You Never Thought You'd Hear" category: That woman is carrying Cliff's child.
** The B plot has Cheers' hilarious advertising jingle, sung to "Old [=McDonald=]": "Beer and pretzels, that's our name: C-H-E-R-S!" Double points for having jingle writer Sy Flembeck be played by John Mahoney, who went on to play Series/{{Frasier}}'s father. Triple for having him change to be sung to "Mary Had a Little Lamb" - still with the bar's name spelled "C-H-E-R-S".
** It turns out that ''all'' of Flembeck's ad jingles are to the tune of "Old [=McDonald=]", as it gets the tunes stuck in listeners' heads - as Rebecca discovers after she throws Flembeck out of Cheers:
--->'''Rebecca:''' What a ''hack''. You know, I- I should have known it the first time I heard that ''stupid'' Fred's Tune-ups song.\\
'''First patron:''' ''[turning around from a nearby table]'' Thanks a lot, lady, now I'm gonna have that stupid jingle stuck in my head all night.\\
'''Second patron:''' ''[sitting at the table with the first patron]'' What stupid jingle?\\
'''First patron:''' You know the one. ''[sings to the tune of "Old [=McDonald=]"]'' "Tune-ups, tune-ups, that's our game, F-R-E-D-S!"\\
'''Second patron:''' You know, I could use a tune-up, are they any good?\\
'''First patron:''' You heard the song, tune-ups are their game.\\
'''Second patron:''' Well, where are they located?\\
'''First patron:''' ''[singing to "Old [=McDonald=]" again]'' "Fourteen-thirteen Burlingame, F-R-E-D-S!"\\
'''Rebecca:''' ''[runs out of the bar]'' SY! SY, WAIT A MINUTE!
* In an ImagineSpot, Sam pictures himself and Diane happily married and long since retired. The phone rings, and he answers it. He listens to the person on the other end, and then shouts into the phone:
--> ''I don't know why, Carla--because I love her, okay?!?''
* From "Simon Says", every scene with Dr. Simon Finch-Royce is comedy gold, helped no end by the performance of Creator/JohnCleese, who is gloriously deadpan until the final scene, when he descends into eye-bulging fury as only John Cleese can.
** When he and Frasier meet up at Cheers, in an EstablishingCharacterMoment, Simon describes his flight over from England as "relatively crash-free". When he asks Sam for something "with hair on it", Carla seizes the opportunity to flirt with him, but leaves disappointed when he says he is happily married, noting he would have been her first Englishman - apart from a man with such a pale complexion she "kept losing him in the sheets". A fascinated Simon asks Frasier to "[[BatheHerAndBringHerToMe Have her scrubbed and sent to my tent.]]" Meanwhile, Norm thanks Simon for the good his books have done his marriage (they give Vera something to do in bed), and Cliff talks Simon's ear off about how Britain should feel free to call on America for help if things flare up in the Falklands again (Norm rescues Simon by telling Cliff another patron claims he knows nothing about photosynthesis).
** But it is Diane who spends the most time ingratiating herself to Simon, immmediately adopting a posh British accent around him. Sam is annoyed, saying she's acting like the Queen were her Aunt Betty.
--->'''Diane:''' ''(heavy posh accent)'' Oh, ''tosh''! What twaddle!
** She then asks Simon if he can give her and Sam a counselling session; Simon agrees, and since he doesn't come cheap, Frasier decides to make the session a wedding gift (instead of a gravy boat). As the session begins, Simon reveals that he is on his second marriage, which undermines Sam's confidence in him, but Simon explains that the tears from his first marriage allowed him more clarity of vision for his second marriage.
--->'''Diane:''' ''[impressed]'' You are the wisest man I know.\\
'''Simon:''' ''[looking at Sam; deadpan]'' High praise indeed.
** Simon asks Sam and Diane to tell him about themselves; Diane goes first, and starts ''in the womb'' and continues right up to the present. Sam stretches out on the sofa and goes to sleep, while Simon's only remark at the end is that his wife has a skirt similar to Diane's, although he is much more interested in Sam's stories of women throwing themselves at him in almost every city he visited during his time with the Red Sox.[[note]]'''Sam:''' ''(looking at Diane, then whispering to Simon)'' It was ''great''![[/note]] Simon then moves on to addressing them jointly:
--->'''Simon:''' What are the keys to a successful marriage? Well, there are numerous schools of thought - er, many experts claim that the most important single ingredient in a marriage is... quickly, now.\\
'''Diane:''' Love?\\
'''Sam:''' Sex.\\
'''Simon:''' ''Honesty.'' Because from honesty springs...\\
'''Diane:''' Fidelity.\\
'''Sam:''' Sex.\\
'''Simon:''' Yes, ''trust''.\\
'''Diane:''' ''[pounds her fists in frustration]'' I was ''going'' to say that!\\
'''Simon:''' Well, those people are ''wrong''.
** The real litmus test turns out to be a pair of questions: Simon asks Sam to imagine he and Diane are on a tropical beach on their honeymoon, and he is distracted by another attractive woman in a bikini when Diane asks "Penny for your thoughts"; does he tell her the truth? Sam initially says "no", but Diane is concerned that he wouldn't trust her, so he changes his answer to "yes". Simon then asks Diane to imagine that Sam has not performed to her satisfaction in the bedroom (Sam laughs at the idea that he couldn't perform to ''any'' woman's satisfaction) and asks her how it was; does she tell him the truth? She jokes that she never has done, but finally answers "no", as it would hurt his feelings. Simon then delivers his verdict: they should not only not get married, they should never see each other again, as they have nothing in common and there is no communication between them.
--->'''Diane:''' ''[wrapping her arms around Sam]'' What about the idea that opposites attract?\\
'''Simon:''' ''Ahhh'', the song of the ''truly'' desperate. ''[Diane looks disappointed]'' Well, take- take it from one who has observed dozens of failed marriages, the only thing that opposites attract is divorce. ''[he opens the office door]''\\
'''Sam:''' Well, don't- wait, don't go, what- what shall we do?\\
'''Simon:''' Well, think yourselves lucky, I mean you found out now, saved yourselves years, perhaps decades of pain and heartache! ''[brightly]'' Cheerio! ''[leaves]''
** Once Frasier and Simon are apart, we see how much contempt they really have for each other; Simon calls his wife back in England and describes Frasier as a "pompous twit", "as bad as usual, if not worse", and chuckles over sticking him with a $1500 fee for the session (having deliberately ignored Frasier's hints to give him a discount rate). Frasier, meanwhile, calls Simon a "pretentious limey bastard" and gets revenge by repeatedly sending Sam and Diane to Simon's hotel room to persuade him to change his prognosis. Diane's first assumption is that Simon was merely testing her and Sam, a theory Simon is quick to shoot down:
--->'''Diane:''' ''[as Simon opens the door]'' Hello, Doctor!\\
'''Simon:''' Oh! Well, this is a surprise.\\
'''Sam:''' Uh, sorry about this, we didn't catch you on the hopper, did we?\\
'''Simon:''' ... no, but thanks for asking, come in. ''[they do]''\\
'''Diane:''' This will only take a moment. You know, you're a very clever man, it wasn't until after you left that we realised that you were merely testing our resolve. So, we stand before you now as proof we are steadfast in our devotion to one another.\\
'''Simon:''' Well, that's very lovely, but it wasn't a test.\\
'''Diane:''' ''[smiles]'' Oh, listen to him, Sam, it's yet another test!\\
'''Simon:''' I'm afraid I haven't made myself sufficiently clear. Erm... you two are an accident waiting to marry. ''[opens the door]''\\
'''Diane:''' ''[her smile vanishes]'' Well, you couldn't ''be'' more wrong! If you only knew the enormous obstacles we've overcome, you would know that we are destined to die in each other's arms! ''[wraps her arms around Sam]'' Because although we are very different people, our parts mesh together perfectly. We have achieved symbiosis.\\
'''Sam:''' ''[chuckles nervously]'' Well, not every time, but it's close. ''[Diane ushers him out]'' Sorry about this.\\
'''Simon:''' Aren't we all? ''[closes the door after them]''
** Diane then convinces herself that she was only saying what she thought Simon wanted to hear during the counselling session and not what she actually wanted to say (Sam has no idea what she's saying, as usual), so she drags Sam back to Simon's hotel room and interrupts his room service dinner:
--->''[Sam and Diane knock at the door just as Simon is about to take his first spoonful of soup; he walks over and opens the door]''\\
'''Simon:''' Ah, how lovely to see you again, what's it been, thirty minutes?\\
'''Diane:''' I'm sorry to barge in, I hope we're not disturbing you-\\
'''Simon:''' ''[cutting her off]'' Well, actually, I was just about to have my dinner.\\
'''Sam:''' ''[hungrily]'' Dinner?\\
'''Simon:''' Yes, I mean, er, er, I don't mean to sound rude, but I actually would like to eat it while it's hot!\\
'''Diane:''' I'm sorry, but this is simply too important to put it off. It's been preying on our minds, we really can't think of anything else, isn't that right, Sam?\\
'''Sam:''' ''[looking at the table of food]'' Yeah, right - are you gonna eat those crackers?\\
'''Simon:''' ''[impatiently]'' Yes, I am, now would you please just say whatever it is you've come to say?\\
'''Diane:''' Very well. From the moment of your pronouncement, we felt that you were wrong, and now we realise why! We gave you the wrong answers to your questions about the honeymoon. We've thought it over, and now we want to give you our real answers.\\
'''Simon:''' Yes, well, it doesn't ''matter'' what you say now, you see, I mean what ''matters'' is your ''first'' response, your gut reaction, I mean, you've had two hours to think about it now!\\
'''Diane:''' Yes - well, sometimes it takes Sam two hours to come up with his first thought.\\
'''Sam:''' ''[turns to Diane, offended]'' I- I don't- I don't appreciate that! Y'know, it was ''your'' stupid idea to come here in the first place, all of a sudden he says something you don't like, and now you, you, you don't believe him anymore? ''[meanwhile, Simon dips his finger into his bowl of soup and tastes it to check its temperature]''\\
'''Diane:''' Well, he's ''wrong!'' He doesn't know what he's talking about, don't you think he's capable of making a mistake?\\
'''Simon:''' That's highly unlikely, although I did let the two of you in- excuse me, erm... ''[points toward the door]''\\
'''Sam:''' C'mon, let's get outta here, honey, I'm starved, I'm gonna go have some dinner, you wanna join me?\\
'''Simon:''' ''[as he tucks into his soup]'' Please say "yes". ''[Diane glares at him, but follows Sam out of the room]''
** For Round 4, Diane arrives with an armload of books, while Simon answers the door in a robe and shower cap:
--->'''Simon:''' ''[sarcastically]'' Ah, I wondered what was keeping you, I was beginning to get worried!\\
'''Sam:''' Did we get you out of the shower?\\
'''Simon:''' [[AskAStupidQuestion No no, no no, the, er, the soup was so hot it set off the sprinkler system.]]\\
'''Diane:''' ''[sweeps into the room]'' Sam and I have been to the library and we've done extensive research, we're here to tell you that ''you'' are full of rubbish!\\
'''Simon:''' How thoughtful. Most people would only have phoned. ''[closes the door]''\\
'''Diane:''' ''[opening a book]'' Now. If you'll just examine the parts that I have marked-\\
'''Simon:''' Look, I, I think I've shown remarkable restraint so far, but I ''have'' had just about enough of this. Now I've ''said'' that you are ''not'' compatible, and you have done ''nothing'' to show me otherwise.\\
'''Diane:''' ''[close to tears of hysteria]'' Look, I don't know what we're supposed to do, or what we're supposed to say, but we're ''here'', fighting for our lives together, now doesn't that count for something!?\\
'''Simon:''' ''No.''\\
'''Diane:''' ''[long pause]'' Why not?\\
'''Simon:''' Well, let me answer you this way. Sam, do you really want to be here?\\
'''Sam:''' No.\\
'''Diane:''' ''[whining]'' Oh, what do you mean "no"!?\\
'''Sam:''' I, I mean "no", I mean I don't want to be here, I mean this whole thing was ''your'' stupid idea, what do- what do we care if this guy doesn't think we should get married? ''[Simon opens the door to his suite again]'' Nobody we know thinks we should get married, we don't go bugging them in the middle of the night, do we!? ''[Simon walks back to the table and picks up the stack of books Diane brought with her]''\\
'''Diane:''' ''[sighs]'' All right. What do you suggest we do?\\
'''Sam:''' ''Nothing.''\\
'''Diane:''' ''[as Simon taps Sam on the shoulder and points toward the door]'' Ugh! That's your solution to everything, '''nothing!''' ''[Sam takes Diane's elbow and leads her to the door]'' Is that what you're going to do for the rest of your life, nothing?!\\
'''Sam:''' ''[taking the books from Simon]'' I haven't decided yet.\\
'''Simon:''' ''[closes the door after them, then takes a deep breath]'' I've grown to hate them.
** Finally, it's game, set, and match to Frasier as Sam and Diane return yet again, this time getting Simon out of bed and [[RageBreakingPoint driving him over the brink of insanity]]:
--->'''Simon:''' ''[opening the door to see Sam and Diane]'' That's it, I've died and gone to Hell.\\
'''Diane:''' ''[as she and Sam enter the room]'' Doctor, there's one thing you haven't considered-\\
'''Simon:''' ''[slams the door]'' Right. All right. Okay. Erm... Sam, Diane, you two... are... ''perfect'' together. I'm sorry I made a mistake, but I now see that you are the most ''perfectly'' matched couple on the face of the Earth. But why- why am I telling you this? ''[running to the window]'' Let's - let's share it with the rest of the world, shall we? ''[opens the window]'' HEAR THIS, WORLD! THE REST OF YOU CAN STOP GETTING MARRIED NOW! IT'S BEEN DONE TO PERFECTION! ''[turns away from the window and gestures to the furniture]'' '''Envy''' them, sofa, '''envy''' them, chair, for you shall never be as cosy as they, for '''I''' guarantee that their marriage will be a total, ''epoch''-shattering success, and '''''I stake my LIFE on it!''''' Wait, let- let me put that on record. ''[picks up a mini-cassette recorder and presses Record]'' I, Dr. Simon Finch-Royce, being of sound mind, declare that Sam and Diane shall be together throughout all eternity, and '''if''' I am wrong, I hereby promise that I will take my own life, in the most '''disgusting manner''' possible! ''[presses Stop, then tries to press Eject]'' Here, take the tape- no no, no, no, no, take the whole machine, it's my wedding gift! To you! The most ''perfect couple '''since the DAWN OF TIME!!'''''\\
''[long pause; Sam looks hugely uncomfortable while Diane absorbs Simon's words... then turns to Sam with a triumphant smile]''\\
'''Diane:''' [[SarcasmBlind See?]] ''[Sam is dumbfounded; Simon closes his eyes in utter despair]''\\
''[SmashToBlack. Roll Credits. Play Theme Music.]''
** And for those wondering, yes, John Cleese won the Emmy that year for his performance in this episode. Ken Levine related [[http://kenlevine.blogspot.com/2010/11/why-john-cleese-never-appeared-on.html Cleese's character was to return in "The Visiting Lecher"]], but had to bow out last minute, and they had to use [=John McMartin=] as an {{Expy}} character.
* In one episode, Norm is asked why he and Vera never had children. Norm says they thought she was pregnant once, but it turned out not to be so.
-->"She waited until after the wedding to tell me."
* In one episode, Lilith becomes frustrated when it seems that Frasier is a better parent then her...only to discover that Frasier's "intellectually stimulating" activity has been bringing baby Frederick to Cheers. She takes him to task, claiming that it's impossible for a baby to learn to speak in such an environment...
--> '''Norm:''' ''(entering)'' Afternoon, everybody!
--> '''Frederick:''' [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4L_vWpTAra8 NORM!]]
--> ''(All do a double-take...including Norm.)''
--> '''Lilith:''' ''(happy gasp)'' He said ''[[SelfServingMemory "Mommy!"]]''
* "Tan N Wash":
** Following Diane making a big show of smiling, glowing, and la-la-la-ing following an alleged date with a guy, Sam has Woody go and learn from her the details. Woody comes back...la-la-la-ing, with a wicked grin on his face, and:
--->'''Woody:''' Hey--Sam? I found out all about Miss Chambers's date. I mean, uh..."beautiful ''night''--of ''magic''."\\

to:


[[AC:506: Tan 'n' Wash]]
* "What is... Cliff Clavin?":
** In TheTeaser, a guy enters the bar for the first time in 20 years and talks to Woody about how everything is different, ending in this gem:
--->'''Patron:''' I guess everything changes in 20 years. They've even changed the panelling.\\
'''Woody:''' Where?\\
'''Patron:''' Over there, behind Norm.
** The episode climaxes with Cliff's ''Series/{{Jeopardy}}'' appearance, as he blows a $22,000 lead by wagering everything he has won on the Final Jeopardy answer "[[Creator/CaryGrant Archibald Leach]], [[Creator/TonyCurtis Bernard Schwartz]], [[Creator/JoanCrawford Lucille LaSueur]]"... and stumbling his way to the question "Who are three people who have never been in my kitchen?"
--->'''Cliff:''' Wait a minute, Alex. I can offer conclusive proof that those three people have never been in my kitchen.
* Sam's complete breakdown during the last act of "Bad Neighbor Sam".
* Sam and Diane's "almost" wedding: shot from over the minister's shoulder, showing all the money being passed around behind Sam and Diane to pay off bets whether they would or not.
** The famous "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SWjOiNx-WXk alternate ending]]" of the wedding, when TheyDo. Leave it to Sam and Diane to have the "I Dos" come out of an argument.
* Eddie [=LeBec=] discovers Carla's pregnant with twins: "This is the happiest night of my life!"
-->'''Sam''': You know, [[DoubleEntendre I had twins once]]. [[TwinThreesomeFantasy It was the happiest night of my life too.]]
* Frasier: "Oh--now you're saying that I'm redundant! That I repeat myself! That I say things over and over!
* Any and all of Diane's putdowns on Sam's love life.
-->'''Sam:''' That's the girl. Claudia's been a tough nut to crack, but tonight's the night she's going to be enjoying all the rides in Sammy's Magic Kingdom.
-->'''Diane:''' She's in for a Mickey Mouse evening with Goofy as her guide.
* Much of the hilarity of the show during the Diane years stems from Sam the {{Manchild}} clashing with Diane the DramaQueen. The result is invariably a BIG "LikeAnOldMarriedCouple" moment:
--> '''Sam:''' You know--while we're talking about ''problems'', you wanna know what ''really'', REALLY bugs me about you?
--> '''Diane:''' Fine!
--> '''Sam:''' [[FelonyMisdemeanor The way you eat]] ''[[FelonyMisdemeanor pretzels]]''! ''({{Beat}})''
--> '''Diane:''' ''Pretzels''!
--> '''Sam:''' Yeah, that's right--''three'' bites! Not ''two'', not ''one'' like the rest of us--but THREE BITES!
--> '''Diane:''' Do you want to ''know what "bugs" me about YOU''?!
--> '''Sam:''' Oh, I'd love to. What?
--> '''Diane:''' THE COLOGNE YOU ALWAYS WEAR IS TOTALLY WITHOUT ''NUANCE''!!!
* "Cliffy's Big Score" is a classic episode.
** Carla meets her date, [[TheStoner Lucas]].
--->'''Lucas:''' ''(mumbles something incoherently)''\\
'''Carla:''' What did he say?\\
'''Norm:''' I can't believe it matters.
** Carla sums it up:
--->'''Carla:''' [[SarcasmMode Well, I can see this is going to be a laugh a minute.]] An evening with the Stick, the Nerd, and Door Number Three.
** The funniest part is that Carla finds Lucas is a "real groove" when all they do all night is have sex in the back of Cliff's car.
* Any and all of the stories about Woody's family.
-->'''Woody:''' My uncle Wayne was a master at putting women in the romantic mood.
-->'''Sam:''' What did he do?
-->'''Woody:''' Gave them money. Worked like a charm.
* "'I' on Sports":
** Sam tries to appeal to younger viewers. This being the 1980s, this naturally means he attempts a [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vg9ruee3Vos rap song]]. The funniest part? Woody loves it.
--->Time to rap about a contr-o-versy,\\
Gonna take a stand, won't show no mercy,\\
Lotta folks says jocks shouldn't be,\\
Doing the sports news on TV,\\
But I don't want to get the latest scores,\\
From a buncha broadcast ''({{beat}})'' school boys,\\
So get your scores from a guy like me,\\
Who knows what it's like to have a groin in-jur-y,\\
G-g-g, groin-n, in-in-in, groin, in-in, groin in-jur-y
** Of course, Sam takes the badness UpToEleven by ''bringing a ventriloquist dummy'' on his [[http://youtu.be/QxaQ9cKYQXo?t=2m25s next outing]]. It's so bad, Carla exclaims, "Oh. My. God." and Rebecca mutters, "If either of them mention the bar, I'm ''suing''." The look on co-anchor Joanne's face is priceless.
* Almost every cold opening. Some favorites include:
** Everyone in the bar stuck in the men's room, trying to break the Guiness Record. Then someone tries to use it, and everyone shouts "Occupied!"
** Norm trying to explain economics to Woody by tearing up one of Cliff's dollar bills. Carla then decides to do it with a $20 bill.
** Woody, cleaning up, listens to an ad for a stenographers' school on the radio. He tries to write the phone number, but can't, and goes back on to listening.
** Everybody's locked out of the bar, and it's cold. Norm comes to the rescue--he's got his own set of keys.
** Diane becomes frustrated when no one cares when she enters the bar, comparing the lukewarm response to the boisterous "NORM!" Norm always gets. She asks if she can have a greeting like that for once; Sam agrees; she leaves and comes back in; and everyone yells..."NORM!"
--->'''Diane:''' ''(cheerfully)'' That's more like it.
** Norm comes to Cheers early and tells Sam he's decided to have a productive, active day. Sam lists off several outdoor activities to do, such as hiking or swimming, and Norm comes up with excuses to avoid them all. Finally, Sam guesses that Norm's chosen activity will be sitting in the bar all day and drinking beer; Norm "decides" this is the perfect suggestion and asks for a round.
** Carla opens up Cheers first thing in the morning and puts on "I Got the Sun in the Morning" from ''Annie Get Your Gun.'' She ''dances'' around the bar, climbing on the tables and riding the chairs down to arrange them, laughs, and generally has an amazing time. The second Sam and Rebecca arrive, though, she immediately adopts her cranky persona.
** Woody is excited to see that the book of crossword puzzles he's ordered has arrived. He says that the best thing about the book is that it lists all the answers in the back, which can help with tough clues. He, Norm, and Cliff then start filling in the first puzzle...by copying directly out of the answer section. "These things aren't so hard!"
** The guys show off various tricks they can do with their fingers and hands. Lilith overhears and shows off her own skill: putting her entire fist into her mouth. She's declared "queen" of such tricks, and starts writing a message, which the gang initially thinks is her going for bonus points...but she's actually writing "My fist is stuck. Call 911."
--->'''Frasier:''' ''[leading Lilith away]'' You know, this happens to her more often than you'd think.
* "The Days of Wine and Neuroses":
** The episode begins with most of the regulars complaining about the jukebox being taken out for repairs and how its replacement, a karaoke machine, is not something they could ever imagine using. Frasier spends the entire scene loudly protesting that they never used the jukebox in the first place.
** Once the karaoke machine arrives, [[ThoseTwoGuys Norm and Cliff]] singing "Lollipop" turns into a RunningGag. The hilarity is dialled UpToEleven when they sing it after having inhaled helium.
* A real-life example during a Q&A with cast and crew members sometime after [[DroppedABridgeOnHim a bridge was dropped on]] [[spoiler:Eddie]]. [[spoiler:Jay Thomas]] popped up and asked in front of the audience, "Yeah, why did I die?" The audience erupted into laughter as a result. May double as a CMOA depending on your point-of-view on the whole thing.
* This exchange:
-->'''Frasier:''' Even the abstract concept of death is absurd. A pale bony figure coming up to tap you on the shoulder when your number's up.
-->'''Lilith:''' ''(silently comes up behind him and taps him on the shoulder)'' Frasier, it's time to go.
-->'''Frasier:''' AAAAH!
* In "Fifty-Fifty Carla", Woody gets a part in the play ''Hair'' - only to learn part of it traditionally involves being naked on-stage. Throughout the episode, he's nervous over the prospect and tries to muster the courage to do it. Later after the first performance, an embarrassed Woody returns to the bar. He did get naked on-stage - even ripping his clothes right off. However, the director stated no one needed to take their clothes off if they didn't want to - and no one else did.
-->'''Woody:''' As if that wasn't bad enough, I heard this high-pitched scream from the audience: "Hey look, he's the only one who's naked!"\\
'''Norm:''' Sorry, Woody. It took me by surprise.
* Cliff and Norm discussing WesternAnimation/CasperTheFriendlyGhost:
-->'''Norm:''' I don't get it. Start of the cartoon, Casper has no friends. End of the cartoon, he has friends. Start of the next cartoon, he has no friends again. What happened?\\
'''Cliff:''' I think it's obvious what happened. Casper was quenching his thirst for blood.
* From "The Last Picture Show", Norm, Cliff, Woody, and Frasier go to see a ''Franchise/{{Godzilla}}'' marathon at a drive-in before it closes permanently, and an observation that one of the actresses in the recurring cast left while the series was still commercially successful sets up a great moment of RealitySubtext coupled with a TakeThat aimed at Creator/ShelleyLong: "Why would an actress leave in the middle of a successful series?" Which was mocked on ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons'' episode "Flaming Moe's", in which the Diane {{Expy}} leaves Moe's.
-->'''Moe:''' She left to pursue a movie career. Frankly, I think she was better off here.
* From "I'm Getting My Act Together and Sticking It in Your Face", the RunningGag of Frasier's "adaptations" of Dickens novels.
** Things start at a low ebb when he compares Rebecca - still in her wedding dress after abandoning her plans to marry Robin Colcord - to Miss Havisham from ''Literature/GreatExpectations''. When no-one gets the reference, he throws out the names Pip, Miss Havisham, Magwitch... and then gets their interest with [[Franchise/TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles "four pizza-loving turtles who practise martial arts in the sewer."]]
** When Frasier's attempt to draw another parallel between Woody letting Rebecca borrow his clothes and car so that she can go out and get her life back together (not anticipating this would involve her flying to San Diego) and Sydney Carton's sacrifice in ''Literature/ATaleOfTwoCities'' falls on similarly clueless ears, he decides to read aloud from his newly purchased first edition to the bar. He reads off the famous opening lines, and everyone gradually loses interest...until he throws in an interesting twist that comes from Stephen King's ''Literature/{{IT}}.''
--->'''Frasier:''' And there was...a BLOODTHIRSTY CLOWN! Who lured little children down into the sewers and SWALLOWED THEM WHOLE!
** His attempt to create interest in ''Literature/DavidCopperfield'' involves talking about two coppers, a field and bodily dismemberment.
** By the time Lilith arrives, she is delighted to hear that Frasier appears to have stoked bar interest in Dickens - until Norm announces that they're all waiting to hear the story of ''Literature/OliverTwist: The Wrath of Fagin''.
--->'''Lilith:''' ... excuse me?\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[embarrassed pause]'' Darling... I've done some things the past few weeks that... I'm not very proud of.
** Frasier gets the last word of the episode after the A-plot reaches a denoument of... well, Frasier himself puts it best:
--->'''Frasier:''' Y'know, in the space of the last 30 seconds, we have witnessed deceit, sexual turmoil and sudden senseless violence. It puts me in mind of a passage from... ''Literature/ThePickwickPapers''.
* In "Crash of the Titans", Rebecca is trying to buy the bar from Sam. Meanwhile, the bar is out of vermouth and Sam keeps dropping hints.
-->'''Rebecca:''' I'm prepared to offer you $25,000 in cash.
-->'''Sam:''' How about $15,000 in cash and $10,000 in '''''VERMOUTH'''''?
* In "Rebound, Part 1", Cliff has returned from a vacation in Florida and is trying to tell Coach about how it has helped him achieve a sense of oneness with the universe. Coach, however, is making a frozen cocktail and is too busy struggling with the blender to listen to Cliff, and the noise of the stubborn appliance keeps interrupting his speech. Finally, a frustrated Cliff abandons his sense of oneness with the universe, switches off the blender, pulls off Coach's clip-on tie, drops it in the blender, and switches it on again. But it is Coach who gets the last laugh:
-->'''Coach:''' ''[pulling his mangled tie out of the blender]'' [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OngCQ32QRHQ Anybody want a my tie?]] ''[laughs uproariously]''
* In the series finale, when Rebecca keeps neurotically changing her mind about whether Frasier should call back her plumber boyfriend/fiancé. Fraiser finally gets fed up, throws open the door and theatrically shouts: "Run, Don, run! Run like the wind!"
* "Do Not Forsake Me, O My Postman":
** On Cliff getting his sometime girlfriend and fellow postal worker Maggie O'Keefe pregnant:
--->'''Paul:''' So, you're gonna have a baby. Are you going to go through Lamaze, or is the baby [[Franchise/{{Alien}} just going to burst through her chest?]]
** Also Frasier's take:
--->'''Frasier:''' Well, from our "Things You Never Thought You'd Hear" category: That woman is carrying Cliff's child.
** The B plot has Cheers' hilarious advertising jingle, sung to "Old [=McDonald=]": "Beer and pretzels, that's our name: C-H-E-R-S!" Double points for having jingle writer Sy Flembeck be played by John Mahoney, who went on to play Series/{{Frasier}}'s father. Triple for having him change to be sung to "Mary Had a Little Lamb" - still with the bar's name spelled "C-H-E-R-S".
** It turns out that ''all'' of Flembeck's ad jingles are to the tune of "Old [=McDonald=]", as it gets the tunes stuck in listeners' heads - as Rebecca discovers after she throws Flembeck out of Cheers:
--->'''Rebecca:''' What a ''hack''. You know, I- I should have known it the first time I heard that ''stupid'' Fred's Tune-ups song.\\
'''First patron:''' ''[turning around from a nearby table]'' Thanks a lot, lady, now I'm gonna have that stupid jingle stuck in my head all night.\\
'''Second patron:''' ''[sitting at the table with the first patron]'' What stupid jingle?\\
'''First patron:''' You know the one. ''[sings to the tune of "Old [=McDonald=]"]'' "Tune-ups, tune-ups, that's our game, F-R-E-D-S!"\\
'''Second patron:''' You know, I could use a tune-up, are they any good?\\
'''First patron:''' You heard the song, tune-ups are their game.\\
'''Second patron:''' Well, where are they located?\\
'''First patron:''' ''[singing to "Old [=McDonald=]" again]'' "Fourteen-thirteen Burlingame, F-R-E-D-S!"\\
'''Rebecca:''' ''[runs out of the bar]'' SY! SY, WAIT A MINUTE!
* In an ImagineSpot, Sam pictures himself and Diane happily married and long since retired. The phone rings, and he answers it. He listens to the person on the other end, and then shouts into the phone:
--> ''I don't know why, Carla--because I love her, okay?!?''
* From "Simon Says", every scene with Dr. Simon Finch-Royce is comedy gold, helped no end by the performance of Creator/JohnCleese, who is gloriously deadpan until the final scene, when he descends into eye-bulging fury as only John Cleese can.
** When he and Frasier meet up at Cheers, in an EstablishingCharacterMoment, Simon describes his flight over from England as "relatively crash-free". When he asks Sam for something "with hair on it", Carla seizes the opportunity to flirt with him, but leaves disappointed when he says he is happily married, noting he would have been her first Englishman - apart from a man with such a pale complexion she "kept losing him in the sheets". A fascinated Simon asks Frasier to "[[BatheHerAndBringHerToMe Have her scrubbed and sent to my tent.]]" Meanwhile, Norm thanks Simon for the good his books have done his marriage (they give Vera something to do in bed), and Cliff talks Simon's ear off about how Britain should feel free to call on America for help if things flare up in the Falklands again (Norm rescues Simon by telling Cliff another patron claims he knows nothing about photosynthesis).
** But it is Diane who spends the most time ingratiating herself to Simon, immmediately adopting a posh British accent around him. Sam is annoyed, saying she's acting like the Queen were her Aunt Betty.
--->'''Diane:''' ''(heavy posh accent)'' Oh, ''tosh''! What twaddle!
** She then asks Simon if he can give her and Sam a counselling session; Simon agrees, and since he doesn't come cheap, Frasier decides to make the session a wedding gift (instead of a gravy boat). As the session begins, Simon reveals that he is on his second marriage, which undermines Sam's confidence in him, but Simon explains that the tears from his first marriage allowed him more clarity of vision for his second marriage.
--->'''Diane:''' ''[impressed]'' You are the wisest man I know.\\
'''Simon:''' ''[looking at Sam; deadpan]'' High praise indeed.
** Simon asks Sam and Diane to tell him about themselves; Diane goes first, and starts ''in the womb'' and continues right up to the present. Sam stretches out on the sofa and goes to sleep, while Simon's only remark at the end is that his wife has a skirt similar to Diane's, although he is much more interested in Sam's stories of women throwing themselves at him in almost every city he visited during his time with the Red Sox.[[note]]'''Sam:''' ''(looking at Diane, then whispering to Simon)'' It was ''great''![[/note]] Simon then moves on to addressing them jointly:
--->'''Simon:''' What are the keys to a successful marriage? Well, there are numerous schools of thought - er, many experts claim that the most important single ingredient in a marriage is... quickly, now.\\
'''Diane:''' Love?\\
'''Sam:''' Sex.\\
'''Simon:''' ''Honesty.'' Because from honesty springs...\\
'''Diane:''' Fidelity.\\
'''Sam:''' Sex.\\
'''Simon:''' Yes, ''trust''.\\
'''Diane:''' ''[pounds her fists in frustration]'' I was ''going'' to say that!\\
'''Simon:''' Well, those people are ''wrong''.
** The real litmus test turns out to be a pair of questions: Simon asks Sam to imagine he and Diane are on a tropical beach on their honeymoon, and he is distracted by another attractive woman in a bikini when Diane asks "Penny for your thoughts"; does he tell her the truth? Sam initially says "no", but Diane is concerned that he wouldn't trust her, so he changes his answer to "yes". Simon then asks Diane to imagine that Sam has not performed to her satisfaction in the bedroom (Sam laughs at the idea that he couldn't perform to ''any'' woman's satisfaction) and asks her how it was; does she tell him the truth? She jokes that she never has done, but finally answers "no", as it would hurt his feelings. Simon then delivers his verdict: they should not only not get married, they should never see each other again, as they have nothing in common and there is no communication between them.
--->'''Diane:''' ''[wrapping her arms around Sam]'' What about the idea that opposites attract?\\
'''Simon:''' ''Ahhh'', the song of the ''truly'' desperate. ''[Diane looks disappointed]'' Well, take- take it from one who has observed dozens of failed marriages, the only thing that opposites attract is divorce. ''[he opens the office door]''\\
'''Sam:''' Well, don't- wait, don't go, what- what shall we do?\\
'''Simon:''' Well, think yourselves lucky, I mean you found out now, saved yourselves years, perhaps decades of pain and heartache! ''[brightly]'' Cheerio! ''[leaves]''
** Once Frasier and Simon are apart, we see how much contempt they really have for each other; Simon calls his wife back in England and describes Frasier as a "pompous twit", "as bad as usual, if not worse", and chuckles over sticking him with a $1500 fee for the session (having deliberately ignored Frasier's hints to give him a discount rate). Frasier, meanwhile, calls Simon a "pretentious limey bastard" and gets revenge by repeatedly sending Sam and Diane to Simon's hotel room to persuade him to change his prognosis. Diane's first assumption is that Simon was merely testing her and Sam, a theory Simon is quick to shoot down:
--->'''Diane:''' ''[as Simon opens the door]'' Hello, Doctor!\\
'''Simon:''' Oh! Well, this is a surprise.\\
'''Sam:''' Uh, sorry about this, we didn't catch you on the hopper, did we?\\
'''Simon:''' ... no, but thanks for asking, come in. ''[they do]''\\
'''Diane:''' This will only take a moment. You know, you're a very clever man, it wasn't until after you left that we realised that you were merely testing our resolve. So, we stand before you now as proof we are steadfast in our devotion to one another.\\
'''Simon:''' Well, that's very lovely, but it wasn't a test.\\
'''Diane:''' ''[smiles]'' Oh, listen to him, Sam, it's yet another test!\\
'''Simon:''' I'm afraid I haven't made myself sufficiently clear. Erm... you two are an accident waiting to marry. ''[opens the door]''\\
'''Diane:''' ''[her smile vanishes]'' Well, you couldn't ''be'' more wrong! If you only knew the enormous obstacles we've overcome, you would know that we are destined to die in each other's arms! ''[wraps her arms around Sam]'' Because although we are very different people, our parts mesh together perfectly. We have achieved symbiosis.\\
'''Sam:''' ''[chuckles nervously]'' Well, not every time, but it's close. ''[Diane ushers him out]'' Sorry about this.\\
'''Simon:''' Aren't we all? ''[closes the door after them]''
** Diane then convinces herself that she was only saying what she thought Simon wanted to hear during the counselling session and not what she actually wanted to say (Sam has no idea what she's saying, as usual), so she drags Sam back to Simon's hotel room and interrupts his room service dinner:
--->''[Sam and Diane knock at the door just as Simon is about to take his first spoonful of soup; he walks over and opens the door]''\\
'''Simon:''' Ah, how lovely to see you again, what's it been, thirty minutes?\\
'''Diane:''' I'm sorry to barge in, I hope we're not disturbing you-\\
'''Simon:''' ''[cutting her off]'' Well, actually, I was just about to have my dinner.\\
'''Sam:''' ''[hungrily]'' Dinner?\\
'''Simon:''' Yes, I mean, er, er, I don't mean to sound rude, but I actually would like to eat it while it's hot!\\
'''Diane:''' I'm sorry, but this is simply too important to put it off. It's been preying on our minds, we really can't think of anything else, isn't that right, Sam?\\
'''Sam:''' ''[looking at the table of food]'' Yeah, right - are you gonna eat those crackers?\\
'''Simon:''' ''[impatiently]'' Yes, I am, now would you please just say whatever it is you've come to say?\\
'''Diane:''' Very well. From the moment of your pronouncement, we felt that you were wrong, and now we realise why! We gave you the wrong answers to your questions about the honeymoon. We've thought it over, and now we want to give you our real answers.\\
'''Simon:''' Yes, well, it doesn't ''matter'' what you say now, you see, I mean what ''matters'' is your ''first'' response, your gut reaction, I mean, you've had two hours to think about it now!\\
'''Diane:''' Yes - well, sometimes it takes Sam two hours to come up with his first thought.\\
'''Sam:''' ''[turns to Diane, offended]'' I- I don't- I don't appreciate that! Y'know, it was ''your'' stupid idea to come here in the first place, all of a sudden he says something you don't like, and now you, you, you don't believe him anymore? ''[meanwhile, Simon dips his finger into his bowl of soup and tastes it to check its temperature]''\\
'''Diane:''' Well, he's ''wrong!'' He doesn't know what he's talking about, don't you think he's capable of making a mistake?\\
'''Simon:''' That's highly unlikely, although I did let the two of you in- excuse me, erm... ''[points toward the door]''\\
'''Sam:''' C'mon, let's get outta here, honey, I'm starved, I'm gonna go have some dinner, you wanna join me?\\
'''Simon:''' ''[as he tucks into his soup]'' Please say "yes". ''[Diane glares at him, but follows Sam out of the room]''
** For Round 4, Diane arrives with an armload of books, while Simon answers the door in a robe and shower cap:
--->'''Simon:''' ''[sarcastically]'' Ah, I wondered what was keeping you, I was beginning to get worried!\\
'''Sam:''' Did we get you out of the shower?\\
'''Simon:''' [[AskAStupidQuestion No no, no no, the, er, the soup was so hot it set off the sprinkler system.]]\\
'''Diane:''' ''[sweeps into the room]'' Sam and I have been to the library and we've done extensive research, we're here to tell you that ''you'' are full of rubbish!\\
'''Simon:''' How thoughtful. Most people would only have phoned. ''[closes the door]''\\
'''Diane:''' ''[opening a book]'' Now. If you'll just examine the parts that I have marked-\\
'''Simon:''' Look, I, I think I've shown remarkable restraint so far, but I ''have'' had just about enough of this. Now I've ''said'' that you are ''not'' compatible, and you have done ''nothing'' to show me otherwise.\\
'''Diane:''' ''[close to tears of hysteria]'' Look, I don't know what we're supposed to do, or what we're supposed to say, but we're ''here'', fighting for our lives together, now doesn't that count for something!?\\
'''Simon:''' ''No.''\\
'''Diane:''' ''[long pause]'' Why not?\\
'''Simon:''' Well, let me answer you this way. Sam, do you really want to be here?\\
'''Sam:''' No.\\
'''Diane:''' ''[whining]'' Oh, what do you mean "no"!?\\
'''Sam:''' I, I mean "no", I mean I don't want to be here, I mean this whole thing was ''your'' stupid idea, what do- what do we care if this guy doesn't think we should get married? ''[Simon opens the door to his suite again]'' Nobody we know thinks we should get married, we don't go bugging them in the middle of the night, do we!? ''[Simon walks back to the table and picks up the stack of books Diane brought with her]''\\
'''Diane:''' ''[sighs]'' All right. What do you suggest we do?\\
'''Sam:''' ''Nothing.''\\
'''Diane:''' ''[as Simon taps Sam on the shoulder and points toward the door]'' Ugh! That's your solution to everything, '''nothing!''' ''[Sam takes Diane's elbow and leads her to the door]'' Is that what you're going to do for the rest of your life, nothing?!\\
'''Sam:''' ''[taking the books from Simon]'' I haven't decided yet.\\
'''Simon:''' ''[closes the door after them, then takes a deep breath]'' I've grown to hate them.
** Finally, it's game, set, and match to Frasier as Sam and Diane return yet again, this time getting Simon out of bed and [[RageBreakingPoint driving him over the brink of insanity]]:
--->'''Simon:''' ''[opening the door to see Sam and Diane]'' That's it, I've died and gone to Hell.\\
'''Diane:''' ''[as she and Sam enter the room]'' Doctor, there's one thing you haven't considered-\\
'''Simon:''' ''[slams the door]'' Right. All right. Okay. Erm... Sam, Diane, you two... are... ''perfect'' together. I'm sorry I made a mistake, but I now see that you are the most ''perfectly'' matched couple on the face of the Earth. But why- why am I telling you this? ''[running to the window]'' Let's - let's share it with the rest of the world, shall we? ''[opens the window]'' HEAR THIS, WORLD! THE REST OF YOU CAN STOP GETTING MARRIED NOW! IT'S BEEN DONE TO PERFECTION! ''[turns away from the window and gestures to the furniture]'' '''Envy''' them, sofa, '''envy''' them, chair, for you shall never be as cosy as they, for '''I''' guarantee that their marriage will be a total, ''epoch''-shattering success, and '''''I stake my LIFE on it!''''' Wait, let- let me put that on record. ''[picks up a mini-cassette recorder and presses Record]'' I, Dr. Simon Finch-Royce, being of sound mind, declare that Sam and Diane shall be together throughout all eternity, and '''if''' I am wrong, I hereby promise that I will take my own life, in the most '''disgusting manner''' possible! ''[presses Stop, then tries to press Eject]'' Here, take the tape- no no, no, no, no, take the whole machine, it's my wedding gift! To you! The most ''perfect couple '''since the DAWN OF TIME!!'''''\\
''[long pause; Sam looks hugely uncomfortable while Diane absorbs Simon's words... then turns to Sam with a triumphant smile]''\\
'''Diane:''' [[SarcasmBlind See?]] ''[Sam is dumbfounded; Simon closes his eyes in utter despair]''\\
''[SmashToBlack. Roll Credits. Play Theme Music.]''
** And for those wondering, yes, John Cleese won the Emmy that year for his performance in this episode. Ken Levine related [[http://kenlevine.blogspot.com/2010/11/why-john-cleese-never-appeared-on.html Cleese's character was to return in "The Visiting Lecher"]], but had to bow out last minute, and they had to use [=John McMartin=] as an {{Expy}} character.
* In one episode, Norm is asked why he and Vera never had children. Norm says they thought she was pregnant once, but it turned out not to be so.
-->"She waited until after the wedding to tell me."
* In one episode, Lilith becomes frustrated when it seems that Frasier is a better parent then her...only to discover that Frasier's "intellectually stimulating" activity has been bringing baby Frederick to Cheers. She takes him to task, claiming that it's impossible for a baby to learn to speak in such an environment...
--> '''Norm:''' ''(entering)'' Afternoon, everybody!
--> '''Frederick:''' [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4L_vWpTAra8 NORM!]]
--> ''(All do a double-take...including Norm.)''
--> '''Lilith:''' ''(happy gasp)'' He said ''[[SelfServingMemory "Mommy!"]]''
* "Tan N Wash":
**
Following Diane making a big show of smiling, glowing, and la-la-la-ing following an alleged date with a guy, Sam has Woody go and learn from her the details. Woody comes back...la-la-la-ing, with a wicked grin on his face, and:
--->'''Woody:''' -->'''Woody:''' Hey--Sam? I found out all about Miss Chambers's date. I mean, uh..."beautiful ''night''--of ''magic''."\\



** Later in that episode, Carla heads over to a ''very'' sunburned Frasier:
--->'''Carla:''' Hey, Frasier!--y'know, there's something I've been meaning to ask you: When you reaction...when you first saw Diane ''naked''? ''([[ComedicSociopathy SMACKS him on the back!]])''\\

to:

** Later in that episode, * Later, Carla heads over to a ''very'' sunburned Frasier:
--->'''Carla:''' -->'''Carla:''' Hey, Frasier!--y'know, there's something I've been meaning to ask you: When you reaction...when you first saw Diane ''naked''? ''([[ComedicSociopathy SMACKS him on the back!]])''\\



* In "One Hugs, the Other Doesn't":
** For Frederick Crane's second birthday, Sam gets four tickets to see nationally popular children's singer [[Creator/EmmaThompson Nanny Gee]] (who also counts Woody among her most devoted fans). Frasier couldn't be less interested in the concert - until he wonders why Nanny Gee looks familiar...
--->'''Frasier:''' I ''know'' I've seen her before... ''[sighs]'' I ''hate'' it when this happens!\\
'''Lilith:''' Frasier, please be quiet, I'm trying to hear the lyrics. ''[Frasier gives Lilith a sceptical look; Nanny Gee continues singing]''\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh my God, I know who she is... that's Nanette Guzman!\\
'''Sam:''' Who?\\
'''Frasier:''' My first wife!\\
'''Lilith:''' WHO??
** Frasier tries to placate Lilith - who is understandably angry to learn that ''she'' isn't Frasier's first wife - by saying that their marriage was a silly mistake that only lasted a few months, and he is sure Nanny Gee wouldn't know him from Adam if they met on the street; meanwhile, Nanny Gee is going out into the audience, singing a song about wanting to shake hands with new friends - and quickly proves Frasier wrong about how little she remembers him by dropping her microphone in shock at seeing him for the first time in well over a decade, then giving him a BigDamnKiss.
--->'''Sam:''' ''[to Nanny Gee]'' Don't you wanna shake my hand?
** Later that day at Cheers, Lilith is still furious (inasmuch as she ever displays fury or any other emotion) over the discovery that she is not Frasier's first wife - and over his real first wife kissing him in front of an audience of thousands of children.
--->'''Lilith:''' So Frasier was married to that... oh, how would one describe her... ''bitch''. Never even told me about her. Well, if that's what he wants, he can have it. ''[singing mockingly]'' "I wanna shake your hand... snatch you bald... I wanna scratch your eyes out..." ''[gets up and heads to the ladies' room]'' "I wanna drain your blood and replace it with a mercuric chloride, formaldehyde, and alcohol solution..." ''[laughs maniacally, until she notices Norm, Carla, and Cliff staring at her]'' You had to be there.\\
'''Carla:''' Boy. I've never seen this side of Lilith before. ''[smirks]'' I like it!
** Having already (unsuccessfully) apologised to Lilith himself, Frasier brings Nanny Gee to Cheers to do likewise. The reason for the episode's title becomes clear, as Nanny Gee is a self-described "huggy, kissy" person, and Lilith is categorically not. So when Nanny Gee gives Lilith a hug of apology, the second Mrs. Frasier Crane remains completely rigid throughout, making it look as though Nanny Gee is hugging a Lilith-shaped hat stand. Then a star-struck Woody tries to approach her with an autograph book:
--->'''Woody:''' Nanny Gee, I was wonderin' if you could-\\
'''Nanny Gee:''' Lilith, I'd really like to make this up to you.\\
'''Woody:''' ''[sarcastically]'' -ignore me like a cheap piece of trash. Oh, you could? Thank you so very much. ''[Frasier glares at him and shoos him away; a fed up Woody hurls his autograph book away as he leaves]''
** Nanny Gee's plan to make amends: give a free concert especially for Frederick's birthday. Sam offers Cheers as a venue before they open for the day, Carla decides to bring her twin sons Jesse and Elvis, Norm decides to bring Vera's nieces and nephews, Cliff decides to bring the children on his route (hoping the concert will make them reveal where they have hidden his car)... but Lilith, understandably, is still not happy.
--->'''Frasier:''' Darling, are you going to be okay with this?\\
'''Lilith:''' Am I going to be ''okay'' with this? Let's see... earlier today, I discovered that my husband had an ex-wife that he never told me about. Then I had the pleasure of watching him ''kiss'' said ex-wife in front of a thousand children, including his own. Then, to top it all off, she ''hugged'' me. Can you deduce from my tone whether or not I'm going to be ''okay'' with this?\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[[[SelectiveObliviousness grins]]]'' [[Series/TheHoneymooners Baby, you're the greatest!]] ''[sweeps a startled Lilith back in his arms and gives her a BigDamnKiss]''
** The next morning, the bar is packed with children and their parents/babysitters for the free concert (before which Nanny Gee restores Woody to happiness by pretending she could see him at the concert, even though he was in the second row from the back in the second balcony; she asks Sam if Woody bought it, and Sam describes Woody as an "easy sale"). The hilarity comes from Frasier's increasing SelectiveObliviousness that Nanny Gee is ''clearly'' still infatuated with him and trying to win him back, much to Lilith's chagrin. Culminating in the two women having an all-out CatFight right in the middle of the bar.
--->'''Lilith:''' ''[as Nanny Gee's song moves on to the lyrics "The first time ever I lay with you", leaving no doubt as to its object]'' All right, that's it! ''[marches over to Nanny Gee]'' Stop the music! Leave my man alone!\\
'''Nanny Gee:''' I'm sorry, I can't help it! ''[walks up to Frasier, pushing Lilith aside]'' Frasier, I've never stopped loving you!\\
'''Lilith:''' Well, maybe this'll help! ''[jumps on Nanny Gee's back and pulls her to the floor]''\\
'''Norm, Cliff:''' CAT FIGHT! CAT FIGHT! ''[they run around from their end of the bar to watch as the fight continues; some of the other spectators - including the children - begin cheering]''\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[handing Frederick to Sam, who covers the lad's eyes]'' You know, I'm going to suffer for this tomorrow, but today, right now, this exact moment, I'm the happiest man on Earth.
** In the episode's tag, the gang discovers that Nanny Gee has left Frederick a birthday present: a singing doll modeled on herself. Trouble is, the doll's song ends with Nanny Gee giving Frasier her phone number--''repeatedly.'' First, an angry Lilith rips the doll's head off; then, when Norm, Cliff, and Woody start [[TooDumbToLive singing the number]], she chases after them and looks ready to kill.
** The episode spawned one of the funniest episodes of ''Frasier'', which even included a reference to the episode title. Frasier tells Roz that he used to get "big hugs" from her, but the last time he saw her he was getting his "weekly handshake" from Lilith.
** Crowning all this is the fact that Nanny Gee is played by none other than ''Creator/EmmaThompson''.
* "Never Love a Goalie":
** This episode has Diane in her best DeadpanSnarker form. Doubles as a SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome for her: considering all the times Carla insisted on doing this sort of thing to ''her'' over the years, Diane kinda deserves a chance for payback.
--->'''Eddie:''' I just thought I'd come back and see you know, how you liked your seats.\\

to:


[[AC:509: Thanksgiving Orphans]]
* In "One Hugs, the Other Doesn't":
** For Frederick Crane's second birthday, Sam gets four tickets to see nationally popular children's singer [[Creator/EmmaThompson Nanny Gee]] (who also counts Woody among her most devoted fans). Frasier couldn't be less interested in the concert - until he wonders why Nanny Gee looks familiar...
--->'''Frasier:''' I ''know'' I've seen her before... ''[sighs]'' I ''hate'' it when this happens!\\
'''Lilith:''' Frasier, please be quiet, I'm trying to hear the lyrics. ''[Frasier gives Lilith a sceptical look; Nanny Gee continues singing]''\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh my God, I know who she is... that's Nanette Guzman!\\
'''Sam:''' Who?\\
'''Frasier:''' My first wife!\\
'''Lilith:''' WHO??
** Frasier tries to placate Lilith - who is understandably angry to learn that ''she'' isn't
Frasier's first wife - by saying that their marriage was a silly mistake that only lasted a few months, and ''intense'' SeriousBusiness reaction to "Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer", especially how ''certain'' he is sure Nanny Gee wouldn't know him from Adam if that [[NoEndorHolocaust the story ends badly for Rudolph after the song ends.]] Add to that the strong implication that he's deviating into his own life experience....
* Sam's reason for arriving at the gang's party instead of his planned date. As Sam puts it, "Her sister showed up, and
they met on didn't like my idea". It actually takes a couple of [[{{Beat}} beats]] before the street; meanwhile, Nanny Gee is going StudioAudience bursts out into the audience, singing a song about wanting to shake hands with new friends - and quickly proves Frasier wrong about how little she remembers him by dropping her microphone in shock at seeing him laughing--it takes that long before they (and we) realize [[AThreesomeIsHot exactly what he's talking about.]]

[[AC:512: Dance, Diane, Dance]]
* TheTeaser
for the first time in well episode finds the crowd at Cheers watching a televised football game when the picture quality suddenly takes a turn for the worse. When Sam sends Woody over for a decade, then giving him a BigDamnKiss.
--->'''Sam:''' ''[to Nanny Gee]'' Don't you wanna shake my hand?
** Later that day at Cheers, Lilith
bit of AntennaAdjusting, he slips off his perch and is still furious (inasmuch as she ever displays fury or any other emotion) over left hanging from the discovery that she is not Frasier's first wife set, several feet off the floor - and over his real first wife kissing him in front of an audience of thousands of children.
--->'''Lilith:''' So Frasier was married to that... oh, how would
which, naturally, fixes the picture... almost. Cliff pulls one describe her... ''bitch''. Never even told me about her. Well, if that's what he wants, he can have it. ''[singing mockingly]'' "I wanna shake your hand... snatch you bald... I wanna scratch your eyes out..." ''[gets of Woody's legs up and heads to balances his foot on the ladies' room]'' "I wanna drain your blood top of the panelling to fix a slight colour problem.
-->'''Woody:''' Wow, I sure hope this game doesn't go into overtime!
* Diane nervously going back
and replace it with a mercuric chloride, formaldehyde, and alcohol solution..." ''[laughs maniacally, until forth over whether she notices Norm, Carla, and Cliff staring at her]'' You had to be there.might have left the stove on in her apartment:
-->'''Diane:''' No...it's off.
\\
'''Carla:''' Boy. I've never seen this side of Lilith before. ''[smirks]'' I like it!
** Having already (unsuccessfully) apologised to Lilith himself, Frasier brings Nanny Gee to Cheers to do likewise. The reason for the episode's title becomes clear, as Nanny Gee is a self-described "huggy, kissy" person, and Lilith is categorically not. So when Nanny Gee gives Lilith a hug of apology, the second Mrs. Frasier Crane remains completely rigid throughout, making it look as though Nanny Gee is hugging a Lilith-shaped hat stand. Then a star-struck Woody tries to approach her with an autograph book:
--->'''Woody:''' Nanny Gee, I was wonderin' if you could-\\
'''Nanny Gee:''' Lilith, I'd really like to make this up to you.
'''Sam:''' Ah.\\
'''Woody:''' ''[sarcastically]'' -ignore me like a cheap piece of trash. Oh, you could? Thank you so very much. ''[Frasier glares at him '''Diane:''' ''(Squirms)'' I think...! ''(Sam turns to her; she shrugs)'' It's off! Of course it's off--It's ON, my apartment's on fire! ''({{Beat}}, shrugs)'' Still--\\
'''Sam:''' ''Go''--go-go-go-go....
* After she gets distracted about the upcoming letter from Madame Likhova, her ballet instructor,
and shoos him away; starts going on about her dream of being a fed up Woody hurls his autograph book away as he leaves]''
** Nanny Gee's plan
dancer:
-->'''Carla:''' Excuse me, Diane, but isn't your ''apartment'' on fire--?\\
'''Diane:''' ''OH, MY GOD''--I COMPLETELY FORGOT! ''(Bolts towards the door)'' My ''poor kitty''--! ''(Stops short)'' Wait a minute...I'm ''sure'' I turned it off...!\\
'''Carla:''' HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! ''(Wheezing cough)'' Meaaaaaaaaaaaaaaow! ''(Hangs head limp with tongue out)''\\
''(Diane bolts out of the bar)''[[note]]Diane announces later that her stove was off but she ''did'' leave the milk out, so it wasn't a ''total'' loss.[[/note]]
* Diane's ballet tape. We never actually get
to make amends: give a free concert especially for Frederick's birthday. Sam offers ''see'' the video, but the reaction by the gang at Cheers as is hysterical.
-->'''Diane:''' All my life I always wanted to dance so ''badly''.\\
'''Norm:''' ''(barely able to keep from bursting out laughing)'' Looks like you got your wish!

[[AC:513: Chambers vs. Malone]]
* When Diane rejects
a venue before they open for tearful Sam's proposal yet ''again'', he suddenly has an ImagineSpot of being led to execution on Death's Row, and is completely unrepentant, asking the day, Carla decides priest if there's any chance he'll be able to find Diane in Heaven ''to kill her AGAIN''. When he snaps out of it, he tells Diane of his dream.
-->'''Diane:''' That's silly, Sam. Massachusetts doesn't have the death penalty.\\
'''Sam:''' ''(PsychoticSmirk)'' Really?\\
''(Cue OhCrap on Diane's face as she flees saying she's heading out to campaign
to bring her twin sons Jesse and Elvis, Norm decides to bring Vera's nieces and nephews, Cliff decides to bring the children on his route (hoping the concert will make them reveal where they have hidden his car)... but Lilith, understandably, is still not happy.
--->'''Frasier:''' Darling, are you going to be okay with this?\\
'''Lilith:''' Am I going to be ''okay'' with this? Let's see... earlier today, I discovered that my husband had an ex-wife that he never told me about. Then I had the pleasure of watching him ''kiss'' said ex-wife in front of a thousand children, including his own. Then, to top
it all off, she ''hugged'' me. Can you deduce from my tone whether or not I'm going to be ''okay'' with this?\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[[[SelectiveObliviousness grins]]]'' [[Series/TheHoneymooners Baby, you're the greatest!]] ''[sweeps a startled Lilith back in his arms and gives her a BigDamnKiss]''
** The next morning, the bar is packed with children and their parents/babysitters for the free concert (before which Nanny Gee restores Woody to happiness by pretending she could see him at the concert, even though he was in the second row from the back in the second balcony; she asks Sam if Woody bought it, and Sam describes Woody as an "easy sale"). The hilarity comes from Frasier's increasing SelectiveObliviousness that Nanny Gee is ''clearly'' still infatuated with him and trying to win him back, much to Lilith's chagrin. Culminating in the two women having an all-out CatFight right in the middle of the bar.
--->'''Lilith:''' ''[as Nanny Gee's song moves on to the lyrics "The first time ever I lay with you", leaving no doubt as to its object]'' All right, that's it! ''[marches over to Nanny Gee]'' Stop the music! Leave my man alone!\\
'''Nanny Gee:''' I'm sorry, I can't help it! ''[walks up to Frasier, pushing Lilith aside]'' Frasier, I've never stopped loving you!\\
'''Lilith:''' Well, maybe this'll help! ''[jumps on Nanny Gee's back and pulls her to the floor]''\\
'''Norm, Cliff:''' CAT FIGHT! CAT FIGHT! ''[they run around from their end of the bar to watch as the fight continues; some of the other spectators - including the children - begin cheering]''\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[handing Frederick to Sam, who covers the lad's eyes]'' You know, I'm going to suffer for this tomorrow, but today, right now, this exact moment, I'm the happiest man on Earth.
** In the episode's tag, the gang discovers that Nanny Gee has left Frederick a birthday present: a singing doll modeled on herself. Trouble is, the doll's song ends with Nanny Gee giving Frasier her phone number--''repeatedly.'' First, an angry Lilith rips the doll's head off; then, when Norm, Cliff, and Woody start [[TooDumbToLive singing the number]], she chases after them and looks ready to kill.
**
back.)''
*
The episode spawned also features one of the funniest episodes of ''Frasier'', which even included a reference to summations in the episode title. Frasier tells Roz that he used sitcom.
-->'''Sam:''' ''(combination matter-of-factly and DeadpanSnarker)'' You want me
to get "big hugs" from her, but propose to you - I propose to you. You say 'no', I say 'fine, I never want to see you again'. You drive me nuts telling me you want me to propose to again, I do, you turn me down. [[EscalatingPunchline Next thing I know, I'm in a court of law where I've got to propose to you or I'll go to jail.]] [[SarcasmMode It's the last time he saw her he was getting his "weekly handshake" from Lilith.
** Crowning all this is the fact that Nanny Gee is played by none other than ''Creator/EmmaThompson''.
* "Never
classic American love story.]]

[[AC:516/517: Never
Love a Goalie":
**
Goalie]]
*
This episode has Diane in her best DeadpanSnarker form. Doubles as a SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome for her: considering all the times Carla insisted on doing this sort of thing to ''her'' over the years, Diane kinda deserves a chance for payback.
--->'''Eddie:''' -->'''Eddie:''' I just thought I'd come back and see you know, how you liked your seats.\\



** Not long after:
--->'''Eddie:''' So, you're a hockey fan, eh?\\

to:

** * Not long after:
--->'''Eddie:''' -->'''Eddie:''' So, you're a hockey fan, eh?\\



* During the PreviouslyOn recap for "Never Love a Goalie", Woody leaves this message on Sam's answering machine. Doubles as a SugarWiki/{{Heartwarming Moment|s}}. The best part: Even Sam starts snickering when Woody begins his backtracking!

to:

* During the PreviouslyOn recap for "Never Love a Goalie", Part 2, Woody leaves this message on Sam's answering machine. Doubles as a SugarWiki/{{Heartwarming Moment|s}}. The best part: Even Sam starts snickering when Woody begins his backtracking!



* Sam, when about to have sex for the first time with Diane after [[BelligerentSexualTension a long, combatative first season of]] WillTheyOrWontThey:
-->'''Sam:''' ''(to God)'' '''''She better be GREAT!'''''
** Later in the series, Norm sighs after one of Diane's actions, "I hope she's showing you one ''hell'' of a good time." Sam's grin says it all.
* "Dinner at Eight-ish":
** Frasier and Lilith have just moved in together after a few months' dating, and invite Sam and Diane over for dinner. The resulting episode is a classic box full of gems:
--->'''Sam:''' Love what you've done with the place.\\

to:

* Sam, when about to have sex for the first time with Diane after [[BelligerentSexualTension a long, combatative first season of]] WillTheyOrWontThey:
-->'''Sam:''' ''(to God)'' '''''She better be GREAT!'''''
** Later in the series, Norm sighs after one of Diane's actions, "I hope she's showing you one ''hell'' of a good time." Sam's grin says it all.
* "Dinner

[[AC:520: Dinner
at Eight-ish":
**
Eight-ish]]
*
Frasier and Lilith have just moved in together after a few months' dating, and invite Sam and Diane over for dinner. The resulting episode is a classic box full of gems:
--->'''Sam:''' -->'''Sam:''' Love what you've done with the place.\\



** Frasier's suggestion to Lilith before Sam and Diane arrive that they make "dip" their secret DoubleEntendre (which the two soon forget about) leads to a hilarious OneDialogueTwoConversations when Sam and Diane sample from the bowl of chips:
--->'''Sam:''' Say, that uh...that dip looks good.\\

to:

** * Frasier's suggestion to Lilith before Sam and Diane arrive that they make "dip" their secret DoubleEntendre (which the two soon forget about) leads to a hilarious OneDialogueTwoConversations when Sam and Diane sample from the bowl of chips:
--->'''Sam:''' -->'''Sam:''' Say, that uh...that dip looks good.\\



** Followed up by Frasier and Lilith responding to Diane toasting "your house" by singing a piano-accompanied rendition of "Our House"! The completely random burst into song is cute in itself--but when ''Diane'' [[TheCastShowoff gets up to join in the singing]] and starts ''dancing in place'' and ''snapping her fingers to the beat'', it becomes downright ''adorable''! The punchline: When Frasier and Lilith notice her antics, they stop--and poor Diane takes a couple seconds to notice, finally sitting down in embarrassment.
** It seems [[LethalChef Lilith's culinary skills leave something to be desired]]:
--->'''Lilith:''' Would anyone like some more lasagna?\\

to:

** * Followed up by Frasier and Lilith responding to Diane toasting "your house" by singing a piano-accompanied rendition of "Our House"! The completely random burst into song is cute in itself--but when ''Diane'' [[TheCastShowoff gets up to join in the singing]] and starts ''dancing in place'' and ''snapping her fingers to the beat'', it becomes downright ''adorable''! The punchline: When Frasier and Lilith notice her antics, they stop--and poor Diane takes a couple seconds to notice, finally sitting down in embarrassment.
** * It seems [[LethalChef Lilith's culinary skills leave something to be desired]]:
--->'''Lilith:''' -->'''Lilith:''' Would anyone like some more lasagna?\\



** The episode rounds off with a climax of the RunningGag of one of the quartet locking themselves in the bathroom as Lilith keeps learning new details about Frasier and Diane's romantic history. As Jill, who assisted Lilith with the cooking (but not with the "lasagna"), emerges from the kitchen and says her goodbyes, Sam recognises her yet another of his past girlfriends.
--->'''Diane:''' Why is it... ''[sighs]'' that we cannot go to one... single... solitary place in the entire city of Boston without running into some woman that you've had a fling with?\\

to:

** * The episode rounds off with a climax of the RunningGag of one of the quartet locking themselves in the bathroom as Lilith keeps learning new details about Frasier and Diane's romantic history. As Jill, who assisted Lilith with the cooking (but not with the "lasagna"), emerges from the kitchen and says her goodbyes, Sam recognises her yet another of his past girlfriends.
--->'''Diane:''' -->'''Diane:''' Why is it... ''[sighs]'' that we cannot go to one... single... solitary place in the entire city of Boston without running into some woman that you've had a fling with?\\



* Any and all of Cliff's fantasies.
-->'''Carla:''' You know what? You've got a big mouth, Clavin. ''(storms off...)''
-->'''Cliff:''' She's right, you know. Yeaah, you see, every male descendant in the Clavin family has an extra set of molars in their lower jaw. It's the only way to identify ourselves as the true heirs to the Russian throne.
-->'''Frasier:''' ''(bemused)'' Hello in there, Cliff. Tell me, what color is the sky in your world?
** Becomes even more HilariousInHindsight during a later episode of ''Series/{{Frasier}}'' wherein Frasier and Niles speculate that, because they own an ugly clock, they might be descended from the Romanov line. However, they have reason to believe that (Martin's family is from Russia, the Bear Clock is an heirloom from the Romanovs. However, that's because it was stolen by scullery maid Grandma who became a hooker in NYC and married Martin's dad.)
* "Send in the Crane":
** Frasier fills in as a party clown after the original clown, Woody, has to bow out. At the kid's party:
--->'''Rebecca:''' Binky, do your act.\\

to:


[[AC:521: Simon Says]]
* Any Every scene with Dr. Simon Finch-Royce is comedy gold, helped no end by the performance of Creator/JohnCleese, who is gloriously deadpan until the final scene, when he descends into eye-bulging fury as only John Cleese can.
** When he
and all of Cliff's fantasies.
-->'''Carla:''' You know what? You've got
Frasier meet up at Cheers, in an EstablishingCharacterMoment, Simon describes his flight over from England as "relatively crash-free". When he asks Sam for something "with hair on it", Carla seizes the opportunity to flirt with him, but leaves disappointed when he says he is happily married, noting he would have been her first Englishman - apart from a big mouth, Clavin. ''(storms off...)''
-->'''Cliff:''' She's right, you know. Yeaah, you see, every male descendant
man with such a pale complexion she "kept losing him in the Clavin family sheets". A fascinated Simon asks Frasier to "[[BatheHerAndBringHerToMe Have her scrubbed and sent to my tent.]]" Meanwhile, Norm thanks Simon for the good his books have done his marriage (they give Vera something to do in bed), and Cliff talks Simon's ear off about how Britain should feel free to call on America for help if things flare up in the Falklands again (Norm rescues Simon by telling Cliff another patron claims he knows nothing about photosynthesis).
** But it is Diane who spends the most time ingratiating herself to Simon, immmediately adopting a posh British accent around him. Sam is annoyed, saying she's acting like the Queen were her Aunt Betty.
--->'''Diane:''' ''(heavy posh accent)'' Oh, ''tosh''! What twaddle!
** She then asks Simon if he can give her and Sam a counselling session; Simon agrees, and since he doesn't come cheap, Frasier decides to make the session a wedding gift (instead of a gravy boat). As the session begins, Simon reveals that he is on his second marriage, which undermines Sam's confidence in him, but Simon explains that the tears from his first marriage allowed him more clarity of vision for his second marriage.
--->'''Diane:''' ''[impressed]'' You are the wisest man I know.\\
'''Simon:''' ''[looking at Sam; deadpan]'' High praise indeed.
** Simon asks Sam and Diane to tell him about themselves; Diane goes first, and starts ''in the womb'' and continues right up to the present. Sam stretches out on the sofa and goes to sleep, while Simon's only remark at the end is that his wife
has an extra set a skirt similar to Diane's, although he is much more interested in Sam's stories of molars women throwing themselves at him in almost every city he visited during his time with the Red Sox.[[note]]'''Sam:''' ''(looking at Diane, then whispering to Simon)'' It was ''great''![[/note]] Simon then moves on to addressing them jointly:
--->'''Simon:''' What are the keys to a successful marriage? Well, there are numerous schools of thought - er, many experts claim that the most important single ingredient in a marriage is... quickly, now.\\
'''Diane:''' Love?\\
'''Sam:''' Sex.\\
'''Simon:''' ''Honesty.'' Because from honesty springs...\\
'''Diane:''' Fidelity.\\
'''Sam:''' Sex.\\
'''Simon:''' Yes, ''trust''.\\
'''Diane:''' ''[pounds her fists in frustration]'' I was ''going'' to say that!\\
'''Simon:''' Well, those people are ''wrong''.
** The real litmus test turns out to be a pair of questions: Simon asks Sam to imagine he and Diane are on a tropical beach on
their lower jaw. It's honeymoon, and he is distracted by another attractive woman in a bikini when Diane asks "Penny for your thoughts"; does he tell her the truth? Sam initially says "no", but Diane is concerned that he wouldn't trust her, so he changes his answer to "yes". Simon then asks Diane to imagine that Sam has not performed to her satisfaction in the bedroom (Sam laughs at the idea that he couldn't perform to ''any'' woman's satisfaction) and asks her how it was; does she tell him the truth? She jokes that she never has done, but finally answers "no", as it would hurt his feelings. Simon then delivers his verdict: they should not only not get married, they should never see each other again, as they have nothing in common and there is no communication between them.
--->'''Diane:''' ''[wrapping her arms around Sam]'' What about the idea that opposites attract?\\
'''Simon:''' ''Ahhh'', the song of the ''truly'' desperate. ''[Diane looks disappointed]'' Well, take- take it from one who has observed dozens of failed marriages,
the only way to identify ourselves as thing that opposites attract is divorce. ''[he opens the true heirs to the Russian throne.
-->'''Frasier:''' ''(bemused)'' Hello in there, Cliff. Tell me,
office door]''\\
'''Sam:''' Well, don't- wait, don't go, what-
what color is the sky in your world?
shall we do?\\
'''Simon:''' Well, think yourselves lucky, I mean you found out now, saved yourselves years, perhaps decades of pain and heartache! ''[brightly]'' Cheerio! ''[leaves]''
** Becomes even more HilariousInHindsight during a later episode of ''Series/{{Frasier}}'' wherein Once Frasier and Niles speculate that, because Simon are apart, we see how much contempt they own an ugly clock, they might be descended from the Romanov line. However, they really have reason for each other; Simon calls his wife back in England and describes Frasier as a "pompous twit", "as bad as usual, if not worse", and chuckles over sticking him with a $1500 fee for the session (having deliberately ignored Frasier's hints to believe give him a discount rate). Frasier, meanwhile, calls Simon a "pretentious limey bastard" and gets revenge by repeatedly sending Sam and Diane to Simon's hotel room to persuade him to change his prognosis. Diane's first assumption is that (Martin's family Simon was merely testing her and Sam, a theory Simon is from Russia, quick to shoot down:
--->'''Diane:''' ''[as Simon opens
the Bear Clock door]'' Hello, Doctor!\\
'''Simon:''' Oh! Well, this
is an heirloom from a surprise.\\
'''Sam:''' Uh, sorry about this, we didn't catch you on
the Romanovs. However, hopper, did we?\\
'''Simon:''' ... no, but thanks for asking, come in. ''[they do]''\\
'''Diane:''' This will only take a moment. You know, you're a very clever man, it wasn't until after you left that we realised that you were merely testing our resolve. So, we stand before you now as proof we are steadfast in our devotion to one another.\\
'''Simon:''' Well,
that's because very lovely, but it wasn't a test.\\
'''Diane:''' ''[smiles]'' Oh, listen to him, Sam, it's yet another test!\\
'''Simon:''' I'm afraid I haven't made myself sufficiently clear. Erm... you two are an accident waiting to marry. ''[opens the door]''\\
'''Diane:''' ''[her smile vanishes]'' Well, you couldn't ''be'' more wrong! If you only knew the enormous obstacles we've overcome, you would know that we are destined to die in each other's arms! ''[wraps her arms around Sam]'' Because although we are very different people, our parts mesh together perfectly. We have achieved symbiosis.\\
'''Sam:''' ''[chuckles nervously]'' Well, not every time, but it's close. ''[Diane ushers him out]'' Sorry about this.\\
'''Simon:''' Aren't we all? ''[closes the door after them]''
** Diane then convinces herself that she was only saying what she thought Simon wanted to hear during the counselling session and not what she actually wanted to say (Sam has no idea what she's saying, as usual), so she drags Sam back to Simon's hotel room and interrupts his room service dinner:
--->''[Sam and Diane knock at the door just as Simon is about to take his first spoonful of soup; he walks over and opens the door]''\\
'''Simon:''' Ah, how lovely to see you again, what's it been, thirty minutes?\\
'''Diane:''' I'm sorry to barge in, I hope we're not disturbing you-\\
'''Simon:''' ''[cutting her off]'' Well, actually, I was just about to have my dinner.\\
'''Sam:''' ''[hungrily]'' Dinner?\\
'''Simon:''' Yes, I mean, er, er, I don't mean to sound rude, but I actually would like to eat it while it's hot!\\
'''Diane:''' I'm sorry, but this is simply too important to put it off. It's been preying on our minds, we really can't think of anything else, isn't that right, Sam?\\
'''Sam:''' ''[looking at the table of food]'' Yeah, right - are you gonna eat those crackers?\\
'''Simon:''' ''[impatiently]'' Yes, I am, now would you please just say whatever it is you've come to say?\\
'''Diane:''' Very well. From the moment of your pronouncement, we felt that you were wrong, and now we realise why! We gave you the wrong answers to your questions about the honeymoon. We've thought it over, and now we want to give you our real answers.\\
'''Simon:''' Yes, well, it doesn't ''matter'' what you say now, you see, I mean what ''matters'' is your ''first'' response, your gut reaction, I mean, you've had two hours to think about it now!\\
'''Diane:''' Yes - well, sometimes it takes Sam two hours to come up with his first thought.\\
'''Sam:''' ''[turns to Diane, offended]'' I- I don't- I don't appreciate that! Y'know,
it was stolen by scullery maid Grandma who became a hooker ''your'' stupid idea to come here in NYC the first place, all of a sudden he says something you don't like, and now you, you, you don't believe him anymore? ''[meanwhile, Simon dips his finger into his bowl of soup and tastes it to check its temperature]''\\
'''Diane:''' Well, he's ''wrong!'' He doesn't know what he's talking about, don't you think he's capable of making a mistake?\\
'''Simon:''' That's highly unlikely, although I did let the two of you in- excuse me, erm... ''[points toward the door]''\\
'''Sam:''' C'mon, let's get outta here, honey, I'm starved, I'm gonna go have some dinner, you wanna join me?\\
'''Simon:''' ''[as he tucks into his soup]'' Please say "yes". ''[Diane glares at him, but follows Sam out of the room]''
** For Round 4, Diane arrives with an armload of books, while Simon answers the door in a robe and shower cap:
--->'''Simon:''' ''[sarcastically]'' Ah, I wondered what was keeping you, I was beginning to get worried!\\
'''Sam:''' Did we get you out of the shower?\\
'''Simon:''' [[AskAStupidQuestion No no, no no, the, er, the soup was so hot it set off the sprinkler system.]]\\
'''Diane:''' ''[sweeps into the room]'' Sam and I have been to the library and we've done extensive research, we're here to tell you that ''you'' are full of rubbish!\\
'''Simon:''' How thoughtful. Most people would only have phoned. ''[closes the door]''\\
'''Diane:''' ''[opening a book]'' Now. If you'll just examine the parts that I have marked-\\
'''Simon:''' Look, I, I think I've shown remarkable restraint so far, but I ''have'' had just about enough of this. Now I've ''said'' that you are ''not'' compatible, and you have done ''nothing'' to show me otherwise.\\
'''Diane:''' ''[close to tears of hysteria]'' Look, I don't know what we're supposed to do, or what we're supposed to say, but we're ''here'', fighting for our lives together, now doesn't that count for something!?\\
'''Simon:''' ''No.''\\
'''Diane:''' ''[long pause]'' Why not?\\
'''Simon:''' Well, let me answer you this way. Sam, do you really want to be here?\\
'''Sam:''' No.\\
'''Diane:''' ''[whining]'' Oh, what do you mean "no"!?\\
'''Sam:''' I, I mean "no", I mean I don't want to be here, I mean this whole thing was ''your'' stupid idea, what do- what do we care if this guy doesn't think we should get married? ''[Simon opens the door to his suite again]'' Nobody we know thinks we should get married, we don't go bugging them in the middle of the night, do we!? ''[Simon walks back to the table and picks up the stack of books Diane brought with her]''\\
'''Diane:''' ''[sighs]'' All right. What do you suggest we do?\\
'''Sam:''' ''Nothing.''\\
'''Diane:''' ''[as Simon taps Sam on the shoulder and points toward the door]'' Ugh! That's your solution to everything, '''nothing!''' ''[Sam takes Diane's elbow and leads her to the door]'' Is that what you're going to do for the rest of your life, nothing?!\\
'''Sam:''' ''[taking the books from Simon]'' I haven't decided yet.\\
'''Simon:''' ''[closes the door after them, then takes a deep breath]'' I've grown to hate them.
** Finally, it's game, set, and match to Frasier as Sam and Diane return yet again, this time getting Simon out of bed and [[RageBreakingPoint driving him over the brink of insanity]]:
--->'''Simon:''' ''[opening the door to see Sam and Diane]'' That's it, I've died and gone to Hell.\\
'''Diane:''' ''[as she and Sam enter the room]'' Doctor, there's one thing you haven't considered-\\
'''Simon:''' ''[slams the door]'' Right. All right. Okay. Erm... Sam, Diane, you two... are... ''perfect'' together. I'm sorry I made a mistake, but I now see that you are the most ''perfectly'' matched couple on the face of the Earth. But why- why am I telling you this? ''[running to the window]'' Let's - let's share it with the rest of the world, shall we? ''[opens the window]'' HEAR THIS, WORLD! THE REST OF YOU CAN STOP GETTING MARRIED NOW! IT'S BEEN DONE TO PERFECTION! ''[turns away from the window and gestures to the furniture]'' '''Envy''' them, sofa, '''envy''' them, chair, for you shall never be as cosy as they, for '''I''' guarantee that their marriage will be a total, ''epoch''-shattering success, and '''''I stake my LIFE on it!''''' Wait, let- let me put that on record. ''[picks up a mini-cassette recorder and presses Record]'' I, Dr. Simon Finch-Royce, being of sound mind, declare that Sam and Diane shall be together throughout all eternity, and '''if''' I am wrong, I hereby promise that I will take my own life, in the most '''disgusting manner''' possible! ''[presses Stop, then tries to press Eject]'' Here, take the tape- no no, no, no, no, take the whole machine, it's my wedding gift! To you! The most ''perfect couple '''since the DAWN OF TIME!!'''''\\
''[long pause; Sam looks hugely uncomfortable while Diane absorbs Simon's words... then turns to Sam with a triumphant smile]''\\
'''Diane:''' [[SarcasmBlind See?]] ''[Sam is dumbfounded; Simon closes his eyes in utter despair]''\\
''[SmashToBlack. Roll Credits. Play Theme Music.]''
** And for those wondering, yes, John Cleese won the Emmy that year for his performance in this episode. Ken Levine related [[http://kenlevine.blogspot.com/2010/11/why-john-cleese-never-appeared-on.html Cleese's character was to return in "The Visiting Lecher"]], but had to bow out last minute, and they had to use [=John McMartin=] as an {{Expy}} character.

[[AC:526: I Do, Adieu]]
* In an ImagineSpot, Sam pictures himself and Diane happily
married Martin's dad.)
and long since retired. The phone rings, and he answers it. He listens to the person on the other end, and then shouts into the phone:
-->'''Sam:''' I don't know why, Carla--because I love her, okay?!? ''[hangs up]''
* "Send Sam and Diane's "almost" wedding: shot from over the minister's shoulder, showing all the money being passed around behind Sam and Diane to pay off bets whether they would or not.
* The famous "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SWjOiNx-WXk alternate ending]]" of the wedding, when TheyDo. Leave it to Sam and Diane to have the "I Dos" come out of an argument.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Season 6]]
[[AC:602: 'I' on Sports]]
* Sam tries to appeal to younger viewers. This being the 1980s, this naturally means he attempts a [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vg9ruee3Vos rap song]]. The funniest part? Woody loves it.
-->Time to rap about a contr-o-versy,\\
Gonna take a stand, won't show no mercy,\\
Lotta folks says jocks shouldn't be,\\
Doing the sports news on TV,\\
But I don't want to get the latest scores,\\
From a buncha broadcast ''({{beat}})'' school boys,\\
So get your scores from a guy like me,\\
Who knows what it's like to have a groin in-jur-y,\\
G-g-g, groin-n, in-in-in, groin, in-in, groin in-jur-y
* Of course, Sam takes the badness UpToEleven by ''bringing a ventriloquist dummy'' on his [[http://youtu.be/QxaQ9cKYQXo?t=2m25s next outing]]. It's so bad, Carla exclaims, "Oh. My. God." and Rebecca mutters, "If either of them mention the bar, I'm ''suing''." The look on co-anchor Joanne's face is priceless.

[[AC:603/604: Little Carla, Happy at Last]]
* Eddie [=LeBec=] discovers Carla's pregnant with twins: "This is the happiest night of my life!"
-->'''Sam''': You know, [[DoubleEntendre I had twins once]]. [[TwinThreesomeFantasy It was the happiest night of my life too.]]
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Season 7]]
[[AC:702: Swear to God]]
* Frasier tells Sam how he dealt with sexual frustration as a teen: [[{{NoodleIncident}} building a full-sized submarine
in the Crane":
**
basement.]] One has to wonder how [[{{Series/Frasier}} Marty, Hester, and Niles]] reacted to ''that''. For bonus points, this is never brought up at any point on ''Frasier''.

[[AC:709: Send in the Crane]]
*
Frasier fills in as a party clown after the original clown, Woody, has to bow out. At the kid's party:
--->'''Rebecca:''' -->'''Rebecca:''' Binky, do your act.\\



** Unbeknownst to Frasier, the handkerchief in his pocket makes his pants drop. Rebecca thinks he is still wearing skimpy French underwear, but Frasier reveals he ditched them and is actually going ''commando'' in the clown pants. Naturally, since he does such a good job, the GrandDame of the family wants to thank him for his performance. She sneezes, and Frasier reaches for his handkerchief. Cut to black, with the sound of a woman ''screaming''.
* Frasier's ''intense'' SeriousBusiness reaction to "Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer", especially how ''certain'' he is that [[NoEndorHolocaust the story ends badly for Rudolph after the song ends.]] Add to that the strong implication that he's deviating into his own life experience....
* In "Thanksgiving Orphans", Sam's reason for arriving at the gang's party instead of his planned date. As Sam puts it, "Her sister showed up, and they didn't like my idea". It actually takes a couple of [[{{Beat}} beats]] before the StudioAudience bursts out laughing--it takes that long before they (and we) realize [[AThreesomeIsHot exactly what he's talking about.]]

to:

** * Unbeknownst to Frasier, the handkerchief in his pocket makes his pants drop. Rebecca thinks he is still wearing skimpy French underwear, but Frasier reveals he ditched them and is actually going ''commando'' in the clown pants. Naturally, since he does such a good job, the GrandDame of the family wants to thank him for his performance. She sneezes, and Frasier reaches for his handkerchief. Cut to black, with the sound of a woman ''screaming''.
* Frasier's ''intense'' SeriousBusiness reaction to "Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer", especially how ''certain'' he is that [[NoEndorHolocaust the story ends badly for Rudolph after the song ends.]] Add to that the strong implication that he's deviating into his own life experience....
* In "Thanksgiving Orphans", Sam's reason for arriving at the gang's party instead of his planned date. As Sam puts it, "Her sister showed up, and they didn't like my idea". It actually takes a couple of [[{{Beat}} beats]] before the StudioAudience bursts out laughing--it takes that long before they (and we) realize [[AThreesomeIsHot exactly what he's talking about.]]
''screaming''.

[[AC:712: Please Mr. Postman]]



* "Chambers Vs. Malone":
** When Diane rejects a tearful Sam's proposal yet ''again'', he suddenly has an ImagineSpot of being led to execution on Death's Row, and is completely unrepentant, asking the priest if there's any chance he'll be able to find Diane in Heaven ''to kill her AGAIN''. When he snaps out of it, he tells Diane of his dream.
--->'''Diane:''' That's silly, Sam. Massachusetts doesn't have the death penalty.\\
'''Sam:''' ''(PsychoticSmirk)'' Really?\\
''(Cue OhCrap on Diane's face as she flees saying she's heading out to campaign to bring it back.)''
** The episode also features one of the funniest summations in the sitcom.
--->'''Sam:''' ''(combination matter-of-factly and DeadpanSnarker)'' You want me to propose to you - I propose to you. You say 'no', I say 'fine, I never want to see you again'. You drive me nuts telling me you want me to propose to again, I do, you turn me down. [[EscalatingPunchline Next thing I know, I'm in a court of law where I've got to propose to you or I'll go to jail.]] [[SarcasmMode It's the classic American love story.]]
* A few gems came from the old barfly Al, whose first appearance had him insisting that the "biggest bigwig of them all" was [[Music/FrankSinatra Sinatra]]. And in the very first "Bar Wars", Sam and Carla head to Gary's Olde Towne Tavern to apologize, only to find Al there. Carla questions why he isn't there, and he exclaims "Holy mackerel, this isn't Cheers?!"
* This little exchange from the first episode:
-->'''Coach:''' ''[Answering the phone]'' Is there an Ernie Pantuso here?\\
'''Sam:''' That's you, Coach.\\
'''Coach:''' ''[Into the phone]'' Speaking.
* After Norm gets in trouble with the law for filling in for Cliff on his mail route and Cliff is hesitant to come clean about it:
-->'''Cliff''': All right, look, I'll call and see what the penalty is, but it's got to be anonymous.\\
'''Coach''': [''to everyone in the bar''] OK, everybody in favor of Cliff calling, raise your hand. [''everyone in the bar raises his/her hand''] It's [[{{Malaproper}} anonymous]].
* Frasier drops his professionalism during one afternoon in Cheers:
-->'''Woody:''' Hey, how's it going, Dr. Crane?\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, the usual. The crying, the tantrums, the bedwetting.\\
'''Woody:''' Yeah, that's fatherhood.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[sighs]'' No, that's my therapy group. Whatta buncha losers.

to:

* "Chambers Vs. Malone":
** When Diane rejects a tearful Sam's proposal yet ''again'', he suddenly has an ImagineSpot of being led to execution on Death's Row, and is completely unrepentant, asking the priest if there's any chance he'll be able to find Diane in Heaven ''to kill her AGAIN''. When he snaps out of it, he tells Diane of his dream.
--->'''Diane:''' That's silly, Sam. Massachusetts doesn't have the death penalty.\\
'''Sam:''' ''(PsychoticSmirk)'' Really?\\
''(Cue OhCrap on Diane's face as she flees saying she's heading out to campaign to bring it back.)''
**
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Season 8]]
[[AC:806:
The episode also features one of the funniest summations in the sitcom.
--->'''Sam:''' ''(combination matter-of-factly and DeadpanSnarker)'' You want me to propose to you - I propose to you. You say 'no', I say 'fine, I never want to see you again'. You drive me nuts telling me you want me to propose to again, I do, you turn me down. [[EscalatingPunchline Next thing I know, I'm in
Stork Brings a court of law where I've got to propose to you or I'll go to jail.]] [[SarcasmMode It's the classic American love story.]]
* A few gems came from the old barfly Al, whose first appearance had him insisting that the "biggest bigwig of them all" was [[Music/FrankSinatra Sinatra]]. And in the very first "Bar Wars", Sam and Carla head to Gary's Olde Towne Tavern to apologize, only to find Al there. Carla questions why he isn't there, and he exclaims "Holy mackerel, this isn't Cheers?!"
* This little exchange from the first episode:
-->'''Coach:''' ''[Answering the phone]'' Is there an Ernie Pantuso here?\\
'''Sam:''' That's you, Coach.\\
'''Coach:''' ''[Into the phone]'' Speaking.
* After Norm gets in trouble with the law for filling in for Cliff on his mail route and Cliff is hesitant to come clean about it:
-->'''Cliff''': All right, look, I'll call and see what the penalty is, but it's got to be anonymous.\\
'''Coach''': [''to everyone in the bar''] OK, everybody in favor of Cliff calling, raise your hand. [''everyone in the bar raises his/her hand''] It's [[{{Malaproper}} anonymous]].
* Frasier drops his professionalism during one afternoon in Cheers:
-->'''Woody:''' Hey, how's it going, Dr. Crane?\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, the usual. The crying, the tantrums, the bedwetting.\\
'''Woody:''' Yeah, that's fatherhood.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[sighs]'' No, that's my therapy group. Whatta buncha losers.
Crane]]



* In "Veggie Boyd", Woody has a personal crisis when he actually drinks a sample of Veggie Boy, the vegetable drink for which he appeared in a commercial; contrary to his proclamation of "I like it!" on television, he finds it repulsive and struggles to deal with having lied for the camera.

to:


[[AC:814: What is... Cliff Clavin?]]
* In "Veggie Boyd", TheTeaser, a guy enters the bar for the first time in 20 years and talks to Woody about how everything is different, ending in this gem:
-->'''Patron:''' I guess everything changes in 20 years. They've even changed the panelling.\\
'''Woody:''' Where?\\
'''Patron:''' Over there, behind Norm.
* The episode climaxes with Cliff's ''Series/{{Jeopardy}}'' appearance, as he blows a $22,000 lead by wagering everything he has won on the Final Jeopardy answer "[[Creator/CaryGrant Archibald Leach]], [[Creator/TonyCurtis Bernard Schwartz]], [[Creator/JoanCrawford Lucille LaSueur]]"... and stumbling his way to the question "Who are three people who have never been in my kitchen?"
-->'''Cliff:''' Wait a minute, Alex. I can offer conclusive proof that those three people have never been in my kitchen.

[[AC:820: 50-50 Carla]]
* Woody gets a part in the play ''Hair'' - only to learn part of it traditionally involves being naked on-stage. Throughout the episode, he's nervous over the prospect and tries to muster the courage to do it. Later after the first performance, an embarrassed Woody returns to the bar. He did get naked on-stage - even ripping his clothes right off. However, the director stated no one needed to take their clothes off if they didn't want to - and no one else did.
-->'''Woody:''' As if that wasn't bad enough, I heard this high-pitched scream from the audience: "Hey look, he's the only one who's naked!"\\
'''Norm:''' Sorry, Woody. It took me by surprise.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Season 9]]
[[AC:904: Where Nobody Knows Your Name]]
* TheTeaser has one of Frasier's funniest moments of {{Deadpan Snark|er}}:
-->'''Cliff:''' ''[returning from the restroom]'' Anybody seen my gum? I left it around here somewhere.\\
'''Norm:''' What'cha take your gum out for?\\
'''Cliff:''' Eh, give my mouth a rest.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[absorbs this, then writes on a pad]'' "Dear Diary: Today it finally happened."

[[AC:907: Breaking in is Hard to Do]]
* Lilith becomes frustrated when it seems that Frasier is a better parent then her...only to discover that Frasier's "intellectually stimulating" activity has been bringing baby Frederick to Cheers. She takes him to task, claiming that it's impossible for a baby to learn to speak in such an environment...
--> '''Norm:''' ''(entering)'' Afternoon, everybody!
--> '''Frederick:''' [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4L_vWpTAra8 NORM!]]
--> ''(All do a double-take...including Norm.)''
--> '''Lilith:''' ''(happy gasp)'' He said ''[[SelfServingMemory "Mommy!"]]''

[[AC:910: Bad Neighbor Sam]]
* Sam's complete breakdown during the last act.

[[AC:911: Veggie-Boyd]]
*
Woody has a personal crisis when he actually drinks a sample of Veggie Boy, the vegetable drink for which he appeared in a commercial; contrary to his proclamation of "I like it!" on television, he finds it repulsive and struggles to deal with having lied for the camera.



* "From Beer to Eternity":
** This episode marks the first depiction of the rivalry between Cheers and Gary's Olde Towne Tavern as they play each other at bowling. It emerges that Woody is a talented bowler but did not try out for the Cheers team after an incident back in Hanover in which a stray pin hit a bowling alley maintenance worker in the head and, Woody implies, caused permanent brain damage. Sam tries to persuade him just the same:
--->'''Sam:''' C'mon, Woody! Lis- listen, man, I've never begged for ''anything'' in my life!\\
'''Diane:''' ''[clears her throat loudly]''\\
'''Sam:''' That I actually enjoyed once I got it.
** At the bowling alley, Norm, who is only present as a spectator rather than a bowler, decides to get a beer and heads into the alley's bar, the Riviera Room. To Sam's surprise, a familiar cry issues forth as Norm disappears through the door:
--->'''Riviera Room patrons:''' NORM!\\
'''Sam:''' How the hell'd they know him here?\\
'''Cliff:''' He's got a life, you know!
* "Bar Wars VI: This Time It's for Real":
** Gary's Olde Towne Tavern is under new ownership, and the Cheers gang "initiate" the new owner by toilet papering the exterior of the bar and soaping the windows with "[[AC:Regards from your friends at Cheers]]". However, after the front door of Cheers literally explodes off its hinges, the police tell Sam and co. that the new owner is mobster Frank "The Angel of Death" Carpaccio - whom the police allow to do as he pleases out of fear. The Cheers gang begin speculating on how he might get revenge on them, until Frasier tries to act as a voice of reason:
--->'''Frasier:''' If I may interject, I think you've all seen too many ''[[Film/TheGodfather Godfather]]'' movies!\\

to:


[[AC:912: Honor Thy Mother]]
* "From Beer to Eternity":
**
This exchange:
-->'''Frasier:''' Carla, death is an earthly scientific passage predicted by either massive physical injury or progressive bodily deterioration. There is as little validity in a supposed death dream as there is in the clichéd image of death itself as a grim bloodless ghoul whose bony finger reaches out to tap you on the shoulder when your number's up.\\
-->'''Lilith:''' ''(silently comes up behind him and taps him on the shoulder)'' Frasier, it's time to go.\\
-->'''Frasier:''' AAAAH!

[[AC:916: The Days of Wine and Neuroses]]
* The
episode marks begins with most of the regulars complaining about the jukebox being taken out for repairs and how its replacement, a karaoke machine, is not something they could ever imagine using. Frasier spends the entire scene loudly protesting that they never used the jukebox in the first depiction of place.
* Once
the rivalry karaoke machine arrives, [[ThoseTwoGuys Norm and Cliff]] singing "Lollipop" turns into a RunningGag. The hilarity is dialled UpToEleven when they sing it after having inhaled helium.

[[AC:918: I'm Getting My Act Together and Sticking it in Your Face]]
* The RunningGag of Frasier's "adaptations" of Dickens novels.
** Things start at a low ebb when he compares Rebecca - still in her wedding dress after abandoning her plans to marry Robin Colcord - to Miss Havisham from ''Literature/GreatExpectations''. When no-one gets the reference, he throws out the names Pip, Miss Havisham, Magwitch... and then gets their interest with [[Franchise/TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles "four pizza-loving turtles who practise martial arts in the sewer."]]
** When Frasier's attempt to draw another parallel
between Cheers and Gary's Olde Towne Tavern as they play each other at bowling. It emerges that Woody is a talented bowler but did not try letting Rebecca borrow his clothes and car so that she can go out for the Cheers team after an incident and get her life back together (not anticipating this would involve her flying to San Diego) and Sydney Carton's sacrifice in Hanover in which a stray pin hit a bowling alley maintenance worker in ''Literature/ATaleOfTwoCities'' falls on similarly clueless ears, he decides to read aloud from his newly purchased first edition to the head and, Woody implies, caused permanent brain damage. Sam tries to persuade him just bar. He reads off the same:
--->'''Sam:''' C'mon, Woody! Lis- listen, man,
famous opening lines, and everyone gradually loses interest...until he throws in an interesting twist that comes from Stephen King's ''Literature/{{IT}}.''
--->'''Frasier:''' And there was...a BLOODTHIRSTY CLOWN! Who lured little children down into the sewers and SWALLOWED THEM WHOLE!
** His attempt to create interest in ''Literature/DavidCopperfield'' involves talking about two coppers, a field and bodily dismemberment.
** By the time Lilith arrives, she is delighted to hear that Frasier appears to have stoked bar interest in Dickens - until Norm announces that they're all waiting to hear the story of ''Literature/OliverTwist: The Wrath of Fagin''.
--->'''Lilith:''' ... excuse me?\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[embarrassed pause]'' Darling...
I've never begged for ''anything'' done some things the past few weeks that... I'm not very proud of.
** Frasier gets the last word of the episode after the A-plot reaches a denoument of... well, Frasier himself puts it best:
--->'''Frasier:''' Y'know,
in the space of the last 30 seconds, we have witnessed deceit, sexual turmoil and sudden senseless violence. It puts me in mind of a passage from... ''Literature/ThePickwickPapers''.

[[AC:920: Crash of the Titans]]
* Rebecca is trying to buy the bar from Sam. Meanwhile, the bar is out of vermouth and Sam keeps dropping hints.
-->'''Rebecca:''' I'm prepared to offer you $25,000 in cash.
-->'''Sam:''' How about $15,000 in cash and $10,000 in '''''VERMOUTH'''''?

[[AC:925: Rat Girl]]
* Frasier drops his professionalism during one afternoon in Cheers:
-->'''Woody:''' Hey, how's it going, Dr. Crane?\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, the usual. The crying, the tantrums, the bedwetting.\\
'''Woody:''' Yeah, that's fatherhood.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[sighs]'' No, that's
my life!\\
'''Diane:''' ''[clears
therapy group. Whatta buncha losers.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Season 10]]
[[AC:1016: One Hugs, the Other Doesn't]]
* For Frederick Crane's second birthday, Sam gets four tickets to see nationally popular children's singer [[Creator/EmmaThompson Nanny Gee]] (who also counts Woody among
her throat loudly]''\\
most devoted fans). Frasier couldn't be less interested in the concert - until he wonders why Nanny Gee looks familiar...
-->'''Frasier:''' I ''know'' I've seen her before... ''[sighs]'' I ''hate'' it when this happens!\\
'''Lilith:''' Frasier, please be quiet, I'm trying to hear the lyrics. ''[Frasier gives Lilith a sceptical look; Nanny Gee continues singing]''\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh my God, I know who she is... that's Nanette Guzman!\\
'''Sam:''' That I actually enjoyed once I got it.
** At the bowling alley, Norm,
Who?\\
'''Frasier:''' My first wife!\\
'''Lilith:''' WHO??
* Frasier tries to placate Lilith -
who is understandably angry to learn that ''she'' isn't Frasier's first wife - by saying that their marriage was a silly mistake that only present lasted a few months, and he is sure Nanny Gee wouldn't know him from Adam if they met on the street; meanwhile, Nanny Gee is going out into the audience, singing a song about wanting to shake hands with new friends - and quickly proves Frasier wrong about how little she remembers him by dropping her microphone in shock at seeing him for the first time in well over a decade, then giving him a BigDamnKiss.
-->'''Sam:''' ''[to Nanny Gee]'' Don't you wanna shake my hand?
* Later that day at Cheers, Lilith is still furious (inasmuch as she ever displays fury or any other emotion) over the discovery that she is not Frasier's first wife - and over his real first wife kissing him in front of an audience of thousands of children.
-->'''Lilith:''' So Frasier was married to that... oh, how would one describe her... ''bitch''. Never even told me about her. Well, if that's what he wants, he can have it. ''[singing mockingly]'' "I wanna shake your hand... snatch you bald... I wanna scratch your eyes out..." ''[gets up and heads to the ladies' room]'' "I wanna drain your blood and replace it with a mercuric chloride, formaldehyde, and alcohol solution..." ''[laughs maniacally, until she notices Norm, Carla, and Cliff staring at her]'' You had to be there.\\
'''Carla:''' Boy. I've never seen this side of Lilith before. ''[smirks]'' I like it!
* Having already (unsuccessfully) apologised to Lilith himself, Frasier brings Nanny Gee to Cheers to do likewise. The reason for the episode's title becomes clear, as Nanny Gee is a self-described "huggy, kissy" person, and Lilith is categorically not. So when Nanny Gee gives Lilith a hug of apology, the second Mrs. Frasier Crane remains completely rigid throughout, making it look as though Nanny Gee is hugging a Lilith-shaped hat stand. Then a star-struck Woody tries to approach her with an autograph book:
-->'''Woody:''' Nanny Gee, I was wonderin' if you could-\\
'''Nanny Gee:''' Lilith, I'd really like to make this up to you.\\
'''Woody:''' ''[sarcastically]'' -ignore me like a cheap piece of trash. Oh, you could? Thank you so very much. ''[Frasier glares at him and shoos him away; a fed up Woody hurls his autograph book away as he leaves]''
* Nanny Gee's plan to make amends: give a free concert especially for Frederick's birthday. Sam offers Cheers
as a spectator rather than a bowler, venue before they open for the day, Carla decides to get a beer bring her twin sons Jesse and heads into the alley's bar, the Riviera Room. To Sam's surprise, a familiar cry issues forth as Elvis, Norm disappears through decides to bring Vera's nieces and nephews, Cliff decides to bring the door:
--->'''Riviera Room patrons:''' NORM!\\
'''Sam:''' How
children on his route (hoping the hell'd concert will make them reveal where they know have hidden his car)... but Lilith, understandably, is still not happy.
-->'''Frasier:''' Darling, are you going to be okay with this?\\
'''Lilith:''' Am I going to be ''okay'' with this? Let's see... earlier today, I discovered that my husband had an ex-wife that he never told me about. Then I had the pleasure of watching
him here?\\
''kiss'' said ex-wife in front of a thousand children, including his own. Then, to top it all off, she ''hugged'' me. Can you deduce from my tone whether or not I'm going to be ''okay'' with this?\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[[[SelectiveObliviousness grins]]]'' [[Series/TheHoneymooners Baby, you're the greatest!]] ''[sweeps a startled Lilith back in his arms and gives her a BigDamnKiss]''
* The next morning, the bar is packed with children and their parents/babysitters for the free concert (before which Nanny Gee restores Woody to happiness by pretending she could see him at the concert, even though he was in the second row from the back in the second balcony; she asks Sam if Woody bought it, and Sam describes Woody as an "easy sale"). The hilarity comes from Frasier's increasing SelectiveObliviousness that Nanny Gee is ''clearly'' still infatuated with him and trying to win him back, much to Lilith's chagrin. Culminating in the two women having an all-out CatFight right in the middle of the bar.
-->'''Lilith:''' ''[as Nanny Gee's song moves on to the lyrics "The first time ever I lay with you", leaving no doubt as to its object]'' All right, that's it! ''[marches over to Nanny Gee]'' Stop the music! Leave my man alone!\\
'''Nanny Gee:''' I'm sorry, I can't help it! ''[walks up to Frasier, pushing Lilith aside]'' Frasier, I've never stopped loving you!\\
'''Lilith:''' Well, maybe this'll help! ''[jumps on Nanny Gee's back and pulls her to the floor]''\\
'''Norm, Cliff:''' CAT FIGHT! CAT FIGHT! ''[they run around from their end of the bar to watch as the fight continues; some of the other spectators - including the children - begin cheering]''\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[handing Frederick to Sam, who covers the lad's eyes]'' You know, I'm going to suffer for this tomorrow, but today, right now, this exact moment, I'm the happiest man on Earth.
* In the episode's tag, the gang discovers that Nanny Gee has left Frederick a birthday present: a singing doll modeled on herself. Trouble is, the doll's song ends with Nanny Gee giving Frasier her phone number--''repeatedly.'' First, an angry Lilith rips the doll's head off; then, when Norm, Cliff, and Woody start [[TooDumbToLive singing the number]], she chases after them and looks ready to kill.
* The episode spawned one of the funniest episodes of ''Frasier'', which even included a reference to the episode title. Frasier tells Roz that he used to get "big hugs" from her, but the last time he saw her he was getting his "weekly handshake" from Lilith.
* Crowning all this is the fact that Nanny Gee is played by none other than ''Creator/EmmaThompson''.

[[AC:1019: Rich Man, Wood Man]]
* Cliff and Norm discussing WesternAnimation/CasperTheFriendlyGhost:
-->'''Norm:''' I don't get it. Start of the cartoon, Casper has no friends. End of the cartoon, he has friends. Start of the next cartoon, he has no friends again. What happened?\\
'''Cliff:''' He's got a life, you know!
* "Bar
I think it's obvious what happened. Casper was quenching his thirst for blood.

[[AC:1023: Bar
Wars VI: This Time It's for Real":
**
Real]]
*
Gary's Olde Towne Tavern is under new ownership, and the Cheers gang "initiate" the new owner by toilet papering the exterior of the bar and soaping the windows with "[[AC:Regards from your friends at Cheers]]". However, after the front door of Cheers literally explodes off its hinges, the police tell Sam and co. that the new owner is mobster Frank "The Angel of Death" Carpaccio - whom the police allow to do as he pleases out of fear. The Cheers gang begin speculating on how he might get revenge on them, until Frasier tries to act as a voice of reason:
--->'''Frasier:''' -->'''Frasier:''' If I may interject, I think you've all seen too many ''[[Film/TheGodfather Godfather]]'' movies!\\



** Convinced they're being strung along, Sam, Woody, Carla, Norm, and Cliff go over to Gary's to "apologise". As they enter, the crowd of Gary's regulars shouts "NORM!"
--->'''Cliff:''' How do they know you in here!?\\

to:

** * Convinced they're being strung along, Sam, Woody, Carla, Norm, and Cliff go over to Gary's to "apologise". As they enter, the crowd of Gary's regulars shouts "NORM!"
--->'''Cliff:''' -->'''Cliff:''' How do they know you in here!?\\



** The "apology" involves setting off the fire alarm and the sprinkler system, then opening umbrellas and dancing to "Singin' in the Rain" as they depart; Carpaccio shouts death threats against them and everyone they know as they leave. The next day, two FBI agents show up and reveal that they recorded the conversation as part of their case against Carpaccio, and the lives of the five pranksters are in danger. They are told to go into witness protection, but Sam refuses to leave the bar. Eventually, Norm, Cliff, Carla, and Woody are dropped off at a bus stop 200 miles from anywhere in North Dakota, and the payphone rings - it's Sam, with a revelation...
--->'''Sam:''' Hey, listen, honey, you remember, uh, [[ContinuityNod last Hallowe'en]] when you guys pulled that ''hilarious'' stunt on me, makin' me think that Gary was dead and that I was responsible for it?\\

to:

** * The "apology" involves setting off the fire alarm and the sprinkler system, then opening umbrellas and dancing to "Singin' in the Rain" as they depart; Carpaccio shouts death threats against them and everyone they know as they leave. The next day, two FBI agents show up and reveal that they recorded the conversation as part of their case against Carpaccio, and the lives of the five pranksters are in danger. They are told to go into witness protection, but Sam refuses to leave the bar. Eventually, Norm, Cliff, Carla, and Woody are dropped off at a bus stop 200 miles from anywhere in North Dakota, and the payphone rings - it's Sam, with a revelation...
--->'''Sam:''' -->'''Sam:''' Hey, listen, honey, you remember, uh, [[ContinuityNod last Hallowe'en]] when you guys pulled that ''hilarious'' stunt on me, makin' me think that Gary was dead and that I was responsible for it?\\



* TheTeaser of "Where Nobody Knows Your Name" has one of Frasier's funniest moments of {{Deadpan Snark|er}}:
-->'''Cliff:''' ''[returning from the restroom]'' Anybody seen my gum? I left it around here somewhere.\\
'''Norm:''' What'cha take your gum out for?\\
'''Cliff:''' Eh, give my mouth a rest.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[absorbs this, then writes on a pad]'' "Dear Diary: Today it finally happened."
* At one point in "Swear to God", Frasier tells Sam how he dealt with sexual frustration as a teen: [[{{NoodleIncident}} building a full-sized submarine in the basement.]] One has to wonder how [[{{Series/Frasier}} Marty, Hester, and Niles]] reacted to ''that''. For bonus points, this is never brought up at any point on ''Frasier''.
* In "Norm's Big Audit" Vera calls the bar, and Norm doesn't want to talk to her. Rebecca tells Vera that Norm isn't here, and Vera says that it's an emergency, so Norm reluctantly agrees. So everybody has to pretend like Norm just arrived, doing the traditional OnceAnEpisode "Norm enters" ritual:

to:

[[/folder]]

[[folder:Season 11]]
[[AC:1105: Do Not Forsake Me, O My Postman]]
* TheTeaser of "Where Nobody Knows Your Name" has one of On Cliff getting his sometime girlfriend and fellow postal worker Maggie O'Keefe pregnant:
-->'''Paul:''' So, you're gonna have a baby. Are you going to go through Lamaze, or is the baby [[Franchise/{{Alien}} just going to burst through her chest?]]
* Also
Frasier's funniest moments of {{Deadpan Snark|er}}:
-->'''Cliff:''' ''[returning
take:
-->'''Frasier:''' Well,
from our "Things You Never Thought You'd Hear" category: That woman is carrying Cliff's child.
* The B plot has Cheers' hilarious advertising jingle, sung to "Old [=McDonald=]": "Beer and pretzels, that's our name: C-H-E-R-S!" Double points for having jingle writer Sy Flembeck be played by John Mahoney, who went on to play Series/{{Frasier}}'s father. Triple for having him change to be sung to "Mary Had a Little Lamb" - still with
the restroom]'' Anybody seen my gum? I left bar's name spelled "C-H-E-R-S".
* It turns out that ''all'' of Flembeck's ad jingles are to the tune of "Old [=McDonald=]", as
it around here somewhere.gets the tunes stuck in listeners' heads - as Rebecca discovers after she throws Flembeck out of Cheers:
-->'''Rebecca:''' What a ''hack''. You know, I- I should have known it the first time I heard that ''stupid'' Fred's Tune-ups song.
\\
'''Norm:''' What'cha take your gum out for?\\
'''Cliff:''' Eh, give
'''First patron:''' ''[turning around from a nearby table]'' Thanks a lot, lady, now I'm gonna have that stupid jingle stuck in my mouth a rest.head all night.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[absorbs this, then writes on a pad]'' "Dear Diary: Today it finally happened."
* At one point in "Swear to God", Frasier tells Sam how he dealt
'''Second patron:''' ''[sitting at the table with sexual frustration as a teen: [[{{NoodleIncident}} building a full-sized submarine in the basement.]] One has first patron]'' What stupid jingle?\\
'''First patron:''' You know the one. ''[sings
to wonder how [[{{Series/Frasier}} Marty, Hester, and Niles]] reacted to ''that''. For bonus points, this is never brought up at the tune of "Old [=McDonald=]"]'' "Tune-ups, tune-ups, that's our game, F-R-E-D-S!"\\
'''Second patron:''' You know, I could use a tune-up, are they
any point on ''Frasier''.
* In "Norm's
good?\\
'''First patron:''' You heard the song, tune-ups are their game.\\
'''Second patron:''' Well, where are they located?\\
'''First patron:''' ''[singing to "Old [=McDonald=]" again]'' "Fourteen-thirteen Burlingame, F-R-E-D-S!"\\
'''Rebecca:''' ''[runs out of the bar]'' SY! SY, WAIT A MINUTE!

[[AC:1112: Norm's
Big Audit" Audit]]
*
Vera calls the bar, and Norm doesn't want to talk to her. Rebecca tells Vera that Norm isn't here, and Vera says that it's an emergency, so Norm reluctantly agrees. So everybody has to pretend like Norm just arrived, doing the traditional OnceAnEpisode "Norm enters" ritual:


Added DiffLines:


[[AC:1118: The Last Picture Show]]
* Norm, Cliff, Woody, and Frasier go to see a ''Franchise/{{Godzilla}}'' marathon at a drive-in before it closes permanently, and an observation that one of the actresses in the recurring cast left while the series was still commercially successful sets up a great moment of RealitySubtext coupled with a TakeThat aimed at Creator/ShelleyLong: "Why would an actress leave in the middle of a successful series?" Which was mocked on ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons'' episode "Flaming Moe's", in which the Diane {{Expy}} leaves Moe's.
-->'''Moe:''' She left to pursue a movie career. Frankly, I think she was better off here.

[[AC:1126/1127/1128: One for the Road]]
* When Rebecca keeps neurotically changing her mind about whether Frasier should call back her plumber boyfriend/fiancé. Frasier finally gets fed up, throws open the door and theatrically shouts: "Run, Don, run! Run like the wind!"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Unsorted]]
* Any and all of Diane's putdowns on Sam's love life.
-->'''Sam:''' That's the girl. Claudia's been a tough nut to crack, but tonight's the night she's going to be enjoying all the rides in Sammy's Magic Kingdom.
-->'''Diane:''' She's in for a Mickey Mouse evening with Goofy as her guide.
* Much of the hilarity of the show during the Diane years stems from Sam the {{Manchild}} clashing with Diane the DramaQueen. The result is invariably a BIG "LikeAnOldMarriedCouple" moment:
--> '''Sam:''' You know--while we're talking about ''problems'', you wanna know what ''really'', REALLY bugs me about you?
--> '''Diane:''' Fine!
--> '''Sam:''' [[FelonyMisdemeanor The way you eat]] ''[[FelonyMisdemeanor pretzels]]''! ''({{Beat}})''
--> '''Diane:''' ''Pretzels''!
--> '''Sam:''' Yeah, that's right--''three'' bites! Not ''two'', not ''one'' like the rest of us--but THREE BITES!
--> '''Diane:''' Do you want to ''know what "bugs" me about YOU''?!
--> '''Sam:''' Oh, I'd love to. What?
--> '''Diane:''' THE COLOGNE YOU ALWAYS WEAR IS TOTALLY WITHOUT ''NUANCE''!!!
* Any and all of the stories about Woody's family.
-->'''Woody:''' My uncle Wayne was a master at putting women in the romantic mood.
-->'''Sam:''' What did he do?
-->'''Woody:''' Gave them money. Worked like a charm.
* Almost every cold opening. Some favorites include:
** Everyone in the bar stuck in the men's room, trying to break the Guiness Record. Then someone tries to use it, and everyone shouts "Occupied!"
** Norm trying to explain economics to Woody by tearing up one of Cliff's dollar bills. Carla then decides to do it with a $20 bill.
** Woody, cleaning up, listens to an ad for a stenographers' school on the radio. He tries to write the phone number, but can't, and goes back on to listening.
** Everybody's locked out of the bar, and it's cold. Norm comes to the rescue--he's got his own set of keys.
** Diane becomes frustrated when no one cares when she enters the bar, comparing the lukewarm response to the boisterous "NORM!" Norm always gets. She asks if she can have a greeting like that for once; Sam agrees; she leaves and comes back in; and everyone yells..."NORM!"
--->'''Diane:''' ''(cheerfully)'' That's more like it.
** Norm comes to Cheers early and tells Sam he's decided to have a productive, active day. Sam lists off several outdoor activities to do, such as hiking or swimming, and Norm comes up with excuses to avoid them all. Finally, Sam guesses that Norm's chosen activity will be sitting in the bar all day and drinking beer; Norm "decides" this is the perfect suggestion and asks for a round.
** Carla opens up Cheers first thing in the morning and puts on "I Got the Sun in the Morning" from ''Annie Get Your Gun.'' She ''dances'' around the bar, climbing on the tables and riding the chairs down to arrange them, laughs, and generally has an amazing time. The second Sam and Rebecca arrive, though, she immediately adopts her cranky persona.
** Woody is excited to see that the book of crossword puzzles he's ordered has arrived. He says that the best thing about the book is that it lists all the answers in the back, which can help with tough clues. He, Norm, and Cliff then start filling in the first puzzle...by copying directly out of the answer section. "These things aren't so hard!"
** The guys show off various tricks they can do with their fingers and hands. Lilith overhears and shows off her own skill: putting her entire fist into her mouth. She's declared "queen" of such tricks, and starts writing a message, which the gang initially thinks is her going for bonus points...but she's actually writing "My fist is stuck. Call 911."
--->'''Frasier:''' ''[leading Lilith away]'' You know, this happens to her more often than you'd think.
* A real-life example during a Q&A with cast and crew members sometime after [[DroppedABridgeOnHim a bridge was dropped on]] [[spoiler:Eddie]]. [[spoiler:Jay Thomas]] popped up and asked in front of the audience, "Yeah, why did I die?" The audience erupted into laughter as a result. May double as a CMOA depending on your point-of-view on the whole thing.
* Any and all of Cliff's fantasies.
-->'''Carla:''' You know what? You've got a big mouth, Clavin. ''(storms off...)''
-->'''Cliff:''' She's right, you know. Yeaah, you see, every male descendant in the Clavin family has an extra set of molars in their lower jaw. It's the only way to identify ourselves as the true heirs to the Russian throne.
-->'''Frasier:''' ''(bemused)'' Hello in there, Cliff. Tell me, what color is the sky in your world?
** Becomes even more HilariousInHindsight during a later episode of ''Series/{{Frasier}}'' wherein Frasier and Niles speculate that, because they own an ugly clock, they might be descended from the Romanov line. However, they have reason to believe that (Martin's family is from Russia, the Bear Clock is an heirloom from the Romanovs. However, that's because it was stolen by scullery maid Grandma who became a hooker in NYC and married Martin's dad.)
* A few gems came from the old barfly Al, whose first appearance had him insisting that the "biggest bigwig of them all" was [[Music/FrankSinatra Sinatra]]. And in the very first "Bar Wars", Sam and Carla head to Gary's Olde Towne Tavern to apologize, only to find Al there. Carla questions why he isn't there, and he exclaims "Holy mackerel, this isn't Cheers?!"
* In one episode, Norm is asked why he and Vera never had children. Norm says they thought she was pregnant once, but it turned out not to be so.
-->"She waited until after the wedding to tell me."
* Sam, when about to have sex for the first time with Diane after [[BelligerentSexualTension a long, combatative first season of]] WillTheyOrWontThey:
-->'''Sam:''' ''(to God)'' '''''She better be GREAT!'''''
** Later in the series, Norm sighs after one of Diane's actions, "I hope she's showing you one ''hell'' of a good time." Sam's grin says it all.
[[/folder]]


** For Frederick Crane's second birthday, Sam gets four tickets to see nationally popular children's singer [[Creator/EmmaThompson Nanny Gee]] (who also counts Woody among her most devoted fans). Frasier couldn't be less interested in the concert - until he wonders why Nanny Gee looks familiar and realises she is his first wife, Nanette Guzman... about whom he has never told Lilith. He tries to placate an understandably angry Lilith by saying that their marriage was a silly mistake that only lasted a few months, and he is sure Nanny Gee wouldn't know him from Adam if they met on the street; meanwhile, Nanny Gee is going out into the audience, singing a song about wanting to shake hands with new friends - and quickly proves Frasier wrong about how little she remembers him by dropping her microphone in shock at seeing him for the first time in well over a decade, then giving him a BigDamnKiss.

to:

** For Frederick Crane's second birthday, Sam gets four tickets to see nationally popular children's singer [[Creator/EmmaThompson Nanny Gee]] (who also counts Woody among her most devoted fans). Frasier couldn't be less interested in the concert - until he wonders why Nanny Gee looks familiar and realises familiar...
--->'''Frasier:''' I ''know'' I've seen her before... ''[sighs]'' I ''hate'' it when this happens!\\
'''Lilith:''' Frasier, please be quiet, I'm trying to hear the lyrics. ''[Frasier gives Lilith a sceptical look; Nanny Gee continues singing]''\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh my God, I know who
she is his first wife, is... that's Nanette Guzman... about whom he has never told Lilith. He Guzman!\\
'''Sam:''' Who?\\
'''Frasier:''' My first wife!\\
'''Lilith:''' WHO??
** Frasier
tries to placate an Lilith - who is understandably angry Lilith to learn that ''she'' isn't Frasier's first wife - by saying that their marriage was a silly mistake that only lasted a few months, and he is sure Nanny Gee wouldn't know him from Adam if they met on the street; meanwhile, Nanny Gee is going out into the audience, singing a song about wanting to shake hands with new friends - and quickly proves Frasier wrong about how little she remembers him by dropping her microphone in shock at seeing him for the first time in well over a decade, then giving him a BigDamnKiss.



'''Frasier:''' Now, LetMeGetThisStraight, Sam. This... this was all your doing? ''[Sam cannot speak for laughing]'' The exploding door, and all the damage you did to your own bar?\\

to:

'''Frasier:''' [[LetMeGetThisStraight Now, LetMeGetThisStraight, Sam. let me get this straight, Sam.]] This... this was all your doing? ''[Sam cannot speak for laughing]'' The exploding door, and all the damage you did to your own bar?\\



-->'''Rebecca:''' (into phone) You're not gonna believe this Vera, but Norm just walked in!
-->'''Norm:''' (slightly muffled, so he sounds like he's talking from the door instead of a nearby barstool) Hello everybody!

to:

-->'''Rebecca:''' (into phone) ''(into phone)'' You're not gonna believe this Vera, but Norm just walked in!
-->'''Norm:''' (slightly ''(slightly muffled, so he sounds like he's talking from the door instead of a nearby barstool) barstool)'' Hello everybody!



-->'''Rebecca:''' (also using a muffled voice for distance) Well, hello, Mr. Peterson!
-->'''Norm:''' (grunts some words in imitation of his traditional entering joke)
-->'''Frasier, Paul, Tim:''' (fake laughs in reply to the "joke", Rebecca sighs and hands over the phone)

to:

-->'''Rebecca:''' (also ''(also using a muffled voice for distance) distance)'' Well, hello, Mr. Peterson!
-->'''Norm:''' (grunts ''(grunts some words in imitation of his traditional entering joke)
joke)''
-->'''Frasier, Paul, Tim:''' (fake ''(fake laughs in reply to the "joke", Rebecca sighs and hands over the phone)phone)''


** Things start at a low ebb when he compares Rebecca - still in her wedding dress after abandoning her plans to marry Robin Colcord - to Miss Havisham from ''Literature/GreatExpectations''. When no-one gets the reference, he throws out the names Pip, Miss Havisham, Magwitch... and then gets their interest with [[ComicBook/TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles "four pizza-loving turtles who practise martial arts in the sewer."]]

to:

** Things start at a low ebb when he compares Rebecca - still in her wedding dress after abandoning her plans to marry Robin Colcord - to Miss Havisham from ''Literature/GreatExpectations''. When no-one gets the reference, he throws out the names Pip, Miss Havisham, Magwitch... and then gets their interest with [[ComicBook/TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles [[Franchise/TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles "four pizza-loving turtles who practise martial arts in the sewer."]]

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