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''Fiona''': I ''like'' where this is going!

to:

''Fiona''': '''Fiona''': I ''like'' where this is going!


"You shot your buddy here, Mr. Pyne. And this? This... ''(caresses gun with Mr. Pyne's fingerprints all over the trigger assembly in evidence bag)'' This here is a crime lab's wet dream. ''(plays recorded messsage)'' That is you plotting a kidnapping. That's hard time Federal time. That's the rest of your life. Vince here confesses to the robbery, Javier gets severance pay... Five years, with benefits and dental - That's very important - And never sees your mug again. And you know what, for Christmas, throw in a college fund for David. How does that sound? Well, let's get you out of here.
This will be a murder weapon in 20 minutes if Vince doesn't get to the hospital."

to:

"You shot your buddy here, Mr. Pyne. And this? This... ''(caresses gun with Mr. Pyne's fingerprints all over the trigger assembly in evidence bag)'' This here is a crime lab's wet dream. ''(plays recorded messsage)'' That is you plotting a kidnapping. That's hard time Federal time. That's the rest of your life. Vince here confesses to the robbery, Javier gets severance pay... Five years, with benefits and dental - That's very important - And never sees your mug again. And you know what, for Christmas, throw in a college fund for David. How does that sound? Well, let's get you out of here.
here. This will be a murder weapon in 20 minutes if Vince doesn't get to the hospital."


-->''(spoken to drug dealer/addict he's shot in the thigh)'' "Easy, Music/VanillaIce. Now, you got 20 minutes to clear out. Do you understand? Yes! Yes! The wound is not that bad. Disinfect it''(gives iodine)'', wrap it in this''(gives sterile bangages)'', and you get to a hospital. You won't walk with a limp You're still here in 20 minutes, a limp will be the least of your problems."\\

to:

-->''(spoken to drug dealer/addict he's shot in the thigh)'' "Easy, Music/VanillaIce. Now, you got 20 minutes to clear out. Do you understand? Yes! Yes! The wound is not that bad. Disinfect it''(gives iodine)'', wrap it in this''(gives sterile bangages)'', and you get to a hospital. You won't walk with a limp limp. You're still here in 20 minutes, a limp will be the least of your problems."\\

Added DiffLines:

** If you had to sum Michael Westen up in a sentence, it could probably be "the most polite ''[[ApologeticAttacker nightmare]]'' you've ever had."
-->''(spoken to drug dealer/addict he's shot in the thigh)'' "Easy, Music/VanillaIce. Now, you got 20 minutes to clear out. Do you understand? Yes! Yes! The wound is not that bad. Disinfect it''(gives iodine)'', wrap it in this''(gives sterile bangages)'', and you get to a hospital. You won't walk with a limp You're still here in 20 minutes, a limp will be the least of your problems."\\
"You shot your buddy here, Mr. Pyne. And this? This... ''(caresses gun with Mr. Pyne's fingerprints all over the trigger assembly in evidence bag)'' This here is a crime lab's wet dream. ''(plays recorded messsage)'' That is you plotting a kidnapping. That's hard time Federal time. That's the rest of your life. Vince here confesses to the robbery, Javier gets severance pay... Five years, with benefits and dental - That's very important - And never sees your mug again. And you know what, for Christmas, throw in a college fund for David. How does that sound? Well, let's get you out of here.
This will be a murder weapon in 20 minutes if Vince doesn't get to the hospital."


** Sam's IRS audit, first he thinks that his auditor is a woman due to his name: "Stacey Conolly", and sets up an attempt to seduce "her" with pink fruity drinks and a festive restaurant, the man was not amused. He gets a ''lot'' less obstructive when he realizes his superiors have punked him buy sending him to audit a retired black operative. QED, this discussion of one such operation;

to:

** Sam's IRS audit, first he thinks that his auditor is a woman due to his name: "Stacey Conolly", and sets up an attempt to seduce "her" with pink fruity drinks and a festive restaurant, the man was not amused. He gets a ''lot'' less obstructive when he realizes his superiors have punked him buy by sending him to audit a retired black operative. QED, this discussion of one such operation;


''''Stacey:''' Ah, so you stole it.\\

to:

''''Stacey:''' '''Stacey:''' Ah, so you stole it.\\



''''Stacey:''' So it was a gift.\\

to:

''''Stacey:''' '''Stacey:''' So it was a gift.\\


-->'''Mike''': If we can't make Raul look like a traitor one way, we'll have to do it another way. Fi, get me a sniper rifle and some [=C4=].
-->'''Fiona''': I ''like'' where this is going!

to:

-->'''Mike''': If we can't make Raul look like a traitor one way, we'll have to do it another way. Fi, get me a sniper rifle and some [=C4=].
-->'''Fiona''':
[=C4=].\\
''Fiona''':
I ''like'' where this is going!



-->'''Maddie''': Do you know what his first word was? It was "Michael".
-->'''Michael''': It was "juice". I was there. His first word was "juice".
-->'''Maddie''': Well he was looking right at you when he said it! You know what he meant!

to:

-->'''Maddie''': Do you know what his first word was? It was "Michael".
-->'''Michael''':
"Michael".\\
'''Michael''':
It was "juice". I was there. His first word was "juice".
-->'''Maddie''':
"juice".\\
'''Maddie''':
Well he was looking right at you when he said it! You know what he meant!



-->'''Sam:''' "Just checking in?" He's got a weird thing for you.
-->'''Michael:''' That's 'cause he doesn't have any friends.
-->'''Sam:''' That's because he's killed most of them, Mike.

to:

-->'''Sam:''' "Just checking in?" He's got a weird thing for you.
-->'''Michael:'''
you.\\
'''Michael:'''
That's 'cause he doesn't have any friends.
-->'''Sam:'''
friends.\\
'''Sam:'''
That's because he's killed most of them, Mike.



--->'''Michael''': I'm Michael. I'm here because someone was hired to kill you.
--->'''Jeannie''': Who?
--->'''Michael''': [{{beat}}] [[BrutalHonesty Me.]] [covers her mouth again as she tries to scream]

to:

--->'''Michael''': I'm Michael. I'm here because someone was hired to kill you.
--->'''Jeannie''': Who?
--->'''Michael''':
you.\\
'''Jeannie''': Who?\\
'''Michael''':
[{{beat}}] [[BrutalHonesty Me.]] [covers her mouth again as she tries to scream]



--->'''Michael''': Go easy on him, Fi.
--->'''Fiona''': [quickly] [[BlatantLies You're breaking up!]] [Hangs up and tosses the cell in the backseat.]

to:

--->'''Michael''': Go easy on him, Fi.
--->'''Fiona''':
Fi.\\
'''Fiona''':
[quickly] [[BlatantLies You're breaking up!]] [Hangs up and tosses the cell in the backseat.]



-->'''Sam''': [laughing nervously]'' So, another Sam. This is gonna be confusing, huh.
-->'''Madeleine''': Have you ever been secretly engaged to my son?
-->'''Sam''': ...No.
-->'''Madeleine''': [[DeadpanSnarker Then I think we'll be able to tell you apart.]]

to:

-->'''Sam''': [laughing nervously]'' So, another Sam. This is gonna be confusing, huh.
-->'''Madeleine''':
huh.\\
'''Madeleine''':
Have you ever been secretly engaged to my son?
-->'''Sam''': ...No.
-->'''Madeleine''':
son?\\
'''Sam''': ...No.\\
'''Madeleine''':
[[DeadpanSnarker Then I think we'll be able to tell you apart.]]



-->'''Carla''': Remember there are worse things than being blacklisted.
-->'''Michael''': Oh, I know. [jerks his head at the mook] I could be this guy.

to:

-->'''Carla''': Remember there are worse things than being blacklisted.
-->'''Michael''':
blacklisted.\\
'''Michael''':
Oh, I know. [jerks his head at the mook] I could be this guy.



--> '''Fiona:''' [in a perfectly calm, soothing voice] Now I want you to close your eyes, and take a deep breath. Picture a peaceful mountain stream. Can you do that? Now picture yourself drowning the kidnapper in the stream. You're taking a rock from the stream, and raising above your head-
--> '''Michael:''' Fi.
--> '''Fiona:''' -and with tremendous force, you're bringing-
--> '''Michael:''' Fi.
--> [Fiona stops talking]

to:

--> '''Fiona:''' [in a perfectly calm, soothing voice] Now I want you to close your eyes, and take a deep breath. Picture a peaceful mountain stream. Can you do that? Now picture yourself drowning the kidnapper in the stream. You're taking a rock from the stream, and raising above your head-
-->
head-\\
'''Michael:''' Fi.
-->
Fi.\\
'''Fiona:''' -and with tremendous force, you're bringing-
-->
bringing-\\
'''Michael:''' Fi.
-->
Fi.\\
[Fiona stops talking]



--->'''Michael''': [takes a bite with a big smile] [{{beat}}] Did you make this?
--->'''[[LethalChef Madeleine]]''': Do you like it? I wanted this to be special, so I cooked!
--->'''Michael''': [with a straight face] [[BlatantLies It's good!]]

to:

--->'''Michael''': [takes a bite with a big smile] [{{beat}}] Did you make this?
--->'''[[LethalChef
this?\\
'''[[LethalChef
Madeleine]]''': Do you like it? I wanted this to be special, so I cooked!
--->'''Michael''':
cooked!\\
'''Michael''':
[with a straight face] [[BlatantLies It's good!]]



---> '''Michael:''' I'm just here to pick up a friend from a poker game, she consumed an alcoholic beverage and I offered to give her a ride.
---> ''Cue Fi smashing the window with a chair after her "talk" goes south and running out with armed men following.''
---> '''Michael:''' [looking up as Fi runs] She may have consumed ''two'' alcoholic beverages.
** Sam's IRS audit, first he thinks that his auditor is a woman due to his name: "Stacey Conolly", and sets up an attempt to seduce "her" with pink fruity drinks and a festive restaurant, the man was not amused. Then later at one of their follow up meetings where Sam's only "documentation" of his time in the middle east is a gun he got from "a guy his unit was targeting"
---> '''Stacey:''' So you stole it.
---> '''Sam:''' Oh, I didn't steal it. The guy, um ... he was done with it.
---> '''Stacey:''' So it was a gift.
---> '''Sam:''''It's ''not'' a gift. There was this thing... and ''then''... the gun didn't have an owner anymore. [uses a hand gesture and gives a "get it?" look]
---> '''Stacey:''' [{{beat}}] ...I'm-I'm just gonna mark that as a "windfall income".

to:

---> '''Michael:''' I'm just here to pick up a friend from a poker game, she consumed an alcoholic beverage and I offered to give her a ride.
--->
ride.\\
''Cue Fi smashing the window with a chair after her "talk" goes south and running out with armed men following.''
--->
''\\
'''Michael:''' [looking up as Fi runs] She may have consumed ''two'' alcoholic beverages.
** Sam's IRS audit, first he thinks that his auditor is a woman due to his name: "Stacey Conolly", and sets up an attempt to seduce "her" with pink fruity drinks and a festive restaurant, the man was not amused. Then later at He gets a ''lot'' less obstructive when he realizes his superiors have punked him buy sending him to audit a retired black operative. QED, this discussion of one of their follow up meetings where Sam's only "documentation" of his time in the middle east is a gun he got from "a guy his unit was targeting"
such operation;
---> '''Stacey:''' So The IRS does not allow classified deductions, Mr Axe. I'm disallowing this until the operation is made public. And then there's this... (''dangles handgun from pencil by trigger guard'')\\
'''Sam:''' Well, you wanted documentation of my trip to the Middle East. That's it, the gun. I got it off this guy that was... in this group we were targeting.\\
''''Stacey:''' Ah, so
you stole it.
--->
it.\\
'''Sam:''' Oh, I didn't steal it. The guy, um ... it - he was was... done with it.
---> '''Stacey:'''
it.\\
''''Stacey:'''
So it was a gift.
---> '''Sam:''''It's
gift.\\
'''Sam:''' It's
''not'' a gift. gift! There was this thing... and ''then''... the gun didn't have an owner anymore. [uses ''[uses a hand gesture and gives a "get it?" look]
--->
look]''\\
'''Stacey:''' [{{beat}}] ...''[{{Beat}}. Dawning realization that he's auditing a state-sponsored hitman]'' ...I'm-I'm just gonna mark that as a "windfall income".



---> '''Spencer:''' I have to go. They're after me.
---> '''Sam:''' (Sarcastically) The ''aliens''?
---> '''Spencer:''' No. The cops. I broke out of a mental institution. Weren't you listening?

to:

---> '''Spencer:''' I have to go. They're after me.
--->
me.\\
'''Sam:''' (Sarcastically) The ''aliens''?
--->
''aliens''?\\
'''Spencer:''' No. The cops. I broke out of a mental institution. Weren't you listening?



-->'''Michael''': Larry, why is a hitman in my apartment?
-->'''Larry''': Well I think Juan Doe here would have preferred the term "Sicario."

to:

-->'''Michael''': Larry, why is a hitman in my apartment?
-->'''Larry''':
apartment?\\
'''Larry''':
Well I think Juan Doe here would have preferred the term "Sicario."



-->'''Fiona''': Michael, when you asked if you could come over, you did not mention Sam.
-->'''Sam''': It's nothing I haven't seen before.

to:

-->'''Fiona''': Michael, when you asked if you could come over, you did not mention Sam.
-->'''Sam''':
Sam.\\
'''Sam''':
It's nothing I haven't seen before.



--->'''Michael''': Looks like bossman's texting the dead guy.
--->'''Fiona''': Is it coded?
--->'''Michael''': Kind of. It's in Spanish. [Fiona gives him an irritated look] Look, if it were in Russian or Farsi, I - [Fiona grabs the phone.]

to:

--->'''Michael''': Looks like bossman's texting the dead guy.
--->'''Fiona''':
guy.\\
'''Fiona''':
Is it coded?
--->'''Michael''':
coded?\\
'''Michael''':
Kind of. It's in Spanish. [Fiona gives him an irritated look] Look, if it were in Russian or Farsi, I - [Fiona grabs the phone.]



--->'''Michael''': Guys. ''Guys''. '''GUYS!''' I have a loaded machine pistol in my hand, and I have ''no idea what I'm doing!''
--->'''Mike''': Remember, we want to have a nice, polite conversation with him, ''after'' we kidnap him.

to:

--->'''Michael''': Guys. ''Guys''. '''GUYS!''' I have a loaded machine pistol in my hand, and I have ''no idea what I'm doing!''
--->'''Mike''':
doing!''\\
'''Mike''':
Remember, we want to have a nice, polite conversation with him, ''after'' we kidnap him.



-->'''Fiona''': Someone's getting a little too flirty for his own good.
-->'''Michael''': Fi, I'm trying to snatch Kendra off the street and tie her to a chair.
-->'''Fiona''': You are ''not'' helping your cause.
-->'''Michael''': This is just a harmless game of cat and mouse between me and a professional killer!

to:

-->'''Fiona''': Someone's getting a little too flirty for his own good.
-->'''Michael''':
good.\\
'''Michael''':
Fi, I'm trying to snatch Kendra off the street and tie her to a chair.
-->'''Fiona''':
chair.\\
'''Fiona''':
You are ''not'' helping your cause.
-->'''Michael''':
cause.\\
'''Michael''':
This is just a harmless game of cat and mouse between me and a professional killer!



--->'''Fiona''': I wish our phone calls were that flirty...
--->'''Michael''': She threatened to kill me.
--->'''Fiona''': [[ComicallyMissingThePoint I can do that.]]

to:

--->'''Fiona''': I wish our phone calls were that flirty...
--->'''Michael''':
flirty...\\
'''Michael''':
She threatened to kill me.
--->'''Fiona''':
me.\\
'''Fiona''':
[[ComicallyMissingThePoint I can do that.]]



--->'''David''': And you're just going to click your fingers and make them go away?
--->[{{beat}}]
--->'''Michael''': [[ContinuityNod It's worked before.]]

to:

--->'''David''': And you're just going to click your fingers and make them go away?
--->[{{beat}}]
--->'''Michael''':
away?\\
[{{beat}}]\\
'''Michael''':
[[ContinuityNod It's worked before.]]



--->'''Oleg''': The real Michael Westen, yes?
--->'''Michael''': Yeah.
--->'''Oleg''': Back home, your story Russian intelligence tells to scare. They say you are one name for many people. Special operations team. They think one person cannot make so much problems.
--->'''Michael''': Nope. Just me.

to:

--->'''Oleg''': The real Michael Westen, yes?
--->'''Michael''': Yeah.
--->'''Oleg''':
yes?\\
'''Michael''': Yeah.\\
'''Oleg''':
Back home, your story Russian intelligence tells to scare. They say you are one name for many people. Special operations team. They think one person cannot make so much problems.
--->'''Michael''':
problems.\\
'''Michael''':
Nope. Just me.



--->'''Vitaly''': I kill Michael Weston, I am Russian hero.
--->'''Michael''': [holds up the dead man's switch] There's a radio transmitter with a dead man's switch. Well in this case dead men. You shoot me, I drop this. [points at the captured man] No more Alexi, [points at the team leader] no more Vitaly, [points at an unnamed {{Mook}}] no more...that guy. Now put your weapons down!

to:

--->'''Vitaly''': I kill Michael Weston, I am Russian hero.
--->'''Michael''':
hero.\\
'''Michael''':
[holds up the dead man's switch] There's a radio transmitter with a dead man's switch. Well in this case dead men. You shoot me, I drop this. [points at the captured man] No more Alexi, [points at the team leader] no more Vitaly, [points at an unnamed {{Mook}}] no more...that guy. Now put your weapons down!



--> [Michael breaks into the house of the witness, punches him in the face to disarm him, and then drags him and his girlfriend into the kitchen]
-->'''Bailey''': Who are you?!
-->'''Michael''': I'm Michael Westen. I'm here to save you people.
--> [the assassin bursts through the front door 5 seconds later]
-->'''Cole''': Who are you?!
-->'''Michael''': [looking mildly irritated] I'm Michael Westen! I'm here to save these people!

to:

--> [Michael breaks into the house of the witness, punches him in the face to disarm him, and then drags him and his girlfriend into the kitchen]
-->'''Bailey''':
kitchen]\\
'''Bailey''':
Who are you?!
-->'''Michael''':
you?!\\
'''Michael''':
I'm Michael Westen. I'm here to save you people.
-->
people.\\
[the assassin bursts through the front door 5 seconds later]
-->'''Cole''':
later]\\
'''Cole''':
Who are you?!
-->'''Michael''':
you?!\\
'''Michael''':
[looking mildly irritated] I'm Michael Westen! I'm here to save these people!



-->'''Cole''': Thank you, Michael. Looks like I'm going to be able to collect the fee on this job after all.
-->'''Michael''': {{You have got to be kidding me}}.
-->'''Cole''': [{{beat}}] Yeah, I am. [helps him up]

to:

-->'''Cole''': Thank you, Michael. Looks like I'm going to be able to collect the fee on this job after all.
-->'''Michael''':
all.\\
'''Michael''':
{{You have got to be kidding me}}.
-->'''Cole''':
me}}.\\
'''Cole''':
[{{beat}}] Yeah, I am. [helps him up]



-->'''Harris''': Can't really say we owe it all to a burned spy. Suppose we could scratch our names off our commendations and send them your way, if you'd like.
-->'''Michael''': Save them, they make ''great'' paperweights.

to:

-->'''Harris''': Can't really say we owe it all to a burned spy. Suppose we could scratch our names off our commendations and send them your way, if you'd like.
-->'''Michael''':
like.\\
'''Michael''':
Save them, they make ''great'' paperweights.



-->'''Michael''': Where am I?
-->'''Fiona''': Miami.

to:

-->'''Michael''': Where am I?
-->'''Fiona''':
I?\\
'''Fiona''':
Miami.



-->'''Michael''': Shall we tango? [the two pull apart, and Michael gives Fiona an irritated look] Can ''I'' lead?
-->'''Fiona''': Fine. Just this once.

to:

-->'''Michael''': Shall we tango? [the two pull apart, and Michael gives Fiona an irritated look] Can ''I'' lead?
-->'''Fiona''':
lead?\\
'''Fiona''':
Fine. Just this once.



-->'''Nate''': We should have taken my car. At least I wouldn't have had to listen to 2 hours of Music/{{Queen}}.
-->'''Jesse''': Now you're ragging on my playlist?
-->'''Nate''': It's shriekey.
-->'''Jesse''': If shriekey you mean angelic then I agree with you.

to:

-->'''Nate''': We should have taken my car. At least I wouldn't have had to listen to 2 hours of Music/{{Queen}}.
-->'''Jesse''':
Music/{{Queen}}.\\
'''Jesse''':
Now you're ragging on my playlist?
-->'''Nate''':
playlist?\\
'''Nate''':
It's shriekey.
-->'''Jesse''':
shriekey.\\
'''Jesse''':
If shriekey you mean angelic then I agree with you.



-->'''Rebecca''': "Yeah, why don't you just promise him a walk on the moon while you're at it?"
-->'''Sam''': "Don't get him started. I don't have any buddies at NASA."

to:

-->'''Rebecca''': "Yeah, why don't you just promise him a walk on the moon while you're at it?"
-->'''Sam''':
it?" \\
'''Sam''':
"Don't get him started. I don't have any buddies at NASA."



-->'''Sam:''' You said those tax shelters were perfectly legal!
-->'''Barry:''' What part of tax shelter sounds perfectly legal to you?!

to:

-->'''Sam:''' You said those tax shelters were perfectly legal!
-->'''Barry:'''
legal!\\
'''Barry:'''
What part of tax shelter sounds perfectly legal to you?!



-->'''Pearce''': If he's in the mix and we come up empty-handed again, every one of my bosses will line up to kick me.
-->'''Michael''': It's the Agency's loss. Sam is as good as I am. [{{beat}}] And he accepts domestic beer as payment!

to:

-->'''Pearce''': If he's in the mix and we come up empty-handed again, every one of my bosses will line up to kick me.
-->'''Michael''':
me.\\
'''Michael''':
It's the Agency's loss. Sam is as good as I am. [{{beat}}] And he accepts domestic beer as payment!



-->'''Strong''': James and Sonya just lit us up. We're going to have to land.
-->'''[[spoiler: Simon]]''': Sorry to hear that. Um... buckle up?

to:

-->'''Strong''': James and Sonya just lit us up. We're going to have to land.
-->'''[[spoiler:
land.\\
'''[[spoiler:
Simon]]''': Sorry to hear that. Um... buckle up?


--->'''Voiceover Michael''': Sometimes the truth hurts. In these situations, I recommend lying!

to:

--->'''Voiceover Michael''': --->'''Narrator!Michael''': Sometimes the truth hurts. In these situations, I recommend lying!



-->'''Voiceover Michael:''' It's unstable, it's corrupt, [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking and the people there eat a lot of terrible-smelling preserved fish.]]

to:

-->'''Voiceover Michael:''' -->'''Narrator!Michael:''' It's unstable, it's corrupt, [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking and the people there eat a lot of terrible-smelling preserved fish.]]



* In the season six finale, Michael gets himself into a MexicanStandOff with Riley, then forces her into another one with the Coast Guard while aboard a Cartel kingpin's yacht.

to:

* In the season six finale, finale ("Game Change"), Michael gets himself into a MexicanStandOff with Riley, then forces her into another one with the Coast Guard while aboard a Cartel kingpin's yacht.



* Despite the massive WhamEpisode that is "Tipping Point", it manages to have a few funny moments.

to:

* Despite the massive WhamEpisode that is "Tipping Point", 7x11 ("Tipping Point"), it manages to have a few funny moments.


* Michael stealing the identity of a scumbag con man in episode 2. You can see the guy being led away in handcuffs as Michael narrates with a smug look on his face.

to:

* Michael stealing the identity of a scumbag con man in episode 2.1x02 ("Identity"). You can see the guy being led away in handcuffs as Michael narrates with a smug look on his face.



* Sam's expression in 1x03 after the car exploded.

to:

* Sam's expression in 1x03 ("Fight or Flight) after the car exploded.



* In Season 1's episode 'Fight or Flight', Nate has to remove a bullet from inside Michael's back. After Nate's finished, he slaps Michael right over the wound. Michael's eyes pop open and you can barely hear him struggle to hold down a scream.
* In 1x07, Michael is playing a psycho thug as part of a job and tries to steal Fiona's bag. She just glares at him until he whispers, "Fi, ''sell it!"'' At which point she screams bloody murder and punches him repeatedly in the face as he tries to get her purse away from her. Keep in mind ''Michael is holding a gun on her''.

to:

* *** In Season 1's episode 'Fight or Flight', the same episode, Nate has to remove a bullet from inside Michael's back. After Nate's finished, he slaps Michael right over the wound. Michael's eyes pop open and you can barely hear him struggle to hold down a scream.
* In 1x07, 1x07 ("Broken Rules"), Michael is playing a psycho thug as part of a job and tries to steal Fiona's bag. She just glares at him until he whispers, "Fi, ''sell it!"'' At which point she screams bloody murder and punches him repeatedly in the face as he tries to get her purse away from her. Keep in mind ''Michael is holding a gun on her''.



** Michael has to sell the belief that a bigger, badder psycho is tearing up Ernie's neighbourhood. His first way of achieving this? Tearing up Ernie's store. He uses a baseball bat to smash the counters—but when he chances upon a flower vase he hesitates before tipping it over, almost lightly. Ernie rolls his eyes at this. After Mike leaves, Ernie shakes his head in exasperation.

to:

** Michael has to sell the belief that a bigger, badder psycho is tearing up Ernie's neighbourhood.neighborhood. His first way of achieving this? Tearing up Ernie's store. He uses a baseball bat to smash the counters—but when he chances upon a flower vase he hesitates before tipping it over, almost lightly. Ernie rolls his eyes at this. After Mike leaves, Ernie shakes his head in exasperation.



* In 1x08, ''Wanted Man'', Michael asks Sam to get his cop buddies to run down a phone number. Sam asks Mike to pay his bar tab. Then they just sit there on opposite sides of Michael's loft waving little pieces of paper at each other.

to:

* In 1x08, ''Wanted Man'', 1x08 ("Wanted Man"), Michael asks Sam to get his cop buddies to run down a phone number. Sam asks Mike to pay his bar tab. Then they just sit there on opposite sides of Michael's loft waving little pieces of paper at each other.



* The B-Plot of "Hard Bargain" (1x09): Mike tries to get a DC bureaucrat to hear out his case. After carefully testing him to make sure he's actually a bureaucrat and not an assassin, Mike finally meets with him. Turns out he's an assassin. One good enough to garrote Mike and counter all of his counters.

to:

* The B-Plot of "Hard Bargain" (1x09): 1x09 ("Hard Bargain"): Mike tries to get a DC bureaucrat to hear out his case. After carefully testing him to make sure he's actually a bureaucrat and not an assassin, Mike finally meets with him. Turns out he's an assassin. One good enough to garrote Mike and counter all of his counters.



* In 2x02, "Turn and Burn":

to:

* In 2x02, "Turn 2x02 ("Turn and Burn":Burn"):



* "Double Booked" (2x08). Any time Sam and Michael discuss Larry, as in this example:

to:

* "Double Booked" (2x08).2x08 ("Double Booked"). Any time Sam and Michael discuss Larry, as in this example:



--->'''Michael''': [{{beat}}] [[BrutalHonesty Me.]] ''[covers her mouth again as she tries to scream.]''

to:

--->'''Michael''': [{{beat}}] [[BrutalHonesty Me.]] ''[covers [covers her mouth again as she tries to scream.]''scream]



* In 2x10, Madeline walks out of the room on Michael with a distinctive unimpressed toss of her head. At the end of that scene, Fiona does the exact same gesture; this freaks Michael out so much that he stares, wide-eyed, [[AsideGlance directly at the camera]] as if asking the audience "Did that just happen? Did you see it too? Holy crap."

to:

* In 2x10, 2x10 ("Do No Harm"), Madeline walks out of the room on Michael with a distinctive unimpressed toss of her head. At the end of that scene, Fiona does the exact same gesture; this freaks Michael out so much that he stares, wide-eyed, [[AsideGlance directly at the camera]] as if asking the audience "Did that just happen? Did you see it too? Holy crap."



* In 2x12, Fiona picks up a guy in the bar and tries to drug him in his room so she can bug his phone. Unfortunately, he's more interested in her than the booze, so she resorts to [[GrievousBottleyHarm glassing him]]. [[NoSell He shrugs off the first bottle.]] As Sam tries to break down the door, she [[GroinAttack knees him in the crotch]] and hits him ''again'' with another bottle, which knocks him out. Sam is still trying to break in while she bugs his phone, steals his wallet to cover up, and calmly leaves the room.
* In the intro of 2x13, Sam objects to Michael shmoozing Barry with a free lunch at a high-class restaurant when Michael never does that for Sam.

to:

* In 2x12, 2x12 ("Seek and Destroy"), Fiona picks up a guy in the bar and tries to drug him in his room so she can bug his phone. Unfortunately, he's more interested in her than the booze, so she resorts to [[GrievousBottleyHarm glassing him]]. [[NoSell He shrugs off the first bottle.]] As Sam tries to break down the door, she [[GroinAttack knees him in the crotch]] and hits him ''again'' with another bottle, which knocks him out. Sam is still trying to break in while she bugs his phone, steals his wallet to cover up, and calmly leaves the room.
* In the intro of 2x13, 2x13 ("Bad Breaks"), Sam objects to Michael shmoozing Barry with a free lunch at a high-class restaurant when Michael never does that for Sam.



* In 2x14 Sam brings Michael a large fish that he caught while out on a trip with one of his many buddies that he was getting information from, dropping it in the sink.

to:

* In 2x14 ("Truth & Reconciliation") Sam brings Michael a large fish that he caught while out on a trip with one of his many buddies that he was getting information from, dropping it in the sink.



* In 'Question and Answer', there's Fiona teaching her relaxation technique to the mother of a kidnapped child.

to:

* In 'Question 3x02 ("Question and Answer', Answer"), there's Fiona teaching her relaxation technique to the mother of a kidnapped child.



--->'''Michael''': [takes a bite with a big smile][{{Beat}}] Did you make this?

to:

--->'''Michael''': [takes a bite with a big smile][{{Beat}}] smile] [{{beat}}] Did you make this?



* Ep 3x04 "Fearless Leader"

to:

* Ep 3x04 "Fearless Leader"("Fearless Leader"):



* In the ending of "Signals and Codes":

to:

* In the ending of "Signals 3x05 ("Signals and Codes":Codes"):



* In "The Hunter," Beck keeps whining and complaining about Michael's plan to keep them alive. Finally, when Michael asks for his shoelaces, he's had enough. He pulls a gun. "Why don't we listen to the guy with the gun for a change?" So Michael grabs his gun and points at back at him. "Okay. Now give me your shoelaces."

to:

* In "The Hunter," 3x06 ("The Hunter"), Beck keeps whining and complaining about Michael's plan to keep them alive. Finally, when Michael asks for his shoelaces, he's had enough. He pulls a gun. "Why don't we listen to the guy with the gun for a change?" So Michael grabs his gun and points at back at him. "Okay. Now give me your shoelaces."



* If the assassination attempt in "Shot In The Dark", doesn't make you laugh, the ending will. In an attempt to convince their target, Erik Luna, that someone's trying to kill him so that he skips town, Michael and company rig themselves with squibs (the Hollywood method of faking bullet wounds) and pretend to get shot to death by unseen assassins. [[RefugeInAudacity Each oversells the "death"]] in different, hilarious ways. There's also the earlier "parking lot" scene, where they turn the lights off and on, block Luna's cell phone reception, and generally have him [[PrimalFear peeing his pants in terror]].

to:

* If the assassination attempt in "Shot 3x07 ("Shot In The Dark", Dark"), doesn't make you laugh, the ending will. In an attempt to convince their target, Erik Luna, that someone's trying to kill him so that he skips town, Michael and company rig themselves with squibs (the Hollywood method of faking bullet wounds) and pretend to get shot to death by unseen assassins. [[RefugeInAudacity Each oversells the "death"]] in different, hilarious ways. There's also the earlier "parking lot" scene, where they turn the lights off and on, block Luna's cell phone reception, and generally have him [[PrimalFear peeing his pants in terror]].



* In 3x13, Larry (yes, Dead Larry) shows up again, having gotten Michael into ''more'' trouble.

to:

* In 3x13, 3x13 ("Enemies Closer"), Larry (yes, Dead Larry) shows up again, having gotten Michael into ''more'' trouble.



* In 3x14, "Partners In Crime", Sam is impersonating a CSI technician. And since it's [[Series/CSIMiami Miami]], expect GlassesPull and {{pun}}s each time he does. That is, twice.

to:

* In 3x14, "Partners 3x14 ("Partners In Crime", Crime"), Sam is impersonating a CSI technician. And since it's [[Series/CSIMiami Miami]], expect GlassesPull and {{pun}}s each time he does. That is, twice.



* In 4x01:

to:

* In 4x01:4x01 ("Friends and Enemies"):



* In 4x02, Michael and Fiona have to infiltrate an office building for a job. Fiona uses spray paint to write a message on the wall to hide their break-in (the rationale: laid off employers returning to spell out their anger). The message: "Outsource this!"
* From 4x05, Fi and Michael get into a little argument quite demonstrative of some of the unique challenges to their relationship after Michael's telephone banter with the assassin they are hunting, after Fi had given Michael a little DeathGlare.

to:

* In 4x02, 4x02 ("Fast Friends"), Michael and Fiona have to infiltrate an office building for a job. Fiona uses spray paint to write a message on the wall to hide their break-in (the rationale: laid off employers returning to spell out their anger). The message: "Outsource this!"
* From 4x05, 4x05 ("Neighborhood Watch"), Fi and Michael get into a little argument quite demonstrative of some of the unique challenges to their relationship after Michael's telephone banter with the assassin they are hunting, after Fi had given Michael a little DeathGlare.



* Caught at a drug operation's surprise roadblock, Jessie mumbles something when a Mook wants to know why he's there. The irate Mook leans unwisely close to Jessie and demands he repeat himself. "''Why do you want to lose your teeth?''" says Jessie before knocking the goon flat.
* In "Where There's Smoke", Maddie, in helping Michael and Jesse scout a bank, ends up getting caught (part of the plan) but unexpectedly ends up getting taken to the bank office where she will be arrested and taken to jail. Michael and Jesse have a freak out moment about the situation - going from "They'll know everything!" to "We have to break her out of jail!". Cue Madeline doing a StealthHiBye beside their car and knocking on the window, then lighting a cigarette and demonstrating the fake tears she used to get past the bank guards.
* In "Past and Future Tense", the team is taking on a Russian wetwork team. Cue showdown:

to:

* Caught at a drug operation's surprise roadblock, Jessie Jesse mumbles something when a Mook wants to know why he's there. The irate Mook leans unwisely close to Jessie Jesse and demands he repeat himself. "''Why "Why do you want to lose your teeth?''" says Jessie teeth?" asks Jesse before knocking the goon flat.
* In "Where There's Smoke", Maddie, in helping Michael and Jesse scout a bank, ends up getting caught (part of the plan) but unexpectedly ends up getting taken to the bank office where she will be arrested and taken to jail. Michael and Jesse have a freak out moment about the situation - going from "They'll know everything!" to "We have to break her out of jail!". Cue Madeline doing a StealthHiBye beside their car and knocking on the window, then lighting a cigarette and demonstrating the fake tears she used to get past the bank guards.
* In "Past and
4x07 ("Past & Future Tense", Tense"), the team is taking on a Russian wetwork team. Cue showdown:



* Michael protecting a federal witness from a Turkish assassin in "Center of the Storm" leads to this hilarious exchange:

to:

* In 4x08 ("Where There's Smoke"), Maddie, in helping Michael and Jesse scout a bank, ends up getting caught (part of the plan) but unexpectedly ends up getting taken to the bank office where she will be arrested and taken to jail. Michael and Jesse have a freak out moment about the situation - going from "They'll know everything!" to "We have to break her out of jail!". Cue Madeline doing a StealthHiBye beside their car and knocking on the window, then lighting a cigarette and demonstrating the fake tears she used to get past the bank guards.
* Michael protecting a federal witness from a Turkish assassin in "Center 4x09 ("Center of the Storm" Storm") leads to this hilarious exchange:



* Fiona's Southern-fried girl persona in her jail visit with Michael in "Hard Time". Especially when she lunges across the table to FakeOutMakeOut to pass Michael a lockpick.

to:

* Fiona's Southern-fried girl persona in her jail visit with Michael in "Hard Time".4x10 ("Hard Time"). Especially when she lunges across the table to FakeOutMakeOut to pass Michael a lockpick.



* Fiona waking up Michael in "Eyes Open" by kicking him and having a familiar exchange:

to:

* Fiona waking up Michael in "Eyes Open" 4x13 ("Eyes Open") by kicking him and having a familiar exchange:



* In 4x14:

to:

* In 4x14:4x14 ("Hot Property"):



* Maddie taking a picture of Nate and Michael in their cover IDs fancy suits. It's funny because anyone who has had a mother knows that's exactly what they would do.

to:

* Maddie taking a picture of Nate and Michael in their cover IDs [=IDs=] fancy suits. It's funny because anyone who has had a mother knows that's exactly what they would do.



* In the Season 4 finale, Fiona and Michael are pinned down by Vaughn's mooks with barely any ammunition left and a bomb they're planning to set off in the own laps. So, naturally, Fiona picks this time to razz Michael about his attempted HeroicSacrifice.

to:

* In the Season 4 finale, finale ("Last Stand"), Fiona and Michael are pinned down by Vaughn's mooks with barely any ammunition left and a bomb they're planning to set off in the own laps. So, naturally, Fiona picks this time to razz Michael about his attempted HeroicSacrifice.



* In "Mind Games," Nate is enthusiastically trying to convince Michael to convert the Charger into "a spy-mobile," with such fun gadgets as a smokescreen button on the dash. Michael's [[DeadpanSnarker deadpan]] response: "You know what happens to smoke at 60 miles an hour, Nate? [[DidntThinkThisThrough It dissipates.]]"

to:

* In "Mind Games," 5x03 ("Mind Games"), Nate is enthusiastically trying to convince Michael to convert the Charger into "a spy-mobile," with such fun gadgets as a smokescreen button on the dash. Michael's [[DeadpanSnarker deadpan]] response: "You know what happens to smoke at 60 miles an hour, Nate? [[DidntThinkThisThrough It dissipates.]]"



* Jesse teasing Michael in "Square One" about the changes Fiona has made since moving into the loft, including a breadbasket and potpourri.
* In "Enemy of My Enemy" Jesse advertises his presence to one of Mike's targets by shooting his sniper rifle at said target. The target takes cover, and when the shooting stops, he looks back up to see Jesse shot a frowny face in the wall where his head had been.

to:

* Jesse teasing Michael in "Square One" 5x05 ("Square One) about the changes Fiona has made since moving into the loft, including a breadbasket and potpourri.
* In "Enemy 5x06 ("Enemy of My Enemy" Enemy"). Jesse advertises his presence to one of Mike's targets by shooting his sniper rifle at said target. The target takes cover, and when the shooting stops, he looks back up to see Jesse shot a frowny face in the wall where his head had been.



* In "Better Halves," Michael and Fiona go undercover as a couple in Venezuela to find a bioweapons specialist and his wife.

to:

* In "Better Halves," 5x11 ("Better Halves"), Michael and Fiona go undercover as a couple in Venezuela to find a bioweapons specialist and his wife.



-->'''Jessie''': Now you're ragging on my playlist?

to:

-->'''Jessie''': -->'''Jesse''': Now you're ragging on my playlist?



-->'''Jessie''': If shriekey you mean angelic then I agree with you.

to:

-->'''Jessie''': -->'''Jesse''': If shriekey you mean angelic then I agree with you.



* Barry requesting Sam's help in 6x06, noting that if he gets caught, all of his files will be turned over as opposed to just the ones that will help Fi. This would mean that all of his clients would get arrested including Mike and Sam.

to:

* Barry requesting Sam's help in 6x06, 6x06 ("Shock Wave"), noting that if he gets caught, all of his files will be turned over as opposed to just the ones that will help Fi. This would mean that all of his clients would get arrested including Mike and Sam.



* Michael in 6x08, demonstrating some interesting mental gymnastics to explain pulling a weapon on an FBI agent, to appropriately disbelieving looks from Pearce, Sam and Fi:

to:

* Michael in 6x08, 6x08 ("Unchained"), demonstrating some interesting mental gymnastics to explain pulling a weapon on an FBI agent, to appropriately disbelieving looks from Pearce, Sam and Fi:



* Jessie in the season 6 mid season finale the way he keeps drawing attention to the fact he has no shoes. Jessie: "No shoes, no shoes in Panama!"

to:

* Jessie Jesse in the season 6 mid season finale the way he keeps drawing attention to the fact he has no shoes. Jessie: Jesse: "No shoes, no shoes in Panama!"


-->'''Michael''': ''[who has implied he's about to crash the man's car with them in it]'' You need to get this fixed. This is really annoying.

to:

-->'''Michael''': ''[who [who has implied he's about to crash the man's car with them in it]'' it] You need to get this fixed. This is really annoying.



-->"Truth is, identity theft isn't hard. All you need is a picture, and you can drain a lot of money from some accounts - [[PetTheDog or return a lot of money to some very surprised retirees.]] But why stop there? Why not use that identity to contact some terrorist groups on unsecured lines? While you're at it, why not threaten some federal judges and insult the local drug cartel? [[KickTheSonOfABitch Most fun I've had in Miami."]]

to:

-->"Truth is, identity theft isn't hard. All you need is a picture, and you can drain a lot of money from some accounts - [[PetTheDog accounts—[[PetTheDog or return a lot of money to some very surprised retirees.]] But why stop there? Why not use that identity to contact some terrorist groups on unsecured lines? While you're at it, why not threaten some federal judges and insult the local drug cartel? [[KickTheSonOfABitch Most fun I've had in Miami."]]



* In 1x07, Michael is playing a psycho thug as part of a job and tries to steal Fiona's bag. She just glares at him until he whispers, "Fi, ''sell it!''" At which point she screams bloody murder and punches him repeatedly in the face as he tries to get her purse away from her. Keep in mind ''Michael is holding a gun on her''.

to:

* In 1x07, Michael is playing a psycho thug as part of a job and tries to steal Fiona's bag. She just glares at him until he whispers, "Fi, ''sell it!''" it!"'' At which point she screams bloody murder and punches him repeatedly in the face as he tries to get her purse away from her. Keep in mind ''Michael is holding a gun on her''.



** Michael has to sell the belief that a bigger, badder psycho is tearing up Ernie's neighbourhood. His first way of achieving this? Tearing up Ernie's store. He uses a baseball bat to smash the counters -- but when he chances upon a flower vase he hesitates before tipping it over, almost lightly. Ernie rolls his eyes at this. After Mike leaves, Ernie shakes his head in exasperation.

to:

** Michael has to sell the belief that a bigger, badder psycho is tearing up Ernie's neighbourhood. His first way of achieving this? Tearing up Ernie's store. He uses a baseball bat to smash the counters -- but counters—but when he chances upon a flower vase he hesitates before tipping it over, almost lightly. Ernie rolls his eyes at this. After Mike leaves, Ernie shakes his head in exasperation.



-->'''Mike''': (surprised, while being choked) Wow, you're ''good''!

to:

-->'''Mike''': (surprised, [surprised, while being choked) choked] Wow, you're ''good''!''good!''



'''Michael''': [beat] He asked you.... with a gag in his mouth?\\

to:

'''Michael''': [beat] [{{beat}}] He asked you....you... with a gag in his mouth?\\



-->'''Maddie''': Do you know what his first word was? It was 'Michael'.
-->'''Michael''': It was 'juice'. I was there. His first word was 'juice'.

to:

-->'''Maddie''': Do you know what his first word was? It was 'Michael'.
"Michael".
-->'''Michael''': It was 'juice'."juice". I was there. His first word was 'juice'."juice".



--->'''Michael''': ''({{Beat}})'' [[BrutalHonesty Me.]] ''(Covers her mouth again as she tries to scream.)''
* An episode in seaon 2 has Michael trying to escape his pursuer in a motorcycle chase. He loses them by sliding under a tractor trailer that's blocking the road. He gets back up, smiles at a dumbfounded Carla (a smile that puts the trollface to shame), and drives away. Considering Michael's default personality is the stoic, this was a nice touch.
* In season 2, episode 10, Madeline walks out of the room on Michael with a distinctive unimpressed toss of her head. At the end of that scene, Fiona does the exact same gesture; this freaks Michael out so much that he stares, wide-eyed, [[AsideGlance directly at the camera]] as if asking the audience "Did that just happen? Did you see it too? Holy crap."

to:

--->'''Michael''': ''({{Beat}})'' [{{beat}}] [[BrutalHonesty Me.]] ''(Covers ''[covers her mouth again as she tries to scream.)''
]''
* An episode in seaon season 2 has Michael trying to escape his pursuer in a motorcycle chase. He loses them by sliding under a tractor trailer that's blocking the road. He gets back up, smiles at a dumbfounded Carla (a smile that puts the trollface to shame), and drives away. Considering Michael's default personality is the stoic, this was a nice touch.
* In season 2, episode 10, 2x10, Madeline walks out of the room on Michael with a distinctive unimpressed toss of her head. At the end of that scene, Fiona does the exact same gesture; this freaks Michael out so much that he stares, wide-eyed, [[AsideGlance directly at the camera]] as if asking the audience "Did that just happen? Did you see it too? Holy crap."



-->'''Sam''': ''[glumly]'' Not that well, this is iced tea.

to:

-->'''Sam''': ''[glumly]'' [glumly] Not that well, this is iced tea.



--->'''Fiona''': ''(Quickly)'' [[BlatantLies You're breaking up!]] ''(Hangs up and tosses the cell in the backseat.)''

to:

--->'''Fiona''': ''(Quickly)'' [quickly] [[BlatantLies You're breaking up!]] ''(Hangs [Hangs up and tosses the cell in the backseat.)'']



-->'''Sam''': ''(Laughing nervously)'' So, another Sam. This is gonna be confusing, huh.

to:

-->'''Sam''': ''(Laughing nervously)'' [laughing nervously]'' So, another Sam. This is gonna be confusing, huh.



-->'''Michael''': Oh, I know. ''[jerks his head at the mook]'' I could be this guy.

to:

-->'''Michael''': Oh, I know. ''[jerks [jerks his head at the mook]'' mook] I could be this guy.



--> '''Fiona:''' ''(In a perfectly calm, soothing voice)'' Now I want you to close your eyes, and take a deep breath. Picture a peaceful mountain stream. Can you do that? Now picture yourself drowning the kidnapper in the stream. You're taking a rock from the stream, and raising above your head-

to:

--> '''Fiona:''' ''(In [in a perfectly calm, soothing voice)'' voice] Now I want you to close your eyes, and take a deep breath. Picture a peaceful mountain stream. Can you do that? Now picture yourself drowning the kidnapper in the stream. You're taking a rock from the stream, and raising above your head-



--> ''(Fiona stops talking)''

to:

--> ''(Fiona [Fiona stops talking)''talking]



--->'''Michael''': ''(Takes a bite with a big smile)'' ''[{{Beat}}]'' Did you make this?

to:

--->'''Michael''': ''(Takes [takes a bite with a big smile)'' ''[{{Beat}}]'' smile][{{Beat}}] Did you make this?



--->'''Michael''': ''(With a straight face)'' [[BlatantLies It's good!]]

to:

--->'''Michael''': ''(With [with a straight face)'' face] [[BlatantLies It's good!]]



* Ep 3X04 "Fearless Leader"

to:

* Ep 3X04 3x04 "Fearless Leader"



---> '''Michael:''' ''I'm just here to pick up a friend from a poker game, she consumed an alcoholic beverage and I offered to give her a ride.''

to:

---> '''Michael:''' ''I'm I'm just here to pick up a friend from a poker game, she consumed an alcoholic beverage and I offered to give her a ride.''



---> '''Michael:''' ''(Looking up as Fi runs) She may have consumed '''two''' alcoholic beverages.''

to:

---> '''Michael:''' ''(Looking [looking up as Fi runs) runs] She may have consumed '''two''' ''two'' alcoholic beverages.''



---> '''Stacey:''' ''So you stole it.''
---> '''Sam:''' ''Oh, I didn't steal it. The guy, um ... he was done with it.''
---> '''Stacey:''' ''So it was a gift.''
---> '''Sam:''' ''It's ''not'' a gift. There was this thing... and ''then''... the gun didn't have an owner anymore. (Uses a hand gesture and gives a "get it?" look.)''
---> '''Stacey:''' ''({{Beat}}) ...I'm-I'm just gonna mark that as a "windfall income".''

to:

---> '''Stacey:''' ''So So you stole it.''
it.
---> '''Sam:''' ''Oh, Oh, I didn't steal it. The guy, um ... he was done with it.''
it.
---> '''Stacey:''' ''So So it was a gift.''
gift.
---> '''Sam:''' ''It's '''Sam:''''It's ''not'' a gift. There was this thing... and ''then''... the gun didn't have an owner anymore. (Uses [uses a hand gesture and gives a "get it?" look.)''
look]
---> '''Stacey:''' ''({{Beat}}) ...[{{beat}}] ...I'm-I'm just gonna mark that as a "windfall income".''



* In "The Hunter," Beck keeps whining and complaining about Michael's plan to keep them alive. Finally, when Michael asks for his shoelaces, he's had enough. He pulls a gun. "Why don't we listen to the guy with the gun for a change?" So Michael grabs his gun and points at back at him. "OK. Now give me your shoelaces."

to:

* In "The Hunter," Beck keeps whining and complaining about Michael's plan to keep them alive. Finally, when Michael asks for his shoelaces, he's had enough. He pulls a gun. "Why don't we listen to the guy with the gun for a change?" So Michael grabs his gun and points at back at him. "OK."Okay. Now give me your shoelaces."



--->'''Michael''': Kind of. It's in Spanish. ''(Fiona gives him an irritated look)'' Look, if it were in Russian or Farsi, I - ''(Fiona grabs the phone.)''
* In 3X14, "Partners In Crime", Sam is impersonating a CSI technician. And since it's [[Series/CSIMiami Miami]], expect GlassesPull and {{pun}}s each time he does. That is, twice.

to:

--->'''Michael''': Kind of. It's in Spanish. ''(Fiona [Fiona gives him an irritated look)'' look] Look, if it were in Russian or Farsi, I - ''(Fiona [Fiona grabs the phone.)''
]
* In 3X14, 3x14, "Partners In Crime", Sam is impersonating a CSI technician. And since it's [[Series/CSIMiami Miami]], expect GlassesPull and {{pun}}s each time he does. That is, twice.



--->''[{{beat}}]''

to:

--->''[{{beat}}]''--->[{{beat}}]



* In "Past and Future Tense, the team is taking on a Russian wetwork team. Cue showdown:

to:

* In "Past and Future Tense, Tense", the team is taking on a Russian wetwork team. Cue showdown:



--->'''Michael''': ''[holds up the dead man's switch]'' There's a radio transmitter with a dead man's switch. Well in this case dead men. You shoot me, I drop this. ''[points at the captured man]'' No more Alexi, ''[points at the team leader]'' no more Vitaly, ''[points at an unnamed {{Mook}}]'' no more...that guy. Now put your weapons down!

to:

--->'''Michael''': ''[holds [holds up the dead man's switch]'' switch] There's a radio transmitter with a dead man's switch. Well in this case dead men. You shoot me, I drop this. ''[points [points at the captured man]'' man] No more Alexi, ''[points [points at the team leader]'' leader] no more Vitaly, ''[points [points at an unnamed {{Mook}}]'' {{Mook}}] no more...that guy. Now put your weapons down!



--> (Michael breaks into the house of the witness, punches him in the face to disarm him, and then drags him and his girlfriend into the kitchen)

to:

--> (Michael [Michael breaks into the house of the witness, punches him in the face to disarm him, and then drags him and his girlfriend into the kitchen)kitchen]



--> (The assassin bursts through the front door 5 seconds later)

to:

--> (The [the assassin bursts through the front door 5 seconds later)later]



-->'''Michael''': (looking mildly irritated) I'm Michael Westen! I'm here to save these people!

to:

-->'''Michael''': (looking [looking mildly irritated) irritated] I'm Michael Westen! I'm here to save these people!



--->'''Michael''': ''(Still holding the string leading to the trigger)'' This is awkward.

to:

--->'''Michael''': ''(Still [still holding the string leading to the trigger)'' trigger] This is awkward.



-->'''Michael''': YouHaveGotToBeKiddingMe.
-->'''Cole''': ''[{{beat}}]'' Yeah, I am. ''[helps him up]''

to:

-->'''Michael''': YouHaveGotToBeKiddingMe.
{{You have got to be kidding me}}.
-->'''Cole''': ''[{{beat}}]'' [{{beat}}] Yeah, I am. ''[helps [helps him up]''up]



* In season 4 episode 14:

to:

* In season 4 episode 14:4x14:



--->'''Sam''': (with a rat sized hole in his sock) You could have told us this was a socks only kind of place...
* Maddie taking a picture of Nate and Michael in their cover [=IDs=] fancy suits. It's funny because anyone who has had a mother knows that's exactly what they would do.

to:

--->'''Sam''': (with [with a rat sized hole in his sock) sock] You could have told us this was a socks only kind of place...
* Maddie taking a picture of Nate and Michael in their cover [=IDs=] IDs fancy suits. It's funny because anyone who has had a mother knows that's exactly what they would do.



---->'''Fiona''': ''(Quietly)'' They're only loaded with beanbag rounds...

to:

---->'''Fiona''': ''(Quietly)'' [quietly] They're only loaded with beanbag rounds...



--->'''Michael''': '''''Deal!'''''

to:

--->'''Michael''': '''''Deal!'''''''"Deal!"''



* In "Enemy of My Enemy" Jesse advertises his presence to one of Mike's targets by shooting his sniper rifle at said target. The target takes cover, and when the shooting stops, he looks back up to see Jessie shot a frowny face in the wall where his head had been.

to:

* In "Enemy of My Enemy" Jesse advertises his presence to one of Mike's targets by shooting his sniper rifle at said target. The target takes cover, and when the shooting stops, he looks back up to see Jessie Jesse shot a frowny face in the wall where his head had been.



-->'''Michael''': Shall we tango? ''[the two pull apart, and Michael gives Fiona an irritated look]'' Can ''I'' lead?

to:

-->'''Michael''': Shall we tango? ''[the [the two pull apart, and Michael gives Fiona an irritated look]'' look] Can ''I'' lead?



-->''It's official. Guy's a dick.''

to:

-->''It's -->"It's official. Guy's a dick.''"



* Jessie and Nate on a stakeout.

to:

* Jessie Jesse and Nate on a stakeout.



-->'''Michael''': It's the Agency's loss. Sam is as good as I am. ''[{{beat}}]'' And he accepts domestic beer as payment!

to:

-->'''Michael''': It's the Agency's loss. Sam is as good as I am. ''[{{beat}}]'' [{{beat}}] And he accepts domestic beer as payment!



-->'''Sam:''' ''(Jumps up, fires twice, and immediately ducks down again)'' Well, that was fun. I'm out.
* In "Desperate Measures", Michael and the team are stuck in Panama [[spoiler: with the guy who killed Nate]]. Michael gets pinned down by some cartel gunmen, who shout at him in Spanish to drop his gun.

to:

-->'''Sam:''' ''(Jumps [jumps up, fires twice, and immediately ducks down again)'' again] Well, that was fun. I'm out.
* In "Desperate Measures", Michael and the team are stuck in Panama [[spoiler: with the guy who killed Nate]]. Michael gets pinned down by some cartel Cartel gunmen, who shout at him in Spanish to drop his gun.



*** Michael: "Allow me to introduce myself. My name is" ''*boom*'' "and I'm from the department of" ''*boom*''. Hilarious.

to:

*** Michael: '''Michael:''' "Allow me to introduce myself. My name is" ''*boom*'' [boom] "and I'm from the department of" ''*boom*''. of [boom]." Hilarious.



* In the season six finale, Michael gets himself into a MexicanStandOff with Riley, then forces her into another one with the Coast Guard while aboard a cartel kingpin's yacht.

to:

* In the season six finale, Michael gets himself into a MexicanStandOff with Riley, then forces her into another one with the Coast Guard while aboard a cartel Cartel kingpin's yacht.



-->'''Sam''': You sure that's gonna fly? Because he's been talking to our friends across the ditch for close to a year. Why would he jump ship now? ''(Pauses as Michael opens a massive [[BriefcaseFullOfMoney case of cash in front of him]])'' - well, that's a start.

to:

-->'''Sam''': You sure that's gonna fly? Because he's been talking to our friends across the ditch for close to a year. Why would he jump ship now? ''(Pauses [pauses as Michael opens a massive [[BriefcaseFullOfMoney case of cash in front of him]])'' - well, him]]] Well, that's a start.


** Pretty much all of Michael's character antics this week. The large ham tendencies mixed with the child-like impulsivity—such as his leaping up and down on the Concho's goons' car while screaming "THIS NEIGHBORHOOD IS MINE!"—make for multiple moments of funny.

to:

** Pretty much all of Michael's character antics this week. The large ham tendencies mixed with the child-like impulsivity—such as his leaping up and down on the Concho's Concha's goons' car while screaming "THIS NEIGHBORHOOD IS MINE!"—make for multiple moments of funny.

Added DiffLines:

** Pretty much all of Michael's character antics this week. The large ham tendencies mixed with the child-like impulsivity—such as his leaping up and down on the Concho's goons' car while screaming "THIS NEIGHBORHOOD IS MINE!"—make for multiple moments of funny.


** Michael's plan to get in touch with Philip Cowan, the guy who burned him: cozy up to some Libyan intelligence agents and get them to look like they're in cahoots with the Cowan. When he lays this out for the Libyans, he sarcastically recommends having the head of the Libyan secret police send Cowan a fruit basket, "be creative." One angry phone call from Cowan later, and it turns out the head of the secret police did exactly that.

to:

** Michael's plan to get in touch with Philip Cowan, the guy who burned him: cozy up to some Libyan intelligence agents and get them to look like they're in cahoots with the Cowan.Cowan in order to smoke him out. When he lays this out for the Libyans, he sarcastically recommends having the head of the Libyan secret police send Cowan a fruit basket, "be creative." One angry phone call from Cowan later, and it turns out the head of the secret police did exactly that.

Added DiffLines:

** Michael's plan to get in touch with Philip Cowan, the guy who burned him: cozy up to some Libyan intelligence agents and get them to look like they're in cahoots with the Cowan. When he lays this out for the Libyans, he sarcastically recommends having the head of the Libyan secret police send Cowan a fruit basket, "be creative." One angry phone call from Cowan later, and it turns out the head of the secret police did exactly that.

Added DiffLines:

* Michael stealing the identity of a scumbag con man in episode 2. You can see the guy being led away in handcuffs as Michael narrates with a smug look on his face.
-->"Truth is, identity theft isn't hard. All you need is a picture, and you can drain a lot of money from some accounts - [[PetTheDog or return a lot of money to some very surprised retirees.]] But why stop there? Why not use that identity to contact some terrorist groups on unsecured lines? While you're at it, why not threaten some federal judges and insult the local drug cartel? [[KickTheSonOfABitch Most fun I've had in Miami."]]

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